Do You Want Nightmare Moons?

by Rinnaul

Rating: everyone
Tags: Princess Luna, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Royal Guard, Random, Slice of Life
Length: 3053

Due to an oversight, Luna is left out of a book for foals. Two royal guards take action to ensure that the princess doesn't react too harshly to this terrible slight.

Royal Guard Silver Birch knows Princess Luna's history, and her... extreme reactions to being neglected in the past. When it seems Luna has been snubbed yet again, he and his partner Winter Garden take action to shield their Princess from this slight, and spare Equestria her terrible wrath.

(Inspired by a really dumb blog I did.)

Published 2015-09-20 19:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-09-20 19:20:02 UTC

Because That Is How You Get Nightmare Moons.

It had to happen eventually, Silver Birch thought. I’m a Royal Guard after all.

For an event had come about that every member of the Royal Guard prepared for, accepted, dreaded, or, sometimes, in a hidden place within themselves, secretly hoped for. His destiny had come, as it could for any pony who took up their mantle.

He, and he alone, stood between Equestria and unthinkable disaster.

Well, not exactly alone, per se, but his partner Winter Garden had instead opted to back herself into a corner and remain totally silent in the hopes that she would be overlooked.

It had also never occurred to Silver Birch that the event that would place all of Equestria at risk could arise from chatting with his partner about a gift for his foal.

“So, this book is intended to amuse foals?” Princess Luna asked, her gaze fixed on Birch. “And they are not meant to read it, but decorate it?”

“Yes, your highness,” Birch replied. Perhaps if she just didn’t ask about the details…

“That sounds… charming, in a way.” Luna tapped a hoof to her chin. “And they are meant to have used our likenesses? That of myself and my sister?”

“Yes, your highness, and other notable ponies,” Birch said.

Luna thought for a moment. “I believe I recall approving such a thing, some moons ago. It is strange, however. Most publications will send us a foreward copy when we become involved in their works.”

“Well, this particular book was recalled when they noticed a problem…”

“A problem?” Luna tilted her head slightly.

“Er, yes, they forgot, well…”

“A printing error, your highness,” Winter Garden finally said. “Some ponies didn’t appear clearly in the artwork.”

“I see.” Luna remained thoughtful. “I suppose this is a result of the new automated printing process. I do not recall such things happening with a printing press. However, you found one for your foal, if I heard correctly?”

Birch’s hopes that the princess would become distracted by historical trivia were dashed. “Oh, um, yes, your highness. Why?”

“I am curious as to what such an error may look like.” She paused. “And, I admit, I would like to see what use they made of my likeness. If you could acquire a second copy to satisfy my curiosity, I would be thankful.”

Garden stepped just out of her corner. “Princess,” she said, without looking directly at Luna, “If you don’t mind my asking, why not request a copy from the publisher? I’m sure they’d be happy to oblige.”

Luna rolled her eyes. “No, I am afraid that would not do. Ponies seem intent on presenting us with an image of a flawless Equestria. I am certain I would receive the corrected copy, and my question would remain unanswered.”

With that, the night Princess shook her head and proceeded past the two guardsponies into her suite.

“Well, there goes our free time for the day.” Winter Garden sighed, her gaze lingering on the door to Luna’s rooms for a moment, until she caught sight of the horrified look on Birch’s face. “What’s the matter with you?”

“Equestria is doomed,” he mumbled. “Equestria is doomed and it’s all because I was talking about a coloring book.”

Garden cocked her head to one side. “Okay, now you’re talking like Princess Twilight. I don’t follow.”

“Don’t you get it?” Birch leaned in close to Garden and spoke in a conspiratorial whisper. “They recalled it because they left somepony out. Princesses Celestia, Cadance, and Twilight appear. Princes Blueblood and Shining Armor appear. The Elements of Harmony, the Wonderbolts, DJ-Pon3 and Sapphire Shores… but not a single image of Princess Luna!”

Garden rolled her eyes and took a half-step away from Birch. “I’m sure Princess Luna will be terribly disappointed, and then get over it. Seriously, it’s a foal’s coloring book.”

