"Handle with care? I wonder why I would need to....AHHHHH!"

by PrincessLunas Assistant

Rating: teen
Tags: Adventure, Random, Dark, Alternate Universe, Human, Comedy
Length: 19069

What do you do when you receive 3 RRPCs in the mail?

An RRPC is a Realistic Robotic Pony Character.
Nick Jones, a smart, shy, polite, Brony, in a small town in Florida, just received 3 large packages in the mail from a very fat delivery man….

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-07-20 18:18:58 UTC

Chapter-3: Those....are.....tacos.

Author's note: There is a part where you may need the assistance of Google Translate! Unless you speak Fluent French, I suggest you create and extra tab and open up Google Translate (Or whatever).

Later, in the evening, when the sun was just beginning to set. Nick came to a conundrum. Robotic ponies need to eat? BUT he can't cook anything. He had looked through the manuals and found something. Maybe in MOTHERLY MODE, Celestia would cook a nice dinner for Peter,Trixie, Pinkie, and of course Nick.

Nick now sitting on the couch in his living room watching American Dad on FOX. He never pictured watching American Dad with Trixie and Celestia. Peter was in Nick's room, playing Call of Duty Modern Warfare 3 with Pinkie Pie. The three in the living room heard the screams of joy and of virtual death coming from the room. Nick, to counter the noise, turned up the living TV. At this time the thought that a MOTHERLY MODE Celestia could cook dinner ran through his skull like a marathon runner. He was considering the pros and cons of having Celestia in MOTHERLY MODE. He now has 'Stop, Cake time' memorized so there was no problem in getting her back to normal. While she was in MOTHERLY MODE he figured he should act as if she is his mother to prevent any conflict that could interrupt the cooking process of food.

Nick decided, the pros out did the cons, and he looked across the couch and said.

"F***,f***,f***." He said in a blank uninterested tone.

"Son!" Celestia scolded "I thought I said no cursing!"

Nick looked at the angry face of Celestia and put on a little act.

"I-I'm sorry mommy, maybe you could cook dinner and I could....uh um....clean the bathroom as punishment." He sputtered in a child-like, apologetic tone. He soon realized he accidentally said the bathroom and cursed himself silently.

"Ah! Yes! Your punishment is to clean the bathroom!" Celestia exclaimed sounding victorious.

Nick pouted slightly, if he wanted dinner he had to clean the bathroom.

Great. he thought.

He trudged off to the bathroom down the hall.

These, are very realistic robots. He thought as he passed his room seeing Pinkie and Peter killing other players online. He heard Trixie laugh from the living room as a joke skit was shown on American Dad. He entered the bathroom, looked around a bit. It was kind of small. A few feet of white tile separated the toilet from the bath rub and shower, and there were mere centimeters between the sink and toilet. He stared at himself in the mirror. His hair was sloppy and still had a sort of bed head appearance. He wore a gray shirt with an outline of Celestia that was colored in with many countries flags, the words "Brony! Forever!" just above the outline in white. He also wore a pair of blue jeans and a leather belt. He kept his phone and wallet. Which contained $49.62 and half a chicken nugget, that was about a week old. His phone began to ring. The 'Me gusta' song began to echo in the bathroom. He quickly and swiftly drew his phone from his right pocket.

Just by the ring tone he knew it was, his friend Alexandra Turner. He had assigned the ring tone to her on his phone. He answered his phone and put it to his ear.

"Nick here." He greeted.

"Nick, thank the cheese puff you answered your phone!" Alexandra joked over the phone. Nick could hear what sounded like and lawnmower engine. "Hope your not busy, I'm bringing a new friend over to your house on my scooter!"

Nick tried to think of what friend she could be bringing.

"Who is it? Is it anyone I know?" Nick asked.

The engine noises got slightly louder.

"Umm...you might know her. I dunno. I'm pulling up to your house right now...be inside in just a sec." Alexandra said hanging up on her end. Nick jogged out of the bathroom. He heard movement in the kitchen. He turned at the marble counter and entered the kitchen. He saw Celestia making.....tacos? Nick noticed she was using her horn to make tacos.

He instantly thought of a question.

"How are you doing that?" He asked.

Celestia finished adding lettuce to a nearly finished taco then looked up at Nick.

"Doing what?" She asked.

Nick looked as she again used magic to lift a taco shell onto a plate. She began adding first the cooked taco meat.

"Using magic!" He exclaimed.

"Inside voice!" She scolded "And your not a unicorn or alicorn,so I can't quite explain it to you."

Nick heard the front door open. Then he heard "Inside! Before someone see's you!".

He also heard Trixie greet the door opener person.

"Hello, you may bow before me and call me the Great and Powerful Trixie!". She greeted "Now, who are you?"

Alexandra sputtered at the sight of Trixie. Nick quickly jogged out of the kitchen into the living room.

Nick felt as if his jaw was about to drop to the floor. In his living room now stood: Princess Luna!

"Greetings,Trixie and boy." Luna greeted a royal manner.

Nick stared for a second then waved slightly, wide eyed.

"That's Nick" Alexandra explained "He's cooler than a companion cube." she joked.

Luna gave a chuckle. Alexandra did sort of have her own, very odd terminology for various things. She generally used this terminology in the company of friends and family only.

"Hey...Alex?" Nick said starting feel less surprised "Why do you Princess Luna with you?"

Before Alexandra could respond Celestia called out "Luna? Oh Luna, hi sister. I am just making dinner, would you like a Friendship?"

Nick and Alexandra were surprised by this statement. Nick turned back to the kitchen. Alexandra slowly walked across the Living room to the kitchen.

"A what?" Nick asked Celestia.

Celestia looked up from her food making.

"A Friendship, that's these things in the hard shells." She explained.

"Those....are....tacos" Alexandra spoke slowly the the Princess.

Celestia looked at her.

"You must be mistaken, I've never heard of a taco. And I've been making these my who life, when I have the time of course. Their so delicious. They're called Friendships because they're multiple ingredients cooperating to make one tasty, hard, treat. It's a tasty metaphor for a good friendship." Celestia explained levitating one of the tacos before the two of them.

Nick was first to speak "That's a taco."

"It's a Friendship Nick!" Trixie called from the living room.

Alexandra looked to Nick and spoke in French.

"Sont toutes ces choses folles?" She asked.

Nick at first struggled for the right words. He, unlike Alexandra, hadn't had French class for almost half a year.

"Ils sont des poneys." He explained.

Celestia joined in "Et je suis une princesse faisant vous amitiés. Non tacos." she spoke fluently "En outre, le poney seulement ici que c'est fou, c'est Pie Pinkie. Elle est au bout du couloir.".

Alexandra eventually got around to asking how Nick had gotten Ponies all over his house. He explained everything. The fat delivery man, the skinny one, and then each of the three boxes, even the manual. Then he went on to the MOLESTIA MODE accidental activation and the quick save Pinkie had made for Trixie.

Now it was Alexandra's turn to explain the Princess Luna. She told Nick that the Fat and Skinny men had delivered a large box to her home. When she popped it open with a crow bar from her garage she had found Princess Luna. Who appeared had appeared, happy and over excited to see someone. She went on to say that Luna and her had been playing Portal 2 all day while eating various snack foods and chatting randomly on many topics. Alexandra's parents were also away, her dad a business trip, her mom because Alexandra's grandmother was ill and need someone to take care of her. Just as she finished explaining this, Trixie laughed at a joke made on Two and Half men and Celestia levitated several plates with 1 taco each, from the kitchen. She set 2 down on the coffee table before, Luna and Trixie on one side of the couch, and another 2 in front of Alexandra and Nick. Nick grabbed his taco and began munching on it immediately.

"Hey this is really good!" Nick exclaimed. He actually wasn't lieing the taco had the perfect combo of flavor.

Alexandra was next to comment as she swallowed a bite "That is good! What's your secret Celestia?"

Celestia looked at her with a smile.

"If I told you...it wouldn't be a secret." she smirked.

They ate quickly. Not because they were in a hurry but because the tacos were so good. Later in the night, Alexandra had fallen asleep on the couch while watching several episodes of Two and a half men with Trixie. Trixie had also fallen asleep, shortly after Alexandra on the other end of the 4 seat couch. Celestia had retired to the master bedroom upstairs at about 9:30PM. Nick threw and extra blanket he had from his room on Alexandra, and another from Peter's room on Trixie. It was now closing in to 11:00PM. Nick had finally got Peter to go to sleep. Now all he had to do was get Pinkie to sleep. Pinkie had become addicted to the Xbox. She had been on it since dinner. Playing Grand Theft Auto 4.

When Nick entered his room, he immediately collapsed on his. He rolled onto his side and saw Pinkie sitting on her haunches, her fore hooves controlling the controller. She was on the mission '...The Holland Play'. She was firing a pistol at Playboy X when Nick finally asked.

"How do you play that with hooves? Those controllers were designed for human fingers."

Pinkie didn't pause the game. She, in game as Niko Bellic, shot Playboy X in the back of the head as Playboy attempted to run for his life, then paused the game. She spun around on her rear end like a break dancer. Then said with a smile.

"I haz system!" she spoke with an odd genuine excitement, intentionally adding a 'z' to has instead of the 's'.

"You has system." Nick repeated chuckling

"Yeah!" Pinkie said un-pausing the game. "Oooh! Sweet I get Playboy's home!"

Nick watched for a minute. Pinkie had Niko dressed in a black suit with red tie and white sneakers. Nick then grabbed the last extra blanket from his closet to Pinkie's left tossed it over beside her, along with one pillow from his bed. Then reached for the TV controller and turned the volume down just low enough for Pinkie to still hear the voices and gunshots.

"Keep it down, and go to sleep soon Pinkie. My phone has an alarm set for 5 in the morning. That's really early if your not used to it like I am. So I recommend you go to bed like....very soon." He said.

"Okay I will go to bed in a few minutes!" She said as she fired and AK a taxi getting it to stop.

Nick rolled over and put his back to the gunshots and taxi drivers screaming, and fell asleep happily.

Author's note: As the story progresses I'll try and make the chapters longer, but the beginning parts are gonna be a tad short. I am just trying to get the basis set up for the later parts of the story. Also my brother Philip is going to start proof reading for me. He's also a fan of my work and usually see's the chapters of any of my stories minutes after they're posted.

Chapter-4: A.C.

Author's note: This might be the final short chapter. Going through a slight dry spell of fresh ideas. So gonna take a few days and brainstorm a bit through out each day. Enjoy guys.

-N

PS: Please do not ask questions about the plot, for example: Why there is one un-used character in the character list. ALL WITH BE CLEAR AS THE STORY PROGESSES.

The phone's alarm, enhanced by being plugged into a small speaker called a 'Music Bullet' blared "Money- By DR Period".

Nick awoke. Immediately saw the phone's lit up screen in the Darkness of pre-dawn, and shut down the alarm function. He now sat up cracked his back and did some simple stretches in bed with his legs and arms. Then he felt something poke his back in the dark. He grabbed his phone and used the screen light to see Pinkie. She was still asleep, covered in the blanket Nick had given her. Her mouth was half open as she drooled on the pillow in her sleep. Nick quickly got out of bed. He wasn't quite sure how he should feel about being in bed with a pony. But he honestly didn't give a sh**. He used his phone's screen light to navigate out of his room and down the hall. He saw Trixie and Alexandra still asleep. For the first time he thought about Luna. Where had she slept? Nick turned to the stairs then walked up. He walked down the upstairs hallway. Turned right and entered the computer room. Their he saw Luna fast asleep...at his desk! His computer monitor was turned off, Nick walked over. He touched the space bar on the keyboard. Luna snored loudly as the monitor came to life. Nick looked on screen. Luna had been playing Fallen Earth....under the alias 'PrincessOfTheNIght'. He shut down the computer and left the room. He went down stairs again. Then into the kitchen. Beyond the kitchen was a small dining area with a large circular table and a fairly expensive, small, chandelier. Not quite as big as in, a mansion or something. Just big enough to look large. If that makes sense (Which it doesn't). Nick turned on the chandelier. Then went out into the living room and gathered the manuals for each pony.

