The Problem With Pegasi

by shortskirtsandexplosions

Rating: teen
Tags: Romance, Slice of Life, Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Rarity
Length: 2827

Applejack has had it up to here with Rainbow Dash's sleepflying. Rarity attempts to lend a hoof.

Applejack has had it up to here with Rainbow Dash's sleepflying. Rarity attempts to lend a hoof.

Published 2015-09-07 21:40:04 UTC
Last updated 2015-09-07 21:40:04 UTC

Shnorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Thump!

Thump!

Thump!

“Mrmmff...” Applejack's forehead tensed. She turned over in bed, fussing beneath the covers as she lingered just beneath the hazy epidermal layer of sleep.

A few paces beside her, a persistent bumping noise rattled the panes of her second story farmhouse window.

Thump!

Th-thump!

Thump!

“Grmmfff... guh...” The mare pushed up, squatting like a grumpy feline in the center of her mattress. She blinked, her face freckled and bleary beneath a golden tousle of cowlicked bangs. “What in Celestia's name could this be now...?” Reaching out a numb hoof, she tiredly padded out of bed and limped towards the window. “...did Granny leave Winona outside again? I swear, if that pup made a mess in the rain gutters...”

The rattling persisted, even as Applejack reached the window and slid it up with a forceful grunt.

“Come on in, Winona!” She yawned, green eyes fluttering shut as she teetered in place. Applejack basked briefly in the cool, crisp kiss of autumn night, accompanied by a delightful serenade of crickets. She even almost smiled. “Every dog has its day. Might as well earn its night too.”

FWOOOOOSH! Something certifiably bigger and bluer than Winona whisked by the mare. Applejack's eyes slitted open, and she blinked in abject confusion.

“Wait...” Her orange muzzle twisted. “...Winona ain't got no feathers.” She immediately pivoted about, eyes drifting across the wooden floorboards of her room, the brown oak of her dresser, the fuzzy blue pegasus curled up on her bed, the pitcher of water on her table—“!!!” Muzzle agape, Applejack spun back to face the bed, head snapping in place. “Rainbow...?!”

“Shnorrrrrrrrrrr...” Rainbow Dash gargled mindlessly in her sleep. A stupid smile graced her muzzle while her slumbering body settled deeper and deeper into the warm impression that Applejack's body had made in the bed over the past few hours. “Snkkk-crkk-gkkk-gkk... shnorrrrrrr...”

“Grrrrr!” Applejack stomped over, gnashing her teeth. “Consarn it, Rainbow! Not again!” She shook the bed covers. “Wake up, ya lazy varmint! T'ain't your house nor your bed! Now git!” When no amount of shaking solved the situation, Applejack let loose a lengthy growl, pivoted on her haunches, and bucked the bed hard. “Grnnngh!” THUD!

Rainbow Dash lifted in the air, twirled twice, then came straight back down on fluttering wings. She landed in the dead-center of the mattress, her body spreading out like a deflated balloon. In the end, she looked even comfier than before, lying face-up with her forelimbs curled above her fuzzy chest. “Mmmmmmmmff... shnorrrrrrrrrrr...”

Applejack heaved and heaved, her face so red that it chased the freckles away. She grabbed the pitcher of water from her bedside table and raised it high above her head, targeting Rainbow's peaceful, slumbering face. After a few heavy breaths, every muscle in Applejack's body sagged. She planted the pitcher back onto the table with a defeated sigh.

“Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww shucks.” Yanking a loose duvet and pillow from the bed, Applejack proceeded to march out of the room, one tired hoof after another. “Gonna talk to Twilight soon about hammerin' yer tail to the floor with magical nails, I swear...”

Morning came.

The rooster crowed over Sweet Apple Acres.

Bright golden sunlight peaked through the front windows to Applejack's first floor living room.

The mare's green eyes fluttered open.

She lay on the living room sofa, feeling warm and secure with her pillow and comforter. Gazing out upon the toasty glow of morning, Applejack smiled. She allowed herself a lazy yawn to greet the day, then closed her eyes once more. Limbs stirring, she pulled the soft blue wings closer, wrapping the feathers warm and tight around her body.

“... … ...”

Applejack's eyes flew wide open.

“... … …!”

She looked over her shoulder.

“Shnorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...” A smiling, drooling Rainbow Dash unconsciously spooned her from behind.