“Get over it? Are you forgetting that she embraced dark magic and turned into Nightmare Moon specifically because she felt abandoned and neglected? Are you so sure that she’ll take being forgotten in favor of all these other ponies so well?”

Garden paused, humming and casting her eyes back in forth, as though in deep thought. And then brought her gaze back to Birch with a flat stare. “Yeah. I’m pretty sure she’ll be fine.”

“I don’t know about you, but I’m not willing to risk the fate of Equestria on a ‘pretty sure’.” Birch stepped towards the halls. “Fortunately, I have a cunning plan.”

Birch kicked the bookstore’s door closed behind him. “I can’t believe it. Another one out of stock. How could so many ponies want a misprinted book?”

Garden stood from the bench she’d been waiting on as Birch had gone to their fifth bookseller that morning. Without her armor, her natural coloration reasserted itself — a faint, icy blue that left her coat looking nearly white, and a faint pink that nearly matched her coat’s paleness in her mane, though that was accented by streaks of magenta that were shockingly bright in contrast to her otherwise-faint colors.

“One, it wasn’t actually a misprint, it was an oversight,” she said, trotting up to keep pace with Birch as he made his way down the street. “And two, anything that gets recalled in just a day is going to become a major collector’s item, no matter how innocuous it is. Ponies will have been snatching them up all morning.”

Silver Birch, on the other hoof, looked barely any different from before. Like his former Captain, Shining Armor, Birch’s natural coloration was a near-perfect match for the illusory change granted by the armor to keep the royal guard uniform in appearance. The only differences were that his blue mane and white coat were both slightly darker and, in his mane’s case, slightly less colorful, than his on-duty appearance. The overall result, as Garden occasionally pointed out, was that he seemed to be a typical royal guard… who neglected to bathe regularly.

“You don’t suppose…” Birch trailed off, then leaned close to Garden, continuing in a lower voice. “You don’t suppose these books are so prized because they excluded Princess Luna?” He cast a nervous glance towards the castle. “Just imagine if she learned so many were willing to go out of their way just to avoid her!”

Winter Garden groaned. “There’s not some massive conspiracy to de-legitimize Luna! I know you love your conspiracy theories, but this is getting stupid.”

“I’m just saying it’s worth considering,” Birch said, glancing around. “The consequences…”

“You are seriously terrified of her, aren’t you?”

“Shouldn’t I be? Don’t you remember how long Lock Heart, Cloudy Day, and Summer Squall were off on medical when they took her on when she first came back as Nightmare Moon?” He snorted. “Besides, it’s not like you’re any better.”

Garden glared at him from the corner of her eye. “What are you talking about?”

“Come on! You hide behind me or the door, avoid ever speaking to her, and when you do, you won’t even look her in the face.” He let out a harrumph. “You say I’m scared of her.”

“You are. The princesses intimidate me. All three of them.”

“Four,” Birch corrected.

“Twilight doesn’t count. We practically watched her grow up.”

“One, that’s a ridiculous exception, and two, that’s still not any different from what you’re accusing me of.” Birch returned her sidelong glare.

“It’s completely different. I have trouble talking to any of them. That’s why I let you tell Princess Celestia the news about the Crystal Empire, even though I knew you’d be all dumb and cryptic about it.” She jabbed Birch in the side with a hoof. “You just think Nightmare Moon is going to gobble you up like a little foal.” Garden took her attention away from Birch to look around. “Where are we going, anyway?”

“My house.” Silver Birch stared ahead solemnly. “The safety of Equestria is worth any price, and I know for certain where we can find one misprinted copy.”

Garden stared at him for a moment before realization struck her, and she returned the favor by smacking the back of Birch’s head with her hoof. “We are not taking Beachflower’s copy! I’m willing to wander around half of Canterlot with you in pursuit of this stupid thing, but I draw the line at taking away something you gave your daughter!”

