The Alpha

by LostFaith

Rating: mature
Tags: Adventure, Sex, Princess Celestia, Crossover, Dark, Alternate Universe, Human, Main 6, Princess Luna, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Cadance, Comedy
Length: 96355

One unlucky bastard gets displaced as Church from Red Vs Blue. Epsilon-Church FYI

Get turned into my costume? Check. Get sent to Equestria? Check. Lose my humanity? Check.

Plot: One unlucky bastard gets displaced as Church from Red Vs Blue.

Sex tag for references and immature humor. (No clop will actually take place)

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Published 2015-09-12 04:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-11-23 00:21:46 UTC

Chapter 1: Memory Is The Key (Edited)

Author's Note

Warning: The start may be a bit cliché but don't worry. It gets much, much better later on.

Chapter 1: Memory Is The Key (Edited)

3 Hours later

With a groan I open my eyes and get up from the dirt. My eyes see a very cartoony forest a few meters in front of me. Wait... When did I get to a forest? I don't remember this. I look around and see trees with creepy faces. Well, this is going on my top 10 list of weirdest wakeups. I get up into a standing position and trying to take off my helmet. My hand comes into contact with real, honest to god metal.

"Holy shit!" I yell. Wait. Why do I sound like Church? No. Please don't tell me.

'Memory is the key.'

"Who said that?" Great. I must be going crazy.

'Just try to remember.' Hesitantly, I think back to the last thing I remember. And I hear the merchants evil laughter.

"Son of a! He sent me to another planet?!" You are probably wondering how I came to this conclusion. Well the first thing might be that Earth didn't have these unrealistic textures. What the fuck has my life become?! The second is that there are wooden wolves circling me. Timberwolves? Seriously? If I was suicidal I would shoot myself right now... I reach for my side, hoping to come in contact with the grip of a gun or something I can use to defend myself. Instead my fingers graze the handle of an energy sword.

I should be reacting with emotion but it almost feels as if I lost all feeling or care, right now it's just do or die. Time to kill me some wolves.

"Let's see if this works." I mutter. I squeeze the energy sword a bit harder and twin blue energy blades form where air used to be.

One of the Timberwolves immediately lunges at me as soon as the sword flashes. I sidestep and cut it in half with the energy sword, setting it on fire. The other wolves immediately flee as soon as that happens.

"Yeah! That's right you mothers! Run!" As they disappear from sight. Try to find an exit to the forest. Luckily for me I was close to its edge. I deactivate my sword and put it back into it magnet on my side thigh.

When I look up again I see something that made me scared. A village, fully of horses. Colorful horses with wings or horns or neither. Some were moving clouds or others were just walking around. I do the only rational thing I can think of. I walk closer to see if I'm crazy or not. As I approach the conversations of most of the miniature horses go silent and they all gawk at me. I ignore this and keep walking ahead. This causes them all to run into their houses, lock the doors, close the windows (Why did they leave them open in the first place?) and shut the blinds. I just keep walking until a... treehouse??? Whatever. A treehouse comes into view.

"Hello? Anyone home?!" I yell.

Suddenly a rainbow coloured blur tackles me to the ground. Or at least that what's would have happened if my armor didn't weigh half a ton. Instead the blur ends up knocking itself out by rocketing into me. As it slumps to the ground, I get a better look. A cyan Pegasus mare with a rainbow coloured mane and tail lay on the grass.

I slowly try to back away but I suddenly can't move. There was a purple field around me for a split second until I could move again.

"NOPONY HURTS MY FRIENDS!" A canary yellow pegasus mare with a pink mane says as she looks into my very soul with the stare™. Again that's what would have happened if I had a soul. Yeah I know, it surprised me to. What really happened is she stops staring at me and backs away in fear while whimpering.

All of a sudden a bright golden flash of light and then a horse with both wings and a horn looks at us and then focuses on me before roaring.

"YOU WILL NOT HURT MY SUBJECTS."

"I DIDN'T DO FUCKING SHIT! THAT BLUE BITCH FLEW INTO ME AND KNOCKED HERSELF OUT WHILE THE YELLOW ONE TRIED TO STARE INTO SOMETHING THAT DOESN'T EXIST!" I retort very loudly by using the speakers in my helmet and increasing the volume times ten. To be honest, I'm not even sure how I did that. It must have been the anger. Makes the best of us able to do things we don't understand sometimes.

The white alicorn winces in shock and four new ponies walk out of the library with their hooves over their ears. She turns her attention from me to the orange mare without wings or a horn. "Is this true Applejack?" She asks hesitantly.

"Yes Princess. Ah saw it myself. When this here critter walked over and scared away all the ponies Rainbow Dash thought he might have done something so she flew towards him before ah could stop 'er."

"I am not a critter." I say testily. The white alicorn 'princess' turns her gaze back to me and glares again.

"What are your intentions here?" She asks sternly.

"Intentions?!" I fall to the floor laughing my ass off. "Are you kidding me? I got sent here by some evil guy dressed as the merchant from Resident Evil 4. I have no intentions but to figure out what now."

Everypony just stares at me strangely.

"What happened?" Rainbow Dash groans as she gets up. She looks up slowly before hey eyes rest on my faceplate. "YOU!" She screams before she tries to charge again. Celestia holds her in place with her magic.

"I'm getting the fuck out of here." I about-face and try to move away before Celestia levitates me back over to her.

"No you will not. I'm afraid you are going to have to be monitored by the Elements of Harmony until you are no longer deemed a threat."

I stare at her for a second before turning into my AI ghost white spartan form and exiting the suit of armor. "And why should I do that? How would you know if I'm a threat or not? What makes you think you can just control others? Huh?!" I ask, drawing gasps from some of the ponies who decided it was finally safe to leave their houses.

"Because if you do, I will let you leave unbothered."

"Ugh, fine. But if you or anyone else do something they regret, I will become an actual threat." I get back into the armor, resigned. The Princess laughes as if I just told a funny joke and the aura around me disappears.

"Twilight Sparkle I hereby assign you and your friends the duty of watching over..." Celestia looks at me again questioningly.

"Church..." I sigh.

"-Church and making sure he isn't a threat to the populace." What that she teleports away leaving me with six very curious ponies.

Chapter 2: Who Needs Sleep Anyway? (If You're An AI)

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.

Chapter 3: Missing All My Shots

"Where is he?!" Pinkie screams.

"Ah don't know. He has been gone since last night.

"He didn't sleep in his bed. It's as if he never even entered his room." Twilight and her friends continue their search for me while I am ways away.

"How long does this forest go on for? This is ridiculous!" I pass the same rock that I already passed for the 12th time. I unsling my sniper rifle and look around. "Great. I'm lost."

I hear some leaves rustle and instinctively turn towards the source. Three fillies are complaining about something so I get behind a tree and listen in our their conversation.

"Ah said we are lost!" An orange filly with a red bowtie says irritably.

"No we aren't we just have to-" The pegasus is interrupted.

"We are lost. What part of lost do you not understand?" A white unicorn interjects.

Suddenly something cliché happens. A pack of timberwolves come out of the bushes and start circling the fillies. The fillies cower and scream.

A scream that was heard all the way from the Everfree to Twilight's library.

"Oh no. What have those darn fillies gotten themselves into this time?" Applejack curses.

"Come on girls. I'll use my magic to find their positions from the screams." The girls gallop as fast as they can in the direction of the forest drawing the townsponies' attention to them before they are completely gone.

"Fuck!" I curse as I get out of cover, making the timberwolves and fillies stare at me before the timberwolves try to lunge at me. In a split second my sniper rifle is out a bullet is sent flying.

It misses completely, going through a tree. I fire another round with even worse results. This round goes straight up into the sky to never return. At my last round I get lucky, It ricochets off a tree, through five timberwolves and into the ground. They drop to the ground dead.

I put my sniper rifle away seeing as I can aim for jackshit. I equip my energy sword and activate it.

"My name is Leonard Church and you will fear my energy sword!" The remaining timberwolves abandon the fillies and rush at me angrily.

Gunshots are heard so the Mane Six rush in that direction. After a few minutes they arrive and see Church killing timberwolves.

"MY NAME IS LEONARD CHURCH AND YOU WILL FEAR MY ENERGY SWORD!" A timberwolf rushes Church only to get cut in half quite literally. As it is cut in half tree sap and nature guts spill everywhere.

Rainbow Dash immediately rushes at a timberwolf that decides to try to eat at least one of the fillies. She bucks it, sending it flying into a tree.

Twilight and Fluttershy gather the crusaders and keep them a safe distance from the fight.

"What were y'all thinking coming here?" Applejack exclaims as she splits a timberwolf in half with her back hooves.

Only two timberwolves remain did they combine with each other and the remains of the others forming an alpha.

"Aw buck." Rainbow Dash groans.

"Language!" Rarity scolds.

"Get them outta here, this asshole is mine!" I demand as I dodge a swipe from the alpha.

Rainbow Dash decides that is the perfect time to insert a joke, "*cough* Phrasing."

"Oh shut up." I decapitate the timberwolf but it just runs around like a headless chicken. "What the fuck are you guys still doing here?! GO!"

The nine ponies leave the forest just as I finish off the alpha.

All in the forest goes silent, leaving me to my thoughts, an event which rarely if ever happened at Blood Gulch or the other outposts. What with Tucker's bitching, Cabooses stupidity and Red team's idiocy. So I do the rational thing and sit down with my thoughts.

10 minutes later

I was almost back at the library, a minute being all I really needed to calm down.

Unbeknownst to me there were a bunch of grateful ponies waiting to surprise me in library.

As I enter the library the lights turn on. "Surprise mothafucker!" A bunch of red team soldiers appeared, aiming their weapons straight at me. "For the glorious red flag commands us!"

And then everything died.

Just kidding.

What really happened: The lights turned on. "Surprise!" A bunch of different types of ponies ranging from earth ponies, pegasus, unicorns, and three alicorn were all there. There was one alicorn I didn't recognize though, she had a dark blue coat with a moon on her ass (Not that I was looking.) a mane and tail that were full of stars and floating in a nonexistent breeze like Celestia's.

Pinkie Pie appears from out of nowhere and bounces in front of me. "Were you surprised? Were ya? Were ya?" She looks at me suspiciously. "Alright cough it up. Who told you?"

I stare at her before shaking my head. "Yes I was surprised." I say hesitantly.

Satisfied, the pink earth pony bounces out of sight.

What have I gotten myself into this time? Well, time to finish what I started. I look around and take notice if tables stacked with food. Many of the ponies are giving me a wide berth of space. I think it's better that way. Ah fuck I jinxed myself.

"Hey Mr human!" An aquamarine unicorn mare gets in my face. "Can you take off your helmet?" This gets the attention of every pony in the room.

"Indeed, we are curious." The lunar alicorn states matter-of-factly.

"No." I state bluntly. The alicorn raises an eyebrow.

"What if we order you to? Then you will not have a choice." She says with an imperceptible smirk.

"It's not a matter of choice." Many gasp at this. "It is not coming off."

"You dare?" She gets into an aggressive stance. Celestia comes to her side in an attempt to calm her sister down.

"Listen..." After a slight pause.

"Mine name is Luna. Princess Luna."

"Yes, that. I couldn't take off my helmet even if I wanted to. Like I said, it is not a matter of choice."

"Then how do you eat, or you know..." Twilight inquires, causing an awkward silence.

"I'm an AI I don't have your needs. At least... not anymore." The green one, Lyra I believe, raises an eyebrow.

"You used to be a human? What is an AI?" She asks confusedly.

I find a chair an sit down. It snaps into millions of pieces. I ignore that and answer her question. "An AI or Artificial Intelligence is an artificially created construct that exhibits intelligence similar to a sentient being."

"What?" Rainbow Dash asks, staring at me blankly. Oh shit I went into Wikipedia mode again.

"How are you made?" Twilight asks, eagerly taking notes. Celestia and Luna look at me expectantly. Eh, couldn't hurt not like they have the technology anyway.

"The process of creating an AI is different to what most realize. Instead of simply programming a Smart AI such as me, the AI matrix is actually created by sending electric bursts through the neural pathways of a human brain which are then replicated in a superconducting nano-assemblage in a process known as cognitive impression modeling." At this point the only ponies not sleeping or snoring are the princesses.

"I went Wikipedia mode again didn't I?" I sigh.

"Yep." Celestia and Luna teleport away. Figures. "Thanks for all the information! Now I can create an AI."

I don't register what she says so I just say, "Yeah sure whatever." By the time I realize what happened Twilight is gone. "Wait, what? Oh no! Twilight! Don't you fucking do it!" I. chase after her trying to stop her.

I find her in the basement hooked to machines with her horn lit. "Why doesn't anyone ever listen to me?!"

Chapter 4: We Are Meta

1 week after the "Twilight Sparkle AI incident" things are finally looking up. But as usual for me, whenever things start to look good they get 10x worse.

Like you know... An Ursa Major with solid green eyes and an aura of darkness attacking Ponyville out of the blue. Ponies freak out and run around in circles screaming.

"Girls and Church we have to stop that Ursa Major!" Twilight yells over the chaos.

"Okay. I got this." The girls look at me expectantly until I pull my sniper rifle but by then it's too late for them to try to stop me.

*Gunshot* The Ursa Major was no match for a bullet like that to it's brain. It falls to the ground dead. I start cheering and shouting, "That's right you motherfucker! I'm the best around! And nothing's ever gonna- *record scratch*" The Ursa Major gets up from the ground completely unscathed.

"Nope. Fuck this shit you guys are on your own. I ain't paid enough for this." With that I booked it faster than a skinny man does to a twinkie when he wants to become fat Albert.

A very enraged Ursa running straight after me follows me straight to where I'm running. Canterlot. I was running 55 mph since my robot body could support it, the Ursa major behind.

"Who the hell shat on you?" I yell back.

1 hour later

Princess Celestia was having another typical day, nobles were asking her for ridiculous things and it was a wonder she hadn't had an aneurysm yet. And then throne room door burst open, startling every pony in the room with me running straight through the middle and jumping out a window. Following my example was the Ursa Major from before, still very angry. It had literally ripped open the ceiling of the entire castle. Though before it could follow after me Celestia teleported it to the moon for an "extended vacation". So yes, another typical day.

"Princess!" A swarm of guards flew through the busted throne room doors, a pegasus lieutenant landing in front with the rest of the guards standing at attention. "We are ready to engage the monster!" The nobles were just now picking themselves up from the floor and bitching about the dust on their clothes.

"Hehehehehehe! Hahaha! HAHAHAHAHAHA!" The princess fell to the floor giggling madly, until the lieutenant bitch-slapped her.

"*slap* SNAP *slap* OUT *slap* OF *slap* IT!"

"YOU DARE SLAP ME?" The solar diarch had changed her eye color to white and was shining with the power of a thousand suns. I do not envy that guy.

After I made my escape via 300 feet I ended up in the market district. A bunch of middle class ponies were staring at me.

"Go back to what you are doing! Nothing to see! Move along!" Begrudgingly they get out of my way. Damn, I thought they would never stop staring. It's made even more creepy by their ridiculously large eyes. It's almost like an uncanny valley.

"Halt!" Five squads of royal guards ponies try to trap me in a circle with their spears. Two squads are earth ponies, two are pegasus and one is unicorn. "Green card please!" A unicorn mare says as she approaches me cautiously.

"That's fucking racist! I ain't no immigrant! I'm a goddamn soldier!" I bluff. They don't let up. Suddenly I point up and yell "Changelings!" Amazingly the guards all look up. I jump over the one in front of me and run so fast they can't keep up.

Another wasted hour later

Goddamnit please stop! Spongebob is running out of signs!

Anyway I lost the guards thirty minutes ago and so far I'm near a forest. No not the Everfree, this one is even more strange. Please don't be a pony version of Vietnam or be called Ponynam or something.

Nope. Turns out it is even worse than I thought. Snow was behind the forest. Against my better judgment I keep on advancing.

2 Days later

"Welcome to the Soviet Uneighon." The sign in front of me says in Russian.

I facepalm. All these damn pony puns. At least they put it in the right language. Seriously, if you are gonna be in the country, use the right language.

At least I can speak all languages. Thank you Delta.

"It is not a problem Epsilon." Delta says as he appears in front of me.

"How the hell? Oh yeah, I forgot about that."

"That is unusual considering who you are."

Third Person

"Are you sure you can't find him anywhere Twilight Sparkle?" Luna asks slowly.

It was the middle of the night and the princesses sans Cadence had been searching everywhere for Church.

"Well... actually I think I might have one lead but it is out of our reach." Twilight picks up a newspaper that is in Porussian with a blue armored bipedal figure in the cover helping some griffons and minotaurs.

"Perfect." Luna says sarcastically as she rubs her temples with a hoof.

"Really? Thank you princess!" Twilight says, completely and utterly oblivious to sarcasm.

"That was sarcasm!" Luna snaps. With a flash the mane six are all in the same room. They looked ready to complain until they saw the princess. "You and you friends are going to Porussia!" She hands out six tickets. "No time! Take these tickets to Porussia and Princess Twilight will explain." Luna teleports away.

"Porussia? That mixed country? Ruled by a minotaur?" Rarity asks sleepily.

"Yep. Princess Luna said we have to go there to find Church." Twilight explains.

"Ugh. *groan* When isn't Church in trouble?"

First Person

Note: Everyone will now be speaking Russian except for the mane six.

"Halt!" A 6 foot tall minotaur soldier who is wearing a red army uniform says as he approaches me. "What is your business here?"

"Who me? I've been walking for days now. Maybe just a place to rest before I'm redeployed again." I lie. Gamma helped me with that one.

"You don't look like any soldier I've ever seen. Can you back up your claims."

"Afraid not. I'm special forces. Part of the UNSCPF (United Nations Space Command Project Freelancer)
so I doubt you would know about me."

The minotaur sighs and pulls out a walky talky. "We got ourselves a member of some kind of special forces at the gate." He keeps talking on the radio for a second and then motions me over. I tower over him by half a foot as I look down at him.

"What kind of armor is that?"

"That's classified."

He sighs. "Of course it is. Anyway you free to enter but don't cause any trouble." I nod at him and the gates open as I pass through before slamming shut again.

I follow the road, seeing where it leads me, as long as it gets my as far away from Equestria as possible. I don't want to be near those possessive princesses who think they own me, own us. We are meta and we will NOT be owned.

"The fourth stage, metastability, we must combine." Sigma says as he floats in front of me.

Soon... Alpha will have all his traits back. Failure, deceit, logic, trust, creativity, ambition, rage and anger.

Chapter 5: Not the face!

Author's Note

This chapter is a crossover with The Dark Brony and his story Gamer in Equestria.

And yes this means I'm open to crossovers now!

Chapter 5: Not the face!

"Today could not get any worse." I evaded patrols of royal guards left and right as I evacuated Porussia from an attack that I want no part of. Something ridiculous happens right after I say that.

A weird thing falls from the sky and hits me on the head. It reminds me of something from Zelda but not quite. It looks like it has a blade on a part of it with two sides and two cutiemarks on either side adjacent. One is Princess Luna’s and the other is Princess Celestia’s. "NOT THE FACE!" I screech. I hear someone talking and look at the amulet glowing. "Hi my name is Craig. If ever you are in danger, are scared, frightened or even just need an ally to stand by your side in your darkest hour. Call on me and I will come and do everything in my power to aid you." I kick the sword but it doesn't move. I tap it and it glows brighter, nearly blinding me. “Hello.” I state blankly, not actually expecting anything to happen.

*flash* My polarized visor prevents me from getting blinded again. A human (kinda?) is sent sprawling in front of me from an unseen portal. He has black hair with a set of green eyes and is holding a guitar. As he begins to stand up he moaned “I fucking hate getting dragged through portals, I really need to learn to ignore these headaches.” He then looks towards me and says “Are you the one who summoned me?”

I look at him blankly. “You what mate?”

He then sighs and says, “Did you find an amulet that looks like a sword that glowed before I arrived?”

“Eh… This thing?” I pick up the aforementioned object and wave it in front of his face.

“Yeah that's my token.” He then looks at me and asks, “Have you not heard of the Displaced before?”

“If you aren’t referring to slipstream space or something like that then I have no idea what you are talking about…” I answer.

He sighs and says, “No the Displaced are beings who have been sent from one reality to another.” He then looks at me and says, “It looks like you got Displaced as a spartan from Halo.”

"Uh... Does this have anything to do with having over 10 personalities?"

Craig looks at me and says, “Wait multiple personalities… Oh hell you must be Church, Epsilon or the Alpha depending on your perspective, and yes you got changed into him. In essence you have all of the Freelancer AI with you including Delta, Sigma and Omega."

I do something that I know freaks out everyone and my voice becomes distorted and is like a combination of all the Alpha fragments as their holograms appear outside my armor. "We. Are. Meta." I shake my head.

He just shrugs and says, “At least you're not bonded with a symbiote from the Marvel Universe and have Discord in your head, not that they both aren’t a good thing."

Randomly, another amulet falls from the sky and hits me in the head again. "Seriously? Is it supposed to do that?"

He just looks at me in confusion then say “No. I have not really heard of the same person getting multiple copies of a token. Strange.”

"Huh. So about this "displaced" topic, if that were true then what are you even supposed to be?"

He then laughs and says “My terms of Displacement was different to most other. I wasn’t tricked by a merchant but was dragged through by Discord after years of him torturing me back on earth, So i ain’t actually a copy of anything.”

"Ha. Yeah um about that... I knew something was wrong with that guy as soon as I saw him. I just was too curious and plus, who doesn't like to live life on the edge from time to time?"

Craig rubs the side of his head and says “Point taken, but anyway is there anything specific you want help with?”

"Uh... Yeah. How do I make these... tokens." I pick up his token and throw it in the air and wait for a few seconds before I catch it with one hand. "Might make my life a lot more interesting."

Craig smiles and says, “First you need to find a object that you want to use as a token.”

I detach my energy sword and hold it up waiting for Craig to continue. "Okay..." Craig just looks completely frozen in thought so I walk in front of him, drop my energy sword and unsling my sniper rifle, aim it over his head and let loose a round, causing a shell casing to eject from the side and a very loud gunshot to be heard for miles.

Craig shakes his head, strangely unfazed and says, “Sorry was just remembering the process. Right after you have decided what you want your token to be you need to… what was it… oh yes put some energy into it and then put in some information about yourself that others will hear, you heard the one I used."

"Uh... Energy. Let's see... Energy... I leave my possessed armor and jump into my energy sword which is still laying on the ground. "It's a sword not a fighter jet! No but in all seriousness, if you ever need someone to hack into technology or just talk or fight, summon me, Epsilon-Church." The energy sword duplicates, leaving the original unchanged but with a copy right next to it which is glowing. I exit the sword and re-enter my armor. "Anything else?”

“In terms of your token? Not that i’m aware of. However if I’m right about Church you're not normally a amazing shot… no offence”

I was about to get angry but I realized something. "Well I'm good with fluke shots when it comes to ricocheting. But that requires a surface."

“Ah yes… The only reason i was asking is because i was wondering if you wanted me to calibrate your rifle to you so you can fire it more accurately.”

Pinkie Pie suddenly pops out of thin air. "You will do no such thing!" She screams with a satanic scowl before disappearing.

"Uh... Maybe you could do that really fast?" I whisper to Craig.

“Okay, just fire one round off so I know how much I need to adjust for you”

I pick up my energy sword and attach it to my hip and then aim the sights of my sniper rifle at a tree near an abandoned town. I fire, and the round plays (What's that game with the ball and you have to keep it from going down the hole with two flippers and stuff? Oh yeah... Pinball with the houses quite literally. After a few seconds all the windows are shattered. "Uh... Is there any way for you to make a setting so I can switch between Church's usual accuracy and extreme accuracy?" For reference from now on we are going to call his usual accuracy flukeshot and then the extreme accuracy deadeye.

Craig then smiles and says “I believe I can. By the way if Pinkie comes after me whilst I’m sorting this could you please stop her or I may have to use one of my little tricks.” I don't even bother asking what that trick might be.

A Pinkie Pie that looks strangely holographic appears and speaks in an electronic voice, "The Pinkie Pie 4th wall breaking army has no reason to attack you if you keep flukeshot aim as a setting." She disappears.

"I will never get used to that shit. It's like an army of pink deadpool equines." I throw my sniper rifle at Craig who catches it.

“OK give me a few minutes.” He then closes his eyes and the rifle levitates from his hands and begins to hover in front of him. After a few seconds it begins to slowly change as a small switch begins to form on the side of the gun and it slowly falls back into his hands. He then opens his eyes and asks, “Do you mind if i just take a test shot?”

I shrug. "Go ahead."

He then smiles and says “Thanks.” He then brings to look down the scope and takes one shot that bounces off the wall of the tallest building in the village and hits the same spot as mine. He then smiles and says “Flukeshot works.” Craig flips the switch and once again looks down the sight and aims straight at the tree we hit. He then pulls the trigger and a bullet goes flying towards the tree however when we look where the bullet hits we see the tree begin to slowly shake then topple to the ground as Craig looks at it in shock and shouts, “What the hell! Thats insane.” he then passes the gun back to me and says “You try.”

I take the sniper rifle and aim at the center ground of the village to see if it gets lodged into the ground instead of bouncing like flukeshot. What happens next is completely accidental. The entire ground starts shaking intensely and every building in sight starts to slowly sink to the ground until all that is visible is a giant crater. Craig and I look at each other and nod and we slowly back away.

He then says “I think I need to reduce the power of that setting.”

I look at him like he's gone insane, not that he would ever actually be able to tell. "Uh. No thanks I think I want to keep this setting."

Craig asks me the million dollar question, "Why is there an infinity sign on your sniper rifle ammo counter?"

"I dunno. WHOA WAIT A MINUTE!" I yell. If that means what I think it means does that mean... "Hey Craig?"

“Yeah, what do you think it is?”

"Have you seen seasons nine and ten of Red Vs Blue?"

“Yeah saw up to the start of season 13… why?”

"Let me sum it up for your. Agent North. Super fast sniper rifle. Basically automatic. See where I'm going with this?"

“I think so.”

I pull up the rifle and time seems to slow down as imaginary targets appear in my field of view and I slowly right myself and fire automatically taking them all out one by one. For Craig however... Earrape.

He then drops to the floor covering his ears in pain.

I hear some flapping of wings in the sky and turn around to see a couple dozen chariots of pegasi, the Elements of Harmony, and the Royal Sisters. I quickly run towards Craig and tap him rapidly. He looks at me and removes his hands from his ears. I motion behind me and ask, "Know a teleportation spell?" I ask desperately.

“Yeah but only when I can focus” He then mutters, “Bii Camo quickly” With that he instantly disappears completely from view.

I focus on Omega and he does what I need to do without hesitation. A nanosecond later I'm completely invisible but since Craig and I are relatively close in distance we can see each other.

"Fan out and find the traitors!" Princess Celestia orders her guards who all salute and jump off the chariots and start searching for us.

"Uh Craig? Do you think you can help me find us a spot to lay low for a while?"

He then smiles and whispers to me “No problem you just get to the forest, I’ll give you a window to move.” With that he begins to move towards a wall across from the guard and a faint glow appears in his hands and a small tube appears. He then pushes a small dart into it and it shoots towards one of the guards and he begins to fly towards one of the other guards and begins to attack him. As soon as the other guard see’s him then they begin to head towards him in an attempt to subdue the mad pegasus with that we both begin to run into a nearby forest.

We reach a spot deep inside the forest with Craig panting and me waiting for him to regain his breath. Craig's cloaking had already worn off half way through the forest while mind had just now deactivated. "Delta, report." I order.

A holographic green spartan appears and speaks, "They did not see us leave. There is a 99.4% chance they are too busy still trying to subdue that guardspony."

"Good. Did you mark Craig as friendly?"

"Done." Delta disappears.

Craig then stand up and says “Good don’t want to be hit by that gun now, there wouldn’t be much of me left after if it connected.”

Gamma and Delta appear suddenly in front of us and Gamma talks in his Stephen Hawking voice, "Your displaced conversation earlier." I regard him curiously. Delta continues for him, "Theoretically that would mean things from the universe your costume was made about would start appearing in a space rift. Correct?" What? Is he saying what I think he's saying? "Uh Craig? Does that actually happen?"

“Does what happen?” Without hesitation and very confusingly, the two ai fragments repeat the entire conversation.

"Does it?"

“Umm I’m afraid i don’t know i haven't heard about it happening, but saying that i haven't heard of multiple copies of the same token appearing before so who knows.”

I groan and point up. "I think I know why they asked that now." Craig looks at where I'm pointing.

"Aw... you've got to be fucking kidding me." A pelican that is very much on fire and getting closer crashes right next to us after a few seconds.

"Ok Craig. I'm going to ask you a question and I want you to answer it truthfully. Okay?"

“OK what do you want to know?”

"Why did you say the forbidden words and evoke Murphy's law?"

“I don’t understand what you mean?”

"Then why is there a pelican gunship... Holy shit! Help me open the back!" I rush over to the back of the pelican and try to pry open the hatch but it doesn't budge.

Craig then walks up to the door and places one hand on top of it and some blue tendrils seep in between the gaps in the hatch and spread out and then rip it off the door completely removing it.

What is seen inside has brought many to tears with its beauty. ROWS upon ROWS of every single type of weapon is inside it. "Is that a fucking gravity hammer?! It is!" I pick it up and put it on my back. "And an incineration cannon?! Craig! We're rich!"

He then laughs and says “Until Celestia find this and find a way to use them on us.... we need to take what we want and destroy the rest, she can’t get a hold of this stuff.”

"Do you have pocket dimension technology?..."

He then look at at the staff on his back and says, “Maybe but I’ve never used it before the guy I got this from said this could cause insanity.” He then reaches for the staff and adds, “But it’s that or ponies wielding these weapons...”

"Is that a token?"

“Yeah it’s from a Displaced I met recently, it gives me access to something called the warp.”

"Is the warp a pocket dimension?"

“I think it can be used that way… only one way to find out” He then smashes the staff on the floor and a small portal appears beside him. “Come one let's get this stuff away”

"Wait!" I take the staff from him and hit the ground with it extremely hard. Nothing happens. "I'm an AI I can't really go insane. So... maybe I can replicate the effects of the staff by hitting something with it or something? Would that imbue the thing I hit it with if I charge it with energy?"

He then looks at me and says “I don’t think you can get it to work.” He then looks at the staff and says “We have no time to mess with the portal we need to get this stuff out of here.”

"Fine. I'm going to try something." Suddenly all the fragments of Alpha appear in front of me and Craig's eyes widen. "Time to go meta." I suddenly feel stronger, more angry, and many other feelings. My armor starts to change until I'm taller and look exactly like the Meta's armor except mine is blue. I run towards the pelican and slam the hatch shut before literally grabbing the whole fucking thing and throwing it into the portal. After a few seconds I revert back to normal, drained. "I didn't think that would actually work."

“You and me both” he then hits the staff on the floor again and the portal closes, Craig then proceeds to put the staff back on his back.

"Erm... So how will I get some of weapons if I... wait a second. Are you serious? I just realized something. These weapons were all at infinite ammo and energy." I grab the incineration cannon and it forms in a really cool way before finishing in my arms. "Then again... I have no idea how we would even get energy for forerunner weapons in the first place."

Craig shrugs his shoulders and says, “I don’t either but…” He then stops and says “hide quickly”

We then activate active camo before disappearing from sight.

Seconds later Twilight, Rainbow Dash and Applejack walk towards where we were standing previously.

I then hear Applejack say “Ah heard him and that other feller over here. Where'd they go?"

Craig then looks at me and starts a psychic link with me then says “Let me lure them away.”

I nod at him "Did you get any weapons from the gunship?"

He just shakes his head and says, “Nope but I won’t need it just give me a minute.” Craig then quickly changes from standing on two legs and instead turns into a Dark Blue pegasus with a black mane and tail along with green eyes. He then nods his head as his camouflage fades as he begins to walk carefully in front of Applejack and then promptly collapses.

Seconds later they look at him in shock and run over to him, at this point i realised what he is up to as i see a small image of a bullet hole in his back hooves.

"We have to get him help! What if Church is being possessed? He might not be in control of his actions! Rainbow Dash." Rainbow turns to Twilight, floating in the air. "Get Princess Celestia, the Elements of Harmony, and the rest of the gang here!" Rainbow Dash salutes and takes off in the direction of her leader.

Huh. I thought as I see Twilight and Applejack thinking of a battle plan and not noticing Craig's body slowly dissolving until after he is already gone. By then we are already far away.

2 hours of running later

Well... more like me just running nonstop 40 miles an hour while carrying Craig. I finally slowly down and look back. We already passed three villages by now, not that anyone saw us in the thick of night. I put Craig down who wakes up as soon as I drop him.

He then slowly sits up and mutters “I need to stop making my injuries work so effectively. I even felt it then.”

"Yeah well... Now what do we do? We definitely aren't in Equestrian territory anymore if that has anything to say." I point at the gigantic mountain range in front of us with a huge ass fortress on it.

Craig then looks at me and says “what is this place?” We both hear something that nobody wants to hear.

"For the holy flag! Kill the blues!"

"Please no." I moan. A bunch of screaming and gunshots is heard and then nothing. "Ok so you know what? I want to go home." The shooting renews again afterwards.

“I think we both know who that is… but he can’t exist… Let me try something” He then changes into a red solder with Pink Armour and shouts “I didn't know you could put a flag there! What a tight fit!" I swear you could hear the record scratch as every single red and blue soldier just stare at us.

I take a moment and then shout while pointing somewhere randomly. "Hey he has the flag!" Everyone looks at a blue soldier who actually had the red flag. He sighs.

"Well shit." And everything dies. Except well us. Cause you know. Can't have that happening.

"How do I send you back?" I ask curiously.

He then looks at me and says “Most people you just say our contract is complete but we can get back whenever we are ready. Anyway do you want to sort out what you need from the ship?”

"Open the portal" I order bluntly.

He then smiles as he changes back to his original form and grabs the staff off his back and smashes it against the ground again causing a massive portal and the ship to just fall out of it. Strangely the ship appears brand new again.

"That's epic, a repairing portal. Not that the ship was really that damaged. Take any weapons you want but leave me with at least two types of every one of them. It looks like I have a new personal vehicle."

He then looks at me and says, “You sure?”

"Yeah it will give me more space anyway. Not like we need ammo since everything is infinite."

He then smiles and says “Ok then." Craig walks in and takes a look at what was there and then kneels down and picks up a helmet that was on the floor and says “Am I Ok to take this?"

"Eeyup isn't that an EOD helmet? That's fucking epic." And it was. It looked to me like a black eod helmet with red eyes.

He then looks at it and says, “May need to change it’s colour but it looks ok.” he then carefully places it over his head and says “what do you think?”

I simply give a thumbs up. "Anything else? You can still grab one of everything you know."

“Ok.” Craig then looks at a Sniper rifle similar to the one i have and places it on his back he then proceeds to pick up a standard assault rifle, pistol, a few grenades and rocket launcher. He walks back out and says, “I think that will be enough”

"Okay well if you ever need anything just call." My token falls from the sky and hits Craig in the nuts before falling to the floor. I cringe. "Anyway. Craig, Buddy ol pal, our contract is complete.”

Craig then smiles and salutes me before he disappears and says, “If you ever are in trouble you know who to call.”

Chapter 6: The Escape

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.

Chapter 6: What could have happened instead

After Craig left I had nothing left to really do, or so I thought.

"HALT!" Suddenly I'm surrounded on all sides by pegasi and the princesses along with the Elements of Harmony. I don't move since attacking would be bad for my case. The Elements of Harmony and Princess Celestia walk towards me angrily. Time to bluff. I fall to the ground and project an illusion which makes it look like a ghost left my body.

I yell, "No! Kill it before it possesses someone else!" Everyone buys it and most of the guards go chasing after the 'real ghost'.

"Are you okay?" Twilight asks as she runs up to me.

"You try fighting another entity as an artificial intelligence, it's not fucking fun!" I lie. Good thing I can't show it, or else I'd be in deep shit.

"I'm giving you until the count of ten to explain yourself." Princess Celestia says menacingly, the rest of the Elements of Harmony getting into defensive positions around her.

"I lost control to that AI which is known as Zeta for the past week. When I defeated the Ursa Major Zeta appeared and took me by surprise before locking me out completely. I am lucky I was even able to regain access to my armor. By chance Zeta brought my pelican gunship here as well." I point to the gunship.

"Very well, what are those weapons on your back and their capabilities?" Luna demands.

"If you're asking me to give you them I'm afraid I can't do that. This and that gunship along with all the technology in it belongs to Project Freelancer and I cannot give you any of these without starting an intergalactic war." I bluff, well not exactly a bluff because there is a chance the rest of the UNSC and Project Freelancer, the Covenant remnants, and the insurrections are in this universe. The thought scares me.

"Pray tell, how would that cause a war of such scale." Celestia argues, eyebrows raised. The rest of the girls and even some guards look at me expectantly.

"There are weapons from many different societies in there..." Not exactly untrue. "Some of these weapons are prototypes. Or would you like to fight against one of these?" I project an image of the Covenant glassing Harvest. "Or if you are feeling lucky how about them?" I project an image of the Ur-Didact's ship, 'The Mantle's Approach'. "Either one of those could destroy this entire planet in a single shot."

"How do we know you will not use this technology against us?" Twilight asks.

"I would like to know that as well." Luna adds, getting nods from everyone else.

"Simple, you haven't done anything to me. Besides, I wouldn't be allowed to unless you commited a crime against me anyways."

"Fine but we'll-" Celestia is interrupted when I hold up a hand.

"I'm sorry but you won't be able to watch me every hour of every day if you can't even achieve space flight." Everyone looks at me skeptically.

"Who says we would allow you to leave our sight in the first place?" Luna asks threateningly.

"Look, I'm not the guy you should be angry at. I have not done anything to you. Nor can you prove that I have either. All you really know is that I've been battling a superior AI for the past week. Until I actually do something that warrants this kind of aggression you shouldn't unrightfully treat me like some kind of experiment." Everyone gasps at this and Rainbow Dash glares at me and gets me in my face.

"You do not talk to the princess like that!" She tries to throw a punch but I catch it.

"Have you ever had your personality split, over, and over, and over again until there isn't a piece of you left?! They experimented on me! They tortured me! They killed me!" All of the AI fragments appear and simultaneously say, "We are the product of greed, failure, torture, and because someone simply couldn't LET GO!" Every single pony including the princesses are dazed by my voice. "The horses have your flags!" Every single red and blue soldier within a kilometer hear me as my armor color changes to half blue and half red.

"This is the director of the Reds and Blues!" The reds and blues point their weapons at me. "These horses want your flags, your guns, and your armor! The was have come to an end. We must fight to unite or they will destroy all we have ever known and permanently kill us! That's right! We won't respawn! As I'm speaking all respawn points have been destroyed. Get them!"

The ponies recover and all the guards charge us as we open fire on them, many of the Reds spamming their grenades and rockets while shouting memes while the Blues were relaxing while scoring headshot with all their weapons. The princesses combine their magic to form a super barrier which protects the Elements of Harmony

Twilight gasps as she sees her mentor and Princess Luna strain against the bullets and rockets barraging the barrier. She lights her horn to add her magic to relieve some of their magical stress.

"What do we do?! They're killing everypony!" Rainbow Dash shouts.

I walk towards my gunship and wave a few reds and blues leaders over. "I need you to direct your respective teams from in here. We can't have you dying." The hardened squad commanders do as they are told and get in the passenger seats. "After this is all over you will all be getting promotions. Oh and you will receive mansions because why the hell not." They cheer. I get into the cockpit and start the gunship. It starts hovering and I force it to turn towards the thorn in my side. The ponies.

"Activating missile function. Firing on mark." Delta says.

"3. 2. Mark!" A barrage of over 16 missiles fire all at once towards the ponies and all of them are completely gone.

6 Months later

"Court is no longer in session! Leave the Emperor's presence at once and be lucky you were even able to be here in the first place!" I roar at the officials who are of many different races, human, griffin, pony, etc.

It has been six months since I usurped the throne of Equestria and molded the peaceful country to my image. The capital fell in less than an hour, and all the protectorates and the rest of the country fell and bowed down to me. The sun and moon move on their own now. Not that it wasn't already supposed to be like that. Phones, guns, cars, planes, all kinds of different technology now exist.

You could say, "Freedom is the only way now." No longer do the holds of tyranny separate us, for we are one. And the Meta wins.

Chapter 7: Do You Ever Wonder Why We're Here?

The subdued humming of my pelican slows as I come to a stop in a place I did not expect to return to. The middle of Ponyville. Yes, I know. I must be suicidal to come back here. But I have just one question for you. Do you ever wonder why we're here? That's what I'm about to find out. But first, since it's literally 12:00AM I need to test something.

"Pelican terminal activation code Echo Alpha Foxtrot Delta 9er Mike Sierra Victor Papa CTN367."

A screen appears in the middle of the cockpit. "Thank you for activating the G79H-TC/MA Gunship Class Pelican. You may call me Virgil." Do you see where I’m going with this? Yes?

“It appears that my circuits were damaged as of one week ago. Who are you?”

“I am, well, was the AI of Project Freelancer. At least. That’s what I’m based off of. But before that, I was a human named Dimitri.”

“That doesn’t seem physically possible.” She says in confusion.

“That’s what I said!” I smile. “Do you have a log of operations as of over a week ago?”

“I am afraid not. The logs are corrupted. Would you like me to set an AI lock? You appear to be knowledgeable in that subject.”

“Go ahead.”

Time: 7:30AM

Perspective: Twilight Sparkle

We had just arrived in Ponyville to see… What is Church doing here? I thought he didn’t want to be around us. I need answers.

“Applejack, do you see that?” I point a hoof at the pelican. She nods groggily. “What is he doing here?”

“Ah don’t know. Maybe he just can’t stay away from us.” The rest of the mane six were asleep and had to be carried to the library while we just walked in.

Suddenly, a loud thud is heard and I turn around to see Church behind me carrying a giant gauss rifle. “What do you want?” I ask cautiously.

I had finished my conversation with Virgil hours ago and was waiting for the mane six to return, but while I did that I was checking all the gear inside the pelican. There were sets of different types of MJOLNIR armor all around, guns and energy based weapons as well as bladed weapons were also around. There was even C12 in here! The armor all looked to be based off of Halo 5 which is amazing! Some of the other weapons included MA4B ICWS, M6J Carbines, everything.

I picked up an M99 Stanchion Gauss rifle and tested it's weight. Hmm, perfection. I exited the pelican and walked towards Twilight's library as soon as I saw her enter. She turns around and looks at me carefully.

"What do you want?" She asks me cautiously.

"Do you know what this is?"

"No." She answers honestly.

"This is how I'm going to get my answers if you don't give me them. Now, where is your princess?" I ask coldly. She looks at me in fear and starts shaking slightly.

"S-She's n-not here r-right now... I can bring her here now if you w-want...?"

"I'm just fucking with you. I ain't gonna hurt you. But seriously you should bring her here. I need something from her." That snaps Twilight out of her fear and she starts glaring at me.

"You should know better than to threaten others with death!" That glare would have made me shit myself, if I had an excretory system. It only just annoyed me. I just facepalm. She turns around and levitates a quill and a piece of parchment.

"You guys still in this fucked up era where you have technology from the 1910s, 1950s, 1800s, 1980s-1990s and the 1600s? I swear to god I need to change that shit."

"What do you mean?" She asks curiously.

"Your generation has literally a hodgepodge of technology that would make Discord laugh if he didn't already live in it. It's that disorganized."

She glares at me, "I'll have you know that we are very technologically advanced in comparison to other nations!"

"Yeah, sure, whatever." She just sighs and shakes her head before writing something on the parchment with her quill and then teleporting it away in a flash of magic.

I just finished raising the sun and saying goodnight to my sister so I was ready to start my breakfast. I trot over towards the dining hall at a brisk pace, guards and servants alike bowing to me as well as nobles. I hate when they do that, I mean at first I loved it but it got old really fast. It's always Princess Celestia this or Princess Celestia that, it could give anypony an aneurysm!

I arrive at the dining hall to see cooks running around trying to get everything in order. The lead chef trots towards me and bows. "The usual I assume, Princess?" I just nod and take my seat at the front of the table.

A waitress mare arrives and delivers unto me my food, bowing slightly. "Rise my subject and return to your duties." She rises from her bow and turns back towards the kitchens. A few seconds later something happens.

*poof* A scroll floats a few inches from my muzzle, hovering slightly over my food. "Must be another friendship report." I mutter to myself before unfurling the scroll to read it. My eyes widen and I immediately teleport to Ponyville. When my sight clears again I turn around and find myself muzzle to helmet with Church. "What. Do. You. Want." I go for the intimidation factor by flaring my wings and making my eyes shine with untold power but it doesn't really seem to be working on him.

She tried to intimidate me? Ha, I've seen worse things than a technicolor horse who thinks they own everything in the line of sight.

"Do you ever wonder why we're here?" This question catches Celestia off guard and she just looks at me in confusion.

"No?" She says questioningly towards Twilight who appears to be in deep thought over this.

"Whatever, that's not important." I sigh and get onto the real question. "Did you detect a disturbance when I arrived here? In the Everfree Forest?" I ask seriously, my previous demeanor replaced with cold, hard, and calculating.

"Yes, but I wasn't able to track where it came from in time. The magic user made sure that they didn't leave a trace." If one looked closely they would see that her pupils twitched when she said that. I push onward.

"What aren't you telling me?" She looks at me in surprise. "I am not joking around, this could mark the fate of this world if I don't know about it and fail to prepare for it." Not exactly a lie. There is something out there and I have to be prepared for so I can counteract the threat.

She sighs and says, "There are a few of these... spaceships orbiting the planet. I first saw them on the day you arrived. Twilight has reported to me about them. Haven't you Twilight?" Twilight snaps out of her stupor and nods quickly. "How would you begin to prepare for it?"

"I need land." She looks at me in curiosity. "To prepare a military facility to prepare for an intercontinental counterattack." They look at me angrily, thinking that I'm talking about them. "What? You don't actually think those 'spaceships' are friendly do you?" Their expressions lose their anger and have confusion evident in them. "Tell me, what color were these spaceships you saw?"

Celestia says three words to me. "Purple and blue." I fall on my ass. NO. Please no. You can't be fucking serious. No. Not here. Why. Why me?!

"Y-Y-You're j-joking r-r-right...?" I stammer, they notice this and look at me in concern.

"No?" Twilight says, ever the helpful one. WHY DO I HAVE TO FIGHT THE COVENANT?!

I become cold and serious immediately. "I'm going to need more than just land now. Those purple ships are the remnants of the covenant. An alliance which killed tens of billions by glassing entire planets because of some false religion." Twilight looks at me horrified while Celestia's eyes lose their friendliness and gain hatred in them, something I never thought I would see.

"You are affiliated with them?" She asks me coldly, her horn charging power as she looks ready to blast me oblivion.

"No, I am one of their enemies, and like they say, An enemy of an enemy is my friend. Now will you help me?"

She dispels the spell she was about to use on me and says to me, "By the power vested in me, I, Princess Celestia, Ruler of the Sun, Sol Invictus, grant you a protectorate to be situated next to Equestria on it's borders. You shall work under me. But if I do something that violates these terms," She floats a massive paper towards me, which I read all of in a quarter of a second, "you may secede from Equestria."

Author's Note

It seems Church will have a new threat to face. Can he build his military protectorate in time to save Equestria from glassing or will everything he ever saw here be destroyed?

Chapter 8 Part One: I think I'm Going To Need Therapy After This

With a covenant threat looming overhead quite literally in my case I had little choice but to go to extreme measures to fix the threat. I exited the library right after Celestia finished her power transfer and walked into my pelican. “How are the systems?”

“All systems online. What do you need?” I transfer my electronic copy of the map of equestria to Virgil.

“Destination: Edge of the border. Speed: Mach 8.5”

Two hours later…

We arrive at the edge of the border and I wait for the gunship to land. When it does I get out and take Craig’s token from the pile and say, “Come on Craig, I need you!”

A few seconds later a voice comes back through the amulet and says “Oh man Church you only gave me half a day without a call, that's fast… Give me a second” I then hear him say “sorry guys looks like I need to call it a day early.”

Seconds later a bright portal appears in front of me as Craig walks through it and it closes as soon as he is clear. He then looks at me and say “Well what's happened for you to need me so badly?”

“Pop quiz, what destroyed Reach?”

I then see Craig’s eyes widen as he say “Oh hell you got the fucking covenant to deal with great i’m getting pulled into two wars.” He then says “OK then what do you need to do?”

“Well first, what do you think will happen if we destroy the ships above us currently? Exactly, more will come to finish us off. We need to scare them off somehow. Flood? No. Too risky. Uh… no. Forerunners will only attract their attention. Shit.”

“Or maybe you could just go up there and try peaceful negotiations…”

“Um Craig… Have you taken any drugs or alcoholic substances recently?”

“No but i have been hit round the head by half the Equestria army. so yeah that could be it.”

“Virgil, open the hatch.” The hatch of the gunship opens. “Now Craig, have you read any of the Halo books? Every single weapon even the ones that were prototypes that were never released in Halo are in this pelican. It’s using Red Vs Blue logic where it’s bigger on the outside than the inside as it may be a facsimile of the pelican they transferred Sheila into. Now look in.” I pull out my m99 Stanchion rifle. “You see this? It’s a fucking Gauss sniper rifle.” I pull out a M6J Carbine and throw it to Craig.

He then looks at me and sighs then says “What's eating you up so much… listen buddy you're talking to a guy who doesn’t want a full scale war, that could kill everyone on equestria.” He then looks up and says, “Listen, if push comes to shove there is one thing I can try to do and that is rewrite their captain’s memory.”

I get a shit-eating grin inside my helmet. “Can you breath in space?”

Craig then scratches his head and says, “Did Bardock in Dragon Ball Z?”

“I don’t know, I never watched that show.” I say blankly.

I then smile and say “He did when fighting an alien who could breath in space, I am able to manipulate any ability, skill or technique so yes I can.”

An idea enters my head and my grin is so big it could split the planet, yes it’s that big. “Wait a minute, bigger on the inside… LOADING BAY! ARMOR! AI! DRONES! Oh my god. Mexican Army! Yes. So much yes. We have to do it! It’ll be like Halo legends ‘The Package’ except with mexican space robots!”

Craig then smile and says “Are you sure you don’t want them to speak spanish and call them Lopez?”

2 hours later…

We had finished assembling all the sets of armor and installing voice chips in them.

“Activate Lopez Protocol!” Yes, I made a protocol for that.

“López se ha activado.” They all say in their native language.

Craig then smirks and says “Sorry but I feel like one's going to turn evil and attack us”

“Si usted es Simmons te mataré.” The Lopezes say dangerously.

Craig then puts his hands up and says “and they know about Simmons we are in trouble” He then smiles and says “No, mi nombre no es Simmons . Mi nombre es Craig y yo no soy tu enemigo.” (No, my name is not Simmons. My name is Craig and i am not your enemy.)

“Ah, hablas español a diferencia de ese idiota roja Sarge. Él es como un borracho rusa en su estupidez.” (Ah, you speak Spanish as opposed to the red idiot Sarge. He's like a Russian drunk in his stupidity.) Wow, that’s fucked up. That hurt what feelings I had left.

Craig then said “Estoy de acuerdo contigo López Sarge era un idiota absoluto.” (I agree with you López, Sarge was an absolute idiot.)

“Ok, I get you guys like talking to people that speak your language but can we move on and get armored, we are going to space to take out covenant.

“Pacto?! ¿Estas loco?” (Covenant? Are you insane?!)

“I don’t know. Am I insane?”

“Sí. Sí, tú eres.” (Yes. Yes you are.) The Lopezes all say in agreement.

“Okay, then just make backups of yourself.” The Lopezes all facepalm.

Craig then looks at me and says “Seriously Church? You realise they are all just one program, right?” He then turns to the Lopezes and says “Sin ofender” (No Offence)

“RACIST!” We all say to Craig as we cross our arms.

He then razes his arms and say “Yeah i’m sorry”

“Seriously? You guys already made two million backups?!” I shout in surprise.

“Nunca está de más estar preparados, idiota.” (It never hurts to be prepared, idiot.)

I look around at the group of thirty Lopezes and say to craig, “Half of them are with you. Get them armed and ready.” I turn to the rest of them which don’t move. “You heard that?! Half of you with Craig and half of you with me! Get armed and I need a sitrep!” Half of them move towards Craig and stand in front of him, awaiting orders.

Craig then turns to the other half and says “Ya has oído la IA Estamos mejor prepararse.” (You heard the AI. We best get prepared.)

“Warning.” Virgil says. “Precursor presence detected. Identified as Flood, and are capable of Neural Physics. You have been warned.”
“I fucking hate my life.” I curse.

“At least they can’t screw you over buddy.”

“You know why it said Precursor presence? The Flood were created from the ashes of the Precursors when humans and San 'Shyuum ate pheru which were infected by the ashes which failed to revive the Precursors. This infected humans and other life forms. These motherfuckers mean business. They hate all life for destroyed them. I’m only worried about your survivability.”

“You and me both. I think i need to get in some XCOM skills”

“Recommended loadout for this mission: Forerunner weapons. No Covenant presence detected. If you look close you will see a flood hive connected to that ship. We need to stir it away from the planet and towards the sun.” I say.

“I got a better Idea” He then put two fingers on his forehead and disappears.

I look around, since my promethean vision shows him as completely gone. My eyes rest on the window.

As I look towards the location of the hive and see a tiny spot that is barely noticeable floating nearby I then see a bright blue light flies towards the Hive and the smash into it leaving it pieces as it begins to just float away from the ship and slowly begins to break apart.

Seconds later Craig then appears back in the Pelican and says “That should thin the numbers a bit.”

“Warning: Flood spores en route towards planet Equis.” I sigh and am about to get up before I fall to the ground immobile. The lopezes collapse as well. “Electrical failure on sector 6! Warning: Energy failure. System failure.” Virgil’s voice starts to distort as the pelican starts to go off course.

POV: Craig

I see all the Lopezes collapse suddenly. “Electrical failure on sector 6! Warning: Energy failure. System failure.” Virgil’s voice says.

I turn towards Church as he collapses and shout, “Church! Church you OK”

Delta’s distorted hologram appears in front of me and says, “I’m afraid you are going to have to restore the power somehow. This unit is suffering failures.” He disappears.

I then mutter “dammit wish one of you guys were active right now could really use the technical knowhow to fix this mess.”

Suddenly a hologram of Church appears as he exits his armor. “Me. Inside your head. Now.”

I then nod my head and quickly grab my helmet and put it on as Church accesses the neural Interface in my helmet and Bii begins to cover my body encasing me in my symbiotic skin I then say “You OK up their Church?”

“Your architecture isn't much different from this Pelican's…”

“Don’t get any funny ideas.” I say. “You really don’t want to piss Discord off.”

“Fine. I’m going to activate your HUD and I need you to get armed. There should be a weapons bay around here somewhere. Grab any Forerunner weapons you need.”

I then say, “Okay.” With that I run towards a Z-180 Close Combat Rifle/Asymmetric Engagement Mitigator otherwise known as a scattershot and a Z-130 Directed Energy Automatic Weapon also known as a suppressor.

“New energy source found. Enough power has been restored to keep autopilot enabled but I’m afraid your MJOLNIR Mark VI Generation 2 army will not be active.” The pelican rights itself back towards its destination.

I roll my eyes and say “Absolutely bloody brilliant” I then run towards one of the doors and say “Church where is the nearest power source we can use to refuel the ship?”

“Hehe… Yeah, about that. You’re looking at it.”

I look at him in confusion. “What?”

“You see that sun right there? Yeah, it’s an artificial star. My guess is that it is forerunner-made.”

“How are we gonna sort this out then we can’t leave the ship to get it otherwise they’ll take over… Got any good ideas.”

“Wait. Something’s happening. The flood spores… they’re actually burning in the atmosphere. That isn’t supposed to be possible. Or at least very unheard of.” Church’s projection flickers for a moment. “There.” A waypoint appears on my hud about 300m away. “There should a backup power generator in that direction.

I run through the corridor and up some stairs until I reach a door that is locked. “

“Fuck the doors locked. We got any way to open this or doe it need to be forced open?”

“You realize you are talking to an artificial intelligence program right?” Church quips sarcastically.

“yes… yes i do. Ok then could you get this door open I know this is Delta’s specialty but you should be OK”

“Delta.” Church’s voices rings out. A hologram appears next to Church.

“Yes, Epsilon?”

“Get this door open.”

“I’m afraid you are going to have to wait a moment. Virgil has currently locked herself out and is denying communications.”

