The welcoming room

by Anatinus

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, Alternate Universe, Human, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Other
Length: 1057

Craig thought he could get into Equestria and dominate it. He couldn't. Luckily, this isn't his story...

Humans. They show up, they act like they own the place. You know the gist: they bridge in, by mistake or by their own will, and most of the time they act all "mighty whitey" on the equine population. Sadly for them, they're WAY more ready for them than they'd think. This is the story of what actually happens when a human tries to set foot in Equestria by any means other than the Mirror.

Just something that was spinning inside my head today. Not an awesome story, just a little thing I did for fun. Hope you'll like it.

Published 2015-09-18 23:00:03 UTC
Last updated 2015-09-18 23:00:03 UTC

Welcome to equestria. Sucker.

Craig Donovan, wannabe "conqueror of Equestria", was sitting inside what looked like a confined jail cell... it was only the swinging perch and the birdseed feeder that hinted to its true nature. Craig looked upwards... and upwards... and upwards, to his kind-eyed captor, a pink-maned pegasus. She looked down at him, smiled kindly and nodded.

"Do you need more food, little one?"

Craig sighed and shook his head. His apple slice - about the same size as a Winnebago - was still sitting next to him, untouched. He only wished to go back to Earth, find the one who sold him the artifact that brought him to Equestria and pummel the snot out of him. Then again, he should have looked before he leapt... Turns out that "little pony" is a relative term, and while Princess Celestia could freely use it, a normal Earth human definitely could not, as the three hundred feet tall Fluttershy could testify.

That was how Celestia could move the sun... it wasn't the star that was tiny, it was the planet that was ridiculously big. Now, he only hoped that Twilight Sparkle could reverse the bridge and send him home... he could have killed to see Boston again.

Uh oh. As soon as Fluttershy left, a large, nasty looking figure stepped into view. Angel bunny looked up at the cage's holder and gave it a nice, hard shake. He wanted to have fun, and fun he'd have, no matter what.

Laughter shook the room, as two figures looked away from the viewscreen. A tall, bearded human and a wise looking old unicorn in a blue robe with stars and bells on it were guffawing merrily as they checked the cylinder where a fully asleep Craig was floating in suspended animation.

"Man, Starswirl, this was NASTY!"

The old unicorn chuckled again, then looked at his interlocutor with a kind smile: "Well, you know how it is, Gregory. He DID get in with warlike intentions, and that only means..."

Gregory - full name Gregory Dennis, former 7-11 employee and current Equestrian guest - answered the smile with a grin, and nodded: "I know, that means that he gets a Nasty Equestria."

They started walking around the room, where about a thousand cylinders with just as many humans were floating, sleeping (most of them) peacefully, placed in dream realities that they felt to be truly real.

Gregory remembered the first time he saw the place... he was one of the Shunted, people who actually fell into Equestria by mistake, as the old mage had told him. That, of course, meant that he got a decent treatment, unlike the wannabe conquerors, who got the tables turned on them with ironic Equestrias, and worse yet...

...case in point. He looked at the cylinder right next to him. The occupant was a stocky figure with a self-righteous expression on the face, and the screen below showed HIS Equestria... an Equestria that acted according to his whims and wishes, with ponies behaving in ways completely unlike their real selves. He was the ruler, he was the ultimate reality, he was GOD.

That could have actually sounded nice, if not for a small detail - the red tag that decorated the cylinder. The tag that meant "never to be returned to his own dimension". The ponies were making sure that the preachy, self-centered git was getting the royal treatment... after all, he was gonna live the rest of his life in a jar, unless he showed signs of having learned, and according to what he saw that wasn't very likely.

Gregory shook his head sadly, and hurried to join his equine host, finding him busy with another Shunted. The new arrival, a young, bright-eyed girl, was getting the standard explanation spiel, apparently...

"...so you see, miss..."

"...Millicent. But my friends call me Millie."

"Very well, Millie. I can call you Millie, right? The reason you showed up in a, so to speak, "pickle jar" is because after a few accidents with past guests we decided to put a filter on the various portals, teleports, space bridges, the whole enchilada. And, as the builder of the first interdimensional portal in Equestria, I was deemed the most suitable to take care of such a thing... and what do you know, it worked."

Millie was staring at the old unicorn with wide-eyed amazement: "But... if the show is right..."

(Starswirl silently mouthed "uh oh, show aware dimension" to Gregory)

"...then you were alive before Luna was banished! You'd be more than a thousand years old!"

Starswirl gave the girl his best "grandfather smile", a thing that had perfected in many, many years of dealing with difficult ponies - two of which were currently on Equestria's thrones, at the moment.

"Three thousand, five hundred and sixty two, to be precise. But who's counting?"

"But how?"

The old pony sighed. That was a question he got more times than he had hairs in his famous, venerable beard. He patted gently the young one's cheek, then just said "Wizard." It wasn't the kindest of answers, but it was enough for him.

A short, amused chuckle came from behind Gregory, who turned around to see a tall, elegant, pearl-white equine with a long, spiraling horn, magnificent, swan-like wings and a rainbow-like mane. Gregory took a deep, respectful bow.

"Princess, welcome to my humble abode. What can we do for you today?"

Celestia gave the place a long, sad look, then looked with kindness at Gregory.

"Just making a small inspection. I hope that Starswirl has been treating you kindly, my friend."

Gregory nodded.

"Well, I can't complain... I mean, I'm not one of the "honored guests", but neither I'm one of the "permanent residents."

He looked briefly at a small alcove, where four empty cylinders were resting under a plaque saying "Friends of Equestria, Honored Guests"... the name tags read "Megan Williams", "Lauren Faust", "John DeLancie" and "Andy Price"... The main difference between these and the many, many others in the room was that they were actually open.

"All in all, I'm grateful to the Crown for giving me hospitality before I'm sent back. Still, if I may, there is something I was wondering..."

Gregory looked at a large cylinder in a corner, and sighed.

"Will I ever be actually let out?"