He went back to the dinner table and sat down. He began reading some of the modes for Pinkie Pie.

HAPPY MODE: The default mode for Pinkie, she is happy, energetic, and of course Pinkie Pie. You can get her back to this mode by calling her "The Derpyist derp around".

SAD MODE: Can be activated by breaking a promise, or giving bad news, etc. NEVER hit Pinkie Pie, she will simply go into CUPCAKES MODE.

CUPCAKES MODE: Pinkie becomes a murderous, cupcake hungry, villain and may at first go for a Rainbow Dash UNIT if one is available. In this  mode she sort of becomes a mad surgeon/baker. You can trigger this mode by declaring to Pinkie Pie "You are an awful surgeon and cupcake baker.".

Nick heard someone speak.

"How long have I been asleep?" Nick looked up, it was Alexandra.

"The whole night." Nick answered with a smile.

Alexandra took a second to process this.

"Wow, I told my self 'just a quick power nap' and closed my eyes." She explained sheepishly.

"Well you slept on my couch. You want some breakfast?" Nick offered laying down the manuals.

Alexandra looked at the fridge.  "Sure." she said quickly.

Nick took the next few minutes to make a 2 bowls of 'Frosted Flakes' cereal. They ate and then chatted. Later at about 6:00AM the sun rose. Princess Celestia came trotting down the stairs.

"Who rose the sun!?" she asked at about 6:46.

Nick and Alexandra then Alexandra spoke to Nick.

"Eh bien, vous lui expliquer, vous êtes le Brony ici, je ne savais rien au sujet de ces poneys bizarres jusqu'à ce qu'un apparu dans ma maison."

Nick processed these words then said "Fine.". He turned to the Princess.

"Here on Earth, the Sun and Moon move on their own. They don't need you to move them, so don't worry, consider it a......vacation!" Nick exclaimed.

Celestia looked a clock on the wall behind Nick.

"Well I prefer the sun to come up after 7." With that her horn glowed and the sun went back down.

Nick and Alexandra were....lets use the understatement: Surprised.

"How did you do that!" Nick and Alexandra exclaimed in unison.

Celestia gave them an puzzled look.

"I'm....goddess of the Sun. How else?" Celestia said.

Nick and Alexandra exchanged glances.

Alexandra now spoke in a sloppy, broken up,Spanish "Pensé que eran....robots pony?"

"You speak Spanish?" Nick asked.

"Oh yeah, you only Speak French." Alexandra said.

Nick answered in a weak Irish "Mé díreach tar éis seomraí folctha Gaeilge!"

"Stop, stop, stop!" Celestia exclaimed "Just talk the same Language I do, please!"

Nick and Alexandra Grinned.

"Maith go leor." Nick said to the Princess

"bien" Alexandra also said.

In the early hours of morning (6:00 to 6:30), one man, walked calmly down the sleepy small town road. The small pebbles of the dirt road, lightly crunching beneath his feet. Residents of the small town seemed to own many porch and over-the-garage lights that shut off, when the residents shut them off shortly after getting the morning paper. This made for an excellent sign to see if a house was active and awake in the morning.

The man, who wore a some-what expensive white, dress shirt, and black jacket and pants, walked calmly, he held a small phone up to his view. On screen was a simple GPS, app. He continued, past several more houses. Then he came to two story home. This home looked slightly out of place in the small, middle class town. The semi-suited man noticed this. He exited his GPS app and hit 2 on speed dial.

"I'm there." He said as someone on the other end answered.

"Affirmative." The male voice said flatly "Clock the target building. You have 'Eagle' clearance. Any suspected targets go near the house eliminate them as soon as possible. Understood A.C.?"

Clarke reviewed the possible scenarios in which he would have to 'terminate' a target in this setting and how each scenario could go down. Then he responded.

"Roger that, Shepard out."

As Clarke hung up and pocketed his phone, a mail truck pulled up. Clarke could see 2 men in the door less, out-dated vehicle. They wore all black, and were clearly not mailmen.

These must be my first suspected targets. I wonder how the fat one feels about piano wire...

Clarke smiled broadly.

Those ponies, are the hidden sleeper cells of the US government, gotta protect them like I'd protect a safe house with valuable assets.

Chapter-5: Car surfing.

Clarke pretended to be a home owner, simply grabbing the news paper, in the house next door's driveway. He walked up the driveway, his left eye always on the Mail van. He saw the men jump out. Each running around the back. The rear doors opened, and after a few seconds. 4 more men jumped out. Each fitted out with Kevlar, gas masks, and carrying full auto AKs. They were here to terminate the sleeper agents. Clarke wasn't going to let that happen. He reached in his coat. He drew a rather large Desert Eagle pistol. He chambered it, sending a large high caliber bullet into it's mechanism. Ready to kill.

If they want to go loud, I'll go just as loud.

Inside the home. The house was buzzing with life. Peter and Pinkie were playing Halo Reach. Trixie and Luna were enjoying a recorded episode of King of the Hill. Celestia was reading the first Star Wars book (The Phantom Menace). Nick and Alexandra were on the couch with Trixie and Luna. Nick, had a laptop and was pressing keys frantically as his played Grand Theft Auto 2. Alexandra was amusing herself with her smart phone, chatting with her dad over Facebook text.

Everyone, and everypony stopped what they were doing when the front door was kicked in. Nick dropped his laptop, Pinkie and Peter came running from Nick's room, Celestia dropped her book. Luna and Trixie took their eyes off the TV. Six men came rushing in. 4 of them were fully suited out and carrying automatic rifles, 2 wore ski masks and black clothing, and carried small revolvers. Nick, at first jumped up and attempted to defend his home. He had taken Karate since he was 7. And many hours of practice, exercise, and pure instinct, went into his next moves. As the first man stepped foot in the home. Nick charged him, the man pulled the trigger on his rifle. Nick's instructors had shown him, techniques that could actually be adapted to be used during a mugging, a robbery, etc. He stepped left and used an open hand to push the rifle to his right. A burst of 10 bullets flew from the rifle and ripped up Nick's father's chair. Nick then took several punches at the gas masked, armored attacker. The attacker's neck was unprotected, Nick took this. He brought his right fist hard into the large man's windpipe. The man coughed and dropped his rifle. The man fell to his knees. Nick ducked and caught the rifle. The one of the other attackers tried to shoot Nick, but ended up putting many bullets into the back of their own man. Nick rose from behind the now dead man, and unloaded the remaining clip, struggling with rifle's kick, into the men at his door step. He ran out of bullets after 2 men. Leaving 3 alive. They aimed their guns at Nick. An before anyone fired. There were three loud pops from somewhere outside. The bullets hit each of the remaining men in the left side of their skulls. They went straight through any gas mask or ski mask they wore.

After a few seconds a nicley dressed, clean shaven man, approached. His pistol still smoking slightly.

He strode over the bodies and through the blood. And saw Nick, he smiled and held out his hand.

"Agent Clarke. You must Agent York, and Agent Carolina" He said nodding to first Nick then Alexandra "You guys do look young. Wow, you could probably blend in at a high school. Well you guys hide the bodies somewhere, I'll get my van, we need to get the SCs out of here, now, come on this is code black." He said quickly and calmly as he turned away.

Nick was out of breath, his heart was racing.

"Wait!" Nick called.

"What?" Clarke asked still calm and professional.

"We're....not agents." Nick said.

Clarke took a second then chuckled.

"Oh, right you two technically don't exist." He chuckled.

Alexandra chipped in.

"Dude, we're not your agents. Seriously".

Clarke took another second. Then his mouth slowly opened as he realized. They weren't joking and they were NOT Agents York and Carolina.

"I ...uh...oh sh**....f*** it....hide the bodies then you..." He pointed to Nick "explain this to me, and make sure you cover how some Teenager just killed 3, highly trained, Russian Spetsnaz assassins.".

Clarke walked quickly down the street. Hiding his pistol in the secret area of his jacket. He pulled his phone from his front coat pocket. He pressed 2 on speed dial.

"Target's spotted and taken out, but there appears to be another problem." He said grimly but quickly.

"What's the problem?" The voice on the other end asked.

"The f***ing Agents aren't at the house. The sleeper cells are there. Just not the agents. What the f*** happened?!" Clarke demanded over the phone.

"Ah yes, I figured this would come up. We had a Zipcode mix up, I spotted it a few minutes ago....the SCs got delivered to the wrong town entirely...." The voice on the phone said.

Clarke sighed. Then put a key in the ignition and started the van.

"You think your folks with be mad we stuffed 6 corpses into your garbage cans?" Alexandra asked.

Nick chuckled a nervous chuckle.

"I-I was worried they'd freak out about the ponies." he joked.

"Well the bodies are hidden for now" Alexandra said. "Celestia should be done with the blood by now. I still want to know how a robot has magical powers."

Nick laughed lightly

"Exactly!" He exclaimed.

Alexandra put a lid on each of the plastic garbage cans.

"So, that Karate class taught you those sick moves?" Alexandra asked.

"Yeah, that and being apparently a quick thinker in life or death scenarios, I guess" Nick grinned.

Alexandra surprised Nick by grabbing him and giving him a long passionate kiss.

When she let go of him she said "It's also really sexy to kill 3 dudes like an ice cold bada**".

Nick thought he was about to have a heart attack when he was about to die. Now he thought he died right then and there and gone to heaven.

They entered the living room again. Peter came down the stairs looking piss-pants frightened. Pinkie coxed him down the stairs gingerly.

"Its okay, your older Brother took care of everything, everypony is okay. Its safe" she said as she led him down stairs.

"Ar-are th-those monsters de-dead?" He asked looking to Nick.

Nick exhaled.

"Those were men, soldiers in fact, like what you kill on MW3. Just...real. And yes they're dead you have nothing to worry about Peter. We're all here and I'm going to protect each of us. Nothing will happen to any of us." Nick assured him sounding as calm as he could. It seemed to work Peter came down and buried his face in Pinkie's shoulder as he sobbed.

"Why di-did they attack us?" Peter asked in between sobs.

"I....I don't know, little bro" Nick said placing a hand on Peter's shoulder in reassurance. "I don't know..." he looked to Alexandra "...is that Clarke guy back yet?"

Alexandra looked out the front window.

"He just pulled up in a van. He's heading to the front door." Alexandra said.

A few seconds later Clarke opened the door.

"Everyone and everypony in the van....you ride up front with me" He pointed to Nick as he finished his sentence.

Clarke and Nick loaded the guns, ammo and usable Kevlar and gas masks into the van, along with the ponies and Alexandra and Peter. They  were now a few streets away. Clarke stopped the van in front of Nick's friend Charlie's home.

"Why are we here?" Princess Celestia asked.

Clarke looked at the pony "There's one more pony, and she was delivered here. She's the most deadly and most secret so I wasn't expecting anyone to attack her."

Nick gave a puzzled look.

"A deadly pony?" Nick asked.

Clarke ignored Nick and stepped out of the car closing his door. Nick followed, doing the same on his side.

They approached the front door. Clarke drew his pistol. When they got to the front door Clarke listened a moment. A loud TV show was playing. It could be heard through the door.

Clarke looked to Nick and asked "You ever kick a door in?" in a hushed whisper.

Nick shook his head 'no'.

"Well your gonna start now" Clarke pulled a large 357. Revolver from his jacket. Then passed it to Nick "Remember. Six shots."

Nick nodded a 'yes' and then turned to the door. He took a step back.

Nick stepped forward kicking the door through. The lock and door mechanism gave way as his kick hit. The door flew open.

Clarke and Nick rushed in with the door.

"Nobody move!" Clarke shouted in a deep commanding voice.

Two figures were sitting on the couch directly in front of Nick as he and Clarke rushed in. One of the figures was human and the other was a white, pink maned pony. The human was a tall Asian looking boy, of whom Nick knew. Charlie. The crotch of Charlie's pants appeared to have a wet spot forming.

