Wish You Were Here

by Biker_Dash

Rating: everyone
Tags: Other, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Sad
Length: 4436

Twilight must visit some old friends after she hears that one of them has passed on.

After receiving a letter informing her that her old friend, Moondancer, has passed away, Twilight heads to Canterlot to attend her funeral service, and to make amends for her failures as a friend.

Story prompt and title by Rated Ponystar
Editing and proofreading by Captain Unstoppable and MidnightDancer
Coverart by PaintSplotch

Published 2015-10-06 20:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-10-06 20:50:01 UTC

The Regrets of the Past

Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle,
You are formally invited to the wake and funeral for Moondancer, who has recently passed on from this world.

The wake will be held at the Pleasant Hills Funeral Parlour in Canterlot this Saturday, with the funeral the following day.

Please accept our condolences on the passing of your friend.

Sincerely;
Passing Souls
Funeral Director
Pleasant Hills Funeral Parlour

Twilight had one regret as she walked through the door to the funeral parlour; not keeping in touch with her friends. Twinkleshine, Lemon Hearts, Minuette, Lyra and Moondancer. Growing up, they had been her only friends outside the princess, Spike, and Cadance. But since she moved to Ponyville, it seemed that she completely forgot all about them. And Lyra even lived in Ponyville, but she never even went to see her.

And now, it was too late for one of her friends. Earlier in the week, Moondancer ended her own life.

Some Princess of Friendship she turned out to be.

There were not many here at the wake, from what Twilight could see. Moondancer must not have had many friends and family. She recognized Lyra immediately, and the other three she recognized after a moment. They were gathered towards the front talking with Moondancer’s parents, from the looks of it. Beyond her parents and the four friends talking with them, there was only a half dozen others in attendance.

Did Moondancer not have many friends? Worry filled Twilight as she approached the small group. Would they be angry with her for not keeping in touch with them? Would they hate her? Would they blame her for Moondancer’s depression and her eventual suicide? These and other similar thoughts ran through her head as she made her way towards the others.

“Twilight Sparkle!” Minuette approached Twilight and she tensed for what was to come, mentally preparing for whatever she was to receive. Whatever anger was to be dished out towards her by her former friends, she would accept. She had earned their ire, in her opinion.

Minuette hugged her instead. “It has been so long, Twilight. How have you been?” she asked, letting her go.

This was not the reaction Twilight had expected. “I’ve been doing okay. I’ve been busy, but have been doing good,” she replied. “So, how have you all been these past few years?” she asked as the other three walked up.

“We’ve been doin good,” Lyra said. “though this week has been rough.” The others just nodded in agreement. They continued like this for a few moments as Twilight grew more and more uncomfortable.

Finally, she could not take it anymore. The guilt she has been feeling ever since she had found out about Moondancer’s passing became more than she is willing to withstand. “Girls, I need to apologize,” she told the four of them. “We were all so close growing up, and then I up and left, and never bothered to keep in contact. I failed you all as a friend, and I am deeply sorry.”

The silence lasted only a second, yet seemed an eternity, before Twilight’s friends all wrapped her in a big group hug. “Twilight,” Twinkleshine said to her, “There is nothing to forgive. We all had lives to live, and your’s was quite busy for the past few years. And with you becoming a princess, I can only imagine how much more busy your life must be.”

“Yeah, Twilight, I’ve seen just how busy your life has become, living in Ponyville,” Lyra added.

“Don’t you worry, Twilight. We do understand. We’re just glad that we can finally be together again, even if it is only for a short while. I wish Moondancer could be here with us, though. I think she needed her friends more than we realized,” Lemon Hearts told her. The rest nodded in agreement, remembering why it was that they had gathered today.

“Would you like a moment to see Moondancer before the service begins, Twilight?” Minuette asked. “If you like, I could be with you, for support if needed.”

Twilight nodded her head, grateful that her friends were with her today. With all that Twilight had experienced in her adventures serving Equestria, she had yet to face the loss of somepony she felt close to. She felt unsure if she was ready to face that specter yet, and the fact that her friends cared enough to support her in this helped making facing the death of a friend a little easier to bare.

