The Backstage Bashing

"If I never do another one of these, it'll be too soon, y'know?"

The sound pony nodded, but Peacevic knew he wasn't listening. That bothered him a bit. Here he was, laying some gold-plated jokes on the guy, and all the fool cared about was his levels.

Briefly, the unicorn imagined a career in comedy. Might as well, he'd done most other jobs in the entertainment industry, even modeled a bit. Ms. Finish said he was a natural at that, and the yellow mare they had paired him with was really nice. But even though the fillies swooned over his roguish good looks, and even though his light green coat and darker mane was extremely photogenic, modeling wasn't his thing. Neither would comedy. He loved rapping.

But he hated sound checks. So, so much. Why his manager added a fine for missing them into his contract, he'd never understand. He'd only ducked a few of them.

"We almost done here?" He growled, trying out a new voice.

That made the pony look up from his board. "Chill out, P. We're just about set."

"Don't piss yourself, dude." Peacevic laughed. "I'm not mad at you."

"You're not?"

"Nah. Just thinking 'bout doing something new on the next record. Like an alter ego... y'know?" He telekinetically spun his mic around, now really considering it. Even though he was the biggest unicorn rapper right now, the scene was pretty fickle. He might not stay on top if he didn't switch things up from time to time.

A strident voice rang out from the front of the club. "Peacevic!"

Peacevic was glad all the lights were up so he could see Twilight Sparkle stomping toward him. "Well, if it isn't everypony's favorite purple princess. Looking fine as ever, Honey."

"Uh... We're all finished, so I'm gonna go." The sound pony announced, fleeing as he did.

"Kindly never call me 'Honey' again." Twilight climbed the stairs to the stage and yanked the microphone away from the rapper.

Which was unfortunate, as Peacevic had been planning to talk through it, just to annoy her. Oh well, he could roll with it. "Whatever you want, Baby."

Her eyes narrowed, and Peacevic found himself hoping she chucked him through a wall. The cred he could get from throwing down with Princess... his sales would skyrocket!

Unfortunately, she composed herself with a deep breath and some sort of hoof wave. "Good." She finally said. "Now, about your show."

"You mean the one tonight?" Peacevic interjected unnecessarily.

"Yes the one tonight! Be quiet, I have something important to tell you!" Twilight snapped. When Peacevic smirked and said nothing, she continued. "It pains me to say this, but Celestia's become intrigued by rap music. There wasn't anything like it back then, and Pinkie told her that you're the best right now. So she will be attending tonight. Unofficially, of course, and in disguise."

"Why tell me if nopony is supposed to know?"

"Simple." Suddenly, the mic was floating before her. "YOU ARE NOT TO SING THAT DISGUSTING SONG YOU WROTE ABOUT HER!"

The force of her magically and technologically amplified words knocked Peacevic off the stage. Twilight set the microphone back onto its stand and leaned over the edge to look at him. "Get it?"

"Yeah, I get it." Peacevic replied, dusting himself off as he got up.

"Good."

Just then, a mare's scream came from backstage.

They both raced to the back, different instincts driving them toward the sound of danger. For Twilight, it was her nature as a hero. For Peacevic it was something a little more personal.

When they found the source of the screaming, an earth pony outfitted in the uniform of the club, they also found what she'd been screaming about.

The sound pony was laying on the floor, his skull cracked gruesomely. A puddle of red pooled underneath him.

"No, please no!" The mare cried. "Get up. This isn't funny!" Her knees buckled. "Please get up..."

As the mare's pleading degenerated to incoherence, one of the largest pegasi in Equestria blurred into view beside the rapper, his hooves never touching the ground. Had Peacevic known who Bulk Biceps was, he'd have thought him to be an apt comparison. But while the white pegasus had a bodybuilder's physique and stunted wings, the cerulean pegasus hovering in the hall was more like a bundle of steel cords and his wingspan was Seraphic. The fact that he was able to speed down the hallway without crashing or knocking anything over was testament to his skill. "I heard screaming."

