Equestria hasn't been dropped yet

by JustDing

Rating: teen
Tags: Human, Comedy, Random
Length: 10667

A US army pilot gets thrown into a land of talking ponies and experiences a lot of confusing moments [CRACKFIC!]

It should be like any other day… flying a warplane, erasing terrorists and saving the world was one thing. But thrown into a world full of talking sentient ponies was not in Spork's schedule. As a soldier and pilot of the latest flight technology, he knows how to keep his cool, but Equestria will cost him the last nerve. Anything he saw and witnessed in his life… will be smashed under the wheight of the overwhelming logic that is Equestria.

Meet Spork, a rather confused pilot.

Meet Luna, a choleric space pony.

Meet Celestia, a princess.

And meet Chrysalis, a hol(e)y and desperate Changeling queen.

A crackfic basing on the first arc of the "Fallen Equestria" series by Endless Nightmares. I wrote this story out of boredom and to confuse some readers. Everyone familiar with crackfics can check this out, others should return to the mainpage and never check for this useless Story ever again.

This fic parodies following topics: fimfics in general, epic stories, Luna, Celestia, Chrysalis, princesses, deity stuff and 'writing quotes of smart people at the start of a new chapter' - thing.

Rated Teen for following reasons: harsh language, sexual innuendos, CQC, a lot of stupid stuff, a heavy amount of Cloakers and Chrysalis for being Chrysalis. The comedy ranges from rough stupidity to mind-altering randomness. This story has a mind of it's own. You have been warned.

[img]http://www.stupidedia.org/images/0/00/Dizzy2.gif[/img]Wooohoooo…

(The amount of "*" gives you notice about the randomness of a chapter. "*" means it's okay, while "***" means danger of extreme confuseness.)

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2016-05-25 12:21:12 UTC

A not so very warm welcoming...(**)

A not so very warm welcoming...(**)

"I have a job that pays me more in a month than you get in a year."

-Excision W33d

Somewhere above the landscape of USA, idk:

The clouds above the skies of earth were blue and mostly clean of pollution as a eagle was gliding through the air in seek for acceptable prey, to feed it's young.

With his sharp high definition eyes, the eagle found a white unsuspecting bunny far below him as it ate some grass . This would be the ideal meal to give it's youngs the nutrients they need.

However, before the eagle could dive down, it was sucked into the jet engine of a F-18. The plane struggled a little bit as grilled pieces of poultry exited it's engine, but otherwise it was unharmed.

Another warbird followed the F-18. It was a F/A-37, the latest invention of war technology and it looked like... well, did any of you saw the movie "Stealth"? With those fancy planes? It looked like one of them.

Inside the F-18, the pilot clicked on his computer to establish a channel to the F/A-37. After some waiting, the pilot of the newer plane picked up the phone. A male voice spoke and a hissing sound was heard in the background "Here's Darthvader One, what is it?"

"Here's Skywalker, just checking if everything is alright."

The pilot in the F-18 noticed the hissing sound. "Skywalker to Darthvader, I'm receiving some weird interference through your channel. Please fix that, I can't find the volume control and my ears are starting to bleed."

"This sound are my eggs." the pilot in the hypermodern plane stated bluntly. The pilot in the old wreck called F-18 (which was literally a wreck in comparison with the F/A - 37) paused.

"What?!"

The hissing sound increased for a second as the pilot answered. "I'm making scrambled eggs for myself."

The pilot, whose name was Spork, had set up a Bunsen Burner between his feet. A frying pan was placed on top of it as he turned a egg around, to make sure everything went golden brown. At the same time, he was controlling the plane.

"Why the fuck do you cook while on duty?" the other pilot asked.

"Because I'm hungry and you know what happens when I'm hungry."

"You turn into a diva?"

"No, but I can't think." Spork answered like it was the normalst thing in the world.

Spork was around the end of his twenties. His life had a bad start from the very beginning. He has been found in a crip on the very top of the Empire State building.  His father was a legendary pilot, because he could spray insectozide over the old family farm with his old plane in ten seconds flat.

The man in the F-18 sighed. "Whatever. Let's look at our objectives once more. What are we supposed to do in this mission?"

Spork took a bite of a egg and swallowed loudly that the channel cracked once. "Bomb the shit out of terrorists."

"Correctly. Let's do it." the pilot said and already was about to cancel the channel as suddenly his computer spat out a warning.

W4|2||!||6!!! \/\/347|-|3|2 7|_||2|3|_|13||(35 4|-|34|)!!! XDDDD!!!

"I can't read this shit! There are just useless numbers on the screen!" the pilot shook his head in annoyance.

"Turn Leet-mode off." Spork suggested.

"Oi, thanks m8!" the pilot said and turned of said mode...

WARNING! WEATHER TURBULENCES AHEAD.

The man looked up. Big giant menacing dark deadly lightning flashing clouds were right in front of the planes. And with 'right in front' I mean a few miles ahead. But thanks of flying with the speed of sound, this distance was closed rather quickly. And as faster they could shout "Fucking Cloaker!", they raced right into the storm.

"Fuck. Me. Sideways." Spork said as he dropped his head.

"Maybe later." the other pilot said. The channel was still on.

A strong breeze shook Spork's warplane and the remainig two scrambled eggs landed on his visor. "FUCKÉ! MAYDAY! MAYDAY! I CAN'T SEE SHIT! I'M BLACKING OUT!"

He should have known that eggs can end lifes rather quickly, in more ways than one. Before he knew what was happening, his plane was sucked into a swirl of lightning.

Colors were swirling, noises were going loud, and a squad of Delta Forces walked on a blanket made of pink cotton candy. Yep, Spork was not having a good, and mainly a lucid, day. And it will even get much worser for him, my dear audience (I like to break the fourth wall, because fuck logic).

But first, a change of scenery.

A few minutes earlier:

"Twilight, be careful!" a melodic voice rang through the air. It belonged to a equine creature named Luna.

Luna was a blue quadrupedal horse-y being and her precious princessy snout was right in the middle of her face. She had also a pair of feathery wings, which is rather impossible because wings are counting as limbs and hexapedal mammals can't exists at all. But hey, it's magic, I ain't explain shit. Plus, she had a long horn to control the magic.

She was currently in the royal garden and was taking a watchful eye over Twilight Sparkle, the princess of magic. Twilight Sparkle was also a impossible hexapedal being with a snout, wings and a horn. The horn was not long as Luna's, but it was certainly better than nothing.

"No, Twilight, don't eath that bug... oh by Celestia, thou did it again!" Luna facehooved. Twilight Sparkle used to be a smart and normal mare, until she completed a spell of a cheap ponified Merlin copypaste. The elements of harmony then killed her and it was Celestia's task to revive her. While she gained the body of a alicorn, her mind has been resetted.

This means she was a fully grown alicorn, but she has the mental age of a newborn filly. Her friends then abandoned her and Celestia took the retarded Twilight under her wing. The destiny hit again!

