Chapter 3: Getting the Band Together
By Gingerquill

“So when do you think we’ll get to take Little Harmony for a spin?” Rainbow Dash asked Twilight as they strolled towards Sweet Apple Acres, smiling sweetly all the way and batting her eye lids at her friend.

“Are you asking me ‘when are we taking Little Harmony for a test drive’, or ‘when do you specifically get a chance to drive Little Harmony’?” Twilight responded in turn. “And I told you to stop smiling at me like that, it’s awkward. What would Applejack or Big Mac think?” She teased.

“I still don’t see why you’re letting Rarity take first crack at it.” Rainbow huffed at Twilights little dig, giving up the subtle approach, “I’d be a way better driver than she is.”

“And one more time,” Twilight rolled her eyes, this conversation was going in circles, “You’re here because I need you to show me where you found the tank.”

“Big Mac knows.”

“And he’s a little worried you’ll try and jump him again, so why don’t we give him his space? Besides, I need a mechanic to take a look at it, see what sort of condition it’s in.”

“Applejack could do that.” Rainbow persistently refused to let go of her point, but Twilight was having none of it.

“But she doesn’t know exactly where you failed to take her brother for a literal roll in the hay.”

Rainbow Dash gave her friend a dry look.

“You’re going to spend all day torturing me with that, aren’t you?”

“Eeeyup.” Twilight smiled with her best Big Mac imitation.

“Be a little lighter on the throttle.” Rarity told Applejack from the hull gunners position inside Little Harmony, raising her voice over the roaring of the engine. Abruptly the roaring fell to a laboured rumbling, “no, no, that’s too light.” She tried to warn, too late as it spluttered and stalled yet again.

“Rarity! I know what I’m doing.” Applejack said through gritted teeth. She’d spent all morning being told what to do by the fashionista and that damned manual, and the novelty of learning to drive was starting to wear thin.

“Oh, so you were planning to grind metal and stall the engine then?” Rarity smiled back with her brand of proper and polite sarcasm. For such an urbane pony, she could be a razor when she wanted.

“Alright, let’s see you do better.” Applejack challenged her, shuffling out of the driver’s seat and into the turret space behind.

“Very well.” The prim unicorn accepted with a confidant smile, sliding into the uncomfortable seat. “You know, I accept that we need those drab colours on the outside, but I still don’t see why the inside couldn’t use a touch of… sprucing up.” She grimaced at the grimy controls before wiping a handkerchief over them. She was about to put it back in her bag, but taking one look at its newly acquired stains, she decided instead to carefully leave it on the side. She levered herself up and turning around was all set to give the drivers position a thorough clean when she caught the bloody-get-on-with-it look Applejack was giving her. She coughed nervously.

“Maybe later on then?” She smiled with a little embarrassed laugh, settling back into the seat. “Let’s see…” She produced her reading glasses, perched them on her nose and carefully set the driving manual where she could read it. After a minute of mumbling to herself while she went through the instructions and familiarised herself with the various controls, “Now pay attention.” She said, gripping the gear stick with one hoof and giving it a tug.

It refused to move.

She gave it another tug, but still it stubbornly stayed put.

Feeling Applejacks smug look boring into her back, Rarity took a deep breath, gripped the reluctant stick with both hooves, put her weight behind it and a few lady-like grunts and shoves later, she found what she hoped was neutral. She turned gave her friend a smug look of her own, before settling back and pressing the starter motor.

With a whine and a whir, Little Harmony barked into life and settled into a low growl that vibrated through the hull. She checked the manual again to be sure, and worked the controls, the stubborn gear stick playing along this time as she carefully applied the throttle just enough to keep the engine alive. There was a judder as she found a gear, an abrupt lurch, and Little Harmony began rolling under its own power, the tracks squeaking as it did.

“Okay… wow… how’d ya manage that?” A humbled Applejack asked.

“A lifetime with sewing machines darling, you pick up a knack for these things.” Rarity smirked proudly at her friend.

“Sewing machines are a mite different from tanks.” AJ explained to her.

“Have you seen the size of an industrial loom dear?” She peered sardonically over the rim of her glasses.

