Rain, rain, go away.

by yearoftherat

Rating: everyone
Tags: Sad, Nightmare Moon, Princess Luna, Original Character, Tragedy, Sunset Shimmer, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 5965

It's raining in Canterlot.

It's raining in Canterlot. Princess Celestia contemplates this.
A quick one-shot to work through some of my own grief.

Published 2015-09-16 11:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-09-16 11:20:01 UTC

Come again another day

It was raining in Canterlot. A soft, steady rain that slowly seeped into everything and glued the autumn leaves to the ground in a muted carpet of oranges and browns. The wet air was cool - not quite cold yet, and smelled strongly of loam. Birds and animals were hidden away from the miserable weather. Ponies, too, seemed reluctant to leave their homes, and those that did wore heavy cloaks and shrouded themselves with large umbrellas. It was quiet, besides the persistent pattering of rain on every rooftop.

It was over these rooftops that two dull magenta eyes peered listlessly. Princess Celestia stood at the window of her chambers, staring out into the cold grey afternoon in still silence. Bathed in the half-light streaming through the windows, if one were to see their Princess, they could only conclude that she looked as dull and lifeless as the day outside. Her usual splendid white coat looked faded and grey. Her pastel hued mane and tail seemed to be muted, and undulated slowly. The alicorn's barrel rose and fell in a long, deep breath that she let out as a sigh. She felt old.

Of course, she had felt old for a long time, now. Celestia's thoughts drifted as she watched the rain. She used to love the rain, at some time. A lifetime ago. Many lifetimes ago. The rain was a time when she and Luna would shirk their royal duties, then, when they were still young. They would slip away into some hidden passage or forgotten room in the old castle in Everfree and conjure up hot cocoa and books. They would spend the afternoon telling secrets, and discussing who the cutest royal guards were. Sometimes, they would talk about their futures as Princesses, which seemed to always steal the smiles from their faces.

Celestia blinked slowly, watching the rain draw endless trails down the window pane. She hated these afternoons when she had nothing to do. Sundays. They were the worst. Her little ponies always insisted she take Sundays for herself - what could be more perfect than a Sun-day for their beloved Princess of the Sun? So, there were no court these days. No petitioners or paperwork. No distractions from the cold iron that ran through her veins, or that itch at the base of her wings, or the way her left eye twitched. Celestia's jaw tightened, teeth grinding together. The feathers on her wings rose and ruffled in agitation. She hated Sundays.

A rapping on her chamber doors startled Celestia out of her thoughts like an electric shock. She shuddered, then shook her head and composed herself. Wing feathers smoothed, deep breath, head high. Smile. She was grateful that she thought to always wear her royal fastenings, even on these wretched Sundays, as they lent to her air of grace and regality without any effort on her part. There was too much effort involved, as it was.

"Please, come in," Princess Celestia said, in the direction of the door, then turned back towards the window. She blinked at her reflection like it was a stranger.

The sound of the door unlatching quietly, then a shy clearing of the throat heralded the arrival of Celestia's current personal Hoofmaiden.

"Your Highness, Princess Celestia" the soft, lilting greeting made Celestia wince, but she turned around with her gentle smile, eyes more radiant than moments ago.

"Tea Berry," said the Princess warmly, looking down at the delicate light green unicorn pony, "As you know, just 'Celestia' is fine."

"O-oh…your Highness, y-you know I could never…" the little pony trailed off, shuffling her hooves nervously and attempting to hide her face behind the delicate cherry-blossom pink curls of her mane. Celestia did know this. Tea Berry had been her Hoofmaiden for ten years now, and was seldom anything less than perfectly formal and doting to her beloved Princess. Celestia's eye twitched, but she chuckled kindly - a practiced art she had perfected over the last few centuries.

"As you wish, my little pony," said Celestia. She tilted her head, "I am assuming it is lunch, then?" The alicorn was greeted with a warm, genuine smile and nod from Tea Berry. How proud she was of her job, despite being painfully shy.

"Yes, your Highness. As you requested this morning, I have prepared your lunch in the Eastern Gazebo of the Gardens…" here, the little unicorn trailed off for a moment, and Celestia could see her brows knit slightly as she forged ahead, "That is, ah, if you're…quite sure, that you want to have lunch outside while it is raining? Wouldn't you rather I prepare the Sun Room for you?" Tea Berry finished on a nervous high note, peering through her forelock to gauge the Princess' reaction to her outspoken suggestion.

