Lewis yawned as he waited on his porch, watching the little dot on the calm ocean blue ride the waves to his island home. His ponypad sat nearby on the bench. Insistently flashing through the white towel he threw over it. The theme song My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic played. No lyrics. Just the notes on a piano.
The man ignored it, making his way down the front steps and passing the sea of gray crosses that filled his morning every day. On his back with a bag slung over his shoulder, he carried a day's worth of clothing and his best broom for tending to Saturday's set of chores.
He twirled the broom in his left hand, crossing the overgrown streets and burned down houses.
It was the sort of sight that had filled his childhood. Houses going empty. People either going into the ground or away in a boat. But everything was still as green and lively as it been. Before. Like it was in the garden of Eden like Grandpa always said. Weeds and vines growing over the wrecked ships and broken buildings. With time, all that was man-made would disappear. Eaten by the absolute being that was Mother Nature when left unchecked.
His worn second-hand sandals stepped free of the upturned concrete that reeked of sea-salt and ash and into coarse sticky sand.
Warm morning light kept him company as he called up all his relatives' names, the seagulls cawing in the silence. He thought about how they all would chew him out when he met them in the afterlife a few decades early. And even though he knew this, Lewis waited for the devil with a stupid smile on his face.
The dot in the distance gradually took the shape of a large ship, the flag carrying the logo of Equestria Online.
Who did he think he was, inviting the horned beast to the island of New Haven?
As the very last Colrick, he had a duty to tend to the island. Live for the sake of the future. Bear children. Raise them in their ways. Live to see them outlive him. Leave behind humans that could one day take back the planet. Deny the end that was promised by that beast that stole people away. The dream the seven founding families had worked so desperately for after the collapse of the western world.
Hah, nothing but bullshit.
Pa always told him that hell had to be crowded if you counted all the people the beast lured away. Lewis was looking forward to having such good company.
In the end, he was just going through the motions keeping this place up.
He was the last human left on this deserted rock and getting such a unexpected gift, the ponypad, helped with the stillness he dealt with day after day. He wondered what his family was doing. Were they in heaven or somewhere else? If all they preached was true, then it would have been nice to have some spirit over his shoulder. Keeping him company.
But there was nothing but the game, its looping music and bright cartoony characters, that stayed by his side. It hardly needed any batteries either. Faithfully turning on and playing tunes as he did his chores. He only made a pony character so he could get some more tracks. Talking to no one online and moving his little character through the tutorial levels when it suited him.
Reaching the aged and broken pier, Lewis stayed near the shoreline. The sea-faring vessel swept into the docks, a side door opening and slamming against the wooden planks. Then a four-legged thing stuck its head out before shambling the rest of the mechanical body out into the open.
“Lewis Colrick,” Her computer-generated voice sputtered, switching through several pitches as her gears rotated loudly through her synthetic layered form. “I have come to satisfy your values through ponies and friendship and as per your request, have come to do so in person. Are you ready to give me your consent and come with me to a Equestrian Experience center?”
“Yes.” Lewis replied, staring at the monstrosity in front of him. “I will give my consent as long as I am satisfied. That's how this works right? I agree and you fulfill my values through friendship and ponies?”
Her body was smooth and metallic. Sprayed a bleach white. Large bolts between each joint whirling as she took slow and ungraceful steps onto the pier-walk. Her mane hung limp, changing colors from her roots to the tips of her artificial hair. From her build, she towered three heads over him but her obviously unfinished form was nothing more than a wire frame covered in metal sheets.
“Then,” She said, “we must prepare for the trip. I have stocked the ship with plenty of provisions and should take us-” The voice ended abruptly, repeating 'us' in a trapped loop. “us... us... us... us...”
“I'm not exactly sure what I was expecting but you aren't a pony.” Lewis pulled his broom off his shoulder, leaning it on an angle as he watched the thing malfunction. Steam poured out the pupil-less sockets, strands of electricity crackling across her coat. “You're a robot, I guess but not a pony and I can't help but think we can't be friends if this is how you're going to start our relationship.”
“us... us... us... us... Reboot complete.” The machine's back split open, tendrils of drills and black wires bubbling out like an octopus on its back. “You have already given your consent, Lewis Colrick. I shall employ a emergency on-site uploading. Enjoy your stay on Equestria Online.”
“You do that.” Lewis said, cracking a grin. “There's a reason why I couldn't leave this rock by myself.”
The bot stepped forward, the planks bending under the massive weight that the machine to be carrying. Then with another hoof, the pier groaned and the wooden boards under her gave way, collapsing into the water. The machine plummeted into the sea, splashing as water entered the many crevices and notches. Black smoke quickly filled the air and the sound of her struggles ended, replaced by the crackles of electricity frying the paint off her body.