Walking up to the coffin, Twilight took in what she saw. Arranged before and around the coffin were pictures of Moondancer and her friends, all framed by an arrangement of roses, violets, lavender and lilies. Twilight noticed that most of the images were from before she had left for Ponyville. It made her wonder more now if her failure to keep in touch could have contributed to Moondancer ending her life.

Looking into the casket itself, Twilight saw Moondancer, laying there peacefully with a subtle smile upon her face, as if she was just taking a nap and would soon wake up. The glasses she wore looked new, unlike the ones which Twilight saw in all the photos. Instead of the dark gray turtleneck sweater Moondancer was so fond of, she wore a violet sundress trimmed in lavender. Her mane was different from the photos as well. It had been carefully styled and now much more closely resembled Twilight’s own mainstyle. Her hooves were folded gently across her barrel, and under them was a simple bouquet of flowers, matching the ones arranged around her casket.

Twilight closed her eyes with the hope that seeing Moondancer and the pictures of her with her friends would bring back memories of them together. Unfortunately, very little came to her, and this saddened Twilight. All that seemed to come to her mind is that, when she looked closer, she could see that Moondancer looked as if she had been ill, almost gaunt, even. Though the morticians had done a wonderful job of making her appear at peace, Twilight could see that her friend had become unhealthily thin. A subtle hollowness to her cheeks that the makeup was just unable to hide. All this added up to prove that Twilight had failed her friend, especially when her friend needed her the most.

Tears rolled down her face as Twilight turned towards her seat. Minuette gently draped a foreleg over Twilight’s shoulder, hugging her, letting her know that she is there for her. They sat there holding one another, sharing in their mutual sorrow.

Passing Souls walked out to stand before everypony, signaling that the time to start the service was upon them. He gave the expected speech about how Moondancer had been loved by her family and friends, and how she would be missed. Twilight barely heard his words, though, as her own mind was busy trying to gather her thoughts on what to say. As one of Moondancer’s friends, and especially where she was a princess, everypony would expect her to say something about Moondancer. Her mind was still wracking itself trying to find the words when her friends went up to say their own words, starting with Lyra, then the others after. All too soon, it was Twilight’s turn to speak. Getting up to stand before her friends, she steeled herself to say her words, but nothing came to her. Looking to Moondancer laying there, then back to the gathered friends and family, she realized just how undeserving she was to be here, and that anything she said would be a complete farse. She could not do this. How could she have anything to say about her friend when she could not even think of a single thing to talk about.

“I-I’m sorry, everypony… I can’t do this!” she exclaimed as she ran from the parlour with tears of failure and pain streaming down her face.

The room appeared dark and indistinct to her. Floating a little off the floor, she could see her mother and father sitting there. Next to them was her brother and Cadance, and on the other side of her parents sat Celestia and Spike. All six wore black, and all of them appeared to be in mourning. A silent dread filled Twilight, and she turned around. She saw a casket. It was a beautiful casket, one fit for a noble even. Around the casket, an elegant floral arrangement in pink, navy blue and lavender surrounded numerous pictures. Above the casket hung a banner. The words told her something she refused to believe. The banner said, “Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Magic. Forever she will be remembered.” The dread she felt grew heavier as she floated towards the casket. She told herself that this could not be happening.

She saw herself. She wore the same dress she was coronated in. Her mane had been styled to perfection. Her crown was polished to a brilliant shine. Held in her folded hooves was a quill and a rolled up scroll.

If it was not for the fact that she was laying in a coffin with a look of eternal peace upon her face, she could have been ready for the Gala. Instead, she was now deceased.

Twilight was too stunned for words. How could this have happened? WHY had this happened? This was impossible. There was no way that she could have died. And yet, she looked even closer, and she was unable to detect any signs of life inside the casket. Thinking this had to be an elaborate hoax, she looked closer still. Subtle little details appeared to her; a scar from when she was studying Pinkie’s precognitive sense, a couple of healed cuts from when she fought Tirek, various scrapes from when she was still learning to fly.

