Desertjack's craziest job ever

by Americanwastelander

Rating: mature
Tags: Tragedy, Dark, Romance, Comedy
Length: 2624

After completing a contract desertjack gets drunk and drunkenly accepts a new one now him and 5 others are in for a fight for their lives

Desertjack gets drunk and accepts a job now he has woke up in a mega sky bus with 19 others on their way to the place upon arrival they know why it's dangerous. Now he and his new friends have to fight for their lives and find what they are looking for and get out alive

Warning this story will contain the following: sex,rape, Gore,undead monsters,mutilation,crude humour,and explicit language.
Viewers discretion is advised.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-10-01 01:23:58 UTC

Prologue: how it started

New Canterlot Republic intelligence division

Dosie on the events at site  'alpha'

Subject: desertjack

Occupation: mercenary

Current health status: suffering from malnutrition and several injuries (which were healed prior to the 'interview')

This file contains the written recordings of the questioning of Mr.Jack on the events leading up to and including the death of everypony except himself and his 'squad'  at site 'alpha' part one.

Subject: ah already told yall this three times already.what else is their ta tell ah was hired ta go with nineteen other freelance mercs ta that hellhole and fer WHAT? some stupid device that doesn't even work. It ain't ma fault tha others bought it,and don't even think ah'm goin back in there yer better off tryin ta getting a blowjob from a bloatsprite without it eatin ya than that.

Agent 1: no sir we don't plan on anypony going back in there. We just want to know what happened in there and what killed the other mercenaries that went in with you.would you like anything to drink or eat? you look like it would help.

Subject: Ya how about five Brahmin steaks seven scrambled eggs and twelve sparkle colas. Oh and fifty bottles of whiskey, cause ah'm gonna need it.

Agent 1:ok sir is there anything else you want?

Subject: Ya think tha fine lookin mare behind Ya would be up fer some fun later?

Agent 1: sir what my coworker does is between her and whoever.take it up with her.

Agent 2: if you're a good stallion and cooperate maybe I'll stop by later and show you a good time,but that is only if you behave and work with us.

Subject:hot Damn Ya gots it! So where do Ya want ta start.

Agent 1:From the beginning. Your name and Your occupation. next where were you when you got the contract? And who give you the contract.

Subject: ok ma name is desertjack and ah'm a mercenary.ah had jus finished a Job near new appaloosa when some feller said that he needed some work done but he couldn't give me details til ah 'cepted tha job. Normally ah wouldn't go anywhere near a job like tha 'cept ah wasn't in tha right state o mind.

Agent 1: can you describe him? And what do you mean right state of mind?

Desertjack: sir he was a young feller but old enough, had grey fur and a blue mane and tail with red stripes in em. As fer what ah ment ah was drunker than a Griffin on over potent whiskey.

Agent 1: so let me get this straight you were getting drunk when this stallion offered you a job and you accepted it? I'm finding this predicament very confusing.

Desertjack: told ya ah was drunk and he offered me a whole lot o caps fer what ah barely remember him saying a 'milk run'. *snort** milk run my flank.*

Agent 1:And how did you meet the other mercenaries you briefly worked with?

Desertjack:Ah meet em when ah woke up on the way there.

Agent 3:tell us about that.

Desertjack's POV

One month ago.

"Uhhh damnit ah never shoulda been drinkin"I said rolling on the floor of something moving

"Hey! shut the buck up! I already have a hangover don't make it worse."a female voice shouted followed by a symphony of whines and grunts of agitation from several others in the room.

"Uh what happen?" a mares voice said right next to me.

As I turned a pegasus with a. Red coat and blue mane and tail came into view not three inches from my muzzle. We sat like that for a minute or two before she spoke."did we do anything last night?"

"Ma'am ah don't even know who you are. ah was in New appaloosa when ah blacked out from drink in too much. So ah doubt it." I said trying my damndest to remember what had happened.

"Oh I was in Manehattan at ten pony tower." She said.

"Huh y'all tryin ta figure where we are too?" A young voice said to my left.

As I turned I saw a young unicorn colt ,almost a young stallion, sitting there rubbing his head. He had a emerald coat and silver mane and tail.

"You ok over there young colt?" I said.

"Hey old man I ain't no colt!" He said with a hostile tone.