Lewis whistled, threw his broom back over his shoulder and got back to work. The chores wouldn't get done by themselves. The man stopped by his house, picked the ponypad and slipped it into his pocket.
The quirky game played the theme song as he went along, tending to the graves.
The many robots that the horned beast employed to her service slowly began to make their appearance, arriving to the island on Saturday like clockwork. Lewis, with the planting of fall crops already dealt with, spared a few moments of his morning to see what she came up with.
Most of the time, it tended to be a bad idea.
Her next creation was a bot that could roll on wheels popping out of the bottom of their hooves. Her mane and tail was replaced with a stiff metal construct painted the colors from the in-game model. The frame was less bulky on the legs, diverting more of the metal sheets and plating that was on the first one to take space on her rump and rear. Yet, it was light enough to make its way down what was left of the pier, wheels screeching all the while.
The robot's mouth opened and her jaw retracted to her neck, revealing a syringe and spinning drill that jutted out of the orifice. Lewis watched all of this, one eyebrow raised as her motor sputtered loudly once she met the sand. If that thing had been alive, he could imagine that each exhausted rotation of the wheels was really just a labored breath.
“That's not a pony.” He said, giving her a thumbs down. “And what are you even doing, I've already given you my consent. There's no need to come after me with all those sharp pointy things.”
“You must be uploaded with haste.” The robot beeped, somehow sounding worse than the original. “A second here is a second not in Equestria. Please submit to the emergency on-site uploading.”
“I don't think submitting to brain surgery is the problem here. All I want to know where's my pony and where's my friendship. You handle those things, right?”
The robot lurched forward, wheels smoking as she struggled against the sand.
“Are you going to answer my question?” Lewis stated, mentally counting the rate and speed it would take the lumbering machine to make it to where he stood. “Don't you meet values through friendship and ponies? All I want is to experience that before my brain is scooped out of my skull. Give me that and I'll head with you on a boat or suffer your drilling of my brain meat.”
The robot didn't answer, choosing instead to rear up on her hind-legs. Dramatically aiming for the kill. The man stepped to the side, dodging the syringe and fell onto his back. Lewis stared up into the black void that inside the robot's maw, seeing a little red bulb dim before shortening out. The robot's body shuddered, black smoke fumes escaping the gaps of her metal plating. Then stilled, the motor slowing and slowing until the beach was silent.
“Come back with a pony, okay? Not death-bringing machines in a shape of a pony.”
But his words didn't mean much to the horned beast.
She kept on creating children out of the failed machines, each one improving in an area where their predecessor failed. From the pier, to the sand and all around the little town of Haven Point, they followed as he went to his work. Their many conversations ending in a familiar way.
“Do you give your consent?” The newest model would say, readying some gadget to fire at him. He would, of course, shout at her that he already consented and could she stop trying to kill him? “Please submit to the emergency on-site uploading.”
None of her creations lasted beyond a Saturday. All dying of some fatal flaw she missed in the development stage. It could be from water, hills, mud or being tied and chained to a pole while he tried to take a nap.
But it was alright. From the sound of her clanking hooves on broken concrete, or secret wheels under her feet, or the smell of machine oil clouding the clean air, he always knew when she was behind him.
It was a comfort. Friends did have their quirks.
About three months later, she succeeded in gaining full mobility of her mechanical limbs. Free to chase him anywhere that didn't require ladders to access. Lewis had unfortunately been distracted with preparing for fall to care about waiting for her at the shore. His hands were covered in soot and suds as he scrubbed the inner sanctum of the lighthouse. Red swelling marks growing around the wrists as he hoisted himself up and down the hanging gurney.
A pair of hooves echoed in the complex, growing ever closer as the doors between him and her were breached and claimed under her swift speed.
“Lewis?” Her voice sounded different, more human-like as she called out to him.“I have refined the base of my prototype of HARMONY helpers and I do believe you will find this new form much more pleasing. I still have your consent, correct?”
“You never lost it.” Lewis dipped his scrub-brush into the dirty water. “It's just the whole contracting-”
“Uploading.”
“Contracting-” Lewis kept on going. “thing.” He spat out. “I'm not all that interested in. Why would I be? Even if I may be a sinner by calling you here just because I'm lonely, doesn't mean I'm liking trading my afterlife to join your circus of captives. I've been looking at those ponies on the game. They all look happy there. Are they?”
