A Human And A Carrot
The sun was high in the sky, birds were singing and all that stuff in the somewhat medieval looking town known as Ponyville.
It looked medieval, but it was far cleaner than the average medieval town and it had many modern appliances like toilets, electricity and running water.
No gallows, wagons filled with plague victims or gong farmers in this town.
A town, which was inhabited by bizarre pastel alien pony people. You stood out quite a lot, since you were some interdimensional alien that unfortunately got teleported here somehow. The alien you are was known as a human, who stood a fair bit taller than the average four foot tall pony.
You were dressed in light blue jeans, a plain white t-shirt and a pair of badly worn black runners. While everypony else was completely naked.
Additionally, you simply held a carrot in your right hand. It was a rather averaged sized carrot, but surely irresistible to your adorable little pony friends.
As of right now you walked toward a large oak tree. The tree had such a thick trunk that a home was carved into the tree itself. A home, not some dirty place filled with bugs and other nasty things.
Once you stood before the red door to the oak you had proceeded to lightly knock upon it.
A few seconds later, the pony you knew to be Princess Twilight Sparkle answered.
"Oh, hello Anon!" she said as she stood up on her back hind legs to give you a brief, gentle hug across your waist, before she went back onto her four hooves.
"Hey Twilight, I was wondering if you would want to eat this carrot?" you said as you brought forth the carrot near to her face.
Twilight sniffed the carrot for a moment, before she smiled broadly.
"Mmm, smells delicious. Thank you Anon!" she said happily with her huge eyes sparkling in joy.
She flashed her horn, you felt a tingling sensation in your hand as the carrot was wrapped in a purple aura. This soon followed with a gentle tugging sensation from the carrot. However, you firmly held the carrot despite Twilight's efforts to pull it out of your hand.
"Hey, I thought we wanted to give me that carrot?!" she said crossly with a sour look on her face.
"I do. I just think it would be really cute if I hand feed you it."
Twilight's eyes widen in shock.
"I’m sorry Anon. I’m really flattered, but I don’t feel that way about you, " she said in a low voice.
"Feel what about me? What are you talking about?" you asked as you gave her a weird look.
"I’m sorry! Please don’t hate me," she said with pleading doggy eyes.
"It’s OK," you answered her as you shrugged your shoulders, whilst she sighed in relief. "See you later Twilight."
"Bye Anon," she said as she gently shut the door.
The moment you turned around to walk away, you had saw Apple Bloom, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle.
"Hey, do you want to eat this carrot out of my hand?" you said as you presented the carrot to them with a joyful smile on your face.
The three fillies gasped with wide eyes, just before they screamed in terror as they trotted away at lightning speed.
You scratched the back of your neck with a most bewildered expression on your face.
"Huh? What’s up with them?" you said as you watched the foals trot out of sight whilst they screamed.
You shrugged your shoulders, before you decided to walk through Ponyville. Each pony who passed by you, you had offered to hand feed your carrot to them.
Unfortunately, everypony you offered the carrot to either glared at you angrily or simply stared at you in disbelief.
Just when you were about to give up and eat the carrot yourself you had spotted Applejack dragging a cart filled with apples behind her.
"Hey Applejack, do you want to eat this carrot out of my hand?" you asked with a look of hope in your eyes.
A blush appeared on her cheeks as she looked down at the ground.
“Oh, I am sorry sugarcube, but you’re a human and I’m a pony. We’re just too different,“ she said in a soft voice as she continued to look down.
“Huh? What are you talking about? All I have to do is hold the carrot while you chew on it,“ you said as you waved the carrot in her face.
“Don’t ye worry about it. There'll be some ponies into skinies like yahself,“ she said, before giving you a warm smile.
You looked down sadly, Applejack patted your back gently before she proceeded to go on her way.
You sighed as you brought the carrot up to your mouth. But then, you heard a gush of air, followed by the sound of flapping wings from behind you.
You turned around to investigate only to see Rainbow Dash staring at you with her big rosy eyes in concern.
“Hey there big guy, are you alright?“ she asked in a most unusual, soft voice.
"Oh, hello Rainbow Dash. Do you want to chew on my carrot?" you said in a low voice.
Tears filled Rainbow Dash’s eyes, before she fell over onto her back and began laughing hysterically.
