Twilight Zombie

Chapters

~Chapter One - A Harsh Intruduction~
~Chapter Two - The Road~
~Chapter Three - The Mountain~
~Chapter Four - The Visit~
~Chapter Five - The Nose~

~Chapter One - A Harsh Intruduction~

Twilight Zombie

A work of ...Six zombies and a typewriter, I guess. By a very Busyguy.

~Chapter One - A Harsh Intruduction~

Twilight woke up.

There wasn’t any pain or a headache, though. She just woke up naturally. As if the terror of the collapsing magic hadn’t even touched her.

Her eyes opened quickly, scanning for dangerous free magic; and then they opened a bit wider. She was alone, laying on her side in a field of grass. There was a strange looking forest nearby, forming a false horizon only a few minutes trot in front of her. There wasn't anything in particular that led her to decide it was different from a normal forest, but her gut feeling was screaming that what she was seeing was wrong.

Equestria was a lush and green place, with grass so thick it was like walking on a medium-shag carpet. But the sickly looking stuff now crinkling against her fur was nothing remotely close to lush, being all but dead and dry. In fact, everything her slightly harried gaze fell on seemed to be either severely malnourished, outright rotten, or sun-bleached to a unhealthy and crisp light brown.

The grass nearest her muzzle was thin and sparse, with barely any green showing on the narrow blades. The distant forest looked equally dried out and starved for water, with little vibrence to its canopy. What few healthy plants she could see were oddly well defended, with sharp thorns or a waxy looking surface Zecora had said usually meant a poisonous coating.

And Twilight started to worry...

She knew her plants fairly well, or at least as well as a pony who had access to a market needed to. But all of the species she was seeing from her current position were wholly unfamiliar. Had she botched her spell worse than she’d thought? This entire place felt so different that she had to wonder...

And that wonder led her straight into yet more worry. She needed to think for a moment, but the sun felt like it was burning her. She was also already feeling pretty parched, and was thinking about water as much as she was thinking about the plant life.

Twilight could think on her hooves just as well as on her flank, so she decided it would be wise to find water and a place to rest before anything else. She might even be able to find out where she was. And if she knew that, then it would just be a simple matter of calculating distance and direction to teleport back home.

Twilight got to her hooves, and headed for the nearby forest at a reserved trot. It would have more shade from the sun than an open field, no matter how dead it looked from her spot a few hundred yards away.

Her hoof-falls kicked up clouds of dust as she trotted forward, confirming what she already knew. This field was as dry as Dodge Junction, and just as wickedly hot. Water was definitely going to be her top priority, followed by shelter. Food was certainly no problem, if she could stomach the dry grass and find enough water to wash it all down.

Just to make sure, she dropped her head low to snag a few blades from a greener spot as she passed. She maneuvered the tough food to rest centered on her tongue after giving it a few quick chomps to release the flavor and…

“Blaa! ….eeyuck!” It tasted horrible! That had to be the worst tasting substance she’d ever put in her mouth! It tasted worse than dirt! Or actually, it tasted exactly like dirt! A flavor she'd had enough of during her early days of learing to use her wings. Needless to say, she would rather starve!

Twilight mentally added ‘find actual food’ to her list of top priority things to get done today.

A heavy sigh escaped her dry throat as the first swath of shade drifted across her back. Her coat had been warmed up a good deal in the sun, so the relief wasn’t as fast in coming as she’d hoped. It did feel good, though. She quickly found the biggest tree she could, and plopped herself right down against the trunk. She then jumped right back up with a yelp, twisting back to check her backside for damage. It didn't take more than a glance to notice three shallow scrapes just above her tail, which were slowly turning red.

It seemed like the trees around here were just as hard and sharp as the grass...

A bit of careful magic saw to the damage for the moment, and she settled down on her belly in the tree’s meager shade. Twilight had half expected healing spells to fail her, given all this afternoon’s craziness. But her flank was left unmarred after the magic set in, and she felt the hefty amount of energy she’d used recover in under a minute or so. It was certainly nice, being an Alicorn with so much magical potential at her disposal. She would have to watch her reserves if food was going to be scarce, but not until she actually started getting hungry. She was hoping to find food long before that started to become an issue. In the meantime, she had plenty of, well ...time.

And speaking of time...

Twilight lifted her head and looked up at the sun. She winced at just how unbearably bright it was. It also seemed smaller than normal. Maybe she was on the other side of Equus, and so the sun was further away? But how could it be hotter if she was further from it? That didn’t make any sense.

As she pondered, Twilight noticed that the sun had changed position. Not much, but enough to force her to scoot over to keep her shaded spot shaded. The over-bright sun was definitely lower in the sky, so it had to be early evening here in …wherever she was. She wasn’t going to have much time to plan things out, if she even wanted to move or try anything to get home again.

Twilight looked around with a more critical eye, trying to get a feel for how hard it would be to navigate through the oddly dry forest once the sunset stole away the daylight. She didn’t think it would be too difficult, considering the forest was fairly free of fallen branches and logs. But the unnatural shapes of the trunks - with their big holes and knobby growths - would certainly be scary no matter how bright Luna decided to make the moon shine. She was going to miss Pinkie’s carefree attitude about scary stuff. In fact ...she actually kind of missed her already.

Her friends would be worried that she hadn’t come back right away, but Twilight didn’t dare risk a normal teleportation spell without knowing where she was. If she didn’t get it right or she lacked the magic to make it all the way, she could be crushed under the weight of Planet Equus itself. Or worse, burned alive in its blistering hot liquid iron and thaumite core…

So then what other options did she have? Well, two came to mind easily enough. Option one: Sleep in a field on the hard ground without knowing what kind of creatures came out at night to roam the local forest she was in. Or option two: Trudge through that same scary forest all night and into the unknown.

Twilight couldn’t decide which idea was worse. So she wound up pacing under her tree, trying desperately to make the right decision. But even pondering the pros and cons was impossible. Nopony alive knew what lived on the ‘dark side of the world’, as ponies called it. Some giant monster could come out of the woods and grab her if she fell asleep out in the field, and she could trot right into some eldritch monstrosity’s open mouth if she got caught out in the forest in the dead of night.

Twilight eventually decided to try the forest. She did so on the grounds that she wouldn’t be sleeping with all these worries in her head anyway, and that if she stayed here for the night she’d have accomplished nothing when the sun rose in the morning. The forest was the more logical choice, of the two she'd managed to come up with.

If also the more frightening choice of the two...

Taking a nice long breath to calm herself, Twilight picked a direction and began her trek deeper into the forest. For a good hour or so, she kept up a quick and steady pace. The trunks didn’t seem to get any thicker as she went deeper like they did in the Everfree, so she didn’t have any sense of how deep she actually was. The only way she even knew she was still going in relatively the same direction was the sun, and that was swiftly becoming a rare sight. She could only guess at the time, but it was definitely late in the evening by now. And of course that was based on the assumption that this side of the world kept to a similar time pattern, which of course it might not if Celestia was actively moving the sun around.

Another three hours, and Twilight’s hopes that Celestia would leave the sun on her current side of the world for storage were dashed. The sky had steadily turned a reddish-pink hue, and then it had gotten as dark as her old oaken home’s basement laboratory at night. She’d been forced to light her way with her horn, and had quickly stopped trying to make actual progress. It was time to find a decent shelter, she felt. Somewhere nice and high up off the forest floor, out of reach of anything that might fancy her for a late night snack. Somewhere she could stop thinking and just rest her tired mind.

Rest was wishful thinking, though. Twilight doubted she would get much sleep tonight. But she had no way to tell where she was going, and she needed some peace of mind more than anything else …except water. Water would be really nice. She was well beyond parched now, and hadn’t seen a single sign of water anywhere during her four hour trek through the woods. How all these trees were even clinging to life, she had no idea. But they were, and they were tall. In fact, they were really the only choice she could think of for shelter.

It took a few close calls with flying in the dark, and she was fairly certain she’d cut her cheek on a wickedly thorny tree; but Twilight managed to find a decent spot among the branches of a very old looking oak. Her spot for the night was a good eighty feet off the ground, so she felt safe enough to cancel her light spell and curl up in a flat space where the trunk of her tree of choice split into two. She spread her wings to cover herself as best she could, and let her thoughts simply run free…

This place was very different from Equestria. The biggest forest she knew of was the Everfree, which was quite the massive place by itself. But this forest was even bigger. A group of botanists had submitted a detailed report just last year, which she had helped turn into a proper reference book. They had managed to traverse the entirety of the Everfree forest from the south border all the way to the north, and they did so in just under six hours.

But Twilight had been keeping a decent pace for at least four hours. She’d not stopped even once, and had no obligations of stopping to collect samples or observe the flora and take notes to slow her down. It was very likely that she’d covered a great deal more ground than those botanist ponies had, and yet the scenery hadn’t changed one bit. Either she’d wandered in a circle somehow - which she was nearly certain she hadn't since she'd used the sun as a fixed point at her back - or this forest was a lot bigger than the Everfree.

Both options were equally concerning.

To be honest with herself, Twilight wanted to go back. She wanted to turn around and make sure that she would at least get out of this endless woodland, even if it meant reversing all her progress. But she knew there wasn’t a drop of water to be had back the way she’d come. Another four hours in the heat without a drink would be a stupid thing to put herself through, and Twilight Sparkle was not a pony for doing stupid things. She was not going to go back to that empty field. Not after so much effort had had been put into going forward. Her best course of action at this point would be to wait for morning, and then risk burning off a bit of her remaining water with a quick flight above the trees. If she saw a sign of water, then fine. She’d hydrate herself and just keep going in the same direction she'd gone today. If she didn’t see water though, then... well she’d just have to get creative.

That she knew of, there were three ways to use magic to make clean enough water for drinking. Two of them required having a source of non-potable water to start with, which she didn't currently have. The last spell would work, but it was a physical construct meant to be created by a team of ten unicorns out on military search parties in isolated areas with no potable water. The required spellwork would leave her tired for a few hours while her magic recovered at this point, but it was better than being too dehydrated to walk. So long as it yielded a good supply of clean water, she would be alright for a few days. If it didn’t yield enough - however - she’d be in serious danger of getting dehydrated to an unhealthy degree.

Her plans laid more or less clear in her head, Twilight tucked her chin into her forelegs. She closed her eyes, and did some deep breathing routines for a while, feeling her body start to finally relax.

And every time she nearly fell asleep from that point forward, panic woke her up again…

Lost… Alone… Deep in an unfamiliar forest, with no supplies and no way out except her own diminishing ability to keep going. And again she asked herself why the spell that brought her here collapsed. How had it not simply killed her outright, instead? She knew that the spell was highly volatile by design. It had to be powerful to force open the barrier between her world and the mirror world, as intended. But that very power should have had a stabilizing effect on the spell’s structure. And another concern was that the thaumic energy should have been dissipated in a controlled manner during any sort of collapse, due to the multi-layered design. All the layers had to be intact for the portal to exist, but it had collapsed suddenly ...violently.

Twilight was led inexarably to the most mind boggling question she'd ever faced: Why had she been pulled into an active portal, and not simply been tossed across an open space of empty dirt after the spell dissipated? It shouldn't have been intact enough to have in potential as a portal, after the second stage failsafe's failure. There should have been a portal at all, by the time she was pulled off her hooves and into forward motion.

“Gah! This makes no sense!” Twilight cried into the quickly cooling night sky.

Although… She should be in the mirror world now, right? That's what the spell was meant to do, was give her a portal to look into the human world and see how things were going for them (and maybe make some observations). But if she was here, then why was she still a pony? Entering the mirror had always changed her body into the rather thin and tall shape of a younger human girl, before. But then she hadn’t actually gone through the mirror this time, so…

Twilight huffed into the gap between her dusty forelegs. She was getting ahead of herself in assuming she’d been pulled into the mirror world anyway. That place was certainly very different from Equestria, but as far as she knew it didn’t have half-dead plants and dangerously tough trees as a common theme. This forest was just too different from anything she’d ever seen in ANY world to take any kind of guesswork for granted.

The thought of that - that she might not ever know where she really was - it was terrifying! What would she do if this was neither of the worlds that she’d been to? What if it was somewhere altogether new?

What if she couldn’t get back?

