Pinkie Pie Saves Equestria
Pinkie Pie Saves Equestria
"Hello, Pinkie Pie, let's play a game," Discord smiled ominously. He had spent months planning this - researching Pinkie Pie's habits, securing a place beyond Celestia's watchful eye, finding the exact moment in time, when Pinkie wouldn't be missed. Now, at last, everything had fallen in place.
"Okie dokie lokie!" the pink pony replied, as she floated about in nothingness.
"But, ah!" Discord snapped his fingers. A large table appeared between them. "This isn't just any game," he rubbed his fore-limbs together, grinning menacingly. "This is a ancient game from times immemorial, born deep in the realm of chaos and..."
He paused. Leave it to Pinkie Pie to ruin any sort of dramatic effect with her disconcerting floating about. Annoyed, the Draconequus grabbed her by the head, then placed her in a static position facing him.
"You know what, let's just start," he said, a bored expression on his face. "If I win I get your Pinkie Sense."
"Hey!" Pinkie Pie crossed her fore-hooves. "I can't give you my Pinkie Sense! Without it I won't be a Pinkie, and if I'm not Pinkie, I won't be able to make Pinkie Parties, and if I can't make parties, I'll have to return to rock farming, and if I return to rock farming..."
"Yes, yes, I get it!" Discord grumbled. If there was one thing he couldn't stand, it was someone talking more than him. "You'll be forced to lead a boring existence with your boring family in the middle of nowhere," he waved a paw, uninterested. "Yet, those are the rules of the game. Of course, you can always quit. Run away before the game begins, and let the feeling haunt you, how did you put it, forever."
The prospect did seem to have an effect on the pony. Scratching her chin, she looked at Discord, eye twitching. Seeing her reaction, the Draconequus smiled widely.
"Weeeell," Pinkie began, "what is there about Sugarcube Corner that you aren't telling me?"
Discord's jaw dropped until it hit the table.
"How did you know about Sugarcube Corner?" he asked in disbelief.
"Simple, silly," Pinky laughed. "Scratchy chin, twitchy eye."
"Oh." The Draconequus narrowed his eyes. "Well, if you must know. I was going to give you Sugarcube Corner if you won the game."
"You can't give it to me," for the first time in the conversation, Pinkie Pie seemed genuinely surprised. "It belongs to Mr. and Mrs. Cake. I should know, I work there, even when I'm not there, I still know."
"Well technically, you are right, but it didn't belong to them always?" An old photo album appeared in front of Pinkie's face. "Did you ever wonder why the Cakes chose to work at Sugarcube Corner? Who they bought it from? Why they hired you - a simple rock farmer?"
Pinkie Pie gasped.
"To put it simply, if you don't win today there will be no Sugarcube Corner for the Cakes to buy, which means that you won't start working there, and thus not meet any of your friends!" The Draconequus said triumphantly.
"That means I would have never met you!" Pinkie said a second later. "And I never get to experience chocolate clouds!"
"Wait, what?" Discord arched a brow. How could you not follow a simple train of thought? Talking to you is worse than being close to Tree Hugger! "Look, it's really very simple." A model of Sugarcube Corner appeared in the air. "Right now - no Sugarcube Corner." A badly made Pinkie plushy appeared next to it. "Win game and all your experiences in Sugarcube Corner will return to you. Simply speaking, I will bring Sugarcube Corner back into your life and you will no longer have been a rock farmer. Understand?"
A wide smile appeared on Pinkie's face.
"Nope," she said joyfully. "But if it means so much to you, I'll play, you old softy."
Hardly a comment Discord appreciated, but at least she had agreed to the game. That was a good thing, at least. Snapping his fingers, he spirited away all useless objects, leaving only himself Pinkie and the table in the endless void surrounding them.
"The rules are simple," he cracked his fingers. "We take turns asking each other questions. Each question must be answerable. If one cannot answer a question, or answers it falsely, that pony loses something in her past. It might be something as trivial as the button of a toy, or as significant as one's town of birth. Chance will decide."
Three large dice appeared on the table. From each side a picture of Discord grinned at Pinkie Pie.
"Also, each answer must be a question," Discord added. "If it's not a question, it doesn't count as an answer. The first to get three losses wins defeat. Any questions?"
"Who goes first?" Pinkie asked.
Drat! I guess it was too much to expect an easy win. Well played, Pinkie, but the game is just beginning!
"You go first," he replied, as if nothing had crossed his mind. "And since I challenged you to the game, you get to chose the context."
"Context?" Pinkie asked, somehow again managing to turn upside down.
"Every question and question must be related to the context," Discord sighed rolling his eyes. "For example, if you say..."
"Sugarcube Corner!" the pony shouted pleased with herself.
"What?!" A seat appeared under Discord, just in time for him to jump out of it. "You can't choose that! That's the prize! You can't choose the context to be the prize!"
"Is it against the rules?" Pinkie asked tilting her head.