Luna also had a sister, named Celestia, which comes from Celly, which also comes from Jelly. She was the ruler of Equestria, a magical land where every human scientist can throw any physical law known to mankind out of a window. There is no need to describe her, everyone knows how she looks and acts like.

"But the bug was black!" Twilight shrieked and ate another bug, before a psychothic smile spread across her lips. "Black like my soul..."

Luna walked up to the princess and gave a bop on the back of her head. This caused a magical discharge from Twilight's horn and a portal appeared above the royal garden.

Luna smiled. "This is a splendid work, thou little scum. We are very proud of thineself."

Twilight clapped her forehooves together and giggled like a obese filly, as suddenly a metallic long thing rushed out from the portal. Luna watched it calmly as it grinded along the ground and crashed with it's front right into the castle.

"Is it Hearth-Warming-Eve already?" Twilight asked with tears in her eyes. "Because I need my coal!"

The glass panel part of the metallic thing opened and a bipedal being reared up. His big crossed white-yellow eyes were seeming to pierce everything with their cholesterine filled gaze and Luna felt a cardiarc infarct incoming.

It was a human. Luna knew them. They shoot themselves in a sport called 'Airsoft' and kick the shit out of each other.

The human stepped out of his plane with the graze alike a sack of potatoes... he stumbled, wailed his arms and fell out. He left a crater where he fell and a brick from the castle landed on the metallic thing (the (o) button is right next to the (i) button, you know?) and a gong rang through the air.

The human stood up and swiped the scrambled eggs from his visor. He then found his warplane deeply embedded into the walls of a castle and he started to curse like a monkey complaining about the color of a banana.

"VERDAMMTESCHEIßENOCHEINSICHKÖNNTKOTZEN!!!"

Luna and Twilight were exchanging worried looks (the latter one looked into the wrong direction), and Luna approached the human with caution in every step.

"Thou are okay?" she asked.

Spork wirled around as he heard the beautiful voice of a propably young woman and he turned around with a smile. But instead of a blonde girl, he found a blue pony with wings staring back at him. He blinked.

"We asked if thou are alright." the pony said.

Spork's panic set in and he unholstered his Berretta MOD. 92 A1 pistol and pointed it at the pony. "Stay the fuck away from me!"

Luna was old enough to realize that this piece of metal was NOT some kind of a drill. The way it was designed and the way the human held this device with both hands gave a clear away that this was a firearm. Alicorns are not stupid. If you walk through Canterlot with a M4 Carbine (or a Benelli Nova, if you want), you will get your ass kicked so hard that your grandsons will still feel the pain.

Luna smirked. "Thoes thou think thou can pull the trigger?"

Spork blinked. Before he could realize what happened, the pony dashed forward and grabbed the pistol with her forehooves. With a simple flick of magic in her hooves, she dislodged the slidestopper from the handle, dismounted the slide and threw Spork at the same time down to the ground.

Spork took aim at the pony again, but then he realized for the first time in his life that he could not fire a shot without the slide.

"Pathetic..." Luna taunted as she threw the now useless weaponpart at the human.

Spork could cry at the moment. He has been CQC'd by a mysterious pony.

But he would not go down without a fight. He wanted to die like his father, in a heroic way by crashing into a tree with a Group B rally car. His father last words were: "Fuck, I'm dying."

He stood up again and got into a defensive position.

Luna rolled her eyes and shot a beam of magic at Spork's head. He fell over as he groaned in pain.

"Headshot!" Twilight cheered in joy at the human's loss. Luna whistled and a group of dank ponies came by. Typo intented.

"Someone kill me now, thanks," Spork thought in shame as he was dragged away by a group of Night Guards.

Getting know to each other... or not (***)

Getting know to each other... or not (***)

"If you want to go faster, turn down the braking assist."

-Hint in WRC: RALLY EVOLVED

"Who are thou and what is thine mission?" Luna asked the human with anger in her voice. After Spork took a shower without ducking for the soap, he was brought to the discussion hall of the castle.

"I want to speak with your leader!" Spork slammed his fist against the table.

"I'm right here, y'know?" Celestia said with a raised eyebrow. She was sitting right next to him.

"Let us reintroduce us again. Everything moves so fast at the moment that I'm getting lost in the current." Spork suggested with a heavy sigh.

Celestia nodded and puffed out her chest in pride. "I'm Princess Celestia, ruler of Equestria and goddess of the sun. I take care of this country and it's inhabitants."

Celestia; The Sun (Nicole Oliver)

Luna looked between her sister and Spork. She then introduced herself after a sigh. "We are Princess Luna, co-ruler of Equestria and goddess of the moon. We make sure every pony has a healthy sleep by entering their dreams and manipulating them for our own wicked deeds. And those ponies we don't like will suffer endless nightmares."

Luna; The Moon (Tabitha St. Germain)

It was then Twilight's turn to introduce herself.

"Hello, my name is Twilight Sparkle, and I am the princess of magic!" she shrieked from under the table. "Can we be friends?!"

Twilight Sparkle; The Magic (Tara Strong)

Spork looked under the table with a smile. "Yes, we can!"

Twilight looked at him with a beaming smile and crawled out from under table. She then sat down onto her seat. "Hello, my name is Twilight Sparkle, and I am the princess of magic! Can we be friends?!"

Spork blinked. "You asked that just a few seconds ago..."

Twilight's face changed to a mix of worry and sadness as she hung her head. "Oh my, I'm sorry. I didn't want to do that. You must know, my brain has a error..."

To punctuate her problem, she tried to tap against her forehead, but she ended up sticking her left forehoof into her right eye. "Ouch, why does my hoof hurt so much?"

Spork only shook his head in confuseness. "Whatever, my name is Spork and I'm a US Army pilot. I fight for the lifes of others."

Spork; The Pilot (Random Actor, idk)

"So, after that, I want to know what you are." he suggested.

Celestia took a deep breath in preparation for a long speech. "There are five types of ponies in total. At first there are earth ponies. They are boring, so we move directly to the pegasi. They have wings and control the weather by pushing clouds randomly through the air, nothing more and nothing less. Then there are unicorns who can manipulate the magical field around them with their horns *giggle*. And lastly, there are alicorns, we, with both wings and a long horn. We are depicted as deities, but the thruth is that we are long-living. In a few thousand years, we grow wrinkly and shit."

Spork nodded in understatement, but there was still number five...

"You missed the fifth type of ponies."

"Just wait, I was getting to that... and then there are changelings. They tried to steal all the love of Equestria..." Celestia said and closed her eyes in anger as she recalled the memories of the invasion.

Spork gasped deeply and clapped his hands at his cheeks. "So lemme get this straight... they tried to rob a bank for reproductive material?!"

Celestia opened her eyes again. "... yes. And just for reference, we talk about demons who steal children and replace them with their own spawns."

Spork blinked in confuseness.

"And then there are Changelings, the fifth type of ponies, written with a capital 'C'..." Celestia whispered in fear.