"I'm fine." Peacevic told him, tilting his head in the victim's direction. "Cable's not."

The pegasus' eyes flicked over to the body, then landed on Twilight. "Will we be needing to... resist detention?"

"Calm down, Ice. I didn't do it and the Princess knows it." Peacevic stepped in between the two, reinforcing his words.

"Very well, Sir. What do you want to do?"

Peacevic pointed at the sobbing earth pony. "Take the girl to the green room and give her something strong to drink. Then go round up the others."

Ice nodded and gently led the mare away. After they were gone, Twilight turned to Peacevic. "Does he think he can take me? He realizes I'm an alicorn, right?"

"He takes his job very seriously." Peacevic replied. "And I wouldn't put money on either of you in a fight."

"What?!"

"I once saw him go up against a manticore bare-hoofed. It didn't win." He explained. "Plus he's fast. He's the fastest pegasus I've ever seen. He keeps saying his sister's faster, but I don't believe that for a second."

"I'm stronger than I was the last time we met, Peacevic. Several times stronger. I'm an alicorn now!" She huffed.

"Okay, okay, you're a powerful warrior! Let's focus on what's important." Peacevic started towards the owner's office. "We have to call the police."

"No, don't!" Twilight blocked his way.

"What's wrong?"

"If you call the police they'll cancel the show! Tonight is the only night Celestia has free for the next few months." She was only slightly frantic. "We'll solve this ourselves."

It was Peacevic's turn to say it. "What?!"

"Come on, we were able to solve the last one."

"Those were slightly different circumstances." He reminded her. "Besides, despite the boost to my reputation that it would be, I really don't feel like going to jail tonight."

"I'll take responsibility, Peacevic! I need your help." The Princess pleaded.

Peacevic looked again at Cable's corpse, then sighed. "You don't have to sell me, Twilight. I'll do it. Now let's go meet my crew."

The green room wasn't overly spacious, but it did have two pretty comfy couches. On one sat the mare, sipping a cup of cider. She was still shaking, though the drink seemed to have calmed her a little. On the other couch sat three unicorn stallions. The huge pegasus had placed himself next to the mare on the first couch, conspicuously between her and the others.

"What's with the mandatory meeting, Peace?" The unicorn on the farthest end asked as the rapper and the princess walked in. He was slightly shorter than the others, with a white coat and a close-cropped black mane that partially obscured one eye. Though he was sitting and nopony could see it, his cutie mark was a flaming megaphone. "I asked, but Saddle Rager over there wouldn't say anything."

"Sus, do you have a death wish?! By Celestia!"

The pegasus just cracked his neck. "You read too many comic books, stump. Besides, Saddle Rager's a filly."

"I know." The white pony smirked.

Ice just growled.

"Ice, chill." Peacevic ordered.

The growl turned into a groan. He hated that joke.

"Good." Peacevic's stare fell on each of them in turn. "Now, the reason you're here. Cable's dead."

The poor mare started to sob again, silently, and the white pony's smirk contorted. "You mean the decent kind of dead where we're all sad, or the bad kind where one of us is going to prison for a long time?"

"Unfortunately, the second one." Twilight replied. "and may I ask what your name is?"

It was about time for introductions, so Peacevic got started. "Guys, you know Princess Twilight. Twilight, this is SusP.E.C.T. He's mostly my hype-pony, but sometimes I let him do guest bits on my records."

"Stage names don't mean much at this point, Peacevic. Can I get his real name?"

"That is his real name. He had it legally changed." Peacevic told her. Then he pointed to the unicorn on the opposite end of the couch. "That's Dust Off. He's in charge of selling merch." The pony was the color of rust and beach sand mixed together, with a matching mane. He was also the one who'd questioned SusP.E.C.T.'s will to live.

The giant pegasus nodded as Peacevic pointed at him. "You've already... interacted with Ice Cold. He's my bodyguard."

"How come the big tough rapper needs a bodyguard?" Twilight taunted.