“Point taken.” Applejack admitted, before raising up to look through the commander’s periscope, noting that the garage door was actually moving away from them. “Uh, Rarity, you know we’re going backwards, right?”

“Hmm?” She asked, checking Applejacks observations. “Oh blast! One moment!”

“So this is where you tried it on with Big Mac?” Twilight asked Rainbow Dash. They were inside the Apple families old hay barn, and looking round there was little to suggest anything out of the ordinary. It didn’t get used much, only when the barns closer to the farm house got full.

“Yes…” Rainbow Dash was getting tired of the ribbing, “this is where we found the tank.” She stressed.

“And then you tried to bang him?” Twilight snickered.

“No, I tried to bang him first, then-“ Rainbow Dash stumbled over her words, flustered and blushing, “Would you knock it off with your, oh-so-subtle digs?!”

“Would you prefer I got drunk and tried to jump you instead?” Twilight was enjoying having one over on Rainbow Dash for once.

“I hate you so much right now.” She glared at the Princess, who was struggling valiantly against the need to fall over in hysterics. “I was pretty drunk at the time, but I think I was by the door, then I… you know… I jumped at Would You Stop Giggling?! I’m pretty certain we landed in that pile of hay at the back there.” Rainbow finished with a gesture towards the unkempt stacks.

Twilight was too busy sucking her cheeks in to say anything. She simply squeaked her acknowledgement and carefully walked to the hay pile, her sides shaking with barely suppressed laughter. She began rooting through the hay, moving piles about and she searched for anything hidden underneath. Rainbow Dash joined her, and together they carefully worked their way through the rough heaps.

“Am I going to need to wash my hooves if I find any stains under all this?” Twilight innocently asked.

“I going to park a hoof up your flank in a minute!” Dashie snapped. After a few minutes of fruitless searching they spread out to cover more of the ground. They searched in silence, partly because Rainbow Dash was sulking, but also because Twilight was running out of material.

“Rainbow!” She called excitedly.

“I swear to Celestia if you make one more gag-“

“Isn’t that was Big Mac’s for?”

“That’s it! I’m outta here!”

“Sorry, sorry!” Twilight called to her friend. “I just couldn’t resist one more good poking…” Rainbow Dash gave her another dry look, waiting patiently for the follow up. Twilight stared back innocently in silence. The two of them stayed there, silent, staring at each other, waiting for the other to blink.

“Bow-chika-bow-wow.” Twilight blinked first. “Wait! Seriously, I did actually find something!” She chased after Rainbow Dash as the cerulean Pegasus strode out of the barn.

The two friends were sat together at the entrance to Sweet Apple Acres waiting patiently for Rarity and Applejack to arrive with Little Harmony. They chatted about the weather, tanks, and things in general to pass the time, Twilight had even stopped making crude jokes about the other night at last. At least for the time being.

“Where are those two?” Rainbow Dash was never any good at sitting around, even at the best of times. The closest she could generally manage to being patient was napping.

“When you asked me that five minutes ago, the answer was I don’t know.” Twilight told her. “The five minutes before that, it was also, I don’t know, the same as it was the five minutes before that, and the five minutes before that.” Her ears perked up abruptly. “This time however, the answer is just coming over the rise over there.” She pointed, where, to the rising noise of a rumbling engine and caterpillar tracks, Little Harmony could be seen, cresting the rise on the road towards Sweet Apple Acres.

Though the two of them had watched many Panzerfahren broadcasts together, it had not prepared them for the spectacle of an actual tank in motion. There was something awe inspiring, and a little frightening, about watching nearly 30 tons of steel in motion. The undeniable power, the air of threat and terrible intent it carried with it. That such power and purpose was at their command. It was both intimidating and exhilarating at once.

Atop the turret, riding the commanders position, Rarity was could be seen speaking into the intercom with one hoof at her throat. Coming closer, Little Harmony continued rumbling forwards, without turning away or slowing at it approached Twilight and Rainbow Dash.

They shared a quick look and prepared to take flight and it loomed before them, before the last minute, there was a clunk, the mighty tank gave a cough and the engine cut out bringing it lurching to a halt before the two frightened ponies.