“Guhhh!” Applejack tossed, twisted, turned, and finally wriggled her way out from the soft, velvety forest that was Rainbow Dash's wings. She landed on heavy hooves in the middle of the living room, then spun to snarl at the couch. “Dag nabbit!” She kicked the couch. Hard.

Thunk! Rainbow Dash fell to the floor. She rolled over, her legs sticking straight up and partially bent. “Snkkktt-grkkk-shnorrrrrrrrrrrrrr....”

“What's it gonna take to wake ya?!” Applejack barked. “One of them polo mallets to the skull?” She raised an angry hoof, shook, then collapsed with a grumbling sigh. Stepping over Rainbow's sleeping form, she marched tiredly off towards the front door. “Outhouse. Outhouse. Outhouse now.”

Rarity hummed to the drumbeat of a coffee maker's percolation. She leaned forward, eyelashes fluttering as she poured a steamy hot brew into her floating mug. A slowly waking smile crossed her pale muzzle, and she pivoted to face the opposite end of Sugarcube Corner. Just as she brought the coffee to her lips—however—she froze upon seeing a slouching orange figure seated at the far end of the bakery.

Rarity squinted, stared. Then, with ladylike grace, she shuffled quietly across the empty space between her and her friend.

The fashionista took a seat across from the table, and Applejack didn't protest.

“Good morning, darling.” Rarity took a sip, swallowed, and sputtered: “I hope.”

“Mmmmf...” Teetering, Applejack hid half her baggy eyes beneath the protective shade of her hat. “...mornin', I reckon...”

Rarity took another sip. Then, placing the mug on the tabletop, she leaned forward on crossed forelimbs. “Allow me to guess.” She arched a single eyebrow. “Rainbow Dash?”

“Grnnnnghhh...” Thud! Applejack faceplanted against the table.

Rarity tried not to wince. “Ahem...” She couldn't help but reach forward and straighten some of Applejack's loose bangs. “How many times does that make it this week? Three? Four?”

“Mrmmffff... for the third month in a row...” Applejack groaned. “She sleeps like a rock too. If I tossed her into the family well, she'd just grow gills and climb back out to find her way to my bed.”

“Applejack, darling, you're an honest mare.” Rarity leaned back, cradling her coffee mug. “Surely you can just tell our favorite somnambulist about her problem.”

“I done tried!” Applejack cackled, raising her wrinkled face. She tossed her forelimbs in the air, moaning: “All she does is laugh at me! She thinks I'm jokin'!” An orange frown. “Ain't my fault my family dun own a camera! Or else I'd give her proof!”

“That does seem like a terribly hard thing to set up, come to think about it.”

“Mrmmmff...” Applejack rubbed and rubbed her fuzzy face. “I mean it, Rarity. If this keeps up, I'm gonna go'n'ask Twilight for some of her professional, magical help.”

“Mmmm... and surely nopony can blame you, dear.”

“But I hate to do it!” Applejack grimaced. “Y'know how easy Rainbow Dash gets embarrassed by the silliest of things! If I tell the Princess about her lil' sleepflyin' problem, then soon enough all of Ponyville will know about it too! You just wait and see!”

“Sounds like quite the predicament.” Rarity took another sip. “But so is this trial of nightly nonsense you're going through. And I do hate to see you suffer so.”

“If only there was... I dunno...” Applejack rubbed her head, wincing. “...some way of figurin' out why she's always drawn towards me whenever she falls into a deep sleep flight...”

Rarity's eyes darted left and right. Then, with a bright smile, she exclaimed: “Perhaps it's simply a matter of location, darling!”

“Beg yer pardon?”

“Location, location, location! Heehee!” Rarity finished the last of her brew, placed the mug down, and stood up. “Come. I have the absolute most perfect plan to get you some much-needed shuteye tonight.”

“Oh Rarity...” Applejack stifled a yawn, crawling onto the plush red cushions of Rarity's fainting couch. “...y'all didn't have to do this.”

“Uh uh uh!” Rarity waved a hoof. “Perish the thought!” Smiling, she floated a silk blanket across the dim lights of the Carousel Boutique's first floor studio. The dark haze of night lingered outside the windows. “Sweetie Belle's off on vacation with my parents, and I haven't any projects to work on at the moment. The Boutique right now is as quiet and still as it's ever going to be. It's the most perfect moment for you to... crash at my pad, as t'were.” She winked.

