Chapters Vinyl and Octavia's roommate
Chapter 2: first party in Ponyville
It has been two days, Prime turned his room into a lab, there is mechanical s**t everywhere, research papers littered his desk, and his violin was on a stand in a corner.
He was working on a scientific theory on magic and he was building a gadget that will allow the princesses to talk to each other with no paper. He called it a "telephone", he heard a knock at the door.
He said, "It's open."
Octavia walked in, she asked him, "Mister Prime, Vinyl is throwing a party in a little while, nothing big, but it'll be fun and I didn't know if you like parties?"
No pony saw, but Pinkie looked through the window at Prime, he replied, "Are you kidding, I love parties, just as long as beer in involved."
Pinkie disappeared, Octavia nodded and said, "The party is tonight, it's from 6 to dawn."
Prime put on his welding mask, lit up his torch and said, "YA!" He started to work again. She walked out and closed the door, he thought, "Heh, I lied, I have never been to a party nor have I ever really wanted to go, I studied to much to party ."
He heard a quiet whisper that sounded a bit like Pinkie Pie, it said, "Everypony loves parties, anypony who doesn't.. well let's say they aren't... around anymore." He looked around the room, but he saw nothing abnormal, so Prime got back to work.
That night:
It was about 7, there were about 20 ponies partying in the house, Octavia had to do a performance back in Ponyville.
There was a lot of loud dubstep music, there was 5 kegs of beer when the party started, only 3 remain sadly.
Prime was working in his room and warding off ponies about to hop on the good hoof and do the bad thing, he had to wear noise canceling headphones and he still has trouble working.
Somepony knocked on his door, he barked, "F**k off, there have been too many ponies wanting to play with their bits and pieces!"
He heard two more knocks, Prime walked to the door and opened it, he asked, "What the hell do you wa- oh Vinyl, sorry, it's been rough working."
She gave a hoof version of come here,
"Well Vinyl, every party I go to I've been ether bullied out of the party, or something embarrassing happened to me, every filly and colt in Canterlot knows every prank, bully, and even how many times a mare has kicked me in the stumps."
Her eyes widened behind her glasses, she did't expect that. Vinyl gave an apologetic look. He said, "It's alright, now if you really want me to party, then give me that adorable face."
She rolled her eyes behind her glasses. Now she took off the glasses and gave him this look.
"Okay, I'll come down, no creature can handle that kind of cuteness." She put her glasses back on and smiled, Prime looked closer at her and saw a floating beer coming towards him, he grabbed the drink and drank its contents.
After he drank it he said, "Well, that was good, maybe I'll go get laid, it's been a few years." He walked to the door and Prime walked down only for a mare o yell, "TIMBERWOLF!!" All the "drunk" jocks started to chase Prime out the back door.
Thirty minutes later:
Octavia was tired, but happy. Her performance went so well that she was going to do 4 more performances this month. She was about to open the door when she heard loud dubstep, multiple ponies, and the smell of beer.
She angrily said to herself, "Vinyl, you will be cleaning this up I swear to Celestia." She opened the door, there were ponies making out on her couch, multiple ponies dancing like drunks, and kegs on their kitchen counter.
She stomped to Vinyl who she saw playing the music, she tapped her shoulder, Vinyl turned to face her thinking it was another stallion. She almost ran away when Vinyl saw Octy, "You said this party would be small and over before I came home, and where is Prime?!"
She gave a small shrug. Octy replied, "I need some air and, wait is that princess Luna dancing next to the kegs?"
Vinyl's glasses fell off, she was surprised, she didn't even see her walk in. Octavia decided to walk towards her and ask why Luna was here, she got next to Luna and asked, "Princess, why are you here?"
Luna replied, "I love to party, after 1000 years on the moon and a sister who gives me work all the time, it's nice to party once a while and get drunk."
Octavia was shocked, she always thought the princesses were pure royalty and would never touch a party like "this". Octavia walked away leaving the partying princess well, partying.
She looked all over the house to find Prime, sadly she couldn't find him, even in his room which some ponies wandered into and got freaky on his desk.
She walked out the back door to breath when she saw Prime getting beat up by about 5 stallions, she walked over to them and asked, "Excuse me gentlecolts, but can you tell me why your beating my roommate?!"
The one closest to her replied, "Well, this is a timberwolf, we thought he wandered into the house from the forest."
"Of course he didn't, he's actually a guest!"
He replied, "Well, how is he a timberwolf then?"
"Well, it's a long story, but he is equestrian so please stop beating him up or I'll get the princess out here."
They all looked at her for a second, they quickly fled back into the house. She helped the beat up Prime up, he said, "Thanks Octavia, I owe you one."
"You can just call me Octy." He looked at her and smiled, they entered the house, Prime didn't want to go back in that much. Though he needed to keep the ponies out of his room. When he came back in no pony yelled a him, freaked out, or even chased him out, this was a first for him.
He headed to the kegs and started to drink out of the tap, the ponies around it started to cheer him, he was now chugging it.
After 3 minutes of pure drinking he took the tap out of his mouth, the ponies were cheering, patting him on the back, and wanting to talk with him.
Princess Luna walked over to him, they all bowed, she said, "That was- burp nice um, what is your name?"
He replied, "Prime Timber, you can call me Prime, but I do have timber to spare, wanna have some fun?"
The next morning:
Prime woke up in his bed, he was groaning from the huge hangover. He looked over on his right, and his eyes widened and mouth dropped. There next to him was Princess Luna, he looked down at his junk, he saw it had action. He laid his head on the pillow, put his arms behind his head, and started to nod multiple times thinking, "I am the best !"
Author's Note
I'm sorry if this chapter was a bit fast and weak, it was prewrote 5 months ago. The next chapter will be better, trust me.
Well that was chapter 2, I hope you all- Pinkie, "you didn't let me throw him the first party, why?!"She jumps out of the screen and hits him in the face, he runs away yelling .She grabs the narrator by the nuts with her teeth making him yell in pain and drags him to the study locking the door and started to beat the s**t out of him
Vinyl and Octavia's roommate
Chapter 3: Now for something strange
It has been a few days since the party, Luna made Prime the unofficial "Royal Booty Call" And she told Celestia all about it. He is gonna get waist deep in princess soon.
Vinyl and Octavia had made a few songs that reached the top of the charts and made a lot of bits. This will be important later.