Twilight noticed that her heart was racing, and she had to start her deep breathing again to calm back down. Now was not the time for panic! She would just have to figure things out for herself. And she would figure it out! If magic could do something, then it could undo it. That was a basic rule of hoof in the study of magic. All she needed was time. Time to think and to plan. And hopefully she would find a better place in the morning for thinking than the scratchy branches of a dried up old tree.

~~~~~~

Twilight’s head shot up. She’d …fallen asleep? She must have been pretty worn out for sleep to win out against her anxiety last night.

A yawn and a good stretch saw her wincing at the tightness in her shoulders and back. It was normal for her to feel a bit groggy in the morning, but right now she felt like she’d slept in a ...tree. Eh ...heh.

~Thump~ “…huuuuuuuugh”

Twilight's thoughts were interrupted. She’d heard a hollow thud below, followed by a sickly sounding moan.

Very slowly and carefully, Twilight poked her head out of her shaded perch. She looked down, and movement quickly caught her eye. There was an older male human walking along the forest floor, right under her tree! So she’d been right! This was the mirror world after all! All she had to do was get to Canterlot High School and find the schoolyard statue without being seen and …and what the hay was the human doing?

Twilight felt her excitement fade as the human dragged himself along at a snail’s pace. He seemed to be under the influence of a substantial amount of cider, or something equally inebriating. The gross stains down the front of his shirt made that much pretty obvious. He seemed barely able to walk, much less avoid trip hazards. She even had to stop herself from rushing to help when he proved her assumptions correct, tripping over an obvious log and toppling forward without even trying to catch himself. The thud he made as he hit the ground was a match to the sound that she’d heard earlier, as was the pained groan he emitted as he slowly wobbled back to his feet.

Several questions ran through her mind, like: ‘What was he doing out here in such a large forest?’ ‘Why did he look so dirty?’ ‘…And what the hay was that awful smell!? Ugh… wow, that's …that's really awful!’

Twilight covered her nose as she watched the stricken man wobble and lurch off in another random direction. He must be looking for something, probably water. She would have to think of a way to…

Twilight’s mind ground to a halt as the human stopped, and turned just enough that she could see his face. The man’s chin was dangling freely on one side, and his face had a large gash ripped across it. He wasn’t drunk at all! He was injured, and injured very severely!

Twiilght couldn’t just hide in her tree and do nothing about an injury that bad. It simply wasn’t in her nature. She would just have to hope the man could keep a secret, because she was not going to let him suffer out here in the middle of this forest! Not with a broken jaw and such massive facial trauma! It already looked infected!

Twilight slowly raised a foreleg and waved, instantly drawing the injured man’s complete attention. She smiled and called, “Um, hello? I was just wondering, um... Well see, I'm a peaceful spirit! ...Of the forest. I noticed that you’re rather badly hurt, and I just want to help you a little …okay?” Twilight spoke in as calm a voice as she could muster. It was a decent story, if a bit improbable. But who knew? Maybe he would buy it when she fully revealed her Alicorn form?

Her fears lessened a bit when the man didn’t run away screaming. In fact, he actually seemed rather excited as he began limping toward the base of her tree.

Twilight made sure to keep her smile genuine as she pushed off of the tree and swooped down to the ground, landing a bit further away than she'd intended. She’d had her wings for a good while now, but descending quickly was still the bane of her existence (And Rainbow’s favorite target for the occasional light-hearted taunt). Twilight spun on her hooves, finding the injured man had already shifted paths to continue limping toward her. He was moving at a slightly faster pace than he’d been going before, clearly excited about meeting a friendly face that was willing to help.

She gave him her most winning smile and said, “It’s good I found you ...human. My forest is, um …pretty big.” She felt her smile waver as she winced internally. Telling lies was definitely not her strong suit, and even she could tell that her choice of words had sounded forced.

But the man either didn’t notice the slip in her wording, or was in too much pain to actually care. If she had to guess, he probably just wanted help as fast as possible. He stumbled toward her with the rigid movements of a pain-racked body, and she quickly started forward to meet him halfway.

“Please, just sit down and rest. I don’t need to be close to heal you, and we forest spirits are a fairly nervous bunch. You wouldn’t want to, um ...scare me away, now would you?” Twilight said with a toss of her mane. She wanted to appear as calm and disarming as possible, but didn’t want the human to get too close for her to quickly get out of reach if she needed to. The Rarity of this world had made it clear to her that not all humans were peaceful, and that some could be downright mean if they’d had a hard enough life or were born with an evil heart.

But the human ignored her request, continuing his determined limp until he was only thirty feet away. Twilight stopped and turned a bit, making sure her horn was lit and easily visible. She didn’t like being ignored in dire circumstances, and the wounded human was much bigger than her. The situation was starting to feel a bit intimidating...

“That’s close enough, please. Now just sit down and …ugh,” Twilight nearly gagged as the smell from before suddenly invaded her nose. It was so powerful that it completely derailed her train of thought. She felt tears form in her eyes as the potent stench overpowered any other smell in the forest, and she'd taken a step back before she'd even noticed doing so.

The human adjusted his course to follow her without slowing, and raised his pale arms toward her. It was at this point that Twilight noticed that the man's skin was in worse condition than just being dirty, and that what she'd thought to be a stylized piece of clothing was something far worse.

A large flap of white skin hung from underneath the man's shirt, indicating a much larger wound beneath his dirtied clothing. And the cider stains on his shirt were now looking a bit too reddened to be just from having too much to drink.

Twilight took another step back. “I, um…” She tried, but she was quickly overcome by the smell before more words could get out. The man was now twenty feet away, his ragged breath coming in rapid bursts as he increased his uneven pace even further...

Twilight took another step back, this time a bigger one. “I’m just going to… Gak!” She gagged once again, and the man was only ten feet away now. A low moan issued from his damaged throat as he closed in. And now that he was so close, Twilight realized his facial wound had marks along the sides...

Marks that took the familiar half-circle shape she'd found in her own food, the last time she'd taken the form of a human girl.

“Gah!” Twilight cried as the man lunged toward her with an inarticulate gargle. She back-peddled out of reach and then quickly leapt into the air. She ascended rapidly, heading back to her spot in the tree. Her heart hammered in her chest as she landed, and she felt her stomach roll dangerously from the lingering smell.

A loud moan and scratching noises got her to finally look once again, and she felt a strange combination of fear and relief. The wounded man was raking his hands against the massive oak tree's trunk, and staring at her with his jaw flopping against his chest. It seemed he wasn't much for climbing. She was safe from …whatever it was he had been trying to do.

Twilight threw the man a glare and called, “What where you trying to do? I asked you not to get so close! You really scared me!" She pushed her mane out of her eyes and continued with, "You know... You’re very lucky that I’m a nice ...forest spirit, or I’d just probably just disappear and leave you here ...severely injured and ...alone." Her heart calmed a bit, even as it guided her next words, "Now please... be a good injured human, and stand still so I can try to heal your injuries. It's costly magic, and I don't want to miss you.”

The man just ignored her, his blunted fingers continuing to barely even damaging the bark on her tree. He certainly wasn't the brightest human she’d ever met, though he was easily the toughest …and definitely the worst smelling.

Twilight waited until she’d calmed enough to use magic properly, and then lit her horn. She was going to be using a very basic healing spell that she and all other unicorns were taught in their last years of school. It dramatically increased the metabolism of damaged cells, while pulling away heat from the affected area to keep the healing tissues from getting too warm in the process. It was the same spell she’d used on her scratches yesterday evening, and didn’t require knowledge of the target’s biology to work. Of course, that meant it was a rather bad idea to miss, as it would affect anything with a metabolism; even plants and fungi. She’d learned that lesson herself when she’d hit a small sapling with it out of curiosity, and then had to explain the sudden hole in her parent’s ceiling. They'd revoked her desert rights for a whole week...

~Scratch scratch~ “Huuuuuraagh!”

Twilight snapped out of her thoughts, noticing that the injured man had abandoned his fingers and opted instead to use his teeth. He wasn’t getting anywhere without an intact lower jaw, and she could actually hear his broken bones popping against each other as he repeatedly bashed his head into the rough bark.

“What are you… Stop doing that! You’re making your injuries worse!” Twilight cried as she quickly lined up her horn. The first pulse of magic was cast, and went wide as the man’s teeth slipped from the bark, causing him to jerk to the side. Twilight watched as several large ferns popped up under the man’s feet. She narrowed her eyes, charged her horn, and carefully fired another burst of both the metabolic and cooling spells. This time the human stumbled back a bit and fell onto his back. She’d hit him right in the face that time, which was actually good as it would be quick to start working on his jaw.

Twilight gave the magic a moment to work, but nothing really seemed to happen. She squinted, trying to see if the human's wounds were looking any better, but they weren't healing.

Well now how was that possible? She knew she’d hit him, so why wasn’t his tissue reacting?

She fired another shot into the man's chest, again giving it a few minutes to work. He was starting to take on a bit more color, but the wounds simply refused to close up.

Was he sick? ...And the healing magic was being absorbed by internal injuries before it had a chance to work on his visible wounds? She’d heard of that sort of thing happening with frostbite victims who had the feather flu. The combined damage of the disease and frostbite would require more than one dose of magic to have any visible effects.

Of course, Twilight wasn't the average caster. She never had been, really. She had an alternative to sitting here all day, casting the same small healing spell and letting her magic recover between each shot.

...Add power, until the magic overcame whatever effect was happening here and a positive effect was achieved.

She charged her horn once again, putting a good amount of extra 'oomph' into the two-part spell. It was a lot of healing energy, enough to likely heal every bone in the average pony’s body. Any more than this could actually do harm if it hit in the wrong spot, so if nothing happened this time she would be forced to get up close and run some proper scans to find the real cause of the problem.

It was easy to hit the man, as he was still unsuccessfully trying to get up from the first impact of magic. Twilight's souped-up version of the same spell struck him right in the gut, and he likely would have been thrown off balance even if he was at his best, just from the force of the magic flooding into him.

He lay still for a moment, and then his skin started to …bubble? Well that wasn’t a normal side effect for a healing spell, even if over-saturation occurred. Twilight found herself confused, unable to think of what to do as the man’s bubbling skin darkened to an alarmingly angry red.

The exposed skin on the human's face began to steam, and a moment later he suddenly started to scream and jerk around violently. The next thing she knew, he was half way up the tree. But how had he done that?! She hadn’t even seen him stand up, and OH CELESTIA NO!

Twilight saw a single row of bloody and broken teeth, and a bright red tongue surrounded by mangled gums and dark purple bone marrow. Her legs pushed against the tree without waiting for permission, and she felt the air bend her eyelashes as a boiling and steaming human hand lashed out from where she’d been standing idle only milliseconds ago. She barely managed to avoid an uncontrolled spin as her wings grabbed unevenly at the air, and a split second later she felt a sudden flash of pain as several feathers in her right wing were grabbed and yanked from their roots. The man had leapt out at her from the tree and grabbed her wing, even though there was nothing to stop him from falling. He warbled and screamed as he twisted through the air, still reaching out with his steaming red hands. There was a surreal moment where they locked eyes, and Twilight couldn’t think of a moment in her life when she’d seen such rage in another creature’s eyes …not even Lord Tirek had looked so angry.

The man made no attempt to save himself, simply slamming into the ground with a hollow thud and the sound of numerous bones breaking deep inside his body. It was a massive impact, but it still did nothing to stop him. He was on his feet a second later, mindlessly raging up at Twilight's dangling legs. His hands clawed and grabbed, though she was still at least sixty feet above the ground. His garbled cries and jerky movements quickly became even more desperate, and Twilight nearly stopped flapping her wings when the light wisps of steam from his skin suddenly became a torrent of thick black smoke. A second later, the man burst into a towering inferno of orange and red flames, though he barely even seemed to notice. If anything, he only got louder, trying desperately to pull her down to the ground.

Twilight was unable to tear her eyes away. She watched in stunned silence as the man swiftly fell to greasy charred ruin. His hands, arms and feet went first, flying free from his flailing form to roll across the ground like flaming marshmallows launched from a stick. A knee then collapsed, sending the rest of his form tumbling to the ground. It wasn’t possible, but he continued to rage at her even from the ground, right up until the moment his ruined face finally caved in like there hadn’t been a thing behind it left to burn...

A long moment passed. And Twilight did nothing, watching silently as the smoldering pile of what was once a living human being slowly lost form and began to pop and crackle as it cooled. She didn’t know how long she stayed there, but by the time her eyes broke away only a small outline of ashes remained.

Feeling utterly numb, Twilight's wings finally stopped flapping, and she slowly glided to the ground. She forced herself to move away from the place, walking on wobbly legs and not daring to look back. She couldn’t stay there, even to learn what had gone wrong. Not for a mountain of bits... Not for every scholarship in all of Equestria...

...Not for every scrap of knowledge in the Mirror world.

She even had to force herself to blink, because her eyes seemed to have forgotten how to do so on their own. They kept feeling dry, even when she could feel that they weren't.

What the hay had just happened? Granted, she already knew the answer, but it was still impossible. There was only one way that the cooling magic would have failed to keep the heat of the increased metabolism spell in check, and that was if it didn't get activated on impact. And all that took was a sign of life, being in contact with the affected tissues. A spark of life, if you went by the standardized terminology. It was the most basic component of any spell used in the field of medicine …and yet it had utterly failed to work on that human.

It was ridiculous. And yet she’d watched it happen with her own eyes. In fact, she doubted the image of those rage-filled eyes would ever leave her. The ordeal just kept replaying in her head, except now she knew the impossible truth for what it had to be.

He'd been dead, before she'd even had the thought to heal his wounds.

Initial impact of a two-part metabolic healing spell: The human had been infused with the spell’s magic and the active components had gone to work, dramatically increasing his metabolic and cellular division rates in damaged areas. But the damage was more extensive than was apparent on external observation, and the first spell had been completely absorbed before showing any outward signs of effect.

Second impact of the same spell: Similar results, though the human's internal temperature would have already begun climbing rapidly without the cooling spells being activated at this point. The toughest pony in all of Equestria would be showing signs of discomfort from this point onward through the events that followed, though the injured human hadn't reacted at all until the very end.

Third impact… A larger and more dense dose of metabolic healing magic was delivered straight to the center of the patient's body. The metabolic effect would have been instantaneous, and extremely aggressive. But the cooling spells remained inactive, due to the patient not having a soul to set it off. The human’s overheated tissues became warmer and warmer as the cells were forced to replicate and burn energy at an accelerated rate. It wasn't long before the heat began to destroy tissue instead of accelerate healing, which only made the magic redouble its efforts to heal the damage as cells began to die off by the thousands. It was a vicious cycle ...one that led to a living thing being superheated all the way to the point of a violent and spontaneous combustion.

But …why? He’d been standing up and moving, right? He'd been walking around like only a living thing could, she'd seen so with her own eyes! So why hadn’t he had a spark of life to activate the cooling part of the healing spell!? Anything with the power to affect the world in any way, shape, or form had at least some kind of spark dwelling within it! Ponies and animals had theirs in the form of a soul. Wind and water, flame and ice, earth and plant… they each had an elemental spark unique to their nature. Literally everything had a spark!

…Everything except a wounded human, wondering around alone in the woods. A human that didn’t even poses the basic components to make the simplest spell in the field of Equestrian medicine think he was actually a living thing.

Twilight lurched to a stop. She felt dizzy, and her tummy didn’t give her much warning before she’d started heaving. There wasn’t even any water to come up, but it was still awful. And it the end of it, she was left exhausted and panting on the forest floor.

She’d killed somepony, today… A human without the spark of life. He couldn’t have had a single thought in his head at the time of death, nor the ability to actually feel what was happening to him. And even if he could feel it, he wouldn't care. Caring - even about felt pain - would require a soul. But still... He’d been moving when they’d met, and he was nothing but a pile of slightly scattered ash when she left.

And that fact was making her sick.

She probably would have just laid there and not moved until her thirst or fear of monsters chased her up into another tree for the night, but she couldn't. She knew she had a powerful reason to get up and keep moving.

Her friends needed her. And dear sweet Celestia, did she need her friends right now. Or anypony that wasn't a male human covered in wounds, really…

A road, a town, a simple vapor trail in the distance as a pegasus went about their daily business... Anything would be a complete joy right now. She just wanted to see another sentient face. To hear words, understand them, and maybe respond with a few of her own.

…It would be proof that she wasn’t the murderous freak she currently felt herself to be.

Twilight ignored the tired and sick feeling in her body, and forced herself to stand back up. She had to keep moving if she wanted to make it through this hellish place and find what she needed the most ...water. She closed her eyes and took one single breath …and then she just suddenly started sobbing. There was no stopping the tears, either. It wasn’t even that she’d killed the human. He hadn’t technically been sentient at the time of his death. And it wasn’t her desperation or the thirst, either.

It was the smell. That horrible smell still hadn’t left her nostrils. And so much worse then just that fact, she realized that it had been there right from the very moment she’d first woken up in that dusty field of half-dead grass. It clung to the soil and hung in the air like a permanent feature of the land itself, growing or receding in strength, but never actually leaving completely. The source of the stench, she had all but already confirmed. But she didn’t want to acknowledge the obvious truth just yet. It would be hard enough to get out of this horrid place as it was. She didn’t need to be worrying about even more potential trouble. The question of what the soul-less man would have done if he had actually caught hold of her wing and not just the feathers burned hot in her mind, but she forced it back. She had already worked out a plan, and it wasn’t going to change just because she was scared out of her wits and sick with grief. The worst thing she could do was sit down and give up.

She had to keep going.

Twilight blinked her tears away. She needed to be able to see clearly if she was going to fly. Her wings lifted up over her back, and she shifted her weight onto her rear hooves. With a quick push and a hard flap, she leapt into the air. Two seconds later, she was rolling across ground four feet to the right of where she’d taken off.

Her wing… The feathers she'd just lost!

Desperation tried to set in, but Twilight clearly remembered hovering over the burning human for a good long while. She could fly. She knew she could!

Twilight fought back the lump in her throat, and she leapt into the sky once more. Her takeoff wasn’t very strong, but she focused on keeping the lift from each wing as even as possible. It took a massive amount of effort and concentration now that she wasn't running on raw instinct, but she managed to build a bit of upward momentum before she broke through the sparse canopy. Her eyes squinted against the sun’s already oppressive heat, and she waited for her eyes to adjust…

…And words would never be able to describe the feeling that went through her, when the sight that spread across the horizon came into focus.

Miles… Miles upon endless miles of mountainous forest, all of it exactly the same as the rest. She felt her heart nearly break at the sheer scale of the task she had to overcome. Her chances might have actually been better, had she risked a blind teleport through the core of the entire planet.

No food. No water. And the smell of death stalking the land below…

It was just too much. She was an Alicorn, the most powerful being to walk her world. And yet she was going to die all alone out here in this wretched bucking wasteland of a stupid bucking forest! And she was going to die soon, because there was no sign of a break in the trees to reveal any lakes or rivers anywhere. The only option left was to make her own water, but a magical condenser would likely only net her enough water for a few hours in this desert of a forest. The magic used would take half a day to recuperate in her current condition, so that's...

Three days. That’s what she had. Three miserable... Hungry... Thirsty... Days.

…to live.

An anguished cry built up deep within her chest, but Twilight countered it with a simple grunt. A very loud, very angry grunt. And there was plenty more anger were it had come from. She was now officially and royally angry. She’d faced down the avatar of chaos itself, banished an ancient being of nearly limitless malice and power to the gates of Tartarus, and even faced down an entire hive of Changeling drones. This was nothing. Nothing! A solution to the water issue would come to mind in no time, and she would be laughing at her own weakness by the end of the day!

…Or she would fail, and become a shriveled pile of motionless skin-wrapped bones ...never to be found by her own kind, ever.

With anger, fear, and anguish trying to balance each other out in her heart, Twilight carefully coasted back down below the trees. She shut out her negative thoughts as best she could, and got to work. A suitable spot wasn't difficult to find, with the entire forest being one big sandbox with trees spaced out more than wide enough for her needs. First, the ground was quickly blasted clear of debris with unguided telekinesis, and then carefully leveled to the best of her ability. She was about to build the first layer of the structure, but a stick near her hooves gave her a surprisingly simple idea on saving some magic ...which was important, now that she'd vomited and there was no food in her stomach to make more.

Twenty minutes later, and Twilight was looking at a simple structure made of two small trees propped up with a few smaller branches. And the only magic she’d had to use was levitation, which cost next to nothing as she could reabsorb most of the magic involved. Her brother would have been proud, as he was actually the one who’d first told her about this field of magic in the first place. He’d even been the one to walk her through this very spell. He wasn't the best teacher, preferring to spend what little time they had just hanging out and talking about the future. But she'd learned, regardless. She’d been speechless when that first drop of water had fallen from the bottom of her rather crude spellwork, and Shining had eventually admitted that learning new things was time well-spent.

But most importantly, her idea to use trees as a base was a success. Her success. It made her feel better about the utter load of horse apples life was currently dragging her through, and gave her the will to keep going.

First came the tiring parts: Making a glass bowl was a simple enough thing to accomplish, as it was just the application of raw heat to a lump of finely powdered silica. Silica was pretty much just sand, and that was available right under her increasingly sore hooves.

Next came two thin shield spells, spanning the distance between the trees on the wooden framework she'd made. They were quickly affixed to the dry wood with four simple binding spells. One shield was a standard solid defensive type, and the other was enchanted to act like a flat sheet of icy cold air. The first, she'd learned from her brother, and the second she'd figured out from taking apart a modern version of the classic ice box.

Finally came the over-shield. It had to be shaped just right, fully enclosing the other shields and provide insulation. The most difficult part was making the three necessary holes, as each hole in the over-shield had to be focused on to be maintained. One hole for air to come in, one for air to leave, and another small one for water to drip from at the bottom. Once she was sure it was seamless, Twilight tried to clearly picture the entire construct as a single cohesive unit in her mind ...and let go. Her work wavered a little, but quickly stabilized into a ...actually decent final product. She could tell, as it was still clear as glass from top to bottom and was already starting to fog up a small amount.

And the best thing about working with a physical construct? She could now focus on pulling water from the air, without having to consciously maintain thirteen independent spells and enchantments at the same time.

...Except the cold spell, as it wasn't in a stable state. Cold didn't like heat, which was why she had to keep feeding the enchantment. It would degrade rapidly if she didn't keep feeding it magic.

With the main structure ready, Twilight placed her glass bowl under the hole in the bottom of the large rectangular construct, and added a very gentle wind spell to her efforts. She directed the air through the right hole in her creation and across the two inner shields, then out through the left hole.

The load on her magic wasn’t as bad as she’d expected, now that it was up and running. But she would still have a headache if she kept both the cold and wind spells going for long enough to have a good supply of drinking water.

Twilight mentally extended her remaining lifespan by ...about two days.

She didn’t even smile when the glass-like device started to form beads of moisture on the sides. Instead, she allowed the spells to settle into the back of her mind and thought about her plans for when the sun once again sank below the horizon.

Sleeping on the ground wasn't an option. Her encounter with the soulless but moving human was proof of that. But trees were uncomfortable things, unfit for a pony of any lot in life no matter if their cutie mark was a bejeweled tiara or a simple straw hat. She was not sleeping in a tree tonight. A cave was a good idea, so long as it was up on a cliff; but she’d have to get incredibly lucky to find a suitable example. That meant planning around finding a good cave was foalish. A sturdy wooden shack or something would be nice, but would cost a great deal of precious magic to make, and still leave her on the ground.

So then how about a combination? Build a small shelter in the higher limbs of a tree? …No, that would still be far too costly if she had to keep making her own water.

Twilight considered making a permanent condenser from physical materials. If she didn’t have to hold a construct in the physical plane she would only need to burn magic on maintaining the one small cold spell. The act of walking would move the air through the chamber to make water. But the initial cost of making glass and metal would be much larger, and anything large enough to keep her going would likely be far too heavy to carry around ...or at least without burning up all her magic.

Twilight sighed... It seemed like the laws of energy conservation and physics were stacked against her. Her best option was still feeling like what the current plan involved: moving forward at a steady pace. She would fill a couple bowls with water and just …wait. WHY THE HAY DID SHE MAKE BOWLS!? How was she supposed to carry a bowl without spilling her hard-won water all over the place!?

“Gah! Stupid, Twilight! …Stupid stupid stupid!” Twilight raged at herself for a moment, before she realized that she hadn’t actually made more than one bowl just yet. Catching the drops of water from the construct would also be rather tricky if she had instead made a …a canteen, or something similar.

She really should have studied transmutation spells more thoroughly. If she could make vinyl or rubber from dirt or sand, she’d be in a much better position right now. But as it so happened, the only spells she knew that could hope to be useful were limited to changes between several common fruits, most common hardwoods, glass and the common silicate materials used in construction, and a single species of bullfrog native only to central Equestria ...which she would never be messing with ever again after her last attempt had mad a young frog's life rather difficult. The most useful and strong material she could make in the wild was glass, so that was probably the way to go. She’d learned the technique shortly after checking the average prices for laboratory glassware in Canterlot, and comparing it against the value of the playground sand and time it took to make her own. Her homemade equipment may not have been the highest quality, but those salesponies were crazy to expect a mare to pay such ridiculous prices for collection beakers and distilling flasks!

Twilight stared hard at a patch of dry sand near her hooves. She narrowed her eyes, and pictured what she wanted to make in her mind. Thirty seconds later, she had two large glass jugs in her telekinetic grasp. Another twenty seconds, and a wooden stopper popped into the top of each jar with a ‘sqweak’.

She turned to check on the condenser's progress, and dropped her jugs. The bowl beneath it was already half full, and the flow of water had increased to a steady trickle. She did a quick calculation, and estimated she would have both her jugs full in half an hour or less.

…Twilight wanted to cry. This was not what she’d expected. Not at all... At this rate, she wouldn’t even have much of a headache to deal with. She’d have more water than she could probably even carry! She could even have enough magic left to build a tree house or an elevated gazebo, or something equally mentally stimulating!

She gave herself a full three weeks. She still had no food, or else she would have just stopped worrying about it and focused on getting home.

Looking around, Twilight decided to spend a good deal of time studying botany with her zebra friend, Zecora. She might even make it her top priority, when she got back. There were hundreds of different plant species in this forsaken forest, but she had no idea which leaves would give her energy, and which would make her sick. She doubted she’d run into a cabbage farm out here, much less a tasty carrot patch. It was all half dead weeds and shrubs as far as the eye could see, none of which looked particularly tasty ...or even edible.

So then... food was her next challenge. She would have to figure it by herself, somehow. And she would have to do so on the move, because her bowl was already overflowing…

Author's Note

Minor changes to this chapter, to fix Twilight coming across as - and I quote "Rainbow Dash with a horn".

Yup, it was that bad. Hopefully I fixed it, but that's your choice to make, isn't it?

~Chapter Two - The Road~

Twilight Zombie

A work of ...Fifteen pirate zombies on a dead man's chest, I guess. By a very Busyguy.

~Chapter Two - The Road~

Twilight trotted through the woods, a heavy and precious load slung across her back.

Thirty minutes for around four gallons. That’s what she guessed her condenser construct had produced in pure drinking water. It was an amazing yield for such a small condenser. Of course, it was also a lot of heavy water to be lugging around. In fact, the uncomfortable wooden cradle she’d formed out of living wood to carry the two jars was resting up over her wings. She’d have to set her water down to be able to fly, if she could even call it flying with the last three primaries on her right wing ripped out at the root.

But the dead-human smell was weaker than before, and she was once again on her hooves and moving forward. So things could definitely be worse…

~Three minutes later~

Oh, sweet Celestia! It was worse! Stars above, Twilight had never gone so far past normal hunger! And to add to the insult, it was lunch time. Or at least her grumbling stomach seemed to think it was.

More than a few interesting flowers had been sniffed at as they had gone by, but she hadn’t recognized a single one well enough to trust it. Mushrooms were also available in great abundance, though most were dried out and threatened to have the texture of the average unused kitchen sponge. but she knew far better than to even lick a leaf if she didn’t know the exact species.

At one point, Twilight had trotted past a small pond; but it was so overgrown with floating plants - and smelled so disgustingly awful - that she’d simply stuck out her tongue and pulled a face as she went by.

The water jugs were a bit heavy, but they were getting lighter as she went. Every hour or so, she’d stop to take a few deep pulls at each jug in turn. It was important to keep the jugs balanced, or her spine would be paying the price for ignoring the forces of physics. A quick check revealed that she’d consumed about a quarter of her water supply so far, which wasn’t too bad considering she’d gone almost a full day without a drop to drink. And the stupid heat wasn’t exactly helping things, either!

But the problems ...they just kept adding up. The latest and greatest of which was now her hooves. They were getting packed tight with loose rocks and stones every ten or twenty minutes. It was bad to the point where she worried her poor frogs were going to just give up and shrivel up into her hooves. She’d tried to keep the deeper grooves cleaned out as best she could, but the ground around here just seemed perfectly designed to stuff her poor hooves until they nearly burst!

Every ten minutes, she’d have stop, get out from under her water jugs, and pry as many of the stupid things out as she could with her ailing magic or a nearby stick. It also didn’t help that she wasn’t used to so much walking. The frogs of her hooves were as narrow and soft as a newborn foals, at least when compared to her friend Applejack’s. She could tell they would need a little healing, if she was going to keep up her current pace.

She went ahead and cast the standard healing spell on each hoof, one at a time. Each release of magic earned her a strange onrush of emotions and images, making her close her eyes and wince for each casting. She still had a strong desire to understand how a creature as complex as a human could even move around without its spark …but she pushed the desire away, opting for survival instead.

She never thought she would see the day! Twilight Sparkle: the leading edge of Equestrian magic research and development for five years straight …was willingly avoiding a mystery involving magic!

It was certainly surreal, but anypony currently waiting on her many pending or incomplete essays on magic and ancient Equestrian history would just have to be patient. Dead or stranded ponies did not make good scientists or historians, or at least she didn't know how they would be able to.

Or maybe she was wrong, and they actually could? She was a little unsure of what she believed possible anymore...

But that train of thought wasn't getting her any closer to getting home, and now she was free of the larger aches and pains in her hooves. Of course, that also meant she was free to clearly notice all the other small pebbles still lodged in them. But she couldn’t do much about it out here by herself. Without being able to actually see the things, she couldn’t simply grab them with magic. Or at least not without also grabbing everything else nearby, which would likely result in the saddest one-pony hoofshake ever. She would just have to wait, get home, and then pay a nice long visit to the Spa twins. That one twin named Lotus Blossom was a miracle worker when it came to hooves, and could extract the tiniest pebble from the deepest and most box-hoofed pony in all of Equus. Assuming they had a spare half hour and the mare’s going rate of fifteen bits to pay for her services, of course.

For now, it was one uncomfortable hoof in front of the other, until food and safety were secured. After that, she had a search for knowledge to conduct. Twilight had to know where she was in the Mirror World, if she was to find Canterlot High School. And if she wasn't in the Mirror World, then she would have to reverse the conditions that caused the shift in dimensions in the first place …something she didn't expect to be a simple process.

She could do it, of course. It would just be difficult. Given a full day's rest and a suitable layline in this world’s thaumogeographic layout, she could just cast the spell until she got lucky and found Equus. Do that, and she would be back home; assuming she didn't get torn apart by the thaumic instabilities of a second collapsing portal.

Hnng! It be really bad if this wasn’t the mirror world...

Twilight suddenly found herself on her face, her tail flung up well over her head. A second later, one of her water jugs thunked off of her forehead so hard that she could actually feel the lump starting to form.

“Okay ...that hurt,” Twilight muttered. “Note to self. Hiking requires proper attention to hoof placement. Also, it sucks and I BUCKING HATE IT!” She yelled her frustration out as loud as she could into the surrounding woods. And since she was an Alicorn, that was pretty loud. There was nopony around to hear her be a bit more vulgar then her normal self, and the growing lump on her head really did hurt!

She would just have to be forgiven for being a bit moody. But then, if she could yell at her leasure, then she could do other things, as well...

The heavy rock that had tripped her was found, viciously glared at, and then sent flying well out of sight over the trees. Twilight would be lying if she said she didn’t take pleasure in hearing a few trees off in the distance meet her former attacker at high velocity. But the sounds of destruction ended all too soon, and she was left to get her uncomfortably stuffed hooves moving again.

She was sure to put a bit more attention into where she was putting them, though.

The day wore on, and Twilight hadn't tripped even once more. She had walked into a few trees, but that was a statistically difficult thing to avoid since they were getting more and more common. She could no longer see very far ahead, and was started to feel rather heavy and tired. She still had plenty of water, as she’d needed less and less as her body’s reserves replenished; but she was still hungrier than she'd ever been in her life. Her muscles had even begun to ache and lock up, and her empty tummy didn't really feel all that settled, either.

She needed food, and she needed it now.

A quick look around revealed all the same plants, mushrooms, and shrubs as before. But there was a new addition to the plethora of potentially poisonous plants. A large number of round, green, and fruit-like objects were strewn about beneath a large grey-trunked tree just ahead.

They looked like little green apples, so Twilgiht quickly rushed over and picked one up. It smelled bitter when she gave it a sniff, and not like an apple at all …or even like food, really. She unhappily tossed the apple-that-wasn't-an-apple aside, and moved on. The next few minutes saw her sniffing randomly at any leaves that looked even remotely edible, and it wasn't long before she found something...

A small leafy plant with a few white flower stalks growing up from its center had found itself the center of her attention. It smelled more earthy and sweet than any she'd sniffed so far, so she gently tore off a small bit of leaf and chewed it. It was far from what she’d call good, but it was nowhere near the level of utter 'blech!' the grass had been. She took another small nip, trying the flower stalk this time …and then she just engulfed the whole thing. The rest of the plant quickly followed suite, and she was soon off to hunt down another.

Four minutes passed, and Twilight had only found three similar plants growing within the small area. It was likely that she'd burned more calories than she’d gained in the effort. She grumbled unhappily as she was forced to return to her hike with an empty stomach. But instead of just trotting along blindly, she now found herself eagerly scanning the ground for white flower stalks and low lying dark green leaves.

A half hour later, she decided she needed more than just one kind of plant to keep an eye out for, as she’d only found one sad little excuse for a plant that didn’t even produce half a mouthful. A thick patch of shady green caught her eye, and she trotted over to investigate...

She first nipped at the tip of a slender fern: "Pbbthaagh!" But it was incredibly bitter, and probably poisonous.

She then gently mouthed a deep-veined and sawtooth-edged leaf: "Num… PPBBT-blah! ...Ow! ah... Ah-choo!" Oh Celestia! That one was even worse! It felt like it had actually stung her lips and nose!

She quickly moved over to a new spot - trying to avoid the stinging plant that had made her sneeze - and hesitantly took a fleshy and plump looking small tear-shaped leaf into her mouth. She crushed it slowly, noting the thick and red-hued stems creeping along the ground as she did so. She could tell that the whole of the plant grew from one central point ...and then the taste hit her tongue: "Hmm... hmm? ...mmMMMM!" It was actually pretty good! Kind of like uncooked green beans, but with a bit of a lemon-esque bite to it that really woke up her taste buds!

Twilight quickly ate every bit of the delicious plant, hardly even slowing to chew. She felt a bit sad when her muzzle met dirt, not even a little stub left to be seen... But she had a second target to scan for now, and that was a lot better than just one. She wiped her muzzle off with her hoof, and moved on.

It took a good twenty minutes of careful observation, but she’d managed to snap up enough food to qualify as a light snack during then next few miles of walking. She was also feeling a fair deal better, and it was showing in her longer strides. In fact, she remembered seeing an oddly barren hilltop in the distance this morning, but thought she wouldn’t reach it before nightfall.

She was now on the top of that very hill, and feeling pretty darn pleased about it.

Half her water was gone, though. One of the two plants she’d been eating had made her unbearably thirsty, and she’d had to pee at least a dozen times in the past three hours. She was also sweating a lot more than normal, which wasn’t so pleasant a smell whenever she stopped and caught a whiff of herself. But there was something else she had noticed, as well: Her magic was feeling a bit stronger than normal, no doubt also due to eating unfamiliar wild foods.

She really wished she could record the effects and symptoms. She might be able to figure out which plant had been responsible for which effect, and even start a food or medical reference to work with while she was here. That would be a very beneficial thing to have, should she be stuck here for long enough to rely on eating wild plants. But she didn’t even have a feather to make a quill ...unless she decided to even out her missing three, of course. But no way was that going to happen! Pulling a healthy feather was like pulling a healthy tooth, it just wasn’t something that was done. And besides, it would really hurt! She also didn’t even have any scrolls, or even ink. So what would even be the point?

Plopping down for a moment, Twilight slid out from under her simple water jug cradle and lay down on a clean section of dirt to rest.

Heh, clean dirt… Rarity would never understand that as a concept. But then she would still probably be back in the open field and calling for help, too.

Twilight wouldn't have minded that, honestly. She would just be glad for the company. The only noise out here was coming from what sounded like a million different species of insect, or the wind moving the dried-out trees around. It was ...unsettling. This stupid place was eerie, even in the full light of its overbearingly hot sun.

As she rested, Twilight did her best to simply stop thinking, and relax. Her muscles were sore, her brain was feeling more than a little fried, and her hooves were flat out killing her even though she'd healed them not five hours ago. She let herself relax even deeper, laying her head on its side in the soft (and clean) dirt. But when her ear cupped the ground, she almost immediately picked up on the beginnings of a strange sound. A strange sound that was familiar, and yet oddly foreign as well. It rose in volume as she concentrated on it, and she realized that she’d actually heard something like it before! It was a …what did the mirror version of Flash Sentry call his? …A cart? …Carp? …Car? …A car! That was it! And where there were cars, there were humans! She'd finally found a road! Clean water! Real food! Maybe she could even gain some knowledge about the location of her exit from the Mirror World! The only trouble was there was more than one, if the sounds vibrating from the ground were accurate. She’d have to be very careful not to be spotted by any of the human drivers as she followed them toward civilization.

But ...cars! Roads! Oooooh, she was just so happy to have found a sign of intelligent life! All she had to do was follow them, and hide out somewhere near a source of human social activity. From there she could just listen in on conversations until Canterlot was mentioned! But wait …weren’t cars pretty fast?

Flashes had been fast. Much faster than an average pony could run, in fact. Well then she should probably be running, right?

In the back of her head, Twilight could swear she heard Applejack's big brother say a single drawled word…

And then she was up and moving. Her water jugs flew along behind her, the liquid they still contained sloshing noisily about. The many trees made it hard to tell exactly which direction the car sounds were coming from, but she found herself galloping forward regardless. The sounds got a bit easier to pick out with each meeting of hoof to earth, and she took advantage by adjusted her course to intercept them where she thought they would be when she closed the distance. She ran down a hill, plowed through a thick bush, leapt over a rusty wire fence, and there was a CLIFF!

Twilight's hooves scrabbled to break her momentum, and she wobbled as one forehoof just barely popped over the edge of a fairly high and sheer drop. One of her forgotten water jugs thumped to a harsh stop against her rear legs, making her wobble even more precariously. The other missed, thankfully, and went rolling by on her left. And her addled self could only watch as it bounced down two hundred feet of rocky cliff to smash on the ...the biggest road she’d ever seen in her life.

It was impossibly massive... Six paint-marked lanes of smooth black road, gouged right through the hilly terrain. It honestly looked like some great beast had torn the earth to rubble, then stomped everything perfectly flat and coated it all in tar. The amount of sheer energy involved in moving so much rock and soil was mind boggling by itself, let alone the volume of concrete involved.

Twilight was so engrossed in the sight that she nearly missed a glint in the distance. But she was given a second chance in the form of a sudden spike in noise. Her head followed the swivel of her ears, and she smiled happily as the first car came lumbering into view from around the bend to her right. And then another came into view, too! And another! It was wonderful! A glance told her that they were nothing like the car Flash had owned, but they were definitely built in the same vein of purpose, and they were also very clearly moving as a group. She could only assume the humans were moving resources from one town to the next, given the size of the larger vehicles she could make out.

They would be good enough for her needs, no matter what city or town they were going to. And that was all that mattered.

Or actually, maybe not...

As the vehicles drew closer, Twilight began to notice the finer details. Rusted spikes and iron bars were a clear theme, with barbed fencing and thick metal plates stuck to every available surface …and they were making an awful lot of noise for how slow they were going. And as the cars got closer still, she noticed a few smaller vehicles staying near the sides of the giant ones that weren’t like Flash’s car either. Each small vehicle carried only one single human, and on only two narrow wheels. She watched closely, and decided the big four and six wheeled cars were actually nearly silent. Somehow, it was the smaller vehicles making the bulk of the noise.