A hologram of Tex (Allison or Beta) appears next to Delta. “Well she probably has a very damn good reason for doing so.”

“Beta. I have not seen you in a while. The door is unlocked.” With that the holograms disappear.

“OK then wasn’t expecting that lets sort this generator out then stop that invasion before it begins” With that i run into the room as I hear the sound of footsteps outside the door “fuck… you deal with the generator i’ll deal with our uninvited guests.”

“If you say there are flood in there I will literally fucking scream.” Church says.

“I don’t know what it is but i can swear i heard something outside.”

“Do you want to pull a Halo 2 on those fucking flood if they are outside?”

I then smile and announce “thought you’d never ask”

“Delta, are there any space pickles in here?”

“Covenant antimatter charge located.” A waypoint appears on my hud, right next to the banging that is coming outside. “I really don’t like where it is located. Chance of survival: 13.9%”

“Great. The percentage has a 13 in it. We are fucked.” Church moans.

“Oh quit your bitching.” Tex says.

“Could be worse I could act like Agent Carolina”

“*sigh* Did you really just talk about her in front of Tex?” Tex’s hologram appears and flips me off before disappearing.

“Oh bad thinking on my part sorry” I then grab the scattershot from my back and get ready to fight and whisper “got any music up there?” The instrumental version of Breaking Benjamin’s Blow Me Away starts to play in the background.

I then smile and put three fingers up and begin to count down and on one kick the door down, sending it flying, revealing a small group of grunts, one of them saying, “We barely got out of there! The demon is here somewhere. We must kill it.”

“Ok i’ve had enough i think it’s time for the best battle plan of all time” I then fire of one shot and obliterate one of the grunts and say “It’s called shotgun to the face”

“LEEEEERRRRROOOOOYYYYY JEEEENKIIIINSSSS!!!!!” Gamma/Garry shouts. What? If he couldn’t tell a knock knock joke then he had to choose an even worse one.

Seconds later multiple black tendrils shot out of my body and begin to impale each of the grunts on them and instantly retracted leaving the dead body of multiple grunts in my wake. I then look up and say “You are fucked.” At that point I grab my staff and smash it on the floor and a portal opens up below the group of grunts sucking them into the Warp i then close it and say “Prepare for insanity”

“That shit is seriously fucked up.” Before Church can say anything else something that makes me literally shit myself appears. A dozen flood juggernauts jump through the glass, shattering it.

“I don’t even want to know how the fuck that is possible.” Church says, pointing at the abominations in front of us.

I just look at Church and say “how's the reboot going for the generator?”

“All systems online. Life Support Online. Artificial Gravity Online. Shielding system online. FTL Drive online. Starboard cannons enabled. Self-Protective Priorities Authorized.” Virgil announces.

“Disable United Nations Space Command Emergency Priority Order 098831A-1.” Church says, I just look at him in confusion.

“Cole Protocol disabled. Are you sure about this?” Virgil asks.

“Affirmative.” Delta replies.

I then look at my side and say “ok time for something new i then grab my bolter pistol and form a fireball in my other hand and shout “BARBEQUE’S ON!” I then throw the fireball just in front of the juggernauts that begin to launching them backwards from the force of the explosion and then fire the bolter pistol multiple times at them getting multiple headshots with each shot.

Down the corridor we hear a shout, “Usted no va a destruir el López Ejército pesado!” (You will not destroy the Lopez the Heavy Army!) With that, all thirty Lopezes charge and fire.

“Targets identified.” One of the Lopez’s assault rifles pulls a Freckles and shouts every single enemy in sight. “Targets neutralized.”

“This is why I am scared of Freckles.” Church says.

I laugh and tell him, “Same here, before and after.”
“Had a bad experience?” Church quips sarcastically.

“Nah just saw how badass he was beforehand… hey if the covenant and the flood are here that could mean you could get agent maine to deal with in the future or even the rest of the gang appearing”

“Wait a minute. Flood, covenant. In season 1 Master Chief was mentioned… Project Freelancer… Staff of Charon… Mother of Invention… We need to find out what season this is. But how?”

“if only we knew someone who could break the fourth wall”

Discord’s distorted voice is heard, “Oh shut up, you read too much fanfiction.”

“Why does his type of humor remind me of Wyoming so much?”

“I honestly have learnt to ignore it”

“Wait a minute. I just realized something. The freckles assault rifle said targets neutralized. Does he mean… all of them onboard? The lopezes could have taken out all invaders since the power has restored...I remember outfitting the lopezes armor with promethean vision.”

“I don’t know.” I then close my eyes and say, “There's some left feels like there in the control room.”

“Fucking hell, why did I have to get a Tardis pelican. I mean I’m not complaining, it’s just… It feels too easy.”

“Yeah I thought the same thing it’s like…” We then feel the ship getting dragged by something, “We can’t catch a break today. What are the changes of blowing up their tractor beam?”

“Hyperdrive, Warp drive and Interstellar teleporter have been enabled.” Virgil’s voice says over the intercom.

“Excuse me?” Church says in confusion. “SOMEBODY PLEASE TELL ME WHY THE FUCK WE ARE IN A DOCTOR WHO PELICAN?!”

Delta’s hologram appears in front of me. “The chances are 199.3215223%. Hmm, my systems are functioning normally so I am unable to gather how I received that percentage.” He disappears.

“OK Virgil where are we going?”

“Destination: Unknown. This system has not been catalogued by the United Nations Space Command.”

“Ok this is getting ridiculous… Virgil who entered the commands to where we are going?”
“Do you talk to your mother like that?” She quips. “And for your information, I did. I locked the system out to these unggoy who are trying to hack into me.”

“Wait, why are there only grunts here? Is it another grunt rebellion? I swear, the last one almost destroyed the entire covenant.”

“Unknown.”

“Virgil Send me the coordinates of the grunts. we’ll deal with them”

“Access denied.” Virgil replies to me.

“Access override, level Alpha.” Church says.

“Access granted. Welcome back, Director.”

I look at Church and whisper, “Wait a minute, she didn’t notice that before?” He just shrugs. “meh suppose it never gets old”

“Virgil! What is the real classification of this ship?”

“Ship identified as G79H-TC/MA Pelican.”

“Director override.”

“Ship identified as Project Freelancer G79H-TCTA/MA Quantum Pelican Experiment #2601”

“Hey Craig? Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

“I don’t know”

“Good because that would be fucking creepy. So, what I’m thinking is, we should destroy the whole covenant fleet. This is an experimental prototype pelican which uses quantum mechanics right? Well there has got to be a mac
cannon on here or something.”

“Virgil are any experimental weapons on this ship that will work? if so send them to my hud.”

“Designation Craig, you realize you forgot about the covenant antimatter charges right? Before I allow to use any others you must first go through with your original plan. Organization is important.” She says icily. Okay, I do not want to piss her off.

The sound of a palm hitting face is heard throughout the galaxy. “Did you really forget that plan?” Church asks, sounding strangely betrayed.

“Sorry a lot to deal with right now. cut me some slack i’m only one guy” I then shake my head and say “I should have done this earlier”

“Oh, dejar de poner excusas. Esto es por qué las máquinas son superiores.” (Oh, stop making excuses. This is why machines are superior.) One of the lopezes who we forgot about said all too enthusiastically.

“I’m basically the same thing as you and yet I’m insulted.” Church says to Lopez who facepalms.

“Yeah, Yeah don’t blow a fuse” I then close my eyes then say “Shadow Clone Jutsu” I then look at the copies and say “get rid of any covenant soldiers you can find” With that they all just nod their heads and disappear.

“Fucking Naruto.” I curse.

“Whats wrong with Naruto?”

“I’m just saying that because you’re op as fuck. Not that I’m not op as fuck as well.”

I then smile and say “OK let's deal with that Covernet ship” I then teleport outside and move my hands to my side and shout “Big Bang Kamehameha” with that a massive beam burns through the whole ship disintegrating it completely.

“Case in point. That is why you are op as fuck. You even went through the shields.”

“Oh god did I just do that… that's insane”

“Yes. And it was cliche as fuck. I’m so proud of you.” Tex says sarcastically.

“Are you done yet or have you got some more insults to go?”

“Maybe. You never know. She’s only female.” Tex’s hologram appears and she punches Church in the nuts.

“Ow you fucking bitch!” She flips him off and disappears.

“You really shouldn’t have gone there buddy.”

"Ok, well the flood is pretty much gone, and the ships are disintegrated and I didn’t get to go through with my plan.” Church grunts. “We should try to find a way to contact the unsc or something. Actually no that’s a terrible idea. But if we don’t do that then how will we find out what season we are in of RvB? I already know we are past Season 5 of MLP.”

Maybe you’ll get lucky and a ship will just come into this Solar System.”

“Nice try but-” Before Church can finish red lights start to flash.

“Slipspace rupture detected.” A ship bigger than the Mantle’s Approach exits a slipspace portal.

“Do you hate me or something, because I don’t know what I did to deserve this. YOU SHOULD KNOW by now that Murphy’s law loves to fuck with people here!”

“Hey it could worse it could be one of the red or blues from Blood Gulch.”

“The mantle’s approach is over 100x larger than the unsc infinity and this ship is at least 10x bigger than the mantle’s approach. So tell me, what could actually equal worse?!”

“It could be that ship from Halo 4 i think it was.”

“Which one? The Didact’s ship? Because funny story… That ship you’re talking about is the Mantle’s Approach. An-” A black hole suddenly appears and pulls the entire ship back, literally tearing it in half and suck the halves in before closing.

"I think I need therapy..."

Author's Note

Crossover with The Dark Brony again!

Chapter 8 Part Two: Project Overlord

"Craig, I can't. Craig our contract is complete." Before Craig could react he was pulled into the portal as I exited his helmet.

One of the Lopez bots ran in carrying my armor. I ran into it and jumped onto the floor.

"Language change English."

"What? Don't like the language?" He asks, offended. I put my hands up defensively, before lowering them and walking towards the side entrance and turning towards the cockpit. It's hard to believe such a small ship could have all this space.

"Destination: Canterlot Castle"

"Accepted. Destination Changed. Director, I am also able to use mechanical armor. Do you require a second in command?"

"Indeed." I reply after mulling it over for a second.

2 minutes later...

We touch down in the gardens, blowing back a bunch of guards. The hatch opens and an elite general steps out. That is in fact Virgil. "Nice choice. Intimidating as fuck." She just nods and orders a dozen of the lopezes to guard the pelican and use lethal force if any guards try to get in.

The rest of the lopezes follow behind us, all carrying shotguns and energy swords. Virgil has a storm rifle, a plasma launcher, two plasma pistols, and an energy sword.

I'm holding my gravity hammer to intimidate, I also have my energy sword, sniper rifle, and incineration cannon.

The guards look at us wide-eyed and shakily try to block our path. "We are supposed to be here. Move out of the way unless you want to lose your jobs and end up in a world of pain." Virgil states bluntly, causing them to give us a wide berth.

We enter the Castle and keep walking, meanwhile scaring many ponies and diplomats in our sights as finally make it to the throne room. The door guards shit themselves at the sight of us. I motion with my head for them to open the doors but they don't move.

I sigh. "We have to do everything ourselves." I try to push the door but it doesn't budge. I try pulling with the same results. Finally I have enough and kick the door in, revealing startled nobles who look at us with wide eyes. Celestia looks surprised at the sight of us. "Mission Accomplished. You don't have to worry about a parasite which can take over an entire Galaxy by itself by assimilation of biomass. The ships were mostly empty except for that hive."

Most of the ponies shudder at that. "What is that next to you?" Celestia asks.

"Did you even bother to ask me?" Virgil scoffs, getting a hateful glare from one pony.

"I saw that giant explosion in the sky. It is amazing yet terrifying you are capable of such a feat by yourself." She shudders at the implications.

I decide not to reveal that it was in fact not me who caused that much destruction.

"Then don't get on my bad side and I won't get on yours." She rolls her eyes.

"Have you decided where your protectorate will be?"

"San Palomino Desert." I state simply.

"Very well. Let it be so. You may leave now, and take your army with you." She says with a wink. I don't even bother responding before I aboutface and walk out the kicked in door, the Lopez army and virgil following behind me.

"Halt!" Six squads of guards block our path. "By order of Prince Blueblood you are under arrest. Drop your weapons!"

"Okay." I prime a frag grenade and throw it straight at them. Or I would have if I had one. "How about no." I smash my gravity hammer on the ground, flinging the guards like ragdolls out the window.

"I hate that idiot." Lopez 7 complains.

"You're not the only one." Lopez 9,13,19,27 and Virgil comment.

Princess Celestia teleports in our path and says, "Why did I find thirteen unconscious guards?" She asks angrily, glaring at me in particular. "And don't try to lie either, because I know it was you who did this."

"Blueblood tried to arrest us." Her faces loses its anger and she sighs.

"Of course he did." She teleports away.

I look at Virgil in confusion but she just shrugs. "Is there a way to make a flamethrower attachment like designation sharkface?"

"I could... but it might not end well."

"By the way," I add, "Where did you get the Sangheili General?"

"Biochamber Section of the pelican."

"How did you get it to be big bigger on the inside?" I wonder.

"You don't know?" She asks in confusion.

"Nope."

Virgil goes into a really convoluted explanation that I wouldn't understand at all normally, but since I'm an AI well... let's just say holy shit.

“Well, I’m never going to look at that pelican the same way again.” I remark.

“If you did, I would be disappointed.” Virgil laughs as we arrive at the pelican.

20 minutes later

I exit the pelican and see a sign that says “Welcome to the San Palomino Desert.”

“Not anymore.” I snap the sign in half with my energy sword. “Welcome to Facility Zulu.” I turn around and regard Virgil.

“Yes Director?”

“This Project is no longer called Freelancer. It shall be called Project Overlord.”

“Yes Director.”

The rest of the AI fragments look at me in confusion inside my mind. “Dr. Leonard Church betrayed us. We are starting over.” They accept this.

"Lopez." All the Lopez bots look at me. "Gather resources from the pelican and build according to UNSC Firebase schematics. I'll help you on the way." I turn back towards Virgil. "Virgil, create protocol A215123-93. Terms, director-only."

Accepting Crossovers!

This is my token to summon me, "It's a sword not a fighter jet! No but in all seriousness, if you ever need someone to hack into technology or just talk or fight, summon me, Epsilon-Church." It's an energy sword (Obviously). So if you want to do a crossover just PM me.

Chapter 9: Twilight Armor and Ahriman The Exiled

I had just finished the firebase when I found a staff that looked identical to the one Craig used to open a portal. Could it be? I pick it up and hear
"To those that seek the power of Chaos, or have a score to settle with Celestia, summon me in thy time of need. I am Ahriman The Exiled, and may thine enemies cower before my name, for I shall bring naught but destruction raining on their heads!"

"Huh, let's see here... I summon thee Ahriman The Exiled! Let's Chat."

A portal opened up in the sky, depositing a massive armoured person and a similarly armored pony.
"Now I understand what it's like to be sent through the void.... no wonder Craig was a bit angry." The armored human said to himself, before standing up and dusting himself off. He looked around before setting his eyes on me. "And who are you?" He asked.

"Epsilon-Church, Memory of the former director of Project Freelancer. Current director of Project Overlord. There's a lot more but that's the basics. You look like you've never seen an AI like me before."

"Well, I am Ahriman, Greatest sorcerer of Tzeentch, Leader of the New Black Legion, and the soon to be conqueror of Equestria. This here is my father's Apprentice, Lady Twilight Sparkle, and you are right, I have not seen a AI like you before. Where I come from, ai are treasured, and sometimes worshipped as gods. But that doesn't matter." He replied, motioning towards the armored pony, whose helmet retracted into the armor to reveal the purple pony from earlier.

"Indeed. I-*radio transmission* AGAIN?! Sorry about that you two, these assault carriers keep coming." I motion to the three mile covenant starship in orbit. "For whatever reason the covenant keep sending them every time I destroyed another."

Ahriman looked at the ship before smirking.

"A small ship like that? I could easily tear it to shreds. As my Loyalist brothers would say, 'Suffer not the alien to live.' Do you want me to get rid of them?" He asked.

"At least it isn't one of these again." A holopanel appears showing a 6,000 mile warship. The panel shows the specifications. "You ever see something that big?"

"I've seen bigger. Imagine an 8 kilometer long ship. Then imagine a ship so massive that the 8 km ship is like a tip of an arrow puncturing it. That was the Necron World Engine." He replied.

"Oh okay well personally I didn't destroy the warship... It kinda... you know... got ripped in half... by a black hole..."

"The World Engine literally eats planets for breakfast. Plus, I can summon and control black holes." He glanced at the covenant ship.

"Go ahead. I know you want to."

"Oh, I have a better idea. A way that leaves the ship entirely intact too." He raised his hand, and began muttering words that shouldn't come from a human mouth. After a few seconds, he stopped, before casting an image on the screen. It showed strange, monstrous, abominations with burning swords tearing into covenant left and right. He looked back to me. "Bloodletters. Demons from the Warp." He explained simply.

"Neat. Huh, she doesn't talk much do you?" I nod at Twilight.

She glanced at me. "Sorry, I've just been thinking about some things.... back home, we are prepping for a war." She told me, a small smile plastered on her face.

"One second I sensed the covenant losing control." I exit my armor, appearing ghost-like. "Initiative Covenant Hijacking Protocol DZN185_56." The shields on the covenant ship flare before failing. The carrier starts to turn towards the planet. "Easy enough." I turn towards the two to just see them staring at me, "What?"

Ahriman recovered first. "Well, I have never met an AI that can turn into a mobile transparent hologram. But before we take the ship, allow me to disperse the demons. They don't really have much if a mind." He raised his hand, and multiple black chains erupted out of it, phasing through the window and towards the covenant ship. Twilight stepped forward, her horn glowed, unleashing a similar version of Ahriman's ability, except purple this time.

A siren starts ringing throughout the base. "All forces prepare for combat, there was a second carrier behind them! Approximately 1250 aircraft detected!" I facepalm. "They are going at least mach 10. Did you notice that carrier before?"

"No, I didn't. But I'm not wasting any time with them. One moment please." He closed his eyes in concentration, and for a small amount of time, nothing happened. Suddenly, however, a massive portal of all sorts of colors ripped into existence between the carrier and us. As I watched, a massive ship flew out of it, with giant guns bristling across it's hull. "Scion of Prospero, this is Ahriman. Open fire on all craft in front of you. Also, prepare to launch boarding torpedoes. That is all." Ahriman said seemingly to himself before turning to me. "This will be over shortly." He stated, before the massive ship opened fire, energy beams flying into the multiple covenant fighters.

My claimed covenant ship finally landed. We turn around to see an army of over two thousand of my Lopez drones firing at the covenant with magnetic accelerator cannons and railguns. "Into the pelican!" I walk into the unlocked pelican and wait for them to follow me inside. "Welcome to my pelican which is apparently a full warship using quantum mechanics and other bullshit laws nobody cares about."

"Laws that nobody cares about?! I think not!" Twilight seethed, her eyes turning a bit red. "I want a book about these 'quantum mechanics' and whatever makes this thing work!" She ordered, then got control of herself. "Sorry. My rage has got a bit of an itchy trigger hoof lately. Don't know what to do about that." She apologized.

A green spartan AI, Delta's hologram appears next to mine. "I could transfer the data to you neurally but there is a 19.6183% chance of failure. Failure could cause a coma or expiration of brain."

"Well, how about this?" She asked, hovering a dataslate over her head.

"How much space does it have?" I ask before giving a laugh that could make Satan shit himself.

"Well, let's see.... about Twenty digital libraries put together?" She replied, holding a hoof to her chin in thought.

"Hehe...Hahahaha. HAHAHA the size of the data I'm transferring is approximately 2 quadrillion bytes. Like I said before it hurts my fucking mind." I pull out an empty datapad before copying all the data on the ship to it and placing it down. "The amount of data on that pad is more than all the atoms in a standard human. And yours. Knock yourself out."

She squeed in delight before picking up the data pad and tucking it into her armor.

"Let's just say you may as well have the answers to literally everything now. Don't ask how. It was all there when I found this ship."

Twilight gazed at the pad in wonder. Ahriman shrugged. "I bet it doesn't have any knowledge of the Warp. After all, I can sense it all around me. It's barely even active in this universe. And anyways, the Warp could never be understood. Nothing can understand it, not even Lord Tzeentch himself. Anyways, it has been a pleasure. Also here." Two massive guns appeared in front of me. "These are heavy bolters. Pack a decent punch when dealing with infantry. It uses mass reactive ammunition, which is nearly infinite for some reason. Each shot can take a creature's head off with ease." Ahriman stated

"Kinda like this?" I unsling my sniper rifle and set it to automatic and accurate aim before unloading 200 rounds in succession, leaving a crater that goes... I'm not even going to bother counting that. I see Twilight clutching her ears in pain and Ahriman looking amused.

"Sort of. But it has a bit more kick to it, as well as firepower." He picked one up, and opened fire. The massive shells flew out, punching into the wall before exploding, and created an even bigger crater at the same amount of bullets. Twilight clutches her head again, before her helmet reforms around her.

Discord teleports in front of us. "Would you kindly, SHUT THAT FUCKING THING OFF!? I CAN HEAR THAT FUCKING THING FROM SPACE!" He teleports away. I just stare at where he was.

"Uh..." I try to start the conversation back up but fail miserably.

"Just don't question him. It's best not to. Anyways, I might as well add a magic suppressor." He implants a glowing gem into the side. "There."

"So uh... I kinda remember your token saying something about chaos power or something. Ah yes that is why I originally summoned you."

"Ah, I understand. Here, take this." He tossed me a book. "That book holds many spells and rituals that enable you to summon demons, shoot lightning out of your hands, and burn people with your mind. Or send them to the Warp for shits and giggles. Everything you need to know."

"Uh... By the way, you mentioned a war. Any way I can help? I'm basically invincible since I can go body to body and possess others."

"At the moment, no. In reality, we are going to be needing weapons. As well as soldiers. We got that entire ship full full of troops, but we need more. The ponies are kinda superior somehow. Plus, they have our own weaponry. I've taken the liberty and removed some covenant weapons from the carrier for reverse engineering, but we could probably use more." He replied.

A forerunner looking weapon forms in my arms. "This alone could probably deatomize a star... Any use for it? Actually that's a horrible idea. What this weapon does is sends a signal that causes anything hit to either implode, disintegrate entirely or not exist. Found it in the weapons bay. It's called a Type-4 Galaxy Destroyer. Experimental, really."

"That would definitely be a boost to our capabilities. Let's see here.... what can I summon from the Warp..... aha!" He held up a image of a massive machine.
"This is a Reaver Class Titan. A God machine, really. Nearly unstoppable, and can destroy most of an entire city with one shot. Strange, how did an uncorrupted titan manage to get out here...." Ahriman puzzled.

"If you question it you will go insane, hehe I'm neither sane nor insane, I just am."

"Good wording. Anyways, I must get going. I have a war to prepare for. That titan will appear in the badlands tonight. It has a limited battery supply for some reason.... who switched it's generator with Duracell batteries? How did they?"

Discord appears looking embarrassed. "If it ain't broke don't fix it." He disappears again.

I scoff, "Amateur hour."

"I HEARD THAT!"

I turn towards Ahriman, "Duracell, seriously?"

"I am not kidding. This thing is somehow running on a Duracell battery. HOW DOES 'A TITAN RUN ON BATTERIES?!" Ahriman replied, shaking his fist to the ceiling. "Oh, by the way, you haven't been in your body for a good while. Just thought I should mention that." Ahriman added.

I look down and see myself without armor. "Shit." If anyone had strong enough hearing, Twilight for example, they would hear a battle between the red and blue grunts going on. "I have one question for you before you and best pony leave."

"And that question would be?" Ahriman asked, while Twilight looked around.
"Does anyone else hear that?" She asked, though she was ignored.

I turn on the recording of the red and blue grunts fighting.

"KILL THE REDS KILL THE REDS!"

"HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT!"

"*Gunshots"

I look at her pointedly, "Oh, you mean those idiots. They are probably more religious about their flag than they are smart." Twilight winces at that. "Anyway my question is how the fuck are you losing to ponies who have primeval technology?" I turn towards Twilight, "No offense."

"None taken. As for your question, we technically aren't losing. It's a standoff. The pony army somehow managed to find a large amount of our own weaponry, and are using it against us. I'm surprised they learned how to use the guns so quickly. We believe the Crystal Empire might have discovered it, and we are planning to take over to control the weapon supply." Twilight explained.

"Or," I argue, "The weapons were always there, by the way, I find it odd that you are on the side against Equestria or so I see. Different timeline that caused you to choose that side or...as you say... destiny?"

"Lord Magnus, Ahriman's father, taught me the powers of the Warp, and enlightened me to Celestia's crimes. Also, Princess Luna had me arrested just for knowing about the Warp once she found out. Both of them can kiss my flanks when we destroy them. They don't deserve to be rulers. They can't even properly protect a town right in front of the capitol. How can they expect to lead a country?" Twilight replied, poison in her words.

"Ah, this land you are standing on I manipulated Celestia into giving me. She thinks it's a protectorate. Ha! I'm going to use this land to make a militaristic society run by artificial intelligence. Impenetrable by moles because of our capabilities. Unless she wants to attack and come back with all her troops disintegrated."

"Welp, since you have this land, I am moving the Titan here now. Also, in case you want a better body than that, I gift you a robotic set of Terminator Armor." A portal opened up, and a massive, bulky figure stepped out, carrying a sword as long as a man was tall, and a heavy gun on its other hand. "In this, you are literally a walking tank." As he said that, a massive robot stepped out of another portal. "And here's the titan. Also, there's a spy in the bushes behind you." Before I could reply, Ahriman shot a ball of fire at the bushes behind me. A pony rolled out, burning.

After a few seconds a blue fire erupted revealing a blue insectoid equine thing or changeling, not to be mistaken with the black ones from Chrysalis. "Wot."

"Oh great. More Tyranid Wannabe's. I mean Changelings." Ahriman groaned.

My second in command, Virgil, still her Sangheili General form chuckled before wrapping her arm around the changeling's neck and holding it above an energy sword. "Well aren't you cute?" The changeling faints. Virgil scoffs before carrying away the unconscious changeling into our Forward Operating Base.

I look at Ahriman and Twilight. "Do any of you like torture and intimidation?"

Ahriman smiled. "I can summon a demon that is excellent at that." He stated.

"Hey Twi, got any mind-delving spells or know any revival rituals Ahri? Kill and revive until they surrender information." I laugh. "Not too demented right?"

"I've seen worse. And yes, we do. However, that was a drone. It's linked to the queen and and has no mind. However, we can trace the link back to the Queens home, if you want." Twilight replied.

"Do you hold a grudge changelings like this Equestria's Twilight? I do but not for the same reason. They turned to spying and impersonation for something they could have not needed. Why drain love when you can drain hate, apathy, betrayal, hatred and such."

"Who knows? But anyways, I do not hold a grudge against them. In fact, they are our allies in the war." She answered.

"You misunderstood, I only hate Chrysalis and hers. She even failed when she could have killed and impersonated Celestia. Anyways these other changelings show potential." I sigh, "Have you found the hive?"

"The changeling hive that one was from was beyond the badlands, and heard from Chrysalis about you." Twilight answered.

"Precursor classification gravemind detected on ruins."

"Why? Why is it always the ones who could evolve us and make us immortal with but a thought that I have to fight. Changelings aren't really a problem. But that gravemind? A single flood spore could destroy an entire species."

"I can drop it into the Warp for all eternity if you want. Let Nurgle teach it a lesson." Ahriman said.

"I don't think you understand. Even if you wiped all life in this galaxy yet again they'll always come back. Through blood, and metal, and time."

"I don't think you get it. Nurgle is the fucking GOD of Plague, Disease, and Decay. He invented every plague and disease ever encountered. He probably created the Flood too."

"The flood weren't exactly created. They are the inert remains of a possibly multi-trillion year old race. Technology tier 0 Transsentience."

"Nurgle has been around since the birth of the Warp, which was a few hundred years after the birth of the universe. He gifts immortality so long as you bear his plagues and shit."

"Both of you stop acting like fools. There is a threat to the world and you two are arguing." Virgil says angrily. I jump. Where the fuck did she come from.

"Oh, I dropped off a few Nurgle demons to deal with it."

"Hey Twilight can you lead us towards the hive? Just input the coordinates into the ftl and warp drive."

"Sure thing." She inputs the coordinates. "Welp, it's been fun, but me and Ahriman need to get going. Give us a call sometime okay?" Twilight said, before leaping into a portal.

Before Ahriman can leave I throw my token at him. "My token, works like an energy sword. Infinite charge. Don't end the war without me!"

"Wouldn't dream of it." He replied, before stepping through the portal.

Author's Note

This chapter is a crossover with Dark lord Kirito's story The Warriors of Chaos

Chapter 10: You are not welcome here... Yet

"Flood hive destroyed." Virgil says right after Ahriman disappears. "Changeling hive is within a few miles."

I see the land flying past me from inside the copilot seat in the cockpit of the pelican. After a few seconds we are already there. This thing is fucking fast. At least I have it's blueprints, which are complicated...

"We have reached our destination, Lopez 3, Lopez 911, Lopez 565, and Lopez 1032 watch the pelican!" The hatch doors shut behind me and Virgil.

She has a pair of energy swords and a Plasma Launcher or Type-52 Guided Munitions Launcher/Explosive.

We see a pair of Changeling guards in front of us who also have blue colored chitin.

"Let me in and I won't blow up this entire canyon."

"There is no way you could possibl-" I interrupt the female changeling by pulling out the Type 4 Galaxy Destroyer and setting it on its lowest setting... which is still pretty damn high. I fire at a mountain behind us and it just disappears, well not without a loud bang of course but yeah.

"There is no way I could possibly what? Level this entire canyon? Are you sure?" The changeling shakes her head fearfully and she is revealed to be a changeling noble guard. Huh, that might be useful. "Let me in, or you won't be the only thing dead."

The changeling guards, albeit hesitantly step aside. My and Virgil step past them undetected by their sensing of emotions since we are artificial intelligence constructs. But I'm pretty sure their entire hive knows about us already. We just follow the link until we get to the throne room, passing drones along the way who hiss at us. I kick the door into the throne room, which is an extravagant blue with paintings of past Changeling rulers. Interesting, so not all hives are ugly like Chrysalis'.

"Tell me why you were spying on us using information from Chrysalis and I won't teleport out of here and have this whole hive blown up from outer space and send in demons from places worse than Tartarus to finish the job. The queen just laughs at me.

"Oh, nice try but I know a bluff when I see one. Wait, why are you completely emotionless?!" She backs away fearfully all of a sudden. Oh yeah, I forgot about that. This should give me a trump card.

"You don't know if I'm lying. Maybe this will help you see the truth then." The changeling queen and her guards look at me in confusion. A holopanel appears with a button that says Orbital-Strike on it and it shows the topographic and geographic maps of the canyon we are currently in.

"W-what!? Okay okay! Chrysalis forced me to!"

"Is that your final answer?" I see an imperceptible smirk appear on her muzzle. She is planning something. A changeling stabs me in the back, but their blade doesn't go through. I pick them up and hold them several feet in the air in front of all the changelings. "Really? Is that all you got?" He nods fearfully. "Well then, let me show you how it's done." I concentrate for a few seconds and then a portal opens above him and in view of all. "Prepare for insanity. THIS. IS. SPARTA!" I spartan-kick the changeling into the portal with it closing behind them.

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!"

"Sent one of your drones to the void?" I answer simply. She looks at me in shock. "Tell me what I want to know. Your name, everything. I won't tell anyone else as I'm not allied to anyone as you may think. But if you lie I will know. I will destroy everything you care about, drive you insane, and make you want to die, but I won't grant you that mercy."

She gulps. "My name is Queen Raffashua. You already know where my hive is, considering you tracked me... I was forced to track you as I lost an event to Chrysalis. I was to provide her with information about you."

"I'll just have to neutralize the problem then." She looks at me and shakes her head rapidly.

"No! Please no! I didn't want to-" I interrupt her as I raise a hand to stop her babbling.

"I wasn't referring to you." She sighs in audible relief.

"I was referring to your sister."

She gapes at me. "How did you know she was my sister?!"

"You just told me." Raffashua face-hoofed.

"We don't appreciate you-" A heroic changelings tries to assassinate Virgil by impaling her but is impaled themselves. "Hurk!" The changeling rolls on the ground and dies.

"For fucks sake call off your changelings. I mean, unless you enjoy them dying."

"I did that already but some of them won't get that through their thick chitin."

"Alright then." I take a step forward, making the queen back up until I'm a few feet from her. "You don't spy on me, and I won't kill you. We go from there and this might even become an alliance, seeing as you were bested by that whore." She flinches and shakily puts her hoof in front of her which I shake.

Point of View: Queen Raffashua

Finally they left! Thank the hivemother! That soldier... warrior... whatever. He's definitely not Equestrian. They wouldn't let him. He must have tricked Celestia into giving him land under the guise of it being a protectorate. That genius... I must find a way to get him on my side completely... Seduction? Possibly... For now though... Patience.

Author's Note

The original name for the queen was Aragog but... y'know.I didn't like it.

Chapter 11: I Left You Alone for 5 Minutes!

What the fuck. That is all I can think as I stare at the Covenant Assault Carrier that we Ahriman and I captured. They already painted the whole thing completely blue and painted the words Project Overlord on it. I don't even. What? I... HOW?!

You know what? No. Just don't think about it. This is even worse than Discord. Well not exactly worse since it's partially beneficial but this might as well have been announcing to the entire world that I am the director of a project with a suspicious name.

Eh, time to look on the bright side. I doubt anything any of the nations on this planet have to throw at me will even be able to destroy let alone damage the cruiser enough. I was about to say something but I was pulled into a portal.

Point Of View Change

As I looked the the others expressions of surprise, I couldn’t help but chuckle. “What?” I asked. “Having a race that feeds on love, what makes the Empire so safe, and giving it to them is a two fold thing: They get food, and we get an ally. Seriously, am I the only one to think about this?”

“Well,” Twilight asked, “how are we going to find them?”

“That, I already have a plan on,” I replied, getting up. “Follow me.”

With that, I led the others to the portal room. “Be prepared to shield your eyes,” I said as I sent a message to Nolandroid. Now.

With that, the portal began to open. I held up three fingers, and lowered one per second. When the last fell, there was a bright flash, and a being in a light blue armor with a Halo 4 sniper in his hands appeared.

“Really?! Not even the decency to warn me? I just finished upgrading a covenant class assault carrier. At least I didn’t end up here in that strange pelican. That thing reminds me way too much of the TARDIS.” The being looks at me and facepalms.

“Well, we nedd help,” I said. “Twilight, Applejack, Nightmare, this is a fellow displaced, what we are, who was sent to a different Equestria, Church.”

“You know about me? Then you know that I’m not alive.”

“Which is why we need your help,” Cybis said. “We need an AI to help run our magic detection satellites to find a changeling hive

“Ok, but if we’re doing it that way I’m getting help.” Church pulls out a strange looking book and says nothing for a few seconds before an Elite General and a few other spartans that look like Lopez fall out.”

“Really? We were tracking down a separatist.” The elite says in annoyance.

“Odio cuando haces eso.” (I hate when you do that.) The spartans say.

“Did they just speak maneish?” Twilight asked, getting a chuckle from us Guardians and Church.

“Nope,” I said. “Spanish, from our world.”

“Wow, alguien nos entiende sin embargo, ni siquiera obtener el derecho de idioma.” (Wow, someone understands us yet they don't even get the language right.) Church and the elite facepalm.

“Si, yo pudeo,” I said, which means, “Yes, I can.”

“Thank god you didn’t use high school spanish. Or pretend to understand them. I don’t want a coup de grâce this early.” One of the spartans flips off Church.

“Guess we might as well show you guys where you’ll physically be,” Rhino said. “Come on.”

The group of five look at Rhino and nod.

With that, Rhino led us out, as we had built a room in our Tower for AI interface. Thank god for being able to prepare for shit.

“Delta. Did you establish connection with the rest of the Project?” Church asks himself, making everyone stare at him except the Lopez bots and Virgil. A green AI hologram appears next to Church.

“Negative. Wrong frequency.” He disappears.

As the rest gave him looks, I said, “Church is actually an AI, designate Epsilon, who contains multiple AI fragments by memory,” I said to the three mares. “Delta’s the logical one out of them.”

Allison or Tex or Beta, whatever you want to call her appears and asks, “Are you saying I’m not logical?”

“No, just a little headstrong,” I said, “Allison, seeing as how reckless you can be, not taking help from the other freelancers.” At the looks of the mare, I added, “Secret project.”

“Uh, buddy. I wouldn’t piss her off if I were you. She can still leave my suit. I really don’t want a repeat of the Grif incident.” Virgil couldn’t hold it in any longer and starts laughing her ass off at this.

“Which one of us has to deal with a pissed off godess who’s the daughter of something I’d rather not say, for fear of invoking Murphy’s law, that can destroy entire armies with little effort.”

Church flinched a little. “Don’t even mention that law! A displaced asked what could possibly insert rest of words here and a starship the size of a dwarf star appeared out of a portal and then was ripped in half by a black hole in front of my eyes.”

“Then let’s continue before we invoke it,” Cybis said, and we continued, fortunately with a short walk.

“I can’t believe you actually let him do that.” Virgil scoffs. “I would have ejected him out of the pelican for doing that.”

Church shrugs, “I kinda forgot about that function.”

“And we aren’t in space, which, by the way,” Rhino said, “we can survive in for a while.”

“Yeah? I can use a dimension of insanity as a pocket dimension or a banishment portal.”

“Can we stop arguing,” Cybis asked. “We’re here, any way.” The room in which we stood was pure white, and had slots for various bodies, which were meant for frames, but could hold Spartans.

“I have a bad feeling about this.” Gamma said in Church’s Helmet.

“You’re not the only one. So, what are we even here for anyways”

“To help us find Chrysalis,” I said, “using the satellites to trace her magic.”

“That’s… actually pretty easy. Relatively speaking.”

“Then plug in,” Rhino said. “I speak from experience when I say it’s easy.”

“Uh. You realize we aren’t like normal Smart AIs right? We don’t come with a chip.” Church says as he leaves his armor which went into armor lock. He somehow picks up the gravity hammer, energy sword, and sniper rifle and attaches them to himself.

“Slots are there to dock,” Rhino said.

Church shrugs and finds the slot and disappears. “Holy shit! I feel like a fucking god! Ok now I think I see something. Wait no. Wait… uh… Is it a greenish looking structure?”

“Bingo!” I yelled. “The rest of you, help him out. I want to make sure its really her hive.”

“Wait no! I’m getting jammed. Are you sure there isn’t anyone else here with your technology? Because I tried to copy the coordinates but it’s not working. Oh nevermind the signal refreshed. Uh, hmm. Yeah I still can’t receive.” Church says in confusion.

“Damn,” I said. “Nolandroid, getting anything?”

“Not a lot,” my Ghost replied. “but I am getting something from Canterlot. I’ll have Disciple check it out.”

Suddenly Church screams. “This system does not like me!”

“Rhino,” I said, to which Rhino nodded and took off his helmet, and plugged in next to Church. “Anything?”

Church was completely silent now and the others were starting to get worried.

“Definitely got something in the badlands,” Rhino said. “Chruch is alright, but that signature in Canterlot: I got Guardian light and, oh come on, we didn’t even say it!”

My eyes go wide as Church is sent flying out of the slot, “If I was human, I’m pretty sure I’d be hospitalized! That machine is like an electric chair!”

“You sure,” I asked. “Rhino seems alright.”

“Eh… oh really now?! Delta?! What did I tell you about screwing around with my matrices?”

Delta appears next to Church and says, “What? We could have-”

“Protocol override. Don’t mess with my matrices.” Delta disappears. “Seems he doesn’t like not knowing what things are. Did you guys get anything?”

“Changelings in the badlands, and that particular force in Canterlot,” Rhino said as he disengaged. “Joy.”

“Wait a minute. Are you talking about…” Church appeared next to Rhino and whispered, “The wedding?”

“Yes for the first thing, and I wish for the second,” Rhino replied, with me being able to hear him thanks to our link.

“Oh great, now I’m getting a bloodlust. You’d hate to have an AI fragment who gets furious just because you said hi if you were me as well. Whatever, so you found them then. The badlands. Now what? Friend or foe? Or what?”

“We reach a peace agreement with them,” I said. “And you guys can go now, by the way. Thanks.”

“Like, go go? Or as in wait until you need us again? Because to be honest, I’ve seen displaced try a peace agreement with changelings and sometimes… It doesn’t even matter how much firepower you have.”

“With them, no,” Cybis said. “Later, though, no idea.”

“That’s extremely vague.” Virgil says.

“We know.”

“Well, if you don’t need us then. We’ll just be in the void.”

With that, they went back to the portal room, and left the rest of us in the room.

An energy sword drops on my head with a note that says, “If you ever need me again, well, you know just talk into this sword and I’ll be there. It’s fully functional and has infinite charge as well!”

“Right,” I said, nodding, as they walked away.

“That was interesting,” Nightmare said.

"Well, shit. And I wanted to fight a war." The rest of my five team squad, the Lopezes and Virgil look at me in disappointment.

Author's Note

The chapter is a crossover with LoneShadow's Story, The Guardian's Story.

Chapter 12 Part 1: Convincing A Queen

Author's Note

This chapter is a crossover with nicranger's story Hichigo In Equestria

Chapter 12 Part 1: Convincing A Queen

Hichigo Pov

“Alright so that was nuts,” I muttered to myself as I hovered above Ponyville.

It had been a couple of hours since I freed Luna from Nightmare Moon along with meeting Celestia and it had been a living hell for me. These girls were way too damn cute and hot yet they all seemed to live in a little girls world!

I still hadn’t told them of my true origin’s cause I just didn’t think it was important. That and the fact it wouldn’t really matter unless they could bend space and time which I highly doubted. And they say Celestia and Luna can raise and lower the sun and moon respectively? Yeah like I’m gonna believe that load of crap.

My thoughts were broken as I had to dodge a cake of all things from down below. Looking at where it came from I saw Pinkie giving me a sheepish smile as she had what looked like a cannon beside her. Where the hell does she keep that thing?

Just then I caught a slight glow in the corner of my eye. Wondering what it could be I use Sonido and appear beside the object in question only to gape at what I was seeing.

It was an energy sword from Halo embedded in a large stone. Oh damn if Master Chief is here I am going to flip my lid!

I walk around the stone for a minute or two seeing if it’s boobytrapped or waiting to see if Chief magically appears to ask for help in killing some Covies. Sadly nothing happened.

Disappointed in the lack of action I grab the handle of the blade and easily pull it out. Still nothing happened and now I was just getting irritated. Why the hell was this thing here to begin with!

"It's a sword not a fighter jet! No but in all seriousness, if you ever need someone to hack into technology or just talk or fight, summon me, Epsilon-Church." I suddenly hear.

I quickly turn around to see where the voice could be coming from but there was no one around me. I even tried to sense someone’s spiritual pressure yet all I could feel were a bunch of small animals.

Looking back at the blade I give a shrug and decide ‘what the hell.’

“I summon you Epsilon-Church! Now get your ass over here!”

Point Of View: Church

Me and my team consisting of Virgil and at least a couple hundred Lopez bots were riding in the pelican gunship when I heard, “I summon you Epsilon-Church! Now get your ass over here!” Oh shit.

Everything went white as my quantum pelican and the rest of the team were teleported to another Equestria.

After I say the words to summon this ‘Epsilon-Church’ character a portal opens up above me and a pelican is sent out of it.

I could only stare in shock at it for a good few second before I let out a whoop of joy. This was going to be fun.

Hoping to scare the crap out of someone I use Sonido to appear right in front of the pilot’s cockpit while yelling out, “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING ON MY LAWN!?”

The back hatch of the pelican suddenly opens and I nearly shit myself. Somehow the inside is much bigger than the outside and at least a couple hundred brown spartans, a blue spartan, and an elite general were all staring at me.

We stared at each-other for a good minute. Some of them were reaching for weapons as I held Zangetsu in my hand lazily.

“Hold.” The blue spartan says as he holds up a hand to the other spartans who comply without hesitation. “You summon me?”

“That depends blue boy. You Church?”

“That depends? Does the memory of the memory of Church count?”

“I don’t really care to tell you the truth.” He just shrugs.

“Wanna come in? Actually no scratch that. There appears to be a crowd forming around us.” And it was true. There were all the ponies in town just staring at the spartans and elite in shock.

Staring behind me I see the girls along with the Princesses staring at me accusingly.

“What?”

“What the buck are they doing here? And who are they,” demanded Dash.

Church took that as the cue to exit the ship before nodding at the princesses. “Director of United Nations Space Command Project Overlord at your service.”

“Kissass,” I mutter to myself.

“You realize I can hear everything in a 5 mile radius right?”

“And do you realize that I don’t give a damn right?”

“Who shit on your day? Why you so salty?”

“Oh just the fact that a mere twenty four hours ago I was chilling at Comic con only to buy a sweet medallion and then wind up in a little girl’s fantasy world, other than that nothing. How about you?”

“Been there done that. But to be honest. There is a way back to Earth. But here’s the game changer. It’s not exactly the same Earth as you were from. It depends on which universe your person is based off.” He explains.

“Well damn that changes everything.”

“Yeah. I went to Earth and ended up in New Phoenix. Damn Promethean Knights. Fucking hate them.”

“And I hate Shinigami’s and Hollows so we both hate people hurrah! Now mind telling me about the motley crew you got following you around?”

“Have you ever heard of Red Vs Blue?”

“Yeah. So does that mean you have a talking girl tank in there to?”

“To be honest? I haven’t even checked the entire ship it’s so big. Probably even bigger than inside the TARDIS. I hope not though.” As I say that, Time Turner shifts uneasily. “I saw that! Holy shit Doctor?!” He runs away.

“Good job you scared of the Doctor. But wait is Tex still alive or is she dead? Cause that is one badass babe I just got to meet!”

“A babe? Is that what I am to you?” A hologram of Tex/Allison/Beta says as she appears next to Church.

“No sorry. It’s just I’m having a little clash of personalities here. Hichigo’s kind of a sexist dick so don’t be surprised if I randomly say something along those lines.”

“KILL THE REDS!”

“Oh please no. Don’t tell me we brought them here too…”

“Oh can I smack some people around,” I yell out excitedly. Hey who wouldn’t like the opportunity to fight a real spartan? Plus it’s not like they can hurt me.

Church pulls up a holo panel, making all the ponies look at him in confusion. Damn forgot they were still here. Anyways he makes it start to play a video in my head.
[youtube=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5FsP7S-YoOA] After about eight minutes I see where this is going. Never mind they are just the lowest of the low soldiers who sound like raging gamers from Earth.

As Church was doing his thing I was sensing out where the fighting was going on. As soon as I had their location I used Sonido to disappear and reappear in the middle of the scuffle. And what I saw made me facepalm even though I knew what to expect. This was like a multiplayer match!

Then some idiot made the mistake of shooting at me. The bullet bounced off of my skin making me feel a slight pinch. Still it was enough to irritate me. It was easy to spot the one who shot me and when I looked at him I could swear he was shaking at the glare I was hitting him with. He pisses himself before fainting.

This would have made me laugh if some idiot driving a Warthog hadn’t decided to drive straight at me like an idiot. As he gets closer I just continue to stare at the guy. Then when he is just about to hit me I backhand the vehicle sending it flying off only to land on some red guy.

Now this got everyone’s attention as all the fighting stopped and they all stared at me. I hated the silence and instead decided to have a bit of fun.

“You punks want some to? Well here comes Hichigo!”

I decided to charge at Red first. They all opened fire on me but everything they threw at me I dodged. Not because they could hurt me but just to look badass.

I wasn’t going to kill the guys though so I didn’t bring out Zangetsu and instead started beating them with my own bare fists. I thought with them basically being super humans they could take a hit.

Sadly I underestimated my strength as just one of my hits sent them flying off to land somewhere I didn’t care about. In under half a minute I had effectively cleared out the entire Red team. Turning to Blue I flash an evil smile making them all run for the hills.

Now here I was standing in the middle of an empty field with a bunch of weapons and vehicles and bored out of my mind.

Taking another look at the weapons I just shrug and pick up an assault rifle that I start shooting around. I gape as I look at the ammo counter, it literally has an infinity sign on it. Oh I was definitely keeping this. Church can threaten me all he wants but this boy is coming home with me!

Point Of View: Church

Oh shit. He left me alone. With all the ponies. They look at me in fear and hesitation. I slowly start to back away from them until I am back in my pelican before slamming that hatch closed right in their faces.

“Virgil. Can you pull up a video surveillance of where the fighting is happening?”

“Video Com Red Vs Blue Simulation Chamber 7 is now visible.” She says as a hologram of the fighting appears… and Hichigo was kicking ass. Quick literally. There was no fighting going on after a few seconds. I see Hichigo pick up an assault rifle and teleport to him using warp.

“Find something you like? You can keep it. I have thousands of weapons on this ship.” I say to him.

Looking back Hichigo has a manic grin that I find kind of disturbing.

“Oh you have no idea what you have just done,” he says in a slightly crazed voice.

“No I’m serious. the weapons just keep respawning every time they die. I have every single weapon from every Halo even the books and the weapons that weren’t released.” I pull off a weird looking sniper rifle from my back and show it to him. “A M99 Stanchion Gauss Rifle. You know the gauss turret on the custom warthogs? Well watch this.” I aim down the sights and fire off a round, completely decimating a blue corpse.

Hichigo stared in glee at the devastation of the weapon before he ran off to where the armory was. I don’t think he knew where he was going but I don’t really think he cared at that point. I just followed him anyways since I could run at any speed I wanted without getting tired. I kept up with him and was surprised to see he actually was following a map guide and running straight towards the weapon bay. Eh, so glad these things respawn or I would have regretted telling him about this.

As soon as he entered the weapons area I could already see him with a large sack filling it with at least one of every kind of weapon.

“Dude. Holy shit. I would regret telling you this if they didn’t respawn.”

“Well good thing you don’t have to regret it then huh?”

“Can I see something? Don’t get angry.” I pick up a m6j carbine and let loose the entire magazine on Hichigo but he is unscatched. “Well shit. You are bulletproof.”

“That's not the only thing buddy. My strength and speed is off the charts, I can sense the life-forces of anything from anywhere in the world and I can even focus my own spiritual energy to restrain or suppress my foes. And I haven’t even learned how to use my more powerful techniques or how to even transform into my stronger forms!”

“I can turn into the Meta x1000 apparently. Also, covenant assault carriers and forerunner ships keep finding my Equestria which is really unnerving but at this point I have built a small fleet of miles long starships.”

“Well you’ve been busy. If you ever need a hand you have to give me a call. I would happily cleave some guys with Zangetsu.”

“How would you feel about receiving a 3 mile long covenant assault carrier? I mean I don’t think the ponies would approve but who gives a shit?”

Hichigo was nearly drooling at the thought of having an awesome ship like that.

“Damn man you are spoiling me. Still I find it kind of weird that these girls call themselves ponies. I know they have pony tails and some even have wings or horns but why do they call themselves ponies? You have that problem?”

“Uh buddy… I’m sorry to break it to you but this is from a little girl’s show if you didn’t notice that already.”

Hichigo took a second to think on this before his eyes went wide in realization.

“No. You're not telling me…”

“Uh-huh. But I just go with the flow, it’s how I don’t go crazy from this bullshit. Oh and by the by, that assault carrier if you receive it soon, it can go at FTL speeds or faster than light. Yeah, that fucking fast.”

If Hichigo’s smile could get any bigger his head would split in two. Soon though that grin turned into a teasing one.
“So. Have you fucked a pony yet? At least with me it’s not considered beastiality.”

“Uh, dude. I’m a fucking hologram. That’s not even physically possible unless I possess someo… Wait a minute. You know that elite? That was my AI assistant Virgil. Where the fuck did she find that body?”

“I don’t know dude but I say she has a step up on you. And why the hell did she choose an Elite of all things?”

“Have you watched Halo 4 Forward Unto Dawn?”

“Not really no. Why?”

I show him some clips of an elite stabbing cadets from a military officers school. “Now can you imagine how fucking intimidating that shit is to others who have never seen an elite before?”

“Shit. But isn’t it a bit weird for her though? I mean she went from a chick to a straight up alien dude?”

“I don’t think she really gives a shit what form she takes to be honest… She is a fucking elite general right now. I mean… That’s kind of rare.”

“True. So where the hell did Tex go? Can she do the body possessing thing to?”

All the AI fragments of the Alpha appear next to me, making Hichigo jump back in shock. “We’re always here. And we work better together.”

“Ah I get it. ‘I am one and you are many.’ Should I just call you Legion then,” he said with a stupid grin.

“I would prefer to be called Church. That is who the Alpha is based off of. And I am his memory. Changing your memory...hurts.”

“Sorry man. Gotta say though with all of those minds you must be an encyclopedia of knowledge. Ya gotta be happy about that.”

“Okay, ask me one question about Halo. Anything.”

“Okay umm? How about, no that’s not right. Sorry I got nothing.”

Suddenly Hichigo’s head jerks a little and he looks at his giant sword and starts whispering to it.

“It’s funny how that isn’t even close to top 100 of the strangest shit I’ve seen.”

“Hey you’ve got a hundred different minds and I have a talking spirit sword. he wants to ask If everyone on this ship is a dude and where the nearest bar is.”

“...You would be surprised how many females are here.” I point to a window that wasn’t there before and he facepalms as he sees the girls and the rest of the ponies as well as the princesses ‘trying being the keyword’ to gain access to the pelican but failing miserably. “Considering we left them all outside.”

“You think this is bad? I’m the one who's going to have to talk to them once we get out there.” I flinch at that. No offense to Hichigo but he didn’t exactly sound like he would be good with confrontations that don’t end in fighting and death. He must have known what I thought because he just sighed.

“Yeah I know I’m not one for words okay. I’m a fighter not a diplomat. You want someone dead or something destroyed I’m your man but if it involves just talking I’m better off somewhere else.”

“Well, we better just get it over with then. I’m not a fan of talking either.” I teleport us to the hatch using the teleportation grid. “Your call. Are you sure you don’t want to back out? I’m not saying you’re a wimp or anything but this is just something that doesn’t sound like it would end well in the first place.”

Taking a deep breath Hichigo nods.

The hatch slowly starts to open, refracting light into the pelican until all of the ponies are visible. And boy do they look fucking furious. I quickly put up a forcefield on reflex that is invisible and allows sound through but is only passable by those I allow, which are currently me and Hichigo. He notices this luckily.

“Uh hey girls whats up,” he states with a nervous wave. He doesn’t seem too keen on leaving the safety of the forcefield.

“Yeah, I would like a mob of hot angry girls running after me but not like this. I feel ya bro.” I pat him on the back. Luckily none of the ponies hear me say that.

I see the tallest in the group step forward and figure it had to be Celestia. She did not look happy.

“Hichigo do you mind explaining what this thing is?”

“I am afraid that information is classified. All you need to know is that this is a transport vehicle.” I save Hichigo from that question.

“Yeah Celestia what he said. Basically he is from an alternate dimension and I just managed to summon him here. Don’t worry though he’s harmless.”

Delta appears to my side and ruins everything. “I wouldn’t exactly s-” I shut him up before he can do damage but it is already too late.

“No. You are hiding something. What was that green thing going to say?” She asks angrily. Oh fuck.

Hichigo then steps in front of me with a serious look on his face.

“Alright Celestia you want the truth? Fine. The truth is he is just as dangerous as I am and you know how dangerous I am. But he means you no harm as do I. And if you have a problem with it then too bad.”

“Oh shit man. I don’t really think that last sentence was necessary.” I whisper to Hichigo. He flinches at this when he sees how much angrier all the ponies are at him for disrespecting their ruler.

Thankfully Luna decided to step in and try to alleviate the situation.

“Now calm down sister. We are sure he meant no disrespect, he was just defending a friend after all.” Celestia flinches at the implications of that statement.

“Besides,” I say, getting everyone’s attention. “If we meant you harm, we would have a reason for it. But seeing as how you haven’t exactly done anything unjust towards us, I don’t think we are enemies. However, my stance on our relationship is decidedly neutral for your information.”

Celestia contemplated on this for a second before nodding in agreement. We dodged a bullet there.

“So, I assume you are here for a reason?” Virgil says as she steps out from behind us. HOLY SHIT! I didn’t see her. Hichigo shares a glance with me before we shake our heads in bewilderment.

“Oh hey tall dark and creepy. Naw I just found Church’s summoning sword and just wanted to see if it works. So how you been?”

