The Education of Zenith Zephyr

by kudzuhaiku

Rating: mature
Tags: Princess Luna, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Romance, Sex, Twilight Sparkle, Cake Twins, Princess Celestia
Length: 30788

Zenith Zephyr has the hots for the hottest teacher around. Too bad that Princess Celestia insists upon a proper student - teacher relationship.

Life isn't easy for Princess Celestia's personal student. Zenith Zephyr finds his instructor irresistible and will do anything within his power to impress her, prove his worth, and win her over.

Too bad that Princess Celestia finds Zenith quite resistible and insists upon a proper student - teacher relationship.

But that doesn't stop him from trying.

Published 2015-09-11 02:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-10-03 21:43:28 UTC

Chapter 1 (Prologue)

The train station was crowded, packed full to bursting with ponies, many of whom pushed and shoved to make their way through the crowd. It seemed that everypony who was anypony was here today at the train station. Overhead, pegasi circled, many of them news reporters, and their cameras were at the ready.

As the train came to halt, there was a collective murmur from the crowd. The circling pegasi swooped down and something almost resembling a cheer erupted from the gathered mob. When the train came to a complete stop, a palpable tension filled the air, and the gathered ponies waited.

The doors opened and the first ponies started to disembark. The crowd roared, but then the sound faded in a disappointed collective moan. The ponies getting off of the train were absorbed into the pressing crowd, swallowed whole by the monster mob.

From somewhere, a trumpet sounded, and when the clarion trumpet was heard, an excited cry came from the gathered masses. Pegasi guards began to clear a path to the train, nudging some ponies aside, and pushing others who refused to budge. More guards joined those already clearing the way, and soon, order was being established. Those exiting the train now had a means to do so and were free to walk away, though most ponies disembarking joined the excited throng of onlookers instead.

Once again a trumpet sounded, a brassy blast of sound that was somehow loud enough to drown out the roar of the crowd, and then a voice amplified by magic announced, “Princess Twilight Sparkle!”

On cue, Twilight Sparkle emerged, stepping through the door of a small building secured just for this occasion. She walked, head high, and waved at the crowd with one of her wings. She wore her diadem of office as the Princess of Friendship.

“Hello everypony!” Twilight struck a pose for a moment, beaming, and allowed the press to capture a few photos of her. The brave alicorn showed no signs of her inner terror or panic as she continued onwards.

A series of trumpeting blasts sounded out, causing the crowd to ‘oooh!’ and ‘aaah!’ The gathered ponies all turned to look as the door opened once more. A regal white figure stepped out, grinning, her eyes wide and gleaming with merriment.

“Princess Celestia of Equestria!”

There were gasps from the crowd as a few ponies realised what had just taken place. Princess Celestia had stepped outside before her announcer had called her out, committing something of a breach in protocol. The white alicorn was laughing as she lifted her wings to wave. She didn’t walk so much as she pranced, strutting down the walkway that the guards had cleared.

The passengers leaving the train were now gone, having been absorbed into the crowd or having gone into the train station to escape the crowd, save two. A timid looking pegasus stallion stood with his ears pinned back, looking around at the crowd. He was a light, cheerful shade of blue, his mane and his tail were a sunny shade of yellow. He smiled a nervous smile and then waved at the approaching alicorns.

Standing at the pegasus’ hooves was a young unicorn foal, livid colour, which is to say he was a dull shade of blue-grey, with white dapples upon his back, his neck, his face, and his legs. His mane and his tail were a striking shade of metallic silver. Perched upon his nose were a pair of glasses with egg-shaped lenses.

The colt showed no signs of being shy or afraid of the crowd; if anything, he seemed to revel in the fact that the mob that was watching his every move. He waved, lifting his hoof, and smiled while ponies snapped his picture.

Twilight Sparkle came to halt just a few feet away. She smiled down at the colt and then, after a little bow of her head, she said to the colt, “Welcome to Canterlot, Zenith Zephyr, chosen student of Princess Celestia!”

“Hello, Twilight Sparkle!” the colt’s voice was squeaky, almost the voice of a yearling.

“And there he is… my student.” Princess Celestia walked past Twilight Sparkle, glancing at the smaller alicorn as she passed, and then stopped in front of the small colt. She lowered her head, angling her shapely neck downwards, and stood almost snoot to snoot with the grinning colt that she had selected to be her personal student.

All around Princess Celestia, flashbulbs exploded, almost creating a strobe effect in the brilliant daylight. The circling pegasi overhead swooped down, getting as close as they dared, as everypony tried to capture the image of Princess Celestia standing nose to nose with her new student.

“Zenith, it is good to see you again. How have you been since we last met?” Princess Celestia asked.

They had met almost a month ago in the city of Tall Tale. Talent could be found in the most unlikely of places. Little Zenith had, quite by accident, caused a bit of fluctuation in the weather, which in turned caused a tornado to happen. The local weather pegasi put an end to the tornado before there was any sort of real damage, but it had given the small town quite a scare. The event had also left Zenith with his cutie mark, a rampaging tornado.

“I’ve done my best to behave,” Zenith replied, looking up at his new teacher with unabashed adoration. The colt was grinning from ear to ear.

Some feared that the colt was dangerous; Princess Celestia thought that was pish-posh. The little unicorn was far too gregarious, gentle, and good natured. What the colt needed was control, magical education, and an experienced teacher to help him harness his potentially destructive talent.

“Zenith, do you understand why you are here?” Princess Celestia asked. Her gentle face became somewhat more serious as she looked into the colt’s glass green eyes. She could see two reflections of her own face, one in each of the colt’s lenses.

“Yeah,” Zenith replied, nodding his head.

“Would you care to tell me? I would like to hear you say it.” Princess Celestia dropped her head down a little further, it was a trifle difficult to hear the unicorn foal over the roar of the crowd.

“I’m here to be your personal student.” Zenith blinked as he stared upwards. “I’m here to learn how to control my magic.” The foal took a deep breath, held it for a moment, and then, looking more than a little mischievous, he gave Princess Celestia a wink. “I’m also going to marry you someday, because you’re pretty.”

Having had his say, the colt stretched out his neck, extended his lips, and planted a wet, clumsy, slobbery smacker of a kiss upon the white alicorn’s cheek. His lips lingered there and the colt closed his eyes, enjoying the moment, and hearing the sounds of many cameras as they captured this moment for posterity.

Surprised, shocked, and almost laughing, Princess Celestia lifted her head, all too aware that every photographer present had just captured that moment on film. Aside from being gregarious, gentle, and good natured, Zenith was also confident, perhaps to a fault. Behind her, she could hear Twilight Sparkle chortling. She would have to pay Twilight back for this later.

“Oh my… Zenith, I’m flattered that you think that I am pretty, but you mustn’t kiss your teacher.” Twilight was still sniggering and Celestia felt a faint warmth in her cheeks. Yes, Twilight would have to be dealt with later. Her ears perked forwards as she looked down at the colt. Reaching out a wing, she tousled his mane. Her gaze lifted and she looked at the nervous pegasus. He didn’t look well. A few more minutes in this crowd and she was certain that he would be beyond saving. “Nadir Zephyr, would you like to retreat to some place a bit more private?”

The nervous pegasus nodded, his head bobbing up and down. “Yes Ma’am, I’d like that, I’ve never been fond of crowds or big to-dos.”

“Well then, come with me and we shall retire to some place a bit more comfortable.” Princess Celestia turned about just as Twilight Sparkle was struggling to stop smirking. Celestia raised one eyebrow and looked Twilight in the eye. “Do you find something funny, Twilight Sparkle?”

Now snickering, Twilight snorted a few times as she struggled to swallow her laughter. She found that she could not speak, every time she opened her mouth to reply, more hearty laughter spilled out, so she pressed her lips together and shook her head as her sides heaved from trying to contain herself.

Taking a few steps forwards, Princess Celestia stopped and placed her mouth next to Twilight’s ear. She inhaled, sucking in the air she needed to tell Twilight off, and, as she started to speak, Celestia’s lip curled into a smirk.

“I seem to recall another little foal that once had a crush upon their teacher.” As Celestia spoke, her lips brushed up against the edges of Twilight’s ear, which caused Twilight to let out a little squeal punctuated by a snort.

Grinning, Princess Celestia raised her head and then walked away, leaving behind a flustered, tomato-cheeked Twilight Sparkle, who sputtered and stammered as she struggled to find something to say.

Prancing, following after his departing teacher, Zenith Zephyr smiled at the crowd.

Nadir Zephyr's wings fidgeted at his sides as he looked down at his colt. “I wish that your mother was here to see you now… she would be so proud.” The pegasus stallion smiled even though he felt a brief moment of pain as he experienced the memory of loss. “You’re so much like her… so confident.”

“He certainly has confidence… enough to spare,” Princess Celestia said from where she was standing, watching the exchange between father and son. Raising one eyebrow, one ear flickering, she looked down at the colt.

“Son, I want you to listen to your teachers, all of them. I want you to work hard. I want you to make me proud. More than anything, I want you to remember, you are a Zephyr. Even if you don’t have wings like the rest of us.” Nadir’s face became stern for a moment as he looked down at his son. He drew in deep breath and his eyes narrowed somewhat. “It pains me that I cannot give you what you need. If you were a little pegasus, I could teach you how to fly. I could teach you how to thread the needle, I could teach you loop de loops, I could teach you how to skim over water and make it look like you are dancing over the waves. But I can’t teach you magic. I can’t give you what you need. I’m sorry.”

“Dad, it’s okay.” Zenith, looking up at his father, stretched out his neck and nosed the pegasus stallion. “I’m gonna miss you… but I’ve got a princess to look after. I’ll make Clan Zephyr proud, I promise.” The colt’s face became serious and for a moment, he looked very much like his father. “It’s gonna be hard work protecting a princess.”

It took serious effort for Celestia remain straight faced. She was glad that Twilight Sparkle wasn’t here, but was off dealing with the press, giving them the official scoop on Zenith.

“Our clan has always done right by the princesses, going as far back as our entire recorded history.” Nadir’s face softened into a proud smile. He lifted his foreleg, wrapped it around his son’s neck, and pulled the colt closer. “I’m going to miss you.”

Zenith allowed himself to be hugged for a moment, and then began to squirm away from his father. He looked up at his dad, wide eyed, glanced at Princess Celestia, and then resumed staring up at his parent. He whispered to his father, “Not in front of the princess.”

The pegasus blinked. He tilted his head, looked at Princess Celestia, and then back down at his colt. “Right, sorry, about that. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

Amused, Princess Celestia allowed herself a broad, beaming smile. “Come with me… let us go have lunch together. I bet that the two of you are famished.”

Author's Note

This has been sitting around for almost six months. I cleaned it up a bit and decided to post it. I don't know if there will be much interest, but if there is, I might update it once a week or so. Maybe.

If you like it, let me know. If you don't like it, tell me why. Help me out here, leave a comment so I can improve my craft. Thanks!

Chapter 2

“This has been a lovely little gathering. I always enjoy spending time together,” Princess Cadance said as she walked with her fellow princesses. A teasing smile lurked upon Cadance’s lips and she kept looking at Celestia as they walked.

“Another summit where we talk about peace and prosperity for all.” Princess Luna heaved a sigh. “It is too early in the day for this sort of thing. The world has become boring. I should be in bed.” Luna yawned as she walked.

Twilight Sparkle, walking beside her former teacher, glanced at Cadance, gave a nod, and then turned her head to look up at Celestia. “So… Princess Celestia… how is your most faithful student?”

Walking at a slow gait to allow the shorter legged ponies around her to keep up, Princess Celestia summoned her patience; it seemed as though she was being conspired against. She had seen the glances between Twilight and Cadance. The large white alicorn drew in a deep breath to speak, but then heard Cadance say something.

“He’s grown up quite a bit… and become quite handsome… well, handsome enough.” Cadance reached out with a wing and gave the larger alicorn beside her a nudge. “Auntie Celestia, you know, he worships you.”

Rolling her eyes, Princess Celestia sighed as she contemplated getting new underlings.

“You know, Princess Celestia, I’ve always wondered… why did you chose him as your personal, private student?” Twilight Sparkle raised one eyebrow and locked eyes with Princess Celestia. She took a great deal of personal delight in seeing the faint pink blush on her former teacher’s face.

“Yes, dear sister, do tell,” Luna said.

“Twilight Sparkle… I seem to recall that you had quite a crush on me at some point.” Princess Celestia lifted her head high. She had said this many, many years ago and it had worked then, but Twilight Sparkle didn’t quite get as flustered at the old embarrassment now. Celestia realised that she was going to have to try harder. “It seems to me that you were so stricken by your love for me that you developed a fondness for chasing after white unicorns—”

“With exquisite manners, fine feminine behaviours, and good breeding,” Luna added.

Twilight Sparkle turned a darker shade of purple and bit her lip. She was unable to say anything in her own defense. It was suddenly far too hot in this hallway and Twilight wanted to go someplace cooler, some place where she wasn’t about to die from embarrassment.

“And school teachers. We can’t forget little Twilight’s fondness for school teachers.” Princess Cadance winked at Twilight. “Ooooh… I’m a bad little foal… my homework is late… don’t punish me with the paddle, Cheerilee—”

“Cadance!” Twilight gasped. She squeezed her eyes shut, cringing, wanting to melt into the floor from embarrassment. “Cadance, we were supposed to tease Celestia, how could you?”

“An admission! Ah hah!” Celestia looked down at the flock of alicorns around her.

“Tell us what we wish to know or we shall continue with our original plan!” Luna, grinning, pulled ahead of the group as they paraded down the hallway together. “Personally, I like him. He’s witty, intelligent, and potentially the best option I have of getting my sister laid.”

“Luna!” Princess Celestia’s face looked as though she had bit into a lemon. “He is my student. I absolutely refuse to engage in any sort of inappropriate behaviours or betray his trust.”

“He’s growing up though.” Cadance prodded her aunt with her wing. “You know, it wouldn’t kill you to take him as a consort. He’s already groomed for the position. Why do you have to resist what was clearly meant to be?”

“Cadance, that’s quite enough!” Princess Celestia was now aware that she was a pink alicorn, very much like Cadance, and her full body blush was intensifying. The big mare sucked in wind, let it out in a huff, and then began to try and cool herself off. “All three of you are terrible, horrible ponies.”

“Perhaps, but we’re getting laid,” Luna replied. Turning her head, she saw her sister glowering and she heard Celestia snort. Luna let out a giggle and picked up her pace.

And then, without warning, Princess Cadance came to a dead halt. Her face darkened, her eyes closed, and she swayed from side to side, nibbling upon her own lip. Her wings fluttered at her sides and her tail swished around her legs. Cadance’s sudden stop caused the other alicorns to stop as well.

“Cadance, is there something wrong?” Twilight asked.

“No Twilight,” Cadance replied, shaking her head. “Zenith is in his room, thinking of Celestia, and doing what colts his age are known to do… mmm… it feels good.”

“Oh good grief!” Rolling her eyes, Celestia let out a frustrated huff at the alicorn of love.

“Oh… he’s working it… it’s funny…”

“Cadance, I find nothing about this funny.” Princess Celestia glared at her sister Luna, just daring Luna to say something, while Luna’s smile grew wider and wider.

“No, I mean, it’s funny… usually, when a pony does this, it is accompanied by a strong sensation of lust. It is all about self gratification—but there is love here, real love… and he’s imagining that he’s satisfying you… that’s what is getting him off.” Cadance let out a soft whinny and then shook her whole body. “I need to go find Shining Armor, excuse me.” Biting her lip, Cadance vanished in a flash of light, leaving behind the soft perfume of mare musk.

Twilight, flushed, and feeling more than a little flustered herself, could not stop thinking about white unicorns with an appreciation for finer things. She looked down the hall, her eyes coming to rest upon a door, and then, with a slow turn of her head, she looked at Celestia. “You know, visiting Canterlot always puts Rarity in a special mood… time to indulge in a little friendship with benefits.”

And then, there were two. Princess Luna, still grinning, waggled her eyebrows at her sister and then began to creep towards the door, turning her head to look at her sister as she paced forwards on silenced hooves.

“Luna, don’t you dare!” Celestia demanded in a forceful whisper. “You leave him be!”

Her lip protruding in a pout, Luna stopped. She looked at the door and then back at her sister. After taking a few moments to consider her actions, Luna realised that this was not a battle she wished to engage in. Celestia was fond of her student, and her emotions could make her more than a little unreasonable. With a wink of her teal eye, Luna vanished, leaving Celestia alone.

Taking a deep breath, Celestia thought about what to do next. Zenith was engaged in something private, but, it was daytime. He needed to be accessible during the daytime. What he did alone, in private, on his own time was his own business, but during the day, he had to be available. Princess Celestia supposed that a little lesson was in order.

Striding forward, gnawing upon her lip, Princess Celestia made ready to knock upon Zenith’s door. Standing just outside his door, Celestia heard things. His soundproofing spell needed work. She could hear the colt grunting, huffing, and snorting away, It sounded as though he was approaching climax. Shaking her head, Princess Celestia felt just a tiny bit bad for what she was about to do, but there was a lesson to be learned here. Lifting her hoof, she knocked upon the door.

“Zenith, I need to speak to you.” Celestia cringed. This was not going to be easy for either of them. She thought about what Cadance had said and then shoved the thoughts out of her mind. It didn’t matter what Zenith was doing to get off, it didn’t matter that he loved her. This was not an appropriate relationship for a teacher and a student.

“One moment please,” a deep baritone voice said from within the room.

So much had changed. When Celestia had first met Zenith, he was a squeaky little yearling. Now, on the verge of being an adult, Zenith had grown up, and he had grown up well. She had raised him—a fact that only made things even more complicated. Celestia reasoned with herself that she was practically the colt’s mother.

The door opened and Celestia let out a startled gasp when she saw Zenith. Shocked, surprised, she wondered how he had managed to do what he had just done. Not a hair was out of place. He looked cool, calm, and collected. He wasn’t breathing hard. There was nothing dangling down. There was no blush upon his face. As much she hated to admit it to herself, Princess Celestia was impressed.

“Zenith, my dear student, I need to speak to you. I have an assignment for you… there is a delicate matter that I wish for you to look after for me,” Celestia said.

“Your wish is my command,” Zenith replied, bowing his head.

There was something in the air, Celestia’s nostrils flared when she smelled it. Stallion musk. It took all of Celestia’s effort not to breathe it in deep. It was faint, almost unnoticeable, but Zenith wasn’t quite as perfect as he first appeared. Something about this caused Celestia to feel an unwanted spike of arousal.

“I fear there has been something of a succession… this is a complicated matter.”

One of Zenith’s eyebrows raised. “What?”

