What can I get you? Jokes on me

by DerpyEngi and Redd

Rating: teen
Tags: Princess Celestia, Crossover, Alternate Universe, Human, Main 6, Nightmare Moon, Princess Luna, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Comedy
Length: 1820

Hiding in the sewers of manehattan Is such a drag, I wished something exiting would happen, And guess what? It did, This is going to be FUN!

What would you like?

A knock knock joke?

Nah those are too simple, aren't they?

A classic chicken over the road joke?

No?

The what about a pun? What, you tired of puns? Well then what if I tell you a funny little story of my life, sound good?

No?

Too bad I'm telling you anyway! HAHA ha hahaha!

Now listen closely, Some time ago...
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This is a Displaced story and will we crossover heavy any offers will be considered and likely accepted

I own none of this.
The Joker is Created and owned by DC comics.
My little Pony is created and owned by Hasbro.

Author: Derpy Engineer HD
proofreader: Anonymous
Editor: Jacknife557

Published 2015-10-01 16:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-10-01 16:50:01 UTC

Prologue/pilot: Oooh This is going to be fun.

I shot a pony, nothing new really, I had done it a thousand times over the years, in truth it was getting boring, the sadistic glee I once got from killing these little meatsacks is completely gone, "gha! What do you have to do to have some fun!" I said as I picked up the ponies now lifeless body by the hairs on it's scalp, "You know you have magic don't you? Like really the only thing you ponies are good for these days is making horse puns and frolicking in flowers" I complained and threw it's head back on the ground, "I miss the good old days were you ponies were actually a challenge," I thought to myself outloud.

I started reminiscing on the past as I opened up the manhole I had come from and entered the sewers of Manehattan. I remembered a time when these sorry excuses for sentient beings actually did something to prevent me from killing them. "Ahh Sheriff Quick Hooves, now that one was fun," I said as I reached the bottom of the ladder, "well until he died of heart failure, bastard died on me near the end of my plans, it was disappointing but I moved on," though Quick Hooves was a fun guy to mess with, the one I really loved toying with was Luna.

At first it was mere tests to see how she ticked before then I had done the same test on Celestia. the test was that I would stir some trouble in a nearby town and see what they would do. Celestia had reacted calmly and ordered some of the guards ponies to take care of me, something that I did not like.

But with Luna, Luna was a different story, She had decided to show up herself.

“Oooh boy how much fun that was.” I said as I exited out of the sewer near one of the cities many ports.

Joker's (POV) 1st person 1000 years ago

"Tick tock goes the clock, all the ponies have to duck!" I sang out as I started shooting out of my revolver, the panicking ponies running in all directions. I had been at this for quite some time and frankly and I was beginning to get bored of the panicking, I looked around making sure I hadn't killed anything.

No dead bodies, great! Now for phase two.

After six shots I reloaded my gun, "shut up and stay still!" I commanded then fired up in the air and the ponies stopped running, "Man this is handy, though I wish I still didn't have to reload" I thought outloud with a frown, "oh well can't have everything now can you?" I said as I pointed my gun at one of the ponies.

"Which one should I kill first? You?" I asked while pointing a gun at a gray coated unicorn with a long white beard and mane, "or you?" I said as I redirected the gun at a white coated pegasus with a yellow mane, no Idea what eye color though as she never opened her eyes.

I shrugged, "Meh" what followed was a loud bang as I fired again, the ponies screamed as the white pegasus fell on the ground with a big red hole in it's forehead.

I grinned madly and looked over to the gray coated unicorn and aimed at him, "you turn!" I said as I shot at him, to my surprise he managed to stop the bullet with a quickly erected force field, though it did shatter his forcefield and send him flying back, he certainly had quick reflexes.

I walked up to him and kicked him in the stomach to check if he was still breathing, he gave a loud grunt as my foot connected with his torso.

I frowned and picked his head up by the hairs, "you might have actually been fun had you kept that up."

"UNHAND HIM VILE CREATURE!" A booming voice echoed through the town getting everyone's attention but mine.

I lifted up the stallion and used him as a meatshield/hostage and slowly turned around laughing, "Oooh how thrilling being in the presence of the night deity herself" I said, practically shaking in excitement.

She glared daggers at me. "Let him go and I might consider sparing your life" she threatened.

"Oh oh oooh, someone's eager to get to the point, I really thought you were going to be like your sister and just sit back and let the guards handle it." I commented with a wicked grin plastered on my face. "Which I am quite happy you didn't, you see I have a project and I have been dying to have one of the princesses see it."

Luna only stood there with a scowl.