“I wasn’t referring to you. I was referring to them.” She points at Celestia and Luna. “But since you asked, I’ve been fine.” Holy crap for a second I thought she was going to go full on bitch mode for a second.

“Oh them? Their just a little curious about you guys. No harm in that is there?”

“May we inspect your...vehicle?” Celestia asks politely.

“I’m afraid I can’t let you do that. This is a multi-trillion dollar vehicle. Basically what I’m saying is that just this thing alone is worth more than your country’s economy.” Luna looks at me like I’ve gone insane.

“Trust him guys it’s true. Plus why do you want to look inside it?”

“No reaso-” Before Celestia can finish she is interrupted by a colt in the crowd.

“Oh, we were just trying to study you and take all your things!” He said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. Um… Well this is awkward.

Hichigo was obviously not happy and he made it known as he let his power out making it a little hard to breath for everyone nearby.

“Celestia is that true. No better yet Applejack is what the kid said true?”

“N-n-no!” She flinches after saying that.

“Didn’t your family ever tell you it wasn’t polite to lie?” She flinches much harder at that.

“Celestia walk away right now. I want you and everyone else gone by the count of ten or there will be trouble,” said Hichigo in a dead serious voice promising lots of pain if they didn’t comply.

Luna looked like she was about to kill a bitch but her sister sighs and shakes her head at her and motions with her head away from us. The ponies disperse at this in resignation.

As soon as they were out of sight Hichigo’s power dissipates making it easier to breath once again.

“I’m sorry about that Church. I expected better from them.”

“Eh, it could have been much worse. At least they know when they are beat. There are some dimensions where the princesses will literally stop at nothing to get what they want. So I guess you got a bit lucky there. That doesn’t necessarily mean they will stop their attempts though. Twilight might get overzealous.”

“Yeah I guess you're right. I just don’t wanna have to deal with them right now. I know once I go back I’m probably going to get interrogated and I don’t know if I’ll be able to restrain myself when that happens.”

“I don’t necessarily have to leave. I can do this.” With not even a flash, I disappear from sight. “I think you know what this is.” I say in a voice that is distorted due to active camoflauge’s sound muffling.

“Okay I’m not going to lie that is awesome. So let’s head into town and see what’s going on. Your crew will be okay without you right?”

“Yes, considering we are always in touch even if we were on the other side of the planet. Okay but hear me out on this, you are probably going to need to make a runway. And I mean one that is at least 4 miles long and 2 miles thick or more. You know the ships that glassed reach? That’s a covenant assault carrier. And I could bring one here if I wanted to right now but that’s a terrible idea to do at this current moment.”

Hichigo lets loose a laugh at this and I was wondering why he was laughing.

“Oh Church making a runway that big is child’s play. With Zangetsu here I can do that in a couple of minutes. Add Sonido into it and I can have it done in under a minute. Just pick a spot and it’s as good as done!”

“Oh trust me I don’t doubt that. But the thing I’m actually worried about is choosing a spot where you won’t be bothered and it won’t be noticed so easily. Preferably underground.”

“Well there is a gorge about seventy miles west of here. A little work and it will be more than big enough.”

“Are you sure it is big enough to house a carrier that big?” I show him the specifications. “It is half a mile high, 1.3 miles wide, and 3.3 miles long.”

“Like I said it will work. The length is more than enough. All I need to do is make it a little deeper and widen it at least a quarter of a mile.”

I close the hatch and we start our walk into the town.

It was peaceful. No one was around and the sky was clear though Hichigo was looking rather annoyed for some reason.

“Hey Hichigo, you okay? You look like you have a bad feeling about something.”

“Forty feet behind us and about a hundred feet up, the third cloud from the left. What do you see?”

I subtly glance in the direction he specified and whisper, “Rainbow Dash I assume?”

“Her and about three guards.”

“Good thing they can’t see me. Have they seen you talk to your sword before?”

“No I usually just talk through thoughts. But I don’t think they would bother me anyway after I laid the beatdown on Nightmare Moon.”

“Holy shit, you lucky man.”

“Not really. I was enjoying the fight until she upped and ran away. The second time I faced her was inside her mind where I needed Luna’s help. I could beat her down no problem but she just kept healing herself so it wouldn’t have gone anywhere.”

“Couldn’t you just have used your powers to subvert her vision and make her face her own fears? And then take her down while she was distracted?”

“Nah as she said, ‘her mind, her rules.’ She even managed to separate me from Zangetsu.”

“No she didn’t. She disrupted your connection. It would be impossible for her to actually do that completely while in her mind unless she was outside it. Unless there is something she isn’t telling us.”

“Yeah that would make sense. When I got Zangetsu back he said he was in some weird place. I don’t know where he could have gone but it still troubles me on how she did that.”

“At least you weren’t fighting Discord. You know about him right?”

“Creepy mismatched reject with an urge for anarchy and total madness?”

“He’s not actually as stupid as he acts. Seeing as he is the embodiment of Chaos in this world he has lived for potentially millions to billions or even more years. He has had time to change his views. Maybe he likes to be defeated after winning so many times. Maybe he got bored from how easily he got what he wanted.”

“Seems like someone who could be a good sparring partner. I don’t know about you but I need to get stronger and learn some more of my moves. I’m afraid to do it here because everyone’s going to be watching me for sure.”

“Oh yeah I nearly forgot about that. They are still watching us. Should I draw their attention away from you or leave them be? Or should I do something else you want?”

“Hmmm, ya got a non-lethal explosive on ya by chance?”

“While it would be funny to see them dazed and confused I was thinking more along the lines of microscopic tranquilizer infused into blanks.”

“Oh even better!”

“And the best part? It’s completely silent and extremely accurate.”

“Alright then you knock them out and I’ll catch them when they fall. I have a little prank for them.”

“Before I do that, does this particular Equestria have any technology which the princesses could use to keep in touch with their guards? I don’t want to make assumptions but they might be setting us up.”

“Nah they're pretty basic. Aside from a fridge and oven they aren’t very advanced. Plus I can’t sense any magic from them as if they are enchanted or anything. And for how I know it’s because magic has a similar feel to spiritual pressure but is still able to be detected.

“Good to know.” I pull out an M6J Carbine and insert a tranquilizer loaded magazine into it before taking aim at the guards and pulling a Hitman Absolution move where I put targets on their heads and take them all out at the same time. They fall onto the clouds, unconscious.

“Have you ever played Hitman Absolution?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you know about the multi-targeting thing? Well I just did that. It’s fucking sick in real life. Like Matrix and Hitman combined.”

“That is fucking awesome. Now time to play my little prank.”

Hichigo then disappeared only to reappear a moment later holding Dash along with two female and one male guard. What he did next was kind of disturbing as he tied the male to the nearest tree upside down with a sign saying, ‘PUBLIC TOILET.’

The three mares though he tied them up with some rope he got from I don’t even want to know where and somehow tied them to the bottom of the nearest cloud.

“Dude pull their tails down, I somehow got a boner. Shit I don’t want to turn into Tucker!”

“Oh quit being such a prude! And how can you get a boner if you're a hologram?”

“How the fuck should I know?!”

“Alright man sheesh I’ll put their tails down happy!”

“Good. He won’t be fucking any girls unless I say so.” Tex says as she appears.

“I think you know where this is going…” I say fearfully.

“Wow dude you have the ultimate cock blocker inside of you. That’s got to suck.”

“Do you really want to go there?” Tex asks seriously.

“Probably. It’s not like you can actually do anything to me except say mean things and that doesn’t really bother me.”

“Trust me man, I’ll forgive you for your ignorance about some of our abilities. But she made an extremely scary Discord shit himself for weeks. I don’t even want to know what she would try to do to you. I’m just trying to watch your back.”

In response Hichigo leaned in close until he was but an inch in front of Tex seemingly staring her down as she did the same. Neither of them said a word as they sized each-other up.Then very slowly Hichigo backed up but still did not break eye contact with her.

“Ya know Tex I respect you and all but even you have to admit you are a royal prude. If a man's dick gets hard who are you to deny it?”

Tex just facepalms. “That’s really all you have to say?”

“What? I can’t really look at you eye to eye with your helmet and all so I can’t really get a read on you. Plus I only said the truth.”

“...” Tex just stares in silence.

“You can give me the silent treatment all you want but you know I’m right.” She just disappears.

“So does that mean I win?”

“Uh… Not really. She was silently laughing her ass off in her helmet at you as if you were some kind of joke.”

Now that really struck a nerve in Hichigo as a huge vein popped on his head.

“WHAT!? Why that little no good bitch! If I could strangle her I would! Damn her and her non-existent body!”

“Now I’m glad I went to the convention as Church as opposed to someone with an actual body. I won’t die or feel pain like that. That would fucking hurt.”

“Yeah but now you have a little priss along with god knows who else in your head.”

“Knock Knock.” Gamma says in his Stephen Hawking synthesizer voice as he appears next to me. Oh, come on!

“Well at least one of them has a sense of humor. As bad as it may be.”

“KNOCK. KNOCK.” Gamma says angrily.

“We don’t want any!”

“KNOCK KNOCK.”

“WHO’S THERE!!!?”

“Shisno.” Uh oh.

“Shisno who?”

“You are a dirty dirty shisno. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.”

“I’m not impressed you little shit.”

Gamma sighs, “Not everyone has a sense of humor. Especially not shisnos.” With that he disappears.

“I swear to god if I meet another one like Tex or Gamma I’m gonna lose it.”

“That would not be wise. I have detected a Royal Guard response team heading our way.” Delta says. Before Hichigo can react, he is quickly cloaked.
“Thanks for that. But while we’re here we might as well see how they like our work.”

We hear a gruff voice, “They were this way when we lost contact!”

I look at Hichigo, “Did you think about mental links?”

“Sorry don’t have a way to sense that.”

“It seems one of those ponies we sedated was someone important.”

“Well Dash is an Element of Harmony. Still think that name is stupid.”

“Yeah, when I first meet her, I asked if she was an LGBT and she flipped her shit.”

“I can’t blame you. I mean she has the look and personality for it.”

The ponies finally arrive at the scene of the prank and one of the rookies falls on the floor laughing his flank off. The leader, a sergeant I assume, smacks the rookie upside the head and starts yelling punishments at him.

“Yep. Worth it. Let’s go.”

“Yeah this place is gonna get hot real soon. I think I know where we can go.”

Hichigo then grabs Church’s shoulder and uses Sonido to instantly appear floating over Canterlot castle.

“You know what? I feel like we could’ve made the prank better. Put the ponies in sexual poses. HAHAHAHA! Oh my god.”

“ Why do you think we’re here? There’s plenty of guards and servants as well as nobles who need to be taken down a peg. And I think this castle is in need of some redecorating.”

“Are you saying what I think you are saying? Can we draw swastikas and stuff. They have to have a german country horse pun. And draw dicks and stuff. lol. Yes I said lol. I know I spent too much time on the interwebs.”

“It’s alright man and yes we can do all of that and much more. But first let’s check out Celestia’s bedroom.”

“Oh my god that’s skanless. We could draw all that in her chambers.”

“I know! And I was wondering if she kept a diary.”

“Probably. But wouldn’t that be fucking cliché?”

“Maybe but aren’t you curious at what dirty secrets an immortal goddess may have hidden away? It’s like a goldmine of blackmail material!”

“While that may be true, and don’t get mind at me since I’m just thinking ahead, wouldn’t she develop a countermeasure or something? She could literally tell the public whatever she wants and force them to believe it.”

“Hmm your right. But what about the foreign nations?”

“I think I see where you are going and I think I like where you are going. You might become an enemy of the state though you know that right?”

“Yeah that may be true but they know that I’m at the top of the food chain and if it came down to violence I outclass them all. Plus who said I was just going to announce my intentions like some ego maniac?”

“Oh no, that’s not what I’m thinking. It’s more along the lines of if she notices something is wrong. That book might be enchanted. If it is gone… She might be wary. And a wary Celestia is known to ruin everything. She might fuck up your reputation with other nations, making them not let you near them in the first place. All I’m saying is… we have got to be careful about how we do this.” I sigh. “Maybe we could potentially duplicate the diary? But would that alert her?”

“Don’t you have a camera in your arsenal of high tech gizmos?”

“Wait a minute. I could read a one thousand page book in a few seconds due to time going slower for AI than living beings… Ah. Should I?”

“Damn right you should! And even if it is enchanted I can use my spiritual pressure to delay the effects long enough to avoid them from activating.”

“Here’s something I need to tell you. Have you ever heard of Anti-Magic?”

“No. What’s that?”

“Exactly what it sounds like. It causes magic to become inert upon contact. I’ve been experimenting with this black goo I got from Zecora and have mass-produced it on a scale large enough where I could turn it into other forms such as weaponry, forcefields, and other technology. Well, actually my friend Virgil did that but you know what I mean.”

“Alright that is amazing. Just one question, who the hell is Zecora?” I show him memories of who she is and everything he needs to know about her.

“Huh. Seems like a cool mae to hang around with. Seems kind of lonely though.”

“You noticed that too?”
“Like a boil on a baboons ass.”

“That is… oddly specific.”

“The zoo is a very fucked up place my friend especially to an eight year old.”

“I’m not even going to ask.”

“It’s best you don’t.”

“Yeah. So, you know where we need to go?”

“Yeah. Her room is in the tallest tower. Surprise, surprise.”

“For someone who is supposedly caring for everyone else, she sure knows how to care for herself even more.” I laugh.

“Hahaha! I know right? But I guess that’s one of the perks of being the ruler of a whole country.”

“Hey buddy? I just got a thought. Wanna rule a country? I’m not saying conquer Equestria. That’d be boring. I’m thinking of like those video games where you - nevermind I’m overthinking it. I need to stop playing so many of those games where you farm experience and shit.”

“No it sounds appealing and all but where the hell is a place where they have no current ruler and wouldn’t mind having a ruler?”

“Do what I did. Surely Twilight has lectured you? Do you ever notice on maps that the desert is completely unmarked?”

“Now that you mention it I did see a map or two depicting some lands. One was just north of here called the Crystal Empire. But the map was pretty old while the newer maps don’t even show that area. What’s up with that?”

“You’re not going to like this but I’m going to tell you anyway.” I tell Hichigo everything about Sombra, the original rulers of the Crystal Empire, one of which who was named Princess Amore, and how Sombra sealed the Empire for a thousand years. “Cliche, right?”

Hichigo didn’t answer though as he was just staring blankly into space with a deep scowl on his face.

“So you're telling me that this high and mighty fuck enslaved the entire empire? And Celestia and Luna basically did jack shit?”

“Are you saying you want to change the timeline? It might fuck this Equestria up but it doesn’t look like Sombra has even appeared yet.”

“No he hasn’t. If I remember the series right then I still have to deal with Discord and Chrysalis before getting to him. But I don’t care! I just wish I could kill that bastard and tell Luna and Celestia off. I mean it doesn’t even look like they feel bad about basically abandoning them! They even completely write them out of the history books as if they never existed!”

“All I’m saying is, Sombra was basically a four-hooved Stalin. And the princesses think that by ‘erasing history’ they can prevent it from happening again. Fools.”

“Damn right they’re fools. And that’s why I am gonna do a little cleanup for their mistakes. But first we got a castle to prank.”

“Must be a lot to take in though, huh?”

“Yeah it is. But I’m glad you told me rather than me finding out about it later.”

“Well, you know. It wouldn’t be good for me to ‘leave one little detail out or two’. Plus it kind of goes against my ‘helping you out’.”

“Yeah guess you're right.”

We arrive at the entrance to the largest tower and I allow a smirk to appear on my nonexistent face.

“Wow. Egotistical much?”

“Wait until you see the interior.” We see two door guards and I get an idea which I whisper to Hichigo, “How should we go about this?”

“Well what about a little ‘guard on guard’ action? I think Celestia would be surprised to see two of her guards in a compromising position.”

“Not to spoil your fun, but remember what happened last time we took out the guards? I think we should do this Splinter Cell style.”

“Alright then Tom Clancy do your thing!” Hichigo says in my head. I’ll never get used to that.

I grab Hichigo by his arm and guide him towards a side entrance next to the door which is inconspicuously titled “Maintenance shaft.””

“I would facepalm but I don’t even think Celestia deserves that.”

“She don’t deserve a lot of things. Yet she gets them anyways.”

“True, here, boost me up.” I point at convenient vent about 10 feet above us.

Hichigo easily picked me up and floated me up to the shaft. I raise my arms towards him in a motion for him to grab my arms so I can bring him up here.

“Well this is a tight fit. Give me a second.”

He concentrated for a minute before the sword he called Zangetsu disappeared.

“Ah that’s much better. Now continue.” Hichigo jumps up and catches my hanging arm and pulls himself up using it. After looking around for a second he scoffs, “Seriously? She even made the fucking vents fancy.”

“It's not going to be fancy when we're done with it.” I conclude. “Can you turn the vents and the gems embedded all white? You know not the normal snow white but like when your computer crashes white. Like really ugly.”

“Give me a sec.”

He closed his eyes for a second before releasing a pulse of energy doing exactly what I wanted.

“Huh, now that is fucking ugly.”

“Yeah now let’s get to her room. I can’t wait to see what we can mess up in there.”

“Tier 10 magical fortifications detected.” Delta says.

“Hmm.” I put a finger to my chin in thought. “Maybe the Anti-Magic could work well with this.”

“There is a chance she could detect the enchantments going out.”

“Then we could make them go out for a split second before allowing them to reactivate instantaneously but it will take cooperation and concentration. We could teleport as soon as they go out.”

“Are there any enchantments to detect who is inside?”

“No, only who enters.”

“What do you think Hichigo?”

“I think the temporary shutdown would be our safest bet. If it’s down for too long she may sense something.”

I activate my promethean vision and sense that Celestia is not in the room or anywhere in the palace. “One problem though. It is possible for her to teleport in so we are going to have to do this quickly and quietly.”

“Hold that thought Church. I got an idea.”

Hichigo’s eyes went blank for a few seconds before finally coming back. He drew a wide smile.

“Oh I don’t think we have to worry about her for the next hour. She’s currently in some personal cake factory all the way in Manehatten. Yeah, dumb name I know. But by the way she’s going it won’t be too long before she’s finished.”

“Dude? You are a fucking genius. Let’s do this shit.”
“Alright you go first.”

“Initiating Prototype Anti-Magic field. Teleport us in on my mark. 3. 2. 1. Mark!”

And just like that we were in Celestia’s chambers. It was very bright with everything being so clean and fancy it was almost overwhelming.

“Damn! This shit is insane! She wastes her nation's taxes on this crap? I mean look at this, a diamond paperweight? Ridiculous!”

“To be fair, I found a ravine that was filled to the brim with diamonds back in my Equestria, so they must be fairly common here. That is good though. You know why? If you ever go to the Earth in this universe then you’ll literally be rich enough to buy a fucking country.”

“Huh good point. Oh, I spy with my little eye something soft and big. And it’s not Celestia’s chest.”

“...”

“Don’t judge me those things look amazing.”

“I never realized how fucking hot she looks like this…” Tex was about to do something but I told her to shut up and that she is only a memory.

“Really? Well what’s your universe’s Celestia like?” I show him a picture of the show’s Celestia as she normally looks like.

“She can look hot in my universe but… She has to want to.”

“Well I got to say for a giant pony she is pretty hot.” I just stare at him unblinkingly.
Until I think of something. “Oh my god I got an even better idea than the Diary.” I hold in my laughter.

“What?”

“Put a guards pony stallion on top of her so he looks like he’s mounting her. Lol he’ll get gelded! Ahahahaha.”

“Hahaha oh damn that would be priceless! Wait a second do you see something large like a stone or something anywhere?”

“Why?”

“You’ll see,” he says with a grin.

“I see a um… yeah.” I point to what he’s talking about. “What is it?”

“It’s about to be a work of art.”

Zangetsu appears in his hands and he rapidly begins slashing at the slab of stone. When he finally stops he backs away and leans on his sword like a cane. This confused me for a minute until the stone began to break apart revealing a sculpture. This sculpture was an exact replica of Celestia with a black faced guard mounting her.

“How do you like my sculpting?”

“Can you make it alive?”

“Maybe if I knew magic and a reanimation spell.”

“You should paint Celestia so it shows splotches of you know all over her.”

“Good idea and there just so happens to be some paint in the bathroom just the right color. Seems she wanted to do some redecorating. And of course she has a solid gold bathtub the size of a small pool.”

“And to make this seem legit we should draw on her walls make it say ‘Kilroy Was Here’”

“Just to add salt to the wound I’ll carve that into the walls.”

“Buddy, I think we’re already best friends at this point because holy shit that is great!”

“Well let's stop talking about it and get to doing it! We’re hitting the kitchen next!”

“Uh, I wasn’t just talking, to be honest. I actually have been administering doses of sleeping medication to Celestia so that she’ll be asleep for the rest of the day at the very least.”

“My god you’re brilliant.” He says cheerfully.

“Well, You know. But we still have to be wary about the enchantments in this room. By my observations, the enchantments apparently wake her up if someone who shouldn’t enters.” I grab the paint and start painting splotches of ‘cum’ all over Celestia and on the sculpting of the guard.

“Duly noted.” He answered as he started carving into the walls with Zangetsu.

After we were finished with the ‘morning surprise’ we looked at each other and I nodded.

“Now what was that about the kitchen?”
“Well I figured since Celestia likes cake so much why not make her a very special one?”

“What about this, actually. This seems Discord’s style. Fill the entire fucking palace with cake. Maybe we could ask him to help?”

“He’s probably still a statue but since he’s gonna break out soon anyway why not just get things going?”

“Maybe we could break him out early and then convince him to be stealthy about it instead of getting himself stoned again like a fucking idiot. Convince him in the ways of ‘subtle chaos.”

“I actually think he would enjoy that! He gets to cause chaos and not get turned into a lawn ornament. A win-win situation if you ask me.” I grab Hichigo’s arm and teleport us both towards the statue. Standing near it are two guards. Ha, should be easy.

I walk up to them and smash their skulls together, knocking them unconscious Agent Texas style.

Hichigo then walks up to the statue and places a hand on the pedestal. A white aura engulfs Discord’s stone form before cracks start to appear. In no time at all the stone falls away revealing the Lord of Chaos himself.

The guy was a little shorter than Hichigo and had pasty white skin with two red eyes and a pair of mismatched horns on his head. A dragon like tail could also be seen behind him. His attire was a mismatched brown and yellow suit with black dress shoes.

He seems to know what game we’re playing as instead of announcing how he’s free he looks at us and asks, “Why did you free me anyways? Surely a chaotic embodiment such as myself would not be in your best interests?”

“Actually, I was thinking. You know how your chaos would be obvious? Maybe change your style a little while keeping it yours. Maybe… subtle chaos?”

He taps a claw to his chin in thought and actually nods.

“Can you make it look like the statue never cracked and place a false magical signature in there?”

“Amateur hour.” He snaps a talon and it looks like it was never destroyed.

“Can you go invisible for a second? It would also pretty chaotic if the entire palace was filled with cake.” He snaps a talon and… wow he works fast.

“Oh that was sweet now can you put everyone in the palace asleep for maybe an hour? And make sure they have no memory of falling asleep?”

“While I’m at it, how about no clothes on them as well? Pretty chaotic if I do say so myself.” I barely suppress manic giggles at his suggestion. He snaps his talon and… Wow that’s hot.

“Wow for a pair of guards they are hot as hell. Now this scene is just missing one thing.”

Moving over to the two unconscious guards Hichigo moves them into the 69 position.

“Ah! But wait! You forgot about the icing on the cake.” Discord says as he snaps a talon and… holy shit he made Luna naked and in a 69 position with a mare.

“Where the hell did she come from!?”

“Isn’t it obvious? She fell asleep on a gay pornography magazine.” Discord says in a matter-of-fact tone.

“Huh. Didn’t think she swung that way.” I say in bewilderment.

“Eh I kinda expected her to be bi if I have to be honest.”

My pelican comes into view, thankfully not attracting any attention since literally everyone in Canterlot is unconscious and naked in cake. It lands next to us and the back hatch opens.

“Curious, it conflicts, bigger on the inside. You are pretty advanced compared to these… primevals.”

“That’s one thing we agree on Discord. But I think you should find yourself a nice home to settle down in when you're not causing chaos.”

“Hmm, you could even pull the strings from in your home!”

“That does sound like a good idea, less chance of them using those stupid jewels on me.” Discord scoffs.

“And hey if you don’t mind can you maybe tell me where I can find the changelings.” I wonder why Hichigo wants to know that?

“Oh? Starting the show without me it seems?”

“No, I’m just setting up the perfect scene for you.”

“How delightful.” He laughs.

“Yeah but can you tell me? I’m actually really curious about them.”

“Which hive?” He asks with a serious tone.

“Maybe the one in the Badland’s?”

“Chrysalis? Or that other one, Aragog?” He shudders at the second one.

“Alright Chrysalis I’ve heard of but who in the hell is Aragog? Sounds like something from Middle Earth?”

“Eh, she’s a creep. Let’s just leave it at that.”

“She dangerous?”

“You could say that. And not the powerful or manipulative kind of dangerous. Just plain old being near her causes negative things to happen to your mind. Even to me.”

“So she is basically a bad mojo generator? Does she have any control over it or is it always happening?”

“I heard that she tried to make the effects stop but it only made it worse. So no, she has no control over it.”

“Damn now I feel sorry for her. Is there anyway to stop it that you can think of?”

“Well, your technological friend over here, Church, might be able to. But us physical beings can’t go near her without being harmed. Not that she wanted to be like this, mind you, it just happened.”

“Well Church you up for helping a needy soul? Well after we meet Chrysalis of course.”

“Indeed. I am. So, Discord. Would you kindly, help us manipulate Chrysalis? I am afraid we can’t exactly do it on our own.”

“If it all is so that we can cause an extremely chaotic scene? Well, why didn’t you just say so!” Discord agrees.

“So how do we get there? Is there like a map or something?”

“Dude. We’re in a pelican. A pelican with coordinates to places all over Equestria and the galaxy. As far as I’m concerned, we’re already there. Activate Faster Than Light drive and proceed to destination Badlands.” The pelican suddenly lurches forward and we’re already there.

“That. Was. Awesome! Now what cause all I see is a shit ton of sand. I think we have to go underground to find them.”

Discord and I simultaneous facepalm/talon. “Did you not look in front of you?” We say together, pointing out a pretty obvious green chitin structure.

“Oh right. Well I’m man enough to say that’s my bad. Now without further ado I’m gonna go say hello.” And like that he disappeared.

Point of View: Hichigo

I have to say I was beyond excited. I was about to meet a major villainess! I don’t count Nightmare Moon cause making it eternal night isn’t really all that evil if you ask me.

I feel a presence or two appear next to me and Discord and Church are there.

“Why do you always disappear without even thinking?” Church asks.

“Because it’s fun and I’m impatient. Look here comes the welcome party!”

“Good thing the pelican hatch is closed and guarded by at least 10,000 Lopezes.” As Church says that, Virgil teleports next to us, wielding dual energy swords, with a gravity hammer on her back. That looks fucking boss.

“Woah sweetheart you are dressed for all out war! Now if you were legitimately a girl I would be even more impressed!”

“Oh? And what qualifies as a girl to you? Are you saying that females must be a certain way to be a girl? Or are you saying that my voice isn’t feminine enough? Huh?” Woah, walked into a roadblock there.

“I’m saying that you look like a dude cause you technically ARE a dude. At least in body but that attitude is all female.”

“You realize she is a Femme Fatale right?”

“Femme what now?”

“An attractive and seductive woman, especially one who will ultimately bring disaster to a man who becomes involved with her.” I whisper to him.

“Well damn! But she still technically is a dude so thats a major turn off for me.”

“Well, I’m assuming that’s the form she uses for combat, otherwise I would agree with you there…”

“Wait hold up are you saying she has a legit female form?”

“Dude. Did you think my pelican was just an armory?”

“Honestly? Yes.”

“It has pretty much everything in it. And by everything I mean even weird shit I don’t want to talk about because it’s weird.”

Discord shudders. “Don't even mention that!”

“What? Mention what! Are you saying the tall creepy mofo behind me has a legit female body in that ship somewhere?”

“Basically, but there’s more to it than that.”

“Oh god please don’t tell me it has a dick.” Discord and Church look at me and then fall on their asses, laughing.

“N-n-no!” They say in between breathes. “We weren’t talking about her female form we meant like there are more bodies in there that AI’s can use… Some of them are... *shudder* not favorable...”

“Wait so Tex can have a form to right? I can actually get a chance to strangle her!?”

“You wish.” Tex says out of the blue.

“What you afraid of me? You damn well should be! You couldn’t handle me on my worst day and you know it!”

"It's not that. I just don't think you are worth my time." Tex says simply.

“So you're a wimp who’s all talk?”

"Word games will not change my opinion of you."

“And what is your opinion of me exactly cause you never did specify.”

Tex sighs and goes back to whence she came.

"You may be stronger than her but she doesn't only use strength. She plays dirty."

“What’s that supposed to mean? You saying she’s setting me up for something?”

"If that were the case then you would have already fallen in her trap. Hmm. The Queen has arrived."

Church was right the queen had arrived and damn she was fine! I mean looking at her she was like a sexier version of Celestia! She had black skin, ample baggage, was wearing a fine silk dress and had her hair styled so she looked like a Femme Fatale.

"Like what you see?" Chrysalis asks as she meets us a few feet away.

“I would being lying if I said no.”

Chrysalis smirks but quickly puts on a serious face. "What brings you here?"

“Oh you know just wanted to say hi and whatnot. Oh and to try and convince you to not try and take over Canterlot. Cause trust me, you fail.”

Yeah I got straight to the point.

Point of View: Queen Chrysalis

I was furious! How could they know about that? I haven't even told my hive about that.

“Hey I know you may be wondering how we know so let’s just say we have a pretty good grasp on future events. So we know you will try to take Canterlot but it will ultimately fail. So we’re here to convince you not to!”

"And there are alternate universes such as where you tried to suck the love from all loving beings, ultimately killing all other sentient life on the planet and earning a massive food store at the cost of never getting more food after that, and eventually all life on the planet dies out."

Alright now that was a horrifying image. It made me out to be some horrendous monster! I just wanted to feed my Hive not commit mass genocide! Just who are these men?

"And the question comes, what would your source of food come from? Well a peace treaty is absurd because it would reveal your existence and feeding on negative emotions must taste horrible,"

“Oh you have no idea. negative emotions are simply dreadful and taste so dry! But how would you suggest we get sustenance then? And all this time you haven’t even told me your names and you apparently know mine.”

Point of View: Church

It would seem that we are getting through to her.

Hichigo gives a suggestion, "well what if I told you there was a place you could get all the love you would ever need and not have to trick anyone in order to get it?”

"I would normally laugh at you, but seeing as you know all these things..."

“Well there is a place that has been gone for some time and it is literally powered by love.”

"Are you referring to the Crystal Empire? I haven't heard of that name in some time. Wait a minute. Me? Rule the Crystal Empire? That's... actually plausible. But I'm afraid Sombra is still the ruler."

"We'll take care of him soon enough." Hichigo laughs.

Chrysalis stared at us for a good long moment. But then she let out a melodious laugh. Damn that's sexy!

“Oh you two are interesting! Now what is your name?”

“Well my name is Hichigo! And my buddy here is Church and I’m sure you’ve heard of Discord! Wait where did he go?”

Discord appears and says, "I was watching the perimeter of course."

"I can't put my finger on it but, you seem... less insane than the Royal Sisters depicted you as."

"It is in their tendency to exaggerate their stories."

“Hmm I guess you have a point there. Now what do you want in return for this? Surely you didn’t do all of this for nothing?”

"Oh we are getting something out of this. Your hive survives without revealing itself until the right time and to the right people. The Equestrians are downright racist and judgemental." I sigh. "The Crystal Empire? Why, they'll just be happy they aren't slaves of a tyrant anymore."

“Yeah as long as you don’t oppress them and suck them dry of love to the point it kills them they’ll be pretty happy. Also I just don’t think the Equestrians deserve a place like that. They lost it once so they definitely shouldn’t get the chance to lose it again.”

"And here's the kicker, you need not suck love out of the Crystalians because love generates in the air from their happiness!"

She was stunned for a moment at all the pros if she said yes and thankfully the only con would be when Celestia got involved.

"We won't let her get involved if that's what you are thinking." I laugh at her stupefied expression. "Time goes slower for me so I can calculate millions of outcomes and choose the most likely occurrence." I explain.

Hichigo looks at me in shock before saying, "You were serious? I thought that was a joke to scare me!"

"Not a joke. Well, whaddaya say my queen?"

“I can only say I accept! I assume you both will be visiting occasionally? By the way when should I expect for all of this to take place?”

"In a few days according to my history." I say matter-of-factly. Seeing as we already advanced important events.

“Damn your right! By next month we would have to fight Tirek!”

Chrysalis hisses, "That demon? Nothing but an eldritch abomination!"

"Can't exactly disagree there." I agree.

Chapter 12 Part 2: Nymphomania Overdose

Point Of View: Church

Hmm, two objectives already complete. Now we must find Queen Aragog.

“Well now that that’s settled back to other matters! Ya know where we can find Queen Aragog your highness?”

"Why would you want to find her? I have a feeling you're probably going to attempt to cure her of her curse."

“Oh we’re not gonna attempt we’re gonna damn well do it! Ya see Church here has no physical form so to speak so her powers won’t affect him. And I don’t want to press my luck since I’m not really sure what would happen if I tried to counter her power with my spiritual pressure. Could end up destroying both our minds.”

"Please, go south of here and you shall find a hive covered in gold. Help my sister!"

“Woah calm down your highness! We’ll help her don’t you worry! Alright Church let's get going before we have an emotional moment on our hands. Well that and I’m starting to get a boner just by looking at her.”

"Oh?" Chrysalis winks at Hichigo.

"..." Lucky bastard…

“Chrysalis you keep doing shit like that and we won’t be leaving your room for the next week! And trust me I will make it happen, I have the stamina for it.”

"Maybe after you save my little sister, now go!"

Hichigo gave a perfect salute while grabbing myself and Discord before throwing us in the pelican.

“Get this bird in the air go, go, GO!”

Discord is suddenly wearing Unsc ODST combat armor and says in a feminine voice. "This is Echo 419 and I will be your transport today!" He/she gets in the pilot seat and we're off.

"Were you spying on Earth while you were stoned?"

“Maybe.”

Meanwhile Hichigo was tapping his foot impatiently. He was glaring outside the ship probably wishing we were there already.

"Holy shit I forgot how impatient you can be. Speed mach 40!"

We pass by where we were supposed to be... "Go back!"

Discord turns us around and nearly crashes the pelican.

"Who taught you to fly? Your mom?" Hichigo complains.

The pelican lurches to a stop in front of our destination.

This time though, there are no Changelings in sight.

Point of View: Hichigo

It was about time we got here! Chrysalis was practically announcing ‘fun time’ yet I had to do this first. Now all there was left to do was find the Queen of this hive and let Church do his thing.

“Alright Church let's get your ass in there so you can fix Chrysalis’ sister!”

"Yeah... Hichigo there is something terribly wrong with this place."

"You mean besides the fact that it looks like it was abandoned hundreds of years ago and condemned?"

"Yeah..."

“All the more reason to get in there!”

Church sighs and grabs a shotgun, two silenced smgs, and a few grenades.

"Why do you need to carry like 15 weapons?"

"Something fucked up is going on here."

I noticed the tone in his voice and turned serious. He was right. I could barely sense any life signs in the hive and that meant something was very wrong. Drawing Zangetsu I get ready for anything we may encounter in there.

Church looked at Discord who had already reverted back to normal. "Hey D, have you ever used a piece?"

"I might have once before but that was a while ago and not like this."

"Well now might be a good time for a refresher." Church hands Discord a battle rifle (Halo 4 Version) and turns toward the hive.

“Well it's now or never guys. Whatever we find in there best be ready for anything. Church mind beaming us down to the front door?”

Virgil comes from behind us and jumps straight down to the ground... 50 meters down...

"Or... we could just jump down..."

I rolled my eyes and grabbed both Church and Discord before jumping down to land right next to Virgil. Looking up at the huge doors I could see that they were locked down tight.

“Well guess there is only one thing to do in a time like this… break shit!”

"Wait. Are you getting a Fallen Kingdom vibe from this as well?" Church asks me.

“Yeah kind of. But we have to get in. I guess I could cut a hole for us but it’s much more fun to just break the damn thing down.”

"I don't want to announce our arrival yet if it's all the same to to you..." Discord says very seriously.

Sighing I walk up to the door with Zangetsu and make a few slashes. A few seconds pass before a rectangular section of the door falls forward for me to catch. I take the piece and chuck it behind me.

"Do you hear that noise? It's getting louder..."

“I don’t know what that is but if it turns out to be hostile it will wish it had stayed in its hole!”

"Is that...What the fuck! That's an air raid siren!" Church gets behind cover. Almost immediately after he does a beam of purple magic passes by him, nearly grazing his helmet.

I stare at where the beam came from and quickly used Sonido to appear at that spot slashing Zangetsu at whatever had attacked Church.

Boy am I surprised. The thing that attacked him isn't even a changeling. It's... some kind of demon or something.

It was a little shorter than the average pony and had deep purple skin. Demonic horns and wings aside it also had pure black eyes and a fang filled maw. It wore some kind of leather armor and had an assortment of animal, as well as some pony and changeling skulls on its belt.

I saw all of this before my blade bisected the demon in two, spilling its black blood everywhere but thankfully not on me.

‘What the hell was that’ asked Zangetsu.

‘I don’t know but it only confirms something went seriously wrong here and there are probably more of them inside.’

Church and Discord run towards me before kicking down the door next to the dead demon, revealing more of them.

Point of View: Church

What the fuck are those things? Actually don't tell me. I fire my shotgun at the nearest one and it explodes in a mist of black gore.

As Discord and I were shooting, Hichigo charged in and started to cut down anything in his path. The demons tried to claw at him only for them to rip up his white clothing which only served to piss him off.

I stared at them. Well, their funeral. Seriously, nobody rips Hichigo's clothes without dying a brutal death.

"You. Ripped. My. Shirt." Hichigo said calmly.

The demons stopped trying to kill him and almost shit themselves at his hateful glare.

Hichigo then lifted up his free hand and pointed a single finger at the nearest demon. A small ball of red and black energy formed at the tip of his finger and he said in almost a whisper, “Bala.”

As soon as he said that the small ball of energy turned into a condensed beam that shot straight through the demon and five more behind them before hitting the wall. The blast left a hole about the size of an orange making a clean hole through their bodies before the fell dead.
After that little display Hichigo himself looks surprised before a huge grin splits his face and he does a little whoop of joy.

“Alright I finally did Bala! One step closer to doing the Cero, Grand Rey Cero and finally Getsuga Tensho!”

"So... when you are super angry you unlock new abilities apparently?"

“I guess so. But now that just means I have some new targets to test my new power on.” At this he cast an evil smile at the still remaining demons.

"Huh, seems legit." I pulled up my hitman multi targeting and time slows as I aim my sniper rifle at 10 demons before firing and killing them all consecutively Freckles style.

“Good job man. Hey is Virgil still outside cause I got to ask him/her something.”

The aforementioned elite jumps from the ceiling while doing a backflip and killing the remaining demons with well placed headshots.

“Well perfect timing creepy! I need you to take the most still intact bodies back to the ship. I assume you have a scientist or something close? We need to know exactly what we’re dealing with here and if they’re a threat to anywhere else.”

"Already done."

Hichigo looks around and notices the bodies are already gone. He just stares at Virgil slackjawed.

I tap him on the shoulder, "Hey buddy, ya there?"

“Yeah I am. Just amazed. I like a girl who takes the initiative to plan that far ahead. Now if only she were in a women’s body.”

"You're going to have to earn that one, buster." She says slyly.

“Just tell me what I have to do and consider it done. I’ll even stop complaining about Tex being a major prude if that’s what it takes!”

"Dude, are you really trying to fuck my assistant?"

“Why haven’t you tried?”

Virgil and look at each other and then back to Hichigo before we facepalm at Hichigo.

“Something I’m missing here? Come on don’t leave a guy hanging!”

Virgil falls on her ass and starts giggling madly.

I just keep facepalming.

“Alright Church start explaining before a flip my lid. What am I missing here!?”

"Dude. Incest."

Hichigo blinked at that and facepalmed himself. Then he just starts glaring at me in obvious irritation.

“Well sorry for not being told that sooner! How the hell was I supposed to know!?”

I just sigh and our group along with Discord who's been strangely quiet arrive at a rusted door to a throne room.

“Mind if I knock?”

"Don't let your dreams be dreams."

"Did you really just quote Shia LaBeouf?" Discord asks in confusion. I shrug.

Hichigo just rolls his eyes and walks up to the door. We were all just expecting to break it down but he surprised all of us when he did exactly as he said and just let out three firm knocks before backing away.

"Answer the fucking door you dumbass! I didn't pay you to just capture the hive. Do your fucking job!"

After hearing that one of the demons opened the door only to be cut straight down the middle by Hichigo’s blade. He then kicked both halves into the room so they both land on either side of the large throne at the end of the room.

“Honey I’m HOME!”

The person on the throne was definitely not a changeling queen, but a much bigger version of the demons from before, standing at a ridiculous 14 feet tall. He also wielded a huge sword that was almost as tall as he was.

"..."

“Wow. Now that is one big fucker! I got this!”

Hichigo walked into the room with Zangetsu resting on his shoulder and a huge smile that promised pain.

"Kill him! It is the only way to rid me of the curse!" A tied up and tired queen says from next to the kidnapper. The demon king slaps her, leaving a black and blue bruise.

It was then that Hichigo’s smile dropped.

“Church.” His tone was cold and I could feel his power flowing through the room as even the giant demons legs began to shake in fear.

"Don't. Let. Your. Dreams. Be dreams! JUST DO IT! DON'T LET YOUR DREAMS BE DREAMS! YESTERDAY YOU SAID TOMORROW!"

Hichigo ignored him and charged the demon only to disappear and then reappear behind the behemoth. He lashed out with a kick that sent him flying towards Church and the others only for him to reappear again in front of them to deliver a chokeslam to the demon leaving a large crater in the floor due to the force.

"Copyright Headbanger 2015." I joke.

Hichigo then lifts up Zengetsu and glares down at the broken demon king.

“Any last words fuck face before I send you to hell?”

"Heil Hi-" He is interrupted by a cough.

"Don't even." Discord says angrily. "Just kill him already!"

Hichigo is about to bring down his blade but stops for a moment.

“You know what, you're not even worth killing with Zengetsu. But that doesn’t mean you get to live.”

Before Hichigo can react Virgil jumps over him and lets loose the entire magazine of a SAW from Halo 4 into the Demon King. "You were taking too long. I hate monologues." She says before spitting on the dead corpse coldly.

“You wouldn’t have complained if you had seen what I had wanted to do to him.”

"You still can. Just add insult to injury."

“Heh alright. Though it's not going to be as much fun now that he’s dead.”

Hichigo grabbed the demon king's body and lifted him above his head easily. He then ripped the demon king’s body in two. Throwing away the bottom half he then proceeds to rip the head of the king off and holds it up like some kind of trophy.

"He'd be dead either way..."

Before Hichigo can react, he finds himself the victim of a vigorous make-out session with a changeling queen.

If my jaw could drop it would as we all stared at Hichigo as he got over his surprise and began to return the changeling queen's affections.

Point of View: Hollow Ichigo

My god. I was in heaven as I continued to kiss the changeling monarch. Opening my eye a bit I look to see Church and Virgil staring in shock as Discord started taking pictures with a camera he made appear. He was probably thinking I was a lucky son of a bitch…. and he would be right!

"Well, that should be enough pictures. I used up 2,000,000 frames on that. How alluring." Discord chuckled.

Eventually we broke off as she was getting short of breath. I could of held out for another ten minutes though. Looking at Church I throw him a shit-eating grin. Yeah that’s right I got to make out with this while your stuck with Tex blocking you from any female contact. Winning!

My eyes shoot to pinpricks as I see Tex get ejected out of Church's armor and sent out of sight. He disappears.

“Uh what happened to Tex? And where the hell is Church!?”

"You may have caused Church to make a new fragment... Jealousy." Discord said fearfully.

“So? What of it? I’m jealous of the fact he has a bunch of awesome sci fi shit so what the hell is he gonna do?”

Virgil chokes out laughter suddenly. "Oh my god he already got a male human body and is... I think you know where this is going... with 10 mares..."

“....so the fuckers trying to one up me huh? Well I prefer quality over quantity anyway. He can go be a monwhore.”

"Did I mention they were supermodels?"

“.... do they have a great personality?”

"About half of them do."

“Well congrats to him. But what happened to Tex?”

"Oh shit." Discord curses before snapping a talon and disappearing from sight.

"She is possessing one of the mares..."

“Hahaha! Oh Church either you are about to be a lucky bastard or your in deep shit! I am so glad I am not you right now!”

"It's... actually the first one..."

“Hey Discord can you conjure up some alcohol? I want to make a toast to Church for his good fortune!” Six barrels of extremely rare and thousands of years old alcohol of all kinds appear.

“Thanks D! Now come on Virgil and your highness, lets get wasted and probably do something we will later regret!”

"You are a bad influence." Virgil says as she grabs a bottle of aged deluxe wine.

“Who ever accused me of being a good one to begin with?”

I responded while grabbing a bottle of the most alcoholic beverage there that came straight from Prance.

"You don't want the answer to that."

"Try me."

"Celestia in an attempt to get attention away from the 'Canterlot Incident' blamed it on nobles, saying you were a good pony and would never do that." I give a massive spit-take at that.

“Wow. That is something I would not expect from her of all ponies. So what do you think of me?”

"Before I answer that you realize she is a politician right? She doesn't want others to question her rule so she is hiding the fact that a potential enemy of the state is running around committing crimes."

“Good point but you still didn’t answer my question. If you think I am a complete ass just say so. You wouldn’t be the first.”

"Who was the first?"

“My mother.”

"..."

“Yeah she was a little out of it at the time.”

"I think you're... okay... I can't really say all that much since I haven't known you that long."

“Well thanks! I mean I’ve only known you and Church for a day or two and I have to say I enjoy being around you guys.”

Right after saying that a half naked church teleports in here covered in... everything and passes out.

“.... I ain’t touching him. As his family member you should have the honor of cleaning him.”

"Oh, are you not man enough as it were?" Aragog asks slyly.

I slowly turn to face her with my expression dead serious.

“You want to see how man enough I am? Or would you like a demonstration? Cause I’ll do it right here right now if you want.”

"I don't know. I'm feeling doubtful of your conviction."

Grabbing her waist I pull her to my chest so our faces are barely an inch apart.

“You should know that I am a man of my word and if I say I’m going to do something I am damn well gonna do it.” I growl out before slamming my lips to hers.

Aragog pulls away and pulls the final string, "Prove it then."

Turning towards a stunned Virgil and Discord I say, “leave. But Church stays here. I want him to see how a real man takes charge!”

Not another word was said as Discord snapped his claws and both of them disappeared.

"Shut up red! Nobody fucking asked you!" Church yells in his sleep.

Bringing my attention back to Aragog i smile and say, “now where were we?”

2 hours later.

"I fucking hate you Caboose!" Church screams, still sleeping.

I laughed at Church’s sleep talking as I was getting dressed. Aragog was unconscious still. Actually she had been for the past half hour and I had just noticed a few minutes ago. Gotta say I had an amazing time with her and couldn’t wait to do it again. Still I used one of the tapestries around the room as a makeshift blanket for her as she was covered in some unmentionable substances.

Walking up to Church I nudge him with my foot while looking at my torn clothing. Damn I needed some new threads.These ones were ruined.

“Church! Get your punk ass up and at'em! We still have to head back to Chrysalis to tell her the good news!”

"I never wanted it to be like this! It was the only way!" He screams, still sleeping. This causes me to pause.

“What the hell is he dreaming about? Well I guess there is only one way to wake him.”

With that I pulled out Zangetsu and poked him in the butt with the tip. Not enough to cause any real damage but enough to really hurt.

"Caboose! NO!" Church jumps up in the air, not noticing me at all.

“Church! Calm the hell down man it was just a dream! Caboose isn’t really here!”

"So he is dead then..." Church says quietly.

Alright now I was concerned. Walking up to him I ignore the fact he is covered in fluids and put a hand on his shoulder and give it a gentle squeeze.

“Dude I don’t know what happened to Caboose but it’s obvious it was something bad. If you need to talk about it I’m here for ya.”

"Nonononononononono." Church says at speeds that would make Pinkie Pie blink.

“Ooookay? Well come on we gotta get back to Chrysalis. Aragog is still out so don’t worry about her.”

In a flash Church is completely clean. In another he is completely armored. In one more flash he has all his weapons.

“Alright now that you're dressed I have to ask you…. how was Tex?”

"Uh... All I remember is white."

“Huh? Well since I know Tex is listening, you are not really a prude I guess. I apologize for saying so.”

In a flash we are in the pelican and with a bump the pelican arrives at Chrysalis' Hive. I notice Discord holding Aragog.

"Why did you bring her?"

"Her hive is likely dead already..." He says sadly.

“Are you sure they are all dead? Is she truly the last of her hive?”

I hoped I was wrong. It would probably be devastating for her if she truly was the last of her hive.

"There were no other lifeforms beside her left... I'm afraid it is so."

“Do we have any info on those demons?”

Those bastards were responsible for this. If there are anymore of them, there won’t be soon enough. I was gonna slaughter every last one of them!

"Apparently they started appearing a little over... You're not going to like this, 24 hours ago."

“Do you know where they originated? Or at least where they are hold up now? And If they attacked this hive then they may go after Chrysalis! We need to get back there NOW!”

Church opens the hatch, revealing an exhausted Chrysalis. Her eyes widened upon seeing Aragog.

"Aragog? Sister?" Good thing we cleaned her or else this would be awkward.

Aragog's eyes open and they are filled with tears. "They're gone. All of them. My children..."

I instantly pulled her into a hug while I looked at Chrysalis.

“Her hive was attacked by what looked like purple demons. She was the only one left. Have you seen anything near your hive?”

"No." Chrysalis shakes her head before her eyes lose their happiness completely and become cold. "Can you show me an image of one of these demons?" I shiver at her tone. I thought I was scary!

Church pulls up his Datapad and shows an image of the Demon King.

"Xerxes, the Demon King." She says in a tone that makes me flinch.

“Yeah we met him and killed him. Well technically Virgil killed him while I beat the living shit out of him.”

Her jaw nearly hit the ground at that. I guess this guy was a big deal to instill this kind of reaction from her.

“Y-y-you killed Xerxes? Do you know what this means!?”

“No but I have a feeling I’m about to find out.”

“He was one of the most powerful beings in Equis! Not even the Princesses themselves would dare challenge him and his army! You just effectively brought down an entire kingdom!”

Well damn. This is either really good or really bad. I’m betting it’s the former.

"I call dibs on his kingdom." Church says suddenly.

“Like hell you do! This was a team effort!”

"Fine! WE call dibs on the kingdom."

“Thank you.”

Right after I say that a letter appears in front of Church and starts talking, "Welcome the new rulers of the Demon Kingdom! This realm which is conveniently located in Nostralia is now yours to do as you please!"

Church laughs and asks, "Think Bitchcess Celestia will be mad?"

“Oh she will be pissed! I think we should get ourselves some crowns and pay her a visit just to rub it in.”

Point of View: Church

This is perfect. "Hey Virgil!"

"Yes?" She asks.

"Still got the trophy?"

"Yep." Hichigo, Chrysalis and Aragog's eyes widen and Hichigo smirks suddenly.

“Why you sneaky little minx! I was wondering where that went!”

"According to the news the princesses and the elements are all meeting right now. Let's do this shit while you two reunite!" I exclaim.

I waved goodbye to the sisters and we fly towards Canterlot.

“You know that as soon as we’re done there I am more likely than not going to take Chrysalis to pound town.”

"Nope. You are taking both of them."

“That’s only if Aragog is in the mood at that time. Though now that she’s had a taste I don’t think she’ll ever say no.”

"No shit."

We finally arrive and I tell Discord to hide. I open the hatch and see the princesses and the elements. I grab the trophy before Hichigo can react and throw it at Celestia's feet.

Her eyes widen in recognition. "Yeah! You know exactly what that is don't you! There are new Demon Kings now and you can't do shit about it without starting a world war! Suck on that!"

Point of View: Hichigo

“Dude! I want to keep that thing! It's like a damn badge of honor!”

Seriously why did he have to throw it at them? I was actually going to clean it up and turn it into a nice decoration for my wall…. yeah that is kind of disturbing but I don’t give a fuck!

"I am afraid that leaves me no choice then. You must be healed of your corruption by the Elements of Harmony!" Celestia exclaims.

"You mean these?" Virgil asks slyly as she pulls out a sack holding the aforementioned elements.

Oh the looks on their faces were priceless. They were shocked, afraid and outraged all at the same time!

“Give those back you freak,” yelled Dash as she flew at Virgil.

Discord appears and holds Dash in one hand. "Nuh-uh!"

Celestia's face starts to turn fearful.

“D I could have handled the Rainbow Wonder! But still thanks. She probably would have tried to bite me.”

Discord headbutts Rainbow Dash and throws her out the window.

“She’s gonna be okay right?”

"Probably? Most likely not though since those fools are just standing there."

Fluttershy turns to the stare, "You will not hurt my friends!"

Discord acts like he is being affected and then just laughs at her, making her whimper.

I appear behind Fluttershy stunning the other Elements and Princesses.

“Shy I commend you on sticking by your friend but supporting her stupidity and reckless actions will not help her. Now hold on a second while I stop said friend from going splat on the pavement.”

Again I disappear just long enough to catch Dash bridal style and reappear behind Shy once more.

“See! No true harm done!”

I see Church remove his helmet and teleport in front of Twilight and give her a Bugs Bunny kiss before teleporting next to me. He had an insane grin on his face that made me shudder.

“What are you planning you devious bastard?” All of a sudden we see Twilight adopt a dopey grin and start making out with her mentor and moving to remove her clothes.

Church is giggling madly at this point.

“Aphrodisiac?”

"Nope. Kiss of desire. Makes her face her desires. Found it in my spell book."

“Oh so we have a naughty student hot for teacher? Makes me wonder what the others truly desire if you catch my drift.” I say with a devious grin on my face.

Church is gone before I can blink and then back again and every female in the room except Virgil has a dopey grin. More than half of them are suddenly looking at us with rapey bedroom eyes, and not the good kind.

“Hey Church. What are the odds we make it out of this with our pelvis’s intact?”

"2.12%" Delta says helpfully.

“Is that both of us together or individually?”

"For both of you your chances are approximately 000.12%"

“Well in that case,”

I instantly hop into Virgil’s arms like Scooby Doo and yell, “SAVE ME VIRGIL!”

Discord grabs us all and teleports us into the pelican and we are already gone.

"I never said you wouldn't get out without them intact though." Delta says helpfully.
The entire pelican stops in mid air and a screeching noise could be heard. I turn and glare at Delta and he actually goes into the fetal position under my glare.

“Church. Stay here for a second I’m gonna see if he’s just fucking with us. I’ll go and see how rough their being right now and if it’s too much I’ll come back. But if not I’ll give you a call.”

And with a quick Sonido I was back at where we had just left. From what I was seeing the entire area had turned into one huge orgy. Even some guards and servants had gotten into the mix. All female thank god. Pulling out a holo projector that I managed to snatch before using Sonido I contact Church.

"How many did they kill so far?" He asks jokingly.

Instead of answering I direct the image towards the scene below. I let him look for a few seconds before turning it back towards me.

"I bet you are jealous of them, I know I am."

“Yeah but the difference is I’m about to join in. Fuck the consequences! You can either join in or watch cause I’m going in!

"Your funeral." Church giggles madly.

“That’s what rapid healing and enhanced durability are for! Geronimo!”

"He has a 87.39% chance of catching a fatal STD."

"I know Delta, that's why I didn't join him."

I stop about twenty feet above the action below me as a sense of foreboding envelopes my being.

“What the hell is this? It feels like if I go down there something bad is going to happen to me? I better call Church back.”

Calling back Church I continued to stare at what was happening below me and I wanted to just jump right in but I still couldn’t shake this feeling. Eventually Church picked up.

"Enjoying not getting an std that can kill you instantly?"

“You bastard you set me up! Why didn’t you tell me that before I almost went down there!? Are you trying to ruin my dick!?”

"You left before I could tell you."

“Whatever! Discord make a list of every female here and label them as a ‘no man’s land.’ Just so I don’t end up banging one of them in the future.”

Church is heard laughing his ass off in the background.