"What's with them?" Spork was sweating. There was for sure some nasty shit in this world...

Not in Canterlot, but still in Equestria, idk:

The hive.

There are many stories and rumors telling that every single pony who went in there for whatever reason never went out ever again. Probably they have been converted into a Changeling or otherwise.

But the true story is, that they came out from the other side of the hive and resumed their travel to the Griffon Empire.

And then there was Chrysalis, the queen of the Changelings. She was depicted as a dark and harsh ruler, who killed and tortured every non-Changeling on sight... not really in this order. Many were saying this kind of behavior was her nature, or she had a troublesome childhood. Others were saying she was paying too much for her hive insurance.

None of them are true, except the thing with the insurance. She was a kind and respected tall mare. And even she had needs. She just wanted a stallion or someone else who is willing to eat her delicious self-made brownies and to fill up all of her holes (take that how you wish).

And of course, to do some kinky shit in bed.

At the moment, she was negotiating with a dark shadow for some diabolical deeds or so.

"... And I was not thinking straight. We were hungry, and the other races discriminate us for no reason. Okay, the invasion was wrong and I tried to convert Twilight Sparkle, but now I'm a better mare. I even apoligized to Celestia and Twilight afterwards, but... they didn't take it very well. They still see me as a limited cockroach creature or so, idk."

Okay, she was not negotiating. She just needed someone to talk to. And the dark shadow of a stallion had always an open ear. She was laying on a rather comfortable sofa in all her hole-y glory while the shadow was sitting on a chair.

"You made some progress, Miss Chrysalis. I'm proud of you. But I think you should give the ponies more time to calm down. It has been just two years after the invasion and things are still messy, even more after Twilight's coronation. If you come by by all sudden, they think you'll try to assassinate her or something else." the shadow said in a deep shallow voice.

"Why in the everlivingfuckinghell I should do that?"

"How should I know? You are known as a insane queen."

Chrysalis sighed and rubbed her face with her holed hooves. Even she asks herself sometimes how she could walk on them. But in fact, they are just like a health bar. The more holes she has, the more worse her condition is. At that moment, she had 50 percent left. Everyone with CS knowledge knows this is more than enough to survive a round.

"I'm tired of everything. I just need someone to hug me, someone to give me his love..." she then looked up to the stallion with hope. "Can you give me this?"

The stallion sighed, but thanks to his deep voice it sounded like a tremendous burp. "Listen, Miss Chrysalis. You need to go out more often and meet some nice ponies, or griffons, or whatever. Before you die and end up like me!"

"How so?" the queen asked.

"You become a ghost. And then you can't touch yourself. And I'm over one thousand years old." the shadow moved his face closer to Chrysalis'. "Do you know how much pressure I have down there?!"

"You're a ghost?!" Chrysalis gasped.

The shadow let out a ghostly howl. "Wuuuhuuuhuhuuu... close your eyes... uuhuhuhhuuuu."

Chrysalis closed her eyes as hard as she can. "Okay, okay... but please don't pull away my blanket at night!"

The stallion began to hover through the room and took everything in his ghostly grasp. Personal belongings, pictures, bits, the PS4 (Chrysalis spend a s***load of $$$ to it), even the sofa Chrysalis was laying on was not safe from the ghost.

"Wuuuhuuuhuhuhu... now open your eyes and you will see the meaning of life..." the stallion howled.

Chrysalis opened her eyes and found her personal chamber empty and herself on the floor. "Nothing?"

"... eeexactly!" the shadow howled and noclipped through a wall. Fucking cheater.

Chrysalis sat dumbfounded on the cold floor and stared holes into her walls until her mother called for dinner.

Funquestion, what is scarier? A Changeling? Or when your friend threatens to do weird things with your smartphone?

Youtube Video

"I don't know much about them because I'm waaaaay too lazy to do a research in the seek for a peaceful coexistence. According to the german version of the Changeling queen, they suck off love instead of devouring it. She and her army caused a Breach Of Security a few years ago and tried to convert Twilight Sparkle later. But she has been defeated by the power of love... and no, I'm not going to make a cheap sex joke." she then wore a stern expression. "Do you know why Luna was that hostile towards you?"

"No." Spork answered and briefly looked to Luna, who watched him with narrowed eyes.

Celestia took a deep breath and the next words left a scorch mark in Spork's very soul. "She mistook you for a Cloaker. Foul, corrupt and para-military humans who gain power through the pain of others. They kick down any non-Cloaker and beat the shit out of them. They are a real danger for the population of Equestria. The changelings and the Changelings are one thing, but Cloakers are the pain in my ass."

"What we can do against them?" Spork asked.

Celestia hung her head. "Nothing. They are immune to magic, extensivily trained in CQC and know all tactics and tricks how to ambush us. Even the Changelings fear them."

Then there was a short pause...

"What now?" Spork asked. Celestia put her chin on her hoof and hummed a little while, before she answered "Better, you prove us that you aren't a Cloaker and help us to fight them."

"Understood. Where I should start?" Spork was ready and eager to show that he was a good human.

Celestia smiled as she summoned up a thoothbrush. "Clean the stallion's toilets."

A few hours and toilets later:

Spork went to the royal garden and swiped the sweat from his forehead. After the hard work, he has proven himself to be a useful human and was allowed to check for his warplane.

But it was only stupid that especially on this day, a school from a town called Ponyville had a vacation to the castle. And the venompurple teacher did not have any hold of the little toddlers as they climbed and jumped around on the F/A-37 like it was some kind of playground.

Spork did not care, because the fillies were not his own. And if something was about to happen, he could always blame the teacher...

A little orange pegasus filly with purple (or violet idk) mane touched the handle below the seat and suddenly she was ejected out of the plane and out of everyone's mind.

"Oh my gosh, Scootaloo!" two other short fillies shrieked. However, the teacher followed the ever shrinking dot in the distance with her eyes, before she stood straight and saluted once to pay the respects for the poor filly. Somewhere a trumpet started to play and all fillies were saluting, too.

Youtube Video

A tear rolled down Spork's cheek and he saluted, too.

The teacher and the fillies were then resuming their educational vacation and trotted away. Spork stood still for a few more minutes, then he climbed into his plane and checked if everything was alright. To his dismay, the fuel-meter showed "E", which meant "End". And the computer showed a demo of the game "Pong"...

*bep!* *bop!* *bep!* *bop!*

"Hey, Spork!" a feminine voice called. It was Luna.

Spork groaned. Luna was the last horse he wanted to ride... eh, I mean, to see. He climbed out and closed the canopy with a remote. The lights of the plane blinked twice and a beep was heard as the plane closed all locks.

"What's the status?" Luna asked.

"The plane is okay, but the fuel is empty." he grabbed something in his pocket. "Want some chocolate?"

Luna backed away. "Are thou trying to kill me? We have a allergy towards chocolate!"

