The Other Side of the Door
The only place Twilight could even think to go right now was away. It didn’t matter where; as long as it was somewhere far, far away, it was good enough.
A shade of hot red flushed her face as she walked. The hallway between her room and Spike’s seemed to stretch on and on, making the door up ahead look as though it had shrunk to the size of a pinhead. She ended up stopping short of her intended destination, however, opting instead to sit on the hard crystal floor.
It took some time before Twilight could get her breathing back to a steady rhythm. She held her head low, resting the side of her face in the frog of her hoof. The muscles in her jaw bulged as her molars scraped together, and her eyelids squeezed shut.
Twilight contemplated to herself in the oppressive silence. Simultaneously, her brain was doing damage control, trying to block out the image of what she had just seen, but the effort was hopeless. Every time she swallowed, she felt as though glass marbles had fallen into her stomach, and the sensation made her feel sick.
From over her shoulder, Twilight dared to glance back at her assistant’s room. The door was still closed, right where she had left it after slamming it shut. She winced.
The weight of the blame was impossible not to feel pressing down on her shoulders. Knocking, after all, was only half the battle; if you didn’t at least wait for the other side to respond, whatever you saw on the other side was your own fault.
Even so, knowing this was not enough to make what had just transpired any less awkward. And no matter what emotions she was feeling right now, whether they be guilt, embarrassment, or even disgust… Twilight was sure that her assistant must be experiencing them tenfold.
Every part of her was screaming to go back. To talk things out, to try and make things better… but wisely, she held herself back. Spike was going to need some time… and quite frankly, so was she.
Many minutes passed. Twilight, uncomfortable with her seat on the hard floor, now paced back and forth, maintaining a respectful distance away from Spike’s door. The sound of her own heavy breathing could be heard reverberating up and down the hallway. But then, as yet another minute passed, Twilight began to hear something else, something which she could sense as she got closer to his door. It took a moment for her to realize what it was, and when she did, Twilight could feel a sharp, stabbing pain in her gut.
Crying. The heavy door masked the sound quite a bit, but not enough to block it out completely. Twilight chewed on her bottom lip, and almost as if they had minds of their own, her legs began to move toward the room. Each step closer amplified the cries from the other side of the door.
When she got there, Twilight made her steps as light as possible. She pressed an ear against the door, listening closely.
“Uhh…” She cleared her throat. “…Spike? You okay?”
The question was rhetorical, but she asked it anyway out of courtesy… something she owed him a lot of after what had just occurred. His breathless reply was barely coherent.
“N-No…”
Twilight’s ears fell back on her head. She grimaced, pulling herself back while leaving her hoof on the door. “Spike… can I come in? Can we talk?”
“No… I-I don’t want to…” Spike said through a series of sniffles. Twilight hung her head low when she heard his immediate response, and her head hung low. A pained sigh escaped her.
“I know you don’t, Spike. But I… we can’t just pretend nothing happened. I just want to talk to you. That’s all,” she said, speaking calmly. “You aren’t in trouble, I promise.”
No response came from the other side of the door. The only thing Twilight could hear was the sound of him shuffling around in the blankets of his bed. Twilight waited a little while longer, hoping he would say something, but when nothing came, she decided to try once more.
“I just want to talk, Spike. Nothing else,” she said firmly. “I promise that I’m not mad at you. Hay, I’m not even upset. Alright?”
This time, the silence stretched on even longer than before. Twilight pressed the side of her head up against the wood, breathing softly through her nose while her heartbeat pulsed in her ears. For a moment, she considered just walking away and trying again in a few hours, but just before she could step away, she at last heard Spike’s timid voice pipe up through the door.
“I… you promise?”
Twilight’s eyes practically popped out of her head. She placed her hoof on the doorknob. “I promise. I’m not mad, I’m not upset, and I just want to talk. Okay? So… can I come in?”
