Unplanned Parenthood

by Lloyd Shamrock

Rating: teen
Tags: Romance, Comedy, Random, Slice of Life, Human
Length: 2759

Ms. Harshwhinny assigns flour sack babies to the students of health class, she partners up JD with Sonata, this should be interesting.

Today is Friday, and Ms. Harshwhinny is filling in for Miss Cheerilee for health class that Khaotic Villos mentioned, as she prepares the flour sack babies for the student's parenting assignment for health class, she partners up JD with Sonata instead of Lyra. Will these two pass the class with flying colors? Will they not? How will Lyra react when Sonata and JD are partners for such an intimate project?

Hmm…

What are the odds that JD can explain himself to Lyra without her going apeshit crazy and knocking his teeth out?

…

…Eeyup, he's a dead man.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-09-24 22:53:49 UTC

Chapter 1: The Assignment (JD's POV)

Canterlot High School... 1:32 PM...

Today's Friday and school's almost over, lucky for me, I'll be on my way and nothing's going to interrupt my weekend. First, Lloyd and I are heading to Sugarcube Corner to have a drink, Second, Rainbow Dash invited me to Pinkie's slumber party for a Mario Kart racing game on the Wii U, she'll probably bring Lyra to cheer me on, and finally, Kid Icarus Uprising Multiplayer all day long. Yeah, that's how it's works, now to just wait for a few minutes for the school bell to ring and it's vay-cay time.

JD looked around and noticed Khaotic Villos was next to him.  "Hey, Villos, whatcha doing?" JD asked.

"I see you arrived on time, not bad."

"Thank you very much."

"She's on her way here, you know?"

"Who?"

"Ms. Harshwhinny? The substitute Villos mentioned yesterday?" Blue JD said as he took a seat.

"Oh... I thought he was talking about Castlevania 64 or substituting Gym class."

"Why would you bring that game up in the middle of class?"

"Hey! Vampires scared me when I was young so I couldn't complete it, I was never a fan of spooky things since that game came into my life. And during back 2012 on Halloween, I finally conquered my fear of vampires and defeated Count Dracula. I just never knew Malus was Dracula the whole time when Vincent threw holy water at him."

"Yes, that's a given, but..."

"You start hanging around with vampires, they'll suck your blood dry."

"Uhh-huh." Blue JD drawled.

"Hey, guys, what's up?" Devin asked as he took a seat.

"JD's talking about Castlevania 64." Lloyd answered, appearing out of nowhere.

"Where'd you come from?" Devin asked.

"Blame my parents, Devin."

"Ha! Classic Ed, Edd, n Eddy joke, never gets old." JD replied.

"Hi, guys!" Pinkie chirped as she entered the classroom with Golden Flare.

"Hey, Pinkie."

"Hey, JD." Golden said as he took a seat, Pinkie sat next to Golden.

"Whatcha doing?" Pinkie asked.

"Just talking about Castlevania 64." JD answered.

"Ooh... Are you talking about that little boy you rescued back in the Castle Villa at the garden where those two demon dogs showed up and scared him and you ended up being chased by Frankenstein with a chainsaw and managed to escape with him to the other side of the door and you got the copper key instead to fight two vampires which one was devouring a female who ALSO turned into a vampire and you have to fight her to get the secret door open from inside the coffin, and then you went to the Castle Center to get Magical Nitro and Mandragora to blow up some walls but you were scared of vampires when you were young!?" Pinkie took a deep breath, "Right?"

Everyone's eyes were the size of pinpricks. "How did you know that?" JD asked.

"Just a hunch." Pinkie answered with a squee.

"...Right."  JD looked around the classroom, exasperatedly, "When is this substitute getting here!?"

Huff-puff-huff-puff

Suddenly, they all heard someone breathing heavily as they were running in the halls, they all saw Rainbow Dash zipped into the classroom. "Safe!"

"You're late, Ms. Dash." A voice gave out.

"What!? this wouldn't have happened if Red didn't trip me." Rainbow exclaimed.

"What? Me? I did nothing of the sort." Red JD said with mock innocence. It was totally me.

"Red JD...a displeasure to see you again." Ms. Harshwhinny glared coldly at said clone, then redirects it at JD.

Oh shit, she's staring at me. What can I do to fix whatever Red did?

"Uh, good afternoon, Ms. Harshwhinny." JD chuckled sheepishly.

"You must be JD Freeman. As if I had to ask."

"That's my name."

JD flinched as she slammed her hands on his desk. "Vice Principal Luna told me everything about you and your...clone mishaps."