It was certainly a sight for sore eyes, but there was something about the humans on the smaller vehicles that struck Twilight as off. Something about the way they moved on their vehicles made her press her tired form back into the grass and tuck herself up against the nearest shrub.

They all wore dark shiny clothing that had been studded with highly polished spikes of ...chromareium, if she had to guess the type of metal. Each one also had a strange object slung on their back, and she somehow knew them to be weapons just by looking at them. The blocky black shapes didn't look like they would be useful for anything, and the way the humans carried them just ...felt like they were being used as weapons. Twilight knew she might be wrong, but she also had no foalish intentions of assuming otherwise until she was proven as such.

So then... a group of armed and scary humans, wearing clothing that screamed 'We are a gang of tough guys'. If she followed this group, it would be done at one hay of a distance. They seemed dangerous even at a distance, and that feeling of wanting to hide only got stronger the closer they got to her spot up on the cliff. They were going fairly slow compared to what she had experienced from cars so far in her life, traveling at no more than a gentle gallop. But keeping that pace over even an hour in this heat wouldn’t be feasible unless she left her water supply behind, or flew after them. And both of those options were currently a bit of a problem.

Twilight bit her lip and tucked herself deeper into her hiding spot. She really should have thought this though better!

The vehicles grew louder and closer, and one of the small ones suddenly released a harsh burst of sound, rushing out ahead of the group. It made straight for where her poor water jug had smashed itself to bits, and stopped with a chirp of its rubber-covered wheels. The human rider looked at the broken jug and evaporating water for a moment …and then looked straight up the cliff!

Twilight froze, and held her breath; doing her best to keep perfectly still. She wasn’t very well hidden except for some tall grass and part of a leafy shrub, and her coat was lavender! There was almost no chance that she hadn’t already been seen! She could even see the scary looking human from where she was! And if she could see him, then he could ...oh no!

The man had grabbed the triangular part of the scary thing on his back, and swung it around so it was in front of him. He'd then hoisted the device up to his shoulder in a manner that pretty much confirmed its status as a weapon, and pointed it up the cliff in her direction.

As the man aimed around, she could feel a sort of …malice, was a good word for it. It was like a robber with a crossbow was trying to shoot her, but didn’t actually know where she was. It was probably a more accurate description than she really wanted to come up with; because the next thing she knew a sharp and incredibly loud sound battered her ears, and her last remaining water jug simply exploded in her face!

She jerked a bit, but otherwise managed to keep her frozen state steady. The man kept his weapon up as the other vehicles reached his position. This was followed by a few heated words with another human on a similar looking two-wheeler. The two bickered back and forth for a while, and then both rode off down the road …and that one human had never lowered his weapon once after raising it, not even as he drove off.

Once the car sounds grew quiet enough she could barely hear them, Twilight began breathing again. And by breathing, she meant trying to create a temporary vacuum in the atmosphere with each breath. The humans here were apparently well beyond hostile, and had weapons that could break a solid inch of tempered glass from a distance of some three hundred feet! She didn’t even want to think what would have happened, if he’d targeted her instead of her water jug. Although... something told her that the only reason she’d not been his target was the shiny glass jar catching the sun, while her shaded form had been directly next to the glare, and had thus gone unnoticed.

She looked at her ruined jug, and felt her slowly recovering heart rate climb right back up to dangerously fast speeds. The glass closest to the cliff had a small hole in it, but still stood upright. The other side had been blasted out into a million fractured pieces. Not a single drop of water was left.

All that work ...gone. Popped like a balloon, even though she’d made the glass an inch thick and strong enough to be dropped a decent distance!? But ...okay, no. Staying calm was important, right now. She was back to not having any water.

Right away, Twilight decided she would be avoiding any other humans for the time being, and also avoid traveling directly on the road. The humans below hadn’t exactly exuded a very peaceful aura, and she didn’t want to have a fight on her hooves …especially when they had the ability to hurt her from three hundred feet away.

And again, it really begged the obvious question: Was this actually the mirror world? Violence had been rare in the human town of Canterlot. Or at least it had been rare, according to its bipedal (yet still very pretty) version of Rarity. But those men on the small vehicles... They seemed hardened beyond anything she had seen before, as if they’d been living as soldiers in a force of royal guards assigned to a dangerous outpost for a very long time.

It was a lot to worry about, but before she worried about anything else, Twilight really felt like she needed to take a breather. Her heart was still pounding against her ribs pretty hard... And once she recovered enough, she still really wanted a closer look at that road.

It took a while, but her heart calmed, and her legs had stopped shaking. Twilight stood, spread her wings, and leapt out into the gap the road had made in its construction. Almost right away she started cursing her increasingly troublesome forgetfulness, as she began drifting off course and had to correct by pulling some left wing. Those three missing feathers on her right wing were going to be a real pain in the flank until they grew back, it seemed. She'd never actually lost a flight feather before - her wings being less than four years old - but Luna had said that it took at least a full week for hers to properly grow back when lost at the root, so it stood to reason that she was going to be a poor flyer for at least that long.

Twilight's thoughts were interrupted by the opposite cliff’s closing proximity, and Twilight discovered that - if gliding was hard with missing feathers - then actually performing a smooth turn was practically impossible. She came dangerously close to stalling when she banked left to avoid the cliff, and quickly decided to just go as straight as possible to avoid getting hurt and having to use yet more healing magic. The meager food she'd found wouldn't even support her own body, much less allow for messing around freely and wasting magic her body had to work hard to replace.

Her attempt at a flared landing went about as she'd expected it to, and Twilight touched down nearly sideways. Her left hooves instantly rolled out from under her, and she thumped hard onto her side. The road scraped her up a bit as she slid to a stop, but she was back on her hooves in a flash. A quick check, and she decided the shallow scrapes along her hip and shoulder weren’t worth burning her magic on …not when another caravan could come roaring toward her at any moment. The scrapes stung, but she’d need every bit of magic she had left to defend herself if she came under attack by multiple humans with ranged weapons.

…Flying away wasn't much of an option at the moment.

But in the span of that same moment, she was more or less safe. And she was also more or less where she had intended to be: the road. And the road …well, it was a road. A road just like any other road in the Mirror World. It was rougher, and a lot bigger; but still just an empty expanse of dusty and hoof-searingly hot concrete. In fact, why she’d felt it necessary to risk her own health coming down here was complete mystery. At least she'd had grass and shrubs to hide in up above...

“Well, shoot ...this wasn't the best decision, now was it...” Twilight chastised herself. She had to start being more careful about these things! Especially now that she knew this part of the world was so incredibly dangerous! It wouldn’t do to blindly attack her problems and trot around in the open anymore. She needed to be smart! Careful! …Sneaky.

Twilight hugged the side of the road-side cliff, trotting along quickly in the same direction the dangerous group of humans had gone. The deep cut through the rock that the road followed seemed to end about half a mile up ahead, so she could easily get off of the road without risking a flight again.

She was half way there, when she heard another car coming. And she would never admit it, but she very nearly soiled herself right then and there. Her heart leapt right back up to alarmingly high rates, and her mouth went as dry as the searing hot road under her hooves.

She turned slowly, expecting to see another big group of scary and weapon-wielding spike-covered humans bearing down on her…

Only to see a single human …riding toward her on a strange contraption that looked like it was a combination of two different vehicles. The man (or woman, she couldn’t tell yet) was sitting on one half of the machine, which looked very similar to the two wheeled mounts the man that destroyed her last jug had been riding. But the other half of this human's vehicle looked more like a tiny little airship, or maybe a small boat. A single wheel supported the small airship-looking half of the vehicle, and she could only assume it was meant for carrying supplies.

The human was still far off, but she could already tell they were dressed entirely differently from the earlier ones. With a squint, Twilight could tell they were actually wearing dull brown on the top half, and dark grey on the bottom, none of that shiny black stuff was present. There were also no spikes or heavy plates in sight, which at the moment was a plus in her book. Something was flapping in the wind around their neck, though she couldn't really tell what it was just yet and …and holy horse apples they were moving fast!

In the time she had been watching, the distance between them had easily been halved. She’d been seen already, of that there really wasn't even a doubt this time! They were looking right at her, even steering to avoid being in the lane she was occupying! Twilight's heart leapt up into her throat as the vehicle barked, and the pitch of its noisy power plant jumped upward aggressively. It slowed a bit, then barked again, slowing even more. Four times the pitch went up sharply, only to smoothly drop back down as the human brought the strange contraption to a steady and slow pace.

…And then they simply stared at her, as they drove past her and kept right on going.

“w-WAIT! COME BACK!” Twilight shouted. She then slapped a hoof over her mouth.

What was she doing!? She was supposed to be trying to go unobserved!

She heard squealing tires and quickly spun around, her heart still pounding as she gathered her magic into a directed force spell ...but the human and its strange vehicle were actually accelerating away from her.

They were ...running? But that was ...huh? Why were they running from her?

Hmm. Well, Twilight knew full-well that interacting with the local humans was a bad idea without being human herself, so she didn't really mind that this one had chosen to run. It saved her what would likely be a very awkward explanation, and maybe even saved her from getting into an unfortunate fight. And that was something she really wanted to avoid in this place, if she could at all help it.

But it still kind of hurt her feelings, to be honest. That kind of reaction wasn't really what a pony wanted to see at any point in their lives; and doubly so when their mere existence was the cause of being abruptly abandoned. Still though; Mirror Applejack had explained that only humans were able to speak in this world, so she really should have expected some fear or misunderstanding from them. But, just ...wow! She must really be horrifying to look at to these humans in her Alicorn form.

Twilight sat down with a thump, watching the terrified human as they leaned over their machine to wring out every drop of speed it had …running away from her like she was a horrifying monster... ... ...the road was burning her butt.

~POP!~

Suddenly, Twilight heard a very loud sound. It was like the weapon that broke her jar, but much deeper and not nearly as painful to her ears. She ducked her head and spun around, looking for the source of the threat; but another pop brought her attention back to the running human and their incredibly fast machine …except they were gone! All she could see was a thick cloud of blue smoke! There was another - quieter - series of pops, and the roar of the odd machine suddenly went silent. A moment later, both machine and its frantic rider reappeared from the cloud on the side of the road. The human was off their mount, and running alongside it. Trying to push it along with what appeared to be all of their strength.

Twilight watched for a moment ...stood ...and then just started walking. She didn't even know why she'd stood, though. It may have been her hunger clouding her mind - or her earlier head trauma - but she had decided that it didn’t really matter if she interacted with just this one particular human. They had already seen her, and had just heard her speak. Their reaction made her feel like they wouldn't want to hurt her for no good reason, so she was going to see them up close. It was rather unfortunate that she'd made such a massive mistake as to let herself be seen so easily, but she would just keep things simple here.

She would ask for whatever help the human was willing to give, and then leave them in peace. They would both walk away better for the experience, even if it didn't go perfectly. And if she thought on her hooves, she might even be able to convince them to not tell any other humans she was in the area.

But then... Just like she wasn’t sure why she was so intent on talking with that scared human in the distance, she also wasn't exactly sure how to go about actually doing so, either. It clearly wasn't a good idea, given the genuinely fearful reaction she gotten for simply standing still and ...okay, she did shout at them pretty loud, but she didn't yell anything mean!

And yet they still ran.

Twilight sighed, and picked up her pace a bit. This was a bad idea, no matter how she tried to look at it.

Yet her hooves kept moving, and to be honest she felt an odd thrill in her heart at the thought of simply talking with another sentient being. She didn't understand why just yet, but there was no chance that she wasn't going to talk to this human. She would probably have to feel things out as the conversation unfolded, and be very careful with her words, sure. But that wasn't much of a problem. Humans were by no means unintelligent, and they even shared quite a few social traits with equines. Love and tolerance being - at least apparently - among the top of those positive traits. It was perfectly reasonable to hope that - if she was very gentle and offered to fix the broken machine with her magic - the human would choose to help her in return.

Or at the very least ...they wouldn't try to put any holes in her.

Twilight looked up the road. Her approach had been noticed, if the desperate pushing and the constant worried looks in her direction were any indication. She decided to speed things up, and broke into a fairly relaxed canter. She wouldn't catch up by just walking, unless the human wore themselves out, of course... And that would be bad manners on her part. She couldn't tire somepony to the point of collapse, and then turn around expecting smiles and helpful cooperation a second later. No, it was clearly much better to be quick about this, if only so they could both relax and talk without having to catch their breath first.

But humans were not road-only machines, and this one had no reason to give her what she wanted without putting up at least some sort of resistance. One look at just how fast she was gaining as she galloped along the road, and the human had stopped pushing the machine. But they hadn't just stopped and stood there, oh no.

They had grabbed what looked like a bow and some metal-tipped arrows, and scrabbled right up the diminishingly high cliff into the woods.

Well ...horseapples.

Not wanting to risk being shot with an arrow - but not ready to just walk away either after galloping so far - Twilight put up a minor shield around herself as she drew near the still-smoking machine. The cliff was more of a short and steep hill here, and the hand and foot tracks going up its craggy surface were easy to see …but there was no way Twilight was going to be tracking a human through a dense forest if they had a bow and arrows. That would be stupid, and would probably end in her getting an arrow in the flank for her trouble. Instead, she sat down facing the section of woods where the human had disappeared, and tried the nice approach…

“Hello?” She called into the forest. She immediately heard a slight rustle, and then an all-too-familiar sense of malice washed across her, making her feel incredibly exposed. She quickly added another layer to her shield, forming the thickest section right in front of herself.

“Please, I just want to talk. I don't mean any harm, I promise,” She called into the thick foliage above. She heard a nearly imperceptible creak, and the unmistakable sound of wood sliding over wood. Whoever they were, they’d just drawn their bow ...not good.

She lowered her volume a bit, smiled as warmly as she could manage, and continued... “My name is Twilight Sparkle. I know I might look a bit ...different, but I just want to offer a simple trade. After that I promise I'll be out of your mane forever." She listened for a moment, but only the steady drone of the insects reached her ears. She made sure her smile was still on, and said, "My offer is this: I can fix your …machine, and all I ask for in return are some directions to the town of Canterlot, and some basic knowledge of edible plants. Oh ...and if you could tell me what to avoid out here and give me some water, that'd be great. Does that sound like a fair trade?”

“G-Go away!” A voice yelled from a darkened section between two bushes up above her head. The voice sounded like an older male, likely middle aged. It was also very gruff ...and full of venom.

Too bad he had stuttered in fear as well as sound venomous, and that Twilight had been so well trained in the art of social coercion. She knew how to handle eight distinct types of foreign dignitary, and had been taught by the oldest master in all of Equus on the many and varied methods of getting one's desired outcome in an argument...

This argument wasn't up for debate, anymore. Because Twilight could smell the water on the machine, and she was already feeling thirsty again. ...Of course, she still didn't want to be mean about it. It was just that she really did need more water.

Twilight turned ever so slightly, relaxed into just the right stance, and put on her best smile as she said, “I’m lost, I'm afraid. Going away isn't really an option I have at my disposal at the moment." She cocked her head exactly twenty degrees to the right, just like she'd been taught... "I would gladly leave though, if you only just tell me how to get to Canterlot?”

It was a clever bind, yet another one of Princess Celestia's favorite tricks when dealing with foreign powers. Mastering a perfect curtsy was one thing, but this kind of binding technique was on a whole new level. It was chess, but in the real world! That's why she'd jumped at the chance to learn socio-political manipulation techniques from the master herself. Twilight knew that she currently held more assets with her magic, while they both wanted something. He wanted to be left alone, and she wanted directions and water. The difference between them was that all her current assets were a part of herself, while the human couldn't leave his machine behind! She now guarded the machine, thus binding the human into an easy agreement in her favor. All he had to do to get his way was give her exactly what she wanted. It was a flawless way to guarantee cooperation, without being overly forcefu...~THUNK~

Twilight's eyes flicked upward ...and took in the details of the arrow that had just hit her shield spell. And it was easy to do so without leaning back or squinting, because the arrow shaft was only lodged a few inches into her outer shield. It was nothing even close to having hit her. Except ... it had clearly been aimed directly at her head.

He'd... he'd actually tried to...

Twilight felt, well first off she wanted it known that she wasn't mad. And 'angry' didn't really do it justice, either. She was more just a little ...'livid', that was a better word for it. She was just a little bit livid.

All she'd wanted to do here, was talk! ...To use her big-pony words to help somepony else, and be helped in return! And he'd tried to ...to kill her?! It was just so ...ridiculous! The human hadn't looked too young to not know any better from what she'd seen of them so far, so that couldn't be the issue. He seemed more than old enough to know there were much better ways to deal with stressful situations then violence! ~THUNK~ "GAH! Would you please stop shooting those at me! I told you! I only want to..." ~THUNK~ Well, apparently she was wrong ...but by Celestia! He would learn his lesson about hurting others! Even if she had to teach him herself, he would learn! This misguided human was likely her best chance at finding Canterlot, after all! And given that he was all alone - and clearly had social issues - he likely had plenty of spare time to sit down and tell her every little thing she needed to know abou... ~THUNK~

"Oh that is it! Get out of there right now, mister!"

...

~THUNK~

Twilight reached out with her magic, rummaging around in the bushes for the stubborn human. She didn't find him, but her efforts hadn't gone unnoticed. The man popped out of the shrubs near where she'd been searching, looking for all the world like a frightened rabbit. He made for the woods, of course ...but she wasn't done with him! Not a chance! He was at least going to give her a proper apology for trying to hurt her like that!

Twilight flicked her magic in the human's last known direction of travel, then rapidly expanded the field until she felt it surround something that was neither dirt nor plant. A quick shift in her magic, and she had formed it into a large bubble shield. She shrank it to a more managable size, then carefully brought the whole mess out of the woods. A moment later, she was looking at a very confused human, along with a bit of shrub and a few extra hoof-fulls of dirt. She brought him down the small cliff, being sure to keep an eye on the wooden bow he had somehow managed to keep in his grasp. Once he was close enough to the ground that she felt it was safe, she turned him until he was facing her. There was a long moment where they stared at each other in silence. Then Twilight smiled and said, "So... can we start over and talk like adults, now?"

...And that's when the screaming started.

Twilight's eyes opened wide, and she shoved her hooves against her ears. The ear-rending screams from within her bubble shield hurt so bad that she lost concentration, and her magic collapsed.

While she tried to get her ears to stop ringing, the man was free to take cover behind his machine. He scrambled to get another arrow mounted to his bowstring, but the arrow kept refusing to meet the string in his rapidly shaking hands. It was a good thing too, because Twilight no longer had a shield up to protect herself.

Twilight stood up, leveling a glare at the man as she said, “Really? You try to kill me, and I spare you ...and now you’re just going to try again?” She narrowed her eyes. “…I don't think so.” She then grabbed the rest of the arrows from the quiver on the man’s side, and gave the arrow he'd only just secured to his bowstring a magical swat. The deadly projectile swung out from the bow to dangle, as the man stared at the other floating arrows in horror. He looked back at her, then at the floating projectiles once more...

“Mm …momomoma monSTER in the GET AwaYAAAAAAH!”

Twilight watched as the man turned and ran screaming down the road, the forest ten feet to his right apparently forgotten. She’d really hoped this would have gone a bit better, but it seemed Mirror Applejack had been right.

The humans here were apparently a bunch of scaredy-ponies when it came to anything that could think for itself, outside of their own kind. And it might not help her current image, but she was not about to chase the man down again. She carefully reached out, and nabbed one of the running man’s pant legs in a light grip. He very nearly fell, and the screaming got even louder.

She quickly let go to avoid hurting him, and opted for his strong looking belt instead, hoisting him easily into the air to hang by his waist.

He flailed and screamed, and screamed and flailed, and …HNG! Her poor ears! She had no idea how loud a human could actually be! She had to calm him down before he did permanent damage to both their hearing!

Twilight quickly brought the upset human flying back to her. She then looked him right in the eyes …and then promptly leapt back as he retched and unleashed a torrent of vomit.

She set him down gently, making sure he was well away from the ...mess. And then she just kind of ...stood there.

Was she really so terrifying as ...that? It seemed likely that the answer was yes, she very much was scary enough to barf at. But why? It almost didn't seem worth the suffering she was causing the man anymore, if all she wanted of him was simple information and water. She was torn on whether or not to simply leave the poor man alone. But ...she couldn't do that! He had just been sick! He would need some help and ...and now he was dragging himself across the ground because he couldn't even stand up! She couldn't leave him like this! Not with a broken machine and an upset stomach with no other humans around to help! She had to do something! At the very least, she had to make sure he would be okay on his own once she left.

Twilight stepped well clear of the man’s …lunch or possibly his breakfast, and followed him as he dragged himself away across the road. She sped up and placed herself in his path, saying, "I'm sorry! I only wanted to help and..." She drifted off as the man turned himself around and crawled in the other direction. She quickly matched his pace and said, "Please, just ...stop this. I'm not bad or evil or anything like that, I promise." He turned again, once more trying to get away. She didn’t know what to do! He was ignoring her words and changing direction every time she stood in his way! She got frustrated after the fifth time and wound up just kinda …doing whatever came to mind first.

Twilight stepped up onto the man’s back, collapsing him flat against the road. He let out a pained groan, and tried to roll over or grab at her. He struggled for a moment, before simply giving up and remaining still. Where the idea had come from to just walk up and stand on him, Twilight honestly had no idea. But it seemed as though it had worked. She decided to just blame the odd action on her lack of proper nutrition for two days straight, and moved on.

Twilight positioned her hooves a little higher up on the man's back to lean over and say, “ I'm sorry, but was all that really necessary? I was just looking for help, you know. There was no need for all of that yelling and...and all that really loud screaming.”

The man shifted under her, suddenly pulling a small knife from his waistline. Twilight lifted one of her hooves, ready to leap away, but the man didn’t seem to have the energy to lift his arm high enough to do her any harm. Twilight wound up watching in confusion as the blade swung uselessly about, barely even leaving the ground. She gave the act all of about three seconds, before carefully plucking the weapon from his hand and setting it down nearby on the road where he could see she hadn't just thrown it into the woods.

“You are the most stubborn stallion I’ve ever met,” She quietly admonished. “And here I thought I’d just ...trot on over here and ask a few questions, but noooo... I had to find the most violence-oriented human on the entire planet!" She sighed heavily. "...Serves me right for not thinking ahead, though.” She shifted on her hooves, feeling a few muscles pop around underneath her hooves. It was actually really disturbing, feeling them move around like that. She also worried that she'd just injured him, because he'd jerked and then either relaxed or passed out as a result of her weight popping his tissues around. She couldn't tell from her spot standing on his shoulders and lower back. She was betting on the latter though, all things considered. “Are ...are you okay?” Twilight asked, leaning forward to try to see the man's face. She really hoped she hadn't just hurt him, even if he didn't seem to share her ideals on the subject of hurting others.

But, of course, leaning made her hooves pop over yet more muscles, and she nearly lost her footing when the man once again jerked beneath her. As she recovered her balance, she heard a mumbled reply from under her captive's prone form, but couldn't hear the words clearly... “What was that? I couldn’t hear you," She pressed, thankful he was still moving...

“I said get off! I don’t talk to nodody don can’ fumbumbuba…” The man trailed off as his head sank to the road.

Well, it seemed like he was mostly just exhausted. She’d apparently worn him out past the point of his endurance. Or actually, he’d worn himself out. But one way or another, there was nothing she could do for him except keep an eye out while he recovered ...and she hoped he'd see reason once he did.

Grumbling almost as much as her temporary captive was groaning, Twilight lifted the heavy man in her magic and brought him back over to his machine. She gently propped him up against the one-wheeled side of it, making sure he wouldn't fall over when she let go. He was still awake, but she didn't trust him not to teeter over and hit his head. She would never understand the logic of having the most important part of an organism stuck way up at the top of an already tall body ...seemed like a good way to gaurantee head injuries during a fall.

Shaking her head, Twilight began carefully searching for anything useful on the foul smelling ...car that wasn't a car. She found a large plastic jug of water, some very basic medical supplies, a large metal box full of strange tools, and a small bag of what could only be the dried muscle tissues of some kind of mammal.

…ew.

She quickly put the disgusting baggy back, and traded it for the jug. She undid the cap, giving it a cautious sniff before sending it toward the man’s lightly worn and wind-burned face. He weakly tried to ward it off for a moment, but then wizened up and took it in his hands after her deadpan glare made him realize a drink was in his best interest, and that she was only trying to help ...or at least that's what she had been trying to get across with it.

Downing what seemed like half the container - all while never taking his eyes off of her - the human carefully set his jug down next to him and patted himself down. He didn’t seem to find what he was looking for, though he did let loose a short belch after a moment. His long arms then plopped limply back to the road. He was really quite the epitome of exhaustion, but Twilight had little doubt that he would still be running down the road, if he still had an ounce of energy left.

She held back a sigh. Replacing his lost fluids wasn't enough. She still had to make this right somehow, and she knew that an apology was as good a place to start as any ...even though he technically still owed her one in turn.

“I ...I'm sorry,” Twilight meekly offered. “Had I known my attempt to talk to you would cause all of this trouble. I would have just left you alone.” She hung her head. Every word was the truth. She felt just awful about how sick and tired the man looked. And yes, it was mostly his own fault for making assumptions about her; but he had just been minding his own business, and now he was barely able to even move.

All because she had been in a hurry to get home and solver her own problems.

The human’s head lolled over to face her, and she was surprised to see that both green and blue were present in his unusually small eyes. The two colors mixed together in bright and separate strands, unlike the eyes she was used to seeing back home. She could also see plenty of disbelief in his unusually colorful eyes, though the rest of his expression was well hidden behind the biggest and bushiest beard she’d ever seen in her life, pony or human. She had actually thought it was a scarf or something, it was so bushy and full.

Every beard she’d seen in her life combined, would not be a match for this human’s collection of facial hair...

Twilight suddenly found her gaze drawn downward, to the man’s shaking hand. He was slowly reaching out, her left forehoof being his obvious goal. She lifted the leg and set it down so it was within his reach, watching him lean away as she did so. His lean didn't go away, but his hand did restart its shaky attempt at making contact. It drew close, hesitated for a moment, then darted forward and poked her in the lower leg, right where the cannon bone ended and the hoof began. It was then withdrawn so fast that she hadn't seen much more than a brown blur with a bit of a pinkish hue at the end of it.

“Real…” The man whispered to himself, his arms clutched tightly to his chest. “It’s really …real.”

Twilight sighed. “Yes, I’m really ...er, real. I'm also lost, really really hungry, and …honestly feeling like this whole thing could have been avoided if I hadn’t tried to fly or use magic in the first place.” She plopped her rear down and blew her dirty mane out of her face before continuing, “So… I’m guessing my first introduction didn't quite sink in?" The man numbly shook his head, not even looking at her, and Twilight huffed. "I see. Well then let’s just ...start over, okay?" She put a hoof to her chest. "My name is Twilight Sparkle" The hoof pointed right at the human's chest. "…What’s yours?”

The man let out a weak laugh, and slid off his machine to land harshly on his side. He then rolled to his stomach and slowly gathered his limbs under himself. A raspy breath escaped his lungs as he began struggling to stand.

Twilight lit her horn and helped him up with as gentle a touch of magic as she could. She hoped the aid had gone unnoticed, but as the man leaned on his machine and gave her a sideways glance, she knew that her efforts had been felt ...felt, and not exactly appreciated.

“Name’s …Chuck,” The man said as he pushed off the machine and wobbled toward the forest. “Just …Chuck. And I ...need a minute.” He paused half way to the forest, and half-turned to say, “…Uh, don’t follow me. I'm not running off or nothing.”

Twilight giggled. “You can just say that you have to pee, you know. I’m a grown mare, not a foal.”

Chuck gave her a long look, as if he were making some very important life-changing decision. He then returned to his slow march to find a private spot ...to pee. It was all rather surreal, given everything that happened before that point. Twilight felt, well 'awkward' didn’t quite cover it, and 'bothered' covered it way too much. She felt ...like an alien pony watching a very drunken human trying to find a tree to pee on.

Maybe she should just not think about it. It was too strange a feeling to describe with any synonym she could think of, and she was a master at word play. It was weird, and that was enough. End of story!

She decided to busy herself with studying the human's broken machine, instead of just letting her mind wander around by itself. The silly collection of neurons was clearly in no condition for coming up with anything she would consider socially acceptable on its own.

Once she'd finished a quick visual inspection, Twilight switched - as most ponies would - to her nose. She could smell a lot of different things on the …thing. Things like oil, burned oil, ...really burned oil, and ...some strange and potent chemical that she couldn’t quite place, hot alumarium, [i[super hot iron or steel, some old grease, lots of old rubber, and lots of other little subtle things that danced in the olfactory background. Most of the smells she already knew from working in a lab so often. Others she knew from just her daily life, like some kind of soap that was near the handles that ...Chuck, had been holding onto. There were quite a few smells that she'd never encountered before, though.

As for how the machine moved, there was an obvious chain and sprocket assembly on the rear wheel, and a quick scanning spell revealed two horizontal pistons within two iron-sleeved alumarium cylinders under what she thought might be a tank to hold the foul smelling fuel. The rest of the machine was all a collection of levers, gears, splined shafts, and some weird contraption that moved the right-hand grip on the handlebars when she pressed her magic on the little round flap inside it. She guessed it controlled the flow of fuel and air to the two cylinders, which then burned the mixture to produce mechanical power.

A myriad of simple systems, combined into one single complex system. That was the easiest approach to fixing this crazy thing. All she had to do was find that one little part that didn’t match with the rest, or that interrupted the flow of power from the pistons to the rear wheel …and then somehow fix it.

“So…” Chuck’s nervous voice came from behind her. “You uh… you from around here? …Twilight, was it?”

“Twilight Sparkle,” Twilight corrected in a friendly manner, noting that the human - Chuck - was standing up above her on the cliff again. Likely still trying to stay out of her reach. “And no, I’m from somewhere …else.”

“Oh... well actually I kinda figured that much already. But if you just come out and say as much, then that's a different story,” Chuck offered with no small amount of awkwardness to his voice. She could hear him slide down the cliff and start walking around her, giving her a wide berth as he came into view on the other side of the broken machine.

“I haven’t found the problem yet,” Twilight offered in an attempt to get a decent conversation going, “…But I’ll find it momentarily. Would you like to start teaching me about the local plant life while you wait? That was going to be the agreement, I think.”

“I ...know what’s wrong with it, already,” Chuck stated cautiously. “It's just a blown head gasket." He then squared his form up, trying to look bigger. "...I’m a lot more curious about the purple talking mini-horse that can toss a two hundred pound guy around in the air like he doesn’t weigh more than a mosquito.”

Twilight winced. “I did say I was sorry about that, Mr. Chuck. I know I went too far trying to calm you down and …and okay, I’ll admit I got a little bit angry about the arrows. But right now I’m trying to make it up to you. So please, let's start over or ...at least try to move forward. Now could you come over here and help me find this …head gasket thing. I mean, I know what a head is, and I know what a gasket is …but head-gasket? That just sounds like a surgical procedure gone wrong or something.”

Chuck …chuckled a bit, though it was obviously forced. He also stayed firmly planted right where he was.

Twilight gave him a ‘come on already’ look, and she could see him honestly trying to get his legs moving. He didn’t even get started, though.

Twilight huffed. “Am I really that scary? I mean, I know I tossed you around a bit, and I’m very sorry about it …but I’m an Alicorn. We’re known for being one of the most powerful species to wield magic on all of Equus…” She noticed Chuck was glancing at the forest, clearly judging how hard it would be to escape again. Twilight shook her head and said, "Okay, that was a bad choice of words. Let me try that again, alright? Do you know what my title is back home?” Twilight asked.

Chuck shook his head. "Well, no. I don't suppose I do."

Twilight turned and gave a humble curtsy, saying, “Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Friendship and the wielder of the Element of Magic, at your service." She stood again, and went back to work as she continued to explain, "My friends and I have saved my world from disaster several times. We've unlocked ancient magic that had remained hidden for centuries..." She cocked her head. "…and I help count baby bunnies every year with one of my best friends, who’s name is Fluttershy. Now does that really sound like somepony you should be scared of?”

Chuck shook his head again, but still remained where he was.

Twilight sighed. She then gently wrapped Chuck in her magic, and brought him slowly floating over the machine. She set him back down right next to her, and gave him a moment to catch his balance before she let go. He was now shaking like a leaf, and leaning as far away from her as possible …Which was all he could do, since she had yet to withdraw her magic from the soles of his worn looking boots. Next, she turned to him, reared up, and wrapped her forelegs around his middle in as warm a hug as she could manage for something his shape and size. She had to turn her head a bit, as the big man was fairly thick, but she managed to get her hooves to touch each other on his back...

“Seriously, Chuck. I'm not a monster. I’m just a po... a person in need of a little help. Nothing more than that, and nothing less. I am not going to hurt you. And I’m not going to let you get hurt either.” She tightened her hug a bit. “And I’m also not going to let go until you relax and start talking to me like a normal human being is supposed to talk to other normal human beings. …Okay?”

She heard the big man wheeze out what might have been an attempt at answering, and looked up to find him stiff as a board; every free part of his body held as far away from her as possible.

Twilight’s hug loosened, and she heard Chuck suck in a huge breath. She looked him dead in the eye and said, “It’s a hug, Chuck. A sign of trust between individuals. I'm trusting you not to hurt me ...so are you going to hug back or not?”

Chuck stiffly lowered his right arm and …patted her head. A proper hug, it was not. But it was probably all she was going to get from the stubborn man right now. He was still tensed up like a spring. She dropped back to her hooves, and released his boots with a sigh...

“Goddesses... you are the most nervous guy I’ve ever met, and I know a pony that’s scared of her own shadow! Now where is this head gasket thingy you mentioned, and what is it actually made of?” Twilight asked.

Chuck took a moment to collect himself, and then swallowed loudly before he answered. “It’s, um… right between the head and the cylinder, right ...there.” He reached over the airship side of the machine and pointed at a position slightly above the pistons she’d seen with her earlier scan, then hastily withdrew his hand when she leapt up on the machine to try and find the problem.

Twilight couldn’t really get to the spot Chuck had pointed at for a closer scan, as it was down between the two main parts of the machine. She didn't want to get a hoof stuck down in any of the small spaces she was looking at. She chose to instead trot around to the other side to compare it and see if both sides where the same. She snorted when Chuck went clamoring over his metal mount to stay out of her way, and then again as he did the same when she reached the other side. She was sure to give his dangling legs a quick smack with her tail as she passed, of course. Not as a sexual advance though! ...because that would be socially unacceptable! She just happened to know a human wouldn’t take it the wrong way, as they didn’t even have tails. It simply wasn’t a part of their body language.

She just really wanted to act a bit more friendly, and see if she couldn't let the big spooked human know that his fears were completely unfounded.

Actually, now she wished she hadn't done the tail thing. I could still be an awkward signal of some kind, if there were equines or bovines in this world. Ugh... she really hoped she could get a proper meal in her before she got any weirder. She wasn't used to going without food, and it was obviously messing with her head.

Anyway, the other side was much easier to reach, for both the left and right cylinders, so Twilight got in close and started scanning around again. This side of the machine was the same as the other, so she could get an easy look, and then be familiar with things before she tried to fix the harder to reach one by sticking her head through to open frame.

She saw… Two small valves, two long rods coming from somewhere deeper inside the metal casing, a couple of strong looking springs, and lots of little rubber gaskets. But which one was the head gasket?

“Okay, Chuck," Twilight began. "I see quite a few gaskets in the area you pointed to, but which one is the head gasket?”

Chuck stared at her for a moment too long, and Twilight tilted her head to simply ask, “What? ...What's wrong?”

Chuck averted his gaze. “I …all I wanted to do today was pick up a passenger and get back home. I'm kinda worried that I crashed a while back, and this is all some kind of death dream or something. But then ...this is way too weird not to be real, isn’t it? I mean, my dreams don’t usually involve talking purple …whatever you said you were.”

Twilight huffed. “A pony. An Alicorn pony, to be specific …and my coat is lavender, not purple.” She lifted her head up to glare at him. “And you’re not dreaming, so please snap out of your little personal dilemma over there and come help me, please. I can’t find the part you were talking about.”

A cleared throat, and a quiet, “…done lost my marbles” was the man’s response. He walked over much closer than he seemed comfortable with, and put a finger on a thin line in the metal she hadn’t even noticed. “...That’s the head gasket, squished in there," Chuck began. "It’s either this one, or the one in the same spot on the other side. They're made up of a few layers of …iron, I think. Could be steel or aluminum, though. Different manufacturers use their own methods and materials. It squishes when you tighten the head down to make a seal, so it needs to be replaced with a new one or it'll just leak even worse. I have a new one in the sidecar, just …gimme a second.” Chuck then leaned over into what was apparently called a sidecar, which made no sense as it only had one wheel and looked absolutely nothing like a car. He threw her plenty of distrustful glances as he searched, but eventually gave up on keeping an eye on her when he thumped an elbow against something that sounded painfully solid. After a few long moments, he finally pulled out a thin paper envelope and ripped it open to reveal ...a thin sheet of patterned metal. It was very anticlimactic, to say the least. Twilight had been expecting something much more complicated.

Anticlimactic gaskets aside, Twilight gently took hold of the new part and studied the different layers of …steel. It was definitely steel. And it was of the highest quality she’d ever seen! It was far too tiny to be of any other use if melted down, but a few pounds of metal this high in quality would make a spear or shield that would last for centuries or even millennia!

She tried to memorize the various components in the metal as best she could, and then got back to work. The little folds and patterns in the layers of the new part were also memorized, and then the part was hoofed back to Chuck; who looked confused…

“Uh… aren’t you gonna replace the part? You can’t fix the old one, you know. I told you, it won’t seal right unless you torque the head bolts in the right pattern to squish it right.” Chuck warned.

Twilight turned her attention to the old part, finding a rather obvious flaw in one little spot near one of the soot covered valves. “I found a crack! Oh, and I’m not replacing anything. Magic, remember? I can just fix the old part while it’s still in place. Working with metal isn't that complicated once you've read up on it, you just keep the heat and pressure between the parts equal, and use an air displacement field so nothing can oxidize as you bring the temperature up to the desired heat levels.”

Chuck's face shifted to an odd look, as if he was either surprised she knew how to work with metal, or had just decided that thinking was too much work at the moment. She decided to ignore him, and get to work on recreating the intricate folds of steel she'd just looked at a moment before. It would take a bit of time though, so she kept talking…

“So… Did you think of any plants I should avoid eating yet? Or how about just grabbing a few samples of the good ones for me to look over while you wait for me to finish?” She asked.

Chuck warily sat himself down on the other side of the machine, keeping an eye on her as she worked. “Well, there are a few general rules here in Wyoming…”

Twilight lifted her head to ask, “Why ….ohming? Is that where we are right now?”

“Yeah...” Chuck confirmed, looking around for ...something. “We're about twenty miles northeast of Jackson, and at least ten miles south of Moran.” He twisted around and pointed a finger at a couple mountain peaks in the distance. “That peak over there is Mount Liedy, and the one to the east of it is East Liedy.”

Twilight was having a hard time focusing on the head gasket with all this new information coming in, but she just had to know…

“That's good to know ...but is there a river around here, by any chance? I could really go for a bath,” She asked …Please say yes.

Chuck nodded, and Twilight instantly started to feel cleaner... "There’s Snake River way on out to the west, but it’s past the Antelope Flats. The whole place is a shooting gallery for anything that moves on more than two legs. You’d be better off heading southwest from here until you hit a little creek. That’ll be Horsetail Creek, and it has a few good spots for bathing before it empties out into Low Slide Lake. You can follow the creek all the way down, but don’t go in the lake,” He warned.

It begged the obvious question, “Why not?”

Chuck shrugged. “You'd be dead after a few seconds, course. Only dead men go swimming these days. Standing deep water tends to be full of ‘em.”

“Them?” Twilight pressed.

Chuck huffed, scratching at his beard. “You’re really ain't from around here, are you…”

Twilight frowned. Was he serious? She was from another world! Of course she wouldn't know everything right away! “...I would have thought that was pretty obvious by now, Chuck. I’ve actually only been in your world for a couple of days. I haven’t even had a proper meal in …well in two days.”

Chuck nodded thoughtfully and said, “So you really are some kinda alien, then?”

Twilight scoffed and said, “I suppose I am, if we’re being technical …but stop changing the subject! I asked what ‘they’ were.”

Chuck just shrugged, looking over his shoulder at the woods behind them. Twilight thought she'd hit a nerve or something, but then he simply said one little sentence ...and he said it so casually that she nearly missed it.

“Eh, you know ...the zombies.”

Twilight felt herself deadpan. “Zombies...”

Chuck nodded. “Yeah. You know... The undead, soon to be re-dead. They bite you and eat your brains like it's their momma's famous four bean and pasta salad?”

Twilight deadpanned harder. “There is no such thing as a zombie, Chuck.”

