Eat it, Equestria!

by Theyellowninja13

Rating: teen
Tags: Crossover, Random, Alternate Universe, Human, Comedy, Adventure
Length: 3321

Three friends, one animated TV show, one doomed Earth, one pony-filled world. Oh, and a troll. What could possibly go wrong?

"Hello there!"

"Tom! are you talking to yourself again?!"

"Nope. Just the audience."

"Just leave him be Jeremy. You know what happened to his mind."

*sigh* "I suppose. Just come on Tom, we need to find civilization. I'm starting to get hungry, and we're all out of purple whatevers."

"You mean grapes? Dude! We had like a thousand of those things, and they were magical! They wouldn't spoil at all! How did you eat all of them?!"

"Yeah, whatever."

"Ignore those two. They just don't know how to have a good time. But I'm here to tell you a good intro to this story! We were just three friends, who have known each other since preschool. But all that changed when the bombs fell. Suddenly, we were sent to a magical place filled with magical ponies. Oh, and I'm a magical martian."

Adventure Time Displaced.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-09-06 19:39:02 UTC

This sword kills communists

"Are we there yet?" I asked again.

"No!" My friend, Jeremy yelled. "We are not there yet!"

A few seconds pass. "Are we there yet?"

Jeremy was about to blow up, when John (his brother) spoke up. "Actually, yes. We're there." We all got out of our car, and walked over to the trunk, picking up the stuff we had in boxes, before quickly moving them to the fallout shelter. When we were about half-way through with putting all the necessary supplies in the shelter, we heard one of the most scariest sounds we've ever heard in our entire life. The sound of the air-raid siren. The sound of an incoming nuke. The sound of civilization about to come to a screeching halt.

"What do we do?!" I shouted, quickly putting the box in my hands into the shelter.

"We've got about a minute! Get everything into the shelter! We will survive this!" John yelled, and we hurried as fast as we could, putting as many boxes as we could into our shelter. While the other two were inside the shelter, putting the boxes down, I was grabbing the last box, and quickly trying to run back in, but I tripped on a protruding rock, dropping the box, and the medical supplies within it, which sent broken glass into my legs.

"GUYS! HELP!" I screamed as loud as I could, and I tried to get up, but it felt like the muscles in my leg were torn. I felt the panicked hands of my friends grab my arms, and pull me up, before trying to drag me into the fallout shelter. Then, all of a sudden, the air-raid sirens stopped, and I felt dread, as I knew we wouldn't make it into the shelter in time. While the two were trying to get me into the shelter, I looked over my shoulder, to see a giant flash of light in the city, before it turned into a giant mushroom cloud.

Everything went dark, as my eyes burnt from the sheer brightness of the nuclear bomb. I screamed in pain, which was quickly joined by my two friends, as the force of the nuke completely destroyed my body. And my friends' bodies.

"WHAT THE HELL!" I heard Jeremy's voice scream, waking me up. I shook my head, getting rid of the sleepiness, before feeling something on my face, and spitting up some dirt.

"Ew! What the crap?! Why do I have dirt in my... mouth." When I opened my eyes, I saw I was in some kind of rocky wasteland. I shot up, looking around, seeing nothing but large rocky mountains for miles. I eventually saw a young kid (who was freaking out) wearing a weird white hat, and a light blue shirt, with dark blue shorts, and a green backpack, with a blood red sword sticking out of it.

Next to the kid, was a big yellow dog, who was groaning, most likely starting to awake. "Quiet down guys. I'm trying to sleep."

'Wait. That sounded like John, and I remember hearing Jeremy's voice earlier.' I looked to the young kid, before speaking. "Jeremy? Is that you?"

The kid looked up, looking surprised. "Tom? Why do you look weird?! Why do I look weird?!"

'I look weird?' I looked down at my hands, noticing my skin was green. I was wearing a tattered yellow shirt, some yellow pants, with red and purple socks. I was also wearing a backpack with different colored straps. I felt something on my head, and I pulled it off, to see that it was a pointy yellow hat with a blue ribbon on it. I put it back on my head, and got to my feet, looking around. "Where are we? And why have we changed?" 'Why am I not freaking out over my appearance.'

"I don't know! DARN IT! I don't want to go through puberty again!" Jeremy yelled, as he slammed his fist into the ground.