“But the fate of Equestria…”

“Equestria will be fine. Princess Luna isn’t going to go evil and crazy over a sticker. You’re being stupid and I’m not letting you ruin Beachflower’s day for something like this.” Winter Garden turned up the next street. “Come on.”

Birch paused, then followed along. “Okay, but now where are we going?”

“Towards Celestia’s School. I know a pony over there who’s sure to have gotten a copy, on grounds of it being a rare book.” Garden sighed. “I have no idea how we’ll convince her to give it up, though.”

The young unicorn pushed her glasses back up onto her nose and stared at Winter Garden, who sat across the cluttered table from her. There was the occasional noise from the other room as Silver Birch occupied himself browsing her impressive personal library.

“Come on,” Garden pleaded. “It’s just a foal’s coloring book.”

“Which has already been recalled.” A brief pause to push her glasses up again. “If I give it up, I won’t be able to replace it.”

Garden groaned and threw her forehooves up. “Seriously, Moondancer! You have five!”

“Yes, I do,” Moondancer said, narrowing her eyes at the mare who dared threaten the completeness of her book collection. “And I need all of them.”

“Why in Equestria do you need five copies if you only want it for completion’s sake?”

“This copy is to remain shrink-wrapped in my collection,” Moondancer said, pointing at one that was, indeed, inside a protective wrapping, and then moving on to the others in turn. “This one is for Lyra Heartstrings, who will inevitably want a copy because she’s an utter foal at heart. This one is for Pinkie Pie, who will want one as soon as she sees Lyra’s, because she isn’t any better. This one is for when Lyra inevitably loses her copy and comes begging me for a replacement.” Moondancer’s hoof hung over the final copy. When she finally spoke again, she turned her head and her cheeks held a faint pink tinge. “And this is my copy to color…”

“So much for just being a collector,” Garden said, resting her chin on her forehooves. “And your friend is supposed to be the foalish one?”

“Shut up! What do you think she wants it for? Besides, I just came out of nearly four years of being a reclusive study-holic. I’m allowed to do silly and fun things sometimes.” Moondancer glared at Winter Garden a moment, then glanced down at the coloring books. With a quick burst of magic, she pulled all five to her and held them protectively to her chest, hidden behind her forelegs.

Garden rolled her eyes. “Seriously, Moon. It’s not like I can snatch one from you, anyway. Only one of us has a horn.” She paused, glanced towards the door, and sighed, a faint pink coloring her own face. “Please, Moondancer? Birch might be an idiot, but he says he has a way to make this a good thing for Princess Luna. I’ve been fighting him on it all day, but now that we’ve found what we need, when it’s such a simple task that she’d like…”

Moondancer looked at her for a moment, then smiled and shook her head. “You and your fixations.” She lit her horn and one copy of the prized activity book floated over to Winter Garden. “I guess I can just tell Lyra no, for once…”

Garden took the book gingerly in her teeth and slid it into her saddlebag. “Thanks, Moondancer.” Garden stood and gave Moondancer a hug that the young unicorn awkwardly returned with a single hoof.

“You’re welcome,” said Moondancer in a strained voice.

Garden let go of Moondancer and took a step back. “I don’t like indulging Birch on principle, but regardless of his stupid ideas, I’m sure Princess Luna will appreciate this.”

“Hopefully. Was that all you two needed, though?”

Garden shook her head, and then sighed, her excitement over actually completing their task suddenly lost. “No, we still have to go through stage two of his ‘cunning plan’, whatever that’s going to be.”

“You’re still an idiot,” Winter Garden muttered to Silver Birch as they made their way back into the castle and towards Luna’s rooms. “This is never going to work, and now we’ve wasted our entire day on it.”

“It’s going to work,” he said back. “I don’t think you grasp quite how cunning this is.”

“Cunning?!” Garden shot him a glare. “You just pulled the pages with Luna out of one of the new ones and glued them into the old one! And you didn’t even do a good job of it! This is the kind of craftwork a foal learns when they’re five. Not only should you have learned it then, you have a six-year-old daughter! You could have picked it up from her! Never mind you waited until after we had the old copy before you lead us all the way back across town to get one of the new ones.”