Vinyl was still cleaning up the mess from the party, Prime was walking down the stairs, the wood creaked with every step he took. "Hey Vinyl? Do we have any milk?"
She nodded and pointed to the fridge. "Thanks Vinyl."
He walked over to the fridge and opened it, there was literally nothing besides almost empty carton of milk. "Okay this has gone far enough, I'm gonna go to the store and make a real dinner." He walked out, after he closed the door she rolled her eyes and floated his wallet in the air next to her.
In half a second he ran back in, grabbed the wallet, and ran back out closing the door.
In the market place:
Prime was walking around, a few ponies walked away from him or yelled, "Get out wolf!" He was feeling a lot like trash, but he also had all the supplies he needed for the week. He walked up to an alley, at the end of the alleyway was a black portal, it was glowing bright green, "What in Celestia?" He asked.
Prime walked up to it and heard a whisper saying, "Come, come." He shrugged and entered.
Once he came out the end he was in a small shop, it housed weird things, like skulls in jars, eyes in jars, and other thing that may or may not be in jars. At the end of the small store was an old unicorn, maybe 75 to 85, she had a black mane and a green body, her eyes were white, like she was blind.
"Hello, welcome to my mysterious store of wonders, here you can find almost an kind of artifact and or weirder things you may or may not wanna know about." She said in an old and creepy voice.
"Oh, sorry but I just came in here to see what's inside. That portal called for me and well, here I am."
"Oh the portal called you huh? Well that mean your the... um whatever you ar-"
"Timberwolf."
"Really, I see a bit of changeling in there."
"Well, my mom is a changeling, my dad is a timberwolf, and please don't ask how they got together, I hate talking about it."
"Alright Jr, but the reason your here is so you can by this." She used her magic to float over a necklace, it was a connected to small rock,
"What is it?" Asked Prime.
"It's a rock that'll make you irresistible to any mare or stallion you ask out."
"Hmm, well sorry ma'am, but I don't wanna buy a rock that may or may not work."
"Buy, please, it's free, I've been waiting for somepony to take it off my hoofs, I've had that old thing for 50 years. Now I can put in my new humidifier, guarantied to make me look 2 years younger."
"Um, alright, thank you."
"Don't mention it, also do you have a hot grandfather, who's also divorced?"
"Okay I think I need to go now, thank you and have a nice day ma'am."
"You too Jr." Prime takes the box and quickly leaves. "Heh, dang kids, always leaving when you ask weird questions."
Back in Ponyville:
He teleported back into the small town, he looked behind him and saw nothing, "Weird, but that's really not abnormal here." He looked down at the necklace, it was a small blue rock tied by a slightly worn rope, "Well here goes nothing." He tied it on his neck, Prime waited a second, but nothing happened.
He shrugged, grabbed the grocery bags, and started to head back to his place.
On the way he looked into a store window and saw what looked like a golden chello bow, it had a silver string and it was covered in gold. The price was 300 gold pieces, "Wow, well I know what I'm getting Octy for Heartswarming eve." He started to walk away when he saw a gray blur hit him right in the head knocking him down.
He was groaning from the pain, after a few seconds he got up and looked at the poor pony, she was.. okay she's Derpy, you all know what she looks like so lets move on. "Oh sweet Celestia, are you okay Ms?"
She replied, "Muffin, but everypony calls me Derpy. And I'm so sorry, I was looking at a really cool cloud and I didn't see you until it was to la- you're a timberwolf!"
He mumbled under his breath, "Bloody hell."
"What was that?"
"Um... yes I'm a timberwolf, and I don't wanna talk about how I came to be, I hate talking about it, also what's with your eyes?"
"I don't like to talk about that."
"Now that's how I felt when you asked about me being a timberwolf."
"Oh, sorry again."
"Ah, I can't be mad for too long, name's Prime, Prime Timber, I'm an inventor, an expert violinist, and the most bullied being in Equestria."
"You think you're the most beat up? What about being cross eyed in high school."
"I guess we've both been beat up, wanna talk about this later? Maybe tonight at your house?"
Suddenly her face went from joyful to come hither, "I'd like that, eight?"
"Eight sounds great, I'll see you then."
"Ya, see you." She flew away with a deep red blush.
Prime looked at the necklace and thought, "Holy s**t, this thing actually works! I gotta tell Vinyl and Octavia about this! "
After getting back to the house he told his two roommates about the old mare, the necklace, and about him and Derpy getting on the good hoof and doing the bad thing.
(TO get this joke watch "Austin Powers international man of mystery" great movie)
At the end of it Vinyl and Octavia just stared at him, "Any questions?" Asked Prime.
Octavia replied, "I need one, where do I get myself one of those?" He rolled his eyes.
"Really, well I need to go in like 1 hour and that should be enough time to figure out what I should wear and for me to take a quick shower. There is still half of a vegiloaf in the fridge and there are two pieces of chocolate cake on the counter."
He walked up the stairs to find something to wear and to shower. Octavia asked, "I wonder if she has something that'll help my tired hoofs that isn't a 300 bit hooficure." Vinyl nodded and walked back to her room.
"Sigh, I guess I'll go practice a bit." She walks to her chello and starts to play.
Author's Note
Sorry if I haven't been doing anything on here lately, I've been really busy. I went to the Dallas fan expo, got braces off, got retainer, had to tow my Mom's car, work on my TSI for college, and getting away from Pinkie. Don't tell her where I am please, my stitches need to heal.
If you liked this story then please upvote if you haven't already, if you find anything wrong about this chapter please tell me about it in the comments below. And if I see hate comments I will be forced to delete them. Thank you for reading and I hope you have a better day then I am having.
Vinyl and Octavia's roommate
Chapter 4: Vinyl and Octavia's night out
It's the evening in Ponyville, Prime Timber has gone out to have some "fun" with Derpy, that leaves Vinyl and Octavia to have their own nights out.
The house:
Only Vinyl and Octavia were in the house, they were getting ready to go out. Octavia asked.
"Vinyl? What did you do with my favorite bow tie?"
"She looked over at Octavia and shrugged, "This is just wonderful, how am I gonna do this performance without my bow tie?" She looked over at her couch and there it was, just sitting there waiting for her to find it.
"Of course." She grabs the tie and slings her chello on her back. "Well I'm off Vinyl, have fun, oh and don't trash the house this time. Prime doesn't wanna pick up again."
Vinyl nodded as Octavia left. Vinyl walked to the window and she watched Octavia go into town.