Chuck deadpanned back, somehow managing to one-up her own unimpressed expression. “Says the alien pony with two days experience …apparently. And yeah, I know they’re not actually zombies. That'd be a silly thing tah call'em!"

"Okay, so then ...what exactly are they?" Twilight pressed, her mild anger at being called an alien receding at the thought of gaining a better understanding of what she'd gone through yesterday. If Chuck knew what the man in the forest had gone through to leave him without a spark, she had to know.

Chuck sighed. And then he groaned out his answer in a way that made Twilight feel like he'd told the story a thousand times before...

"It’s some kind of virus. The news was calling it 'Mang Jieshu' long before the blackout. Apparently some ass hat in China was trying to come up with a new method to preserve meat or something. He wound up selling the finished product to some Russian prick, who sold it to some other group of pricks ...who weaponized it and released it in a crowded subway in London. Three years later everybody’s either dead, or trying to eat the ones that aren't. It’s like a shitty B-grade horror movie, but normal folks like myself have to actually live in it.”

Twilight thought this new information over, but Chuck had failed to provide a key piece of data. “Chuck? I'm sorry if this is a personal question but, do humans have souls?”

Chuck gave her a funny look. “Souls? Uh… No, I don’t think we do. There’s a lot of people that used to believe in stuff like that, though. The soul, the afterlife, god ...all that wholesome religious mumbo-jumbo was pretty big back in the day. It’s pretty rare to meet someone that still believes in that kind of stuff these days. Heck, it’s pretty rare to meet someone that doesn't want to eat you ...why you askin?”

Twilight felt a chill go down her spine as she recalled her encounter. “I …I met a man ...deep in the forest. He was hurt, so I tried to heal him. Part of the spell looks for a spark ...a soul. All living creatures have one ...except ...he didn't.”

Chuck looked off into the distance, seeming to already know what had happened; though he had no way of knowing what she'd gone through. “I take it things didn’t go too well…” He mumbled.

Twilight nodded sadly. “He absorbed the magic, but only the healing half of the magic actually worked. He was healed, but without the other part of the magic he …he sort of just …died.”

“Hmm, good,” Chuck said, a distant look on his face.

Twilight felt her jaw drop. She left her work and walked around look Chuck in the face. “Good? What do you mean, good! I killed him trying to heal him, Chuck! That is nothing even remotely close to what a normal pony calls 'good'!”

Chuck gave her a gentle smile, and said, “You ended a dead man's walk, Princess Sparkle. That's not a bad thing.” He then leaned back, getting more comfortable in his new spot in the sidecar that wasn’t a car.

“But ...I still killed him!” Twilight demanded. “He was moving when we met, and he was a pile of spreading ash when I left him ...alone ...in that horrible place.”

There was a long moment of silence where Chuck seemed to think, and then he softly began to speak…

“We've all killed someone," Chuck said. "But if you still feel bad about it, then there's a story I like to tell ...helps keep things in the right perspective. Wanna hear it?"

Twilight shook her head, but then stopped and asked, "How long is it?"

Chuck shrugged and said, "About five minutes ...six if you want details."

Twilight scrunched in thought for a moment, and said, "...Alright, and I'm also going to go ahead and say I want every detail you can think of." She would listen to Chuck's story as she worked, and she could always ask him to stop if she got too upset, or didn't agree with whatever message his story seemed to be providing.

She returned to her side of the machine, and went back to molding tiny little pieces of stress-fractured metal back together. She raised an eyebrow at Chuck, who was staring at her again. He cleared his throat, and began...

"Ehem, right... Well this story is about a well respected man by the name of John Winston. Now... John was a friend to everyone south of Moran, the very best sort of person you can find living out here. But then, John was also the first one to bring the disease to Jackson." Chuck seemed to sag in his seat, though it didn't look like it was for comfort. "...It happened while he was trying to help an injured guy escape an overturned truck. The driver bit him on the shoulder, went right through his leather jacket. He wasn't hurt too bad, so they patched him back up and sent him home ...but then he died a day later anyway."

Twilight winced at the look Chuck leveled at her, and he didn't look away as he continued... "John woke up, killed his own wife in her sleep, and then tried to kill his son. He bit the kid just like the trucker had, right on the shoulder. The kid got away, and made it all the way to Saint John's Hospital by himself. That kid was one tough little bastard, let me tell you. A real healthy boy. But of course, it didn't matter. The kid woke up in the hospital morgue, bit two nurses and killed another outright before someone trapped him in the basement. A local cop ...took care of him. And we all figured that was the end of it ...except one of the bitten nurses escaped quarantine and hid herself at home. She woke up, killed three other people in their homes on her street, and got hit by a car. Nobody noticed it because it happened while they were asleep, but that was the night it all went to hell."

Chuck released his glare, looking off into the distance... "A week ...that's all the time we lasted. One tiny little week of fighting, and there wasn't a soul left alive in Jackson or Moran. The whole damned state went right to hell less than a month later, all because John Winston had a heart made of gold.”

“Chuck…” Twilight began.

Chuck shot her a glare, keeping her from continuing. He shook his head and said, “The lesson is simple: Show no mercy for the dead. Times have changed ...though not for you, I suppose. You're not from around here. If anything, it seems like you're from somewhere pretty darn peaceful. But here? Here, we live by the rules of survival. And John Winston's story is the first lesson to learn in a long list of lessons." He leaned over and looked her dead in the eyes. "Rule number one... No. Mercy. The dead won’t thank you for sparing them, and they’ll just go on to kill someone else less able than yourself. Don’t think about it as killing a human either, because it ain't. They don't feel it, so Just get it over with quick, and move on. But remember," He put a finger to his temple. "...always aim for the head. Nothing else seems to finish them off quick enough.” Chuck then slowly extracted himself from the vehicle, wandering off toward the tree line.

Twilight followed after him. “Chuck? Where are you going?”

Chuck didn’t turn around, but answered, “You wanted plants to eat, and I need a break from talking to an alien pony that can do magic ...my head smarts just thinking about it.”

Oh…

“Well, thank you.” Twilight stopped following. She watched as Chuck climbed the short cliff and vanished into the woods, then went back to the task at hoof. Molding the tiny folds of steel was oddly soothing, and she was just finishing up the last piece of cracked metal when Chuck suddenly came back, a handful of plants in his hand ...and a ghostly hue on what little face was exposed above his beard.

“Time to go, and I mean that as in right the hell now…” Chuck said in a loud whisper. There was little doubt about the cause of his anxiety, and so Twilight quickly got to her hooves, hovering nearby as Chuck swung his weathered looking bow over his shoulders.

“The repairs are done, I think. What's wrong? Is it one of …them? How close is it?” She asked as Chuck mounted the machine and flipped a switch near where his hands rested on the wide handlebars. He then reached down between the two parts of the vehicle and did something out of her sight. He rose up tall, and then brought his entire weight down on the machine, making it rock underneath him.

Twilight heard a few sharp coughs come from the exhaust pipes, but that was all that happened.

“...Come on now, baby,” Chuck said as he rose up and kicked the machine once again, only for it to sputter once and quickly fall silent. “Shit… Compression feels good, must’ve fouled a plug with all that oil being burned off.”

Twilight lifted a hoof and tapped Chuck’s knee, drawing his wide eyed gaze. Seeing the big human worried about anything other than herself was not leaving her with many good feelings...

“Point me in the right direction, and I’ll fix it,” Twilight offered, trying to sound as confident as she could.

And then the smell hit her... It was far stronger than she'd ever smelled before. So powerful that she felt her eyes start to tear up. “…Ogh! I can smell them! Hurry up and point to where it's broken!”

"Shhh... Keep quiet." Chuck growled as he leaned from his seat and shoved a finger in roughly the same spot she’d been working before, only a bit lower. “See the thick wire going to the white piece of porcelain? Underneath that is a little metal nub with a curl that bends over the top of it. It should have an air gap between the nub and the curl. No debris, no wetness, no nothin. Gotta be clean.”

Twilight quickly re-cast her scanning spell and dove back into the machine. She followed the porcelain down to …well that was easy.

The white porcelain didn’t go in far at all, and ended in exactly what Chuck had described. A threaded porcelain plug with a metal tip and a little bar bent up over it, forming what would normally be a gap. It was coated in fluffy black gunk though, to the point that there was no doubt it was the cause of the problem. She instantly cast a small force spell, blasting the gunk away …except it didn't work. The gunk was still there! She blasted it again, adding as much force as she could in such a tiny little space of air; but the gunk refused to let go!

“Chuck! What is this black fuzzy gunk on the gap thing made of!?” She nearly shouted. The sounds of a whole lot of branches breaking had begun to separate itself from the usual drone of the surroundings woodlands, and a steady moan soon joined in... She was starting to feel like there was a lot more than just one sparkless human out there! "What's going on!? What is that!?"

“Carbon and oil!” Chuck shouted back, not bothering to actually answer her question about the sounds in the woods. She already had another force spell ready though, so she blasted the gunk as hard as she dared, trying not to break it and... “Twilight! You got ten seconds before I'm getting off this thing and runnin!”

Wait ...ten seconds! As in TEN seconds?! A Decasecond! One ninth of a moment! ...Six hundred jiffies?

"Five seconds!"

...Unless you lived outside Equestria, in which case a jiffy had a slightly lower value and... wait FIVE SECONDS!?.

OH CELESTIA! Carbon and oil! Carbon and oil! Well carbon was just carbon! Oil was a complex group of hydrocarbons! The best way to react those components at the same time without damaging the surrounding metal was …a horseload of heat! Twilight switched to a compacted fire spell, sending a small but super-heated burst of flame into the small chamber under the fouled part. She had a bit of a shock when the whole vehicle jumped forward with a loud bang, and the next thing she knew she was being grabbed by the skin of her neck and roughly stuffed into the hole in the top of the sidecar.

“My knife!" Chuck roared over the machine. "...I forgot my damned knife!” Twilight knew roughly where everything had landed during their initial meeting, and she actually managed to snag all but two of the arrows as the vehicle violently lurched forward, and Chuck's small knife. She had the knife, and sixteen arrows all tucked safely into her little hollow seat area ...and then she had to cover her ears as the machine’s volume suddenly increased dramatically. There was a violent lurch, screeching rubber, and then even more noise as they quickly picked up speed. She turned in her seat to look back over her shoulder ...and she felt her hooves go cold.

A massive crowd of dirty looking humans literally poured down the cliff, sprawling carelessly across the unforgiving road. Another stream of them came shambling from the forest itself, just forward from where they had been stuck only a moment before. There had to be at least a hundred or more of them ...and each had those same empty eyes as the man in the forest. Even the raised arms and open mouths brought the horrible memory rushing back through her head.

She felt herself begin to shake at the thought of what would have happened. ...If her fire spell hadn’t worked. If she'd taken even a second longer to figure out how to fix the problem...

Twilight tore her eyes from the crowd of ...whatever they were, and tucked herself down further into the seat. She wanted to just curl up and pretend like this was all a bad dream, but she didn't get the chance.

“Whew! That was close!” Chuck shouted, his voice back to normal but without some of his Applejack-like accent. She could barely make the words out over the din of the machine, but she could see his lips move well enough to pick out any words she couldn’t actually hear. She didn't have a response though, and probably wouldn't have answered anyway...

She'd very nearly died in a very awful way, just now. She needed a moment ...or actually, more like ten moments and a jiffy.

There was another lurch, but she didn't feel the speed change this time, only the pitch and volume reaching her ears. The sound was now a gentle thrum she could feel in her flanks, and she was grateful that the odd vehicle had a volume output other than ‘headache-inducingly loud’. It made asking important questions possible, now that she'd had her ten moments to collect herself...

“So what exactly is this thing?” She shouted up at the smiling human ...what the hay was he so happy about, anyway?

The big human laughed and said, “Ha! Which part? The bike, or the sidecar?”

“Both!” Twilight pressed. She didn't really care much at the moment, but wanted nothing to do with what had just happened.

It was far too much for her to think about, so she wasn't going to let herself think about until she was good and ready to do so. Maybe in a few thousand years or so.

Chuck changed the pitch of the …bike, to an even lower throbbing pulse, and she could actually hear the individual strokes of the pistons firing next to her. It was quiet enough that Chuck didn’t even have to yell anymore, as he answered her with obvious pride in his voice…

“The bike is an old BMW R60 dash five. That comfy sidecar you’re enjoying is an even older Steib model three fifty that my father restored about twelve years ago. Not a lot of originals around to scavenge parts from, but the Germans made good motorcycles. She’ll last a good long time.”

Twilight had no idea what a be'm double-yew or a steib was, but managed to gather that the part Chuck was on was a called a 'bike' or 'motorcycle', and the part she was in was called a 'sidecar', which she already knew from before. But two different names for one vehicle? It could only mean that her sidecar was an optional accessory. It also jogged her memory of an important question she’d wanted to ask a while ago…

“Hey, Chuck? Didn’t you say you were going to pick somepony up today? I’m not going to get stuck again somewhere, am I?” It was a valid concern, as taking her with him hadn't been a part of their trade agreement. Chuck could uphold his part of the deal anytime he wanted to, assuming he hadn’t dropped the various leaves he’d gathered and pointed her in the right direction when they parted ways. He was technically free to leave her just about anywhere he wanted.

“Yeah…” Chuck confirmed. “I was hoping to pick up a passenger today, but my luck hasn’t been too great. I haven’t seen so much as a rabbit.”

“Wait ...a rabbit? Why would you have a rabbit as a passenger?” Twilight asked. It was just such an odd a thing to say…

Chuck paused, winced, and thought a moment before he finally said, “Uh, well ...it's slang for ...uh Alright, just ...look. Out here, picking up a passenger doesn't mean what you'd expect. I ...well I hunt for a living. Furs, cuts of meat, sinews for fiber and rope, you name it. The ‘passenger’ is usually a deer or a pronghorn, but pickings on big game has been kinda slim lately." He looked at her and said, "…Guessing that's not too comforting to hear, being a Alipony and all.”

Not really, no. Especially when it's pronounced so incorrectly...

“It's ...well it's not the worst thing I've ever had to deal with. I actually already knew humans were omnivores, so that's not much of an issue. Just don’t ask me to kill anything, and we should be fine.” Twilight requested. She liked Chuck well enough so far, but she was not going to be hunting for meat or carrying around any dead animals, not if she had any say in things ...which she very much did!

“Well, that might be a problem, because my stores are getting low. I really needed a kill today.” Chuck replied, looking slightly unhappy.

Twilight took a very deep, very calming breath. “Look, Chuck. Ponies don't kill. It's part of who and what we are. But I don't want to put pressure on your livelihood, either. I suppose - as long as I don't see anything and you don't make me help - you can do what you need to,” She offered, though it was mostly to be a good sport. She then lifted a hoof to point at Chuck’s face. “But I swear, if you prank me with any dead things, I will turn you into an orange ...or a bullfrog.”

Chuck flashed her a nervous smile, then suddenly made the bike roar twice in quick succession and turned off of the main road, taking a bouncy dirt path she hadn’t even noticed.

“W.w.w.w.wwhere are we going?” Twilight asked, suddenly feeling like she was going to bounce out of her seat.

“The Bar J likes to hang out at the junction ahead, so we’re going around them to the south.” Chuck answered, as if she had any clue what he was talking about. Chuck seemed to realize his mistake and added, “Sorry. The Bar J boys are a group of musicians turned soldiers. They’re loud, proud, fun and rowdy ...and would probably shoot you for food. We’re going to avoid them, and take the long way home.”

Twilight had a feeling she’d already met them… “Do they travel in a group, have three really big cars, and five small bikes kind of like yours but without the sidecar?”

Chuck gave her a look that said ‘seriously?’ and said, “Uh, yeah …surprised you’re still alive there, Sparkle.”

Twilight let her face pout a bit as she growled out a response, “…One of those ‘boys’ destroyed my last water jug with a powerful ranged weapon. I was trying to hide, and then it just exploded! It nearly scared me to death!”

“Really?” Chuck asked, sounding dubious. “I honestly get the feeling they didn’t actually see you, then. Those guys hardly ever pass up an opportunity to shoot anything that moves and isn’t a living human being. They’ve had a bit too much practice with those fancy military rifles of theirs to miss.”

Military rifles. So that's what they were …scary.

She felt Chuck continue to stare at her, and returned his gaze. “What?” She asked. “Do I have something on my face? Or do you have a question…” She lightly goaded. She wasn’t yet convinced that Chuck had her best interests at heart, since he hadn’t offered any actual information on where to find Canterlot, or even named any of the plants he’d picked. Of course, he hadn't really had much of a chance to do much other than ....pee and get chased by zombies, so far.

Chuck’s features shifted into suspicion. He slowed the bike slightly, directing it over several deep holes in the path. “…Still having a hard time believing you’re not in my head or something,” He admitted. “And I’m wondering how you seem to know so much about the human way of things, since you’re claiming to be some kind of alien from another planet.” His suspicious glare intensified. "And how the hell do you even speak English, anyway? I don't understand it, and I'm not trusting you until you explain yourself …in full."

Twilight was not expecting such an honestly well thought out concern from the man, and decided to just be honest, “I’m technically an alien, yes. But I’ve been to this world before on ...business. A priceless item was stolen by a misguided pony, and I had to come here to get it back from her. It has a power that is integral to my world's magic, and would have caused a lot of problems here in the human world.” She could see a million questions forming behind Chuck’s eyes, so she kept going, “As for language ...I'm not completely sure. I went through a magic mirror to get here last time, and it changed me into a human girl. I didn’t have too much trouble fitting in for the few days it lasted, so it stands to reason that the mirror also gave me the ability to speak your language …but this time was different. I didn’t go through the mirror, so I’m still a pony. As for how I can speak English? ...I honestly don't know.”

“...Alright,” Chuck began with a final glance at her. “That explains a few things, and also explains why you were willing to approach a guy like me in the first place. But what about all that other weird stuff, like stopping the arrow and fixing my bike just by staring at it?”

Twilight smiled, even as she wondered at him not asking what magic was the first time she'd used it on him. “That was my magic, actually. I’m an Alicorn. Both Alicorns and Unicorns have a lot of magical potential, so as long as we…” She felt the machine slow down, and Chuck allowed it to come to a shuddering stop on the narrow path. She looked up at him and asked, “Chuck? What’s wrong? Why did we stop?”

Chuck pursed his lips in thought before dismounting the bike and slowly coming around to her side. She watched him intently as he stood there for a moment, staring down at his boots. “I'd like my knife, please…” He said, simply.

Twilight felt her heart flutter a bit. “Knife? You ...want your knife back?”

Chuck simply nodded, not looking her in the eye. “Yeah, or one of the metal tipped arrows. I just …I gotta check something real quick.”

Twilight didn’t believe him for a second... “Um, I don’t think that's wise, Chuck. You’re acting strange, and I don’t trust you well enough yet to give you…” She let out a yelp as she was suddenly grabbed under her forelegs and lifted from the sidecar like a sack of sugar. She instantly lit her horn, but stopped the spell from discharging when she was deposited on the ground at Chuck’s side. He’d been gentle enough not to hurt her, but the speed he’d initially moved at had left her no time to react.

…He could have snapped her neck ...choked her …done anything he'd wanted to. But he’d not even looked at her the whole time he'd been holding her up.

It was the only reason she hadn’t just blasted him. In fact, he was still ignoring her, collecting his weapons from the floor of the sidecar like she wasn’t even there. He was impossible to get a good read on, this human. And she now trusted him even less than before...

Twilight backed away quietly, getting some distance between them. In addition, she finished charging a simple force spell, making it strong enough to knock the big man over, but hopefully not do any lasting damage. He’d already had a very intimate taste of what her magic could do, and she doubted more than a good jostle would be needed to scare him off, should he turn around and come charging.

She decided to hold him upside down in the air and spin him around until he finally remembered he still owed her an apology, if he was really that stupid.

A few adjustments and a lot of mumbling later, Chuck finally turned to face her. Twilight braced herself ...but he just casually leaned back against the machine with his small blade held in a relaxed grip. She watched as he eyed the tip for a moment, and then brought his other hand up…

“What are you…” Twilight began, but she hadn't finished before Chuck had all but impaled his own left hand with the knife. “Wah… Why did you do that!?” Twilight demanded, rushing over with her force spell forgotten.

Chuck finally lifted his gaze to match her own. He looked surprised and confused as he slowly sheathed his knife, held his bleeding hand, and simply said, “Ow…”

“Ow…” Twilight echoed, narrowing her eyes. “Ow?! Chuck… you are the most infuriatingly dense being I’ve ever met! You scared me enough to nearly blast you when you grabbed me like that, but this? I don’t even…” She lowered her voice, realizing she’d been shouting. When she’d calmed a bit, she continued, “I …I’m not sure I want to keep going with this, Chuck. You’re too unstable for me to trust you …especially armed. I think I should just go back to the main road and…”

Twilight didn’t even have time to raise a shield before Chuck had jerked his head, and nocked an arrow to his bow. She threw herself sideways as the bowstring sang and the arrow leapt into the air, sailing into the forest behind her. She quickly got her shield up and whirled around to run, but the sound of something big crashing through the woods toward her stopped her from taking another step.

A solid wall of brown shaggy fur burst from the foliage between the trees, and Twilight felt her mouth open in shock at the sheer size of the animal bearing down on her. There was no roaring or posturing like a bear normally would do in her own world. It just came silently, thick saliva flapping from its lacy black lips. And those solid black eyes, firmly locked on her neck instead of meeting her own...

Twilight did try to open her wings, but nothing much came of it. Her nerves screamed at her legs to move, but they responded by locking up under her, sending her falling stiff-legged to the ground as a pathetic little bleat left her throat. There was a soft thunk, and the massive animal dropped like a sack of rocks, sliding across the road to rest only a few yards from her muzzle.

The smell of death on the big predatory mammal was nauseating, and the arrows sticking out of its head and neck wasn’t helping her any. Twilight tried to get away from the stench and the sight, but her legs still refused to budge. To make matters worse, her abdominal muscles were locked up tighter than a drum. She felt herself shaking, and the smell finally caused her to retch. Unable to fight back, she wound up losing a lot of fluid, and whatever little nourishment she still had left.

A short moment later, something grabbed her by the nape of her neck, dragging her backward across the rocky path. She finally got her legs moving, and bucked wildly at the thing that was dragging her, causing it to grunt and let her go.

“Ow! Hey, stop with the kicking!” Chuck yelled, pulling up his pants to inspect his right leg. “…And for pete’s sake, calm down. Damn Grizzly’s dead.” He drew closer, trying to get behind her so she couldn’t kick at him. But Twilight had made up her mind.

She was done with this day.

She was done with the crazy self-destructive human.

And she was very, very done with this horrible and awful world.

“Stay away!” She shouted. “I’m not going to do this anymore! I’ll be fine all by myself!” She was still too anxious to get her magic working right, but she could still unleash blasts of raw energy if she wanted. It would probably be fatal at such close range, but that was a risk she was currently willing to take. He’d tried once to kill her, and had now taken yet another life ...right in front of her! He didn't even seem to be affected in any way by his actions! She was done trusting him, and it was now time to face the music and move on. She would try a long range teleport through the planet, going as far as she could. Either she found Canterlot, or she wound up in space and had to come back a ways. Both options were much better than staying here with ...him!

And as for him, Chuck had stopped moving toward her when he'd seen her horn’s angry glow. He took a few steps back and turned, standing with his side to her. A long moment passed, with the man simply standing there. He eventually started doing something with his knife, likely sharpening it if the sounds were any indication.

Twilight felt her stomach finally start to relax, and her legs began to follow her directions again. Her hooves tingled, numb from the large and sudden dose of adrenaline in her body. It took a lot more effort than she was happy with, but she managed to get her shaking hooves back underneath her and stand. She turned her back on the crazy human and his loud bike.

She said nothing as she slowly started walking back along the narrow path to …anywhere that was far enough to not destroy the insane human when she teleported. It was going to be a powerful spell to go that far, and she was a good enough pony to keep others out of harms way.

She heard the bike sputter to life, and a moment later Chuck was behind her, chugging along at a slow pace.

Why? He didn’t care about her, and she was sure she’d made it clear that she was leaving…

A wide spot in the path forced Twilight to stop, as it had given Chuck enough room to roll his bike past her and turn it to block the way. He shut the bike off, swinging his leg over the round part on top to sit on the saddle facing her. “Hey…” He said, looking genuinely curious. “…You really gonna head out there alone? …All by yourself? It’s a big place for a little girl, you know.”

Twilight faced the man down. “First? I am twenty seven years old and a pony, not a ‘little girl’! And second? ...Yes! I am so done with this place that I am literally going to teleport to the other side of it …just to get away from all this ridiculous craziness!” Twilight shot back. She didn’t really feel the need to explain herself any further, so she just walked around the back of the bike and sidecar. She increased her speed to a trot once she was back on the pathway, not looking back even once.

Chuck let her go, but called out as she left… “The other side of the world, huh? You can really do that? Teleport that far, I mean?"

Twilight stopped. This was the human's world... What if it was bigger and she appeared underground ...or worse, immersed in magma? She should at least know how far she had to go before trying it blindly. She half turned, and asked, "I ...don't know. How big is the human world, exactly?"

Chuck took a moment to think. He eventually nodded to himself and said, "I don't know the, uh …exact thickness number. But I'm pretty sure I can remember my science teacher saying the distance around the equator was ...twenty thousand, something miles?"

Twilight felt her already weak knees wobble a bit. "Twenty ...thousand?" She squeaked.

Chuck just nodded and continued on... "Yeah, something like that. I know the flight to Japan is just over five thousand miles. And Japan and San Francisco are both more or less in the middle of the northern hemisphere, so roughly half of that distance to travel and... Hang on, I just remembered! It's exactly twenty four thousand, nine hundred and one miles around the equator! HA! Bad memory my ass! Suck it Mrs. Freidly! I learned in spite of your shit teaching!"

Twilight watched as Chuck continued to pat himself on the back, not paying her much mind. As for herself ...nearly twenty five thousand miles. That was a radius of around three thousand nine hundred and eight human miles! Multiply by point three repeating for the Equestrian mile, and then double it for the actual distance she'd have to teleport ...and it was just an impossible thing to do. The longest jump she'd ever done was from Ponyville to Canterlot, and that wasn't even a tenth of the radius of this massive bucking planet!

She was stuck here! With him!

But wait. She wasn't really, was she? Why couldn't she just go back to hoofing it on her own? She'd managed to get the location of a nice creek for water and bathing out of Chuck, and knew there were at least some towns around. She could just take it easy until her feathers grew back, and then fly up to get a proper view of things! No crazy humans required!

Twilight promptly turned, and resumed her trot. She would cut through the woods after a bit to lose Chuck, should he follow. Any more bears would just leave her alone. The only reason she'd been attacked is because Chuck had wounded that bear in the first place, so she would be fine. She was on her tenth pace or so, when Chuck's voice called from behind her...

"Wow! You are a tough one! You know, the Grizzly population in Yellowstone was over five hundred ten years ago,” The crazy human stated in a flat tone. “...They've taken a liking to human meat now, so it was quite a few more than that, last we bothered to try to count them.”

Twilight kept her pace, and Chuck increased his volume as she got further away, “The Black Bear population tends to be about triple the Grizzly population, and we have three packs of wolves with over twenty members in the area. Two of which also have a taste for humans.” He called.

Twilight increased her pace, and Chuck had to really yell for her to hear him. “Suit yourself, little Sparkle! Good luck with all those rattlesnakes, twelve hundred pound moose, wild bison, bobcats, man eating pumas, and all those other humans who’ll probably mistake you for a food animal!”

Twilight paused in her trot, leaving two of her hooves hanging above the ground …what was that first one he had said? Rattle …snakes? It sounded like some creepy toy you would give to a foal to teeth on, but she had to be sure. She turned, making sure to keep her face neutral. “Rattle snakes?" She yelled across the good stretch of land she'd covered. "What the hay is a rattle snake?”

Chuck’s answer was not what she expected. He didn’t answer with words, instead pushing himself off the bike to land on his feet. He strolled casually over to a sun-baked rock, and kicked some sandy gravel underneath it. There was a barely audible hiss, and a silky smooth sound sprung to life beneath the rock. Even from this distance, Twilight could hear it clearly. It sounded almost like one of the rain maker things Vinyl Scratch had shown her. The ones that looked like a big long stick, but made a raining sound if you turned them over.

She was a thousand feet away, and still took a long step back. “W-What is that!?”

Chuck pulled one of his arrows from the quiver on his hip, and speared something on the ground with it. A moment later, he lifted a rather small snake into view. It had coiled around the arrow, and was trying to bite anything it could reach. She winced as she saw it’s fangs flash in the midday light, and an alarmingly large amount of yellow venom arched away from the reptile’s head.

Chuck withdrew another arrow, using it to corral the snake’s movements. She could hear him clearly, as her every sense was now at it's very sharpest edge...

“This little guy is a Prairie Rattlesnake. They used to be pretty rare out here, but now you can’t go ten feet without seeing one.” He had to sway back as the snake tried to bite him, fangs bared menacingly. To her horror, Twilight noticed that the arrows weren’t actually going through the venomous reptile, meaning it was actually unharmed.

“What are you doing! Get rid of that thing before it bites you!” Twilight cried.

Chuck frowned, and put the snake on the ground near the rock. It quickly slithered out of sight, though the strange rattling sound never faded.

Twilight suddenly got the feeling that something was touching her rear hooves, and she bolted forward with a squeak of surprise. She swore she heard a hiss, and leapt back toward the bike. There was twenty feet of trail left when she jumped, but she somehow flew the rest of the way, missing feathers be damned. Landing on the seat cushion, she stood up and looked back, seeing a light brown tail disappear into the grass where she had been standing only moments ago.

Hnng… Urp... She felt sick…

Chuck didn’t laugh at her, or even poke fun at her with a witty joke. He just put his arrows back in the quiver and leaned against the sidecar with his legs to say, “Yep, they're just about everywhere these days. Easy to avoid though, if you just know where they live. They don’t want anything to do with an animal bigger than themselves, so just don’t go digging around under stuff like an idiot and you’ll be fine.”

Twilight balked. “Those are …everywhere?”

Chuck shook his head. “Not everywhere. They like to hang out under rocks and fallen trees during the day, and they only really move around at night. Just pay attention to were you stick your hands ...or hooves, and you’ll be fine.”

Twilight didn’t quite believe him. “But you found that one in seconds! How is that possible if they’re not everywhere?!”

Chuck shrugged. “I saw it hide as we went by …didn’t see the Grizzly, though ...or the harmless little rat snake that just gave your hooves a cute little sniff.”

Twilight felt her heart start to slow, even as her left eye started up with a nasty twitch. She was going to need therapy, if this kept up. “And why - exactly - did you shoot at that bear, anyway?”

Chuck looked over at the dead bear, which Twilight noticed suddenly looked a lot smaller than she remembered it being. He sighed as he stood up and started over toward it. “Game is scarce, like I said. This one wasn’t attacking us, I don't think. More than likely it was only after you.”

Twilight didn’t understand. “What do you mean, it was after me? Shouldn’t it have gone after you? You’re the one that shot it with an arrow!”

Chuck gave her a look and said, “You don't get it, Twilight. This bear was hungry.” He gave the animal a gentle nudge with his boot. “…Look at this damned thing. I can’t even tell the sex because it’s all just skin and bones.”

Twilight looked at the bear again, noticing the slight outlines of its ribs, and a few bumps that could only be shoulder blades and hip bones. So it was trying to …eat her? Oh… no… nononono …Just ...NO!

She leapt from the seat and started over toward Chuck. She was not going to be alone out here. Not ever again. Scary and crazy humans be damned, she needed a second set of eyes in this crazy place. She felt an overwhelming urge to secure somepony's allegiance, and there was only one viable option at the moment. She knew only one way to do it in a hurry though, so she was preparing a healing spell even as she drew near the human's side. As soon as she was close enough to cast, she opened her mouth and said, “Let me see your hand.”

Chuck jumped, but didn’t yell. He turned with a glare and said, “Gosh darn it! Don’t you sneak up on folks like that!” He then put the non-bloodied hand to his chest. “Damn near gave me a heart attack…”

Twilight tilted her head and smiled hopefully... “Hand?”

Chuck held his hands together, keeping his wound out of sight. “What... you gonna use your freaky magic on it, or something? The same way you turned a zombie into a ashes?”

Twilight nodded, then quickly shook her head. “That only happened because he didn't have a spark! It won't happen to you, because you're still alive! I just thought that, you know …since we'll likely be traveling together for a little while longer and all; I’d make sure that my traveling companion wasn't bleeding out or risking an infection.”

Chuck narrowed his eyes, and shifted away a bit. “No thanks, I'm good. I have my own magic back home. It's called alcohol ...alcohol and a sewing kit.”

“Wha?! But …alcohol burns! And I can heal it in seconds!” Twilight beseached. “You can't suture you own hand, there's no way you could do it with just one hand free ...or at least it would be difficult ...and painful! Magic is better! There’s no side effects or scars or ...anything! Please, just let me heal you so we can get out of this place!”

Chuck looked over his shoulder. He singled out a small twig from a nearby bush, breaking it off in his hand. He then snapped it again, holding the ruined twig out to her. “Heal this twig here, and I'll let you heal my hand.” He demanded.

“But plants…” Twilight began, but realized that she could just as easily fix a broken twig. If she hit that little chunk of living wood with an actual healing spell, it would probably turn into some giant wooden monstrosity. That would look bad when she needed to convince someone that barely believed in magic in the first place to except her help. But if she just used a simple binding spell, coupled with a very minor time spell she could reclaim as she left…

Twilight lit her horn, aligning the two halves of the twig together and quickly binding them in place. Next, she dug deep and cast a very small time matrix over the whole thing, taking it back about two minutes. The wood fibers quickly wove themselves together as Chuck watched in amazement, and he dropped the twig to the ground as he witnessed it appear to heal itself in his hands.

"There..." Twilight sighed, reabsorbing as much of her magic as she could and stomping on the forgotten twig to cover up her slight-of-hoof. She was surprised she hadn't fizzled and suffered a burnout on that spell. Her horn was even a bit sore. In hindsight, she could have done two things at once, and healed her scratched-up side ...shoot! But it was too late, and Chuck was staring at her. "...So ...Chuck ...do you ...believe me ...now?" she weezed, trying to catch her breath.

Chuck slowly nodded and said, “Ye …yeah. I think I can believe you now.” He then trudged over and sat himself down next to his bike, looking nearly as tired as she was feeling... “Just …is it gonna hurt or anything?” Chuck asked, watching her approach nervously.

“Hurt…” Twilight deadpanned, slowing regaining her wind. Goddesses, this human was so full of irony! But she had to play nice. Bears and snakes everywhere, and all that. “...No. It won’t hurt. Not nearly as much as it should, anyway. In fact, the most you’ll feel is a slight tingling …a lot less pain than when you willingly stabbed yourself!”

Chuck looked away, though he didn't seem particularly embarrassed. “I just didn’t believe my eyes …or any of my other senses, for that matter. I mean… a talking purple pony? And an alien talking pony, at that. That was just a bit too much for me to except.“ He grabbed his beard with his good hand, and laid the wounded one open on his knee when she sat down in front of him... “In fact, it’s still too much. I mean, I want to help you, I really do. You seem like a nice gal. But I just don’t know the hell how I’m gonna do it.”

Twilight touched her horn to Chuck’s wounded hand, and slowly slipped the much easier magic into him. She maintained contact for a moment, just to make absolutely sure that the tiny amount of magic was going to act as it should ...and sighed in relief as she felt the the skin against her horn first rise and then immediately fall in temperature. She cast the spells properly to heal the wound, and then backed up a bit... “I told you back on the road,” She began, rocking back on her haunches to rest her aching hooves. “I need directions to Canterlot City, and a basic knowledge of edible plants so I can feed myself on the way there. That’s all there is to it.”

Chuck lifted his hand, watching as the small but bloody puncture wound closed before his eyes. He shivered and said, “Man… Good golly Miss Molly …That is the weirdest feeling thing I ever did feel.” He continued to silently watch as the small scar faded from view. He then rubbed the dried blood off and rested his chin in his freshly healed hands, directing his gaze back to Twilight... “Well now, seems I owe you one, Princess. I can definitely teach you what’s safe for humans to eat, and what plants are dangerous ...but my sister was the one in our family that was big on horses. She told me when we were younger that a horse can’t eat all the same stuff a humans can, so it’d really be better to find a proper book in town. There’s a few plants I know horses can eat just fine that humans can’t though, so we’ll start with those.” He slowly stood and began to pace. “As for finding this Canterlot place you're looking for, I can’t say I’ve heard of it. It might just be a small town in some other part of the country, or it might be in some other country entirely. I’m also worried there might be more than one place with the name, and boy would that ever be a waste of time. Traveling isn't easy these days, you know.”

Twilight got the unspoken message when Chuck gave his back a pop-filled stretch and swung his leg over the saddle of the bike. She hopped up into the sidecar and got cozy, resting her back down into the soft fabric of the seat.

“Um... You actually might want stand up for the next few miles,” Chuck advised as he kicked the bike to life. “It’s a bit bumpy, and your legs will take the hits a lot better than your ...keister.”

Twilight answered by pulling herself up to a standing position, her front hooves resting on the edge of the hole she was in, while her rear hooves took up positions on the seat cushion below. It was actually kind of fun once they got going, as she was moving forward without flying or even moving her legs. She was just getting into it when the first real bump hit the sidecar, and she nearly fell out.

“Careful now!” Chuck called. “You don't want to go rolling down the mountain and get lost again. There’s only a couple hours of good daylight left to find your way back out.”

Twilight put her rear hooves on the floor of the sidecar. It wasn’t as fun, but her legs were in a good position to keep her from falling out now. She wondered what Chuck meant by rolling ...until she looked past the shrubs on her right.

The treetops were actually below them.

“Where are we?” Twilight called over the bike, which was being rather loud at the moment.

Chuck looked toward a distant mountain, gave a thoughtful frown, and shouted back, “About half a mile east of Lower Slide Lake. The road we're on is an old forest road, number three oh four hundred, if memory serves. It’ll take us past the old resort to a small town called Kelly.”

“A town?” Twilight asked. “But I can’t go through any towns! I'm trying not to be seen!”

She thought Chuck had ignored her, or was busy figuring out how to make fun of her for already being 'seen', by him, but on closer inspection he was just focused on keeping the bike on the road over a particularly bad spot. When the road leveled out a bit, he forwent any jokes and simply answered her question... “Kelly’s dead. There’s nothing left of the place but empty homes and overgrown streets ...and those that weren't lucky enough to make it out, of course.”

“Oh...” Twilight said. “So then what comes after we go through Kelly?”

“Not sure,” Chuck admitted. “The only way home is to cross six miles of flatland to the north, and then take a tunnel under the super highway.” He eyed her for a second, and then eyed the space she was standing in. “…Think you can fit in there well enough to hide?”

Twilight looked the small space over. “I …no. It’s way too small.” And it was. She was four feet long and just as tall, not including her horn. Fitting into a tiny space meant only for two human legs just wasn’t an option for a fully grown mare, much less a slightly larger Alicorn.

Chuck slowed to a stop, but left the noisy bike running. Twilight followed his gaze down the road to a …an actually fairly decent size town.

“Welp, there’s Kelly.” Chuck said. “…And it looks busy tonight.”

Twilight didn’t have to ask what the man meant by ‘busy’. The shuffling forms in the streets were obviously not healthy humans. She turned back to Chuck and asked, “How are we going to get past all those …things?”

“Very carefully…” Chuck answered as they smoothly began to accelerate down the narrow path. Twilight charged her horn with a basic force spell, about twice what she'd nearly used on Chuck when he'd had his hand stabbing episode. It would be more than enough to knock anything a human’s size out of their way, should such a thing be needed.

But Chuck was a good driver, and he seemed to know the town fairly well. As soon as they entered, the sickly looking humans were after them. But their noisy ride was too nimble and quick to catch. As they maneuvered through the rundown homes and cracked streets, Twilight noticed that a fair number of the humans here were missing their feet, lower legs, and even both legs all the way up to the hip in some cases.

“Hey Chuck? Why are so many of them missing their feet?”

Chuck smiled in his uniquely beardy manner, and said, “You remember how I didn’t kill that Rattlesnake? Well there’s a good reason for it.”

Twilight got it right away, but Chuck continued to talk as he guided them through the slow crowd of moaning zombies.

“Yup, the dead have a habit of not paying much attention to where they step. It sucks for them, but it suits the rest of us just fine!” He then laughed, ducking under a low tree branch that Twilight didn’t even have to make an effort to avoid. The bike shook as they went off road for a moment, but seconds later the ride smoothed over. They were now rolling along on a road that led out of Kelly's dangerous streets, heading out across the biggest open field Twilight had ever seen in her life...

“What is this place? Some kind of plain?” Twilight asked.

Chuck nodded. “Welcome to Antelope Flats, Princess Sparkle. Sage and Thistle as far as you care to look, and even more where you aren't looking. This damned place has taken more tires and chains off my bike than anywhere else in the whole of Wyoming. There's always someone out here hunting too, even at night sometimes. I never did get the stupid name they gave it, though. They’re Pronghorn dammit, not Antelope! Stupid spud-sucking idiots wouldn't know the difference if it came up and bit'em right in the ...OH! I just got a great idea! I know you don't fit in there completely, but I don't think you have to! Hang on!” He slowed the bike to a stop, and shut it off.

Twilight had jumped a bit when Chuck suddenly stood on his footpegs and shouted in excitement, but asked, “Really? You have an idea of how I can hide better?”

Chuck nodded enthusiastically, grinning ear to ear by human standards.

Twilight did not like the look of that bearded smile...

Author's Note

Second round of grammar updates complete. A few minor alterations to Twilight's mannerisms and dialog as well. Just to make her a little softer and more like herself.

~Chapter Three - The Mountain~

Twilight Zombie

A work of ...One very sleepy zombie in a cleaned out coffee shop, I guess. By a very Busyguy.

~Chapter Two - The Mountain~

“I would like to tell you that this was a terrible idea!” Twilight cried, her poor head bouncing off the bottom of the sidecar. "I can't see anyting, and my head keeps hitting the top of this center support rail thing!"

“Well you sure didn't seem to have any better ideas!” Chuck countered. “...And stop waving your legs around! You’re supposed to be trying to look dead!”

“...You didn't give me any time to think of alternatives!” Twilight shot back from her very unpony-like position. “And why did you do my face? You can't even see my upper half!” She looked up from her inverted position on the floor of the sidecar, and all she could see were her poor legs sticking up into the late evening sky. They were unrecognizable, being coated in a thick and goopy brown muck that would probably never come out of her fur again in her immortal lifetime. Needless to say, Twilight was not a very happy pony.

And why in the name of all things good was she covered in sticky mud? Well, it was the cornerstone of Chuck's 'great' idea. And by 'great', she meant spontaneous, though the term 'haphazard' fit a bit better. He'd decided - out of nowhere - that she would be perfectly content with being passed off as a freshly hunted animal, and so would allow herself to be coated in mud to better fit the bill.