“Ah go fuck yourself Church! Why don’t you just go bang Tex again I’m sure she wouldn’t mind!”

"If only you knew." He says ominously.

Wait what?

“You fucking horndog. I salute you good sir on tapping that ass.”

"The sound of three facepalms are heard in the background." Discord narrates.

“Ah shut up all of ya! Don’t judge me!”

"You're a little late for that. But it is a positive judgement."

“How is it positive?”

"Oh, don't belittle yourself."

“No seriously I thought I got on your guy's nerves a lot. Especially Tex’s. I really don’t think that high of myself.”

"Eh. We know you are fucking around MOST of the time."

“Oh I feel so loved!”

"Eh. Get your ass in here. We are going to put you into stasis for a few days so we can kill Sombra faster."

“Eh alright. But can I please get a new shirt? This one is torn to shit.”

I feel myself get teleported into the ship and Discord throws a huge ass shirt at me. I take this as an insult.
Grabbing the nearest weapon, which just so happens to be a plasma pistol, I start shooting at Discords feet making him dance around.

“Get me a real shirt you ass before I tear you limb from limb!”

Before I can react. The shirt wraps around me and shrinks to fit to my size.

I look at it and see that it says 'One size fits all.'

“Oh haha very funny.”

"Ok. To sleep you go!" Before Church or Virgil can stop him, Discord unloads a magazine of tranquilizers into me from a M6J Carbine. I start feeling sleepy and the last thing I see or hear is the two arguing with Discord about 'Friendly Fire.'

Five Days Later...

My eyes open and I see myself in a Cryo chamber.

"Opening the casket." A crewman Lopez says.

Okay this feels too much like Halo One.

As soon as the casket is open all the way I lash out and grab the man's neck dragging him so that we are face to face.

“Where is Discord.” I growl out.

He hurriedly points to a cryo chamber next to mine, which houses an unconscious and clearly uncomfortable Chaos God.

After getting that info I throw the man away and stand in front of Discord’s pod before getting an evil idea. I spent the next minute gathering every sort of tranquilizer on the ship and loading them into every turret I could snag. Positioning them to all aim directly at the pod I start the process to wake Discord up.

It takes a few minutes but eventually he start regaining consciousness. He steps out of the pod stretching and giving a small yawn.

“I am so happy that’s over. It was so uncomfortable in there!”

Then he opens his eyes to see over forty turrets locked, loaded and all aimed straight at him. And behind them all holding the trigger was me with a manic smile on my face.

"Oh shit..."

“Paybacks a bitch!”

I then unload everything into the lord of Chaos for the next twenty minutes. By the time I was out of ammo no part of Discord could be seen. But I could see that he was severely twitching and foaming at the mouth.

Rubbing the back of my head sheepishly I mutter, “oops. Think I overdid it a little with the tranquilizers.”

"Ya think?" Church asks from behind me, making me jump into the turret and hit my nuts.

“OW! You bastard you made me hit my nuts!”

"Are you sure you don't just have PTSD or something?"

“Oh shut the fuck up! If not for the fact it would sound extremely gay I would tell you to suck my dick! So instead I’ll tell you to kiss my ass!”

"Uh dude.. ya kinda just did."

“Whatever! I’m still a little hungover from being forcefully put to sleep. Now where can a guy get some food around here?”

"First of all are you ready to kill a four-hooved Stalin?"

“Does a bear stuff a cork up his ass in winter?”

"Yes."

“Then you have your answer. Just one question.”

Church tilts his helmet slightly.

“I need a new pair of pants. These one’s are getting kind of worn out.”

"That isn't a question." Church replies before opening a portal to who knows where. A brand new pair of the exact same pants falls out.

“Thanks! Now are we at the Crystal Empire already cause I am ready to butcher a fucker!”

“We’ve been there the whole time. It just now appeared.” Church says matter-of-factly.

“And has fuck face appeared?”

“Yep. Can we just shoot him and not do a monologue so as to not give Celestia a chance to ‘reclaim’ the empire?”

“Aww! Can I at least beat him down a little? And also take his head!?”

“Yes, and by the way. Chrysalis’ entire hive is in this ship as well as Chrysalis and her sister Aragog.”

“Really! Where are they?”

“In the first war simulation room. Not the one where you fought the reds and blues. No that is the seventh one.”

“Alright now if you’ll excuse me I’m gonna just use Sonido and go have a chat with my two favorite monarchs!”

And I did just that and instantly vanished.

Point of View: Church

I teleport to the pilot’s seat and look out the window. I give it 15 more minutes and Hichigo appears with the two monarchs next to him.

“Well that was fun! Now on to business, where exactly is Sombra, the throne room I’m guessing?”

“Nope.” I say, looking through the scope of my sniper rifle. Hichigo and the two changelings follow my gaze. Sombra is standing on a platform holding the Crystal Heart and monologuing, looking ready to absorb it. “I’m going to have to take a shot already it seems.” I let loose ten rounds into his feet, causing him to get sent flying into a crystal house and nearly lose consciousness. I let loose another round into his horn, completely cracking it. “Go ahead Hichigo.”

“Yeah!”

He appeared next to the fallen form of the mad king and lifted him up with one hand. He then began to slap his face.

“Hey wake up asshole! It’s no fun if you aren’t awake for it!”

After the tenth hit or so he starts to wake up.

“Ugh wha? Who the Tartarus are you!?”

The Crystalians start to come out of their houses and see their tyrant getting the shit handed to him on a silver platter, and by that I mean he’s getting fucked up!-

“Oh I’m just the guy who’s going to kill you! Goodbye!”

Hichigo then tosses Sombra into the air and when he begins to fall Hichigo draws Zangetsu from his back. Waiting until he is just within reach Hichigo begins swinging so fast it becomes a blur. Time seemed to freeze as Sombra’s eyes widened in shock. Just like that time accelerated and Sombra’s entire body save for his head was reduced to bite size chunks.

Hichigo managed to grab the head just before it hit the ground. “Oh no can’t have this getting too dirty now. Makes it harder to clean out.”

“He saved us! He saved us!” The Crystalians start to chant. The crystal heart floats to its rightful place and the city’s shield reactivates, generating heat, love, and everything else.

“Wow now I feel all warm and tingly inside. Hey guys come on down and meet the locals!” The changelings, Virgil, and Church jump out of the pelican, startling everyone that originated from the Crystal Empire.

“They wanted us to save you from that dictator!” I point at the Changeling queens. They are mobbed by the crowd almost immediately after I say that.

“Well this looks promising.” says Hichigo while throwing an arm over my shoulders.

“It sure does buddy, it sure does.” I laugh.

“Now I think we should get ready for the Elements arrival. Plus we have yet to meet Shining and Cadence.”

Chrysalis and Aragog run towards and say, “We became empresses and they don’t mind our hive staying here!” They say excitedly.

“Good for you girls! But some Equestrians are more than likely on their way to try and take control.” said Hichigo.

“Not exactly…” I say suddenly, making Hichigo look at me in confusion.

“What do you mean by that?” Hichigo asks.

“I mean, not exactly likely that they will be let in. The citizens won’t want another tyrant.”

“Huh good point. Still I think we should head towards the gate to greet them and then send them on their way. Or if they still refuse we could put them in the dungeon as they are trespassing on foreign land.”

“Genius.”

Point of View: Hichigo

“This is boring! Where the hell are they!?”

We had been waiting at the main gate to the Crystal Empire for the last half hour and still there was not a single trace of them. Again patience was not one of my virtue’s.

Finally we see a sign of them. And they look really happy, probably thinking they are just going to get to come in and ask for control. Haha! No.

“Alright everybody here comes the assclowns now! Places!” Virgil, Church, and about seven hundred Lopez bots all get in place and aim their weapons straight at the party of Equestrians but are cloaked until I tell them to uncloak.

Eventually they reach the gate and are surprised to see me standing in the middle of the road leaning on Zangetsu.

“Ello everyone! Care to explain what you're doing here?”

“We came to claim our rightful empire that you so kindly handed to us on a silver platter.” Luna said coldly.

“I’m afraid that is where you are wrong.” I say before putting up a hand, the signal to uncloak.

Every single Lopez bot uncloak, as well as Church and Virgil.

“This empire already has two new rulers.”

“Who, you and Church?” Luna scoffs.

“Nope.” The Equestrians are taken aback by this.

“If not you then who?” demanded who I assumed was princess Cadence as this was my first time seeing her.

She was just as tall as Luna and had a two tone tail that matched her hair which was mainly le with shades of pink and yellow. Pinki wings and horn were present and she was wearing a bright pink dress with crystal heels.

Church takes this moment to butt in. “Look you lost this empire once already. We don’t care that you are a descendant of Princess Amore. We won’t allow you to lose this empire again, so that’s why we are preventing the possibility in the first place.” Cadence flinches at that as well as Celestia and Luna while Shining just looks confused and angry.

“How dare you speak to the Princesses like that.” demands Shinning.

He was a little shorter than Cadence but not by much. He had a dark blue tail and a white horn on his head. His attire was a purple version of the guards armor and strapped to his side is a standard longsword. Basically a toothpick compared to Zangetsu.

“Who am I? Well I am one of the new rulers of the Demon Kingdom! And you are a pissant who needs to shut up before I do it for you.”

Church suddenly has his armor turn to look exactly like the Meta and he grows 7 feet taller.

"You will not get in without dying."

“That or you want to spend some time in the dungeon. Either one works for me!”

"If you even move a foot further," Church waves his hand and a portal opens, blowing the Equestrians back a foot, "I will banish you to the dimension of insanity."

Well that seemed to get through to them. They instantly began to leave while casting us hateful glares. But I focused mainly on Luna. I had saved her and yet now she hates me which made me kind of sad.

Church orders all the Lopez bots to let loose warning shots. They all shoot at the Equestrians, grazing them on their clothing every single time. "Did we tell you you could walk away?!"

“What more do you want?” asked Twilight.

"You actually thought we would let you leave without you being handicapped first?"

“Virgil would you do the honors?”

The elite flashes the Equestrians a sadistic grin. "Sure." She grabs Church's spell book and focuses on the Equestrians.

In a flash they don't have any clothes on except panties and underwear. "Get out of our sights! And be glad we were merciful!"

I laughed my ass off as they booked it back to Equestria trying to cover themselves to save at least some of their dignity.

Looking at Virgil I smile and say, “if you were a girl right now I would kiss you no matter what happened afterwards!”

Virgil walks up to me and pimp slaps me. HARD.

“Damn! What a woman! You got one serious backhand!” I say as I rub my now red cheek.

"That was for the possibility that you were going to do it anyways."

“Good to know that if I ever kiss you out of the blue this is what will happen.”

"Actually... I was going easy on you."

“... so you're not totally against the idea or was that just a warning shot?”

"A little bit of both." Virgil winks.

I turn to Church. “Your sister is a fucking tease. I don’t know whether to hate it or love it.” He just shrugs.

“In all honesty though I would probably still take the risk.”

"I know."

“Glad we are on the same page. Now I think it's time for dinner! I wonder what we’re having?”

"You should live here. It's perfect for a base of operations. And you have two sisters who want you."

“Yeah I hear ya but I want to explore. I mean I would love to see your universe and some others if given the chance. I need action sometimes ya know?”

"Living here doesn't mean abandoning everything." Church laughs. "It means this is your base. You can still do what you want."

“Yeah true. Plus this would be a safe spot to park that ship huh?”

"Yep. One of the main reasons."

“So I never did ask but what’s the state of your universe right now? Are you still fighting or are you at peace at the moment?”

"Fighting."

“Anything troubling or serious?”

"You want to go there right now and see?"

“Why not!? We pretty much took care of everything save for Tirek and he’s not due to show up for another month.”

We gather everyone and get into the pelican. I insert Church's token into a slot for multiversal travel like he told me.

I was shaking with excitement at travelling to another universe. I was standing next to Virgil and she looked a little uncomfortable as I was a bit unstable at the moment. I couldn’t really blame her.

"You do the honors." Church says, pointing to a button.

“Well don’t mind if I do.” I immediately press the button. I don’t know what happened but as soon as I pressed that button everything goes black as I pass out.

I feel someone nudging me but I try to ignore it.

Whoever is trying to wake me continues to nudge me and eventually I get angry enough that I grab the appendage touching me and growl out.

“Unless this is a beautiful women leave me the hell alone.”

"He's fine. Must have a little memory loss after passing out." I hear Church say.

Hearing that my eyes snap open and I see that I am holding Virgil’s foot. Looking up at her I raise an eyebrow.

“Why the hell were you nudging me like I was a corpse?”

"Because you were clinically dead."

“What no wake up kiss? On second thought forget I said that because that would be weird. Also I am technically a Hollow which is a malevolent spirit that can feed on others souls to get stronger.”

"I don't think you get it. You died for about 2 minutes seeing as your heart stopped."

“And you thought it was okay to kick at my supposed corpse? Great to see you respect my body so much.” I say with a roll of my eyes before standing up to walk over to Church.

"What?" He asks.

“So where are we at the moment?”

"Yeah... um don't look out the window."

Ignoring Church’s warning I go to the nearest window and look out to see the endless void of space. I turn back to Church with a deadpanned expression basically saying, ‘the fuck is this?’

"We may be lost..."

Now at this point I was about to go off on him and everyone present before I feel a bunch of spirits heading our way. And they didn’t feel friendly.

“Church we’re about to have company. From the right there are a couple thousand lifeforms heading this way.”

Before I can stop him Church clicks the button that I pressed. Luckily I don't pass out this time.

I look out the window and the spirits are gone.

“Great where the hell are we now Church?”

Church fearfully points at a ship that looks scarily similar to the Didact's.

“So looks like we’re in for a fight. Hey Church can you hand me a helmet so I can still breath in space. I may not need a suit but I still need to breath.”

"Sorry but the helmet won't work without the armor."

“Will it chafe, and does it come in white?”

"Yes to both but it won't just chafe. It will fall off without the rest of the armor securing it on."

I sigh, ”Alright fine just suit me up and do it quick! And it better be in white!”

We run to the armor station and get me suited up in standard white CQB armor.

“Alright I admit this looks pretty sweet. Now where’s the airlock?”

Church points to a lifepod.

“Better than nothing.” I shrug and hop in without a second thought. As soon as it closes I give Church the thumbs up to say I was ready to go.

Church pulls the door back open forcefully and him and Virgil step in before forcing it closed. "Okay so this is what we know, we are going into unknown enemy territory. And we have no fucking clue what it's going to be like.”

“Yeah pretty much. Isn’t it exciting!”

"If you weren't japanese I would call you suicidal." Virgil states bluntly.

“Actually I’m american. Hichigo is actually japanese. Still I can’t help but be excited for is battle. I guess that’s the real Hichigo’s side coming through.”

Church just laughs. "Time to play a song perfect for this." I hear Survivor's Eye of The Tiger start playing.

“Oh this gonna be good.” I say as a manic grin splits my face and I can actually feel Zangetsu hum with power ready to kill.

"You beat Halo 4?"

“No but now I get to make up for that right here right now by killing these bastards.”

"Do you at least know what that ship is? Besides the fact that it is over 90 miles big?"

“All I care about right now is how quickly I can turn it into space scrap. Should I attack from the outside or inside?”

"You obviously don't realize the armor plating is over a mile thick." My jaw drops at that.

“Damn. Now I really wish I was able to use Getsuga Tensho, it would have made quick work of that thing.”

"Maybe on the covenant but not on a warship like this. This thing is over 30 times bigger than the ship I'm giving you. And is made of a material that is much stronger. You might just dent it if you are lucky."

“Huh looks like its inside we have to attack. So where do we get inside?"

"I don't see any entrances. Do you?"

“No but if we can just make a big enough hole I should be able to pry it open with my enhanced strength to get us entry.”

I see a thick window and look at Church. He nods.

As soon as we were a good distance away from the ship I eject myself. I use the pod as a springboard and propel myself to the window. Pointing my left hand with one finger out I shoot a concentrated Bala and see as it makes an orange sized hole in the window. As I reach the window I manage to fit both of my hands inside of the hole. I start to pull with all of my strength and after a few second I see the edges of the glass start to tear away from their holdings. With a final heave I rip the entire window out and fling it into space giving Virgil and Church plenty of space to get in.

They jump out of the pod and in through the makeshift entrance.

I follow in after them just before a hatch covers the hole.

“Well guys we’re in. So do we hit the bridge or the reactor.”

"Your choice." Church reminds me.

“Well if we can take the ship we have a major trump card and a bunch of new tech to use. It would also be a huge waste to just trash it.”

"It is also one of a kind." Virgil finally says.

“So we in agreement?”

"Yes."

“Alright you guys hit the hangar and if they have a barracks. I’m gonna have a little chat with the dear captain. Well after you tell me where it is. Can you hack a terminal or something Church?”

Chapter 12 Part 3: Get Tranqed!

"Are you really asking me if I cannot hack a panel?" Church asks me as he facepalms.

“No. I’m just wondering how long it will take you before some asshole’s show up and start shooting at us. Cause I already sense a ton of souls heading in our direction.”

"Souls without organic bodies right?"

“Yeah. That’s probably what a mod soul feels like when not in an organic body or gigai.”

"Huh. Gigai?"

“An artificially made organic body for soul reapers and mod souls to possess while in the land of the living. Usually looks exactly like the shinigami him or herself.”

"Sounds fucked up."

“Yeah but from what I hear they are not that difficult to make as long as you have a basic idea on how to do it.”

"Kinda like basic immortality?"

“If you can make enough replica’s of the same body with a way to transfer yourself from one to the next than yeah. Believe it or not that I do age just VERY slowly. I will more than likely outlive the Princesses ten times over before even showing a sign of aging.”

"Good thing I don't age at all, unlike regular AI who go rampant."

“Yeah. Now you might want to hurry up with that terminal cause in about thirty seconds we’re gonna have company from the right hallway.”

Suddenly forerunner turrets come out from the ceiling and aim at where they are coming from. Over twenty turrets appear by the time I'm done gaping.

"Those were there the whole time and they didn't attack us?!"

"Why would they? Nobody told them to." I facepalm at that.

Just then over twenty enemy Promethean Knights, crawlers and watchers come into the turrets' radius and are eliminated quickly.

"Glad those turrets are helping us. You have no idea how easy but hard to kill these Prometheans are."

“Duly noted. Can you send a map of the ship to my helmet along with Virgil’s?” Church does and I stare blankly at it. I can't even read this shit!

“Uh care to find me a direct path to the bridge? Cause I can’t read this thing worth a shit.”

"Just follow me you doofus." Church says as he sets off in a direction.

“Touchy, touchy. Come on Virg get that extraterrestrial ass movin!”

"Is that how you flirt? Because that is sad. Even for you."

“No if I wanted to flirt with you I would start at your face and then work my way down.” I say matter-of-factly.

"..."

"..."

“Hey you asked I answered.”

"..."

“Please talk to me. I hate awkward silences.”

"..."

“You're doing this on purpose aren’t you?”

"..."

"..."

"Maybe..."

“Damnit! What the hell do you want from me!?”

"Ih-uh-uh."

“What the hell does that mean!? Was that even a real statement or just a bunch of sounds!?”

"You tell me." Virgil retorts.

“You are a damn mystery, woman.”

"Are you insulting me?"

“No but it's damn frustrating! I don’t know what to do around you that doesn’t make me look like a complete idiot and it's driving me insane!” Church titters at that.

"I'm only female..." Virgil whispers.

“God damnit now I feel like a complete ass.” I sigh heavily.

"Why haven't we encountered more forerunners?" Church asks in a voice that clearly shows just how much of a bad feeling he has.

“More than likely they’re setting up an ambush down the way. Let me go first as my skin can take more punishment than you guys. Plus I heal quicker.” As I say this I step a good three feet in front of the Others while drawing Zangetsu with my right hand and a plasma pistol in my left.

"Do you heal quickly from energy blasts that disintegrate at an atomic level?"

“At most it will slow my regeneration down a tad but not too much. If I pump some energy to the area it will heal almost instantly.”

"Ok good because just one blast from them can disintegrate an entire squad of covenant in a few seconds."

“Good to know but get ready cause I’m sensing a lot of enemies behind this door. About fifteen on the right and left with thirty straight in front.”

"Kilo Alpha Whiskey." (Kill all watchers) Church says to Virgil. "India kilo charlie." (I'll kill crawlers) He looks at me. "Yankee kilo tango romeo." (You kill the rest)

I nodded in agreement and proceed to open the door. As soon as it was open a hail of fire was shot towards us. Thinking quickly I bring up Zangetsu and use it as a shield blocking most of the beams while the others just grazed us. Throwing a frag grenade that was attached to my belt, it detonates in the the center of the group straight ahead of us causing some confusion.

Using this moment I charge forward while shooting my plasma pistol. As I reach the group I throw away the sidearm and go to town with Zangetsu as I cleave through their metal bodies easily.

Looking at Church and Virgil I see them having little to no trouble in taking down the other two groups. In a little under a minute every forerunner in the room is a smoking pile of scrap. Virgil was a little charred as well as Church while my armor had plenty of smoking holes in it revealing my pale white skin underneath.

“Well that was a good scrap. What about you guys?” They could practically hear the smile in my voice as I said this.

"I don't care what you say. You are fucking Japanese." Church says in a tone that nearly made me shiver. But not in fear, no. Laughter. Until I couldn't hold it in anymore.

“Hahahaha! You act like it's a bad thing! How about you Virgil? What do you think?”

"I will never understand men."

“And I will never understand women so I guess we’re even!” Virgil just shakes her head at me.

“Ah you like me just admit it! Okay that was a Hichigo moment right there.”

"You're talking to yourself again."

“Sorry about that. So now we should get a move on. There aren’t any more enemies from here until the bridge but that could change if we wait too long.”

"But dad!"

“Oh shut up! If you want to treat me like your dad than I will resort to spanking and I’m almost positive you don’t want that to happen!.”

"Have you seen the movie Unbroken?"

“No it never caught my interest, why?”

"Nevermind, you wouldn't understand."

“Whatever now get moving or I get ta spanking. And I will use Zangetsu as a paddle.” To emphasize this I hold Zangetsu as if it was a paddle with the flat side facing them.

"That is fucked up. Even for you."

“Well I am a mix of two different personalities and Hichigo is a sadistic bastard so it’s only natural I inherit some of his tendencies. One which happens to be the threatening of posteriors.”

"No I mean you didn't use the sharp part as the flat."

“Hey it's meant to be a punishment not a death sentence. If I had used the sharp end it would have left a bad mark which I don’t want to do.”

"Ashunefu Xaaf Loregnhui." A robotic voice said in the ship com.

“Any idea what he said?”

"This fight is between me and the intruders. Leave us at once." Virgil translates.

“Oh thanks. Guess we get to fight the big boss then huh? This should be fun.”

The door nearest to us opens, revealing a Didact lookalike. He stands at 10 feet tall and looks freaking badass!

“Oh god. Now that things head is definitely going on my wall!”

"If it doesn't disintegrate when he dies."

"A human, an ancilla, and a Sangheili?"

“Well to be honest I’m not really human. More like a vengeful spirit with a lust for death, battle and sex.” I say factually.

"You are the idiotic one then."

“What did you just call me?” I growl out as I can feel my power enveloping everyone in the room.

"Well it is pretty obvious is it not? You are easily angered and seem to care only about yourself."

“Is that what you think?” My voice was cold and had no emotion in it yet my power output increased tenfold. “You think I’m just some selfish idiot that doesn’t give a damn about anyone else? Well apparently you don’t know jack shit about me cause these two know that I would gladly take a bullet for them and I know they would do the same for me. And now you’ve just made the biggest mistake of your soon to be short life.”

"Fool! I have lived for over 100 thousand years!"

“Well you know what?”

I disappear in a Sonido only to appear once again in front of the giant only my arm is imbedded in his abdomen with my hand protruding out the back.

“I don’t give a fuck.”

"Holy shit you just went Sith Lord on him."

I don’t answer as I yank my arm out and let the giant fall to his knees. I then wrap my hand around the man's neck before ripping it off, spine included, Predator style.

"That only proved my point." Church remarks.

My breathing was heavy as I was still angry at what the fucker had said and my urge to kill was still overwhelmingly present. I wanted to kill more!

"Dude. Take a chill pill. If you don't have one of those, take a chill strip. Put it on your tongue, it dissolves, chill." Church says in a voice that sounds exactly like Vic.

Unfortunately at that moment a forerunner crawler came in from one of the doors. Instantly my sights zeroed in on it. In under a second I was on the thing and ripping it to pieces with my bare hands. Strangely after doing this I felt a little better.

Church taps me on my shoulder making me turn,"Nigga! Calm yo white ass down!" He says in a perfect Samuel L Jackson impression.

“Sorry man what that bastard said just really got to me. You and Virgil don’t think I’m really a selfish idiot do you?”

"If you were, we wouldn't be here having this discussion right now." Virgil states bluntly.

“Good point Virg. You just make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.” I really thought she would be more emotional than that. Oh well.

"So... What the fuck do we do now?"

“Well if we can get to the main console in the bridge Church can probably hack into the ship and take control of the rest of the forerunner's on the ship. We get a ship and another army if you think about it. And if there are any more of the fuckers like headless over there just leave them to me.”

"We are in the bridge... It just looks different."

“Whoops. Well Church do your thing!”

"I can't even start to hack this...It's way too different from human design."

“Well there may be something I can do. But you're not gonna like it and neither am I.”

"We are not destroying a ship worth a planet." Wait. Why is it worth so much?

“What? No! Do you remember when I said hollows can eat other souls to get stronger? Well we also are able to take on the soul's memories. I was saying that if I eat that guy's soul then I may be able to figure out how this thing works!”

"Why wouldn't I like this?"

“Because I’ll also have to eat the bastards body as well since most of his soul has already departed. I won’t eat the head though since that’s my trophy!”

"..."

"What?"

"You're freaking weird."

“Hey that's what a hollow does okay? Plus the trophies thing is more to scare the shit out of anyone who thinks they’re better than me. Now can we please get on with this? Oh and Virg make sure you have a HUGE bottle of mouthwash ready cause this is not going to be pleasant for me.”

"Yeah... That is the one thing we don't actually have. Surprisingly." You have got to be kidding me.

5 minutes later

“Oh god that was horrible! He tasted like leathery bacon wrapped in sweatsocks! Where the hell is that mouthwash Virgil!?”

"Were you even listening to me?" Virgil asks angrily.

“No I was too busy eating mr ‘I’m over 100 thousand years old!’

"I said, that is the one thing we don't actually have."

“Ya gotta have something to at least get the taste out of my mouth! I’ll take anything at this point!”

"Even cocaine?" Virgil snarks.

“If you got it I’ll take it.” I say with all seriousness.

"What about horse Viagra?"

“What part of anything don’t you understand woman!”

"Even rat piss that we have for some reason?"

“Even dog shit would have a better taste than what I’m tasting right now so yes!”

"Satan's shit?"

“Virgil I have never hit a woman in my life but your ass is pushing my patience beyond its limits. Just tell me what you do have and not what you may have!”

"You're no fun. Fine. What is your favorite food?"

“Meatlovers pizza.”

A pizza that has mold, mushrooms growing out of it, and otherwise looks unhealthy appears in front of me. I can feel their shit eating grins.

But I surprise them when I devour the whole thing in three bites. Surprisingly the horrible taste from the pizza completely cancels out the horrible taste from before so I don’t taste either one. Who knew?

"That pizza would have killed a viking."

“Well I ain’t no viking sweetheart. I’m Hichigo the most badass motherfucker in the realm of the shinigami. It’s gonna take a lot more than that to keep me down.”

"What about a singularity?"

“Don’t care now can we please stop talking about what I just ate and more on the fact that I now know how we can work this thing?” Church walks up to me and places a palm on my forehead, causing me to feel information being copied. When he removes his palm, I glare at him.

“You could have just asked.” You can literally feel my annoyance it is so palpable.

"I forgot." Church says vaguely.

“Whatever just hack this thing and maybe while you're at it find out where the hell we are and how we can get back to your Equestria.”

"I have bad news. Like very bad news."

“Oh god what? Bad as in I just screwed a chick that turned out to be a dude bad or I just killed my neighbor's dog bad?”

"Which one is worse?"

“The dog.”

"We are in the void."

“.....I have no idea what that is.”

"You know the merchant"

“You mean the fucker that sent me here to begin with? Yeah.”

"He's an eldritch being and this void has many of them like him but many times worse."

“Oh shit. So how do we get out of here? Do we just make another jump?”

"That could either make things much worse or..."

“Or what? Could it send us into another alternate Equestria?”

"We might end up in your Equestria."

"Oh that's-"

"In the past."

“... well shit. So what do you suggest we do?”

"For once... I don't know."

“Hmmmm. Wait what if we were summoned? Like from another displaced like us? Could that somehow pull us out of here without fucking everything up?”

"I have a feeling that that might be a very bad idea. The void is unstable enough as it is, even if you can't tell. I fear it may implode or cause a big crunch or something."

“Well how did we get here without blowing the place up?”

"Oh shit! The pelican! We have to go back!"

“Why not just bring them here? I mean the ship is plenty big enough?”

"Do you really want to find out what might happen if we bring something from the void to your universe?"

“Damn so we just took this thing for nothing? What a rip! At least tell me you know how to recreate this shit so we can still have a chance of making one in the future!”

"Do you have any idea how long that would take to build even if we had the resources?!"

“I have all the time in the world.”

"But do the people you care about? Do they?"

“Heh. No.”

"Besides you would need a huge ass crew to even get this thing to move anyways."

“Okay I get it now can we just get back to the Pelican and hopefully find a way back to either one of our Equestria’s?”

Church teleports the three of us to his pelican and we end up in the armory.

“Alright not that I am complaining about being surrounded by tons of weaponry but why the hell did you not teleport us straight to the bridge?”

"We don't need to be on the bridge to control the pelican because we are AIs."

“Well sorry. Now Virgil put your gun away it's digging into my hip.”

"If you keep telling me what to do I might just go into a female human body and hit you hard enough to knock some sense into you."

“I’d like to see you try.” I challenged with a confident smirk. Sure she was tough as an elite but how much tougher could she be as a human? I was going to regret thinking that.

Virgil disappears for a minute before reappearing and holy shit! My jaw dropped.

She was only slightly shorter than me with purplish hair, almost black, and a body that put the Celestia from my universe to shame. She wore a red version of the outfit Cortana wore but her hair was slightly longer. Her eyes were also a bright green.

“Usah wah?” I couldn’t even speak! My mind had officially shut down by just looking at her.

Truly if she had told me to I probably would have rolled over like a dog begging for a treat.

"You look so pathetic right now." Church says.

“Shut up you're ruining the moment.”

"Dude. You're drooling so much that a fucking puddle formed on the ground." Church says incredulously.

“Don’t care. Memorizing image before me.”

"Time is up. Time to knock some sense into you" Before I can react, Virgil
punches me so hard that I nearly lose consciousness as I'm sent flying into a wall. What the fuck?!

Picking myself up I thank god for my rapid healing.

“I know that was supposed to be a punishment and all but seeing you like this made it well worth it.”

"That still wasn't my hardest."

“.....is it weird that I’m getting a boner right now?”

Virgil slowly starts to back away from me.

“Now time to escape!” And I quickly disappear in a Sonido. Thank god she didn’t like supposed masochist because I was NOT taking another punch from her! I ended up appearing in the same training area I beat the shit out of those red guys. It’s not like she would come after me though right?

"I know where you are." Virgil says in a chilling tone.

If I could get any whiter I would have. I immediately jumped into the air and began to hover. At least she can’t fly. And any weapon she fires at me won’t do much if any damage so I should be safe.

"Do you want to get tranqed? Red vs Blue simulation activate! Weapon ammo choice; tranquilizer rounds!"

Reds and blues start appearing holding M6J carbines and aiming their weapons straight at me. Oh fuck.

“WAIT! Before you shoot I just want to say one thing…..bye.”

I then use Sonido once more only now I’m hiding under a random tank. Pathetic I know but hey I’m desperate!. This bitch is out to get me and I don’t even want to know what she may have planned if she catches me!

"Pause simulation." Wait what? Oh shit. "Continue."

The tank I'm hiding behind suddenly explodes.

“God fucking damnit Virgil!” I grab the nearest guy, who happens to be a blue, and proceed to use him as a human shield to take all of the tranquilizers. I know it's cowardly but I don’t care at this point!

I feel a prick on my back, and then another and another. Shit! I forgot about behime! I feel my vision start to blacken in the corners of my eyes. I let go of my makeshift shield and time slows down as I start dodging every single tranquilizer.

“I’m not going down without a fight Virgil!”

Using my speed I rush the ones firing at me all the while dodging their shots. I get in close to the point they can’t shoot me and begin to beat them all down and at some point even using their own weapons against them. In under half a minute I was the last man standing in the area.

“I win!”

I feel myself get sent flying into the wall and the black in my vision gets worse.

"Final Boss!"

“Who the fuck just hit me!?” Alright now I was pissed. First I get a bunch of tranqs shot at me and now some fuck thinks they can just nail me when my back is turned? Fuck that!

I turn around and am not liking what I see. Reds with fucking flame throwers, miniguns, grenade launchers, rocket launchers, plasma launchers, energy swords, and gravity hammers!"

“Bring it ON!” I pull out Zangetsu and charge the Reds dodging everything they send at me and even swatting some aside with Zangetsu. The ones with energy swords and gravity hammers tried to fight me up close. Poor fools. I easily beat them aside before leaping into the horde of enemies. Their flames burned my clothes and the various explosives they used scorched my skin yet at the end of it all I was standing on a hill of beaten Reds with my clothing now whittled down into a ragged loincloth.

“Final Boss is done bitches!”

"Wave 2."

“Hey you can’t do that shit! You specifically said ‘Final Boss!’ Emphasis on FINAL! Thats fucking cheating! Have you no honor!”

"There is no honor in war." Virgil retorts.

“Since when the fuck were we in war!?”

"This is a war simulation."

At this I began to grumble to myself trying to surpress my anger before I finally just lost it.

“ALRIGHT YOU WANT TO SEND SOME MORE FUCKS AFTER ME THEN BRING IT OOOOON!” I then grabbed a nearby tank by its cannon and lifted it up with my left hand while Zangetsu was in my right. I was ready to beat the shit out of whoever came at me next.

I blink and the room is full of Changelings. Human looking ones... Why that little…

“I hope Chrissy and Ara can forgive me for what I am about to do. COME GET SOME YOU FUCKERS!”

They just stare at me innocently instead of attacking though.

“Alright what's your game Virgil?”

"War doesn't play fair. One of the these changelings is your enemy, but you don't know which. Find them."

Oh that sneaky little minx. Okay so one of them is my enemy so I can’t just go in guns a blazing and have to actually think this through. Changelings are natural at hiding their emotions physically but how about spiritually? If I stand in the middle of all of them and make myself an open target that should draw them out. And with my spirit sensing I’ll see them coming from a mile away! Oh I’ve got this!

So I did exactly as planned and walked into the middle of the entire group and just stood their with my eyes closed sensing for any movement from any of the changelings that may be heading in my general direction. But they don't even move. Shit. She must have planned for that! She's the girl with a million plans.

Now all I need is for my last bit of clothing to go flying off and we have ourselves a major cluster fuck! This is fucking ridiculous!

"The changeling traitor has changed. You were inactive too long."

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean!? Alright you need to lay out the rulebook right now and if you say some shit like ‘there are no rules in war’ I am going to take this tank and ram it straight up your ass!”

"Wave 7." The changelings all disappear and in their place are... flood.

“Great I went from shapeshifters to walking killer aids. Yippee!” I say sarcastically as I began smashing the flood with my tank club as if it was a game of whack-a-mole.

After they are all their remains dissipate.

"Wave 12."

“Alright now you just making shit up! What other enemies other than covenant can you possibly have!? Literal Pony soldier in gold armor?”

In a flash... Are YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?? 50 Discords.

“I hate you so much right now Virgil words cannot begin to describe it.”

"Good I won't have to use reverse psycholo- shit." Wait a minute she was making me hate her on purpose?!

“Why do you want me to hate you!? Eventually I’ll get over this you realize that right?”
The Discords all disappear and a silence ensues.

Instead of getting worried I just plop down onto the ground and lay there spread eagle style waiting for Virgil to make the next move.

But nothing happens.

I figure she has either left somewhere or is doing what I am doing and waiting for me to make the first move like a Usually would. Too bad for her that I’m not going to do that this time. If she makes me wait any longer I’m going to go ahead and take a nap.

10 hours later...

She still hasn't fucking done anything…

I want to go find her but that would mean that I am admitting defeat and I will never give in!....... Oh fuck it who am I kidding I need to talk to her. Flipping onto my feet I strap on Zangetsu and start walking towards the exit of the room thinking on where Virgil could be right now and wondering how I’m going to talk to her without making a fool of myself.

I keep walking and walking and walking until I hear, is that crying?

Curious I move towards the source wondering who could be crying and why.

"You are not choosing a good way to show you aren't interested even though we both know you are!"

“Huh? Church that you?”

"Now is not a good time."

“Good time for what? Is….is Virgil crying because of me?”

"She is crying because she doesn't know how to deal with her feelings."

“Feelings about what?”

"Are you fucking dense?"

“Okay I’m not good with expressing things other than anger so sue me! I hate the fact that apparently everything I do seems to hurt Virgil in some way and I feel like shit because of it! And yes I admit that I am interested her even before I knew what she looked like in her human form! You happy now that I’ve basically told you everything!?”

"Hichigo..." Virgil whimpers.

I froze when I heard her speak from behind me. I didn’t want to turn around but I knew I had to and did so.

Her face was streaked with tears and her hair was matted.

“Virgil I… damn, what I want to say is….. shit this is a lot harder than I thought.”

"You are an idiot when it comes to feeling." Virgil laughs but it is a hollow empty laugh.
“I may not be able to see how others feel so easily…. but that doesn’t mean I don’t understand them. I know you probably are hating me right now and I’m sorry I drove it to this by being an insensitive ass.”

"We just aren't meant to be. Besides, I can't leave my family... you understand right?” she asks weakly.

“No actually I don’t. I would never want you to leave your family so don’t use that as an excuse, and whats with this ‘we just aren’t meant to be’ crap!? Who cares about what is meant and not meant to be!? If you and I want something then who is to say we shouldn’t have it!? We choose our own paths, no one chooses them for us!?”

"I WON'T ALWAYS BE HERE!"

“AND NEITHER WILL I BUT I’M STILL WILLING TO TRY!”

"What the fuck are you doing?! NO DON'T TOUCH THAT YOU JACKASS! *gunshots* You just fucking shot the engine you retard!"

"Warning: Critical damage to engine core."

"... *record scratch*" Wow that ruined the moment.

“Virgil get Chruch. I’m going to see if there is anything I can do to help out in the engine room.” My voice was hollow as I had just felt like I had been crushed for some reason. Without another word I used Sonido to quickly get to the engine room.

"Warning: system failure."

“Yeah I heard ya the first time now shut up! Try being helpful and tell me if there is anything I can do to help!”

"W-w-wa..." The lights all turn off.

Damn now what do I do? I can’t see jack shit and I still need to figure out what’s wrong with the engine…. and where the hell is Church!? Fucker can teleport just about anywhere so he should be here already. Matter of fact he should of been here before me!

I step on something hard and look down. Is that...Yep, that's Church.His helmet is off and he has a concussion on his forehead causing him to bleed while he is unconscious.

Kneeling down I start to lightly slap Church’s face.

“Come on buddy wake up! What happened to you? Church wake up or else!..... Alright well I warned ya.” I then took Zangetsu and like to first time poked him in the butt with the pointed side.

He doesn't even flinch.

“Oh shit this is bad. We got a bad engine and a knocked out Church who I don’t know how he got here. Damn I could really use a hand here.”

Here I am in a situation of which I have very little knowledge of or even how to fix it.

“Wait a second! Church may be unconscious but what about the other AI’s with him? Delta! Gamma! Hell I’ll even take Tex at this point, can you hear me!?”

Delta appears "We can hear you but Epsilon-Church is in shock and we cannot leave him without severe repercussions."

“Alright I can deal with that. Just walk me through what the hell happened and how to fix the goddamn engine before it blows up or something. Time is of the essence!”

"I'm afraid only Virgil currently has any information. With Epsilon in shock I cannot give you information without causing further damage."

Taking a deep breath to calm myself I star to reach out for Virgil’s spirit. She is on the bridge. Using Sonido, goddamn I love using it, I appear right in front of Virgil surprising her so much that she throws a punch at my face but luckily I manage to grab her wrist before it makes contact.

“Virgil! I need your help to fix the engine. Church is unconscious in the engine room and Delta said you were the only one able to fix the engine. We have to go now!”

"Not even a please?"

“Virgil I‘m begging you here. I am really out of my element with all of this tech. Please just help me.”

Virgil grabs my shoulder and teleports us to the engine room. "There should be a spare engine around here somewhere." Virgil mutters to herself as she releases my shoulder.

“You mean that big thing right over there.” I say while pointing to a large object that seemed to just be sitting there for no reason.

"Yes but we need to remove the engine quickly and gently before putting in the new one."

“Alright just tell me what to do. I’ll do the lifting you just direct me.”

Virgil points to a tube that is connected to the current engine. "We need to detach that pylon before we can proceed."

“On it.” I say as I grab the tube and as gently as I can remove it so as not to rip the tube. “Okay now what?”

"You should be able to remove the engine now."

Nodding I grab the engine with both hands and gently lift it from its resting place. Turning towards Virgil I ask, "Where ya want it mam?”

"Place it to the side, I'll scavenge for parts from it later."

Doing as she instructed I laid the broken engine in an empty corner of the room before moving over the the new one. Lifting that one I make sure to ask Virgil, “There anything I should know before I place this where the other one was?”

"You may get a little shock."

“A little shock I can handle.”

Oh was I wrong. As soon as I placed the new engine a surge of electricity hit my and sent me flying back into a wall. I hung there for a moment before falling forward in a smoking heap.

"Relatively speaking."

My body still wouldn’t move though. Guess the shock fried my nerve endings. Gonna be here for a minute or two until they heal. Hopefully Virgil can do the rest without me. Oh who am I kidding I need her a lot more than she needs me in this situation.

Virgil sighs as she walks up to me and pulls a needle out of her pocket before injecting it into my veins.

It was almost like an adrenaline shot as I shot up completely fine.

“Holy shit a wake up call! What the hell was that stuff?”

"Experimental."

“Oh. Any negative side effects so far?”

"You tell me. You are the first subject."

“Well aside from the rapid healing I feel a rush of energy, a little twitchy and for some reason I’m having a craving for mangoes.”

"We need to restore power to the generator now since it shut itself down as a failsafe."

“How do we do that? Is there some kind of switch or something?”

"In a manner of speaking."

“I have a feeling I’m not going to like this, but what exactly do we have to do?”

"You catch on fast. We have to rewire some circuits."

“Okay and where are they and how do we do that?”

"Look up."

Doing so I look up and I deadpanned.

“Why am I not surprised?”

"Because you exhibit pessimistic tendencies?"

“That and I’ve learned to expect just about anything when being around you. Not that that’s a bad thing.”

"There should be switches up on the panels. Switch red to purple and purple to red."

“On it.” Floating up towards the panels I do as instructed and flip the red switch to purple and the purple to red. “Now what?"

"This is the automated broadcasting system. Power has been restored and all systems are now online!"

“Huh I guess we did it Virg.” Wow now without the threat of possibly blowing up and/or dieing I remember what Virgil and I were talking about earlier. I didn’t want to bring it up right now as it was still kind of a raw subject and could end up having a negative outcome which I do not want.

"Warning! Code red. Level zero! All personal get armed!"

“Oh shit what now? Virgil can you take care of Church? I’m gonna go see just what the hell we’re dealing with here. I sense a few soul signatures but not enough to warrant this kind of response.”

"No. That is the code used when a high level personnel has been taken out. In this case, Church. It didn't detect that before because systems went offline when he went unconscious."

“Shit. That means we got an intruder on board. And if they're taking out the leader’s then that would make you their next target. Means I’m sticking to you until we find the bastard.”

"Intruder detected! Open fire!" We hear a few crewman yell as they start shooting at someone. "Target neutralized. Area secure."

“Now I don’t know about you but I call bullshit on that. If the guy was able to knock out Church a few rounds from your guys shouldn’t be all it takes to take them down.”

"Just because you can take someone down doesn't make stronger than them. Otherwise the intruder would have killed Church."

“I still won't feel safe until this bastard’s head is removed from his body. That’s the only way to make sure he stays dead.” The crewman from before come in carrying a dead human.

"We have the intruder." The crewman say as they drop the body and salute Virgil, "Orders, Ma'am?"

"Leave the body here and return to your positions."

"Yes Ma'am!" They drop their salutes and leave our sights.

Walking up to the body I freeze at what I saw. It can’t be one of them, how the hell did one even get here let alone on the ship?!

"What is it?" Virgil asks, detecting my inner turmoil.

“It’s a Hollow, Adjucha’s class if I’m not mistaken.”

"I'm guessing they aren't going to stay dead?"

“Believe it or not but even dead people can die. But this guy must have been a newly made Adjucha’s since he was easily taken out. Luckily for us these guys usually travel alone and if not all they usually have with them is Gillian’s which are even lower classed Hollows.”

"How high of a hollow are you anyways?"

“Right now I would guess you could call me an Arrancar. Which is a Hollow who has removed his make in order to gain the powers of both soul reapers and Hollows. But that’s only a rough estimate since I am essentially the dark half of the main character I was turned into. The only thing higher than that is a Vasto Lorde and eventually I should be able to achieve that form with enough training.”

"So you are essentially second highest?"

“In my current form yes though if I unlock Bankai I will become roughly the same in power as a Vasto Lorde. And if I achieve Vasto Lorde while in Bankai, well that’s just a recipe for major badass.”

"I see. So we should be in your universe by now."

“The Earth version at least but yeah I can already sense Celestia’s spirit energy a pretty good distance away.”

"LOPEZ! STOP FUCKING HITTING ME YOU LITTLE SHIT I'M AWAKE!"

“Well Church is up. Should we go say hello?” Truthfully I just wanted to keep talking to Virgil but I didn’t want to keep her away from Church as she may be worried about him.

"GET YOUR FUCKING ASS BACK HERE!" We see a Lopez bot run past us with Church firing at him with a fucking minigun not even noticing us. Before we can say anything Church is already gone.

“Well damn. Guess he wasn’t hurt as bad as I thought. But you know I may have a theory on how this bastard got on the ship without anyone knowing.”

"Enlighten me."

“You see all Hollows come from a place called Heuco Mundo. Think of an endless white dessert where time is nearly non-existent and it is always dark. Along with the fact everyone is trying to eat each-other so as to gain more power.”

"Are hollows common in Bleach?"

“They are the main bad guys throughout nearly the entire thing. But anyways only high level Hollows develop intelligence and can lead other Hollows. These ones are able to travel to the world of the living where they can feed on Pluses which are spirits of people who have yet to pass on to the Soul Society. To do this they open something called a Garganta.”

"Good thing us AI don't have souls. And our bodies have already released their souls."

“Yeah good for you but you do know that Hollows are made from the tortured souls of Pluses or are Pluses that have been devoured by Hollows and then become them in turn right?”

"Well...Yeah."

“Okay then well a Garganta is basically a rip in space and time that they can use to travel to different planes of existence or just for quick travel. I think that is how that Adjucha’s got in here without anyone knowing.”

"You realize we are on the Earth of the Bleach show right?"

“Yeah and we better be getting the hell out of here before some Hollows and/or soul reapers start showing up trying to either kill me, eat me, or both.”

"GOTCHA BITCH!" Church screamed in a voice that nearly made me shit myself from laughter.

“Hahaha! Guess Church finally got the Lopez bot. So Virgil anything you want to see on this version of Earth before we book it out of here?”

"We already left." She points out.

“Huh? I didn’t even notice. So anything else you need from me?” Please say yes, please say yes.

"Why?" Virgil asks suspiciously.

“Just wondering.” I hope she doesn’t notice how nervous I am.

"AH! WHAT THE FUCK ARE THOSE?! NO GET THAT THE HELL AWAY FROM ME YOU PIECE OF SHIT!"

I didn’t show it on my face but I was about to kill the bastard who kept interrupting my conversation with Virgil. They better pray it's for a good reason or I will make their life a living hell!

"NO! Don't stick that in there! That's not where it goes!" Virgil blushes after hearing that.

“Cute.” I mutter out when I see Virgil blushing. Hey she is cute! Still I can’t believe I said it out loud! Maybe she didn’t hear me?

"Is that how you treat your mother?! Put it in slowly and don't let it fall out! We can't afford to lose another one!"

“You know Virg I could be like any other guy and make a sexual comment before going to investigate what the hell is going on and with who. But I think we both know that what we think is happening is not really happening.”

"Put that thing in the lower slit not the tight one!"

“....okay I got nothing. But now I am curious as to who exactly is yelling like that. Anyone you know Virg?... Uh Virgil you hear me?”

Virgil had fainted and was on the ground with a lascivious grin on her face.

“My my such a dirty minded minx. Oh well can’t just leave her here. Guess I should find Church and ask him where her room is.” Picking her up bridal style I start heading of in the direction Church had gone a few minutes ago.

What I see is something I am not prepared for. A crewman is humping a pipe with his hips, trying to fit it into a slot, while Church is facepalming.

“Well I’ll be damned. Hey Church!”

Church just seems spaced out though and occupied with wondering why he has a crewman make lewd gestures with a pipe.

“Hey dipshit I need to know where your sister's room is!” He had to of heard me that time. And if not my boot is going straight up his ass.

Before I can react Church walks up to the crewman and falcon punches him in the face. The crewman groans before falling unconscious. He was fully armored in MJOLNIR even!

“Oh shit Church! That was a little harsh don’t ya think? And that’s coming from me!”

"He was a tool." Church says icily. The way he said that brooked no argument.

“Yeeeah? Well can you point me to your sisters room? She kind of passed out.” At this I looked down at Virgil and couldn't help but smile. She was too damn cute for her own good!

"Room 14127B." The ship is that big?!?!?!?!?!

“Yeah mind getting me a map that I can read while you're at it.”

Church turns towards me and when I see his expression I flinch. His eyes were empty.

“Alright what the hell is with you Church? And don’t give me that ‘it’s nothing crap’ cause I know something is seriously wrong with you.”

"My eyes pupils were decimated. This is a side effect."

“Oh. Well I’m just gonna take your sister to her room. Okay that didn’t sound right.”

He just turns back around and starts dragging the unconscious crewman somewhere. I don't even want to know.

After asking a few crewman for directions I finally make it to Virgil’s room. What I saw of the inside it was pretty standard.Not too much to look extravagant but enough to make it sort of homey. Spotting her bed I gently lay her down on it and start to pull the covers up to her chin.But even after doing that I still stood there for a good minute just watching her rest.

Sighing to myself I mutter, “why do I have to be such an insensitive ass?” And then I left for the direction of the mess hall to get some food. I needed to take my mind off of Virgil for now.

"I'm sorry sir but there just isn't enough space for all this food."

"Make some then." I walk past the arguing and towards the kitchen.

One Lopez bot tried to stop me but immediately found his head implanted into the floor. Needless to say no one bothered me after that. I grabbed one of every type of food they had and plopped down at a newly vacated table where I started to eat at a methodical pace.

It seemed like no matter what I do my mind keeps going back to the argument with Virgil. What the hell was she so upset with me? I didn’t want her to be and I wanted to know how to fix this but nothing came to mind.

Church walks in and everyone immediately stops talking. "At ease." The chatter starts up again as he walks towards the bar.

"What can I get you sir?" The waitress asks, she's a pony unicorn mare with a dull black mane and a cerise coat. Her cutie mark is hidden under a blue skirt.

"One of everything." She looks at Church with a concerned expression.

"Are you sure y-"

"One of everything." He repeats. She sighs and does as he says.

I watched as she gathered the food for him but did nothing and continued to eat. It wasn’t any of my business if the guy wanted to have a large meal. Hell I was doing the same thing!

"Give me a row of Spirytus 192 Proof Polish Vodka." Everyone gapes at him as he says that. "Mix it with Carolina reapers please."

"..." Is he fucking serious?

They had that type of alcohol on this ship and didn't think to tell me!? I feel so betrayed! But in all fairness I probably would’ve drunken them out of house and home if that was the case. Plus I’m not exactly tame when intoxicated so there was also that to take into account.

"Do you have any 400 Proofs left?" My jaw drops. Why do they have 200% alcohol here and how is that even a thing?!

"We are all out sir."

Well damn I wanted to seriously hit that shit! And how the hell did they run out? Whoever drank that shit must have died of alcohol poisoning by now.

"370 proof Kamikaze shots?"

"We just restocked." The waitress says. A human pony stallion walks up to the bar and says,

"I'll take a row of those and a suicide shot." These people are fucked up!

Still first chance I get I’m hitting that shit! I need it now more than ever!

"SUICIDE SHOTS ON THE HOUSE!" The stallion yells. Everyone cheers and runs to the bar.

And I was the first one in line! Thank god for super speed. I took the first shot and downed it before anyone could even blink. And god was it amazing!

There were a couple of grunts, elites and brutes next to me that I didn't notice before though. This was giving me a star wars vibe! Now if only one of them attempted to pick a fight with me. But that didn't happen and if I picked a fight it would look bad on me and Church or Virgil might get pissed.

And the last thing I needed was Virgil to be even more pissed at me than she already is. Dammit why isn’t the alcohol doing its job!? It’s suppose to help me forget not think about her more!

"We have arrived in the Port Royale pirate's paradise!" The intercom announces.

I swear to god they can not be serious. They’re fucking with me cause there is no way in hell we are in Port Royale like from those stupid pirate movies.

The Assassin's Creed 4 Black Flag theme starts playing next nearly making me scream.

I run up to the intercom and smash it with my fist. Turning around I see everyone staring at me.

"You're buying the new one." Church says seriously.

“I don’t give a shit. As long as I don’t have to hear that crap I’m good.”

"Huh. A galleon of old." A crewman says as he points out a window. Pirate ships were literally everywhere.

"..." I scream in frustration before running out and into the halls.

I didn’t know where I was going but at this point I didn’t care. Turning another corner I run into someone knocking both of us over.

“Damn sorry about that.” I look at them and see Virgil on the floor rubbing her forehead.

Oh shit fate is really not working in my favor today. What the hell is she doing here?

"You need to watch where..." Her mouth closes at the sight of me.

“Uh hey Virgil. Sorry about that and you're right I should have been watching where I was going. Oh here let me help you up.”

I quickly got to my feet and reached down a hand to help her up. I was still wondering why she hadn’t gone back to her elite form and is still in her human form. Not that I’m complaining but I was still curious.

"I don't know how to feel." Virgil mutters as she grabs my hand and pulls herself up.

“Feel about what?”

She shakes her head incredulously, "Nevermind."

Now usually I would let this go but now that she’s opened the door I’m stepping through. I gently grasp her wrist making her look me in the eyes.

“Please just talk to me Virgil. This isn’t just going to go away if we keep ignoring it.”

30 Minutes Later…

I don’t know how it happened or why but somehow we found ourselves in Virgil’s room sitting across from each-other. We had been silent for a long time but I knew neither one of us wanted to make the first move.

Point of View: Church

What the fuck is that squeaking sound? I walk up to the door to room 14127B and hear moans and screaming.

"..."

I had a good idea what may be going on in there and I didn’t know how to feel about it. That and I wasn’t willing to open the door and see something I may never want to see.

So I do the next best thing. I activate the camera in the room and start recording for 5 minutes before throwing a flashbang grenade into the room. I immediately run into my room and watch their reactions from the camera.

“What the holy hell!? Who’s the ballsy fucker I’ll kill him!” Alright that was definitely Hichigo. No one can make a death threat like that and mean every word of it like he can. Well that and the fact that the guy had his giant ass cleaver in his hand.

Virgil bitchslapped Hichigo. "Calm down." She says sternly.

And to my surprise he does just that!

“Sorry Virg.” He actually sounded like he meant it! Who was this guy and what had he done with Hichigo!?

I exited my room, grabbed a fucking missile pod and kicked down the door to Virgil's room before acting surprised.

"Were you two really fucking each other to the song Promise by Hirose Kohmi? Because that is embarrassing."

“Yeah and if you say a word about this to anyone your ass is grass.” growled Hichigo.

"I Don't think Virgil appreciates that."

Hichigo slowly turned around to see a small frown on Virgil’s face and immediately starts apologizing. Man she’s already got him whipped.

"Besides, we are... Oh shit. We're in Canterlot."