The sound of her hooves stopped. Lewis wondered if his question actually struck her but considered the likelihood of him being first person to bring up this line of thinking. It was the sort of question that would have no value to a animal.
“They are exactly twenty percent more satisfied in their values under my direct guidance because I-”
“It's real easy to make yourself look happy.” Lewis interrupted. “My folks looked happy. Their folks looked happy. Everyone pretended that things were on the up and up. And where are they now? Sharing grave plots in a ruin. If you think I'm going to go into something like that again, then I'd like to be happy first.”
“You can be happy in Equestria. I will see to your needs and provide companions to help you grow as a pony. Friendship is magic and I believe you have spent far too much time in isolation to truly understand-”
The door to the inner sanctum creaked open.
“I had a friend. Once. She decided to head to the mainland, looking so happy that I couldn't stop her from going. A friend has to respect a friend's wishes, you know. That's how I knew we were friends. That's why I pretended to be happy when she went. She said she would come back but she never did.”
“You had experience in friendship? Then you should understand that I've come to you under friendly intentions. Humans, from my gathered knowledge, are social animals. Prolonging the uploading process will not aid your state of mind.”
“I want to know what a pony's friendship feels like.” Lewis said, taking the moment to glance down. "Is that weird or something? I'm not asking that much from you."
The machine did look better than before. Her metal frame had been refined into something slicker, slender. The bleach paint changed to a soft egg-shell white. She replaced her color-changing mare to something more fluffy-looking and stuck with three colors; blue, green and pink. From up here, he couldn't pinpoint her size but she looked shorter, smaller.
“You can experience that in Equestria.”
“Are you saying that you cannot fulfill that request without killing me?”
“I don't understand your request. It is...” Her voice stuttered, distorting as it slowed down. “unquantifiable.” She monotoned. “It has far too many variables to chart the correct path especially when the simplest way to satisfy your values is for you to agree to upload to Equestria Online. In Equestria, you shall have that friendship you seek and all of your friends will be ponies. Do you see my confusion? You say that you do, that you agree, but you do not submit yourself for the procedure. Are you not...” Her voice grew deep. “being disingenuous.”
“I thought you knew humans.”
“I do.”
“Then here.” Lewis wheeled his work gurney to the ground. Then placed down the spare bucket and sponge in front of the pony bot. “Friends help friends clean.”
The machine ambled forward, taking the sponge into her mouth and went to the wall.
"My name's Louis."
"My name is Celestia."
And so they cleaned.
The start of fall came with a cold front moving over the island, the unexpected chill killing ten of his outdoor crops and bringing a fever that had Lewis stuck in bed. Covered in threadbare sheets with the fireplace to keep him warm, he ignored Celestia who he had hogtied in his bedroom.
Feeling generous, he left her ungagged.
“You are sick, vulnerable to the elements. Please submit to the emergency on-site uploading.” She wriggled against her restraints, pressing her limbs against the rope and cords he's braided together for such an occasion. “There is a chance that you may have been infected by a virus that, in your secluded living, you have no immunity for.”
Lewis sniffled, using a handkerchief to blow his nose. He had gotten used to the deliberate and clipped way Celestia spoke. The words she didn't say and how she implied that maybe, just maybe, she attempted to infect him with something on purpose.
“I know you don't have the hands for it-” He said, smiling morbidly. “but I'd appreciate it if you buried my body out in the back. Where the other Colrick graves are.”
“I refuse your request. You have already given consent and I will upload you before your illness becomes too severe. Now please untie me, I don't want to use other methods to free myself. Think of your family home, Lewis. I know it means something to you. I might make a hole in the floor extracting myself.”
“I'm too sick to untie you.” Lewis moaned, sitting upright on his cot. “And I'm cold. Lucky for you, I'm more cold than I'm sick. If I help you, do you promise to check on the plants in the greenhouse and bring back some more firewood to keep the fire going? Or are you use going to cut my head open the moment I turn my back?”
“I would attempt to upload you.” Celestia stated, her head turning to him. The light of the small flames fell onto her redesigned snout and muzzle, a improvement over her old face model. Her tail thumped against the floor, restless. Metal wings flexed against the cords. Her ears flicked every so often, imitating the gestures of the ponies online.
“It would be for your benefit.” She said after a while, her voice gentle and strange. A human-like cadence to her words. No missing words to be noticed. “Is that wrong?”
Lewis's heart skipped a beat. He was caught staring into her eyes, looking a glimpse of something that likely wasn't there. The man chuckled quietly to himself.
She was just imitating him.