“Well, there is a filly that used to live in Ponyville, at the orphanarium. She grew tired of her life there. She is approaching adulthood, but is still young… worrisomely so. She has fled the orphanarium and has absconded into the White Tail Woods.” Princess Celestia paused and took a deep breath before she continued. “She has proclaimed herself a princess and made a claim on part of the White Tail Woods, announcing the formation of a new empire.”

“And you want me to quell this rebellion?” Zenith asked.

“Oh, stars no!” Celestia looked shocked and shook her head. “No, I prize your gentle nature, my most faithful student.” The alicorn took a step backwards. “I am sending you as the official Equestrian diplomat.”

“What?” Zenith blinked. “What?” He shook his head. “You are acknowledging the legitimacy of her claims?”

“What harm is there in that?” Celestia lifted her head and looked down at her student. His glasses seemed a bit fogged over, as if he had been engaged in some steamy behaviour. It was distracting to the extreme. “She might have good leadership qualities, or useful talents… if we just go and squash her, we’ll never know, will we?”

“I suppose not.” Zenith blinked a few more times. “What are my instructions?”

“Make friends with her. Assure her that Equestria, the country that currently surrounds her teeny, tiny empire, means her no harm. Convince her that we wish to remain friends. See if you can strike up a trade agreement perhaps. Do what you can to help her.”

“Wait, you’re serious about this?”

“Of course I am serious about this.” Celestia’s lips pressed into a straight line.

“Twilight Sparkle brought peace to the world. She crushed all of the thousand year old evils that had been lurking in the shadows, waiting to strike our mighty empire when we were weak. Twilight Sparkle, the Princess of Friendship, is also world renowned for being a consummate warrior. Twilight Sparkle, Princess Celestia’s champion.” Zenith heaved a sigh and shook his head. “This is a tough act to follow, you know? I get to be… Zenith Zephyr, diplomat to a runaway filly. I suppose there are worse things.”

“Twilight’s personal student will be joining you,” Celestia said. Her eyes narrowed. “You know, Pumpkin Cake is a remarkable filly… both of you are of a similar age, and both of you work so well together.”

“Is there a point to this?” Zenith asked.

“Well, yes, yes there is… have you thought about asking her on a date perhaps?” Celestia, who had a hopeful look upon her face, looked down at her student.

The colt groaned and closed his eyes. He shook his head. “No… not this again!”

“But both of you are so cute together!” Reaching out with her wing, Celestia prodded Zenith’s neck. “Come on, with a little effort, I could see this working!”

“But I don’t like her that way… we’re just friends,” Zenith protested.

“Friends could become so much more, think of the possibilities! Haven’t you listened to Twilight Sparkle’s lectures about friendship with benefits?”

“You and I, we’re friends,” Zenith said. He heard his teacher gasp and he knew that he had her on this one. He watched her back away another step. Still watching, he watched as her sides expanded as she took a deep breath.

“Before you go to Ponyville, your teacher, Moondancer, wishes to speak with you,” Princess Celestia said, changing the subject. She wasn’t admitting loss… Zenith had delivered a stunning riposte, and now Celestia was no longer in a favourable position to keep playing this game at the moment.

“Right… go talk with Professor Moondancer, then go to Ponyville, meet with Pumpkin, then go make friends with a dangerous usurper.” Zenith nodded his head. “Got it.”

“Zenith, darling, you need to get over this crush you have on me. It isn’t healthy for you… you are robbing yourself of vital life experiences that are key to your development into a healthy young adult. Your fixation on me is hurting you… you should be chasing after Pumpkin, or perhaps some other filly, somepony attainable.”

“Wasn’t it you that told me to set a goal for myself and then do everything I can to attain it?” Zenith looked at his teacher and saw the corner of her eye twitching. They had been playing this game for years, and Zenith believed that he was getting better at it.

“Zenith, what am I going to do with you?” Celestia closed her eyes and shook her head.

“Marry me,” Zenith replied as he took a step forward. “If you’d just give me a chance, I could make you happy…”

Author's Note

Did I mention that this wasn't quite intended as a clop-fic...

Chapter 3 -The Epic Quest of Epicness to Find Princess Buttermilk

As Zenith trotted down the hall, he cleaned his glasses with a spell. Fastidious about his appearance, some ponies might even say that he was vain. It wasn’t true; he didn’t keep himself immaculate for his own sake, but because he was Princess Celestia’s representative.

He smiled at the younger foals as he passed, sometimes nodding his head, and kept an eye out for any students that might have looked a little distraught. It was easy to get overwhelmed—a dark time was approaching, almost a full month of exams, tests, and finals.

Professor Moondancer was, without a doubt, his favourite teacher, other than Princess Celestia. Moondancer was educated, witty, wise, and had a knack for making things easy as well as simple to understand. She could take the most complex of subjects, break them down, and present them in such a way that anypony could understand them.

Just getting a seat in her class was a challenge. Zenith, Celestia’s own personal student, had to compete just like anypony else, there had been no easy in, no free pass, and he took it as a matter of personal pride that he had worked his way into Moondancer’s class. She showed no favouritism either, raking him over the coals when he messed up or made a mistake, and being the stickler that she was, she always found something wrong.

Nopony in her class had perfect grades—one did not attend her class to get good grades, one attended her class to learn how to take failure in stride and then find the means to keep going.

Butterflies fluttered in his stomach as Zenith put on his best grin. He then knocked upon the door to Moondancer’s private office and waited for a reply.

“Ah, good, you’re here,” Moondancer said when she saw Zenith. “Have a seat.”

“You wanted to see me?” Zenith sat down upon a square cushion that lay upon the floor in front of Moondancer’s low desk. She was not a chair sort of pony, favouring cushions instead.

“Zenith, there is no easy way to break this to you… you’re failing.”

“I thought so.” Zenith nodded.

“What was up with that last paper you turned in?” Moondancer asked.

“There was something wrong with it?” A look of surprise settled over Zenith’s face. He had been worried about some of his previous papers, which he felt might not have been up to snuff, when thinking of them in hindsight.

“Yes.” Moondancer nodded. “As I seem to recall, I gave you a twenty thousand word essay on practical approaches that unicorns can take on everyday life—”

“But I wrote that paper out and I thought I did a good job!” Zenith protested.

“What you gave me was rubbish!” Moondancer’s thick eyebrows crinkled and her forehead wrinkled. “Zenith Zephyr, I teach advanced magical theory and the direct application of the magical arts… and you turned in a paper that scarcely had any sort of magical approach to anything!”

“But I—”

“But what?” Moondancer’s left eyebrow began to raise.

“But I hardly use magic for anything… I always try to find the practical approach and see if I can solve the problem without magic,” Zenith said in a soft voice. He racked his brain, hoping he could think of some way to placate his teacher and fix this, otherwise, Princess Celestia was going to be upset with him. And that, that would not do.

“Do you know how silly that sounds?” Moondancer leaned forwards over her desk. “You are Princess Celestia’s personal, private student. You are supposed to be a champion of magic. And unless I am mistaken and I need to get my ears checked, you just said that you try to take a practical approach and see if you can solve the problem… without magic.”

Zenith gulped. At this moment, he knew that he was horned. So very horned. It seemed like a great approach to life, but something about how Moondancer had just said it, Zenith began to see flaws in his cunning plan to deal with life.

“You have just used up your one chance.” Moondancer’s other eyebrow now raised. “Now, you are on probation. I am going to give you exactly one second chance to redeem yourself and get back into my good graces… otherwise, you’re out. Some other student will get to fill your seat.”

“That’s fair.” Zenith saw a look of surprise upon Moondancer’s face and her eyebrows furrowed downwards again as she studied him.

“I did not expect that sort of reply.” Moondancer tilted her head to one side and her ears perked forwards. “I did not expect that at all.”

“All part of my practical, non magical approach to life… knowing what to say and when to say it.” Zenith gave his professor a prim, professional looking smile. He saw Moondancer’s harsh expression soften a bit.

“You’re still in trouble, but I believe I’ve made a mistake. You have not used up your only chance. What you have done is created an opportunity for extra credit.” Moondancer’s expression became hard and demanding again. “You turn in the original assignment, complete with practical, magical means of problem solving, and if I like it, I’ll accept this essay as extra credit. Do not fail me, Zenith.”

“Right. One essay, thirty thousand words, practical magical applications and a detailed guide for how a unicorn should approach life. Got it.”

Moondancer made a noise deep down inside of her throat and her lips pressed into a straight line for a moment. Her eyes narrowed as she looked at Zenith. “Go on, get out of here. I absolutely refuse to allow you to try and impress me. Now go!”

Princess Twilight Sparkle had said that the secret to life was good organisation. Zenith disagreed. He tended to make things up as he went, with no real plan, no real forethought, no lists, just plowing into the problem head on and dealing with problems as you encountered them. His approach to trouble was best described as haphazard.

In his room, he packed a few things for Ponyville. A rain cloak. His journal, which he did very little writing in, but carrying it around make him look like he knew what he was doing. Plus, Pumpkin loved to write in it, as well as draw the most perverted, pornographic sketches a pony might see in their lifetime. He dumped some candy into his saddlebag—not so much for himself, but a few sweet treats were always useful as bribes or for winning somepony over. Lifting his head, he looked around for anything that might be useful.

Rummaging through the clutter on his desk, he found nothing that he thought would be useful. Since there was nothing left to pack, it was time to go. If he hurried, he could still make the mid-afternoon train to Ponyville, but he was going to have to gallop to the train station.

Ponyville. A bustling place that had been transformed into a thriving city, due in no small part to Twilight Sparkle. Twilight’s crystal castle was visible from the train station. The city had transformed as Zenith had grown up, changing over time, transitioning from thatched roofs and humble cottages, to tall, sleek, modern looking buildings.

Truth be told, Zenith didn’t much care for the changes, but he’d never say it out loud.

He slipped through the crowd with ease, a well practiced movement, lept from the train platform, ignoring the stairs, which were packed with ponies. He landed with an easy grace, flexed his knees, and took off at a brisk trot. His mane as well as his tail bounced with every step and the unicorn moved with a purposeful rhythm.

“Zenith!”

Stopping, turning his head, realising that he wasn’t going to have to go to Twilight’s castle, Zenith saw his friend and counterpart, Pumpkin Cake.

Pumpkin wasn’t like other unicorns, or even other ponies. Her fiery orange mane rose into a fierce looking mohawk. Both of her ears had been pierced dozens of times. A silver ring hung from one nostril, and another silver ring dangled from her lower lip. Pumpkin’s cutie mark was a board with a nail sticking out of it, which many said was symbolic of her bluntness.

When Pumpkin had been a foal, she and her brother Pound had gone off exploring. Both had encountered a chimera. Pound had responded by screaming for help, while his sister had taken a far more practical approach. She ripped a wooden plank free from the wrecked wagon that was nearby, the wagon was all that remained from the chimera’s previous encounter, and then Pumpkin had proceeded to almost beat the chimera to death with a board that had a nail sticking out of it.

Pumpkin, Twilight Sparkle’s personal student, took a direct approach to things. A forceful, no holds barred direct approach. Much like her mentor, Pumpkin was considered as something of a warrior, never one to back down from a fight or shy away from trouble.

“Pumpkin, how ya been?” Zenith smiled. “I see you’ve tripped and fallen over into your mother’s jewelry box again.” He saw Pumpkin grin as she approached.

“Busy.” Pumpkin’s eyes narrowed as she came to a halt. “So… banged yourself a white alicorn yet?”

Lifting his head, Zenith cleared his throat. “When the time comes, I will treat her body with the respect it deserves… after we are properly married, of course.”

Closing her eyes, Pumpkin threw back her head and laughed. As she shook with laughter, she reached out her forehoof and punched Zenith, almost knocking him from his hooves. When she heard Zenith’s pained wheeze, she laughed even harder.

“We should get going,” Zenith said, rubbing his shoulder where he had been punched. “We have a job to do and there is no point in slacking off.”

Opening her eyes, Pumpkin glared at her companion. “You… you’re as much fun as you’ve always been.” She rolled her eyes. “Stick in the mud. Fine… we’ll go see Princess Buttermilk—”

“Princess Buttermilk?” One eyebrow raised as Zenith drew himself to his full height, towering over Pumpkin.

“Pegasus filly. Her name is Buttermilk Biscuit. She’s got her shit together, that’s for sure.” Pumpkin took a perverse pleasure in watching Zenith’s ear twitch from her profanity. She sucked in her lip ring and enjoyed the feeling of tension on her lip, the faint, stinging pull.

“Well, let’s get going,” Zenith said as he turned around and headed for the White Tail Woods. “Let’s go find out what Princess Buttermilk is up to and see if we can help her.”

The two unicorns walked through the White Tail Woods, with Pumpkin leading the way. While the day had been warm, the woods were cool, shady, and pleasant. Pumpkin paused to sniff flowers along the way and Zenith took the time to stop and check out the sights.

“Zenith?”

“Yeah?”

Pumpkin Cake turned to look at her companion. “Have you ever thought about how you’re going to satisfy Celestia when you finally get around to fucking her?” She watched his ears perk and stifled a laugh. “I mean, you have no idea what you’re doing, and I can guarantee, as old as she is, she’s been laid in all the right ways. Aren’t you worried about disappointing her?”

Clearing his throat, Zenith shook his head. “I shall have to rely upon my charm.”

“Charm is nice and all, but what a mare really wants is a good hard dicking.” Pumpkin smiled and batted her eyelashes. “You really do think that you are going to win her over somehow… I don’t mean to bust your bubble, but think of all the dicks that’s been in there before you. She’s been around for a long time… she’s seen and done some stuff that you and I can’t even imagine, I would bet.”

“Pumpkin, is this really necessary?” Zenith shook his head, feeling somewhat disgusted by Pumpkin’s vulgarity.

“I could help you,” Pumpkin offered.

Snorting, Zenith tossed his head back. “You could help me?”

“Oh, I could help you.” Pumpkin’s eyelids drooped in a most alluring way. She whipped her body around, hiked up her tail, flexed hips, and presented herself to Zenith. “You could fuck my tight little twat and get some practice. Just be gentle when you bust my hymen. I bet you’re all pent up, but you still need to be gentle, at least to start. Perhaps put that silver tongue of yours to good use before you split me open.”

Gulping, Zenith did his best not to look down, but his eyes betrayed him. He gazed into the abyss, and the abyss gazed back. Pumpkins’ tail was flipped up off to one side, and he could see a thin, somewhat crinkled slit just below her tight, clenching asshole. He also saw a flash of silver.

“You got a new piercing,” Zenith said in a low voice. “That’s nice.”

“That’s all you have to say?” Pumpkin asked, looking back over her shoulder. She backed up a bit and slapped Zenith in the neck with her tail.

“You’ve said plenty to me about your sexual exploits.” Zenith cleared his throat. “But you claim to be a virgin. Forgive me, but I have my doubts.”

“Oh, I’ve sucked myself a dick and done a few perverted things, but my tight, tender little twat, I’m saving that for somepony special,” Pumpkin replied. “You’re special. You’ve been my friend for a long time and we’ve seen so many hard times together.”

Zenith backed away, trying to resist temptation. He was a whole lot bigger than Pumpkin, sizewise. It wouldn’t take much to slide up over her back, wrap his forelegs around her barrel, and then just start—Zenith took a deep breath and took another step back.

“See, this is why you’re my friend.” Pumpkin swished her tail around. “I know that I can be an absolute whore around you and you won’t do anything. It’s almost like you’re gay.”

“I’m not gay!” Zenith snapped.

“In a way, you are… you’re queer for alicorns… nothing wrong with that. We all have our kinks.” Pumpkin flexed her hips and spread her hind legs a little bit, trying to reveal more of herself to Zenith. “Would it be so bad if you just fucked me right here and now? I wouldn’t stop you. You and I, we both know what we want. We could just be friends. You could fuck me silly and we could continue being friends. Nothing would change between us. You’d go on pining for Celestia, and I’d have the satisfaction of knowing my first fuck was my best friend.”

“Pumpkin, why do you gotta do this to me?” Zenith asked. He was doing everything he could to look away, but he was finding it difficult. He felt himself start sweating and there was a painful ache in his balls.

“I just want to help you… and in turn, help myself. I have to be careful who I play around with, because if it was the wrong pony and certain ponies found out… like say, my mother, or worse, Twilight, I could be in all kinds of trouble… but you… I know that I could fuck you and not get anything worse than a warning about making sure I was discreet.”

“Pumpkin, please, put your tail down and behave yourself.” Zenith backed away and squeezed his eyes shut. “I’m flattered by your offer, but I am saving myself. The piercing is very nice.”

Sighing, Pumpkin dropped her tail. She turned around, a look of sincere disappointment upon her face. “I guess I came on too strong. Look, I’ve been dropping hints for months now and you’ve been utterly clueless—”

“Oh, I know that you’ve been dropping hints, I’ve just been ignoring them.” Zenith opened one eye to see if it was safe. Seeing no pink abysses, he opened his other eye and heaved a sigh of relief.

“You really are dedicated to her, aren’t you?” Pumpkin’s eyes narrowed and she studied her longtime friend. “What if she never comes around? Are you just going to chase after her forever, and then die a virgin, unloved, unwanted, your entire life wasted?”

“We should get going… daylight is burning away. We need to go speak with Princess Buttercup.”

“Buttermilk.”

“Whatever.” Zenith shrugged.

“You know—”

“Pumpkin, please, just let it go.”

“My offer still stands. I mean it. As your friend. If you ever decide that you’re sick of being a virgin, I’ll be here for you.” Pumpkin looked up at Zenith. “Just a minute ago, you could have had your way with me… and for whatever reason, you didn’t. I still think you’re crazy, but you have my respect.”

“Thank you, Pumpkin.”

“So how about oral sex… eatin’ ain’t cheatin’!”

Author's Note

So... fun facts about Zenith.

He's a pacifist. To the extreme. He practices edgy pacifism. So edgy that somepony could cut themselves, but that would be violent, and that would make Zenith squeamish, so the hard edge is also covered up in foam rubber to keep it from being a danger. And bubblewrap. Can't forget the bubblewrap. Pop!

He's not too keen on using magic. Sure, he has magic, but that's no excuse to go around casting spells willy-nilly. Somepony could get hurt. And hurting others would be a serious buzzkill.

Zenith has blancophilia. He's sexually attracted to white, clean, pure things. Cleanliness is godliness! So he likes looking at clean, white things. Like, big fluffy clouds, clean, white sheets of paper, freshly fallen snow... and white alicorns. Can't forget those. But when there are no clean, pure, white alicorns around, anything white will do in a pinch. Like fine, white china. You should never leave him alone in a room full of fine, white china.

One might argue that, as Pumpkin Cake pointed out, he is queer for alicorns. This could be because he is a unicorn that was raised by pegasi... an alicorn is the best of both worlds. Why choose wings or a horn when you could have both?

