Celestia's Coffee

by Starry Dash

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Random, Slice of Life
Length: 3176

Celestia lets Luna try her favorite brew.

When Princess Celestia orders a servant to make her curious sister a cup of her favorite brew, she neglects the fact that Princess Luna has no need for coffee and that she never actually tasted it.

Unfortunately, Luna is not a fan of no napping and Celestia begins to have concern for her sister's lack of sleep.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-10-22 12:17:51 UTC

A Nighttime Dilemma

     Celestia hummed as she lowered the sun carefully until it could move along on its own before shaking the pink chemical in the vial. She was taking her free time to mess around with a Sleeping Solution in the castle laboratory to see if she can somehow make it last for different periods of time. So far her expiriment wasn't going well.

      With a frown she dabbed a pinch of powdered ruby into the mix and carefully put the now magenta potion into a glass filled with bubbly blue liquid, blending the colors together to make a beautiful violet. Celestia held her breath, waiting for the result.

     Nothing.

    The princess huffed, secured a pair of safety goggles and delivered a single magical spark into the brew.

BOOM!

    The explosion was quick and barely did any damage, but when she looked up, Celestia could see the small burnt dent that it had created.

    She shed her burnt safety goggles, tied her multicolored, ethereal mane into a bun, and sighed in regret as she thought of what her team of manestylists would say when they found out that their hard work had nearly been singed.

    Especially when they find out that the reason for the barely escaped situation failed miserably and that her Sleeping Solution was a no-no.

    Celestia cringed at the thought and sealed the glass potion with a cork and magic, putting it on the far end of the table. Perhaps ruby powder was no good. Come to think of it, since when was there powdered ruby in her lab?

    Princess Celestia levitated the small box of ruby powder and inspected it. One sniff was enough to let her know that it was chili powder. The type of spicy that came from a Coltolina Reaper and a Ghost Pepper combined.

    She growled savage and useless threats under her breath. If this was Luna's idea of an early April Fool's, it was a good fifteen miles away from funny. It could have killed her, disengrated the castle into dust and create an explosion so big it would have reached past the rift of time and space.

    There was a gentle knock on the door. Celestia looked up and, praying it wasn't her head manestylist, Mane Cut, opened the door with her magic. But her visitor was unexpected.

    ". . . Luna?"

    Her sister was standing in the doorway, her head bowed and her usually drifting mane hanging limply. The princess' regalia was discarded, and an odd, coffee brown glow surrounded her.

    Celestia fearfully took a step forward, which she regretted at once. Luna raised her head slowly, and Celestia let out a horrified gasp.

    Her eyes were wide and her pupils had shrunked to an abnormal size. Her mouth was curled into a demonic grin, and her teeth were pointed. She suddenly laughed, a deep, echoing sound that challenged Celestia's courage.

    "Luna is long gone, Celestia," whispered Luna. Or what Celestia hoped was still Luna, anyway. "But you. . . you are standing here, in front of me, without a clue of-" she suddenly let out a strangled cry and her body shook. A gargled scream passed through her lips and she fell to the marble floor. There was a moment of silence before Luna looked up, confused. Realization suddenly dawned on her face. She got on her hooves and dashed right in front of Celestia.

    "Celestia, you must destroy every drop of coffee in Equestria, or Nightmare Moon will kill you and-" she gasped and her body shook again. Luna appeared to be fighting it with all her might.

    When Luna looked up, Celestia thought that she looked much more like Nightmare Moon.

    "You may have not known it, but you have handed me the exact tool I needed to dominate Equestria! The wondrous liquid that can keep me up every hour of the day!" she cackled, standing up with a twitching body.

    A single strike of thunder shot through the ceiling, and blue electricity surrounded her body, which was slowly morphing into Nightmare Moon.

    "Get away from my sister you monster!" snarled Celestia. Nightmare Moon's laughter became louder.

    "With coffee by my side, I will be the most powerful pony in Eques-!" she suddenly stopped short. Then her mouth formed the most infuriating smirk Celestia had ever seen.