Once Octavia was out of sight Vinyl walked to the fridge and she got out a bottle of fine wine. She poured herself a glass and sat down on Octavia's couch. Vinyl just sat there and waited for her other friends to come over.
Octavia:
She was on her way to her friend's house instead of a concert, she rarely gets to see her. And With the concert being cancelled it brought on a perfect opportunity.
On the way there she looked to her left and saw a small booth, it had a bunch of jars with stuff in them along with other assorted items, it had the same old mare from the portal shop running it.
Octavia walked to it and looked at what was there.
"Hello, is there anything you're looking for at this hour? Maybe a present, emergency makeup, or... I got it, a brand new bow tie."
"You have bow ties?"
"Yes I do, I'll show you." Her horn lit up and a small box appeared right in front of Octavia, she opened the box only to see the most beautiful bow she had ever seen,
"Oh my, these are magnificent, how much for one?"
"For one, let's say ten bits."
"Deal." She picked up a slightly dark purple one and tied it to her neck. She handed the old mare ten bits, "Thank you, I've been looking for a new bow tie that actually looked good."
"No problem lamb, have a good day."
"Oh, you too." Octavia walked away and quietly said, "Those other bow ties looked really good, maybe I should stop there again soon."
Vinyl:
She was lying on the couch just like Rarity does when she's sad, but instead of sadness Vinyl is bored out of her ever loving mind. Until she heard somepony knocking on the door, her head lifted up with a smile.
After getting off the couch she opened the door and there were 4 ponies standing there, they were the friends she had been waiting for.
When she opened the door she saw Dr. Whooves, Rose, Lily, and Daisy. They smiled and waved at her.
"Come on girl, we've been waiting for this for a long while." Said Lily,
Daisy said, "We're gonna try that new club in downtown, you wanna come?" Vinyl smiled and nodded. She grabbed her headphones and put them on her neck. You know, if the club needs a real DJ.
Vinyl left the house with her friends leaving the house empty.
Now in Prime's room sat a very basic portal, Prime accidentally left it on before he left. Now the actual portal was a pure white with who knows what behind it.
The portal flowed a lot releasing a blinding white light across the whole room, when it dimmed down there was a human standing right in front of it, he opened his brown eyes and looked around the room.
He was a teenager, white, about 16, and he wore dark blue jeans and a green office shirt. He said in a weak and nerdy voice.
"Prime? You were supposed to help me with my English homework, I can't do all this college work without your help. Hello?"
He grabbed a smartphone out of his pocket and looked at the date, "Oh sh
(Fyi this is supposed to be Element Reading irl)
Octavia:
She was in front of her friend's house, it was pretty much the same kind of house you see in the show with a straw roof. She knocked on the door and waited for a second.
The door opened up to show Berry Punch holding a bottle of fine red wine.
"Hey Octy, nice bow, come on in."
"Thanks." She walked into the house, it was very nice and it looked very warm. There was a couch facing a small tv, there was 4 bottles of red wine, 3 bottles of hard apple cider, 2 jugs of moonshine, and a bottle of jack daniels in a pear tree.
"I won't be walking home with all of this in me." Said Octavia.
"Then you can sleep on my couch tonight."
"Thanks Berry." She nodded and they sat on the couch.
Vinyl:
The club was big, massive, inside was about the size of Celestia's throne room times three. There was a dance floor that took up most of the club, to the top left of the club was a bar with a few tables so ponies can eat. On the far left was a set of stairs that lead up to the bedrooms just in case you get lucky, or if you've had too much to drink.
The back part of the club was taken up by a blue stallion with a manticore mask on, the speakers were so loud the ground shook a bit. there were lasers, overhead lights, sparkles, and a multicolor dance floor.
The last thing is that the bathrooms were actually very clean, nothing like normal club bathrooms, there's always somepony in there cleaning up the messes and keeping it very clean.
Vinyl and her friends were at a corner table that is usually reserved for "special" ponies. Since Vinyl is a DJ they want working there they allowed her, and her friends to sit there.
Rose said, "So what are we thinking about for tonight? Dancing? Playing around with stallions? Getting to drunk to go home? Or even-"
Dr. Whooves put his hoof in her mouth and said, "We get it dear, also I'm straight."
Lily said, "Ya right." She rolled her eyes making everypony besides Whooves laugh.
"I am."
"Ya and that night you woke up with 4 stallions in your bed was nothing."
"I was way to drunk, also I haven't had a drink since then."
Rose butted in and said, "I think we should go dancing after a few more drinks, and maybe get lucky."
They all agreed and Lily yelled, "We need 4 glasses and some tequila over here!"
Prime:
We go to the outside of Derpy's house, in the window we see Derpy on top of Prime moan- oh, oh my, that's very hot, keep it PG, keep it PG! Suddenly Prime yelled, "I never knew you could use a tongue like that, oh my!"
Okay moving on now, let's leave them alone.
Octavia:
Octavia and Berry Punch just finished the movie "Valley Mare".
(The real movie is Valley girl, go watch it, it's awesome)
Octavia said, "That was a great movie, I still love it to this day."
"Ya, it is truly, hic , a great movie." Berry hopped off the couch and asked, "So, Say Anything , or Pretty in Pink ?"
Octavia thought for a moment, "I'm in the mood for Say Anything ." Replied Octavia.
Berry smirked, "Say Anything it is."
In the morning:
Vinyl was sleeping on Octavia's couch, she looked peaceful with her bottle of cider wrapped in her hoofs, she heard the doorbell ring. Vinyl slowly opened her eyes, they were dark with the look of somepony who had too much to drink. She slowly sat up and stretched her back.
She heard a couple pops, she got all the way up and she slowly walked to the door, she opened it only to see a very hung over Octavia, she had a to-go cup of coffee in her right hoof.
"I've had a great night, how about you?" Said Octavia.
She thought about it for a moment and she shrugged.
"Ah, had too much to drink?" Vinyl nodded her head, "Alright, get on up to bed and get some more sleep, I'll go up and attempt to wake up Prime."
Vinyl's jaw dropped making Octavia confused for a moment, but after a second she looked back only to see Prime Timber himself. He was walking up to the house with a lot of lipstick kisses all over his body, he had a pair of panties on his right ear, and a great big smile.
Octavia asked, "So, I assume it went well?"
He replied, "Why yes it did, I had one of the craziest nights of my life. This necklace is dope. I gotta take a shower, feeling a bit.... dirty if you will." He walked into the house smiling.