Twilight didn't recall actually agreeing to the idea, either. After they'd left the unwelcoming town of Kelly, she’d been convinced that the only way to survive the ride across the flats was to wallow around in a man-made ditch. A very wet man-made ditch... One she had very reasonably and politely refused to enter. But Chuck hadn't taken 'no' as an answer, and had taken it upon himself to ...convince her. It was a fairly short and simple process, involving a fair deal of pushing, shoving, and the incredibly low tactic of yanking her hooves out from underneath her center of mass. She had managed to save herself from a tumble onto the hard ground with a strong flap of her wings, but failed in that she'd instead landed right were she had been so desperately trying not to wind up in the first place...

But being up to her barrel in sticky muck hadn’t been enough for her ill-mannered and blatantly insane travel companion, oh no! Chuck had felt it necessary to use a nearby wooden board to shovel even more of the nasty stuff all over her! He even told her to pretend that the stinky stuff was shampoo, which was ridiculous! Mud could never be mistakable for shampoo! Especially not when it smelled like an amalgam of Buffalo excrement and rotting vegetation!

But regardless of her many attempts at making the human stop and see reason, she was soon coated from horn to hoof in filth ...and Chuck had been upsettingly thorough. Nearly every single inch of her body was covered in a good inch-thick layer of the awful stuff. He had even decided to sling a generous amount directly in her face! And what was his reasoning?

He 'didn't want to take the time to think of something better'!

...

Okay, so Twilight did have to admit that the idea itself was sound in theory. And the sun was getting fairly low in the sky, so his concerns about most human hunters coming out to kill animals in the morning and evening were valid. But still! She had mud in places she didn’t even know she had! It was even getting into her mouth as the motorcycle bounced around! She felt she had the right to be as grumpy about the whole ordeal as she pleased.

“Twilight...” Chuck chided from his mud-free and comfortable seat. “Look, I don't think there's a single animal in the entire world that we could pass you off as. I mean, you're purple for crying out loud! Freaking PurpleEEEOUCH! Alright! OKAY! LAVENDER! YOU'RE LAVENDER I SAY!"

Twilight quickly released her magic, which had been firmly - and only a tiny bit vengefully - attached to as much curly beard as she could get an eye on from her very muddy and uncomfortable metal floorboards.

"Good grief!" Chuck lamented, probably looking smug for some reason she couldn't be bothered to explain. "You should warn a guy before you go nuts on his beard like that! I damn near left the road." Chuck then cleared his throat, and continued trying to explain himself.

"Okay... so you're mad. I get that, but like I was trying to say before you tore my freaking face off... Pur …er, that is to say purple shades like lavender and violet are very rare in nature. There are birds and reptiles that have natural shades of purple, but mammals? ...Not a chance. There isn't a furry critter alive that sports a purple-shaded coat in this whole wonderful world. And while I'll admit that we could get lucky and not run into anyone on the Flats tonight, I'm not willing to put my trust in the crappy luck we've had so far.”

Twilight felt her anger cool to a gentle simmer, and she traded the angry rant on the tip of her tongue for a simple sigh. Chuck was insane, but he was also frustratingly close to being right. She blew an unnecessarily loud raspberry to clear her lips of any mud, and said, “Chuck, I'm not mad at you ...even though I think I really should be. You threw me into a muddy ditch, then stuffed me in the sidecar head first without even bothering to ask if I was okay with it. You didn't give me the chance to think up a better plan, or explain your ideas so I could understand them. You just acted on your own impulses." She huffed loudly, and would have crossed her hooves if she had the room to do so. "That's not what normal ponies do, Chuck! You have to think about other pony's feelings before you act! I have mud in my ears, for Luna's sake! Do you have any idea what that feels like! It's not pleasant! ...Not at all!" She noticed she was yelling, and took a brief moment to calm herself back down. When she felt collected, she continued with, "That said, I get the feeling you would just ignore me if I tried to explain why what you did was wrong. Instead, I think I'll be the voice of reason and just say that you're probably right about our luck. I wouldn't be surprised if we ran into every single human within a hundred mile radius out here ...and I would either be seen as a dangerous creature to be shot at, or a food animal. It really doesn't feel right to say this, but ...you're right. I’ll just stay stuck down in this confined space and coat your father's incredibly rare sidecar in mud.”

Chuck laughed, and Twilight was a bit confused when the sound actually managed to lift her spirits a bit. “Well you got me there, Princess. I didn't even think about cleaning up the mess. You know, I’m actually kind of looking forward to giving you a nice hot bath when we get home. Assuming I have the water for it, of course. It'll be just like bathing a big fluffy dog or some...” Chuck's voice abruptly cut off, and Twilight could easily hear the tension when he spoke up again, “Here we go, princess. We’ve got a dust trail up ahead. It looks like it's just one bike, by the looks of it. Probably one of the Bar J boys out for a joyride. They know me, so it’ll be suspicious if I just go flying by. I’ll try to keep the conversation short, just don’t move a muscle and stay as quiet as you can ...got it?”

"I have it," Twilight agreed. "Just please make it as quick as you can. This isn't exactly comfortable, and I don't want to get caught." She then let her legs fall as they pleased, and immediately regretted it when her knees bounced off the under-padded edges of the sidecar's opening. She was more than a little nervous about having to rely on a human she still didn’t quite trust yet. But it was either this, or risk a fight breaking out. And she had no idea which way Chuck's loyalties would fall, if she was forced to defend herself against a human he knew personally. She didn't have time to think it over, though. She could hear the other bike in the distance. There was little choice but to go along with the plan as it was and hope she could play her part.

Twilight's heart rate slowly rose as the sounds of the other bike grew louder, and she felt Chuck bring their own mount to a slow and smooth stop. A soft squeak came from somewhere nearby, and the other bike's power plant fell silent only a moment later. Chuck left their machine running, trying to make it seem like he was in a hurry.

Or at least she hoped that was his plan, because she could already feel a droplet of mud sliding down her muzzle toward her nostrils...

“Evening, Jimbo! Out for a late night ride?” Chuck's offered the stranger, though he sounded ...different. It was almost like he was trying to sound more masculine. And Twilight's big brother quickly came to mind. Shining Armor often did the same thing with his voice when he was still Captain of the Guard, so maybe it was a common thing among males in general? She'd have to ask about it when she got home.

“Hey there, Chuck!" A strange voice all but yelled. "Yah nailed it right on the ole' noggin. I'm jus' doin a little test ride over near Kelly and back. Bike's been acting kinda funny lately an' ah' got no idea why. Ah cleaned the jets out and set the fuel height up a bit, but I’m start’n to think the carb’s just plain old wore out.”

The other man sounded like he was older, though he had a slightly higher pitched voice than Chuck's. He also had a very heavy accent that reminded her of Applejack even more then Chuck at his heaviest country drawl, but the stranger's grammar was so much worse than AJ’s. She could barely even understand what he was saying.

“Well good luck with that, Jimbo. Those old Holley carburetors are getting hard to find,” Chuck said, still making himself sound like he'd rinsed his mouth out with sawdust and then gargled a cup full of rocks. Why was he doing that? It sounded almost painful...

“Yup …so what’cha got thar? Looks like you had ‘a go fishin it outta the mud,” The stranger said with a coarse laugh.

She heard Chuck sigh loudly, hopefully pulling off his part of the act. “A miniature horse ...I think. And before you ask, it wasn’t what I was after. I could've sworn it was a buffalo calf when I took the shot...”

She heard a slap, and the sidecar wiggled a bit. ...The stranger had just hit Chuck! And with enough force to rock the whole bike! Why had he done that?

Twilight felt her hiding spot wiggle about as Chuck moved, and there was another slapping sound. She expected Chuck to start yelling angrily, followed by the sounds of the two humans trading blows. But it was actually the stranger’s loud and mirthful voice that reached her ears next...

“Ha! Gotcha again! You’re slower 'n ever, Werther. And getting buffalo’s mixed up with horses now? I'm tellin ya... Yer too damn old fer the mountain life. When’re you gonna wise up and call it quits?”

Chuck suddenly laughed loudly. “HAHAHA! You crack me up you old coot! Did you forget? You’re older than I am!”

“Whaaa?! Now I know that's a load ‘a horse shit! Yer a crap ton older 'n me!" The stranger accused. "...An' don't say it's the beard, cause I know it ain't! Mah boy Trevor looks his age, n'his beard is damn near a foot long!”

Ugh. This Jimbo human's rotten grammar was starting give Twilight a headache, but Chuck wasn't having much luck in ending her suffering just yet as he kept right on going...

“I'm actually younger than you by six years.” Chuck explained. He then suddenly shifted back into his normal voice and said, “Wow... Maybe we should both hang our boots up. I just realized that I'm forty two, and you’re two years short of fifty. It's kind of hard to outrun a walker when you're half way to being one yourself, you know."

A long moment of what she hoped was contemplative silence followed, and Twilight nearly twitched in surprise when she felt something cold and wet leave her muzzle and run down into her left nostril…

“Yeah well, I don’t reckon I'm ready tah slow down just yet,” The stranger said. "...Too much left I wanna do 'n see, yah know?"

“Yeah,” Chuck answered. “I'm with you, there. It seems like there's always something knew to add to the bucket list, but never enough time in the day to check any of it off.”

“Yup…”

“…Yup.”

Well great, they were stuck in contemplative silence again. This should be the moment where Chuck told this 'Jimbo' that he had something to do at home and …hnng! Oh sweet Celestia that TICKLED! It almost felt like she was going to…

NO! She couldn't do that right now! She had to hold it! Just keep calm, and hold it in!

...Hooooolding it in.

It doesn't tickle... I does not tickle. It's like sitting in the Ponyville Sauna with Rarity... Perfectly smooth and steamy air all around, not a single irritating quality to be found at all...

...

...“Hnnnk ...chew!”

Chuck's heavy boot impacted the side of her current hiding spot, and Twilight silently cursed the human for putting all this mud so near her nose in the first place! But fortunately for her, the stranger was either as much of an idiot as his grammar indicated, or he was a bit deaf from riding such a loud bike...

“The hell kinda sneeze was that, Werther? …You grow a vagina out there in the mountains?” The man tastelessly chided.

Chuck snorted and spat, letting out a nervous chuckle as he countered with, “Ah hell, Jimbo. I don’t know what that was. It did sound pretty girly though." He then raised his voice, starting to laugh even before he started talking. "And really, Jimbo? We both know that if I grew a vagina, I’d be the prettiest bearded lady in the whole state of Wyoming!” He then burst into laughter, followed by the stranger laughing in turn. And stars above, could that stranger laugh! He laughed harder and louder than Twilight had ever heard somepony laugh in all her life!

…And the joke was not that funny.

“AHAAAAHAHAHAAAAA!” The stranger roared. “That’s a damn good 'n, Chuck! Ah man! ...Whew! I think I blew a lung or somthin." He seemed to finally calm himself, but continued to chuckle as he said, "Yah know, Werther. I’m glad we run into each other tonight. I was feeling tired as all hell afore, and now I feel jus’ fine'n dandy. Thanks fer the talk, bud.”

“It's nothing,” Chuck dismissed. “...But I’d really better get moving. My light started flickering coming down through Kelly, and I don’t want to get caught in the dark going up the mountain.”

Twilight felt her eye start to twitch. Why this perfectly acceptable excuse was not in Chuck's opening statement, she had no idea. She assumed that human males were just a bit less equipped to deal with complex social interactions and higher thinking ...or maybe Chuck was just a special breed of idiot, born to push her buttons.

“Well that's no good, I’d better letcha go then.” The stranger relented. Twilight heard the other bike creak, hopefully meaning the other man had returned to his mount. “Oh! And afore I forget," SHOOT! "...I gotta warn yah bout somethin! Watch yer back real good if yah head north anytime soon. There’s somebody new up on the freeway, just southeast ’a Moran. We saw a couple water jugs and one ‘a them giant stuffed animal toys on patrol today, right near mile marker forty two..."

"You didn't get a headcount?" Chuck interrupted, not missing a beat ...and making her second guess her opinions of him... "But I thought it was standard procedure to help anyone you find get to town. Why didn't you give them an escort?"

The stranger coughed and said, "Well, that's the thing, yah see. Yah know that new fellar we borrowed from Idaho Falls? Well he's gettin the boot. Turns out he was a real arsehole, jus' wanted to carry a gun an' waste bullets. Damn fool shot those folk's water jugs all to shit, an' fer no reason other'n to have himself a good laugh. We didn't think they'd be too happy tah see us after that, so we just let'em alone. They'll be hurtin fer water now, though. The toy prob'ly means they got kids, too. You know what means, I'm sure...”

"...They'll be shooting at anything with two legs, if they have anything to shoot with," Chuck agreed. "Thanks for the warning, Jimbo. And you be sure to watch yourself in Kelly tonight. It was the worst I've seen it in years, and most of them still had both their feet. There's also a mob up on that same section of road you just mentioned, heading for Moran. They were in a real hurry, last I saw them. Some lake up north probably dried out and let them out of the mud all at the same time. I’ve heard it happens pretty regularly in the swamps down south. Anyway, just be extra careful. I've seen too many friendly faces go to rot already..." Twilight felt Chuck make some kind of gesture through the bike, though she still couldn't see anything other than the metal roof of the sidecar. It must have been a parting gesture though, because she heard the other man kick his own bike into life and roar off down the road.

There was a harsh thunk as Chuck put the bike back into gear, and they finally lurched back into motion. She remained slack for as long as she could manage, but her legs started to hurt almost as much as her nose was itching. Eventually she had to relent, shifting to a more comfortable position to spare her legs any real damage ...and of course she tried to extricate herself from the sidecar, though she didn't think she could get out without risking being ejected at an unknown speed. She settled for bracing her wings against the sides of her bouncy prison, trying to keep her shoulders and back from getting jostled so much. She also sneezed ...a lot. About a half hour and twenty or so sneezes later, the bike finally began to slow...

Chuck let the speed drop by itself, and she could feel the distinct rhythm of the two pistons in her abused spine as they came to a clunky and choppy stop. The bike gave one final cough, and then settled into silence.

The sudden quiet left Twilight with a strange ringing in her ears, as if they didn't quite know how to deal with silence anymore. She felt Chuck get off the bike, and a moment later her muddy rear legs were being held upright by a pair of strong hands...

“Good work back there, Princess. Other than making me pretend to sneeze like a little girl, you made for a decent dead animal. But I'm guessing you’re probably ready to come back to life now, right?” He asked, giving her legs a little tug to make his intentions known.

“Yes please,” Twilight replied, wishing Chuck could see the deadpan she was wearing under her mask of mud. Her rear legs were slowly pulled upward and back, dragging the rest of her out of the sidecar to hang upside down. Her back bumped up against Chuck's slightly rounded stomach as the man turned to set her down ...or at least that's what she had expected him to do, but after a long moment of just dangling there...

“Um, Chuck? I'm starting to get a headache. Could you please put me down now?”

Chuck giggled and started to swing her gently back and forth. “Hehehe, Just giving you a little taste of your own medicine, Princess. Nothing too personal, of course,” He taunted. Twilight felt her mud-laden mane drag through the dirt with each gentle swing, and she could clearly hear her own heartbeat steadily whoosh through her ears.

Okay, so maybe she did deserve it ...a little, anyway. But she reeeally didn't like how the tilting horizon was making her stomach feel. She opened her mouth to voice a complaint, but felt her forehooves touch the ground before she could speak her mind. Her head and neck were then shoved up against Chuck's legs, her position directly in front of him preventing her from lifting her head. She quickly took a few steps back, taking a normal stance as she did so. She was sporting a disapproving glare, but left her opinion of the man's actions unspoken. Luna had told her that it was never wise to admit annoyance to somepony intent on annoying you. It only led to repeat performances, and she had just learned that she really didn't like being swung upside down.

But she was still feeling rather grumpy, and Luna had also mentioned that non-violent revenge could be incredibly therapeutic ...given the right circumstances.

Hmm... Well she did have a whole lot of ironic justice stuck in her coat, and the current circumstances certainly felt right ...so then this was the perfect opportunity for a little self-therapy, right?

...Right

Twilight smirked. She then quickly spun sideways and shook herself as hard as she could, flinging mud everywhere. She turned back with a grin, expecting to find a very surprised human where she’d been aiming ...but either Chuck was a mind reader, or he had spent a great deal of time around other humans just as foalish as himself.

“HA! I knew you would do that!” Chuck taunted from the other side of his mud-splattered motorcycle. But Twilight just smiled right back. She had never been very good at shaking the water off her legs after a bath, and they still felt very heavy. She lit her horn and quickly collected as much mud from her legs as she could manage without loosing any fur, forming a truly massive mud ball. It had to be at least thirty pounds in weight by the time she was done. The way Chuck’s grin fell from his face made her really want to throw it, but she found she just didn't have the heart to go through with what would likely amount to murder in the first degree. It was just too big and heavy a projectile. She'd probably kill the man outright if she even gave it a gentle toss and hit him, much less a proper throw.

She found herself wishing it were winter here, as there would be little danger of anypony getting hurt if she, oh say... stuffed Chuck's clothing with snow until the seams burst? That would teach him some manners!

...Or it might just encourage him to return the favor with a well-placed snowball, which now that she thought about it was a far more likely response.

Twilight sighed, and sent the heavy collection of mud rocketing off into the distance, much to Chuck's apparent horror. She then walked over and gave the bike the same treatment she’d given her legs. It was a lot easier when she didn't have to worry about pulling fur out, and she had cleared away the worst of the mud in only half a minute. Chuck watched her nervously, probably wondering why she had decided not to seek out her well-deserved retribution on him.

In truth, Twilight had just been given a rather intimate example of what she herself had put the stubborn human through earlier today. And since they were now technically even when it came to dangling each other in the air and making each other sick, she found herself more than willing to keep the score perfectly even.

...At least until she found a way to make large quantities of snow. Then all bets were off.

“Uh… You alright in there, Princess?” Chuck asked, interrupting her happy thoughts. "You kind of zoned out for a minute ...and I mean that literally. You've been standing there for an entire minute."

Twilight sighed, and shook her head a bit, making Chuck shy away from her. She then hopped up into the sidecar and shot Chuck a cocky grin, saying, “I’m perfectly fine, Mister Chuck. A bit tired, and a little dizzy ...and my hooves feel like they're stuffed full of nails and tacks. But otherwise, I'm fine. Now let's get out of here before any other trouble shows up, alright?"

Instead of joking or even smiling, Chuck just gave a reserved nod. He stood, talking as he took his place on the bike, “Alright, so my place is less than a mile up Shadow Mountain here. We can probably get most of those problems you just mentioned sorted out soon enough, but I can't promise much when it comes to that hot bath I was talking about. I don't know how much water it would take in your current ...state.” He gave her a worried glance, and kicked the bike into life. The sound was familiar after half a day of riding in it, and Twilight let herself settle a bit deeper into her - only slightly muddy - seat.

The longest day of Twilight's entire life was finally drawing to a close. She’d not expected to get so much help, and from some random human, no less. But she was not about to complain about gaining an ally in as dangerous a place as she'd found herself. Chuck was an odd one, that was for certain. But there seemed to be more to him than just being crazy. He struck her as kind ...caring, even. And yet the first thing he'd done when they'd met was shoot half a dozen deadly projectiles straight at her head...

Alright, so she had no idea what to think of the guy, just yet. She wasn't anywhere near ready to trust him, not even to be out of her direct line of sight when he was armed. But as long as he kept being helpful - and didn't make a habit of holding her upside down or coating her fur in mud - he was welcome to be the only sentient life form she had to work with.

...Wow, she'd forgotten just how cynical she could get when she was hungry. Hopefully Chuck had carrots and apples to bring her back to her usual contented demeanor. Or at least some nice refreshing apple cider to dri-EEENK!

Chuck's bike roared forward without warning, heading straight for a well-worn gap in the trees. Twilight's forehooves had lifted from the seat when the bike lurched into motion, but the acceleration after Chuck shifted into the next set of gears was even more violent. Her wings were shoved right up against the padded edges of the sidecar, and her entire front half was push back by the quickly growing airflow. They passed into the worryingly dark forest a moment later, and she found herself hanging on for dear life as the smooth ground gave way to tooth-chattering madness. She had been expecting Chuck to slow down and make a turn after entering the trees, which was the proper way to make a path go up a steep incline. Switchbacks and gentle grades were an ideal and sensible necessity, one that ponies had been using even before well documented history.

But apparently the local human population didn't think along those same lines of engineering and foresight, as Chuck's choice of path was currently taking them straight up the side of the mountain. The ride was beyond harsh, and it felt like somepony had strapped a thin pillow across her flanks before starting to use her entire lower half as one of those sand-filled practice bags the guard used for training in hoof-to-hoof combat. The light source on the front of the bike was also rendered useless, jittering and moving around so randomly that she couldn't get any real sense of speed or direction. The scene reminded her of that one white mare with the ever-present headphones, the one with the apparent love of collecting unpaid noise violations. There was certainly enough strobing light and noise to match the raunchy mare's enthusiasm for giving sleeping ponies a rude wake up call. And really! Who cuts their tail that short these days! Sure, it was probably easy to keep clean, but it was still completely indecent! She probably only did it to show her goodies off to other mares, because there were a lot of obvious signs that she and that other musician were in a h... ~THUMP!~ ...eeEEEERD!

A surprisingly strong jolt had fired up through Twilight's seat and spine, hard enough that she had actually left the seat for a second. Under more controlled circumstances it probably would have been fine, but she had been distracted. Her wings hadn't had any direction, and so they did what they were meant to when gravity fell away ...they popped open as wide as they physically could to stop her from falling. Her flight muscles cried out in protest as her dirtied feathers caught the wind, and she was yanked up and out of her seat. She would have cried out, but felt her back slam into the ground before she could draw a breath.

And then ...nothing else seemed to really happen. Twiilght wasn't tumbling or falling down the mountain, and she could still feel the unique thrum of the bike all throughout her body. It prompted her to try to figure out what had actually happened, so she opened her eyes and...

Any sense of relief she had started to feel was gone in an instant. Of course she had lashed out with more than just her wings, but she had not expected the knees on her rear legs to get wedged into the space between the upper seat cushion and the sheet metal. It was a show of luck on an order of magnitude she had thought only Pinkie Pie possessed! Though "luck" didn't feel like the right term at the moment. She was now stuck in place, draped out on her back over the rear of the sidecar like a dirty rug. Her stomach stretched out above her, while her head bounced along only inches from the ground. Her tangled mane was far from what she thought of as long, but it was skipping across the ground, regardless.

Twilight called out for help, but Chuck was busy bouncing around and laughing to himself like a madpony, fully absorbed in some kind of mania. A mania that didn't seem to involve keeping an ear open for the cries of an endangered mare.

She clenched her stomach muscles and curled herself upward, intent on simply pulling herself back to safety. She managed to reach her thighs, before the slender knob of bone behind her right knee popped free of where it had been stuck. She was sent swinging out behind the vehicle, getting a face full of forcefully sprayed earth from the rear wheel in the process.

She couldn't scream with her every facial opening clogged with dirt. But it didn't matter anymore ...she was going to do what she should have done in the first place, and teleport herself back into the sidecar.

Her horn lit up, and she was confronted with an uncomfortably personal view of the bike's earth-churning rear wheel in the light of her magic. Her left hoof found purchase against the wheel's upper cover, and she pushed her body well clear of its powerful stream of dirt and rocks. Her other knee chose that moment to slip, and she reacted instantly by casting the spell she'd charged up before she hit the ground.

Now... It should be noted that overlapping the anchor, terminus, or bridging path of teleportation magic, was a very good way for a unicorn to loose a limb. For the same two things could never exist in the same place. They would cancel each other out. Alicorns were no exception to such rules, no matter how powerful they were. It should also be noted that Twilight's hoof was still trapped awkwardly in the seat, right in the very space she was attempting to reappear. Had she a moment more to think, she likely would have thought about the dangers involved in such a short jump through space and time. But she was a bit busy trying not to fall off a mountain, so...

Twilight felt her body start to materialize, and she just as quickly felt her hooves touch down on soft cushions and painted steel. She heard Chuck yelp in surprise, and then he quickly pointed behind her and yelled something that she didn't manage to catch.

Or actually, she'd heard him just fine. She just didn't want to believe that what he'd said could actually be true.

"You're not serious, are you Chuck? Please tell me you're not serious!" Twilight yelled, her ears ringing slightly from the dissipating magic, and the bike's power plant giving her hope that she'd heard wrong. But Chuck just shrugged, and went back to his crazed attack on the mountain.

Twilight gulped. She then slowly turned her head back over her shoulder, and cast a bit of lavender colored light over her backside...

Her tail flapped in the wind behind her. Mauve, Violet, and Rose-Pink hairs all somewhat muted from the mud she'd carried all over herself, but the appendage was still there. Chuck had shouted out something to the contrary of that ...as in he'd said that it was gone ...as in completely removed. So Twilight had expected to see nothing back there but a shaved dock, or a bleeding nub.

She was glad to see the human had blown reality well out of proportion, but what she was looking at still made her feel an emotion she couldn't remember ever encountering before.

Her tail was half its former length, ending up in a very rough version of what was commonly referred to as the 'stallion low straight' cut...

Twilight couldn’t help but stare. Half her tail was gone, yes ...but it could have been a whole lot worse than suddenly having a stallion's tail style. Had she reappeared only a foot further back, she could have been seriously hurt. Teleportation magic was nothing to take lightly, especially at close ranges.

She turned back around ...and one fear was traded for another. A short wall of earth met the cone of light from her horn's light, and there was no time to react before she felt the sidecar push up violently underneath her hooves. She consciously held her wings tightly to her sides, and didn't try to cast any sort of spell. Not this time ...not after the lesson she'd just had to give half her tail to learn.

Her light spell flashed across trees, white paint, chrome, dirt, and then the trees again. Her horn dinged off of something metallic, and everything suddenly went dark as she came crashing to a sudden halt. She worried that she'd somehow been knocked out for a moment, but the sensation of acceleration and the familiar rumbling beneath her proved her fears wrong. Of course, she was feeling the rumbling in her face rather than in her hooves, so the first thing she did was try to untangle herself from the cramped confines of the sidecar, where she seemed to have landed.

Once she'd managed to get herself re-situated, she was surprised to find herself cruising calmly along on a well maintained dirt road. All three wheels of the bike were firmly planted on the ground, and she was alive and ...relatively unharmed.

It was a much better situation than she had imagined possible from all the chaos she'd just gone through, and also a much more serine situation than Chuck was about to find himself in...

“Chuck! What exactly was that!? ...And what were you thinking, going straight up a mountain!? There are clearly roads up here! You could have taken a much safer path!”

Chuck just smirked and made his bike bark out a loud burst of noise, forcing her to cover her ears. Then he caught a glimpse of her expression, and his mirth was replaced with a nervous smile...

“Uh... Sorry, Princess," He excused himself. "That’s just how you get a heavy bike up a hill. You have to keep your speed up and really commit to it.” He sat back down from his standing position and reached over to roughly pat her ruined mane, saying, “I know it seemed a little sketchy back there, but this road is hard to reach for a good reason. It makes my house safer from ...all kinds of stuff."

"I fell out..." Twilight accused, turning to face her human companion. "I was hanging off the back of the sidecar! And you didn't even notice! I had to cast a spell without making any of the proper preparations, and now half my tail is ...well, just look at it!" She stood up and whipped her tail around, noting that Chuck winced at the sight. She raised her voice and pointed a hoof at the road they were on, saying "This is a road, Chuck! Roads come from places! You could have easily taken this road all the way up here, and we would have avoided going up that hill! So how - exactly - was going straight up the side of a mountain a better choice than just taking the perfectly serviceable road?"

Chuck reduced the sound level of the bike, and turned to her as he answered with, "Hey, I know what you're saying, but the road isn't actually passable. And by that, I mean half a rock face fell across it three years ago. You can't get up here on the road anymore. I've made other paths, of course ...but they're all a few miles long, the only exception being the hill we just came up. It's the fastest way up the mountain, and we were getting really short on light. I knew I could make the climb, and it would have been a long walk in the dark if we got stuck in a rut somewhere on one of the other paths. The dark is no place to be out here, believe me ...not even up on a mountainside.”

"Well... you still should have warned me about the hill." Twilight pressed. "I wouldn't want to be walking through the woods in the dark, but you have to start telling me what you're plan is BEFORE, you do it! I could have been hurt from that emergency teleport!"

Chuck's mania had gone from his face, and he had the decency to look guilty as he continued with, "Listen princess, I'm sorry I didn't warn you ...and about you loosing part of your tail. It'll grow back, won't it? It's not some kinda magical unicorn thing that doesn't ever come back, right?"

Twilight gave him a sour look, and crossed her hooves. "It's keratin, the same as any other hair or fur. It'll grow back in a few months." She then gave the man the coldest shoulder she could manage while facing forward, not ready to trust him not to drive off the mountain without reason or warning. He'd really scared her back there ...and he'd also repeated his error from only an hour ago! He'd just acted, without warning her ahead of time! She was tired of it, and so Chuck was getting the fuzzy cold shoulder until he apologized ...or she managed to think of something to say that wasn't as mean spirited as the majority of what was in her head at the moment.

“Aw, come on, sweet cheeks. Don't be like that. You know I'll warn you next time...” Chuck began.

“Sweet cheeks?” Twilight interrupted, her thoughts of psychological manipulation instantly forgotten in favor of waving her hooves around and shouting, “Sweet cheeks?! Why do I get the feeling that's some kind of derogatory term for human females? And if it is then why the HAY are you using it on me!?”

Chuck jerked his gaze away from her, and fell silent. He scratched at his beard and cleared his throat awkwardly as they steered around a gentle bend in the road. The long moment of awkward silence was quick to become unbearable, and Twilight found herself just wanting it to end ...even if it meant apologizing for her completely reasonable outburst.

“…I'm sorry,” Twilight began, but she was surprised to hear Chuck say the exact same word at the exact same time.

“Well,” Twilight chuckled awkwardly. “At least we both seem to have the same sense of timing when it comes to apologies." She settled back into her seat and said, "Alright, Chuck. I think it might be best if we just call this entire day a waste of our time, and move on ...does that sound fair? I mean, I don't want to you to think I'm ungrateful for all your help or anything. It's just ...I'm really hungry right now. I know I can get a little grumpy when I'm hungry sometimes.”

Chuck grunted, took a deep breath, and then just started talking... “Look Princess... I’m sorry I called you sweet cheeks, that was in poor taste. I’m also sorry for holding you upside down earlier, and for not telling you about how I was planning to get up to the mountain road. ...And those arrows you had to stop, which I'm glad you did, by the way. And then there's that bear I didn't see until it was right on top of us. …And making you get all muddy was a plan I probably could have thought out a little better. And whatever else I’m forgetting, which feels like way too much for a ...pony I only just met.”

Twilight sighed, and took a deep breath… “Thank you for the apologies, Chuck. And I guess I should say that I’m sorry too, for…” And her brain just stopped. She couldn’t remember the day's events at all. Her poor brain must be so starved of food that it had simply given up the ability to recall short-term memories. “...for everything that's happened so far,” She finished, feeling a bit inadequate.

Chuck gave her a quick glance. “Are you okay, Princess? I was expecting a bit more, well ...more.”

Twilight opened her mouth and lifted a hoof to retort, but her stomach beat her to the punch… “Rrrrrrrrrr …pop”

“Oh really? Well that just about explains everything just fine,” Chuck said melodramatically. He then suddenly snorted, and burst into laughter. A long and very one-sided moment later, Chuck was still laughing his flank off, but they were also turning left onto a loose gravel driveway. They went down through a small dip between some massive pine trees, and then back up and through an opening to ...something she was definitely not expecting.

Twilight's eyes widened as a very strange looking home came into view. It was nestled into a large flat area that seemed to bulge out from the natural shape of the mountainside. She couldn't decide if the house was large enough to pass as a mansion, but it was certainly close. Even more amazingly, it appeared to be made entirely out of un-sectioned trees. Whole trunks had been cut to length and then stacked up on top of one another; so high that the unusually steep and tall roof did nothing to make the home look small. It was like a typical A-frame home back in Equestria, but much larger and without the typical bright paint and smooth walls. There was even a massive wooden deck across the front of the upper floor, made of thick and strong looking timber. Huge angular glass windows were present along the front of the house, going from the deck to the roof.

All in all, it was a very beautiful home. And in her current situation, it looked like an impenetrable fortress...

“Chuck …is this really your house? And what is this style of architecture? I don't think I've seen anything quite like it,” Twilight asked, looking up at the massive log walls as Chuck stopped the bike and quickly lept off.

The human wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his heavy looking jacket, still fighting back some mild mirth. When he'd managed to stop chuckling, he gestured to the home and said, “This place is out of my league. It actually used to be a family friend's log cabin. Or at least they called it a cabin, anyway. It's more of a log mansion if you ask me.”

“I …yeah,” Twilight agreed. She then pulled her weary limbs free from the sidecar and lowered herself to the ground. With a slightly uneven canter, she headed straight for the only door in sight. A tall white-framed one right above her head, which she would actually have to fly to reach, as it was up on the side of the deck. As she got closer, she realized that the back of the home had been built right into the mountain itself. The thick rock base she'd thought to be an elaborate support structure was actually another floor made from stacked rocks. Either the home had three floors, or incredibly tall ceilings.

…Outside of her old library and Fluttershy's house, this was easily one of the most unique homes she’d ever seen.

“Hey Princess!” She heard Chuck call from behind her. “The door’s over here!”

Twilight turned around, finding Chuck staring at her from under the deck like she’d grown a second head. She trotted back toward him, and followed him around to the front of the log-house. The wide deck was now forming a ceiling above her head, and she wasn’t a bit surprised that she’d missed the door Chuck was now fiddling with. It was almost exactly the same color as the rock the first floor had been built from.

But before they went inside, she had a very important question to ask... "Hey Chuck? I don't really want too many humans knowing I'm here. Are there any neighbors? Or do other humans live with you, and are they nice?"

Chuck froze in place for a moment, and then went back to trying to open the door. "It's just me out here,” He said. And the way he said it made her think that asking any more questions about the man's personal life in the next twenty four hours was probably a bad idea.

There was a soft click, and Chuck smiled back at her. “So... You ready to call it a day, Princess?” He asked.

Twilight didn't even have to think about it. She hastily nodded, and Chuck pushed the door open to let her inside.

Twilight stepped through the stone doorway, and looked around the room. She saw rough stone walls, a large red throw rug across a chilly looking hardwood floor, a glass-topped table that had been fashioned out of giant wagon wheels, and one monster of a giant green couch. There was also an ancient looking wood fired stove against the left wall ...which explained the smoky smell burning her sinuses.

Frankly, she’d been expecting a bit, well ...more.

Forcing a smile, Twilight turned to face Chuck, who was obviously waiting for her reaction. “Um, this is a very …nice place you have here, Chuck,” She offered. She could tell he didn't buy her praise for a second, though.

Chuck smirked at her and said, “You’re not a very good liar, Princess.” Twilight felt herself blush a bit. It wasn't like being bad at lying was a bad thing. But Chuck didn't really seem to mind her dishonesty, as he was still talking, "But lucky for you, this is just my floor of the house. The owner rented the upstairs out back in the day, and the guestrooms are actually pretty swanky. You can pick a room upstairs once I get the place cleaned up a bit.” Done talking, he closed the door behind her and walked toward the giant couch.

Twilight suddenly felt a bit nervous. She still hadn’t developed much trust for the unstable human, and being alone in a relatively small space with such a large being was pushing some of her panic buttons.

...But then the big man kicked off his boots and slowly teetered over like a freshly cut tree, landing on the giant couch with a loud 'POMPH'. He moaned loudly into the cushions, slowly sinking until he was almost completely out of sight.

Twilight found herself torn between her lack of trust, and just joining Chuck on the couch ...which had just now finished devouring all but the big man's feet. It was the oddest thing to want to do, but the inappropriate urge remained, all the same.

She squashed the idea like a grape underhoof, wondering where it had even come from. Then she cleared her throat and trotted over to where she thought Chuck’s head might have wound up. “Um, Chuck? I'm sorry to interrupt your rest, but ...could we possibly have something to eat now? I'm as hungry as I've ever been, and I think it's starting to make me feel a little bit ...tired.”

“Yeah, yeah… I’m hungry too.” Chuck said from somewhere in the cushions. “Just let me get my armor off, and I'll get the stove going.”

Twilight didn’t understand what he meant at first, but then Chuck rolled over and started to unbutton his jacket.

Wait… He was undressing? Right here and now? But she was still here! Didn't humans have a problem with that sort of thing?

“Chuck? You're not actually going to take your clothes off, are you?" Twilight asked. "...I mean, I don't mind. It's just that I remember it being considered inappropriate from last time I was here. One of the humans I met was pretty clear that humans don't like being ...naked around each other."

Chuck chuckled and said, "Relax, Princess. I'm not that cruel. I'm just gonna hang up my jacket and armor so I don't get all hot and sweaty cooking supper."

Well ...thank Celestia for that. She wouldn't have minded seeing what a human looked like without all their clothing ...probably; but she would much rather it be part of a proper scientific study. Maybe when she'd secured her way home, she would begin a study on human biology. It should be easy to find the same world again, now that she'd been here; and humans may have developed methods that could prove helpful in advancing Equestria's rather antiquated approach to medicine. ...But not right now. Now it was time for food. And why did Chuck keep talking about armor? What armor? He wasn't wearing any, was he?

"Um, Chuck? I don't see any kind of armor on you, but you keep saying that you're wearing armor. What exactly do you mean by that?"

Chuck hauled himself up with a tired groan and pulled his dusty brown jacket off of his long arms, revealing an off-white shirt underneath. It was made of a much thicker cloth than seemed comfortable, and was cut in a very simple pattern. It certainly looked sturdy, but it wasn't armor.

And yet the human pulled the shirt up over his head and presented it to her, making it obvious that the roughly sown garment was indeed the subject of her curiosity. He smoothed out his last remaining layer of clothing, a thin white garment that she could just barely see a patch of curly dark chest fur though, and then he finally took note of her incredulous look. He smirked and said, "This shirt is made of a material called Kevlar. It's only a few layers thick, so it won't stop a bullet or an arrow. But it should be enough to stop even the strongest undead teeth from getting through. I wear it every time I leave the house, although I've never gotten to test it out ...not that I actually want to, but ...eh, you know what I'm trying to say."

Twilight took the surprisingly light shirt in her magic, and prepared a scanning spell she'd picked up from one of her favorite chemistry books. The spell would give her a basic idea of what this 'Kevlar' was made of on a molecular level. And what the spell couldn't tell her, she could figure out with simple chemical group theory.

...She dropped the shirt to the floor the moment the spell produced a result.

Carbon and a bit of Nitrogen, latched firmly in an offset pattern with Hydrogen and Oxygen taking isolated positions alongside each molecule. It looked like a mythical material called a Maramid fiber, one of the most elusive chemical compounds in modern chemistry ...and yet Chuck seemed to have an entire shirt made of it.

"Chuck..." Twilight whispered, staring at the fallen fabric. "...How exactly did you make this?"

Chuck shrugged. "Oh, you know... just cut the shapes out and sewed them together. It wasn't exactly hard. I mean it’s not really supposed to be pretty or anything..."

Twilight stomped a hoof. "Not the shirt, Chuck! The fibers! How did you make the material itself?!"

Chuck stood up, collecting his shirt armor and jacket to hang back on a coat rack near the door. "I didn't make the material, Princess. I just cut it and sewed it together. In the days when stores still took paper money, you could buy woven Kevlar sheets for about thirty five dollars a yard. I don't actually know how it's made, but I do have a few extra rolls left in back. Maybe you could take a sample with you when you do ...whatever it is you have to do to get back home?"

"I ...I'm not sure that would actually help," Twilight admitted. "Reverse engineering complex materials takes years of trial and error ...and this kevlar material would probably mostly lead to error, since we ponies have already been trying for a very long time to develop something similar. But your kind has already achieved something remarkably close to a true Maramid Fiber! It's the closest stable example I've ever seen successfully synthesized! The possible benefits to pony kind are unimaginable! I ...I have to know how it's made!"

Chuck stroked his beard in thought as he turned. He eventually dropped his hand and said, "Well, you might find a book about it in the library or something. Maybe in the science wing?"

Twilight felt her ears flick forward against her will. "You have a library? Where? Is it upstairs?"

Chuck shook his head. "It's a public library, just across the river on the southwest side of Jackson. It's outside the wall, though. So it'd be dangerous to spend more than a few minutes there, even if you didn't get seen by the Bar-J boys."

Twilight felt her heart break a little. "Oh ...well that's no good. What if I snuck in at night, though? Would that work?"

Chuck shook his head. "They re-purposed the big spotlights from the airport. You'd be seen as soon as you moved between buildings, even if you went at night. There's only around sixty people still left in town, but that just makes the guards watch all the closer. None of the original residents stayed around after the initial breakout, of course. The people in Jackson are all travelers who got tired of running. They cleared the whole place out and built a wall around it to keep the walkers out."

"Walkers?" Twilight asked. She really just wanted to change the subject and get that amazing fiber's impossible structure out of her head before it drove her mad. ...Dumb fibers.

"Zombies," Chuck clarified. He then corrected himself, "Well, not zombies. We covered that topic a couple of hours ago. We just use the word because it fits with most people's idea of what a zombie is supposed to be. The term you're supposed to use is 'Post Death Infected', but it's not like you have time to say all that when one is trying to gnaw your face off. ...In fact, it's a bad idea to make noise at all when they're around. Just point them out quietly and then get the hell out of there. And don't ever take on a dead man without a ranged weapon, or you'll just wind up like ninety percent of the population ...dead and hungry for your neighbor's left ass cheek. Anyway, I can probably go to town in a few days and..."

Chuck continued talking, but Twilight had latched onto one particular thing he'd just said. It was a massive detail that wouldn't let her move on until she'd confirmed it. He'd said that Ninety percent of the population was already lost to the ...what had he called it? The Mang Jieshu virus? But how could that be possible? If ninety percent of Equestria's population were suddenly turned into mindless killing machines, the remaining survivors wouldn't even last half a week. And another important question... Just how many healthy humans were left? How many infected humans were still stalking around? Was the whole world affected? Were there safe places that were untouched by the disease? What was the total population before the virus was released?

So many questions! But she could get all of them answered in one clever swoop if she wanted to ...which she did. It would be important to understand as much as she could, if she was going to be stuck here for any real length of time.