    "You know, it was and April Fool's prank," she said in a low tone, pulling over the box of fake ruby powder and sifting it around."But it was really a supposed war weapon." she turned the box upside down to make all the powder fall to the floor. Nightmare Moon's horn glowed and a single dark blue spark appeared on the pile.

    "If creates a small explosion with a pinch, how much more with a boxful?"

    And then Celestia realized what she meant, but it was a moment too late.

BOOM!

    "AHHHHHHHH!"

    Celestia woke up to a sweaty body, a dark room and a blanket. There was a moment where she shivered at the thought of Luna turning into Nightmare Moon because of her again.

   The doors burst open.

    "Princess Celestia, is there anything wrong?" one of the two pegasi guards asked, aiming his spear around the room.

    "N-nothing," she lied dismissively. She was sure they could sniff out her lie from a mile away. Or five. Or a million. "You may return to your posts now."

    When the pair had closed the doors and returned to their stations as ordered, Celestia immediately wished they were back. The dark awfully freaked her out. Maybe they could have entertained her with a story about last weekend. Or perhaps, retold the story of the White Flower of Dry Sands, wherein the fabled Queen Wintaria journeyed enemy territory in search of her daughter, Princess Nightingale.

     A moment passed in which Celestia thought about how Lunar Song could have left Nightingale before she fell asleep to a new sway of dreams.

    She was rowing merrily down a river of milk. Her subjects, the Singers, called to her in greeting, a few dipping buckets into the milk and others doing their own thing.

    Her lovely country, Tuning, had been running smoothly as of late. No new attacks of hawks, their worst enemy. She had just lately checked the Crystal Note, the kingdom's source of protection. Her sweet neice, Cadence, was just fine as well. Oh, how she hoped nothing wrong was going to happen.

    A loud, off-key screech was suddenly heard overhead. Celestia stopped rowing and saw a pure white hawk with blue wings fly high up. Her subjects began to scream and run, and she took off in flight - she had to get back to the castle, fast.

    Upon landing at the main street directly in front of the castle, she saw that there was already a war going on in Tuning. Several hawks were attacking her little ponies, and the bigger ones were destroying the buildings while the army was fending them off excellently.

    Celestia could only pray that her neice was safe. But where was she?

     "Cadence!" she called as loud as she could before jumping up and blasting a beam of yellow light at a swooping hawk. When the hawk fell on the ground, she saw Cadence trying to defend herself from two fully-grown hawks. With a pant, she blasted two more beams of magic at them. "CADENZA!"

    Cadence ran up to her, levitating a book.

    "Auntie, I know what's the name of their head hawk!" she cried. "Look, see, the species is called the Shinearmor-hawk, the white one with the blue wings. The head hawk has the most horrible screech, and could destroy five-hundred music notes in two screeches!"

    Celestia began to think fast, then looked seriously into Cadence's eyes.

    "You have to take the Crystal Note and leave Tuning. You and the Note cannot exist without the other. Here, take it-" Celestia summoned the Crystal Note, a beautiful, baby blue crystal in the shape of a single note. "-Go!"

   Cadence looked at her in shock.

    "Auntie, I can't leave you here! I won't leave anypony!" Celestia looked over her shoulder. The head hawk had just notuced them.

   "Cadence, I love you, and I love my kingdom. You must leave with the Note and I'll fend them off for you. I can send a search party when it's over," she said. The Shinearmor-hawk was nearing.

   "I'm not leaving! I'll stay here, I'll be by your side!" Cadence said, tears streaming from her eyes. The  Shinearmor-hawk was alarmingly close.

   "I love you, Princess Cadence. Vous serez toujours notre musique." Celestia cast the teleportation spell on her before Cadence could reply. Now, if her estimation was correct. . . .

    The Shinearmor-hawk pounced.

   A torturous sun beam crept through the rip in the blasted window curtain. With a groan, Celestia rolled over so her muzzle was buried deep in to her soft pillows, the scent of earth and nature coming from an artificially made plant on her desk.

    Growling, she desperately used a feeble bit of magic to stick together the rip. Unfortunately, being very sleepy and lazy, the thought of sticking the rip together slipped from her mind, and the curtain shed the sunlight again. With a loud yelp, Celestia rolled off her bed accidentally and fell onto the floor with a soft bump.