"Uhh... English, Ms.-" She slammed the desk again.

"You need to stop hanging around with them, they're being a bad influence. Especially the Red clone of yours. That's right, I saw that video he made on YouTube."

"Okay, so we had a talk with him and explained to him that he can't be doing that kind of shit."

"And watch your language young man!" Ms. Harshwhinny ordered.

"Hey! Watch it, 'Whoreswhinny'!" Red insulted.

"Excuse me!?"

"'Whoreswhinny', that's what I called you. Instead of Harshwhinny, I called you 'Whoreswhinny'."

Ms. Harshwhinny's phone vibrated in her pocket. She checked her phone. "Excuse me, I have to go to get five students who are late for class. And JD...heed my warning: stay away from your clones, they're a bad influence." And then she left the room.

JD slammed his head on his desk. He then felt a hand on his shoulder, raising his head to see who it was, JD saw Sunset rubbing his with a comforting smile adorning her features. "Hey, are you okay?"

"No..." JD answered, depressed.

"Hang on a sec. Hey Lloyd!" Sunset went to Lloyd's desk.

"Yeah?"

"Are you and JD doing anything after school?"

"Well, I'm taking JD to Sugarcube Corner to get a few drinks, I'll probably order some food anyway, so..."

"If it makes you feel any better, I'll join you and Lloyd, you can order drinks while he orders the food."

"Hey!" Lloyd exclaimed.

"Oooh! I know how to cheer him up!" Pinkie said as she went to JD's desk. "Hey, JD, guess what?"

"What is it, Pinkie?" JD mumbled.

"Sneak attack!" Pinkie jumped at JD and took off his socks and shoes as she tickled the bottom of his feet.

"AH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!" JD laughed, uproariously.

"Huh? I never knew JD had a tickle spot by his feet." Blue said as he saw Pinkie continuing her tickle assault on JD.

"Sensei's feet are reaaaally sensitive when it comes to tickling." Purple said as he appeared out of nowhere.

"Where did you come from?" Blue asked.

"Principal Celestia." Purple answered.

"Ah."

"Also, someone's here!" Purple pointed toward the doorway, where Ms. Harshwhinny and five girls stood; Lyra Heartstrings, Bon Bon, Adagio Dazzle, Aria Blaze, and Sonata Dusk.

"Pinkie." Blue whispered, but she didn't hear him. "Pinkie...Pinkie...Pinkie...PINKIE!"

"Whaaaaat!?" Pinkie whined.

"Ms. Harshwhinny's back."

"Ah-hem." Ms. Harshwhinny cleared her throat to get Pinkie and JD's attention.

"My, my, JD, I never knew you had a tickle fetish." Adagio teased.

"I don't have a fetish for tickling, she seduced me!" JD said, a little too quickly.

"Goddammit JD, you two have the hots for each other. Remind me to castrate you and spay Pinkie." Red states.

"NOOOO!! Not my lady parts!" Pinkie exclaimed.

"NOOOO!! Not my mega manhood!" JD mimicked.

"Mega manhood? Have you seen the size of that thing?" Devin mocked.

JD and Red JD glared at him, then they both reared a fist back and...

POW!

THUD

Devin fell to the floor, unconscious with two black eyes.

Purple hovered over Devin and played with a puppet version of him that he pulled out of nowhere, "Oh dear, I fell." Purple said in a terrible, squeaky impression of Devin's voice.

"Can we get back to the lesson, please?" Ms. Harshwhinny asked, exasperatedly.

"Are you really being a sleazy cunt for all your classes? Cause it's working real well on your career." Red smirked.

Ms. Harshwhinny walked up to Red's desk and slapped him.

"Oh yeah, that's so fucking sexy." Red loudly whispered as a bruise formed on the side of his face.

And yet I wonder how she met him. Blue JD thought.

"Alright girls, go to your seats so we can begin." Ms. Harshwhinny said as she went to her seat. "Alright, everybody, settle down..." The classroom chatter was about everyone's usual daily lives; gossip, gaming sessions, sports, and music practice.

"Red, when did you meet Ms. Harshwhinny?" Blue inquired.

"You remember when JD, Devin, Lyra, and Bon Bon performed in the try-outs for the Friendship Games team?"

"Yeah..."

Red snapped his fingers and pointed at Blue, "There ya go. We met at the Teacher's Lounge, cause I left my weapon and my backpack there when I was getting a drink. So... Long story short: I told her about us and for some reason, she wants JD to stop hanging out with us, something about that we're bad role models to him and his life would be better without us or some shit."