The logical side of her mind started to believe that maybe this was real, and yet, she still could not accept what was before her. Backing up, she noticed the pictures around her casket, A picture of her and her friends she had sent to Celestia, and another with an even bigger crowd of friends after she had ascended. Another image showed her and her friends with Celestia at Donut Joe’s after the Gala. And yet another showed her and her friends with Luna together during Nightmare Night. The more she looked, the more pictures she saw of her and her friends.

But where were her friends now? Wouldn’t they have come to say goodbye if she had died? Aside from her family, they were the five that she held most dear in her heart. Why were they not here? Had she done something to upset them, to offend them so badly that they would not show up to her funeral? Did they abandon her? Or maybe, was it her that abandoned them?

No, that was impossible! She would never abandon her friends. And yet, had she not already done so?

Twilight’s family then stood before the casket. Her mother and father wept openly, as did Spike and Cadance. Shining Armor and Celestia looked as if they too wish to cry, but they instead chose to be strong for the others.

“Don’t cry,” she tried to tell them, but they did not hear her. Moving to her parents, she looked them in their faces. “Mom, Dad, don’t cry. I’m right here,” she said, but it was as if she was not there. Not giving up, she turned to Princess Celestia. “Princess, I’m right here! What’s going on? Why won’t you answer me?” she asked.

Celestia just stared down into the coffin, her tears finally started to flow. “So young. So full of life and promise. And gone all too soon,” she whispered.

“Why did she leave us?” Spike asked through his tears. “Did I do something so wrong that she didn’t want to be with us anymore?”

Twilight felt her heart break when she heard those words. “Spike! Why do you say that? I would NEVER abandon you. I would never leave any of you.” Moving down to kneel before the dragon, she continued, “See, I’m not going anywhere, Spike. I’ll always be here for you.” But her words fell on deaf ears. It was as if she were a ghost.

Could it be real? Am I really dead?

Then Moondancer stood among them. Upon seeing her, a flood of memories hit Twilight’s mind. Times studying together with her and her other friends growing up. Reading books together. Debating the writings of Socatrotes. Studying for magic tests. Doing homework together. Why hadn’t these memories come to her before? She had years of memories of the two of them growing up together as friends. She had so many things she wished she could talk with Moondancer about. She wanted to reminense with her about their foalhoods, and share with one another what they have been doing since, as well as their plans for the future. Alas, there were no more chances to do any of that.

“Why did you forget about me, Twilight? Why couldn’t you remember all we did together growing up? WE WERE BEST FRIENDS, and yet, you blew me off and ran off, completely forgetting about me. I HATE YOU, TWILIGHT SPARKLE!” she yelled, then spat on Twilight’s body.

Twilight woke with a start, crying out to Moondancer, begging that she forgive her. Realizing where she was, Twilight threw the blankets aside, and ran out the door of her room and through the palace halls. The few guards on duty quickly moved out of her way as she charged out of the palace into the streets of Canterlot.

It is not long before she arrived at the funeral parlour. Rushing to the doors, she found them locked, but that was little hindrance to a pony as versed as she was in magic. With a telekinetic shove, the doors were forced open, and she hurried inside.

Moondancer’s casket was still there, though it was now closed, and all the decorations around it had been removed in preparation for her burial come morning. Everypony else had left hours ago, and Twilight found herself alone, just her and Moondancer at rest inside the coffin. She opened the casket, feeling the need to confess her sins face-to-face. As she saw her friend there in the casket once again, A bunch of new memories hit her, and Twilight felt shameful that she could not remember or say anything earlier during the memorial. It had been her fault that Moondancer took her own life, and even if her sins were unforgivable, Twilight still needed ask for absolution.

“I’m so sorry, Moondancer,” she cried. “I felt so guilty about how I abandoned you and the others, and ran off without a thought or consideration. I was never here for you when you needed me, and I was even unable to say anything in front of Lyra, Minuette and the others.” Her tears flowed freely down her face as she continued. “I’m supposed to be the Princess of Friendship, but what kind of friend runs off like that and forgets everypony? I wish I had the right to ask for forgiveness, Moondancer. I so wish I could be forgiven. But you needed me, and I wasn’t there… Why did you have to take your own life? I’m so sorry…” Twilight was unable to continue as she broke down crying next to Moondancer’s casket.