Peacevic wasn't perturbed. "Because the big tough rapper enjoys not being mobbed by fans." He pointed to the last unicorn. This one was grey, and had an x and line for a cutie mark, like you'd see on contracts. The pony was also sharply dressed in a black suit with a red tie. "And finally, this is my manager."

"Are you still being petulant?"

"Take that damn sound check clause out of my contract and maybe I'll start referring to you by name!"

The grey pony sighed, stood up, and offered a hoof to Twilight. "I apologize for my client. He can be a bit foalish at times. The name's Tom."

"I knew a Tom once." Twilight had trouble stifling a grin as she shook.

Before Tom could ask why that was so amusing, SusP.E.C.T. exploded. "This pleasantry stuff is real nice and all, but can we get back to the fact that Cable was murdered?! When are the cops getting here?"

"They aren't. The Princess and I will be investigating on our own. While we do, none of you are to leave this room. Anypony who tries will be assumed the murderer, and Ice will stop you." Peacevic's eyes narrowed. "With extreme force."

"What if Ice is the one who tries to leave? He'd break us all into little pieces!" Dust was almost as shaky as the club employee.

"Well, then we'll know who the murderer is."

Dust gulped, and as he did SusP.E.C.T. rose and walked over to Peacevic, pulling him over to the side. "Peace, I know it's not cool or street to call the cops, but this is serious. Why aren't we?"

"We can't." Peacevic said. "We do that, the show'd get canceled. Celestia really wants to come."

"Ok, that explains the purple princess. Why are you going along with this?"

"Cable was part of my crew, Sus."

SusP.E.C.T. nodded. "And you do realize the killer's part of your crew, too. Right?"

"That just makes it worse."

Both Peacevic and Twilight covered their mouths as they returned to the scene of the crime. The sight and the smell of the body was starting to get to them. Twilight quickly cast a rarely-used preservation spell.

Seeing it brought back some unpleasant memories. "I forgot you knew how to do that, Twilight."

"You can't really forget stuff like what happened back then."

"True, but it's nice to pretend."

They both shared a shiver, then Twilight slipped into detective mode. "Alright, let's focus. From the looks of it, Mr... Cable?"

"Yeah, Cable."

"Mr. Cable was hit on the head with something. Something heavy."

Peacevic had been trotting along the outskirts of the scene, looking for that something. When he found it, he telekinetically lifted it for Twilight to see. "Something the killer left behind."

It was a spare support strut for the PA system. Peacevic was glad he could use magic to raise it up, as it was pretty well coated in Cable's blood.

"Who could have access to this thing?" Twilight asked as she floated it closer to get a better look.

Peacevic just shrugged. "Anypony, really. One of the roadies probably left it lying around."

Twilight gingerly placed the strut in a plastic bag. "Speaking of roadies, where are they? I haven't seen one."

"Probably at a bar. I'm playing here two nights in a row, so they won't need to pack everything until after tomorrow's show. I gave them all the night off, except for Cable."

"Well you may have found the murder weapon, but I found the first big clue." She waved for him to come closer. "Take a look at this spatter. It's completely unbroken. Since it would have spurted in the direction the attack came from, that means whoever did it wasn't close enough to get hit."

Peacevic nodded, grinning grimly. "You're right, Twilight. That is a big clue. You've effectively eliminated none of our potential suspects."

"Wha-? But-?"

"Ice is quick enough to not get hit by spurting spatter." He explained. "But I don't think he did it, either."

"How come?"

Peacevic stroked his chin. "Aside from the fact that he wouldn't need a strut to do this? He's smart, way smarter than anypony'd give him credit for. He wouldn't stick around if he was the one who did it. He'd probably be in bucking Cloudsdale by now."

"So we don't have any usable clues..." Twilight took a second to blow her mane out of her eyes and gather her thoughts. "I guess that means we'll have to figure this out through motive. Who in your clue had a problem with Mr. Cable?"

"I honestly have no idea. He just joined up for this tour, so he's too new to have pissed somepony off on a personal. Or so I thought. And he was really good at his job. I only ever work with the best."