Octavia looked at Vinyl and said, "I've never seen somepony so proud of himself." Vinyl nodded.
Dr. Whooves:
He slowly opened his eyes, he had a massive hangover, he said, "Ulgh, I'm never drinking like that again." He looked to his left and saw Braeburn, he then looked left and saw a random OC pony he never met.
"Great wickering stallions, again?!" Was all he could say.
Author's Note
Forgive the badness of this chapter, I really hated it halfway through.
Originally I had Octavia making out with Berry Punch, but I felt many of you wouldn't like that, since she is your waifu, and yes I'm talking to you.
Also the hiatus is over, now more chapters will be coming out, just not very fast.
Vinyl and Octavia's roommate
Chapter 5: Prime Timber's Mother
After a week of Prime picking up mares everywhere he went, it came time for his mother to come pay him a visit.
It was a little before lunch time, Vinyl was in the kitchen drinking a glass of milk, Octavia was lying on her couch reading a magazine, and Prime was in a corner practicing his violin.
Octavia asked, "So Prime, what time is your mother coming over?"
He replied, "Any minute now."
"So, what's she like?" Asked Octavia.
"She's one of the sweetest changelings you'll ever meet, you two know about the reformed changelings right?"
"We do."
"Well, right as I was born she turned into one of the new changelings, she had something to love. Also she doesn't know about my really active social life, so let's keep that a secret please, I don't need her giving me tips. She did that once and I've never spoken to her about my social life again, blegh."
"Alright, is there anything else we should know about?"
"Not much, but one major thing."
"Yes?"
"Don't bring up cats! She lives with about twenty or so cats, I'm not joking, twenty cats, I myself grew up with thirty, and I had the wonderful job of litter box duty, ya that was fun.
But you two'll listen about cats for 4 hours followed by a trip to the pet store, I'm not having my legs become a cat's scratching post again."
"Again?" Asked Octavia smirking. Vinyl was snickering in the kitchen.
"Vinyl, what's so funny?" He asked sarcastically.
Octavia replied, "She's just overhearing our conversation." Vinyl nodded her head.
"It's very rude to overhear someone else's conversations."
Octavia replied, "As rude as you listening to my conversations with vinyl?"
"Wait you could hear me?"
"Of course, you breath heavily." Prime took a big breath in and a loud breath out. "See!"
"Fine, but my advice with my Mom is still valid."
Just then a knock was heard, "That's her!" Prime ran over to the door and said, "Remember, say nothing about cats nor about my love life." He opened the door to an older mare, she had brown eys, a grey coat, and a brown mane with gray streaks, she said in a very warming voice.
"It's good to see you son."
It's great to see you to Ma." Prime wrapped his right arm around her neck and hugged her, he let off and she walked in.
She sat on Octavia's couch, she sat on the end, Octavia and Vinyl were sitting next to her, Prime sat down in Vinyl's seat, she said.
"Well, what are you waiting for, introduce us Prime."
"Oh, sorry Mom, Mom, this is Octavia." She shook hoofs with Prime's Mom, "And this is Vinyl." They shook hoofs as well. "Octavia, Vinyl, this is my Mom, Graci." She bowed slightly."And Mom, they know what you are."
"What?! Why would you do that?!"
"They're my flatmates, I kinda had to tell them how I came to existence, and the truth is the only thing I've been able to think of, but a lie might be coming soon."
She sighed, "So, might as well get comfy." She stood up and with a pink glow she transformed into her true form.
She sat back down and said, "So, what's the first question?"
Octavia asked, "Well, first off, how did you come to live in Canterlot?"
"It had a lot to do with posing as a pony, besides that, not much."
"Alright, so when did you get reformed."
"Oh they have a term for it?" Graci asked.
"Since Chrysalis was defeated and most of the changelings reformed, they're good now."
"I was wondering why everypony was talking about changelings, for a little while, I thought they were talking about me."
"So, when did you reform?"
"Oh right, sorry deary, it must have happened when little Prime here was born, I felt something, that was selfless love."
Octavia was surprised and amazed, she asked, "One more, how did you get to Equestria?"
"That's a decently long story, but what the hay, I got time.
I was sent on a mission to make a new colony, one to take over Equestria, I found a great spot in the Everfree forest and I was going to become the queen there. But timberwolfs were all around me, so until I could be alone, I had to blend in, so I became a timberwolf. 2 weeks later I found out I was pregnant.
And I realized that I needed to find a good place for this little cub, so I got out of there and found myself imigrating to Canterlot. I was gonna go back to make a hive, but once I had little Prime, I didn't have the urge to make a hive, so I settled down and raised him."
Octavia was a bit stunned, "Wow, that's some story. Now I have a simple question. Should we get a cat?" Prime face palmed and grunted some very naughty words. Graci asked.
"What did you just say?"
"What? Oh nothing Mother."
"Nothing? I definitively heard some very bad words come out, now go to your room until you learn not to cuss around me."
"But I'm an adult, I don't need to go to my room, this is basically my house."
"Go, to, your, ROOM!"
He got up and said, "But I'm an adult."
"Now." Was all she replied.
He walked away with his head down, when the door closed Octavia asked, "How did you do that?"
"I raised that pup for 18 years, I know how to make sure he doesn't get out of line."
"Well, could you teach me some of that?" Graci got an evil smirk.
Prime closed his door and sat on the bed, he closed his eyes only to hear something in his sheets, he opened his eyes up only to see Aloe and Lotus in his bed, they were just waking up, he said.
"Oh right, sorry, I forgot you two were here." They looked at each other before sighing.
That evening Prime came down to the smell of Graci's cooking, there was a tray of beautifully cooked corn on the cobs, there were other various foods on a small table that was set in the middle of the room.
Prime asked, "What's the occasion?"
Graci replied, "Well, I know you have things to do later, and I thought we could sit down with your roommates when they get back from the market."
"That's so nice Mom, sorry I cussed, I just don't wanna become a scratching post again, it sucked. So please don't let them adopt a cat."
"Alright, just sit down son." He sat down on the chair as Graci walked out of the room, Prime asked.
"What'd ya doing Ma?"
"Just getting something out of the back!" She shouted back. He laid his head back for a moment, before he heard a loud crack, he looked around a bit only to be scared with this!
He screamed out, "MOMMY!" And fell off of his chair, the lights turned on and it was Vinyl wearing a fox mask.