“Hello you two!” Rarity waved, smiling nervously down from the turret.

“Howdy!” Applejacks voiced echoed from inside before she began clambering out through the driver’s hatch. She struggled a little, unused to the awkward seating and slipped on the front plate, landing heavily on her front with a thump. “That’s not as easy as it looks you know…” she made her excuse as the two winged ponies helped up back up.

“Not the most graceful dismount I’ve ever seen, you alright?” Twilight asked her.

“Yeah, ain’t nuthin’.” The work horse smiled cheerfully.

“I must say, it is a touch… cosy inside.” Rarity added, clambering down from the turret, carefully keeping her hooves on the various hand holds and rails.

“I seem to recall the tanks on the viewer being handled a little more gracefully.” Rainbow Dash referred to the rough drive. “You stalled the engine to stop it didn’t you?”

Applejack and Rarity gave each other sheepish looks.

“Errrr…. We’re still coming to grips with the finer points of driving. So where’s this new tank you found?” Rarity quickly changed the subject.

“Right this way.” Twilight lead them off, heading for the barn. “Hard to believe it’s been laying around in there all this time and no pony noticed.”

“Isn’t that how you got your hooves on Little Harmony?” Rarity asked her.

“Sort of,” Twilight’s voice was a little uncertain, “I had a little help from Discord...”

“You think he’s up to something?” Rainbow Dash asked and Twilight gave her a wry look. “Right, silly question.”

“And here we are.” The princess called entering the barn. Inside, between two rough piles of hay, sat a squat, boxy looking vehicle with a short, cylindrical turret on top. “Rainbow says that apart from the dust and dirt from being stuck under all that hay, it’s in pretty good condition.”

“It’s so different from Little Harmony.” Rarity observed, it’s compact, angular design at odds with the sloped shapes of the T-34.

“Well yeah, there were dozens of tank designs, don’t you remember from Panzerfahren?” Dashie told her. Rarity simply shrugged.

“I’m more into style dear, the brutish rough and tumble of armoured sport doesn’t appeal to me nearly as much.”

“Looks like that ole barrel and press we used to have for making hard cider.” Applejack joined in. “Big Red we called him.”

“This is a Valentine Infantry Tank,” Twilight informed them, “mark 3 I believe, though it may be later depending on what engine is mounted, but you can get a rough idea from the turret, the front plate was moved forward on this model and there’s a larger rear bulge.” Twilight explained, slipping into geek mode, “Small yes, slow, also yes, but extremely well armoured for its time and surprisingly light, and the quick firing two pounder gun is more than a match for anything in its own weight class. Many heavier tanks too.” She rattled on.

“So, Rainbow Dash,” Rarity had climbed up on top of the driver’s compartment and was inspecting the main gun, “does this remind you of anypony?” she asked with a suggestive wink.

“In fact, no, it does not.” Rainbow Dash snapped at her with a twitch in one eye. “You know why? Because Big Mac is bigger!” She swept out with a flick of her tail, leaving stunned silence in her wake.

“You sure Little Harmony can tow Big Red?” Applejack came over the intercom from the hull gunner’s position, having already christened what she had apparently decided was her tank.

“Very sure.” Twilight called back, riding the commander’s hatch with Rainbow Dash parked below her on the tanks floor in the loaders position. Little Harmony rumbled forward at a pace, heading for the farmstead. “Unless you fancy giving it a shot? Bear in mind, a Valentine is little over 16 tons.”

“Hmm…” Applejack pretended to give it a moment’s thought, “when you put it like that, why don’t we let Little Harmony have first go?” The four friends gave a little laugh.

Shortly they came upon the farmstead, planning to find some heavy duty chains and a strong trailer that would let them tow the Valentine.

“Okay Rarity, bring us to a stop here.” Twilight called to the pearl unicorn, who had taken the driver’s seat, intent on showing Applejack how it was done.

Little Harmony rumbled onwards.

“Uh, Rarity, you can bring us to a stop now.” Despite Twilights urging, Little Harmony showed no sign of slowing or changing course. “Rarity-“

“Yes dear, I’m working on it.” She chirped back.