She wanted to turn the knob immediately and go in right then and there, but she wanted to make absolutely sure it was okay, first. By no means could she or he afford her barging in without permission again. To her great relief, however, she heard his affirmation.
“Yeah,” he said. His voice was just loud enough to be heard.
Twilight took a deep breath, turned the knob, and very carefully, she cracked open the door.
“Alright, I’m coming in…”
She dared to stick her head through the crack. Even though she had already gotten explicit permission to enter, she still couldn’t help but avert her eyes out of remembrance of what had happened the last time she hadn’t.
When she did look over to the bed, she was greeted by the sight of Spike sitting on the top of the disheveled covers. His knees were hugged to his chest, serving as a wall to hide his glistening eyes behind. He didn’t look at her, opting instead to stare at the floor.
“Hey.” Twilight simpered at him in a pitiful attempt to be cordial. She curled her bottom lip from nervousness.
Spike sucked in a sharp breath through his running nose. “Hey…”
From the red streaks that lined his entire face, Twilight could tell that he had been crying for a long time. The crisscross pattern of veins showed themselves through the whites of his bloodshot eyes, and he bit his quivering bottom lip, obviously making a great effort to stop himself from adding more tears to the mix.
Twilight pursed her lips tightly together, planning out her words carefully. Spike waited in silence, claws digging into his shins as he braced himself for whatever she was about to say.
“So… what happened earlier,” she began, “I’m really sorry for not waiting after I knocked. It was my fault that…”
To her surprise, she didn’t get any further before Spike interrupted her. He let go of his legs and let his head fall back onto his pillow, flopping on his back like a dead fish.
“No, Twilight,” he said. His eyes squeezed shut. “I’m sorry. I-I… I’m sorry that you, I m-mean that I was… you know… ugh!”
His exasperated groan was accompanied by him sitting up and punching his pillow. Twilight flinched at the minor outburst, but she recovered quickly, taking a step forward with her hoof held up in a gesture to stop.
“No, no, Spike! Calm down, okay? Calm down…” She did her best to make her voice sound soothing.
But Spike wasn’t listening. Instead, he went on, rolling over on the bed and turning his head away from her out of crippling shame. His cries were renewed as the words spilled out of him.
“I-I know I shouldn’t do that… I know it’s wrong, a-and… inappropriate, and just… Ugh!” After failing to think of more words to serve as a description, he settled for a loud groan. He tossed the corner of the blanket off of the mattress in disgust. “I’m… I’m so sorry, Twilight! I know you must think I’m… just, that I’m…”
“Spike.”
Twilight’s voice cut through the air like a scythe. Firm in tone, but not loud. Even in the midst of his stammering, it was enough to stop Spike dead in his tracks.
He cringed, pulling his knees back into his belly as he curled into a ball. A couple of shuddering breaths escaped him, but otherwise, he became silent, ears folded back against his head.
Twilight could feel the quietness of the room looming over them both. It was almost as though she could feel the rope of a noose looping itself around her neck, becoming tighter and tighter with each breath she expelled like a boa constrictor. She closed her eyes, warding away the unpleasant sensation with a couple of hard swallows.
Her voice lost its no-nonsense firmness as she exchanged it for something much softer. Seeing Spike, on the verge of crying once again, Twilight knew that anything else would be a bad idea.
“Spike…” She watched as his ears twitched when his name left her mouth. “…I know you feel bad. I know you must be feeling embarrassed right now… and I understand that, I do, but…”
She took a few more steps into the room, shutting the door behind her with a gentle click.
“… I don’t think you’re… well, whatever bad thing you were going to say. In fact… as far as I’m concerned, you don’t have to be sorry about anything. Okay?”
Spike’s head whirled around at the conclusion of her sentence. His scaly eyebrows zigzagged in a quizzical fashion, and he let his mouth hang slack. His lips moved, but for a few moments, he could only stammer.