Clarke quickly went in front of the couch, put his left foot on Charlie's chest to keep him down. Then he scooped the pony up in one arm and said.

"Thank you for cooperating." Then the two left as quickly as they entered. Leaving Charlie, a puddle of piss, and a broken door.

Clarke opened the van's rear doors and tossed the squirming pony in with the rest. Then he shut the door and locked it. Clarke and Nick got back in the van and drove towards I-95. Then got on the road heading North. Nick, out of curiousity opened the glove box and found there was a hidden computer.

"What the...why is there a computer?" He asked.

"It's mine, it gains access to the nearest police network. I can literally call off the police with it." Clarke explained.

Nick was confused.

"But aren't you a fed?" Nick asked.

Clarke laughed aloud.

"Not quite." he chuckled.

"What are you then?" Princess Celestia asked from the back.

Clarke cocked his head back and said "I am technically a man that died in operation Desert Storm" Clarke put his eyes back on the road "So, I'm dead. I existed but now I don't sort of thing."

Celestia was confused. Before she could ask another question, one of the rear door windows shattered and a bullet entered the Princess's back. Every pony screamed, and Celestia let out a scream of agony. Blood began to spill on the van's floor as more bullets, could be heard pinging on the van's metal.

Nick saw the Celestia's blood.

"She's bleeding?! I thought she was a robot or something!" Nick shouted to Clarke.

Clarke cursed. "Take the wheel. I'll explain the blood later. Right now I'm going to give some amateurs a lesson." Clarke turned on cruise control and Nick and Clarke switched seats.

"You old enough to drive?!" Clarke asked as Nick put his hands on the wheel.

"Learns permit." Nick said "I need an adult in the car."

Clarke took the revolver he had given Nick off the dashboard and then rolled down the window.

"I'll stay in the car and kick a** then!" Clarke shouted as he leaned out the window.

Clarke saw 3, black street bikes following the van at about 70mph. Clarke lifted the revolver and his Desert eagle and fired them both in unison. The two bullets hit one of the motorcyclist in the torso. He was propelled off his bike and was hit by a semi. The semi hit the brakes as soon as the dead Russian hit it's grill.

One of the motorcyclist aimed an SMG to Clarke and let out a burst. Clarke ducked back in then van. He leaned back towards Nick and kicked the passenger door off. The door flew off and took out the motorcyclist with the SMG. One motorcycle remained following them. Its driver did not have a gun, the passenger did. The man riding on the back of the last motorcycle did not wear a helmet, just black sunglasses as he fired a large Light machine gun at the van. He fired in bursts of 3.  When Clarke began to take shots at him. He changed his aim to Clarke. Clarke did an odd spinning move. He, keeping his grip in the door frame of the van, spun himself onto the hood. Then keeping a strong stance, moved his way up to the roof. Holding both pistols and standing on the van's room fired. The driver of the motorcycle swerved to avoid each shot. Clarke ran out of shots on the revolver and simply let it go. The driver of the motor cycle swerved the wrong way and was hit square in the face by the pistol. The motorcyclists were propelled from there motorcycle and hit the pavement, then the motorcycle toppled and did the same.

Clarke swung himself back in the van, looked at the hurt Princess and said calmly. "Pull off at the next exit, we're going to need to do road side surgery and get a new car."

Chapter-6: Me Gusta.

The ponies in the van were all over reacting. At least they were to Clarke. Princess Celestia lay on the floor of the van crying her eyes out over the pain. Alexandra was trying to comfort the Princess, without touching her too much. Although her hands were now red with blood. Peter was was simply sitting in shorts and a white shirt also trying to comfort the Princess. His hands not as red because he didn't want to touch the Princess at all.

"Pull off here and pull up to that motel. I'll get a room" Clarke said.

Nick did as he was told and pulled up to the three, 2 story buildings. Stopping at the one with the main office. Clarke stepped out of the van and went inside. He came back a few minutes later. Hopped back in the van, and said.

"Room 165 , first floor room, with pool access. We'll stay the night. Check out is noon tomorrow."

They drove around the building and found the pool, then room 165. Nick rushed the uninjured ponies in as quickly as he could before anyone could see them. Then came Alexandra and Peter. Finally came Clarke carrying a gagged, bleeding Celestia. He had gagged her with a rope because she had been crying loudly. He closed the door to the room with his right foot  and gently set the Princess down on one of the beds. Nick had set down many towels from the bathroom on the bed to keep the blood from staining the bed. Clarke went back out to the van and brought back six large bags. He unzipped one and pulled several first aid kits from it, along with many other medical tools. He opened one small medical box containing many syringes. He scanned the syringes until he found what he was looking for. He looked at the gagged Princess.

"There is going to be a quick sting, then you feel like you are in heaven. Okay?" He held the syringe before the princess.

She nodded and approval.

"After this I will extract the bullet" He explained.

Nick watched.

"Is there anything I can do?" he asked.

Clarke injected the Celestia with whatever was in the syringe.

"Yeah." He reached into his pants pocket and pulled a wallet, "Take a 20 bucks and go across the street and get us all some burgers from Burger King." he held out 2, 10 dollar bills.

Nick was caught off guard.

"You want me to go get burgers while you operate on a f**ing pony!?"

Clarke made a face like 'You're acting like I can't do it with out you'.

Nick sighed "Fine." He took the 10s and walked out of the room.

Clarke looked back to the Princess. Who was now sheepishly swaying her head from side to side as if she was listening to some very chill music. She also now wore a smile.

"Roll over" Clarke commanded.

The Princess slowly and sheepishly obeyed.

Clarke saw the wound. He took a pair of latex gloves from from the same box as the syringes.  He slipped them on and looked at the rest of the people and ponies in the room.

"This might get messy so you may want to look away." He cautioned. "I've never had to operate on a pony before"

Across the street, at Burger King. Nick was waiting in line. He stood behind a large, Spanish man. He felt his cellphone vibrate in his pocket. He pulled out his phone and saw it was a text. It read.

I'm finished, the wound wasn't as bad as it seemed.

PS: Do NOT talk to anyone, the men following us could be anyone, anywhere, anytime.

Remember: If you spot one of them. Get away from him or her as fast as you can

-C

Nick slipped his phone back into his pocket and made his order. He gave the woman at the register the 20 dollars and moved out of the way of the next customer. Something caught his eye. He saw..his parents. They didn't see him, they were eating their food oblivious to anything else. Nick began to slowly walk for the door when.

"Sir! Sir! You forgot your burgers!" The woman called to him holding two large bags.

His parents had turned their heads and now saw him.

Nick quickly took the bags and sprinted out the door.

"Nick!?" his mother called.

Nick had made it back across the street and hidden from his parents. Barely. He knocked on the room door.

"Who is it?" Clarke asked through the door.

"Its....York" Nick said remember the fake name Clarke used for him.

There was a click and then the door opened.

Nick entered and saw the Princess. She was on her stomach, her back was stained from the blood, there were long white bandages wrapped around her torso. Peter was watching something on TV with Alexandra. They both looked a bit shooken up. Peter looked as if he had cried again. Alexandra just had a nervous look about her. Nick saw on the other bed in the room, there was a tied up pony.

"Why is she tied up?" Nick asked looking at the white, pink maned pony "Who is that any way?"

Clarke looked over at the tied up pony.

"That's Fleur De Lis, she wouldn't shut up, and she was freaking out so I tied her up." Clarke said with an aggravated tone.

"Why was she freaking out?" Nick asked.

"Getting taken from what she had called her new home, and then being shot at, then watching me perform and operation on the Princess" Clarke said "After a few minutes of whining and pleading to be let go, she threatened to shout for help so I gagged her too" Clarke finished with a slight grin.

Clarke walked over to the bed she was on.

"If I remove the gag will you shout for help?" He asked moving his head down to hers to keep their eyes level.

She shook her head 'no'.

"Good" Clarke said taking out the small black device wrapped around her neck. "There"

Clarke stood and walked over to the bed near his bags. The minute he was away from her. Fleur began to screech like a banshee.

"HELP ME I'VE BEEN KIDNAPPED! PLEASE FOR THE SAKE OF CELESTIA....!" Clarke ran over and stuck hand over her muzzle and held her mouth shut.

"You promised you wouldn't shout!" He scolded as he re-gagged her.

Nick realized the shower was on in the bathroom.

He counted the ponies quickly, Pinkie Pie, Luna, Fleur, no Trixie? He figured Trixie was the one in the shower.

Nick opened one of the B.K. bags and extracted a burger and onion rings for himself. Clarke came over and got a burger and fries. After a few minutes everyone and everypony came and got something from the bag. Fleur however was left out. She seemed hurt by this. Nick noticed this un-gagged her and gave her a few onion rings. She smiled and politely thanked him.

"So your not going to scream now?" Nick asked.

"I suppose not, mostly because that big human over there scares me.". Feur explained in a whisper.

Clarke carried Celestia over to the bed Fleur was on and dropped her just behind Fleur. Fleur was on her right side. Celestia rolled onto Fluer wrapping a hoof around her and whispered in a sleepy voice.

"Me gusta"

Fluer went wide eyed and Nick leaned over and gently nudged Celestia away from her.

Clarke came over to Nick. "I'll be back in maybe half an hour, with a new car."

Chapter-7: Checkers.

Clarke scanned the parking lot. Watching carefully. He had seen many motorcycles and two door cars. He continued to walk around the main hotel complex. He then saw it. A large 6 seat, 70's van was parked in front of room 245. He watched a family of 4 unload it and then shut their hotel room door. He began approaching the van. The father of the family came out again, keys in hand.

"Hey!" Clarke called out.

The father turned around "Yes?"

Clarke kicked the father in the groin. Lifting him a few inches off the ground with his foot.

The father dropped the keys and fell to his knees. "Fuck!" He gasped through pain.

Clarke bent over, grabbed the keys, then entered the van. As he turned the key and started the van he rolled down the drive side window.

"Sorry!" he said as he pulled away in the van.

He drove back to the room he rented.

Fleur was happy to be untied. Princess Celestia was still asleep. Pinkie, Trixie, Luna, and Peter were watching TV.

"You know, for some spy or whatever I think that Clarke guy is pretty cool." Nick said.

"Yeah. He seems so chill." Alexandra said.

"I still don't like him. He ponynapped me!" Fleur said frowning.

Clarke came through the hotel room door. "In the new van, we gotta get going."

After loading their stuff, waking Celestia, then loading themselves, the group was finally on I-95 heading North again. Nick and Alexandra had found a deck of playing cards in the glove box and were hosting a Blackjack game in the back of the van for points.

Luna chose to hit.

Nick dropped a 9 card onto her cards giving her 22.

"Yatzee!" She shouted.

"Wrong game, Miss pony." Nick said "You busted."

"Damn!" Luna exclaimed.

Celestia chose to hit also. Nick gave her a 4. Making 19.

"Black pony!"  Celestia exclaimed.

"Umm...that's 19." Alexandra said. "And its Blackjack."

"Dang! I miss counted" Celestia said.

Trixie chose to hit and received a 5, now making 21.

"White Castle!" Trixie exclaimed.

"I think that's a restaurant up north?" Nick said. "Congrats Trixie you got 21...."

Clarke looked out to his left to the side mirror. As he looked, as if on cue,  a police squad car turned its lights and siren on, commanding their van to pull over. Clarke sighed then pulled over.  He looked out his side mirror as the officers got out of their squad car. One of the them held a large shotgun. The other approached Clarke's driver side door a pistol and tazer drawn.

"Step out of the stolen van, sir!" The Spanish sounding officer with the shotgun commanded.

Clarke opened his door, keeping his hands in view of the officers. He stepped out. The officer with the pistol and tazer jogged up and holstered his pistol. Clarke took a few steps closer to him, to prevent him from getting a glance into the van. The officer forcefully spun Clarke around and drew a pair of cuffs. Clarke, his back to the officers. Bent forward and brought his right foot's heel to the officer's stomach. The officer gasped as the air in his lungs was expelled. Clarke spun around slapped the officer across the face with a back fist and took his tazer. Then he spun the officer around and wrapped his left arm around the officer's neck, then lifted him off his feet. He pointed the tazer over the officer's right shoulder and shot the stun weapon into the groin of the other officer.  The spainish officer made a screech.