“The steps of the cunning plan have to be enacted in order. Otherwise it’s hardly much of a plan at all.”

Garden looked ahead to the doors to Luna’s suite, which they were quickly approaching. “We are never doing anything you say, ever again.”

“You’ll see. It’s going to work, and we’re going to have saved Equestria from certain doom.”

Garden sighed and shook her head as they approached the twin ebony doors with silver inlays. Two new guardsponies had taken their place for the rest of their shifts, though she wasn’t familiar enough with either to recognize them with their armor on. They were clearly expected, however, as their replacements allowed them to pass through the doors with little more than an exchange of casual nods.

Once within Luna’s suite, they quickly found the princess seated at her desk, where she would typically review whatever paperwork was sent to her at the end of Princess Celesta’s day court. Both guardsponies stopped in their tracks.

For Winter Garden, it was the sight of Princess Luna in such a casual setting, her mane disheveled (something Garden hadn't imagined was possible for that shimmering, etheric feature) and a blanket hanging across her withers.

For Silver Birch, it was the bright pink book that currently held the princess's attention.

“I thought for a moment that the error was found on page six, where several of the ponies are missing parts of their outfits," Luna said, flipping the page with her magic. "However, this appears to be a type of puzzle for foals, so I remain perplexed as to the nature of the error.”

Panic flashed across Birch’s face. “Oh, you, uh, found your own copy, Your Highness.”

Luna nodded and turned another page. “A friend was in Canterlot on business and had purchased copies for her younger sister and said filly’s friends. I was woken by her arrival and requested one of her spare copies.” She flipped another page. “Perhaps you could just tell me where the misprint is to be found, as I have seen nothing.”

“Ah. Well. The error is…” Birch was interrupted by a nudge from Garden. “More of an omission, really. Of you.”

Luna quirked an eyebrow up. “I had noticed. It was somewhat irritating, but of no real consequence.”

Birch blinked. “Oh. You’re not upset about it?”

Luna closed the book and shook her head. “Of course not. This is just a thing to amuse foals. Fretting over my absence in it would be absurd.” She fixed her gaze on Silver Birch. “What made you think it would upset me?”

“Well… I apologize for my presumptuousness, your highness, but given your past…” Birch coughed and looked away.

“Ah. You thought perhaps I had some lingering difficulties with the idea of being forgotten, and would react in a regrettable manner, yes?” Luna sighed and closed her eyes. She remained that way for a brief time, before opening them again and turning to look out the window as she continued. “The circumstances of my fall were not quite so simple as they are often made out to be. Somepony… very close to me had just passed away. Her life’s work lay in ruins, and those responsible had seemed to escape justice. I had lost much, and so threw myself into the one thing I felt I had left — my night. However, in my grief, I became bitter and spiteful, and drove other ponies away. I was shunned in turn, and my sister was sadly too occupied with trying to establish order to notice my downward course, until the day I released my inner demons on the world and lost all that I had left.” She paused once more. “I hope you see that those circumstances are far removed from the life I live now.”

Silver Birch and Winter Garden stood staring in silence at the princess, though Birch did, eventually, nod his head in understanding.

“Good,” said Luna, with a faint smile. “And regardless of that, I would not take drastic action over so small a slight. I believe a simple letter to the publisher expressing my disappointment would be the most rational response.”

The two waited as Luna penned a brief letter, rolled it into a scroll, and then passed it to Garden with her magic.

“I understand you have both gone beyond your typical duties in pursuing a copy of the book, but I hope you won't protest one more small favor in delivering this letter for me.”

Garden looked up from reading the letter she’d been given. “Um, pardon me, your highness.”

Luna turned to her. “Yes, Winter Garden?”

Garden froze a moment and swallowed, but then pressed on. “Are you sure promising ‘horrors that would render pale even the denizens of Tartarus’ and ‘not one night's peaceful rest ‘til this is forgotten’ actually qualifies as rational?”