"I told you two to be quiet! I'm trying to sleep!" John yelled, as his head shot up, and he looked at us, before laying his head back down, and a few seconds later, he shot up, freaking out. "WHAT THE HELL! WHY AM I A DOG!" He was screaming, and spasming all over the place.

I quickly ran up to John, and grabbed the sides of his head, before pulling him off the ground. "GET A HOLD ON YOURSELF! YOU'RE THE OLDEST HERE! WE NEED TO LOOK TO YOU!" I yelled into his face.

John calmed down, and I gently put him back down, and it was then when I realized that I was about twice the size of John now. John took a breath in. "You're right. Which is pretty weird to say. We need to find civilization, and figure out where we are."

Jeremy stood up as well. "Do you think the communists had something to do with this?"

"I doubt it. I felt like I died when the bomb fell. I don't think this was intentional." John looked around.

"Should we try to get moving?" Jeremy asked.

"We don't know which way to go." I muttered, before feeling a tugging sensation in my head. "I feel like we should go that way." I pointed in the direction my head was telling me.

The others looked at me confused, before looking at each other, and shrugging, before we all started walking.

After a few minutes of walking, I smiled. "Are we there yet?"

"Starlight!" A pony yelled, as they ran through the village, before coming to the door of the ruler mayor of the village. The pony quickly knocked on the door, and kept on knocking, until the door was opened, and a pink unicorn pony with a purple and light blue mane.

"What is it, Double Diamond?" Starlight Glimmer asked, hiding her anger.

"There are three monsters at the edge of the village! They said that they're hungry! They want to eat us!" Double Diamond yelled, causing Starlight's face to show a little concern and some anger.

Starlight put her hoof on Double Diamond's head, and spoke in a calming voice. "Don't worry Double Diamond, I'll take care of this. Go get the others to safety." Double Diamond nodded, and quickly ran away, and Starlight walked out of her house, closing the door, and quickly ran to the edge of town, where the 'monsters' were.

As I was running, I passed by the house the six mares were in. A smile appeared on my face, as I thought about what an alicorn could do for our beliefs, and spreading them. It wasn't long before I reached the edge of the village, and spotted three figures. They all appeared to be standing their hind legs, much like Diamond Dogs. I felt out with my magic, seeing how much magic each of these creatures had. Out of all of them, the tall one wearing tattered yellow clothes had the most magic, more magic than that purple alicorn had. The yellow dog has some magic, but the last one had no magic at all, the magical aura that all creatures possessed was going around it, ignoring it. But the strange thing was that the red stick thing on it's back, was filled with dark magic, the kind that's locked away in Tartarus.

Taking a deep breath, I walked up to them, hoping that I could maybe convince/stop them from eating the villagers, and maybe get them to join our cause.

"Weird. A village filled with talking ponies." Jeremy mentioned.

"Maybe we're in a different world or something?" I suggest, and my friends were about to say something else, when another voice spoke up.

"Are you three the monsters that wanted to eat my people?!" The strange unicorn yelled, seething.

"What? We didn't want to eat anyone. We just mentioned that we're hungry, and want some food. We just woke up in the middle of nowhere, and were looking for civilization for a couple of hours." John replied, which caused the unicorn to calm down.

"Oh. Double Diamond always gets the wrong ideas about situations like this." She muttered loud enough for all of us to hear, before looking back up. "So, you're just looking for some food? Well, let me show you around! My name's Starlight Glimmer, the mayor of Our Town!"

"What is the town called?" I asked, hiding my smile.

"Our Town." She replied.

"Yes. What's it called?" I asked again.

"Our Town." She replied again.

"Yes, I want to know what your town is called."

"It's Our Town."

"Of course it is. You just said your the mayor of it. But what is your town called?"

"It's Our Town!" She yelled.

"You don't have to yell. I just wanted to know what it was called. I guess you don't share the name with outsiders?"

Starlight Glimmer sighed. "The town, it's called Our Town. That's it's name."

I started laughing. "You caught on quick. I was hoping it would take a bit longer before you got me."

I heard my friends sigh as well. "Sorry about our friend. He acts like that a lot." Jeremy said, walking in front of me, before extending his hand. "The name's Jeremy. My friends here are John, my brother, and Tom, the troll."