Chapter 4

Princess Buttermilk’s empire seemed to be one very large, knotty white oak, a few crates of food, a few crude lean-to shelters, and a collection of school-age ponies, a fact that troubled Zenith. This was somewhat amusing when it was just a pegasus filly who had run away to live in the woods. Now, Zenith felt a growing sense of worry. There were no adults here, nopony who should have been in charge.

Of the princess herself, there was no sign. According to an earth pony colt, Princess Buttermilk had flown off to help her subjects, something about looking at a few maple trees for some reason or another.

This whole thing was absurd. There was no real shelter. Come winter, everypony would freeze. There was no food storage. There was no water. Zenith, never one to doubt his teacher, she was as old and as wise as a pony could be, wondered what Princess Celestia had been thinking by allowing this to continue. She had to have a reason. Princess Celestia did everything for a reason, even if it didn’t make sense to ponies who could only live for a hundred years, compared to her thousands.

At a loss for what to do, Zenith did the only thing he could do. He set about making the situation better. Studying the tall, majestic white oak, he figured this was as good of place as any to serve as a palace for an empire. Sitting down in the cool grass, Zenith prepared himself to do a little magic.

Entranced, Pumpkin watched as the tree came to life from Zenith’s magic. She could hear gasps all around her. Zenith didn’t do magic often, but when he did, it was worth paying attention. For whatever reason Zenith was in touch with nature, and his best work came from nature related spells. The tree bubbled, growing, warping, changing. The trunk hollowed out, forming a small room. On the outside of the trunk, little nooks, cubbies, and hidey holes formed, little comfortable places just big enough for a pony to crawl inside, curl up, and get comfortable. Higher up, more little hollows were formed, pleasant places for pegasi. Zenith was making a tree house… or a house tree.

“I wish I could do this kind of magic,” Pumpkin said in a low voice as she sat down beside Zenith. The colt had his eyes closed and Pumpkin leaned up against him. His whole body was vibrating, thrumming with magic.

“There is nothing stopping you.” Zenith’s horn flared brighter. “Just relax and be in tune with nature. Reach out and touch the life all around you.”

“Not my way.” Pumpkin shook her head. “Not my kind of magic.” She watched as a large branch became flat on the top side, forming something of a patio, a walkway, or perhaps a runway for landing pegasi.

“Pumpkin, take a note, this is very important. This tree will need a lightning rod. Talk to Twilight and see that a lightning rod is installed, please.” Zenith’s head bobbed as though he was listening to some song that nopony else could hear.

A small pink pegasus filly sat down beside Pumpkin and the unicorn reached out and patted her on the back. The filly had a lemon for a cutie mark, which was an odd cutie mark for a pegasus, but Pumpkin wasn’t one to judge.

“He’s making a house out of the tree,” the filly said in a somewhat lispy, squeaky voice.

“Yes he is,” Pumpkin replied, doing her best to sound friendly, as friendly as one can be with a faceful of metal.

“My name is Pink Lemonade. What’s yours?”

“My name is Pumpkin Cake, and this big doofus over here is Zenith Zephyr.” Pumpkin turned her head to see the filly better. “Are you an orphan?”

“Not any more.” The pink pegasus filly smiled. “Now I am one of Princess Buttermilk’s subjects. A foal of the woods.”

Hmm. Pumpkin wasn’t sure how to reply to that. She looked around the camp, taking note of the tough looking, scrappy little foals that had decided that living here was better than the orphanarium. She couldn’t even imagine why a foal would choose this life, other than the promise of no adults. Pumpkin heaved an internal sigh. All of this would end in tears, she just knew it.

“She’s back!” a colt shouted.

Hearing a flutter of wings, Pumpkin stood up. Zenith, still shaping the tree, was zoned out, lost in his magic, now beyond reach of common mortals. It would take him finishing, a slap to a muzzle, or perhaps a kind word from Princess Celestia to wake him from his trance. Pumpkin put on her best smile and wished that Zenith wasn’t currently lost inside of his head. He was the smooth talker.

“Princess Twilight Sparkle sends her hello!” Pumpkin said in a loud, cheerful voice.

“That’s very nice.” Princess Buttermilk stared at Zenith for a moment, then up at the tree, and then back at Zenith. “This is unexpected. He’s helping us.” The pegasus locked a determined stare upon Pumpkin. “Why is he helping us?”

“Because, uh, that’s kind of what he does.” Pumpkin, feeling a bit nervous, took a deep breath. Buttermilk Biscuit was only about a year younger, but seemed several years more mature. Pumpkin pulled herself together. “I’ll be helping you as well. You’re going to need a lightning rod for the tree. I can help with that.” Way to go, Pumpkin, you big dumb dork.

“When I heard that both Princess Celestia and Princess Twilight Sparkle were sending their students, I thought that perhaps, this experiment of mine would be over.” Buttermilk gave Pumpkin a cool stare as her wings ruffled at her sides.

“Experiment?” Pumpkin’s pierced ears tilted forwards.

“When I told the orphanarium director that I could do a better job of looking after myself than she could, she told me I was welcome to try.” Buttermilk lifted her head high. “So I did. Others followed me. That was unexpected, I’ll admit, but I was not about to turn them away.”

“I see.” Pumpkin glanced at Zenith and saw that he was off in Lala Land. She felt a little uncomfortable meeting Buttermilk’s gaze. Pumpkin was good at beating stuff up and picking fights. Whatever it was that was going on right now was not her forte. “I guess the orphanarium is not a perfect place… but running away… how can this be better?”

“And just what do you know of the orphanarium, Pumpkin Cake?” Buttermilk took a step forwards. “You grew up in Sugarcube Corner. You grew up with your parents. Your wealthy parents. You have never known want, you’ve never had to just make due with what you were given. You’ve never known deprivation. Tell me, what terrible indignity have you suffered recently? Do you know the fear of living under the shadow of a budget cut?”

There was a soft click of metal as Pumpkin’s pierced ears folded back against her skull.

Princess Buttermilk turned to look at her subjects, her head held high. She reached out, patted Pink Lemonade, and then turned her attention to the white oak that Zenith was still shaping. The stern looking pegasus’ face broke into a soft smile.

It was at this moment that Pumpkin noticed Buttermilk Biscuit’s cutie mark. A circlet with a red ribboned scroll slid through the middle of it. Pumpkin didn’t know what it meant, but a circlet was a type of crown, a symbol of leadership.

Zenith’s whole body shuddered and he made a weird nickering noise. His eyes blinked and then, he shook his head. He snapped out of his trance and looked around, taking in the whole of the situation around him. One very confused looking Pumpkin. A proud looking pegasus. One shaped tree that was a start, as far as shelter goes. The proud looking pegasus looked as though she needed to be mollified. Pumpkin had probably screwed things up. Pumpkin had a knack for screwing things up, but Zenith never held that against her. She also had a knack for pulling him out of trouble when he was in over his head.

“I beg your pardon, I was lost in my magic,” Zenith said as he stood up. He adjusted his glasses, bowed his head, and then looked the pegasus in the eye. “Princess Buttermilk, I am at your disposal. How might I help you?”

“You already have,” Buttermilk replied. She peered at Pumpkin and then back at Zenith. “Tell me, what do you know of deprivation and of want? Pumpkin here does not understand why an orphan would run away from a free roof over their head.”

Zenith watched as Pumpkin ducked her head in shame. He felt a bit irritated, but he decided to let it slide, as least for the time being. He took a deep breath and took a moment to choose his words carefully. “I know nothing of being an orphan.” Zenith cleared his throat. “What I do know is being taken away from my father and raised in a boarding school that I sometimes felt was indifferent to my needs. There were many times where I felt as though I was just a face, just a problem to be dealt with, and there were troubling moments where I felt as though I was losing my identity. I perhaps had it a bit easier, being Princess Celestia’s student, but that does not change the fact that the boarding school has far too many students and not enough caring adults to look after each and every one of the foals there, giving them the individual attention and affection that a foal needs.”

Buttermilk’s muzzle crinkled and her eyes narrowed. She tilted her head off to one side and her ears perked forwards. She blinked, her tail swished, but she did not say anything.

Taking another deep breath, Zenith tried again. “The situations are different, I’ll agree, but the associations that could be made from similar, yet different circumstances must certainly give us something of a common ground. Wouldn’t you agree? Surely we can meet on common ground and begin to work together.”

Her face relaxing, Buttermilk nodded. “I am not just another face, I am not a problem to be dealt with, I am not just another mouth to be fed, I am a pony. And I demand to be treated as such. I think that you and I understand each other.” Buttermilk lifted her hoof and pointed at Pumpkin. “She works so hard to be an individual… you can see how hard she is trying with all those bits of metal in her face, but she has no idea what being lost in the crowd really means.”

“Might I ask you to reserve your judgments about my friend? Pumpkin has some serious faults, but she is an exceptional filly. She would not be Princess Twilight Sparkle’s student otherwise. Plus, I do believe she feels a bit insulted,” Zenith said.

Eyes narrowing, Buttermilk peered at Zenith for a moment, her expression blank. Then, her eyes widened and she turned to Pumpkin. “I offer my apologies.”

“Accepted,” Pumpkin replied in a quiet voice.

“Princess Celestia sent me to assure you that you are safe. There are no plans to swoop in and ruin all of your hard work here.” Zenith looked up at the tree. “This tree has been shaped by my magic… consider it proof of friendship and goodwill. You will need other shelter, but this is a start.”

“Princess Twilight Sparkle would also like to extend her good will. If there is anything you need, you have but to ask.” Pumpkin, feeling a little better, a little more like her usual self, smiled. “I will also do whatever I can to help you.”

Buttermilk cleared her throat and then said, “My primary concern right now is surviving the coming winter…”

Author's Note

Princess Buttermilk... behold, behold!

Chapter five - In which Zenith admits that he is queer

“Hello?” Pumpkin pushed her way into the back door and looked around. “Anypony home?” She made her way inside and was met with silence. It wasn’t often that Sugarcube Corner was silent. She tried to remember if she had been told about any catering or party planning. She felt Zenith bump into her as he entered. His touch, however brief, was not unwelcome.

There were hooves on the stairs and Pumpkin turned her head to look. She saw her brother and began to feel the sort of worry that twin sisters feel when something was wrong with their twin brother. “Pound?”

“Hey.”

Zenith waved at Pound; the pegasus had long been his friend. He and Pound, because of Pumpkin, had grown up together. Pound, who was quite unlike his sister, was soft spoken, gentle, and already a fantastic baker. Zenith had been there when Pound had earned his cutie mark, a frosting piping bag with white frosting squirting from the tip.

“Pound, why are you home? What’s going on? Shouldn’t you be in Canterlot?” Pumpkin shoved Zenith out of the way, almost bowling him over, and made her way to her brother’s side. “You look sad, what’s going on?”

“I lost my apprenticeship,” Pound said. There was a faint lisp in his voice when he spoke and he did not look his sister in the eye.

“WHAT?” Pumpkin’s eyes opened wide and she stared at her brother.

“Mom and Dad don’t know yet, but they’ll find out.” Pound kicked the floor with his hoof. “I got in trouble… bad trouble… and it’s all over for me.”

“Sh’up Pound, don’t talk like that!” Pumpkin slugged her brother in the shoulder.

“Ow!” Pound winced and stepped away from his sister. “I didn’t mean it like that… I just meant that it’s all over for me… my apprenticeship is gone and Mom and Dad are going to kill me… that’s all.”

“What happened?” Zenith asked, feeling a bit of concern for his friend.

“Want the long version or the short version?” Pound looked at his sister and Zenith.

“Just spit it out before I have to extract a confession from you!” Pumpkin replied.

“Short version… I got caught with Croissant’s dick in my mouth.” Pound shook, took a shuddering breath and looked at his sister. “Long version… Baguet walked into his son’s room without knocking or warning and caught us. He freaked out… lost his shit completely. He had no idea that Croissant was gay and no idea that I was gay either.”

“You mean you’re gay?” Zenith stared at his friend. “Oh my stars, your cutie mark is like some kind of double entendre!”

Pumpkin, still in shock, stared at Zenith and her brother, shaking her head. She heard the two colts start snorting and laughing with one another. She took a deep breath, feeling somewhat relieved. At least Pound was laughing. She felt a flood of emotions welling up inside of her. Anger, shock, disappointment, and frustration.

“You know Zenith, it was because of you I realised I was gay. I spent half a day checking out your balls while you walked around.” Pound blushed and the feathers on his wings ruffled. “I remember how scared I was when I first told you… I thought it’d end our friendship.”

“I hate to say I told you so, but you should have told your parents that you were gay. Now, they are going to find out under less than ideal circumstances… you’re screwed now, buddy.” Zenith shook his head. “I know it’s tough, but—”

“Oh shut up and leave him alone,” Pumpkin said as she poked Zenith. “Both of you are gay… Pound is gay for hot dick in his mouth… and you… you’re queer for alicorns.”

“Um, Sis, I don’t know if that applies.” Pound, sniggering, could not look his sister in the eye without laughing. He sighed. “At least my sister and I have something in common now.”

“Yeah, we’re both cocksuckers—” Pumpkin froze when she heard the back door being opened. She tucked down her tail, trying to look a little more proper, glanced at Zenith, slugged her brother once more to let him know that she loved him, and then turned to face the back door.

“Mom!” Pound’s ears perked forwards when he saw his mother.

“Mrs. Cake.” Zenith bowed his head.

“Mama,” Pumpkin said, scooting forward to give her mother a kiss.

Standing just inside the door, Cup Cake smiled when her daughter kissed her, waved at Zenith, and looked at her son. “Pound, what are you doing home?”

“Um, Mom, I have a confession… you’re going to hear something about me because of everything that happened and there is something you should know.” Pound sucked in a deep breath, almost wheezing, and his faint lisp was more pronounced from his stress. “Mom, I’m gay.”

Cup Cake snorted and rolled her eyes. “Well DUH!” She looked at her son. “Of course you are. Why are you telling me this now?”

“You knew?” Pound, looking very confused, glanced at his sister, then at Zenith, and then stared down at the floor, unable to look his mother in the eye. “How’d you know?”

“Because I watched you checking out Zenith’s backside.” Cup looked at her son, snorted again, and waved her hoof. “You’ve been staring at other colts for years now and you never give fillies a second glance.”

“I was so scared of telling you,” Pound admitted. “Does Dad know?”

“No, he doesn’t, but I know that he’ll be fine with it.” Cup stepped forwards, brushing past Zenith, kissing him on the cheek as she passed, until she reached her son. She placed a foreleg around his neck and pulled him close. “Why were you scared to tell me?”

“I dunno.” Pound shrugged and then gave his mother a fierce hug. “Mom, Baguet caught Croissant and I in the middle of making out—”

“Oh dear, Baguet is the most narrow minded pony I know… he’s just awful.” Cup squeezed her son and kissed his cheek a few times. The heavy set mare, lifting her head, but still squeezing her son, looked at her daughter and Zenith. “Did the two of you check on that nice filly that ran off into the woods?”

Pumpkin nodded, glanced at Zenith and then looked her mother in the eye. “Yes we did.” She looked at her brother, who was trying his best to squirm out of his mother’s embrace. “You know, the reason I came home was to gather up some treats and take them out to her. Then I found out Pound was home. I still gotta get those treats out there.”

“Well, take Pound with you, he seems troubled,” Cup said to her daughter.

“Mom!” With a grunt, Pound squirmed free. He backed away, his wings flapping, his feathers mussed, and he shook his head and his mane, whipping it around.

“Well, now that this is out in the open, can I buy you frilly dresses? I never got to do that with Pumpkin—”

“MOM!” Pound gave his mother a wide-eyed mortified stare. He blinked and then stared down at the floor. “I don’t like frilly, I like simple elegance.”

“Okay, all of you, go on, get out, I have a lot of work to catch up on. Clear out the display case of all the morning’s leftover baked goods and take them out to Buttercup—”

“Buttermilk,” Pumpkin corrected.

“Take everything out to Buttermilk.” Cup blinked and smiled. “Go on, have fun, all three of you. Pound, I love you. Pumpkin, I still haven’t made up my mind about you—”

“MAMA!”

“And Zenith, don’t be a stranger. I know that you could escape that school and visit here a bit more often. Don’t make me come to Canterlot to check up on you!” Cup gave Zenith a mock-fierce glare. “And if you and Pumpkin are doing anything, please, stay out of sight, be cautious, and use protection… I don’t want—”

“MAMA, PLEASE!” Pumpkin slammed her hoof into the floor and shook her head.

“What?” Cup Cake looked at her daughter.

“Ugh, I can’t even deal with this right now!”

“Feeling better, Freakshow?” Pumpkin asked. She looked at her brother, hoping that he felt better. As aloof as Pumpkin tried to appear, she had a sincere affection for the ponies around her. “I know I’m feeling better after doing a good deed.”

“Yeah, I’m okay… I’m going to miss Croissant,” Pound admitted.

“So it was more than a fling?” Pumpkin asked. She watched her brother come to a halt, his feathers ruffling, his tail twitching from side to side. Zenith came to a halt beside her brother, and Pumpkin, catching up to them both, she poked her brother in his cutie mark.

“We both had our first time with each other… we’ve done more than just making out. We’ve been doing this for a while now,” Pound replied.

“Oh shit… you mean you let him fuck your tight little asshole?” Pumpkin looked her brother in the eye.

“Sis, don’t be so crude for once… I’m in love… I don’t want to hear talk like that.” Pound turned away from his sister and saw Zenith looking at him.

“Pumpkin doesn’t understand what it’s like for us.” Zenith brought himself up to his full height and looked down his snoot at Pumpkin. He prodded Pound with his hoof. “Cheer up. Look, we’ll figure something out… come to Canterlot to visit me, I’ll figure out some way of getting Croissant out and away from his parents somehow, and the two of you can be together.”

“But you don’t know Croissant.” Pound shook his head.

“He’s a baker, right? I can have him summoned to the castle for his services… I can… I can say that I prefer his baked goods… I can start throwing some of my weight around and maybe make a few requests.” Zenith’s brows wrinkled.

“Croissant’s parents would lose their minds if they thought their son was good enough to deliver goods to Princess Celestia’s personal student.” Pound extended a wing and rubbed his chin.

“Oh, fuck you both!” Pumpkin’s lip curled back into a snarl. “Zenith, I try and get you to do sneaky stuff and you lecture me, telling me that it’s wrong… but my brother… you’re bending over backwards to help him! What gives?”

“I understand what it means to be in love.” Zenith gave Pumpkin a haughty sniff. “Us queer types have to stick together.”

“Oh, son of a bitch…” Pumpkin stomped away, rolling her eyes.

“Pumpkin, you’ve been really cranky lately!” Pound shouted at his departing sister.