"Chuck? I'm sorry to interrupt, but I have a question." Twilight said as she sat down and got the weight off her sore hooves. "Now I knew that things weren't right the moment I ran into that ...walker, out in the woods. His behavior was unlike any human I'd ever met before, and the fact that he could move around without a spark is still really bothering me... But the way that you've talked about this disease, and the sheer number of those infected humans that chased us..." She took a moment to get her question worded right, making sure she'd get all the details she needed. "I would be lying if said I wasn't scared to know, but I'm going to be stuck here until I can perform a very difficult spell reversal. It could take a while for me to get home. In the meantime, I'm going to need a good understanding of the situation as a whole. Everything you know about this disease and how it works? I need to know it ...all of it. Please don't leave out any details." She cleared her throat, and scooted a bit closer to where Chuck was leaning near his coat rack. "Now... you said ninety percent of the population was affected. But that just doesn't seem feasible to me. There wouldn't be a single survivor left, much less a lone human living all alone in the woods. What I really need to hear right now is numbers. How many humans were there before the disease, how many are left, anything along those lines that would give me an idea of how bad things are."

Chuck's face shifted to a thoughtful scowl, and he kept it in place as he spoke...

"Well I won't know exact numbers, and I'm kind of worried you'll freak out and toss me around again if I give you my best guess here ...but fine. I'll tell you what I think things are like out there." Chuck crossed the room and sat cross-legged on the floor next to her, keeping his serious scowl in place. "The fact is, princess ...it's impossible to say just how bad things really are. Information only gets around by word of mouth these days, so it's almost never accurate. In fact, that ninety percent estimate came from a drunken caravan woman over a month ago, and she claimed to have gotten it from some other nutcase in Arizona. You can't believe a word travelers say to you anymore. Life is just too hard on them, and the constant stress turns them all into a bunch of liars. I will say this, though. You remember that mob we ran into out on the road?"

Twilight nodded her head. She would likely never forget that moment in all her life, no matter how much she wanted to...

"Yeah, well I'm afraid that was nothing." Chuck admitted. "Things are worse if you get near major cities. If an average guy like me set foot in a city like Las Vegas or Denver, they'd be up against a mob numbering in the thousands within seconds. ...Actually, hang on. I'm telling you all of this in the opposite order I should be. You need to understand what things were like before it went wrong, or you won't have a clue what I'm talking about..." Chuck began to stroke his big bushy beard, and his eyes lost focus as he seemed to recall some happy memory.

"You see, Princess. Ten years ago this planet had a population of just over seven billion. We had everything we could ever hope to want, and the technology to do nearly anything we wanted to do. You could talk to another person on the other side of the world with the press of a few buttons. You could get on a jetliner and go see that very person face to face in half a day's travel. We even had a space station program, as in an orbital science lab for studying how a lack of gravity affects ...stuff. I'll even bet the thing's still floating around up there as we speak, though I doubt anyone on board is still alive... But anyway, my point is this: In less than sixty years, human beings went from primitive lead-acid batteries and tapping contacts together to send slow and hard to read messages, to a global digital network that could move data around at the speed of light itself. I used to talk to my mother every Saturday after supper, and she lived nearly a third of the way around the world! Heck, I even got a college education without ever leaving my house. Miracles like that were commonplace ten years ago. We took the technology we'd built up from that first set of electrical contacts for granted, it was so common. And we got to the point where you could almost completely envelope yourself in a fake world, and have it feel convincing. Virtual reality, through electronic components and digital memory chips."

Twilight listened raptly, captivated by what she was hearing. Such amazing feats! And they'd clearly been accomplished without the slightest bit of aid from magic! She really hoped Chuck would continue talking about human technology, but his face had slowly returned to a disheartened scowl, and he moved on to his point...

"But it didn't help us one bit. All those achievements were worthless, the instant the virus was released. You know how I said that there were around sixty people in Jackson? Well there used to be over ten thousand. That's ten thousand ...to sixty. If you do the math and assume that the whole country is in a similar state, I think it's something like ...point six percent of the people are still alive. That's just Jackson, though. Driggs is smaller, but has a couple hundred more people still alive in it. It's also the only spot with a working airport you can get to around here. But the funny thing is that it only had around sixteen hundred people living in it when the virus first hit the area. It probably has something to do with it being the only airport around that isn't overrun, but only the rich and powerful can afford to fly in planes these days... Anyway, I think I'm rambling here. I'll make it as easy to understand as possible. Probably the best way I can describe the state of things, is this: There's a crap ton of zombies out there, and not very many living people left to kell them off."

Twilight shook her head. "But there has to be somewhere safer if you started with such a high population, right? What about the rest of the world?"

"What about it?" Chuck growled. "The average American citizen is a far cry from a proper soldier, but most families had at least a few decent weapons lying around to fight with. We still lost in the end ...and we lost in less than a year, just to salt the wound. The rest of the world didn't have even have weapons at home like we did. They had simple hand tools, crappy blades, farming equipment, and legs to run on. That's it. They wouldn't have stood a snowball's chance in hell. In fact, if one single healthy human being is still kicking in the United Kingdom or Japan today, I'll eat my damned beard."

Twilight let the information sink in a bit, though it only made her worry more. This couldn't be the human world she knew of. Not if Chuck's statements were even half true. She needed to be sure, though... There were two more key pieces of information she had to get...

"Alright, Chuck... Exactly how long has it been since the virus first appeared, and how is it that every human I've seen so far is roughly the same color? I thought humans came in a lot more diverse shades."

Chuck screwed his face up, clearly confused. "Um... Well I'm not quite sure what you mean with that last question, but it's been ten and a half years since the virus first hit New York. And the very first news story about dead people walking around was only a couple of weeks before that, so ...ten years, I guess."

Ten years... So then it wasn't possible that this was the Mirror World. Canterlot High would have been a much more dangerous place than it had been. But she needed to be thorough...

"...And what about human skin coloration? I remember seeing humans with nearly every color of the rainbow, plus every shade in between. But the only color theme for humans I've seen around here is a dull pinkish-white ...no offense."

"None taken, and I get the question now ...as strange as it is," Chuck said. "As for the answer... I don't think I've seen any lavender humans, or any color but White, Black, or somewhere in between ...guessing that’s not what you were hoping for?"

"White or Black?" Twilight pressed, ignoring his question. "I know my colors, Chuck. And you are nowhere close to being White or Black. You’re fur is dark brown, and your exposed skin is a light to medium beige, if anything."

Chuck nodded, his face relaxing from its scowl. "You're right, Princess. Human skin gets darker the closer you get to the Equator as a rule. But it's always in the same vein of color no matter where you are, a very light beige to a very dark brown ...or even a chocolate color in some areas of the world. A bit of a yellow tint can occur in some parts of the world, but only according to a few people I've talked to. I've never actually noticed any yellow in anyone I've met in my life, so I honestly think it's just some leftover racism from a stupid war we got pulled into in the mid-forties ...Sorry, I'm not really the guy to talk to when it comes to race. Not even a little bit. I just never had cause to think about it as being worth thinking about ...if that makes any sense."

Twilight expected her heart to start speeding up, or at the very least to break out in a cold sweat. There was no reason she shouldn't be freaking out about this. She was very clearly in a brand new world, and stuck here until she managed to master some very powerful magic. But she mostly just felt a bit ...numb. Or actually, she felt numb, and purposeful. She had a clear goal now, something to push her efforts against. It was going to be one hay of a difficult goal to actually reach, but she would get home. If it took her a whole year, she would get out of this dangerous and violent place.

Chuck huffed and walked back deeper into the home, having figured out that she was done asking questions for the moment. He called to her as he went...

"Well, princess... I think we've talked more than enough about how shitty this world is for today. Let's change it up, and talk about the really important stuff in life ...like food, for example. I may not look it, but I've gotten pretty decent at cooking over the years. So go ahead and hit me with a request. What does your royal highness want for her grumbly tumbly?"

A number three with extra hay fries, and a large side of alfalfa poppers with extra barbecue sauce... “Do you have any hay or pasta? I really just need fast energy. My magic isn't recovering like it should be, so I think I need complex carbs.”

Chuck's slightly muffled voice came from somewhere in the house, and he seemed to be whispering to himself ...she still heard him, though.

“Hay... Of course she eats hay. She's a horse. Pony. Equine ali-thing or whatver. Damnit, what the hell was I thinking, bringing somethin like her up here! Can't just kick her out cause she'd never make it." He then raised his voice and called, "Well I don't have any hay, Princess! But pasta is a staple of survivors out here. I've even got a few different kinds to chose from. I have spaghetti or angel hair, rotini and macaroni, some really good rigatoni and ...oh. I think this used to be fettuccine? I haven't used it in a while though, so I think I'm just gonna... yep." Twilight heard the sound of pasta being tossed into a trash bin, and Chuck's voice was quick to start up again. "So yeah, I traded a few things for fresh veggies recently. I have a bunch of stuff that's gonna go bad if I don't use it, and this is a perfect excuse to do just that. It'll take an extra minute or two, but we can have proper tomato sauce to go with the noodles tonight. What kind of meeee~eal, do you usually like? Spicy, or more mild?”

Twilight winced. She knew exactly what question Chuck had just avoided asking. The humans she had met in the Mirror world were far from being mindless carnivores, but they still had some pretty scary looking teeth behind their smiles. She banished the sudden tension in her gut, and said, “Mild spices, please. And I think I'd like to try …what exactly is angel hair? That one sounds interesting.”

Chuck came walking back into the room, a large glass jar of uncooked and ridiculously thin noodles in his grasp. “It’s tasty and fast to cook, that’s what it is," He said as he reached the stove. "Just bear with me for a moment. I have to get this old stove pretty hot to boil water properly ...and that's gonna need more wood from the look of it." He set the large jar on the stove top, and made for the door. He was half way out when he stopped and said, "By the way, I just took a look at my water supply. I don't think I have enough to spare for either of us getting into a bathtub tonight ...sorry.” He then turned and lumbered off into the darkness outside.

Well that wasn't very good news. She wanted this grime and grit out of her fur almost as badly as she wanted food in her belly. And how was it so dark already, anyway? It didn't feel like it'd been more than half an hour since they'd reached Chuck's home. She certainly couldn't blame 'having fun' for the sudden loss of time, that was for sure. It had mostly been random conversation, awful revelations, and awkward silences.

Twilight pulled her gaze away from the door, and stepped over to the couch. It was difficult to get up on, with her hooves not wanting to take much weight anymore. But she managed to get up on her own power.

It was a horrible mistake. The very second her center of mass shifted forward, Twilight went tumbling head over hooves into the soft cushions. A short and rather halfhearted battle to roll onto her stomach began, but she was just so tired... Her Legs were now jutting up toward the wooden ceiling, splayed out in every direction. And with her tail cut down so short, everything she had to offer was probably on full display. Yet she found it nearly impossible to actually care. The sheer comfort was just too strong to fight against, and she readily let it claim victory for the moment ...at least five minutes or so ...if she didn't fall asleep first.

She was just about to let sleep claim her - future awkward situations be damned - when Chuck came back, his upper body hidden behind a tall stack of chopped wood.

“Hey princess? You still over there? ...I don't wanna step on you,” Chuck said as he poked around with his foot. And Twilight instantly felt her cheeks start to burn.

“Don’t look at me!” She cried, trying to cover herself ...and failing.

Chuck grunted and lumbered over to the stove, setting the chopped wood down on the floor with a loud clatter. He then turned and looked right at her, doing exactly what she'd told him not to do!

Twilight lit her horn, and yanked her frizzy and short tail up over her as much of her belly as she could. She then issued the most grievous threat she could think of... "Chuck, I swear to Celestia, Luna, and every star in the night sky. If you keep looking at me I'll... I'll pull out every hair in your beard out and feed them all to you! At the same time!"

“Hang on, what'd I do now?" Chuck asked. He then lifted a thick brown eyebrow, seemingly finally noticing the problem. "...Oh. You're worried about being decent. Well I've been seeing you naked all day anyway, so I'm pretty sure you can relax. I'm not bothered by alien pony ...things." He then went back to tossing logs in the stove like nothing had happened.

Twilight felt her cheeks burn, and she felt her anger start to grow just as hot as her face. "You ...you looked at me all day?" She asked. "...on purpose?"

Chuck shrugged, not even turning to face her. “Nah," he dismissed. He then gave her a sideways glance. "...Well okay, I did take a glance or two out of curiosity. I mean, you're not exactly covering it up or anything, so I couldn't avoid catching a glimpse here and there. Putting you in the sidecar... The whole time you were playing dead... You're a bundle of jiggly parts that are very much female. But it's still just like I said. I'm a human, and you're not. Now let's just change the subject before it gets any more uncomfortable..."

Twilight lit her horn ...and aimed what was left of her magic reserves straight at a peeping tom named Chuck. She plucked him off the floor and made him face her, glaring as hard as she could.

Chuck cringed under her glare and shouted, "Hey now! None of that magic stuff! Seriously! Don't hurt me or nothin, just... Look, If you'll give me a second here, I can explain it better!"

Twilight was about to tell him to start talking, but he had already started...

"I had a younger sister growing up!" Chuck began. "I knew about girls before I was tall enough to even reach the kitchen counter! And I was freaking married for Christ's sake! I washed a grown woman's underwear for ten years! I promise you! There is no surprise that the female condition could ever hope to spring on me. And you're not even the same species! You are literally in the same amount of danger of being ogled as any other piece of furniture in the damned room, so please just ...chill the hell out!”

It was an undeniably confusing and revealing outburst, and Twilight found that her horn had actually gone out at some point in the middle of it. She hadn't even been aware of releasing her magic, so the big human had actually been free to move about for an undetermined amount of time. She was left feeling angry, awkward ...and incredibly embarrassed. She desperately needed a moment to collect herself, and the only option that came to mind was to ask the most difficult question she could come up with. It was a trick that Celestia herself had taught her, right after the fiasco with the Yakyakistani Prince. She could sort out her conflicted emotions while Chuck was busy trying to answer the question...

“Alright, Chuck," She began. "Let's say for the sake of argument that I chose to believe you, and that you didn't mean anything by purposefully looking at my mare parts all day. How exactly would you ...go about proving that it's safe for me to fall asleep with you under the same roof?” There, that should be difficult enough to keep him occupied for a moment.

Chuck - instead of answering - wobbled over next to his stove and pressed his back to the wall. He slowly sagged down the rough stone, looking utterly haggard by the time he was fully seated. He didn't even lift his head as he began to speak...

"To be honest, Princess... I'd just let you have the whole damn house to yourself at this point. I'd rather sleep out in the garage than worry about what that magic of yours might do if you have a nightmare or something." He lifted his head slightly. "...But if I had to actually answer, I'd say that I could have left you out there at any point today. And yet here you are ...waiting for me to feed you the food that I've worked hard to get. I'd think it should all be pretty obvious ...but I've put way too much effort into getting you here alive just to have you kill me for seeing your ...parts, don't you think?"

Wait... kill? He thought she was actually threatening to kill him? ...What the hay was wrong with this crazy place!? Why was death the only way humans around here seemed to deal with things!? ...She needed to correct this, and she really hoped she could gain an understanding of the broken way of thinking these humans had in the process.

"I was never going to hurt you, Chuck. That's not how ponies do things." She looked away from Chuck's tired eyes. She had to be honest if she wanted to make this work in her favor. Chuck had already shown himself capable of detecting a lie, and she wasn't good at lying to begin with.

Twilight sighed, and said, "I'll admit that I may have stuck you to the ceiling for the night, or even cast a sleep spell on you to make sure I would be safe ...but that's all I would have done. My friends and I have faced down several very serious threats to our world, and we've always done everything we could to avoid causing serious harm to anypony in the process of setting things right. It really is just like I said when we first met. I am not going to hurt you." She freed a hoof from the couch and pointed it accusingly. "...And why did you jump straight to that kind of conclusion anyway? I haven't done anything to warrant such an awful assumption, have I?"

Chuck just stared at her for a good long while, and then he wordlessly picked up a thick piece of wood and slid it into the hole in the side of the stove next to him. Twilight watched his face as he grabbed another, and his expressions began to shift as he worked. Clearly he was taking his own moment to think. She of course wanted a quick and honest answer, but she held herself in check. Once the stove was full, he lit it with a small device he had in his pants pocket. He then turned toward her and folded his legs up underneath himself, staring her down as he finally began to speak...

"Look ...Princess. I don't have a clue what the world you came from is like, so making any kind of assumption here would be worthless. But here on Earth? The biggest threat is always the unknown. The stuff you can't or just flat out refuse to see coming." Chuck leaned back, staring up at the ceiling as he continued... "You can outrun the dead for a long time. You can climb a tree to escape from a pack of wolves. Hard work in the warm months can see you through the coldest and longest of winter storms. But the rattle snake you didn't notice warming itself in your boot? A forest fire in the night after you took a sleeping pill? ...A random bolt of lightning? You just can't plan ahead for that sort of thing, and planning is everything if you want to stay alive out here long enough to have a life mean anything." He pointed limply at her, and Twilight noted he was specifically pointing at her forehead. "When you fire up that magical cloud stuff of yours? The only one that knows what's going to happen from that point on ...is you. Do you understand why that might be terrifying? Do you see why a guy like me might assume the worst first, and the best last?"

Well... sort of. If a unicorn was going to cast a spell on another pony, it was common courtesy to let them know what they were doing long before they actually cast it. Not knowing what spell was being prepared could be a very uncomfortable feeling, if a stranger was aiming aiming their horn at you. She still felt that her original concerns were valid, but she'd clearly been wrong in making assumptions.

Just as wrong as Chuck had been in making his...

Twilight sighed. It seemed like it was time to accept the truth everything was pointing to... Chuck was probably as good a human as she was going to find in a world this backwards and violent, and she was really very lucky she'd found him instead of that 'arshole' that had shot her last water jug to pieces. And another thing... She would be exhausting herself trying to get home as soon as she got her strength back. She would need somepony reliable to keep her safe while she recovered after each failed attempt, and there would be a lot of them. It would be difficult, but all she really had to do was convince herself that she'd been wrong about the human - or at least this one human in particular - and try to be a proper friend to him.

And she needed a friend more than ever right now ...because she was kind of stuck in the couch.

"Chuck? I think I ...no. I know I was wrong to be so distrustful of you. I realize it isn't enough to just say this but... I'm sorry. Now would you be willing to come over here and help me up?"

Chuck looked weakly up from his spot on the floor and said, “What ...you stuck or something? How'd you manage that?"

Twilight groaned. Leave it to the male of any species to find a way to ruin a touching moment. “I’m just tired from all the excitement today. And I'm a lot smaller than you are, so I don't think it should be a surprise that I can get stuck in the deepest couch ever made. I’m also hungry, and knowing that you were about to start cooking before I messed things up is making me even hungrier, so..." Twilight slid her lower lip out and gave her best attempt at an upside-down pouty face. "…please?”

Chuck deadpanned, clearly unaffected by cuteness. But he forced himself to stand anyway. He then walked over and lifted her up out of the cushions without looking at her, or even making any kind of deal out of it. It was much appreciated; as Twilight was worried he would make fun of her for pouting, or stare at her some more and make it awkward.

"Thank you, Chuck" Twilight began. It was now time to implement phase two of the plan that she hadn't actually made yet. But being a better friend wouldn't require much in the way of planning. Friendship didn't ask for much, just genuine concern and a bit of effort on the behalf of another. "So..." She tried. "How can I help get supper ready? I'm pretty empty after everything that happened to us."

Chuck ambled over to a large bucket on the other side of the stove, picking it up and holding it out to her. "There's a blue plastic barrel in the last room on the left. It's my last barrel of water, so don't knock it over if you can help it. But if you'd be so kind as to fill this bucket up, then I can handle the rest," He said.

Twilight took the bucket in her magic, pretending not to notice Chuck wince and yank his hand away as she did so. She walked back through the hall, being careful not to scrape the metal bucket across the smoke-lacquered walls. She felt a bit claustrophobic in the narrow passage, but she managed to find the correct door without any trouble. The blue barrel was obvious as soon as the door swung open, and she wasn't at all surprised to find it filled a third of the way up with clear water. She slipped the bucket below the still surface and let it fill, then lifted it and poured some back out to give herself a safety margin. Spilling water all over the place wouldn't do much to help a newborn friendship, after all.

She left the small room, and was surprised by Chuck coming out of the room opposite hers as she did so. He was holding a woven basket full of vegetables in his arms, though, so the only thing that got too excited was her stomach.

She followed him silently back through the darkened hall, feeling her dry mouth starting to water for the first time in what felt like forever. It was almost demeaning in a way, as Chuck was so much taller than her. It felt like she was a half-starved pet of some kind, following its master to the food bowl. She really hoped that Chuck didn't try to give her a pet name or anything, or she would just have to start calling him ...Chucky? ...Chuckles? She couldn't think of any other possibilities at the moment. His name was just so strange to her ears, as were many of the other human names she'd heard in the mirror world.

She waited until Chuck had set the basket on a shelf near the hot stove, and decided that she really wanted to learn about human names instead of just suffering her stomach's demands... "Hey, Chuck? Does your name mean anything special? Or are human names really just unique sounds and nothing else? I found the names that the humans I visited before really confusing, and I'd like to better understand them. You see... in Equestria, names tend to reflect a pony's personal traits or an inherent special talent. They'll even change their names if they don't seem to fit, once they reach the age of independence. But I honestly have no idea what 'Chuck' could possibly mean, other than woodchuck, or chuckwagon. But neither of those seem to ...fit. Oh! And that man you called Jimbo? The one with the grammar problems? I heard him call you 'Werther'. Is that your last name, by chance?"

Chuck smiled as he got to work breaking up the vegetables, and nodded his head in her direction as he answered... "I suppose there's no harm in you knowing the whole shebang, so... Charles Martin Werther, at your service.”

Twilight cocked her head. “Charles? But I thought your name was Chuck?”

Chuck nodded. “Chuck is short for Charles, for whatever reason. It’s like people named William, they tend to get stuck being called Bill a lot.”

Okay... If this constants stream of oddities kept up, Twilight was going to get a cramp from all the confused tilting her head was doing. “I ...think I'm even more confused now. But how about my original question? Do human names mean anything special?”

Chuck sighed as he eyed the water bucket floating next to him, and Twilight sighed back as she set it down next to the magic-shy human's feet. "Thanks," Chuck said as he leaned down to grab it. "...And to answer you, most parents name their kids based on whatever names happen to be popular at the time. Some countries even have laws to limit the choice of available names. The vast majority of common names are just sounds or born of a forgotten language, but quite a few are based off of obscure or long-dead languages that we still understand. For example, Charles is thought to be early Germanic for Karl, which roughly meant ‘man’. It's kind of boring compared to some of the other common names, but it’s mine. I've answered to it too long to change it any further than going by Chuck.”

Twilight nodded. She didn’t get half of what Chuck had said, but she'd decided she wanted to move on to a much more important question she'd just come up with...

“Chuck? I don't want you to feel pressured to answer this, but ...would you really ...kill a foal? Or even a buffalo calf?”

Chuck silently filled a pot from the bucket, and set it on the stove. She didn't think he was going to answer, but eventually he did...

“You're referring to my mud idea, and what I said to Jimbo." He rubbed at the back of his neck. "Well I'm guessing this isn't what your expecting me to say at this point, but yes. I would kill just about any kind of animal if I had to. I'd have to be starving to death to take a new life that hasn't grown up yet, and even then I’d probably just try to catch something much smaller first. But you need to understand something important. Killing is a necessary part of living out here. Actually enjoying it is optional, though. It's the pursuit of nutrition and the collection of useful materials, nothing more or less.”

Well, at least he was honest. Twilight had to give him that. "And what about the dead humans? Do you have a hard time ...finishing them off?"

"No," Chuck answered flatly and without hesitation. "I don't even consider that killing. If anything, it's doing a dead man a courtesy. I would hope that if I died, someone would make darn sure that I stayed that way. Knowing that my body will become a mindless husk after I pass on is one of the few things that actually bothers me in this world. ...Well, that and the fact that aliens are real ...and decided to show up in the shape of adorable knee-high ponies."

Twilight huffed. "I am not adorable. Only young fillies and colts can claim that title, never a grown mare or stallion. And I'm probably just as tall or taller than you are, if I stand up on my rear legs. But never mind that. What did you mean just now? What happens to a healthy human that passes away?"

Chuck put the finely chopped vegetables in a saucepan, adding plenty of crushed tomatoes on top of them. He began to stir and mash them as he answered... "When a person that has been exposed to the virus dies, they wake up a walker. It's the same if they were bitten to death, shot to death, or just about anything else."

Twilight took a step back. "Chuck. Are ...are you saying you've been exposed? ...Have you been bitten? Can you be cured?!"

Chuck shook his head. "I've never been bitten, no. Everyone just has the virus in them naturally these days. It's transferred from a mother to her child, or picked up from flying bits of blood during a fight. Even drinking water from a stream is enough to get you infected. That's why I told you to only use ranged weapons. Just imagine what would happen if you took the virus home with you. ...Though of course we don't actually know that you can even carry it, but why take the risk?"

Twilight felt her heart try to rise into her throat. She remembered just how close the man she'd tried to heal had gotten to her. He'd been raging at her from mere inches away, his ragged wounds open and bleeding.

"Chuck... how exactly is the virus transmitted? Is it airborne? Blood borne? Would getting spittle or blood in your mouth be a route of entry?"

Chuck added the pasta to the water, eyeing her as he said, "No one around here would be able to answer a question like that. Not for sure, anyway. We were all too busy fighting to do anything beyond trying to survive the day. So for the most part, we all just assume it can be spread by any route available. And for cures - since you asked and I'm thinking about it - there was talk of a government program to develop a vaccine. But I know for a fact that vaccines take years to develop, and the whole country fell during that first year. Any decent research would probably be in an abandoned lab somewhere; probably hidden away from the public, given all the other crap we found out they were doing once everything started to come apart. ...Why? Did you get blood in your mouth?"

"I don't know!" Twilight cried. "I... maybe? It was the human I encountered in the woods! He tried to attack me! He got so close, and he was screaming so loud. There was probably blood flying everywhere! What if I'm already infected! I wouldn't be able to go home!" She tried to calm herself down, thinking of ways to test herself for infection, and ways of eradicating any viral presence in her body. She thought of a way to scan for the presence of viruses in general almost instantly, and decided to test it out. A more accurate test could be designed later...

Chuck's eyes followed her as she raced to the middle of the room. She didn't actually need the space, but the human didn't seem to like her magic being anywhere near him and she had no idea how she would react if this first test was positive. She didn't want to freak out right next to Chuck, and have him change his mind about her getting supper.

Twilight lit her horn, casting the same spell she'd used on the Kevlar fibers. Next she added a weak scrying spell, projecting the image onto... well ...ponyfeathers, she would need some other supplies for this to work.

"Chuck? Do you happen to own a hoof mirror?" She asked. "I'm going to need one for this spell to work. It won't be harmed, I promise."

"You mean a hand mirror, I'm guessing," Chuck said. “And yeah, I've got one. Don’t let the sauce burn; I'll be right back."

Chuck went back through the hall, coming back so fast that Twilight hadn't even had a chance to approach the steamy stove top. He held out a very simple round mirror, about a hoof and a half wide. He was quick to release it when she took in her magic, rubbing his hand as if she had slapped it.

"Man, I am never getting used to that. It's all warm and ...tingly. Makes my skin crawl," He admitted.

"You very well may have a different type of central nervous system from us ponies, then," Twilight guessed. "...But let's talk about that later, I have to know if I'm infected or not."

She lit her horn again, restarting the spell from the beginning. First came the scanning spell, to provide the information she needed. Next came the scrying spell on the hand mirror, which she could manipulate to - theoretically - see the area she was scanning on a microscopic level. And finally, she added a 'find-it' spell; which would allow her to focus the scrying glass she'd just made onto a specific target or material.

"What exactly are you doing?" Chuck asked, eyeing her nervously. "You do know that viruses are too small to see, right?"

I'm going to try to scan my body for a specific type of viral protein ...if I have enough magic left in me to multicast these spells, anyway," Twilight said. She then added, "And nothing is impossible if you can think outside of the expected results. I learned that lesson the same day I got my wings." She then activated both the scrying and scanning spells, bringing the mirror to life. It didn't have a target yet, so for the time being it was just a glowing mirror and a gentle hum in the back of her mind.

All she had to do now was give the 'find-it' spell the correct target, and she would be a large step closer to knowing if she was infected or not. And this was the part where she would have to get creative...

Twilight had long known that all skin cells produced a large amount of connective proteins to keep themselves stuck together, and that the skin cells were the least likely type of cell to have the virus present in them as a result. So if she found a large number of unusual proteins in her skin cells, it would be reasonable to assume that worrying herself further was worthwhile.

She closed her eyes, focusing on the 'find-it' spell. It didn't get the message at first, likely because she wasn't really familiar with what she was looking for herself. But it latched onto a spot on her left foreleg, when she simply willed it to find tiny things in her skin that weren't actually a part of her. She wasted no time after that, and had the scrying spell follow the find-it spell to the same point on her leg a moment later. With no small amount of trepidation, she let her eyes open and shift over to the small mirror...

She could see the entirety of two skin cells, and had a partial view of several others. The scrying spell had a hard time dealing with her heartbeat, losing focus slightly with each pulse of arterial force.

...But she could see well enough. And there was definitely a virus in her system. At such high levels of magnification, the viroids were clearly visible and distinguishable from normal cell components. The question now became if it was the Mang Jieshu virus, or just a harmless cold that she hadn't come down with just yet.

"Chuck? Do you happen to know much about virology? I found some kind of virus in my system, but its behaviour is pretty unusual." It was a shot in the dark, but if he knew how viruses worked in this world...

Chuck was stirring the pasta, but he looked over his shoulder to see what she was doing.

"That's some freaky light show, Princess," The man said. "But to answer your question, no. I know the basics, like how to treat the common cold or a stomach flu, but the rest of my knowledge is all from high school. I might be able to remember a few things if I think for a minute, but I doubt I'll be much help with ...whatever it is you're doing over there."

Twilight didn't want to expend much more energy keeping these three spells going, but just as she was about to dispell them, Chuck spoke up...

"Okay, so I remember that viruses reproduce by messing with genetics, and they tend to only affect specific species as a result. The teacher I had in biology wasn't a very good one though, so the rest is ...fuzzy. ... ...Oh! And a species that gets infected by a virus - but doesn't get sick from it - is called a carrier. That's about all I've got right now."

"That's okay, Chuck. It seems like the viruses in your world are very similar to ours. I should be able to kill it with a guided anti-material spell, but that will leave me pretty drained ...if I can even cast it at all. The spell is a specialty for medical unicorns, and supposed to be too difficult to cast unless it's your special talent."

Chuck gave her a look. "You sure that's a good idea? If you're gonna be out of it for a while, you should probably wait until after you've eaten."

That was a good point. But it didn't really matter, anyway. She'd said she was going to cast an anti-material spell like it was easy or common, but that wasn't the case at all. She'd have to create the spell from scratch, as she didn't know any of that class of magic by heart. And she highly doubted that anypony in Equestria had encountered this species of virus before, or Equus wouldn't have any living ponies on it. She knew how the spell worked, and how to make use of it in practice. But she would have to take her time and get targeting matrix right, or she could do a lot more harm to herself then good.

And that was if she could even cast a completed anti-material spell on herself at all! It was a specialist spell for a reason, and the unicorn that could cure a cold with a single stage anti-material spell was among the rarest sort of medical professionals that existed in the field. There were whole generations of ponies that simply never produced a unicorn with the talent to do it, it was so complex. And for Twilight to try it herself would be like if she tried to outcook the world's best chef without even a cookbook to start from.

But speaking of cooks...

Chuck lifted a sheet of noodles from the hot water, watching them swing back and forth on his wooden spoon. He nodded to himself and took the pot off the stove, pouring the water and noodles through a sieve over the big metal bucket. Next, he grabbed a can from the nearby shelf and opened it with one hand, adding a dollop of the can's contents to the pot before dumping the pasta back in on top of it...

"Food's ready," Chuck proclaimed after a quick stir. "And I made enough for seconds, so eat all you like. We can't keep leftovers around anyway."

"What? ...Why not?" Twilight asked.

"No power to run a refrigerator, and ice isn't free in the summertime," Chuck answered. "...And rotting food tends to draw the dead like flies, so there's that to deal with as well."

Oh... "Okay, well I can probably make ice if you can get enough water. I know a spell that can freeze a bucket of water solid in seconds."

Chuck paused in his work. "Yeah... could you maybe not tell me stuff like that? It's not helping the whole trusting you thing ...no offense."

Twilight shrugged. "I'd much rather you learn to trust my magic. I'm only trying to help, you know."

The big human turned, holding two bowls filled to point of spilling over with pasta and a delicious smelling tomato sauce. "We'll see," He said. "But let's eat, I'm hungry enough to eat a hor ...uh, I mean ...damn it."

Twilight giggled. "I've heard the expression once before, and I also remember one of my friends in the other human world saying that equine species are rarely used for food ...I take it the same is true here as well?"

"Yeah," Chuck informed, still looking embarrassed. "Lots of people actually ride horses these days. They're incredibly valuable, since they can go places that machines just can't get to." He paused, eyeing her down... "Hey, Princess? Can you talk to other animals? I'd like to be able to talk to a horse or a wolf or something. That'd be cool as all hell."

Twilight shook her head. "I'm not an animal, so no. If it can't speak Equish, English, Ancient Equestrian or Griffonian, then I can't talk to it. I do have a friend back home that can communicate with animals, but it's not on a level you or I would understand. It's a mystery as to how she actually does it. ...I'm sorry, but I wouldn't be able to communicate with anything that doesn’t already talk."

Chuck sagged in disappointment. "Aww, that sucks. I'd love to have a few horses to help out around here, but there's no way I'd be able to feed them and keep them healthy."

Alright... This conversation was getting a bit awkward now, and Chuck was still standing there with her food, too high up for her to reach with anything but her eyes... "Um, Chuck? Could we maybe eat now?"

"Yeah, yeah... But let's use the table," Chuck interrupted as he strode across the room and set the bowls down on said table.

Twilight followed closely, sitting herself down on the floor opposite the couch where Chuck had settled in. The smell from the food was demanding all of her attention, and she had no problems allowing her body to follow its instincts this time.

The bowl slid closer across the glass with a thoughtless application of magic, and she happily shoved her muzzle right into the saucy noodles...

"mmMMPHAA! ....HAAWT!"

Chuck laughed, causing a long noodle to slither down his beard and back into his bowl …ew.

"Hahahaha! You're supposed to at least blow the steam off them first!" He chided.

Twilight gave his smiling face a glare, but decided he was right. She lifted a small trail of the thin noodles and bundled them up into a bite sized tangle of saucy goodness. She blew on them a few times, watching the steam come off of them in ever thinner trails. When it had cooled off enough, she popped the whole mess into her mouth, and chewed.

The pasta was soft, moist, and delicious. But it tasted far different from back home, so she asked, “Hey Chuck? Is this pasta made from hay, or wheat? Because it tastes different to me. It's very good, just ...different from what I’m used to.”

Chuck tilted his head. “Hay again? No... There’s no hay in any human foods. We can’t digest the stuff, as far as I know. This pasta is actually made from corn flour and eggs, and I don't make them myself. Old Mrs. Smith ran a pasta store for years before the outbreak, and the new residents of her store run the place just like she always did. Of course, they only take a few things for trade now, so it's hard to get sometimes. But I'd say it's worth the trouble, wouldn't you agree?”

Twilight nodded happily, and took another bite. She could already feel the hot meal filling her up with energy, and her mind was starting to clear up again. This might be why she suddenly remembered everything that had happened during the day…

"Okay," Twilight began. "So your name is Charles Martin Werther, you live all alone in your family friend’s giant log cabin, and you hunt and trade to make a living ...how exactly are you still remotely sane? I'd go crazy if I had to live like this for even half a year."

Chuck shrugged, finishing a mouthful of pasta before he answered, "This is how I lived, well before the outbreak. I'm a mountain man, Princess. The land takes care of me, and I take care of it. I trade and make a few things on the side, just so I can get the things I can't make for myself, but that's it. This is my life, and it hasn't really changed much. Virus or no virus."

Twilight frowned, utterly unconvinced. "Chuck, listen to me. I'm known as a bit of a friendship specialist ...Princess of magic and friendship, remember? I can tell you that having friends is a vital component of keeping a mind and body healthy. You may have lived out here alone for a while, but that doesn't mean you can do it forever. Sooner or later, you'll start to feel lonely ...what are you going to do then?"

Chuck gave her a thoughtful look and said, "It gets lonely at times out here, sure. I got used to it pretty quick, though. Don't just assume that we humans are like you ponies, Princess. There are plenty of confirmed stories about men being stranded on islands for years and years, and most survived with no more trouble than a skinnier waistline."

Right... and the Ponyville psych ward didn't have a pony that thought she was a dog living in it, either. And all it had taken to break the poor mare's mind was a week of being accidentally locked in her own home with her pet hound. A life without friends was asking for serious mental health problems, no matter what species you were.

"I don't believe that for a second, Chuck. I would have lost everything three times over if it weren't for my friends. How can you say that friendship isn't a necessary part of living a good life?"

Chuck tugged at his beard. "Well I don't think that's what I said, Princess. Friendship is nice! I'd love to have a friend or two out here ...just not with things as they are at the moment. I actually avoid having friends these days, out of simple necessity. Every time you decide to call someone a friend today, they seem to either die horribly or move on with as much of your stuff as they can carry."

Twilight leveled a bundle of pasta at the man, and asked, "Friends don't do that, Chuck ...not real ones, anyway. I think you just need to experience a real friendship, to remind you of how good it can be to have a real friend close at hoof."

Chuck gave her a look, and said, "You're confusing ponies with human beings, I think. It's clear to me that we're different, Princess. I don't need friendship like I need air, as your kind seems to. I can live just fine without the trouble, and having friends around is just that these days ...a big old pile of steaming trouble. I haven't survived as long as I have up here by inviting trouble into my home."

"Alright," Twilight relented, before trying a new angle... "Then how about the opposite sex? You can't tell me you don't have any interest in having a few sturdy mares ...or rather women, around to keep you safe. It's basic instinct for all males, no matter what species they are."

Chuck sat his fork down, glaring at her from across the table. He leaned forward a bit and said, "Your opinion of males is duly noted. Remind me to stay well clear of whatever portal you come up with to get yourself home, so I can avoid falling into it. And again, I never said that I didn't want friends! I was trying to explain that the world just isn't letting me keep them around right now. I'm just beating the world at its own game by living happily alone until things settle down."

Twilight pondered the conversation she'd just had as she took another cheek-popping mouthful of food. She doubted that Chuck was actually happy without at least one friend around. She knew she certainly wouldn't be. But she was dealing with a being that was stubborn enough to stab his own hand with a dirty knife, then pick up a dangerous species of snake with nothing but two short arrows and kill a charging bear shortly after. Maybe she was wrong, and her knowledge of friendship magic didn't apply in the same ways here? She would have to make the assumption that she was - in fact - wrong, and work up from the bottom...

Twilight cleared her throat, and said, "Okay, Chuck. I thought about it a little, and I'm willing to change my mind that being alone is possible for more than a few years for a human male. But what about humans that don't want to be alone? Would you really turn somepony like that away if they asked to be your friend?"

Chuck swallowed quickly and said, "Hell yeah, I would! Anyone that friendly is going to stab you in the back. That's how just about everyone is now, even the good ones."

"That's ...no! I just can't believe that could be true." Twilight said, trying to keep the growing discomfort in her heart from showing.

"That's a life lived among the dead," Chuck shot back. "This world is as dangerous as it's going to get already, and if you want to stay alive in it long enough to call it living ...the very first thing you have to kill is your trust in others."

Twilight fought back a knot that was growing in her throat. She had a growing concern about her future with the man, and wanted to secure her place. It would need a fair deal of tact, given his stubborn opinions on friendship... "Chuck? I'll admit that we got off to a bad start..."

"Nope." Chuck interrupted, completely blocking her. "I can tell exactly where you're going, Princess Sparkle. And you can forget about it. I don't care how cool it would be to have an alien pony as a friend."

The knot got bigger. How the hay did he know her plan before she'd even gotten started! Was this species of human psychic? "But, Chuck! I need your friendship! I'll be running myself ragged trying to cast the spell to get back home! It takes every bit of magic I can bear to part with, plus even more from an active layline, and I won't be able to protect myself for at least a few hours after each attempt! I need someone to be close to me, or I could get dragged off by some wild animal while I'm helpless!"

Chuck polished off his bowl and stood, silently preparing a second serving for himself. He sighed heavily as he returned to the couch, stepping over her seated form on the floor to reach the couch.

His eyes found hers, and he said, "I meant what I said, Princess. You can stay here if you need to, but not as a friend. And even then, I can only support you for a couple of weeks. That's all I can spare in resources."

Twilight had to actually fight back the knot in her throat this time, and she didn't dare try to take any more food. "But ...I’ll die," She tried. "You don't want me to get hurt, do you?"