Octavia was laughing behind the couch, and Gracie walked in from the back, "What just happened?!" Asked Prime.
Octavia replied, "It's called a prank." Before she fell on the floor laughing even harder. Even Vinyl was laughing.
Graci replied, "It feels good to scare you again."
"Ma, why do you prank so much? You're a mother, kind supporting, generous!"
"Just because I raised a pup doesn't mean I don't enjoy pranking any less. Did that all the time in the hive, part of the reason I was sent away."
Prime replied, "Ma, that's more sad than funny."
"I know. But the face you made was to good." She started laughing again.
All Octavia said was, "I like her." Prime lowered his head and face palmed.
"I'm going back up, got some.... Work to do." He walked up the stairs all the while everypony was laughing.
Author's Note
Author: Wow, Graci seems to be very funny, I like her, I think she'll stay on for a couple more chapters.
Prime: Please no, no more jump scares.
Author: Alright fine, be a party pooper. And just for your info, there will be a lot more jumpscares and pranks to come.
Prime: What?
But seriously, I've been toying with this chapter for awhile now and I'm quite happy with how it went. I just hope you all like it too. There will be more, but don't expect a chapter for at least a month, I have a lot of work I need to get done. Plus I have no ideas for how to proceed.
Vinyl and Octavia's roommate
Chapter 6: Time for some fun
Prime's mother stayed for a couple of days, and in that time Prime had to deal with so many gripes from his mother, that he clean the whole house. Along with the dishes, and most of all, the cleaning of his room, it was covered in cobwebs and various materials spread around the room.
All clean, but once she left prime had over a multitude of mares to dirty up his room again.
Once all of that was done, Vinyl, Octavia, and Prime checked their bank accounts and realized that there was quite a bit there. Vinyl and Octavia's records made a lot of money. And Prime's new invention of the office telephone, so how do they use the extra cash?
A big Wonderbolt show of course, what else?
Prime was on the new telephone with his mother, "Mom... Mom.. No Mom.. Yes I'll bring you a shirt..... No I'm not partying..... But why?... Oh that's why... I said I got it!.... Yes Mom, sorry Mom.... Look I gotta go, my train will leave in a bit... Love you to, bye." He hung the phone up and saw Octavia standing in the doorway. "Forget what you heard hear today or I'll make your mother come over."
She smiled and replied, "I won't tell, but I'll remember that, forever." She turned around and walked down. He sighed and looked around the room.
"Wow, I need to clean." He got out of his wood chair and got out of the room, he went downstairs and saw Vinyl and Octavia ready to leave. Their saddlebags were on and they both had smiles.
"Octy, I thought you hates sports, or stuff like this?"
"Most of the time I do, but I'm still a pony, I have wants outside of the snooty chelloist I usually am." Vinyl snickered earning a sneer from Octavia.
They walked out of the house and towards the train station, nothing really happened, just a bump into Derpy. Derpy and Prime had a very... Awkward conversation, but he did schedule another 'visit ' to her house.
Once they reached the train station they saw that it was unusually baron, there weren't any ponies on the platform. Prime walked to the ticket master and asked.
"Where's everypony? Usually it's very crowded around here."
"Actually it's just a slow day, most ponies are already at Canterlot for the show."
"That's where we're going, it's gonna be awesome."
"Wow, wish I could see it, but I booked their next show so yay."
"Nice one, good day."
"Good day." Prime walked away and waited with Octavia and Vinyl for the train.
It didn't take long, maybe 10 minutes, but it felt like 20. The conductor collected their tickets and they got on. They walked near the back of the train, where there weren't any ponies.
Prime laid in the whole seat, while Octavia and Vinyl took one for themselves.
They felt the train jerk and start to move, Prime asked, "So, how long have you two known each other?"
"Since we were foals, how else would a chelloist and a DJ live together who aren't in a relationship."
"So you two aren't together, just friends?"
She replied, "Of course, I love stallions, Vinyl, I'm unsure." Vinyl sat back with her hoofs behind her head nodding with a smile. "Right, ether way we aren't with each other."
Prime finished jotting that down, "Thanks, this'll help."
"Help what?"
"I have a contact who was curious."
Octavia was a bit confused, "Who?"
"All I can say is he's another world's version of me." Octavia didn't know what to say, Vinyl was surprised, but she played it off like she didn't care.
They rode the train for two hours, light chit chat, nothing too big. But when they pulled up to the station Prime looked out to see a whole bunch of ponies, most of them tourists, but still, crowds that big make him nervous. Octavia asked.
"Prime? What's wrong?"
"Crowds, never liked a group big enough to pound me to a bunch of sticks, most of the time, my fear came true."
"Well, it's silly to think that now." They exited the train, only to hear a guard shout.
"Timberwolf!"
"Oh great." Was All Prime could say before 20 guards jumped on him.
After half an hour of talking to the guards, and a few cracked sticks, Prime, Octavia, and Vinyl were finally making their way to the stadium.
Prime said, "Told you." Octavia got annoyed and took the lead, Vinyl was smiling, Prime asked.
"Um, are we late?"
"No, we got half an hour to get in, we'll make it."
"Good, good." They walked around the corner and saw a huge stadium with a large crowd of ponies in front of it, he saw banners of each Wonderbolt on the front, "Hey, I know her." He pointed to Rainbow Dash, "First time she saw me, my head was caved in. But we talked and well, you can guess."
"You did it with a... Wow, I didn't give you enough credit Prime."
"Thanks, now let's get in." They got to the front entrance, a white unicorn wearing a suit and dark sunglasses asked.
"Tickets?"
Vinyl floated their tickets to the guard, he looked over them for awhile, he handed them back to them and said, "You'll be in the special section, just go to the pit on the bottom, each of your seats will have numbers that match your ticket, enjoy the show." They walked past the guard, Vinyl walked through a gate security gate that put a spell on her horn, cancelling her magic.
They walked passed the circle of shops and got out to the lowest ring, they saw a small circle that was marked 'special'. "This was a good idea Prime, splurging on these tickets."
"Thanks, now we get to be special, not like the fillies on the short cart."
"Prime!" shouted Octavia.
"Sorry, it was wrong, but it's a nice spot, and we are special, I have brain damag-age-age-age."
"Prime, now that was wrong." Prime was snickering, and Vinyl was laughing her lungs out, "Don't encourage him Vinyl."
