I Just Want to be Me Again
Discord was having a field day.
'Celly should have hid that world portal a little bit better.'
He may have been banned from spreading chaos in Equestria, but not any other planet. Discord, through a legal loophole, was still allowed to spread his wonderful teachings throughout the rest of the universe. Well, Rectus 9 was an exception. Its God Emperor still didn't appreciate his little prank involving a chainsaw and a newborn baby.
'He's probably still trying to get the gunk out of his beard.'
But he was on a mission. He was trying to find a world. One with a quite a bit of harmony, one with intelligent life, and one with moderate knowledge of Equestria. He was jumping from world to world, trying to find one just like that.
'Too frozen, too hot, too chaotic, too uninhabited... '
The draconequus continued to travel from world to world, looking for the perfect one. He stopped when he heard a screeching noise come from behind him. A monkey, sitting on the ground, was looking up at Discord.
'I've always hated monkeys. So filthy, so dirty. Always fighting too. They don't really even know how to have any fun. It's almost like they are beings of pure... chaos. WAIT A MINUTE!'
Discord remembered a planet he went too quite a long time ago. Inhabited by intelligent monkeys. Ones who believe Equestria to be a work of fiction. He snapped his paw, and the Green and Blue planet came into view. A copy of him materialized next to the God of Chaos.
"What are we doing here?"
"I'm going to spread some harmony to the chaotic beings of this planet."
"Is that no the exact opposite of what you want to do?"
"You sometimes need to do good to do bad."
The doppelganger narrowed his eyes.
"And how are you going to do this?"
"There are 4,874,465 ponies in Equestria."
"So?"
"4,874,465 humans are going to look quite a bit like a certain 4,874,465 ponies."
"That sounds like the plot to a shitty fanfiction written by a lackluster author who spends the day accomplishing nothing."
"Go away Me."
In a puff of smoke, the double disappeared. In his place were two bowls, filled with the names of each Human on Earth and each Pony in Equestria. Discord pulled a name out of the first one.
"Tonights first lucky winner is... John Johnson! What a stupid name!"
He pulled another name from the second bowl.
"Mr. Johnson is going to turn into... Rainbow Dyke! Congratulations for our lucky winner!"
Discord teleported the the human's bedroom. The draconequus looked at the sleeping form. The human slowly grew cyan fur, covering his entire body. His hair slowly turned rainbow, growing longer by the second. The human's nose and mouth came into each other before stretching out into a muzzle. The room was full of cracks and creaks, caused by the movement of bones in the head. A rainbow tail shot out from the bottom of his spine. Then, a sickening splat came from 'down there.'
"Sorry about that."
The chaos lord heard screaming coming from behind him. It was faint, but slowly growing louder. It was his wife.
Shit.
"Hello Tia."
"DISCORD? WHAT IN TARTARUS IS THIS? YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO TURN ANY SAPIENT CREATURE AGAINST THEIR WILL!"
He simply raised a piece of paper up, showing it to the solar princess. It, written on by pink crayon, eloquently said that "I do what I want."
"TURN HIM BACK THIS INSTANT!"
Discord moved the paper closer to Celestia's face.
"DO.IT.NOW!"
John simply stopped transforming.
"Uh oh."
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN UH OH?"
"The spell I used was kinda sorta a curse."
Celestia's anger burned like fire. As well as her body. Being the avatar of the sun has its advantages.
"Don't worry. It will last for only a month. Well, technically 30 days, but you get my point."
Celestia grabbed her husband, and teleported back the portal. Before they returned to Equestria, she looked back towards the sleeping human. She only hoped that he would last until the end of the month. Discord was rather angry. He was only able to partially turn one human, Celestia was pissed, and he failed at bringing chaos. Then again, his sex and species wasn't changed overnight by a chaos lord.