Twilight stomped in frustration. "Great! Nothing again!" She hung her head. "Maybe we should just call the cops..."

In her morose state, Twilight's lazily looked around the hall. Her gaze finally landed on Peacevic's flank. "Hey, I never got a chance to ask last time, but why is your cutie mark a destroyed microphone? Don't you like rapping?"

"It's not destroyed." He absent-mindedly explained. "It's crushed."

"I don't get the difference."

"That's because you're not hip." Speaking of hips, that earth pony had a nice set on her. The earth pony...

"Whoa, wait!" A brilliant idea just struck Peacevic. "What about the waitress?"

"What about the waitress?"

"Maybe she knows something or saw something." Peacevic gestured wildly in excitement. "We haven't asked her about it yet!"

Twilight ears perked back up when she realized he could be on to something. "Peacevic, you're a genius."

"You don't have to say it so sarcastically, Twilight."

"I'll stop being snarky if you do."

"Never."

"The green room was utterly silent when Peacevic and Twilight returned, and everypony was exactly where they'd been left.

Threatening them with Ice had been an excellent deterrent.

Twilight knelt in front of front of the waitress and gently took hold of a hoof. "Excuse me, miss. I'm so sorry to have to do this, but we need to ask you some questions. First, do you know who I am?"

"Y-You're the P-Princess." She sniffled.

"That's right." Twilight nodded. "My name is Twilight. What's yours?"

"Lovely Vision."

"Ms. Vision, can you tell me why you're here so early? There aren't any patrons to serve." Twilight seemed to have a plan with her line of questioning, so Peacevic just stood and watched.

"I'm supposed to help with the set-up, showing the acts where everything is. Everypony says I'm good at it."

Twilight's brow arched a bit at that, but she pressed on. "And you're the only employee who was asked to come in early?"

"Yeah, just me." Lovely Vision confirmed, looking down at Twilight's grip.

"Could any of the unicorn employees have snuck in without your knowing?"

"There aren't any unicorn employees." Vision said, in a manner that implied the fact should be known and obvious.

Twilight was confused. "Really? Why?"

"Uhh, Twilight? This club caters to ponies who admire... a certain aesthetic." Peacevic leaned over so he could inform the perplexed princess privately. "Specifically, pretty earth pony mares."

"An entire club just for that? I mean, I'd get it that was a... an offered option. But a whole club?"

Peacevic shrugged. "This is Canterlot, and the majority of ponies who live here are unicorns. Horns get boring after a while."

"Hmmm." Twilight frowned. "Okay, back on track. How did you happen to discover Mr. Cable?"

The tears came back. "I told him to meet me there after he finished with the sound check, but then I got held up dealing with a vendor. By the time I was able to get there, he..."

"Wait, you're Cable's marefriend?!" SusP.E.C.T.'s ears perked up. "He told us he had one, but I never guessed she was so pretty!"

"Sus."

"Yeah, Peace?"

Peacevic slowly shook his head. "Not an appropriate time."

"Yeah... realized it as soon as I said it." SusP.E.C.T. grinned sheepishly. "Sorry."

Something was bothering Peacevic. Tom the Manager was quietly moving his lips, the way he always did when trying to figure out how to say something. Dust Off was quiet, unnerved by the situation and not dealing with it well. And Sus was being inconsiderate. "Ice, I'm pulling you off warden duty. Come with me."

Peacevic left the room, and in a few seconds he heard wing beats following behind him. Minutes later, after they were well out of earshot, he turned to stare down his bodyguard. "It's not you, is it?"

"Wouldn't still be here if it was." Ice wasn't fazed by the question.

"Yeah, I know. Just had to ask." Peacevic started walking again. "You know who I think it is?"

"I do. He's been acting weird."

"And you know what we're looking for?" The rapper asked as they made it to the manager's office.

"I do."

As Peacevic entered the green room for what he hoped would be the last time in the investigation, SusP.E.C.T. was busy explaining to Twilight why The Fillies Four was a better superhero team than The Power Ponies. "And what's really cool is that on top of the battles and stuff, they deal with everyday problems as well. So it's more relatable, know what I mean?"