     What she seriously needed now was a good cup of coffee.

    The rest of the morning was fairly normal. She had her mane curled, regalia polished and all her letters were neatly stacked on her study desk, ready for being pursued in later hours.

    As a servant passed her the morning paper, she noticed Princess Luna prancing across the room and sitting down next to her.

     "You're awfully early. Did you sleep right after dinner?" asked Celestia, unfolding the newspaper and sipping on her coffee. She suddenly spit out the liquid over the newspaper. "Ugh! What did those cooks do?" a servant rushed over hurriedly.

      "Why is my coffee cold?" she demanded of him. Luna sniggered. Celestia went red and shot her an icy glare that Luna ignored.

       "I-we're sorry, Your Majesty. We must have mixed up your coffee with one we left outside last night."

       Her magic tore the newspaper in half as she gave the servant a heated stare.

       "May I ask why you left a cup of coffee out?" she said through gritted teeth, crumpling the newspaper loudly, each syllable passing through her lips with unneeded venom.

       "We kept getting anonymus orders for coffee last night, I think we made - um - five hundred too many. . . " stuttered the servant. The newspaper burst into flames.

"FIVE HUNDRED?!" screamed the Sun Goddess in the Royal Canterlot voice.

       "Y-yes, P-princess," whispered the poor pony, dizzy from the impact her voice's volume set on the Canterlot Palace.

       "Give them a break, Tia," reprimanded Luna, sipping on her orange juice, not in the least swayed by her older sister's outburst. "They can't always recover quickly from the Royal Canterlot voice like we do."

       Celestia said nothing but pressed together her lips and accepted the brand new newspaper from the same  servant. It took her a while to find something that would change the subject and retorted,"How come you're not cranky as I am? You're being forced to wake up during a time that is opposite your job."

        Luna simply arched an eyebrow as she swallowed her perfect meal of honeyed oats, with milk on the side, and fruit, plus organic hay.

        "If it helps, I wasn't woken up at all."

         The new newspaper was reduced into ashes which fell on her eggs, juice, water and rice. The exact same servant groaned as Celestia's eyes drilled into Luna's.

         "What did you say?"

         "I stayed up all night drinking all kinds of coffee," replied the younger monarch nonchalantly.

          Celestia's eye twitched.

Coffee Can Ruin Everything

     Luna hummed a happy little tune as she sat down next to her sister at the long dining table made of the finest wood. She wasn't sure what type it was, but that didn't quite matter.

     The sky was a lovely blue, the last etch of orange glazing the edge of a large window nearby. Luna wrapped her magic in one of the velvet curtains and drew it back to let the shine penetrate the room better. A sigh escaped her lips as she realized that she never truly appreciated how wonderful and helpful the sun was (but she didn't forget that the moon was just as wonderful and helpful).

     Luna glanced at the alicorn next to her. The sun hit her pure, white coat and her multicolored, ethereal mane just the right way so it sparkled here and there, subtly on her skin and more so in her hair. Her sister's golden regalia glittered dully in light, shadows dancing here and there while blending beautifully with the light. Her face, however, was obscured by the most popular newspaper in Canterlot as a yellow wave of magic covered her long horn and the newspaper.

     "Good morning, Tia," Luna greeted, her magic taking up her silver dining utensils.

     Celestia flipped a page of the Canterlot Herald and yawned. Then she shot Luna a beam of greeting as she lowered the newspaper to bite the petal of a daisy.

     "Good morning, Luna."

     The younger took her first bite of fried egg, watching her sister from the corner of her eye.

     "Anything interesting on the news today?" she asked as a servant placed her morning orange juice in front of her. She thanked the servant and slid a bendy straw into the glass.

     "A sale on Fancy Flight's Frilly Fedoras and Hoofpicked Fashions Inc. You want any fedoras or dresses, Luna, dear? I heard Hoofpicked has everyday dresses that would go well with your color scheme. And Fancy Flight's Frilly Fedora has hats of all size and colors," added Celestia, peering at her sister over the top of the newspaper with a smile.

