In Which Rarity Ships

by lola2901

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Rainbow Dash, Trixie, Comedy, Rarity
Length: 1508

This is why Rarity isn't allowed to ship. (A one-shot featuring Rarity's attempts to bring true love to the lives of her friends and look fabulous while doing it!)

After her own rather unpleasant heartbreak over Blue Blood, Rarity's decided never to let anyone date someone they'll regret. And so, after some unnecessarily complicated diagrams are drawn up, she makes a list of possible ships for every pony she knows, and starts setting up blind dates. Sometimes, when she really needs to feel the passion of love, she'll get drunk before writing up ship ideas.

Unfortunately, Rarity knows nothing about emotional chemistry.

And she may also have accidentally set up a date between Rainbow Dash and Trixie.

(Note; rated Teen for alcohol and some references to sex towards the end. Also, takes place in "The Nature of Nurture" universe, but you don't have to read that to understand this mini-story.)

Published 2015-09-09 06:50:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-09-09 06:50:02 UTC

Cupid's Most Faithful Student

Gluing on my fake eyelashes as I work, I yawn, beaming as I flip through the pages of my shipping notebook. I skip past the section on pairings, right to the pages of date ideas.

I have a few bookmarked, some I’ve been working on for a while-like a cute play date for Spike and Sweetie Belle, and some more serious dates, you know, roses and candles and all that glamour.

Glancing to the calendar, I try again to make out my messy hand writing. Sunset Cafe, Friday at seven, that much I can make out. It’ll be enough. So long as I can be there to make sure everything goes off with out a hitch, everything will be fine. Speaking of, I’ll be late if I don’t get moving.

Hiding my shipping notebook beneath a pile of fabric, I grab a pink scarf from across the room, floating it around my neck. There. I’m ready to get to work!

The door swings open as I gallop out, beaming as the sun sets over Ponyville, casting a perfectly romantic aura across the sleepy little town. It’s going to be perfect, and maybe those two lucky ponies will fall in love, and I can plan their wedding!

Sighing, I saunter out into the town, enjoying the cool night breeze. The soft wind tosses my lavender curls into my eyes to my annoyance, but if I head back to pick up a hat or some hair accessories now, I’ll be late.

As I trot up to Sunset Cafe, I cast my disguise spell. My mane darkens into a lovely auburn with dark black highlights, and my eyes tingle slightly as they turn into a romantic emerald tone.

Stepping through the open door, I approach the politely smiling mare behind the counter. I clear my throat, speaking softly. “Reservations for Miss Cupid Hearts?” I ask. My voice is slightly deeper now, copying the lilting accent of Sweetie Belle’s friend little Pip.

The mare checks the register in front of her, eyes sliding down the list. “Cupid, Cupid... Ah, Cupid Hearts! Come with me, miss,” she says with a smile, standing. She leads me back into the cafe. Live flowers hang from the ceiling, fading light streaming in through the glass roof. We stop at a small table in a back, out of the way corner. Tipping the kind mare, I take my seat, propping my menu up as to hide my face so I can better watch the date unfold.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see a cyan pegasi huffing as she takes her seat, and I can’t help a smile. Clearly my drunken self knows what she’s doing-it’s been far too long since she’s been on a date.

A stallion in uniform walks over. “I’ll be your waiter tonight, miss. Is there anything I can get you to drink?”

“Just a water, please. But could please take the miss with the rainbow mane a bottle of your finest champagne? I’ll pay, but don’t tell her who did,” I tell him, beaming.

He raises an eyebrow, then pausing, nods. “Of course. I’ll be right on that,” he says, trotting away.

I relax in my seat, adjusting my scarf to lay across my cutie mark, in case Rainbow or her date glances my way.

A while passes, and finally, I can hear the sound of hooves. Glancing up, I can see a tall sky blue unicorn flouncing in. She paused at the table, giving Rainbow Dash a dirty look. “Oh, it’s you.”

“Wait, what? You’re my date?” Rainbow asked in shock, staring across the table at Trixie.

I stare past the menu, my throat catching. Really? I’d made this match? Clearly I’d been more drunk that night than I'd first thought. Grimacing, I cough into the edge of my hoof, grimacing.

“Trixie finds herself just as much annoyed, but she is not one to deny free wine,” the show pony huffs, sitting and magically pouring herself a glass of the champagne I’d ordered from the waiter.

“Yeah, I guess I’m not in the mood to skip our on free booze either,” Rainbow Dash grumbled, grabbing the glass from out of Trixie’s magical field.