"No really, I have an abusive disorder that makes me beat myself to the point I bleed, and suffer through anxiety attacks more often than I'd like, so I can say that joke." Octavia didn't reply, she just walked away.
They walked to the section, each seat had a number and a name, Octavia got Soarin, Prime got Spitfire, and Vinyl got Thunderlane.
(I'm lazy, and I don't know a bunch of flight things for the show, so it'll be lacking)
They heard an announcer shout, "And it's time, put your hoofs together for the Wonderbolts!" The Wonderbolts flew out of a door in the middle of the stadium, they flew up in a standard Wonderbolt formation with Spitfire in the middle, followed by Fleetfoot and Soarin, and finally Rainbow and Thunderlane.
"Ya! Whoo!" Shouted Prime.
The show lasted a good half hour, and every minute was magical. After they were finished each Wonderbolt flew down in front of the seats in the special section. Spitfire said.
"Hello, I'm captain Spitfire, now with your ticket you also have 2 hours to chat with me, ask any questions you want, and maybe more. She winked at him. Octavia and vinyl followed their Wonderbolts to their meeting rooms, and Prime followed Spitfire.
Prime and Spitfire passed a few doors, but at the middle of the hallway, they were in front of a solid metal black door, Spitfire opened it and he followed suit.
The room was still in Canterlot style, quarts with elegant design, there was a decently sized couch in the back of the room, two chairs facing each other on the end of the room, and a bed right in the middle. Spitfire sat on the couch and patted the cushion, gesturing to come over.
He sat next to her, she asked, "So, what'd do you wanna know?"
"Well, what is it like being able to fly through the air faster than anything else?"
"It feels, amazing, like nothing else, honestly, I've been asked that question so many times, and I still don't have an answer. So, what do you do?"
He thought for a moment, "Well, I'm a violinist, and an inventor, I made the telephone, check it out next time you're in Manehattan, I feel like it'll get popular, I hope."
"Wow, so you're one of those special minds?"
"Kind of, I made a portal to contact other forms of myself and well, I found one, I'm actually going to be on his channel, whatever that is. But he let me see a telephone out and well, reverse engineering."
Her eyes were wide, "Whew, and I thought I had good things."
"Well, he asks for my help with a lot of his homework, and since he's an introvert, kind of like me, he doesn't really have... Any kind of social skills, took him to 16 to stop cracking up at the word, wood." (You're gonna pay for that! ), "Whoa, what the?!"
They looked around the room, trying to find the voice, but nothing, just dead silence. "Well, that was weird."
"Totally." There was another awkward silence, until Spitfire asked.
"You know, there's a reason I took to to this room, it's usually reserved for us to crash, after a show and an interview, we get pretty tired."
"Um, cool, but the question still stands, why?"
"Well, I have a thing for exotic creatures, you know, dragons, griffons, yaks," She placed her hoof on his shoulder, "Timberwolfs." He started to blush, "Well?"
He replied, "Well.... What are we waiting for then? Let's go!"
Time for some privacy, let's to to 2 hours later."
Prime, Octavia, and Vinyl were walking out of the stadium and towards the train station, they were all smiling, but Prime's was so wide it looked like it hurt, Octavia asked.
"I guess you had her then?"
"Ya, and her address, she said next time she's in Ponyville, she'll come over."
"Well, Soarin was very talkative, I had a nice time, Vinyl?" She pointed to her flank and nodded her head, "You didn't?" She nodded.
Prime said, "High five Vinyl!" They high fived. "I guess we've all had a good time here, now lets get home, I need an ice pack."
"I don't wanna ask." Replied Octavia.
On the ride home, the train was packed, there was barely any room on there, but once they got in the house, Prime flopped on his bed and mumbled, "I'm never forgetting that," He heard a knock on the door, then Octavia opened it and talked for a bit with whoever it was, until she shouted.
"Prime! It's for you!" He replied.
"Send whoever up, I'm pretty tired!" He chanted, "Not my mother, not my mother, not my mother, not my mo-." He heard the door open and saw Spitfire, he asked, "So, round four?"
"You know it." Replied Spitfire closing the door.
Author's Note
Prime, you're the luckiest f**ker to ever exist, I'm still waiting for a girl to come near me! But just wait, I feel like your mother will be coming back very soon.
I know very few people have made it this far, and waited a long while for this, but sorry, I got backed up, plus I had to set up a Youtube channel. Link here, fyi Prime will be a focus on the channel soon, so the lore of him follows. Link here (Element-5 Productions ). And more will come, just not very quickly, this's just something I write when I feel like it, or I get bored with my big stories.
Fyi, that's true, I have abusive tendencies that make me hit myself to the point I've bleed, and I have had an anxiety attack very recently, scariest s**t I've ever had, I don't recommend it at all, genetics screwed the pooch on that one. Should I get help?
Vinyl and Octavia's roommate
Chapter 7: Hearth Warmings eve
It is but a mere week until Hearth Warming's eve in Ponyville, everypony is bursting with excitement, snow covered the ground in a beautiful white tapestry. Our favorite timberwolf was walking through the marketplace, looking for gifts for his two favorite, and only roommates.
He had a scarf and specially made saddlebags on his sides, he had a list out, knowing exactly what Vinyl and Octavia wanted. His first stop was the post office, he had to get some stamps and send a package to Luna, if he doesn't she might murder him, he shivered at the thought.
And she might come over under the mistletoe, depending. But he was still walking on the way, his feet freezing under him, wood can get cold.
He looked to the side and saw a mare paying 5 bits for a small cherry, he knew it was a rip off, but didn't want to interfere.
He looked to his left and saw Rainbow Dash and Applejack chatting, Prime wanted to try and chat with the two of them, but that will have to wait, he's busy.
He finally arrived at the post office, it wasn't big, to the front was the front desk, to the corners were different kinds of boxes behind glass, trying to look elegant. He just stared when he saw who was behind the counter.
It was none other than Derpy herself. She looked up from her magazine and stared at him as well, "H-hi, ahem , welcome to the post office, how might I help?"
Prime walked up to the counter and replied, "I need to send this to Canterlot, to a pen pal." He placed a small box on the counter, Derpy grabbed it with her mouth and placed it on a small scale. She stared at it for a few seconds and replied.
"That'll be 20 bits."
Prime took a bag of bits out of his saddlebag and counted out 20, he gave them to her and asked, "So, you free anytime? Maybe tonight?"
She blushed a bit and replied, "Well, tonight is free, yes, I'd like that. Maybe 7?"