"Damn! ah was jus makin sure yer all right is all. no reason ta yell at me." I said defensively.

"Just don't call me young. I hate it." He said turning away from me.

"What crawled up his flankhole and died?" The pegasus said.

"Now Now leave em be he is just sore right now is all." I said trying to reassure her.

"He still didn't need to snap like that."she said still a little stemmed.

"Hehehe it fine not the firs time." I said with a chuckle.

About that time another mare ,a earth pony, walked over saying. "Are you all alright over here?" Looking from me to the pegasus and over to the unicorn.

"Ah'm alright how about you miss?"I said looking at the pegasus.

"I'm fine but you will have to ask grumpy over there yourself. As for that miss stuff I'm Timeshot, who are you?" She said looking from me to the earth pony.

"I'm desertjack best sniper in the wasteland."I said with a little smugness.

"I'm therapeutic sound,but most call me klutz." The earth pony said shyly.

"Why call Ya klutz? Sounds down right disrespectful ta me." I said a little annoyed.

"oh I chose the nickname I'm a bit of one." Klutz said.

As she walked over to the colt another pony showed up and when Time and I turned we were met with a living wall of black fur covered muscles. My first reaction was to look up while time leapt  back in shock.

As I got a look at the station's face.he was older than the rest of us but still was strong. He had a golden mane and tail and a rather long horn growing from his head.when he looked down ta me he spoke. "Terribly sorry my dear fellow. I did not plan on scaring you and your compatriots. My name is Anvil and I was wondering if you were planing on working together for this job?"

"Uh well I'm no stranger ta work in with others and will team up but tha is up ta the rest o them if they wanna work with ya." I said looking at each of them.

"I'll do it."Timeshot said.

"As will I" klutz said.

"Whatever I'm in."the colt said with reluctantly.

"Hey yall forming team cuz I'm need one and the rest are done." A female voice said.

As we turned to her the first thing was her smell she smelled of ash and fuel with the hint of burnt flesh.next was her coat it was seafoam green and her mane and tail, what was left of it, was crimson.

"What? Your all lookin at me weirdly. Oh it's the way I look isn't it all from my last job pack of raiders with flamers."she said with a nervous chuckle.

"Hope they got the bad end of the fight." The kid said smirking.

"Jeez kid layoff 'er will ya! Sorry he is a bit thick headed." I said trying to defuse the situation.

"Its ok and kid Ya they did I burned them alive using incendiary bombs. By the way I'm Boomstick." She said with a smile.

As we told each other who we were a intercom came on and the voice of our employer started."welcome my dear mares and stallions. And it is wonderful to see that this group is bigger than the last one I hired. You all are aware you have been hired to retrieve something from a building at our destination, and before you ask No I don't know where exactly it is. But it is an experimental device from the old ministry of arcane science. As for equipment I have taken the liberty of giving you all the best in armor and weapons caps can buy also plenty of other essentials as well. So this vehicle will arrive soon have fun."with that the intercom shut off.

Not long after the sound of breaks was heard.

Welcome to hell

As the doors opened all we could see was an empty station. At one of the other mercs insistence  some of us gathered with the others to plan the job, many of the other mercs joined though some left saying they 'didn't need the rest of us slowing them down'.

At the head was a grizzled griffin merc his name was black claw. As we gathered around he started to speak."attention everyone as you know we were hired to find whatever it is our employer wants here. It is in all of ours interests to work together to find it. Givin some decided to go at it on their own means they only have what they could carry. Now with us working in tandem we will find this device quicker but we need teams, for which it seems you all have. Now each of us has a map of the area graciously provided by our employer we each will take a section starting from nearby and spreading out from the station but because I don't think leaving this place, there for our excess items, unguarded two groups will guard. While the others are out. Making the station as our base camp."

As he finished another spoke up. "Not complaining or anything but who is leading this operation?"

At his question everyone looked at the griffin, at this he laughed and said. "I have experience so I'll lead." None disputed him.

"Ok so we will have teamed of seven each. If you have a group of seven one will represent that one fall in for your job assignment." With that he walked over to a few tables with maps of the area showing.

Turning to my group I ask"who should we send?"

"Well you are the one who formed this group you go." Kid said with a huff.

