Hi. My name is Greg, and I'm a brony.
I wear my brony badge with a pride that few can understand or appreciate, and that hasn't made life easy for me. Ever since I started watching the show, all the jocks at school have teased me about it—they call me gay, they say I'm not a real man and they're always on my case. I can't even wear my Rainbow Dash t-shirt to school without them pointing and laughing at me.
It's gotten to the point where watching My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic every week is my only source of happiness. The more people at school ridicule me for it, the more I shut myself off from them and the more feverently I watch each episode. For every disparaging comment, I watch a rerun. For every swirly, I buy a brushable.
MLP is so bright and colorful, and its characters are so nice and happy. You'll probably think this sounds stupid, but the last time I saw a falling star, I made a wish: that the FiM ponies, or someone like them, could teach me about the magic of friendship, and maybe the magic of love. I've never had much luck with girls because
I'm just too shy.
At the time, I laughed at myself for wishing on a star, and making such a stupid wish at that, but little did I know what would happen a few weeks later...
I was cycling home from school one lonely, overcast day when the sky flashed with pink lightning. I looked up as I slowed my bike to a stop, and I swear I caught a faint whiff of fudge. It was as if Pinkie Pie was baking up in Cloudsdale, I thought, before berating myself for forgetting that earth ponies can't walk on clouds, and then remembering Twilight's spell from "Sonic Rainboom."
Smiling at the thought of my favorite pony, I set my eyes back on the road and continued cycling. I figured that the pink lightning was a side-effect of global warming or something. I made a mental note to look it up online when I got back home.
The rest of my trip was fairly uneventful, but left me with a strong craving for fudge. After parking my bike in the garage, I let myself into the house through the front door and went into the kitchen to get something to eat.
As I went to open the fridge, I noticed that my Mom had left a note on it. "Please fetch the washing if it rains," the note said. A crack of (presumably pink) thunder punctuated the note's end, and I grumbled to myself and headed for the backyard. Lunch would have to wait.
I opened the back door and stepped out into the yard. The wind had picked up and the clothes on the line were blowing around fiercly. My stomach rumbled. I was really hungry–thanks to the jerks at my school, I didn't get to spend my own lunchmoney.
My eyes surveyed the yard. Mmm, cotton candy.
What?
Wait, that's not cotton candy!
Lying on the grass next to the washing line was a poofy pink mess of curly hair, which I had momentarily mistaken for cotton candy in my hungry state. More importantly, the poofy pink mess of curly hair was attached to the head of a girl about my age, which was attached to the body of a girl about my age, which was totally naked.
My eyes almost bugged out of their sockets and I started feeling uncomfortably hot. Before I knew what I was doing, I had rushed over to the girl and scooped her unconscious body into my arms. I certainly couldn't let her just lie there and get soaked by the rain!
Thankfully, the girl was quite slim and proved light enough for me to carry into the lounge without too much effort. I'm stronger than I look, but not by much.
I brushed the hair out of her face, which was quite pretty and had a peaceful smile. The rest of her was quite attractive as well, and I'll admit that my eyes soon left her face.
Right. First things first, Greg. You need to wake this girl up, I told myself. I had shaken her a fair bit when I carried her into the lounge, but it hadn't woken her up. She was obviously a heavy sleeper.
I grabbed the girl by the shoulders and shook her. No response. I pinched her nose with my fingers, and her mouth fell open, but she still didn't wake up. I tapped her gently on both cheeks. Still nothing.
For a moment, my mind entertained the thought of tapping her gently on her other cheeks. My eyes drifted down her body and settled on her hip. She seemed to have a faint tattoo there... a tattoo of...
Party balloons. She had party balloons tattooed on her hip. My eyes darted to her curly pink hair, and then back to her hip tattoo. I nearly fainted.
This girl must be some crazy pegasister! I had heard of female bronies before and always wished I could meet one, but I never held out any hope that it would happen... and yet an attractive, naked one was on my couch, and she obviously had the same favorite pony as I did!
My right hand traced the balloons softly, as if to make sure they were real. My heart was racing by this point. I poked the girl in her stomach a few times, hoping to wake her up. Still nothing.
I figured there was only one way to wake her up that I hadn't already tried. It was time to throw some cold water over the girl, like my Mom always threatened to do when I tried to sleep in on schooldays.
But before I turned around to get some water, my eyes caught the girl's chest again. Her breasts were firm and of an average size–not too big and not too small. They were just sitting there.
Girls' breasts are sensitive, right? I decided that maybe I didn't need the bucket of water after all.
With a shaking hand, I reached out to touch the girl's right breast and soon felt it beneath my hand. Soft. I gave it a squeeze. Still no response from the girl.
A few moments later, I got up and went to the kitchen to get some water, stopping at the bathroom on the way. I was so excited! A hot pegasister, in my lounge! This was obviously destiny—it just had to be! As soon as she woke up, I’d show her my pony collection, and then we’d sit on the couch and watch episodes until we fell asleep... maybe we’d even cuddle.
I got a glass, filled it at the tap and then returned to the lounge. I couldn't have been gone for more than a few minutes.
"Hey there!" exclaimed a squeaky voice.
The girl was standing in the middle of the lounge, wearing a crumpled pair of jeans and a pink t-shirt—I recognised both as belonging to my sister.
"Uh, hi?" I replied, suddenly feeling very embarrassed.
"My name's Pinkie Pie, and I'm a pony from Equestria!" said the girl. "Or, well, I was a pony, and now I'm a human, like you!"
Pinkie's voice was unmistakeable. My jaw dropped.
"I just woke up a few minutes ago!" she said. "I looked around, saw I had turned into a weird monkey thing, and then I got scared, but only for a second! I looked around at all of the pictures in this room, and I noticed a whole lot of other weird monkey things that looked like me! They were all wearing clothes, and I thought 'how weird!' but then I got a bit cold and I understood. You poor monkeys don't have coats!"
I could only stand and listen as Pinkie continued her story.
"So anyway, I went out back and got myself some clothes from the washline, so that I wouldn't be cold! I'm sure you don't mind!"
"Not... at all."
"Also, you really shouldn't touch a girl's cutie mark like that when she's sleeping! It's rude!" Pinkie shot me a disapproving glare. "So it looks like I'm a weird monkey in a world full of weird monkeys now! How exciting! It's probably Discord's doing—do you think this happened to my friends as well?—I think it did! I'd better go find them right now! Thanksfortheclothesbyebye!"
"Wait!" I cried. "Don't you want me to, uh, help you adjust to human life or something?"
Pinkie stuck her tongue out. "Nah, you're too creepy! I don't want to be raped!"
Without another word, Pinkie sped out of my lounge and out of my life. My heart sank as I heard the front door slam.
Head drooped and stomach rumbling, I went back into the kitchen to get some belated lunch. To my surprise, there was another note.
"I emptied your fridge!"