"Sounds perfect." Replied Prime, "I'll see you then." Prime walked out, mentally jumping around, celebrating, while outside he was just walking with a fat grin on his face.
His next stop was a small music shop, he needed a nice bow for Octavia, and he needs to start the portal up and pay Element back for getting a Numark Mixtrack Pro II for Vinyl.
He made his way to the music shop, he opened the door and saw a nicely lit shop, various musical instruments were nicely placed to attract ponies. Behind the far back counter was a blue pegasus mare with pink hair tied back.
She wore a black jacket and had many piercings all around her body, she had a black mane with bright cyan streaks in it. She looked up with green eyes that had a lot of eye shadow under them.
She didn't see him, she just said in a very tired and bored tone, "Welcome to the Rockin-store, if you need help just holler." She flipped the page of her magazine, Prime looked harder at the interior.
It was pretty well lit with multiple isles, all oak wood with each one showing off a different instruments, such as a guitar at the front of the isles with all the guitar stuff down it.
He walked down about 4 isles until he saw a beautiful cello at the front of a decently long isle. He thought, "Wow, she would love this, one of the best cello's I've ever seen ." He saw that the bottom of the display showed the number, 250k bits, "Sweet Chrysalis! I've never seen that many bits for one item before, nope !"
He walked down the isle, seeing different cello's on the right, and various strings and bows on the left, none looked amazing. Until he got to the end, his eyes lit up more than usual when he saw a beautiful basswood bow with a very shiny string.
He looked at the price, 60 bits, "Meh, Hearth Warmings eve comes only once, screw it as Element would say ." He picked it up and headed up to the counter to pay.
He stood in front and waited for her to look up, she held up a hoof and said in a very emo tone, "Gotta finish this article, wait."
Prime was very patient, unlike Element who hates waiting on anything, and has had his rear handed to him for it on multiple occasions, just an interesting fact.
She turned the page and looked up, her eyes widened and her mouth dropped, Prime kept a straight face, but he loved seeing ponies faces when they see him.
Prime said, "Um, yes, I'd like to purchase this bow for a friend." She nodded and said.
"Um, t-that'l-ll be 60 b-b-bits si-ir." He pulled out 60 bits from his saddlebag and placed them on the counter, he grabbed the bow and said.
"Have a good day Ma'am." He walked out of the store, leaving her there, just staring, not moving, is she even breathing?
Prime started his small hike to the house, he looked around, ponies bundled up, fillies and colts making snowponies and having snowball fights.
Prime wasn't chatting with anyponies, but he wanted to get back and hide the gift before Octavia and Vinyl get home, they were both out doing record covers.
He walked in front of the house and pulled out his key, he unlocked the door and stepped in, he made his way upstairs and opened the door.
His room was freshly dusted and looking very tidy, he pulled a box out of the bottom on his bed and hid the bow in it, he slid it back under and thought, "I wish it would get here soon. "
And using the magic of being the writer/god, here's Hearth Warming's eve.
Outside there it was night, the ground covered with a fresh snow, And inside the house was nice and warm. Vinyl, Octavia, and Prime were all inside that warm house.
Prime and Vinyl sat on Octavia's couch while she played 'Silent Night'. Vinyl was almost asleep behind her glasses, while Prime was just soaking in the beautiful music.
She finished the song and asked, "How was it?"
"I really liked it man, it's something I should have paid for." He glanced at Vinyl and bumped her with his shoulder, she sat up and nodded. Octavia smiled and turned around to put her old bow up, Prime whispered, "You're welcome."
Octavia asked, "So, what now?"
Prime quickly replied, "Oh, I need to make my Mom's secret hot cocoa, want some?" They both nodded, "Coming up." He got up and walked over to the little kitchen, he got out eggnog, chocolate powder, peppermint bark, all that good stuff.
Octavia asked, "Um, is all that healthy?"
"Not that I know of, but I get this once a year, so no worries." He heated up the stove and began to cook the eggnog.
Octavia asked something else, "Well, I almost forgot to ask, but is your Mom coming over?"
Prime happily replied, "She's coming tomorrow, trains today are so expensive, tomorrow no pony wants to travel, slightly cheaper, I think. Something like that, and she needs to make sure all the cats are fed. Why do you ask?"
"I was curious, she's a very nice pony." He nodded and added the peppermint. Stirring all the while, "I'm lucky, normally I would be on the road to the next show."
Prime replied, "That sucks, but at least you got this season off."
"I do, and it is nice to relax once in awhile, ask Vinyl, she does nothing but relax." Vinyl snorted at that comment, "I'm kidding..... Kind of."
Prime laughed, "That's rich, now, once I pour this, wanna open presents? As it is tradition." Octaiva and Vinyl nodded their heads, "Alright, what I've been waiting for, now, just one. So go pick them." He picked up the pot and started pouring into mugs.
They both pulled out two presents, Vinyl had a slim, and square present, and Octavia had a small, long box. "Ah, those two, alright, let me just get mine." He slid both of them the cups.
Octavia and Vinyl took a sip and their eyes opened up, never had they tasted cocoa so good. "Oh my, this's amazing Prime." Vinyl couldn't close her eyes behind her glasses.
Prime walked up from the tree holding a envelope, from the two of them. "Ah, our card, good choice." Said Octavia.
"Come on, open it." Said Prime, she unwrapped the box and opened it, her eyes widened even more.
"Oh sweet Celestia, a basswood bow, these are very expensive, thank you." Vinyl unwrapped hers and pulled out a album with, 'Eagles - Their Greatest Hits 1971 - 1975' she smirked and nodded, "That means thank you Prime." Said Octavia.
Prime chuckled, "I figured." He cut the letter open and pulled out a green card, it said, "To a very special pony. " He opened it and it read, "You make life interesting, weird, and very fun. Thank you for giving us memories happy memories. Signed Vinyl and Octavia. "
"Wow, thank you two, what's this." He pulled out a slit of paper, "Holy crud! This is a VIP ticket to a Coloratura show! I love her music, old and new stuff." They all gathered in a giant group hug, that spirit keeping all windigos away from the entire town.
Happy Hearths Warming everyone!
Author's Note
Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas humans, merry Christmas. Sorry for the long wait, but I've had some IRL things to deal with, but luckily I passed all of my classes, had to beg for a C in math, math is not my major. 5 classes along with a high school class over.