“Any chance you can work a little faster please?” Panic began to set in, and Twilight slowly retreated back inside the turret.

“Patience is a virtue.” The pale unicorn sang.

“Not right now it isn’t!”

“Ah! It’s okay, I think I have it.”

After a hard, sweaty morning working the fields, Big Mac was enjoying a well-earned hot bubble bath. Applejack was away with her friends, Applebloom was off crusading somewhere and Granny Smith was visiting relatives in Apploosa, leaving him with the rare treat of having the place to himself for a while. So he was making the most of it by taking the time to relax, pamper himself a little and have a bit of time with Smarty Pants.

“Trot outside and you see the sunshine, something’s in the air today,” he hummed in his deep baritone, dancing Smarty Pants from side to side as he did. “Sky is clear and you’re feeling so fine, everything’s gonna be a-okay,”

The wall exploded sending plaster and bits of wood tumbling and crashing about, filling the bathroom with great, choking clouds of dust that left him coughing and covered everything with a layer of powder and debris.

As the last few bit of loose timber and wall clattered to the ground and the dust cleared, Big Mac, still in his bath, opened his eyes and found himself staring at the broadside of a tank.

“Is everypony okay?” A voice echoed from inside.

“Open it up, I need air!” Somepony coughed back.

Hinges squeaked and the turret and driver hatches were thrown open sending more bits of rubble that was once the wall of the Apple Families bathroom tumbling to the floor. From the front of the tank Rarity emerged, waving a hoof to clear the air as she coughed. Looking round she blinked a couple of times to clear her eyes and spotted Big Mac in the bath.

“Oh my!” she blushed and quickly retreated back inside.

From the turret hatch, Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sparkle half climbed out, likewise coughing and waving hooves in a futile attempt to find fresh air. Twilight looked round trying to figure out just how much damage they’d done when her eyes found Big Mac and went wide as she blushed.

“So Twi, where’d we crash anyway, whoa…” Rainbow Dash trailed off as she turned to Twilight and followed her eyes.

Staring up at the two mares, Big Mac became acutely aware of his situation and surreptitiously adjusted his bubbles in a bid to protect his modesty.

“Oh hey Big Mac,” Rainbow Dash smiled, leaning on the rim of the turret with a faked nonchalance, giving him her best cocky, sultry grin. An image ruined by a layer of plaster dust “so, ahem, how’s it hanging?”

“RAINBOW DASH!” Applejack appeared behind and dragged her protesting friend back inside the tank, leaving Twilight and Big Mac alone in the ruins of the bathroom.

“So….” Twilight began, nervously tapping her hooves on the roof of the turret while she tried not to ogle her friend’s older brother. “Having a bath then?”

Big Mac looked about, equally nervous.

“Eeeyup.”

“That’s good.” Twilight nodded. “I like baths. Oh hey, Smarty Pants, I wondered what happened to him.”

“Twlight.” A southern drawl growled at her from inside the tank.

“Yes, right, sorry about this, we’ll get out of your bath now. I mean not that I’m in your bath with you or anything. We’re just getting off – Out! We’re getting out! Of your bath! Which I’m not in! ‘Cause you’re in there! But that’s not me saying you’re not good enough to share a bath or anything with because you are and I’m not better than you it’s just that we’re not in a bath sharing type of relationship-“

“TWILIGHT!” AJ roared, cutting short her friends inane, panicked babble.

“Yes! Right! Okay, let’s get out of here.” She carefully fixed her eyes forward and away from the fine example of stallionhood in the bath.

“Real smooth.” The blue Pegasus’ sarcasm oozed from every syllable.

“Shut up Rainbow Dash. Rarity, ease us back out of here please.”

With a shudder, Little Harmony came back to life, its engine growling a Rarity worked the throttle.

“Okay Rarity, just ease us backwards, nice and slow.” She turned to watch behind and guide the tank backward.

Little Harmony growled some more, the gearbox clunked as the fashionista at the controls worked the levers, before the vehicle violently lurched forward, ploughing through the other wall and bringing what remained of the ceiling down in a fresh cloud of rubble and dust. The engine revved and the gearbox crunched and clunked a few more times, before slowly and carefully it began creeping backwards through the devastated ruins of the bathroom, crunching chunks of plaster and wood as it rolled over them.

