Social Confinement

by Metool Bard

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Other, Suicide / Self Harm, Sad
Length: 3917

The anecdote of a troubled mare trying to cope with her lot in life.

K-COLT Radio is proud to announce a special broadcast for tonight, presented by none other than our own Princess Celestia. We are coming to you live from the sleepy little commune known only as Our Town. A resident of this town, who has elected to remain anonymous, will be sharing her story live on this channel. It is an eye-opening tale that will hopefully spread awareness to ponies about this rare yet significant plight affecting many citizens of Equestria.

Warning: This speech will address sensitive subjects in a candid manner. Listener's discretion is strongly advised.

Audio reproduction by SonicRPika

Published 2015-09-23 20:00:04 UTC
Last updated 2015-09-23 20:00:04 UTC

Official Transcript

Good evening, everypony. Thanks for tuning in. I'd like to tell you a story. It's a story about a mare. We'll call her NG.

NG was, not your typical pony. She didn't have many friends growing up, and her special talent was something she couldn't quite wrap her head around. In fact, she convinced herself that when left to her own devices, her abilities did more harm than good. This led her down a path of paranoia, servitude, and misery. But, perhaps I should start from the beginning.

NG was born in Cloudsdale to loving parents and a brash older sister. Her sister was always boasting about her speed and agility, and she made it no secret that her goal in life was to join the Wonderbolts. NG's parents thought that she would follow in her sister's footsteps. But as it turned out, destiny had other ideas.

See, NG didn't like being the center of attention. She had a lot of respect for the Wonderbolts, but she couldn't envision herself becoming one. She always preferred to slink about in the shadows. The darkness was her playground, and she could frolic around as much as she wanted without other ponies judging her. When it came to hide-n-seek, nopony could ever find her. In fact, she often found them first, even when she was supposed to be hiding.

One day, she snuck out of the house way past her bedtime and spent the entire night just flying around the city. She moved through the air with such grace and poise, the gentle wind caressing her mane and wings. And most surprisingly, nopony knew she was there. It was as though she was completely invisible. She snuck into bed just before dawn, and her parents woke her up as though nothing happened. But, something did happen. She got her Cutie Mark.

Her parents were flabbergasted. Nopony just woke up one morning to find out what their special talent was. What's more, it didn't look like any kind of mark a Wonderbolt would have. It didn't depict speed or agility, or any kind of flight skill. After some grilling, NG told her parents what she did last night. Eventually, the dots were connected. NG's special talent was stealth. She could sift through the darkness, and nopony would know she was there. That wasn't a talent befitting of a Wonderbolt.

So, she ended up disappointing her family by not living up to their expectations. Which, didn't bother her all that much. Now that she knew what she was good at, she figured she could easily avoid the criticizing gazes of the ponies trying to run her life. And in her elation, she didn't properly consider how she would make a living based on that talent. Thus, she decided that the best way to utilize her abilities was to become a pickpocket.

Every night, NG would lurk around Cloudsdale, spying on any unfortunate souls walking the streets and helping herself to any loose change they had on hoof. Sometimes, she would descend upon whatever town Cloudsdale was hovering over and work those streets, just for a change of pace. It didn't occur to her that what she was doing was wrong. She thought, "I don't care about these ponies. I'm not hurting them. I'm just trying to have some money so I can eat tonight. Besides, this is my special talent. It's what I was meant to do. Therefore, it can't be bad."

Now, as good as NG was, her special talent didn't make her invincible. There were times when she would get caught with her hoof in the cookie jar, especially if she was dealing with ponies who were wary of rogues like her. Every once in a while, she'd be thrown into a jail cell, forcing her parents or sister to bail her out. Getting bailed out by her sister was the worst. Her sister was a Wonderbolt at this point, meaning she knew a thing or two about personal responsibility. She would chew NG out like no tomorrow. And NG's parents would just sigh and wonder where they went wrong while raising her.

But, none of these repercussions seemed to stick. NG would continue doing what she did best, hiding in the shadows and away from all the ponies who were being mean to her. She didn't need anypony. She just needed the shadows. After all, shadows wouldn't judge her.

Then, one fateful day, she got a bit too ambitious. During the annual Best Young Flyer's competition, she thought it would be a good idea to steal from Princess Celestia herself. Why she thought this is anyone's guess. Then again, she did have a bit of an ego. It kinda ran in her family.

Anyway, needless to say, things did not go in her favor. She barely got within wing's reach of Princess Celestia when she turned and smiled at NG.

"Hello, little filly," she said in a soothing voice. "What is it that you want?"