Celestia's serene smile never faltered. She chuckled melodically again, gazing down at Tea Berry. "I am quite sure," she insisted gently, "but thank you for your concern. The weather does not bother me."

Tea Berry seemed to consider this for a moment, before straightening with a nod. "Very well then," she said, walking towards the door again, "If your Highness would follow me, please, I shall escort you to the Eastern Gazebo for lunch."

Celestia sighed inwardly. Sometimes it seemed her little ponies had no sense of adventure, when it came to her. Swallowing a cold lump in her throat, Princess Celestia, Bringer of the Sun and Moon, mechanically followed her faithful Hoofmaiden through the many corridors it would take to get outside the looming Palace of Canterlot. Her serene smile never faltered. She nodded kindly to every guard, who would proudly salute her as they passed. An endless sea of enchanted faces, for Stars know how many generations and years now. It was all the same, to Celestia.

Tea Berry's rosy pink magic flared to life as they finally approached the doors to the Gardens, and plucked two large umbrellas waiting by the door, setting them to hover over herself and her Princess. Celestia knew better than to offer to carry her own - Tea Berry would never have it, would simply be horrified at the suggestion, and take it as a personal failure. Celestia fought the urge to whip her head around and tear out all the itchy feathers at the base of her wings. Instead, she smiled to her Hoofmaiden, and murmured a polite thank you. Soon enough, they were trotting down the cobblestone paths of the meandering gardens towards the Eastern Gazebo.

The rhythmic sound of their hoofsteps and the drumming of the rain on their umbrellas almost put Celestia in a trance. She inhaled slowly, deeply, taking in the scent of decaying leaves and wet earth and smoke from distant chimneys. She enjoyed the way the crisp air made her fur stand on end. As the pair of ponies walked, Celestia distantly admired the muted gardens around her. The season was too far along for flowers, and the trees had shed many leaves, leaving the gardens looking bare and ragged. She could relate.

All too soon, Tea Berry announced their arrival to the Eastern Gazebo, bowing to the side as to let Celestia climb the stairs to her awaiting lunch first. The faint tingle of magic also told Celestia that her faithful Hoofmaiden had cast a quick drying spell on her royal shoes and rain-splashed legs. She resisted the urge to roll her eyes, and instead reclined gracefully on a large cushion set next to a low table spread with a small feast. Tea Berry, after drying her own hooves, quickly set about uncovering various bowls and platters. Her rosy magic worked at a carefully controlled frenzy as she uncovered such amazing things as pumpkin raviolis, creamy potato and corn soup, baked slices of apple sprinkled with brown sugar and spices, steaming carrot pasta and fat slices of peach pie. Celestia watched with great anticipation. Lunch was her favorite part of Sundays, as it was usually a little more extravagant than the rest of the week.

Finally, Tea Berry poured a steaming cup of raspberry and mint tea, setting it delicately in front of Celestia. The little unicorn bowed, then smiled up at her Princess.

"I do hope it is all to your liking, your Highness," she said, turning to pick up her umbrella, "Cast Iron informed me to let you know, your Grace, that he made it with only the very finest ingredients in Equestria." As always.

Celestia grimaced again. Such finery for such an old, lonely nag as her. The iron returned to her veins as Tea Berry opened her umbrella.

"Tea Berry, wait!" The Princess blurted, ungracefully.

For her part, Tea Berry squeaked and nearly jumped out of her skin, umbrella clattering to the floor of the lavish Gazebo. Trying to hide the shaking in her limbs, she turned towards the Princess of the Sun with wide eyes.

"Oh! Oh, your Highness, I'm so sorry, i-is something wrong with your meal? I'll be sure to fix anything to your absolute liking, Princess-"

"Tea Berry, please." A firm request, interrupting any further babbling. Tea Berry grew quiet, staring up at her beloved Princess.

"Stay, and have lunch with me," Celestia requested softly, looking out into the gardens with eyes half lidded, "Please."