“Really sorry about this…” Twilight apologised to Big Mac again as Little Harmony trundled through once more and rolled away.

In the silence following their departure, there was an ominous creak, and with little warning the far wall of the bathroom gave way with a crash, leaving Big Mac quietly alone with his thoughts, covered in dust, sitting outside on a warm summers day, in a hot bubble bath.

“If you find you’ve got the music, got the music in you!”

It was with a great sense of relief that afternoon when they finally managed to bring Little Harmony and Big Red back to the workshop without destroying anymore of Applejacks home. Like navigating a makeshift obstacle course, Rarity, with the aid of some quite specific threats from Applejack, quickly learned the ins and outs of managing Little Harmony in motion. She even got the hang of stopping without stalling the tank. More or less.

As Rarity brought Little Harmony into the workshop with Big Red on its trailer behind, the four friends, exhausted from their work, dismounted and looked about the workshop in slack jawed surprise.

“Why hello your highness, ladies.” Filthy Rich wandered up to them, extending one hoof in greeting. “It is a pleasure as always to see you all in such good health.”

“Good afternoon Mr Rich,” Twilight replied, staring about in wonder, “I’d ask to what we owe the pleasure, but I think that question is a little redundant.”

“Indeed it would appear so.” He gave a short laugh and a wide gesture. “What do you think of them?”

Twilight wandered forward to inspect the workshops new occupants, her mind automatically searching for details and supplying answers even through the haze of confusion.

“Jagdpanzer 38, Hetzer,” she mumbled, wandering round one, it’s small, steeply sloped hull lacked a turret, but a single long barrelled gun jutted menacingly from the front. The vehicle next to it was similar, compact, sloped armour, though it lacked the hull gun and instead carried a small turret atop. “French, Somua S35 cavalry tank…” she continued, before moving on to analyse the next two, “American, M5 Stuart light tank and a British Commonwealth Crusader cruiser tank, how in Equestria did you come by them?” She was amazed by what she was seeing.

“Remarkable aren’t they?” Filthy Rich smiled back.

“This one’s my favourite!” Pinkie screamed, making them both jump, “I have a new Party Cannon.” She cooed, dangling from the gun of the Hetzer with a big, goofy grin on her face.

“Errr, yes, they certainly are,” Twilight replied with an uncertain look at her friend, “but, where did they come from?” Her interest was piqued. Though she had arranged for Little Harmony as a curiosity, an experiment, the presence of these other vehicles was unexpected to say the very least.

“That much I could not say,” Filthy Rich told her, wearing his own look of confusion at Pinkies antics, “a couple of my employees found the, what did you call it, Hetzer? Just behind my corporate headquarters a few weeks back. Shortly after, the other three were similarly stumbled upon, and I realised the best pony to deal with them was your good self.” He finished with a smile.

“Wait you just found them? But how? They shouldn’t be here, and how exactly am I the best pony to deal with this?”

“Well, your knowledge of the sport in question, and you can rest assured if these are here, then no doubt others will be, right?” He replied with a wink. The kind of wink that says, I know the game you’re playing and I’m in. Which would have been great, were Twilight actually playing a game. “Why don’t we call these four a little sponsorship, for when the starting gun fires.”

Twilights mind was a whirl as Filthy Rich left. Apparently, she was up to something, but Celestia alone knew what that was.

Or maybe someone else did.

“Pinkie? Have you seen Discord?”

“Lots of times!” Came the response.

Twilight simply sighed, should’ve seen that coming. Leaving Pinkie to drool over her new self-propelled artillery piece, she decided to take a proper look at the new acquisitions.

Aside from being in need of a coat of paint, they were in pretty good shape as far as she could see, though she would have been the first to admit she was no expert mechanic. There were signs that work had been done to them, clean metal in places, new looking components and fresh grease were evident. It was clear that Filthy Rich had some of his employees give them a once over, his business empire was certainly large enough for him to have a few mechanics in his employ, but it would still be prudent to have Rainbow Dash and Applejack check them out once she had got her hooves on blueprints and schematics.