NG couldn't come up with an answer. She just stood there like a dope, staring blankly at the most powerful pony in the land. The pony that she was trying to rob. In her moment of hesitation, one of the guards recognized her and placed her under arrest. Princess Celestia asked why, and the guard explained that she was a known criminal in Cloudsdale. NG braced herself for the blast that would send her to the moon, chastising herself for thinking that trying to pick Princess Celestia's pocket was a good idea.

But instead, Princess Celestia asked her why she was a thief. Confused, NG told the Princess about her Cutie Mark and how she liked slipping through the shadows. Princess Celestia nodded and pondered this for a while. Then, she asked a very interesting question.

"Well, what if I could teach you a way to use your special talent more productively? That way, you could still be in the shadows, but you'd be helping ponies rather than hurting them."

This, was a bit much for NG to process. She didn't think she was hurting anypony by taking a few bits for herself. And why should she care about other ponies? They didn't care about her. They just wanted to look down on her and tell her that she was wrong. But on the other hoof, she wasn't too fond of being thrown in jail for the umpteenth time. Still, this was a massive game changer, and she wasn't sure if she was up for it.

She asked Princess Celestia if she could have some time to think it over. Princess Celestia allowed this, and she ordered the guards to let NG go. She said if NG ever decided to accept her offer, she'd know where to find her. NG had never been shown this level of grace before. Not even from her own family. Still, she thanked the Princess and disappeared.

NG mulled over Princess Celestia's proposal for about a day. In the end, she felt that Princess Celestia was right. Maybe she could use her special talent for something better. Being a pickpocket wasn't all that fulfilling; it was just something she thought she was meant to do. So, with nothing else to lose, she figured she'd give it a shot.

Thus, Princess Celestia enrolled NG in a special program. In this program, she and other ponies worked in secret, fighting monsters and keeping the land safe. Within just a few days, NG felt that she found her true calling. It felt good to help other ponies, even if they didn't know she was doing it. Plus, she finally made some actual friends. Sure, she was still a lone wolf for the most part, but the other members of the program respected that and gave her space. And really, that's all she ever wanted.

Not to mention her talents were a serious boon to the program. She was an expert hunter, tracking down ferocious beasts and getting the drop on them pretty much every time. She'd infiltrate wyvern nests and dense jungles without anyone even detecting her presence. And the fact that she was doing this for the greater good was just the icing on the cake. It really felt like this was what she was meant to do all along.

However, as much as she enjoyed her new life, it exposed her to a frightening concept. That concept was that being all alone was probably not all it was cracked up to be. While she was hunting monsters, sometimes they were hunting her as well. Some monsters were even better at sneaking around than she was. Eventually, the darkness wasn't quite as inviting as it once was. She still enjoyed it very much, as she was confident enough in her abilities to know she could outmaneuver all of the enemies in her path. Even so, there were times when she was the one getting ambushed, not the other way around. While those close calls shook her, she still had Princess Celestia and the other ponies in the program to fall back on. And she grew to appreciate that, feeling that she really turned her life around.

Alas, it was not meant to last. Princess Celestia called upon NG out of the blue one day, telling her that there was a terrible accident. Because of this, the program was being discontinued. What's more, all evidence of the program was to remain secret. If NG was asked, she would deny all involvement with them.

This was a devastating blow to NG. The program gave meaning to her life in a way nothing else could. Where was she supposed to go now? The Royal Guard? The Wonderbolts? Despite the fact that her special talent wouldn't do them any favors, her criminal record would surely deny her access to these groups. Especially since she couldn't exactly put Princess Celestia and the special program on her resumé. The other option was to go back to being a pickpocket, but she didn't want that. She understood now that it was better to help others rather than act in her own self-interest. She didn't want to be a felon anymore.

So, she did the only rational thing she could think of. She went off the grid entirely. She didn't say goodbye to her friends, her family, or even Princess Celestia. She just disappeared without a trace, hoping her secret would disappear with her.

NG traveled east for a long time, not stopping anywhere. She soon found herself in the desert, with nopony for miles. It was just her. You'd think NG would enjoy being alone, but there's a tricky thing about the desert. The heat has this nasty tendency of playing tricks on you. With nopony else to bring her back to reality, she began seeing mirages of all the monsters she fought. Every move she made, she couldn't shake the feeling that something was watching her. She'd try to sneak up on the mirages, flailing her hooves at empty air. Sometimes she'd strike a rock or a cactus, further fueling her paranoid delusions. It didn't take long for this strenuous exercise to take its toll on her body. Eventually, she collapsed.

