The Pony Nopony Should Work With

by Manaphy

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Slice of Life, Sassy Saddles, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other
Length: 2548

Sassy Saddles tries to help prepare a new boutique for a large, jolly pony. However, Sassy's task soon becomes a struggle to avoid punching her client.

Sassy Saddles tries to help prepare a new boutique for a large, jolly pony. However, Sassy's task soon becomes a struggle to avoid punching her client.

Thanks to WiseFireCracker and the parasprite for proofreading.

Published 2015-09-19 02:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-09-19 02:40:01 UTC

Tip: Don't Visit Whoa Boutique

Anypony who claimed Sassy Saddles loathed trotting from boutique to boutique in the hopes of turning it big never knew the real Sassy. Of course, she sneered and scowled at some days and boutiques, a difference in vision or Sassy flailing her forelegs at the spotlight among the different reasons why some of her escapades failed. For every boutique she couldn't prop up into the next biggest hit, there were others which did reach new heights. There was a reason why Fashion Plate hounded her with glowing eyes ever since she helped Coco Pommel.

However, as Sassy looked up at the light blue complex, a ticklish scent reached her nostrils. It wasn't the aroma of fresh fabric; Sassy sniffed enough dresses during her earlier years to know it wasn't such a scent. For reasons unbeknownst to her, it carried a mouthwatering aspect to it.

"Doughnuts?" Sassy asked herself. She cocked her head; her hoof tapped the cobblestone road beneath her. "Why would a boutique smell like doughnuts? Unless I'm at the bakery, something's not right." She scanned the banner adorning the building once more, the words Coming Soon: Whoa Boutique adorning it in flashing letters with a familiar face on each end. "No, this is definitely the place."

Was another failure in her sights? Fate loved for her occupation to have a perfect ratio of successes to failures; winning and losing streaks were never too long for some reason. Yet, each failure sucker punched her in the gut, Sassy surprised she'd be able to trot again after each one. She wasn't alone in this feeling, however. One of her business pals underwent two months of physical therapy and sitting in a wheelchair. This was the nature of boutique ventures.

"Here goes nothing."

Sassy slowly opened the door, a bell's chime ringing in her ear. Not a second later, her jaw dropped, pupils shrunk. A bright turquoise filled almost every square inch of the room, lime green accents bright enough to blind somepony covering the rest. Adorning a frieze was the same face as before, her smile wider than an entire carriage and cheeks bloated. Just looking at the head filled the room with a peculiar tension; its glowing eyes were better suited for advertising an oculist.

While Rarity's lesson was clear in Sassy's mind, home improvement was a must.

"Is the manager helping me here?" a nasal voice called out. A door opened to the left, a colossal mare in the shape of a bean squeezing through the doorway. Her stubby legs wiggled about as she tried forcing herself out of the gap; the corpulent mare popped out like a bullet a few seconds later. "Oh, my gosh! You're finally here!"

"Yes, I am," Sassy said. She assumed a straightened posture; her foreleg extended toward the massive mare. "Sassy Saddles."

"Whoa Nelly is the name!" Nelly reached over to Sassy's hoof. However, the former's forelegs couldn't stretch far enough. "Sorry if I can't reach ya. These legs aren't deserving of a mare like myself, you know."

Sassy subtly rolled her eyes. Already, she knew where this was going, and her cheeks couldn't help themselves from turning pale.

"Ya look like ya saw a ghost." Nelly stepped back; her jaw dropped. "Is this place haunted?"

Sassy shook her head. "No," she answered bluntly. A cold breeze blew past her. Shivering for a second, she noticed one of the windows open. Taking a deep breath, she whispered, "A ghost could probably do a better job decorating, however."

"What was that?"

"Nothing. Just thinking out loud about what we need to do." Rubbing the back of her neck, Sassy blushed.

"You're in love with my looks, aren't ya?"

"What?"

Nelly winked. "I'm beautiful, and you know it!"

Shifting her eyes from left to right, Sassy shrugged, then brought her vision back to Nelly. A mare the size of a garage wasn't what she'd consider beautiful in her opinion. The sweat dripping from Nelly's body carried a putrid stench as well; her greasy coat was something nopony would call dazzling.

A sheepish grin then adorned Sassy's face. "Well, you do look the part?"

"I totally do, but this next thing is gonna knock the socks off ya." Nelly bounced about, her body fat swaying back and forth. A giggle escaped her mouth. "Aren't you excited?"

"A bit, but I'm not wearing any socks." Sassy arched an eyebrow. "I just have this dress."

"You look so dazzling with that dress, though." Nelly then nudged toward Sassy; the former winked again. "Not as pretty as a doughnut or I, but close."