"No, it's not against..." Discord stopped. This was seriously giving him a headache. "Sure, why not, go ahead! Sugarcube Corner it is. And since you got to choose the context, I choose the exception."
"What's the exception?"
"You know we still haven't started playing, right?" He looked at her annoyed. "And, as I was about to say, the exception is something you can't ask questions about. The opposite of the context. Are you with me so far?"
"Why wouldn't I be?"
"I could think of plenty of reasons," the Draconequus grumbled under his breath. "Anyway, I choose Fluttershy. And now we start. Go ahead, ask your question."
"When did I first start working at Sugarcube Corner?" Pinkie Pie asked almost instantly.
Ah, a trick question. Discord, of course, knew she had asked to work for the Cakes one week after she received her cutie mark. That, however, was not the correct answer. The first time occurred when her father had taken her to Sugarcube Corner, two years prior. Pinkie had been so impressed by this new thing called 'cake' that she had begged Mrs Cake to teach her to make it on her own. The process had taken one week, and a lot of broken tables.
"Do you know why your father took you there, exactly two years and ninety seven days before you got your cutie mark?" Discord asked.
"Do you know why father stopped bringing stone crops to Mr. Cake, although they are distant relatives?" Pinkie's response was immediate.
The Draconequus frowned. This wasn't going to be easy as he had hoped. Obviously the pony's memory of events was perfect. He could try to ask her questions going further back in time, but that might move him outside the agreed upon context. Maybe something regarding the future? Technically that wouldn't be cheating. It wasn't his fault Pinkie was prophetically challenged.
"What do you think will happen when changelings go to Sugarcube Corner, despite the rocks your father grew for the place being next to impregnable, thus not requiring replacing for the next hundred years?" He smiled, as he asked the question. This was certain to make her mess up.
"What would you say if you were offered the same cake, the changeling was, upon your visit to Sugarcube Corner?" The question shot right back at him, causing the Draconequus to fall back in his chair.
Oh, you are good! Discord mused. Of course, she was nowhere near his level. How could a pony, even with the mystical Pinkie Sense, be a match to the king of Chaos?
"But did you know, that your sister would never actually loved the rock candy necklaces you kept giving her?" He countered.
"What?!" Pinkie shouted. "Maud doesn't like my rock candy necklaces?"
"Aha!" Discord slammed a paw on the table. "Neither of your questions answer mine!" he said mercilessly. So what if the question had hurt Pinkie? Pain was part of the game, after all. "Now let us see what to remove from your life."
The dice on the table rose to the air and started spinning wildly. At the snap of Discord's fingers, one of them fell back down, revealing an image of Maud Pie. A second die soon joined it, this one bearing the picture of a house. Finally the third - containing what looked like a calendar.
"Oh," Discord sounded disappointed. "I was hoping for something more exciting, but I guess it can't be helped, I guess. Looks like your sister Maud will have spent most of her time away from home."
"But she did spend most of her time away!" Pinkie said, still coming to terms that her sister didn't like her rock candy necklaces.
"My point exactly," Discord agreed. "Anyway, your turn. You can start fresh."
"How many muffins does Derpy order every morning when she passes through Sugarcube Corner?" Pinkie asked. It was obvious her heart wasn't in it. She didn't seem to be giving up, but this might be the advantage Discord was hoping for.
"Even if he does speak forty two languages, how did your dear Gummy learn Ancient Canterlot?" The Draconequus pounced at the opportunity.
"If Gummy is really magic, how did Twilight get her wings?"
"Tsk tsk tsk." Discord shook a finger. "Your question is way out of context. And that is even if I consider your answer to be remotely correct," he sniggered. "'Magic' indeed. Anyway, time for another roll!"
This time, he grabbed the dice with his tail slamming them on the table. Oh, I'm really enjoying this! Such a pity I couldn't invite more ponies to play. Who knows though? Once I get the Pinkie Sense, I might invite be able to invite dear Celestia for a round or two.
The dice revealed a picture of Gummy, a speech bubble and a tooth. Just like the last time, Discord seemed displeased.
"This can't be right," he took one of the dice and started examining it, his eye transforming into a magnifying glass. "I'm tempted to say that someone has tampered with the dice. More than usual, I mean. There is simply no way for you to get off that easily."
"How easily?" Pinkie's mane flattened at the sight of her pet alligator on the dice.
"Your pet is going to have lost his voice and all his teeth." The Draconequus grumbled, then placed the die back on the table. "Not that it matters, though. Next time you'll lose your Pinkie Sense and Sugarcube Corner, so you will never have met him. You won't even remember him. Now ask your next question."
There was more than a hint of malice in the last remark. Despite his efforts, the game had brought out part of his dark nature. This had become more than a mere game, and both present could feel it. Shivering slightly, Pinkie looked at the dice then back at Discord. It was impossibly to tell whether the game was changing him, or he had planned this all along.
"Why do you want to remove Sugarcube Corner from my life?" Pinkie asked, refusing to give up.
Really? You're asking me that? I know you must be desperate, but, seriously, at least put some effort. You might as well ask me what my name is. Not that you would know.