"Anon, stop it! It’s going to take a lot more than that to go up my rainbow," she shouted as she pounded her hooves on the ground.
"Huh? What are you talking about?" you said as you gave her a weird look.
"Don’t play dumb with me. You know what I’m talking about," she said, before a nasty grin formed on her face.
"Honestly no, I don’t."
"Tell you what, you give me a nice belly rub and maybe I’ll let you taste the rainbow," she said as she looked at you with bedroom eyes.
"Uhhh, maybe another time," you said nervously.
You walked away red faced in embarrassment. So embarrassed you were, you did not see a yellow pony, thus you bumped into her and fell on your backside.
"Oh my gosh?! Are you OK Anon?!" Fluttershy shouted with wide eyes in panic.
"Yeah, I’m OK" you said as you stood back up onto your feet.
Fluttershy sighed in relief. "Oh thank goodness. I thought I hurt you."
"Hmmm," you said as you rubbed your chin thoughtfully. "How about you Fluttershy, do you want to eat this carrot out of my hand?"
"Oh… I’m sorry Anon. But I’m not ready for that sort of thing in my life," she said with a bright red blush on her cheeks. "However, I wouldn't mind if you would give me that carrot to feed Angel."
"No deal! If you don’t want to eat this carrot out of my hand, then you’re not getting it!" you shouted angrily.
Fluttershy looked down sadly as you stormed off in a huff.
Just when you were about to give up and eat the carrot your eyes lit up when you spotted Rarity humming a happy tune as she walked toward Ponyville's market.
"Hello Rarity, do you want to eat this carrot out of my hand?" you asked with a look of hope in your eyes.
"I’m sorry, darling. I appreciate the offer. I know you’re a nice guy and everything, but personally your hands freak me out," she said as she looked at you with a sad face.
"Please, don’t hate me," she said as she gave you pleading doggy eyes.
"Uh, all I want to do is feed you a carrot," you said as you looked at her with pleading doggy eyes.
"I’m sorry!" she screamed as she trotted away wailing in grief.
"Eh wha? Has everypony gone crazy today?" you said in a most bewildered tone.
"Whatcha talkin' about?" said Big McIntosh standing next to you.
"Hey Big Mac, do you want to eat this carrot out of my hand?"
The stallion slowly backed away from you with wide eyes.
You sighed again as you lifted the carrot to your mouth… only to stop when a pink blur sped toward you, followed by a pair of pink hooves wrapping around you.
"Hey Anony! Why are you so sad?" she asked as she stared up at you with her huge blue eyes with a most concerned expression on her face.
"Oh, hey Pinkie Pie. I’m sad because nopony wants to eat my carrot," you said sadly, in a low voice.
Pinkie Pie gasped in shock.
"That’s terrible! What pony doesn't like carrots?" she said in a shocked voice.
"Hmmm. Do you want to eat this carrot out of my hand?" you said as you gave her a hopeful look.
Pinkie Pie’s eyes widen in shock before she pulled away with a bright red blush on her face.
"Oh Anony, I’m sorry, but I can’t. I really like you, but I don’t want that kind of friendship from anypo-- anyone at this point in my life," she said softly.
"What kind of friendship are you talking about?" you asked with raised eyebrows.
"You know," she gave you bedroom eyes. "That kind of friendship," she said, before she gave you a nasty grin.
"Sorry, you lost me."
Pinkie stood up on her back hind legs just like a human. Next she gently wrapped her hooves around your waist, before she leaned forward to give you a brief, soft kiss on your right cheek.
"I’ll remember this Anony. Maybe, I’ll feed you a carrot out of my hoof in return someday," she said in a soft voice as she gave you a gentle squeeze.
With that she went back onto her four legs, before she hopped happily away from you.
Your lower lip quivered as a single tear fell down your cheek. You looked at the carrot with a solemn look. You brought the carrot to your mouth once again, but stopped when you heard a gush of air, followed by the sound of flapping wings from behind you.
"Rainbow I swear to---" you stopped mid sentence when you turned around to see the towering form of Princess Celestia standing before you with a warm smile on her face.
"Celestia... what are you doing here?" you said with wide eyes in shock.