Tea Berry stood still, watching the steam curl off the delicious looking dishes. Much more delicious than the meager sandwich she would eat as quickly as possible herself, once she got back to the Palace. She looked up at her Princess again, and her face softened. For a moment, she looked so…sad. Another cushion was pulled with rosy pink magic over to the table, and there, the mint and pink pony sat, anxious and concerned. In her ten years of service, the Princess had never requested she stay with her for lunch. She was usually kind, but distant. Diplomatic, gathered.

A few long moments passed, and Celestia looked over to her Hoofmaiden. Her eyes widened just a touch - surprised that Tea Berry actually stayed. A genuine smile crept across her features, dulled by something painful in her eyes. Celestia's golden magic summoned a second teacup, and she poured a fragrant cup of tea for her stunned companion. Tea Berry stared into the dark magenta liquid in front of her, then looked back up slowly, questions dancing in her eyes. "Princess?" she ventured.

"Just Celestia is fine, really," the automated and unheard response. Celestia picked up her own tea and took a sip, closing her eyes for a long moment before she found her voice again. "Do you know of the legend of Nightmare Moon, my little pony?" The Princess opened her eyes, watching the little green unicorn, who nodded uncertainly.

"Well, yes…doesn't everypony? About three hundred and fifty years ago, she was banished to the moon by her elder sister for attempting to bring eternal night to all of Equestria," Tea Berry tilted her head. Everypony knew the story of the two unicorn Princess sisters. It was assumed that Celestia took over their reign about a hundred years after the banishment - a ripe old age for the sun raising unicorn Princess of the fable. Though the stories were often illustrated with pink and blue Alicorns, many historians believed this came about with the more modern movements of art in the last two centuries and were simply stylized and metaphorical illustrations than factual history. After all, Princess Platinum was simply a unicorn, as were all of her successors, until Celestia.

Princess Celestia sipped her tea again, then reached out with her magic and began assembling two plates of various foods, and two bowls of warm, steaming soup. She was silent as she worked, and so was Tea Berry, for she was not sure where the Princess was going with this, and wouldn't dream of offending her on accident. After the food was served, Celestia once again smiled at her companion, and Tea Berry could again plainly see the pain in her eyes.

"That is correct, Tea Berry," said Celestia. The regal Alicorn lifted a fork laden with ravioli to her mouth, and chewed thoughtfully. Tea Berry took that as a cue, and delicately picked at her own food, which was as amazing as she hoped it would be. A warmth started to bloom in her that the rainy day could not drown - she was having lunch with her Royal Highness, and it was delicious. For a few moments, both mares simply ate.

Finally, Celestia broke the silence once more, interrupting the rhythmic drumming of rain on the roof of the Gazebo. "Tell me, my little pony, do you know who her elder sister was?"

Tea Berry, in the middle of pouring herself another cup of the fragrant, warm tea, paused. She furrowed her brow in thought, bringing her teacup up to her lips slowly. She sipped, then shook her head and looked apologetically at her Princess.

"I'm sorry, Princess-"

"Celestia, please."

"I-I'm sorry Princess Celestia, but…I'm afraid I don't. I can't recall that the legends mention such a thing. One assumes she was from Princess Platinum's line, considering the time period. B-but, I'm not exactly a historian, your Highness."

This made Celestia snort and suddenly burst into laugher unbecoming of a Princess. Tea Berry blushed furiously, setting her shaking teacup down to clink loudly on her saucer. The sound seemed to silence Celestia, who stared at the little pale green unicorn with a strange expression.

"No, my little pony," Celestia breathed, almost quiet enough to be lost in the sound of the rain, "she was not of any great or regal line. She and her sister started as humble unicorns, much like yourself. Servants, in fact, Hoofmaidens to the Royal Family of Platinum, who was at that time ruled by Princess Gleaming Brilliance…" here, Celestia trailed off, sipping her tea with eyes closed for a long moment. Tea Berry sat wide eyed and astonished. A personal history lesson from Princess Celestia was unheard of.

A sigh fluttered in Celestia's chest before she continued, "Brilliance was a good mare, for the most part, but the court was in great unrest back then. Brilliance had no heir to the throne, and could never bear foals. The noble unicorn families bickered amongst each other for many decades. Unfortunately, this scrabbling for heirs changed the roles that these noble families were supposed to uphold. You see, it was these nobles that collectively raised the sun and moon, using their Princess as a sort of focus to accomplish these great feats. For at that time, there was no single pony who could do so alone. But years of bickering made families shun the teaching of their sons and daughters these magics - hoping on each side that whoever won by making the other party desperate enough to concede, would take over the throne themselves."