“Well, I'm mighty thankful for yer hospitality.” Applejack snuggled her way tighter beneath the sheet Rarity was draping over her. She bore a grateful smile as the unicorn floated her hat over and rested it on the top of a bejeweled rack. “Funny. Once upon a time, I would rather have shoved my head into a manticore's jaws than do a sleepover in the same building as you.”

“Yes, well... eheheh...” Rarity rolled her eyes. “Funny how times have changed.”

“Now...” Applejack squinted. “...are ya sure this is gonna work?” She gulped hard, tired eyes darting about. “'Cuz Rainbow has this darn uncanny knack for findin' the place where I sleep.”

“Precisely!” Rarity grinned. “And that place is on the farm! At Sweet Apple Acres!” She winked. “There's no possible way the pegasus could know that you're bedding here at the Boutique for the night!”

“Hmmmm...” Applejack yawned again, bearing a delirious smile. “Reckon yer right on the money, darlin'.”

“Of course I am! Now...” Rarity tucked Applejack in and patted her shoulder. “You get your much-needed beauty sleep. Or apple bucking sleep. Or both. Whatever the case...” She trotted slowly, quietly out of the room, snuffing out several sets of candles in the process. “...you deserve your rest, and I do hope tonight makes up for the last few evenings.”

“Mmmm... you bet...” Applejack cooed, her eyes closing shut as she drifted off into blissful, undisturbed slumber. “Snug as a bug... under... a...” And the mare's words dwindled into breathy snores.

Rarity smiled, snuffed out one last candle, and shuffled her way up the stairs to her own room. “Nighty night...”

Hours later...

Under a starry sky...

“Grmmmff...” Rarity tossed. “Mmmff... Sweetie Belle, no...” Rarity turned. “...not the matchsticks, Sweetie Belle. Not the matchsticks!” She shot up in bed, panting, sweating. With a shaky hoof, she slipped her sleeping mask off and squinted across her starlit bedroom. After a few deep breaths to compose herself, the mare sighed heavily, rubbing her face. “Grnnngh... that settles it. No more Chineighs Takeout right before bedtime.”

Licking her lips, Rarity realized how parched her mouth felt.

So, with stirring limbs, she shuffled out of bed, slipped on her terry cloth robe, and padded tiredly across the floor. “Note to self. Have mother and father buy fireworks for the Summer Sun Celebration this year...”

After much lurching, Rarity reach the bottom floor. She trotted into her kitchen, poured herself a glass of water, then took several cool sips. Feeling refreshed, she re-filled the cup and carried it across her studio as she made for the stairs again.

“Another note to self,” she grumbled breathily. “Place a water cooler on the top floor.”

As she passed her couch, she smiled casually at Applejack and Rainbow Dash sleeping together. Rarity yawned, then made her way up the steps to her—

“Waa-haa-haa-haa!” The mare spun, juggled her splashing glass of water, and caught it before it could soak the space between her and the two spooning ponies. “Buh... buhh-buhhh...” Rarity swallowed a lump down her throat. “Appledash? I mean... Rainbowjack? I mean... h-how...?” She looked every which way. “Where?”

A cold breeze blew at her curled bangs. Shivering, the mare spun about to see that the front parlor window to her Boutique was hanging open.

“Nnngh... damnation.” She rushed over and closed it. Biting her lip, Rarity placed the glass down on a table, readjusted her robe, and shuffled towards the couch. “Ohhhhh...” She pouted. “Is there ever any end for the poor dear?” She reached a hoof out. “Applejack... Applejack, darling. I'm afraid it didn't work. It would appear that... that...”

Rarity froze in place.

She very carefully studied the two mares in their slumbering embrace.

Rainbow Dash had a delightfully peaceful grin on her face... and Applejack's muzzle mirrored it exactly. In fact, the longer Rarity looked, the warmer and toastier Applejack's expression appeared to be. A rosy glow even lingered on her freckles, and Rarity could see where her hoof was entwined with the fetlock of the blue snuggler who had unconsciously cocooned her with feathers.

“... … ...”

Rarity slowly... calmly backed away from the couch.

She retreated into the corner of her studio, reopened the window, and picked up her glass of water. Taking a calm sip, she gazed at the two, blinked, then shrugged.

With quiet hooves, she shuffled back up to the second floor of her home, not saying a word.

With a tired yawn, Rarity leaned before Sugarcube Corner's coffee maker. Once the brew had been sufficiently poured into her mug, she lifted it, took a dainty sip, then turned around—

“Howdy, Rarity!” A freckled smile hollered into her face.