Spork shrugged "You do miss something..." and he took a bite...

Luna's left eye twitched and she bucked her hindlegs into his stomach. The piece of chocolate shot out from his mouth and the projectile hit a Royal Guard in the head. The pony fell over. He did not get up.

"Headshot!" Twilight yelled from somewhere.

+420 (Rank up! Master Seargent of Super Seargent to the max!)

"We hope this thaught thou a lesson, human." she leaned in close to the whimpering Spork. "Never fuck with us. Not even literally."

The pilot said nothing and kept holding his stomach.

Luna shook her head. She remembered a time where ponies would took their lashings without batting an eye, hell, they stuck out their tongues at the princesses with pure willpower and after that they took even their beheadings like true stallions! Their stoic expressions remained on their faces until today...

With a grunt, she helped him up on his feets. "It doesn't need to be so difficult. Just follow our rules and nothing will happen to thou, hehehe."

Spork only moaned in pain. "I think my liver has a puncture..."

"Bullshit." Luna replied as they went into the castle. "Thou said thour banshee needs fuel? We have something that is much better than cerosine."

It took a little while to get to Luna's tower and Spork felt a little better after the walk. Lune let go of him, trotted to a cupboard and took out a bottle with a translucent liquid inside. She then took out two pots, because all of her wineglasses broke at one of her sporadic rage-seizures, and filled them up to the brim with the liquid.

"Here, take this." Luna offered him one pot and Spork took it.

"What is this?" he asked as he sniffed at the liquid. It smelled sweet, like honey.

"This is a liquid called 'moonshine'. We create it with pure moonlight and it is the purest liquid known to royalty." Luna said with proud.

"Well, that sounds interesting." Spork quipped as he took a sip...

"We hope it is to your liking for your use." Luna said as retching and a body falling to the ground echoed through the room. These sounds gained Luna's attention and she turned around.

Spork lay on the ground as he was experiencing the throes of a seizure as a mix of white foam and red liquid poured out from his mouth. Smoke came out from his nose and ears, but that was only a defense mechanism of his species.

Luna shook her head and set her own pot down onto her nightstand.

"Who said thou shall guzzle it? Moonshine is highly corrosive if not mixed with water!" she said angrily, then she stomped down on Spork's belly. But that did not help at all...

The main doors of the Canterlot Hospital slammed open and a bed was bucked down the hallway. On the bed lay Spork as he was groaning in pain and Luna galloped right next to the bed.

"We've got a emergency in our hooves!" Luna yelled loudly.

"What happened to him?!" Doctor Whooves asked, a sexy nurse stood next to him. Luna wanted to answer it was the Changeling's fault because they sucked off all of his love, but she did not know if Spork was a virgin or not, so she reconsidered her answer.

"A Cloaker jumpkicked him straight to the ground." she lied with a deep blush.

Whooves gasped. "And I thought his love was sucked off by Changelings... well, let's start the operation."

Spork was brought to a room and another sexy nurse came in with a bottle in her snout. Whooves took it, opened it and spilled some contents onto a spoon, before he put it into Spork's mouth. "Swallow it, this will make you to a hard stallion again."

"Doctor, do you know what are you doing?" Luna asked with a raised eyebrow. Whooves turned to her with a smile "M'lady, I own all episodes of Emergency Room on DVD. I know what I'm doing."

Spork suddenly spat the liquid out of his mouth. "It tastes like piss..."

Whooves gave a unfazed look. "Oops, and I thought nopony will notice it..."

And so ended Spork's first day in Equestria...

The Return of the Spork (***)

The Return of the Spork (***)

"Amidst the blue skies, a link from past to future, the sheltering wings of the protector..."

-Hint in Ace Combat: Distant Thunder

Youtube Video

Spork sat on a bench at the trainstation of Canterlot, reading a newspaper. He and Luna were having a date around eleven o'clock, but at first she must return from a meeting with the delegation of the zebras.

A train halted with a screech and a crowd of ponies and other mammals were exiting from the wagons. However, a weird sight caught Spork's attention.

A group of humans walked along with the ponies and stopped just next to the suspecting Spork, who had narrowed his eyes at the leader of the group.

"Spork..." the man said.

"Ta..." Spork wanted to announce his enemy's name, too, but then he drew out his Berretta and shot the man in the head as he was trying to draw out his UZI. The man fell over and sprayed his life juice on the ground. The other humans were drawing out their weapons, mostly MG42s, but Spork performed a wallrun and took them out one by the other.

The last shot ricosheted from the walls and hit a pony in the stomach. With a echoing "EEEEEAAAAARGHH!!!" it fell over and died. Seeing one of their people die, all ponies went nuts and started to scream histerically. Somehow a fire in a bin erupted and firefighter ponies came by and tried to extinguish the fire with a hose, but the hose had too much pressure and hurled the ponies at the walls where they left nasty bloody stains as they exploded like waterballons. Blood rained upon the floor. This caused almost all ponies to slip and they slided across the ground and caused more chaos than Bambi on ice.

As the ponies spun like crazy like breakdancers, a manticore came out of one of the wagons and roared, before it took off and ate the moon because it was made of swiss cheese.

"Look, the new princess!" a pony announced who slid through between dimensions.

A beige beautiful alicorn with long deep red mane and tail stepped out from a wagon and galloped through the station, safely surrounded by a group of Royal Guards. A griffon with a bomb vest suddenly landed onto the ground and ran up to them while "Lalalala"-ing like these blokes in Postal 2.

Spork quickly took him out by shooting him in the head. The alicorn and the royal guards resumed their way unharmed. But it was the last shot he had and the slide of his Berretta slid off and shot past his head where it embedded itself into a wall. Shrugging, he switched to his primary weapon, the Patriot.

"And look again, the Changelings want some love!"

A swarm of Changeling drones swarmed out of the same train while firing wildly with X95's and OICW's in their magical grasps. Even the Changeling queen participated to the unfolding mess as she stamped holes everywhere with a russian RPK. How ironic. Then all of them slipped on the empty bullet casings which lay on the ground and they exploded in a green gory mess as they fell like heroes.

"And the Cloakers want to coexist with the population of Equestria!"

Windows shattered, vents broke open and a police truck crashed into a nearby horseshoe store as hundreds of hundreds of Cloakers rushed down the trainstation to Canterlot. They started to kick everything in their wake, even the fully grown manticore proved no match for the corrupt bipedals.

Spork did his best and killed as many Cloakers as possible with his trusted Patriot. But the police assault would not die down, more crazy Changelings swarmed in and soon it was too much to handle for the soldier...

"What the fuck is going on?!" he screamed.

Spork's body was not in agony as he awoke with a gasp and found himself in a hospital, the place for every little or big diseases or horror environments in videogames. He slumped back in his bed and thought about what just had transpired yesterday.