Shrugging was all Sassy could muster. A second later, she took a step back; Sassy then muttered in a monotone voice, "Okay."

Nelly cracked a radiant grin, her yellow and brown teeth burning Sassy's eyes. The stale aroma escaping Nelly's mouth may have poisoned her nostrils as well. Turning around at a snail's pace, Nelly then skipped across the floor. Sassy followed close behind with short steps, every other second feeling as though an earthquake rumbled beneath her. It wasn't due to Nelly's size, however. She'd met plenty of large ponies during her travels, many of them pleasant and none of them shaking the earth with each step.

It was just the floors making up this 'boutique' had to have thin strips of bamboo under the carpet which churned anypony's stomach on sight.

Nelly burst through the open doorway, this time not even shimmying her way through. It helped that the frame was in her shape. Inside the cramped room, Sassy noticed a wooden desk with a chair even a foal would claim to be too small. Sheets of crumpled paperwork and crumbs had flooded much of the room. Whatever Nelly was thinking, Sassy could only draw blanks in response.

However, what Nelly pointed to caught Sassy's attention most of all, her eyes widening and a lightness filling her.

"What do ya think?" Nelly asked; her tone was high-pitched. "Cool, huh?"

On the back wall was a painting. It wasn't any old painting, however; its centerpiece was a centaur wielding a silver bow with golden arrows. Nelly's head was seemingly plastered on the centaur's body, the chubby cheeks which defined her mismatched with the body. The centaur's rocky abs looked hard enough to grind meat and its muscles exponentially exceeded what even the famous Iron Will could ever hope to achieve. And gazing at Nelly's goofy smile in the painting, hearts for pupils and drooling mouths, were none other than Soarin, Fashion Plate, and Hoity Toity.

And for some reason, Hoity Toity's body shape looked eerily similar to drawings of the legendarily cruel King Sombra of the past. Was Nelly trying to imply something?

Or was she trying to shock her into a coma?

"Look at you, Sassy," Nelly teased. "You're in love to where you can barely speak. Lovely, isn't it?"

"It's—not exactly that." Sassy took a deep breath. She knew she could make this work. She'd somehow dealt with worse in the past. "It's just that it's not exactly what ponies want to see when buying dresses, you know. I know we all have our own opinions on what beauty is."

"You got a problem?" Nelly pouted, though her forelegs weren't able to cross fully. "How dare you think I can't fall in love with King—Hoity Toity. He'd take one look at me and realize I'm larger than life and full of beauty!"

"It has nothing to do with who you are or anything, Whoa Nelly." Sassy pressed her hooves together, lips pursed. "It's just that customers, especially foals, don't want to get their eyes violated by—that."

"Violated? Do they not know beauty when it's in front of them? Remember what you learned with Rarity?"

Sassy nodded. "Yes, but how do you know about that? You're not psychic, right?"

"Maybe I am. I do know you find Fluttershy and Fleetfoot incredibly attractive. It's the mane, isn't it?"

"What?" Sassy cocked her head; her pupils shrunk. "I-I don't know where you got that from."

"Actually, I just heard about your thing with Rarity from somepony." She shrugged. "It's that simple."

A ding pierced the air, Sassy jumping up in surprise.

"Hold on! The doughnuts are done!" Nelly shouted; her smile somehow brightened.

"Can we hold off on the eating for a bit, please?"

"I'm Whoa Nelly, and I can do what I please!" Nelly opened up a nearby, oven-like contraption, procuring three doughnuts. Wasting no time, she sprayed a thick coat of cream atop it, inhaling the entire meal. Booming burps left Nelly's mouth and shattered Sassy's eardrums. "Where were we?"

Sassy wanted to puke. Either that or slap Nelly across the face. Nothing she'd ever experienced was as gross as what her eyes witnessed. Somepony's innocence died today.

"Oh, right!" Nelly brushed her shoulder against Sassy's face, the latter toppling over and grunting. "I need to show you the dresses!"

Standing upright, Sassy dusted herself off, a twisted grimace across her face. While her mind envisioned being allowed to drive a hoof into Nelly's face, just to smack some common sense into the thick-headed mare, she knew her blows would be repelled and do no damage. Sassy groaned; she followed Nelly back into the main room and toward the rightmost door.

But as before, Nelly found herself wedged in between the frame. Sassy wondered if the building was even up to code. Architects made sure ponies of all shapes and sizes could fit through, but was Nelly trying to challenge herself? Or did she have a perverse enjoyment of getting stuck? She'd feel sorry for the mare if she didn't want to punt her across Equestria. Rolling her eyes, Sassy planted a hoof to her face. Not a single word escaped her puckered lips.

"Could ya give me a push?" Nelly ordered. "I kinda need it!"