"Well, that doesn't sound right."

"Yeah, tell me about it."

Everyone quieted down as their substitute teacher continued, "...I'm Harshwhinny, and some of you might ALSO have me for Social Studies. But for now, I'm filling in for Miss Cheerilee in Health class."

"Oh my god! No way...!" Red moaned, sarcastically.

"But before we begin, let's start by taking attendance." Ms. Harshwhinny held a clipboard as she started calling down the list.

"Lyra Heartstrings."

"Here!" Lyra raised her hand.

"Bon Bon."

"Here!"

"Blue JD."

"Present."

"Khaotic Villos."

Villos scoffed, as if he didn't care. "Here."

"Devin Freeman."

"Here!"

"Red JD."

"Yo!"

"JD Freeman."

"Here."

"Purple JD."

"Yup yup!"

"Adagio Dazzle."

"Here."

"Aria Blaze."

"Ugh... Here." Aria groaned as presented herself.

"Sonata Dusk."

"Here-here!"

"Sunset Shimmer."

"Here."

"Pinkie Pie."

"Here!"

"Lloyd Shamrock."

"Here."

"Rainbow Dash."

"Here."

"Golden Flare."

"Here."

"Applejack."

"Here."

"Rarity."

"Here."

"Fluttershy."

"Um...Here."

"Oh! You got jacked, bitch!" Red mocked.

"Octavia."

"Here."

"And finally, Vinyl."

Ms. Harshwhinny sees Vinyl listening to her music, seeing that she's here, she'd just put a checkmark on her name.

"I'll be handing out your assignment, but I'll be pairing you up with a partner."

"Devin, you're with Vinyl for the assignment."

"Lyra, your partner is... Bon Bon."

"JD, you're with Sonata."

"Wait, WHAT!?" JD exclaimed.

"Adagio, you're with Aria."

"Golden, and Pinkie."

"Lloyd, and Sunset."

"Ms. Dash, you're with Blue JD."

"Applejack, Red JD."

"Rarity, Khaotic Villos."

"Octavia's paired up with Purple JD."

"Fluttershy, you'll be paired up with the new student. The reason she's not here is because she's doing extracurricular activities after school, so I'll fill her in as soon as possible."

"Here's your assignment." Ms. Harshwhinny handed out each pair a sack full of flour with a diaper on it with a smiley face.

"You're fucking kidding me! We're supposed to do THIS!?" Red JD groaned. "I guess it'll have to do."

"And I added a rule for you, Mr. Freeman. Since you're with Sonata, you'll be living with her till next week, and if you have any plans, you'll just have to cancel them. Now, are there any questions before class is dismissed?"

"I have one thing to say to you, Ms. Harshwhinny." JD said as he raised his hand.

"If I were you Mr. Freeman, I'd choose my last words very carefully. Besides, if you fail this class, I'll transfer you to our rival school, Crystal Prep High School." Everyone in her class gasped in shock when they heard about Ms. Harshwhinny sending JD to their rival school that always win the Friendship Games each year. "So go ahead JD, say whatever you want to say, because there is no chance of you passing this class." With that said and done, Ms. Harshwhinny prepared for whatever he's going to say.

Then he broke the silence by yelling; "BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Ms. Harshwhinny scowled, "...Get out."

Canterlot High School... Front Entrance... 2:10 PM...

Devin, Lloyd, Golden, Red JD, Blue JD, Purple JD, and the Dazzlings were watching JD pace around in a circle.

"Now, bro, whatever you do, don't panic." Devin advised while raising hands in front of him in a calming manner.

"'Don't panic'? Who's panicking? This is nothing but a SPEED BUMP, heh-heh-heh-heh, a mere detour, aha-ha-ha-ha!" JD laughed hysterically.

"JD's saying the right words, but I don't think he's meaning it." Blue JD says.

JD grabbed a blue gauntlet and drew his Cosmo Sword and pointed at them. "I SAID THERE'S NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT!!"

"AHH!!" Devin, Lloyd, Golden, Blue JD, Purple JD, and the Dazzlings screamed.

"Oh, shit!" Red JD exclaimed.

"Do something, Devin-Senpai! Sensei's gone crazy!" Purple JD clung to Devin's leg.

"Oh, who the hell am I kidding? It's over! The Pet Fest is OVER!"

"Pet Fest? What the hell are you on about?" Red inquired.

"I think it's a deep fried taco." Lloyd guessed.

"Taco!?" Sonata chirped.