"AEEEEEEEEYAYAYAYYAYAYAYAYAYAYYAYAYAYAYAYYAYAYAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" He screamed to the top of his lungs, dropping the shotgun and falling to the ground near the passenger side of the police car. Clarke turned the officer he held around and then hit him hard in the gut with his right knee. Then hit him across the temple with the tazer.

"Feel lucky I didn't hurt you." Clarke said, taking the officer's pepper spray, pistol, and baton. He tossed those into the van, then took the other officer's shotgun, shells, baton, pepperspray, tazer, pistol, and even his radio.

"Sorry bout that....what fuckin' smells?" He asked the spanish officer.

"I...think I-I need n-new p-pants" the officer answered in agony clutching his walnuts.

Clarke drove away in his van. Nick climbed up into the front seat.

"That was awesome. A little cold but awesome" Nick said.

Pinkie poked her head over Nick's left shoulder.

"Boo!" she whispered loudly into Clarke's right ear.

"Boo?" Clarke asked as he drove. Unamused but a little curious as to why Pinkie said that.

"We need some cakes."  Pinkie stated.

"Why?" Clarke asked the Pink pony.

"Cuz....cakes make EVERYTHING a...PARTY!" Pinkie said with much excitement.

"Are you on heroin or something, I mean seriously?" Nick asked he looked to Clarke "So....may I ask something?"

"If it's not about classified information, I'll answer."  Clarke said.

"These are robot ponies. Right?"

Clarke didn't answer.

"If they are, why did the Celestia one bleed....a blood, feel pain, and why can they eat? Why could the Celestia one use magic?"

Clarke sighed "Lemme explain that..."

October 9th, 2010.

11:34 PM.

"Agent Sun? You copy?" Clarke said into his radio as he drove the semi-truck with large trailer down the empty road, trees to either side of the road.

"Agent Sun here. And by the way...it's Lauren." A voice in the radio responded.

"If were going on a first name basis, my name is Gordon." Clarke said into the radio again "I have the Breaker in the back of my semi. Where am I suppose to take this?" he asked into the radio.

"Bring it to the Hasbro building. The technicians are waiting at the rear of the building to unload it." The female on the other end of the radio responded. Clarke heard an explosion over the radio. "Oh no! We've got company!" There were many gunshots. "Hurry up Gordon!" Lauren shouted over the radio.

11:48PM

Clarke pulled up the rear entrance of the Hasbro building. He saw a few black SUVs each one with men in full body armor ducking from bullets on one side of each SUV. He saw his fellow Agents firing from open underground parking garage entrance.

Clarke sped up the semi and hit a group of four behind one of the SUV's with his truck, killing them all and sending their truck into the wall of the Hasbro building. He pulled the Semi into the underground parking garage. He heard bullets pinging off the trailer and cab of the semi. He parked it underground then left it. Agent Portland came limping to him, assault rifle in hand, clutching a wound on his leg. Clarke took the rifle and Portland's ammo. Then went to join the combat.

He found Lauren ducked behind the SUV he had rammed. Firing from the side facing the building. He ran over and ducked near the rear of the truck keeping his back to Lauren.

"Having fun?" He asked over the gunshots.

"Yeah, but my friends here have kind of over stayed their welcome, maybe you could help me show them the door?" She joked as she tossed a live frag grenade to one of the two remaining SUV's. The grenade went through one of the broken windows and landed in the passenger seat. The SUV burst into a blazing inferno and killed 3 of the 4 men behind it. The other was gunned down by Agents with automatic pistols and rifles.

One of the last 4 men behind the final SUV ran out of cover towards the agents, 2 live frag grenades in each hand, pins pulled. He exploded a safe distance from the agents but still left a ringing in everyone's ears and sent blood and half denigrated guts around the the area. Clarke sprinted to the final SUV's while the Agents kept firing forcing the soldiers to keep to their cover. Clarke rushed around the front of the SUV, kicked a crouching man in the face, breaking his nose and cheek bones. The killed the other two in a spray of bullets from his rifle.

He picked up the man he had kicked and took the man's combat knife. Then stabbed him in the stomach. He dropped the fatally wounded soldier and returned to his fellow agents and friends.

"Lets see if this will actually work." he said as he entered the Hasbro building.

The large object, Clarke delivered, known as the Breaker. Was a giant Arch. It was close to 6 inches thick and 8 meters tall. It stood on a metal platform in the middle of a lab. Clarke was given the pleasure of turning the machine on. As it hummed to life, a pink vortex of energy formed in the Arch. And Princess Celestia and Luna stepped out.

"So this is Earth?" Princess Celestia said as she looked around "Hello Clarke, it's good to see you again. I am glad to be in your world now." she spoke as she nodded to him in greeting.

Clarke approached her and shook her fore hoof with his right hand.

"Equestria is too colorful for my tastes anyway. And it doesn't have a Checkers anywhere." Clarke joked smiling to the pony.

Sorry for the short chapters, I think I'll keep it like this.

Chapter 8: The loss.

Nick fumbled with the van's crappy radio. All he could get was some Spanish techno, hip hop station, and a Country music station based out of Orlando.

"Lets see...." He twisted the old fansion dial. Country music.

He turned the dial again. Spanish Techno.

"Ooh! Keep it there!" Celestia said.

"Really?" Nick asked. He looked back to Celestia who just nodded.

"So...to recap. You've been to Equestria?" Nick asked Clarke.

"Classified." Clarke answered.

"Equestria exists?" Nick asked.

"Maybe. Maybe not." Clarke said.

"Is this the real Celestia?"

"There should be a very faded orange letter in the center of that...cutie mark thing, only on her left flank." Clarke said.

Nick climbed into the back of the van and motioned for Celestia to show him her left flank. He put his face right up to the cutie mark and carefully looked for a faded letter. There wasn't anything.

"Nothing. You sure it was on the left?" He asked.

"If its not there, you got the real thing." Clarke looked in the rear view mirror back to Celestia "You remember me? Right? Two years ago? Gordon? We became good friends then you had to get involved with the design of that weird show? I think I used to have a goatee back then."

"I recognized you when you came to Nick's house." Celestia smiled.

Nick got another question. "Why did they create the show My Little Pony Friendship is Magic?"

Clarke sighed "It was a way to brainwash the population, Breaker, the thing I deleivered to Hasbro that let Celestia come to this world, if it had worked it would have let Pony and Human populations mix. Ponies in movie theaters, people eating at Sugar cube corner. The show actually has hidden subliminal messages that made the Bronies. Those Bronies would be the people among the normal population that wouldn't be as...surprised to see colorful ponies in their neighborhoods. They could assist in explaining the ponies to the normal people."

"So, I was brain washed into being a Brony?" Nick asked.

"Classified." Clarke said.

"Is Equestria like it is in the show?" Nick asked.

"Celestia?" Clarke called to her.

"Yes?"

"Remember how you got me to Equestria?" Clarke asked.

"I do." Celestia said.

"Take Nick to Equestria." Clarke ordered.

Celestia nodded, Nick looked back at her. "How are you going to....." he began.

As he spoke Celestia's horn glowed and she leaned in to touch her horn to Nick's head.

In a flash of golden light they vanished from the van.

Nick fell to his butt. Celestia stood. Nick hit the soft grass with his bottom and then sat up quickly.

"What happened!? Whats going on?" He asked the solar goddess.

"Clarke wanted me to take you to Equestria, so welcome to Ponyvile." Celestia pointed a fore hoof to somewhere behind Nick.

Nick stood and turned to see the many houses and buildings that made up Ponyvile. He could see Twilight's library from where he was.

"Come, we shall visit Twilight." She began to trot away from Nick. He went into a light jog to catch up then walked by her side.

They approached the Library. Celestia knocked on the door with her fore hoof.

"1 minute!" Twilight called. There were some noises from inside and then the door opened. Twilight nearly fell back at the sight of her mentor. "Princess!" she exclaimed. She looked at Nick and gasped "Another human!"

"Hello." Nick greeted "I'm Nick."

"I'm...Twilight Sparkle" She stated even, not knowing Nick had seen My Little Pony Friendship is Magic and still watches it. She looked to Princess Celestia "What happened to that one taller human?"

"This is a friend of his." Celestia said "And a friend of mine too."

"Oh, would you like to come in?" Twilight offered stepping aside.

"Thank you." Celestia said entering the library. On the inside of the library many of the books were off the shelves and stacked neatly in front of each shelf.

"Why are all the books like this?" Nick asked.

"I received a lot of new books from a friend, so I have to organize them into library." Twilight explained.

December 2011.

Area 51, 9:56AM

.25 miles beneath the surface of the Earth.

"We had to transport the gateway here for safety. And hooking this big bastard up again was a pain." Clarke explained to the thoroughly confused Moon Princess. "Russia is getting suspicious. The Pentagon has classified any pony with extremely powerful magical powers, such as Celestia, as WMDs. Since, with some effort, you or your sister, could easily annihilate an army."

"Wa-wait. W,M,D?" Luna asked.

"WMDs: Weapons of Mass Destruction. Like nukes" Clarke stated.

Present time.

Clarke was now driving at some time in the night. It was maybe midnight. Alexandra, Peter, and the ponies that were in the van had all fallen asleep. His eye lids felt heavy. He had just crossed State lines into Georgia. He forced his eyes open and kept them their. He pulled off the highway into a random town in Georgia. He parked the van in an empty parking parking lot, in front of an abandoned store. He reached into his pants pocket and drew a cellphone. He hit 2 on speed dial.

"Speak" someone ordered on the other side of the line.

"It's Clarke. I've got most of the ponies, any chance of getting an early EVAC in Georgia?" He asked about ready to close his eyes and fall asleep.

"i was about to call you on that, I heard about your run in with the cops. Don't do that Clarke. Just flash them a badge, now I've got some cop bitching about how he's going to need prosthetic balls. And yes anything you do will probably reach me in some way." Clarke's handler said "Anyway, stay put, I've got FBI units nearby. They're going fast so....." the voice cut off and was replaced with an ear piercing ringing. Clarke dropped the phone and rubbed his right ear. Now unable to hear from it.

He heard what sounded like a truck starting from his left ear. Before he could restart the van. Something very large rammed the side of the van. The van rolled. Clarke felt his seat belt pull against him with gravity, the van rolled. It rolled a few times then settled on its roof. Everypny and human was awakened by the hit.

Clarke unbuckled his seat belt and fell from the seat onto the roof just above the seat. He rubbed his head for a second. He opened the driver side door, and crawled out of the over turned van. He drew his pistol. As he looked to where the vehicle had been, he saw broken glass and pieces of the van on the pavement. Then a blinding light generated by another vehicles headlights obscured his vision. He heard the engine rev and saw the vehicle speed towards him. He threw himself to his right and rolled onto his back to see a semi-truck ram the van again. He had dropped his pistol when he dodged the truck. He saw it just a meter or two out of his reach on the pavement. The driver of the semi exited the truck. Clarke sprang into the action. Rolling to his right, quickly. He scooped up the pistol as he rose into a sitting position and shot towards the driver. The driver was a large white man in full Kevlar military gear. He carried a pistol of his own.  Clarke was able to get off three shots. Two of the three hit the truck. The last hit the white man in his armored chest. He pointed his pistol at Clarke with his right hand and pulled the trigger 4 times. Hitting each time. The bullets went through Clarke's coat and shirt underneath. The bullets were in a tight group on his torso. Clarke fell back onto the pavement and laid there. Still alive. He gun fell from his hand. He lay in pain. Bleeding from four wounds. A pool of blood had already formed from the 3 exit wounds on his back. The armored man began to step closer to Clarke.

Clarke gripped his pistol and attempted to raise slightly to aim it. As he aimed it, the pistol was kicked from his hand by a steel toed boot. The same boot stomped on his wounded chest.

