Kel'Thuzad, Equestrian Lich Lord

by coollich702

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Other, Adventure, Crossover, Dark, Human, Main 6, Changelings, Diamond Dogs, Gore, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1144

I was once a cosplayer going as one of my favorite lich characters, and now I'm in Equestria as the arcanely hyper-talented Kel'thuzad. A Displaced tale.

So, I go to Comic Con, dressed as Kel'Thuzad in his lich form. Well, it was sort of missing his phylactery, and boy was I hoping to get it here. Lucky for me, a salesman, dressed as the Merchant from Silent Hill, (I assumed he too was cosplaying.) happened to have a really good version of Kel'Thuzad's phylactery, and cheap. I purchased it, despite the nag of being genre-savvy telling me not to, and now I'm Kel'thuzad in the middle of an Equestrian Gang War. Lovely. Ah, well, at least I have the real Kel'Thuzad to help me out, and the Warcraft 3 Kel'Thuzad voice. A Displaced tale.

Published 2015-09-12 04:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-09-12 04:10:01 UTC

Chapter 1 (Lich): The Lich Lord Awakens

Oh, damn it all... I knew I should've listened to my genre-savvy rather than my greed.

What the!? Who are you!?

Wait... What?

WHO. ARE. YOU!?

Wait, so... Oh wow.

What!? I attempt to open up my eyes, succeeding. All I see is dirt, and the occasional pebble in the muddy earth I can view. I feel Kel'Thuzad push us up off the ground as we levitate. Apparently, levitating is easy as thinking about it, good to know. As we scan...

Wait, Kel'Thuzad, are you thinking in plurals as well?

HOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME!?

Long story. Anywho, Mike, I go by Mike.

Mike, hm? Anywho, yes. Well, let's see if we can explain what the hell is going on. We go back to looking around, the mud and dirt and occasional dying tree being the main scenery around. Seems like everything was scorched around here. Might've been a forest once. I have no idea. Perhaps we should find... Kel'thuzad is interrupted when we get struck in the upper-left side by a blur of black and green hue.

As we come back to conciousness, we hear murmuring among some shadowy creatures huddled around. The room we sit in is bleak, and the bricks dulled with age. I try to process what they're saying, but am interrupted by Kel'Thuzad shouting, "Who are you beasts!? Show yourselves!" At his prompt, the beings fly over to our spot on insectoid wings, and as I get a good look at the swiss cheese body, empty blue eyes, and the equine body shape, I can't help but mutter.

"Changelings..."

What the hell is a Changeling, exactly?

As ridiculous as this sounds, a love-devouring, shapeshifting, hiveminded parasitic species.

Perhaps we should claim these creatures for the Scourge.

That's certainly an idea. One of the changelings speaks up, interrupting our mental conversation.

"Ah, so you are familiar with us?"

I reply in as deadpan as a tone as I can with this incredibly menacing voice. "I've done my homework."

"I see... Tell me, what exactly are you?"

"An undead master of the arcane arts, bug, bow before me!" Kel'Thuzad blurts. The crowd leaped from its posture of casual.

"UNDEAD!? IT MUST BE EXECUTED!" They all cried and howled as guards picked us up by our glowing, skeletal arms,

As we were carried along, I stayed quiet while Kel'Thuzad let loose great, unquenchable rage and shouted agressively at the twin guardslings. I was planning through as many scenarios as possible, and I couldn't let him start blowing shit up. Alot of my plans depended on my ability to bluff the shit out of people, but I had Kel'Thuzad put into the schemes through various means and efforts. I couldn't wait to see the look on their face when we find the hivemind center and make it our undead bitch. That is going to be overly worth the effort for it. And then I get to make the bugs call me "High Lord Kel'Thuzad", ohohoho! This is going to be quite the task.

How about Lich Lord?

Lich Lord Kel'Thuzad? I really like that.... I'm sticking with that! That's your first GOOD idea today, Mike They obviously wanted to have us executed in our full magnificent attire.... Little did they know, that us missing a rather important object of our attire would be exactly how we would survive this encounter. They threw me into a cell, and one look at the toilet placebo was enough to make us grin as much as we could in this form. It was a short pipe, with a wide hole that just dropped into the sewers, its rim crusty from various remains that caught there. With great haste and a wide ass grin on, We snatched up our phylactery, took it off, and threw it down the pipe. It landed with a quiet chink in the cement wall, wedging in a crevice. It quite obviously disturbed some rats as they scurried off into the distance from our vision. Foolish bugs, their own architecture and lack of knowledge on Liches shall be their downfall.

Author's Note

This is my way of introducing myself to Fimfiction. And if you need a color code for dialogue and thought. (I don't know why you would.) Mike = Normal Text, Kel'Thuzad = Light Blue, Changelings = Green.

I'm hoping this is at least interesting. It'll get better once we get to the general portion I need this to get to for me to use the ideas that spawned this fic. :fluttershbad:

Edit: Altered Kel'Thuzad's dialogue in an attempt to create a more in-character personality for him.

Chapter 1 (Pony): The Twin Tremors

Twilight Sparkle sat in her bedchambers, the full moon glowing menacingly overhead, reading a book titled in a flaming font "Non-Destructive Uses for the Art of Evocation". Her purple and pink hair laid spread across the pillows as she laid there. She smiled at the quiet, it was relaxing. She was reading the section on Firework Spell Safety at the moment, and was invested in her quest of knowledge, she read about how the horn should face the current celestial object in view, and other such safeties of Non-Destructive Evocation. She was interrupted when the first of two tremors of insane magical power burst forth.

This one was a massive burst of Conjuration magic as something was pulled from way the Tartarus out of the known world. It sent shivers down the spine of every unicorn, and every alicorn as well, they could TASTE that arcane impact. It was a shock the output hadn't torn Equestria in half!

And then, after a short rest, an extradimensional amount of evocative magic shockwaved through all ponies. They could ALL taste this one. It was like Starswirl decided to use fifteen different evocation spells in an massive explosives storage. It made Twilight throw open the window to see what happened, and her eyes bugged out what she saw before her: Whitetail Woods was straight up gone. All the trees were either dying or dead, the grasses and plants all wiped out, and the animals gone. All there was in its place, was a large, dusty, shallow crater that stretched the entire forest's area. This was bad... This was really, really bad. Really, really, really freaking bad. What kind of caster could destroy a forest with one spell? Twilight went to gather her friends. This was an absolutely insane emergency.

Author's Note

Sorry about this chapter being short, it was really more to give an idea of how big this is going to be, scale wise. And if you're wondering, yes, we will continue to flip flop from Lich to Pony.

And as some could guess, this story is using the D&D magic schools, so expect some neat stuff there.