He somehow ended up in this technicolored world, where almost no single pony was wearing anything. And then Luna almost killed him by giving him "splendid and useful moonshine". Pushing the button to call a nurse, he was surprised when a doctor pony came in. The doctor made his way to the bed, then climbed over Spork's bed, stomped on the human's tummy and down to the right side of the bed so he was always right, no matter what Spork would say.

"You sir, suffered major damage to the stomach and interior organs. Good luck we could stop the internal bleeding and knot all veins. However, there are two things..." the doctor reared up and placed his forehooves on the edge of Spork's bed.

"And?"

"Just what the fuck where you thinking? We found remnants of Natriumcyanide in your tummy! Do you were drinking moonshine like a boss?"

"Yes..." Spork lowered his head in shame.

"And second thing... we couldn't find any data in Equestria's files according to you. It's like you're illegal." the doctor said and narrowed his eyes.

"Whoopsie-Doopsie."

The doctor narrowed his eyes and crouched down. He found the button he was searching for and pushed it. Suddenly, Spork was launched out of the bed and out of a window. He fell down somewhere in a dirty alleyway, which reminded him much of his home in his childhood. He brushed the dust off and checked for his body.

Still 89% HP left. That should do the day.

So he just walked his way to the castle back where his plane was waiting for him.

"La-Li-Lu-Le-Lo, La-Li-Lu-Le-Lo."  Spork sang happily as he frolicked through the streets of Canterlot. Many noble stallions were giving him the equestria equavalent to a human's middlefinger by holding their right foreleg up in a ninety degree angle and putting their other foreleg into the nap of this leg. They did this because he was walking on two legs, how monstrous.

After a while, he noticed a rather large group of ponies gathered in front of a single house. The day was young, so he walked to the ponies to get a piece of whatever action lay in front of him. As he advanced, he could see that all of them were dressed in ballistic vests and carried firearms in their magical grasp. Whose crazy idea to arm ponies with firearms was a complete moron!

The group of heavily armed ponies were none others than from the newly formed SPAT, the Special Ponies And Tactics. A whole platoon has surrounded a single building in Canterlot  and pointing with Glock 18c's, US SOCOMS, SPAS-12's, Barret M82A1s and XM16E1s from their covers.

"What's going on here?" Spork asked, more for himself.

His question has been heard by the leader of the SPAT. He was a athletic yellow unicorn with a stubby mustache: "A Barricaded Suspect Situation. We think that a spiteful Changeling has hidden himself in the building." then he reached a hoof out. "Sonny Bonds, founder of SPAT."

Spork took the offered hoof. "Spork, US army pilot. What are you going to do now?"

The unicorn pointed at a group of four armed unicorns "These four are preparing an tactical entry. If the Changeling does not come out within the next five minutes, they will storm the building and kill it."

"And what if the Changeling surrenders and come out of it's own?"

"We will kill it, too."

Spork gave a half-hearted thumbs-up. "Nice." then he walked up to a random SPAT member, who held a KRISS Vector in it's magical glow. He read the name from the pony's vest and it was 'Silver Vest'. How funny. He walked up behind the pony and gave a slap at it's musculous flanks: "Whazzup, soldier?"

The pony was startled by this and started to fire uncontrollably with the submachinegun, and after a few moments, all SPAT ponies with a firearm were joining in into the orchestra of thunderclaps. The house and it's surroundings were ventilated by 9mm, .45 ACP, 5.56 NATO, .50 BMG rounds and 12g-slugshots and was soon equivalent to a Changeling's leg or swiss cheese.

Then everypony paused to reload. Empty magazines fell out, new ones were pushed in, slides were pushed back/boltcatchers were released and all were firing again and Spork wished that Luna did not have had field-stripped his sidearm.

"CEASE FIRE!" Sonny shouted through a megaphone.

His little ones did not react and even started to throw white-phosphorous-grenades at the single house. The front side of the house went up in flames and some ponies inhaled the white phosphorous' toxic smoke. All of them started to wretch and vomited up their twitching mass of organs, before they fell over dead. And of course, it was the Changeling's fault.

"I SAID CEASE FIRE YOU DICKFACE!" Sonny shouted into the pony's ear who started the whole scene.

"HoW dO I QuICKScOPe?!" Silver Vest shrieked in response and resumed firing.

"YOU CAN'T QUICKSCOPE WITH A SUBMACHINEGUN! IT DOESN'T EVEN HAVE A SCOPE!"

"Oh, you're right!" Silver exclaimed, then he field stripped his KRISS Vector and knocked himself out by bashing his head against the ground.

"TOC, this is TOC. Officer Vest is down!" Sonny Bonds reported to himself. "Acknowledged, proceed with caution, lol."

Then he pulled all the pins of the grenades which were in Silver Vest's pockets, before he picked his body up and threw it at the house. "Fire in the hole!"

*KA-BOOM!*

The house was finally swallowed in a giant fireball as a menacing mushroom cloud descended up into the sky of Canterlot. Debris shot everywhere and a few ponies were skewered, but like always, the Changelings were held responsible for this.

Sonny Bonds gasped, then he activated the radio. "Entry team, make entry into the house. The Changeling killed some of my harem... I mean, of my team!"

The four armored unicorns nodded, before they hurried to the freed doorframe of the house. Well, they could have just walk past it, but they were pros, so they knew what they were doing. As they walked, they carried their weapons in their mouths or dragged them behind by their straps. Soon they arrived at the doorframe and cs-stacked up on each other. For extra caution, the teamleader ordered "Open, bang and clear!"

The lowest officer nodded and drew out a flashbang from his pocket. He threw it, without arming it, into the room and shouted "BANG!".

"Go go go!" the leader shouted and they rushed into the house, which lacked all of it's walls. The lowest and second-lowest ponies managed to fit through the doorframe, but the other two smashed their heads at some remaining bricks and fell down, dead.

"Plate, it's clear!" the pony announced his second name for a dramatic effect after he spun around a few times.

"Ferrum, the house is clear! TOC, no trace of the Changeling!" the pony named after the element shouted.

"Damn... this vile creature managed to escape!" Sonny Bonds gritted his teeth in anger, then he sighed in defeat. "Okay guys, clean this mess up."

The two remaining ponies of the brave entry team field stripped their weapons and threw the various parts in random directions, then they walked out of the house. Golden Plate's eyes then fell on a sign which stood on a lawn. He squinted his eyes to read the letters...

"F...o...r... S...a...l...e... hm, don't have any clue..." Plate shrugged and walked up to Spork, who was still rubbing his eyes from the effects of the flashbang.

"Are you alright?" Plate asked.

Spork blinked and looked around. The blindness was slowly wearing off and he could see black and white once again.

"Yes, m'fine..." he looked down at Plate. "What now?"

"What now?! What now?!" Sonny Bonds cried out. "Thirteen of my precious stallions died today in a full-blown shootout with a Changeling, and all you say is 'What now?'?!"

"What else I should say?" Spork put his hands at his hips.

The unicorn favehooved. "You could instead help us to find the Changeling... and kill it."