Sassy wanted to ignore Nelly's demands; a cup of coffee or something to wash away the putrid taste in her mouth much more preferable. However, she knew leaving Nelly in such a tragic state would constitute as rude. Sighing, Sassy did as instructed, shoving her back against Nelly's bottom.

Sassy wasn't paid enough for this trouble. Shoving a plump pony through a doorway wasn't in her job description.

A popping sound echoed in the room a minute later, Sassy flailing her forelegs to stay upright.

"Thank you!" Nelly shouted.

Sassy's head hung low, a sigh leaving her mouth. Falling into a coma didn't seem so terrible in hindsight now. "Whatever," she replied.

Entering the open room, a number of mannequins adorned in dresses covered the floor. Sassy scrutinized each one. However, her eyes twitched every other second. All of the dresses featured the same misaligned stitches; a blind stallion after twelve shots of whiskey could've done a cleaner job. The colors and patterns ranged from atrocious to crimes against equinity. The absurdly bright yellow dress as well as the red and black dresses froze Sassy's blood at the mere sight. Rarity, Coco Pommel, and many other talented fashionistas would shriek without fail. In Rarity's case, she'd then plop onto a couch and pass out.

The boutique couldn't possibly reach new lows.

"Told ya my dresses were top of the line," Nelly said. "The red and black one is my favorite."

Sassy's eye twitched. "Really?" she asked with a cracked voice. "I thought it'd be something which looked just like you."

"They're a tight fit, however. My stomach got squished trying on the lime green and brown one."

"That's not healthy, Whoa Nelly." Sassy extended a foreleg out. "I mean, you're welcome to express yourself in all sorts of ways, but don't hurt yourself doing it." On second thought, maybe there was a limit to how expressive one could be in Sassy's eyes. Such expressiveness is dangerous.

"I didn't hurt myself doing it, silly." Nelly trotted up to the red and black dress. "Can you guess what I named this?"

Sassy gritted her teeth for a second. "Let me guess, it's called Original Dress: Do Not Steal?"

"Better! It's after my old nickname!"

Sassy tilted her head to the left, brow raised. "What's that?"

"It's Ham—"

"And I think that's enough dresses for today!" Sassy interrupted. "Seriously, please don't give your dresses offensive names."

"Can't you take a joke?" Nelly whipped her tail about; her cheeks reddened. "I mean, why does everything have to be so tame nowadays?"

"Because of potential PR disasters? The idea there's no such thing as bad publicity isn't exactly true, you know. And besides, doesn't such a nickname hurt you? Why don't you give it a name such as Deluxe Delight or Magical Muffins?"

"I came up with the nickname myself. Besides, you need to understand that this is a boutique all about me. Didn't Rarity teach you anything? Just let me know how awesome my ideas and I are, okay?"

"I'm only trying to help make this boutique great. Also, while I learned from Rarity, that doesn't mean I should be a pushover." Sassy groaned; she then pounded her forehead against the nearest wall. Headaches were a welcomed arrival at this point. Just then, a blood vessel popped; her eyes were bloodshot. "Okay, that's it. I'm done. If you're refusing to budge on anything, then I don't even know why I'm here!" She glared at Nelly, growling.

"But I haven't showed you the gourmet dresses!"

"Sorry, but we'd just be wasting more time! If you already have your idea, then just do it!" Sassy stomped across the floor, clacks polluting the air. Upon reaching the front door, she opened it and exited the upcoming boutique, never bothering to look back.

Hours passed since Sassy's visit to Nelly's boutique, her head still pounding and hooves sore as she reclined on the velvet couch in her villa. The clean walls, serene sculptures, and tasteful art from famous painters helped clear her mind somewhat, though the centaur painting still stabbed her eyeballs and refused to slow down. Sighing, she brought a nearby quill and sheet of paper to her; Sassy let the words flow from her head to the paper.

Rarity,

I need your help. Can I come visit your home in Ponyville? I need to learn about dealing with rude customers who refuse to budge or even attempt compromises. I think it'd be beneficial for me to learn it.

Sincerely,

Sassy Saddles

PS: If you ever visit Whoa Boutique, don't look at the painting in the office or ask what each dress is called. Trust me.

Pushing herself off the couch, Sassy trotted up toward the balcony to her left. Within her sight was none other than Whoa Boutique. The plump pony who'd surprisingly broke her mind received cursory glances or scowling customers. To think she carried such a jolly first impression.

"Another failure," Sassy said. "Figures, now I'm fifteen for thirty."

But to Sassy, maybe this failure wasn't so awful after all. Perhaps Nelly could learn something from it and become a better pony like she did.

Hopefully, the status quo would change for Equestria in this regard.

But the status quo was about as static as a statue.

At least tomorrow would be a great day, as Sassy knew Rarity would invite her.