The diary of Gamer Luna.

by pegasister16

Rating: mature
Tags: Princess Luna, Comedy, Rarity, Random, Princess Celestia, Sex, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1667

Ever wondered what it's like in the day of the life of Princess Luna? How she copes with having a sister so overbearing as Molestia? Now you can get exclusive access to her diary!

NOTE: I don't actually know if this has been done before, so tell me if it has and I'll take it down ASAP. I put this off to write another fic. This is a little rushed so please, tell me how I can improve this. I know it's not funny... at all... I marked it as comedy because that's my attempt at it :3 This is really short, it's just because I'm bored :D

WARNING: RATED MATURE FOR LANGUAGE AND SEX REFERENCES. There is no descriptive sex in here, but there are plenty of sex references and... other stuff.

Published 2012-06-22 19:34:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-06-22 19:34:01 UTC

Monday

Monday 01 May 2012.

3:00am

I awoke at the usual time of 3:00am to get started on some COD. I looked outside the window. My beautiful night was still there. My sister wouldn't be raising her sun until long after 7. I gazed out of the window for a second, admiring the sheer beauty of the night time. It was like a velvet cloak, drenching the land in pitch blackness-
I don't have time for this. I have some black ops to get to.

3:05am

Shit.

3:07am

It's official. My sister replaced all my good video games with porn. (By 'good video games', I would like to state that she left behind my Disney video games that I got for Christmas, and my original Nintendo DS. She even took my fricking 3DS! What am I supposed to do with a DS?!) Alas, even the porn failed to please me. The actors and actresses were unattractive, unarousing, and generally poor at their jobs. I tried watching every video tape- and there were hundreds- but not a single one worked. If anything, I simply laughed. I mean, what kind of sick joke is this?!

4:00am

There is literally nothing to do. I could go on my computer... but I usually do that during the evenings. I decide to take a walk through the palace. I haven't been out of my room in a few days, I've mostly just been living on Cheetos and many, many bottles of Pepsi. I don't drink coke. It's foul stuff. It should be banished to the moon. As I walk past my elder sister's chambers, I wonder if she is awake. Perhaps I can steal my games back. Or at least some good porn. I peep my head around the door. She is asleep, spooning some unknown stallion. The stallion appears to be awake.
"Help me Princess Luna!" He mouths at me. Molestia wakes up. Oh crap. I think she's noticed me. I gallop out of the room before she invites me to 'join in'.

4:15am

I decide to go for a walk in the royal gardens. The night is still there- thankfully. In all honesty, I wish that my sisters day wasn't so... bright and over bearing. The night time is silent, peaceful, and beautiful. As I stroll through the courtyard, wishing I could be on my xbox, I notice a unicorn also walking through the garden. I wonder what she is doing out at this time. It's my time. A time where nopony can get on my nerves. I walk up to the unicorn.
"AND WHAT ART THOU DOING HERE?" I demand.
"Oh... Princess Luna... I'm here for the ball at the palace." She says, staring at my hair. Oh dear. Another city pony. Great.
"Where art thou from?" I ask, not really caring anymore.
"Ponyville." Says the white unicorn. She keeps on staring at my mane.
"Princess Luna... did you remember to brush your hair this morning?"
I chuckle, "Of course not! It's far too early for that. And I rarely ever go anywh-" I stop. She has pulled a hairbrush out of her diamond saddlebag and started brushing my hair for me. No, literally. I glare at her.
"Stop that IMMEDIATELY!" I yell at her. How rude! You don't just go around brushing other people's hair willy nilly! She puts the brush back and runs away. How crude.

6:00am

I return from my walk just as the sun rises. I walk past 'Celestia' as she rises the sun and lowers the moon. I creep up on her and she drops them both. The sky is a weird greyish colour, for a split second anyway. I laugh before walking off. She resumes rising the sun again. Not nearly prank enough for replacing my games with crappy porn, but it will have to do for now. I walk past the stallion I met earlier. He blushes and tries not the make eye contact with me. I simply laugh as I walk past him. Stupid colt.

6:20am

I decide that now would be the chance to steal my games back. I sneak into Molestia's room. It's a fucking mess. Sex toys litter everywhere. There is a filly tied up in her bath tub. She looks at me anxiously as I walk past. I ignore her. There is some strange 'goo' on the floor, I dread to think what it could be.
"No place for a Princess to reside" I mutter to myself. Finally, I find a locked cupboard marked 'Sex tapes. Luna, don't touch!'. I open the cupboard with my magic. There, is a shining pile of video games. I grab a porno that will hopefully be better than the others she gave me. I can hear footsteps coming up the steps. I hide underneath the bed. I can just see Molestia going over to the filly in the bath tub. Excuse me while I gag.