Spork raised an eyebrow. All those ponies are talking about how bad the Changelings are. But most of it sounds like they don't have any idea and just say something which could have come out of a child's nightmare.

"No sorry, man. I think I make my own opinion about the supposedly 'evil' Changelings." Spork said, before he walked his way to a library.

"YOU CAN'T DENY THE TRUTH! CHANGELINGS ARE EVIL AND SHALL BE ERASED FROM THE FACE OF THIS PLANET! LOWER THE TAXES! FREEDOM FOR ENDLESS NIGHTMARES! INCREASE FERTILITY TO GIVE BIRTH TO MORE COLTS!" Sonny Bonds shouted after the human and earned an middle-finger. The pony sighed and looked to his comrades. "Any ideas?"

"To find a Changeling, you must think like one of'em!" Golden Plate quipped, before he bucked over his comrade Ferrum and started to suck vigirously on his mate's "nightstick".

In the hive:

A sleepy looking Chrysalis stumbled out of her room and to the direction of the kitchen. Her mother Queen Thorax was already having breakfast and drank some coffee. The Mother Changeling was slightly taller than Chrysalis. She had a short turqoise mane which she had tied back into a bun and her reptilian eyes were a seablue.

"Good morning, mom." Chrysalis said with a smile as she sat down upon her seat.

"Morning, Sweetheart." Thorax said without looking up, her eyes were fixed to the newspapers in front of her. Chrysalis' little sister Polly was sitting in a chair for foals and currently eating Kellog's Frosties. Polly was a little Youngling, five years old and she had curly violet mane and eyes. As she saw her big sister, she smiled widely as she extended her cute little legs to the direction of her sister and waved them around "Polly wants piggyback!"

Chrysalis rolled her eyes, but picked her little sister up with her magic nonetheless and sat her down onto her shoulders, before she lightly galloped through the kitchen. Polly giggled cutely and embraced her big sister's neck to hold thight. Thorax watched them and smiled in amusement. After a while, the bigger sister stopped the ride and sat Polly down onto her chair carefully, before she kissed her cheek lightly. The foal "Eeew"-ed and rubbed the damp place on her skin. Changelings can harden their skin through willpower, but now Polly's skin was soft akin to a baby's butt.

"You are so sweet when you take care of your little sister." Thorax said with a warm smile "Come and give your Big Mama a hug."

Her older daughter did not hesitate and walked up to her mother to give her a carapace crushing hug. Thorax stroked Chrysalis' head and said "It aches me to see you growing up so fast. But whatever, you will always be my little beautiful Chrissy."

"Mom, please, you embarrass me with that name..." she answered with a hidden smile. Actually, she liked her nickname. It had a nice ring to it.

Then her eyes fell on a title in the newspaper...

HAIRLESS APE AKA. HUMAN IN A PLANE LANDED IN EQUESTRIA. SCIENCE GO NUTS!

"The human needs a plane to fly? Pf, what a loser. We have wings..." she thought, but then she spotted the photo underneath the title. It showed Spork next to his plane. She kept staring and staring...

Thorax, however, noticed the look in her daughter's face... and she could swear she saw hearts in her big green eyes.

"Oh no, please. Do NOT start a full scaled invasion again because you find someone cute!"

"But mom! It was not my fault that Shining rejected me for the pink flank and I got jealous..." Chrysalis pouted.

"You almost got hurt!" Thorax retorted "And then you tried to convert a mare! I was so worried about you. Polly was worried about you! She kept asking where her big sister was all the time!"

"I already said I was sorry!" Chrysalis was raising her voice...

"Stop fighting!" Polly suddenly shouted.

Thorax and Chrysalis were looking at the little Changeling foal in surprise, then back at each other...

"I'm sorry I brought out things from the past..." Thorax whispered as she embraced Chrysalis. She hugged back and apoligized, too "And I'm sorry for yelling..."

Polly crawled out of her seat, over the table to her mama and sister and snuggled in between them in. They stayed like this for a short time, before they separated and each one returned to their seats.

"Okay sweety, how about this. You sneak to Canterlot later, meet the human... and please, just talk to him. Just talk. Nothing else. If he rejects you, then he is not worth your attention. Just come back without doing anything regretful. Okay?"

"Okay mom. Thanks for the advice!" she said as she stood up.

"Where are you going now?" Thorax asked surprised. Polly pouted at watching her sister leaving "Please don't leave yet, Chrissy..."

Chrysalis turned and gave her little sister a kiss on the forehead and stroked her violet hair "I will be back for supper. Then I will read a book with you before we go to bed, okay?"

Polly smiled gleefully and wrapped her forelegs around Chrysalis' head "You are the greatest sis a youngling could ever dream of!"

However, Chrysalis still had to go. She made a few breads with butter, ham and holey cheese for herself and put them into a Tupperware® box, before she trotted out of the kitchen.

"One or two things, sweety," Thorax said after her daughter "If somebody offers you a pill with a smiley on it, don't take it. And secondly, do not take anyling with you. You may be a Royal Changeling, but I'm a Mother Changeling. And this makes me the Big Boss of the hive."

(Randomness generator back to 100%...)

"Don't teach me things, mom. I can take care of myself!" Chrysalis shouted over her shoulder, before she suddenly yelped and fell down a set of stairs.

*thump!* *thump!* *thump!*

"Oooh, I can hear that!" Thorax shouted back. Polly howled in laughter and milk was spilling out from her nose. They heard Chrysalis getting back on her legs and grumbling "Haha, very funny."

Funquestion, what is more life-threatening? A Changeling? Or when you sit in a driving bus and it's brakes are failing?

Canterlot Castle, Bathrooms, a few hours later:

Luna was sitting in her bathtube and was washing herself as she thought about the situation which enfolded yesterday. A hairless ape in a somewhat weird plane landed in the royal garden and called himself Spork. What an odd name. And it appeared that he was poorly trained in CQC-E. She even left herself open after she field stripped his firearm, but no, he just stood there like the idiot he was.

Her thoughts were interrupted as suddenly a paperplane glided in through one of the open windows. And someone from outside made the fitting sounds with his mouth...

"NIIIIIIIEEEEEEUUUUUUH!"

Luna followed the paperplane with her eyes as it flew around her one time, before it stopped in mid-air and turned to her favourite rubber-duck...

"TATATATATATATATA! KABOOM!"

The paperplane then resumed it's tour and glided out of the window.

Without any warning, her rubber duck exploded in yellowish tiny debris. Remnants of a once proud orange beak landed on Luna's snout.

"Donald..." a tear fell from her eyes, before she growled and stepped out of the tube. She shook herself like a dog, then she trotted to the window...

Spork stood outside and waved up to her. "Hello princess!"

Luna only silently glared down at him. "Just wait until we got thine flanks..."

A little while later, and Luna and her sister, along with Twilight, arrived at the royal garden. Spork was already in his plane and the computer's antivirus app checked if it received any virus, trojans or worms during the night. Safe is safe.