When she came to, she found herself in a little town surrounded by smiling ponies. These ponies had found her in the desert and managed to nurse her back to health. Most perplexingly was that they all appeared to have the same Cutie Mark; a black equals sign. To NG, this was incredible. How could so many ponies have the same destiny?

She soon got her answers from the leader of the town, Starlight Glimmer. She told NG that these ponies had relinquished their Cutie Marks in order to become equal. When everypony is equal, only then can they call each other friends. Nopony is better than anypony else; nopony had petty arguments or disagreements. It was a utopia. A world where nopony could judge each other, because there was nothing to judge. For NG, this was a dream come true.

As soon as she was well enough to make the pilgrimage to the special Cutie Mark Cave, NG gladly accepted the town's ways. She had no use for her Cutie Mark anymore, now that it branded her a criminal. Now, she could lead a happy, normal life with ponies that wouldn't look at her like she was some sort of outcast. She just had to remember the sacred tenants of the town.

Be your best by never being your best.

To succeed is to fail.

You are no better than your friends.

And so on and so forth. At the time, it all made sense. And for a while, NG was as content as could be.

But even though the Staff of Sameness was a powerful tool that made NG equal, it could not erase her past. Before, NG loved the darkness. Now, she slowly began to fear it. All of those monsters she fought; all of those close calls she had while serving in Princess Celestia's program. They haunted her at night, the one time of day where she normally felt safe.

In the town, Starlight Glimmer enforced a strict curfew for everypony. After all, how could we be equal if we all didn't go to bed at the same time? At first, NG abided by this rule. It was just another rule she had to live by in order to enjoy her life. However, it became harder and harder for her to fall asleep. She was worried that as soon as she closed her eyes, something would emerge from the shadows and drag her into the night. Perhaps a beast was hunting her, hungry for revenge and her flesh. Shadows on the wall took on familiar shapes. Eventually, NG couldn't take it anymore.

One night, she broke curfew and ran out of her house screaming. She ran from door to door, pounding on each one and begging her friends for asylum. "Please!" she cried. "Don't leave me all alone! I don't want to be alone! I'm scared!"

So, what did these ponies who claimed to be her friends do? Well, actually, they didn't know what to do. On the one hoof, NG was their friend. Friends help each other, so they should help her. On the other hoof, they wondered if NG was some kind of lunatic. Everypony else was content; why wasn't she? What was she doing breaking curfew? Didn't she know that created disorder, one of the cardinal sins of the town?

Completely at a loss, they brought her to Starlight Glimmer. And how did Starlight answer her pleas to not be left alone? By isolating her from everypony else, of course. She ordered that NG would be locked in her special enlightenment chamber until she learned how to behave herself. All throughout the night, the same mantras were repeated over the loudspeaker.

Be your best by never being your best.

To succeed is to fail.

You are no better than your friends.

Of course, those words didn't help. NG had already accepted these words. She knew that they were the way to the truth; the path to true friendship. She didn't need to be told again. They didn't address her real problem. Like a foal throwing a temper tantrum, she cried and screamed in protest, knocking on the door and walls of her prison. Eventually, she tired herself out and cried herself to sleep.

The next day, she was too exhausted to argue. She simply promised that she wouldn't do it again, and Starlight Glimmer let her back into the community with open hooves. Then things returned to normal, and NG tricked herself into thinking she was happy. But as time went on, her panic attacks grew more and more frequent. It was like a vicious cycle. She'd go about her day, being all happy and equal like she was supposed to. Then, one night, her fears would overwhelm her, and she'd run out into the street pleading her friends to let her in. Confused, they took her to Starlight Glimmer. Starlight in turn threw her into the enlightenment chamber, where she would spend the rest of the night. Then she'd come out and try to be normal, thus starting the whole thing over again.

This continued for a long time, until it started to send NG's mind to a dark place. What kind of friends were these if they didn't know how to help her? If she was surrounded by friends, why did she feel so alone? Did they actually care about her, or did they just want to maintain the status quo? If she disappeared one day, would it matter?

These thoughts plagued NG's mind, even though she constantly wore the biggest smile she could muster. But eventually, it became too much for poor NG to bear. Sh-she decided the b-best thing to do was— *sniff* She thought her only course of action was to— *sniffle* She believed th-that...

"It's okay. We're all here for you. Take your time."

I-I'm alright. I'm, alright. S-sorry about that, everypony. I-I guess it's a little dusty in here. A-anyway, NG determined that there was only one thing to do to escape from this nightmare. She had to *sniff* end her own life. "It's the only way," she managed to convince herself. "And besides, nopony is gonna miss me."