Starlight raised an eyebrow for a second, possibly wondering how a dog could be brothers with a human. Her face turned back to normal, and she had a smile on her face. "Well, you said you're hungry, and we don't turn down helping other people here, so follow me! I'm sure we can get you some of our village favorite muffins!"

Jeremy smiled, as his stomach growled. "I guess I'm getting really hungry." 'Why aren't we reacting that much to this? You think we would be freaking out.' We followed the pony into the town, and I noticed all the scared looks coming from the ponies. When I looked closer, I noticed that they all had equal signs on their flanks, except for Starlight, who's equal mark was paint, covering up a strange mark that gives off some weird energy. It also seemed like she was giving off huge amounts of the same energy, but no one else was. I felt another tugging sensation on my head, but just ignored it.

Starlight Glimmer lead us to a house on the very end of the village, where she invited us in, and we quickly sat down, as she brought in a plate of disgusting looking muffins. Deciding not to knock the local food, we all took one, and I took a small nibble of one, before smiling at the taste. 'This tastes exactly like a cupcake!' I look down to see what I was eating again, only to find that I was indeed eating a bright cupcake.

The others noticed this, and stared at me in shock. "Dude, you just turned your muffin into a cupcake." John pointed out.

"How did you do that?" Jeremy asked.

I just shrugged. "I don't know. I just took a bite out of it, and it was suddenly a cupcake."

"I wonder if I can do that too?" Jeremy took a large bite of the muffin, and instantly spat it out. "Ugh, this is terrible! It's bland and tasteless!"

John just took a sniff of it, before taking a small bite, and his face turned to one of disgust, as he swallowed the small piece. "You should add some sugar, maybe some milk and butter, it'll make it much more tasty."

"I didn't make them, Sugar Belle did. And besides, if she made them any better, it would make her better than her peers, and that's just wrong. Everypony should be equal." Starlight said, looking proud of her beliefs. 'What did she just say?' I noticed Jeremy was violently shaking, I was barely holding back my own anger, and I saw a dark look in John's eyes.

"What do you mean by everyone being equal?" John asked, the dark look still in his eyes.

"Well, nopony can be friends if everypony is competing for stuff like 'who's the best at this or that.' We in Our Town believe that by removing a pony's special talent will make them all equal." She said with pride.

Jeremy was about to say something, but I spoke up first. "Those marks all the ponies had on their flanks, are they some kind of brand? An equal mark to show their conviction to their beliefs?"

Starlight looked shocked at that. "What? No. We would never brand ourselves like some common farm animal! Those are our cutie marks! They show a pony's special talent, and how their better than everypony else at that talent. We all removed them so we all can be equal."

'Just like I thought.' "Every animal is equal, but some animals are more equal than others." I muttered loud enough for all four of us to hear.

"I'm sorry, what?" Starlight asked, confused. But my two friends understood it, and stayed silent.

"It's a quote from a book where we're from. It's about a bunch of farm animals who overthrow their cruel farmer, and establish their own government, one where everyone is equal. But, as the days passed, the pigs who were smarter than everyone else tricked all the animals into doing their work, killing them if they disobeyed, and slowly overwriting the laws they set up. At the very end, the pigs became the farmers, and no one could remember what life was like before. And on the barn, where their laws once were for all to see, said 'Every animal is equal, but some are more equal than others.'" I recalled, a dark overtone in my voice as I did so.

Starlight decided to play dumb. "I'm sorry, but I have no idea what you mean." I stood up, and was joined by my friends.

"Yes you do. Maybe I should rephrase the quote. 'Every pony is equal, but some are more equal than others.'" I stood up, and followed the tugging sensation in my head. I stuck out my hand, and wiggled my fingers, causing some sparkles to appear, and remove the paint covering Starlight's 'cutie marks.' "You never removed your own 'cutie mark.'"

Suddenly, before we could react, Starlight disappeared in a flash, and we heard yelling from outside. We quickly ran out, to see Starlight yelling to all the citizens. "PONIES OF OUR TOWN! THESE MONSTERS THREATEN OUR WAY OF LIFE! WE MUST REMOVE THEM! THEY ARE TOO DANGEROUS TO CONVERT! NOW LET US UNITE AGAINST THIS COMMON THREAT!"