Sitting on the train, Zenith tried to collect his thoughts as the train wound its way up the mountain towards Canterlot. Upon their return to Princess Buttermilk, she was gone again, off to some other part of her empire, looking after whatever it was that she had been called away for. He, Pound, and Pumpkin had left the boxes of food behind.

As he tried to think about the Princess Buttermilk situation, other thoughts intruded. Was he really queer for alicorns? The phrase refused to leave his mind. Was this a sexual orientation? It seemed like such a weird thing to say. Celestia was female, but she was considered unobtainable. Zenith was certain that he would find a way somehow. She might have been an alicorn, but she was still a pony, and he knew for certain that many other ponies forgot that fact, and this was something that irked Princess Celestia to no end. She had even said it herself, she appreciated the fact that Zenith treated her like any other pony, so he had done something right.

He thought about Pumpkin, and as much as he didn’t want to, he thought about everything he had seen when she had hiked her tail up. He sighed, thinking about what might have been, what could have been… what might still be. As much as he didn’t like admitting it, he was tempted. Pumpkin was his friend, a close friend.

Princess Twilight Sparkle had lectures about the varying levels of trust and intimacy within a friendship. There was a spectrum of friendship, like a rainbow, and past a certain point, friendship blurred into love. Her students called it ‘friendship with benefits,’ but Twilight never called it that in class. She talked about how important it was to respect boundaries, maintain trust, and to always seek consent, lest your friendship get damaged. There was nothing inherently wrong with two friends having an intimate moment, like having a bath together in the spa, or perhaps sharing a bed together during a sleepover. These were examples, but the entire class knew that there was more to it than what was being said.

In class, Twilight never came right out and said to bang your friends, but she spoke of scenarios where it wasn’t hard to imagine that sex would be the eventual outcome. Zenith endured a troubling thought; would it really be so bad to be good friends with Pumpkin if he was saving his heart, his love, for Celestia?

He didn’t know, and his brows furrowed as he searched his heart for the answer.

Author's Note

So... is this worth updating? Who's reading?

Chapter 6

As the last of the day faded away into darkness, Zenith trotted down the hall, heading for Princess Celestia’s private quarters after having been summoned to see her. He walked with a bouncing gait, his tail bobbing, and he walked at a somewhat diagonal angle going almost sideways, feeling good about himself.

Reaching his destination, he stood at the door and knocked.

“Oh, do come in,” Celestia’s soft voice replied as the door opened.

Standing in the door, Zenith was greeted by the strong scent of salep, called saalab by the Saddle Arabians. It was his favourite drink and had been since he had been a tiny colt. One of the diplomats from Saddle Arabia had prepared it for him. Salep was made from the tubers of certain orchids mixed with rosewater and various citrus flavourings. It was a hot, delicious drink.

He entered, still sniffling, unable to help himself, his nostrils flaring at the smell. He hurried to the low table where Celestia was sitting and sat down, not needing to be told. He smiled at his teacher, bowed his head, and lifted up a hot steaming cup so he could inhale the fragrant steam.

“I take it that you had an eventful day?” Celestia asked, raising her eyebrow.

Nodding, Zenith smiled at his teacher. She was the most beautiful in these moments. She was not wearing her crown. Her reading glasses were crooked and looked as though they were about to slip off of the end of her nose. There was ink spilled on her right foreleg. This was the Celestia that the public never saw.

“And how did your meeting go with Princess Buttermilk?” Celestia’s eyebrow raised a little more and her ears perked forwards. “Were you able to establish a rapport with her?” Using her telekinesis, she slid a tray of cookies forwards.

“She was gone when we arrived, off looking at some maple trees for whatever reason,” Zenith replied. He inhaled more of the fragrant steam from his cup. “While I was waiting for her to return, I was able to create something of a shelter. I was able to use my magic to shape a tree. I think it will work for the summer, but I worry for fall and winter.”

The white alicorn sighed and her lips turned upwards into a soft, demure smile. “I knew I could count on you.” She watched as Zenith took a sip of his salep, happy that he was happy, taking joy in his expression.

“Others have joined her… all of them foals. Pumpkin and I brought out leftover baked goods from Sugarcube Corner.” Zenith closed his eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath, and then, he opened his eyes and looked down at the plate of cookies. “I don’t think the Ponyville orphanarium is doing a very good job. Buttermilk feels disenfranchised and de-equinised. She’s smart, very much so… and her cutie mark concerns me. There is a circlet with a scroll… she’s clearly meant for some kind of leadership position.”

“Interesting.” Princess Celestia took a sip of her salep. It wasn’t her favourite, but she was in the mood for it this evening.

“So how long are you going to allow this to continue?” Zenith asked.

“Until such a time that it ends,” Celestia replied, shaking her head. “Like everything else, I will allow this situation to resolve itself. Some good might come out of it. Buttermilk Biscuit is a smart, vivacious filly on the cusp of being a mare. The fact that she calls herself Princess Buttermilk and her idea of staking out an empire in the White Tail Woods suggests that she lacks much needed maturity. She is still young enough to embrace fantasy, which is not a bad thing. She will learn much from this, and one day, when she is much older, she will have this time as a memory to look back fondly upon. Perhaps it will make her smile.”

“When do you think this will end?” Zenith looked at his teacher, his ears drooping somewhat, falling to a flat level with the top of his head.

“Winter is cruel.” Celestia took a tiny sip of her steaming drink, swallowed, and shook her head. “The first frost will be a wake up call. There will not be much food to be found within the wood come winter. The cold and the hunger will make them return to Ponyville to seek out help.”

Zenith shook his head. “I do not think so.” He looked his teacher in the eye, resisting the urge to straighten out Celestia’s reading glasses and remove the ink spot. “She is proud. I think she’d rather freeze to death… or starve.”

“Oh dear… do you really believe so?” The look of concern upon Celestia’s face was sincere, genuine, and with the look of concern there was also fear. “I want her to come back on her own terms… I do not wish to force her to do anything, but if she becomes unreasonable… she will need to be looked after for her own good.”

Lifting his cup to his lips, Zenith took a sip, held the liquid in his mouth, savouring the taste, letting it run to the sides of his tongue, and then swallowed. He wondered what it would take for Buttermilk to survive the winter. Better shelter for one. But if resources were given to her to help her survive the winter, those same resources could also be offered to the orphanarium to improve it. This realisation made Zenith feel a terrible sadness and he heaved a sigh.

“So… you appear to have reached an understanding… do you wish to share it?” Celestia asked. She gave Zenith a knowing look and watched as he took another sip. She waited, and then saw Zenith shake his head, indicating that he did not wish to share his understanding. She saw the sorrowful, morose expression that took over his face.

Zenith was quite unlike Twilight Sparkle. Truth be told, Zenith was quite unlike a majority of Princess Celestia’s previous students. He had all of the right qualities; he was smarter than average, capable, had magic, he had all the right stuff, but there were a number of things that he didn’t have.

He had no ambition to speak of, other than his stated goal to win Celestia’s heart. Sunset Shimmer burned with ambition and Twilight Sparkle was consumed by a need to know everything, but Zenith had no powerful sense of ambition. He wanted very little for himself. He had no desire to lock himself into a library. He had no motivation for power. While he was a capable student, he was not knowledge driven. He was not overburdened with an abundance of brains, which was putting it kindly. He was smart enough to be interesting and that was it.

His primary asset, at least in Celestia’s opinion, was his charisma, his wit, his perception, and his charm. He would make a fine diplomat. Zenith was one of the few ponies that Celestia believed had somehow received the wrong cutie mark, caused by some quirky twist of fate. Zenith made friends with ease; he could walk into a room and his laid back, easy going nature made other ponies gravitate towards him. He was nonthreatening, well mannered, and radiated an aura of calm around him, keeping easily spooked ponies relaxed.

The only magical asset that Zenith showed was his exceptional attunement with nature, which didn’t do much for Zenith because most of the time he couldn’t be bothered with casting spells. He went with words, appeals to reason, kind gestures, or, as much as it pained Celestia to admit it, outright bribery.

“So, did anything happen today? Is there anything that is bothering you, my most handsome student?” Celestia asked. She stifled a laugh as Zenith almost lost his composure. She adjusted her reading glasses and peered at her student over the top edges of her lenses.

The glasses did nothing to correct her vision, they allowed her to see magically encrypted messages. One day, Celestia knew that she would be passing a pair to Zenith, once he earned them.

“Pound lost his apprenticeship here in Canterlot… it bothers me a bit,” Zenith replied.

“What happened?” Celestia leaned forward, seeing that Zenith was bothered by this.

Zenith shook his head. “Baguet discovered that Pound is gay and Pound was shown the door.”

“That’s discrimination.” Celestia cleared her throat, lifted a quill, and scribbled down a note. “That is not allowed. There are laws to protect against this sort of thing.”

“It’s more complicated than that… Baguet caught Pound with his son, Croissant. I don’t know everything that happened, but Pound has lost his apprenticeship.” Zenith took a gulp of his now cooled salep. “So what are you going to do? Force Baguet to take Pound back in? Have Pound work with a pony that hates him? That kind of environment would be toxic, and Pound would only be hurt in the long run.”

“There are penalties for discrimination.” Celestia’s ears pitched forwards.

“Is it the Crown’s job to legislate morality?” Zenith asked.

“Only if one pony’s morality hurts another,” Celestia replied.

“Yes, but then the Crown is only penalising the perpetrator.” Zenith’s brow furrowed and he stared down at the plate of cookies. “While punishment might be a deterrent, it does nothing to deal with the source of the problem. It is like slapping a bandaid on a cancer patient and saying ‘all better’ when nothing could be further from the truth.”

“So the Crown needs to change the way ponies think?” Celestia asked. She was impressed by Zenith’s words. He was learning, paying attention, all those times he had hung on her every word, he had committed everything she had said to heart.

“No.” Zenith, looking confused, looked up from the cookies and into his teacher’s eyes. “No, not that either… at least, not in a forceful way. But maybe more could be done to promote more tolerance somehow.”

“Zenith, my most handsome student, for some ponies, sex is a very complex subject. They grow up with a very different mindset. They have stories passed on to them of more troubling times, when survival was difficult and not assured. For two stallions to be gay… it was a threat to the survival and well being of all, because there have always been so many mares and so few stallions. Society believed that stallions were obligated to breed, for the sake of the greater good.”

“But things are different now,” Zenith said.

“Perhaps they are.” Celestia paused for a moment and then tilted her head. “But for some, trouble is always a possibility. Hard times might always be just around the corner. They squirrel away their money for a rainy day. They preserve food. They do without for today, living in fear of what tomorrow might bring. This fear clouds their thinking… this need to survive, this need to continue, this need to persevere, they believe that it gives them the right to tell others what to do and how to live their lives, because the life choices of others threatens the carefully made plans of those who fear the future.”

“Is this Baguet’s problem?” Zenith asked.

Celestia shrugged. “I don’t know. Different ponies have different motivations. I just wanted you to see that. Do you understand?”

“I think so… so… their discrimination might seem perfectly reasonable to them, even logical, and therefore, they can justify their behaviour… so, when they get upset, it is because they are encountering something that they feel threatens their very way of life?” Zenith lifted up a cookie and began to nibble the edge.

“Correct, Zenith.” Celestia gave her student a nod.

Chewing on his cookie, Zenith lapsed into silence and his gaze fell down to the table. Pound was his friend and Zenith didn’t think that Pound could help how he was. Zenith wasn’t certain it was a choice. Pound was what he was, the same way that a dandelion was what it was.

“So, Zenith, tell me, do you know how Pumpkin feels about all of this?”

Author's Note

So... just how SPECIAL is Zenith Zephyr? Well, let's have a look, shall we?

S: 2
P: 8
E: 3
C: 9
I: 7
A: 4
L: 7

I suppose that is one way of putting it. What an idiot. Everypony knows that Charisma is a dump stat. What a n00b. He'd never survive in the Wasteland.

Perk: Queer for Alicorns. This perk makes you the laughingstock of all that know you.

To find out more...

Chapter 7 - In which Zenith plummets to his death. Twice!

Chapter 7 - In which Zenith plummets to his death. Twice!

She was beautiful, but then again, she was always beautiful. White marble perfection. A living statue. Slender, graceful, she was the epitome of beauty. Entranced, Zenith drank in of her beauty, but no matter how much he looked, he could not slake his thirst.

“How do you want me?”

The sound of her voice inflamed him. He wanted her in any way he could have her.

“Do you wish to lay upon my back and nibble upon my neck?”

Shaking his head, Zenith looked Celestia in the eye. “I want to see your face. I want to look into your eyes and see the rosy shade of dawn so I can feel the sun shining upon my soul.”

On the bed, Celestia shifted from her stomach and rolled over onto her side, stretching her hind legs behind her. A lone white feather rose up, borne on unseen currents. Everything about her was graceful, all smooth curves and soft velvet. Standing beside the bed, Zenith had trouble breathing as she scissored her legs apart. He could have looked down, he could have looked upon her now visible pink folds, but his eyes remained locked upon hers, entranced by the windows into her soul.

She was white everywhere, except in the places where she wasn’t. The tips of her teats were a soft shade of pink. There was a faint line that traveled from her teats to her navel where her pelt was thin and a peek of tender, pink flesh was visible.

“I have never known you to be shy, Zenith… why must you be so now?” Celestia gave him a sultry, smouldering stare. “I know you want me… am I not desireable? Or do I need to beg you?”

Focused on his teacher, Zenith lept up into the bed, the soft mattress sagging somewhat beneath his bulk. She was larger than him, but she was larger than everypony. He straddled her hind leg, settling upon his haunches, and lifted her other hind leg in his forelegs, cradling it. He smooched her fetlock, then began planting tiny, loving kisses on her leg, going from her fetlock to her hock, his eyes never once leaving hers.

Thrusting his hips forward, his balls sliding up along the inside of her silken thigh, he pressed his tip against her hot, searing flesh. He whimpered, it was almost too much to bear. He didn’t want to seem too eager, but he could hardly restrain himself. He didn’t want to start slamming into her, roughing her up, or mistreating her. He angled himself, pressed forwards, and with an almost apologetic whimper for disturbing her perfection, he slid inside of her, parting her like the sun parts the clouds.

He heard Celestia giggle, a strange sound, and then she became insubstantial. He pitched forwards, screaming, and then fell through the mattress as everything turned to clouds all around him. Blue sky and green earth appeared beneath him, and he plummeted down, powerless to prevent himself from falling.

He saw Pound flying alongside him, smiling, not a trouble nor a care upon his face. “It’s hard being queer!” Pound shouted over the roaring wind. “You gotta be brave and go after what you want!”

And then, laughing, Pound flew away, leaving Zenith Zephyr to splatter into the ground.

Sweating, his balls aching, Zenith rolled out of bed. There would be no more sleep tonight. Grumbling, he cursed Luna. Luna, who loved to tease him. Luna, who loved to plague his dreams. He tried to ignore the erection slapping against his belly.

Still muttering, he went into the bathroom, stepped into the shower, and let the water fall upon him. The shower started off cold, which brought some relief, and then he turned it over to be as hot as he could stand.

At least he had finished Moondancer’s paper. One less thing to worry about. He pondered the events of the past few days. Meeting Princess Buttermilk. The day after that, there had been a surprise exam. Pumpkin had come to Canterlot with Twilight Sparkle for a lecture about trust and intimacy between friends, the value of foalhood friends, and the special bond of growing up together. Zenith could not help but feel that Twilight had been staring at him during the entirety of the lecture, and Pumpkin as well.

Afterwards, he and Pumpkin had gone off, roamed Canterlot, and Pumpkin, as she was wont to do, wandered into a piercing parlour. She had come out with a new piercing, a second ring added to her labial lip. He had watched it happen, feeling both fascinated and horrified as the mare took a long, hollow needle and pushed it through Pumpkin’s tender flesh.

The day after, he had returned to Ponyville to meet with Princess Buttermilk. There was now a shiny lightning rod on the shaped tree, making it safer during storms. The princess herself had taken to performing odd jobs in Ponyville, doing whatever work she could, trying to earn enough bits to keep her and her subjects fed.

Zenith, standing in the shower, recalled that she looked weary. Heavy was the head that wore the crown.

Princess Luna gave him a haughty sniff as he approached. She was right where he thought she would be, out on the open mezzanine and staring down upon Canterlot. He glared at her, almost daring to be angry, but he knew he needed to be mindful of his manners.

“Have pleasant dreams?”

“You, regal diarch of the night, are a horrible pony,” Zenith replied.

“Oh ho ho… this one has no fear of me.” Luna’s eyebrow raised and a sarcastic smile appeared upon her muzzle. “How was the fall?”

“Fantastic.” Zenith stared at Luna, squinting, wondering how far he could push the line tonight. He was tempted to see if there even was a boundary that he could cross. Luna wasn’t even looking at him anymore. She was staring off at the distant stars, ignoring him. He cleared his throat. “I wonder, how would your sister would feel if I told her that you were showing up in my wet dreams to torment me, using her form?”

“Oh my… Zenith, are you resorting to blackmail?” Luna continued staring skywards, as if the colt beside her wasn’t worth her attention. “What would my dear sister think of you if she knew you’d stoop to such a base act?”

Gnawing his lip, Zenith wished there was some way of getting even. He thought about calling Luna a cocktease, but that wouldn’t help him at all. He was already pushing his luck and he knew it.

“Zenith, you are young and blessedly innocent.” Luna’s head swiveled and she focused her steely gaze upon the colt beside her. “You cannot even fathom why Celestia must resist your advances. You are too lovesick to even apply logic, reason, or understanding. Do you really think that with your intellectual shortcomings that my sister would even give you the time of day?”

Hurt, Zenith’s lip curled into a snarl. “Must you be such a bitch about it?” The words slipped out before he could even think about what was being said. He took a step backwards, preparing for punishment, figuring if there was a line, he had just crossed it.

“Oh my… you are brave. I’ve collected heads for such infractions.” Luna’s lip protruded in a pout. “Either that, or you are very foolish. Perhaps both. I’ve seen your dreams… listen to me, foolish colt, and hang upon my every word.”

Raising his head, Zenith looked Luna in the eye.

“You… you are a weakness. You are small, you are frail, you are fragile, and you represent weakness. My sister and I… we have enemies. We have things that desire to hurt us in any way they can. We have evils that long for our torment that your pathetic mortal brain cannot even begin to imagine.” Luna took a deep breath. “And you, with all of your good intentions, would be a weakness to my sister… a means to hurt her. A means to cause her anguish. A means to cause her grief. If she gave her heart to you, if she allowed herself to love you, do you not understand the bullseye that you would be painting upon your back? You would have to live wondering if every bite of food was the one with poison in it. Which maid might be mind controlled by some changeling that wants to murder you in your sleep… and you, lovesick colt, thought of none of this.”

“It’s worth it.” Zenith, undaunted, refused to look away from Luna’s gaze, refused to give her the satisfaction, and refused to back down. “One day of making her happy would be worth a plateful of poison.”