8:00am

I finally managed to escape. I feel too ill to do anything now. I go on the computer and play Amnesia to try and forget the disgusting scenes I have just witnessed. It isn't working.

9:00am

I decide to look at the good porno I stole. I know it is good because it is labeled 'Good porn' on it. I put it in the VCR and hit play. A very attractive stallion walks in. 'This should be good.' I thought to myself. As I look closer at the screen, I notice something. 'Wait a minute... Is this... my bedroom?!' Suddenly Molestia walks in, ties him to the bed post, and they begin to have sex with each other. On my fucking bed. I turn it off and run out to get some fresh air before I puke. It was like the time I discovered she used my toothbrush to uh... 'relieve' herself....

9:30am

I gallop out of the house for the second time today. I swear I haven't done that since I left for the moon. I spot my irritating nephew Blueblood getting into an argument with a filly. I peeped from behind a hedge. 'This should be juicy!' I thought to myself.
"Please!" Blueblood says.
"No Blueblood! I didn't come all the way to Canterlot to get harassed by you! I'm only here for the annual ball!" She yells back at him. He grabs her by the leg as she tries to escape. She slaps him hard across the face and he falls to the ground.I like her style.
I go and greet her and invite her to walk with me. It's the same unicorn from before. I keep a slight distance from her in case she tries to brush my hair again. She tells me her name is Rarity, and that she is the element of generosity. I doubt that. As we walked, we discussed our hatred of the putrid stallion. It was a good morning.

11:00am

I walk into the castle again. In the kitchen, Molestia appeared to be helping 'prepare'. I walk over to her.
"What are you up to?" I ask her suspiciously.
"Oh nothing." She says with a devilish smile. I notice a bowl of 'dip' on the table.
"You didn't!" I say disgustedly. She doesn't respond. She just stands and smiles at me. How the fuck is she fit to be a Princess?!

11:10am

Finally, I am back in my room. Time for a couple of hours of COD. I'm way behind schedule on my gaming now. I of course, have my disgusting sister to blame. I go online against a player called 'SonicRainbowDash'. She's annoyingly good. I scream into my headset;
"I DEMAND THOU LET ME WIN!! I SHALL BANISH THEE FROM ALL OF EQUESTRIA!"
She logged off. I think she recognized my voice.

1:00pm

4 hours until the ball starts. I hate going out in public. That's exactly why I was in about 1 episode of season 1. Oh wait... maybe 2. I'm rubbish at socializing with other ponies. But hey, at least I'm not like Molestia, who is too good at socializing... if you know what I mean...

1:30pm

Molestia wants me to make her a COD account. I told her to suck it. She said, "OK!" and moved in closer to me. So I'm in the middle of making her an account. She told me she wanted it to be called 'Princess_Molestia_69'.
"You get it?" She had told me, "69? It's like, my favourite number!" I shivered. It's making me shiver now.

2:15pm

She won't get off my fucking xbox. She's been on it for 45 minutes. I've had to go on my computer. I've been playing this kids game called 'Toontown'. It seemed pretty cool and I was doing really well. That was of course, until I discovered their interpretation of a 'horse'. I also discovered it was by Disney. That cut it for me. It was a shame as well, because I was already at 81 'laff points'. (Basically life). Sweet Celestia, what's happening to me?

3:00pm

The ball starts in an hour. I met Rarity again. She told me I had to change into something formal. She can go fuck herself. I don't do 'formal'.

4:00pm

The ball has just started. Everyone is having a feast. I load my plate with chips, chips, and more chips. Growing up in the palace, I have learned not to trust any sauces of any kind. Instead, I just pile on a load of salt. A little purple unicorn moves next to me on the buffet table.
"Hello Princess Luna!" She says, grinning eagerly at me.
"Oh... um hello.... er..."
"Twilight Sparkle?" She says, "You know, one of the elements of harmony?"
"Oh yes! Of course, hello there Twilight!"
"Your food doesn't look very healthy." She says, "Perhaps you want some dipping sauce with that?" She hands me a small tub of white goo. I lean over and whisper in her ear.
"That's not dipping sauce."
"I...It's not?" She asks nervously.
"It's cum."