     "I like hats, and I most certaintly like Hoofpicked's dresses, but I suppose I'll pass." Celestia frowned into the paper and flipped another page.

     "Would you look at that! Some idiot tried to transform into a dragon for Nightmare Night!" exclaimed Celestia, doubling over with laughter. Luna choked on her fried egg at this and she downed her water in one go, eyes watering.

      "Laws are made for a reason. Do our subjects not see that it is forbidden to turn into any of the dangerous creatures listed at page fifty-two?" Luna managed to saw inebtween coughing fit. "But do go on, Celestia."

       Celestia grinned as she perused the newspaper again.

       "He had somehow became a giant green pheonix and is now staying at an empty elephant reserve due to his size. His name is Tricky Trix Lulamoon and his twin sister, Trixie Trick Lulamoon, was explaining how their family had a knack for getting in trouble because of bragging, a hurdle she had long overcome because of. . . Ooh, Princess Twilight Sparkle got involved with Trixie when she was a unicorn!"

       Luna smirked. "Do you not remember her letter about this Trixie Lulamoon and how she bragged of lies and falsehoods?"

       "I'll be honest enough to say I don't," replied the elder. "But Sugar and Spice Cafe is having a sale with all their coffee and introduced a new addition to their already large selection of their beverages."

       Luna was silent for a moment. "Dear Celestia, would you mind if I said I am no fan of coffee? Well, truth be told, I never tasted it."

       Celestia tapped her chin thoughtfully. "Do you want to try out one of my favorite brews?"

       "I can't say I don't."gggggG

       "Ruby Shine, do you mind getting another cup of my favorite coffee for my sister?" Celestia asked the nearest servant, a mare with a shiny red coat, a silver mane and blue eyes.

       Ruby Shine looked confusedly at the two sisters. As far as she knew, and she knew quite a lot, Princess Luna never had the pleasure of trying out coffee. Nonethless, she bowed respectfully.

       "Of course not, Your Highness." with that, she trotted off with but an inquiring look over her shoulder.

       "Hmm. . . Luna, what would you do if your former star student refused to let her best friend see her assisstant?" Celestia asked after reading a letter.

       "I would deman - wait, why?"

       "Spike is devastated that Twilight never allows him to see Rarity, and when he adresses that to Twilight, she says he's speaking nonsense and it was only because she needs him to do something. He tried asking Twilight if he could visit the other girls, and she consented, even if it meant having him out of the castle for a week."

       "Ask all three about the situation and take it from there."

      Minutes later a cup of coffee slid in front of Luna.

      "Enjoy, sister," Celestia said with wink. "Now, I have to go see Twilight." she slide off her chair and pranced away, leaving Luna to her coffee.

      She inhaled the odd, slightly annoying smell. The aroma made her shiver, however warm it was. It made her strangely fuzzy as she lifted it to her lips and sipped.

      The warm, creamy liquid tasted like. . . something. She wasn't even sure anymore. It was pleasant and tasty, but had a bitter edge that just made it all the better. She lowered the mug and paused to swallow. A shiver ran through her coat and she felt. . . alive. Energetic.

      Luna took a second swig, and it felt like torture to taste all the pleasantries in one go, yet she adored every moment of it. She shivered a second time as she swallowed the sweet darkness, the bitter tang and the warm cream. She licked her lips as she was reminded of the happier times of her life where the darkness serenaded her to sleep, the nighttime coating her body as she happily consented to eternal un-light, the best compromise she agreed to in her entire life.

      Her eye twitched, and she let out a soft squeak of what sounded like fear. Her body felt compressed, not unlike the time demons devoured her into Nightmare Moon. . .

      She let out a calm, deep breath. Surely ponies remembered their worst time of life when drinking coffee the first time, right? Her eye twitched again as she realized what she felt.

      Awake.

     With a smile she levitated the mug and swung off her chair, trotting briskly to the general direction of a meeting room for her morning appointment.

     Little did anypony know that this was the beginning of trouble that Equestria has never faced since its discovery.