“But what of my sister? What of her feelings?” Luna asked.

“I think you do your sister a disservice. She is no coward. She takes risks with those who give consent to take risks with her. She never veers away from danger… she is fearless!” Zenith took a step forwards and got into Luna’s personal space, almost bumping into her, his muzzle a scant inch away from hers. He snorted. “You… are… a… bitch.”

“By the stars, you are a special kind of stupid.” Luna rolled her eyes. “You really would, wouldn’t you? You’d waltz right into a room full of our enemies and offer them up your own heart on a platter if you thought it would give Celestia a few minutes to think of a plan. You are a blithering, bleating, lovesick idiot!”

“And you are a cocktease!”

Luna’s eyes widened and her mouth dropped open in shock. She recovered fast, shaking her head while raising her hoof. Her eyes narrowed as she pressed her raised hoof into Zenith’s chest and shoved him away from her.

“Very well then… that’s the sort of courage I was hoping to see… no more beating around the bush… that’s the sort of pony I could imagine at my sister’s side… congratulations, you’ve gone from being a sniveling, lovesick, teat nuzzling milksop to one of the few ponies I have respect for.” Luna paused and then smiled. “But don’t think for one minute that your dreams will improve at all. Expect them to worsen!”

Breathing hard, Zenith glared at the night blue alicorn, not understanding her at all. He was furious with her, but she seemed happy with him, or at least happy about what he had done. He didn’t understand what had just happened or what was going on.

“My sister is suffering a sleepless night.” Luna’s head jerked around, looking for any guards that might be present. Seeing none, she stepped forwards, angled her head down, and stared into Zenith’s eyes. “There is a secret door in the stained glass gallery. It opens to a passage that leads outside. There is a narrow walkway along the peak of the roof. There are no guard rails and it is treacherous. Celestia and I are the only ponies who know of its existence. My sister likes to go up to a secret balcony when she’s broody and moody. Now, pay attention, and I will tell you how to find the secret door…”

The switch was right where Luna said it was. Zenith could not understand Luna’s actions, or why she was helping him. He was still angry, very much so, but now also confused, bewildered even. So often Luna’s actions seemed contrary.

The mural on the wall slid open just wide enough for a pony to slip through. Zenith darted through it, it started closing the moment he let go of the switch, and, feeling stupid, he realised that he could have just held the switch open with his magic.

With the opening shut behind him, Zenith was in the dark. He lit up his horn and had a look around, his magic casting a green glow all around him, matching his glass green eyes. A narrow, steep staircase was ahead. He began to go up the stairs, still feeling angry.

Two dozen stairs later, he bumped into a hatch. It was heavy and made of rusted iron. He gave it a push with his hoof, but nothing happened. He gave it a hard shove with his telekinesis. With a creak, it opened. Zenith slipped through and immediately wished he hadn’t.

There was a small landing, small, just outside the hatch. He closed it behind him. There was a walkway, just as Luna had said. The guard rails had long since fallen away, perhaps because of ice and snow. The walkway was perhaps a foot wide and covered in pigeon droppings. On either side there was a steep roof that dropped away. On one side, there was a courtyard a long ways down, and on the other side there were various roofs of different buildings.

A fall would be fatal.

Swallowing, Zenith took the first step forwards, many said that the first step was always the hardest. As he made his way along the narrow, treacherous walkway, each step was just as difficult as the last. He turned, following the peak of the roof, and continued along his dangerous trek. He passed a few tall chimneys and then, he saw her.

She was gleaming white in the moonlight, alone, standing on a circular hidden balcony, out of reach for all except those that flew. Most of the rail around it was gone. Seeing her like this was breathtaking. Unable to take his eyes off of Celestia’s perfect beauty, Zenith stepped forwards, ready to cross the last few yards of roof to reach her, and he slipped on a pile of fresh pigeon poop.

With a cry, Zenith slid down the roof, plunging towards his death.

Author's Note

Real smooth... way to impress your teacher.

Chapter 8

Thinking fast, Zenith remained calm, or at least did his best to be calm. It was difficult to be calm when falling to one’s death in front of a beloved teacher. He thought about his options, of which there were few. Zenith’s relaxed attitude about magic wasn’t doing him any favours at the moment.

He took the most direct approach to the problem. He was falling down. This was problematic. The fall itself wasn’t so bad, but that sudden stop at the end was sure to be a real pain. So, taking a logical approach, he had to stop falling downwards. Reaching out with his mind, Zenith Zephyr summoned the wind. He felt a powerful gust of wind slam into his body from below.

Too powerful. He shot straight up, borne on the wind, and went shooting past a very surprised looking, wide eyed Princess Celestia. He had the presence of mind to wave as he went rocketing past. Of course she hadn’t done anything to save him, this was something he had to figure out for himself.

Now almost a hundred feet higher, Zenith reached the zenith of his trip upwards. He took a moment to admire the view, which was beautiful, and then he turned his attention to gravity, which was pulling him down again once more. He plunged downwards, not quite knowing what to do next.

With her eyes locked upon her student, Princess Celestia watched as he went plummeting past her, waving as he went down, his mane flowing upwards as he plunged. She watched with calm detachment, as if she was a teacher grading her student on a performance evaluation.

FWOOSH!

With a second gust of wind, Zenith went shooting past her, rising upwards, held aloft by a powerful gust of wind. She watched as he reached the peak of his ascent and then began to fall again. He was remarkably calm for being in such a dangerous situation.

“A little help here?” he asked as he hurtled towards the earth.

FWOOSH!

Again, he shot upwards, propelled by a powerful gust of wind. Celestia’s composure broke. She smiled, unable to help herself. She found herself quite amused by this situation. She watched as he lost momentum in his upwards rise and then began to fall.

“Hey, look at me… I keep falling for you!” Zenith waved as he went shooting past.

FWOOSH!

Oh, that was too much. Princess Celestia began snickering. This was just too funny. As Zenith went shooting upwards, Celestia wondered if he would find some way of saving himself. At the moment, all he had managed to do was delay death, which was impressive.

“Really, a little help here,” Zenith pleaded as he fell once more.

FWOOSH!

As he went sailing upwards, Celestia grabbed him in a telekinetic bubble. Still snickering, she pulled him over, aimed him hooves downwards, and set him down on the small balcony beside her. She was going to have to have a long talk with her sister.

“Thank you,” Zenith said as he peered down over the edge. “I heard you were having some trouble sleeping. I thought I’d come and keep you company.”

It would be dawn soon enough. Celestia could already feel the need to guide the sun along its journey, giving it a little nudge to move it along. The sun was very much like her students, needing just a little guidance to keep it going. She realised that she was staring at Zenith.

And she was still laughing. She took a deep breath, pulled herself together, tried to be serious, and failed. She chortled, snorted, and then, lifting her head high, she restored her outward serene appearance. Inside however, she was still laughing.

“I fear that I might have made a mistake by rescuing you,” Celestia said to her student. “Had you been left to figure this out for yourself, you might have learned something.”

“Oh, I was fresh out of ideas,” Zenith admitted as he turned to look at his teacher. “I wasn’t quite sure what to do next, all I could do was stop myself from hitting the ground.” He paused, thinking of Celestia’s words. “I don’t think that you make mistakes.”

Her smile fading, Celestia lifted her head and looked off towards Ponyville. “I can make mistakes.” Her voice was soft. “I made mistakes with Sunset Shimmer. I made mistakes with Twilight Sparkle. I know I’ve made mistakes with you. I’m not perfect, Zenith.”

“You tell me that mistakes are just unexpected learning opportunities that take us by surprise.” Feeling bold, Zenith moved a little closer to his teacher’s side. “Like stepping on pigeon poop and falling off of a castle roof.”

“I could think of worse mistakes.” Celestia, still looking away, did not see that Zenith was looking up at her, his eyes wide and starry. She did not see him shivering in the cool night air. She did not see the look of adoration upon his face.

“I’ve made plenty of mistakes.” Zenith, feeling cheerful, had no problem admitting wrongdoing. “I’ve messed up all kinds of things… but each mistake has brought me nothing but good things.”

“Zenith, sooner or later, you are going to make a mistake that is going to cost you.” Celestia’s joyful mood settled into one of seriousness. “It happens to all of us at some point in our lives. A mistake is made that we feel that we cannot live with.”

“Hasn’t happened to me yet,” Zenith replied.

Celestia sighed. He was young, so young. He was idealistic. She started to wonder if she had made yet another mistake, the mistake of sheltering him for so long. Perhaps it was time to shove him out into the world, just as she had done with Twilight. He was about the right age. This was a situation fraught with emotions; she worried that Zenith would see this as a rejection. That she was pushing him away. She gave the colt beside her a sidelong glance. There was that foolish, impetuous crush of his. Twilight had the same problem, but had been far too introverted to act upon it, and over, time, she had outgrown it. Mostly. There were still moments where she caught Twilight looking at her, a strange expression upon her face, perhaps wondering what might have been.

Thinking of mistakes, Celestia said to Zenith, “Stand guard and watch over me until the dawn, my most handsome student…”

“—cuddling releases oxytocin, which has all kinds of benefits; healing, bonding, strengthens the immune system, and is capable of relieving both depression and anxiety.” Professor Twilight Sparkle lifted her chalk away from the chalkboard, turned, and faced her class. “There are many benefits to friendship.” Her ears perked as she heard snickering, snorting, and giggles.

She cleared her throat. “I have homework for you all—” Twilight was drowned out by groans and more than a few sighs. She waited, her wings twitching at her sides, and when the class had calmed down a bit, she continued.

“Break the touch barrier with a close friend.” Professor Twilight’s brows furrowed. “But always get consent.” Her expression relaxed and she smiled. “Give a friend a hug. Walk alongside them and brush up against them. Give them a playful bump. Be affectionate! Let them know that you care.” More giggling. Twilight smiled and then looked at her student, Pumpkin Cake for a moment, and then began to look around at other colts and fillies in the class.

“Spooning leads to forking,” a filly said in the back of the glass, causing the whole class to start laughing.

Twilight cleared her throat, swallowing her laughter. That was funny.

“And then there is sporking,” a colt added.

Curious, but knowing it was a bad idea, Twilight looked at the colt who had just spoken. She had to know. Her ears perked forwards and a feeling of regret settled into the back of her mind. “Excuse me, but since you seem so informed on the subject, would you mind explaining to the class what ‘sporking’ is?”

The colt’s ears pinned back and he blushed. “Um, Professor Twilight… uh…”

“Oh, do go on!” Twilight grinned as she levitated her chalk. She wrote the word ‘sporking’ on the chalkboard behind her. “Come on, don’t be shy… if there is a new kind of cuddle, we all need to know. Proper nomenclature and standardisation of language is important, all part of the greater social contract that we all share.”

A filly coughed, covering her mouth with her hoof as she did so, looked at the stammering colt, and then stared down at her desk. “Sporking is the act of spooning with an erection.”

“Ah… I see… well, that’s wonderful. In our next class, we’ll be talking about that… having friends of different genders and how to deal with various issues of trust and intimacy. How does one acknowledge an erection when having a bit of a cuddle with a colt friend? When is friendship something more? Can a colt and a filly just be friends without it turning into something else?” As Twilight spoke, she wrote out the definition of sporking on the chalkboard behind her.

She stepped away from the chalkboard, smiled, and then announced, “Class dismissed.”

“So… Zenith… can a little colt and a little filly be friends with one another?” Pumpkin batted her eyelashes, which were heavy with mascara, at him. She leaned over her lunch tray, puckered up, and made kissy faces at her friend.

Shrugging, Zenith took a bite of his vegetable casserole surprise.

“Kinda hard to hug a colt when something is stabbing you—”

“Look, that was an accident, okay?” Zenith said around a mouthful of broccoli, cauliflower, and thick cut carrots. “I was trying to hide it and you tackled me.”

“We were pillow fighting.” Pumpkin grinned and she pointed her hoof at Zenith. “You had to be taught a lesson because you hit me in the face. There’s a rule… no face hitting… and you broke that rule.” She gave her friend an accusatory stare. “You violated my trust.”

“That was an accident too… I was aiming at your shoulder when you blocked my attack with your face,” Zenith replied. He saw Pumpkin’s grin grow wider. They were younger then, much younger. Pumpkin’s face wasn’t covered in piercings and she didn’t have a mohawk back then. His face grew hot as he recalled Pumpkin beating him into submission, pinning him down, and straddling him. Something had poked her right below the dock.

That had been the day that everything had changed between then.

In many ways, that had been a sad day, at least for Zenith. He didn’t know what Pumpkin felt about it. But it had been the day when they realised that playing around in certain ways would now call attention to the differences between them and that there were embarrassing consequences for getting a little too carried away.

“You weren’t much more than a yearling when I first met you,” Pumpkin said.

Zenith’s ears perked. There was something strange about Pumpkin’s voice.

“We were always together, you and I. You were my brother away from home… that’s what I used to tell myself when we were little and I came to Canterlot with Twilight.” Pumpkin paused and turned away from Zenith, her face darkening. “We took baths together… we slept in the same bed together. You and I were like peanut butter and jelly.” Pumpkin stared down at her food. “And then, one day, you stabbed me right in the asshole with your dick. Thanks a lot, you fucking prick.”

Zenith almost choked. He coughed and sputtered, slapping himself on his barrel.

Pumpkin’s eyes darted around. “That sounded much worse than it really was. But I’ll be damned if you didn’t almost steal my black cherry.” She glanced at Zenith but could not meet his gaze. “A colt and a filly can still be friends… I think… just so long as they don’t mind a dick getting in between them.”

Author's Note

We learned something important in this chapter. Zenith can go blow himself.

Thank you, thank you, please, tip your sandwich and try your waitress. I'll be here all night.

Chapter 9 - In which Zenith utters the word 'bedonkeydonk'

Chapter 9 - In which Zenith utters the word 'bedonkeydonk'

“What am I looking at?” Zenith asked as he stared at a miniature model of Canterlot and Ponyville. The display model was stunning in detail and the level of perfection was profound. There was a series of support towers that stretched from Ponyville to Canterlot and little gondolas hung from a silver string.

“I call it the Friendship Skyway,” Limón LeChance replied in a nervous voice.

“Tell us about it, Mister LeChance.” Pumpkin smiled at the nervous pegasus, trying to reassure him. “And try to relax. We’re just two students, like you.”

The twitchy pegasus cleared his throat. “I’m a transportation engineering student… the both of you are—”

“Students, just like you, I assure you,” Zenith said as he looked Limón in the eye.

“Ah, well then.” The pegasus, who was very, very yellow, took a deep breath. “I am trying to get my doctorate in transportation engineering. I’ve been studying the train and how it operates going between Canterlot and Ponyville. It’s inefficient. I’ve designed a gondola lift system… travel time will take maybe an hour and it will be in continuous motion, meaning no more waiting for a train… depending on how the gondolas are hung from the cable, a new ride would be available every few minutes and ponies could get on and ride to where they need to go in a relaxing and stress free environment.”

“So, everything moves on a continuous loop and new cars are always being made available.” Pumpkin watched as Limón turned on the model. The gondola system powered up and the gondolas on one side of the system moved up the mountain towards Canterlot while gondolas on the other side of the system moved down towards Ponyville.

“Yes.” Limón nodded. “This will be cleaner too… no coal. Just clean electricity. It will be cheaper to operate, everything about this is better than a train for the movement of passengers. We can use the trains to move goods instead.”

Lowering his head, Zenith watched as the little plastic gondolas moved along the line, going from miniature tower to miniature tower. The tiny scale model terminal stations’ electrical motors hummed. Puffing out his cheeks, he blew on the gondolas and watched them sway from the force of his breath.

“Wind is an issue, but I think we can deal with that,” Limón said, now looking nervous again. “The gondolas are bound to have some sway in high winds, but they can be made perfectly safe.”

“This is neat, isn’t it Zenith?” Pumpkin slugged Zenith to get his attention.

“Now, about the electrical generation… I have some questions,” Zenith said.

Limón gulped, blinked, and bobbed his head. “I have answers… the system will be very efficient, I assure you. I have a piezoelectric system in mind—the wind, the weight of the gondolas, the movement of the system, all of that will actually generate electricity. It’ll still need access to the city grid, but the drain will be minimal. On a windy day, the system will actually provide electricity to the grid. The tugging on the cable will generate friction and the mechanical energy will be collected through piezoelectric generators.”

“That’s clever.” Zenith lifted his head away from the display.

“You know about piezoelectric systems?” Limón stared at Zenith with wide eyed disbelief. “How?”

“As Princess Celestia’s personal student, I have to deal with a lot of presentations, like this one for example, with ponies who want to spend the Crown’s money.” Zenith paused, glanced at Pumpkin, and then back at Limón. “Most of those presentations, I am forced to politely decline. But this one, this one is going to get my mark of approval.”

There was a sharp inhale from Limón. “And what does that mean exactly?”

“It means…” Zenith looked Limón in the eye. “That the project for your engineering doctorate will get some funding… but—” Zenith held up his hoof. “How much funding remains to be seen. I’d say that you have a good chance of getting up to fifty percent of your costs from the Crown.”

Limón sighed with relief.

“Princess Twilight Sparkle will not be outdone in displays of generousity by the Crown.” Pumpkin shook her head. “You have my approval as well. There may be a small percentage left over. Both Princess Celestia and Princess Twilight might leave you with five to ten percent of the costs, but not to worry. There are other means of funding available. There is Princess Luna, various businesses that like to invest, think of the last little bit as a final test. But you shouldn’t sweat it. I see this working and I know for certain that you’ll get help.”

“Oh, why thank you!” Limón smiled and his wings fluttered.

“It was a pleasure to meet with you,” Zenith said, bowing his head. “And now, if you will excuse us, we are very busy ponies.”

Limón nodded. “Of course… of course. Thank you, thank you so very much.”

Sitting at the train station, Zenith sighed and wished that the Friendship Skyway was something that existed right now. He glanced at his companion, Pumpkin, and smiled as he realised that she was staring at some colt that she didn’t know. She had a hungry expression on her face, and was sucking on her lip ring, causing it to click against her teeth.

Many years ago, Zenith had come to Canterlot, arriving at this very train station, and he had been greeted by the ponies of Canterlot and Princess Celestia. It was a fond memory, one of his favourites, and he had newspaper clippings of the event in a scrapbook.

It seemed that far too much of his life was spent waiting on trains, or planning his schedule around the departure and arrival of trains. Pegasi had it easy, they could fly back and forth, to and fro at will, free to go where they pleased, when they pleased. Yet, for some reason, some pegasi took the train. Zenith didn’t understand why any creature that could fly would willingly take the train.

“You know, if Donut Joe opened up a franchise right here on the train platform, he’d make a bloody fortune,” Pumpkin said as she swiveled her head around to look at Zenith. “I am so bored. And when I get bored, I get hungry.”