Princess Celestia paused, thoughtfully pouring herself another cup of tea before continuing on, "Both Solar and Lunar courts were in shambles. It wasn't until Princess Brilliance was at the long end of her life, and the sun and moon had not risen properly in days that the noble families realized what they had done. Here was the end of the Platinum reign, ruined by infighting and poor politics and a feeble old mare who was blind to it all. Suddenly, the nobles were faced with a crisis. The oldest of each noble line were the only ones who knew the ancient magics which were now lost on the newest generations, and the magics themselves were failing, because of the failing of friendship among the unicorns. Many unicorns had left, too, as they could not stand the tedious ways of the noble houses any longer."

The Princess paused again, her eyes turning dark and distant with memories. She sighed, then shook her head and carried on, "News traveled to the Earth and Pegasus ponies as well, and great unrest swept across all of Equestria. But…" here, the Princess paused and smiled to herself, "there were two clever young mares, just barely past fillyhood, who were brave and determined, and loyal to Princess Brilliance, whom they served with love and devotion like their parents before them, and from whom they learned many secrets of the cosmos by listening to the old mare ramble. On the day that Princess Brilliance passed away, and it looked like war would break out, there was a great and sudden eclipse in the sky. Ponies all across Equestria marveled at the sight. But more than that, they marveled at the news that spread like wildfire. Two Alicorns, a race thought long extinct, had emerged from the Castle of Princess Brilliance, and declared that they, sisters, could raise the sun and moon and save ponykind."

Tea Berry was leaning forward, her mouth hanging open, prim manners temporarily forgotten. She blurted out, "Y-you mean they were Alicorns?! B-but all the historians-!"

"Are wrong," Princess Celestia finished, looking amused at Tea Berry's outburst. She smiled warmly, pouring more tea for herself. "Those Alicorns," she continued thoughtfully, swirling the tea in her cup, "were my sister and I. We ascended because of the great magical feat of controlling our respective cosmos, for the greater good of ponykind. And for a time…all was well."

Tea Berry stared. Her eye twitched as her brain raced to process what she was just told. The sisters. They were Alicorns. She was sitting with one! That meant…

The little unicorn gasped, her tea cup falling to the floor and shattering as her magic gave out. Tears sprung to the corners of her eyes, and all she could think about was the little sister /she/ had at home, Mint Sprig. A lump formed in her throat and suddenly she was across the table, poised at Celestia's side with one hoof raised.

"Celestia…" the little green unicorn frowned up at her, and noticed the Princess' own eyes were misty, and hopeful, and filled with pain and longing hundreds of years suppressed. Tea Berry understood all the things she didn't say - the things she hoped she didn't have to say. Resolve and sympathy played across Tea Berry's features, and she threw her hooves around her beloved Princess, embracing her tightly while the Alicorn shivered and cried. For a long time, there was only the sound of the rain again, punctuated by sniffles and delicate whimpers, and the gentle shushing coos of a caring friend. Rhythmic, hypnotizing. It was the first time in three hundred and fifty long years, that Celestia had told another pony this story. She had hoped that the tides of history would wash away the memories.

They did. It was a terrible thing.

Then she hoped that somehow, she could bring them back. Luna was little more than a fable, a fairytale. But for the first time in over three centuries, Celestia wept with another pony for her loss. Another pony that understood. The itch in her wings was less noticeable. The iron in her veins seemed less heavy. The rain continued on.

*******************************************

It was raining in Canterlot. A modest group of ponies all holding black umbrellas stood on a grassy knoll, heads down. Celestia was there, with her own umbrella. She listened with half a heart while a distinguished stallion stood at a podium beside a wreath of bright pink roses, in the center of which was a photo of the smiling, wrinkled face of Tea Berry.

Celestia stared at the photo. It seemed like just yesterday, she and Tea Berry had their first lunch together. When Tea Berry allowed herself to be there for her Princess - not as her Hoofmaiden, but as a fellow pony. It was the start of a lifelong friendship with the Princess for the little green unicorn, who always called her Celestia in private, after that day. For Celestia, it was the blink of an eye. The lead was in her veins again, colder and heavier than before. The itch was at the base of her wings. Her eye twitched. There was a ringing in her ears, and suddenly she looked up. The little ponies were looking at her. It was her turn to speak.

