Pinkie's Secret

by AnonymousAlicorn

Rating: teen
Tags: Sad, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Suicide / Self Harm, Scootaloo, Random
Length: 2608

Pinkie, the happiest pony in all of equestria, the pony who could make literally any living thing smile, has a dark secret. It keeps her up sometimes, but she says that she's too exited to sleep.

Pinkie Pie seems like the most happy pony in the world, and makes those around her feel like thay are, but she has been keeping a secret for her entire life, not even Maude knows it. Now, a certian reserve wonderbolt hears crying when she flies past sugarcube corners, and learns a darker secret than Sombra's childhood or Queen Chrysalis's creation. More suprisingly, Pinkie is the one with this problem. I woild have guessed maybe Rarity

Published 2015-09-19 17:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-09-19 17:20:02 UTC

Chapter 1 : Picking Scoots Up

Rainbow Dash was flying to school to pick up Scootaloo, and her 20/20 flying senses picked up more odd than Discord. She stopped and snapped back to reality when she heard it. It was crying. But, it was coming from Sugarcube Corer, and if she didn't know better sounded like, Pinkie? No way, impossible, but because it was crying, she went to see what was wrong. The fact that she didn't hear any reassuring words from the random pink mare, it just worried her more. She opened the door slowly, and the shutters were closed and lights off, so it was dark. She barely saw her own hoof in front of her face, let alone who was laying behind the counter. She stepped out for a second, opened a shutter, and went back in. Much better, now time to see what was wrong and with who. She traced the sound behind the counter, and pinched herself. She was dreaming, she had to be! It was just a cruel joke of a nightmare, but the rest of the day to this point seemed real enough. What she saw, was a pink mare with a darker pink mane, curled up on the floor, crying.

Scootaloo was the last one at school, and even Sweetie and Applebloom had left her alone there. Cherilee was leaving, so Scoots started walking as well. It was a minute, give or take a half, when she noticed the normally lively Sugarcube Corner with only one window open. This would not only satisfy her newfound curiosity, but if it was nothing, she could get a cupcake. She entered the dimly lit shop, and no one was there. She looked everywhere, but didn't find anyone, until she went upstairs.

Pinkie Pie has never been happy. Not since she was 2 years old, and that was just out of novelty. She knew her place in life was to make sure everypony else was happy, and be the most reliable friend she could be. This is why she never let anyone else see this side of her. She didn't want to bother anypony else with her problems, but no one else had ever thought of her. She just keeps giving and giving, and puts in an act like she couldn't live with herself if she didn't. She cried about her life whenever she has a chance to be alone, and how she couldn't kill herself for the sake of her friends. It wasn't their fault that nothing makes her happy. Even this was becoming routine, and crying would become useless to alleviate the pain at all. She realized she was becoming too loud, and she quickly quieted down, but a light came through a window, and it would be useless to try to salvage herself in this situation, and within a minute, she felt a soft, feathery, blanket spread across her. She looked up, and tried to wipe a tear, but the mare laying beside her beat her to it.

"Wh-wha- Rainbow, I-"

"Shh, Whatever's wrong, I'm here." Pinkie had no idea what to do now, she could try to salvage the situation and brush this off as pent up from her entire life, or let her in. Let Rainbow in, and let someone help her for once, what she had neverhad or asked for. She wan always a shoulder to lean on, but was afraid to ask for one, until one found her when she needed it. She cuddled up to the cyan pegasus next to her, and wanted to speak again after a long moment, once her tears started to dry and she regained her breath, but didn't know what to say.

"Pinks, whats wrong?" Rainbow spoke first, luckily.

"Its just, you wont believe me when I say it." She only ever had her optimistic tone when she spoke, but now she was completely dead-pan.

"Whatever it is, I'm here. That's what friends are for, right?" Her comforting voice was the only thing convincing Pinkie to talk at all.

"I haven't ever been happy. Ever. My entire life is an act, and even where I might be seen by anything, I keep it going. It's so hard making everypony happy, without having ever felt happiness. My whole life is an act, and I even keep it up where it would be possible to be found, but I-" She barely managed that, let alone anything else. She once again descended into sobs. She hated being seen like this, especially by one of her best friends. She never wanted to pressure her friends with her personal problems. Now, she was found out, and all her friend would worry.

