Insert Bad Glitter Pun Here
"Apple Bloom, I'll try these out, but I'm not sure it'll be all worth it. It's stuff that makes ya poop glitter and sparkles." said Applejack. She had been talking to Apple Bloom on the way home from school and her sister had found an ad for "S**t Glitter".
"Alright! I can't wait to try out crappin' glitter! Maybe I'll get my cutie mark!" said the filly, running towards Sweet Apple Acres. Sighing, AJ followed. She picked up the phone, called the number, and entered her credit card number. This led to a *thump* being heard outside. Big Mac answered and picked up the little pill bundle, bringing it to AJ. AJ picked up the bag and thanked Big Mac.
"Well, that's fast shipping." thought AJ as she opened the bag and popped a pill into her mouth. Suddenly her eyes went wide as dinner plates and she began to stick her head into the bag, causing multiple pills to fall out of it. AJ ate up all of the pills, and rushed to the phone. Ten seconds later, thanks to fast shipping, a literal cartload was at the door. Before Mac could carry it in, Apple Bloom swiped the spilled out pills and carried them to the clubhouse while AJ took a knee dive into the pills and showered her brother in them. Big Mac dusted the pills off and went inside.
Meanwhile, in the clubhouse, Apple Bloom was taking a ton of pills. A bright flash of light filled the room, and a picture of a pill bottle appeared on her flank. She ran up to the cart shouting "AJ! AJ! I-I GO-OT MY CUT-t-tIE MARK! I GOT MY CUTIE MARK! THE OTHER CMC ARE DEAD THOUGH!"
"Nice, I bet it has something to do with these awesome pills-ills." replied the apple horse, still eating the pills. Eventually AB went to go smoke some apples because her sister is pretty darn stupid at the moment, and she doesn't give a f**k.
Applejack had eaten the entire cartload and was currently livestreaming her playing of Five Nights At Dashie's while under the effects of all the glitter pills. She paused the streaming on a "BRB" screen because she had to take a s**t.
When she got on the toilet and sat down, a loud *PPFFFFFRRRRRRBBBTTTT* was heard as the pony took a shart. When AJ got up and looked at the toilet, glitter practically erupted out of it. Glitter doesn't compress well, especially when mixed with s**t. She just turned on the fan, put air freshener in it, and flushed the toilet. It began to flood. And then the house flooded, followed by the farm, followed by Ponyville. Twilight was confused. Pinkie threw a "glitter that smells like poop flood" party. Rarity teleported to Canterlot REALLY fast. And the livestream watchers were from Canterlot, so they got confused when it went offline. Lastly, AJ just sat in the cart, floating along, sometimes paddling it around with what used to be her laptop's back frame, and ate the keys and breadboard to stay alive. When AJ finally came out of her pill effect, she started to cry.
"Ah-Ah-Ah have cancer... mah sister died a with a drug addict, mah livestreaming career is over, and mah pubic hair is covered in crahp. All mah friends are dead... except Rarity and Twilight, maybeh Rainbow or Flutters... but Pinkie is most likely to be dead." she cried out. AJ paddled on, and on, and on until she reached the mountain Canterlot was perched on. She tried and tried and tried climbing it, but fell into the water. AJ could not reach the surface...
*gulp*
Applejack had swallowed a large amount of glitter water.
*glug glug glug glug glug glug glug glug*
She swallowed some more.
*GLUG.*
The water level dropped two feet.
*gulpgulpgluggluggulpgulp*
The level drops FIVE feet.
*GLUGLUGLUGLUGLUGLUGLUGLUG*
The water's drained completely.
Now the apple horse has to pee... and she's under the influence of glitter again.
Now giant from all the water bloating, Applejack walks down to the ocean. Picking up a garden hose, she attaches it to her pee hole and puts the other end in the ocean. Backing up half the length of the garden hose, she sat down.
She peed. And peed. And peed until the water level was well over her waist.
AJ got up and walked to the mountain, still very bloated from the undigested water. Then she climbed it like King Kong and stood on top, peeing directly off the mountain until she was a normal size pony again. AJ then passed out and tumbled down the mountain.
*beep, beep, beep beep, beep*
AJ woke up to the sound of her alarm clock. She felt wet, and sticky... and smelled like pee.
"S**t, not again."
Apple Horse walked to the bathroom, got some sheets from the cupboard, replaced her sheets, washed her sheets, then got in the tub.
She grabbed an apple, mashed it, and used it as soap.
She played some Five Nights At Dashie's on livestream, talking about her nightmare. Even this pony named "Warfstache002" who didn't laugh at much on her streams. Because she was trying to beat 10/20 mode for the plushie. And she lost a lot.
Finally it was time to pick up Apple Bloom from school.
She picked her up and put Apple Bloom on her back, running really fast. Apple Bloom as exited until she nearly fell off. Then AJ slowed down.
"Apple Bloom, I'll try these out, but I'm not sure it'll be all worth it. It's stuff that makes ya poop glitter and sparkles." said Applejack. She had been talking to Apple Bloom on the way home from school and her sister had found an ad for "S**t Glitter".
Author's Note
This is a reminder not to do drugs and stay in school, kids.
Eat your veggies. And apples.