She was, wrong about that. Two of her friends, Sugar Belle and Party Favor, managed to stumble upon her just as she was about to, h-hang herself. They quickly took away her noose and marched her over to Starlight Glimmer's cottage. This time, NG didn't get sentenced to the enlightenment chamber. She had to spend the night with Starlight. At first, that didn't sound too bad. At least she wouldn't be alone.

And you know what? It wasn't that bad. It was worse. Starlight Glimmer scolded NG, saying that she was selfish for not thinking about how her death would affect her friends. NG would've protested this, but deep down, she saw that Starlight had a point. Maybe she shouldn't be so selfish. She was about to apologize when Starlight added one last caveat.

"In this town, everypony is equal. Look out the window, NG. Do you see what those ponies are doing? They're smiling. They're smiling because they're happy, and they're happy to be equal. You have to be like them. Or, do you believe you're somehow an exception to the rules? Do you think you're special? Because that leads to disharmony, and we wouldn't want that in Our Town, would we?"

Those words hurt NG like nothing else had ever hurt her before. Starlight Glimmer was basically telling her that in this town, it was a crime to be sad. If you had a problem, you had to bury that shit deep within your heart. If you didn't, you'd be sentenced to a night in jail. Whether she had her Cutie Mark or not, NG was still nothing but a criminal. It was a fate she couldn't escape no matter how hard she tried. But of course, she couldn't say that. Not without getting into trouble again.

She would've tried to kill herself again had Starlight not rid her house of everything she could use. She also had ponies monitoring her every hour of the day, just to make extra sure. There was nothing NG could do except force a smile and pretend that everything was okay. And it's that kind of thinking that can destroy a pony from within.

Over time, Sugar Belle and Party Favor became very close to NG. They didn't fully understand why she was acting this way, but they too had arrived to the conclusion that Starlight Glimmer's utopia was not the paradise they had envisioned. When NG had an episode, they would take her in. When she had her doubts, they would comfort her. If it wasn't for them, NG may have gone completely insane. There were times when NG wondered why these two ponies were better friends than everypony else. Shouldn't they all be equal in her eyes? Wasn't it wrong to favor some friends over others? It was all so confusing.

That is, until six ponies rolled into town. Those ponies were none other than Princess Twilight Sparkle and her friends. They preached a very different message to Starlight Glimmer's. They were all different, but they acted as one. They had disagreements, but they would forgive each other. They sacrificed their own Cutie Marks to help us get ours, and we helped them in return. They ousted Starlight Glimmer for the hypocritical fraud she was, and we chased her out of town.

Once everything had settled, NG had to decide what to do now that she had her Cutie Mark back. She told her friends what her talent was and asked them for advice. After hearing many opinions and suggestions, she decided that since her special talent was used for good before, it could be used for good again. Thus, every night, NG would prowl around the borders of town. Under the light of the moon, she kept a sharp eye for desert predators, nomadic bandits, or even Starlight Glimmer herself. While her friends slept, she protected them from the shadows. And that was something she could be pretty damn proud of.

I suppose there are two morals to be gleaned from NG's sordid past. One is that you shouldn't let your Cutie Mark define you. It's the other way around. You define your Cutie Mark. The other moral is that there are many ways to solve your inner problems. Ignoring that these problems exist is not one of them. And don't let other ponies tell you that you're wrong for having problems and you need to change. That will only lead to misery and self-destruction.

I'd like to thank K-COLT Radio and Princess Celestia for letting me speak to you all this fine evening. If you know somepony who's having similar problems to NG, I encourage you to reach out to them. And if you are somepony who's struggling with these issues, know that you're not alone. Also, if you have any comments about the broadcast, feel free to send them our way. We'd love to hear from you.

Oh, and if Starlight Glimmer is listening to this right now, I have one last message for her. Ah-he-he-hem~...

Buck. You.

It may not be eloquent, but at least it's honest. Which is more than I can say for your disgusting rhetoric.

Author's Note

((OOC: No, you don't get a cookie for figuring out who NG is. It's supposed to be pretty obvious. :rainbowwild: But you do get a cookie if you can figure out some of the other bits, such as the identity of NG's sister and Princess Celestia's "special program." Although if you read my previous story, Demons Are Forever, that last one should be obvious, too. :applejackunsure:

Before you ask, I didn't base this on any aspect of my own life. My main inspiration came from real life stories I've picked up on over the past few months, such as whole Save Keyframe incident and this video by a YouTuber known as the Armoured Skeptic. It was actually the Armoured Skeptic's video that inspired me to go with this anecdotal-style narrative. The rest is just my headcanon. Imagination is certainly a wonderful thing. :twilightsmile: ))