Pawn Ponies

by StubyProductions

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Comedy, Other, Crossover
Length: 1588

Quills and Sofas™ is no more. It is now Ponyvilles first pawn shop. A silly little Pawn Stars crossover.

Selling two highly specific items to a limited Ponyville market got old for this unnamed pony. So what better way to turn his life around then to change his name to Richard Harris and open up Ponyville's first pawn shop? Actually, there is a lot of better ways, but Richard makes horrible life choices.

Published 2015-09-04 13:40:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-09-04 13:40:02 UTC

Pawn Pony

Author's Note

I'm sorry I brought this into the world.

Pawn Pony

A green eyed, tan coated stallion stepped off his ladder. He had just put up a new sign in front of his shop. His old sign, which featured a white quill and a red sofa, was thrown into the dumpster out back.

The stallion, with a cutie mark similar to his now old sign, stepped back in awe of his new sign. It had a glowing diamond on it, with the word “Pawn” above and “Pony™” below. In small red letters, it read “Open 24 Hours” at the very bottom.

The earth pony adjusted his blue and white button up shirt and smiled. He turned around, facing the nearly empty street, and began to say: “I’m Richard Harris, and this, is my pawn shop.” Guitar music started playing from seemingly nowhere, as Richard walked into his shop. He looked around at his store that had empty shelves, and continued “I work here with my old man,” He then pointed to a old, disabled, practically dead grey pony sleeping on the floor in the corner. “And my son, Little Loss.” Pointing to a small foal, barely able to walk, playing with toys next to the dying pony.

Richard went behind the counter, dusting off the register and looking out at the barren store, as all his old inventory was sold off the week prior. It was to make way for his new dream pawn shop.

“Everything in here has a story, and a price.” He proclaimed as a cricket chirped in the corner.

Richard crossed his front hooves, and looked straight into the non-existent camera. “One thing I've learned in my 21 minutes, you never know what is going to come through that door!” He proudly proclaimed as he pointed to the door. A middle aged stallion was halfway through and stopped dead in his tracks as Richard pointed. The grey earth pony had two tan saddle bags on his back. The pony stuttered as he walked inside: “Uh... Hi... I need a new sofa.”

Richard dropped his arm disappointingly. “This isn't Quills and Sofas Inc™ anymore, this is Pawn Pony™, a pawn shop, that I, Richard, just opened. Might I interest you in buying some... well, I don’t have anything to sell at the moment, but I am always up to buy!”

The customer beamed: “Oh sweet! Wait, I thought your name was... never mind, ill call you... Richard or whatever name that was. Anyway, Ponyville hasn't ever had a pawn store before!”

“Yes I know, that’s why I opened one. Do you have anything of value? Anything you want to sell? I’ll take anything! Please! I have nothing!” Richard said, beginning to tear up. Realizing the pitiful state of his life's (actually, the past 24 hours) work.

The customer shrugged, “Uhh, I don’t know man. Oh! I did find this shiny rock in the forest the other day, might be worth something. Here, let me...” The pony reached into his left saddlebag, and pulled out a baseball sized purple rock. The pony walked over and set it on the counter. “How much can I get for it?”

Richard picked it up, he sniffed the rock, he licked the rock. He put it under a magnifying glass. He tapped on the rock, seeing if it was hollow. He threw it in the air and caught it. He went to the library, checked out a book on rocks, and came back to the store.

“Where did you go man? Ive been here for a-”
“Shh! I’m appraising!”

Richard talked to the rock, whispering “You are worth more than you know...”. Richard wanted to boost the rocks self esteem. Richard rolled the rock, he bit on the rock. He rubbed the rock in a slightly sexual manner before placing it back down. “I got It!”

“How much?” The pony beamed, expecting to walk out of this store one rich stallion.

Richard put his hoof on his chin, “I have no idea! But let me call a buddy who knows all about these things.” Richard proclaimed.

“What? You don’t know? Then what was all that- uh, never mind. So who’s the expert you are gonna get?”

Richard didn't actually know anypony who was an expert on shiny rocks. But he couldn't let the customer think he wasn't a well connected entrepreneur. “Oh, you’ll see! His name is... uh...” Richard nervously looked at the window and saw a purple and green dragon walking in front of his shop. Dragons liked rocks and shiny rocks, right? He read about it once in school. “Wait here one moment sir!”