“ Wh-wh… what do you m… huh? But I… I thought that… what’re you…”
“Thought what, Spike?” Twilight tilted her head. She smiled disarmingly at him. “That I was going to be mad? Because I’m not.”
Spike stared at her wordlessly. The confusion on his face was plainly evident, and her question only seemed to make it worse. “I, uhh… I mean, yeah, I guess… or just… disappointed, maybe…”
Twilight would have smiled with amusement, but the seriousness of the situation kept it easily at bay. She shook her head, closing the distance between them with a few more steps.
“No, Spike. I’m not disappointed, either. At least, I’m not disappointed in you,” she added in with a regretful frown. “I really am the only one who should be sorry, Spike. I’m the one who barged into your room, and… whatever I saw was my own fault. Okay? Not yours…”
“But… b-but…” Spike blinked slowly, trying to wrap his head around what she was saying. He let his arm fall to the bed with a soft plop. “Wasn’t, I mean, isn’t… isn’t that something ponies, or dragons, aren’t supposed to do?”
Twilight shook her head. But then, her head shake soon turned into a crooked half-nod as she said, “Weeeell… no. But sometimes, yes. It really all depends…”
Her backtracking seemed not to sit well with Spike. Appearing less than impressed, his head fell to his scaly chest, and the flaps above his ear holes flopped down on his head like a pair of wet noodles. Twilight’s forehead wrinkled with a sympathetic frown.
“Now, Spike, just listen to me for a—” Before she could finish the request, Spike interrupted her, holding up his hand in a gesture of surrender.
“Look…Twilight… it’s okay if you’re mad,” he said with a defeated exhale. “I know you said that you wouldn’t be and all, but… I-I know you’re just trying to make me feel better, and you d-don’t have to…”
“No. Spike, look at me.” Twilight jabbed a hoof at her face. “Right up here.”
As could be predicted, Spike was less than enthusiastic about following her request. Nevertheless, he eventually gave in, lifting his head up to meet her eye to eye. Right away, Twilight noticed how the muscles of his jaw bulged, as well as how he held his breath, as if bracing himself for some sort of rebuke.
As such, Twilight immediately softened her expression. Then, she took a sharp, shallow breath, closing her eyes momentarily.
“Spike…” she began. Her eyes opened again, and to her pleasant surprise, the dragon was still looking up at her, paying close attention. That drew the tiniest ghost of a smile from her. “… What I said before, I meant. Every word of it. You did nothing wrong. You were in your room, and I invaded your privacy. I’m not used to you having your own room, and… what I did was something I’ll never do again. I can promise you that. And you know what else?”
Inevitably, Spike’s eyes became downcast the longer she spoke, looking away from her once more. But the question at the end caused the flaps of his ears to perk up and the pupils of his eyes to widen, if only for a moment. Twilight took another step closer to him, nearly closing the distance entirely. She smiled, albeit with a light tinge of pink on her cheeks.
“I know this might seem hard for you to believe right now, Spike. But what I’m about to tell you is the truth. What you were doing…” She smiled, a light tinge of pink showing on her cheeks. “…it’s perfectly normal.”
Twilight watched as Spike’s scaly eyebrows practically rocketed off of his head with incredulity. But all things that go up, must also come down… and come down they did. Fast. Through narrowed eyes, he addressed Twilight with his tone lowered.
“Wait… but… I thought that, I mean…”
It seemed that Spike was shooting down his own counter-arguments before they could even come to surface. Mercifully, Twilight cut his stammering short.
“I know, Spike. I know that what I’m saying right now is the exact opposite of what you thought I would say. But it’s true.”
She nodded her head once as a sort of additional assurance. After all, from the look on Spike’s face, he was going to need some convincing. He squirmed uncomfortably, bending his knees back up to his chest.
“But I…” He rested the side of his head in his hand, the way that a student might do if they were stumped by a problem on a test. “…I don’t get it. Can’t you get in trouble if… I mean, if someone sees you…”
Twilight could sense where the confusion was coming from, and she was quick to clarify herself.