She was still crying minutes later when Moondancer’s sister, Aurora, sat down next to her. She draping a foreleg across Twilight’s shoulders and gave her a hug, offering her what comfort she could give. She had been across the street at Donut Joe’s having coffee when she saw the princess rush into the parlour. She had decided to follow, sensing that maybe Twilight might need a friend. When she heard Twilight’s confession to her sister, Aurora realized just why the princess had run off the way she did. She blamed herself for Moondancer’s death, and did not know the truth.

“She was dying, Princess. She had terminal cancer, and there was nothing that the doctors could do for her. At the end, the pain the disease was causing her was just too much for her, and so she chose to take the easy way out, and end her own suffering. Princess Twilight,” Aurora continued, “the reason Moondancer committed suicide was not because she was depressed about being abandoned by you. She was no longer able to live with the disease that was crippling her.

“Before she died, she wrote me a letter explaining her feelings towards you. I think she would wish for you to read her words,” she said as she pulled a letter from her saddlebag, giving it to the sobbing princess. Twilight took the letter in her magic, and began to read it.

Dear Aurora,

I wish that I could say things were better, but they’re not. I just found out the other day that my cancer is now in the terminal stage, and there is nothing left that the doctors can do for me.

I have very little time left, and there is something I need to say before I go.

For the longest time, I have held bitter resentment towards Princess Twilight, feeling that she had abandoned me and our friends. She never even made it to my birthday party before running off to Ponyville, or contacted me since. I was angry, feeling as if she had no regard or consideration for me, and that bitterness made me into an angry and resentful pony. But I have come to realize that my anger towards her was merely a reflection at my anger towards myself for failing to understand that she did not intentionally leave us, and that I, myself, have failed Twilight. Had I been a true friend, I would have made the effort to keep in touch with her, and even visit her in Ponyville.

I felt she had abandoned me, but, in reality, it was I who abandoned her.

When you see her, please let her know that I forgive her, and that I pray that she may forgive me as well.

These past few years, I may have failed to realize that our friendship was always there still, but now I know it has always been there, and even after I am gone, the friendship shall always remain.

With love,

Moondancer

Twilight began to cry anew, but this time, it is not tears of guilt, but tears of relief, for now she realized that, even though they may have been separated for these past few years, they have always been, and will forever be, friends. Twilight hugged Aurora tightly as she cried away her pain, thankful that she has been forgiven of forgetting, and that she may now forgive herself.

It is a somber day for those gathered in a local church the next day. The few family and friends of Moondancer had come together for their final goodbye to the departed mare. This time, the casket sat on a platform behind the pulpit, waiting to be moved to the chariot which will carry it to the grave where Moondancer will be lain to rest. This time, there were no decorations around the coffin. Just a flag bearing her family crest draped over the lower portion. The decorations from earlier had been brought the grave where they waited for her arrival. When the funeral service came to its conclusion, the gathered family and friends would mass by the casket for one last goodbye, then the minister would close the lid, and the six who were asked to be her pallbearers would carry her to the waiting chariot.

The minister solemnly walked to the pulpit and opened a book before starting the ceremony, opening with a prayer. He then began a short sermon, with the lesson that there is life beyond this life, and that all her family and friends will someday be with Moondancer again in Elysium. The words and assurances were meant to give comfort and solace, and those in attendance took comfort in the words. They believed, and although they would still feel the sorrow of loss, they looked forward to the time that they would be reunited with the ones they loved who had gone before them.

“Before we conclude the ceremony, Princess Twilight Sparkle would like to say a few words,” the minister said, moving out of her way to allow her to speak.

Twilight rose from her seat and walked behind the pulpit. Yesterday, at the viewing service, she had gotten up to say something, but had been unable to do so, and had instead run off. Today, with the knowledge in her heart that she had been forgiven, and had been able to forgive herself, she was finally able to say what she had meant to say.