Richard ran outside through his shop’s front door, stopping right in front of the dragon. “You there! Dragon!”

“Who, me?” The dragon replied as he pointed at himself.

“Yes you! Dragons like rocks and shiny rocks right?”

“Uh, if by shiny rocks you mean gems, then yeah! We love gems! Why? Do you have one? I am pretty hungry.” The dragon chuckled as his stomach growled.

“I do! Come inside and look at it, I need help appraising it.”

Richard walked back inside, the dragon right behind him. The dragon saw the customer and said: “Hey Grey Stone, what’s up with the sofa pony today?”

“I don’t know Spike, he changed his name to Richard for some reason.” Grey Stone replied.

“What kind of name is Richard?”

“That’s what I said!”

Richard paid their conversation no mind. “So young dragon, what is your name?”

“Uh, Richard, we’ve met before, I'm Spike!”

“Well, Spike, tell me what you know about this!” Richard said as he handed Spike the purple rock.

Spike picked up the rock, he sniffed the rock, he licked the rock. He put it under a magnifying glass. He tapped on the rock, seeing if it was hollow. He threw it in the air and caught it. Spike rolled the rock, he bit on the rock. He rubbed the rock in a slightly sexual manner before placing it back down.

“Hmm, first off, this is called a gem, not "a shiny rock". Second, I’d say it's an Amethyst, pretty good size too. It has a really good taste, well, for dragons. You wanna know how much its worth in bits?”

“Yes, I need it appraised for our customer here!” Richard replied, keeping his big customer service smile.

“Why? I thought you sold quills and sofas.” A confused spike responded.

Grey Stone answered, “It’s not Quills and Sofas anymore, it’s something called Pawn Ponies.”

“Don’t forget to add the ™!” Richard chimed in. “Anyway Spike, how much do you think it’s worth?” Spike shrugged.

“I don’t know Richard, I usually just find gems in the quarry outside of town, I don’t buy or sell them. But if I had to guess id say... I don't know... about 50 bits?”

'Horse Apples.' Richard thought to himself. “Thank you Spike, you can go about your day now! Goodbye!”

“Uh, okay then... see you around Grey Stone.” Spike said, walking out of the store scratching his head, wondering what the hay just happened.

“Bye Spike. So anyway Richard, Spike seemed right, 50 bits sounds fair here.”

“Listen Grey, I know what Spike said, but you gotta remember, I have to make a profit here too and ponies aren't all itching to buy baseball sized gems. I can only give you 35 bits for this one.”

“What? No way man, don’t screw me over like that!” Grey replied, getting irritated he was offered such a pitiful amount after standing in this store for so long! He’s been standing here for almost 15 minutes! “I want 50 bits!” Grey Stone demanded.

Richard sighed, “You don’t understand, I literally can’t give you more than 35 bits. Because that’s all I have. You see that sign I just put up? That was expensive! It’s gonna be 35 bits or nothing.”

“Ugh, fine. Deal.” Grey said as he extended his hoof and shook with Richard.

The official and sacred hoof shake has been done.

Richard thanked Grey, then gave him his money. Leaving Richard with one shiny rock, an empty store, a small child with an old stallion who was dying in the corner, (Two ponies who no one in the story seemed to give a flying feather about.). And an insignificant amount of pride.

Grey Stone turned away from the counter and stared into the non-existent camera before saying: “You know, I expected to get more money out of it, but I’m happy with what I got. It was a fair deal.” Grey then shook his head and said “Woah.... did I just talk to myself? Weird...”

“Yeah, that happens to me too sometimes.” Richard said.

Grey began walking out of store. Right before he opened the door he stopped and sniffed. “Hey Richard, it smells like somepony died in here. You should check it out. Anyway, see you around.” Grey then left, bits in hoof.

Richard completely ignored the now dead old stallion in the corner while he placed the gem on the shelf to eventually be resold. Richard went back to the counter, not realizing how much of a mistake he made by no longer selling two specific items to a limited market. Two items that somehow sold enough in a small town to keep him and his family afloat.

Richard sighed, before going to the front of his shop and proclaiming to the empty street:

“I'm Richard Harris, and this, is my pawn shop.”