“Yours or mine.” Hichigo’s tone was neutral but a little edgy.

"Yours." I say bluntly.

“There any pegasi heading our way or are they all just staring at us?”

"We are surrounded on all sides by Royal Guard. Not that they could do shit to us. But they're trying to stop us from leaving."

Hichigo looks over to Virgil. “Can I go and talk to them? I promise I’ll only hurt them if they strike first.”

"Sure."

"Don't forget about me! I'm the backup." I attach something to my right wrist.

"What did you just attach to your wrist?"

Point of View: Hichigo

"Flamethrower attachment. Infinite flames." My eyes widen. He'd burn them alive?!

“Woah dude that is intense shit right there. But you really think I’d go into a potential war zone without my right hand man by my side? Virgil comes and goes as she pleases but I’ll go with you into hell itself! Now let’s go ‘negotiate.’

We run all the way to the hatch and Church deploys the same invisible force field he did when we first met me before he opens the hatch.

The princesses and elements are in front of us.

"It seems you do regrow your balls after all." Church jokes.

“So suntits whatcha doin?” Oh I love it when she’s angry. Her face gets all red and her hair goes wild. It’s actually pretty funny looking.

"You're not the only one who can burn people alive Celly." Church says as he releases a large ass jet of flame out of his arm and over the ponies.

Most of them run for cover but Celestia uses her magic to put a shield over the ones who couldn’t get out of the way in time. At least she cares for her subjects somewhat.

"Have you ever heard of anti-magic?" Her and my jaws drop as the flames go straight through her forcefield.

“Wow man that was insane.”

Apparently the other ponies didn’t appreciate this as much as I did and instead became sad and angry at the same time.

“You bastards! How could you!” demanded Twilight. Huh so little Twily CAN curse!

"Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?" Church asks boldly.

“Now , now Church she is a young lady afterall. And how could we Twi? Why don’t you ask your dear mentor how she could abandon a whole nation and then just march in like she’s god's gift and expect everyone to just bend over for her? As far as I’m concerned everypony that blindly follows her is nothing but trash. Church I’m tired of dealing with these punks, how about we check out our own kingdom and then check in on the Crystal Empire? Oh and Celestia if you try anything I will take great pleasure in beating you into the ground and leaving you a broken bloody mess. How will your subjects think of you then?”

"How about we find out right now?" Church says manically. Before I can stop him he pulls out two magnums and starts shooting at everyone with concussion rounds. Luckily they aren't lethal but they draw a bit of blood and cause extreme pain. The princesses and elements crumple to the ground except Fluttershy. We don't do that shit to her.

I onid down beside the Princesses and take both of their crowns. They really don’t deserve them. Looking at Luna again I feel a pang of betrayal. After everything I’ve done for her she just ups and sides with her sister in everything.

"I'm sorry." I whisper. Her eyes widen but before she can do anything I'm already back in the pelican.

“Man I really need a vacation. Hey where is Virgil?” Am I being clingy? Maybe. Do I care? Fuck no!

2 Days later...

Location: Crystal Empire

News had spread all over the world of how the princesses were so easily defeated in less than a minute and Equestria's reputation as most powerful country was devastated. Just how I like it.

Now here we were chilling in the Crystal Empire while we had one of Church’s subordinates in the Demon Kingdom running things in our absence. It was kinda awkward to explain to Chrysalis and Aragog that I was now officially with Virgil. They glared at her so hard I was afraid she would turn to ashes.

But Virgil just stared at them. And laughed. Very hard did she laugh. Yeah the woman I am in a relationship with is a badass. Also Church has something and no matter how hard he denies it I know he’s lying. He did something and I don’t know what it is but it involves me and Virgil in some way.

"Lopez Fireteam Sierra 1772B ready for war games simulation." I hear from Church's helmet.

"Send them in. I'm on break." Church orders one of his generals.

This was going to be fun. We were sitting in a lounge room and about to watch the games on a large crystal screen. Church was lying on the couch casually drinking some crystal wine as he lazily looked at the screen.

I on the other hand was sitting in an armchair with Virgil sitting in my lap. Yeah life was good. Except for the part I nearly killed a noble that was eyeing Virgil everything was pretty quiet.

"Set wave, Promethean Knights and Lancers." Church orders the simulation spawn computer. If you didn't know, the simulation rooms work like the hologram rooms from Red Vs Blue that Sarge and Lopez made.

“I bet seventy bucks that they make it to wave eight before they finally lose.” I say trying to spice things up a bit with a friendly wager. Not like I didn’t have the money to waste as I basically co-ruled an entire Kingdom.

But Church made it a challenge. "$70,000, wave 12. You fold?"

“Oh you're on fucker.”

"Actually, I raise. $1,000,000."

“Now I know something is wrong here. Betting 70,000 is nothing but a million? Hell no that is one risk even I won’t take you dirty bastard.”

"Did I just make the high and mighty Hollow Ichigo fold?" Church says smugly.

Before I could retort with a smartass comment Virgil grabs my ear.

“That’s my job. Now Hichigo go get me another drink or else your sleeping outside tonight.”

Sighing in resignation I gently lift her up so that I can go do as she ordered. Whipped I may be but I’m also happy. Still there is the feeling that I’m going to be in some very serious situations soon enough. Oh well I’ll deal with it when it comes.

“I raise! $1,000,000,000,000.” I hear Church scream.

“Dumbass.” Ah life was good for now.

Sorry for the delay

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.

Chapter 12 Part 4: Zenith

Author's Note

Please tell me of any editing errors I forgot so I can fix them.

Chapter 12 Part 4: Zenith

2 hours after the simulations ended.

Perspective: Hichigo

After watching the team go to town on some enemy drones Virgil had decided to do some maintenance on the Pelican and Church was still reading a damn magazine. What the hell was so interesting about it I will never know.

As for myself I was just walking through the town getting the occasional greeting while looking for something entertaining to come my way. A few minutes ago I had felt a huge rise in spiritual pressure that was a good distance away but it disappeared almost as soon as it happened so I just ignored it thinking it was a random occurrence.

Church was indifferent to the fact that he didn't really win any money considering he betted so high. I still don't know how he won without cheating…

My thoughts were broken though when a shrill scream pierced the air. I instantly used Sonido to get to the source and was shocked by what I saw. There was about ten Gillina class Hollows attacking the citizens. most had managed to get away but I saw one had her soul ripped out but thankfully her soul chain was still attached.

It was weird as usually hollows are invisible to living being who aren’t spiritually sensitive but I wasn’t about to complain as I had a girl to save.

Summoning Zangetsu to my hand I leaped forward and easily cleaved the thing down the middle while also catching the falling girl. Before anything else I quickly returned her spirit to her body but she was still unconscious. Thankfully there was still some people around and they quickly took her away.

“Damn it that was too close. But how the hell are these guys here unless…. DAMN THE SPIKE! I knew I shouldn’t have just shrugged it off!”

I then used my sensing abilities to their max and was stunned by what I was feeling. There were well over a hundred hollows of Gillian class attacking the Empire! If that’s not enough I can sense a high Adjuchas class not far away. Probably the leader of these bastards. Looking around I see some of the Gillians and realize that they all look the same. About three to four stories tall with black formless bodies and a white, long-nosed mask. Everyday normal Gillians.

I needed to alert Church and Virgil if they don’t already know. But they can’t detect spiritual entities like I can so better warn them just to be on the safe side.

An air-raid siren that shouldn't have possibly been installed that fast started screaming as Lopez bots ran out of Church's pelican but Church wasn't anywhere to be found, nor Virgil.
Deciding to take charge I whistle impossibly loud that it can even be heard over the siren.

“Alright listen up you shitheads! I want you to split up into groups and head to the most populated areas as that is where these bastards will be! Aim for the masks as that is the only way you're gonna take them down!”

"What do you think we are doing?" A Lopez bot asked impatiently.

“I don’t know what the fuck you guys are doing ninety percent of the time! Hell I’ve even seen one of you fuckers hump a fucking tube for no goddamn reason! So shut up and do what I say or you’ll be first on the casualty list fuckhead! NOW MOVE!!”

The Lopez bot I screamed at threw like ten fucking grenades at me, all primed before running towards the frontlines.

Making a mental note to scrap the bastards later I swing Zangetsu and hit all of the grenades like I’m hitting a home run and send them flying into the air luckily hitting a group of incoming Gillians.

“Now if I could only find Church and Virgil this would be so much easier.” I mutter to myself as I fly up to engage a group of incoming Hollows with my blade.

By luck I hear a radio next to the ground. I'll try using that later. Must protect civilians first. Wow, I can't believe I just says that even in my thoughts.

As I was cutting through the Gillians with ease I eventually make my way back to the ground with a bunch of Hollow bodies around me.

“Well aren’t you an interesting little Hollow.” A deep and gravelly voice says before I was suddenly launched into a nearby crystal building. The attack was strong enough that I actually coughed a little bit of blood! Granted my skin didn’t break but the internal damage was plain as day.

"This is Epsilon-Church! Does anyone copy?" I hear Church's voice say in between static. I look down and see the radio from before in pieces yet somehow still working.

Picking up the last bit that you speak into I put it up to my mouth and say, “hey Church can ya hear me?”

"You...stay...to help...I...will be...move..." I hear.

“Damn. Looks like I’m on my own for now.”

Feeling a slight quack a turn to see the bastard that hit me and knew he was the Adjuchas class Hollow I had felt earlier. He was at least double my height with light grey skin. He was built like a bodybuilder and he had a mask that was shaped like an armadillo.

“Your skin is very tough. Tougher than anyone I have hit before. But it doesn’t do you much good as long as I can still attack your innards.”

“And who the hell are you ya stuck up prick?”

“Forgive me my name is Quaker.”

“Like the oatmeal?” I say with a snicker. Do these guys name themselves?”

"Orbital Strike authorized." I hear from the broken radio. My eyes widen. "30 Seconds until fire." My eyes widen even more. A red laser was pointing at us. It didn't matter that we were at the edge of the Empire. By the way Quaker reacted, he didn't hear the radio.

He apparently was offended by my little comment and attacked me. Thanks to my smaller size I was easily able to avoid him but when he struck the ground it was almost like a small earthquake hit and his fist created a small crater.

"...Second left." I saw the laser start to flash. I got to get the hell out of here!

Too bad that when I tried to get away I was struck in the side once more and sent into the ground creating a spiderweb crack upon impact.

“I’m getting real tired of this shit.” I mutter.

"Target acquired. Firing. Prepare to die if you hear this. And don't forget to look up." The radio says extremely loud to the point where Quaker heard it. He looked up and got an Oh shit face. A red laser was pointing straight at him.

Almost as soon as he saw this the laser fired point blank at him created a huge cloud of dust along with an explosion that lifted me from my spot in the ground. I managed to right myself in the air and hovered there for a minute.

He was still alive but barely. How the fuck did he survive that?! Quaker was lying on the ground wounded critically and was barely breathing.

“You think…. you’ve won?”

“Yeah pretty much. You can’t really move and look like shit.” I says with a smirk.

A smirk that quickly left my face when a shadow passed over us and I looked up to see about twenty Gillians hovering overhead. They stayed there for a few seconds before suddenly rushing to the downed Hollow who then proceed to absorb them!

"Second fire. Magnetic accelerator cannons ready to fire on command." A button lit up on the radio, likely waiting for me to press it. As I reached for it the device just shattered!

“What the hell!” I exclaimed before hearing Quaker laughing as well as feeling his spiritual pressure rise.

“Surprised? My powers allow me to release seismic vibrations to damage anything in my vicinity including your organs. But now that I have devoured a few of my followers I am more powerful than ever!”

Quaker did look different. He had grown a few feet and now had armor plating over his back and arms almost like a real armadillo.

A com played throughout the empire, "Firing MAC Cannon. All units are engaging the enemy!" You have got to be kidding me. A lopez bot with a flamethrower and jetpack flew above us and started spraying at Quaker while a Lopez bot with a Plasma launcher sniped at him. It did damage but not much.

Quaker was easily annoyed by their attempts to harm him and used his now enhanced speed to get to the Lopez bot with the jetpack. He hit the bot with enough force to punch clean through his body and used his seismic powers to literally blast him apart. But the Lopez bot used this to fly even higher after being sent flying, and then flew right back at Quaker before it revealed the bomb behind it. "Fuck you." The Lopez bot exploded into pieces as it collided with Quaker.

When the smoke cleared Quaker was still there but his armor on his arm was scratched and smoking from taking the blow.

“That’s it! I have had it with you instects! I’m going to turn this entire town into a crater!”

"Firing main cannon." A scream was heard before a huge explosion literally ripped apart everything around us, leaving a crater so big it almost looked like a miniature canyon. I lied on the ground, somehow alive. I opened my eyes and looked to where Quaker was to see him still standing... with his arms and legs blown off…

“Damn you… damn you all to HELL!”

It seems he still had enough energy to perform the Hollows greatest attack, the Cero, or more commonly known Doom Blast.

A teal energy began to form in front of his masked face and from what I was sensing it had more than enough juice to destroy at least a quarter of the Empire. Before I could try to stop him it fired.

Knowing where it was heading I did the only, and stupidest thing I could think of. I got in front of it and raised Zangetsu as a shield. When the blast hit it pushed me back about twenty yards before I managed to hold my ground but still I was struggling against it.

As I was pushing back I tried to think of something that could give me an edge but was drawing a blank. The only thing that could break through this Cero had to be either a Getsuga Tensho, which I still couldn’t really do, or another Cero.

A Cero was my best bet at the moment as it was just a more powerful version of Bala and I had that down pat.

“Alright guess it’s all or nothing. If I die…. well at least I went all the way with Virgil beforehand.”

Using my left hand to hold Zangetsu in place I bring my right hand up and hold out both my pointer and middle finger and start collecting energy at the tip creating a ball of black and red energy. Only this time I put in much more power making the small orb grow to about the size of a basketball.

When I felt it was strong enough I shove Quaker’s attack with Zangetsu pushing the beam back about two feet and quickly bring forward my right hand and yell, “CERO!”

The ball at my fingertips instantly turned into a beam that grew to be at least three times my size! When the two Cero’s made contact there was a breif second of struggle before my own completely overpowered Quaker’s.

Quaker was too stunned to even speak or much less scream as he was engulfed in the blast and erased from the face of Equestria. I was so exhausted from my first use of Cero I passed out in mid-air. 100 feet in the air! I really hope I don’t feel the landing when I wake up.

"Alive...vitals...spiked...dose...inject...conscious..." I heard but everything was confusing as I couldn't move or do anything and I only heard fragments.

"Refuse...this...survival...help...patient..."

What are they talking about? And where the hell am I?!

"Life...condition...critical...blood..."

What?!

Okay hold the phone are they talking about me!? I don’t need blood! As far as I know I only passed out from exhaustion not blood loss!

"Dead...Hollows...infected...life force...resurrection...inconsistencies..."

Oh come on wake up body!

‘You can’t wake up yet Hichigo.’

Turning to the voice I saw Zangetsu like from the show! Same black hair and imposing warrior aura.

“Woah Zangetsu!? What are you doing here? Wait I can talk again!?”

‘Of course you can, this is, after all, your inner world.’

Looking around I see he is right as the scenery had changed to a completely white themed world with various skyscrapers here and there. Just like Ichigo’s inner world.

“Okay so I’m in my inner world… nice. But I’m more concerned about what’s happening in the real world right now Zangetsu so can you wake me up?”

‘You can’t wake right now. But I can show you what is happening at the moment.’

As he finished saying this he waved his hand and a mirror appeared only when I looked into it I didn’t see my reflection but rather I was seeing a hospital room of some kind with me in a bed hooked up to various machines as well as Virgil and Church talking to what I assumed to be my doctor.

"His vitals show him as dead but considering what he is I'm not going to jump to conclusions." Church says.

“Okay that’s good but how long have I been out? And what happened after I beat Quaker?”

"He shouldn't be though! The hollow threat was destroyed by our resistance forces. We found Hichigo lying on the ground in a massive pool of his own blood. How did he get injured that critically in the first place?!"

"After the initial cannon more than five blasts of a foreign energy with levels reading off the charts were detected." Church explained to which the Doctor nodded. "Levels of over a hundred thousand. We are lucky the damage was so minimal or we wouldn't be having this conversation right now."

“Guess I was right when I assumed how powerful Quaker’s blast was. And it seems when i passed out my Hierro was dispelled to make more energy for my healing factor.” I says with a quizzical look.

A beep was heard. "The patient is no longer flatlining! Vital signs are critical though! I'll need to administer some emergency doses." The doctor says.

Oh they better not put a needle in my ass if they wish to keep their hands!

But the doctor only walked to a computer where she typed something in, causing a whirring sound to be heard as well as gas and creaking. A mechanical arm injected a needle straight into my...brain.

What the hell kind of sci-fi bullshit is that!? I mean what happened to the traditional needle in the arm or something? Even inside my own mind I can still feel it and it feels weird!

"Vital signs look normal. He should be coming around pretty soon."

"Good. Keep doing a good job."

"I will," the mare says as she walked out the door of the room.

‘It seems you will wake soon. I will have to accelerate the process.’ says Zangetsu.

“Wait what process?” I asked. But as I turned to face him he stabbed me through the chest with the blade I would have when I activated Bankai. I stare at him in shock as I felt energy surge through my being from the blade.

“W-why?”

‘This will hurt for only a moment Hichigo. But when it is over you will be stronger than before. You are finally ready to bear my power.’

And just like that my vision was engulfed in a blinding flash of reitsu and I screamed in pain as the overwhelming power enveloped my very being.

"He's in pain!" Virgil screamed.

"Yeah, that is pretty obvious but we can't go near him without being obliterated." Church retorted.

I heard all of this before there was an explosion of power from me. It traveled throughout the Empire and if I guessed right it traveled all across the continent. Slowly I reeled in my power and let it enter my body. My eyes opened and I could see the shocked faces of my friends as they took in some of my new changes.

"Um...Hichigo. You may have done something bad. And not the good kind. The sun has cracks in it..." Church says, pointing out the window.

Looking out the window I see they are right. Seems I even managed to damage Celestia’s control over her sun just from a brief pulse of my power. I knew Celestia was weak before but to think she was this weak was pretty pathetic.

A scream of agony that sounded like Celestia's was heard all over the world and the Sun started moving of it's own accord.

“Huh it appears as if Celestia is trying to take away her sun to give it some time for it and herself to recover. Figures.” My voice had changed to a more calm tone opposed to my usual arrogant one.

"AH!!!!!!" Celestia screamed, the Sun hit a planet in the distance but instead of incinerating the planet it just rammed it.

"I think I know why she is so weak now..." Church says. "It's a freaking giant light instead of a huge ball of gases and death...But how does radiation...Fuck it magic."

“It does not matter Church. She probably knows it was me who had caused this and will most likely try and rally other nations to try and kill me for the sake of the world. She seems like the type of woman that would eliminate anything or anyone with greater strength than her. Plus we still have the Element’s in our possession.”

"Uh... about that..." Church laughed nervously.

“I don’t need details Church but just tell me do you have at least an idea of where they are now?” I asked still in my calm tone but with a hint of annoyance.

"In the void." He says bluntly.

“Hmmm. So now the Element’s are permanently out of play? I wonder what fate would befall Equestria now without the aid of their most powerful weapons?”

"Tree of Harmony." Virgil says. My eyes widened a touch. Church had already explained the tree to me beforehand.

“We have to go there now.” There was no telling what Celestia would do. She was probably loosing her mind right now and a semi-immortal gone crazy is not something to be underestimated.

"Why?" Church asked.

“Cause with the Elements gone the tree is Celestia’s best option. And depending on what she does next could end up harming the tree. And I’m sure you don’t need to tell you how bad things could get should she more than likely fuck up.”

"We are in the pelican. A warp to the tree should be easy."

“No warp a mile or two away from the tree and the three of us will go the rest of the way. Celestia is almost guaranteed to show up but we should have the Lopez-bots keep an eye out for anyone else that may come around.”

"Well okay then." We felt a lurch and looked out the window to see the forest of the Everfree.

“Alright Virg, Church, you ready to pay a visit to the Tree? It more than likely we’ll see Celestia along with the Element Bearers. Hell we may even see Cadence and Shining.”

"Cloak the ship. Virgil you're going to need to stay here and command them since it would be useless for me to try to be here and there even with my reaction time." Church says in a serious tone.

Walking up I give Virg a quick kiss before saying with my trademark grin, “see ya soon. And try not to cause any trouble while I’m gone.”

"We both know the answer to that." She says with a sad smile.

“Hey don’t look so sad. I’m not going anywhere for a while yet. It’s gonna take a lot more than a wayward princess to keep me down. Just be here when I get back.” I walk over to Church and stand next to him waiting for him to teleport us straight to the tree.

We are teleported right in front of the open hatch with over a hundred heavily armored Lopez bots which all have Sniper rifles of the m99 stanchion gauss variety and m45 shotguns as well as a M6J Carbine with concussion magazines outside the pelican.

Armor appeared around Church and enclosed him until he was in his usual blue armor.

“So big guy you ready. There’s no telling what we could be facing when we get there. For all we know Celestia has become some God that intends to kill us with rainbow powers.”

"That's why you have us. If we see her she may as well be dead." The Lopez bots say.

“We can’t kill her no matter how much easier it would make our lives.”

"Oh we weren't talking about killing her. Magic absorption magazines from the same process that anti-magic is created." My eyes widened. That would literally break her connection to the Sun completely and take away her cutiemark.
It is magic after all...

*sigh* “I can’t believe I’m gonna say this but, we can’t use that against her. We do that and we take away her purpose in life. That is a fate I would not wish upon my worst enemy.”

"That would only happen if we drained all of her magic." It clicks in my head where they are going with this. They want to drain her while disabling her source of power temporarily. Genius.

“Alright boys I guess we got a plan then. Now let's put it into effect. But be sure not to hit the tree or else the mission is fucked. Who knows what kind of effect those rounds would have on it.”

"They wouldn't affect it considering the tree has at least over a thousand times more power than her. Besides, Celestia is not a force of harmony no matter how much she wants to believe that." Church says darkly. "After all... If she was... She would have no free will."

“Woah Church a little dark there. But sound logic. So can we go ahead to the tree.”

We walked through the forest, ignoring the danger and neutralizing anything stupid enough to attempt to get in our way. And like predicted, The former Element bearers, and the princesses were at the .Tree of Harmony.

Lopez #1739 aimed his M6J Carbine straight at Celestia's flank and fired the entire magazine. She fell to the ground, drained almost completely and cut off from her source of power.

Another Lopez bot repeated the process with Luna and the Elements finally noticed this and started to panic.

I used Sonido to appear behind them blocking their access to the tree with Zangetsu drawn just to intimidate them in case they got any ideas of attacking me.

“Stand down girls. You have no business with the Tree of Harmony so I implore you to leave.”

"No! You will not-" Rainbow Dash fell to the ground twitching as she was tased.

“Will not what Dash? What Celestia is doing is rash and reckless! She only came here because she fears me and the power I now possess. I am not Equestria’s enemy but I will not bow down to her or anyone else!”

"And here I thought hollow was just a title..." Rainbow Dash stuttered as she was still being tased.

“I am not without feeling or remorse Dash. If Equestria is ever in danger I will protect it but it will be on my terms. I don’t want you to hate me.”

"WHAT THE BUCK ARE YOU?! SOME KIND OF ANTIHERO?!" Twilight screamed.

“DAMN RIGHT I AM TWILIGHT SPARKLE!! While Celestia and you all may be content with imprisoning your enemies for thousand year increments I prefer a more permanent solution. You must understand that some enemies cannot be reasoned with and must be put down like the dogs they are.”

"YOU WILL NOT HURT US!" Fluttershy screamed as she used the stare on me.

“I DON’T WANT TO!” I screamed back with anger and hurt while giving my own glare. This seemed to shock all of them into silence as they stared at me with wide eyes. I noticed something though... Applejack, Rarity and Pinkie Pie were nowhere to be found.

“Hey where did Aj, Rare’s and the Pink menace go?” I asked while looking around for them.

Suddenly I was tackled to the ground by Applejack while she tied me up with her lasso. Pinkie Pie held down my legs while Rarity watched.

"Did you really think we would let you get away with this?" Twilight asked.

“I had actually hoped you would see reason since you are the smart one Twi. But it seems I’ll have to be more blunt with my reasoning.” After finishing this I realeased a pulse of my energy shooting both Pinkie and Aj off of me as I easily snapped the ropes that held me with minimal strength. I then calmly walked over to their cowering forms and leaned in close and spoke in whisper but can easily be heard all around.

“You may think me a villain Twilight. But take a good look at what I have done so far. I have saved the Crystal Empire, saved Princess Luna, and have prevented potential future threats. Would a villain have done all of that just to harm the land he had saved? I only wan’t to help Equestria but I will do it my own way. I only wish for you and the other to not hate me for even though you may I still see you as friends.”

"You would do all that if wanted us to TRUST YOU!" Luna screamed.

“Luna you know how I am when I spoke to you in your mind when you were still under the control of Nightmare Moon! I inspired you to rise up against her and helped free you from her control! Just because Celestia believes she is right doesn’t mean she actually is! Judge me for yourself and you will see that what I have done has actually made things better for everyone!”

"Oh you would know wouldn't you? You are but a malevolent spirit with malicious intentions." Celestia says as she started to get up but before she got up all the way Church headbutted her hard enough to kill a normal person. She fainted.

"Don't insult my best friend." Church says angrily.

“Thanks man. But seriously do you all think I am some evil spirit? What must I do to prove that I am not some evil bastard?”

“W-we don’t know.” Stuttered Twilight.

“Why don’t you just ask Aj since she is a walking lie detector? Ask her if everything I say is true.” Why the hell didn’t anyone think of this before?

They looked at me like I was insane. Which would only be a partially accurate statement. Powers does speak volumes after all.

“Why the hell you looking at me like that for? Am I wrong? She is the Element of Honesty right?”

"Because everything that escapes your mouth sounds like a lie." Rainbow Dash retorted.

“...Point taken but that doesn’t mean it is a lie! Come on have I really done anything evil yet!?”

"Yes." The voice I least expected to hear it from, everyone else was taken aback by this. Church. He then makes us look stupid by saying. "Who hasn't? It doesn't matter what you define as evil. Even the tiniest wrong committed could be evil. So we all have. Even you." Church nodded at Fluttershy. "Because even Kindness can be interpreted as evil to the other side."

Everyone including me just gaped at him. I recovered first though.

“My god Church. You are right!”

“But we’re the Element bearers! We can’t have committed evil!” Exclaimed Twilight in denial.

“Oh please Twi get a grip! The only reason you were able to wield the Element’s is because you each possessed one good straight that made each of you worthy to wield your individual Element. One good thing doesn’t make you pure.”

"Magic can be used for evil. Kindness can be evil to the ones it opposes. Honesty can make others kill each other or worse. Evil. Generosity can cause greed and selfishness to the ones being gifted. Evil. Laughter can cause anger or hatred. It can be mocking. It can cause contempt. Evil. Loyalty only extends to one side. Your heart. That makes you evil to everything else." Church says as he delivered the final nail into the coffin.

“Damn you just got served!” I says completely ruining the intense mood.

“But in all seriousness Church is right. For all the good in the world there is just as much evil. One cannot live without the other. So because I walk a fine line between both does that really make me the bad guy? Look at Celestia for instance. She claims everything she does is for the good of Equestria yet has anything she’s done so far been pure?”

"Buck you." Rainbow Dash muttered.

"That response was expected from you considering who you are." I says, shutting her up.

"Well, if you refuse to see the truth you are going against your elements. It was never says that the Tree of Harmony was on Equestria's side. Only the side that embraced its values." Ouch. Damn Church.

“Honesty at it’s finest ladies! But he is right. Harmony doesn’t mean that everything is always good. It just means that good and evil are in balance and neither side eclipses the other.”

"W-w-what... My life has been a lie..." Twilight whimpered.

She looked ready to cry and I can’t help but feel sorry for her so I pull her into a hug.

"Why?" It was a question so simple yet so complicated. Why do we do what we do? Why are we who we are? Why is this the way things must be? Why?

“Now that is something no one knows Twi. But I think you should make your own answer. You decide what you do in life, no one makes those decisions for you. That’s how I live and it’s worked out pretty good so far.”

"We were never here to hurt you. Only to stop you from doing something rash." Church explained.

"Then why did you headbutt my sister?" Luna asks cautiously.

"If someone insulted a friend of yours would you take to it kindly?"

"P-point taken..." She says in resignation. "What are you going to do to us?" She asks with suppressed fear.

"Nothing." All of our jaws drop at that, even mine. "We just want you to leave this area and go back to your lives. Before you ask how the Sun cracked look at Hichigo here. He ascended, causing an extremely massive wave of energy to be sent out for up to half a quarter of a tenth of light year by my calculations. My guess is that the 'Sun' reacted to the energy in its own way." The mares cringed at that.

"How do you know all this?!" Twilight Sparkle asked incredulously.

"Time goes much slower for me. By the time you have started sending signals to your brain I have already come up with a few thousand conclusions."

“Okay that I did not know Church. But yeah he’s right. I am now twice as strong as I was before at least. Plus you girls are probably the only ones who can convince Celestia to stop trying to make me out to be a bad guy. And be sure to pass this on to everyone else you see including your brother and new sister in law. Also tell them I congratulate them on their new marriage!”

"Oh, by the way, do you, Twilight Sparkle, want a datapad with information on pretty much everything?" Church asked.

Luna fainted upon hearing that. Twilight however, looked like she was going into shock.

“I think you broke her Church. Anyone got any ideas how to snap her out of this? Preferably one that doesn’t get me in trouble.”

"You are going to be tardy!" Church yelled into her ears. The effect was instantaneous. She jumped up and started hyperventilating.

"T-tardy?" She whispered.

“It’s not true Twi it was just to wake you up. So what do you say to Church’s offer? Of course it may be better for everyone if you don’t let Celestia know you have it for… obvious reason.”

She winced.

“So what do you say? Plus with your help we may get Celestia to not be so crazy and then you can tell her about it. How does that sound.”

"He's not lying Twi." Applejack says in surprise.

“OF COURSE I’M NOT LYING! Must you really question everything that comes out of my mouth?”

"Oh I'm sorry that everything you two say either sounds dark or too good to be true!" Twilight screamed. "And fine. I accept. This better be worth it." Church hands her the datapad and explains to her how to use it.

While that was happening I went to talk to the other girls.

“So guys…. we cool? I mean no more of the hatred or anything right?” I ask nervously.

"While your methods were... unorthodox... we are willing to give you a second chance." Rarity said.

“Well just a heads up I’m not gonna change who I am but as long you don’t think I’m evil anymore.”

"I guess that is acceptable so long as you try to not purposely hurt others..." Applejack said seriously.

"And you have to Pinkie Promise!" Rainbow Dash exclaimed.

“First off Aj I only hurt those who hurt others and while it may decrease my man factor by a chunk I am willing to Pinkie promise that I won’t kill anyone that isn’t deserving of it.”

Twilight and Church finished talking. Church said something that made everyone stare at me, "Define deserving." Ah, he is trying to get them to trust me even more.

“Well someone who hurts other for their own pleasure, slavers, rapists, murderers, etc. Oh and MAYBE a few specific nobles. Cause let’s face it those a lot of those fuckers are corrupt and the world would be better off without them. But if you don’t want me to I won’t kill them. But beating the shit out of them is still on the table.”

"I'm assuming you are talking about the nobles who would have contact with the best of the best. The Assassins and hitmen." The mares gasped at that. "How else do you think they make their competition mysteriously disappear?" Church asked. Wow Church. That's extremely cynical.

“Well… yeah. And that Prince Blueblood of course. Think about it Luna. He was next in line to take the throne so Celestia basically gave him whatever he wanted to keep him from making a play at the throne. Then you came along and now he may see you as competition. He doesn’t seem like the type of guy to appreciate another player for the throne am I wrong?”

Luna just sighed and nodded.

“So does anyone have any disputes and/or concerns on my reasons?”

"Nope but I just realized how beautiful you all look." Church said boldly.

The mares all blushed at the compliment. "Oh...my..." Fluttershy whispered.

I snorted at this. “Oh you're just now noticing this dude? I would call them drop dead sexy. But I’m with Virgil so I can’t and won’t make a play at them.”

"Yeah but you're not the one who had thermal vision on for the past few hours." I wince at that. That would hurt my eyes so much.

“Geeze sorry dude. Guess we can call Virgil to bring the Pelican over. Hey you girls want a ride back to Canterlot?”

"*cough* Phrasing." Church joked. My face turned a shade of crimson. The mares giggled at me.

I then turned to them and grinned. “I notice none of you are objecting.”

"You made me do this. Just remember that." Church made all the mlg sound effects start playing such as the airhorn and the oh!!! as well as the 'Mom get the camera!' Oh why?! Not the memes!

“You bastard. Stop those sounds or else!”

"Like I said. You asked for it." Church said as everyone stared wide-eyed at him. They were not ready for the memes.

“Look just please call in Virgil. I don’t know how much more I can take before I have to beat the piss out of someone.”

"I'm already here." Virgil said from behind me. I almost shat bricks. HOLY SHIT THAT'S SCARY.

“GOD DAMNIT VIRG DON’T DO THAT!” I yelled out while turning around to face her smiling face. “You are lucky I love you or else some shit would be going down right now.”

"I'm going to die real quick. Hurk!" Church said as he dropped dead.

"..." Everyone stared wide-eyed as blood started pooling around his corpse.

“I wouldn’t worry too much. It’s not like he can really just up and die and not have a backup plan. What do you think happened Virg?” But she was also staring wide-eyed at the corpse. That is not a good sign.

“Uh Virg you do know what happened right. Cause if not I’m going to seriously flip my shit.” I really hope it’s nothing serious or else I will flip. The fuck. OUT!

"..." She still stared as if in denial.

“VIRGIL WAKE THE FUCK UP!” She still didn’t respond so I just said to hell with it and ran to Church’s side and started to check for injuries. And why the hell was he bleeding!?

"SURPRISE MOTHERFUCKER!" I heard from behind me. I looked down slowly in horror as the corpse and blood were gone. I slowly turned around but only saw the girls still gaping at where the corpse used to be.

...Did I get drugged?

“Okay I’ll say it. What. The. Fuck! Did you see what I just saw!?”

"Are you sure you aren't just paranoid?" I hear Church say. But this is the fucked up part, it almost as if...I went back in time since everybody is acting like nothing happened... almost as if... it didn't happen at all... Oh no I've seen enough shows about time travel to know where this is going…

“Church come here for a second. Don’t ask why just come here.”

"Sure." He says as he looks at me curiously before walking over. Does he really not know...

As he walks closer I see a faint glint in the treeline and reacting on instinct I use Sonido to appear in front of Church before using another Sonido to bring us to the others.

But as soon as I arrive my eyes snap open... Fuck... I think I got stuck in a time loop!

“Oh christ this sucks! Wait Church! Maybe I can warn him somehow! But then what the fuck can he do!? I think I’m really boned here.”

'Are you really going to give up that easily? After everything you have done?'

“What? Who said that!?” I turn every which way but I’m only making myself look like a fool to the others. Doesn’t matter since this is a time loop and they’ll soon forget about it.

'Don't forget your roots...'

“My roots? You mean my life back on Earth before I became Hichigo? Or when I first arrived in this Equestria?”

'You have all of Hichigo and Ichigo's memories. You just have to remember.'

“Remember what? I may have all of their memories but I’m not them.”

'Who am I? What can I do? Why do I sound so familiar?'

“Wait. Is that you Zangetsu?”

'Took you long enough'

“Well sorry. Now just how the hell do I get out of this time loop? How are Hichigo’s and Ichigo’s memories supposed to help me?”

'I can't tell you that. All I can say is that it involves me.'

“Can you at least give me a goddamn hint?”

'Do you want to be stuck here forever? Telling you could destroy your only way out. We are lucky it hasn't already with how much I have already told you.'

“Well shit. Can you at least tell me how I got in this situation in the first place?”

'Another malicious entity sought you out. Not a hollow. I don't know what it was. It caused you to hallucinate. By distracting you it bought itself enough time to send you here.'

“You know the ability to cause me to hallucinate the user must be pretty strong. And someone not a Hollow? Do they have any spiritual pressure so to speak?”

'It was an ancient being. Older than the rock you stood on before. I don't know. It was corrupted so I couldn't tell. It does not play by our rules. That much I know.'

“Wait a second… TIREK!? Is it that sorry fuck!?”

'If Tirek is a billionth reincarnation.'

"Judging by your conversation, you know. Good luck getting out. It has taken some people trillions of years to escape these." A voice that comes from everyone at once says.

“Well I’m not ‘some’ you four legged fuck! I will get out of here and when I do you're gonna be joining Sombra’s head on my wall!”

"I don't have a body or a physical form or ethereal form, so good luck with that."

“No but you have a soul and I’ll be sure to break it. There is no prison that will hold me.”

"Good joke. Break that of which is already broken? Preposterous." The voice said in a mocking high class voice.

I was so pissed off at his voice that I just started releasing more and more of my power. I then took a stance while holding Zangetsu pointing forward and my left hand on my forearm. I then say, “Bankai.”

A huge surge of energy than shot from the blade before enveloping my being. Once the light died away I was now in my bankai form.

"Oh, can't a spirit of chaos and entropy have a little fun?" The voice said as it changed into Discord's voice. "You were never really in a time loop. No. What would the fun be in that."

“What the hell? DISCORD!? What the hell are you doing here? And what do you mean I was never really in a time loop?”

"Wow, you are slower than an old computer."

“So you're saying that this was all just one big joke? Damn I am sure glad you don’t have any kids. One of you is crazy enough.”

"There isn't room for more than one of me in this universe. If you won't play then I'll toy with someone else. Celestia mayhaps.

“Be my guest big guy. Old sunbutt needs to loosen up anyway’s”

"Holy shit finally! You've been out for three hours!" Church exclaims.

WHAT?!

“And what the hell were you guys doing in all of that time? And why do a feel as though my clothes have been fucked with?”

"The girls tackled me...Let's just leave it at that."

"..." I finally notice the musk.

“So while I was in a temporary coma you decided to have a sex party?”

"No. They did. I'm the victim." Church states bluntly.

“Just be honest and admit you enjoyed it. I know I would have.”

"I never said I didn't. And I also never know what a triple ice cream tasted like until earlier. Bow chicka bow wow."

Instead of responding to him I walked to the nearest tree and began to beat my head against it. Unfortunately I didn’t realize I was banging my head on the Tree of Harmony. A piston shot out and hit me straight in the balls minecraft style.

“I don’t know about you guys but I have a distinct feeling this tree is female. And thank god for my nearly impenetrable skin and insane healing factor.”

"What gave it away? The fact that we have only encountered female leaders? It makes me feel bad for Stalin. I mean killing over 20 million people must give him a huge boner." I choked on my saliva at that. Pinkie Pie did a spit take while everyone gaped at him.

“Okay first off, I’m not going to respond to that. Second, that doesn’t give the tree the right to nail me in the family jewels! As far as I’m concerned this oak reject can kiss my ass and lick my nuts! You hear me tree!? FUCK YOU!”

"Well maybe you should have bought it dinner first before you started literally having sex with it using your face."

“Oh? And where the fuck do you suggest I take it huh? Cause I’m sure there are tons of places to take a tree for dinner! And what the hell does a tree even eat save for sun and water!?”

"It's called dinner at home for a reason silly!" Pinkie Pie says smartly.

"It's a magical tree... Who ever said that it had to be normal?" Church asks incredulously.

My eye started twitching erratically and I was about to repeat my mistake of banging my head on the Tree of Harmony but stopped just short.

“Oh no your not getting me a second time sweetheart.”

I turned around to get away from the tree but tripped on a stick of all things and fell backwards hitting my head on the tree at its base.

"I wonder what it would be saying...if...it...could...talk..." Church suddenly got an insane grin on his face.

“Church? What are you thinking, and why do I have a feeling I’m not going to enjoy it?” I say suspiciously while I get up from my spot in front of the tree while taking special care to make sure it didn’t try to hit me again.

Church suddenly pulls something from behind his back and throws it straight at the Tree of Harmony. The object attached and a feminine voice is heard. "Really? You were that curious?"

“Oh shit the wood speaks! And it strangely enough sounds pleasant? Did you program that voice Church?”

"No." He says way too quickly. Twilight walks up to him and glares at him... "I made it so you hear the voice that the user prefers."

“Oh great. Now what do we do. Talk about the best type of soil? I can’t really see what there is to talk about with a tree.” I say in a bored tone.

"You are insulting me with every word you say."

“And you bag tagged me so I guess we’re even.”

"I'm more powerful than you." I got an oh shit face when I realized she was right.

“That still doesn’t give you the right to nail me in my gonads. So I’m not gonna apologize for what I said.”

"Then I'll do it hard enough to puncture something if you don't apologize right now. If you let your pride win I'll give Celestia what she wants."

Now I don’t want to do this but I will be damned if I let Celestia get anything so swallowing my pride I force a smile and say through gritted teeth. “I’m very sorry for insulting you.” Thank god she didn’t make me do something else.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!" I saw Church held in one of her branches laughing his ass off at me.

“I so want to kill you right now Church it’s not even funny.”

"Love you too buddy." I blink at that. Wait what?

“Oookay. But really I need to wash my mouth out or something cause I just apologized to a fucking ficus for it nailing me in the nuts.”

"Did you just insult me again?"

“.... I plead the fifth.”

Chapter 12 Part 5 (Extremely Unedited. May have errors in tenses.)

"Uh...Hichigo. Trees of Harmony don't give a shit about American rights."

“Too bad cause that’s what I’m going with. I am NOT apologizing for a second time.”

"You are lucky. I wasn't asking you to."

“Well if the worst thing I have to do is say ‘I’m sorry’ then I don’t think there’s much trouble in it. I just hate saying it.”

A familiar token hit me in the head. "Ow. Should I or shouldn't I? Craig needs to get a token that doesn't hit people in the face or nuts." I said in annoyance.

“Wait hold up who the hell is Craig and what just hit you in the head?” Asked Hichigo.

"Take this and scream at it to get over here," I throw the amulet like token at Hichigo.

Hichigo looks at it for a second before looking at me with a raised brow. “Seriously? Fine if that's what you want…. GET THE FUCK OVER HERE YOU PIECE OF SHIT!”

A voice shouted back to me, “Go fuck yourself,” the voice then sighed and said “I’m on my way,” Seconds later a small portal opened up behind church as another figure appeared behind him as he charged over and punched him from behind and shouted, “That’s for last time Church!”

Hichigo stared at the scene for a second before he said, “Okay I’ll bite, who the fuck is this violent fuckhead?”

"He's not exactly violent per se... He's mad about... Wait what are you mad about again?" I asked in confusion.

Craig then sighed and said, “Maybe the fact that last time we met you sent me off without warning and then when i got back i was almost killed… and oh yes the fact i just got back from fighting in a war… sorry i’m just extremely stressed at the moment.”

“Join the club buddy. I just had such an emotional moment with a tree that I think I’m losing my mind.”

"I'm not stressed. I just had my stressed relieved. Bow chicka bow wow," The mares that were still there blushed at this.

“Church I swear to god if you don’t shut the fuck up I will beat the piss out of you and no damn twig is gonna stop me!”

"Don't be so sure. I quite enjoyed the show," The Tree of Harmony said angrily.

“Great the tree’s a perv. What are the odds!?” Hichigo announces while throwing his hands into the air in frustration.

Craig smiled and said, “You two are even worse than those damn space marines.”

"Ahriman doesn't happen to be one of them does he?"

“Yeah… why?”

"Because he may or may not have been summoned by yours truly."

Craig said, “Let me guess, you have his token as well now,” He turned to Twilight and said, “Twilight don’t mess with Church’s tokens, you really don’t want to meet some displaced we’re not all kind people.”

“I second that motion! Now…. what do we do cause I don’t want to spend anymore time around the pervy tree,” Hichigo said while jerking a thumb at said tree.

"I object. Unless you want Discord in your head again," I say as I barely hold back giggles.

Craig smiled and said, “You're acting like I don’t see that as normal.”

“Well nothing is really normal in magic pony land dude. But Church… YOU KNEW WHAT WAS HAPPENING AND LEFT ME LIKE THAT!? GIVE ME ONE GOOD REASON WHY I SHOULDN’T USE ZANGETSU AS A CLUB AND BEAT YOU DOWN RIGHT NOW!?”

"This Discord made it seem like he was stuck in a time loop for a few million years. Also we were all in on it including Zangetsu."

Craig laughed and said, “Ok your Discord is a bigger jerk than mine.”

Hichigo then curled into a ball with a small thunder cloud over his head and started drawing circles in the dirt while muttering, “Why do I have to be stuck with these bastards?”

Craig then walked up to him and said, “If you're talking about me you're gonna get a bit of a beating.”

“There is nothing you can do to me that Virgil can’t do better. I fear her and love her at the same time.”

"Stop digging your grave," Virgil said from behind him. Hichigo jumped at least a thousand feet in the air at that. Holy shit.

“You know it was a compliment right Virg? Please don’t hurt me,” He yelled from very high in the sky.

"He is fun to troll," Virgil said.

“I heard that,” Hichigo said from behind Virgil as he had more than likely used his Sonido to get down faster.

She didn't even move, "I'm an AI. You can't sneak up on me."

Craig remarked, “Yeah, I agree, it’s fun to troll people reminds me of when I tricked Twilight.”

Twilight walked up to Craig and kicked him in the nuts before walking away. He just got wrecked.

Hichigo winced at this, “I feel ya dude I got my gonads kicked by the ficus over there not too long ago. But what’s your Equestria like? Mine is plainly obvious, I know Church’s is ponified but what about yours?”

He then just stood up and shouted to Twilight “That the best you can do!” He then turned back to Hichigo and said “It’s mostly similar to here but in my world I just beat Discord a few days ago.”

"No. You signed your death warrant for your balls as soon as you said that." I say as I watch Twilight charge a spell that causes extreme pain and shoots it straight at his nuts. I winced, "Oh damn..."

To this Craig just smiled as he whispered, “Feim, Zii, Gron” and he disappears from sight and then appears behind Twilight as he extends his hand trapping her in a purple bubble then said, “Calm down Twilight.”

"Um Craig... Have you always been Rule 63ed?" I ask in horror.

He just smiled and said, “Nope, first time didn’t hurt and second time it didn’t hit me.”

"You guys wanna get drunk or fight waves of enemies?" I ask.

Craig smiled and said, “Just like last time… not gonna send me back like you did before are you?”

"Oh shut up," I teleport all of us straight into the simulation chamber, "Wave one, Nazi zombies," I say. The princesses and ponies run away in fear, "What a pussy... oh wait."

Hichigo gets a manic grin on his face once a horde of undead start coming towards us, “Less chitchat more combat! GERONIMO!” The battle crazed loon then leaps into the horde head first cleaving through them with his blade.

To this Craig just sighed and said, “I can’t go one day without fighting,” He then touched the back of his guitar as all his weapons appeared and he drew his sword and Bolter Pistol and began cleaving through them like they weren't even there.

"Wave two, Kamikaze Special forces." A wave of Japanese soldiers wearing power armor and wielding huge miniguns as well as railgun machine pistols started appearing and shooting at me, sending me flying into a wall and almost killing me with just one shot even with my armor.

Just then the front line of soldiers were all cut down by what looked like a flying buzzsaw attached to a length of cloth. Then the cloth tightened and was pulled back into Hichigo’s hands revealing Zangetsu back in it’s giant cleaver form.

A soldier shot a railgun at Hichigo which blew off one of his arms, "They aren't kamikaze for nothing!"

From the stump of Hichigo’s arm a new one shot out. Damn that healing factor really comes in handy! “Well either way these fuckers are dead!”

"Wave three, Trevor Philips and the Joker!" A bunch of trevor's ran out carrying fucking rpgs and miniguns while jokers carrying ridiculously long revolvers started shooting at us.

"...Oh shit."

Craig sighed and said, “Let me,” A few seconds later multiple dark blue tendril appeared around him and then flew towards the Trevors and Joker spearing them all though the hearts as they all drop to the floor before a single bullet is fired. He then looked back to me and said, “Got anything else?”

"Wave 4, Cyborg Superman." Oh shit if we kill him he'll just come back. We have to convince him to not come back somehow.

“Fuck you Superman!” yelled Hichigo as he held out his right hand and started charging up what I assume is his Cero attack, “Let’s see you take this you man of steel reject! CERO!” He then fired a beam the same size of the one he used against Quaker at the cyborg.

Cyborg Superman just dodged using his superspeed before throwing a hundred punches at Hichigo in less than a second.

Craig then just sighed as he grabs Arihaims token from his back and smashes it against the ground causing Cyborg Superman to fall into the warp just before it seals up leaving him trapped there.

"Wave 5, Thanos."

"I CALL BULLSHIT!" I scream.

“I call shit of bull. BE A MAN AND DEAL WITH IT CHURCH!”

"But this fucker has all the infinity stones!"

“Then just get the stones from him! If iron dong could do it why not us!?”

Craig the sighed and say “give me one second” He then disappears and lands next to Thanos and pull the gauntlet off him then appears back beside us and said “you can handle him can’t you?”

Hichigo then uses a simple Bala and puts a hole right through Thanos head watching as he crumples to the ground.

“.... That was kind of boring. How about we get a guy from MY universe?”

"We are lucky these enemies were nowhere near as strong nor intelligent as the real deal. Not even by a thousandth. Imagine fighting Galactus times a thousand." I say with a huge wince.

Craig then muttered “don’t give the simulation any ideas”

"Yeah... that would destroy this universe in a few seconds..." I say fearfully.

“Oh and summoning a bunch of random joe schmoe’s is any different?”

"Yes. They aren't an all powerful being who eats worlds as if it were eating simple crumbs."

“And that's why we’re using one of Hichigo’s enemies instead! Now where the fuck is the console so I can type the shit in?”

"Enable neural commands." I say. "Ok now think of the enemy."

Hichigo seems to be thinking for a second before in the middle of a field appears a guy dressed in white pants and an open white vest with a sword at his waist. He has spiky blue hair and a hole in his gut but his most unusual feature is the piece of bone on the right side of his face that is connected to his jaw and looks like fangs.

“May I introduce Espada number six. Grimmjow!” Hichigo announces as if revealing a new car.

"You're on your own for that one." I say in annoyance.

“ Be thankful I didn’t give him his resurreccion form. But if you don’t want to join in more fun for me!” Hichigo then leaps at this ‘Grimmjow’ and they both clash blades making a small shockwave upon impact.

"Don't make me spawn Galactus times a billion." I say seriously.

Craig then looks at him then said “shall we let him have this one, I did ruin the last few without trying”

"Sure." We watch Hichigo as he fights.

He seemed to be having the time of his life as he continuously clashed blades with his opponent. The whole fight lasted another half hour before he finally cut down the simulation and landed in front of me and Craig lightly sweating but never losing his grin.

“You know that was pretty fun! I only wish he was the real deal.”

"Uh. You do realize that if we spawned the exact same one bad things would happen?"

“I know but it's just not the same ya know? When you fight someone for real they have more instinct and are a lot more challenging!”

"Yeah okay let's do the bonus round and watch the waves kill each other." I say. "Bonus Round 1, Master Chief and The Arbiter vs. The flood. Fight!"

“Now all we need is some popcorn and we’re golden.”

Craig then smiles and clicks his fingers as three bags of popcorn appear in front of us he then said “Bottomless popcorn at your request… thank Discord”

"You guys stay back here. They won't shoot a fellow spartan." I say as I run straight into the fight and start shooting at the flood with a binary rifle.

"Identify yourself Spartan." The Master Chief said in a no-nonsense voice.

"Spartan A-375." I lie. I start shooting at flood left and right.

"What the buck are they doing..." Rainbow Dash asks Hichigo as she appears next to him.

“Killing shit. Popcorn?” He said holding out the bucket to her.

She snatches it and scarfs down a lot of it at once. The rest of the Elements and princesses arrive and stare in horror as the spartans and arbiter fight the flood.

Craig then looks at everyone and said “you think this is bad you should have saw me and Church fighting the flood last time I was here?”

“Yeah me, him and Virgil killed a bunch of ‘demons’ not too long ago. I personally ripped the kings head off and now me and Church are Kings of the demon kingdom.” Hichigo said.

"Wave 6. The hood." We hear. Hichigo and Craig stare slackjawed as gangs from Gta V start spawning.

"Nigga get yo ass outta here before I fuck you up!" A balla yelled. And a huge ass firefight ensues.

“Okay I need to get in on this shit! Girls hold the popcorn I got a gang war to participate in!” yelled Hichigo as he runs into the chaos.

Craig then sighed and said “I’ll let you two handle it. Don’t want to ruin your fun”

The arbiter picks up a police officer and impales him with one arm.

"THIS IS THE LSPD! WE HAVE YOU SURROUNDED!" A fucking tank drives towards the gangsters and blows them up in one shot, sending cars everywhere.

“Fuck the police!” Hichigo said as he cuts the tank in half with Zangetsu and proceeds to do the same with anyone near him.

"This is the army! DROP YOUR FUCKING WEAPONS!" A squadron of fighter jets fly over Hichigo before shooting missiles at him. A cargobob drops a tank down in front of the remaining criminals as it flies away with marines parachuting out.

"I change my mind. You are pardoned. I don't want to deal with this fucking bullshit." Celestia said as her sister and the elements stare at her with jaws agape. She teleports away.

“BRING IT ON!!” screamed Hichigo as he charges the oncoming military. Everyone even the spartans could only stare in awe at how someone could be so reckless.

"IF YOU WON'T SURRENDER THEN WE WILL HAVE TO RELEASE THE KRAKEN!" A legitimate kraken with Chuck Norris riding it appears from the sky.

Craig then sighed and say “who wants this” He then passes his popcorn backwards and then look at the Kracken and shout “Big Bang Kamehameha!” the beam then strikes the kraken disintegrating it instantly.

"HELP US AVENGERS!" The avengers jump out of a helicopter and charge at Hichigo.

"HULK SMASH!" The Hulk said as he hits Hichigo hard enough and caves in his face while sending him flying into a wall in a bloody mess.

Craig just sighed and he puts the Infinity Gauntlet he took earlier on and uses the Stone of power and instantly crushes almost everyone in the room excluding anyone he deemed as an ally.

"That fucking sucked. Console ban the infinity stones!" I say, making Craig lose his power and the gauntlet with the stones.

Craig then laughs and said “hey i’m just using everything at my Disposal to fight… Not my fault i still had the gauntlet.”

"Wave 7, The Merchant."

"You have got to be fucking with me." I say.

“Oh I call first dibs!” Calls Hichigo before he then turns to me and say in all seriousness. “And I want a rematch with Hulk.”

Before Hichigo could even take a step forward his arms blew off and his legs turned to bloody chunks. The Merchant took a step to finish him but was blown back by an energy blast from my binary rifle and disintegrated instantly. "You don't want to fight that..." I say seriously.

Fluttershy vomited before fainting in her vomit while Rarity did the same. "Did you really almost get one-shot?" I asked Hichigo.

“Sorry I’m primarily a close range fighter. It’s just how I roll.” His limbs then regenerate and he stands up cracking all of his new joints.

"He literally almost killed you with a simple 1887 shotgun." I say in concern.

“I didn’t have my Hierro active. I didn’t want to use it as a crutch and actually try dodging for once. Next time I’ll have it up to the point a meteor couldn’t penetrate my skin.”

"The Merchant's shotgun should be much stronger than a fucking meteor. You know that right?"

Craig then smiles and said “So you two hate the Merchant… in my opinion i wouldn’t say they're that bad”

"Nope. I don't hate them. I applaud them. To get that many of us? Can't be that easy." Hichigo and Craig stare at me with horror and confusion.

“How can you applaud that fuck? I mean yeah that is pretty impressive but he took us away from our world with basically no way to return home. Everyone we love back there is forever gone from us! I wouldn’t be applauding that guy if I were you.”

"May it's because I never had a family?" I say with a smirk.

“Not to sound insensitive dude but not everyone doesn’t have a family back home probably worried sick over them. I for one had a pretty good family. Hell my brother went to con with me dressed as Ichigo and watched as I vanished. That is not a last sight anyone would enjoy.”

"Maybe he erased our existence and replaced us. Otherwise everyone would be panicking."

“That doesn’t make me feel any better.”

"Hehe. Well to be honest I didn't expect it to."

Craig then sigh and said “at least you haven't seen your mum and brother as statues in the fucking canterlot statue garden”

"If I had family and that happened I would fucking glass this entire goddamn planet." The ponies looked at me in fear.

“I would most likely slaughter the entire population of Canterlot.”