“That explains the chub,” Zenith replied.

Pumpkin’s expression soured and she glared at Zenith, her eyes glittering with outright hostility. She gave a snort and shook her hoof at her friend. “Why, I oughta punch you in the kisser.”

“I dunno… they say a filly turns out like her mother—”

“Hey! Hey! HEY! There’s a line and you’re crossing it, Bub!” Pumpkin leaned forwards, her hoof ready for mayhem.

“And all things considered, your mom is one fine looking mare,” Zenith finished.

“Do you really think that my mom is pretty?” Pumpkin bit down on her lip, chewing, and then looked Zenith in the eye. “I worry sometimes… I mean, I love my mom. I really do love my mom… but sometimes… sometimes I worry that I’m going to get… well, you know… plump.”

“Don’t worry Pumpkin, you’ll still have your winning personalit—OW!” Zenith rubbed his shoulder. “Hey, that really hurt, what gives?” He saw Pumpkin batting her heavily mascaraed eyelashes at him. His shoulder was throbbing.

Reaching down, Pumpkin prodded her plush, somewhat plump posteriour. “It scares me Zenith, it’s like I can’t escape it. I exercise, I really do try to be careful about what I eat, but this keeps happening!” Pumpkin poked herself again, her hoof pressing in just above her nail board cutie mark. “I’m skinny everywhere else, but my butt… it keeps getting bigger. I have a booty.”

“A bedonkeydonk—”

“Am I gonna have to slug you again, Bub?” Pumpkin lifted her hoof and waved it in front of Zenith’s face, and she watched him go cross eyed looking at it.

“Such a charming filly.” Zenith pushed Pumpkin’s hoof out of his face. “Pumpkin, one day your big ass is going to make somepony happy. Why worry about it?” Amazed that he hadn’t been slugged, Zenith smiled.

“It’s not that big,” Pumpkin said in a voice that was almost a whimper.

“Not yet—OW! Hey, that’s gonna leave a bruise! I’m going to tell Twilight!” Zenith whimpered as he rubbed his sore spot. Pumpkin had slugged him in the same place as she had hit him a few minutes ago. Now, there was a heartbeat in his shoulder and his whole foreleg burned.

“Tattletale,” Pumpkin said as she rolled her eyes. Her face brightened when she heard a loud whistle. “Here comes the train!”

Upon entering Princess Buttermilk’s grove, Zenith Zephyr knew that there was something wrong. The gathered colts and fillies looked solemn; scared even. They were worried to see him. Many scattered. Picking up his pace, Zenith hurried forwards.

The pegasus known as Princess Buttermilk appeared, slipping out from the opening that led into the hollowed out trunk of the tree that Zenith had shaped. Zenith could see that she had been crying. Her eyes were red and the skin around her eyes was puffy. Her nose was snotty. She didn’t look very much like a princess at the moment.

“I did not expect you today,” Buttermilk said, staring at both Zenith and Pumpkin.

“What’s going on?” Zenith asked, drawing himself up to his full height. He was no longer jovial looking or unassuming. His expression was one of command, one of authority. Without realising it, without knowing it, Zenith had slipped from being Princess Celestia’s personal student to Princess Celestia’s personal emissary. His ears perked forwards, his eyes narrowed, and all around him, ponies looked at him, as if their eyes were drawn in by some invisible, irresistible force.

And Pumpkin noticed the change. She always noticed the change. Her filly bits noticed the change too, and she felt a powerful spike of arousal spiking through her loins. She swished her tail around, trying to get some cool air to move over places that had just grown far too hot and humid.

“It’s under control,” Buttermilk replied, her eyes darting around, unable to meet Zenith’s steely gaze, and her ears pinned back against her skull. “Look, I’m very busy, if you could excuse me and come back—”

“No.” Zenith took a step forwards. He saw tears welling up in Buttermilk Biscuit’s eyes.

“I tried to get her to go to the hospital with me,” Buttermilk said, collapsing into sobs. “But she wouldn’t listen… she just won't listen and I don’t know what to do!”

“Show me,” Zenith demanded.

It took a moment for Zenith’s eyes to adjust to the dim light after squeezing through the opening. The inside of the tree was cosy indeed, a tight fit for all of the ponies now standing inside of it. Looking down, he saw a familiar face curled up in a bed of straw.

“Pink Lemonade, right?” Zenith kneeled down and then lay upon the floor beside the filly. He heard her whimpering. He lowered his head so he could look her in the eye, and not down upon her. Celestia had told him how important it was to sometimes get down at eye level, and it was a lesson he now took to heart. He saw her nod.

“Want to tell me what is wrong?” Zenith asked. He saw her shake her head. He took a deep breath. “I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what is going on.”

“I don’t want to get Buttermilk in trouble,” Pink Lemonade replied.

“Well… how about not getting me in trouble?” Zenith ears perked forwards. He saw the filly inhale and a panicked expression settled over her features. Tears streamed down her cheeks.

“I don’t want you in trouble, you brought us food!” Pink Lemonade squeezed her eyes shut and then sobbed. “It hurts so much!”

“What hurts?” Zenith asked.

There was a rustle of straw as the filly’s body shifted. Zenith watched as she extended her left foreleg. There was a crude bandage tied around it, a dirty piece of cloth. With a touch of his magic, the dirty rag slipped away, revealing a gash.

The laceration was somewhat scabbed over, but blood still oozed. Zenith winced from looking at it, feeling his dock clench from sympathetic pain. Turning his head, he looked at Buttermilk, and then looked at Pink Lemonade. “You really need to go to the hospital—”

“NO!” Pink Lemonade shook her head. “I don’t want Buttermilk to get in trouble!”

“I’ve tried to talk her into going, but I don’t want to force her. It feels wrong to force a pony to do something,” Buttermilk said in a low voice.

“Sometimes it’s necessary, you gotta make a pony do what’s good for them.” Pumpkin sat down beside Zenith and looked at Pink Lemonade’s leg. “That looks pretty bad.”

“You shouldn’t have to force a pony to do anything.” Zenith shook his head. “But you should inspire them to do the right thing. They need to want to do the right thing.”

“How do I do that?” Buttermilk asked.

Shrugging, Zenith peered down at the pegasus filly’s injured leg. He cringed as more blood oozed. “Pumpkin, I need you to go and get me some first aid supplies… and some superglue.”

“What? Superglue?” Pumpkin blinked and her ears splayed out. “Why superglue?”

“Because, I’m going to fix this,” Zenith replied as he glanced at Buttermilk. “I am hoping that by helping Buttermilk and Pink Lemonade out now, I can make them want to do the right thing in the future.”

“Oh.” Pumpkin shook her head. “I guess that makes sense. I’ll go get some stuff.” The unicorn filly rose, turned around, then shimmied out of the narrow opening, her plump, plush posteriour getting stuck for a moment and then passed through with a pop.

“Buttermilk works so hard to help us… I don’t want to go back… I don’t want to go back… and I don’t want her in trouble,” Pink Lemonade said in a stammering, pleading voice.

“Hush,” Zenith commanded.

“But I—”

“Hush.” Zenith raised his eyebrow and the little pink filly hushed. He booped her on the nose and then turned to look at Buttermilk. “Princess Buttermilk, you owe me. One day, I’m going to call in this favour and you’re going to help me.”

The pegasus bowed her head and her ears drooped. “Okay.” Buttermilk sniffled a bit and then looked up. “Thank you.”

Author's Note

Zenith Zephyr - perk added: Fantastic Bravery. You can tell a filly that her ass looks fat and not fear the consequences.

Pumpkin Cake - perk added: DAT ASS. Your ass serves as a marvelous distraction. Be careful. With great power comes great responsibootily. Keep up the hard twerk!

Chapter 10

“My babies!” Cup Cake cried as the back door opened and she saw her daughter and Zenith Zephyr entering. She was covered in flour as well as shortening, but she didn’t care. She took off at a run, slamming into Pumpkin, sending a cloud of flour poofing out, kissed her, and then turned her attention to Zenith.

“Um, I’m not one of—oof!” He gasped as the stout earth pony crashed into him, and Zenith was pinned to the wall with nowhere to hide. A second later, he was both kissed and covered in flour.

“Zenith, be a dear and don’t push your luck.” Cup smiled. “I get to decide who is one of mine, not you, you silly colt.”

“Where’s Pound?” Pumpkin asked.

Cup’s smile faltered for a moment and she looked sad. Then, her eyes brightened a bit and her smile returned, even though it was a somewhat sad smile. “He’s in his room, sulking. He’s without his love, and he is going to die… probably with a heavy, forlorn sigh.”

“Yeeeugh.” Pumpkin shook her head. “My poor brother. Is it okay if Zenith stays with us? We’ve totally missed the evening train and going back to Canterlot at midnight is just plain stupid. He can ride with Twilight and I on the dawn train.”

“He can stay with us.” Cup gave her daughter a delighted smile. She looked at Zenith. “Mind sharing a room with Pumpkin?”

There it was. The most dangerous words ever uttered by anypony, ever, in the history of language. Zenith, covered in flour, turned his head and looked at Mrs. Cake. Saying no would mean rejection; that Pumpkin, her beloved daughter, wasn’t good enough for him. He just knew it. All of his instincts told him “It’s a trap!” Saying yes might as well be an admission that he planned to do untoward things with Pumpkin. Which might be half true; Pumpkin wanted to do untoward things with him. There were moments that he was tempted to let her. He heard Pumpkin snickering. He felt a bead of sweat go trickling down his neck and he came to the quiet, painful realisation that he hadn’t yet made a reply. This was not going to end well.

Facing his own potential end, Zenith went for the fearless, some might even say reckless, all or nothing approach. “I don’t mind at all, but only if you insist. I cannot help but wonder how Pumpkin feels about this.”

The shoe was now on the other hoof it seemed. Zenith noticed a furious blush on Pumpkin’s cheeks. Cup was smirking, some kind of weird facial expression that Zenith could not read, now matter how hard he tried.

“I don’t mind,” Pumpkin said after a long moment of saying nothing. “I’m a big filly and I can deal with colt cooties. I keep a spray in my closet. Besides, Zenith wouldn’t do anything.” She took a deep breath, gave herself a shake, and then headed off for the fridge.

“Dinner was an hour ago… but there are plenty of leftovers… you and Zenith both eat as much as you like,” Cup said to her daughter as Pumpkin sashayed away. She bumped Zenith in the ribs, leaned over, and in a low voice she whispered to Zenith, “She’s good looking when she walks like that, right?”

It’s a trap! Zenith overrode all speech commands before his mouth opened and he said something that would mean certain doom. He had almost replied “yes” because he had been distracted by the way Pumpkin’s plot jiggle-wiggled as she walked. “I’m sorry, what? I was just thinking about dinner… you’re like the best cook I know and the food that the school serves is kinda… blech.”

“You really are a silver tongued charmer, did you know that?” Cup looked up at Zenith, nodding at him, her eyes narrowed. “I just saw you trying to get a glimpse at both of Pumpkin’s piercings I think.”

“Mrs. Cake, I was there when the second one happened. I held her hoof,” Zenith said, matching her low whisper, deciding it was time to deflect all incoming trouble with total honesty. “Also, if I wasn’t so blindly in love with Princess Celestia, I would be banging your daughter at every conceivable opportunity.”

Nodding, Cup gave Zenith a soft nudge. “Dear, if you play with fire, you’ll get burned. The sun is nothing but fire. If you do nothing but stare at it, you’ll go blind to all the beauty in the world around you. There is a whole wide world out there for you to see… and there are some very pretty things out there. Pumpkin is only one of them. Save your eyes and save yourself.”

“Mrs. Cake?” Zenith squirmed, not knowing how to ask his next question.

“Yes, my darling colt?” Cup looked up at Zenith with a hopeful smile.

“I’m not saying anything is going to happen, but as a hypothetical question, if something was to happen between Pumpkin and I, would you be angry with me?” Zenith asked, looking away halfway through his sentence, unable to keep looking Mrs. Cake in the eye. He glanced at Pumpkin, who, her head inside the fridge, was gobbling down something with a lot of slurping and sucking sounds. Beside him, he heard Mrs. Cake sigh.

“Zenith, darling, I would be relieved.” Cup leaned over and gave Zenith a soft kiss on the cheek. “I’ve read my daughter’s journals… she passes them to me every now and then so I can read them… all the embarrassing things she wants me to know but cannot bear to tell me.” Cup’s eyes watered a bit, and she sniffled. “She too, waits upon the sun, and I’m afraid that she’ll wait forever, until beauty and youth pass her by.”

A heavy feeling settled into Zenith’s gut. He gulped, not knowing what to say.

“Go get something to eat before she eats everything,” Cup said as she shoved Zenith forwards. “Pumpkin, stop grazing in the fridge! Get a plate and go sit down at the table!”

“Don’t you think we should check on Pound?” Zenith asked.

Pumpkin’s eyes widened and she shook her head no. A very forceful no. A panicked, worried expression took over her face. “No… my brother has a little loop of ribbon around his doorknob. That means he’s in his room looking at porn and jerkin’ off.”

“Oh.” Zenith cleared his throat.

“Mom, Dad, and Pinkie Pie got tired of walking in on him, so the ‘ribbon rule’ was established.” Pumpkin paused. “Sometimes, I think he leaves the ribbon on the door just so he can be left alone. Nopony can jerk off as much as he does, believe me, I’ve tried. You just get chapped.”

Grinning, Pumpkin crossed her room, moving from in front of her mirror, and came over to where Zenith was, sprawled over her short loveseat sofa. She hopped up onto the cushion beside him, leaned over, and smiled, showing her teeth. “Wanna do some homework?”

“Homework?” Zenith asked.

“Breaking the touch barrier,” Pumpkin replied.

“But we touch each other all the time.” Zenith, sensing trouble, perked his ears forwards and kept a wary eye on Pumpkin. He noticed that his heart rate was increasing. He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. There was no sense in getting worked up.

“But I want you to touch me… inside.” Pumpkin’s smile faded as a sad look of longing crept over her face, her lower lip protruding, and her eyes now looking sorrowful. She leaned back and rubbed her hoof over her flat stomach, just above her teats. “Right about here. This is where I want to be touched. Over and over.”

The sadness, it was all an act, Zenith knew it, but he still felt bad. Pumpkin was clearly in the mood to torment him. He sighed, resigning himself to what was sure to be a long night. Without warning, Pumpkin’s forelegs were around his neck and her piercing blue eyes were inches from his own. He tried to get away, but Pumpkin was much stronger than him.

He felt himself pushed over into the arm of the sofa. He looked up at Pumpkin above him, trying to push her away, but then her lips pressed over his own. He could feel her lip ring pressing against his lip and his face, smooshed between them as she kissed him.

Without realising it, Zenith ceased trying to push Pumpkin away and was now trying to pull her closer. She flopped down onto his stomach, grinding herself against him, and felt parts of him awakening from her full body touch. His senses were overwhelmed when Pumpkin’s tongue invaded his mouth and he could feel her licking him, he could feel the rough, bumpy texture of her tongue against his own, he could feel her touching his teeth.

His brain became a confused jumble of thoughts as blood flow was redirected to other places of his body. Pumpkin was warm, she smelled good, there was something spicy about her, like cinnamon perhaps, and when Zenith felt something wet slide over his balls, he let out a shuddering, shivering breath as the surprise makeout session intensified.

There was a gasp from Pumpkin and she broke away from the kiss with a soft moan. Zenith became aware of something hard between the two of them. He looked up at Pumpkin, his barrel heaving, not knowing what to say or do.

“There’s a penis in between us,” Pumpkin gave Zenith a saucy wink as she spoke. “I need a little frosting in my layer cake. Think you can be a friend and help a filly out?”

Zenith could feel Pumpkin wiggling around on top of him, now sliding along his length, he could feel her wetness, her heat, and he could feel two bits of metal. He was mesmerised by the expression on her face, her beauty. Her mohawk had relaxed a bit, and loose strands of her mane spilled around her face and ears.

Without even thinking about what it was that he was doing, he wrapped his forelegs around her middle, prodded around until he felt something wet and hot, and then, overcome by a powerful need, he slammed himself in, sinking in almost halfway, causing Pumpkin to gasp. He saw her biting her lip.

A million thoughts raced through his mind. He was fearful that he had hurt her. He had just done something that he couldn’t undo. He was now half in and half out of Pumpkin, crossing a line that could not be uncrossed. Confused, overwhelmed, broken hearted and feeling as though he had betrayed his love for Princess Celestia, Zenith burst into tears.

In the middle of everything going right, something had gone wrong. Pumpkin saw tears in Zenith’s eyes and he was already going soft inside of her. She lifted herself off of him, she felt him sliding out, and she wiggled her way forwards, straddling his stomach. Bowing her head, she began kissing away his tears, feeling an odd moment of softness, and for once, not wanting to punch something.

“Did I hurt you?” Zenith asked.

Pumpkin shook her head. “No, it felt good, it didn’t hurt at all, but you surprised me. I like being pierced. It was just a big poke, really.” She rubbed his cheeks with her forehooves. “Why are you crying? You’re not supposed to cry.”

“I was saving myself… for her.”

There it was. The white alicorn in the room. Pumpkin stared down into Zenith’s eyes. She felt his forelegs tighten around her middle, squeezing her. She didn’t know what to say. She had thrown everything she had into winning Zenith’s heart, she had made a foolish gambit, and now, everything was going to end in tears. She kissed a few more tears away, squeezed Zenith’s face between her hooves, and then placed her lips next to his ear. “I love you. I’ve tried being with other colts and every single time, it’s felt wrong. I understand. The heart wants what it wants.”

Pumpkin started to get up, to give Zenith some much needed space, but he did not let go. She felt his grip tighten around her. She felt two lips kiss her jaw, and then she was being pulled down. She looked down into Zenith’s green eyes, not knowing what she would see, what she would find.

“I want you… but I’ve put the entirety of my life into winning her over… I feel like if I just give up now, I’ll look stupid… everypony will laugh at me. She’ll laugh at me. I don’t know if I can face the consequences of just walking away from this. I’ve planned my whole life around the hope of being her consort. I don’t know what else to do, what else to be, I don’t know how to walk away from this. This is going to be humiliating.” Zenith sniffled as more tears spilled out.

Blinking, feeling a few tears of her own, Pumpkin felt bad for Zenith. She didn’t know what to say. She thought about every single lesson that Twilight had taught her about being a good friend and how it applied to this situation.

“Zenith, we can deal with this in the morning.” She punctuated her words with a kiss. “Nopony ever needs to know about this. I love you enough that I can let you go and I can pretend as though nothing ever happened, and you can continue to do whatever it is that you feel is right. If this is really the life that you want—” Pumpkin took a deep, shuddering breath. “I’ll be at your side helping you to put the pieces back together.”