He was standing fairly close to Twilight, which wasn't good. Peacevic had to separate them. "Sus, could you back away from the Princess, please?"

"But-"

"Now." Peacevic cut him off.

"I was just-"

"He said 'now'." Ice menacingly took a step forward.

Sus quickly complied, backing up as far as he could. Twilight turned to Peacevic. "I take it you found something."

"I did." He lifted the book he was holding with his magic a little higher. "Like all fancy and progressive establishments, this club keeps a record of its patrons as a way to improve their future visits. The kinds of drinks they order, how often they show up, things like that. Now, as a performer, I've had to learn to read a crowd, and when Twilight was questioning Lovely Vision here, one of you was acting oddly. Manager, you were figuring out how to spin this, the best way to protect your client. That's normal. Sus, you were putting your hoof in your mouth. That's also normal." Peacevic turned on his merch pony. "Dust, you live around here, don't you? Ever been to this club?"

Dust Off took a step back, surprised by the sudden attention. "No..."

"Huh, must've read that wrong." Peacevic flipped through the pages of the log. "N, no definitely says 'Dust Off, unicorn'. Oh, they even keep track of whether the patron requests a specific waitress. Wow... you really have a thing for Ms. Vision, don't you?"

Lovely Vision's eyes widened in recognition. "I thought you seemed familiar."

"Look, I- I can explain!"

"There's nothing to explain, buddy. You found out your crush had a special somepony and you confronted him about it." Peacevic's anger was slowly rising. "Maybe you didn't mean for things to get deadly, maybe you did. I don't care. You killed Cable."

Dust Off's eyes darted around. Finally, he snapped and shot off a beam at Twilight. She simply teleported out of the way.

Dust was a unicorn, sure, but not every magic user was as powerful or precise as Twilight. His blast was unfocused and wild, and had Sus still been standing by her he'd have been caught by it.

Before Twilight could finish coming out of her teleport, Ice had tackled Dust Off to the floor. The murderer struggled as best he could, but the huge pegasus easily held him down. Twilight quickly bound him in her magic.

"Why is it always so chaotic when we run into each other?" She asked as Peacevic plopped onto a couch.

"No idea."

"I'll take him to the authorities. See you at the show." Then she, and Dust Off, teleported away.

The crowd went wild as he stepped to the mic, even those who normally were only here for the mares. "Now, some of you may have heard that I'm going to be recording a new album. That is indeed true. What's also true is that I finally decided to record a song that I normally only perform live. So here it is, the final show-only rendition of that song you all love, 'My Sun'."

The beat dropped, and he launched into the song.

I'm so happy, I know just who to thank
Every time I get stuck staring at your solar flank
I hear your sister's nice, she gives me good dreams too
But every single one of them is about you
So before craving you gets me surly
I think I'll just cut to the chorus early

Celestia-a-a
I wanna mess you up
I'm who you waited a millennium for
Make you feel everything you ever wanted and more
Celestia-a-a
I wanna mess you up
There's no need to hold off and wait
'Cause you and me, filly, we're fate

You be the princess and I'll be the prince
I don't even care about our height difference
There's never been a better lover, before or since
Your subjects won't notice if you walk with a wince
Just kidding, we'll take it slow
I'll boldly go anywhere you want me to go
You can teach me every move you know
All those dirty little moves from ten hundred years ago.

Celestia-a-a
I wanna mess you up
I'm who you waited a millenium for
Make you feel everything you ever wanted and more
Celestia-a-a
I wanna mess you up
There's no need to hold off and wait
'Cause you and me, filly, we're fate

In the middle of the crowd a certain purple princess thought she was going to stroke out, and the definitely-not-an-alicorn-in-disguise white pony beside her just smiled.

Author's Note

I totally meant to have a recorded version of the song ready by the time I posted this chapter, but I don't have enough time or money to record just yet.
Hopefully, I'll be able to get it done by the next chapter