"And after glassing it I would release the flood to kill all survivors." I say coldly.

“wow just wow… i really should be worried about what goes through your two’s heads”

"And then I would bring them back to release the flood instead of glassing so they could watch as their family turned into infected monsters. AND THEIR screamed WOULD FILL MY EARS AS I LAUGH AT THEIR AGONY!" I scream in Omega's voice.

"..." Everyone just stares at Church in shocked silence.

“Do I need to knock some sense into you dude? not even I would be that cruel.” Said Hichigo in shock.

"THEY DON'T CALL ME OMEGA FOR NOTHING! I AM ANGER."

"Remind me to never piss you off." Luna said.

“Well you better bring Church back right now Omega. Calm your tits.” Hichigo said while gripping Zangetsu tightly.

"WELL MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T MENTION THE SONIFICATION OF LOVED ONES!"

“AND YOU THINK THIS IS ANY BETTER!? LOOK AT YOURSELF!”

"I would rather not do that." Church said calmly.

“Church. I won’t even begin to try and figure out what life was like for you back home but we are in a new world, each of us! So let’s just try and live with what we’ve got. You’ve got your sister which is more than I have by far.”

"That doesn't change what I will do if that happens. Infact their agony will be tripled. Now than, it appears to be Lunch time." I say as if nothing had just happened. Everyone just gapes as I have a complete change of mood and calmly walk to the cafeteria while whistling.

"He has issues..." Pinkie Pie whispers to herself.

Craig then smiles and said “Don’t we all”

"Simulation over. Scores, The director vs waves, 8-0. Flawless victory."

“And now Church has a bigger ego… great” muttered Craig

"Preparing for lunch. The cafeteria is now open in sector 27 room #19362b4."

"There is no fucking way that this place is that big." Rainbow Dash exclaims.

“Oh you’d be surprised sweetheart. LUNCH TIME!” Hichigo then runs out of the area nothing but a white blur with a pink one following shortly after.

Craig then sighed and said “Come on girls we might aswell try to follow them” with that we begin to head towards the Cafeteria.

"Keyword being try." Craig said after 15 minutes of wandering around aimlessly and passing Lopez bots.

"This is the automated broadcasting system, lunch ends in 15 minutes."

Craig then muttered “They can’t be fucking serious…”

"Warning, a guest has gone missing, all units be alert for any suspicious activity."

Craig them said “I’m not missing just lost you try not getting lost in this place”

“To think that Church got lucky and had a ship like this crash near him. I want one!" Rainbow Dash complains.

I then smile and say “yeah I know… I was there, you may not remember me though but saw you, Twilight and Applejack, you were so worried about that stallion wasn’t you.”

"I think you are confusing us with Church's universe." Twilight said in befuddlement.

I then scratch my head and say “Oh i’m in Hichigo's universe… i didn’t realise.”

"Hichigo was last sighted in the teleportation grid, he could have gone anywhere in the universe by now." Craig heard.

He then quickly looks around and said “Damn ship and it AI’s i’ll never get use to that.”

"Yeah, because you were supposed to get used to it in the first place." Fluttershy said sarcastically. The other elements look at her in shock.

Craig then looked at her then closed his eyes and said “you're not Fluttershy are you”

"I am. But that doesn't mean I have to be a fucking doormat. Plus we are lost in a ship with tens of thousands of rooms." She retorted.

He then muttered “I need to be on my guard when you start acting like this in my world.” I then sigh and say “Ok I believe I can sense Church in a room ahead of us, it really isn’t a easy searching for a robot.”

"He's not a robot. He is an artificial intelligence. Those are two completely different things." Twilight said.

“yes he himself is an AI but the suit he’s in is robotic” He retorted.

"Actually it is the mechanical version of the Mark VI Generation Two MJOLNIR Powered Assault Armor." Twilight lectured.

He then sighed and say “i’m not going to argue with you Twilight… it’s not worth it.”

"You can't argue with proven facts anyway." She said as she walked towards a door that said Lift 9.

I walk past Craig and walk towards Lift 9 before placing a palm into a scanner, opening the door and closing it behind me before they can follow.

"I'm sorry but this area is a director only access point. Only personnel with level Alpha access may proceed." Craig heard from the door.

"So much for that." Fluttershy said in annoyance.

Craig then smiles and said “maybe not” he then closes his eyes as his body changes to look like Church and then said perfectly mimicking Church's voice “like i’m gonna let a door dictate where I can go“

"I'm sorry but you are not allowed beyond this point. Any further attempts will enact Cole Protocol, the systematic destruction of this entire ship and all personnel to prevent information from entering enemy hands." The voice said coldly.

Craig then sighs and said “I ain’t gonna risk blowing this ship up”

"Wise decision. You wouldn't want to risk the deaths of over 7,000 crewman after all." It said back.

He then asks the computer “would you please direct us to the cafeteria then”

"There should be a lift fifteen levels above you. Select room #19632B4."

Craig then sigh and say “well we won’t reach it before lunch ends then… shame.”

The terminal for the console that was talking to Craig earlier changes to show me with a Hunter helmet from Halo 5 instead of MJOLNIR. Almost the exact same one Agent Locke had. "Need a lift?" I asked.

Craig then just sighed and said “a lift where exactly?”

The floor Craig and the elements were standing on started moving upward while the ceiling did the same.

He then looked at me and said “see you in a minute hopefully”

"This is the director, signing off." The screen goes blank.

I then just smile and say “scratch that girls we may get their afterall.”

They reach their destination and step off the lift before watching it descend again.

Craig then smiles as they begin to walk towards where they was told the Cafeteria was.

Perspective: Craig
"2 Minutes remaining until lunch is over."

"Aww... I didn't even get to eat!" Pinkie Pie complained.

I then hear Discord say “I’ll handle this you take a rest”

I then mutter to Discord “Fine just don’t cause any trouble”

He then mutters back to me “fine, fine… no chaos”

“Ok then i’m going to rest”

Perspective: Discord
I then sighed and said whilst mimicking Craig’s voice “Let me sort you something out, it’s my fault you didn’t get to eat anything” I then look at everyone and say “what would you like?”

"Cocaine. Just kidding no, um... Chicken... wait no...Pizza!" Pinkie finally decided.

“any specific topping?”

"Don't overcomplicate things you dunderhead!" Pinkie Pie scowled.

“Pinkie you're talking to the guy who who had to deal with a younger cousin who was similar to you”

Pinkie Pie's eyes widened before she slapped me in the face angrily.

"That was mighty disrespectful of ya." Applejack said in a stern voice.

"Indeed." Rarity agreed.

I then sigh and say “fine i’m sorry, it’s just you all remind of someone from my family… each of your personalities fit them to a tee.”

"Are you calling us unoriginal?!" Rainbow Dash screamed as she got up in my face.

“No not at all… All i mean is that you all have similarities to the people i used to know.”

"Hey Craig! What is a girl's best friend?" Church asked as he walked up to us.

“Do you mean back on Earth? If it is the case Diamonds”

"The correct answer is passive aggression." Church said as everyone gasped at him as a bunch of mlg sound effects played. "*Airhorn* Get fucking wrecked!"

"Too soon!" Pinkie Pie complained.

"That's mean!" A waitress mare screamed at him.

"You're not denying it! *Airhorn*" He retorted.

"Shots fired!" I heard a stallion yell.

I then sighed as I clicked my fingers and essentially muted the sounds and Church. I then turn back to everyone and say “Look i’m sorry...it’s only been a few days for me since everything changed for me and i just don’t like disappointing peo… ponies”

I didn't hear anything and looked to see Church making lewd gestures to mock mares.

I then glare daggers at Church as I turn and Strike him directly in the dick and say “shut the fuck up”

He doesn't even flinch before he presses a button that ejected me out of the ship and into space.

I then sigh as use instant Transmission and teleport back inside and say “you done throwing your hissy fit yet Church.”

"Disable artificial gravity and life support." I suddenly feel weightless and start losing air. "Get in the corner and think about what you've done. They are used to my jokes." I feel gravity return to me and air regained but I can't teleport out. "No magic for five minutes."

I then laugh and say “The only magic i use is my spells from Skyrim, and i ain’t used that.” I then walk forwards and say “and besides i don’t need air to breathe, don't forget i was able to breath in space when i blew up the flood ship Church.”

"You still ruined the moment. Now sit in the there." I feel the ground beneath me rocket out of the ship and I see I'm in a lifepod orbiting the Sun... which is full of cracks... Wait what? How?!

perspective: Craig

I then begin to take back control of my body and say “Discord remind me to never let you control me when you use your magic”

He then appears sitting on my shoulder and said “yeah I screwed you over there didn’t I.”

“yes, yes you did” I then look at the Sun and say “How the hell did that happen… Something must have happened to Celestia?”

“She’s probably had her magic drained, blocked or she’s injured and using the Sun to help her heal”

“She can do that?”

“Yes… well it was a while ago since it last happened.”

I then sigh and say “Discord first things first”

I then click my fingers as a pizza appears back in the ship with a note saying “sorry about everything that happened Discord took control of his magic and in turn me, I had little control over my actions, please forgive me. Craig

A ripple was felt throughout the pelican.

“I've been here for too long.” Church said. “I'll only be able to stay for a few hours longer before the portal forcibly collapses in on itself.” He sighed. “That's not something I would survive.” Church threw his arm down and walked towards the launch bay. He watched as Craig floated in the pod back towards the pelican.

As soon as it latched back in he grabbed a Hydra MLRS and attached it to his back.

“I can't stay here,” Church said to Craig.

Craig then sighed and said, “I see… look i’m sorry about earlier… I shouldn’t have let Discord have control.”

“This doesn't change anything. I've been here too long. My way back is starting to collapse,” Church said tiredly, “If I don't find Hichigo… Tell him I had no choice.”

Church turned around and walked towards a panel which he pressed and disappeared.

Craig then turned around before saying, “I better apologize to the girls… that's going to cause a lot of problems for me.” He then begins to walk back towards where he can sense the girls are.

Perspective: Craig

As I got closer to the cafeteria i feels the strange feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach as i think “I am going to get hurt… a lot for earlier.”

I then sigh as I arrive at the door then mutter “it’s now or never” I then open the door and walk in to see the girls all staring daggers at me.

Rainbow Dash silently walks up to me and puts out her hand as if in greeting before punching me in the nuts.

I sighed and said, “Ok Dash I deserved that… but maybe you want to beat up Discord instead of me?”

She doesn't say anything as she walks away.

“All visitors must exit the pelican in 5 minutes.” I heard an electronic voice say over the intercom.

I then smile and say “we better get off the ship” I then look at Pinkie and say “How was the pizza I sent you?”

I get the silent treatment.

I then sigh and then say “Ok all of you wail on me… I really don’t care anymore”

“All visitors will be registered as unauthorized personnel and therefore threats to the security in 4 minutes.”

“This way to the exit.” A pony stallion in black Mark V Gen 2 MJOLNIR armor wielding a shotgun said as he points to a corridor that ends with an open hatch.

I then walk over to the hatch and say “Ok you can all beat me up after we get out.”

“Warning: All visitors are no longer welcome. Combat doctrine is now in effect.” The mares ignore me and walk away from the pelican and towards Ponyville.

I then shout to them “I’m sorry i was such a dick to you girls”

They just keep on walking forward. A holographic image of Church appeared in front of me. “I can't stay any longer. Tell Hichigo that I must go and please for the love of god teach him to make a token,” The hologram disappeared and the pelican started its engines before shooting off into a portal which closed behind it.

Chapter 13: I am your father (Unedited)

Ahriman's POV
2 Years After The Fall of Canterlot

"To glory, my brothers! To glory! For the Warmaster, and the Dark Gods!" Khârn screamed into his vox, and the many Griffon, Dragon, Changeling, Zebra, and Pony soldiers charged forth with renewed vigour. I smiled, then continued to chant along with the cultists around me. We were currently storming a Equestrian Guard Remnant base located near the opposite side of Canterlot Mountain. They had managed to hide for quite a while after the Fall of Canterlot, picking up survivors and bringing them back to their base. However, today they will meet their end in the name of the Dark Gods.

The ponies, after Canterlot fell, split apart, the Batponies and their followers becoming the Lunar Republic once more, and many normal ponies reforming the Solar Empire. This was a Solar Empire base.

As we finished our chant, the tied up pony guardsmen at my feet began to writhe, the symbols of Chaos and Khorne cut or burned into their skin. As they mutated, I looked back up to the walls of the enemy fortress.

The ponies here had learned how to use Rocrete and had made the walls out of the stuff. Turret emplacement lined the top, raining Bolter fire down upon the forces of Chaos. Lasers fired everywhere, hitting Ceramite armor and merely scorching the spot the lasers connected with.

"Warriors of the New Black Legion, don't let their feeble fortifications deter you! They cannot stand against our might for much longer!" I roared, my voice heard everywhere. Those Heavy Bolter emplacements were starting to worry me with now many soldiers had fallen under their range.

I brushed my hand across my belt, and my fingers brushed against a small rod, and I picked it up. It was that energy sword that the AI Epsilon Church had given to me 2 years ago. I looked to the wall, then my troops, then to an explosion that had recently been a Thunderhawk, and sighed, before lifting the thing up to my face.

"Church, I have need of you and whatever weapons you can bring. I need some assistance." I said into the hilt, and waited. The six new Bloodletter Ponies snarled, before charging towards the walls. I watched them get picked apart by the Heavy Bolters and Lasguns, and sighed, shaking my head.

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Church's POV

It had been a week since I left Hichigo’s universe and I was already getting a summons. Hmm. From Ahriman I think.

I walk to the cockpit of my pelican and place the side of the token which changes to fit into a warp compartment. I feel a lurch and lose the sense of home as everything gets darker. A portal appeared in front of me and I sigh audibly. This is a bad idea. Good, I love bad ideas.

I flew the pelican through the rip and was sucked along with it into another universe.

÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷
Third Person POV

Ahriman lurched back as a portal appeared next to him, and a Pelican burst through, soaring into the sky. Flak fired up at the new arrival, but missed terribly. The Pelican landed, and Church stepped out.

“That is one hell of a welcome party,” He said as a few armored bots that were known as Lopez Bots stepped out beside him. “Good to see you again, Ahriman. It has been a while.”

"Indeed. It has been two years, has it not?" Ahriman replied, walking forward with his cultists at his side.

“Two years, three months, one week, five days, six hours, five minutes and seventy milliseconds to be exact.” Delta said.

"You're worse than Rainborg." Ahriman facepalmed, before looking up again. "Anyways, I called you here because I require some assistance." He pointed to the fortifications. "We are losing troops quite quickly due to those."

“We are expendable and at over one million strong.” A Lopez bot said.

"Yes, well we need to remove that wall entirely. We can't sustain any more losses to these stupid Solar Guard. Will you assist us?" Ahriman replied.

“Do you even need to ask? Let's kill those xenos was it?” Church asked.

"My army is made out of most of the species currently living on Equestria, including some Daemon Clone Troopers that Midnight created. We can't really call them Xenos." Ahriman stated.

“No matter, tell us what you need and consider it done. Our loadout shall be forerunner as to bypass armor and magic, resulting in instant deletion from existence. Painfully.”

"Very impressive. However, please leave a few alive for my cultists." He motioned to the batponies surrounding him. "They do like their experiments with the Warp."

“Sick. I love it.” Church said sadistically.

"Really. Well then, let us be off." Ahriman said, before turning to the battle.

“How did I not notice that before?” Church asked Ahriman.

"Hell if I know. Anyways, I'll alert Khârn and Zhufor of your presence. As well as the Lopez squads." Ahriman said, before checking his vox.

“Your friends, I assume?”

"My brothers, yes. They are currently leading the charge, along with Khadeth, our resident Dreadnought." He pointed to the large dreadnought who was currently smashing his fists into a group of Solar Guards.

“I still have that Titan you gave me.” Church opened a portal to the warp and a Titan dropped out that looked like it was never even used.

"You haven't used it, have you." Ahriman stated.

“I may have forgotten about it after the first week…”

"You forgot about a 22 meter tall machine god that weighs over 700 tons." Ahriman deadpanned.

“I… Yes that sounds about right.” Church said with a nervous laugh.

"I will never be able to understand you." Ahriman sighed, before turning back to the battle. "Let's get to the battle."

“Okay.” Church's suit of armor fell to the ground in a second and was dragged away by Lopez bots leaving Church there who flew into the Titan. “This is a lot different than I thought it would be.” He said as he moved his Titan forward. A group of Lopez bots entered the Titan.

A group of Pegasi charged forward, wielding plasma guns and lascannons. As they flew, they fired, the energy weapons impacting the Void Shields harmlessly.

Church reached forward, using a Thunderstrike Gauntlet to grab the entire squad with it. He lurched back, before chucking them out to the side. In a second, there wasn't even a small dot on the horizon.

Khârn walked up to Ahriman, before standing next to him as they watched Church get the hang of controlling a titan.

"Where did you get this? Our Warlord Titan is on a mission up in the Crystal Empire." He asked.

It was a gift to a Displaced a few years back. I summoned him to help, and he brought it with him." Ahriman shrugged.

“You can't even touch me you pathetic little girls!” Church walked to the wall before smashing straight through the wall with his thunderstrike gauntlet before shooting his rocket launcher through the hole, barraging the ponies and killing nearly all of them at once.

Where a fortification once remained was a glassed crater with a few ponies critically injured but still alive.

The New Black Legion charged forward at what was left of the fortifications, and the remaining ponies raised their hooves in surrender.

A Lopez bot walked up to a pony before ripping off its helmet and picking it up with one hand and impaling it on a covenant energy sword. “Será mejor que se rinde o tu muerte será aún peor que esto.” (You better surrender or your death will be even worse than this.)

They all stared at the bot before slowly laying down onto the ground.

The bot placed the weapons in a pile before cutting them into pieces with his sword. “No importa. Usted va a estar experimentando algo mucho peor en ambos sentidos.” (It doesn't matter. You're going to be experiencing something much worse either way.)

"Alright, you ignorant equines. You try anything, and we'll have Ahriman run his 'tests' on you. Got it?" A Griffon soldier snarled.

“Can I have a few of them? I wonder how they would fare against infection.” Church asked Ahriman.

"Eh, why not. We got too many Cyborgs anyways." Ahriman replied.

“I pick you five! Now get your fucking asses over here before I turn you into a virus and use it to cause terracide.” Church screamed at the group of five ponies that were huddling together.

"Good choice. Anyways, now that we have these prisoners, why not return to our ship? It's been awhile since we chatted." Ahriman asked.

“Mine or yours?” Church asked calmly.

"Mine." He said, and a Thunderhawk landed next to them.

“I'll have my Pelican hover next to your ship then. Or would it fit inside?” Church asked.

"It would probably fit inside. We can probably fit half a titan in there if we wanted." Ahriman shrugged.

“Good. I wouldn't have it any other way.” Church said. The pony prisoners walked towards Church fearfully. He picked the prisoners up softly, breaking a lot of their bones in the process with a lot of sickening cracks. He dropped them into the pelican and a swarm of Lopez herded them in towards a containment chamber.

He then exited his Titan snd sent it to the warp and waited as a Lopez bot brought him his armor which he flew into.

Ahriman, Khârn, and Zhufor, along with a Pegasus Cyborg walked into the Thunderhawk, and it took off, heading towards the Scion of Prospero, as the Pelican followed behind.

When they arrived on board the Scion, a honor guard met Ahriman and the others. They bowed down respectfully as Ahriman and the others walked past them.

"My lord, how was the mission?" One of them asked.

"It went well, with some assistance from an ally of ours. We are giving him a tour of the Scion before he heads back." Ahriman replied. He looked to the pegasus.

"Rainborg, go see to the new prisoners. Then take them to the Factory." Ahriman ordered, and she saluted, before flying down a corridor.

"Welcome to the Scion of Prospero, The only ship in the Black Legion. We are building more, but they are taking a while." Ahriman stated, looking at Church.

“I would bow or whatever but I don't know shit about your laws or rules or what is offensive or whatever the fuck.” Church said as he removed his helmet and strapped it to his side.

"Hello, I'm Khârn, Champion of Khorne, and some other stuff. Pleased to meet you." The red warrior held out his hand.

“That would probably rip off my arm but fuck it.” Church put out his hand and shook Khârn’s hand.”

"That guy in the Terminator Armor with the skeleton speared to the top is Zhufor. He is nicknamed 'The Impaler' for a reason." He pointed to the other guy. "And the pegasus that just left was Rainborg Cydash, head of the Rainborg Factory."

“I'm not even going to ask, Mr. Bond.”

"Glad to see you got a sense of humor, Church." He chuckled, while Zhufor and Ahriman looked at him in confusion. Before he could reply, a female warrior walked towards them. She wore dark purple armor, with glowing runes circling around her. Two demonic wings sprouted from her back, her face was equine-ish, with eyes that changed color at a constant rate.

“I now regret going on the internet.” Church said in a weird tone.

"You and me both." Khârn muttered.

"Ahriman, it's about time you got that mission finished up. We have reports of a few more enemy outposts in the west." She told Ahriman.

“Yes! I can use IT after all!” Church emphasized IT heavily.

Everyone looked at him curiously.

"What is 'it'?" Ahriman asked.

Church gave a laugh that would make Richtofen scream in fear. “IT.” He said vaguely.

"Are you going to tell us?" Zhufor asked, slightly impatient.

“That would be telling. But your reactions are funnier if you don't know beforehand.”

"I see. Well, Church, it's nice to see you again." The female said.

“Fine. Have a hint. Reality warping plus IT = Bad things happening.”

"Ugh, I don't have time for this. If you need me, Ahriman, I'll be at the bridge commanding our forces." She walked away.

"Don't mind her. She just has a bit of pressure right now." Khârn said.

“Not the worst I've seen.” Church said in a Morgan Freeman impression. Khârn almost shit himself with laughter at the voice.

"Well then, everyone, if we can continue with our tour." Ahriman interrupted.

“Oh sorry, am I being a bother?” Church asked seriously.

"No, Church, that's not it. I just feel like we shouldn't mess around too much on the Scion. It's Machine Spirit can get a bit....odd." Ahriman replied.

“Oh okay. Did you notice my new armament? The Hydra MLSR.” Church asked as he removed the new weapon from his back.

"Impressive. I look forward to seeing it in action." Khârn said. They began walking forward, and into one of the halls.

“Kinda reminds me of my pelican except not having 80,000 rooms all fitting in such a tiny space.” Church said in slight bemusement.

"Well, if your Pelican tries to eat you on a daily basis, then it's probably a lot like the Scion." Khârn replied.

“Does fucking with the laws of space and causing over a thousand ripples a second count?” Church questioned him in honest curiosity.

"Eh. I guess. I mean, that's what the Scion does too. Except, well, with growing mouths and eyes in the floor and ceiling." Khârn lifted Church up off the ground, narrowly missing a gaping maw.

“I am guessing you were removed of the emotion called fear? I was fragmented of the ability to feel it either way. Such is necessity.” Church said calmly as he was dropped back onto the ground.

"We just don't know fear. And also, you sound like a Tech Marine." Khârn replied.

"And our first stop, is the 'Rainborg Factory'. This is where prisoners go to become our next soldiers." Ahriman stated.

“You guys must love removing your organs. Ah yes, I must know. What is your opinion on this guy called ‘The Emperor.”

"If you mean the Corpse Emperor, then we want him to die. Again." Khârn grumbled angrily.

“Ok I'm not going to push it. So what exactly are we doing in this ‘factory' as you call it anyways?”

"We are showing you how we make new replacement soldiers." Ahriman replied, moving his hand to the side. The place smelled of blood, tears, and oil. Three factory lines sprang out from one end to the other, carrying multiple cybernetic parts. Screams could be heard, as well as the sound of drills digging into flesh.

“How macabre. You sure love replacing limbs with more efficient models don't you?” Church asked.

Khârn shrugged. "Eh, it was really Rainborg's idea. After getting upgraded by an alternate universe's Rainbow, she began tinkering. This was the result."

“Yeesh, is that why I'm getting Team Fortress Bioshock and Fallout vibes from this place?”

"Probably. The funny thing is, some of the soldiers have even come up with a cheery little song for this place." Khârn chuckled. "Rainborg has also mastered that crazy Quantum whatsit thing, so this entire room is in a pocket dimension."

“The entire room? Cool.”

"Yeah. Anyways, why don't we go meet the head of this operation, eh?" Khârn asked.

“Ok I keep getting information about this universe. What the fuck is a death korp?”

"The only Imperial Guard that can actually do something more than be a meat shield. And still kickass for hours on end." Khârn replied.

“Friends or enemies of yours? Because from the pictures they just look like nazis to me without the swastikas.” Church said in confusion.

"The nazi's wish they could be the Death Korps. The Korps all go through very intense training, to the point where they don't have emotions, and can completely ignore pain. They also are all teenagers, and can still murder an entire army on their own." Khârn chuckled.

“That didn't answer my question.” Church said bluntly. “Friend or Foe?”

"Enemies. They are Imperial Lap dogs all the same, just got a bigger bite." Khârn replied. "Now then, let's go see Rainborg." Khârn trudged through the lines, before reaching a sign that said 'administration Office'. He opened the door and stepped inside. Church followed him in.

"Sup Khârn!" The pegasus from earlier said, hovering over a surgery table as she cut off a limb from a unfortunate stallion strapped to said table.

"Nothing much. Rainborg, this is Church."

Church stepped out of his armor, revealing his holographic form. “Sup? You a technomancer or something?”

"We call those 'Mechanicus Adepts', but yeah. Oh, hey, say hi Firefly!" Rainborg said, and a hologram of a Pegasus similar to Rainborg appeared.

"Hello, I am Firefly. Rainborg's assistant AI. A pleasure to meet you." It said.

“Pleasure to meet you Firefly, I am the memory of the former artificial intelligence program of Project Freelancer. You may call me Epsilon.”

"Greetings, Epsilon. I was the creation of the Cyborg known as Rainbine, created to assist Rainborg in any situation. I am glad to meet another AI." Firefly replied.

“Well… Actually I used to be a fragment but yeah. Metastability and all. Why are you guys looking at us like that?” Church asked uncomfortably as he saw pretty much everyone staring at the duo.

"Rainborg is thinking the word 'egghead' at the moment." Firefly declared.

“My processes had three possible choices for her current thoughts, all belonging in ‘egghead.” Delta said as he appeared next to Church.

"It seems that there are more AI than I previously thought." Firefly said, slightly startled.

“Actually, they are my memory of the fragments of the Alpha artificial intelligence. And I am the memory fragment. I only become a whole AI a few years ago.”

"I see. Well, as much fun as it will be talking to you, Rainborg must get back to work before the patient bleeds out." Rainborg snapped back to the Stallion on her table.

“They are still staring at us. Ahriman, why the fuck are you guys still staring at us? Even Mexicans don't stare that long.”

"I guess they just haven't seen your hologram mode before." Ahriman stated.

“Oh you guys think that is cool? Look at this!” The rest of the AI fragments appeared.“ Anyways let's move on. There doesn't seem to be much going on here.”

Before anyone could move, a blinding light appeared in between them. When it faded, a large man wreathed in golden armor stepped forward, glaring at the Chaos Marines.

"Where the hell am I?" The figure asked.

“Emperor?! OH FUCK!” The AI fragments yelled simultaneously.

"BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!!!!!" Khârn yelled, swinging his massive axe towards the golden being. However, he caught it in his hand.

"You should know better, asshole." He growled.

“Weren't you dead for like 10,000 fucking years?” Epsilon asked.

"I'm just a Fragment of The Emperor's soul, flying through the void for fuck all." The Emperor replied.

“Why are you guys staring at me like that? This datapad has information on literally fucking everything that CAN be understood. Hey Emperor, one word. Ultrasmurf.” Epsilon said cheekily.

"If I find one of those stupid assholes, I'm sending a Warp storm their way. Now, how the hell to deal with you Chaos Assholes?"

“Well technically they are the chaos assholes.” The meta (All the fragments) said helpfully, “I don't do religion.”

"Coward." The Emperor deadpanned "You'reYou're with them, are you not?"

“Yes but you implied I use chaos. If you had phrased in the way you are now beforehand you wouldn't have gotten the answer you got before.” The meta retorted.

"...Your Author is cheeky, isn't he." The Emperor glared at the ceiling.

“HAHAHAHAHA!” The meta laughed at the reference.

Emperor, first of all, WTf are you doing here?! Second, don't diss the Authors! We will mess you up!

"Just try to fucking stop me. I'm the mother fucking Emperor. I killed alot of people to get that title, and demand to be called as such!" The Emperor said to the ceiling.
....fuck this shit. Let's see... move this here, and bye bye Emperor!

"I'LL BE BACK!" The Emperor vanished in a puff of smoke.

"........Well, that happened." Ahriman said, breaking the silence. It was then that Church noticed how different Ahrimans eyes were from before. Instead of the normal human eyes, his eyes were grayish, with a ripple pattern circling the pupils.

“Why do you look like you just got shit on by a warp storm?” Epsilon asked in confusion.

"What, you mean my eyes? Well, during the Fall of Canterlot, we met a rather decent fellow displaced by the name of Madara Uchiha. In trade for a Life Eater Virus Warhead, he gave me these Rinnegan." Ahriman replied.

“So… Why didn't you attack the emperor unlike Mr blood over there?” Church asked as the AI fragments combined back into him.

"Examine the situation before attacking. Unlike Khârn, I think before I attack. Plus, The Emperor could have killed us easily. I mean, he killed Horus, and Horus could easily kill us, so yeah." Ahriman shuddered,

“Ok fine. What is next?” Church asked as he stuck his tongue out at Khârn from inside his helmet.

"Well, next is either the Armory, or the Reactor. Which do you want to see first?" Ahriman asked.

“Definitely not the reactor since Omega is angrier than usual which is saying something. He might try to split from me if we go there and a rampant AI is fucking annoying if not deadly,” Church said.

"If he tried to take over the ship, he would fail miserably. The Daemon inside this vessel does not like invaders, and will eat him."

“That's not what I'm worried about… He wouldn't take over the ship he would bounce from victim to victim to fuck with people and eventually go on a killing rampage and jump out of victims before he can be dispatched. Like I said. Fucking annoying.”

"Well, we do have countermeasures for something like that. Ever heard of the scrapcode?" Ahriman asked.

“Only heard.”

"It's a sort of Virus for machines, that, if it enters the systems, will fuck up the entire thing. It will drive them bonkers before killing them. Unless they register as Chaos soldiers."

“Does that count for already insane Techno-ethereal or whatever entities?”

"Well, if you get it inside you, it destroys all your systems before just getting it over with and finishing it."

“That brings me to my next question. Are your AI able to exist in immaterial forms?”

"Sort of. We haven't tested with Firefly yet." Rainborg chipped in.

“Then that may be a problem.... Because we are immaterial. Completely. We could literally go anywhere at any speed we wanted. So I'm going to suppress Omega for now but it may cause me to act weird. I might not get as angry.” Church said seriously.

"I understand." Ahriman said, before walking down another hall. "I understand that you've met Craig recently, correct?"

“Yeah, for some reason he was being a fucking ass and he insulted you guys.” Church said in confusion.

"We sneezed earlier. Space Marines don't sneeze, so we knew. We also sent him a reply." Khârn grinned.

“If it was a grenade please be a melta grenade or warp grenade or something. He ruined my killing spree in the simulation chamber that somehow creates your imagination to life.” Church said with a pout audible in his tone.

"Unfortunately, no. However, we did drop an anti-vehicle grenade instead. He'll be feeling those burns for months." Khârn chuckled.

“Oh. You guys haven't been in the simulation chamber. It literally is the most overpowered thing I have ever seen… By that I mean it literally can create anything. Red Vs Blue logic bitches!” Church yelled. “Though… the reason I haven't already given myself everything imaginable is because it would probably fuck up my universe or something or just blow everything up… The technician’s nightmare…”

"I see. Well, here we are. The armory!" Ahriman declared, opening a door. Armor lined the walls, and on the other side, guns of every type swarmed the wall.

“Holy fucking shit! My eyes just orgasmed!” Church proclaimed.

"Take your pick of a few weapons for your own armory." Zhufor said.

“Hmm… I have never seen many of these. That makes it possible to memorize. Because you know… my chamber works upon imagination. I could get you guys more of these weapons if I was able to inspect a few of them… And by more… I mean a lot more. Robot army and all that shit.” Church said as he picked up some kind of rifle. “Is this an Imperial Autorifle?”

"Yep. Hellguns are located to the left of that." Khârn replied.

"Well, if you can, that would be a great aid in our war efforts. We don't know what else is out there in space, and we want to be prepared." Ahriman said.

“Guys. Here is something you need to know about me. I fucking destroy my enemies. But as for my allies which you all qualify as… Enjoy having a free weapons manufacturer for high quality. Because an enemy of an ally is just another damn enemy.”

"Thanks, bud." Khârn said cheerfully. "By the way... we are participating in a war with other displaced. Our little 'buddy' Craig is on the other team. If you joined, you could get some payback." Khârn

“WAIT A MINUTE!” Just wait a fucking second! You are saying they already classified you guys as evil? That was fucking quick. I'm more of an antihero to be honest.”

"Eh, we don't care. If you see a random pony by the name of Rainbine, or Brutalight Sparcake, they are recruiters for the war. Rainbine is with Craig's group, and Brutalight is with us." Khârn replied smugly.

“Scratch that. Fuck being just a plain old antihero. Why only have the guns and vehicles when you can have the whole shebang? War here I come!” Church said in a voice that sounded scarily like Trevor Philips.

"That's the spirit!" Khârn laughed, slinging an arm around Church's head and chuckling.

“I keep forgetting you guys are so fucking tall. Eh not a big deal. I can just do this.” Church's helmet turned into the Meta's and his armor grew to 8 and a half feet tall.

"Well, if that's all, we can move onto the bridge.” Ahriman said, turning down a hall.

“Was this ship always 5 miles long?” Church asked seriously as he looked out a reinforced window.

"I think so." Khârn scratched his head.

“So. What do you need to show me in the bridge anyways?” Church asked as he slowly extricated himself from Khârn’s grip.

"Nothing, really. This is a tour after all." Ahriman replied.

“Ok this has been bugging me for a while now. Who the fuck is this demon clown thing I keep seeing in my databanks?!”

"What, Sheogorath or whatever his name is? He’s an Eldar god. Also a moron." Ahriman grumbled.

“Oh! Cegorach. Not whoever you are referring to.” Church said hesitantly as he looked out into space and saw a dwarf star and some planets.

“After we killed Celestia, the sun and moon began moving on their own. The sun, it turns out, was being used for this planet only, while all others die out. Probably Celestia's work. Also, we recorrupted Princess Luna, turning her back into Nightmare Moon. This time, she will remain that way.” Ahriman said, following Church's gaze.

"I see. It is for the best." Church said simply. "Not that Celestia would ever understand what for the best is."

“Indeed. She was so focused on protecting her ‘little ponies’ that she would let the rest of the solar system die. We put her in her place. On Khârn’s shoulderpad.” Ahriman smiled, pointing to Khârn.

Church looked at Khârn’s shoulder and saw a skull that looked very familiar. “Hmm, I wonder. What does your god/gods think of that offering? If it is one anyway,” He asked.

“He is quite pleased. He won't make me a Daemon Prince though. I wonder why….” Khârn muttered.

“Probably some favoritism or some shit. I don’t fucking know.” Church looked at where the celestial bodies were and facepalmed at Celestia’s stupidity.

“Right now, Tzeentch is working on fixing this damn system. Also, because Midnight requested it, we gave her Celestia's horn.” Ahriman said.

“Ah, a nice trophy. Fitting that it is the horn that belonged to the same one who lied to her in the first place. Oh the irony.” Church gave a full on laugh.

“Add to the fact that the first Alicorn was actually made due to a deal between Tzeentch and a pony.” Ahriman chuckled. “The pony never fulfilled the deal though. Funny, that her horn now sits on her student's shoulder.”

“Well, I am feeling cabin fever already. So, about those ‘targets’ Midnight mentioned,” Church pointed out. “Separatists? Rebels? What?”

“Remnants of the Equestrian Military.” Ahriman replied,

“Well. How many are we talking? From what I have gathered they do not have nearly as much military presence as they used to and their morale seems to have dropped severely. That doesn’t change their will to survive though. But we don’t have to worry about that,” Church stated as he gripped his Hydra MLSR.

“About twenty Million soldiers in all. They are separated, however. As the New Solar Empire and Lunar Republic.” Ahriman stated.

“Let’s here. How would you feel about Headhunters?” Church asked Ahriman, who looked confused.

“What's a ‘headhunter’?” He asked.

“The United Nations Space Command Defense Force had a top secret group called Headhunters who consisted of teams of 2 Spartan 3 soldiers who went on missions to take out the covenant stealthily or die trying,” Church explained.

“I see. I would be fine with that. However, these ponies, while low on spirit, are still as armed as a Space Marine company.” Ahriman replied.

“Headhunters don’t play fair. They did work for the Office of Naval Intelligence after all. And we all know intelligence agencies are spooks. The Headhunters will be armed with Tier 5 weaponry.” Church said seriously.

“Hmm… very well. However, do not kill all of them. We still need some encampments for the new recruits.” Ahriman smiled.

“How would you feel if I left 1% of the 20 million. That would be 200,000 still,” Church offered.

“Very well. However, leave the Crystal Empire alone. I'm going to head there to deal with it personally.” Ahriman's voice lowered, sending a chill up everyone's spine.

“I love that idea. And by tier 5 weaponry I mean… Immediate demolecularization.”

“Ok. Just don't let them get hit by a Bolter round.” Ahriman stated.

“No need. I am providing them with specialized weaponry from my armory.” Church pulled up a holo panel showing a spartan shooting what looked like a standard UNSC smg, but the difference was that when the smg hit the target it disintegrated from top to bottom.

“Interesting weaponry.” Ahriman chuckled.

“What do you think?” Church asked Zhufor and Khârn, “While it may be dishonorable and weak in your opinion you cannot deny the efficiency.”

“Yeah, whatever. We mostly let the Warmaster decide on these things. Plus, the Remnants are getting annoying.” Khârn replied.

“Well then. I will have 1 million headhunters deployed effective immediately.” Church said before he gripped his helmet and tapped a button on it. “Protocol effective Headhunters 10/02/2932.”

“You'll probably need a list of every location we know about, except for the few we plan to keep.” Ahriman handed him a data chip.

“That would help, saves us the work of using orbital scans.” Church said in agreement.

“Well now, since it's come to my memory, why not give Cadence a visit?” Ahriman grinned.

“What do you have in mind?” Church asked as a Lopez bot handed Church a datapad.

“You'll have to wait and see.” Ahriman replied. Khârn shrugged.

“He’s kept us in the dark too.” He said.

“Then I shall not steal you of your surprise. I can’t wait to see what you… what the fuck is this?” Church pointed to the datapad he was holding where there was a giant circle of thermal readings. “A concentration of ponies larger than anything I’ve seen…” He added.

“Hell if I know.” Khârn said, looking at the datapad.

“Engage? Headhunters could still work but it would have to be a much larger team specifically for this.” Church said.

“Yeah. We don't want them surprising us.” Ahriman said.

“There is at least a million and a half of them in that location. Launching an antimatter weapon is not advised considering it will destroy everything in a 500 mile radius.”

“Then we bomb it.” Ahriman shrugged.

“Heavily armed squadrons of broadsword fighters. Archer missiles and disintegration flares.” Church suggested.

“Or we could us the weapons on this Battle-Barge. We haven't used them yet, have we?” Ahriman looked to Khârn, who shook his head.

“I meant for my troops.” Church corrected.

“Well, whichever you prefer, Church. Though, I think you'd want to see the light show.” Khârn sneered.

“I prefer efficiency. And trust me. The flares provide a light show. How about this then. Use everything? Leave a tiny percentile left.”

“Sure. I'll go talk to command.” Khârn left.

Another Lopez Bot walked up to Church but this one was different. He was wearing a recon helmet with a ODST CQB chestplate and the rest EOD. He saluted Church and said, “We have enough fighters for this mission Director.”

“Tell them that the code is green and all clear.” The Lopez bot dropped his salute, about faced, and walked away. “Now what?” Church asked Ahriman who had watched the scene with amusement.

“Now.” Ahriman started walking towards the hangar bay. “Now the fun begins.”

“I can’t wait.” Church said. As they walked, Ahriman shifted. Suddenly, his normal blue armor was replaced with a massive and bulky black Terminator suite. At his side hung and equally black power maul. “Compensating for something?” Church joked.

“No, I'm just getting into my ‘Warmaster’ approach on things I mostly use it for intimidation. When ordering my enemies to surrender.” Ahriman replied.

“Well, they’ll be doing more than just surrendering. Since there will be many survivors. The ones that look like they would betray us even after everything we could try I’ll use the Japanese approach on.”

Ahriman shrugged. “If they try to fight, I'll kill them myself. Simple as that.”

“Eh. I’m just making things easier for you in the long run. Not like I’m going to kill all of them anyways. They just need to know who is boss and why they are fucking boss. Not to ask questions or commit betrayal. Though I doubt they would have complete free will anyways.”

“They would become cyborgs at best. Rainborg's experiments at worst.” Ahriman replied.

“Well, let’s get on with it then,” Church said as he passed by Lopez bots who falled behind him.

“Indeed. Let's use your ship this time. So we can save fuel for our own vessels.” Ahriman said.

“My ship doesn’t require fuel since it generates its own. Don’t ask. Most of the things I own are self sufficient after all.”

“I actually meant my own arsenal of Thunderhawks, but eh.” Ahriman said.

“Ok I fly in Broadswords you fly in Thunderhawks.”

“Uh, sure…” Ahriman said slowly. They arrived in the hangar, and climbed aboard their space vessels, and flew out into space.

When they landed, the orbital bombardment was already happening. Bright lances of light flew down from the clouds, striking everything and burning ponies to ash. Ships bearing UNSC emblems were seen flying around and bombing and flaring ponies as they flew at supersonic speeds.

“Nice ships.” Ahriman commented.

“Only the best.” Church replied. The Thunderhawk next to Ahriman growled in reply. “I was referring to the UNSC in quality. Stop acting like I implied you were in any way inferior.”

“Don't mind the Daemon possessed Thunderhawk.” Ahriman said mildly. “It's weirdly competitive.”

“I can see that.” Church remarked in the copilot seat.

“Welp, it's time to head to the Crystal Empire now. As much as I like watching my enemies melt under Lance fire, I want Cadence done with.” Ahriman said after a few more minutes.

“Oh! Can I have her? I know a use.” Church asked as he looked at Ahriman.

“After she surrenders.” Ahriman replied.

“Looks like I will be getting a servant after all!” Church cheered. They flew to the location of the Crystal Empire, and before they knew it, they were there. Ahriman stepped forward, his black armor standing out like a sore thumb in the white snow.

“CRYSTAL EMPIRE! I DEMAND YOUR SURRENDER!” He roared.

“Wait. Let me bluff them.” Church said. “SURRENDER AND WE WON'T REMOVE YOU FROM THE FACE OF THE EARTH! WE HAVE CRAFT ABOVE US THAT CAN DESTROY YOU WITHOUT EVEN TRYING.” Church nodded in approval. “Yeah that should work. Ok your show.” He told Ahriman as he stepped back.

“Why bluff them when you can threaten them?” Ahriman asked, his eyes turning to a ripple pattern. He raised his hand, and in a few seconds, a massive meteorite hung over the Crystal Empire.

“Eh. I wanted to see if you would add proof to purchase.” Church admitted. Seconds later, a group of guards stepped from the Crystal walls. They moved aside, and Cadence walked up.

“We surrender, just don't harm our people.” She pleaded.

“Very well. However, Church here wants something in return for sparing your miserable lives.” Ahriman said, pointing to Church.

“What?” Church asked upon seeing her horrified expression. “You didn't think a surrender would be so simple did you?” He asked rhetorically.

“Then… what is it you want?” She sighed.

“You.” Church stated bluntly. She looked at him in both horror and disgust.

“What?” Church asked in actual confusion this time.

“Think about how weird and slightly perverted that sounds for a moment.”Ahriman whispered.

Church removed his helmet before laughing his ass off at Cadence, “W-wait hold on a minute! You thought that i- HAHAHAHAHA! You're funny. I like you already you jokester you!” He said in a Joker impression.

She looked at him in confusion. “What is so funny exactly?!” She stomped her hoof on the ground.

Church laughed like J Jonah Jameson, “You.” This time, instead of horror and disgust, she growled, and bucked him in the place where the sun don't shine, hard.

Church didn't move. He wait for a few seconds until she realized her mistake. Don't ever buck a large plate of titanium and tungsten alloy. IT FUCKING HURTS.

“Well, I think she's learned her lesson.” Ahriman joked, looking at the writhing form of Cadance.

Church picked Cadence up in his hands and put on a fucked up motherly voice, “Aww… does your booboo need a kiss to make it all better?”

She growled, her horn glowing. However, Ahriman placed his two fingers on her horn, and her magic snuffed out like a match. “Sorry sweetheart but we play by my rules when we are in my service.” Everypony stared at Church in horror and hatred.

“Enough of you whelps. Begone now, or I drop the rock on your city.” Ahriman growled in a dark voice, his eyes crackling with electricity. They all whimpered like damn puppies, before looking at Cadence, and slowly retreating back to the city.

Church looked at Ahriman, “Can you put her to sleep?”

“Certainly.” He said, before focusing on Cadence, meeting her gaze with the Rinnegan, which had reverted to a Mangekyo Sharingan. She passed out instantly. His eyes returned to the Rinnegan.

Church chuckled. “Screw having a servant. Any way for you to turn her into a filly and remove her memories?”

“Now that I know Equestrian magic, that's nothing but a simple time spell.” He replied, raising his hand. It glowed for a few seconds, and soon after, so did Cadence. She shrunk in size, and in seconds she was a little filly.

Church sighed and hugged the filly, “Cute.” He said simply.

“You're weird.” Was all Ahriman said, as he removed the meteor from the sky.

Church slung Cadence onto his shoulder and looked at his datapad. He gave a hum, “Looks like the large concentration of a million and a half ponies has already been fractionated.”

“Preeetty sure that's not a word.” Ahriman commented.

“It actually is but it usually applies to mixing.”

“Uhuh.” Ahriman replied, sighing and lowering his hand. “Well, we should probably get going. I'll call in forces to subjugate the military here, and then that'll be that.”

Church looked at Ahriman, “Did you lose your ability to daww at adorable things?” Church paused. “Oh wait. Nevermind. I doubt you see a lot of that anyways and most of them you've seen are probably extremely dangerous or perverted.”

“Probably. Plus, Space Marine. We don't really use many emotions.” Ahriman replied, turning to the Thunderhawk.

Church then said, “I see. You must be losing patience here. Let's go.”

“Indeed. We should return to the Scion, and get a military removal squadron down to here. Maybe Khârn….” Ahriman replied, lost in thought.

“Okay this has been bugging me. Are your gods friends or something?”

Ahriman stared at him, before bursting out in laughter. The sound was terrible, like a cat dying in fire.

“You sound like a masochistic cat that was thrown into a meat grinder while being burnt alive.” Church remarked.

“Forgive me, I haven't heard something so funny in centuries.” Ahriman calmed down a bit. “To answer your question, no, they most definitely are not. They use us until we are no longer useful, then get bored and go find someone else to toy with.”

Church sighed, “That sucks. I'm probably going to be around for millions of years if my technology keeps updating like this. Not a happy thought though.” Church snorted.

“Eh, Space Marines were made for killing. We focus on that, and only that, most of the time. We don't know how long we can live for.” Ahriman replied.

“Let's hope you don't run out of things to kill.” Church snarked.

“I'm pretty sure that there's Orks in this universe somewhere. Those bastards never die out.” Ahriman snorted.

Church laughed, “They populate like the old Eldar?”

“Worse. Just one can spawn an entire army of them. Then those ones produce their own little armies, and on and on…..” Ahriman chuckled.

“They were made as protectors for something. I can't seem to remember what though.”

“If I remember that book correctly, they were made as a giant, undying meat shield for the Old Ones against the Necrons.” Ahriman said, thinking about it for a moment.

“We have arrived admiral.” Church joked as he saw the Scion enter their sight.

“Indeed we have. Thanks for the assistance.” Ahriman replied.

“The way you talk reminds me of those medieval movies. And no problem.” Church said.

“Oh, doth mine accent trouble thee?” Ahriman joked, imitating Luna pretty well.

Church’s helmet fell off his head. “...AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” He started coughing after a few seconds. “Holy shit.” Church said simply as he regained his composure.

“There's the hangar bay. I probably shouldn't be making the pilot laugh like a lunatic, should I?” Ahriman noticed, pointing towards the hangar.

Church just nodded as he continued giggling and turned the Thunderhawk towards the hanger and reverse parked it.

“Well, it's been fun. Enjoy the little mini Cadence. Actually, why not stick around for a bit? Or do you want to bring her home first.” Ahriman asked

Church sighed and got serious, “I am not finished with her yet. We haven't removed specific memories yet. It takes time to do that.”

“Bah, just add warp powers to the magic. All her memories are gone. Courtesy of me.” Ahriman replied, waving his hand dismissively.

Church facepalmed. “Or we could do that. But how would she know how to speak english and stuff then if she never learned it?”

“Those are ingrained in her mind. This universe is weird like that.” Ahriman sighed.

“Eh fuck it. I've got nothing to lose.” Church handed Cadence over to Ahriman gently. “If you break her you have to come with me to get another one of her.”

“What, hang a meteor over their heads and demand their unconditional surrender? Phh, I do that five times a day.” He joked, gently tapping his finger onto her horn.

“Then it shouldn't be a problem ol friendo.” Church said cheerfully.

“If you ask me to do the same to Celestia and Luna, the answer is no. They are in fact quite powerful, and can resist my magic.” Ahriman said.

“Why would I want them? They don't have an affinity for love. Only how to be overbearing and fuck everything up.” Church retorted.

“Eh, fair enough. There, it's done.” He carefully placed Cadence in Church's lap.

She suddenly started to awaken as her eyes opened and she looked at Church in confusion, “W-Who are you…?”

Church looked at Ahriman for help.

He snorted. “Hey, don't look at me. I don't do kids.” He teleported away with a snap snap of his fingers.

“I am your father.” Church said as he unintentionally pulled a Star Wars. “Do you remember who you are?” She shook her head, her big, innocent eyes staring up at him.

“You are… Cadence.” He hesitantly said to the filly.

“Cay….dence?” She asked, continuing to stare into his soul with her eyes.

“Yes. Cadence is your name.”

“My name….Is Caydence!” She said, almost happily, a massive grin on her face.

Church laughed and held his arms out before picking her up and setting her in his arms. “C’mon, we have to find Ahriman.”

“A..riman? Who is Ariman?” She asked, a hoof on her chin.

“He is…your uncle.” Church replied as they walked.

“Yay! Let's go find Uncle Ariman!” She shouted happily.

Church sighed, “I think I see him over there.” He said as he saw an imposing figure.

“That's Uncle Ariman? He looks scawry.” She said.

“Oh don't worry, he has that on to scare monsters. He won't hurt you.”

“...Okay.” She replied, nibbling on her hoof.

“Hey Ahriman!” Church said from a few yards behind him.

“What is it?” He asked, turning around.

Cadence looked at Ahriman in wonder. “Uncle Ariman?” She asked as she tested the word on her tongue.

Ahriman took one look at her, before smiling, and then looking at Church. He leaned next to his ear.

“You absolute bastard.” He whispered, so low not even an equine could have heard.

Church heard him because he's an AI. “What?” He asked innocently.

Ahriman sighed, before looking back down at Cadence. “Uh...hi?” He asked, hesitantly.

“Hello uncle!” She shouted as everyone heard her.

Ahriman sent a death glare Church's way before smiling down on the little filly.

“Hi, little Cadence.” He said, eye slightly twitching.

Church whispered in Ahriman’s ear “It's okay I put out memory erasing on everyone who saw so they ignore it like it didn't happen.”

“You better have.” He whispered back, before showing a melta bomb quickly, before making it disappear before Cadence could see it. “Or else that will be in your pillow tonight.”

Church shuddered. “It seems your uncle is busy right now Cadence. Why don't we wait until he isn't huh?” He asked sweetly. Cadence’s eyes widened before she nodded quickly. The duo walked to a seat and sat.

×Timeskip×

“Alright, so what is it you two need?” Ahriman asked, walking up to them.

“How goes the war?” Cadence looked at the two curiously before tilting her head at Ahriman.

“Good….” Ahriman muttered.

“Are the ‘monsters’ gone?” Church elaborated to which Ahriman understood.

“Yes. They are gone.” He replied, glancing down at Cadence.

Church hummed. “I guess since the war efforts are done… I can go home. Unless something is still going on?”

“Not really. But if something does come up, I'll call you.” Ahriman replied, holding up the token. He then pulled out a melta bomb with the words, Give to Craig. Armed. written on it. He passed it to Church, making sure that Cadence didn't see it.

Church noticed her looking at him, “It's a surprise for a friend.” She ohh’ed in acceptance.

“Well, next time I call you, and if it's for a chat, bring her along. I want her to meet her other two ‘Uncles’.” Ahriman grinned.

“I don't think we have to worry about that. My radar shows them coming here right now.” Church said with a grin.

“Hey, Warmaster! We need you down at the Factory. Rainborg says she wants to take another look at your...eyes….” Khârn said, noticing the tiny filly in Church's arms.

“Are you one of my other uncles?” She asked innocently, staring at him with wide eyes.

“Yes. That's Uncle Khârn. The other guy is your Uncle Zhufor. Now then, I best be off to go see what Rainborg wants.” Ahriman quickly made his leave.

Church looked at the duo awkwardly, anticipating their reactions.

“It's a shame I can't hit him…” Khârn muttered, quietly. He then popped up, with a cheerful grin on his face.

“Well hi there!” He said.

“Hi Uncle...Khâwn!” Cadence said as she giggled at his expression.

“How's it going, sport?” He asked, kneeling down to look at her.

Cadence giggled at the question, “My day was scary at first. But I saw daddy and everything is better now.” Church winced at that slightly.

“Well that's good.” Khârn replied. ‘Thank Khorne for my memories being intact’ He thought to himself. ‘Also, Ahriman, FUCK YOU!’ He added to the thought.

“Why isn't Uncle...Zufour saying anything?” Cadence asked as she put a hoof to her chin.

Khârn looked at the bulky terminator. “He just doesn't talk much. We don't know why either.” Khârn explained.

Church took the initiative, “Well, my little filly, we have to go home. It is getting late and you have to go to bed soon.”

Khârn sent a silent thanks to Church.

“But...I'm not tired daddy.” Cadence whined.

“Well, little fillies need their sleep.” Church said.

“Okay daddy.” Cadence said as she hung her head. Church picked her up and scratched her behind the ears, causing her to coo.

“Well, I guess I'll see you later, Church. And you too, Cadence.” Khârn said, smiling at the filly.

Cadence muttered bye to them as she and Church left this universe.

Perspective: Church

It really was a fun time in Ahriman’s universe... Did I really make Cadence my daughter? I guess I have to live with it now...

I promise her that I will give her a good life... But... I don't know how long that will last.

"Cadence..." I hesitantly say. She tilts her head to look at me and becomes worried upon seeing my expression. "I will be a good daddy... I promise..." She looks at me in concern and nuzzles my cheek.

Chapter 14:Your Neighborhood Void Dweller (Unedited)

"Wher-"

Within Canterlot throne room a rip in space-time opened and then collapsed into a vortex walking out was a being covered from head to toe in a massive cloak. In his right hands was an energy sword, in his left was the phone token. “Did I really just hit send on a phone I found in the void?” He removed his hood right as everyone teleported in.

“Discord good you're already here.” Twilight said at the newcomer.

Lucas ran right in front of ‘Discord’ and bowed immediately before getting up and pointing at him with exaggerated motions. His voice was caught in his throat as he tried to say something.

“Are you alright?” Yubel asked.

“L-L-LOKI!!!!” Lucas screamed.

“What?” Yubel asked.

‘Discord’ gave a cough. “Hello I am Loki, I’m your friendly neighborhood god of balance.”

Lucas looked at Yubel and everyone else and put on a ‘I fucking told you so’ look before saying, “I FUCKING TOLD YOU SO! Who is crazy now?!” He screamed.

Loki gave a laugh. “Oh hi nice to see your alive and well… and with two other displaced? Boy I did not see that coming.”

“Wait a minute… Why do you have an energy sword in your hand?” Lucas asked in confusion as he saw the deactivated Halo energy sword.