I laughed, "now now princess, stop being such a,--" I stopped my sentence short as I noticed a faint glow around Luna's horn, I quickly took out my gun and shot at the air behind me until I heard a crack, I turned my attention to my revolver seeing only one bullet in the chamber "Four shots? damn I thought I would hit it on the first go" I thought outloud, I turned my attention back to Luna who had a slightly surprised look, she had just attempted to knock me out with a rock, which now lay on the ground in pieces.

She quickly recomposed herself. "Impressive, most mad stallions fall for that old trick, I guess you are an exception, I'll make sure your death will be swift" she threatened my life yet again.

I fixed my tie up and continued, "Like I was saying, stop being such a downer, we're here to have fun, aren't we?"

Luna's horn lit up again and pointed it at me.

I pointed the gun at the stallion's head, "now don't do anything too hasty, I haven't even shown you my project" I said as I looked at the crowd that was gathering to watch the scene play out, "and it looks like we have quite the crowd" I said as I dropped the stallion, using my now free hand I turned around to get my 'project' from my back pocket.

Luna quickly teleported and grabbed the stallion and teleported him and her back to where she stood before.

I turned around to see that the stallion was now gone, I grinned and chuckled, "clever girl" I complemented.

Luna smirked. "Your hostage has been recovered, you hold no leverage here creature. Give up now and I will spare your life" she warned.

I rolled my eyes. "Again with threatening my life, you gotta be careful with that. Say something to much and it loses its punch." I said, unfazed by the seemingly hopeless situation I was in. "Oh and that isn't my leverage" I said as I pointed my gun at the stallion, I took a tiny pin out of my 'project,' "They are"I said then threw my project at the growing crowd.

Almost as soon as it landed gas started seeping out of my 'project', the gas cloud grew quickly cowering almost the whole crowd, at first the ponies in the area started screaming in fright but slowly the screams of terror turned into the sweet, sweet sound of laughter.

The cloud Dissipated quickly, and what it revealed was beautiful, ponies laughing madly everywhere, yellowed teeth and eyes, massive grins and tears falling freely from said eyes.

I joined in on the laughter, laughing so much that my voice quickly overpowered the choir of laughing ponies.

After a few seconds I slowly stopped laughing and I looked back at Luna who had a look of sheer terror as the ponies kneeled over in pain as my laughing gas started to take it's toll on there bodies.

She directed her attention back to me while I grinned wickedly. "You vile creature! What have you done?!" She asked.

"Brought some fun to your little town of yours" I said as I pointed my gun at her "and the name is Joker" I said then shot my last bullet straight at her face.

She quickly raised a barrier and as my bullet connected with the barrier it shattered along with the bullet, knocking Luna out.

I chuckled, "Pathetic." I said in a quietly as I walked of, taking one look at the scene I caused and I grinned "Congratulations Luna, you passed."

Present day

"Those were the good old days" I thought, I looked up to the moon that still had the same face of a horse plastered since the day Luna got banished, "Then she just had to get herself stuck on the moon, Like really? Getting trapped in the very thing you control? Really!?" I thought to myself outloud.

I had gotten on the frilly train, yes the frilly train I refuse to call it by it's real name, anyway I was riding atop the frilly train laying down looking at the stars, just generally being bored.

"Damn I wish something exciting would happen" I said as the train entered a tunnel.

I turned my head to the side. "Wishing upon stars now?" I asked myself, "I really am getting desperate."

After a few minutes of riding underground we resurfaced and I noticed something different, the mare on the moon was gone. I went wide eyed and just continued to stare at the moon, "He... he, ha ha ha, HA HAH HA HA HAAA! This is amazing!" I stood up as the train finally started to slow down, "she's back! She's finally back!"

I jumped off before the train stopped at the train station, soon after there was a loud whistle and a male train conductor announced, "Next stop, Ponyville!."

My palm met my face when I heard the name of the town I had arrived in, "and he just had to ruin the moment."

Author's Note

Well this is finally out there, I have been working on this for quite a while and was never happy with it, now I can say with certainty that I am quite pleased on how this chapter worked out.

Now I will be updating this at random times, this story does not have a well planned out story line like my other ones that are in the works, now that is not to say I have nothing planned, I just don't plan on ending it soon as this story will mostly be written for fun and when I feel like writing a new chapter for it, so it will not be updated as consistently as Light in the Darkest Hour's now one chapter per three weeks schedule.

I hope you enjoyed and feel free to criticize my work, those are the comments I love to get the most.

Author: Derpy Engineer HD
Pre-Reader: Anonymous
Editor: Jacknife557