Egg-cellent Tidings

My name is Doctor --do NOT forget that-- Ivo Robotnik, though I go by the nickname of 'Eggman' occasionally. A trifling insult created by less enlightened minds but like all those persecuted I took it and removed its power. adopting it for myself. I am a genius. That is of no doubt. By the age of eight years I had created a fully aware artificial intelligence and utilized it to plan my schedule. Nap time was always priority, one cannot think at their best when addled by sleep.

But I digress, by the age of 18 whilst my fellow students were busy copulating and drinking copious amounts of alcohol I had obtained multiple doctorates in the fields of political science, physics, engineering, advanced robotics and numerous others that I shan't bore you with. With my talents I was born for greatness, like my Grandfather before me. Also like my Grandfather before me I had grown a rather prodigious mustache...but then again all the males in my family seemed to have a thing for facial hair, father with his goatee...... I see i'm leading off on a tangent again I apologize most profusely.

Where was I ? Ah yes.

I was young, incredibly talented, handsome (at least my mother said so) and (through canny sales of my lesser works) well off enough to live in considerable comfort for my entire life. What was there for me to do ? Well rule for one. It began as a simple enough idea, I could see the corruption and failings of our world, the Mobians (humanoid animal creatures, a by product of our unique evolution system if my forays into multidimensional viewing are correct) were content enough but my own people alas were not.

War like and mistrustful their petty governments and simplistic leaders held on to irrational ideas like 'democracy', religion and reality television. I could bring order, rationality and catapult the inhabitants of our planet to heights not yet dreamed of. I was naturally the best choice to rule but I realized my own folly quickly my Empire would not flourish through strong arm tactics and --perhaps due to the influence of my beloved Grandfather-- a Technocracy was the only answer. Who but those wise and enlightened through the knowledge of science could lead ?

I myself would be the head of such a council of course. For who else was as intelligent as I ? I had the master plan. Over the course of five years I would build up a sizable base of operations a 'villains lair' if you will though I personally find such comic book ideas a tad trite. Using several corporate fronts I would gain enough resources to construct my robotic army utilizing a rather unique power source, completely clean with no damage to the environment. Small animals.

You consider me a monster ? Far from it. The creatures were ethically obtained through natural means saving many from harsh lives in the brutality that is nature, others were lab creatures bought enne mass and thus spared painful dissection or cosmetic testing. The creatures were sedated and placed inside a chamber within the mechanical warrior. The chamber was a special design of mine which utilized a bio-feedback loop keeping both the creature alive and well whilst simultaneously powering the robot. To top this all off the creatures were rendered comatose while powering the machines (tests indicate they were dreaming however, I may be a 'insane conqueror' as my detractors refer to me but I am no sadist) upon the machines destruction the power source would eject and release the creature causing instantaneous revival. I had considered revealing my discovery to the world but they would no doubt turn it into some kind of science fiction esqe 'death bomb' making my gift worthless. Idiotic ingrates.

To 'cut a long story short' as they say I began my conquest. Only to be interrupted and eventually halted by a rather....unique Mobian. Through hitherto unknown (though I suspect the hand of the 'Chaos Emeralds' are involved) means this hedgehog had obtained the ability to move at supersonic speeds. He and his eventual band of allies would become a regular thorn in my side. I had tried to explain to them the benefits of my 'Eggman Empire' as it would eventually be referred to (they had a habit of creating nicknames for my creations including the laughable 'Badniks' for my robotic minions) but they couldn't see it for the shining last hope that it was.

We battled many times and I will admit to taking rather hasty and rash (some may say suicidal or megalomaniacal) actions from time to time. My most shameful was an attempt to wipe a city off the map with a Chaos God and then (when the failed) to utilize a Bio-feedback missile to the same effect. I take some solace though that (if my readings were correct) the seeds of such a plan were sowed due to a chemical imbalance in my mind caused by close proximity to said Chaos God. Unfortunately few will believe me since those who were closest to it besides myself were Mobians whom appear to be immune to such effects.

Why am I writing all of this ? For posterity I suppose for as you can see i'm also utilizing parchment and a primitive feather dipped in ink. Why ? Well to put it bluntly its the damn Hedgehogs fault. We clashed once more and this time instead of the usual 'witty' dialogue he'd give me allowing myself enough time to limp away he'd had the novel idea of using a 'Chaos Emerald' (note to self : find a better name for those objects, they are far more unique then mere emeralds) to teleport me....somewhere. It appears he hadn't mastered the art of 'Chaos Control' as he referred to it and I now find myself stuck in a primitive world full of oddly evolved horses without a scrap of technology besides my goggles, glasses and the marvel that is clothing.

Oh Equestria we are going to have much fun together.