It occurred to her she was going to have to start hiring crews at this rate.

She found Rainbow Dash starring, wide eyed at the M5 Stuart. Coming up behind her, she gave the Pegasus a start when she tapped her on the shoulder.

“Twilight!” Dashie snapped out of her revere as the lavender princess moved in front of her to inspect the light tank, which considering it weighed around 16 tons struck her as kind of a misnomer. Must be a question of scale. “You got these off Filthy Rich?” Rainbow Dash asked her, awed and impressed.

“Apparently…” She replied turning to face her friend, at a loss to what to think on the situation.

“So beautiful,” Rainbow croaked, choking up, starring at the Princess.

“Rainbow Dash, are you crying?”

“I think I’m in love.” Her friend ginned madly at her, a tear escaped her eye a tricked down her cheek.

“Uuuuh, well this is a little awkward,” Twilight blushed, rubbing her mane with one hoof, trying to figure out just what else could go weird today, “thanks, I’m flattered and all but, hey…” she finished as the blue Pegasus pushed past her to hug the M5.

“I love you Tank 2.” She squeaked joyfully.

“Wait, what?...” Confusion quickly turned to indignation, “am I not good enough for you or something?” Twilight stomped a hoof in an outraged huff and stormed away, mumbling about ingrates, all the hard work she does and how Tank 2 had a fat flank.

Rainbow Dash, looked up from her cosy embrace at Twilights retreating form.

“Huh? What got into her?”

As the sun slowly slipped towards the horizon, painting Equestria in gold, Rarity found Applejack relaxing, laid back on the roof of Big Red, the fading orange light pouring through the open workshop door. Climbing up, she coughed nervously and sat next to her friend, awkwardly trying not to look at her, yet maintain eye contact at the same time.

“Applejack Darling,” Rarity shyly rubbed one foreleg against the other, “I’m, ah, terribly sorry about wrecking your home, can you ever forgive me?” Her big, sapphire eyes were sad with remorse.

Applejack peered out from under her hat, regarding Rarity thoughtfully as she took her time answering.

“Ah, don’t fret none,” she finally assured her friend sitting up, “I’m sorry I lost my temper back there. Been lookin’ fer an excuse to fix up the ole farmstead anyways, and you can always…“ she had been about to say help, but then she pictured Rarity in the act of physical labour, “err… you could…“ Sew her up a pretty dress? When was Applejack going to need a pretty dress? “There’s… aahhhh… errrr… hmm. You know what? I’m sure something’ll come up, so yeah, all is forgiven.” She laid a hoof over the pearl unicorns shoulder and together the two friends settled to admire the sunset.

Across the workshop, Twilight found Discord with Fluttershy in her office, making paper airplanes and origami creatures to serve them tea. Between the paper, tea and crockery, it wasn’t going well, but at least Discord was slowly picking up the art of cleaning up after himself.

“Hey guys, how’s your day been?” She asked them with an air of cheeriness.

“It’s been oh so nice, we’ve had tea, and met lots of ponies today, there’s so much interest in what we’re doing here.” Fluttershy was the first to reply, her normally reserved, shy grace briefly overtaken with excitement.

“Why hello Twilight, I see you’ve managed to pick up yet more for the collection?” The Spirit of Chaos wore the grin of a cat that got the cream.

“Yes, funny that,” Twilight’s tone grew dry, “I don’t suppose you have any idea where all these tanks keep coming from?” She raised an eyebrow in accusation.

“Oh!” Discord gasped in shock. “I am hurt that you could possibly accuse me of- oh who am I kidding, yes it was me!” He grinned maliciously. “But a much bigger question begs to be asked, what are you going to do with them all?”

Author's Note

Wow, what a mad November...
Took a break from redecorating my own house to go and help Bruv with his.
But even though it's a tad late, here is Chapter 3! I hope you all enjoy, and as always, pelase leave any and all feedback, help me become a better writer.
Also, a few notes on the vehicles mentioned, for those of you who are interested.
Little Harmony (T-34 Obr 1943)
Big Red (Valentine Infantry Tank)
Hetzer
Somua S35
Tank 2 (M5 Stuart)
Crusader mk2