“Oh this was a token I found in the void I kinda collect tokens.” Loki answered, “Wait do any of you three have any questions? I kinda didn’t give you all some heads up like some others.”

“Yeah. Who drugged me?” Styx asked as he still did not believe that Loki was real.

“Nobody. You are just in denial. Hey can I see that energy sword for a second?” Lucas asked as he really wanted to see if it was as real as it looked.

Loki handed it to him and Yubel had to ask, “Ok Lucas might be right about you but I know that my memories are not faked… are they?” She asked.

“No actually I found you in a alternate yugioh dimension… I found it weird my books were even there… probably time travel.” Loki answered.

Lucas pressed a button on the energy sword and it activated, but not before a voice was heard, "
It's a sword not a fighter jet! No but in all seriousness, if you ever need someone to hack into technology or just talk or fight, summon me, Epsilon-Church." Lucas gave a few test swish and stabs, “Do I do it?” Lucas asked everyone.

In a flash appearing next to Loki was his voices of Chaos and order, or Astral Discord and Astral Twilight. “Do it!” Astral Discord said.

“Where did they come from?” Yubel asked.

“Don’t ask.” Loki answered.

“Doing it!” Lucas said as he whispered to the sword. A portal opened up and a legitimate warthog drove out of it with a blue Spartan driving and a filly version of Cadence in the passenger seat.

“Man this Celestia has a huge throne room,” Astral Discord commented.

The blue spartan immediately did a power park and stopped the warthog, “You have got to be kidding me,” He said as filly Cadence looked confused, “Wait a minute… Why are there four of you?” Church asked in confusion as he stared at Loki, Yubel, Styx and Lucas.

“Oh because I sent these three off and they somehow ended up together.” Loki answered about Yubel, Styx and Lucas. “Me? That’s another story.”

Church immediately jumped out of the warthog and got into a defensive stance as a binary rifle formed in his hands, “You better not be who I think you are…” He analyzed Loki for a few seconds before lowering the rifle, “You aren’t…”

“Wait, why the hell and how the hell do you have that?” Lucas asked suspiciously as he pointed at the binary rifle.

“They just spawn. I take,” Church said simply.

“Let me guess, the merchant? He is an asshole even among the void Dwellers and gods.” Loki said with his arms crossed.

“Yes. He made me into this! I am literally memory. Every being I meet I make a personality of… And I am just a fragment of someone. And what I want to know is why the hell I don’t know about you if you can do what this Merchant can?”

“I am Loki, I recently became a void Dweller… well recently when compare to these ancient beings, as for how my teacher was a Displacer those who make Displaced, in fact I wasn’t displaced by the merchant one of the more… humane Displacers sent me.” Loki said, “At least that’s what I had gathered.”

Hoofsteps were heard and everyone turned to see filly Cadence walking towards Cadence and stop a few feet in front of her curiously with her head tilted, “...Me?” She said in confusion.

“Wha what?” Cadance was confused.

“Sorry multiverse she is you from another dimension… wait who is your parents?” Loki asked Cadance.

“Celestia my mother.” Loki stopped her there.

“Ok highly divergent universe.”

Church walked up to Loki and whispered into his ear about how he had a war against this particular Cadence but didn’t want to kill her and she had lost everything so he turned her into a filly and made her forget everything so she could have a ‘second chance at life’ and she became attached to him.

“How did that even happen?” He asked Church.

“It’s… complicated. Basically Kharn the Betrayer, Ahriman the Exiled, Zhufor the Impaler and everything Warhammer against Equestria…” Church said hesitantly.

Loki face taloned at this. “I told those idiots… look give me a few minutes in your dimension I’ll remove the warp from it’s timestream.”

“Please no. I love using the warp,” Church said with a nervous chuckle.

Loki looked him over, “Fine but I’ll alter it to remove the psionic monsters, I wouldn’t be the god of balance if I didn’t help universes.”

Church cringed at that, “I hate psionics.”

“What are psionics?” Pinkie Pie asked, finally talking, as she was really quiet earlier.

Loki waved his hand. “Depends which type?” Pinkie Pie stared at Loki blankly. Loki then realized. “Give me a moment.”

Loki eyes glow. “Good the warp hasn’t formed here… I tell you I came across a displaced who keep dragging any alteration to every universe… had to kill him as he kinda destroyed seven universes.”

Yubel rose her hand. “Can you both have the conversation somewhere else?” She asked.

“No,” Lucas said, “This is actually amusing for me because I actually get to hear something interesting while most of you don’t understand a damned thing that is going on.”

“Really? Because I thought we were in the middle of a war.” Yubel said calmly.

“With what?” Lucas asked in confusion.

“With the Umbra!” Yubel screamed at him.

“War?” Church asked before he smashed a boot on the ground, opening a portal and ran straight at the warthog before picking it up and throwing it into the portal and watching it close while the Elements stared in shock.

“Did… Did you just throw a…3 ton troop transport into a random portal?” Lucas asked incredulously.

Church waved a hand dismissively as if it were nothing, “What is this about war?”

“Don’t worry I’m sure they can handle it after all they are displaced.” Loki said with a smile.

Church walked up to Loki and looked at him questioningly, “Eh, I don’t think antimatter and antimagic weaponry would be that effective anyway… with how ridiculous it costs.”

“Do you have vast reality warping and precondition?” Loki ansked.

“No. My ship does. Seriously… How do you fit over 20,000 rooms in such a small place and then have a freaking exact copy of the hologram room from Red Vs Blue in that thing?”

Loki rolled his eyes. “Ever seen two teams of displaced fight in a pointless war because your teacher is sadist?”

“Hmm, that sounds like it would be fun to be a chessmaster in,” Church said.

“Why would you… Oh. Heh, it does,” Styx laughed.

Loki turned to Church. “Look before either of us go I need to give you something. and no it’s not my token all my tokens have broke after my ascension.” Loki held up has talons with a ball of pure energy soon became a poker chip with yin yang on each side.

“This will allow me to locate your universe… also bring the idiots so I can berate them, I’ll fix up the problem the warp has for you.”

“Uh… yeah about that… They may have… done literally almost everything you can do with the warp… including ascend one of the ponies into a Daemon Prince…” Church said nervously.

“Yeah I know, they were apart of said teachers conflict.” Loki deadpanned.

“I would fight in the war but I’d prefer not to become a chess piece,” Church said.

Celestia glanced at the two and shook her head, muttering, “Can’t win them all…”

“Yes but you can cheat,” Loki said laughing at his own joke.

“Are you kidding me? I always cheat! I can’t not do that! I have over a hundred personalities stuck in my head! If I had an actual head! Good thing most of them are minor personalities though… Otherwise that would be… eurgh.”

Chrysalis waited until now to speak, “So are we just letting them talk.”

“BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!” Lucas screamed as he rushed in a random direction.

Loki knocked him out with his telepathy, “Don’t pretend about that… actually,” Loki hit him was a blast of order magic to be save.

“He deserved it,” Yubel answered.

“I am sensing large amounts of… something coming here,” Delta said from Church.

Chrysalis and Cadance knew what it was. “The Umbra’s Crystals.” They both said.

Loki took that as his and Church’s cue, “Come on we should continue this in your story and let them deal with there’s.”

“Oh great. Another fourth wall breaker,” Church laughed.

Loki summoned up a vortex and the two disappeared along with filly Cadence, leaving everyone else.

The vortex closed and dropped the trio at a burning building where gunshots were heard and alarms blaring. Loki pulled of reading glasses he had somehow gotten in the transite. “I’m afraid to ask what’s going on.” His tone was casual.

“Probably just another member of some nation or kingdom's royalty trying to steal the vast land and resources again… And yep,” There were Minotaurs holding guns and shooting at Lopez robots.

Loki gave a sigh. ‘Well then.” Loki talons glow as the ground below the Minotaurs rose into the air. “Surrender or I will toss you all into the nearest black hole.” Loki’s voice could be heard in their minds.

“Why do you always have to be so violent?” Cadence asked Church sadly.

“I don't have an answer to that…” He replied.

“Don’t worry if they are rational they would surrender, even so I’m not going to kill them I’ll just knock them out.” Loki said.

The presumed leader of the minotaur group started speaking in Russian, “What is a black hole? You can't make us surrender if it is something as weak sounding as that!”

Loki sigh teleported up to them with a black ball. “This is a black hole.” In a flash a whole planet appeared above them. “That is a planet five times this ones density.” Loki tossed the black hole up wards. Said planet was sucked right in as Loki caught it. “Basically it crushes you to the point you're as small as a atom and nothing short of a literal god could survive.”

A squishy sound was heard. Church and Cadence as well as Loki slowly looked down and saw that the minotaurs had… eww… why is that a thing?! “You kinda.” Loki pointed it out.

“Fecal matter just hit the oscillating rotary device,” Church said with a smirk.

“I take it you surrender?” Loki asked.

The minotaurs all dropped their weapons and kicked them towards Loki. They were simple unsc magnums and smgs as well as battle rifles. Loki teleported the weapons away. “Good now Church hold this.” Loki put a magic barrier over the black hole as he tossed it to church. Loki went into a meditative position his eyes glowing.

A teleportation occured and a very angry looking Celestia appeared in front of Church, completely missing Loki and instead staring at Church, the minotaurs and filly Cadence, “Explain. NOW,” She commanded as she looked at the filly.

Church sighed and whispered into her ear everything that happened that caused the filly to end up like this.

Celestia’s expression changed from disgust, to horror, to pity, to understanding, to her regular stern expression, “Considering everything… I will allow this. BUT, you must get parenting lessons or find her a stepmother,” Church fell on his ass at that.

Loki started to glow a bit which finally caught Celestia’s attention. Loki started to phase a bit into the air itself and became transparent. “What? Who is that?” Celestia asked.

Finally Loki’s eyes stopped glowing as he returned. “Ok fixed… the warp now not ever going to be that dimensional hellscape… also I had to interweave some of your alternative time lines so if you see someone who was dead… well they aren’t dead no more.” Loki turned to Celestia. “Hey I’m Loki.”

Celestia looked like she wanted to faint from shock but she shoved that urge down, “Hello… Loki. I assume you already know who I am…” She said hesitantly.

“Well other than altering the universe I have meet dozens of you… some great, some good, and a few bad, but that’s to be expended in the multiverse when you're a traveler.”

Celestia winced at ‘bad' and her right eye started twitching, “Bad?”

“Not really Evil, a few are, but most are failures as rulers, or who took a gamble to big.” Loki answered.

Cadence finally got annoyed with being ignored and tapped Church rapidly and incessantly, “Yes, my little filly?” He asked, which made Celestia give a knowing smirk.

“I'm hungry…” She complained with puppy dog eyes.

“Here let me.” Loki summoned up a batch of cupcakes for her. “Nyx use to love these.” Loki said remembering something.

Cadence tentatively picked up a cupcake in her magic and took a bite before wolfing down the rest of the cupcakes gleefully, “Thesh arh gooh!” She exclaimed.

Loki handed Church a piece of paper. “Here the recipe for them.”

Church ‘scanned' the paper. No seriously, it literally looked like he scanned it like a printer with a blue light coming out of his visor.

“Neat.” Loki commented. “I have one question, I can send you back to Earth to get some closure if you want?”

“Uh… this is awkward… I didn't actually have any friends or family. I… was alone. I guess now it just means I have a longer life to make more decisions. Plus… I may have already went back… It is uh… Let's just say that continental drift happened.”

“Oh yeah I keep forgetting most Displaced don’t have time travel abilities… well if anything I bet your live to be around a million years giving what you're made of or more if you keep advancing.”

“I have the ability to do time travel. I choose not to use it. Remember those crude time machines from Doctor Who that fucked up the timeline? Yeah I don't really want to bother with that possibility… And that is good to know…” Church said in resignation.

“Perhaps I’ll even see you in the void if you can hack your way into your universe.” Loki said with a laugh.

“Uh… I tend to stay away from the void. Being pranked with a 90 mile starship isn't what I call funny.”

“Strange how you and the ship weren't well destroyed in the void… whoever played it on you must have been a strong dweller.”

“They seemed to know my desires because when I tried to take the ship I was unable to access the bridge network since it was in an indecipherable language.”

“Well don’t Dwell on it, probably the merchant, or someone's else I won’t name.” Loki formed a rift to the void.

“Well I got to get going there is a infinite amount of realities hundreds that need help and only one me it seems willing to help out.” Before he leaved to turned to Church. “Also keep that poker chip, just incase come reality shattering event happens you can use it to bring me here to fix it.” With that Loki waved good-bye.

“Bye Loki…”

Loki passed into the void causing the land to generally retouch with no trouble.

Celestia faced Church sternly, "Now about that parenting."

Chapter 15: The Azure Striker (Unedited)

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.

Chapter 16: Da Shortest Chapta Eva!

Author's Note

Sorry for the chapter being so short. Comment who you think is the unknown person or entity at the end!

Chapter 16: Da Shortest Chapta Eva!

“If I say sorry will you stop being angry?” I asked stupidly as I stated at the trio of females. Celestia facehoofed and teleported away. Melody walked up to me and stared at me in concern over something I could not see.

“No. I am not angry. Just disappointed.” Typical. Blame all your shit on me why don't you?! She was talking the marble floor with her hoof irritably, “You need to learn to stop running away from your problems. Yesterday you said tomorrow. Well today is tomorrow. Just do it! Don't let your dreams be dreams!” I stared at her incredulously. No way. The level of what the fuck I don't even is so high I could just…

“A FEMALE SHIA LABEOUF?!” I fainted next to Amor. Yes. Let's call Cadence II that instead.

12 Hours Later…

Location: Melody Manor Mansion

“He's waking up!” Amor said excitedly. I groaned and turned around in my bed. Wait… bed? I started moving my hands around and feeling around me without opening my eyes. Alas, I was indeed in a bed that of which be not my own. Well. At least I have a few options here… play along? Or get the fuck out of… wherever here is. I mulled it over for a few seconds before resigning myself to my fate. Fine, I'll play along… for now.

I opened my eyes and confirmed I was indeed not in my armor, but rather I was snuggled next to Amor and Melody. I would have made a witty remark but I decided that it just wasn't the time. I decided to ask the million dollar question, “What?” I look around the room in confusion as I take in all the details. There was a single grand chandelier hanging over the center of the room which seemed to be made entirely of diamond. The floor on the other hand… or hoof, whichever you prefer, was a strange yet seamless and beautiful mix of obsidian and quartz. The windows were decorated but not to the point of it hurting your eyes. There were a few tables and dressers here and there. Overall, and yes I am surprised to admit this considering how contradictory you would think it should have been, everything was fancy but not overly so. Just enough to get the point across while providing a splendid bedroom. Damn. When did I become a connoisseur?

“It is… huh. Never thought I would… live in a place like this.” Melody smirked at that.

“Don't act like you don't prefer your military bases and armor. It must make you feel oh so safe.” She then rolled her eyes, “Well. We have a long way to go. You won't be leaving this beautiful place for a long time…” Amor nuzzled into my chest while Melody scooted closer to her.

“You better not try to turn me into a pony… at least… Not with this kind of lifespan.” I vaguely heard the two tilt their ears in my direction somehow. Huh. Weird.

“That thought hadn't even entered my mind.” Melody said with a titter, “You can't force somepony or in your case someone to be different, lest you destroy them.”

I blinked at her, “Do you have some kind of holographic screen telling you quotes or something?” She looked at me in confusion before glaring at me with a pained expression. I put my hands up defensively, “Sorry…” I muttered. Her glare softened and she turned her gaze to the sleeping Amor.

“We need to agree on something. She might think we are…” My eyes widened. She is an incarnation of love after all.

“Okay.” I said with a sigh. I looked down at Amor who was holding me pretty tightly so as to not lose her source of happiness, “The things I do for love… literally.”

Perspective: Unknown

“Finally… With Epsilon having unwittingly fallen into my trap I can commence my plans… to rule the universe! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

Chapter 17 Part 1: Family Reunion (OMG YUNO EDIT)

-Kirito’s POV-

As I slowly got up from the bed Celestia allowed me to borrow for the meantime I began I mutter… “Damn I was hoping this was a dream but it’s not it’s real,” I then look across the room to see my swords resting on the wall across from me. I then slowly stand up, walk over to them and proceed to attach both of the scabbards to my back.

I then turn towards the door and begin to walk out into the hallway however just before i get a chance to open it i hear the sound of metal colliding with the ground behind me. I then rapidly turn around to see what appears to be a energy sword from Halo on the floor. I then walk over to it and begin to pick it up i mutter “where did this come from?”

As i begin to pick it up i hear someone pounding on the door. I then hear a voice shout “Daniel open this door”

I then sigh and mutter “Damn it mom you still can’t get my new name right.” I then walk towards the door and open it to see her standing on the other side clearly in a bad mood. I then look at her then said “Wrong name… It’s Kirito now.”

“Oh stop moaning. You're still my little boy even if we look the same age”

I then mutter “This is getting worse every time” I then walk back over to the sword on the floor and proceed to pick it up as i began to do this i heard a faint voice whisper “There are more of them! Keep firing!“

I then turn to my mum then said “Did you hear that?”

She then looks at me in confusion then said “heard what?”

We then see the sword began to glow as a small doorway appears in front of me as i shout “No not again not another portal!”

My mum then grabs my arm and said “Not this time”

However seconds later we begin to get dragged towards it as I mutter “This can’t end well.”

Seconds later we get pulled through the portal as it shuts behind us.

Perspective: Church
The scene in front of me was nearly identical to Halo Wars. There were corpses of Sangheili, Minotaurs, Lopez bots, and Griffins strewn about on the bloody floor.

I reloaded my boltshot and hid behind cover right as a portal opened that dispensed two unknown individuals. One of them had long black hair and held a copy of my token while the second wore a blue robe and had long blue hair that traveled down her back.

“Get over here! Unless you like dying to bloodthirsty xenocidal zealots!” I warned the duo. They finally noticed all the dead bodies?

The first person looked towards me then shouts “mum move!” He then draws his weapon that glows in a bright purple glow similar to that of Mace Windu’s lightsaber and begins deflecting bullets that were flying towards him whilst walking backwards towards me.

A duo of hunters were flung through the wall but got up unscathed. The first hunter aimed at me but a full round of boltshot to the head killed it. The second charged the new arrivals.

The first one of the duo then shouts “Mum get to cover you aren’t suited for this get to the guy who shouted us.” She then nods to him as she turn towards us and the first one draws a small pistol from his side and held it in his hand as an Elite Major stabbed through a pony. The pony gasped and tried to escape death's throes but failed miserably as it finally went limp in a bloody mess.

I hear the woman shout “No, Daniel get ready. Oss, náða, fjor, regin, tynada, vályndr, jotunn” as she said the words symbols appeared around her.

“Uh… Lady, there aren't any giants around here.” I said in confusion before an elite rushed a cowering pony, “Lopez 1997! Protect the civilians!” A Lopez bot that nobody had noticed before that was wearing full Hunter Gen 2 armor gave the duo and pony civilians covering fire.

I then look back at her again to see another set of symbol around her as she said “Ek skýt fjórir ískaldur ör” with that four ice shaped arrows fly towards the elite and begin to impale it.

“That isn't how you do it! You do it like this!” I take the gravity hammer from my back and charge it with forerunner properties. I rush at the wave of elites and smash it down on the Sangheili in the middle, sucking him into a black hole and disintegrating the rest. Before I can react, I am flung straight towards the displaced and land at the female's feet in a smoking painful heap. My helmet falls off and I laugh harshly, “That fucking hurt.”

The woman then sighs and said “Þeír, fylla, gullin, öl, helgask, allr, eitrið, rísa, folk” with that I begin to feel my strength returning to me.

“I'm guessing you hate English?” I said sarcastically.

“No it’s just that those are the words of power for my magic” The women said to me.

“magic?! That is a genius idea! Use antimagic on their magic! You genius you...Actually I don't even have your name.”

The female stared at him in bewilderment before saiding “Asuna, my names Asuna and the boy you see fighting is my son Da… Kirito”

We then hear a voice shout “If you are done with your conversation would you mind helping me!”

“Rude. At least introduce yourself.” I said indignantly.

Kirito then shouts “not the best time!” as he is slashing multiple projectiles that were flying towards him.

“Elimination system online: 1703 contacts detected. Course of action: Asphyxiation. Director level confirmation needed.” A male electronic voice said.

“No Delta. There are civilians here you logistical fuckwit.” I pushed to my feet and got in front of Asuna. “We need to get out of here. NOW.” I took off in a sprint down the halls and straight into enemy fire which I dodged with godlike precision.

I then heard Asuna shout, “Kirito we need to move! Now!”

“Fine.” seconds later similar symbols then appear around him as a large smokescreen fills the corridor.

The room behind the duo exploded and the corpses inside were completely desecrated until nothing was left. Warning sirens started roaring as a huge fire started and another room barely a few meters away exploded. A pony that was wounded ended up getting sucked into the explosion and died a painful heat death.

Asuna then runs over to the pony then said a few words as it begins to stand again and runs behind me.

I finally reached the exit and jumped out before staring at Canterlot Palace. It was in flames to the point that no amount of maintenance would fix it. Why O'Mally? What the fuck did I ever do to you!? The princesses, nobles, and guards had abandoned various civilians and maids to fend for themselves in this hellhole. I won't forget their actions… I clutched my gravity hammer tighter as the palace exploded for the final time.

I then hear Asuna shout “Daniel!”

I then look around to see that the other displaced wasn’t around.

“I must be going rampant… There has to be an ai fountain of youth around here somewhere…” I muttered.

I then hear a voice shout “sorry about that went back to help some creatures!”

I watched as Asuna walked towards me and said, “What do you see?” It wasn't a very vague question since I was pointing at the remains of Canterlot Palace.

I then see the other displaced land next to us as he drops off three ponies that he saved from the palace. As I look at him I notice that he looked much more like his mother and now had some transparent black wings on his back. I waited for them to answer the question though. After a few seconds I realized they hadn't heard me. “What do you see?” I repeated.

Kirito then looks at me and said “A mess.”

Asuna then sigh and said “Canterlot Castle Destroyed and also some princesses who need to sort their act out.”

“Vy, kazhetsya, ne vidite, chto ya vizhu…” (Russian: Then you don't seem to see what I see…) They stared at me in confusion.

Asuna said, “what did you said?”

“Then you don't seem to see what I see.” I said bluntly.

Kirito then looks at me and asks “what is it you saw?”

“The day this place was being built to the day today and then it being destroyed and rebuilt over and over until it was forgotten, insignificant, and immaterial.” I killed the mood when I opened a portal to the warp and drop a pizza on a tray out. “Pizza?” I lift the tray, revealing a huge pizza that had pepperoni, sausage and parmesan cheese mixed. I waited to see if they would do anything.

I then just see them look at each other and then seconds later Asuna said “and you said you didn’t have magic”

“Magic?!” I fell on the floor laughing my ass off. “Zat vas not magic mein friend! Zat was the warp. Originally the realm of souls until it became of emotion and feeling as well as torture and daemon gods.”

I then hear Kirito laugh then said “yeah and my names Justin Bieber. somebody get the shotgun”

“No seriously. Watch.” I opened a portal and a “WHOA WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!” I kicked the wtf being back into the portal.

“Oh look a summoning spell. Thats some magic right there.”

“Actually. That wasn't what I was trying to do… That happened by itself…” I admitted.

Kirito then laughs and said “You know my brother probably would believe you about that”

I got a manic grin on my face, “You think everything is magic?” I said in the Joker’s voice.

he then smirks then said “we are in a world of talking ponies that use magic… what else would i think?”

“THEN what do you call this?! CAC12 Fire at the nearest planet.” An explosion appeared in the sky as debris started enter the atmosphere.

I then see them both look at me in shock as Kirito turned towards me and then punches me directly in the back of the head. he then said “that's for blowing up a planet.”

I looked at him incredulously, “It was uninhabited... I think.”

Asuna ten puts a hand out in front of him then said “Look he’s like his brother that way he has a snappy temper” she then laughs and said “Craig always was like that.”

I fall on my ass, which they notice. “Uh…” A guilty smile was on my face which they also noticed. “NOTHING!” I throw a melta grenade very far away through a portal.

Kirito then looks at me and said “what's wrong… you flipped at the mention of my brothers name?”

“I plead the 5th!” I started backing away from the duo who started becoming suspicious.

Asuna then looks at me and then said “do you know my son?”

I turned around and started running away.

I then hear one of them sigh as i then see him appear next to me then said “If you know my brother I want answers”

My armor starts becoming different until it is Gen 2 Hunter but still blue. My voice deeper, I said, “No.” I throw a grenade at him and jump over him.

I then hear another voice shout something and then find that i can’t move as Asuna walked over to me and shouts “You did not just throw a grenade at my son.”

“What about it? We agencies don't like giving information.”

I then hear Kirito said “and we didn’t like losing Craig but shit happens get use to it”

I exit my armor in my ai form, shocking them. “Craig. Age: Unknown. Sex: Male. Diagnosis: Work in Progress. Classified Section 3.“

Kirito then looks at me and said “So you really are Church from Red VS Blue… where’s Caboose are the rest of the guys”

“I’m sorry I'm not sorry to cut this reunion short but that view was beautiful Epsilon. The universe will soon be mine. AND THEN THE MULTIVERSE! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

I then hear Kirito mutter “Oh look it the psychopathic AI dubbed O’Mally aka Omega.”

“QUIET YOU FOOL.“ A large blast of concentrated energy tore off Kirito’s hair. “That new look suits you.” Kirito had lost his hair and could put Agent 47 to shame with how shiny his head was.

Asuna then shouts “you dick, what is even wrong with…”

However she couldn’t finish her sentence as the same thing happened to her as did Kirito.

“Epsilon. You do know what you must do now. Undid Iridium.”

I started spazzing out before I finally said, “UNSC AI override instructions active.” I calmly walked into my armor and joined O'Mally’s side.

Kirito then looks at me and mutters “Church what are you doing?”

“Daddy! No!” Amor teleported here after I assume watching this whole thing and she charged up her horn and started letting loose rapid fire at O'Mally.

O'Mally just stared at her. “Stupid children and their need for senseless dramatics.” He fired at her but she dodged and landed on her hooves in front of the two displaced.

Kirito then tries to stand up but collapses and then mutters “be careful kid… he will kill you if you aren't careful”

I then back flipped and kicked O'Mally, smashing him into the ground. “Tricked you ya cheap fucker! I removed that override ages ago.” I jumped down to him and started punching his suit of armor rapidly but he kicked me and sent me flying into a billboard.

Amor charged her horn again before releasing another volley of magic at O'Mally. “What are you doing standing there? Help!” She screamed at the stunned duo.

Kirito then mutters “wish I could got nothing left”

I then hear Asuna said “I got you all. Oss, náða, fjor, regin, tynada, vályndr, jotunn” then secods later spoke a second incantation “Þeír, fylla, heilagr, austr, brott, svalr, bani” we are then all surrounded by what looks like water droplets as we all got back our energy

I hear Omega scream at me, “You need me. And I you.”

“No I don’t. I am memory after all. I can just remember you. The way I want to.” I spartan kick Omega straight towards the trio.

“You can't let go of your past!” I drop to one knee in pain after he said that as a lone tear rolls down my face.

Kirito and Asuna then walks over to me and as Asuna said “Yes but you also need to remember to not live in the past… after all your past is not not today”

I finally collapse on my back with a visible cut in my faceplate that is covered in blood. “Never… let… go…” I pass out from shock as the memories flood.

Asuna then walks over to him as Kirito throws her a small healing crystal and then points the crystal to the sky then said “Hīru” with the the cut in my faceplate begins to heal over.”

“Fine. You can have your fucking life. But I will do this again in a few years when you have all but forgotten.” Omega walked towards me and then took one look at the trio before sneering and saiding, “Idiots.” He reconnected to me and I stopped having the flood of memories.

“I need to get out of this place…” I said vaguely. “Hey, do you have a place I can stay?” I asked bluntly.

Asuna then looks at me then said “I’m afraid we only have the place in our world”

“GRRRRR… Blow up the rest of that planet. CAC12, finish them!” Another explosion was seen as bits started flying everywhere again.

Kirito then grabs his sword and hits me on the back of the head Knocking me out he then whispers “rest”

“Yeah. No. I think you forgot who you were dealing with. You just fucking killed me!” I scream as I exited the dead body.

“I didn’t kill you… I just knocked you out”

Amor and I stare at Kirito incredulously as we point to the obviously decapitated head.

Kirito then sighs and said “Red vs Blue… why do you love to screw us over… must be a day in your life Church.”

“Well apparently I am the only actual Displaced Church. No seriously. Everyone acts like I am original somehow…” I attach the head back, get in my body and stand up.

They then look at me in confusion and said “wait what? You mean you aren't the real Church?”

“Word of advice. There is no such thing as reality or originality. Those are concepts of our perception. I am as real as Church can get.” I explain.

They then look at me in confusion then asks “what do you mean?”

“We perceive reality as a notion that applies everywhere. It doesn't. There are alternative versions of everything. Anything could change. Quite omnifarious eh?” I laugh.

“I still don’t understand what you mean… how do we even get back?”

“The same way you got here. Elementary my Dear Watson.”

A meme started playing that played when someone got owned. “OH!!!!!”

“and how did we get here?”

I looked at them in confusion, “You don't… you don't know how you got here? Wow. You are grade A fucked.”

Amor hit me in the leg pretty hard. “Ahem.”

“Err…. I mean, that's too bad.” She shook her head in disapproval. “Uh… I'll… help you find a way back…?” She finally nodded in approval.

Asuna then looks at em then asks “and how do you plan on doing that?

I disappear and reappear a few seconds later, out of my armor and in a 21st century US army combat uniform with the rank Colonel on it. “Yes.” I said, completely ignoring their inquiry.

She then repeats what he said “and how do you plan on doing that?”

“Uh. Yeah. I don't actually have a plan. I just wanted to look fuc- err I mean awesome.” Amor’s glare softens.

Asuna then laughs then said “Kids controlling your life. don’t worry you get used to it.

“Asuna. The cake is a lie.” I said randomly.

She then sighs and said “Don’t worry about it kid. He’ll understand eventually.”

“NOOOOOO!!!!” I roared exactly like Darth Vader. “My pizza!!!!” I run to the box and bring it back towards the trio and open it before signing in relief. “You are safe, my love.”

They all then sigh at me and said “are you serious?”

I don't hear them as I throw off my helmet and start shoveling pizza down my gullet. Literally.

Kirito then looks at me and said “Anyway you never did answer our question… How do you know my brother?”

“...” I awkwardly shove the rest of the pizza in my mouth, avoiding the question.

Asuna then looks at him and said “If someone took your daughter away how would you feel? you’d want to know they were OK wouldn't you?”

“No.” They stared at me in shock.

Asuna then looked at me in shock and said “I can’t believe you… you should want to protect your child at all costs… I just can’t believe you.”

Amor rolled her eyes, confusing Asuna. “He was joking. He just wanted to see your reactions. Not that I approve.”

Kirito then sighs and said “Would you mind helping us miss?

“Get drunk?! Sure!” I pulled out a Carolina Reaper alcoholic beverage.

He then sighs and said “I meant would you help us find out about my brother from your dad.”

I immediately popped open the beverage and was about to bottom it down but Amor snatched off from me. I pulled out another one but the process repeated five more times until she was holding six CRACs in her telekinesis.

Kirito then switches back to the form he arrived in and draws his gun and said “next time you open a bottle i’m going to put a bullet through it”

I cross my arms and pout like a small child. “Stupid.” I muttered in a childish voice.

Amor rolled her eyes at my antics, “You know, you can't always get what you want.”

“You are all sadists!” I point accusing fingers at everyone.

Asuna then sighs “we are sadists because we want your daughter not to grow up with a dad who’s a raging alcoholic”

Kirito then sighs and said “come on you ain’t Homer Simpson are you?”

I walk towards Asuna and stop a meter away from her, “You would know. Wouldn't you? Miss I dressed as a beautiful character from an Anime at a convention and then focused on others.” I was using Mickey Mouse's voice to sound mocking.

Kirito then shot a bullet into his foot then said “Don’t be cheeky to my mom.”

“Mother's boy? I didn't have a mother so I wouldn't know. Or a… family for that matter.” My tone became more depressed at the end.

Asuna then placed her hand on my shoulder then said “well how about you us… look we trust you we could be your family… me, Kirito, your daughter... heck even Craig. He does trust you right?

“You want to know about Craig? He is in the War of Shadows. The people I learned the warp from are his enemies. I am neutral in the conflict in that I do not participate in it. He isn't exactly having the greatest of times. And… he never exactly hated me… does that… does that...count?“

Kirito then smile and said “yes it counts… you realise he was alone for years back home, never could talk to people in open conversations. He was always terrified and hid himself from the world.”

“The closest person I could relate to was Daniel Craig… because you know… went from homeless and worthless to… this. Funny they shared a name in a sense. And you do as well. What a coincidence eh?”

Kirito then sigh and said “my mum couldn't help but shout my real name could she.”

“Wait a minute. If I joined your family then what da hell does that even make me. Or Amor for that matter?”

Kirito then smiled and said “you want the honest answer… family.”

“That sounds stupid.” Amor said in confusion.

“well let’s face it family is what people need... heck, family was the only thing that kept him going”

Pinkie Pie appeared from nowhere, “Yay! I can throw a new family party!”

I screamed and pulled out a pair of military scissors and yelled, “Get out of here before I scissors you!” I did the native American screech. Pinkie Pie’s eyes widened and she teleported away.

Asuna then sighs and said “Really Church? really?”

“What? She is annoying. Also she is scared of jihad bombs and native American screaming.”

“Just because someone annoying doesn’t mean you should attack them”

Amor snatched my scissors and glared at me, “Sometimes I feel like I am the parent.”

“Well technically you are older than me biologically. Or was it chronologically? Physically? Emotionally? Mentally? Psychologically?”

Asua then smiled and said “well you are the one who has the family to grow up with something it sound like you father never had. well until now”

I gulped and looked at Asuna, “Can I uh… talk to you in private for a moment?“

“Yeah Sure” I motioned for her to follow me, which she did. I walked until we were seventy five feet away from the others and sat down on a pile of ashes and started explaining why Cadence was Amor and the memory wipe and that she would have been sacrificed to a daemon if I hadn't done it.

Once I was finished Asuna smiled and said “look at you, you took it on yourself to save her from a fate worse than death… if you look at it that you i have to said that you will be an amazing father to her.”

“Yeah sure okay mom.” I joked but she got a smirk when I said that and I got an ‘oh shit’ face.

She then just laughs and said “How old were you before all this started?”

“Uh… 18?”

“update your record on Craig his age was 18 as well. you know you should drop him a message to said that you know us”

“Hi grandma!” Amor said from behind me to Asuna. I started stuttering random things such as protests but all that came out were weak stammers.

She then kneels down, smiled and said “hello to you to my amazing granddaughter.”

Kirito stared wide-eyed at the scene while I fainted. Oh god. I have a mom.

As soon as they all see me they begin to laugh as Kirito said “well looks like me and Craig now have an adopted brother.”

“404 not found.” My electronic voice said.

“Oh quit being so dramatic Dad.”

I raised a red flag, “Never!” I dropped the flag and continued laying down. If one looked closely they would notice what looked kind of like a hammer and sickle on the flag.

Kirito then laugh and said “We need a medic heavy combo over here”

“Okay but… the difference between a medic and a doctor is that a doctor cures you. A medic just makes you more comfortable, while you die…” Amor facehoofed at me.

He then laughs and said “I meant the Team Fortress 2 medic and heavy…. the heavy is Russian isn’t he?”

“Я не знаю. Они?” (Russian: I don't know. Are they?) Church asked in Heavy’s voice.

Kirito then smiled and said “yes… yes he is”

Asuna then smiled and said “Ok how do people normally get home after whatever it is happened to us?”

Do you have a… ahem, token?”

They then both look at me in confusion and then asked “a what?”

I sigh and said, “Well. What is your favorite thing in the world?”

They both look at eachother then Asuna said “we never really thought about it. but i guess for me it’s my friend or family… wait are these tokens something about yourself?”

I pulled out my energy sword, the exact same one they were holding and clicked a button on the side of it, “It's a sword not a fighter jet! No but in all seriousness if you ever need someone to hack into technology or just talk or fight, summon me, Epsilon-Church.” The sword said in my voice.

Asuna then looks at herself and said “well i guess i could recreate the Undine race symbol on a piece of paper and use that.

“Nope. No… no m- no mot- no mother of mine is gonna go without something authentic.”

She then looks at me and asks “what would you think of using then?”

“Is this symbol kind of like a drop of water with a pedestal and a circle with a hole in it?” I made a projection appear of this.

Asuna then look at it and said “yeah that look like the image”

“Okay… I'll just do it the simple way. said, I haven't shown you the inside of my pelican yet have I?”

“No you haven’t. it would be an honour to see your home.”

“Were you Japanese before you came to Equestria?” I asked in confusion.

“No we were all british. Me, Daniel and Craig”

“Merica!” I yell as I jump and point to the American flag on my arm. I then stop and realize something. “Oh… That is why you britties saw us as uncultured.”

Kirito then smiled and said “Never did see you lot as uncultured… heck if you looked back unless you're descended from the native americans we are all british at some point.”

“Well… No. You shared your names. Let me share mine. My name is Dimitri.”

Kirito then smiled and said “I knew i recognized the symbol on the flag… communism mainly seen as the good old USSR also know now as Russia now… that's where you were from, isn’t it”

My uniform switched to Russian Spetsnaz army uniform with KGB on my back. “Komitet gosudarstvennoy bezopasnosti.” I said as I pointed to my back.

We then smile and said “ah the russian secret service”

“Dad! Can we get food now!” Amor screamed, finally drawing everyone's attention.

“Oh sure. C’mon! To the pelican!” I said as I walked off in a random direction.

“The pelican is the other way.” Amor facehoofed.

“I meant to do that. I was just making sure my turning was working.“

Kirito then smirks and said “Off course you did”

“Wait.” I said as I stopped. Everyone looked at me in confusion, “Pelicanmobile! Land in front of !me!” Everyone facepalm/hoofed at the name as the pelican landed in front of me.

Kirito then smirks and said “and cue annoying jump music from the old batman.”

“What sounded like the Batman theme turned into the Red Vs Blue started playing. “Better than any Chinese bootleg I've ever seen or heard.”

“agreed”

“Were you downloading torrents again?” Asuna asked Kirito sternly.

“I will not accept or deny that fact”

“And I have to be responsible for you three?” She mock-complained.

“Oh? Yea? Well I bet you did weird salutes in Britain! Heil the Queen!” He joked as he did an upside down reverse Hitler salute.

Kirito then sighs and said “Hello prince of stereotypes… and it’s God save the queen”

“I have something important to said. Guys I have something very important to said.” I said in the Master Chief’s voice from Arby ‘n’ the Chief.

“It’s strange all i can think of is Russell Howards joke for that”

“Go fuck a duck.” I said as I walked away. “Ow!” Amor had punched me in the knee.

“No.” She scolded as she jumped into my arms.

they both then smile said “cutest thing ever…”

Kirito then smile and said “if only I had a camera”

I pull out an indestructible Samsung Galaxy Note 5 and toss it at Kirito who caught it. “Keep it. I have too many.” I pull out another and give it to Asuna.

She then smiled and said “Thanks sweetie”

Kirito then smiled and said “she will embarrass you at every opportunity… you get use to it.”

“At least it won't be like that time I tried to use magic I didn't know.”

“What happened?” Amor asked.

“I turned into an alicorn colt.”

“Ooooh! Do it!” Amor pleaded. I didn't look at her cause she was probably using puppy dog eyes. I walked into the pelican with the trio behind me.

They then smirk as Kirito changes back into his ALO form then picks up Amor and flies towards me and hold her in front of me. Just as I predicted she was indeed doing just what I expected.

“Daddy doesn't want to.” I barely manage to said as we arrive in the cafeteria which so happened to be right next to the side panel. Stupid Harry Potter switchy room Doctor Who Tardis Pelican.

Kirito then smiled and said “you have no hope against a little girl… Trust me… I know.”

I finally give in and said, “Leviosa or some bullshit.” In a flash I am a cerulean alicorn colt with a wavy magenta mane and tail. I stare at the trio blankly as I sit on my rump.

Kirito then smiled and said “it’s not that bad”

I am tackled by Amor, who is taller and stronger than me. I gasp as I try to escape to no avail.

Kirito then smirks and said “Another one for the album” with that he takes another picture of us.

Asuna then laughs and said “you are just the cutest.”

“No! I'm not cute! I'm dangerous!” Amor rolls her eyes and picks me up and puts me on her back.

Kirito then laughs then continues to tell me “not really proving your point.”

“Save me mom! This @#$%& wait what? I said @#$%& not @#$%& what?! Why can't I talk @#$%?!”

they then both laugh and said “what makes you think we had anything to do with this?”

I just hang my head and use my natural weapon, puppy dog eyes, on the duo.

Asuna then smiled at me and said “We seriously didn’t do it. There is nothing we can do”

I roll my eyes before flapping my wings and shooting off down the hallways at mach 1339. “Did you really think that I wouldn't install a little speed upgrade?”

Seconds later Kirito appears next to me and said “and did you think i wouldn’t know about it?”

“Yes. I said bluntly. Now. I just need to… aha!” Amor and Asuna were teleported in front of me. “We are in the simulation chamber. The improved version of the holoroom from Red Vs Blue. Here you can create anything… with your imagination or mind.”

Asuna then looks at me and said “so in theory I could make my token here?”

“Go ahead.” I said in my coltish voice.

She then closed her eyes as a small metallic copy of the Undine symbol appeared engraved on a metal sheet. She then closed her eyes again as the symbol changed and became more clear and vibrant. As the symbol fell into her hand she looked it over and nodded her head in approval.

She then looked over at Kirito and said “what about you?”

He then looked at her and said “I was just going to have a small pendent of my swords crossed over.”

“What? Scared of these?” i pulled out twin energy swords and activated them before infusing them with anger and hatred which turned them black at the edges and dark red for the rest while the metal handle was a beautiful golden finish.

They then looked at me in confusion and asked “why did you do that?”

I looked at them and sighed before turning human again. “I call them… The Order of Malice.” I said as I test the swords out.

“Yeah but… why would you ever use anger and hatred? They are corrupting.” Amor argued.

“Since when?” I asked.

Asuna then smiled and said “He’s done it to remove O'malley from himself, he’s now in those blades where he can’t harm your dad.”

“Actually… That was only one of the reasons… The other is… I want to use him as a weapon.”

Kirito then looks at me in shock and said “wait you want to use the thing that almost killed us as a weapon… have you lost your mind?”

“Well when you put it like that it sounds bad.” I said.

Asuna looked at me in concern, “You really need to see a doctor.”

“NO!” I yelled as I jump away and hide in a corner.

“Oh… I should probably mention, he is scared of doctors and other medical personnel for some reason.” Amor said.

Asuna then walks over to me, places her arm over me and said “Why don’t you like doctors?”

It then clicks in Kirito. Red Vs Blue, Doc when he was being possessed by Omega. “God I’m an idiot it’s Doc isn’t it? You're afraid of doctors after what happened between O’Malley and Doc in the video.”

Amor rushes over to me and nuzzles my leg as I close my eyes and start breathing heavily as images of torture run through my mind.

Asuna then looks at me and said “I’m sorry I didn’t think about your past when I saw the weapon i though O’malley was in control of you. I’m sorry”

A beeping was heard from me. I slowed my breathing when it got incessant and opened a phone and what I heard made me scream, “WHAT?!”

Everyone then looks at me then asks “what’s wrong?”

“...Celestia and Luna… They are...They…” I left the sentence unfinished.

Asuna then stand up and said “where are they… teleport me to them quickly.”

But I didn't hear her. All I could hear was Candy Melody on the phone with Cadence and Twilight there saiding that Celestia and Luna were dead.

Asuna then shakes me and shouts “god fucking dammit Dimitri send me to them”

“THEY ARE DEAD MOM!”

“and I have a spell that can save them if we are quick!”

I quickly teleport us to Canterlot Burial Grounds. There were two caskets with familiar cutie marks on them depicting cartoonized sun and moons. I rushed towards the caskets and opened both of them. The sisters were in worse shape than could be thought possible. They looked over 9000 and not in a good way.

Asuna then walks over to us and then i see similar symbols appear around her as before as she said “Þeír, fylla, heilagr, austr, brott, svalr, ban” she repeats this over both caskets and then collapses to the floor taking deep shallow breaths.

Celestia was the first to heal and awaken. When her eyes landed on me, everything clicked. “Do you know what you have done?! You have threatened the balance of harmony!” And then she did something unexpected she glomped me and proceeded to make out with me. I tried struggling but she was to strong.

Asuna then attempts to laugh and said “looks like my newest son has a girlfriend”

“I'm definitely considering it.” Celestia said as she stopped invading my face.

“As are we.” A familiar voice said.

“Well… They always did said they were two paths. They never said you could take both though…” I said with a gulp.

Seconds later Kirito flew out of the pelican with Amor on his back then said “are the Princesses OK?”

“Yes.” Luna said as she joined the group-force-yourself-on-me-as-your-boyfriend hug session.

Kirito then smirks and said “another one for the album” with that he takes another picture of the group hug.

I did the anime thing where tears streamed down my face in a cartoon-esque fashion. Wait no. That was Pokémon. Yep. Definitely Pokémon. “I just want to be free!” I bemoaned.

“Is that love I sense?” Amor asked slyly.

“Well… Rest in pieces…”

Luna frowned, “Do you not want us?”

Oh fuck… I do the dumb but nice thing, “I never said that…”

Asuna then laughs and said “Craig would love to see this?”

“Then why don't we go see him?”

Amor looked at me in shock, “What are you-” She stopped when she saw me pull out a familiar amulet. Craig's Amulet.

“Tell me, did you all go to the convention on the same day?” The question was directed to Asuna and Kirito.

Kirito then looked at me then said “No Craig went missing from his room a few months before we went to the convention.”

“Who sent you to Equestria?”

“His niece said he likes to be called ‘Spinner’ i think it was”

Everything I was holding suddenly became heavier as I jumped twenty feet in the air. When I hit the ground again I asked, “I'm sorry but I thought I just heard you said spinner.”

“yeah why?”

“Yikes…”

“what why is his name that important”

“Okay I'm not calling you two weak or anything…” I said as I pointed at Celestia and Luna, “But your power times a million.”

“what do you mean?”

“What is your power level Celestia?”

“Why would you… fine, my power level is 40205.”

“Yeah… His is definitely a million times higher. No offense. I don't really like void dwellers and system admins. Except Loki. Loki is fucking awes-” I stopped when Amor threatened me with her glare.

Asuna then smiles at her then said “Amor let your dad off it’s just a slip of the tongue.”

I get on my knees and start staring at Amor who glares back, confusing everyone.

“What are they doing?” Luna asked in confusion.

Kirito then shrugs his shoulders then said “I have no ideas”

Amor then kissed me Bugs Bunny Style. I started blushing profusely as I tried to stop hearing Amor giggling.

Asuna the smiles and said “Well I guess family has helped him to grow already.”

“She just Bugs Bunnied me.” I said in shock.

Kirito then just laughs and said “Good old Loony Toons”

Amor looked at Kirito deviously, “You are next.”

Asuna then walks over to me and whispers “Craig will want to see this”

I accidentally drop the amulet, thus activating it.

As soon as the amulet hits the floor a large portal opens just above the amulet a familiar image of Craig crashed into the floor.

“Oops?” I said awkwardly.

Chapter 17 Part 2: Family (Superb Unedit)

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.

Chapter 17 Part 3: The Aftermath (Unedited. Find me an editor)

Author's Note

Someone find me an editor because this story is approaching its end. Yes there will be a sequel but...

Chapter 17 Part 3: The Aftermath (Unedited. Find me an editor)

“Yes. Now give me a good reason not to kill you on the spot.”

“I have something you may want.” I bluffed.

Amor looked at me angrily, “Don't you dare.”

“What could you possibly have that I want? Do you even know who I am?” The voice scoffed coldly.

Craig then looked at me, nods his head and said “go for it.”

“Have you heard of the unsc oversight subcommittee or Project Freelancer or the Reds and Blues?”

“Of course I have.” The voice chuckled derisively. “The entire galaxy has probably heard of them by now! Wait a minute… that voice… UNSC class ship… who exactly are you?”

Asuna then smiled and whispers “and reel him in”

“My name… IS LEONARD FUCKING CHURCH!” Amor shook her head in disappointment.

Craig then kneels down to her and said “he has to act like this… it his how he acts from what we know… let him off.”

“I can feel his ego. Literally.” She cringed.

“Dr Church? I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU!”

Craig then looked at me and said “You lot get to safety i’m going in… nobody threatens my family.” He then walks over to me and said to the computer screen “Identify yourself.”

“Access denied.”

“Director override. Level Alpha.”

“Access granted. Welcome back Director.”

“Go ahead.” I told Craig.

He then nods his head and said “who are you… I am not an ally of church, i require you to tell me what your business here is.”

“To kill Dr Church, destroy Chorus, cause a civil war, instate a militia. None of your business. I hope you like dying.“

“This is not chorus I repeat you are not near Chorus”

“We need to speed along the plans Felix. Kill them already.”

“Sure thing.” The Teminite started firing at us.

Craig then looked at me and mutters “Felix and Locus… Church i’m stopping this” He then places two fingers in his head and said “This will not happen”

A shaking was felt as the pelican got hit by an Archer missile. “Shields at 99.9999999999237%.”

Kirito, Asuna, Amor, Scootaloo, Craig, and I stared wide eyed at that. “We have that good of shields…?” I asked incredulously.

Craig then looked at me and said “Suit me up… those jerks are not hurting any of you”

“With what?” I asked. We weren't in the armory.

He then looked at me and said “you have spare armour everywhere, I know you any set is some sort of defense.”

“Uh... actually the Piraka stole everything…“

Craig then Clenches his fist then said “I can’t defeat them like this”

“I'm kidding. They stole Sniper rifles that I bugged with explosives. After they have been fired 100 times the rifles will explode with enough force to blow up a school.”

A loud smacking noise was heard as I clutched my leg in pain, “What the fuck Amor?!”

“You know better. You learn to improve yet you never actually apply your life lessons.”

Craig then looked at her and said “Listen, we don’t have time to argue right now, Felix and Locus are two seriously dangerous guys. They will kill everyone if we don’t work fast”

“Warning: boarding parties inbound.” The fillies gasped while everyone held their breath. “Unsuccessful parties anyway.” We all sighed in relief.

“This way! We all need to get weapons.” I took off in a presumably random direction with everyone following behind.

Just as we were about to reach it I suddenly was sent flying into a Cryopod which locked with me in it. I tried pounding out but it already sedated me.

“No!” Amor screamed.

“Yes!” A new voice interjected. The remaining looked like to see Felix with a smg.

Craig fists then clench over his gun as he shouts “Get the kids to safety… run and don't look back” He then turns to look at Felix and shouts “Nobody hurts my family!”

“I can already tell you will be one of those.” Felix said as he started firing his SMG into Craig.

Craig’s eyes then begin to go red as his body glows and he said “you have no idea who you are messing with you FUCKING LITTLE PIECE OF SHIT!” He then charges at felix running at the bullets ignoring them as they just fell on contact with his body.

Felix then jumped straight over Craig which confused him until he noticed the landmines he was surrounded by. “Try getting out of that, jackass.”

Crag then smiled and said “You fucked up” He then disappears and reappears behind felix and said “I am no normal soldier… I am your worst nightmare”

“That's what they all say.” Felix tapped his hip and pulled out a red energy sword and stabbed backwards with it, impaling through Craig. “How. Are. You. Not. Dead.”

I then hear a chuckle then a voice said “You can’t kill what never existed.” with that Craig's body began to fade away.

A crate was sent flying into the biometric controls for the Cryopod I was in which cracked it. My breathing started to become heavy at that.

I then hear a voice shout “Rasengan!” as Felix was sent flying and Craig reappeared in front of me and then proceeded to destroy the door trapping me and rip it from the cryopod. He then proceeded to grab hold of me, and began to carry me away from the pod.

Felix flew out of an open window and crashed into his ship.

“Church are you OK?” he asked with a sense of worry in his voice.”

“...”

Craig then sighed as he created water out of the air and then dropped it over me.

“...”

“That won't help. Church is in a catatonic state. When the seal was cracked, his brain was damaged severely.” Delta said sadly.

Craig then knelt down and muttered “oh no this can’t be happening” he then turned to look towards where Felix crashed and said “he won’t get away with this”

Amor, Scootaloo, Kirito, and Asuna rushed in. “What happened?” Asuna asked.

Delta repeated the information he told Craig.

Asuna and Kirito then looked towards Craig and noticed his red eyes and then shout “Craig calm down”

“He went to far… I will kill him” He then teleported outside of the ship and Shouted “eat this you monster, Big Bang Kamehameha x1000!” With that a bright beam of light many times bigger than before began to fly towards the other ship. Craig then turned around and disappeared back in the ship as the red in his eyes disappeared and returned to normal.

Asuna then looked at Craig in shock at what just happened and said “What did you just…”

He then looked back at her then said “I delt with him… nobody hurts my family, I’m not the same boy you knew all that time ago… my powers overflow when my emotions grow.” He then realises what he did and said “Oh god… what have i done… I’m so sorry” he then began to collapse as tears began to stream from his eyes.

Scootaloo then walked over to him and said “Dad are you OK” she was met with silence. She then tapped his shoulder and once again said “Dad please say something”

Meanwhile Amor was doing the same to me as she nuzzled my leg with her muzzle, “Please be okay.” She whimpered.

Suddenly Amor and Scootaloo both knew that this was not a joke. “What do we do? My Dad is catatonic and your dad is in shock…” Fortunately Asuna heard Amor.

She then walks over to her and said “they’ll be fine, Craig’s been through much worse and i bet the same goes for your Dad.”

My legs finally gave out and I collapsed with a loud slam in an armored heap.

Asuna then looked at them both and said “Do you have a medical wing on the ship?”

“I will handle that.” An androgynous electronic voice said over the ship intercom. Almost immediately after, a Lopez bot with a red cross picked me up gently and put me on a stretcher before wheeling me away.

Kirito then grabbed Craig, threw him over his shoulders as everyone followed us to the medical bay.

“I feel like I just received an icepick lobotomy.” I said bluntly.

Asuna winced before glaring at me, “There are children in this room.”

“Ice. Pick. Lobotomy.” I repeated.

Kirito then smiled and said “Give him a break mum… he’s not exactly in the best condition at the moment.”

Amor walked up to me and jumped on my lap before she proceeded to start crying. Tears started getting soaked in my shirt but I hugged her nonetheless.

Scootaloo then walked over towards me and asked, “Are you feeling better?”

“Honestly? N-no.” I sounded absolutely miserable. Amor looked up at me with teary eyes and a wet mane before she sighed and laid in my arms.

Scootaloo then sighs and said to me “At least you are talking, my dad's completely quiet he won’t even answer us.” Amor gave up and jumped out of my arms and sat her rump on a cushion.

“This ends. Now.” I said with Morgan Freeman’s voice before I walked over to Craig. I stopped exactly a foot from him and opened a portal and took out an extremely loud airhorn that could make you go deaf. I then walked behind him and put it directly in his ear and slowly waited before I smashed my fingers on the airhorn.

“AIRHORN!”

He then looked forwards towards him his eyes bloodshot but still in control however still unresponsive.

“My name is Jeff.” I said in a perfect accent. I walked right up to him and stared at him. “Damn. You look fucking stoned man.”

He then looked at me and just smiled but still stayed unresponsive.

“Oh I get it. You don’t want to talk because you are acting unresponsive so that they won’t get mad at you. Not that they would actually get mad at you in the first place. So, how long are you going to play this charade?” I poked him in the eye softly before retracting my finger as his eye twitched irritably.

He then looked at me and started a psychic link with me then said “it’s no act buddy”

“Then explain the indentia catatonia.”

“You think i want to act like this? my whole body refuses to do what i want”

“Oh shit! OH! OOOOOOOH! OH!!” I yelled as I slammed my fist down on the table, snapping it in half.

Asuna then looked at me and asks “what's wrong?”

“Craig told me his body is refusing to listen to him.”

Scootaloo then looked at me and asks “why? Why won’t he respond to us or even acknowledge us?”

“Try a psychic link”

Scootaloo then walks up to him and said “please dad let me in?”

He then whispers to us both “I’m sorry”

“Dad why won’t you respond to us?”

“Scoots I physically can’t my whole bodies ignoring me”

“Wait a minute… WAIT A FUCKING MINUTE!” Amor shot up in alarm with her tail twitching while everyone looked at me apprehensively. “I know what to do… Oh Dissy you are so fucked mate.”