Princess Celestia swallowed the lump in her throat, and put on a somber, gentle expression. She replaced the stallion at the podium, letting her eyes dance over the assembled ponies. Mint Sprig, Tea Berry's younger sister, stared blankly ahead. She wasn't a young mare herself anymore, and her two adult daughters stood close to her sides. The younger of them, Huckleberry, would finish her training in a few weeks, and replace her Aunt as Celestia's new Hoofmaiden. Celestia's eyes lingered on Huckleberry, but in her heart she knew she would not be close to her, like she had been with Tea. A deep sigh, and Celestia launched into her formal speech about the many and varied accomplishments, honors, and prestige that were in Tea Berry's legacy.

"Tea Berry will be missed by many ponies. She was a wonderful Aunt, Sister, Hoofmaiden," she almost stumbled, almost choked, and looked to the smiling photo for reassurance, "and friend. May your heart find peace in the Summer Lands, my dearest Tea Berry."

Subdued stomping and sniffles applauded Celestia as she moved to the back of the funeral procession. The rest of the service was a blur of bowing heads and hoof shakes and formalities, and far too many thanks for coming to attend such a 'modest' funeral with her divine grace. The Princess' stomach turned.

Then, all too soon, she was in the darkness of her chambers, staring into the cold, wet night. She could not remember how she got there. She did not remember when the funeral ended, or where she went after that, or why. The rain pounded on every surface. There was a crackling fire lit in her chambers, though it did nothing to keep the cold iron at bay under her skin. The Princess shivered, and closed her eyes. Her horn lit, her brows furrowed. Though she could not see it, the moon slid into place in the sky, far above the low, heavy clouds. She could feel her sister's magic there, somewhere. Faint. Angry. More than an echo, she desperately hoped. The prophecy slithered through her mind again. Six hundred more years.

The rain continued. Down her window pane. Down the rooftops. Down onto the earth and scarlet leaves of autumn. Down her cheeks, warm, and salty and unrelenting.

***************************************************

It was raining in Canterlot, and Princess Celestia was at her window again. She had just moments ago raised the sun, but one could hardly tell. It was grey, and listless outside. It was grey and listless inside. Another Sunday that found the crowned Princess of Equestria standing still and silent at her window. Many Sundays had passed in a blur. There was the funeral of Mint Sprig, and then many years later, Huckleberry and her big sister, both lost in a carriage accident too soon. Sundays were the worst.

A firm knock on the door of Celestia's chambers made her ear swivel back. She did not jump. The iron under her skin was too cold, too heavy.

"Enter," she called, without looking over her shoulder.

The wheels of a serving cart could be heard as Celestia's current Hoofmaiden, Lilac Petal, brought her lunch. The little dusty lavender unicorn with the white mane and startling blue eyes dutifully levitated trays and bowls, a teapot and two teacups, setting everything up on the long, low table in Celestia's chambers. Celestia liked Lilac. The unicorn was sharp as a tack and more intuitive than most. She was not shy around the solar Princess, and always seemed to know when Celestia was not in the mood to hold lunch in the Sun Room with the extended royal family, without asking or pressing her. Celestia didn't have to be the all knowing Princess around Lilac. Lilac never called her Your Highness. Lilac was mute.

Celestia liked Lilac.

Turning away from the window, Celestia joined her Hoofmaiden at the table, where she was already sipping at her spiced apple tea. The Alicorn sipped with her in comfortable silence, staring thoughtfully at the little unicorn pony. She had plucked Lilac off the streets when she was just a skinny foal stealing apples from carts, a few weeks after Huckleberry's tragic accident. Now, the little unicorn was a grown mare, and as loyal to Celestia as any pony could be. Lilac's pale blue eyes regarded Celestia, head tilted and expression soft and questioning.

Celestia gazed back at her, feeling the rain collect in the corner of her eyes. Her vision wavered, and she frowned. A warm hoof gently met her own bare hoof - in no mood to keep up royal appearances any longer on Sundays, she had taken to not wearing her regalia unless she left her chambers. Lilac's gentle, supportive hoof made the iron warm under Celestia's skin, and she smiled sadly at her Hoofmaiden.

