Sergeant Buckler knew it was going to be one of those mornings the moment he woke up. His gear was smudged despite him polishing it the night before, the mess hall was serving pancakes instead of waffles, and one of the maids knocked over a vase on the way to the throne room. The maids never knocked things over.
Now he stood in the throne room, staring across the hall as the latest incarnation of the Nightmare gave its monologue over how it would rule the country, that none were strong enough to face it in combat, that not even the elements would stop it this time, yadda yadda. It did this from atop the princess' throne, its bottom firmly planted upon the royal cushions and thus granting the creature sanctuary from those surrounding it.
"..and once the fools submit and worship me as a proper god, I will move on to conquering the minotaur tribes! Oh, they laughed at me, called me a parasite and a pushover, but who will be laughing once their precious city burns? Me, that's who! Bwahahahaha!"
It would likely have been terrifying, or at least scary, if not for the fact that the latest host of the Nightmare seemed to be a breezy. Yes, one of those tiny ant-sized ponies. In this case, the sergeant had to fight down giggles at the tiny thing laughing maniacally from the throne. The strangest thing was that the nightmare seemed certain it had already won. Did it just not know about the rules for a challenge? That law had been up for several centuries at least. What rock would you have to be hiding under to not know about that?
"Pst, Sergeant," a guard to his left whispered "Shouldn't we, you know, do something?"
"No," he whispered back, keeping his eyes forward. A monumental task with the cackling and ranting coming from the throne. "It's actually an order from the princess. Any challengers may issue a challenge for the throne by sitting on it. Only if the princess leaves before the challenger is removed does the challenger have any authority; and by that I mean they then rule Equestria. I've actually seen this happen three other times. First sap was teleported to the dungeons, second was launched out the window, and the third? Well, Discord's not the only statue in the garden. I'm just waiting for Princess Celestia to show up and deal with her most recent challenger. I'm actually curious how she'll do it this time. She uses a different technique each time."
Even as he finished speaking Punctual Planner choked, managing to hide her laughter as a series of coughs. Another member of the staff, one of the serving ponies, ran out the door with a hoof over her muzzle as though she were going to vomit. Of course, Buckler was certain the only thing leaving her body in a few moments would be gales of laughter.
"Kah-hahahaha! The mortals can't even keep their stomachs in my presence, such is the might of my aura of terror!" the tiny thing on the throne squeaked out.
'Aura of terror? Is that what that odd chill I felt was? I thought there was a draft,' the sergeant thought to himself.
"Are you sure, sir?" the younger guard persisted, "I mean, we're guards, shouldn't we be, I don't know, guarding her highness?"
"Corporal, let me tell you something," Buckler said, fighting to keep from rubbing his muzzle in exasperation. The number of times he'd given this speech was ridiculous. One would think the stallions in charge of training would at least mention this kind of thing. "Princess Celestia raises the sun each morning. While her sister was banished, she also took care of the moon. If there is any creature out there that would stand a chance against her, it would tear through the guard like tissue paper. We're here to escort the civilians to safety in such a case, or just play crowd control if the petitioners get rowdy. I don't know who sold you the idea that Princess Celestia's guards protect her, but you should get a refund."
The bells in the Canterlot Tower chimed the top of the hour, eight o'clock, and the large doors leading to the princess' quarters opened. Celestia walked into the hall, her usual serene smile upon her face, and the sergeant almost let out a sigh of relief. The sooner the princess dealt with the Tiny Terror, the sooner court could start, the sooner he could listen to the princess make patronizing comments to the nobles. Stuffed up windbags actually thought she was serious. Still, as the princess approached, the courtroom was silent, everyone in the courtroom, even the griffon ambassador, all watching with eager anticipation to see how the alicorn would deal with the latest usurper.
Celestia hadn't slept well the night before. She kept having visions of the Nightmare's return, of the Nightmare sitting upon her throne when she opened the doors. She knew it was possible it was just that, a nightmare, but she also had enough visions over the years to not discount them out of hoof. Her hoofmaidens undoubtedly noticed the lack of enthusiasm with which she dug into her breakfast, but they were professional enough not to say anything. A pity, really. She would have enjoyed having a pony to commiserate with. Luna was falling asleep in her dinner, while Cadance was off in the Crystal Kingdom. Twilight was, well, Twilight.
'One would think that being elevated to the same rank as me would help her speak with me more casually, but I fear that's going to take a few decades to work out of her system.'
The princess opened the doors herself, not feeling the need to wait for her guards to do such a simple task. The clock tower was chiming the hour, so she was right on time. Though she felt exhausted, she kept her mask up, her serene smile never wavering. She elegantly approached her throne, smiled to the gathered ponies, and sat down. Looking at the gathered crowd, however, she nearly frowned. Many were staring at her in horror, others looked as though she'd ordered the death of a loved one. One guard in particular looked quite green.
Celestia shifted in her seat, something not quite feeling right. "Punctual, was Luna casting spells on the throne again? It feels strange."
The pony nearly choked at her words, but managed an answer. "N-no, your majesty, Princess Luna did nothing to the throne."
Celestia nodded, finally finding a position that didn't leave her with a strange feeling and smiled at the gathered assembly. As the first petitioner approached her wearily, she heard two of the guards mutter under their breath. Oh, it was quiet, so quiet no other creature could have heard it, but she kept enough spells active to hear the most carefully whispered words in the throne room.
"Well, I didn't expect that."
"Sir, I don't know whether to be scared or envious."
"It's okay, corporal. I'm sure you're not the only one."
Author's Note
And so once again, the day, is saved, thanks to; Celestia's butt!