Chuck rolled his eyes and said, "Of course not! You're a nice girl! You saved my ass today with that head gasket repair! ...But I don't want to die, either! If winter hits while you’re still living here, I'd wind up feeding you what was left! I'd starve for sure, and then you'd get killed trying to make it on your own. You staying here through into winter would be the end of us both. That's all I'm going to say about it."

Twilight deadpanned. "Stop it, Chuck. I've dealt with dragons before, and faced down forces that could tear the whole of the world's magic apart. I won't be scared off by threats of hardship or a food shortage. That was why part of our deal was that you teach me about edible plants, remember? I can just go outside and graze!"

Chuck deadpanned back …harder. "Plants don’t grow in sub-zero temperatures! The problem isn't that I can't feed you now, It's that I can't feed you all the way through the damned cold season! You could try to copy what the local wildlife does if you like …eat pine bark and dig through the snow for grass. But I can tell just by looking that you're not built for it. That fluffy coat of yours doesn't exactly seem thick enough to stop the kind of cold we get, and the snow gets deeper here than you are tall. You wouldn’t be able to see the trees, much less actually harvest enough food to survive from them! ...So face facts, Princess. You need to get back home before winter comes, or you’re as good as dead. And I won't be dying with you because you softened me up. Now let's just both shut up about it and eat our damned food..."

Twilight lowered her gaze and pawed at the edge of Chuck's throw rug, trying to organize her thoughts. Leaving as soon as possible had been the plan from the very first moment she’d realized she wasn’t in her own world, and Chuck had said he would protect her while she was living here. She could take the offer as it was and be fine ...so long as she figured out how to do it within two short weeks.

But what if the spell took longer to figure out than that? ...What happened if winter came early?

"Hey Chuck? How long do we actually have before winter arrives?" She asked.

"About four months," Chuck quickly answered. "But you shouldn't think of that as an excuse to relax. I meant what I said. I can't support another mouth to feed, not unless you suddenly grow fangs and turn into an omnivore."

Twilight balked. "But why would you only give me two weeks if winter is four months away?"

Chuck didn't answer, choosing to stuff his cheeks with food. But he didn't have to actually answer her, as an idea had just formed in her head ...and that idea brought everything Chuck had ever said to her into perfect context...

"You're scared of friendship..." She whispered, as much to herself as to Chuck. "You're scared of losing another friend after loosing others before, and so you’re pushing me away. That's why you want me to leave so soon ...isn't it? So there isn't time for a friendship to form between us?"

Chuck glanced at her, but shoveled another mouthful of food into his mouth without a word. It was all the confirmation she needed that she was right.

"Chuck... I know that you've lost friends in the past. But that doesn't mean that we can't be friends while I'm stuck here, does it? Why would you pass up the chance to have a helping hoof in your life again, even if it's only for a while? ...I just don't understand it."

Chuck choked a bit, having tried to put too much pasta into his mouth at once. He forced himself to swallow and then looked her dead in the eyes to say, "No, this is not up for any kind of debate. You have two weeks, and that's that. Now eat your food. ...You don't waste things out here and live very long."

Twilight watched in awe as the man stood and disappeared into the hallway, his footsteps trudging up what sounded like a set of stairs until she could no longer hear them.

She'd failed, and it hurt far more than she thought it had any right to. Back home, a bit of persistence and the right approach was all anypony needed to make new friends. Pinkie Pie was a perfect example of that fact. Friendship was a universal force of nature, the most powerful in existence! It was unstoppable!

Unless you were human, apparently... She got the feeling that she could argue her case for the rest of her immortal life, and Chuck would still find a way to counter any positive aspect about friendship she could come up with.

But then, that wasn't quite right, now was it... Chuck was purposefully pushing her away because he was scared of losing friends. He'd said it himself, that he'd lost so many that the only course he felt he had left was to simply give up on finding more until the virus went away. And now the only way he felt he could keep his heart safe was to hide it from the world ...from the Princess of friendship herself.

Well that was just crazy! He had to know that friendship wasn't something that bowed to such conspiracies! She just had to do something to make him see that they were already friends! ...Maybe not the closest of friends, but friends none the less! They had saved each other’s lives, for Celestia's sake! But he was just so ...stubborn! And she had so much to lose, if she made him lose his already shaky temper...

What should she do? She could try to be even friendlier, but she doubted that would work. Chuck seemed a bit too smart for such simple efforts. He would pick up on what she was doing, and simply harden his heart even more. He might even kick her out early if she became a nuisance. Of course, there was also a small chance that leaving him alone would help him realize that he was indeed abnormally lonely, but he had claimed to tolerate loneliness as well as the average rock tolerated a rain storm ...and she was starting to believe that claim was at least partially based in truth.

Twilight couldn't think of a solution, and then she realized that her supper was getting cold. She barely even tasted her food as she hurriedly scarfed down what little was left, and then she quickly used her magic to refill her bowl from the stove top. With all her emotions raging around there wasn't much hunger left, but she knew her body needed the food. She dug right in, thinking about random things as she ate in silence...

Why did the only friendly human on the planet have to be so difficult? Why was she stuck in his world, and not some other one filled with happiness and peace? Why was her bowl empty again even though she'd just started eating it?

Twilight sighed, and she heard Chuck do the same behind her on the couch. She whipped around, surprised at not hearing him come back, and also hoping that there wasn't any lingering wetness in her eyes...

"Chuck! I ...I didn't hear you come downstairs. Um ...Thank you for supper," She awkwardly offered. And then she noticed the human's emotionless stare ...aimed right at her. It made her feel like a foal in a dragon's lair, and her next words left her mouth without her permission... "Look, Chuck? I'm sorry for making you talk so much about friendship. I shouldn't have tried to force my way of thinking on you."

Chuck just nodded and said, "I'm glad you ate well. And I'm sorry for being curt with you. Now let's move on, shall we? Wasn't there something you were trying to do with that virus you found with my mirror?"

Twilight lifted her forehoof, staring at the spot the 'find-it' spell had zeroed in on. She re-cast all the necessary spells, bringing the small mirror back over to her side from where she'd left it on the table. The image cleared up quickly enough, and she turned the mirror so Chuck could see it too.

"Alright, now do you see the small round things with the little spiky tails?" Twilight asked.

Chuck leaned over and scowled at the image in the mirror. He blinked a few times and said, "Am I looking inside you right now?"

Twilight forced herself to smile and said, "Only as far as the uppermost dermal layers of skin. Now do you see the viroid structures floating around? They look different from anything else, like little segmented letters or roughly cut gears."

Chuck nodded his head, and Twilight continued, "Good. The virus definitely looks like a very large type of bacteriophage. It shouldn't be possible for it to survive for long in a living host, because a bacteriophage only infects specific species of bacteria. If you’ll just watch for a minute, you'll notice what caught my attention earlier. Something interesting is happening ...or rather, not happening."

A long moment passed, with Chuck staring intently at the mirror. Suddenly his eyes widened and he said, "I saw one latch onto a cell, but then it just spilled it's guts out all over the place! ...So does this mean you're immune?"

Twilight shook her head. "If I was immune, the virus wouldn't be present in those kinds of numbers except in my blood stream. The fact that the viroids can't penetrate my cells means that I'm a carrier instead. I can transmit the virus to others from wherever it's surviving in my body, but I can't actually get sick from it." She swallowed nervously. "I do have a theory that I'd like to test, but I'll need some help. I know you don't like magic very much, but..."

She let the request sink in, and was surprised when Chuck rolled up his sleeve. He offered his bare arm - which was just as hairy as the rest of him - and said, "If you think you can kill the virus with this, than I'm in. I'll gladly take take one for the team. Just warn me before you start, because that magic of yours feels like a thousand little hot needles."

"I already have the spell up and running," Twilight said, gesturing to the mirror. "If you're really okay with it, we can start right now."

Chuck took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. Just when she thought he didn't have a speck of air left in his lungs, he said, "Do it."

Twilight withdrew her 'find-it' spell, and sent it toward Chuck's thick fore ...arm. She could give it a much more specific target this time, now that she knew what the virus physically looked like. Chuck had no idea yet, but this was much more than just a simple look into his arm. It was actually the final confirmation of her own state of infection. If the virus inside Chuck was different from the one she'd found in her own body, she was safe. If not …well then she was going to have a lot of complicated studying to do in the very near future.

The mirror's image came into focus, and Twilight's hopes were dashed the moment it cleared up. The virus in Chuck's body was an exact match to what she had already seen in her own skin tissue. But at least the secondary purpose of this test was looking like a success, as the virus wasn't having any luck invading Chuck's skin cells either...

"Okay, so now I'm confused," Chuck admitted, staring angrily into the mirror. "How exactly is a virus that can't infect humans ...infecting humans? How can we be carriers as well as victims?"

Twilight shook her head. "I don't know, but I do have a theory. I told you that the virus looked like a bacteriophage, right?"

Chuck nodded. "Yeah, and you said that meant it only attacks bacteria."

Twilight nodded back. "Right. So then it stands to reason that the virus isn't actually infecting humans …it's infecting the bacteria that live inside of them."

"Okay, well that's not creepy as hell..." Chuck deadpanned, clearly upset as he clenched his legs together and raised his shoulders slightly. "But then how does that lead to a walking corpse? I don't get how a virus and a bacteria can add up to a zombie."

"It's 'bacterium' in singular form, Chuck," Twilight corrected. "And ...I have no idea. There wasn't any sign of necromancy at work, and your world's magic is pretty still. I don't think it's magic of any kind. There must be some kind of interaction going on between the infected bacteria and the human nervous system. It's the only way the virus could be causing movement at all, and you've made a point of saying that head trauma is the most effective method for stopping one of those things. It makes sense that the virus and the bacteria are doing something to the brain itself after death occurs ...I think."

Chuck stared at the mirror in wonder for a while, his mouth working without making a sound. He then looked down at the small patch of magenta magic on his arm. He casually rubbed the spot, causing the spell to collapse. Twilight winced at her magic being broken up and wasted instead of reabsorbed, but allowed the other spells to collapse along with it. She scooted over and set a hoof on Chuck's nearest knee, looked him in the eye, and said, "Listen Chuck, this is actually a good thing. It means that we can kill the virus by destroying the bacteria it depends on. You could start hoofing out simple antibacterial treatments all across the world. Of course it also means that I could become a zombie pony if I died with the virus still in my system, but I don't plan on letting that happen any time soon."

Chuck gently grabbed her hoof, removing it and setting it on the couch next to him. He then stood and walked toward the hallway.

"It's really not that good of a thing, Princess" He said. "It’s not that good at all. The only place humans consistently carry bacteria is in our gut, and killing the bacteria that live there for long enough to destroy the virus would be a massive ordeal for the person in treatment."

Twilight disagreed. "There would be some diarrhea involved in the treatment, yes. But you don't have to kill all the intestinal bacteria. Just the species the virus uses for reproduction would be enough It would work!"

Chuck opened a door that she hadn't seen yet, and beckoned for her to follow him. "I don't think we know how to do that, Princess," He said as she slowly walked over to join him by the new door. "I'm pretty sure the drugs we use to fight bacteria will kill just about every kind there is. Killing just one species would probably be impossible with the medicines we currently have access to."

Twilight reached the door, and was surprised to see a set of stairs behind it. "Chuck? Are you going to let me pick out a bedroom now?"

Chuck shook his head. "No, you're just really dirty. Dried mud is getting all over the place every time you move around, so I'm going to brush you off, and then I'm going to pass out on the couch. You can sleep wherever you want."

Wait... He was going to do what now? "Um, Chuck? I don't think I need any..." Twilight began, but she didn't get a chance to finish, as Chuck put one of his knees in a place it had no business being and pushed her forward.

"Come on, little princess. Let's go already," Chuck pressed. "I'm way too tired to be awake right now, and you’re way too dirty to be walking around on the rugs."

Twilight put on the brakes, making Chuck bump into the same spot again. "Okay, no... I know what you're thinking, Chuck. You’re thinking I can sleep like the other equine species of your world. But I can't sleep standing up, or if I'm too cold. We ponies sleep just like you humans do ...in beds, with blankets and sheets. I'll just curl up on the other side of the couch. It’s big enough for both of us. ...And I can brush my own coat, thank you very much!"

Chuck gently nudged her forward again, saying, "Fine, I'll get you a comforter and some brushes. Just head outside on the balcony, I'll be right out with what I can dig up."

Well somepony was grumpy when he was tired. Or maybe he was still mad about her pushing her own friendship ideals onto him? Either way, she was not comfortable with being pushed from behind like that. It put pressure on things that were very private, and not meant for contact by others without express permission beforehoof. Her shortened tail didn't help, either. She really needed to explain these things before Chuck got stuck with bad habits.

Twilight walked further into the new space at the top of the stairs, and her initial suspicions about the home's structure were mostly confirmed. The main room had a towering ceiling, giving the outward appearance of having three floors. For furniture, the room had a long rustic table, a sitting area made up of a round table and several couches surrounding a massive stone fireplace, and those massive windows on the front of the house where on full display. She turned around to see the rest of the room, and she felt her jaw drop open. There was a spiral staircase that permitted access to yet another floor. The space wasn't very large, but it had its own balcony to look down on the main area she was still occupying. There were three doors on the upstairs balcony, with one that had a drawing of a young human male holding his pubic region and jumping on one foot. ...She could only assume it was a bathroom. The three doors above were actually mirrored on her current floor, but they clearly led into smaller rooms and the last one ended before reaching the opposite wall. Instead of putting an additional room in the available space, the designer had filled it with a large and open kitchen, complete with every possible cooking implement she could think of, plus a few she didn't even recognize.

Twilight's gawking was interrupted when Chuck came from a door in the back of the kitchen area she hadn't noticed. He saw her standing there, and gave her a simple crooked grin...

"Pretty nice for being made of nothing but stone and wood, isn't it?" He asked.

"Yeah... I really like the spiral stairs and the third floor." Twilight responded.

"Yeah, that was always my favorite too," Chuck agreed.

"Was? What do you..." Twilight cut herself off. "Sorry, I didn't mean to pry, I was just..."

Chuck lifted a flattened hand, and she tried to remember what the gesture meant. She was fairly certain that he’d just told her to stop talking. She didn't know just how bad that was as a message, coming from a stubborn person like Chuck. But this place was obviously a home for many of his memories. She opted to remain silent, and let him make the next move.

"Come on, Princess ...let’s just get outside already. The stars should be out by now." Chuck said. He then walked over to a white door on the side of the main area and opened it. Twilight followed slowly, unsure if she'd upset the human enough to make him mentally unstable. As the door frame passed over her withers, she realized that this was actually the white door she'd first seen when they'd arrived at the house. There was a section of railing missing to her right, and a few nails poking up from the deck. It made her wonder if Chuck had removed a set of stairs that led from the deck to the ground below. She turned left, seeing Chuck standing further out on the deck. She passed a large grill as she walked toward him, which reeked heavily of burned charcoal and …other things she didn’t want to think about. She then passed a simple glass-topped table with six chairs set out around it, though their cushions were all missing.

...And then she passed Chuck, who was staring out into the distance like a statue.

"Chuck?" She tried. "...Are you okay?"

Chuck snorted dismissively and said, "Yep. Your brushes are on the table, by the way ...sorry if they’re not the right kind. Let me just get you some light to work by, and I'll leave you to it." He walked over to a small shed on the far end of the deck - that looked disturbingly similar to a giant outhouse - and opened it up. He came back with a strange looking lantern, setting it on the table nearby. He flicked a switch on the side of it, and the deck was suddenly bathed in a harsh white light.

"Gah!" Twilight exclaimed, nearly blinded. "What is that?! How is such a small lantern that bright!?"

Chuck adjusted something, and the light dimmed to a more comfortable level. "That better?" He asked.

Twilight nodded, slowly. She wanted to ask about the lamp, but imagined that resources were hard to come by for Chuck. Anything that could do what she'd just seen without affecting the magic around it had to be fairly inefficient, so she forewent any more questions and got to work. ...Except that she had no idea which of the three brushes to use. "Um, Chuck? I don't recognize any of these brushes ...at all."

Chuck grabbed one and held it so she could see it. "Dog brush," He said simply. He grabbed another. "Hair brush for humans" And the last one. "Shop brush, for general cleaning" he finished. Only trouble was ...she still had no idea which one to use. It was important to use the right kind of brush for the right thing. Use the wrong one, and you could easily pull out your undercoat, get a brush hopelessly stuck in your mane, or accomplish nothing at all. She would just have to guess though, as Chuck didn't seem to in the mood for anything other than just staring off into space at the moment.

Twilight took the 'dog' brush in her magic and set it gently on a patch of the cleanest fur she could find. It dug in like a plow when she pulled, and didn't want to come back out without a fight. She winced when it finally came free, taking a bit of undercoat with it. Clearly it was meant for stripping fine hairs from a dog, and not at all meant for ponies. She set the dog brush down quietly and grabbed the next one, the hair brush. Now that she could see it, it was worthless for her coat. The wide distance between the bristles would be perfect for shaping her mane and her ruined tail, though. She set the normal hair brush down nearby, and grabbed the 'shop' one. It was obviously not meant for fur or manes, and the bristles were flimsy and long. This 'brush' was more like a broom for use by human hands. It wouldn't stick or pull, though. It was probably her best shot at getting her coat cleared of dry mud. A proper bath would be still be needed before she could call herself clean, though...

Twilight set the shop brush high on her withers, and began working it down her back in short strokes. It was uncomfortable, but was doing a good enough job of getting the lumps of dry mud out. She increased her speed until the brush was dancing across her fur in a familiar pattern she'd been using since she was a filly…

In. Down. Out. Up. In. Down. Out. Up...

She could probably keep up with Rarity doing this, as keeping a schedule locked down tight required plenty of morning efficiency. She’d had a lot of practice. It wasn't long before she'd moved on to her neck, and then her sides. Next came her legs and flank, and then some very careful work around her face. She noted that the brush smelled like wood shavings and lacquer as it tickled her nose, and she wondered if Chuck was involved in woodworking of some kind. But now that she was done with her coat, she had to start the hard part...

Twilight collected the normal hair brush from the deck floor where she'd left it, blowing the dusty mud that had landed on it clear. The brush had each bristle capped with a rounded piece of black material, likely to avoid poking an eye while a human brushed their ...hair. She put the brush on the exact top of her head and ...changed her mind.

Those little black things weren't for eye protection. They were clearly meant to make brushing your mane feel like ...well, sex came to mind, though it mostly just felt really really good. She had a moment of weakness on the spot, and ran the brush across her side to see what it would feel like...

...

Okay... When she secured her way home, this brush was going to be coming with her. She would pay any price for Chuck to let her keep it! It was that good...

Her mane was done all too soon, and she turned around to do her tail. Normally, she would just sit down and let it spread out a bit, but that would be a bit awkward at the moment, as there wasn't enough to spread without things showing. She knew Chuck didn't seem to care, but it didn’t matter. She didn't feel comfortable about him seeing her, so she was going to do things the safe way.

As it turned out, the 'safe' way was also the 'slow' way, mostly because the shorter hairs refused to cooperate with her established tail-brushing technique. But she managed to get a simple and straight shape after a few tries. She gave the best brush ever a quick flip to clear it of any remaining tail hairs, and set everything back on the table. She considered telling Chuck she was done, but he was still staring intently off into space.

He looked so ...old, just standing there. Like every stressful moment of his life was pushing down on him all at once. It made sense, as she hadn't been living here for three full days and was already trying to leave it behind. But if the conversation with that other bike rider had been accurate, then Chuck had been living on this planet for forty two years …ten of them spent worrying about the dead of his own kind trying to kill him.

She wondered just how tough this place would make the average stallion, and if an earth pony or a pegasus would stand any real chance of surviving the dangers of this world without help. She kind of doubted it, as she'd used all three of the natural magics her Alicorn form provided so far. Her Earth Pony strength and toughness had been at play many times, even if she hadn't thought about it. Her magic was certainly used a lot, and probably saved her from dehydration on her first day. And her Pegasus side had gotten some use too, regardless of her wing's current condition.

If she were an earth pony or even a powerful unicorn when that group of humans had come bursting through the woods, she probably wouldn’t have been able to escape.

Or actually, a unicorn could have just teleported away from them, but how long would it be before they simply caught up again?

"All done?" Chuck asked without turning.

Twilight jumped. She had nearly forgotten the man was still there, as he was so silent and still that - without the light from the lantern - he may as well have been invisible...

"Yes …I'm all finished. Thank you for letting me use your brushes. Now I just need a hooficure and a bath, and it'll be just like nothing ever happened!" ...Aaaaaand, que obnoxious deadpan. "But seriously, Chuck, my hooves are killing me. I'm okay for now, but I'll have to figure something out in the morning. I just hope they don't keep me up tonight."

Chuck finally turned around to face her and said, "Are you sure you’re just not used to walking a lot? It could be shin splints, you know."

"No," Twilight said. She then shook her head. "I mean, the walking didn't help, but it's not my canon bones. The hooves themselves are sore from all the rocks I've been collecting. My frogs haven't felt this stuffed and swollen since I spilled acid on the floor and stepped in it."

Chuck cocked his head. "Frogs... ... ...Is that a joke? Cause I don't get it."

Twilight giggled and said, "You don't know much about equine anatomy, do you?"

"No reason to learn about it so far, so no," Chuck admitted, sounding grumpy.

Twilight frowned. Chuck was clearly exhausted, though the only way he seemed able to show it was by acting grumpy. She decided that she could ask him to help her with her hooves in the morning... "I can teach you the basics on hoof anatomy tomorrow, Chuck. But I think I've kept you awake long enough. Let's just call it a day for now."

"Hang on a second," Chuck said. "If there's even a small chance that you're going to be kept up all night, then I think you should deal with the problem here and now. I’m a pretty light sleeper. And that's not going work well if you're groaning in pain all night." He thought for a moment, and then said, "Tell you what... I have an old ice pick in the kitchen. Would that work alright for getting the rocks out?"

Twilight thought about it for a short moment, and said, "It might, but I can't do it myself. Hooves don't really bend enough to get a good look at what you're doing. I normally go to a specialist, and she takes care of it as part of a polish and shaping deal. I know you're tired though, so maybe it would be best if you helped me in the morning?"

Chuck huffed and said, "I gave you a mirror, remember? Why not Just use that and do it yourself."

Twilight deadpanned. "I would if I wanted your ice pick stabbed through my hoof, or lots of junk left behind. I've had the same hooves since I was born, Chuck. I've tried cleaning and shaping them myself a few times, and believe me ...working on your own hooves isn't a good idea."

Chuck sighed heavily, and turned to head for the door. "Come along then..."

Twilight followed Chuck back inside to the kitchen. He opened a drawer and retrieved the ...Okay, wow. Human icepicks were tiny! And sharp!

"Um, Chuck? That looks sharp enough to pierce armor. Do you have anything …blunter?"

Chuck poked his hand with the tip. "It's not that sharp, it just looks pointy. I'll be careful, I promise. You're going to have to tell me what to do, though. Now sit down over here, and let's get this over with."

Twilight forced herself to step forward and sat down in front of Chuck, who in turn sat down on crossed legs. She leaned back so she could lift both of her front hooves, and began to point out each part...

"Okay, first things first. You can't clean a hoof without knowing where the rocks are." Chuck's expression didn't change, so she kept going... "A pony's hoof is divided into three parts from front to back. The front third is the toe, the middle is the quarter, and the rear third is the heel. This fleshy part from the heel to the middle is the frog I mentioned, and the two lumps on the back of the frog are the bulbs. The hard outer shell is called the wall, which mine need a good trim and a polish to be shiny again, but whatever." She looked up, and Chuck's face was still stuck in the same tired neutrality. He didn't seem like much of a student, but at least he hadn't fallen asleep yet... "The inside of the hard wall is called the sole, and the layer between the wall and sole is called the white line. Put them all together and you have the hard outer part of the hoof. If you follow the outer wall back to where it ends near the bulbs ...can you see how it turns in and forms a ridge?"

Chuck sleepily nodded. "Uh huh..."

"Well the spot where it turns inward is called the Angle, it's why horseshoes have their little nubs at each end. And then the two ridges where they terminate are called the bars. Rocks like to get stuck up between the bars and the frog. They sit in there and rub you raw, and it hurts like crazy! All you have to do is hold the frog gently to one side and remove the rocks …but please be careful with that thing. I really don’t want a lame hoof."

Chuck nodded dumbly, and then stood up.

"Where are you going?" Twilight asked.

"I'm not doing that," Chuck replied numbly. "…not without some light, anyway," He casually added. He then headed back out onto the deck, returning a moment later with the lantern. He turned it on and made it as bright as it could go, angling it to bath the room in light ...and also blind her, but she didn't really need to see much. Having your hooves cleaned out was more about telling the other pony where it hurt, and trusting them not to hurt you more.

Now that she thought about it ...maybe this wasn't such a good idea.

Chuck thumped back down in front of her, and took hold of her right hoof. He lifted it up in his left hand, and she could see the pick in his right. Twilight winced as her frog was pulled back and forth a bit, but she bit her lip and pushed through it. The icepick came, and it was cold! Freezing, even! It both hurt and tickled when Chuck got to work. She was surprised at the number of small rocks she could hear hitting the floor. She knew it was going to be bad, but she could tell just from the nearly rain-like sound of falling rocks that it was far worse than she'd ever had in her life. Chuck worked on the one side for a few more minutes, and then changed hands. His thumb pressed her frog in the other direction, and she was surprised to find that he was just as skilled with his left hand as his right...

"Hey, Chuck? I thought humans were like ponies, either left hoofed or right hoofed, but you seem to be doing pretty well with your non-dominant hand. Is that something you learned, or is it a special talent?"

Chuck didn't slow his work as he answered with, "I'm an archer. You use both hands sometimes."

It wasn't an answer, but Twilight didn't get to ask any further questions before a lance of pain shot up her leg. "Ah-Ow! Please be careful!"

"Sorry," Chuck said. "You had one stuck stuck up under the frog thing and I slipped. Hang on, I'll go grab something to sterilize it with." He released her hoof and stood, heading back to the room he'd gotten the brushes from. He came back with an unlabeled bottle of clear liquid, and a box of muzzle wipes.

"You know," Twilight said accusingly. "Storing unlabeled bottles is never a good practice. How do you know for sure what's in there?"

"It's cornmeal moonshine," Chuck said. And he said it like it was common public knowledge. She had no doubt in her mind, that the bottle contained cornmeal moon shine …whatever that was.

"Alright then, so what exactly is it?" she asked as Chuck poured some of the liquid on a wipe. The smell that reached her nose was distinct and familiar. "Oh... It's alcohol ...wait, you're not going to use that on a wound, are you?"

Chuck gave her a concerned look and said. "It'll only last a few seconds, and I promise that it's a lot better than getting an infection. It's not like I can just take you to the vet, you know. I'm pretty sure they'd get excited about a lavender furred mammal with feathered wings coming in with an infected hoof."

Twilight took a calming breath. "Oh, alright. Just ...please be quick about it."

And he was, pouring a bit of the bottle's contents directly over the bottom of her hoof before he wiped the small puncture wound clean with a swab he'd pulled from his pocket. She squirmed at the burning sensation, but managed to keep from making much noise. A single involuntary squeak at the initial cold of the moonshine, and that was it. Chuck grabbed her hoof again, and the burning sensation returned for a moment as he pulled her frog back out of the way to look it over. He angled her leg around for a while, then set it down to start the other.

She had known what he'd want next, so she'd already had her other hoof lifted. Chuck looked at it, and then grasped to shake her hoof like they were old friends. "Goooood pony. Now sit. Stay..." He said in as mocking a voice as he could probably pull off.

Twilight deadpanned, and said, "Really?"

Chuck just grinned, and got back to work. Her left hoof had just as much debris in it as the right one, but there were no wounds to give him an excuse to burn her with more ...moonshine alcohol.

Her front hooves were now both done, and she already felt at least a hundred times better. But now the question of the evening came up ... how was he supposed to do her rear hooves without it becoming awkward? She was pondering the possible positions a pony could present when Chuck made a suggestion...

"Just turn around and rest one leg on my knee at a time …and don’t swish your tail around. I've seen it done this way by professionals on the ranches they used to have around here."

Twilight felt her cheeks warm slightly. She'd been about to lie on her back and tuck what was left of her tail between her legs, but Chuck's idea was much better. She turned around and lifted the closest leg, which was her right one again. Chuck had shuffled a bit closer and changed his stance, his one leg propped up as a shelf for her leg to rest on. The next few minutes went by faster than she thought possible, and both rear hooves turned out to be a fair deal cleaner than her front set had been.

"That ...that was fast," Twilight praised. "Even faster than the Lotus twins, and they've been doing it for years!"

"Uh huh, that's nice," Chuck said with a yawn. "But I'm done. It has to be past ten, so let's hit the damn sack already. I don't want to give the universe a chance to send any more crazy my way."

Twilight felt more like running around like a sugared-up little filly at the moment. It felt pretty amazing to finally have her hooves back to their proper rock-free state. But she knew she'd probably fall asleep the moment anything softer than solid wood or stone touched her cheek. "Alright, Chuck. But I'm still not sleeping on the floor..."

"Oh yeah ...forgot about that,” Chuck mumbled. He then staggered off into one of the rooms on the left, coming back with the biggest and poofiest looking comforter she'd ever seen. "Here, put this on the ground near the stove. I'll add some wood before we tuck you in ...Princess."

Princess… She really didn't like that title, especially when it was so obviously spoken as a taunt. She much prefered to live as an equal to the ponies around her. But the soft comforter Chuck had just dropped over her back was already putting her to sleep, so she let it slide.

She tripped on the way downstairs, but it wasn’t her fault; it was just ...the comforter was so big and poofy! And taking Chuck with her wasn't her fault either. He'd had plenty of time to get out of the way, but he'd just stood there like a bowling pin. He was okay, if the lack of groans or cursing was any indication. And as for herself, there was a sore spot on her right flank. It might be a bruise in the morning, but she could just waste more magic on healing it if it got too ugly or painful.

"You fell on me..." Chuck lazily observed from …somewhere.

"I tripped on the comforter..." Twilight excused herself.

"Oh... Well I suppose you can be forgiven, then," Chuck offered.

Twilight looked at the heaps of soft fabric all around them and said, "You know, I wouldn't mind just sleeping here..."

"That would be a bad idea," Chuck advised. "It gets pretty darn cold here at night, even in the summer. You'd wake up shaking like a leaf. Now get a move on, Princess ...your almost there."

Twilight sighed and gathered the comforter in her magic, dragging herself to her surprisingly happy hooves She started folding it in halves as she approached the lightly glowing stove, and had a nice thick mattress ready when she reached her destination. She set the 'mattress' down and lifted the first layer, crawling into the resulting cave of fabric with a groan. She had the soft comforter beneath her, and one layer of its downy softness draped over her side. Add in the soothing heat from the stove on her partially exposed stomach, and it was just too much sleepiness to fight off. She didn't even notice the world fading away as she fell asleep...

Author's Note

Former readers might not even recognize this chapter, due to all the changes I made.

~Chapter Four - The Visit~

Author's Note

Massive Rewrite on this chapter. It was blocking a good idea I had for the future, so it got replaced.

~Chapter Four - The Visit~

Twilight Zombie

A work of ...A zombie that wishes he took the blue pill, I guess. By a very Busyguy.

~Chapter Four - The Visit~

Twilight dreamed. She dreamed she was flying over Ponyville, very late at night. But something just didn't feel right about the scene below. The little town was far too quiet …far too still.

It was like there was nopony awake for miles around. Which wasn’t really unusual for a night in Ponyville by itself, really. It’s just ...she also had a distinctly strong feeling of being watched, which implied at least one pony was still up and about.

And so Twilight found herself trying to figure out where the odd feeling was coming from. There weren't any ponies in sight, nor were there any obvious eyes reflecting from behind the moonlit town’s many small and simply constructed windows. She opted to drop her altitude, casting a wavering moonlit shadow across the empty streets and abandoned stalls as she passed over the fully stocked marketplace below.

What exactly was going on here? The townsponies always made it a priority to clear the market of stalls and produce each and every evening, so why were so many stalls left out in the street with food and perishable goods on display?

Twilight swooped down and stumbled to an awkward stop as her hooves hit the cobbles of Mane Street. It seemed that she retained her borderline flying skills, even with all her feathers intact in her dreams.

The sense of being observed was much stronger on the ground, and she had much less trouble in following it. Her instincts guided her toward where Sugarcube Corner was nestled at the edge of the market square, with only its unique outline truly clear against the night sky. As she drew closer the windows began to brighten, and the sounds of a party in full swing steadily grew...

Well! Twilight certainly knew this dream well enough. This was the party dream! The first part of it had been a bit off, but this part of the dream was always the same. Any second now, Pinkie Pie would burst forth from the door and drag Twilight in by the forehooves. Twilight would then be assaulted with all manner of party favors and frills, followed by a round of her favorite games. Once the cake was gone - usually before she got seconds - the dream would end with a walk back toward her old Ponyville home: The long destroyed Golden Oaks library.

Twilight was about ten strides from the door to Sugarcube Corner when it suddenly bowed outward with a loud ~wump~. She then heard Pinkie’s voice screaming something about not being a banana sundae, followed by a loud crash as every window on the ground floor suddenly exploded as one and the lights flickered out.

Her heart rate skyrocketed as the door was slammed from inside the bakery again, and again, and again ...and the next moment found Twilight completely frozen in shock.

The sturdy wooden door had failed, breaking away from its hinges under the massive force it had been pitted against. As the splintered wood scattered across the street, a wave of familiar ponies began pushing forth from the depths of the bakery. She recognized all of them as residents of Ponyville, but found herself taking a step back when more details became visible...

Each pony had a cruel and jagged wound somewhere on their matted fur, and held her transfixed with eyes that were glazed over with an indifferent emptiness. There was no grace in their movements, nor was there any shine or brightness to their coats. But the worst thing by far was the sound. Twilight's ears couldn't even tell which voice belonged to which pony. It was all just one loud and steady drone of horrible sound, filling the streets with the combined voice of a thousand damaged vocal chords …and filling her heart with terror.

Bent and twitching forms began to emerge from other buildings and side roads, each turning slowly toward her and stumbling forward on stiffened or horribly broken legs. Twilight was quickly forced to back away from the growing crowd as they closed in on her in their masses...

And then her flank bumped up against something cold and shaggy, as if somepony had just come inside from a long winter walk and shoved their frozen body right up against her as a mean spirited joke. A low moan reached her ears, completely distinct and separate from the oppressive drone of the others.

Twilight felt a cold gust of breath brush across her back, and then pain sharply lanced into her side…

The dream convulsed, and the world fell away beneath her hooves. Twilight was left barrel-deep in a small bog of broken limbs and unmoving equine bodies; the latter arranged morbidly around the edge of the dark red pool as if they had been waiting for her arrival. Empty eyes stared out from sunken faces and maimed faces, watching her in silence. There was a moment of quiet anxiety …a gut wrenching period of time spent wondering what could possibly come next...

And then she was pulled violently under the surface, her lungs empty even before she lost sight of the blackened dreamscape's sky as she finally managed to start screaming.

~=====~

Twilight woke up. Something had her rear legs firmly in its grasp, and it was trying to pull her out from the safety of her bed. She struggled blindly, her eyes unable to guide her hooves in the unusually complete darkness that had claimed her. One rear hoof came free as she gave a powerful kick, but it only resulted in the other leg being wrapped up twice as securely. She lashed out with her freed hoof, and felt it connect with a solid blow. She hesitated when her attacker grunted in pain and let go of her completely, but was then crushed down into the soft bedding under her back when they opted to smother her instead of pulling her out into the open. She bit and bucked, twisted and kicked, trying to hold out until she could get a spell arranged that wouldn't tear everything around her apart. And with her situation being what it was, the required wakefulness didn’t take very long in coming.

As soon as she could feel her inner warmth respond in even a remotely healthy manner, Twilight pushed every single iota of sleep-addled power she had into action. She actually felt her horn warm up under the rapid but controlled influx of power, and the resulting flare of released energy blinded her and sent her attacker reeling away.

She scrabbled to her hooves, and quickly spun to defend herself more properly. But something slammed into her right side, and chaos once again took hold as her own horn was used to yank her down onto her side. The much more powerful blast of conscious magic she'd intended on unleashing collapsed back into her, and Twilight cried out as the magic was forced back into her core the harshest way possible. The collapse of that much power was impossible to ignore, racking her body with an incredible convulsion and leaving her nerves feeling flayed and unresponsive. It was all the advantage the unseen attacker needed to take full control of the struggle.

Twilight's lungs were forcefully emptied as she was pressed flat to the floor and quickly wrapped up in strong limbs, her forehooves trapped tightly up against her barrel. The grip on her horn was released a second later, only for her muzzle to be clamped shut by a familiar set of ...fingers?

"I said stop!" A rather pained voice hissed into her ear. "It's me for christ's sake ...you're fine! Now stop screaming and keep quiet!"

Twilight slowly halted her efforts to preserve herself, and managed to reduce her muffled and honest cries of fear to a rapid nasally pant. She didn't relax her tensed legs, which were still stubbornly trying to hold Chuck’s limbs well clear of her neck; but he must have felt the rest of her body relax to the floor, regardless. He let her forelegs go, and lifted his weight so she could breathe easier. But he still gave her muzzle an extra little squeeze to get his point across before he let it go free.

No spoken words could ever be as clear or loud as the message behind those strong digits and their little passing squeeze on her mouth.

‘Keep quiet, or else’

Or else what, Twilight didn't yet know. But her racing heart only beat harder when she realized that her nose was practically screaming at her to pay attention to it. Her flared nostrils would have to wait though, as her ears always took priority when it came to picking up on threats…

"raaarrruuuuuugh..." ~scritch-scritch ...thump~

Twilight felt herself stiffen right back up against the human laid out behind her, and her eyes flicked over to the nearby door. Any anger she felt at her waking nightmare was instantly forgotten, leaving only a much sounder fear and a growing soreness from the tussle she’d just endured. She felt a powerful need to get up and run as far away from the door as possible …and yet stay perfectly silent and still to avoid being noticed.

Chuck denied her the second option, pushing her away from his lightly clothed chest so he could slink off into the darkness. Twilight felt her tensed muscles start to shake the moment she was left alone and there was nothing to brace her legs against, and it was all she could do to get her hooves back underneath her in case she needed to stand. The very first thing she did was cast the least powerful light spell she could manage, filling a cone-shaped slice of the dusty room with a gently shaking violet light filled with motes of illuminated dust particles. The second thing she did was try to find out where Chuck had gone off to, and determine if she could just get up and leave.

With her light spell cutting through the inky darkness, she easily found the big human. He was creeping toward the door, crouched down on his open hands and the ends of his feet in a stance that made Twilight wonder just how many generations had passed since humans supposedly evolved from their claimed ape-like ancestors.

But Twilight could also see the expression Chuck was wearing as he closed in on the door between himself and the monster outside ...and it gave her pause from her immediate fears to focus on brand new ones.

She could clearly recount memories of humans experiencing fear and in anger while in the Mirror World. She'd seen them act concerned or show each other love, and even reveal a fair bit of genuine joy and happiness to her on a personal level. Only yesterday, she'd seen Chuck himself display a look of pure terror; a look she’d been responsible for making him show in the first place ...and an act for which she still felt pretty awful and no excuse for.

But the expression he was leveling at the door was something new to her. Twilight didn't think she'd ever seen anything like it on another sentient being before.

...And she never wanted to see it again, ever.

"Princess!" Chuck hissed at her, ending Twilight's dark thoughts and making her take a quick step back. "The dead are dumb, not blind! Turn off the head light thing before it shines through the cracks or something!"

Twilight felt herself nod, but still hesitated for a moment on bending to the request of snuffing her light spell. Being stuck in the dark with somepony that could wear that expression... It was a very scary thought. But she found the flow of her magic slowing to a stop anyway, and Chuck's form melted once more into the darkness.

It wasn’t that she’d actually thought her options through or anything. She had just ...trusted the advice of an older figure. A terrifying and likely deranged older figure, sure. But one with much more experience than she had in the situation she was involved in. It reminded Twilight of her early youth, blindly trusting Princess Celestia's every spoken word as she tripped and stumbled her way through the many challenges of being born with a horn that couldn't actually wield the power hiding in her tiny young body.

Twilight went ahead and tried to focus on the happier memories of her past for a moment. Mostly the challenges she'd faced, and the mistakes she'd learned to correct through error and her royal mentor's wise guidance. But her mind refused to shift from the dark room her physical body was in, and her heart continued to race in panic as the zombie outside scrabbled and moaned against the door.

The whole of her thoughts, fears, and her short lived jaunt through her memories had lasted just a scant few seconds. Likely due to an adrenal release, though Twilight noted that her abs hadn't locked up and she felt only mildly dizzy as her heart raced inside her chest.

...Laying down apparently helped counter a racing heart and a loss of core blood pressure. Or maybe she was still trying to not think about what was about to happen, as if not thinking about it would stop it from happening.

It didn't.

Twilight lay there on her belly, and listened as Chuck’s footfalls quietly padded away to do …whatever he was planning on doing. She wanted to ask him what she should do, or at least what the plan actually was. She knew it was ridiculous, but she was absolutely terrified that the man would open up the door and charge outside to fight that thing all by himself. It just felt like something a killer would do, and she no longer had a doubt in her mind that Chuck was exactly that …a killer. She had caught a clear glimpse of his dark side in the light of her magic, the expression on his face forever burned into her mind's eye.

Twilight found it odd that the question of Chuck ever turning that expression her way held such sway, even as a proper and real threat scratched and moaned for her flesh not twenty paces away.