"Pinks, come on. We should go upstairs, before someone else walks in to see you like this.

Chapter 2 : Think About It.

Scoots couldn't believe what she saw. Pinkie Pie was crying rivers onto Rainbow. This in itself was quite a lot to process, good thing she wasn't noticed by the two mares, who were in the only light in the room coming from a narrow lamp.

"Pinks, I might not know how it is to have never really been happy, but I do know how it feels to have to always act to keep everypony else happy. I hate having to be the tough one in the group. Does it really seem fun having to always brag about everything? To have to make sure everyone has a shoulder to lean on without having one yourself? I know how it is to be all alone when it comes to that kind of thing. I've always made sure no one picks on Fluttershy, and Applejack always has rain. You always make sure Rarity has her fabric, and I also notice how you help Twilight out sometimes. That just leaves us without any help whatsoever. The two most dependable, the two best, the two strongest, friends. You know how I live with it? I look back on everything we've been through, how we've saved Equestria multiple times, how you saved be back in the Griffon city. Think about it, you make everypony happy, and have you ever looked twice at the smiles you create? Do you see the true happiness in the eyes of the ponies you set out to help?" First off, Scoots had no idea what she had just walked in on, and secondly, she was not noticed in the darkness, and thirdly, Was this for real? Did the two most admirable non-alicorn ponies in equesteria hate how they were viewed? Did they really only do it for their friends? No wonder they kept it secret. This would very much make pretty much anypony worry. Has Pinkie really never felt real happiness? Too many questions. Brain overload.

Even the narrator, who was currently completely demolishing the 4th wall and was still thinking in 2nd person, took notice of how Scoots was overloaded, mostly of how he was rudely kicked out of her head. Can't blame her, I wrote this and it even suprises me. Now, the narrator was getting cold, so time to get into the nearest head, which was Rainbow.

Was that Scoots in the dark? She had only noticed, being focused on Pinkie, but it seemed Scootaloo was in the darkness, probably not being able to react to this if she heard all that, which she probably did.

"Scoots? Is that you?"

"Erm, I, uh. What- how?" Scoots sounded very worried, and was possibly wearing Equestria's widest eyes. She nodded, and Pinkie spoke up.

"Please, Scoots, don't say anything to anypony." She still didn't have her normal enthusiastic, optimistic tone. When she talked like that, it was depressing. It was the saddest non-sobbing voice ever. "I don't think anypony else should know about this."

"Not even your best friends." Rainbow added.

"Yeah. This is, well, just, wow. I never thought- even for a second-"

"We're just natural born actors, I guess. More of a curse than anything, at least to me." Pinkie spoke again, still sounding depressing. It still seemed like a lot to take in for the poor filly. Her head might explode, if it was possible. Rainbow suspected this from the beginning, though. She was always too happy, and had that pained look at the edges of her eyes. She was remembering all of her encounters up until now, from when she was just a teen, juggling those 12 bowling pins on that ball on top of a lion's head, to now.

"Hey, Pinks." Rainbow knew something she could do that might help the entertainer out. "When it's just us, you can drop the act."

"You too, Dashie" She could tell that Pinkie was cheering up. "Dashie, thanks."

"Uh, me too, I guess." Scootaloo added. "I mean, It's not right having to live like that. I don't see why either of you would need to keep it up any more, at least around me." Scootaloo knew what to say, and when to say it. Dash thought she saw a twinge in the edge of pinkie's eyes, and a smile. This wasn't a normal Pinkie exaggerated smile, but an actual one. No one in the room was prepared for what happened next, but it happened. First, Pinkie waved Scootaloo over, and once they were all bunched up together, Pinkie pulled them both together, and hugged both pegasi. She felt the tears rushing down Pinkie's eyes, and didn't respond instantly, but now they were all hugging one another, Rainbow feeling her own wet spots under her eyes.

"Wait, what about the hair thing?" That was still unclear, if it was poofy when she was happy, why was it always like that?

"And the Element Of Laughter thing?" Another good question, this one from Scoots.

"I've learnt to control my hair, and as for the element thing,-" There was a pause "I have no idea. Maybe because I make other ponies laugh? Normally, I'd ask Twilight, but, we cant exactly do that." They shared a chuckle. Proved that point. She noticed slight optimism returning to Pinkie's voice, and when she compared it to past Pinkie, this one didn't seem forced. Up until today, her hapiness in her voice did seem slightly forced, but she hadn't heard her like anything else, so didn't dwell on it. Speaking of Twilight, surprising she had never noticed.