"So Spork, thou dares to step on our land once again..." Luna said darkly, but was hushed by Celestia "Stop talking to him like that, he is still our guest."

"But we wish to find a reason to knock him out by throwing him onto the ground..." Luna pouted embarrassed.

"This doesn't even make any sense..." the elder sister replied, then she turned to the pilot "Hello Spork, it's good to see you in one piece again."

The pilot smiled. "Thanks for asking. And yes, I feel like my good old self aga-"

A loud thump stopped him and everyone was looking for the source of the sound. Celestia looked quickly at Luna "Sister, did you put someone into a closet again?"

"That was only one time, we swear! It's Blueblood again!" she pointed at the most hated pony in all of Equestria, after Chrysalis of course, who was sneaking around a tree and slammed his head against it every once in a while.

"What are you doing, Blueblood? It looks very confusing." Celestia asked as she cocked her head to the side.

Blueblood slammed his head against the tree once more before answering "I'm just wondering if I could fuck this tree. It can't run away or so."

Celestia scrunched up her face and looked away in disgust. This was definitely more gross than a Changeling. But no one liked Blueblood, so he was forced to spend time in the royal garden when he was having his five minutes again.

"Carry on, I guess..." she said and looked back to Spork, who was still staring at Blueblood's attempts to find a proper hole.

"Ooh, this looks like fun!" Twilight cried, then she hurried over to the prince and bashed her head against the tree's trunk, too.

"You'll get used to it. Just ignore it..." Celestia said pained as Spork's expression deepened.

Spork shook his head. "These ponies need professional help..."

To change topic, Celestia soared up and landed on the plane. She stuck her head inside the canopy and was in awe at the various instruments...

"... this is for sure a complex machine. How do you even control this machinery in flight?"

Spork held up a controller, which was connected to the console with a cable. "With this thing here."

"Triangle, square, circle and cross... well, this still looks very complicated." Celestia said after she has taken a good look at the gadget. It was a simple SCPH-1200 Controller, but it was some of the best ever made.

"Practice does the master. And someone already filled up my plane." he said wondering after he noticed a full tank.

Luna stepped forward and spoke "It was us. We need thou to retrieve something very important from a old place in the Everfree Forest."

At first, Spork wanted to decline. Luna showed him utmost hostility from the very first contact. And secondly, he could not care less about transporting something from A to B; he was not working for UPS.

But then Celestia clicked in "Spork, please. We did not have the greatest start... and I'm very sorry. But Luna here wants to make up for you for being impolite. Here, she even re-stripped your firearm."

Her horn began to glow and Spork's ol'reliable pistol showed up out of thin air. And someone was really sorry, because the pistol was now even fitted with a suppressor and a LAM (Laser Aiming Module, for those who don't know how to use ironsights). He decided not to question the origin of the suppressor and the LAM because he knew he would not grasp the logic of the answer.

"However," Celestia looked hopefully into his eyes. "Something went wrong. The slide is stucking. You need to cock the pistol after every single shot, like a spring operated airsoftgun."

Spork took the Beretta and examined it. It was still his loved italian sidearm, so he put it back into his holster. "It's okay. I'll get used to it."

"And maybe you get to know each other better."

Now this evolved into a deal Spork could not decline. Maybe he could be befriend the princess of the night. Maybe she was not so a CQC-crazed mare he thought of...

"Okay, I'll help." he sat down into the pilot's seat. Luna brought a smile to her face as she flew up and landed onto the remaining seat in the canopy. She put the seatback on like a good filly and looked in awe as the canopy closed.

"Hey Luna." Spork said excited. "I did an little research about the Changelings..."

The mare's ears perked up. Maybe he would elaborate some good informations how to ambush them efficiently "And?"

"Did you know that Changelings do lay eggs? But the Queen of a hive doesn't give birth to the Changelings? And the hive mind helps them to communicate with each other over great distances? I read some good books about them and the Changelings are making their own unique species. It's fascinating!"

Luna's short-lived good mood vanished. "Stop talking or I'm gonna buck thine eggs."

The pilot only laughed as he activated the plane's engine, then he asked "Eggs by the way... do you wanna kiss my egg?" he looked seductivily over his shoulder and Luna's face turned a deeper shade of blue.

"WHAT?!"

Spork reached into his pants' pockets and brought out a normal uncooked and unbroken chicken egg. He kissed it before explaining "It should gives us luck. During our flight and maybe for a good relationship."

He only received a growl as an answer, but then he earned a muffled shriek as he gave the powerful jet engines of the F/A-37 full power and soared up into the sky, cutting through the air, clouds and bird swarms...

Let's just say, Luna didn't enjoy the flight...

Interlude: A short documentary about Changelings

Shiny Pants was a stallion, living in Canterlot with his friendly marefriend Moonlight in a house. What a impressive start to begin a chapter. But hey, this is a comedy story, so I can do want I want.

It was late in the evening, and Shiny was sitting on the couch, switching through the TV's channels while Moonlight was drawing pictures in her room of herself drawing a picture of herself in her room, in boredom, because she was bored.

"How boring," she said. "I wish we had something like a PS4 or something, to kill the time."

"Nah, nah, we don't kill anything!" she heard Shiny yelling from the living room. "It is against the rules!"

"Yeah, maybe you're right," she continued drawing. It was some time later, as Shiny suddenly yelled "Hey, look. A documentary about unknown creatures is running on the TV!"

"Better than drawing myself over and over again..." Mooonlight said to herself, before she slid off the seat and walked into the living room, throwing herself onto the sofa.

By now, the show was about to start...

"Good evening, Equestria, and welcome to the show Documentary About Unknown Creatures. My name is... not important," a young adult stallion unicorn said, clad in a lab coat. He had a blue curly mane and tail, grey fur and sported a pair of not-nerdish-looking glasses.

"Today I'm going to show you the differences and similarities between us, the ponies of Equestria... and the Changelings."

"CHANGELINGS? WHERE? WHEN? WHO?" Shiny bolted up. Moonlight began to sweat, just from the word Changeling. This word is registered in the list of banned and forbidden words, directly after foreign unpronouncable words like "Schranz", "Döner", "Wechselpony" or "Donaudampfschiffahrtselektrizitätenhauptbetriebswerkbauunterbeamtengesellschaft". Try to say the last one... fluently.

"To explain the life of a Changeling, we need a Changeling. Fortunately, I'm one of the ponies who ain't racist and gave a Changeling mare a chance to be with me," he turned to the left. "Mirage, you can come in."

A door opened and a smiling Changeling mare in her normal form entered the studio. She took place next to the stallion and extended a insectoid wing over the stallion's back, a form of pure trust, both in pony and Changeling body language.

"My god... it touched him!" Shiny gasped. "It marked him as the next victim!"

"The origin of the Changeling race was a mystery for many hundred years... until today. The Changeling queen said that she and her race came from a carnivorous plant in a magical pod." the stallion explained.