“Yes, Spike. If you were out in public, or somewhere where somepony else could see you… then yes. But you weren’t in a public place. You were in your room, and your door was closed. So, you did nothing wrong.”
Her explanation made Spike’s face draw a blank. Twilight chose to take it as a good sign, and continued. “And you know what else, Spike? I’m gonna let you in on a little secret. Alright?”
She craned her neck forward. Spike did not do the same. But luckily, he did not shy away from her, either, watching her from the peripheries of his vision while she drew closer.
Twilight angled her head sideways, cupping a hoof around her mouth. Then, she spoke.
“…Everypony does it.”
Twilight waited a little while for the words to sink in. She could feel the heat rising on her face, but she had no trouble not thinking anything of it.
At first, Spike had no reaction to her revelation. However, slowly but surely, she could see the light of understanding and realization washing over his face. He expelled a puff of air from his nostrils as he released the oxygen he had been apparently holding in his lungs. That did not mean, however, that he was done with asking questions.
“Wait…” His head came away from his hand, and the latter fell to the blanket. “Sooo... everypony?”
Twilight nodded. Spike’s brow furrowed, but his eyelids were no longer narrowed with disbelief like before.
“Everypony… as in, everypony?”
Twilight gave him another nod, doing her best to be serious, but she couldn’t help but crack a smile. “Uh huh.”
“So… you mean like, mares and stallions?”
Another nod. “Yep. Well… it’s a little more so with stallions,” she added, the familiar shade of pink turning a hotter red on her cheeks. “But yes, everypony does it. And you, being a growing dragon and going through a lot of bodily changes… it’s one of the most normal things in the world. Nothing to be ashamed of.”
Spike’s mouth hung open. The tip of his forked tongue showed itself over his bottom lip, hanging like a strand of red ribbon over the blankets. Twilight kept her giggling at bay, but internally, she found his current expression more than a little amusing.
Then, he held up a claw, an indication that he was about to say something. But before he decided to say it, his arm fell back to his side, and his mouth fell shut. Twilight cocked her head.
“You gonna ask me something, Spike?”
He was very quick to shake his head. “No. Nevermind… I get it.” He slumped his shoulders forward, moving back into the same position he had been sitting in when she first came in the door: knees hugged tightly to his chest, with his head partially hidden behind. “It still feels… wrong, though.”
Twilight’s face was surely redder than ever before, now. Despite not really needing to, she coughed to clear her throat.
“I know, Spike. And I know it might also seem hard to believe, but that feeling is perfectly normal, too. Nopony wants to get caught with… well, you know. But if ponies have privacy, than they won’t have to worry about it. But…” She grimaced, holding her head low. “…today, I messed up. You should have had privacy, but I didn’t give it to you. And I promise, I won’t do something like that ever again. I’m really, really sorry.”
Her apology felt tangible in the air. It hovered in the space around their heads for a few moments, drifting like a scrap of paper in a breeze. Twilight forced herself to look at Spike directly again, despite the pangs of shame and guilt that were turning her stomach into knots. “Can you forgive me?”
To tell the truth, Twilight was not sure what to expect. She knew very well that what had happened not even an hour ago was the stuff that any adolescent’s nightmares were made of, and in a way, it almost seemed wrong to even ask for forgiveness. The feeling of failure was a harsh one, and it did not let up on her one bit.
Every second of silence that ticked by felt like it was stretching slowly back and forth across the room, and the longer it lasted, the more Twilight was beginning to think of saying something else. Something more…
“Yeah.” Spike’s voice broke through her ruminations. “I forgive you, Twi…”
And just like that, all of the thoughts that had been swimming around in her head were flushed away. She shook her heat like a rattle, as if coming out of a trance. In fact, she hadn’t even realized that she was holding her breath, but the instant she heard him forgive her, all of the pressure was released from her lungs in a single, relieved exhale.