"Probably. Say, Pinks, you may or may not be smiling. Also, your optimism sounds less forced. I like you better like this.

Chapter 3 : Afterwards

Scootaloo lived with Dash, it being better than the orphanage. It was a relatively short walk, and silent. What they had just came from, they couldn't let that be known by anypony else. Ever. Once they had arrived, Rainbow walked over to the couch, and signaled with her wing for Scootaloo to follow. Scoots took a seat next to the rainbow-maned pegasus, and settled in, a wing wrapping around her.

"Scoots, I can't stress enough how important it is to everypony that you keep this secret as a secret. Not even the CMC can know this. Could you imagine if everypony was worrying about Pinkie, and she couldn't entertain because of it? The only thing that kept her sane was entertaining."

"What about you? You can't keep up this pace either, and you know it. I saw what you did for Pinkie, and you're still alone."

"Why do you think I didn't freak when I saw you? If it was anypony else, different story." Good answer. This wasn't a complete surprise, but was still unexpected.

"But I'm not strong like either of you two. What can I do?" This genuinely confused the filly.

"You already did more than you think." Their was a certain serenity in rainbow's voice, as if everything was fine, which it was very not.

"What about Pinkie? What if it isn't enough?" Scoot worried.

"The element of Loyalty, remember? I'll make it into enough if it kills me." She had a point, but there was an open hole in it already.

"But, you need just as much as her. what if I can't make it enough?"

"You already are, but-"

"But what?"

"You wouldn't understand."

"The reason I'm here is to understand. Please, for your sake, let me try." Scoots wasn't prepared for what happened next. It had been what she had asked for, and Rainbow was right in the fact that she wouldn't understand. She had hoped for this, but on many separate occasions. Sometimes she fantasized about it, but now it was happening. Rainbow was kissing her, but instead of going into shock like she would have any other day, she wasn't capable of doing that anymore. She had already experienced the most surprising thing possible, and this was nothing compared to that in how shocking it was. Scootaloo just let it happen. After a fraction of a second, she regained her senses were completely back, and she let Rainbow relive what may have been years of frustration, confusion, anger, sadness, and just internal chaos. It was a long moment, and it took all Scootaloo had not to advance whatsoever. After a moment, the kiss broke, and they made eye contact. It was an awkward silence, until Scoot realized that Rainbow was waiting for an answer when she was about to begin tearing up. She put a hoof around her neck, and brought the mare into a warm embrace, meeting their lips again. They shared the passionate moment until air needs called them away. She ran her hoof through the rainbow silk and along her neck, holding her head under her own. They stayed on the couch, Scoots repetitively running her hoof through the prismatic mane, comforting the pegasus. Her pegasus. Scoootaloo spent the passing hours thinking of the future. How Rainbow would always look to her for comfort, for assistance, for love. They had eachother now, and she wouldn't let that go for anything in the world.

Pinkie just sat there, on the couch upstairs. She just let Rainbow in, and it felt so good. But now, because of her, she would worry. However, it was mutual emotional gain. What Rainbow fixed, though, would just be replaced by Pinkie. Her thoughts kept trying to find a good side to what just happened. She was waging an internal battle that she knew she couldn't win. There was only one thing left. Scootaloo. She had just made a little filly's world come crashing down around her. How could anypony live with that? She got up, wiped the tears from her face, and walked over to a desk. She picked up a quill and a vial of ink. She couldn't make this right, but there was one thing she could do.

"Dear Friends.
I have a dark side. I never wanted to be fun or funny or entertaining at all. I just do it for you guys. Dashie came in on me while I was crying, and it ended up with her and scoots learning. I just sent a little filly's world toppling over. They both just left, and now I'm writing this. Whoever wants something of mine can have it free, but my main 5 friends get first pick. Good bye, everypony."

She folded, then put the paper in a nearby envelope, and went downstairs to put the envelope on the counter. She grabbed the rope from the repair kit, and brought it upstairs, where she tied it to the roof with help of a chair. Once the hook on the roof and her neck were in each end, she kicked the chair away.