"If that bakery matters so much to you, what else does?" He leaned forward.
"If you don't think friends matter, then why did you come to ask me for a ticket to the Gala?" Pinkie floated to the side.
"Aha! We agreed that the exception is Fluttershy!" Discord clapped. "Therefore..."
He stopped. In his over eagerness he hadn't seen the obvious. The question wasn't related to Fluttershy. He had made the assumption on his own. He could have simply said that he wanted to go, and that would have been a valid answer. By mentioning 'friends' before the question, she had tricked him. Oh well, you can't win them all.
"Go ahead," he waved at the dice. "Enjoy your insignificant victory while it lasts. Give me your best roll."
Pinkie attempted to make a step in the air, but nothing happened. Whatever force was keeping her there, was determined to not let her get near the table, let alone the dice. Did I forget to mention, that I have no obligation to let you roll? Discord snickered watching her struggle. I'd like to see you...
Before he could finish his thought, Pinkie took out a pepper container from her mane, and sprinkled some pepper in the air. A huge sneeze followed, pushing all three dice to the side.
"Joy," Discord said with an icy tone as he looked at the result. There was Fluttershy, Angel Bunny and... the Smooze? That certainly was unexpected - instead of removing things from his life, he had added three threads. So, he had actually gained something from rolls. Not bad.
"Do you know what the Cake twins really think of you?" He fired the next question.
"Does the fact that I do make you want to help me prepare treats for Nightmare Night?" Pinkie soldiered on.
"Does the fact that I don't make you afraid that Bon Bon take your place at Sugarcube Corner?"
"If I've nothing to be afraid of, would you be able to name the special ingredient in my pancake surprise recipe?"
"How does losing a measuring spoon in the batter make you feel about losing Sugarcube Corner?"
"Why must my sadness cause the Cakes to suffer?"
"What..." Discord hesitated. Did you get me, pesky little Pie? he thought, while trying to come up with a suitable answer. There were many, more than many, but each would move his question beyond the established context. How could one answer such a universal question while sticking to specifics?
A minute passed. Strictly speaking, Discord had never mentioned anything about a time limit. Without one, however, he would never have a chance to win. Pinkie would simply take her sweet time answering his next question, forcing the game into a stalemate. No, the game would continue, and his next question would put an end to it. He was going to ask a question she wouldn't dare answer, not without breaking a Pinkie Promise.
"What do you say we up the ante?" the Draconequus asked. "How about we skip rolling the dice this time? Instead if I fail to win with my next question, you will have Sugarcube Corner, a dice roll, and a chaos ability to fly using your tail, as well as be able to see beyond this reality?"
Pinkie looked at him skeptically.
"It's not like it will make any big difference," Discord laughed. "How about if I let you ask a question first? Sounds fair, doesn't it?" He hugged Pinkie tightly. "Also, it will be fun! Agree to this and I'll even let you throw a party for me sometime."
Come on, come on! We both know you cannot resist a party. Just say yes and save me the trouble!
"On one condition," Pinkie said, pulling herself out of Discard's grip. "I get to roll first. If you lose the game, the effects of the roll apply."
"Oh, we've become serious, have we Pinkamena?" The Draconequus laughed. "Be it your way."
Once on the table, Pinkie went to the dice, turned around, then kicked them with all her might. The dice flew through the surrounding nothingness, like snowballs through the wind, disappearing from view. A short while later they appeared again, from the opposite side, landing in front of the pony. Luna, Celestia and the Elements of Harmony were visible on their sides.
That was close! Discord sighed on the inside. If this had been the roll, he would have completely forgotten about the Elements of Harmony during his encounter with the sisters, all that time ago. Nasty business. Without that knowledge he would have no reason to defend himself, and could well end up cast in stone, or worse.
"So?" He looked at Pinkie. "What is your question? And remember - no Fluttershy."
"If..." the pony began, "...you could invite Princess Celestia to Sugarcube Corner, what would you do?"
Discord stared blankly. This he did not expect. Of all the countless millions of questions that she could have asked him, why did it have to be this? This wasn't the first time the question had been asked. Long ago, before Pinkie Pie was born, before Sugarcube Corner even existed, before the Chaos Wars even, Discord had asked himself the very same question. And even back then, he hadn't come up with an answer.
"I forfeit," he said snapping his fingers. In a flash the dice and table disappeared. "Guess you showed me, hah?" He looked at Pinkie Pie bitterly.
"Hey, no need to be so gloomy, gloomfull," Pinkie's mane puffed up, as she looked at him with her typical party smile. "If was a fun game. I didn't understand all the rules, but it was still fun! We both enjoyed it and I got to save Equestria in the process!"
"Well, I'm extremely happy for you," Discord replied, his words dripping with sarcasm. "Now if you forgive me, I have somewhere to be." He snapped his fingers and was gone.
"Well, this is awkward," Pinkie said, as she floated alone surrounded by nothingness. "Guess I'll have to wait for him to come back."