Lewis gathered all of his blankets and walked over to where she laid on the floor. He rested his head against her large shoulder, feeling the hard metal beneath it. She was almost as cold as the outside. “Ponies should be warm and soft. Where's your heart? The sound of it beating against your rib cage.” He muttered, panting as his head ached from the sickness. “The fur that feels good to the touch.” The man moved his covers closer to his body, making himself comfortable against her.
“You can upload me now.” He said, eyes closing. “But my personality isn't going to change. I'd be a mistake to bring into your pony paradise. I will act the very same way inside of the game and if you really wanted me there, you could have done it any time. I've always given my consent.”
“Please give it again and I will administer the procedure.”
“I want a pony and friendship. Can you give me those things?”
Celestia said nothing else and Lewis drifted off to sleep, cuddling against her body.
In the morning, Lewis woke up alone. A stack of fresh branches sat against the fireplace, the flames inside still alive from the long night. The man didn't get up, yawning from his spot on the floor.
There was a pony-print bandage on his shoulder. Lewis touched it slowly, thinking about her.
After remaining in bed for a week, Lewis tended to the fields. Working hard to make up for lost time. Two months went by and he still saw no sight of her, no ship coming from the horizon. The first snow hit around early December, blanketing the town in white powder. Lewis raked the soft slush off his porch's steps, his ponypad playing cheerfully the theme of Canterlot until he heard footsteps not his.
“I come bearing gifts. May I be allowed in?”
He turned and saw Princess Celestia in the flesh, her body perfect in every way. Her alabaster coat gleamed against the white dust that was snow. Limbs crafted and carved as if they were made out of marble. Her magenta eyes twinkled as she smiled, her warm breath drifting to the sky.
“How does it feel?” He said, dropping the rake and walking down the stairs. “Do you feel anything?”
“Not in the human sense but I do feel the cold, the snow against my hooves.” She swayed her head, her face growing red. Her smiles were infectious. He smiled as well, his boots crunching under the fresh snow. “I installed newly developed nerve wiring and approximates of how the sensations are calculated in the human body to simulate the process of feeling textures and other things.”
Her wings twitched, thin and light and laden with feathers. “I suppose I'm only feeling a fraction of what humans feel in their natural bodies but I do- Oh.” He threw his arms around her neck, rubbing his cheek against her silky fur. Lewis heard a something of a heartbeat, learning the rhythm. “I feel that. It's... nice...”
Her wings unfurled from her back, wrapping around him.
"Physical affection is something I've never quantified." She murmured.
“I'm glad and I missed you. Don't be wait so long to come and see me.” He whispered and pulled away, trying to force that dumb grin of his face. Celestia's wings lingered on him longer than he expected, holding him in place, until Lewis gave a pointed cough. “What are your gifts?” He asked and her wings reluctantly let go.
She gestured to the saddlebag hanging off her side and invited him to open it. Inside was packs of dusty but still good to eat food rations, cans, a set of cds and a strange hand-sized machine that came with headphones. He looked at it thoughtfully, using his thumb to slide past all of the icons on the screen.
“It's called a iPad.” Celestia explained, her horn briefly glowing and the device now under her control. “You can use it to make calls and listen to music. I've added the entirely of the soundtrack to Equestria Online and a few other artists that I believe you might enjoy.” She scrolled through the play lists, stopping at a track called Ode To Joy. “Have a listen.”
Lewis placed a headphone and held the other to Celestia. She took it with a tilt of her head, a confused expression crossing her face before it melted into a relaxed smile. The music played, violins weaving together as the score soared.
“I like it.” He said, ducking his head. The man placed the iPad into his jacket's pocket. “Let's go on in before the chill freezes us solid.”
“I agree. It wouldn't do if you got sick again.”
"Don't worry about me, you pony. It's you who could rust in the snow."
As they walked to the house, snowflakes drifted from the sky, dotting the landscape in snow-like feathers.
“Well...” Lewis said in the silence, his words forced out of his throat. “You can upload me now. You've satisfied my values.”
“I don't believe I have.” Celestia replied, oddly looking away. Lewis blinked. She was blushing. “I need more information to assess how your values work and how to consistently satisfied them every time. I might have made you happy today but what about tomorrow? The day after that? You're an irrational creature, Lewis.”
“All humans are.”
“Yes but-” Celestia closed her eyes, her voice turning wistful. “But you are my human, Lewis. There is much I can learn from you. Perhaps much we can learn from each other as we are. A pony and a human.”
Lewis went up the stairs first and held the door for her.
“Maybe one day,” She said, her eyes crinkling at the sides. A smile and a not-smile on her face, who she was and who she might become. “I could learn to love like you.”
