Cutie Mark Catastrophe

by Lucky Seven

Rating: everyone
Tags: Discord, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Random
Length: 1076

Discord does something incredibly foolish.

Discord, well aware of the trouble that the Cutie Mark Crusaders are known to cause, decides to just go ahead and give them some cutie marks and put an end to their shenanigans. This, he hopes, will get everyone to like him.

Unfortunately, things go awry.

Published 2015-09-18 15:20:07 UTC
Last updated 2015-09-18 15:20:07 UTC

Why god, why!

It was just a normal day in Ponyville. Ponies were out shopping, foals were out playing, and the Cutie Mark Crusaders were causing all sorts of trouble. This intrigued Discord, the newest town resident. It was obvious that the townsfolk wanted them to stop getting into trouble, but there was only one way that was going to happen, and that was if they got their cutie marks. At this rate, however, that was obviously never going to happen.

For ponies associated with the element bearers, they certainly weren’t the brightest. Numbskulls was how Discord would describe them. They did, however, present him with a rare opportunity. If he helped them get their cutie marks, then the folks of Ponyville would certainly come to adore him!

But what cutie marks would he give the trio? He could certainly give them cutie marks designating their true talents, but where was the fun in that? No, he wanted to be a little more creative. In the name of chaos, he would just snap his talons and give them completely random cutie marks. After all, what could possibly go wrong that hadn’t already with these fillies?

“You’ve really done it this time, Discord.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, Twilight,” Discord shrugged with a smirk, surveying the scene that lay before him. “You all wanted those three to have their cutie marks, so I gave them some.”

“You turned Scootaloo into an arsonist!”

”Scootaloo, what in Equestria are you doing!”

“I’m burning down the school, big sis, what’s it look like?” Scootaloo smirked at Rainbow Dash, whose expression was one of pure terror.

“But why?!”

“Because Ms. Cheerilee gave me a C on my art project! I deserved an A, I made the best hoof painting! That stupid mare had it coming!”

“That’s it, give me the matchbook, Scootaloo!”

“Never!” she cried, lighting a match and throwing it onto Rainbow Dash’s hair. As she galloped off, Rainbow Dash tried futilely to put out the flames on her head.

“Mwahaha! First the elementary school, then the world!” the pegasus filly yelled out, striking a match and throwing it into the Apple family’s barn.

“I don’t see the problem, Twilight. In the end, everybody gets what they want.”

“What about the poor pony who has to use a wheelchair for the next three months?”

“I’m sure that Apple Bloom had her reasons for shattering Bon Bon’s knee caps with a baseball bat,” Discord countered.

”No, please! I promise, I’ll give Big Lenny the money next week!”

“You were told to have the money today, Bon Bon. It pains me to do this, but you’ve left Big Lenny no choice but to teach you a lesson. A lesson you’ll never forget.”

“I knew I never should have listened to Lyra! She told me the Colts were a sure thing!”

“Things happen, now it’s time to pay,” Apple Bloom replied grimly, baseball bat in hoof.

“No. No.” Bon Bon shook her head back and forth, refusing to believe what was about to happen to her. “Please don’t!”

Twilight was quickly growing more and more furious, but it wasn’t like she could do anything. Discord was the only one who could stop this chaos from continuing.

“Discord, I am begging you, please change things back to the way they were!”

“Not until you show me definitive proof that what I’ve done is bad for Ponyville, because as far as I can tell everyone is happy.”

“They’re screaming!”

“In joy!”

“In terror, Discord! And why wouldn’t they be?! Sweetie Belle just robbed a bank using one of Pinkie Pie’s party cannons!”

“Give me the money.”

“Awww, well aren’t you a cute little filly? I’m sorry, we can’t just give out money to ponies!”

“I said… give me the money!” Sweetie Belle shouted, producing a party cannon from seemingly nowhere and aiming it at the teller across from her. “Everybody get down on the ground!”

Everyone quickly complied except for the teller. “That’s it, I’m calling the authorities to pick you up, young lady!”

“You’re not calling anyone!” she retorted, firing the cannon and hitting the teller directly in the face with loads of confetti. As the teller flew backwards into the wall behind him, Sweetie Belle hopped over the counter and made her way into the vault, but not before issuing a warning to the other ponies in the bank.

“And if any of you get any funny ideas, you can expect worse than that to happen to you!”

This was obviously going nowhere, judging by the chuckles coming from Discord. But what would change Discord’s mind? He was a creature of pure chaos, after all. Something like this was probably keeping him elated.

“What if I promised you a thousand bits?”

“You mean a thousand bits that I could just bring into existence myself? Oh please, Twilight, do try to be more creative with your bribery.”

“Your own personal domain!”

“The world is my domain, my dear Twilight!” Discord laughed out, but Twilight failed to find the humor in it. “Oh, come now, turn that frown upside down!”

With a snap of his talons, Twilight’s mouth was now upside down, and she looked none too happy. Through gritted teeth, she growled out, “Back to normal. Now.”

“Oh, alright, you spoiled sport,” he chuckled, snapping his talons once more. “Now what was it we were talking about?”

“Burn, Ponyville, burn!” Hearing Scootaloo yell that out only exacerbated Twilight’s fury, and she finally let it all out.

“That’s it!” Twilight screamed out, her body seeming to ignite in flames, “you are going to change everything back right now or so help me, I will turn you back into a bird toilet with or without the elements of harmony!”

“Oh, fine!” the draconequus finally relented, snapping his talons. To Twilight’s dismay, and his shock, nothing happened. “Huh. Well that’s certainly odd…”

“What do you mean ‘that’s odd’?!”

“I mean I can’t undo this. I guess cutie marks really do stick with you for life, heh. Well, enjoy the inferno, Twilight! I’m going to take a vacation to Cloudsdale!” Discord shouted over his shoulder as he took off into the distance.

“B-but you can’t just--” Twilight was cut off by a sharp pain in her left leg. Looking down, she saw that it was on fire and Scootaloo was running away laughing. “I’ll kill you, Discord!”