"The young stallion is correct. You are the leader of this group we will gather supplies for our use while you are gone."anvil stated with a firm tone. Nudging the young stallion next to him.

"Yea you go do the boring part we will be ready by the time you are done. anything special you want from the offered supplies?" Timeshot ask.

"Ya fifty cal rounds, twelve gauge shells,forty four mag, five five six rounds and mags, and explosives." I said "Oh and whiskey, rags,pipes,and gunpowder"

"Anything else?"she smirked.

"For now.... Ya that is all oh actually scratch that get tarps and tents , three, double hold. And cooking supplies and food." I said.

"Ok whatever you say boss." Time said with a wink.

"Klutz and boomstick y'all do what Ya need ta." I said.

"Got it boss." They both said in unison.

As they all turned to their respective tasks I couldn't help but smile. They were great teammates and skilled. "Well let's find out what we will be doing." I said to no one in particular.

"Sir you wanted a rep from all the willing groups? my team booted me over here ta find out what we would be a doin." I said walking over to the command table.

"You are the squad leader for your band of misfits?"a unicorn merc said with a laugh.to which got him a wing slap from the elder griffin.

"Enough of that digger. If you represent them ok. I have a mission for you we need a long range scout team and your team has been pricked for it. Pick your supplies and head out asap." The griffin said handing me a folder.

"Ok wilco sir."I said turning to head to my team.

"Oh and by the way pack some necessities. You will be out there for a quite some time." He hinted with a devious smile.

All I could do is nod and trot over to where my team was gathering supplies and assist with gathering what we would need.

As I was looking through one box I stumbled on an interesting find in there was boxes of condoms and other items of interest. Remembering griffins comment I stashed a few boxes in my rucksack. And moved on but my actions didn't go unnoticed.

"What did you find in the box?" Boomstick said in a sultry tone.

"Oh! Uh nothing important." I stammered.my face as red as could get.

"Oh really then you won't mind me looking in your bag would you?" She said, swaying her flank in a seductively.

"Uh actually ah did but they ain't for what ya think they are for. "I admitted, Removing a box.

"Oh really? And tell me what did I think you had them for?" She said looking at me.

"Well uhh ya.....uh....might have thought that ah got em fer sex?" I stammered.

"Oh?!" She said, coming closer.

"Uh um uh uh ya know we do have job ta do but if ya can wait when we stop ah'll give ya what ya want, But please till then let's get the rest of our supplies. Ok?" I pleaded.

Frowning she turned heading back but as I went by her she turned and pinned me saying" ok but when we do don't use too many of them, cause you will need them but till then I'll have to be satisfied with this." As she finished she drew my head and roughly kissed me.

As she finished all I could do was sit there, spaced out, over her actions. I would have sit there for longer but a throat being cleared.turning I saw anvil trying to look like he just got here.

"How long have ya been standing there?" I ask.

"Long enough to hear the whole conversation, and see her kiss you like a mare possessed." He said a little nervous.

" well horse apples ah hope this isn't gonna be normal thing fer her..... Oh buck me Timeshot might do tha same. Ain't this a predicament?" Turning to anvil I ask "Anvil tell me Ya got some wise words fer me?"

"Only this, you are in for either a very enjoyable time or in for a rough time so I would do, as some say, 'keep them happy '."

"Oh joy."I deadpanned. "Ah'm bucked now thanks anvil. "

Smiling he just played a hoof on my back and said. "Not if you play your cards right. Come on let's get back to others and get out there."

Giving a sigh nodded and followed him back to the others looking boomstick timeshot and klutz were looking my way giggling. Oh horse apples ah'm swoop bucked. Though this might be a good thing fer me. Walking over to kid he said. "You ready old timer?"

"Ya know kid we never got your name?" I said annoyed.

"Well old timer it's Whiskeykidd ok." He huffed.

"Ok ,whiskey, ok no need to be angry." Anvil said trying to calm him.

"Well with that out of tha way. We have our mission ta pull long range scouting so we will, by what the map and papers say, take friendly drive ta thirteenth avenue. All potential buildings are marked. As for any additional find are per our employers saying free gain he only wants the device. So if Ya find something take it ,it's yours. Now let's get out there and scout it if Ya find anything shout out."

With our little briefing we walked outside and got our first look at the place.