Some of the ponies looked unsure of this, but others yelled in agreement. I saw Jeremy pull out his strangely powerful red sword, and I just chuckled, before cupping my hands around my mouth, and yelling. "HEY EVERYONE! CHECK OUT STARLIGHT'S CUTIE MARK! ISN'T IT LIKE THE BESTEST THING EVAR?!"

Most of the ponies looked to Starlight's cutie mark, to indeed see her lack of an equals mark. Silence filled the air, and Starlight looked around nervously, as she forgot to cover up her cutie mark. "Umm... they're lying?"

The ponies didn't believe that, and started circling her, trapping her. We quickly walked up, and Jeremy pushed past them, before putting his sword against her throat. "Your kind are monsters, you know that?" He asked, darkness in his voice. "Communist. That's what you are. Your kind destroyed our planet, killed our families. Our world was destroyed with a power stronger than the sun, and all because you communists wouldn't leave the world alone. You started World War 3. It was your fault." He brought his sword back, about to swing it. "At least I can stop your beliefs before they spread and destroy this world now." He was about to bring it down, but somehow John extended his hand, and stopped it.

"Don't do this Jeremy. We're not monsters. We shouldn't kill her. Show her that we won't stoop to her level." John spoke in a soothing voice to his younger brother. Jeremy sighed, before sheathing his sword back into his backpack, and walked away.

"You're not worth it." He muttered, and walked back over to us.

"I'm not worth it?! How dare you treat me like that! I'm Starlight Glimmer! And I will show all of Equestria the light of my way!" Starlight seethed, and suddenly her horn glowed, and I felt a massive surge of power coming from it, before it was fired at Jeremy's back.

I reacted, and suddenly appeared in front of Jeremy, before putting both hands in front of me, causing a portal to appear in front of me. The surge of power went through the portal, and then there was a loud explosion from behind us. We all turned our heads to see Starlight's house blow up from the attack. We looked back to see Starlight's shocked expression. "How! That was the most destructive spell I've read about, and you just redirected it like it was nothing! What are you?!"

'What was that? It felt like it was magic. Am I some kind of... magic dude?' I felt the tugging on my head again, and I followed it, as I smiled. "You did me a favor by showing me that I have magic. Now I'll do you a favor in return. A magic favor!" I stuck my hands out towards Starlight, and suddenly she was surrounded by blue smoke. "A mystical magical favor!" The smoke disappeared, and Starlight's body started shaking, before it elongated. After a second, she was suddenly a regular earth horse, without a horn or anything. She still had the same colors though. "For youuu!" I said in a sing-song voice.

Starlight's eyes widened, and she whinnied, before whinnying again, and running off. I started laughing. "Dude! What did you do to her?!" John yelled.

"I gave her a magical life lesson. She considered herself above those who worked, but now she's only good for working." I said with a smile. I looked to all the ponies, noticing their shocked and scared faces. "And because you were all under her control. ZAPP!" I fired magic bolts of small lightning at them, and they all flinched, before they all glowed, as something blew up in the background, and all their 'cutie marks' returned.

The ponies all cheered, before running over to us. "Thank you for freeing us from Starlight! We can't believe she tricked us like that!" One pony yelled.

"I can't wait to make some delicious muffins again!" A mare called out. "Free muffins for everypony!"

"YAY!" Everyone, including us called out. Our cheering was suddenly stopped, when a door to one of the houses was kicked down.

"Alright, where is that no good lying varmint?!" A pony with a southern drawl yelled, as she and five other mares exited a building.

Some of the ponies walked up to the newcomers. "Sorry for locking you up, but now Starlight Glimmer has been defeated! We're all free!"

"What?! By who? What kind of pony was able to stop Starlight without getting affected by her cutie mark removal spell?" A purple winged unicorn asked.

"It wasn't a pony, but three strange outsiders!" Another pony replied, before everyone moved out of the way, allowing the six mares to see us. They all flinched in fear, and even the yellow and pink one ducked behind some of them.

The purple winged unicorn hesitantly walked up to us, before looking at us in the eyes. "Thanks for freeing these ponies from Starlight's control. If there's anything I can get you for a reward..."

We all looked at each other, instantly knowing what to ask. John spoke up. "Do you know where we can get to modern civilization at? We've been stranded in this wasteland for a while."