The alarm clock screeched, exiling John from the mystical dreamland of sleep. Groaning, he reached his hand over towards the offending device and tried to press every button upon it. However, this cunning plan met its match by the noise bringer’s perfect defence of not moving. Not wanting to be outwitted by an alarm clock, John sat up in bed and using his powers of deduction, located the off button, promptly bringing his entire fist upon it. That shut it up. ‘I fucking hate mondays,’ he thought to himself. Of course, his mornings were not made better by the fact that John spent almost every night playing vidja gaems until 3:00 am. Groaning, he rolled out of the bed.
‘Must have been a late night or something, I feel like shit. Jesus, lots of sinus pressure. God, I hope the sinus season isn't moving back to January. I only get pressure during the summer.’
As he slowly shambled towards the bathroom, he noticed that his center of gravity felt off, almost like he grew ne body parts or something. Turning on the light, he ignored the mirror, deciding that it would be best to not see the tired, drooling mess that is him in the morning. As he reached the shower, he realized something. His clothes felt all wrong, as if his entire body changed its shape overnight. Everything felt way too loose, but his back and upper chest felt constricted and choked. “Weird,” he muttered to himself.
Wait.
His voice was high.
Very high.
Like girl high.
And scratchy.
So very scratchy.
‘I guess I got a cold or something. I might have to miss school today! But then again, the make up work would be horrible. God, I can’t wait until Senior Year is over. Then I finally get to go to college, and live by myself.’
He loved his mother of course, but God, she was extremely annoying at times.
‘She must be in denial that her little baby boy is 18.’
Working his way to the shower, he stripped of his clothes. He saw something blue at the bottom of his vision. Cyan really. He moved his head, but the blue thing followed. He looked at his arms.
‘Weird, I don’t remember my arms being blue like that. Must be either the light or my “sickness”. God, I hate mornings.’
Turning on the water, he waited until the sanctuary of flowing water was sufficiently heated. Getting in, he could not resist letting out a strange, almost girly sigh of satisfaction. He got out the shampoo, and began to wash his hair. It smelt stronger than usual, like his nose became able to smell better overnight. As he reached his hand towards his hair, he realized something.
‘This feels longer than it should, I really need a haircut.’
And then he saw red. And purple. He wiped it away, only to feel himself wipe hair away from his eyes.
‘What the fuck?’
He then looked down.
“What the hell?”
John saw boobs. Blue boobs covered in fur. In fact, his whole body was covered in blue fur. This is when he began to panic. Then, he noticed something very important was missing.
“OHGODOHGODOHGODOHGODOHGODOHGODOHGODOHGODOHGODOHGODOHGODOHGODOHGODOHGOD!!! WHAT THE FUCK!”
Blind panic mode took over. Running to the mirror, he saw something he would never forget. He looked like a living, girl, blue horse with a rainbow mane.
“What th….. e….. hel…….wha……happ…..t…..me…………………….”
He began to breathe erratically. This was too much. Soon everything faded to black.
He was out for a few hours. As soon as he woke up, he stood up, hobbled over to the bed, and lied down. Covering himself fully with his sheets, John decided that the best course of action would be to wallow in his own self pity for a while.
‘Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit! I’m not even me anymore! What even am I? Why is my hair rainbow? Why am I a girl??? WHY??? Oh god, I can’t do anything. I can’t even go outside like this! What would Mom and Dad think? What would everybody else think? What would Janette think………..... oh god. Janette.’
Upon thinking of his girlfriend, John began to openly cry. Not sob, or weep, but full on cry. The new voice he had. The girly voice she had….
‘FUCK. WHY ME? WHY WOULD THIS HAPPEN TO ME??’
“Honey, are you alright in there? You should have been at school by now? And why is a girl crying in his room?”
At this his blood ran cold. Conjuring the deepest voice he could muster, he said,
“I’m alright. Just feeling a little sick.”
“Honey, I’m gonna come in. You don’t sound alright at all.”
“Mom, trust me. I’m fine.”
“I’m coming in.”
“MOM! NO PLEASE!”
