Aren't I An Absolute Gentleman?
Cheerilee sulked all the way home. I lost my temper...in front all the children... She sighed. Then again, I don't really think it was my fault...
Approaching her home, she caught sight of a brown stallion with a black mane and tail standing in front of her door. Um...what?
As Cheerilee trotted closer, he turned.
"Oh, are you Cheerilee?" He asked in a deep voice.
"Why yes, I am." Cheerilee said in the same voice she used at school. "Can I help you with anything?"
"My best friend is dating Lemon Hearts," He said, looking at the ground. "and Lemon said that maybe, because I'm a nice guy and all, her friend Cheerilee would like to get to know me. She tried to get in touch with you, but could never find the time, so I decided to just come over."
"Oh." Cheerilee smiled her perfectly rehearsed salesmare smile. "Um, well wasn't that...nice of you?" She paused. "Aren't you bothered by my smell?"
"I have a sinus infection."
"Oh that's..." Cheerilee wrinkled her nose. "Fantastic."
"Should I be bothered by your smell?"
"Um, well..." Cheerilee scratched the back of her head. "I got sprayed by a skunk earlier, so...yes."
"I have a sinus infection." He repeated.
"You mentioned that."
"Did I?" He laughed. "Well, enough chit chat. We'll have plenty of time for that at the restaurant."
"Oh, I probably shouldn't." Cheerilee laughed. "I mean, I've got papers to grade tonight, I need to piece together the next lesson, and...well...there's still the issue of my smell..."
"Oh, it's okay!" He smiled. "You're not bothering me!"
Cheerilee studied him for a moment. "Well...I can't say the same will go for everyone else at the restaurant..."
"No, really, it's no trouble!" He waved a hoof around, dismissing it. "Come on, get ready."
"A-alright." Cheerilee walked past him into her house. Oh, this will be fun. But I wouldn't want to disappoint Lemon Hearts... She turned to close the door, but he walked right in after her.
"I'm going to wait in the living room." He said, smiling and pointing into a room she had turned into an office.
"...That's my office."
"Okay, I'll wait in the office then." He trotted into the room and started...touching everything. "Oh, wow! This is cool!"
Cheerilee shuddered and walked off to her bedroom. Piece of work. She put on her fanciest frilly, lacy, blue dress, blue heels that matched, put her hair into a bun, and dosed and extreme amount of perfume on herself. It didn't mask the smell, but...it was better than before.
When she was finished, she looked in the mirror and sighed. "He is NOT worth all of this. But," She shivered. "I have a feeling he'll never leave unless I go on a date with him." She plastered on her fake smile and left her room, prepared to face him.
She found him in her guest bedroom, where he was holding up a ceramic decorative item.
"I've never seen one of these before," He said in awe. "It's beautiful!" And then he dropped it, shattering it into a thousand pieces on the hardwood floor.
He turned and flashed a gentlemanly smile at her. "Shall we go?" He trotted out of the room happily, leaving the shards behind.
Cheerilee twitched.
"So your name is...Basket Case?" She asked warily. They were eating dinner at one of the most prestigous restaurants in Ponyville, called Isola.
"Why yes, yes it is." He smiled at her. "Great name, isn't it?"
"Uh...sure." This date sucks, Cheerilee said to herself as she took a sip of her cherry soda. but the food will make up for it.
"So, Cheerilee," He said, taking a ginormous gulp of his beer. "What's you favorite book?"
"Of Mice and Stallions." Cheerilee replied, not even looking up at him.
"Shut up!" He said, staring at her. A long, confused silence ensued.
"Um...are you going to say anything else?" Cheerilee tilted her head curiously.
"What were we talking about?" He asked with a blank look on his face.
"...Books, Basket."
"Book Baskets?" He asked. "Whaaaaa? They make those? Baskets exclusively for books?!" He paused for a minute. "Dude, that's racist."
"No, Basket. We were talking about books." Cheerilee said.
"Oh. So, Cheerilee, what's your favorite book?"
Cheerilee groaned. "Of Mice and Stallions."
"Shut up!"
Cheerilee groaned again and face-hooved. I am NOT doing this again. Thankfully, the waiter came out at this moment.
"Are you ready to order yet-eeeeeeeeeew..." He held his nose shut with a hoof.
"I don't smell that bad!" Cheerilee muttered forcefully.
"I have a sinus infection." Basket told the waiter.
The waiter scrunched his face up. "Lovely. Are you two ready to order?"
"Yes, I'll take the fetuccini alfredo," Cheerilee said, handing him the menu and smiling. "Thank you."
"Oh, the grown up macaroni!" Basket Case said. "Fancy! Speaking of macaroni, I'll take that."
The waiter nodded and rushed off to the kitchen.
Basket turned back to Cheerilee with a larger-than-life smile. "So, Cheerilee. What's your favorite play?"
"Poneo and Juliet."
"Really!" He laughed. "I found that one to be quite boring. I more preferred "Hannibal."
Cheerilee nodded and smiled. "I see..." HELP ME!!! Her brain shrieked.
He then went on a long, terrifyingly detailed description of his favorite play, and while he was lost in the zone, one of his hoof motions knocked Cheerilee's soda over, spilling it all over her dress.
"My dress!" Cheerilee squeaked. "This was my favorite dress!"
"Eh, it's not that pretty." Basket said, taking a sip of his own beverage. "If it means that much to you, just buy another one."
Cheerilee snapped.
"WHAT THE &%$ IS YOUR PROBLEM?!" She shrieked. "YOU'RE BEING SUCH AN @$$!!!"
He blinked in surprisement. "Woah. Language."
"I DON'T GIVE A $&#% ABOUT LANGUAGE!" She screamed at the top of her lungs. "ALRIGHT, YOU KNOW WHAT?! $&#* THIS! I'M LEAVING!" She grabbed her plate of fetuccini alfredo from the waiter as she passed by. "HAVE FUN PAYING FOR MY FOOD, JACK@$$!"
She carried the plate out of the restaurant, strutting. "Stupid...[bleep]ing stallion...idiot..." She slammed the door to her house shut behind her.
She put her plate in the fridge, tore off her ruined dress, pulled the pin out of her hair violently, and kicked off her heels. She ran to her room, pulled off the covers of her bed, and prepared to collapse onto the sheets, but stopped in horror.
Somehow, Basket had left her a gigantic, disgusting turd, right in the middle of her bed.
Cheerilee screamed in frustration for thirty straight minutes.