"Well, it sounds delicious, but I don't see what it has to do with Health Class." Red remarked.

Standing behind JD was Khaotic Villos, Sunset, Rainbow, Pinkie, Applejack, Rarity, Fluttershy, Lyra, and Bon Bon staring at him, watching him cry that he'll be failing Ms. Harshwhinny's class. Villos broke the silence; "...So, how's this drama act going?"

JD wiped the tears off his face while sniffling, "Not great."

"It's alright, JD." Lyra wrapped her arms around him for a hug. "I'm sure Red is sorry that he didn't know that Ms. Harshwhinny was from Crystal Prep."

"I am?" Red asked in ignorance.

Lyra growled like a ravage wolf at Red JD, making everyone stare at him.

"I-I mean... Yes... I'm very sorry I left that part out, because you're a stuck-up bitch."

Aria got close to Red JD and punched him in the face.

"AH!" Red JD yelled in surprise, "Fuckin' bitch hit me in the face!"

Aria stopped, "What was that!?" Then she headed back while Red said, "Oh God, no, no, no, NOT there! Anything but-" She kicked him deep in his crotch while squeaked, "Why... Why didn't you guys do anything?"

"Moving on to the subject." Blue said as he begins, "JD, I ran a background check on Ms. Harshwhinny."

"And?" JD pressed.

"It turns out she was a student at Crystal Prep High School, has high academics, and she was a teacher's pet."

"Seriously?"

"Yes, she also graduated school and she got a job there as a guidance counselor."

"That explains so much." Devin said.

"That was all the data I could gather, not much though."

"Thanks anyway, Blue."

"Don't mention it."

"C'mon JD, let's go to our usual joint and we'll drink till we forget, what do you say?" Lloyd suggested.

"Yeah, I guess." JD said.

"Since we've been assigned by a two-party job, looks likes Sonata's joining you for that drink, JD." Blue said as he pointed to Sonata.

"Yay!" Sonata cheered while hugging JD.

"Oh... My... Palutena."

"Don't you mean 'God', JD?" Sunset clarified.

"You worship your thing, I'll worship mine."

"What's up with JD?" Golden inquired.

"Too many Kid Icarus Uprising gaming sessions." Devin answered.

"Ah, that makes sense."

Lyra gave JD a peck on his cheek as she whispered in his ear, "I'll see you at Pinkie's slumber party, JD." She said, then licked his ear.

She licked my ear? Well, that's a good easy way to start our relationship. JD said in his thoughts.

Before she left with Bon Bon, she looks back at JD and blows a kiss to him.

Everybody gave JD a cat-like grin, "What?"

"You love her." Purple said in a sing-song tone.

"No, I don't!"

"Then what's with Lyra kissing your cheek?" Devin inquired.

"Well, I-"

"Don't forget she was licking your ear." Adagio adds.

"She and I were enjoying each other's company, she-"

"-even blew a kiss to you?" Purple concluded.

"...Friends do that all the time."

"Just admit it! You're in love!" Pinkie and Golden both exclaimed.

"Okay, fine, I am in love."

"There's nothing wrong being in love, JD." Lloyd said.

"True, but that song is so fucking annoying."

"What song?" Adagio asked.

"That song." JD answered while pointing to Pinkie singing.

JD and Lyra sitting in a tree,

K-I-S-S-I-N-G!

First comes love, then comes marriage,

then comes a baby in a baby carriage!

"Let's just go to Sugarcube Corner." JD suggested, annoyed.

"Yeah, let's do that." Lloyd agreed.

"Hey, JD, one more thing, promise me you won't let Sonata get drunk." Adagio said.

"Why?" JD asked.

"Well because-"

"-Sometimes it's best not to ask." Aria interrupts Adagio, "just promise us you won't get her involved in one of your drinking games."

"Don't worry, I promise."

"Yeah." Lloyd joins in, "I promise that we won't let Sonata-"

Sugarcube Corner... 6:55 PM... Six swigs of Whiskey and beer later...

"-DANCE AS A STRIPPER WHILE DRINKING SIX CUPS OF BEER AND WHISKEY!" Lloyd yelled when he saw Sonata dancing on a table.

"Okay, remember when Adagio told me to NOT let Sonata get drunk?"

"Yeah, why?"

"I have a feeling she and Aria are gonna whip me into submission."

"Well, seduction IS part of their methods as Sirens, so I'm sure they're into kinky shit like that." Devin joked.

"Thank you, bromigo, that's nice." JD said, sarcastically.