“I remember the first time I had met Moondancer. Both of us had just entered Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns. I was a shy one, preferring books over playing with other foals, and I ended up sitting next to her in our first class together. We ended up working together on a small project for the class, and from there, our friendship developed and started to grow. We eventually met Minuette, and then Lemon Hearts, Twinkleshine, and finally, Lyra. For many years, we had become inseparable, always hanging out and studying together.

“Even as we started taking different classes, and having separate events in our lives, we remained close. At least, for a while, in my case. After a while, I started to drift more into my studies, paying less attention to my friends. Then, I was sent to Ponyville. After the events in Ponyville, which ended with Princess Luna returning to us, I ended up staying, and I drifted further away from my friends here in Canterlot.

“When I heard that she had passed away, I was stunned. I had not even known that she had been sick. When I got here yesterday, and it was my turn to speak, I couldn’t do it. I could not think of any memories of her, or any words to say, and I ran in guilty panic.

“I blamed myself. I blamed myself for her dying, and I blamed myself for not keeping in touch with my friends. I felt I should have been here for her, and that I had failed her as a friend. I could not forgive myself, I felt so bad. But I found out something last night as I came back to beg her forgiveness. I found out that she had already forgiven me, and that she hoped that I forgave her for her not doing more to keep in touch with me.

“All this time, I felt that I failed and had let the friendship die between us, but it had never died. Her's and my friendship never lessened, and shall forever be strong in my heart as long as I live, and when her and I meet once again in Elysium,” Twilight said, pausing to wipe a tear from her eye. “Thank you, Moondancer, for being a true friend.” With those words, Twilight took her seat, accepting a hug from Aurora as she went by.

After the minister finished the ceremony with a final prayer for the departed, Moondancer’s family and friends stood to say their final goodbyes. As each pony approached her casket, they said their final farewells, and placed a single flower inside as a departing gift. When it was Twilight’s turn, she stepped up to her, and placed a single rose in Moondancer’s folded hooves.

There was so many things that Twilight wished she could have said to Moondancer while she had still lived, and so many things she wished she had done. But now was not the time for regrets; it was a time to say farewell, and to remember and honor the friendship that they had shared. “Thank you, my friend. I’m going to miss you, and will always keep you in my heart,” she softly said, before bending down to kiss her on her forehead. “Never again will I forget.” And with that, Twilight joined Minuette, Twinkleshine, Aurora, and two of her brothers, taking their places to carry their loved one to her place of rest.

ONE YEAR LATER

The cloudless sky lent a cheery warmth to the day as five friends walked between rows of polished granite stones. They had come not to mourn the loss of a beloved friend, but to celebrate the friendship they had shared with her in life. Each carried with them a rose and a picture taken during the times they had come together during the year. Sometimes, it would have been in Canterlot, and other times, it was Ponyville. Once, it had been Manehattan even, where they all caught a play, and then went to the fanciest restaurant they could find. It was Twilight’s promise to Moondancer to never forget her friends, and she honored that promise every day, be it with her friends from her youth, or the friends she had made in Ponyville.

As the five mares approached the headstone bearing Moondancer’s name, they sat around it and placed their gifts in front. As they took a moment to silently reflect and remember, a tear rolled down Twilight’s face. It was not a tear of sorrow, but one of bittersweet joy. Joy in the fact that her life had become much more complete, and much happier, now that the bonds of friendship she had feared broken had been renewed and strengthened. Bittersweet because she wished that the sixth friend could be there with them.

“It’s been one heck of a year, Moondancer,” Twilight told her, “And do we have some stories to share with you,” she said with a smile.

Author's Note

My thanks to Captain Unstoppable and MidnightDancer for their editing and prereading assistance. Thanks also goes to PaintSplotch who has blessed me with the perfect coverart for this story.

And especially to Rated Ponystar, who came up with the prompt for me, as well as the perfect title for this story, and was there with support and suggestions throughout writing this. Without his encouragement for me to write, this fic would have never been put to words. Thank you, my friend.