"Arghh!" Clarke screamed in agony.

The white man looked down at him "The ponies are now property of the new Russia, Agent Clarke." he said as he aimed the pistol he carried to Clarke's fore head.

"They'll never be Russia's property, they're their own property, they wont cooperate with you, ever. So....go fuck your self." Clarke said weakly with a smug smile.

"Goodbye Clarke." The Russian said coldly with a smile.

"I'll meet you in hell." Clarke said as the Russian pulled the trigger on his pistol.

The gunshot seemed to echo in the following silence. Clarke's head snapped back and he laid there on the pavement, now dead.

Chapter-9: 'Nasty'

Nick couldn't believe it. He was eating cupcakes and drinking Equestrian tea. IN Equestria with Princess Celestia. Princess Celestia was his favorite character from My Little Pony. Ponies in the streets of Ponyvile had given him odd looks as the two had walked to Sugar Cube Corner. Now he sat in a rather small chair, sipping from a small fancy tea glass and eating cupcakes, all provided by Mr and Mrs. Cake.

"Thank you." He said as Mr.Cake brought his another cupcake.

"Oh! Anything for a friend of the Princess." Mr. Cake said.

"Nick, as I was saying, you seem to be very familiar with Equestria. You watched that show?" Celestia asked.

"Yes, I got convinced by some friends to watch it and soon found I was addicted to it." Nick said.

"I always was convinced, even with the hidden messages the show would still get  female only audience. I always assumed men would never even look twice at the title and...." Celestia froze and her eyes seemed to look off into space.

"And?" Nick asked. He waited a second "Princess Celestia?"

He stood and walked around to the little table to were Celestia sat, mouth open, eyes staring off into space. He waved his hand in front of her face. No response. He bent down slightly and looked her in the eyes.

"Celestia? Celestia? Princess Celestia can you hear me!?" He asked raising his voice in panic "Are you okay!? Talk to me, please!" he was now thoroughly confused and panicking.

"...Nick....." Celestia said still staring off into some other world.

"What's wrong? Are you okay?"

"I am........we are.......the others.........Clarke......theres something wrong....we have to leave....NOW!" Celestia roughly grabbed Nick with her hooves and in a flash of light they teleported back to Earth.

They appeared next to the destroyed van. A full moon lighting up the parking lot. Nick and Celestia fell into a state of awe as they saw the van, on its roof. Nick saw  the doors were all wide open. The van was empty. He and Celestia walked around the van and saw a person laying down in a pool of blood on the pavement. Nick and Celestia approached the body. Celestia was first to speak.

"Clarke....." She whispered. "...it is exactly what I feared."

"What?" Nick asked a spike of anger in his voice "What the fuck did you know that the rest of us didn't!?"

"I didn't know. I had predictions." Celestia said calmly.

"What....was one of them Clarke gets killed?! Why didn't you say anything!?" Nick shouted.

"I couldn't be sure!" Celestia now raising her voice.

"You could still have said something! Shared some of these 'predictions'!" Nick shouted growing angry. "This is your fault!

Celestia horned glowed and Nick collapsed to his knees. A ringing had formed in his head. He could still hear, but the ringing as it grew louder, seemed to generate the pain of a thousand knives. "It...is...not......my fault!" she shouted in anger.

"Stop!" Nick shouted. In desperation he grabbed a small rock from the pavement and chucked it to the Princess. It hit her square on the snout. She turned her head away from Nick and cover her bleeding nose with her hooves. She began to cry. Either in pain, or in sorrow, or even both.

Nick approached her. "I'm.....I'm sorry....He's dead now....we need a plan, something to get the others back.

Celestia now talked a tad oddly. "Clarke had a cellphone. Find it. Hit speed dial 2 then." she said holding a hoof to her bleeding nose.

Nick crouched by Clarke. He searched Clarke's pockets. He found a pistol, a few loaded clips, a small flask, and Clarke's cellphone. He looked at Clarke's open eyes, void of life.  Nick closed Clarke's eyes.

"Rest in peace, the people that did this will pay." Celestia said as Nick closed Clarke's eyes. Nick rose from his crouch and called whoever was set for 2 on speed dial.

He held the phone to his right ear.

"Clarke? Everything okay? We lost contact with you. What happened?" a male voice asked.

"Clarke's dead. It looks like it was a trap." Nick said.

"Fuck! Are the ponies still there?" The voice asked now seeming uneasy.

"Only Princess Celestia and I are here. Anyone else was taken." Nick said.

"Well who are you?" The voice asked.

"A friend of Clarke. My name is Nick." he answered.

"Shit. You must be one of the teens Clarke took with him. I sent an EVAC to Clarke, but the EVAC was run off the road a few miles away. They're alive but hurt. Try and find a car. Then I'll text this phone directions to the new RV point."

"Got it." Nick said he stepped around on the pavement a bit. Looking to the other buildings on the empty road. He saw a beat up pickup truck in front of a warehouse across the road.

Nick gestured for Celestia to walk with him. They crossed the empty street. The brown pickup was the only vehicle in the parking lot. (Unless you count broken down, wheel less, cars. That have been there for who knows how long.)

Nick held the cellphone to his ear still. "Umm..I don't have the keys?" He said into the phone.

"Then I'll tell you what to do to hot wire a car. Switch to the camera function on the phone, and send H a photo of whatever car you can find. 'H' is me. Understood?" the H asked.

"Understood." Nick said.

"I'll call as soon as you send me a photo." H said hanging up.

Nick put the phone in his own pocket. He held a pistol in his hand.

He stood in front of the truck. He pulled the phone out again. Took a few steps back and tapped the camera app on the touch screen. He snapped a photo. Hit send and then scrolled through the short list of contacts until he found 'H'. The photo was sent in just a few seconds.  The phone switched it's screen and showed an inbound call from H.

Nick hit the answer button.

"That all you could find? Jeez, looks like that truck just crawled through a mud factory." H said.

"Well that's all there was." Nick said impatiently.

"All right then welcome to Hotwiring 101."

They had tied up the ponies and humans. Alexandra waited, tied up and a little unsure as to why they had been taken with the ponies.

Alexandra had a small cut on her head, caused by the van when it had been hit.

Half conscious from blood loss and a small beating when she had not cooperated.

"Please we have to get her to a doctor!" Fluer begged the men in the shaking trailer of the truck.

The men talked in between each other in Russian for a minute.

One turned to Fluer.

"If she we can know where the big pony is, we will get her medical assistance." the guy said struggling with English.

"Big pony?" Alexandra asked weakly leaning against the wall of the truck trailer.

"Eh......Princess.....Cal....something?" One of the men said.

"Princess Celestia?" Fluer asked.

"Yes if we find her, we will let dieing teen go. Okay?" The Russian spoke.

"Princess Celestia is some where you can't get her." Princess Luna said weakly still recovering from a beating of her own. For the same reason as Alexandra.

"Then the dieing teen, will die." The Russian said grimly.

Pinkie, purposely, let out a long fart. Everyone and everypony was forced to cover their noses, to block the smell of onions, rotten eggs, and what smelt like cat.

"Ponies fart?!" The Russian yelled covering his nose with the collar of his shirt.

Nick and Celestia now driving North. They were under a complete silence. The phone in Nick's jean pocket rang. Since Nick was driving, Celestia levitated the phone from his pocket and answered it herself.

"Hello H." She greeted.

"Ah Princess Celestia. Nick there?" He asked.

"Driving." She said

"Well. I would just like to let you know: The FBI, using footage from some old camera mounted in the warehouse parking lot, has a description of the semi-truck we are looking for. And they have Agents with them to make sure the contents of it's trailer are the ponies we're looking for."

"Good."  she said

"I need to talk with Nick." H said.

Celestia levitated the phone to Nick's ear and kept it there. "Go ahead." Nick said.

"Listen carefully: I hate to request this but I need you to be prepared, kid." H said "You're not afraid to kill anyone are you?" H asked.

"I'll kill if my own life is at stake, or someone I care about, and both of those are at stake."  Nick answered.

"Good. How about some nasty methods of interrogation?" H asked.

"What's 'nasty'?" Nick asked.

"Torture to get an exact answer."

Nick thought a second "Who needs to be tortured and killed?"

"I'm texting you and address. Should be only one dude living there. Find out where the semi truck with the ponies is going. Okay?" H asked.

Chapter-10: The bed.

Just a quick heads up, my name is NATE. NOT HERALD

Nick parked the truck and turned it off by separating a few groups of wires. Celestia came with him to the small house. It was on a long dirt road. The road only had 2 homes. One was abandoned and the other looked some what well kept.

Nick parked the truck on the road. The two of them exited the truck. Nick checked the pistol to make sure it was fully loaded. He approached the home. A light in the living room showed a shadow of a man as he walked out of view of the window.

"Celestia get the door for me." Nick said calmly.

"Okay." Celestia said a tad nasally from her sore nose.

Celestia's horn glowed and a burst of magic shot like lightning at the door making it explode. There was a scream from inside and Nick saw a skinny man fall to the floor. Nick rushed up and kept both hands on the pistol. One hand on the trigger, and one on the bottom of the grip where the clip was held in.

"Don't move!" He shouted using a deep commanding voice.

"Who are you!?" The man asked in a shout from the floor.

"WE'RE your worst nightmare." Celestia said walking in the house.

"What is going on!?" He asked.

"Where's the truck?" Nick asked calmly keeping the pistol level with the man's head.

"What?!" He shouted.

"I'm going to ask you again, WHERE'S THE TRUCK?" Nick asked.

"I don't know!"

"Celestia, restrain him for a while." Nick said.

Celestia's horn glowed and she gave an evil grin.

"Please...I don't know about any trucks!" the man, who's name had been Herald, begged.

"Again Princess." Nick said calmly.

The Princess reared up and bucked Herald in the side of head once again "Oooh! This is fun!" Celestia said with an evil joy.

"Herald? Are you okay? Would you like me to get the Princess to find a way to hurt you that's less.....dazing?" Nick asked  "Or would you like the pain to stop entirely? Just tell me where the truck is heading." he suggested.

"Ne-never. I think in horse that's 'neigh!' "Herald said spitting to the ground near Celestia.

"I..am...not...a horse!" Princess Celestia scolded moving and then bucked Herald in the chest, continuously.

Herald, who was restrained with chains from garage, was chained to a metal bed from pushed up against a wall in his home.

"Stop Celestia!" Nick said moving to stop her "We need him alive for a just a little while longer."

Celestia stopped after close to 6 bucks. "I...I'm worn out, get that golf club from the garage. I need a rest." Celestia said in taking rapid breaths.

"Okey dokey loki." Nick said grabbing the steel putter from the corner near the door where he left it. He returned to Herald while Celestia went to find a drink in the kitchen.

"Willing to talk?" Nick asked.

"Arn't you a little young to be doing this?!" Herald asked.

"Maybe, but I enjoy it!" Nick said swinging the club and striking Herald in the chest. "Talk?"

"Never! You little teenage scum bag!" Herald shouted over pain.

"Fine." Nick said turning his back to Herald. He took a step or two away from Herald then turned again. He took a golfing stance as if he was aiming a shot with a golf ball. Then he brought the putter over his head, and swung like he was hitting a golf ball, and struck Herald's balls with the full force he could muster.

"ARGHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Herald shouted going into a high pitched squeal half way through.

Herald lowered his head and whispered words of agony. He clenched his teeth in pain and then began coughing. He eventually threw up on his shoes.

"Ready to talk? Or should I play 18 holes on your grapes?" Nick asked.

"Fu...fuck you."  Herald said weakly.

Nick got back into his golfing stance "Hole 1."

He swung with all his might.

"AHHH! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOO!" Herald screeched to the ceiling eyes clenched in agony.

"Wanna chat?" Nick asked.

"No..."

"Hole 2." Nick said swinging again.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Herald crooned.

"Hole 3." Nick said calmly swinging and striking Herald in his grapes for a 4rth time.