But still, Twilight was not ready to fully relax just yet.
“Alright. I appreciate it, Spike. I really do.” She rubbed one foreleg up and down with the other. “So… from now on, when the door is closed, I’ll knock… and then, I’ll wait. And if you don’t want me to come in… or if you don’t say anything… then I won’t. Okay? Does that sound good with you?”
Just the mere fact that she was having to say what she was saying made Twilight want to hit herself in the head with a book. Such simple etiquette, all disregarded out of bad habits from her past library days… it wasn’t fair…
Nonetheless, Spike nodded. It was his offering of silent approval to Twilight before he replied, albeit subdued, “Yeah.”
Twilight was unsure, but she swore that she could see a smile flash across his face for the briefest moment. His clawed hands, which had been gripping the scales below his knees like meat hooks, relaxed until his arms slipped off entirely. He straightened his back and legs, scooting back so that his back was resting against the pillow of the bed.
But the young dragon still made no eye contact with her. Whether from anger towards her, or resentment, or perhaps even lingering guilt… Twilight couldn’t tell.
“Hey, Spike?” Twilight got his attention with a wave of her hoof. His expression was surprisingly neutral, but his eyes were bright and alert. “… it’s okay if you are, but… Are you still mad at me?”
Twilight clamped down on her lip as soon as the question left her mouth. But fortunately, Spike’s reaction was the polar opposite of what she might have expected. Hs chest heaved in a light chuckle… more of a scoff, really… and he shook his head emphatically.
“No,” he said. “I… kinda never was. Just… embarrassed.” He gave another laugh at his own expense, which was accompanied by a wince. “A lot…”
Twilight smiled out of sympathy. She turned her head away, rubbing the back of her neck with her hoof. Her hind legs crossed behind her.
“Yeah… I understand.” When she looked at him this time, neither of them wanted to turn their heads away. “I just… I don’t want you to feel like things are going to be any different between us, all just because I walked in on you… you know…”
She gnawed on her dry bottom lip. Spike readjusted the pillow and placed both arms behind his head. His legs also crossed over one another, adopting a more casual stance as he looked up at Twilight.
“It’s whatever,” he said with a shrug. “They won’t be different or anything. I just… didn’t know any of that before. All this time, I’ve just been feeling… dirty. Like… there was something wrong with me whenever I did it. But…”
Twilight tried to finish the sentence for him. She raised an eyebrow knowingly. “…but now, not so much?”
Spike shrugged again. He smiled. “Ehh. I guess not.”
Twilight smiled right back. This time, it was his turn to turn red, and he averted his eyes away.
As the brief period of silence got longer and longer, Twilight could feel the blush on Spike’s cheeks becoming contagious. She harrumphed to clear her throat for the umpteenth time before turning around to face the door.
“Good. I’m glad to hear that, Spike.” She took a few steps to the door. “So, anyways… it’s getting a little late. How about I go and cook us something for breakfast?”
She turned to look at him from over her shoulder. Spike’s head whipped around to look up at the wall clock on the left wall, and he reared his head back in surprise. “Whoa, ten o-clock? Already?”
Twilight raised her eyebrows. “Yeah. Guess we both lost track of time. You feeling hungry?”
Spike took a glance down at his pudgy belly. As if on cue, a loud rumble sounded that vibrated his yellow belly scales. It was all the answer they needed.
“Uh-huh.”
Twilight laughed. “Alright, then. I’ll get started.” She trotted out the door. But just before she left, Twilight set her horn aglow, and the door became wrapped with her signature purple aura. She turned around.
“I have one more question, Spike. Then, I promise I’ll leave you alone…” She spoke in the most level tone she could. “Do you want me to leave it open, or closed?”
Author's Note
This is a pretty sensitive and awkward topic, so I hope I did an alright job with it. If not, then... my bad.
Criticism much appreciated!