Sensing that something was wrong, she opened the door, looking for her son. Looking at the bed, she saw him in a ball underneath the covers. Walking towards the bed, she prepared herself for anything as she ripped off the covers.
A blue, horse thing, curled up in a ball, with a look of pure shock, despair, and horror on its face.
‘WHAT IS THAT? WHY IS IT IN JOHN’S ROOM? WHERE IS JOHN. wait…. oh my God. Why is it on John’s bed…. is that … him?
“m-mom, pplease d-don’t.”..........
“..Baby?”
“h-hate -mme, o-or thow m-m-e out or...or…...”
She sat down next to him on the bed.
“Johnny, what happened?”
“I-i-i.., ddd-don’t know. I-i-i w-w-woke up l-like this and- and ……”
The mother lay down next to her son, embracing him.
“Shh baby it’s okay. It’s gonna be ok. Shhh, shh, it’s okay…”
They lay there for a couple hours more, not moving at all.
“m-m-Mom?”
“Yes honey?”
“c-Can you call Dad?”
“Of course.”
She got up, walking towards the phone. As she left the room, she took one look at her baby boy, lying on the ground, depressed and terrified for his life, future, and body. She swore that the person who did this to her son would pay. She went downstairs to the kitchen. As she dialed Richard’s cell number, she had one question on her mind: ‘What happened to him?’
Richard hated Mondays. After spending an amazing Sunday with his family, he had to return to his job. He leaned back in his chair, putting his hands on the back of his head. Of course, he was payed quite a bit of money to sit around in an office and argue about the economy all day. But alas, his mind was not on his job, it was on what he and his wife did last night.
Suddenly, his cell phone rang.
‘Odd, Suzanne is calling me. She never calls at this time.’
“h-h-Honey?”
“Yes, dear?”
“*sniff* something happened with j-john. I need you *sniff* to c-c-come home. oh god”
She was crying.
“Honey, calm down. What happened with John?”
“.................................”
Her only answer was silence.
Richard bolted up from his chair and put his coat on. Walking past his secretary, he told her that he was returning home, as a family emergency has occurred.
“I’m on my way.”
He hung up, got in his car, and drove as fast as his car can legally take him. Can’t have a Republican senator be caught speeding. It would look horrible for his party.
John didn’t move at all.
‘Why me? Why did this happen to me? What even am I? I dont’ want this! I just…. wanna be me again.’
After what seemed like hours, his Mom returned to the bedroom. She sat on a chair next to the door, with tears in her eyes. She tried to look at her boy. But she couldn’t.
‘He’s not even my boy anymore….. NO! I cannot think like that. Richard will come home and he will fix this….. oh god, why him?’
Then, a large bang was heard from downstairs. A, deep, roaring yell emanated from the hallway downstairs.
“HONEY? WHAT HAPPENED? YOU SAID SOMETHING HAPPENED WITH JOHN? WHERE ARE YOU?”
“I’m up here.”
The door flung open, revealing John’s father, still in his coat, holding a gun. It was a habit of his, ever since he was in the army, to get the closet gun available whenever he heard about something wrong happening. He saw his wife, in a chair, silently crying. What was she in John’s room for? Isn’t he at school?
“Honey?” he said, running up to his wife. “Honey?” he shook her. “Where is John? Is he alright? Dammit Suzanne what HAPPENED?!”
She said not a word, but pointed towards the bed. Rising, Richard slowly walked towards the bed the bed, looking for what was wrong. Switching the safety off, he approached a blanket. covering something on the floor next to the bed. He saw it move up and slightly at a rather high pace, as if the thing under it was hyperventilating. Slowly, he reached his arm towards it. As he ripped the blanket off, what he saw horrified him.
“What the hell is that thing?”
At this it began to cry.
“And why is it crying? How does this relate to John? Where’s John?”
All she did was point towards the thing next to the bed.
“What?”
“hh-Honey, that IS j-John…”
Richard’s head made a sickening crack as it hit the ground.
Author's Note
And so it begins. Feedback is very much appreciated.