"AHHHHHHHH!" Herald screamed for a 4rth time.

Celestia came back through the bedroom door. With a bottled water and some toast following her in the air.

"Are you two having fun?" Celestia asked sipping the water.

"Yeah, I'm pretty good at golf." Nick said. "Hole 4."

"No! Stop! I"ll talk! I'll talk!" Herald screamed.

"Where's the truck, then?" Nick asked.

"Its..........its........heading for a private airport.......in South Carolina.......then.....Alaska, by plane. Then boat to Russia. All the details are my laptop. The locked folder marked Kersa Ultra the password for the folder is "Nova". The laptop is on my kitchen counter next to the sink."

"Celestia go get that laptop for me please." Nick requested.

Celestia went out to the kitchen and returned with the laptop. Nick took it from her and began searching the desktop for the file mentioned before.

"Kersa Ultra." Nick said as he found it. "Nova."

He laid the laptop on the bed.

He pulled Clarke's cellphone from his pocket and hit 2 on the speed dial.

"I've got something." He said before the person on the line could greet him.

"What?" H asked.

"It's on a laptop, its the plan. The Russian's plan!" Nick said.

"Send it all via Email to H69 at gmail.com." H said. "I gotta go. Right now. I'll call you when I get the email." he said hanging up.

Nick sent the file as ordered.

After 30 seconds. The phone rang. Nick answered it. "Get it?"

"Yep." H answered. "It was in....Chinese. I had to send it to the Pentagon to be translated and processed."

"Chinese?" Nick said with a deep tone of confusion.

"Yes. Now that we have the plan. Your orders are to terminate the source of the info and the device it came from." H said seriously "Gotta go again." he said hanging up.

Nick put the phone in his pocket then without saying a word went to the kitchen.

"Nick what are you doing?" Celestia asked following him. Nick found a rack of knives in the kitchen, he drew the largest one then went back to the bedroom. Sidestepping past the Princess.

He stood in front of Herald.

"Orders are...to terminate." Nick said coldly.

"Wha...?" Herald began but the knife cut him off with a quick slash across the throat. Herald passed with a look of sudden shock on his face.

Nick picked up the laptop from the bed where he left it.  He closed it and then slammed it down on his knee. Breaking it in two. He checked the pieces until he found the hardrive. He ripped it out and then threw it on the floor and stomped on it 5 times.

"Let's get out of here." Nick said to Princess Celestia.

"H? You said room 14, right?" Nick asked through the cellphone. At the hotel H has apparently reserved a room at for Nick and Princess, Nick drove in the dark parking lot until her found the rooms below number 20. He found room 14.

"Yeah, 14. The key is tied to a rose in the bushes in front of the door." H said.

"Found it." Princess Celestia said after breifly poking her head in a bush.

"Okay."  Nick said to the phone "We got it."

"Good. Gotta go." H said hanging up.

They entered the room quickly.  The room had quite a bit. Near the window there was a large circular table with several chairs around it.  There was a door to a bathroom and a shower, there a mini fridge next to the TV across from the bed. THE bed. Singular.

"One bed?" Nick said upon looking at the room.

"I suppose we're bed buddies." Celestia joked with a giggle afterwords "Watch out....I drool quite a bit. "

"You roll onto me, you wake up on the floor. " Nick said.

"What? I'm just kidding. Unless you really want to experiment with a pony." Celestia teased.

"No!" Nick scolded.

"Really? Not even a little?" Celestia said  now sounding more serious.

"You kiss me, try to touch me, or do anything sexual, I will hit you." Nick said turned on the TV and began flipping channels.

"Mmmmmm....where?" Celestia asked in a whispered.

"What?" Nick asked still flipping channels.

"Where would you hit me? My flank, my face?"

"Oh, shut up!" Nick scolded. "Ah, I found FOX. Why the hell is it channel 25?" He complained "Man, I'm hungry. It's really weird, but, I really want some waffles right now."

"I have a waffle you could have a taste of..." Celestia said.

Nick took a second to process that. He then proceeded to make some vomit-like sounds. "Thats just........wrong! Celestia please shut up!"

"What? Your hungry? And I have a wonderful snack on my person here."  Celestia said seductively.

"Why are you doing this to me?" Nick asked.

"Because."

"Because why?" Nick asked.

"Because."

"I'm not playing anymore. I'm going to sleep." Nick said climbing into the some-what nice bed. He pulled the covers over his chest. Then rolled over and closed his eyes.

"Hit the lights please." Nick said.

"Fine. Your no fun." Celestia said pouting.

Chapter-11: The longest minute.

Nick didn't open his eyes. He tried to clench them shut and stay asleep. He couldn't sleep again.  He felt something warm and wet on his right cheek. He opened his eyes. Nick was laying on his left side, in the dark, and Celestia was laying on her right side. He felt her leaning against him, she was drooling out of the left side of her mouth, onto Nick.

Nick brought his right hand back and nudged Celestia. The Princess gave a light mumble and refused to move.

"Celestia?" Nick whispered giving her another nudge.

"Mmmmm..what?" She asked grumpily.

"Can you roll off of me?" Nick asked.

"No." Celestia said.

"What? Please just roll off of me."

"No." Celestia repeated.

"Why?" Nick asked in the dark.

"Because I like it." Celestia mumbled

"Wait, what? Celestia get off me!" Nick said raising his voice.

Celestia turned on a lamp on a bedside table. "Wanna have some F.S.F.?"

"Uh.....I guess so?" Nick said without thinking.

Celestia forcefully rolled Nick onto his other side. Then also forced him into a deep kiss. Nick was caught off guard then pushed and shoved Celestia away.

"What?" Celestia asked.

"What are you doing?!" Nick asked speaking loudly.

"FSF." Celestia stated "Duh."

"What does FSF mean?" Nick asked.

"Friendly Sexual Fun." Celestia stated.

"What?!" Nick exclaimed.

"You agreed to it. So I figured you knew what it meant." Celestia said.

"Well I didn't!" Nick said.

"Then why'd you agree to it?" Celestia asked.

"I don't know!"

"You know, I think if you just tried having some fun with a pony you'd probably like it." Celestia said. "I'm a sentient being. Your a sentient being. We've both got those 'needs' don't we? What's wrong with it? I sure if many other humans got a choice they'd pick the sex not the sit there and pout because a pony princess want's to bang them!"

"I'm not pouting because a pony princess wants to bang me. I'm pouting because a pony princess tried to trick me into banging her!" Nick stated. "And is being very persistent in her quest to bang me!"

"Maybe it would have worked better, if you had gone along with it. Maybe you would have ENJOYED it!" Celestia suggested. "I think....you want exactly what I want. "

Nick didn't say a thing.

Celestia let out a fake quiet gasp "You're playing hard to get! Aren't you!?"

Nick stayed silent and rolled over. "I'm going back to sleep."

"Oh sweet Equestria! You are! You are trying to play hard to get!' Celestia exclaimed her voice full of excitement from the realization.

"No I'm not." Nick said.

"Oh please! Just admit it, then help me scratch my 'itch' !" Celestia pleaded.

Nick was not answering her.

"Fine." Celestia said rolling over and going back to sleep.

The morning sun came quickly at close to 6AM sharp. Celestia was awakened by it, then sent it back down once. It tried coming back at 6:30. She sent it back. It tried coming up once more at 6:50. Celestia, in an annoyed move, Celestia sent it back down and held it there for a moment while she tried to sleep. After about half an hour the stubborn sun of Earth came up again. She let it stay. She just rolled over and tried to sleep in the dawn light.

Nick gave a groan and then sat up. "Mornin' "

"Mmmmmm...morning...." Celestia mumbled.

"Wanna have some fun?" Nick asked.

Celestia popped right up "What?!" she asked not sure if she misheard.

"Oh, now your too late." Nick stated with a grin.

"Wait! No! Come on! Let's do that! Please!?" Celestia exclaimed.

"Nope. Too late. You didn't answer in time." Nick teased.

"Oh, come on! I demand a time extension!"

"I dunno.........maybe........"

"Stop teasing me! That's not nice. Not nice at all!" Celestia scolded.

"Oh fine, it wasn't nice. But it was funny." Nick chuckled.

"That wasn't fair, I think I deserve a freeby." Celestia said.

"Fine. One 30 second kiss sound fair?" Nick asked.

"1 minute and I want some tongue." Celestia said laying down her demands.

"Fine." Nick said.

"Pucker up!" Princess Celestia ordered now full of excitement.

"Fine, here I'll set the alarm clock for exactly one minute from now."  Nick said. It was 7:20 he set the alarm clock for 7:22 and waited for 7:21. "Okay here we g....mmmph!?"

Celestia didn't wait another second. She pounced on top of him and drover her tongue past his lips and into his mouth. She sloshed her tongue around in his mouth. Nick tried to keep up with her excited kissing but soon found it to be troublesome since he was not a very experienced kisser. He thought about what was happening to him in his mind. He thought.

Maybe someday I can tell someone 'I made out with a princess.'  That'd be an odd story to tell any children I have.

The kiss seemed to last an eternity. Nick couldn't help but get a bit of pleasure out of it. It was quite an achievement in his life. Not quite as much of an achievement as, getting a good job, or getting married, or going to a good college. But this would definitely rank high on his list of 'Amazing moments.'

The alarm clock finally let out a burst of "Bzzzzt"s. Nick broke the kiss and turned the alarm off.

"Now I have a question for you. Was that fun or not?" Celestia asked.

"Okay that was a little fun, but....."

"You better be talking about your butt now! You already said it was fun so no fake excuse like 'Too much tongue"!" Celestia said.

"Okay then. Well there was your freeby. Now can I get out of bed and get a shower? I kinda smell...." He raised his right arm and sniffed ".....I smell kinda funky....ewww...." He sat up and swung his legs off the bed then stood and walked to the bathroom.

"Can I join you? I've never used a human shower before." Celestia requested.

"Uhhh....no.....I'm pretty sure it's a lot like an Equestrian shower." Nick said walking into the bathroom and closing the door behind him.

Celestia got out of the bed. "I want to try the shower when your done." she said.

"Okay." Nick said through the door. The sound of running water now audible.

Chapter-12: Magical medication.

"Alexandra? You still with us girl?" Luna asked the now pale human.

"Y-yeah...I think I am..." She said forcing herself to stay awake.

"Hold still. I'm going to try and help you." Luna whispered. Her horn began to glow.

"Hey! Pony what do you think your doing!?" One of the Russians shouted pointing his rifle.

"I'm helping her you halfwit, turnip farmer!" Luna scolded.

A beam of magic shot from her horn to Alexandra's forehead. After about a moment, she began to regain her normal non-pale skin color. Her bruises faded. The gash on her forehead closed up. She began to feel the weakness of near death fade from her.

Luna however was becoming a mirror of her injuries. A gash opened up on her head and began to drip blood. Bruises formed on her body, she began to grow very pale.

When Alexandra was back to normal the magic went back to Luna's horn. All the wounds began to fade. The bruises, the gash, and the paleness all faded from Luna. She collapsed on the truck trailer's metal floor. Gasping for breath.

"I.....hate....that spell...." she said in between breaths.

Pinkie let out a loud fart.

"Pinkie!" Trixie scolded.

Fleur, who was sitting next to Pinkie gagged.

"What....have you been eating!?" She gagged.

"I'm sorry....when I get a bit too nervous, I let out some stinky gas."

"Well that's obvious now!" Alexandra called to her.

The fart made it's way to the Russians. "Oh my god! It like toxic bomb! Stop the truck!" One of them shouted holding his nose. The truck pulled over and stopped on the side of the road. The metal semi-truck trailer was kicked open. Pinkie found herself being thrown out.

"We don't need pink toxic bomb!" The Russians shouted at her as they threw her from the truck.

"Nick, you were right, that was not much different than Equestrian showers." Celestia said stepping out of the bathroom. A large amount of steam following. She had a towel wrapping up her mane on the top of her head and another towel neatly held around her torso.

