Metal Gear Derpy - The Muffin Crisis

by Dustchu

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, Comedy
Length: 1068

Derpy has a box, and she's going to use it.

Derpy found a box.

Derpy has a craving for muffins.

Derpy's going to get some muffins.

And nopony is going to be able to stop her.

Cause Derpy… has a box.

Cover Art By: otakuap on dA
Written by: Dustchu
What have I done.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-09-12 16:39:52 UTC

Muffin Eater

It was noon in Ponyville, the sun was shining brightly, the wind was blowing in from the north bringing a nice breeze that cooled off the residents. Several clouds were brought in to add some shade, the trees offered plenty, but who didn't like a nice cloud to lay on every now and then? Some pegasi took to the skies to nap on a few of them, while others laid on some tree branches. The earth bound ponies just took to walking through the streets, occasionally stopping to chat with neighbors or whoever was walking by.

The weather was nice and calm, a beautiful day to play games, go outside and go for a nice calming walk, or just lounge, which several ponies were doing already. Colts and fillies cantered through the streets, vibrant laughter and giggles filling the air and bringing a smile to anypony who happened to hear them.

It was a glorious day.

Pinkie Pie was delivering a cake to a couple.

Rarity was giving some of her bits to a homeless pony.

Rainbow was napping upon a cloud.

Scootaloo was performing several tricks on some ramps.

Dinky was looking for her mother, Derpy Hooves.

Doctor Whooves was conducting an experiment with chewing gum and a tinfoil hat,

And Derpy was in a box... a box, made of cardboard. The mailmare was indeed inside of a cardboard box, it was nothing amazing. It was a simple large box made of cardboard, an arrow on the bottom pointing to which end the box should be situated, some random numbers that had faded, and her cutie mark was drawn on the side with a pencil. Her adorable wall-eyed expression was too much for many, and many wouldn't expect her to do any harm. She was kind, sweet, and funny despite some of the insults that had been thrown at her behind her back.

She was a pony who loved her job, her co-workers, and everypony in Ponyville. But many may wonder, just why is Derpy inside of a box of all things, hiding inside like a cat waiting to pounce on the next unsuspecting bystander. Well, she has her reasons. Today was a special day, it was the day that a certain bakery was selling a specially made muffin that was said to taste heavenly, cooked to perfection, using very few and rare ingredients from several different countries.

Derpy was going to get one, and she was going to use her secret weapon... her weapon, being the cardboard box. Using a telescope, Derpy scoped out the store from behind an alleyway, the bakery was well guarded. Mr and Mrs Cake stood outside with a small table, giving out free samples of ordinary and plain muffins. Muffins that paled in comparison to the prize within the shop's innards, no doubt being held behind thick shatterproof glass, tantalizing and tempting customers with its muffiny goodness.

Today's the day it's mine! She told herself as she hefted up the box and tipped it over onto her until it covered her, now it was right side up, and she was inside, peeping out through the hole in the front. She swished her tail from side to side, then started moving across the road. She kept her movements slow, her golden eyes watching the road.

She wasn't doing a good job however, as several ponies were looking her way with perplexed expressions and raised eyebrows. Derpy, however did not pay any attention to them, she only kept moving across the road to the shop's back entrance.

Through the kitchen.

Derpy suddenly stopped as Maud Pie came into view, she moved with methodical slowness. Her movements like that of a robot, her frock billowed slightly from the light breeze, briefly showing her cutie mark. Maud's eyes never once eyed the box, she passed by it and kept her steady slow pace. However, Derpy heard her talking to herself.

"Rocks, they are so rocky, they make me wish I was a rock... I like rocks." She had said before moving on, making Derpy wonder what she was going on about.

With a head shake, Derpy got her head back in the game and started moving forward again.

Above, clouds floated overhead, casting down shadows and giving plenty of ponies shade. Those ponies in the shade, watched as a cardboard box moved across the road. Spotting the grey hooves propelling the box forward and the unmistakable blonde tail sticking out of the back. Some giggled at her antics, others shook their heads. For it would seem, Derpy using a box was not out of the ordinary for her, in fact it was almost normal.

Derpy moved forward, dodging Berry Punch who drunkenly stumbled past her with a hiccup and a smile, past the CMC who blew past her on a scooter pulling a small wagon, and past a dramatic Rarity who was sobbing wildly over the unfortunate death of her beloved...

A hat with gems on the trim.

The mailmare paid them no attention, only focusing on her goal of heading in through the back door. She crept across the ground, eventually arriving at the side of the bakery/home of Pinkie Pie. She looked around, spotting nopony around, save for Winona, who was sitting nearby with a bone in her mouth.

"Ruff ruff!" She growled playfully, looking at the box.

Derpy disappeared into the bakery, slipping in through the open door and into the back. The smell of gloriously tasty muffins assaulted her nostrils, and she had to fight back the urge to jump out of the box and snag as many as she could. She smiled however, drool dribbling down her chin as the smells got stronger, enticing her to sneak a few into her box to devour. No! Derpy relented, as much as she wished she could, she had to save her appetite for the delicious muffin within.

"Thanks for stopping by Applejack!" Pinkie's rich and happy voice chirped from deeper within, no doubt behind the counter. "You sure do know how to put a smile on my face~"

"Why shucks, Pinkie, you know ah enjoy eatin' yer goods from time ta time, it's no problem." The southern mare replied, a deep chuckle escaping her as she cantered out of the shop.

I wonder what she bought? Derpy wondered, shaking her head to dispel the thought as she looked around.