The Changeling mare began to laugh "Utter lies. Our origins are like pony's, called evolution. We have the same fore-fathers like your race."

"Lies! Changeling's evolved from bugs!" Moonlight stated, to which Shiny nodded "My words."

"So, what makes a Changeling... a Changeling? Let's get over the features," the stallion said and stepped to side, to give the camera a good view of the Changeling.

"A Changeling has normally darkgrey skin, which does NOT consist of chitin. Only the carapace on the back consists of it. A Changeling of Chrysalis' folk also has holes in her legs..." the stallion's face moved in front of the camera, filling the whole view. "Thanks to a very particular alicorn..."

"And Changelings want to fill them with our love, dumbass..." Shiny murmured. Moonlight only watched in horror as the stallion left to give view once more at the Changeling. She could feel those compound eyes burning into her's...

"By the way, the eyes of a changeling are not compound eyes. I'm afraid I cannot tell how they are built like, but Mirage..." the stallion turned to the Changeling. "How well can you see?"

"In 4K, even in full darkness," the Changeling mare gleefully replied.

"So they can hunt their prey better..." Moonlight growled. And Shiny really did not want to meet a Changeling in full darkness.

"See? Changelings are intelligent creatures and always up-to-date. Next question, what is the third binomial theorem?"

"(a+b)x(a-b)=a²-b²" the Changeling said in one breath.

"It's manipulating him for it's own needs!" Shiny gasped and clapped his hooves against his face.

"What a smart parasite..." Moonlight thought. She must later warn the princesses, the Changelings might be using terrifying math techniques in their next invasion and destroying Equestria with a shitload of bad grades. And tormenting the princesses with eternal algebra for the rest of their lives until the universe implodes.

"Changeling's may have insectoid wings, but this doesn't make them like insects. They lack a lot of biological features. Obviously, they don't have six legs and don't carry their guts in their ass." the stallion stated.

"And we don't have those funny antennas on our heads," the Changeling added. "Yes, we lay eggs, but we have tits, too."

"Egg-laying mammals, that are Changelings. Not insects," the stallion then walked over to a table, with vegetables, fruits, and freshly made BBQ.

"Changelings can also eat like normal ponies... well, mostly. They can't digest grass, but they can eat vegetables, like salad, or asparagus. Or meat. Which shouldn't be a problem because we know and live with griffons. And they are carnivorous. So why is everypony complaining when someone comes by and says he's capable of eating meat? What kind of logic is that?"

"Totally retard," the Changelings said, shaking her head chuckling.

"But what are the pointy fangs for, hm? They are totally made for gutting somepony!" Moonlight complained to Shiny.

But the smart pony in the show already knew the answer.

"A Changeling's fangs are merely there for breaking the hard skin of particular fruits, for example a quince," the stallion said, then he reached over said fruit to the Changeling. The Changeling grabbed it with her holed forehooves, then she lurched forward with her open mouth and her fangs broke effortessly a piece of fruit off before eating it happily.

"A perfect example of a changeling killing a innocent quince in cold blood..." Moonlight whispered fearfully. "Imagine what they could do to our bodies with fangs like this..."

Shiny Pants gasped at the violent display of a quince being ripped in shreds by a Changeling and covered his private parts with his hooves.

"Now we are getting to the queens of the Changelings. Yes, queens. Chrysalis is not the only queen." the stallion announced.

The Changeling began to count. "There is Queen Thorax from the east, Queen Cocoon from the west, Queen Facette from the north... but they mostly keep their business to themselves."

"They're everywhere! Moonlight, save me!" Shiny cried and held onto his friendly marefriend.

"I can't! We're surrounded!" Moonlight cried back. "We're bucking doomed!"

"Changelings possess of a cognitive consciousness, called the hivemind. Every Changeling is capable of sending thoughts, informations or knowledge into this consciousness. However, this is completely optional. A Changeling can live without the hivemind. It doesn't even have to be linked to the hivemind. See this like some form of internet, only biological."

"A queen is not something like a main server, just saying. If someone has a bad day and ends the live of the queen, it won't affect the rest of the Changelings. Just the ping time decreases, that's all," the Changeling said. "I'm not linked to the hivemind anymore, but here I am. Standing, breathing. Living."

"But how you should react if you happen to be caught in a corner by a Changeling?" the stallion asked the camera.

"Run, fight, bomb the shit out of them, kill it with fire!" Moonlight shouted and hopped up and down on the couch. Shiny was slowly losing all his colour in his face and he looked like he was about to faint...

"If you are being attacked by a Changeling, don't run or fight. Just walk up to her... and hug her like this," the stallion reached over and hugged the Changeling hardly and lawfully. The Changeling hugged the pony back and sighed in content as her wings buzzed softly.

"The Changeling will automatically cease her attack because she knows there is no need for violence to gain some affection. And the affection I'm giving her is pure and unforced," the stallion proceeded to stroked the Changeling mare's fin and ears. "This is the way I found my marefriend. I saw through her actions. She just wanted someone to love."

The Changeling began to sigh and purr at the same time.

"*Gasp* That parasite has him! It's going to kill him!" Moonlight shrieked. "RUN YOU BUCKING RETARD! RUN, BITCH! RUN!"

Shiny didn't say anything because he already fainted. His eyes have also bulged out in pure horror and he drooled on the floor.

The stallion and the Changeling mare exchanged some nibs and pecks here and there, before they let go of each other and the stallion said: "This is it. Changelings are like you and me. There is nothing to fear about them. They are living breathing creatures, have dreams, hopes and wishes and they seek mostly what every other being seeks. They want to be loved and they want to love back. Like us. Yes, maybe the Changeling Queen Chrysalis can be quite a bitch, and destroys some random town in pure frustration, but our princesses are no better. Remember, who banished her own sister to the moon, instead of giving her some hardcore house arrest? Or sending six little mares with no military knowledge onto a mountain to hush a castle-sized dragon away? What should possibly go wrong? Huh? Next time, think before you take action... and give a Changeling a chance to be with you... and a warm hug. They're perfect marefriends. Maybe you can even call them all-in-one-ling, because they like to role-play..."

"I'm in the need of some love... bed time later?" the Changeling licked her fangs.

"Yes..." the stallion nodded, but then he reconsidered. "Aw, buck this, buck you, let's do it right here!"

Both of them started to make out furiously with each other, before they toppled over the table and moaned, out of the camera's view.

"Ooh, you sure know how to please a mare..."

"Such a smexy Changeling..."

The credits then rolled over the screen.

"Shiny! Did you see that?!" Moonlight screamed and waved at the TV like mad. "This monster killed this pony like nothing! Another poor soul lost at the grossly hooves of the Changelings!"

At this time, Shiny was not breathing anymore. He choked on his own spit. And the Changelings were held responsible for this and Chrysalis received a letter for paying for Shiny's gravestone...

KILLED TO DEATH

Shiny Pants

idfk - 2016