“No.”

Zenith’s refusal confused her for a moment, but then Pumpkin understood. She nodded. “Perhaps it would be best if I was out of the picture. I might tempt you away again, I understand.”

Beneath her, Pumpkin could feel Zenith taking a deep breath at the same time she felt her heart starting to break. She closed her eyes, not knowing what to do next, and then felt two lips press up against her own.

The kiss was soggy, confusing, and Pumpkin was at a complete loss for what was going on. She tried to pull away, but felt one of Zenith’s forelegs wrap around her neck. She could taste salty tears, Zenith’s, and perhaps her own.

She gasped when Zenith broke the kiss and she heard him say, “You’re right. We’ll deal with this in the morning. But we still have tonight. I’m going to finish what I started.”

Blinking, Pumpkin looked down into Zenith’s eyes and hoped that this would be a Nightmare Moon sort of night, one of those nights that would last forever. She stroked his neck, her heart racing, and she gave Zenith as much smile as she could muster.

“You know, maybe I’ll have to start taking my lessons a little more seriously… I could earn myself a pair of wings and I could be your alicorn… would you like that?” Pumpkin booped Zenith on the nose as she spoke.

Pumpkin felt her heart fluttering when she saw Zenith nod.

Author's Note

Chaos baby! Now everything flies apart and we have some fun. Begin your speculation! DO IT! :pinkiegasp: :flutterrage:

Chapter 12

Tossing in his bed, Zenith Zephyr could not sleep. He feared what sleeping would do to him. Luna would be waiting, that much was for certain. Luna could be downright scary and cruel when it came to setting ponies back upon the straight and narrow. She had no qualms about unleashing terrifying visions of some wretched apocalypse if she thought it would drive a pony back into the light.

A part of him wished that Pumpkin was here; not for sex, but just to have somepony close to him. Somepony to talk to. Somepony to sort this out with. Somepony who understood him. He needed somepony he could say anything to. He needed somepony who loved him… somepony like… Celestia.

There was no facing her ever again, not after lying to her. Zenith gave serious thought to quitting school and fleeing Canterlot rather than having to face the consequences of his actions. He felt sweaty, anxious, and like he needed to throw up. His muscles ached with tension created by anxiety. No matter how he lay in his bed, he could not get comfortable.

Then, much to his horror, he heard a sound that he did not wish to hear. The sound of the door to his room opening. Somehow, he knew who was coming. His skin crawled and he covered his face with his pillow. He couldn’t face her either.

“You lied to her. You lied to somepony that you love dearly. Are you enjoying your sleepless night?”

Under his pillow, Zenith moaned, not knowing what to do. He took a deep breath, preparing to say something, and when he spoke, his voice was muffled by the pillow. “So, you finally showed up to punish me. About time.”

Luna let out a derisive snort. “I did not come to punish you, but if that is what you want… I can be your Mistress. We can start with hoof licking, and work our way up from there to whips and chains. After punishment kindergarten, you might pass and enter the first grade… there will be a lecture on red hot pokers. I am ever the attentive schoolmarm.”

Zenith pulled the pillow away from his face. In the darkness, he could make out Luna’s faint outline. She was sitting on a cushion on the floor, by his desk. Her mane glowed with starlight. “Why are you here?”

“Because a pony that I love is floundering, has fallen into a hole, and is currently wallowing in self pity. It disgusts me, mostly because I know that this pony is better than that.” Luna paused and for a moment, her teal eyes glowed with an eldritch inner light. “Also, this pony lied to my sister… tsk tsk tsk.” Luna blinked and the glow in her eyes vanished.

“You love me?” Zenith asked. Almost right away, he heard a heavy sigh from Luna.

“You… you are no Twilight Sparkle. Would I be correct to assume that your mind is seldom troubled by deep thoughts, long introspections, and philosophical tangents?” Luna’s voice dripped with snide sarcasm.

“But I insulted you… I… said something…”

“I intentionally egged you on, provoked you, goaded you, teased you, and then, when you could take no more, I allowed you to insult me so with the hopes that you would have the confidence you needed to go and speak to my sister. It was my hope that you would see that she is just a pony, very much like you or Pumpkin. You really are thick headed at times, Zenith. Were you my student, I would have sorted you out ages ago. Quite possibly in a dungeon full of dangerous toys.”

Cheeks burning, Zenith realised he didn’t know what to say. He felt lost. He felt stupid. He was dealing with a being that was thousands of years old, wiser, smarter, vastly superiour in every way. He was dealing with… he paused to have an epiphany.

He was in the same situation that he would be in if he had tried to be Celestia’s consort. If he was her lover. Her husband. He was so out of his league, out of his element, he was so far outmatched that there would be no hope of any sort of even pairing. But rather than feel insignificant, Zenith instead thought of Pumpkin, his counterpart. Many considered he and Pumpkin to be equals. Suddenly, Pumpkin seemed even more appealing.

Also, he felt better.

“You love her,” Luna said. After a moment, Luna clarified her words. “Pumpkin, I mean. You love her. You can finally say it.”

“Yes.” Zenith's’ voice was a soft whisper, an admission, a confession made in the dark.

“I have long given Pumpkin dreams about you,” Luna admitted. “Pumpkin’s first nocturnal emission happened in a dream involving you. After experimenting with a few other colts… and even one filly… she was so guilt ridden that she began to punish herself. Her guilt called to me… and of course, I answered, as I must do.”

Zenith shivered. Something about Luna’s words frightened him. But he also had an insight into Pumpkin. “Her piercings… punishing herself… this… this is why she gets off on pain, isn’t it? Is it some kind of sexual fetish because of me and how she punished herself?”

In the dark, Zenith watched as Luna blinked. The silence was oppressive. He waited for a reply, he kept waiting, but then, in a quiet moment of realisation, he understood that there would be no answer.

“She… wanted me to hurt her… just a little… nothing serious, but she wanted me… she wanted me… she, uh, she wanted me to tug on her piercings,” Zenith stammered. “I did.” He glanced at Luna and felt a rush of guilt. He thought about what Luna had just said… Her guilt called to me… and of course, I answered, as I must do. His blood turned to ice water in his veins. “I mean, I did it just a little bit, but not enough to really hurt her… I just… I couldn’t bring myself to hurt her as much as she wanted. I’m scared that she’s disappointed with me.”

“Perhaps I should take both you and Pumpkin under my austere tutelage. Some time in the dungeon with my forgotten toys would do the both of you some good,” Luna deadpanned.

“Maybe I deserve it.” Zenith closed his eyes.

“My sister cannot sleep. She has gone to her roost. Her heart is troubled that the colt that she raised from yearlinghood to be a good pony has lied to her. She stands up there, keeping a lonesome vigil, weeping, and believing herself to be a failure.” Luna’s eyes narrowed in the dark.

Luna’s words cut Zenith open like a scalpel. His eyes stung right away and something sharp stabbed into his throat. He felt like crawling beneath his bed and dying. As he lay there in his bed, staring at Luna, fighting back tears, he watched as Luna dissolved, slipping into shadow, and melting away like sand in an hourglass.

Zenith understood what he needed to do.

Fearful, his heart in his throat, his vision blurry with tears, Zenith stepped out onto the narrow roof, emerging from the secret passage. He crept forward, a part of him wanting to turn around and run away. Another part of him hoped that he would slip and fall, afterwards, this would be over.

Death by pigeon poop. It was an ending he deserved. His father said that pigeons were filthy rats with wings. His father hated pigeons. His father said that pigeons were lice bearing disease vectors. All of which might be true, but at the moment, Zenith felt that he was somewhere beneath pigeon poop in the grand pecking order of things.

As he rounded the chimney, he heard crying. Oh damn, he thought to himself. Luna wasn’t lying. He froze for a moment as his internal waterworks broke down. Blinded with tears, sobbing, Zenith made a mournful bleating sound as he darted forwards.

For the second time, he hit a treacherous spot on the crossing and slipped. He went right over the edge, down the steep angle of the roof, and went hurtling towards the earth. He was too distraught to make his magic work and his horn fizzled as sparks popped out.

And then, somehow, everything was okay. He wasn’t falling. He… was sitting on the flat surface of the balcony, and Celestia was sitting with him, and she had her wings around him and she was crying as she held him. Zenith didn’t know what to do, other than sitting there and sobbing, so he did.

Sniffling, Zenith hiccuped and tried to look his teacher in the eye. He managed to do it for a moment, but then the pain became unbearable. He looked away and closed his eyes, feeling as though he might start crying again. His lower jaw moved up and down as he tried to make words happen, failing several times, before he said at last, “I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too,” Celestia replied.

This surprised Zenith. He hiccuped again, his brain going blank, and his eyes opened. He saw stars twinkling in the velvet darkness. “Why are you sorry?”

“Because… I knew this lesson would be painful for you, and it was.” Celestia sniffled a little, and then, much to Zenith’s surprise, she wiped her nose with her wing. She saw his stunned stare and stared right back. “What, am I not a pony as well?” She saw him blink and once more, he looked away.

“Celestia?”

“Yes?”

Zenith drew in a deep breath. It was time to face the truth, no matter how painful. It was time to be honest. “What would have happened?” Zenith waited for a moment, thinking about his words, and then continued: “I mean, what would have happened if I would have pushed Pumpkin away and I would have just kept trying for you? What would have happened if I was stubborn?”

Celestia felt a stabbing ache in her heart. It was time for honesty. Zenith had lied to her, and it had hurt. Now, it was time to be truthful, and the truth would hurt in a way that no lie ever could.

“Zenith, I would have let you. I would have led you along, and I would have let you keep trying to earn my favour. I would have kept you at my side, working tirelessly, labouring to impress me, and I would have exploited the zeal and fervour of your affection.” Celestia took a deep breath and then kept going. “I cannot put the needs of just one pony above the needs of all the others. I would have let you serve me, and serve the empire, I would have harnessed your dedication for the sake of the greater good. I would have used you for all of the good that I could possibly get out of you. You would have been a resource for me to draw upon. And with time, and age, should you have found your spirits flagging, should you have found yourself tiring, I would do whatever it took to reignite your passion, reaffirm your commitment, and restore your worshipful sense of adoration so that you might continue to labour and benefit the empire.”

Zenith, stunned by Celestia’s words, squeezed his eyes shut. And I probably would have let you. He wanted to say the words aloud, but no matter how hard he tried, he could not make himself say it. It pained him a great deal to keep the words bottled up, but he could not force them out, much like an unwelcome party guest, he found no way to evict them from his mouth.

“This is the danger of putting me on a pedestal. I would have let you do so, and I would have made certain that Equestria benefited from it.” Celestia’s voice was a soft whisper that barely rose above the sound of the wind. “No resource goes unused. No valuable asset is left unexploited. Anything that is available is used for the betterment of my subjects. What I want, my desires, my feelings, my own needs, none of that matters. I exist to serve the needs of my little ponies.”

“This is a lesson I needed to learn,” Zenith said, almost mumbling his words.

“This is a lesson that I did not want to teach.” Celestia shook her head.

“So what happens now?” Zenith asked.

“Why, you remain my student of course. You let me down from my pedestal. We become friends, if such a thing is possible. As friends, I get to talk to you about Pumpkin, give you advice on love, on making a family, and I get to have secret fantasies about little chubby unicorn foals someday that I might get to play with, because let’s face it—Twilight Sparkle’s interests do not lie in that direction,” Celestia replied.

“I… I… I think… I think—”

“Yes, Zenith?”

“I think I like the new direction our relationship is heading,” Zenith said to his teacher.

“Would you care for some tea?” Celestia asked. “And perhaps getting cleaned up a bit?”

“That would be nice,” Zenith replied.

“Do you love Pumpkin?”

Zenith blushed and nodded.

“She’s a cute one. I like her mohawk. The both of you are adorable together. Always have been. I’ve been alive for thousands of years and I can assure you, it has been a long time since I’ve seen a match this perfect for one another.”

“You think so?” Zenith asked, his troubles slipping from his mind.

“Are you doubting your teacher after this painful lesson in honesty?”

“Um… no, I suppose not.”

Celestia sighed. “You’re my most handsome student… let’s go and have some tea.”

Author's Note

We're not done yet, but Zenith has been educated!

Chapter 13 - In which Zenith finally gets to serve a princess

“Zenith, before you leave, I would like to speak with you after class,” Moondancer said as her students began filing out of the door to her classroom. The somewhat older mare’s brows furrowed for a moment, and then her face softened as she smiled at her students, watching them exit.

When the last of them were gone, Moondancer shut the door, using her magic. She leaned over her desk, looking thoughtful, she cleared her throat, and then lifted up a mug of coffee that was still steaming after an hour of sitting upon her desk. She looked at Zenith, peering at him through her glasses, and one ear twitched in time with her breathing.

Zenith, who now stood in front of Moondancer’s desk, looked at his professor, and waited.

“Zenith Zephyr, there is no kind way of saying this. While you have shown some strong, powerful magic, your ability and desire to channel said magic is not what it should be.” Moondancer’s smile was warm, sincere, and gentle. “I have read through the papers you have given me several times. You honestly do not have a strong interest in magic, do you?”

“For me, it is merely a means to an end,” Zenith replied.

The professor nodded and went, “Hmm.” She pulled off her glasses, rubbed her nose, blinked a few times, and then placed her glasses back on her nose. “Why are you in my class? Be honest. Please? I believe you just had a spectacular lesson in honesty last night.”

Zenith’s ears drooped. He wondered who told. He looked at his teacher, now feeling nervous. Without meaning to do so, he let out a worried nicker. “I am here because I wanted to impress Princess Celestia. As her personal student, I am expected to have exceptional magical skills. I have no great love of magic, but I do have many, many expectations being made of me, including the expectations that I made of myself. I can say that I have applied myself in your class and I feel that I am doing well.”

“You are doing well enough. You’re going to pass this year.” Moondancer took a deep breath and licked her lips. “Your talents lie elsewhere though. Zenith Zephyr, do what you are good at.”

“Thank you, Professor Moondancer,” Zenith replied.

“Zenith, it has been a privilege to know you. As a student, you have challenged me and made me rethink my feelings on a number of subjects. As a teacher, I’ve learned something from one of my students. I hope that I’ve taught you something as well. I’d like to think that I have. Now go on, get out of here.” Moondancer lifted up her hoof and waved.

“Thank you, Professor Moondancer.” Zenith bowed his head. “I’ve learned a great deal from you, and this class has been a worthwhile experience.”

“Take your flattery and go elsewhere, I’m on to your silver tongue.” Moondancer’s smile became a wide grin, revealing several teeth. “I plan to keep your paper… the first one, the one you gave me that had hardly anything to do with magic, and I plan to keep it to use as a teaching aid. Now shoo.”

“Zenith, do you have a moment?” Twilight Sparkle gave Zenith an expectant stare as she approached the colt, who watched her with wide, somewhat worried eyes. As she drew near, she could see herself reflected in his glasses.

“Is this about Pumpkin?” Zenith looked around the almost deserted library wing where he was doing his schoolwork, adding the final touches to a short report he was writing on the history of pony and zebra relations. He saw Twilight’s cheeks darken for a moment at the mention of Pumpkin’s name. He felt a moment of panic—she knew. Twilight knew. Twilight was looking at him right in the eye, staring at him, her eyes were boring into his soul. He thought about confessing everything he and Pumpkin had done and then hope for mercy.

“No, this isn’t about Pumpkin.” Twilight Sparkle shifted from her right hooves to her left hooves. “But I have a feeling we’ll need to talk about that later. My student refuses to talk to me about something. At least she hasn’t lied to me. She just won’t talk.”

Zenith tore his eyes away from Twilight and stared down at his paper. Much to his surprise and also to his shock as well, Twilight snatched up his paper from off of the long, heavy wooden table and began to read it. Oh no… Zenith thought to himself. No paper escapes grading from Professor Twilight.

“Hrm, this is a good start… you have a knack for diplomacy. Not surprising, considering what happened this morning.” Twilight looked up from the paper and looked at Zenith once more as she set the paper down. “That is why I am here.”

“Is this about the diplomacy apprenticeship that Princess Celestia has offered me?” Zenith glanced down at his paper, then his schoolbooks, and then, overcome with curiousity, he looked into Twilight’s eyes, still feeling fearful to meet her gaze.

“Zenith Zephyr, I have come on Princess Celestia’s behalf to offer you your first assignment.” Twilight cleared her throat and then looked around the library for a moment, before returning her attention to Zenith. “This is optional, and you can always refuse—”

“Oh no, I want an assignment!” Zenith sprang up from his chair and was on his hooves in an instant. “What have you got for me? Will it be zebras? I would love to go overseas… Saddle Arabia? Dragon diplomacy? Someplace else?”

“After much discussion with Princess Celestia, we have both decided that a good place for you to get started would be working with Princess Buttermilk—”

“What?”

Twilight Sparkle let out little snort after being interrupted for the second time. She forgave Zenith, knowing that he was an emotional mess right now. She didn’t know everything, but she knew enough to know that something had happened. She tapped Zenith on the chest, urging him to sit down, and then sat down in a chair herself.

“Princess Celestia would like for you to live with Princess Buttermilk in the White Tail Woods. A new township is about be laid out… there is going to be a new settlement, a new little village in the woods. Princess Buttermilk is going to need an advisor, a liaison, somepony she can trust to help her and help her deal with the many challenges she is going to face. Buttermilk has shown some extraordinary leadership abilities, but she is going to need somepony who is a skilled negotiator. Princess Celestia and I both thought it would be easier for her to have somepony close to her own age to assist her, as somepony older might make her feel as though she was being foalsitted.”

“I see,” Zenith replied. The colt leaned over the table, resting his forelegs on the edge.

“Would you be interested?” Twilight asked.

Zenith nodded. “This sounds like a wonderful opportunity.” And I would be closer to Pumpkin. He squirmed in his seat, thinking about Pumpkin, and all the different ways that he loved her. He thought of how he needed to make up for his stupidity. Without realising it, he zoned out and began to stare at a distant bookshelf.

Craning her head around, Twilight peered at whatever it was that Zenith was staring at and then she turned her head back around to look at Zenith. “Great! Well then, I’ll go and talk with Princess Celestia and we’ll get this project moving full swing. The settlement, still unnamed, will need shelter before winter. Buttermilk is going to need lots of help. She has trade agreements to negotiate, she’s sitting on a fortune of maple syrup waiting to happen.”

“Maple syrup?” Zenith snapped to attention and stared at Twilight.

“Well, it’s not as sweet as Pumpkin Cake, but it’s nice on pancakes,” Twilight said and then began to titter.

Sitting in a cozy, somewhat overstuffed seat in a booth, Zenith waited. The cafe was nice, a hidden treasure, something that was almost invisible on the outside. Clientele existed because of word of mouth. It was a small, secluded, secretive establishment, and somehow, it flourished.