"Told you." Nick said watching a re-run of Monk on the television from the bed.

Celestia got into the bed. She tossed both of the towels off and let her mane flow freely.

"So.....may I ask you a question?" She asked.

"Go ahead, shoot." Nick said paying most of his attention to Monk.

"Why don't you want me to have sex with you? I mean, honestly, I've been thinking about what it would be like, and now I CRAVE it." Celestia said.

"Well I personally have had a few dreams about it. Not necessarily with you in the dreams, usually it was Pinkie Pie in my dreams." Nick explained.

"Well then, why do you have such an issue with giving in to your primal instincts and doing me!?" Celestia asked growing frustrated with Nick.

"I am not having this conversation." Nick stated.

"Yes you..." Celestia had begun a response but Clarke's phone rang from it's position in Nick's pocket.

He pulled it out an answered it.

"Hello H."

"Okay listen up, short round, I'm coming to pick you up with some FBI spooks. We'll honk once we get there, now get ready to leave, I gotta go. These guys still need to be briefed." H said hanging up.

Pinkie rose from the grass as the truck drove off. "Well that was just rude." she said her mane not frizzy and currently void of life.

She looked around to try and get an idea of where she was. She was on the side of a wide dirt road. Trees surrounded the road.  Although the busyness of I-95 could be heard. She began following the road backwards back towards I-95.

Nick heard a serious of honks from outside in the parking lot. "Let's get going." Nick said walking to the door.  He opened the door and stepped out looking for the honking car.  Suddenly a steel toed boot was forced into his side.  Nick flew to his left and felt an incredible pain in his side. He turned and saw the person that had a kicked him. It was a large man wearing all black clothing and a ski mask. He pointed a 357. revolver at Nick.

"Американская Die!" He shouted. Before he could pull the trigger a large suited man sprinted into him and slammed him through the hotel room window and they both landed on one of the chairs in the hotel room. Breaking it on impact.  The suited man took the revolver from him the masked gun man and sat up on his chest. The suited man pointed the revolver at the masked man and pulled the trigger twice.

Nick still lay on the concrete outside, clutching his most likely cracked ribs. The suited man rose from the pool of blood now forming around the masked gunman and looked at Celestia, who was still in the room and had witness everything as soon as the two men had smashed through the window.

"Hello, Celestia. I'm H. Although you can call me Herald if you like." Herald said.  "Come on, the FBI guys are waiting in the SUV."

He walked out of the room and saw Nick. "You alright?" he asked crouching next to Nick.

"Not.....really."  Nick said through the pain.

"We'll get you to a safe house, come on, lets get you on your feet." Herald said sticking his right arm underneath Nick's upper back and lifting him to his feet. Nick, Herald and Celestia proceeded to a parked black SUV with a government tag on the license plate. Nick and Celestia had to ride in the third row of seats. While Herald and three FBI agents road up front. The 3 FBI agents wore Kevlar vests and had assault rifles near them for ease of access. Herald drove. Nick lay in the back seat, taking up two spots and trying not to move to avoid agony.

The agents in the second row had a map in between them, it was a map of the state. And were marking certain points on the highways with red markers as they spoke.

Nick gave a few almost cries of pain as the SUV made hit several small bumps on the road. Celestia leaned over.

"It'll be okay, would you like something to stop the pain?" Celestia asked quietly.

"Yes....oh god yes! Please hurry!" Nick answered through agony.  "Every breath hurts like hell!"

Celestia rose her head above the row of seats in front of them and saw an empty plastic water bottle in one of the cup holders near the front of the SUV.  She levitated it back to her and Nick.

She poised her downwards and made sure the tip of her horn was partially in the bottle. She trained all of her magical power to this task and within seconds a clear light purple liquid began to fill the bottle. When it reached just above the label she stopped filling it. "That should be enough." She said. She showed Nick the bottle "Drink this and you should heal up within a few hours."

Nick had watched what she had done. "I....am....not drinking that!" he said.

"So you want the pain?" She asked.

"No, but I don't want to drink horn juice!" Nick exclaimed.

"It's not horn juice. Just because it came from my horn that doesn't mean it's horn juice. This is a magical medication. Just drink it." she urged "All the pain will be gone and you will heal within a few hours."

Nick let out a pained groan "Fine, gimme it." Celestia levitated it to his left hand. He carefully scooted until he could sit up. He looked at the liquid. He sighed "If this doesn't work, I'm going to have to kill you."

"It'll work just drink up. You need to drink fast though for the full, and best, effect" Celestia stated.

Nick gave another groan. "Damn it." He said as he brought the bottle to his lips and then tilted his head and it back. He began chugging it. As he started his mind kept flashing back to Celestia's horn dripping the liquid into the bottle. He wanted to gag and throw up, but he forced himself to keep chugging. He checked were he was on it. He was about halfway down. The liquid tasted like a very sweet  watermelon-tasting water. If Nick didn't know where it was from, he might have thought it was good.

Nick finally finished off the bottle. The after taste an almost minty tang. Celestia took the bottle and sent it back upfront to the empty cup holder. "The effects should begin to work in a few minutes, Nick, your going to fall into a very goofy painless state. You may hallucinate or just feel no pain. I really don't know the total effects of my medicine on a human, and to be perfectly honest....."She leaned in and whispered into his ear "....I've only tested that on Luna and myself."

Nick looked her in the eyes and said "If what you just had me drink gives me explosive diarrhea, projectile vomit, or excessive sneezing, coughing, farting, burping, spitting, sighing, or anything else. I'm going to kill you, and if that stuff kills me I'm going to haunt your Royal ass!"

Chapter-13: The PRETTY PRETTY COLORS!

"All the sheep! All the beer! All the Pepsi! Yes you heard me I want sheep, beer, and Pepsi! You bunch of Wal-mart worker Chinese men!" Nick shouted to the roof clearly hallucinating.

"How long is he going to be like that?" Herald asked standing next to the stretcher they had left Nick on in the safe house.

"I really don't know."

"You've got your gun! I've got my severed-head-on-a-stick!" Nick shouted. "Wheres my candy bars!? What happened to my trusty brick?"

Nick's eyes were wide open, he was having random muscle spasms, spurting out nonsense and gibberish a good amount of the time.

"Is he going to be okay?" One of the agents asked poking his head into the bedroom.

"Well based on the amount I gave him, there's about a 15% chance he could have a mild psychosis after this." Celestia said. "Other than that there shouldn't be any other risks."

Nick's right arm shot to the ceiling "Power to the toilet people!"

The agent shrugged "From where I'm standing it looks like you made his brain moosh."

Nick shouted another bit of insanity "I demand cookies, cars, and a pony!"

Celestia looked down at him and raised and eyebrow. "Nick. Can you hear me?" she asked.

"Princess?" He responded.

"Nick? Who am I?" She said poising her head in his field of view.

"Princess Celestia? What are you doing at a Wal Mart in Denver?" Nick asked. "What did I do with my hand?"  he asked looking at his left hand.

"Nick, focus. How do you feel?"  The Princess asked.

"Like a sexy million dollar bill." He answered. He gave a few twitches. Then his left eye began to blink faster than his right. "The....PRETTY PRETTY COLORS!" he shouted "How long do I have Doctor Celestia?"

"Hopefully another 80 years." she said with a small smile.

"Where's the armory? I need a plasma cannon." Nick said his left eye still blinking faster than the right.

"Just sleep for now." Celestia said putting a hoof on his chest. She turned to Herald. "What do we do now?"

"The truck is going to back track and pick up a Russian agent in this town. This is actually his house. The agent I mean. He is currently out and we're waiting for him to get back. We'll capture him, then ambush the truck when it gets here." Herald explained.

"What will happen to Nick once this is over?" she asked.

"He will be returned to his parents, and someone will try to explain this whole mess to them. And with the info Nick now has, we may be forced to draft him into our ranks. Just for the safety of secrecy." Herald said.

"Something tells me, he might actually enjoy that." Celestia said thinking back on his behavior.

"Doctor, doctor!" Nick called.

Celestia looked to him again "Yes?"

"I need to pee." Nick said. He let out a relieved sigh "Never mind"

Herald nearly burst out laughing. "Princess.....I think I'm going to put you on 'Nick duty'. He's gonna have to borrow some pants from the Russian agent. I'll go see what I can get."

20 minutes later.

Nick came out of the bathroom in black and white track pants. "There." she said "Not quite, stylish, but it will do."

Nick smiled. "Doctor, I'm hungry."

"Here" Herald said handing him a bag of Cheetos.

"Thank you nurse." He said opening the bag and then taking the Cheetos one by one.

Suddenly an FBI agent came down the hall "A truck just pulled up, this is it."

Herald pulled a walkie talkie from his belt "Positions everyone. Stay quiet." He put it back on his belt "Get Nick to the bedroom." Herald drew a tazer from his belt.

Celestia got Nick to the bedroom. Herald quickly and silently. took a position by the front door. Two men were prone in the living room with a clear view of the door. Assault rifles pointed to the door. A third FBI agent stood behind Herald with a shotgun.

The door was unlocked with a key from the out side. And then once it was opened, Herald lunged at the opener and got him him in the gut with the tazer. He grabbed the man while he was being shocked, by the collar and threw him into the house quickly. The FBi agent with the shotgun flipped him onto his stomach and handcuffed him quickly, while Herald shut the door.

"What the hell is going on?!" The man shouted.

"Your under arrest for treason." Herald said.

"WHAT?!" He shouted.

"We've got reliable intel saying a Russian truck full of kidnapped US Military assets is coming here, if it does, I'll see you at your execution." Herald said.

"You've got to be kidding me. This is a joke right? I AM NOT A TRAITOR YOU STUPID ПОЗДНО!!" He shouted blowing his cover with the final word.

"Yeah, right." Herald said with a smirk.

The FBI agent with the shotgun went back to the door and peaked out the window. "A semi truck just pulled up."

"Get ready to storm it! Pickerton, Williams, on me. Francis stay back and lay down covering fire if they start shooting." Herald said running over to the kitchen counter and retrieving his assault rifle

"The driver just stepped out of the truck!" Williams said from beside the door.

"Go go go, start shooting as soon as you see them. Do not hit the trailer!" Herald shouted opening the door and charging out with the 2 FBI agents. Pinkerton fired a burst form his rifle nailing the driver with a burst of 3 bullets in the torso and waist. The passenger jumped out and ran around the front of the truck but was caught in the legs by a spray of bullets Williams. He fell bleeding out with 15+ bullet wounds covering his legs. Herald put an extra bullet into each of the two men finishing them.

"Open the trailer. I'll go tell Princess Celestia and Nick were getting ready to evac." Herald said jogging back to the house.

Williams jogged over to the trailer and un-locked it from the outside then opened it and jumped back screaming. "Bomb!" he screamed a rapid beeping following the opening of the door. Herald only heard the scream and then the deafening explosion.

Chapter-1: Activation.

Nick Jones's parents were gone. They left at 9:30AM to go to their High School reunion 195 miles away. They wouldn't be back until Monday. For Nick this was going to be the best week end of his teenage life. He was now on his phone chatting with his father, who was apparently at a gas station 60 miles away.

"Ok dad, I get it, no parties.....clean up any messes.....I get the drill.......I'm gonna invite one or two friends over.....I dunno probably Alexandra and Charlie......No Alexandra is not dating anyone.......wait, wait why I am talking to you about this?...... Teens do not 'pair up' instantly, dad." Nick said in his half of the phone call. Nick held the phone to his ear, as he used his left hand to pour milk into a bowl of cereal. There was a knock on the front door. Nick looked up from his half filled bowl, and across the marble kitchen counter.

"Dad, I'll call you later, I think Charlie is here. Bye" He hung up and set his cell down.

Then walked to the front door. He opened it to be faced with a very....round delivery man. By round....I mean he must've weighed at least 300 pounds, all of it fat.

Nick stared at the man then asked "Yes?"

The fatty man held out a clipboard and said "Sign at the bottom sir."