"Five hundred and sixty more years, Lilac," the Princess said listlessly, punctuated with a dry, sharp laugh, "IF the prophecy is true, after all."

Lilac said nothing in return, but her warm, understanding eyes said volumes. She knew Celestia's story. Celestia had opened up to this pony, had told her everything. After all, she practically raised the little unicorn like her own daughter. Lilac smiled confidently up at the Princess, rolling her eyes just slightly and cocking one brow.

Celestia laughed, gently this time. "I know, I know. I must hold onto the hope that it is. After all, some of the author's other prophecies came true."

The Princess was rewarded with a smug nod from her silent companion. Temporarily soothed, they ate and drank tea and listened to the rain, warm in eachother's company.

****************************************

It was raining in the Everfree Forest. Celestia's hooves tore up the wet loam underneath her, flinging it this way and that as she barreled blindly through the forest. She was running from the cold iron, and the terribly painful itch in her wings, the ache that pierced her through like a hot spear from shoulder to flank. She became aware of a terrible sound - a high, angry keening. She realized it was her own voice, ragged and lost. Hopeless. Soon enough, she skidded into a crumbling stone courtyard, pounding up stairs forgotten for the last five centuries. She didn't stop until she reached a large room with a gap in the ceiling. Here, she stood, covered in sweat and rain, shivering and snorting, hooves dancing wildly and eyes wide.

She wasn't wearing regalia. She had taken it off as soon as she stumbled back into her chambers after poor little Lilac's funeral. Celestia had spent weeks with the wrinkled little mare, attached to the best devices that modern medicine had. But they couldn't save Lilac. Seventy was a good age, all the doctors assured her, for somepony who started childhood on the streets. She had a weak heart, they told her - never making eye contact with their Princess - it was simply her time to go. Lilac passed peacefully in her sleep, Celestia knew, because she had been there standing vigil. She had seen Lilac breath one more time, sigh, smile, squeeze Celestia's hoof tightly before relaxing forever. Leaving Celestia alone, like all the rest.

The keening returned, echoing off the empty ruins around her in a dull way thanks to the rain. Celestia fell to her knees heavily, staring at the faded, shredded remnants of tapestries on the wall. Stars. The Moon.

"Why?!?" she screamed, unleashing a sizzling hot golden beam of magic at a silent wall. Her fury punched a hole in it, rubble raining all around her. The tapestries now only cooling ash. She got back to her hooves and spun, half flying out of the traitorous room and it's memories, screaming the entire way.

"Why?!?" she demanded to a crumbling fountain in the courtyard, before blowing it to bits in molten gold rage. Her barrel heaved with wet breaths that were half sobs. Wings flared out at her sides, low and menacing, dripping with rain. Her mane and tail lay sodden and grey.

"Why?! Why did you leave me, Luna?!" She screamed up into the heavy grey sky, furiously stomping her front hooves on the flagstone like a filly having a tantrum. The stones cracked under her hooves, helpless against her rage. "Why did you make me do it?!"

"Why the buck do you all leave me?!?" The solar Princess demanded, sides heaving, pupils pinpricks in wide white bloodshot plates.

Celestia's rage continued on, bright gold bursts of pain and anger demolishing old statues, walls, fountains, pillars. She stomped, and bucked, and flung herself at great speeds into the ground, destroying the ancient history all around her. Attempting to destroy the incredible pain that burned every nerve and empty place in her body.

Finally, she stood trembling violently, scratched and bleeding, head hung low enough that her snout almost brushed the ground. Here she stood for long moments, smoke and dust slowly losing to the relentless rain, before collapsing to the ground in a dirty white heap. She tucked her head underneath her wing like a frightened foal and cried like she never had before, heart aching with the hoofsteps of so many lost friends, with the five centuries of loneliness, away from the one pony who understood her. How she could bear any more time, she did not know.

Hours later, the rain diminished and the sky opened up. Celestia raised her head and with great pain called forth her magic to raise the moon. She stared up at it until the forest around her grew silent, and her entire body grew numb and all she could see was the dark shape on the lunar surface. Then, with a resigned sigh, she stumbled onto her hooves, and limped slowly away from the castle. After one last look over her shoulder, she took to the sky with slow, unsteady wingbeats back to Canterlot.