“Duaaah!” Rarity hopped back, instantly dropping her hot mug of coffee.

“Whoop!” Applejack quick-as-a-bullet shot out her rear leg and nimbly caught the container on its way down. “Hah! Heheheh!” she guffawed, lifting the mug back into Rarity's grip without spilling a drop. “Good thang one of us is quick on the draw, ya reckon?”

“Erm... yes...” Rarity gulped, shivering slightly. “I do suppose.”

“And just how are you doin' this fine mornin'?” Applejack chimed with a tilt of her hat.

“Oh... uhm... not terrible.” Rarity took another sip for posterity, leaning back. “How, pray tell, are you doing, darling?”

“Great! Just fine and dandy!” Applejack swaggered her way to the front counter, hopping once to kick her hooves together in midair. “Whewww-weee! I haven't had a night's sleep that comfortin' in a long... longgggggg time! Hah! Like I was floatin' in fluffy blue clouds!”

“Mmmmm...” Rarity sipped again, then brandished a nervous smile. “You don't say...”

“Three doughnuts! Extra sprinkles, Miss Cake!” She dropped a few bits onto the counter, then grinned Rarity's way. “Y'all want any, sugarcube?”

“Oh, goodness, no. I'm quite good.”

“Cuz I owe ya big time! Best idea you ever did think up, Rarity, besides them fancy schmancy dresses of yers!” Applejack chortled. “Ever reckon goin' into med school to become a sleep therapist?”

“Uhhhhhhhhhh...”

“Sweet Celestia!” Applejack stretched and flexed her muscles. “I feel like I can take on the world! Them apple trees better say their prayers, 'cuz they're about to get bucked like nopony's business! And it's all thanks to you, Rarity!” She grabbed her doughnuts and skipped happily out of the bakery. “I owes you big time!”

“Mmmm... yes... uhm...” Rarity stirred where she stood. “Ahem... about last night, Applejack. I... uh... I think there's something you should know.”

Applejack spun about, her grin big and stupid and her freckles even bigger and stupider. “Oh yeah?” Her dimples hung like rosy moons beneath her glistening green eyes. “And just what is that, darlin'?”

“... … ...” Rarity bit her lip, then squeaked: “T'was my pleasure.”

Applejack nodded. “Well... much obliged!” She tipped her hat, spun about, and trounced gaily out into the morning sunlight. “Oh it's a great big beautiful tomorrowwwwwwww...”

Rarity sighed long and hard. Her face drifted towards the front counter. “Mrs. Cake?” She gulped, then bore a fragile smile. “I think I'll have what she's having.”

Crickets.

Starlight.

Bedsheets.

Rarity stirred against her pillow. Wrinkles formed along her white muzzle as she struggled with yet another creative fever dream.

“Mrmmmfff... where... d-do you find all these... these... damnable matchsticks...?”

The unicorn tossed. The unicorn turned. She was starting to grimace... to sweat...

Then a pair of yellow wings cuddled her from behind.

Rarity breathed and breathed... then relaxed. “Hmmmmm...” With a soft, silken sigh, she nuzzled one of the blankets of yellow feathers. A dumb smile crossed her lips. “... … …?!” In an instant, she jerked. She snaked a hoof up from beneath the covers, fumbled, then finally yanked her sleeping mask up to her horn. “Eh...?” She looked over her shoulder.

With a tiny, wispy breath, a sleeping Fluttershy snuggled the mare from behind. Rarity could see the bedside window hanging wide open just a few steps away.

“Ohhhhhhhh Fluttershy, darling...” Rarity groaned, rolling her eyes. “Not again.” She leaned back and squeezed, shook the mare's shoulder. “Fluttershy... Fluttershy, dear, you must wake up now...”

“Hmmmm...” With a little trilling sound, Fluttershy buried her face deeper into Rarity's mane. She quietly cooed: “Don't worry... about Sweetie Belle...” With a satin smile, she stirred, stirred, then unstirred, curling up against Rarity's neck. “I'll put out...” A soundless yawn. “...the fire.” She was out cold.

Rarity stared at her. With a defeated sigh, she smiled, then slid her sleeping mask back over her tired eyes. “'Ya lazy varmint.'” And the unicorn drew Fluttershy in closer with a white forelimb.

Rarity didn't say another word. Nopony did. Not even past the yawning breaths of morning.