A skinnier man behind the fat man began offloading 1 man sized crate, a slightly smaller crate about Nick's size, then a crate about as big as a child.

The clipboard was forced into Nick's hands along with a pen. The fat man leaned in and pointed to where Nick needed to sign.

Nick signed them without thinking.

"Thank you, sir." The fat man took the clipboard, and assisted the skinnier man with loading the crates into the house. Now ignoring Nick as if he were a tall wooden pole. Oblivious to what was going on, he just held open his front door. Figuring his dad had ordered a new fridge, coffee table, and nightstand. Which were three items the family needed.

The current fridge was about the die, its ten year life coming to an end as it slowly became warmer and warmer with each week. The current coffee table in the living room was missing a leg. And Nick's nightstand was stained from years of cup rings, left by condensation.

The men set the last crate down and with a slight wave from the skinnier one left. As their truck left Nick's drive way, Nick began to examine the crates. There was a stack of papers on each crate. Each one titled MANUAL at the top of the first page.

Nick picked up the biggest crate's manual, and opened it.

" Ahem ' to get unit out of box say 'Put down the cake.' in a stern commanding voice'?" Nick read aloud.

He cleared his dry throat again and decided to follow the instruction "Put down the cake."

The largest box literally shook then a loud female voice shouted "I'm not eating any cake! I swear!"

Nick looked down at the manual in panic " 'This will cause UNIT to go into PANIC mode and it should erupt from the box to greet you if you say 'come out of there' in the same stern voice used on the first command' ".

Nick looked a the large box. "Come out of there"

The box was standing up so its wider sides pointed upwards and downwards. One of these tall sides opened like a door wood, and let a large man sized white think come down on all fours. Nick soon recognized it and screamed.

"Ahhhh!" He said jumping back "What the f***!" He cursed.

"Watch your language." The UNIT ordered sternly.

"How.....what...why.....but....what the f***!" Nick sputtered.

"Don't make me send you to the moon" It ordered again.

Nick looked down at the manual again.

MODES

1- Cursing may cause the UNIT to go into MOTHERLY MODE. This may make the UNIT think you are it's son/daughter, do not curse in front of it more than 3 times in a 1 hour period, unless you want to turn on MOTHERLY MODE.

2- The standard mode being NORMAL CELESTIA MODE, is the fresh out of the box mode, and can be returned to with the command 'Stop,cake time!". It is the default mode, as said before, the UNIT will behave as the Celestia character from My Little Pony Friendship is Magic.

3-A mode many of our tester's found interesting was MOLESTIA MODE. In MOLESTIA MODE your UNIT becomes a perverted, comedic, molestation addict. In this mode you can be in danger, so please activate with caution, to activate just say to the UNIT "Why do they call it Molestation? Why not fun time?" this question will cause the UNIT to go into MOLESTIA MODE.

4- FRIEND MODE. This mode causes your UNIT to follow you around constantly, it however will act like sort of a butler, doing as you ask with minimal question, and even engaging you with interesting conversations and activities it learned from you or just feels like doing. So in basic it becomes your friend as well. Also it does feel a need to sleep near you. This can be triggered by asking the UNIT if you can be friends.

Nick now stopped reading. He looked back to the UNIT. "Stop. Cake time!"

The Celestia UNIT blinked, then greeted him with a smile "Hello, I am Princess Celestia, as you may or may not know, who are you?"

"I'm Nick."

"Hello Nick." It said politely and then it began to examine the living room, which was fairly large. It square 25 feet long and 30 wide, covered in the 750 feet of smooth marble tiling, with the 2 feet of stone near the fire place.

"What a nice home." Celestia said "May I have a look around the rest?"

Nick considered this question, still sort of taking in the UNIT with curiosity. "Okay. That over there is the kitchen, behind me on your right it the hallway to my room, one of the bathrooms, and the den, then there's a stair case in the den to the basement, and directly behind me is the stair case to the second floor, where we have the home gym, my parent's room, and their bathroom, also an extra room used as a computer room, where we have a 3 desktop computers. The one on the wooden desk is mine. The black desk is my dad's home office computer, and the one on the grayish white desk is my mom's computer." Nick explained finding explaining things as a way to loosen up and not feel so shocked a pony princess was in his living room.

"I think I will explore your room" Celestia said trotting off in a slight jog around Nick and down the hall opened the first door on her left and seeing Nick's somewhat messy room.

"Oh yeah! My younger brother also lives upstairs, he's 7." Nick said down the hall. "He's also asleep so dont go upstairs, at all! Understand?" he asked the Celestia who had her back to him.

"Okay I wouldn't want to wake the filly."

"No, he's not a filly he's a young boy." Nick said.

"Same thing, different term" Celestia said with a slight sass.

Nick saw the Celestia enter his room. He sighed, then went over to the large crate and opened the front door, he then proceeded to push it down to the curb near the full trash cans. He entered his home again to see his little Brother Peter. In Spider-man pajamas, eating Nick's cereal. He saw Peter was looking at something.

Then he heard a familiar voice. "Hi Peter! I'm Pinkie Pie! Whatcha eatin'?! If its candy can I have some, I sure am HUNGRY!".

Nick rushed in to the smallest crate open and a Pinkie Pie now looking at him.

"Hiya!" It greeted excitedly.

Nick sighed.

He turned his gaze to the last crate, the second largest. He began hoping this last one wasn't something more goofy than Pinkie Pie, like....Discord or the Cutie Mark Crusaders. His last guess, was based on it's size and was in fact correct.

He walked by the Pinkie Pie and his brother, and let them talk. He picked up the second largest crate's manual, and read aloud

"Handle with care? I wonder why I would need to....AHHHHH!"

Chapter-2: Kentucky Fried Ponies.

Nick didn't know what happened. All he felt was pain. All he new was that a box just exploded in his living room. He said the first words that came to mind.

"Kentucky....Fried.....Ponies."

"What in Equestria! Who would fry a pony!?" Trixie shouted in response.

Nick finally realized he was talking to Trixie. "Ah...sh** not you, no, no, no! Not Trixie! F***!"

"I heard that! I won't have my son saying that!" Celestia shouted down the hall as she went into MOTHERLY MODE, a few seconds later she came trotting and looked down at Nick. She gave him a stern look and said "No more cursing unless you want me to send you to the moon for a year!"

Nick looked back at her. "Stop. Cake time!" he said with a fake excitement.

"What?" Celestia asked going back in NORMAL CELESTIA MODE. "Nick you are very weird."

"What the f*** is going on!?" Nick shouted still on the floor.

Pinkie and Peter now looked at him too.

"I'm telling mom you cussed in front of guests!" Peter said also pointing a small finger at Nick.

"Peter...go to your room while I sort out, our 'guests'. " Nick ordered becoming unnaturally calm.

Peter pouted.

"But..." He began.

Nick stopped him

"Room, or I take a dump in the toilet and then give you a swirly." Nick stated almost angrily.

Peter rushed up stairs to bed room and slammed his door.

Nick had watched him as he went up the stairs. He then turned to the three pony characters in his room.

He took a deep breath "What is going on!?" He shouted at his three guests.

Celestia was the first to speak

"We were delivered here by a fat man, and you let us out of our crates, now your upset we want to explore this new environment, as I said you are very weird." Celestia explained with an uninterested look.

"Oooh oooh oooh!" Pinkie said raising a hoof in the air.

Nick gave her a 'I'm-pretty-sure-your-on-somethin'-weird'

"Does this look like a class room?" He asked.

Pinkie look around still a large smile plastered on her face then she frowned and looked back at Nick.

"No it looks like....a.....hmmmm......oooh! I know it looks like a....tree!" Pinkie exclaimed happily.

Nick made a puzzled face.

"How in the...." He stopped himself from cursing "....apples does this house look like a tree?!" he asked loudly.

Pinkie still stared at him "I dunno actually.....I guess your the mean hawk that doesn't want anypony eating his squirrels? Or maybe your one of the mean raccoons throwing rocks from the top of the tree? OR maybe your the lazy stallion beneath the tree napping and getting grumpy every time you get woken up! Whatever it is you remind me of a tree!" she exclaimed.

Trixie now cut in on the conversation.

"The Great and Powerful Trixie demands the master bedroom for when its time to sleep!" she demanded.

Pinkie face hoofed. Nick face palmed. Celestia face hoofed.

"You can't call the master bed room when its morning silly!" Pinkie stated.

"Who says!?" Trixie exclaimed.

Celestia now joined in this debate "I'm Royalty so I will take the master bedroom, Trixie will sleep out here on the sofa, and Pinkie will sleep.....can she sleep with you Nick?" Celestia asked.

"I guess so...." Nick was about to say something else when Trixie but in.

"The Great and Powerful Trixie will not sleep on a trashy sofa!" Trixie shouted.

Nick pointed to the sofa. "That's real black leather. That cost my parents 500 bucks!"

Trixie glared at him "I don't care how many apple tree's your parents bucked to get it! I will not sleep on anything but a queen sized bed with my own bathroom with bath tub!"

Nick now glared at her. "Sleep on the sofa or I kick you into the back yard like a dog when its time to sleep!" He shouted now taking  a step towards the small pony. Who now wore a look of fear as Nick towered a foot over her head.

"O-okay, Tr-Trixie will sl-sleep o-on sofa tonight." she whispered in fear.

Nick smiled and backed away.

"There, now lets discuss what we can all do together for entertainment." Celestia said.

Pinkie picked up the manual the Celestia manual and read a random phrase aloud "Why do they call it Molestation? Why not fun time?"

Nick's eyes widened. Celestia's right eye twitched slightly as her pupils dilated.  She turned to Trixie and asked with a big creepy smile, in a near whisper.

"Will you accompany me to the master bed room Trixie? I have a fun game the two of us girls can play....it will be.... yummy..."

Trixie gulped.

Nick forgot the phrase to put Celestia back in NORMAL CELESTIA MODE.

First Trixie took off upstairs, galloping full speed.

Next Celestia took off mere feet behind her.

Then Nick snatched the manual from Pinkie.

Finally Pinkie calmly and happily trotted into the kitchen and began searching for the ingredients for a batch of six cupcakes.

Nick scrambled through the pages looking for where he had seen the phrase for NORMAL CELESTIA MODE. He saw TROLLESTIA MODE, TYRANT MODE, and PANIC MODE. Then he realized that he was on the wrong page. And flipped to the one before and quickly scanned for NORMAL CELESTIA MODE.

Upstairs, came several noises, like things falling over, then a scream.

Trixie had galloped upstairs and hidden in the master bedroom. Molestia didn't know where in the master bed room but she knew Trixie was in there. She could...smell her fear.

Why does everypony always fear me? There has to be somepony who actually likes my games, right? Molestia thought to herself as she looked around the big room. She went the closet and opened the door with magic, then saw the walk in closet was full of crates and dusty boxes. She accidentally toppled one tower of crates. They fell and land on her right front hoof.

She screamed and then extracted her hoof quickly, rubbing the spot where one crate had struck. She heard a slight noise from underneath the bed ans saw the cover's move slightly where they hung low near the floor.

Really? Under the bed? How....stereotypical. Well at least she was easy to find. Molestia thought.

She lowered her head to small portion of the cover that moved and whispered "Hello Trixie."

A screech came through the hanging cover in response. Molestia reached her hooves under the bed and extracted Trixie before she could run. She lifted Trixie up, standing on her rear hooves. She flipped Trixie so, Trixie had to look her in the eyes. She held Trixie in mid air then playfully slammed her on the bed, also crawling on top of her.

"Ready or not here I..." Molestia began as she stood on the bed, over Trixie's defenseless body.

Someone interrupted her. "Stop,cake time!" Pinkie shouted as she brought a large cake into the room. Nick came up behind her Celestia Manual in hand.

Celestia switched back into the NORMAL CELESTIA MODE, and blushed when she realized she was on top of Trixie. She, with an embarrassed look, stepped off of Trixie and the bed. Trixie still breathing heavily and her heart racing got off the bed.

"I-I think I n-need to u-use th-the bathroom." Trixie stuttered.