*************************************************************

It was raining in Canterlot. Princess Celestia stood motionless in front of an elaborate mirror in a dusty storage room. She had been here all night, had come down right after raising the moon. She stared with bloodshot, defeated eyes. Images played back in her mind's eye. A little bright red and yellow filly with a bright future. A sun cutie mark. The pride of a daughter, almost. Like little Lilac. But this filly was more than a Hoofmaiden - no, Celestia had done away with that tradition more than two centuries ago and it was nothing more than ancient history, now. After Lilac, there were a few more. All lost, and she simply could not bear another loss. To get close to a pony, only to lose them. No. Now there were many bustling servants who's faces all rotated - and she never got attached, because they all came and went at different shifts and never tried to get attached either. Because Princess Celestia was far exalted above mortal ponies.

Celestia trembled. The iron was so heavy she couldn't move, she felt she almost couldn't breath. It weighed her lungs down so that her breaths were pathetic, wet squeaks. It rained, down her snowy white face, from her bloodshot eyes. Her wings itched, and ached, and hurt, twitching and settling and resettling, never comfortably. Her nostrils flared. She watched the mirror. It had been a week since her filly - no longer a filly, she reminded herself - had brought Celestia's world to a screeching halt.

She blamed herself. How excited she was, to raise this one, to teach her. To groom her. Perhaps, Celestia thought…she hoped…

Bile rose in her throat, and the Princess spun around, fleeing the chamber, startling two guards on her way out in such haste. Down a few corridors, before she flung her face into a potted plant and coughed and hacked out the remnants of her paltry dinner that she never had the stomach for in the first place. She wiped her eyes, then her mouth, with a foreleg, staring at the plant with a deep frown. She magicked some more soil over her small mess, and stumbled down the hall towards her chambers.

Soon enough, there she was at the window again. Pitch blackness greeted her, broken here and there by bright, angry flashes of thunder. The rain boomed hard down on Canterlot, on her roof and her window. It was very late, she knew. But she could not sleep. Instead, she stared at herself in the window. The worst pony in the world stared back at her. The pony that had lost everything. Had sent her very own, precious sister away. Had failed her bright and promising student with the allure of the crown she wasn't ready for. Celestia hated that pony in the window, staring back at her, looking like an absolute wreck. It was /her/ fault, that they all left. She knew it. It was /her/ fault, for losing everything.

The rain didn't stop. Not outside. Not inside. Celestia was used to it - numb, in a way, to the many hundreds of years of loss and pain. She didn't know how she had failed so utterly, when she had only ever tried so hard. True, Equestria prospered. Her little ponies were peaceful, and happy, in their short mortal lives. They would never know the burden of loss she had endured. She shuddered, glaring at the mare in the glass, who glared back at her with absolute hatred. She smacked her dry lips and tasted only bile.

A long, low keening vibrated in her throat, that soon dissolved into a whimper. But it couldn't drown out her thoughts, nor stem the tide of warm salt water leaking from her eyes. She had such high hopes in the bright little filly - mare, she reminded herself. The Princess of the Sun had loved her like she had not loved a pony in many years. She opened her heart, only seeing one bright future ahead of them both - where they would both be immortal. Where the little filly would somehow save her sister. She was so convinced that Sunset had been the mare in the prophecy - after all, the sun was a star, and there it was emblazoned on her flank like a holy relic. How refreshing, this last decade and a half had been, thinking she had it all figured out. Sharing cocoa with her precious little student. Telling secrets. But she had been blind to the ambition in Sunset's eyes, and blinder still to the cold calculating in her heart.

Now, she was gone. Just like the rest of them. Except…this one hurt the most. Not as much as her sister, true. But almost as bad. Because she had allowed herself to trust. She had allowed herself to believe, this mare would be different. That she wouldn't leave her.

But the Princess, her Royal Highness and Most Esteemed Raiser of the Sun and Moon, the Good and Kind Princess Celestia, was once again alone.

The cold iron gripped her until she sank to her knees. Then to her side, to curl into a shivering ball with wide eyes.

"Why," she whispered to nothing, "Why do they all leave me..?"

It was raining in Canterlot.

Author's Note

Wrote this in a few hours to work through some grief. Sometimes, you lose one person that understands you. And 12 years feels like 1000 without them. You try to let others in.

But eventually, the rain comes, and they leave you. Even when you have high hopes.
Especially when you have high hopes.