Perhaps because Princess Celestia came here regularly to dine.

Zenith had sent a message to Pumpkin for her to meet him here once her classes and her school day was done. Zenith was finished, but he knew that Pumpkin had a lab to attend. He took a sip of ice water flavoured with lime, the essence of cucumber, and a hint of lavender, sucking it through a straw.

The cushions on the booth were bright orange, almost garish, and matched Pumpkin’s mane. The curtains on the narrow window up front were bright purple. The tile floor was blue, orange, and white. The tackiest chandeliers and lighting fixtures one could imagine adorned the ceiling and the walls. Everything in here was an assault upon the eyes—and Princess Celestia loved it. Zenith had no doubt that if Twilight’s friend Rarity were to visit, she would drop dead. A waitress walked by, wearing a leopard print apron, and Zenith gave her a winning smile.

Spanky’s Cafe was a Blueblood free zone, and as such, it was a favourite spot of Canterlot elite, at least for the few that knew of its existence. The most popular dish was ‘The Special,’ giant pancakes dipped in egg batter and then deep fried until crunchy and golden brown. The pancakes had shredded bits of coconut, minced bits of dried tropical fruit, and juicy crushed bits of pineapple. They were topped with heavy whipped cream and fresh fruit, along with fruit infused syrup, whatever flavour you liked.

Zenith Zephyr planned to eat a whole stack of them.

When the bell over the door rang, Zenith’s ears perked up in a hopeful manner.

Pumpkin turned all sorts of heads when she entered. She still had her piercings, but her makeup was gone. Her mane had been curled, but wasn’t up in its usual spikes. She looked softer somehow, more beautiful than ever. Zenith watched as she approached and then leaned over to kiss her as she stood near the table.

After kissing him back, Pumpkin sat down opposite of Zenith and smiled at him.

“Hey, have a nice time in your lab?” Zenith asked, trying to be conversational.

Pumpkin shrugged. “Eh, it was okay, but I have other things on my mind. You wanted to talk to me?” She leaned over the table and looked Zenith in the eye. She reached out her left hoof and stroked Zenith’s cheek. “You look happy. I don’t know what I was expecting, but I’m kinda surprised.”

“We need to talk,” Zenith said to Pumpkin, nodding his head. “About us. About you and I. And this needs to be a very serious discussion—”

“Woah, right away with the heavy stuff.” Pumpkin’s eyes narrowed. “I got something I need to talk to you about as well, once you get done.”

The waitress walked by and left a tall glass of ice water served in the same way as Zenith’s. She smiled at the two teenaged foals and kept going. There was what appeared to be grape jelly on her leopard print apron.

“I told Princess Celestia everything that happened. We had a long, long talk. I got my head sorted out. I made a few mistakes, but I fixed them and I owned my mistakes.” Zenith took a deep, excited breath. “Princess Celestia has offered me a diplomacy apprenticeship and I have my first assignment.”

“And how does that apply to us? Am I missing something?” Pumpkin took a sip of her drink, slurping it through her straw, and then waved a hoof at Zenith. “Wait, are you being shipped overseas because Celestia wants to send you someplace far away?” The filly’s eyes went wide with horror.

“NO!” Zenith shook his head. “Calm down Pumpkin… just… calm down.” He took a deep breath, feeling nervous. “Look, Celestia gave me a good long talking to about being a diplomat. I’ll be expected to be a good host. I’ll have to attend parties. I’ll have to throw parties. And she said that I would need a good helper… a good wife at my side, somepony that knows about catering, and throwing parties, and somepony who can help me—”

“Zenith, baby, what are you saying?” Pumpkin asked as she covered up her mouth with her hooves.

“I’m saying that I can’t do this alone… Celestia told me to find somepony with a lot of schooling in the art of friendship.” Zenith’s eyes dropped down to the table and he let out a cough as Pumpkin started to let out a high pitched squeal.

“Are you saying what I think you’re saying?” Pumpkin asked as her voice approached a frequency that might only be heard by diamond dogs.

“Well, not right away, but I wanted to know if you would be open to the idea, I need to plan my future, and my future involves you, and I don’t plan on doing anything unless I can have you with me, and I already made a bad mistake, I have no plans to do it again, and I still feel—”

“Yes, yes, a thousand times yes!” Pumpkin squeaked. Her eyes glittered with euphoric joy and she bounced up and down in her seat. She banged her front hooves together and almost knocked over her glass of water. Her mood took a sudden turn as she stopped bouncing and her face became serious. “Hmm, I might need to tell Twilight I need to pass on that job I was offered.”

“You were offered a job? So was I. You first,” Zenith said.

Pumpkin, now looking a little sad, shook her head. “Twilight Sparkle wants me to help Princess Buttermilk. There’s going to be a new township in the White Tail Woods. I’m supposed to provide security and keep ponies safe… wait, why are you smiling like that?” Pumpkin peered at Zenith and her ears pitched forwards.

“My first diplomatic assignment is with Princess Buttermilk. I am supposed to go and live with her. I am supposed to use my skills at negotiation and diplomacy to help her out.” Zenith’s ears flapped around as Pumpkin began to make a high pitched squeal once more.

He took a sip of water, licked his dry lips, and then took another sip of water to moisten his dry mouth. Zenith looked at the filly sitting across the table. “Pumpkin Cake, will you be my special somepony?” He watched as Pumpkin started fanning herself with her hoof.

“No.” Pumpkin became serious, her mood shifting in an instant.

“No?” Zenith, baffled, blinked at Pumpkin.

“Let’s cut with the ponyshit.” Pumpkin lowered her voice. “After all the heartache and trouble you’ve caused me, you owe me an engagement… now give me what I want.”

Zenith’s left eyebrow raised and the right eyebrow lowered.

“Aggressive negotiations.” Pumpkin’s voice was a low, dangerous whisper. “I’m not living with fear or doubt anymore. I woke up this morning and decided that I need to make a few changes… I… I… I had a bad dream, okay? Some changes need to be made and I need to be more direct about my feelings, what I want, and what it is I want from you.”

“Fair enough. I find your terms agreeable,” Zenith replied.

“You don’t have to propose now, I’ll give you plenty of time to think of something special, and it had better be special, because I deserve it.” Pumpkin rubbed the corner of one eye with her fetlock. “I love you… and I look forward to working with you. I’m glad that we could come to an arrangement.”

“Pumpkin, I love you bunches.” Zenith’s mouth curled up into a sly smile. “I had an idea… this little township, as of yet still unnamed, is going to need some businesses to help it get going. As I was sitting here and waiting on you, I thought that maybe a bakery might be a good investment for a budding community. See, I happen to know of a nice apprentice baker here in Canterlot that makes delightful baked goods… croissants.”

“Say, I know of an apprentice level baker.” Pumpkin began to titter and looked at Zenith. “I bet you and I could talk to my mom and dad about some investment capital.”

Reaching his foreleg over the table, Zenith took Pumpkin’s fetlock into his and gave it a squeeze. He felt her tremble at his touch and her breathing quickened. Her eyes flashed with joy and he felt her give him a squeeze in return.

“Pumpkin, how about after our meal, I have you for dessert?”

Author's Note

And so, it ends.

If there is a sequel, IF, it will focus on Princess Buttermilk. Zenith and Pumpkin will be there, but as background characters. I dunno. I have other stories to work on at the moment, and it feels good to finish this one.

Also, to the absolute and utter moron who added this to Absolutely Disgusting, you dun goofed. No OC on royalty here, or Gary Stu, or any other stupid bullshit like you claimed. You're a blithering idiot and this story is proof of that. You didn't know shit when you posted this and added it to those asinine categories. So... HA!

Chapter 11 - In which Zenith makes poor life decisions because his brain hurts

“Day one,” Pumpkin Cake said as she entered her room. She looked at Zenith and noted his sleepy expression. He was cute when he was sleepy. It always made him look a little off, perhaps like he was drunk. But Zenith had never been drunk.

“Say again?” Zenith blinked and looked at Pumpkin.

“Day one,” Pumpkin replied. “The first day of your crisis, where we figure out what to do… hopefully as a couple, otherwise, after everything that happened last night, I’m gonna have to drag you out into the Everfree and show you how I got my cutie mark.” She saw Zenith’s eyes go wide. “And don’t forget your glasses. They’re on my bedside table.”

“Do you think your mom knows?” Zenith picked up his glasses and placed them on his nose. Pumpkin was in perfect focus now, and Zenith could not help but think that something had changed about her appearance, but he couldn’t put his hoof on what it was. He saw Pumpkin shrug.

“I dunno.” Pumpkin rolled her eyes. “I have my room soundproofed.” She strode forwards, looked Zenith in the eye, and then pressed her muzzle into his. She kissed him, a gentle kiss, and then, to let him know how much she cared, she slugged him, putting everything she had behind it. The effort showed that she cared.

“Ow! That’s gonna leave a bruise!” Zenith stepped away. He saw Pumpkin batting her eyelashes at him. She wasn’t wearing makeup yet, and her mane wasn’t mohawked. She still looked like she tripped and fell into a tinkerer’s supply box, though.

“Train leaves in about forty five minutes. Up for breakfast?” Pumpkin asked.

“Pumpkin?” Zenith cleared his throat and he stepped forward, his nose touching Pumpkin’s, and he could feel her nose piercing between them. “About last night… I have something to say.”

“Yes?”

Zenith could see the fear in Pumpkin’s eyes. It made his heart hurt. He didn’t like seeing it. Her eyes were inches away from his own. “Last night wasn’t a mistake. I don’t have any regrets… but I need time Pumpkin, I need time to clean this up and to try and make things right. I feel like I need to tell Princess Celestia what I’ve done. I don’t know why.”

“I understand,” Pumpkin replied, feeling little tingles as Zenith’s lips moved against hers as he talked. “We’ll keep our relationship on the down-low for now and act like nothing has changed.”

“I don’t deserve you.” Zenith smiled.

“Oh, you know it… I might not be an alicorn, but I am waaaaay out of your league.”

“So modest too.” Zenith took a step backwards.

“Zenith…”

“What?”

Pumpkin squirmed, stretched out her neck, and planted a kiss on Zenith’s nose. “I really do love you. It’s been a long time… I mean, a very, very long time for me. I wanted you to be happy… I wanted you to succeed and become Princess Celestia’s consort. I really was rooting for you… but I was also selfish and I wanted you for myself. I really hope that you’ll never grow to hate me for jumping on you.”

Sighing, Zenith stared down at the floor. “I’m glad it happened.”

“Really?”

“It’s like a relief. To be honest, I think the pressure was getting to me. Part of me still really wants her… I think it is because we all want something we can’t have. I dunno. I need to think about it I guess… I lived with a constant fear that I would never be good enough to make her happy, and it was eating at my insides.” Zenith looked Pumpkin in the eye. “With you, I know I can make you happy and there is something about that… it’s a relief.”

“I think I understand. Now let’s quit jabberjawing so we can go downstairs and get breakfast,” Pumpkin said. She planted another quick peck on Zenith. “I just want to touch you so much right now. I’m so happy.”

“Mister Cake,” Zenith said, pausing just inside the kitchen door. “How are you?”

“Swamped,” Mister Cake replied as he pushed his way back out into the store through the bat wing doors. “Grab whatever you want, just make sure you eat something before school, Pumpkin.”

“Okay Daddy, I will.” Pumpkin looked around the kitchen. It was messy. It was always messy in the morning. The early morning rush was on.

A pink blur flew through the kitchen, moving like a whirlwind, snatching up a tray of sticky buns and departing, but as she passed she managed to say:

“Ohmygoshyoutwomakesuchacutecouple!”

There was a loooong gasp, and then:

“Don’tworryyoursecretissafewithme!” she said as she departed.

Pinkie Pie pronked back into the kitchen a moment later, kissed Pumpkin, winked at Zenith, and then went zooming off once more, leaving behind a faint pink outline that smelled like cinnamon and raisins.

“Iloveyoubuhbye!”

Standing there, confused, bewildered by Pinkie Pie’s passing, Zenith derped, losing most of his cognitive functions. Somehow, once again, Pinkie had injured Zenith’s well defined sense of rationale, just as she always managed to do.

Waving her hoof in front of Zenith’s face, Pumpkin tried to reach him. “Hello? Hello? Anypony in there?”

Pinkie Pie’s faint pink outline tapped Pumpkin on the shoulder and made a suggestion. “Try pulling his tail.” And then, the pink outline dissipated, the last of Pinkie’s helpful nature vanishing with a laugh.

Unaffected by Pinkie Pie’s weirdness, Pumpkin took her suggestion and gave Zenith’s tail a yank. She heard him sputter and his eyes underped, but his muzzle remained crinkled in confusion.

“My brain hurts!” Zenith muttered as his eyes threatened to derp again.

Sitting on the train, Zenith watched and listened as Pumpkin and Twilight talked. He said very little, speaking only when spoken to, and when he wasn’t looking at the pair, he glanced out the window. He felt self conscious, as if Twilight Sparkle could stare into his soul.

Twilight had once had a crush on Princess Celestia and had outgrown it. At least, that is what Zenith had been told. He looked at her, wondering, curious if Twilight still felt anything. Perhaps she was the right pony to talk to. Maybe he should say something to her. There was a chance that she could sort him out.

His gaze fell upon Pumpkin. She was beautiful. He thought about Mrs. Cake and what she had said, about how staring at the sun could blind you. How long had he ignored Pumpkin and her beauty because of his fixation… his obsession? A powerful feeling of burning shame overtook Zenith. Yes, it was an obsession. It still was an obsession, and would continue to be until he faced it somehow. He thought of Luna, and how Luna had led him on. Had Luna been trying to help him or torment him? He didn’t know. Luna had teased him for a long time, and there were times when the teasing became unbearable.

Zenith, a pony not prone to angst, was feeling it now. He tried to tear his eyes away from Pumpkin and found that he couldn’t. She had never bothered putting on makeup this morning, and her mane hung down around her face and neck. He was overcome with the sudden feeling of wanting to take her face between his hooves and tell her how sorry he was for being stupid. It was almost painful to look at her.

“Zenith?” Twilight waved her hoof. “Zenith, you okay?”

“He had an encounter with Pinkie Pie,” Pumpkin said to Twilight.

“Oh.” Twilight nodded in a knowing way. “Did she make his brain hurt?”

“Uh huh.” Pumpkin nodded and squirmed. Her ass was sore and the places where she had piercings were tender. She didn’t dare mention this to Twilight though. Nope. This was a time where it was better to suffer in silence. She looked at Zenith and took note of his blank expression, feeling a growing sense of worry as she looked into his eyes.

“Sometimes, our friends don’t always measure up to our expectations. Sometimes, we build up elaborate scenarios in our minds of how we think a situation will turn out. We place a lot of hope into it. Like when we touch a friend in an intimate way and expect them to reciprocate. When real life doesn’t measure up to the scenarios we’ve created in our heads, it can lead to all sorts of trouble,” Professor Twilight Sparkle said.

“This is why good communication is so important,” a filly pointed out.

“Correct!” Twilight nodded.

Zenith could not help but feel that the lesson was hitting home for him. He had elaborate scenarios. All of them were shattered now, his dreams broken and gone. He glanced at Pumpkin. He had to make new dreams now. Realistic dreams. The pain in his heart intensified and he hunched over his desk.

“Sometimes, the friend that we want to make a move on, the friend where we attempt to move up to the next level of friendship, sometimes, they just aren’t interested, for whatever reason.” Twilight Sparkle paused, unaware that her words were inflicting terrible torment on Zenith. She looked around the class for a moment, noting all of the bright eyes and smiling faces looking back at her.

“It can be a real test of friendship having to face rejection or admitting that you had built up your expectations of what might have been. It’s easy to feel humiliated when facing your friend after the fact. It’s easy to feel foolish.” Twilight shook her head and for a moment, she looked down at her own hooves. When she looked up, her smile was gone. “It is important to try and repair these relationships though. It’s not fair to your friend if you cut them off just because they didn’t live up to your expectations. The hurt will fade in time, and you’ll just be friends again, but only if you work at it. It’s really, really hard though.”

Unable to bear hearing another word, Zenith Zephyr bolted, running out of the classroom.

“Zenith?” Princess Celestia’s voice was full of soft concern. “Zenith, are you okay? Twilight said that you shot out of her class like you had a manticore on your heels.”

Unable to look his mentor in the eye, Zenith stared down at the floor instead. “I’m fine,” he lied, hating himself even as he did it. “It’s nothing.”

“It certainly seems to be something. Would you like to have lunch with me? Maybe we can talk.” Celestia looked around the small, somewhat private study that Zenith had retreated to, an almost motherly look of concern upon her face, an expression that Zenith did not see.

“No… I’m not hungry… I’m… just… just a little under the weather, that’s all.” The first lie had been painful, the second lie was agonising. On the inside, Zenith wanted to crawl under the nearest rock and die. He had always been so honest with Celestia, pouring everything in his heart out to her, revealing every feeling he had, hoping that his sincere honesty and earnestness would impress her.

Now, now he just felt stupid. He shook his head and looked at his pile of books. “I’m hanging on by a thread in Moondancer’s class. I’ve got to study. I’m feeling the pressure.” The third lie set his soul on fire. He had extra credit in Moondancer’s class, and while his grade was far from perfect, he was in no danger.

“Zenith…”

He could not look her in the eye. He doubted if he could ever meet her eye ever again. All of Twilight’s words echoed in his head. All of the fantasies, all of the daydreams. The wonderful dream of making her happy, if only she would let him. He would have found a way to have stood out. He would have found a way to be special. He would have found a way to endear himself to her, some way of impressing her with who he was, and he would have remained in her memory as somepony special that she loved.

It was all just fantasy. A daydream. The realisation was crushing. He had trouble breathing. He crammed it all down inside, gritted his teeth, and put his best face forward. He looked at Princess Celestia, but did not meet her gaze.

“I’m fine.” The words that came out his mouth were his best effort yet. He almost sounded okay. He tried once more, this time with feeling, throwing all of his charisma and his charm behind it, producing a fourth lie. “My stomach hurts from being so nervous and worked up from my studies. I’ll be fine. Skipping a meal won’t hurt me.”

Shaking her head, Princess Celestia blinked, maintaining her perfect composure. Zenith wasn’t looking her in the eye. His teeth were gritted in a forced smile. He looked miserable. And he had just lied to her four times. With an ache in her heart, she drew in a deep breath.

“Very well, Zenith. Perhaps we will talk later.”

Author's Note

Zenith Zephyr - perk added: LIAR! It is now time to invest in some nomex pants.

Pumpkin Cake - perk added: Soft Touch. You can now stop scaring other ponies away with a mohawk and spooky goth makeup. You have your heart's desire and you no longer need to be as cuddly as a cactus. Other ponies will find you far more approachable.