The two egomaniacs shared the alcohol, eventually emptying the bottle entirely. Rainbow waved her hoof in the air, trying to call over the waiter. “Bring us another bottle,” she calls, slightly too loudly.

The waiter approached them, bringing a bottle of wine. “Are you sure you wouldn’t like something to eat?” he asks, unsure.

“No, Trixie demands champagne,” the aqua pony announced, tossing her mane. “Only the finest most delicious champagne shall do for the greatest and most powerfullest Tri-” she paused, cut off by a hiccup. “Trixie Lulamoon!” Sighing, the waiter handed off the wine.

I watch as the two mares drown their throats in alcohol, laughing, sharing embarrassing jokes, and generally causing a commotion in the fancy cafe. I chew my lip and look away, pained to watch the date as it goes down the drain.

Finally the waiter approaches them again, looking rather frustrated. “You’re disrupting the other diners. I’m afraid the two of you must leave.”

Rainbow groans, swiping a hoof in his general direction, as if trying to smack him. “No, you’re disrupting us! We need to have our dessert. Can you make cider into jello? I want jello cider.”

Trixie suddenly stands on wobbly legs, knocking her chair back. “If there’s one thing the great and powerful Trixie knows, it’s how to get thrown out of a restaurant with pride!”

“But dessert,” moans Rainbow, laying her head on the wine-stained table cloth with a thud.

Suddenly the Great and Drunken Trixie gets a glitter in the eye. “We don’t need dessert, for we have something far better!” Rainbow’s ears prick, and I wince, waiting for the other horseshoe to drop. “Trixie has recently acquired a flat over the quill and sofa shop!” She pauses, smiling as if she’s performing for an audience.

“And in that flat Trixie has the most magnificent bed for the two most magnificent of ponies! Come Rainbow Dash! Let us go make love into the night!”

Author's Note

Oh Rarity, look what you've done.

This was fun! This says complete, and it probably is, but I may or may not write a couple more one-shots of Rarity trying (and failing) to set ponies up on dates.

Epilogue

Rainbow Dash dragged herself from between the sheets, pushing the floppy brim of Trixie’s hat from her magenta eyes, laughing. “The look on Rarity’s face last night was priceless!”

“Indeed, Trixie was amused,” yawned the blue unicorn, levitating her hat from Rainbow’s head and back onto her own. “That champagne was fantastic-and so were you, Miss Dash.”

Rainbow chuckled, leaning up against the wall. “Hah, so we both love booze, and we’re both fantastic in bed. Maybe we should hook up.”

Trixie laughed slightly at the idea, using her magic to comb through Rainbow’s soft multicolored mane, enjoying the silkiness beneath the touch of her magic. “No, no, Trixie has an image to keep up. Shame this night had to be a one time thing, I surprisingly enjoyed your company.”

The cyan pegasus paused, then began to grin. “What if we could do this again-not just again, but regularly?”

“I’m listening,” Trixie said as she stepped from the rumpled bed. The sheets were a mess, and it would take forever to wash and iron them out-she’d probably have to find a laundromat. It had been worth it, of course.

Rainbow Dash sauntered over, playfully brushing her feathers suggestively down Trixie’s spine, a devilish gleam in her eye. It was almost as bright as the one in her eyes the night before. “Well, you’re rather good at that gender swap spell-”

“It’s not a real gender swap spell,” interrupted Trixie. “It just changes the-” she pauses, glancing down at the space between Rainbow’s leg with a smile “-important parts.”

“What ever,” Dash said, brushing the technicality aside. “But what if everyone weekend or so, we took turns having the switch, have some drink and make some love?”

Trixie feigned shock, taking half a step back. “Miss Rainbow Dash! Is a highly important and respected member of the society such as yourself really suggesting that a fantastic and famous magician such as Trixie should be friends with benefits?” By the end of the sentence, she couldn’t help the act any longer. Her false repulsion dissolved into a feline smile, savoring the idea of spending every weekend in this bed with this pony.

“Most definitely,” Rainbow said, grinning.

“Things like this don’t stay secret you know,” Trixie reminded the other pony. It was only fair to offer the pegasus a way out, an obligation really.

“Then we won’t keep it secret, who cares anyway?” Rainbow said, brushing it off. “Now if you’ll excuse the Great and Speedy Rainbow Dash,” she intoned, raising both eyebrows. “I have to go buy some protection for next weekend.”