And I'm working on probably my biggest project, over 100K words, and not finished yet, it is the most daring story I've wrote. Hoping to post it soon, wanna finish writing it.
And sorry for no Halloween, truly wanted to write one, but I was just way too busy at that time.
One more thing, Merry Christmas to all of you who read this, and for barring with my poor writing.
Vinyl and Octavia's roommate
In the little town of Ponyville there is a house on a hill, it is owned by two ponies.
One is a DJ who cleans the dishes with.... wubs, the other one is a sophisticated cellist.
They are a little low on bits because neither of them have made a really good album, so they need to rent out the spare bedroom in the attic to make payments.
After a few days of waiting somepony sent a letter saying. "Hello, I am Prime Timber and I have to say this room looks good, the package has my first payment of bits. I will be coming in two days, hope to see you both soon. Fyi I am glad you two are fellow musicians ."
It has been two days since then and the two ponies are currently waiting on Octavia's couch, she had a small glass of wine while Vinyl had a big cup of hard apple cider.
Octavia asked, "I wonder who this stallion is, will he have good tastes, be nice, or if he is even a good musician?"
Vinyl took a giant swig out of her cider and shrugs.
Just as she finishes they heard a knock, Octavia said, "I'll get that, if you get it then he might run." Vinyl gave her a very cross look, she walked over to the door and opened it.
What she saw shocked her, it was a timberwolf with glowing red eyes, it was a little taller and wider then a stallion, but besides that, he looked exactly like a normal timberwolf, it yawned out, "uuuurraaghh."
She thought is was a battle cry and grabbed her chello, the wolf was about to open it's mouth, but she brought down her chello right on his head and kept hitting him, it yelled, "OW OW OW THIS F**KING HURTS, PLEASE STOP PLEASE PLEASE OW OW OW!"
He got up and started to run as fast as he could, though he fell down courtesy of Vinyl's magic, she drug him over to the chello wielding Octavia, he yelled out." I JUST WANTED A ROOM!"
Vinyl stood still, after a second the light bulb in her head lit up, she ran back inside to get the letter, she read the name again, Prime Timber . Obviously timber meant timberwolf, she ran out to Octavia who was currently beating him up with her prized chello.
Vinyl ran next to her and showed her the guy's name, Prime Timber, Octavia looked at the wolf and back at the door, she saw two bags sitting there.
Her eyes widened at what she did, she dropped her chello and asked him, "what is your name?" He stood up shacking a little bit and said, "P-P-Prime Timber."
He dropped down putting his paws over his head and started to whimper, she looked at him and said, "I'm so sorry mister Timber, I am so, so sorry, I'm just used to ether running or fighting anything weird in Ponyville, have you seen the history of this little town?"
He looked at her and said, "Well, this isn't the first time I got beat up for being half timberwolf, Canterlot bullies in school did NOT like me, being both a nerd and a wolf, it really gets you beat up. Thank Celestia I can reconstruct or I'd be dead."
Octavia said, "Please come in, we're so sorry."
They walked in, Prime took his bags in and they closed the door. The two sat down on the couch while Prime Timber sat on the floor. Vinyl used her magic to get a glass and hovered a bottle of cider for Prime to pour,
Octavia said, "Vinyl please, I'm sure he would prefer some of my wine."
Prime replied, "Well, based on what just happened, I could use the whole bottle of cider."
He grabbed the bottle out of the air, it was almost full by the way, and Primed chugged it. In a minute without a break, he finished off the bottle, and he set it down on the counter, Octavia was surprised while Vinyl nodded with a smile.
He looked at them and said, "What are your names?"
Octavia replied. "My name is Octavia, I prefer a chello. And this is Vinyl, or DJ pon-e."
He asked them another question, "As you two know I am Prime Timber, but call me Prime and do you want to hear me rock a violin?"
They nodded, he took out a beautiful violin that looked hoofed carved, he stood on two legs, put the violin on his neck and started to play.
I know jack about the violin, took it at 6, forgot it over 12 years.
After a beautiful/ kick ass violin solo he put it back in the case, Vinyl was shocked that somepony could play a fancy instrument that good, Octavia had a tear drop down her check.
They clapped their hoofs for his performence, Octavia said, "That was beautiful."
He replied, "Well, these songs got me through college."
"What did you take in college?" Octavia asked.
"Well, I'm an inventor, I am currently here to take a part time job. There are no part time jobs in Canterlot, but here there is."
Octavia and Vinyl looked at each other then looked at him, Octavia asked, "Well I hope you mind me asking, but, how were you made?"
His look turned from happy to annoyed, he replied, "I don't like to talk about it, but I know you two will stay curious and ask me later so lets rip this bandaid off fast.
Well all that I know is that my Mom was a changeling who got lost in the Everfree forest, after a few days of staying with a pack of timberwolfs.... she got out with me inside her."
He shivered a little bit. "She found out she had me a few days later, she did NOT want me to live with the changelings so she went to Canterlot, she had to talk with Celestia, who doesn't take kindly to changelings, for a few hours they talked.
My Mom took the form of a pony which was drawn out and lived as a normal unicorn there. That's the story of my creation and being born in Canterlot." Vinyl and Octavia were staring in shock at his past.
Octavia said, "Well, that was interesting to say the least, we'll show you your room Mr. Prime."
He grabbed his bags with his paws and the violin case with his mouth. They walked up to the attic, the stairs were in good condition and wide enough for Prime to fit through comfortably, when they got up there, there was a door with a lock.
Vinyl used her magic to lift the key she brought with her to open the door, Prime walked in and looked around the room, it was about the size of an apartment in Manehattan, there was a bed, chest, and a window.
He set his bags down and said, "This is better then I expected, what are my chores and what is the meal plan?"
Octavia told him, "Your chores are to take out the trash, make breakfast, and don't trash this place, unless it's one of Vinyl's parties. The meal plan is whatever you make for breakfast and dinner, we'll tell you what lunch is."
"Okay, that all sounds fair."
She used her magic and floated the key to Prime's paw, he said, "Thanks, whens lunch?"
She replied, "We'll tell you when."
He nodded back at her and they left, he thought, "This place is way nicer than my old room in Canterlot, what is even better is no Mom !" He jumped on the bed and laid down, "This is gonna be one bucking good place to live."
Author's Note
I did not realize what Prime Timber could mean until it was to late
If you enjoyed it then please upvote and favorite. I welcome constructive criticism. If this story is worse then my other stories, it is because this was one of my old stories, before I got good.