"Oh, I'm just checking on my favorite little human," she said as she patted you gently on the back.
You said nothing in response.
"So, are you enjoying yourself in Equestria? Has anypony been mean to you?" she asked in a soft voice.
You sighed sadly, before you spoke to her in a low voice. "No, everything is fine. I just wish some pony would let me feed them a carrot out of my hand."
She gently draped a wing over you, followed by pulling you close to her.
"Don’t worry sweetheart. I’m sure one day the right pony will come along and they will happily let you feed them a carrot," she said in a soft voice.
"I hope so," you said sadly, just before you spoke in a more upbeat tone. "Say, would you like to eat this carrot out of my hand?"
"You…. you want me to eat this carrot out of your hand? I didn’t know you felt this way about me," she spoke in a low voice with a stunned look on her face.
"I’m not sure what you’re talking about. But yes, I want to feed you this carrot."
"Oh Anon! YES!" she screamed in happiness as she wrapped her hooves around you.
"Wha-- " her face closed in on yours, "Hmmm?!" you said in confusion with wide eyes as she pressed her lips into yours. "Mmmm!" you said while you relaxed, as you closed your eyes, as you enjoyed yourself, whilst you were passionately tongue kissed by the alicorn sun goddess.
Several minutes passed as Celestia moaned sensually whilst she passionately kissed you with tears of joy falling down her cheeks.
Eventually she slowly parted lips with you.
"So, do you want to go back to my castle?" she said lustfully as she looked at you with bedroom eyes.
"Uhhhh, why did you kiss me?" you asked with a most bewildered look on your face.
Celestia's jaw dropped.
"You... you don't realise what feeding a pony a carrot out of your hand means?" she asked with wide eyes in shock.
You shook your head from side to side.
"It means you want to be their special somepony. It’s only one of the most romantic things you can do to confess your love for a pony."
Your face became pale.
"What? Oh God! What have I done?! I even offered the carrot to the Cutie Mark Crusaders! Everyone must think I'm a--
You stopped when Celestia raised a hoof.
"Relax Anon. I shall fix this," she said in a calm voice.
She took a deep breath."EVERYPONY I WISH TO MAKE AN ANNOUNCEMENT!" she roared in the traditional royal canterlot voice as you blocked your ears.
A huge crowd of ponies soon gathered in the street.
"Hello everypony! I have summoned you here to bring light to a terrible misunderstanding. You see, our human friend here did not understand hoof feeding a pony with a carrot meant that he wanted you to be their special somepony," she shouted to the crowd.
The air was soon filled with sighs of relief.
"Yay! Anon isn't a pedophile!" shouted Sweetie Belle in joy.
Celestia leaned her head down to whisper quietly into your ear. "I hadn't had the human D in thousands of years. So, would you indulge an old mare to some hot human on pony action?"
"They say you got the best booty in all the world. Plus, there’s no women here in Equestria. So, if I'm going to bang a pony, I might as well bang best sexy pony," you said quietly as a nasty grin appeared on your face.
"Oh human, I'm going to magically enhance your dick to bang my butt like a jackhammer!" she shouted as she pulled you into a passionate kiss.
Everyone gasped in shock as they watched Celestia make out with the human in public.
"Hey, can I join for a threesome?!" shouted Pinkie Pie excitedly.
Celestia slowly parted lips with you to look at her. "Oh Pinkie, of course you can," she said sensually with bedroom eyes.
"Yay!" she shouted excitedly as she clapped her hooves together in joy.
"Hop on," she said as she looked at you and Pinkie Pie with bedroom eyes and her wings outstretched.
With that you and Pinkie Pie jumped on her back. When you two were on her back she flashed her horn to create magical golden seatbelts.
Once you were safely fasten on her back, she flapped her wings as she trotted at great speed before she flew off into the air toward Canterlot in order to have a threesome back at her castle.
As you two flew away on Celestia’s back everypony stared at their princess in disbelief. Apart from a green minted unicorn with a smug look on her face.
"Hah! Told you Princess Celestia had a human fetish!" shouted the minty green unicorn.
Her face expression suddenly changed into a sad frown.
"Oh, I wish Anon fed me the carrot," she said in a low, sad voice as she looked down at the ground whilst tears fell down her cheeks.
The End
