That ship sailed long ago my friend
There are many that give me confused looks. There are many that ask me why. There are few that say "you are an inspiration to us all"! I am Tin Can, an 8 year old colt with aspirations of being a reporter. My specialty is romance, more specifically, shipping! I am great at finding out who's been kissing who. I just have a sense about these things. I also can write pretty well too, so I think I'm perfect for the job. Now, without further ado, time to find some news!
I begin my search at sugar cube corner, I end up running into pinkie pie. "Hi, how ya doin Tin"? says Pinkie as she walk over to me.
"I'm doing well. So, how's Cheesepie working out"? I say with a smug look on my face.
"I don't think we serve that here... " Pinkie replied.
"I know that you and cheese sandwich totally have a thing. You met as kids, and fate led you too back together. Party planners, possessors of impossible prophetic powers, and lovers, am I right". I say as if I had just won a game of polo.
Pinkie says "The first two are right, but we are just friends that like the same stuff. You say some weird stuff sometimes Tin Can".
"My methods may be unusual, but I always find my story in the end." I shout triumphantly. "I will take that cheerful grin as a yes. Farewell pinkie pie, give me a call when you can be open up about your feelings". I wave goodbye.
Pinkie pie says "Wait, what"? As the information dawns on her she says "Did you even listen to what I said"?
My next stop was Cloudsdale, until I remembered that I was an earth pony and could not yell loud enough to carry on a conversation from so far away.
I then decided to go to the park, and I ran into Big mac. I said "Hey Big Mac, what's happening with cheerimac"
"What"? He replied with confusion".
"I shipped you before I could even talk. How is that relationship"? I say Shifting my eyebrows up and down, which is weird because my eyebrows are only there some of the time. However now is not the time to go into such things, there is shipping to be done.
"Did Apple Bloom put you up to this? Are you trying to say that Cheeralie is my very special somepony?
I respond as I think anyone would "Very special somepony is such a long and annoying thing to say, I prefer lover. But yes, I am saying that you kiss a lot and I am going to tell everyone about it. Also, you are talking a lot more than you usually do".
Big Mac responds a little miffed. "I normally don't get asked these kinds of questions, but that's not the point! This is crazy".
"The only thing that's crazy, is you for Cheeralie. I have to go now, but thanks for the chat". I say as I run towards my next story.
I see Ditzy Doo walking down the road. I walk up to her and say "I ship you and the doctor with bubble wrap"
She responds "You can't mail ponies, silly".
I am on a roll. I see fluttershy. I'm sure you know what happens next. I say "Flutterlane, I know in my heart that it's real"
I then shout to rainbow dash, "I ship you and boulder to the crystal empire and back". "And for my grand finale Celestia... With everyone". I shout in the middle of the street for all passers by to hear.
Bon Bon walks by and says "Shouldn't it be everypony"?
I quickly respond "No, that's racist. Gildestia, will not go unnoticed".
Lyra was standing next to Bon Bon and she said "I know right. I'm even looking into the possibility of there being another species apart from what is Equestria".
"Why are you encouraging him" says Bon Bon. '"people have to have dreams. Go forth Mr. can and show the world what you're made of". replies Lyra courageously.
"Yes ma'am!" I say while saluting her. "Wait a second, Lyra and Bon Bon... Nope nothing there, they're just good friends". Now to head home and type up a report.
As I walk in the door at home, Mom says "Hi honey, what did you do today"?
"Mom, I am Tin Can. My name might mean an outdated means of communication, but I am also an ace reporter. Do you really need to ask"? I say with a triumphant smile across my face.
I rush to my room to write up the best report of my career, and the first actually. I use sooo many semicolons, to impress everyone with my skill. I go to bed, excited about how well it had turned out.
The next morning, I wake up and rush out the door before anyone else wakes up. As I run down the street, I anticipate what kind of job I will get. Now the hour has come at last, to unleash my report upon the world. ... Wait a second... We don't have a news paper in ponyville, we get it from Canterlot. ... Whoops, that was a severe oversight. Well, I... Plan B activate! To the school!
If I can get there in time, then I can publish it there. Why does a one room schoolhouse need a printing press, I don't know, and as you probably know by now, when there is shipping to be done, Discord could be taking over the world and I would still be reporting.
As I approach the school I see feather weight walk in the door. I chase him down to the basement and yell "Featherweight"!
He had just reached his desk when he turned around and gasped in shock. "Y-yes?" he stammered. "I have a great report that needs to be published now"! I said with great exasperation while I try to catch my breath. "Here"! I take my report and throw it at his face.
"Okay, just let me read it first" he says as he proceeds to read it.
Once he finishes reading it, he says "Wow... how did you learn so many words?"
"When my uncle gave me 5 dictionaries for hearth's warming, he meant it as a joke, but I took it as a challenge." I said with gusto.
"Miss Cheeralie said not to let anything like "Gabby Gums" happen again, but this is totally different." he replied. I respond to him "I know. Love makes everyone happy, so there can be no negative consequences whatsoever! So what are you waiting for, let's do this"!
"Yeah"!
And so Featherweight and I made Equestrian history by creating the greatest newspaper article ever!
Author's Note
I put words in a box! woo! This is my first story, so please do not murder me with your pointy pointy words. Please leave feedback, so that I can know what is terrible. Thank you for reading and goodnight.