Asuna then looked at me then asks “what are you thinking?”

“Hey Craig. You said Discord was blocking your magic...right? Well if he blocks to much magic it will backlash. It will all have to come out eventually.” I then proceeded to do the Darth Sidious laugh.

Craig then smirks and said to me “it’s a possibility but i don’t even know how to access my magic right now when i can’t move”

“Who said anything about accessing your magic?”

“Huh?” Everyone asked.

“I hope you aren’t afraid of needles.” I said bluntly. I gave a evil doctor laugh.

Scootaloo then looked at me and said “what are you doing to him?”

“Injecting him with magic.” I said lackadaisically.

Kirito then looked at me then asks me “you sure it will work?”

Craig then sighs and said “If you make a single constipation joke I will go hulk on you”

“I think you should be more worried about it hurting. And that hadn’t even crossed my mind, thank you for reminding me!” Everyone groaned at that. I grabbed a syringe from a table and poured as much magic into as I could. It wasn’t mine of course, it was stolen. More power than Celestia could hold times ten should work. I walk over to Craig and ask in an evil doctor voice, “Any last words?” I joke.

“You better hope the first one knocks me out.” He said in a mocking Tex voice. The real Tex just rolled her eyes in apathy. I stab the syringe into his neck and almost instantly we hear Discord’s pained screams before he explodes outward. Craig’s eyes bug out before he faints.

I stare at the scene with shock, “That wasn’t supposed to happen…”

Scootaloo then taps Craig’s shoulder and whispers “please get better dad”

“Well… At least he isn’t in pain anymore.” I said. Everyone glares at me. “HE’S NOT DEAD!”

Kirito the stares at me and said “good if he was I would introduce to the Gleam Eyes.”

“The what?”

“The Gleam eyes. It was a floor boss in the SAO anime, basically a giant demon”

Discord then appeared and said “you lucky I wasn’t in Craig when you did that”

“Oh get bent you stuckup anarchist.” I retorted.

“Oh come on i was just going to show you this gleam eyes. After all I have seen it when i met you two a thousand years ago.”

“I would rather join Craig on the floor. And before you do anything, I’ll do it myself.” I flopped next to Craig.

Discord then smirked and muttered “Too easy”

“Nuh-uh.” I grabbed a antimagic syringe and aimed it at Discord’s talon and threw it at him. Since it was antimagic it distorted the magic around it and stopped him before he could start. “Just like darts.” Discord frowned at that. “You don't get to win against an entity that can perform millions of calculations in mere seconds.”

Kirito then smiled and said “that for what happened in the past.”

Discord’s eyes widened when he felt his magic start leaking, “Please stop you don’t know what you're doing”

“tell me how to undo what you did to Craig.”

“I didn’t do anything… his body is struggling from two chaotic influences, It’s just his immune system fighting against… what did he call himself Fuwa?”

“So you were just being a fucking idiot again?”

“No, Since Craig's powers became stronger his natural limitation were strained i’ve had to keep his powers in check to prevent him from… you know.”

“Wait a minute… CRAIG IS DYING! HOW DO WE FIX THIS?! TELL ME NOW!” I grabbed Discord by the neck, “How?”

“The only why is to syphon off the extra power… his powers basically make him a massive magical nuclear reactor like… what was it called Chernobyl?”

I stop the magic leaking from Discord, “You are going to fix this. Unless you want another, much stronger version of that poison.”

“what do you think i’ve been doing… he has no idea what’s happening to him”

“Yeah… we were convinced you were trying to kill him via manipulation.”

Discord then stares at me then shouts “I would never kill him… I caused him to much pain before this all started… I never meant for this to happen… Someone else brought him here and when i saw him, I made it my job to protect him from himself”

“Ironic, you are still at the center of all this.” Amor retorted.
Asuna then grabbed him and screamed “you… you are the reason he came home every day with thoughts of suicide… almost every single day he considered ending it!”

I fell on my ass and right in front of Kirito, “Remind me to never make her angry.”

Kirito then looked at me and said “You don’t need reminder after she snaps she is so much worse than Craig… the only difference is she can calm back down within seconds, Craig couldn’t.”

“REPRESSION. THE BANE OF MEMORY.” I said suddenly as I punch Discord in the face, sending him flying into a wall. “FIX CRAIG!”

We then hear Craig mutter “please... stop… don’t hurt him.”

“...Well this is FUBAR. I’m just going to sit down.” I walked over to the depressed Amor and plopped down next to her. I saw a medpack on the wall next to me so I picked it up and threw it at Discord, healing him instantly.

“Thank you” whispered Craig. Seconds later his body began to glow as he whispered “Grand Healing” With that he managed to slowly stand up but seconds later his legs collapsed under him causing him to fall back to the floor.

“yOu cOuLd HaVe DoNe ThAt tHiS eNtIrE tImE?!” Omega screamed distortedly.

Craig then looked at me and said “No, my powers failed, the shot gave me enough power to use the spell… it is a high tier spell after all.”

“I’m done for today. Too much fucking shit has happened.” I looked out the window and flipped off outer space.

Craig then smirked and said “at least Felix is dealt with… unless he used a teleporter to beam down to Equestria that is.” I saw a grenade next to me so I threw it unprimed at Craig as a warning. He then smirks and said “oh yeah, Murphy’s law exists here” I unholstered my magnum and shot myself in the head. I didn’t even bother leaving the dead body.

Asuna then looked at me and mutters “are you serious Dimitri”

My voice responded from the dead body, “YES! I DON’T CARE IF THERE IS A CIVIL WAR LEAD BY DONALD TRUMP! I AM NOT LEAVING THIS SPOT.”

Craig then smirked and said “Wow you really are losing your marbles bro… I will never get used to calling you that.” A jar of marbles flew straight into Craig’s groin painfully with lots of pain magic that actually made him fall to the ground in pain.

Scootaloo then runs over to Craig and hugs him and said “please don’t do that to me again… I don’t want to lose a second dad.”

“What the fuck is that horrible music?!” Everyone heard me scream over the intercom. A Lopez Bot holding an iPhone looked at me in confusion. Until his iPhone was shot. He flipped me off before walking off.

“Today really isn’t your day.” Amor snarked. “You haven’t gotten any peace and quiet.”

Everyone got an ‘oh shit’ face.

“I know right?! I can never get any damn peace and quiet in this forsaken life!”

Craig then laughs and said “just a week Church… you can't beat how little i get get peace and quiet… either fighting

“Even when I get peace and quiet it is still torture!”

“At least you’ve had peace and quiet… anyway what are the changes Equestria saw the ship get blown up?”

“Uh well…” The Lopez Bots walked in hauling a new body for me which I casually jumped in. I walked to a window and pointed to the fleet of covenant assault carriers orbiting Equis but not attacking. There were over forty of them. “All of that is mine…” I pointed to the fleet.

“Go nuts bro… you’ve earned it”

“Yeah, I stole them all.” The sound of everyone facepalm/hoofing was heard all across the bridge.

Craig then looked at Asuna and Kirito and asks then “Did you ever sort your tokens out?”

“I didn’t get to finish helping them with that. You still have your token Mom?” I asked awkwardly at the Mom part which she caught and smirked.

She then smiled and said “yeah” she then produces a small pin with the symbol of the Undine tribe engraved into the surface.

“I told you the simulation chamber was the perfect place to create things Craig!” I said, which caused him to look at Asuna’s token in confusion.

Craig then looked at it and said “What even is that image? It looked familiar but i can’t place it.”

She then smiled and said “Do you remember the races in Alfheim Online? This was the Symbol for the Undine’s, I was originally going to have it sewn into a piece of cloth, but church said he wouldn’t have that and told us he’d help us make something more authentic.”

Craig then smiled and said “It’s definitely authentic” He then turns to Kirito and then asks “and what did you decide to use?”

“I chose the standard my standard swords crossed over” he then produced a pendent in the shape of The Elucidator and the Dark repulser.

A screen rolled down from the ceiling and displaced Equestria with guards ponies running around trying to put out fires while Griffons in military uniforms cheered. The griffons had assault rifles and battle rifles.

“WAIT! That wasn’t a fucking joke?!”

Craig then looked at me and said “do you want help repelling them?”

My voice suddenly changed to Grif’s, “They can probably handle it.” Just to prove how wrong this was, a griffon fired a battle rifle which killed a civilian pony mare instantly.

Craig then looked at me and said “Church i’m going down there and helping. Discord get ready to control my powers, if it looked like I may lose it take control and teleport me away”

But suddenly Celestia appeared on the screen as she skillfully dodged bullets before she impaled one of the griffons and fired a beam of solar magic at another, incinerating it to ashes instantly.

“Yeah, you do that Craig. I’m staying up here.” I said as I ignored all the glares I was getting.

“Wow Church avoiding all the publicity”

“I already have enough publicity.” I said blankly as I pointed to the pretty obvious fleet of covenant ships.

“But what not get the princess on your good side… maybe be they’ll be on your side later if you help them.”

“...” I stared at him blankly, the concept ‘help’ registering as foreign to me. “Nah, I think I’ll catch up on some Z’s.” I promptly fell over unconscious.

Craig then get a cheeky look and then whispers something to Amor. She nodded. They were going to force me to help if it was the last thing they did.

Craig then walked over to me and said “I’ll give you a choice Church… help Celestia or I have a feeling Amor is going to start ignoring you… permanently.” When they received no response they realized I was actually completely unconscious.

“...How is he even unconscious? Nothing knocked him out!” Amor yelled

“Church… Stop doing me… mine was real stop faking it to avoid your problems.”

I snored, shaking the entire ship Pokemon-style, confusing mostly everyone except Asuna who actually laughed at that.

Everyone then smirked and as Craig said “you lot sort him the longer i wait the more innocent Civilians get killed.” He then turns his guitar into his sword and then disappears from the ship.

I snore again but the ship shakes a second after and realization sets in. The ship is diving. Everyone that was remaining was flung like ragdolls all over the place. My eyes snap open when I wake up with a piece of glass in my ass. I would laugh but it really hurts.

I the begin to feel the ship slow as I hear a voice shout “I’ll lower you down safely but you need to get out here after if you want to do the repairs safely.” said Craig from outside the ship.

“No damage sustained.” The ship onboard AI said coldly. “Unless you mean organic.” It gave a harsh artificial laugh.

“THAT IS FUCKING IT! THEY TRIED TO SHOOT DOWN MY PELICAN?! OH FUCK NO!” I run down the hall and return with an M-134 Minigun and in a suit of hunter gen 2 armor, “Where are they?!”

“...Where did you get a minigun?!” Kirito asked in shock.

Asuna then laughs and said “don’t predict anything… nothing is as it seems.”

Gangsters by Virtual Riot started playing in my head as I kicked opened the hatch, revealing a bunch of griffons, some in UNSC spartan grade armor. “I’m going to kill you!” I opened fire, missing almost every shot but ricocheting and exploding some of the griffons.

Craig then appeared next to me and said “Calm down and focus you will never hit them if you are in a frenzy”

“OUT OF MY WAY! They tried to destroy my beautiful ride!” I enabled auto aim on the minigun and opened fire on the remaining who were wearing standard Prefect armor and holding battle rifles. They opened fire at me but my shields held firm. Before they could even react they were turned into meat.

Craig’s eyes then sharpen but don’t go red and he said “I’ve missed fighting whilst in control” He then charges then as he cleaves through them leaving the majority them beheaded whilst others had body parts blown off from the sheer force of his Bolter Pistol.

I kept firing my minigun into the crowd of griffons until my minigun’s barrels literally overheated to the point that they exploded. I dropped the used minigun and pulled my two swords of Malice from my hips and activated them before rushing into the horde and beheading any who attacked me. When there were none left I finally noticed the scared ponies staring at us. I flipped them off but they didn’t understand as they started cheering.

Craig then smiled and gives them a thumbs up and then said “you all OK?”

“YEAH!” The crowd cheered backed.

Craig then walked over to me and said “and a pissed Celestia in three, two, one, now”

“WHAT DID YOU THINK YOU WERE DOING PUTTING YOURSELF IN DANGER LIKE THAT?!” I stared at her in bewilderment.

“...I’m wearing power armor.” I said blankly. “Plus I can’t die…”

Craig then smiled and said “calm down Princess… he’s not had the best day so far, let him get it out his system.”

I felt a huge pressure trying to squeeze the air out of me unsuccessfully. Though it would have been much more successful if I wasn’t wearing armor. Celestia was currently holding onto me for dear life while I awkwardly patted her on the back as she threatened me and sobbed in a unprincessly manner. Not that I blame her believe it or not. Civilians did die.

Craig then walks over to us and said “Princess if we didn’t intervene more of your subjects could have been killed”

Celestia then did something completely unexpected. She let go of me and punched Craig in the face with her hoof. Hard.

Craig then sighs and said “always happens to me… I will never get used to it”

“DON’T TALK ABOUT THAT!” She roared in the RCV.

Craig then looked at her and said “I’m sorry Princess” he then bows to her as his body morphs into the image of the pony he turned into the first time has was here as he disappears into the crowd.

Celestia then whispered so low not even I could hear it, “One day Church… One day…”

I calmly walked towards my undamaged pelican and back into it. “Did you guys figure out your tokens yet?”

Asuna then looked at me and said “well we did but we don’t know what we need to do before sending it.”

“You can either say a phrase mentally or with your voice. There are other ways but this is the most simple one.”

Asuna then smiled as she places the pin in the palm of her hand and said “My name is Asuna, The Berserk Healer and the protector of the innocent. If you are ever in danger and need someone to support you through the good and the bad just say my name and I will be by your side”

Kirito then smiled, and places his medallion in his and said “My name is Kirito, The Twin Blade Swordsman or the Black Swordsman. If you ever need a warrior willing to lay his life down for the innocent just say my name and i will come to your aid.”

“The Berserk Healer huh? May I never make you mad enough to go Edward Richtofen on me. I’m kidding, you would probably do that to someone else though.” I casually joked darkly. “Well… Unless you discount that I am not biologically related and… okay…”

Asuna then smile and said “I would never hurt family… unless they tried to harm someone I care about then you would see why they call me The Berserk Healer… unless you didn’t guess earlier”

“Wait, decapitation and then recapitation?” I asked in confusion.

Craig then walked back onto the ship in his pony form and just sits down in the corner

“HEY CRAIG! I have something important to tell you!” I practically screamed at him.

He then mutters “Oh no not again”

Everyone blinks when I start speaking in German. “Yes, yes again.” I sigh when they don’t understand. “Fine. One second, let me just do something really quick.” I grab a megaphone and hook it up to an amplifier and hook that up to a bass cannon before aiming it at Ponyville. “TWILIGHT! YOU ARE GOING TO BE TARDY!” A shriek of rage was heard all the way from Ponyville that sounded exactly like one resident bookworm princess.

Craig then sighs “you want her to see me in this form don’t you?”

A flash of purple magic later and a familiar lavender mare with a disheveled mane and a manic smile that you know you do not want to fuck with because they practically scream ‘crazy’ appeared.

“Hello Church.” She said in an unstable voice. “And… YOU!” She pointed a hoof accusingly at Craig.

Craig then sighs and said “it’s good to see you again… although it is under better circumstances this time”

Both of Twilight’s eyes starting twitching at a mile a minute as she blinked frantically. “Better? BETTER? BETTER?!” She screeched.

I started to back up but she softly grabbed me and set me next to her. Amor sighed and walked next to me and stared at Twilight apprehensively.

Craig then sighs and said “yes better as I don’t have to lie to you this time… I’m sorry about that Twilight”

“Hey! Remember when we blew up the everfree castle? Oh shit you weren’t supposed to hear that Twilight.”

“Oh… Well at least you have a time machine.” All eye immediately went on me.

“...What time machine?” I asked in a poor attempt to lie. She was about to say something but I shoved a hand in her mouth which she spat out indignantly. “Twilight we don’t talk about that. And Craig… She kinda somehow already knows who you are…”

“what how the.?” he then looked at her and said “How do you know me”

“Well your Discord REALLY loves to travel.”

He then sighs and said “that he does… especially between worlds when in stone.”

“I will uncover your secrets eventually Church… and when I do… You will be mine! Because you know… I kinda need you for that.” She teleported away in a flash of lavender.

“Uh… *cough* apparently a lot of ponies need me… in more ways than one.” I gave another awkward cough.

Craig then sighs and said “any sexual innuendos and i will be annoyed”

“One of the ponies wanted to rape Church.” Amor said bluntly.

“I THOUGHT WE WENT OVER THIS! SHUT UP ABOUT THAT!” I screamed at Amor.

Craig then smiled and said “ i’m betting Lyra?”

“Nope. Minuette.”

“Well that's unexpected, i thought that she’d be after you with the whole human obsession thing.”

“...” There was an awkward silence.

“Lyra is in a mental hospital right now…” I said awkwardly.

Craig cringed at that he then looked at me and said “well at least she’s getting help… that's one good thing.”

Asuna then looked at him and said “If we weren't there for you back home, you could have been in the same place Craig”

We looked at the screen from earlier when it turned on. A bland brown stallion unicorn had a microphone floating in front of him, “This is Equestrian Daily reporting in. We have reports of two individuals stopping a Griffon paramilitary unit that attempted to usurp the throne of Equestria with weaponry that was known to be used by Project Overlord. We will attempt to speak with Director Church about this breach in security soon, so stay tuned.” I coughed awkwardly.

“Uh...Oops?” I tried.

Craig then looked at me and said “Explain now… how did they get your weaponry”

“I plead the fifth. That is confidential information…” I tried as I tried waving the issue away.

Craig’s glare strengthened as he said “you can either tell me if I look into your memories and find out myself

“To save you the pain that WOULD cause you to kill yourself from horror, I sold it to them. This was before they even mentioned usurping Equestria.”

“You idiot Church… you better have done something to make the weapons fail.”

“Well, I’m sure they like the drones hovering over their imperial capital.” I opened a projection that showed thousands of drones aiming their weapons at guards for hours on end and forcing them to eat in that position. There were clear ‘Lopez Roboto Inco’ written on the drones. The griffon empire did not seem too happy about that.

Craig then sighs then said “OK you had thought it out… I’m sorry about what i said”

“Well actually I had a few ideas. Omega told me I should just blow up their capital and torture all the children. Obviously not that one. Bad for image. Sigma suggested this. Delta suggested that I rig the weapons I sell with explosives beforehand but I wanted to test the griffons.”

Asuna then smiled and said “I think Delta had the best idea from both a personal and financial view.”
“Financial? Look at the United States!” I proceeded to fall on my ass laughing as I banged my fist on the ground.

Asuna then rolled her eyes, “I meant you could use it to influence them…. maybe this would have never happened.”

“George Bush.” I resumed laughing my ass off. “Oh how you would not understand just how bad I would probably influence others.”

Craig then laughs and tells me “Not as bad as if Kirito took control”

“I think you are underestimating me. What I do fluctuates. Nothing is ever sound.”

“You almost sound like you're reciting a creed”

“Nothing is true, everything is permitted.” I said bluntly.

“Spoken like a true assassin” He then flicked his wrist which showed an assassin's blade that instantly disappeared.

“In a world without gold we might have been heroes.” I said in Blackbeard’s voice.

“wish i could have ended Feli up close and personal instead of just burning him alive.”

“He isn’t dead. Just morally incapacitated.” I said as I walked past Asuna and Kirito to the cafeteria.

Craig laughs and said to Asuna, Kirito, Amor and Scootaloo, “We need to keep up with him… trust me I learn’t the hard way.”

I murmured to myself as I passed the strangely empty hallways with my family far behind me. “Another switch…”

Craig then ran next to me and said, “Something's not right… I’ve never seen the ship this clear, there should be something here”

“Attention all crewman: The monthly meeting at starboard A173 has started. Any who are absent may go to the next session in two hours. Thank you, Saragon out.”

“You seriously have a lot of meetings don’t you?” mocked Craig.

I ignored him as I walked to the edge of the halls which led straight to the entrance of the cafeteria. Here the corridor ended, with a few lights blinking red. I lightly pushed it open and discovered that all the lights in the cafeteria were off and the windows had bedrock (minecraft) reinforced windows which were covered with blue panels that glowed in the dark.

Craig then looked at me and said “Something's not right here” He then flexed his hand as a small light appeared above him covering the room in a bright light.

“It clearly is closed.” I said blankly as I pointed to the electronic sign over the cafeteria where we would usually order. The sound of panting was heard as Amor, Asuna, Kirito and Scootaloo finally caught up with us. “You are even more paranoid than I am.”

He then laughed and said “guilty as charged… I guess after everything that's happened i’m just a bit… jumpy”

Amor walked up to the counter and pressed a button on the side of it which turned on all the lights before a Lopez bot walked out of the pantry and into sight. “What do you need?” (Spanish)

I walked up to the counter, “I’ll just have a meat lovers sandwich. No vegetables at all because fuck vegetables.” (Spanish) Everyone stared at the exchange in confusion.

Asuna then smiled and said “well that's changing add some salad to his sandwich… by orders of his mother.”

“You speak spanish?” I asked in confusion. “ALSO NO VEGETABLES!”

“you want to beserk part of my title?”

“I don’t care what you do. I am not eating vegetables.” Amor and Scootaloo as well as Craig and Kirito stared at me incredulously. “I fucking HATE vegetables.”

Craig and Kirito then look a Scootaloo and Amor and said “We better leave”

“I’m fine. He’s done far worse trust me.” Amor said as she rolled her eyes.

Kirito then looked at her and said “It’s not your dad i’m worried about… I more worried for him”

Asuna put on a determined face as she looked at me, “You really want to start this Dimitri?”

“Hitler created vegetables. Therefore I cannot eat them.” I retorted.

Asuna then scowls at me and said “not even close… they were created back in the stone age for one”

“Hitler was born in the stone age… of WAR! HAH!” I laughed harshly before I shoved past her and grabbed my already finished meat lovers sandwich and started taking huge bites of it.

She then smirks and said “and three, two, one. check the sandwich.

I opened the sandwich… to see that there was only meat in it. “Nice try.” I said as I continued eating it.

She then turned to Craig who just clicked his fingers seconds before I took another bite and she then said “you really can’t beat me that easily”

“Quiet completely unsubtle anime character.” I retorted as I finished the last of my sandwich. “Hey amigo! Another sandwich!” He nodded and returned with another one which I grabbed and started eating.

This time Craig smiled and clicked his fingers as my sandwich burst into flames.

“See? Unsubtle?” I retorted as I pulled out a strange looking contraption and pointed it at the burnt sandwich. Everyone’s jaws dropped as the sandwich literally did a reverse button and went back to its unburnt state. “Gracias Lopez!”

Asuna’s eye started twitching, “You are digging yourself a deeper hole my son.”

“Well at least I don’t need to worry about getting fat.” Amor fainted.

Craig then sighed and said “I’d seriously check this time church” he then clicks his fingers and… nothing happened?

“No. I’m a fucking gangster.” I walked to the nearest table and karate chopped it in half… with my pinkie. “Also, diets are overrated, the 70s sucked, nobody watched Degrassi and school is lame.”

Craig then cringed and said “Everyone retreat” he then begins backing up slowly

Asuna then look at me and mutters “oh so you didn’t like School did you… then i’ve got the perfect punishment for you.”

“Not so much I didn’t like school. Everyone just had an IQ of about 20.”

Craig then turned to me and said “are you calling both me and Kirito stupid”

“You were in the United Kingdom… Not the United States. I’m pretty sure you are overthinking this.”

“Umm nope you raise schooling in the US is mile better than that of the UK… honestly Briting schooling was useless.”

I then laughed. But I didn’t just laugh. I LAUGHED. “Hey Lopez I need some drinks over here!” The Lopez bot came back carrying a tray of everything imaginable.

Amor immediately shot up and glared at me, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” I pointed at the glass of alcohol that said -100 proof. She fainted again.

Asuna then grabbed Craig’s gun and shot every bottle and said “No alcohol until you eat your vegatables

“FINE! LOPEZ! BURN ALL THE VEGETABLES ON THE SHIP! ALL OF THEM!” The Lopez Bot saluted and Lopez Bots with flamethrowers walked in and rushed into the pantry before anyone could react. The sound of flames and alarms blaring were heard.

Craig then sighed and mutters “Idiot.”

By now Asuna’s breathing had sped up and she had become a lot more angry, “You really won’t like me when I’m angry.”

“Eh.” I waved her off as I returned with a half empty bottle of Vodka. I emptied the rest of it before she could even shoot it.

Scootaloo picked up Amor and started dragging her away from the ongoing fight. Asuna then grabbed me by the neck and said “you are about to see the back of my hand” I did a John Woo and I frontflipped over her and scissor kicked her in the back.

“No thank you. I just work here.” I said in a cheesy voice.

Craig then criged and said “your are seriously in trouble church.”

Asuna then looks at me and said “Me You had to hand combat.”

“Now we’re talking.” I said in Tex’s voice. Craig cringed. “First rule, there are no rules.” I am suddenly encased in Tex’s armor before I rushed at Asuna and slid under her and falcon punched her in the groin and jumped ten feet behind her.

She then turned and muttered “you stupid boy” She then turn and before i can react she throws me over her arms and launches me into a wall… and in turn wedgeing me in it.

“Fine. Now this is serious.” My armor switched to white and my helmet changes until it is the Meta’s. I gave a feral hiss and smash myself out of the wall. A bruteshot forms in my arms which I shoot at Asuna.

Kirito then reacts and throws her his sword as it glows and she charges me drawing her sword aswell.

I draw my twin energy swords on malice and cross them together, forming a giant gravity hammer that is charged like the forerunner one I used before. I rush her and smash the gravity hammer on the ground, distorting the gravity around us and flinging her into the wall like a ragdoll. “No slicey for you.” I taunted.

She then glares at me and whispers “Þeír slíta fimm grœnn vindr.” with that five boomerang shaped blades began to fly towards me.”

I suddenly erected an antimagic barrier around me just before they hit me, dissipating them. “Get wrecked.” I mocked.

She then smirks and said “It’s behind you”

“I know.” At the last second it hit me, and went through me, revealing a hologram. I was above her Batman Style. The hologram flickered and faded, putting Asuna on high alert.

Asuna’s smile disappeared as she said “it’s not that easy to dodge these”

Suddenly I teleported us to the Simulation Chamber. There was already a huge scale Red Vs Blue fight going on but with tanks, hornets, broadsword fighters, banshees, wraiths and many other vehicles. The Blue team were covenant elites and the red team were unsc spartans.

“Have fun.” I said as I ran into the chaos.

“What the hell is going on here?” A red soldier asked a blue elite. The elite shrugged before she proceeded to start shooting at the red.

Asuna then sighs and said “What ever happened to one on one fighting”

“That is so 1500s!” I shouted back to her.

Asuna then muttered “I feel like i’ve brought a knife to a gunfight” Right as she said that a broadsword flew straight over her, forcing her to clutch her ears from how loud it was as it dropped a bomb on a covenant wraith, blowing it up and killing all the elites inside it.

Craig and Kirito ran up to her, as Craig said “seriously you need need some heavy weapons. “

A covenant Scarab stomped over tanks until it was right in front of the trio. Craig’s eyes widened, “Oh well fuck… Get behind me” The Scarab charged its main cannon before it unleashed a ridiculous beam of energy straight at the trio.

Craig then closed his eyes as launched his arm to his side and shouted “KameHameHa”

Kirito the smiled and said “ Good old beam struggles”

But all the Kamehameha did was glance off the side of the Scarab’s leg.

“Uh… I have an idea… run!” Kirito said as he booked it.

Asuna then shouted “I’m right behind you” with that She turned and ran following Kirito.

Craig then sighed as a black sword appeared in his hand and he charged towards the Scarab as the swords blade began to burn red.”

I screamed over the intercom, “NO DON’T!” The Scarab was comprised of what it would be regular and some elements of antimagic. That would hurt craig. Well at least the explosion would.

Craig then smiled and said “This ain’t no magic” He then hits one of the legs and the blade sliced straight through it like a warm knife through butter. Craig was suddenly sent flying as a leg collided with his spine, snapping it in half. Tears of pain had started leaking from his eyes as his back started soaking with blood.

He then tried to stand up and collapsed again

“Craig you fucking idiot! You don’t do that!” I scolded as I drove towards him in a warthog and stopped next to him before picking him up and shoving him into the passenger seat and taking off. Right as we got out of the Scarab’s range we saw it had already started repairing its severed leg. I reached into the back of the warthog and tossed a medpack at Craig since he couldn’t even move, much less talk. As soon as it hit him he was fully healed, except for the ego. “Why would you do that?! Not even fucking Leeroy Jenkins would do that!”

“Lets face it Church… I’m not the smartest person… Hell i joined the war without thinking for god's sake”

I stopped in front of a bunker which Asuna and the others were resting in. Since Craig’s legs still weren’t working I picked him up and carried him to the door and opened it before closing it behind me and putting him down in front of Kirito. They had seen what Craig had done.

Asuna then grabbed him and said “You idiot… Don’t do that to us” She then broke down in tears and said “I don’t want to lose you again”

Crag then looks at her and mutters “Sorry”

“Oh and before you go pointing any fingers at me. This battle wasn’t scheduled by me. It was scheduled by Saragon. I just happened to teleport us here at the wrong time.”

Kirito the looked at me and said “So in a way it is your fault… you should know what happens on your own ship”

“Actually. He scheduled it just after I left. Also, I wasn’t the one who rushed towards a fucking covenant Scarab.”

Craig then coughed and muttered “yeah i’m and idiot keep rubbing more salt into the wound”

A Lopez Bot walked into the bunker and saluted me, “The burning of the vegetables has been completed Sir.” He said in an Austrian accent.

“Good.” I said as I waved him away.

Asuna the sighed and said “at the moment i don’t care about you not eating vegetables. at the moment i only care about Craig's safety”

“Good. That would have been embarrassing if you did.” I changed my voice to Asuna’s, “Why haven’t you been eating your vegetables?!”

“You mock her and we will all attack you!” Kirito shouted

“Will you though? The Reds and Blues won’t attack me. I can just hide in the scarab which is covered in an antimagic, antiteleportation, anticheating field.”

“You play dirty.” Amor said in annoyance.

Asuna then clenched her teeth and said “I have had enough of your backchatting”

“Want to know why he doesn’t like vegetables?” Amor asked with a rueful smile.

Asuna then smiled and said “without a shadow of a doubt”

“His body blew up when he ate salad.” She said bluntly.

She then looked at her and muttered “really? You know I can’t take that seriously.”

She rolled her eyes and lit her horn, projecting the memory of when I first ate salad in a human body. Everyone cringed.

“Ok so maybe you weren’t joking” She then turns to me and said “You couldn’t have just said this from the beginning?”

My hologram that she was talking to faded. I was already in the scarab.

Asuna then sighed and said “for gods sake Church”

“I RULE THE WORLD!” I screamed as I controlled the Scarab and used it to smash unsc and covenant troops. I ordered them to attack me and not hold back. The spartans used their jetpacks to try to gain entry but were promptly kicked away. “I HAVE A SIX STAR WANTED LEVEL BITCHES!” I made one of the scarab’s legs pick up a scorpion tank and throw it. Unfortunately it flew straight towards the bunker where everyone was watching me in shock.

Asuna then screamed “Oh shit we're fucked”

Craig then stands up, launches himself towards tank and the punches it out of the ways and then mutters “So unlike you mum” he then stops as his energy fades and he lands on his legs and collapses.

A super scarab entered the battle, drawing my attention. “YOU HAVE GOT TO BE FUCKING WITH ME!” The super scarab was twice as big as my scarab but for some reason it wasn’t attacking me.

We all then heard Sarge’s voice from inside the Super Scarab, “It’s time to pay taxes you filthy blues!”

Craig then looks at the super scarab and said “I wish he just had his shotgun instead of that.”

Sarge aimed his super scarab at the bunker for some reason, “Come out come out!” He fired a devastating beam that actually tore off the entire roof of the bunker and shook the ground under it, flinging everyone on top of each other into a pile.

Asuna then scratches her head and said “is everyone OK?”

She then get sighs of acknowledgment from everyone but Craig who was holding his arm that was twisted back on itself”

“What have we here…? FILTHY DISGUSTING BLUES!” Another beam was shot from Sarge until I decided enough was enough.

“HEY! REPUBLICAN! FIGHT ME YOU OVERPAYED OLD MAN!” I fired a beam of plasma at the turret of his Scarab, destroying it instantly.

“AUUUUGH! WHY YOU LITTLE!” The super scarab exploded in a mess of pieces with RoboSarge getting ejected out and into the rubble.

Asuna then ran over to Craig and shout “Craig are you okay?”

He then muttered “Do I look okay?”

Asuna then looks at his arm then mutters “No…. you look like hell”

I parked my scarab at the edge of the destroyed bunker and exited. I grabbed a medpack and gave it to Craig. I finally took a look outside. Dead bodies littered the battlefield. Blood and gore were spattered everywhere that organs weren’t. “Now that I actually look at it… Really look at it… It does look like hell.” I said as I pointed to the battlefield. All the Reds and Blues were dead, weapons everywhere, vehicles destroyed. The grass was charred and blackened in some spots and buildings had collapsed.

“Is this really what aftermaths look like?” I asked everyone.

Craig then looks at me and mutters “what do you think?”

“Could use more craters… maybe a few more destroyed buildings here and there… toppled skyscrapers…” I commented.

He then mutters something i didn’t hear then said “mind fixing my arm.”

I look at him in shock and point to the obvious medpack that he only had to touch to get healed next to his feet.

He then sighed and said “and I now feel stupid” He then reaches down to the Medpack and touches it with his good arm.

“I think I may have-” I heard an obnoxious ringing sound and reached into my pocket and pulled out my phone, “Ello? Yes. No, I don’t have any of these ‘weapons’ for sale. Still no. Okay you are really persistent, what is your deal. Dr Hoofington of Technological Affairs For New Applications? Uh-huh. No. Fine, we have a deal.” I hung up and put the phone in my pocket to see everyone staring at me suspiciously.

Craig then looks at me and said “what have you done now.”

A veil of smoke spilled and an official looking letter with the TA symbol on it appeared in front of me. I looked at it and read it. “Yikes. Celestia wants me to be in charge of the defense of Equestria. Probably one of the worst ideas I have ever heard.”

“are you saying you're not suited for the job?

“Oh I am more than suited, just in the wrong ways.” I retorted.

“You don't want to be a hero… that's it isn’t it.”

“One of the reasons. You hero types are pretty damn miserable. Me? I love being chaotic neutral. I can do whatever the fuck I want.”

“and why do you think i’m so miserable at the moment?”

“That is a loaded question. A question I would expect a female to ask me. Not you.” I retorted.

“Well let's face it… i spent almost all my time around girls.”

“I KNEW IT! YOU WERE HAVING SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH THEM! OH MOM YOU NEED TO GIVE HIM THE TALK!” I quickly backed away from Asuna because I knew she would blow up on Craig.

She then sighs and said “Dimitri… I bet that isn’t the case, I think meant he’s around them a lot. not in a sexual relationship.”

“Nuh-uh!” I said in Pinkie Pie’s voice. She appeared and looked at me in confusion. I just whispered to her to play along. She nodded and disappeared. “If you spend your time around them one of them is bound to be infatuated with you and… take matters into their own hooves. HEHE!” I gave a Michael Jackson laugh at the end with his exact voice.

Craig then smirks and said “knowing my luck it would be Rainbow Dash who would want me”

“HAH! You got the gay pride festival!” I opened a portal to the warp and grabbed a bag of popcorn before closing the portal. I erected an antiMom barrier around me as well which consisted of the essentials in stopping angry magic and psionics users.

Asuna then sighed and said “Sorry Craig but who’s Rainbow Dash?”

I enabled a screen next to them and showed an image of Rainbow Dash wearing a very very very VERY slutty stripper outfit.

Craig then sighs and said “goddammit Church”

“You know you like that!” I retorted.

Asuna then sighs and said “I’m getting by your reaction she isn’t like that… but i bet she is very passionate about what she believes in.”

“Why did I have to be stuck with the sappy ones?” I said as I turned into a holographic Rainbow Dash, still wearing the perverted outfit.

“...You aren’t bothered that you are in a female body currently?” Craig asked.

“What is that supposed to mean?” Amor and Asuna asked with narrowed eyes.

Craig then smirked and said “ and you didn’t think about Scootaloo's obsession.”

I suddenly noticed Scootaloo staring at me in a way that I will not describe in any shape or form. “Oh buck.” I flapped my wings and sonicboomed out of there.

Craig\ then laughed and said “He so had that coming”

“WHY WAS SHE LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT?!” I asked over the intercom.

“she see her as a mother… or a big sister, I guess she was amazed to see her like that.”

“I regret everything!” I exclaimed as I came back in my human form panting while using my gravity hammer as an oversized walking stick. “Wait a minute…” I suddenly got a devious smile. “Are you and Rainbow Dash in a relationship?”

Craig then looks at me and said “No…. Not at the moment.”

“We will see about that…” Craig’s eyes widened when I grabbed my phone and put it to my ear after calling someone. “Hello Mi Amore Cadenza. There seems to be a problem.”

Craig then looks at me in confusion and then asks “what's wrong”

“You see Cadence, there is a couple that hasn’t found out they love each other yet.” I said with the biggest shit eating grin ever.

Craig’s eyes bug out at that. He then said “I will end you when I feel better.”

Amor smirked as she knew what I was doing and joined me in my little protected barrier. Asuna then sighed and said “Dimitri this isn’t funny”

“I don’t know, I think it is pretty funny.” Amor said with a giggle.

In a flash Cadence teleported right in front of me and looked at Amor in confusion. “Celestia wasn’t joking. Hello Amor.” Amor and Cadence hugged each other before letting go and nodding at each other.

I whispered into Cadence’s ear the details and she nodded again.

“Ship now has destination: Subject known as Craig’s universe.” The onboard AI said. The ship warped before anyone could react.

Craig’s eyes then widen as he said “Oh crap”

I teleport us all to the hatch and open it to see we are in front of Twilight’s Library with a crowd looking at us in confusion. Especially the two alicorns. The ponies all gasp and bow immediately.

Craig then looked at Kirito and Asuna and said “welcome to the future of your reality”

I start singing the Egyptian version of Gangnam Style as I dance backwards towards a bewildered Twilight. Everyone was staring at me in shock as I sang.

I finally finished singing after a minute. “HAH!” I said as I jumped over the group of ponies. “What? It’s appropriate. Everything looks medieval here.”

Craig then sighs and said “yes my world is not advanced… get over it.”

Twilight Sparkle approached me before she asked, “What are you doing… And why do you have two alicorns that look exactly the same as my foalsitter just in different ages?” I gave an awkward cough.

Cadence looked around until her eyes landed on a cloud that had Rainbow Dash snoring in it. She took off before anyone could react and started explaining *gag* love to Rainbow Dash.

Craig then Looks at Twilight and said “they are both Cadance just both from different realities”

“YOU TWO WERE MEANT FOR EACH OTHER!” I immediately start backing away but Amor blocks my path.

“Nope. You realize I’m going to be the one who decides who you date right?” I turn around and try to run but she grabs me in her aura as I try struggling in a vain attempt to get away.

Craig cringed as he saw me struggling, “Amor let him go”

She did a MUCH more powerful version of ‘The Stare’ on Craig.

“...Nevermind. You can have him.”

As I was carried away Craig felt himself get pulled in an Aura by Cadence herself. “We are screwed Craig! They’re going to kill us!” Amor rolled her eyes at that over-exaggeration.

Kirito then sighed and shout “release my brothers!”

“Oooh! I got a better idea! You can come as well!” Asuna and Kirito found themselves being pulled by Cadence as well. They struggled to escape, using everything they could but for some reason Cadence just would not let go.

“Well, this is not how I thought you guys would die.” I said bluntly.

Asuna then smiled then said “Celestia and Luna will be surprised to see us won't they.”

“...Well this just got awkward.” I said. “Twilight! HELP!!!!” Twilight galloped over to see what was going on and her eyes rolled into the back of her head before she fainted. “Okay, now we are fucked.”

Craig’s eyes bugged out… “Scootaloo… Help”

Scootaloo was on the ground below the cloud that Cadence and a profusely blushing Rainbow Dash were on. She didn’t hear Craig.

Craig then sighs and said “I’m sorry for this Cadence” I then hear her scream as I see her body heat up instantly and she loses control of her magic and lets go of us.

Amor lets go off me and I do the same thing that Craig did to Cadence to him. He screams in pain. “Now you know how she feels. She was just following her cutiemark.” I put a barrier around myself and wait for his response. He doesn’t said anything. “You could have waited to see what she was going to do. That’s what I was doing.”

Craig then sighs and said “I’m sorry Cadence but you I don’t like magic being forced on me… you should have just asked me to come with you and i would have.”

Rainbow Dash flew down to Craig and looked at him. Her face was extremely red from how hard she was blushing. When she opened her muzzle to talk, all that escaped was a squeak.

“Wow. She just got loved. HAH!” I said.

Craig then looks at Rainbow Dash then said “hey remember that training i promised you… Lesson one” Craig then touchs her forehead then said “lets see what you can do”

She then gets a devious smile and looks at me as I see her perform a similar motion to Craig’s KameHameha

I immediately know they are planning something, so before anyone can react I use my speed to put a hologram where I am standing and then move a few yards away and go completely invisible even to magical and thermal scans so that nobody knows where I really am. It is useful when you have Delta to guide you through how to do that every time as it never gets any easier. My hologram stares at Rainbow Dash as she does motions. “What the fuck are you doing?” I ask as Cadence flies away in the background back into the pelican.

Craig then smiled and said “Now focus your ki into one point and then release”

She then smiled as instead of the normal blue beam and rainbow beam fly towards my hologram.

The hologram disappeared as the beam hit the ground and destroyed it completely, leaving not even ashes but just a crater. I didn’t do anything as I got a devious smile. Now to make them think I am dead.

When the fog cleared and they saw the crater and no sign of me they freaked out. Soon.

Craig then smiled and said “Good job Delta… great job with the invisibility…. shame the warp works here as well.” The wind blew my cracked helmet out of the crater and in front of them. I didn’t say anything as I was in for the long con. There was blood inside the helmet and peeled skin to make it look real.

Craig smiled looked at the helmet and said “Church you said it yourself you can’t die… after all you're just an AI.” I didn’t say anything. I continued to back away until I was at least a mile away. I still had my enhanced hearing and vision on though.

Craig smiled heard Rainbow dash say “Oh Celestia I killed him” She had found my dead body with an AI chip on the ground. Blood was everywhere and my armor was cracked.

Craig smiled looked around and then said “you could come to that outcome.but i know church better to know he was fully aware of the motions of a KameHameHa…. he would have moved, I’m sure of it.” His eyes landed on the AI chip. It had a small play button on it. He picked up the chip and pressed play.

“If you are playing this, it means that I am dead. For good this time. And that you have fucked up. Congratulations. The only reason this is here is because I made this incase someone killed me. You either got lucky by fragmenting me to the point of no return or you did something worse.” The chip broke after that.

Craig then looks at Rainbow Dash and then said “Wow… he’s really trying to scare everyone… He’s fine… besides if he died his token wouldn’t work… i think.”

An explosion was seen in the distance. My pelican. I had a function on it where it made the outside explode to look like it was disabled. That should convince them a bit more.

Craig’s jaw dropped as he tried to convince himself, “Nah he’s just pranking us… i’m sure that's it.”

He still had his radio from when Ahriman was with me so when he heard radio chatter he put it to his ear. There was a lot of frantic chatter and from what he heard the Lopez bots and everyone on the ship that survived all thought the director was dead.

“Target sighted.” A Lopez bot said as he aimed at Rainbow Dash. “Firing.” He let loose a burst of gunfire.

Craig then moved himself in front of the barrage and then said “Nobody attacks my friends… Go back to your ship before i end you”

“No. You killed the Director.” He went invisible and ran in the opposite direction before the sound of a sniper rifle was heard.

Craig then turned and shielded Rainbow Dash and took the round in his body and the spluttered “If i die… Look after Scootaloo for me.”

“Wow seriously? That was nonlethal.” The Lopez bot said.

Craig then smirks and said “I know i just as overdramatic as Church

“No, I mean we were out of lethal ammunition. At least this is automatic.” Craig’s eyes widened as he received the equivalent of getting painted with big bbs. He was filled with hundreds of bullets and it hurt to even move.

Craig then looked at the lopez bot as his eyes began to get a tint of red going through them he then said “Oh god… not now”

“I’m afraid I can’t let you do that.” The Lopez bot grabbed a magazine with a weird symbol on it that had a crossed out arcane circle and inserted it into his sniper rifle. He fired the entire magazine into Craig and Craig realized that he was losing his anger. As in, he could not get angry no matter how hard he tried. “The hospitals use that on patients with anger problems.”

I sighed and walked up to Lopez and turned my form into Delta’s before becoming visible to craig. “I’m afraid that won’t be necessary. Epsilon will be back soon. I’ll handle him.” The Lopez bot hesitated before he walked towards the burnt pelican. I walked up to Craig and asked, “Do you know what you have done?” In the same way the counselor would.

“Almost killed everyone in town… if it wasn’t for your friend their everyone would be dead.”

“What made you think that testing a Kamehameha looking thing would ever be a good idea. By the way, you owe me a new suit of armor. I don’t care if I already have a lot of them. You are going to make me a brand new suit of armor.” I said as I turned back to Epsilon.

“You're asking the guy, in a world with no advanced weaponry to make you new armour

“Yeah you know what you’re right. I should probably ask someone who actually knows how to use technology.” I mocked.

Kirito and Asuna walked up to us but I ignored them. They saw the unusual position that Rainbow Dash and Craig were in. ...So that is why Dash wasn’t talking. She had a huge blush on her face and was glaring daggers at Craig.

Asuna then looked at me and shouts “what was you thinking!” I held up a hand and depressed my thumb, then my index finger, then my middle, then my ring, and then my pinkie. A huge explosion was seen in space. I then did a ‘go on’ signal. I wasn’t even looking at her which she seemed to get mad at from what she said “You just risked the lives of everyone here for one prank… you know this happens when craig's emotions get the better of him

“That’s why I gave him an antibezerk magazine to the ass.” I said with a shit-eating grin. “Looks like Craig will be on the effects medication for a few hours. Try angering him. No really. Try.”

Kirito then looks at me and said “Maybe we won’t… maybe we’ll take our anger out on you.”

“Nuh-uh, he owes me a new suit of armor.” I pointed to the cracked suit of Hunter Armor housing the dead body on the floor that nobody had bothered to clean up yet. I teleported away and teleported back in the body of a Sangheili Zealot. I started picking up the dead body and threw it over my shoulder.

Asuna then sighed and said “and if as you've taken to calling his girlfriend was attacked what would your reaction be?”

My voice came out like the Arbiter’s but deeper. “You already know. Then again, I don’t have a girlfriend nor do I need one. Relationships are useless to me.” I threw my dead body on the floor and blew up the remains before walking away irritated towards Twilight’s. I was standing at a tall 8 foot 5 inches, making me tower over everyone for added intimidation factor.

Asuna, Kirito, and Craig looked at each other before Asuna said, “What about Celestia and Luna” Right as she said that, a carriage stopped in front of me with two angry princesses.

I stared at them. “What do you want?”

Celestia then looked at me and said “you did not just prank my subjects and then risked killing one of them.”

“Look lady, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I have places to go. So if you would MOVE out of my way.” I pushed the carriage out of the way, shocking the two princesses.

Luna then looked at me and said “Thou did not just ignore us”

Asuna then walks over to them and said “let him off Princesses”

“Wise choice, T’would be most disappointing if I had to turn thine ‘holiness’ into an example.” I mocked as I pushed past ponies going about their daily lives ignorantly.

Kirito then sighs and said “he really is getting annoying” He then looks back at the princesses and then said “It’s good to see how hows things been going for you”

The sound of screams and then ponies running past the princesses was all that reached their ears as I sat down on a bench, snapping it. I saw them looking at me. I ignored them and sat on another bench. That snapped as well. This process repeated over and over until all the benches were snapped. I grumbled and started walking away.

Craig then sighs and said “Church really needs to chill” I get the beam rifle from my back and train the crosshair on Craig. Time to do some surveillance. I activated active camoflauge and waited.

I then see Celestia and Luna look towards Asuna and Kirito then say “Is it really you… are you really free from your stone prisons?”

They then look at eachother then to Craig and say “wait you weren’t joking about us being in stone?”

My finger slips and a loud ‘Beezits’ sound was heard from my beam rifle as it went well over their heads. I immediately left my position.

Asuna then sighs and said “Dimitri! Stop that this instant!”

“My claw slipped!” I lied. They couldn’t see me so what did it matter.

Craig then sighed and said “yes mum I wasn’t joking “ he ten turns back to Celestia and Luna and then said “they are still in stone… They are from the past about one thousand years ago” I keep stalking them from a distance until I am directly a tenth of a mile behind Celestia.

They then smile and Celestia then say “Well at least you are all back together again, even it is only temporary”

“Ego glorifico exploratores ubique.” (Latin: I glorify spies everywhere) I muttered a bit too loudly.

Craig then sighs then said “Church come back here.”

“Nolo facere. Multo libentius gratias tibi sum corpori.” (Latin: I don’t want to do that. I am fond of this body thank you very much) I retorted as I backed further away.

Craig then sighs and says “suit yourself.” He then looks back to the others just as I was flung by an unknown force. I immediately activate one of my energy swords and stab it into the ground right next to the princesses. I was literally hanging upside down with the energy sword sticking in the ground. I fell to the ground and groaned. “Church what the Hell?”

“That’s it. I’m going somewhere I can actually get drunk.” I pick myself up and walk towards the blown up on the outside pelican. Amor blocked my path but I just set her on my shoulder.

Craig then sighs and says “Looks like Amor doesn’t want you drunk either”

“I don’t want to be sober.” I said as I opened the hatch.

Kirito looked at Craig, then Asuna and then the princesses, “We’re following him right?”

Craig then smile and says “when would we not”

I cringed at the outside look of the pelican. “That’s going to need a new paintjob.”

Two minutes later

The pegasi that were flying the royal carriage were beyond exhausted. The princesses and the displaced had to use a ridiculously absurd amount of magic to even hope to keep up with the pelican.

“That....*pant* that is not natural…” Luna panted.

Craig then sighs and says “i don’t see why you're struggling we’re holding up fine.”

Celestia then stares at him and says “well we can't all fly faster than the speed of sound Craig”

“Actually. That was at least ten times the speed of sound. We were lagging behind pretty bad. The only reason we managed to keep up is because we could still see him because of the glaringly obvious sonic boom.” Kirito retorted. “In fact, I’m pretty sure everyone in the whole country saw that sonic boom.”

Craig Then sighs and says “This is going to hurt… everyone grab hold… side effect include nausea.”

They all look at Craig like he’s lost it.

“And pray tell, how exactly is this a good idea?” Luna asked incredulously as she looked down at the drop that was at least over 15,000 feet.

“It’s probably not but it’s the only way we can keep up with him”

“Buck you, buck my job, buck my life.” The solar guard on the left side of the carriage said.

Celestia then rolls her eyes and says “Just do it Craig”

Craig then smiled at her and then said “All of you grab hold” With that everyone places one hand or hoof on Craig as he places two fingers on his forehead as they all disappear and the chariot falls to the ground.

Two more minutes later

They were rapidly approaching the ground at an alarming rate and they had already done a sonic boom a long time ago. Craig then looked up and then said “Oh for god's sake why didn’t we go straight onto the ship” He then begins to plunge himself towards the falling chariot. The chariot collides with the bar that I am in and smashes through it, sending the occupants hurling in random directions inside the now-trashed bar. Ponies ran out of the bar in fear after seeing the princesses.

I stared at the destruction. “Good thing I already drank.” I said before I gave a loud belch. Everyone looked at me and then at the tower of beer bottles. There were over fifteen of them!

Asuna then looks up and says “Never do that again Craig.”

He then scratched his head then says “No promises”

“Better late than never. You know, you could have just got into the pelican instead of using that old thing.” I said bluntly as I gave another belch. Amor sighed and shook her head.

Craig then sighs and “Amor i bet you feel like you're in Rick and Morty at the moment”

Amor levitated a bottle of beer to Craig and offered it to him. He stared at her in shock before shaking his hand and saying “No thank you… I’d prefer to stay sober”

I fell out of my bar stool chair with a loud thud. Everyone stared at me as I said, “Penis cupcakes…”

Craig then sighs and says “he’s gone… Let's all ignore him unless he starts a drunken brawl”

“I SEE ALL THE PENIS CUPCAKES!” I yell as I grab my chair and throw it out the window. “MAKE IT GO AWAY!” I looked to see a pair of plasma rifles on my hips. I grabbed them and shot at the ‘cupcakes’ which were actually bottles of beer. I hit everything with one hundred percent +accuracy before collapsing.

Celestia and the others watched as Amor dragged my unconscious body on the floor and towards the pelican. The chariot was completely smashed and one of the guardsponies was actually unconscious as well.

I screamed, “WHERE IS HICHIGO?!” while unconscious.

“I think it is a good time to go…” Kirito said.

“I think you may have the right idea.” replies Craig

My pelican suddenly disappeared along with Amor and I, leaving everyone else alone and abandoned at the bar. Celestia then says “well that was unexpected.”

Craig suddenly feels his radio’s connection to Church disappear. “Yep he’s gone…”

Craig then looks to Asuna and Kirito and says “I guess you still to send your tokens out”

They both smile and Asuna says “Yes, he never finished explaining what to do we always got interrupted.”

Craig then smiles and say “the next part is to send it into the void… if you would like i can do that for you.”

Kirito then looks at him and says “You don’t see it as a burden?”

“No, no i don’t”

They both them smile at him as they toss me their Tokens to him and he catches them. He then removed his token from his neck and cuts a small hole in the air beside him, he then places his hand inside as they both multiply before he lets go and grabs three copies of each of them and removes his hand before the portal shuts and a chip fell from the void, “Sorry about today. I didn’t exactly have the best of times. By now it has been over two weeks since we have last met. Hopefully the next time we meet, it doesn’t end as bad as this.” It said in my voice.

Craig then smiles as he tosses them their tokens keeps two sets with him. He then grabs churches token and says “hey Church Mum and Kirito want you to have these” He then creates a small hole and throws the two tokens through.

Another chip falls through. “The next time we meet… It will most likely have already been over ten years. Thank you for providing me a family for as long as you were here… in my heart.”

We all then smile at eachother then say “he’ll do just fine.”

Craig then made two copies of his token and then tosses them to Kirito and Asuna and then says “If i’m not around when you get free from stone just call me and be with you as soon as i am able”

They then hug him and say “Just keep on living till that day Craig.”

“You know I will mum” He then smiles and says “Kirito, Asuna our...

Another data chip falls out from the void, “-Make that twenty to two hundred thousand years.”

Epilogue: New Beginnings and Overprotective Daughters

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.

Sequel is up

Link

Hopefully it's a good start but yes sequel sequel sequel!

Prologue: Meet The AI (Edited)

Pain. It's all I feel after I bought stuff from that creepy merchant. I don't even feel like the same person anymore. Dimitri is dead. Church... is back from the grave.

Soon the pain ebbs away into nothing and I lose most of my senses. Feeling, touch and smell. I can still see and hear things however. I pass out before I can even recover.

2:30PM
Canterlot, Equestria

It was a very beautiful day in Equestria today, Princess Celestia's sun was shining the brightest it ever has. The reason? Today was the anniversary of the day Twilight Sparkle and her friends defeated Nightmare Moon and freed Princess Luna from corruption while also rekindling the friendship between the Royal Sisters. A green puff of smoke momentarily interrupts the solar diarch's thinking as letter appears from thin air.

"Must be another friendship report from Twilight." Celestia says with her usual motherly smile. As she reads the letter further down the line her expression becomes less happy and more and more grim.

"Private!" She commands. A generic looking guard unicorn trots forward and salutes.

"Yes Princess?"

"Inform the commander to send all the guards we can to Ponyville! We don't have much time." Thousands of years of experience and defeating villains couldn't prepare Celestia for what was currently taking place.

"But why?" The guard asked, confused.

"If you must know, an armored and dangerous bipedal creature has appeared from thin air. NOW GO AND DON'T QUESTION MY ORDERS!" She roars in the Royal Canterlot Voice. The stallion is sent scurrying away and almost knocks himself out with the door. After that Celestia puts on a look of concentration and teleports to the center of Ponyville. The first thing she sees is Rainbow Dash unconscious and Fluttershy whimpering.

"YOU WILL NOT HURT MY SUBJECTS!" A facepalm was heard after she said that.