And she found that she doubted her fears over Chuck ever looking at her like that - like she was an animal to be hunted down and gutted to be used for food - now that she was becoming settled enough for her mind to start thinking somewhat clearly. It was scary to know the man could display such a predatory aura, but his words from the afternoon before where still fresh in her mind …and she realized that Chuck wasn’t at all what she’d thought he was after all.

“We’ve all killed someone,” He’d said. And with the context of what Twilight now believed of the human's nature, the way he acted overall began to make a lot more sense.

Behind those bluish-green human eyes lived a being unlike anything she had ever encountered before. A predatory mind, but one built so differently from the predators in the Equestrian wilds that drawing any kind of comparison was futile. A Manticore - for example - would often hesitate long enough for a pony to escape if that pony were to beg for their life. But both Chuck and that hungry bear that had come after her seemed to have a way to get around such limitations. She was now convinced that the bear she'd encountered could take a life and then simply move on, without ever feeling the weight of its actions. Her human companion seemed to have the same terrifying ability, but in a much worse way than an animal seeking out food.

Chuck had control over it. He could turn his uncaring monster-self on and off at will. Combine that ability with anything approaching intelligence, and Twilight was very glad that Chuck’s species wasn’t present in Equestria.

But then, this was all the speculation of a frightened and currently blind mare. She was distracting herself out of fear, and the counter argument to her fear-driven guesswork was quick and easy to come up with anyway.

Chuck had never actually tried to hurt her. Or at least, not without what he felt was a good reason. The few times he’d resorted to violence had been the result of a genuine fear he'd been dealing with, and even then he had responded with less force than she now knew he was capable of; his arrows striking her shield spell on the road when they'd first met being the one exception. She’d actually given him the perfect opportunity to do her serious harm just last night, and he’d done nothing but help her. He even seemed to take a decent amount of care in cleaning out her painful hooves, and had used his own resources to make sure she didn't get an infection without hesitation when she'd proven to have an open wound.

Twilight suspected that he either feared her magic too much to try anything, or simply lacked the desire to do her any harm in the first place. She was hoping for the second option: that he just didn’t want to hurt her. It provided the best chance to finally get the older human to relax his paranoia, and let her in...

If she still wanted in, anyway. She certainly had a lot to think about on her mental plate, and even if she still pursued a friendship with the violence-prone human she would be asking a lot of very specific questions before she committed to anything lasting.

...Right, that was enough distracting inner monologue. Chuck should have reached the door by now and she was stressing herself out with all her worried thoughts.

Twilight heard a quiet metallic click, followed by the sound of something heavy being slid across both stone and wood. Another long silence followed, and then she jumped as something tapped against the front of her chest. Her skin crawled as the point of sudden contact shifted up her chest and along her neck and throat, but she managed to limit her reaction to a fur-raising shiver. There was little doubt about what was touching her, and she forced herself to stay quiet as Chuck’s hand slid up her cheek and across her temple to loosely wrap itself into her mane. The frazzled hairs were gently tugged in a direction away from the door, and Twilight was more than happy to let herself be guided away from the door with the groaning zombie behind it. Her flank bumped into something unseen …and then her right wing bumped into something else …and then finally her forehooves bounced off the first step of the stairs to the main floor. As soon as the stairs were behind her, Twilight shook Chuck's hand off of her head to say, "Okay, I can see now …and I’m sorry about kicking you back there. You just really scared me and…"

"Shhh..." Chuck interrupted with an anxious glare. "You have to be quiet right now, Princess. If you really need to say something, just whisper it in my ear."

Twilight nodded to show she understood, then turned to keep an eye on the bottom of the stairs. She could still hear the infected human scrabbling away down there, and the perfect darkness at the bottom of the staircase gave her an odd sense of pride that she'd been in such a place at all without completely loosing her head. She gently tapped Chuck's leg to get his attention, and he crouched down to her level. His fleshy coil of an ear was just a bit above her mouth at his current height, so it was easy to ask the obvious questions...

"Okay, Chuck…" Twilight began, staying as quiet as she could. “First off ...What happened down there? Why did you try to wake me up by pulling me out of bed? I woke up thinking you were a monster trying to eat me, and then ...Oh no! Are you okay right now? I used a lot of free magic on that first spell and I kicked you really hard and I think I even bit you somewhere!”

Chuck rubbed his hands together nervously before leaning in to whisper, “Watch the volume, Princess. And we have bigger problems than all that stuff right now. Let's just focus on staying quiet and avoiding any more unwanted attention.”

“But I…” Twilight cut herself off, waiting while Chuck got his head repositioned. She then drew closer to his ear again and said, “I know we have bigger problems, Chuck. But I need to know what's going on. What are we going to do about that thing out there? Why is it even here? Can it get to us, or are we okay?”

Chuck just stared at her until she remembered to offer up her ear again. Apparently he didn't realize that she could likely hear him whisper from the other side of the room.

...Although he could clearly move around quietly enough to sneak up on her from the front even with her ears fully perked, so he did have that skill as a counter to her comparatively good hearing.

"We should be alright,” Chuck whispered, his massive beard tickling against her ear and cheek. “The downstairs door has a steel lock and some really strong leaf springs from an old truck bracing it in place. As for what happened, I was out getting firewood this morning while you were still asleep. I heard the dead-head coming in from the woods nearby, and came back to get things locked down. I tried to wake you up, but you were out cold. I had to get you up and moving, so I pinched you. I wasn't actually planning on you kicking my ass or screaming. ...I think you bruised a rib or something.” Chuck gave his lower chest a gentle pat as he continued with, “But don’t worry about that right now. We can just hang out in my safe room for a while. The zombie will leave on its own eventually ...so long as it’s just the one and we stay quiet."

Okay, so it was mostly good news then. But Twilight needed more than verbal reassurances at the moment. She put a hoof on Chuck's shoulder when he tried to stand up, forcing him back down...

"But what if there is more than one? And what happens if the one we already know about doesn't leave?" She asked.

Chuck smoothly spun his crouched frame to face her, and he whispered, "Then we do what we have to ...or I do it, anyway. You're not ready for that kind of thing, I don't think. Oh, and that reminds me. There's something important to show you before we hide. Now come on…"

The man didn't give her a chance to catch his shoulder again, rising quickly to his full height and gesturing for her to follow. She was surprised when their goal turned out to be the circular staircase to the third floor, and even more surprised at how stupidly difficult the narrow stairs were to not fall off of as she climbed them. Chuck didn’t seem to have the same problem, and quickly outpaced her. But Twilight's wings had taken a bit of a beating during their unfortunate scuffle with each other. Nothing serious, but the left one didn’t want to tuck in all the way. It kept getting caught up on every other rung for the hoof rail built into the stairs while her hooves threatened to slip off the polished wood steps with each upward venture she braved. These human sized stairs were NOT meant for ponies, and the whole process of climbing was nerve racking!

Twilight finally reached the top step, finding Chuck sitting on his own twisted-up legs and waiting in silence. His expression made it clear he had something to say, so she quickly sat herself down in front of his folded knees with her head kept at a bit of a distance. She wanted to give the human the idea that whispering directly into her ear was an uncomfortable and unnecessarily tickle-filled experience. But he just leaned in closer with his long bipedal spine to put his lips right up to her head…

"Look at the..." Chuck began, before taking an Alicorn-powered ear to the face. It wasn’t intentional by any means, but Twilight was not about to apologize for the natural reactions of her body. It wasn't her fault if somehuman ignored the obvious twitching and discomfort he had been causing her ears, after all. It was just self defense between two individual's body features.

"Pff-yglack!" Chuck spat as he jerked back, her ear’s message apparently having been received. He leaned even further back and whisper-shouted, "What the heck was that?" His tongue then poked out, his omnivorous teeth scraping across it a few times... "And why do I now have dirt and hair in my mouth?"

Twilight's eyes rolled completely against her will. She then sighed at having to explain what the man had just made perfectly obvious in his own question... "Your breath was tickling my ear," She impassively informed. And she wasn't at all surprised when Chuck's only response was an owlish blink. In fact, his eyelids moved with a slowness almost on par with Owlowiscious's large and slow-acting orbs...

"...Oh," Chuck finally said as he resumed trying to clean his tongue. "Well ...ah-pfft! ...Sorry about that, I guess. Maybe say something about it next time you're being bothered though, yeah? Anyway, go ahead and take a look at the center log on the staircase. I'm sure you can figure it out pretty fast without my explaining how it works."

Twilight gave the thick beam of wood that served as the circular stair's center support a glance, but there weren't any obvious flaws or anything of note to see. And there was more important happenings going on downstairs, anyway.

“It’s a very nice log, Chuck. The rest of the house is impressive, as well. But don’t you think we have more important things to worry about? Like maybe the dead thing that's trying to get in here and hurt us?”

Chuck just grunted and nodded his bushy head toward the beam, leaving no real choice but to humor him. Twilight sighed as despondently as possible, trying to ignore the spindly human foot that had taken it upon itself to uncoil itself and nudge her flank in the direction of the beam. She stood up to avoid the offending pedal extremity, and walked over to give the wooden support a more thorough examination.

She noticed right away that there was a spot that didn't look quite right in the grain of the center support for the staircase, and ...oh, it was a trap of some kind.

The main log going up the middle of the spiral staircase was made of two massive pieces of wood. They were keyed together near the last few steps, acting like one solid log even though they weren't.

...So long as they never twisted counter-clockwise, anyway. If she were to knock the peg out of the side of where the two logs came together and then twist the bottom log by pulling on the banister, the entire staircase would separate and go crashing down to the floor below.

Twiilght took another look around the largely open and entirely wooden home, her mind working to figure out the forces acting against each other throughout every single structural piece of wood. And a few seconds later, it all made perfect sense.

It would be fine to knock the stair's center log down. The trusses above had been designed to support the entire roof by themselves just on the strength of the interlocking walls, making the home's massive center beams little more than bulky examples of purposefully engineered redundancy. Each and every log the house's inner structure was made of had at least two others attached to it, while the outer walls were themselves locked into each other at the corners of the house's interlocked structure.

Her realization must have been plain to see, because Chuck quietly rose and walked over. He smiled and said, "Yep. It’s a trap one of my old friends came up with about twenty years ago, long before everything went downhill. I’ve made quite a few other changes to help make the place work even better as a safe house, but the easy-break staircase is my favorite, bar none," Twilight didn't know he had stood until he laid a hand across her lower neck, but she didn't even jump at the sudden contact. She barely even heard him when he continued with, "Look. If things go bad at some point, I want you to come up to this balcony here and make sure nothing can follow you. Pull the pin as you come up, and push the right railing outward. The whole staircase will fall right over, and that'll be that." His hand shifted as he moved away, and he added, "...Unless I'm right behind you, of coarse. Than I'd much prefer you wait for me before you knock out the stairs. Now come on, the safe room's over here," He said, making his way to the door on the left side of the balcony.

Chuck opened it with one hand, holding it for her as she tore her eyes off of the bare wood ceiling and made her way into the darkened room. Twilight could just make out a series of strange shapes hanging from the walls around her, and a table with a single chair in the middle of the room. It was still too dark to tell what she was seeing in the early morning light and on the dark side of the house, but there might have also been a bed and a closet further in on the right. She turned to Chuck - who had somehow taken a seat on the lonely chair - and asked, "Um ...Chuck? Is it okay if I cast a small light spell? It’s too dark to see anything, and I don't want to knock anything over and make noise."

The frizzy outline of Chuck’s head nodded, but instead of answering her request he stood to begin what was clearly a very well-practiced series of actions. He moved around the room in the dark, drawing a set of heavy curtains across the two small windows and locking the door closed. He then grabbed a roll of something and stuffed it down against the bottom of the doorway, blocking the tiny gap of barely perceptible light beneath the door.

Of course, this left Twilight just as blind as she'd been downstairs in the pseudo-basement with no windows at all. It was as if she were in some deep underground cave with the sun's rays blocked by miles of rock and soil. She assumed that Chuck was ready for her to cast the spell, and quickly went about doing so before the dark could upset her heart rate and encourage another long inner dialog with herself. A gentle pull on her magic, and the room lit up in a gentle and familiar glow.

...And then it almost went dark again.

The walls were covered in bows and elaborate arrowheads or fully complete arrows. Weapons of war, crafted with such obvious attention to detail that she doubted even a member of Celestia's personal guard would turn any one of them away. Many of the weapons had thin golden wire inlayed into the wood, flowing in ornate curling and sweeping patterns to create animals and highlights across the shape of the wood. Others had silver plates embedded into the thickest parts of their grip, engraved with hoof-carved scenes of nature. She even saw one with a deer drinking water from a stream carved into the polished metal, and the details of the stream overran the silver to continue on across the wood itself as if it was following the whims of gravity naturally. She didn’t even care that they were weapons, the level of artistic skill alone was ...amazing!

"Chuck..." Twilight breathed, no real effort being necessary to keep her voice quiet as she spoke. "What are...? How did you...?"

Chuck sat back down on his chair and spoke in a normal voice... "Yeah, so anyway... this is the safe room. I stuffed every little hole and space in the walls I could find with expanding foam, so there’s no need to whisper here. Just don't outright shout or anything, and we'll be fine …now what did you want to know?"

Twilight swallowed, and tried to speak normally, "The bows... Where did they all come from?"

Chuck smiled and said, "Oh, you know. Wherever the right piece of wood happened to be growing. Some of the rarer woods did come from overseas suppliers, though."

Twilight felt her flank hit the carpeted floor. She hadn’t even been planning to sit down. "You mean you ...made them? All of them?!"

"Yep," Chuck confirmed, his grin then fell a bit. "Bowyery was how I made a living before ...well, you know."

"That's …well that’s very impressive," Twilight admitted. How one single man could make so many fine weapons in just one partial lifetime was a mystery, but she believed him. There was just something about the design of the carving and the wire work that said ...'Chuck'.

...Or maybe Twilight was still thinking about being eaten, and was reading into things that weren't there. It's not like she knew much about weapons in general, much less archery or whatever this bowyery subject entailed.

"So how about it..." Chuck said with a smirk. "Which bow calls to you the loudest?"

Twilight didn't get what he meant at first. Bows didn't call. They were known to ‘twang’ or ‘slap’ when fired in the ancient stories, but...

And then it hit her.

"Chuck, no. I mean, I can't! I don't even know how to hold one, first of all. And even if I did, I'm an Alicorn! I can just shield myself or push anything dangerous away with my magic."

"Like you did with the bear?" Chuck calmly prodded. And Twilight felt her shoulders sag a bit. He did make a rather good point. Chuck noticed her reaction and said, "Sorry, Princess. That was uncalled for. But the reality that you're facing here is that you were eaten yesterday." He walked over and looked her in the eye, saying, "You say you can protect yourself with your magic. But you didn't do so, even with a set of giant teeth coming straight at your face." His eyes narrowed, making his few un-beard-covered facial features all the more menacing in the light of her horn. "You froze up, and then you fell over without even putting up a fight. You died like a little bleating lamb."

Twilight frowned and said, "I didn't expect it! If I had seen the thing coming, I would have had a shield bubble around it in half a second!"

"Shield bubble... Oh, right ...that floaty business with the ozone smell," Chuck said. He then deadpanned, and shook his head violently before continuing with, "Look, Princess. This is real life. Real life comes with real death. REAL death! Just look around the next time we go outside, and you'll see it for yourself in every damned cobweb and in every bird of prey over your head. Everything that draws breath has a set of rules it lives by in this world, and it will do anything it can to avoid breaking them. One of the most common is not stopping half way with things. It's cliche as hell, but it really is 'kill or be killed' out there." He glowered, and raised his voice to say, "Face it, Princess! Get it good and ingrained in that oddly round and fluffy head of yours! ...Unless you wake up in your own bed tomorrow morning, you are going to have to kill something at some point! It's either that, or you're going to get chomped by something that wants to live more than you do! ...I'm sorry, but you're too damned soft for any other outcome."

"That's ...no, Chuck! That's not right at all!" Twilight countered, caught up in Chuck's emotional outpouring and very much upset at what he'd said about her ability. "Killing is the worst possible course of action! It's a last resort! One you do everything you can think of to avoid until there's nothing left to try! That's why the world I come from is so diverse! You can't improve something once it's gone, so killing is nothing but a waste of potential." And then she thought of something important... "And why are we talking about this when one of those things is still downstairs trying to get in right now? We should be guarding the detachable stairs in case we need to use them!"

Chuck ignored her and lifted one of the simpler looking bows off the wall. He studied it for a moment, before he said, "Your world must be a real piece of work, if that's the way you and your fellow pony people think. It makes me wonder how your predators even survive. ...And it still doesn't change the fact that you're soft as lamb wool."

"I am not soft!" Twilight demanded, pointing a accusatory hoof. "I told you! My friends and I have saved the world! And not just once, either! We've done so multiple times!"

Chuck crossed his arms and rolled his eyes. "And yet you bleat like a little goat and curl up at the first sight of danger. So what the heck were you saving the world from? An army of fluffy pillows with kittens for shields and bananas for swords?"

Twilight balked. She then snorted angrily and said, "My friends and I are a part of Equestria's most powerful latent magic! The Elements of Harmony! It's our calling to protect our world from all kinds of evil or misguided beings that rise against Equestria! It gets violent sometimes and ...and I am not soft!"

"...Well alright then," Chuck allowed. "What kind of violence are we talking, here? I need pictures or it didn't happen. ...Or stories are good too, since we're gonna be up here for a little while longer." He suddenly slapped his forehead. "And you wouldn't have any pictures for obvious reasons, so just regale me with some of your toughest battles. I'll consider it proof enough that you're not a liability ...for the moment."

Twilight lifted herself almost completely upright, bringing her forehooves up to start counting off her many adventures: "My friends and I have prevented an eternal night... ~clop Saved the Alicorn who tried to create an eternal night borne up from her innermost nightmare... ~clop We've stopped an under-stimulated god of chaos from plunging the world into a thousand years of chaos out of boredom... ~clop We fought our way through an army of Changelings and nearly won the fight all by ourselves... ~clop We prevented a vengeful king of darkness from returning to power and enslaving a long lost empire... ~clop ...taptaptaptap~ ...Hmmmm, oh! And just last year I fought a sixty foot tall Centaurian Lord who ate most of the world's magic and tackled me through a mountain."

Twilight caught her breath for a moment, letting her adventures sink in for the currently rather slack-jawed human. And she did have to admit that - in hindsight, anyway - the past five years of her life were pretty hard to believe. She quickly tried to provide a bit more merit to her claims to make her life more palatable... "But that's really just the major events from my early twenties, you know? There are plenty of more sensible things going on in Ponyville most of the time that we've had to deal with. Like a dragon moving into a cave too close to town and covering the land in smoke, or a grumpy Ursa Minor tearing the roof off of town hall after it was woken up from its nap time ...bugbears showing up out of nowhere ...All kinds of things, really." And now Chuck's jaw was threatening to fall off... "Ugh! Look, Chuck! My world is clearly very different from yours. I'm not asking you to believe me, because I can hardly believe all the things I've been through myself. But that's exactly my point! I have seen and overcome a great deal of nasty and bad things! More than I ever would have expected from my humble beginnings, that's for sure." She sagged a bit into the carpet, and Chuck didn't poke fun at her this time. Although when she shined her horn's light on his face to check on why he was so quiet, he seemed perfectly calm...

So calm that he was either in deep thought or had fallen asleep.

"Chuck?"

"I'm alright..." Chuck dismissed. He then shrugged and said, "Well ...mostly alright. I think I smell copper inside by brain though, which means ...things." He fell silent, his white shirt's movement the only sign that he was alive. His eyes then lifted, meeting hers with a look Twilight couldn't quite place. His lips parted slightly, and he said, "I feel a need to explain something here ...mostly for myself, but also for you. Let me start by just saying that: I ...am a man. Through and through, for better or for worse, a man is what I am. Keep that in mind, or the rest of what I'm about to say won't make a lick of sense. And making sense is everything when it comes to being a man. Men like things that we can easily understand. Simple, sensible, and well understood things. But if something - or someone - fails to fit in with those core guidelines? Well then it's anyone's guess what might happen. There are plenty of men out there who will make the effort to understand things they haven't encountered before. Or at least they'll take it to the point of figuring out how far they can throw those things off a cliff or into either a blender or a barbecue pit. But for most of us men? The other options are a far more common choice. It's usually down to two different approaches when it comes to new things that break away from normalcy: The knee-jerk approach: usually involving the liberal application of fists or high explosives and firearms as we destroy the shit out of it until it stops moving or existing. Or the self-preservation approach ...Which is either a silent withdrawal from the field, or an exercise in the timeless human tradition of running away from scary shit while screaming bloody murder. And these days that last one usually doesn't stop until your shoes become little more than shredded ankle bracelets and a few leftover pieces of shoe lace stuck between your toes."

Chuck leaned in, and said. "That ...is a man. Me, in all my manly maleness. That was my life. I detected, decided, and reacted. I kept things simple, sensible, and safe. It was all I needed, and I was ...pretty darned content in my misery." He frowned. "And then you show up. Doe-eyed and standing in the road like you belonged there. You shouted at me to stop, and just like that ...my whole damned world view was suddenly in question. The fact that you even exist? It's a fucking laugh! A complete riot! An impossible and unstoppable object meeting an equally impossible and immovable wall! All of my beliefs in science and physics? Gone in a poof of freaking magic!! All of humanity's theories about space and time? Freakin magic has killed it for me! You ...you just killed it for me." He leaned in even closer, so close that she could pick out the individual lines of bright blue and green in his irises. His frown deepened, and he said, "So, princess... When you say that you fought a giant Centaur and survived going through a mountain? I now can just say, sure! And I can totally believe that happened, too! And when you say that you and your friends stood against a GOD and won the day? I can't find the will to doubt it for even one little second. ...And magic being real? Oh man! I couldn't even hope to tell you how willing I am to believe that shit right now!" Chuck retreated and pointed to his temple. "...But then my brain stops, takes a great big step back, and tells me that I've gone insane. And I actually find myself wanting to believe my brain is right and that I've lost it! I kinda trust it to be correct about shit, you know? I mean it hasn't failed me yet!" His smile fell. "But then you walk into the room, and you do anything other than sit there like a big stuffed toy full of pulled cotton balls and polyester; and the logical part of my brain just gives up and leaves me hanging. So I made a decision for my own mental health: I said, Screw it! Why not believe the pony? Just take the easy path, and trust whatever your eyes want to tell you for a while?" He leaned back, his frown relaxing completely. "So yeah, I'm just gonna cruise right on through this crazy ride, believing any little thing you have to say ...at least until it doesn't freak me out every time you so much as raise an eyebrow ...which it does, by the way ...so please stop doing it. Anyway, I seem to have forgotten what we were actually talking about here. So I guess I'll just shut up and stop trying to pinch myself awake from now on. ...Congratulations on being real, Princess."

Twilight had to force her eyebrows back down... "I... wow... Okay, so I have some questions for you about human culture after all of that. But to answer your current question and hopefully help you relax a little? ...I think we were talking about me not being soft?"

Chuck sat up. "Oh right, that shit. So did you win your fight against the big Centaur guy? I mean ...you're still here, so it's obvious who glory favored in the end. But I like to trade fight stories."

Okay, well at least Chuck did have one thing in common with one of her friends.

...Rainbow Dash liked to share her fight stories, too.

"Well I wouldn't really say I beat him, Chuck. Or at least not in the way you seem to be thinking of. There was a lot of raw magic being thrown back and forth, shields being blasted to little or no effect, dodging giant rocks and ...getting tackled through a mountain wasn't an exaggeration. In the end I couldn't beat him, but he couldn't beat me either. We probably would have fought for a long time. But he had captured my friends before the fight even started. He forced me to make a choice between fighting an endless battle, or saving them. There was no choice to be made, and I chose to save my friends by giving up. It actually worked out perfectly, and we unlocked a magical box that allowed us to become one with our Elements! We were so powerful after that Lord Tirek couldn't even put up any resistance. We sent him to Tartarus in the very same cage he used to capture my friends in the first place."

"That's ...wow," Chuck said. "And this 'Tartarus' place... Am I right to think it's your version of Hell?"

"I'm not sure," Twilight admitted, tilting her head as she tasted the unfamiliar word. And then she remembered the colorful language of the Mirror-World's Rainbow Dash. "Oh! Hell! I think I'm familiar with it, so ...yes? Tartarus would probably be a good analog for what little I heard about the human underworld."

"And you sent him there? You and your friends?"

"We did! He got so big that the ground shook when he walked, and he kept himself busy destroying a forest while we were off getting our Elements powered up. We came back, blasted him with the power of the elements, and ...well that was the end of it. Lord Tirek was sent to Tartarus where he belonged."

Chuck stared at her for a moment. He sniffed and wrung his hands out, then cracked his neck. Finally, he sat down on the chair again and said, "So then you've fought in a few good battles, and come out on top. That's not what I expected from what I've seen of you so far, but who am I to judge a book by its cover. Especially after my little speech. But it does beg the question: why did you get so bothered at the sight of a dead bear, if you've already seen death on the fields of war?"

Twilight balked. The fields of WHAT! What was wrong with these humans!? "We didn't kill Tirek, chuck!" Twilight exclaimed. "We banished him! My friends and I have never taken a life!" She had a short flashback, and realized that she had overlooked something ...something important.

Chuck was quick to pick up on her concern... "I see you're having yourself a bit of an inner monologue there ...remembering some distant battlefield, princess?"

Twilight nodded, slowly. "There was this one ...pony. He was actually the dark king I mentioned earlier. He fought us over control of a powerful artifact, and got caught up in the blast of positive energy when we won. The expanding field of emotionally charged magic just kind of ...broke him. ...Oh, and I think Queen Chrysalis may be dead at this point as well, but that wasn't the Element's direct fault or doing, either. She needs love to live, and she abandoned everything she had to escape us when we caught up to her in her hive."

"Okay," Chuck began, looking utterly dubious and confused. "So two deaths, then. But only witnessed or likely, and neither were your own work. How the heck do you fight against an army of anything and not kill something?"

Twilight collected herself for a moment, and said, "Well my friends and I don't go around looking for fights. I think the worst fighting we've had to deal as a group with was the Changeling's invasion of Canterlot, and that was dealt with by my brother and his fiance before it got too bad. I don't know why I haven't seen more suffering in my life, but I know that I'm not disappointed that I haven't. Normal ponies don't like to kill things, Chuck! No normal sentient being does!"

"Huh," Chuck murmured, rubbing his beard. "That's a nice point of view to have, I guess. It sounds pleasant. ...It would never work here, though." He suddenly pointed one of his fingers at her. "And you said that Centaur guy went to Tartarus! As in Hell! That means you killed him! That's what sending someone to hell means!"

Twilight lowered her head in thought and said, "That just means Hell and Tartarus aren't the same concept. Our worst penalty in court is banishment, and Tartarus is the worst place a pony can be banished to. It's a place for those that refuse to change or be redeemed. It's not actually some kind of afterlife, like your hell seems to be. It's a physical place."

Chuck seemed to deflate a bit. "Ugh... I don't even care anymore. You clearly know more than I do, so I'll just except that your version of hell is a crazy pony Australia, and move on." He sagged in place, looking tired. "At least tell me that a few people didn't make it through the Changy-thing battle. I refuse to call to let it be called a battle unless someone died."

Twilight hesitantly nodded. "I did hear a few Guards mention that there were Changelings and guardsponies that got hurt, and that some didn't make it to the end of the fighting. My brother was Captain of the Royal Guard at the time. He knows about everything that happened, both during and after the attack ...except he won't talk about it, even to me. The most I've ever gotten out of him is that it was 'bad', and that he 'should have been much more careful with Cadence's magic amplifying his own when he reengaged his greater protection shielding spell. Chrysalis survived, but she was sent flying over the horizon. We had to deal with her again later on, and ...well she won't be coming back if she survived her second encounter ...not if she has any remaining brain cells in that ugly black shell she calls a cranium. Not after what she did to Princess Celestia! And what she did to my brother!? grrrRRR!"

Chuck lifted his hands to his eyes and said, "Um, Princess? Could you maybe turn it down a bit? I'm tan enough as it is..."

Twilight noticed that her light spell had gotten more than a bit out of hoof. She quickly brought her magic back down to normal levels, and said, "Sorry, it's just ...the changeling queen did some pretty terrible things to my brother. She brainwashed him into thinking she was actually his fiance. She directly targeted my family! And to be honest... If there's any one pony that I wouldn't mind seeing get her just deserts, it would be her." She sighed, calming herself before she continued with, "But I think I've made my opinions on killing pretty clear. That's why I got upset when you wanted me to take up a weapon. I just ...I don't want to kill anything, okay? You can clearly handle yourself well enough for the both of us if it comes to fighting anything. And hay, you could probably even take on those military riffle guys with bows this nice, right?

"The word is 'rifle', not 'riffle'," Chuck corrected. "And I seriously doubt it. The Bar J boys are a close knit family with military hardware to play with. They could own me without even trying. They're also the only thing keeping the roads around here clear of bandits and raiding parties, so it would be pretty stupid to get rid of them." He sighed heavily, dragging a hand down his beard. "Look ...Princess. I'm not trying to say that taking a life is a good thing here. My whole point is that it is going to happen, whether you want it to or not. A weapon just makes it less likely that you're the one doing the dying after the dust settles and the last shot's been fired. So if you think you can stop a threat with your magic stuff? You're welcome to try it. ...Just make sure that you actually try it. All that 'peaceful route' crap will do is either get you killed, or make you softer and softer until you ...well until you're soft enough to die."

Twilight snorted and said, "Why do you keep calling me soft? I told you what my friends and I have done! Do you even know what the definition of soft is? Because I know all five possible definitions." She held up a hoof, rubbing the nearly solid ring of matted fur that had once been a fetlock. "...and I don't think I currently fit a single one of them. Not even one."

Chuck smiled and said, "A word challenge, huh? Alright, I'll bite." He thought for a short moment and said, "Soft is an adjective, meaning ...squishy, easily deformed, or just ...you know, soft, like a rabbit's fur. The only other definition worth talking about is a little harder to explain. It's like ...someone who is unable to act under pressure. Or just someone being too nice, when it would make much more sense to kick some ass. The antonym is much easier to define though. It's being 'hard'. We call someone who can keep a cool head under pressure 'hardened'. I would say that - In your case - 'soft' would fit you perfectly well, with you being too nice for your own good and freezing under pressure."

Twilight scoffed. "Well so much for arguing verb confusion, then." She sighed deeply, sagging her shoulders. "Look ...Chuck. I don't want us to fight like this. Especially in our current situation. Could you just explain to me why you're so adamant about me becoming ...not soft? I've lived most of my life being soft without even knowing that's what I was, apparently. Isn't it good enough to know that I've survived everything I've been through so far? Why should I change for the worse, when what I already do works more than well enough?"

Chuck scoffed, and said, "First off, it doesn't work. You laid down and let the world's skinniest bear eat you alive, remember? And second; I'm basing all this crap I'm spouting off of people I know ...or knew. Most of the hardened ones are still around, while the nice folks were all zombies or headless and twice dead well before the end of the first year. I mean it's not like I'm just throwing random crap at you here. I'm speaking from a fair deal of real life experience! Heck, I even know what being soft is like! I was pretty soft myself when I was a kid."

"Oh really..." Twilight deadpanned. "I have a hard time believing that. You seem like the kind of human that was born hard."

Chuck choked, and then burst out laughing. Twilight flinched back as he toppled off his chair... "What? What are you laughing about?" And then she realized what she had said, and how it might have sounded to an immature colt of five years of age... "Oh for Celestia's sake! How old are you supposed to be? And quiet down! The zombie will hear you!" She tried.

Chuck slapped his hands over his mouth, managing to reign himself in a few moments later. He sat up, looked at her ...and then his face began to do ...things.

Twilight's lack of amusement grew with each pained and mirthful face the human made, and she soon decided to intervene, lest his face get stuck in one of the ridiculous poses his mirth was forming it into. Her light spell was quickly replaced with one used exclusively for lifting heavy objects, and she plucked Chuck up off the floor. She moved him over his chair, manually adjusting his limbs so they matched the rests and overall shape of the seat. Her actions had the desired effect, and she was left with a stiff-lipped and properly attentive human - who started complaining as soon as his jaw could once again move...

"Jeeze, Princess ...can't you take a joke? You know I don't like your spells. And I couldn't even move my arms that time! What exactly did you do?"

Twilight grinned happily at the question, saying, "That, was an altered version of a cargo manipulation spell! I developed it after seeing a group of unicorns drop a piano. They didn't lift evenly, and the load got out of control. The modifications I came up with allow for one unicorn to do all the work by themselves, by multiplying the applied force through a double-ratcheting levitation matrix." Chuck looked baffled. "...Right, sorry. I forgot you don't know that much about magic and casting. Just think of it like a block and tackle or a chain-fall; but with magic instead of ropes and chains. It can also apply force in any direction within the field, which is the reason you couldn't move your limbs. Two matrices for your arms, another two for your ...legs." Twilight felt her smile start to fall, and she also started to feel ...something odd. "...One matrix for your head and ...another three for your Cervical, Thoracic, and ...Lumbar spine." The feeling got stronger, and she felt compelled to keep talking... "It's ...not really meant for use with living things, due to the amount of force it can exert ...but I know the spell better than anypony! I spent weeks fine tuning the stability of the ratcheting action in the matrices! I can solve those small puzzle trinkets you see in magic shops with it ...tie knots in fine string without the string fraying ...even thread a needle without bending it! You were never in any danger at any point!"

Chuck frowned at her, and Twilight returned the expression. But she was frowning at the floor, instead. The feeling in her gut had grown to an unbearable level, and she was starting to think she'd felt it before...

And the answer wasn't long in coming, because she had felt it before. Or at least she had felt something close to it. She could never forget Princess Celestia's disappointment after she ruined everypony's day over a tardy letter, and the horrible feeling of knowing she'd been almost completely selfish in doing so. The awful feeling was much stronger this time though ...direct and raw, as if her body wanted her to suffer for what should have been a very obviously flawed idea.

And the strange guilt was further compounded by the outright confusion of not being able to find any good reason for her actions.

Why had she chosen to use that spell, instead of her usual go-to methods? A simple levitation field would have been much safer and several times more efficient. The day had only just begun, and she felt a bit woozy and tired, sure. But she had no excuse to give for her severe misuse of potentially dangerous magic, and worse than that...

Chuck didn't know the laws of magic. There was nopony here that could call her out on her mistake...

"Chuck ...I'm sorry. I don't know why I used that spell. I should have just used my mouth instead."

Chuck nodded quickly, and said, "I do usually like it when a gal uses her mouth."

Twilight was getting tired of deadpanning... "Chuck, just tell me what you were going to tell me! And no more jokes. I don't think I can handle much more of your ...humor."

"You could stop talking and pick out a bow!" Chuck fired back, giving up instantly on humor and going straight to yelling at her. "It's why I brought you up here, after all! But then you had to get all ...fili ...fillasofa ...damnit!"

"Philosophical," Twilight finished. "And we both know how I feel about weapons..." She trotted up closer to the man's suddenly grumpy face, and said, "But I will give you a chance, so long as you don't ask me to hurt anypony. I kind of have to go at least that far, after I used that magic on you. Just know that I can't promise I won't break something expensive."

Chuck's face instantly brightened. "That's my Princess! You don't have to use it as a weapon, anyway. There's a lot of rewards for getting good at hitting the center ring on a paper target."

"I'm sure there is ...now could you stop doing that? I'm not a dog..."

Chuck seemed to notice what he was doing, and quickly pulled his hands away from where they were petting her mane. "Heh ...sorry. It's a human and four legged furry things ...thing." He then stood and started to pace, his simple and undecorrated bow swinging loosely in his hand.

"Alright, Princess. I'm going to tell you now what I was going to tell you then, which is this: We all start out soft, a match to our brand new bodies. But then we harden up later on in life, usually once we experience our first case of true hardship or loss." He smoothly shifted his feet, drawing the bow much further than Twilight thought a piece of wood could bend without snapping. "…I was lucky enough to do most of my hardening early, hunting small game with my father. A squirrel or a rat is hardly intimidating, but the very first lesson I learned about hunting was that it didn't matter what the target was. If it had life, the emotions involved were always the same ...and they were damned strong, too. I missed every single shot on a game animal at first, even though I could hit a paper target easily. It was my hands, fighting me because I didn't want to hit the target. One look at a cute little squirrel, and my hands would be shaking all over the place. It took a lot of lost arrows, but I finally learned how to block the emotions out. I hardened myself, and the shaking stopped the very moment I figured out how it worked. Even better, I never froze up in fear again. And that's exactly what you're going to have to do, Princess. Harden yourself against the stresses of life ...and against the emotions of taking a life away. I would normally recommend facing whatever you fear most, but I don't think there are enough bears on my little mountain for that..."

Twilight shivered. "I wouldn't think so, no. And I won't be killing any bears ...or anything else, either."

Chuck smiled at her. "Then you're going to be a snack for something hungry, simple as that."

"Not if you're watching out for me, I won't!" Twilight countered. "Isn't that what humans do in dangerous situations? Keep an eye out for each another?" Chuck gave her a look, but said nothing. Twilight took it as license to keep going. "Well it's what ponies do. And we've done it for so long that we have an adage about it. It's an ancient Equestrian poem so old that we've forgotten the author's origins and name. It's that old!" She decided to provide a small sample, and put a hoof over her heart to say, "A thousand eyes against surprise gives dawn to foals grown old and wise." She let her hoof fall. "The poem has seventy six verses, but that one captures its full message. Memorizing the entire thing is actually a pre-screen requirement for joining Princess Celestia's Solar Guard - her personal protectors. Even my big brother used it on his new troops ...and of course he used it on me all the time when I was little."

Chuck nodded along limply, looking annoyingly disinterested. He then waved a hand and said, "That's nice, Princess . It's not how we do things anymore, though. Modern humans do work together, but it's the exception rather than the rule. A mark of the weak, really." And then he brightened back up a bit. "But enough of this talking crap. Pick out a damn bow already!"

Twilight scoffed. "Really, Chuck? We're just going to ignore everything we just talked about?"

"Glad to hear you're okay with letting things go," Chuck answered. "Because now that I think about it, nothing I have here is going to fit you. I have to figure out a way for you to hold a bow properly, or any training will be pointless."

"Chuck."

"I know you can do stuff with those hooves of yours that make me question my sanity though, so I’m pretty sure you can draw a bow just fine. I'll just make you a custom hoof-friendly riser of some kind to hold onto …maybe take a few days to walk around and see if the right piece of wood and the right shape decides to land in my lap..."

"Chuck, I don't..."

"I mean, I have racks and racks of Yew and Osage Orange staves ready to be worked into fine bows, but finding the right one for something like this? I imagine it’ll be at least two-thirds luck and one third fortune. ...Ha! Frankly, I'm excited!"

Twilight ignored the fact that luck and fortune were exactly the same thing when used in that context, and said, "...Right, Chuck. Just don't work too hard on my behalf, alright? ...And can we please check on things downstairs now? It’s been long enough for that thing to go away now, don't you think?"

"With the way you smell, I doubt it..." Chuck grumbled under his breath. He still didn't seem to realize just how good her hearing was. He then patted her on the head like he hadn't just insulted her and said, "Alright, nooby. You just stay up here, and I'll give things a quick check and come right back."

"Nooby?" Twilight questioned. "First I'm soft, and now I'm a nooby?"

"Yup," Was Chuck's only response as he kicked the ...OH SWEET LUNA’S THIGH-HIGH SOCKS WHAT IS THAT!

Twilight leapt up on the chair and flared her horn, aiming at the absolutely enormous snake she’d noticed staring up at her from the bottom of the doorway. A snort came from Chuck as he …calmly kicked the reptile out of the way of the door and opened it. Twilight could then do nothing but watch as a grown human male leapt onto the banister of the dubiously sturdy staircase like a foal and slid out of sight. He even giggled as he went down the railing on his flank.

The whole experience left her frozen, staring in shock at the empty doorway. She then tried to come to terms with everything she'd just witnessed, and see if any of it made any sense.

A nervous second look revealed the snake wasn't anything to worry about, its eyes being made of glossy black buttons and it's body of aged looking cotton fabric; but she could deal with that tidbit of information in the next moment. Chuck’s actions were actually much more pressing. She couldn’t wrap her mind around why he’d seemingly changed his personality so suddenly and so drastically, becoming a wild risk taker after they'd talked instead of the harsh and quiet neurotic and killer she'd had him pegged as. She could certainly understand a bit of happiness if the man was running away from danger ...maybe. But she had no idea what to make of his careless manner while heading downstairs and back toward it. That was just ...excessively crazy! Had he lost whatever sanity he'd had left during her misguided use of magic? Had he been hiding a much greater problem she simply hadn't noticed? …Or did he perhaps have a flawless plan that she didn’t know of, and thus had nothing to fear from the zombie outside?

And with that messy bunch of thinking out of the way ...Who the hay owns a giant stuffed snake!? Snakes aren't cute! You're only supposed to have stuffed animals because they're cute and hugable! It was completely illogical to try to make something so obviously not cute as a snake look like a foal’s snuggle toy!

"...STOP STARING AT ME!" Twilight cried as she tossed the stuffed menace out of sight behind the table. She then began angrily pacing the floor, trying to think of a way to convince Chuck that making a pony of any subspecies a bow and arrow to shoot was a waste of his time. If this whole archery thing was all about achieving some kind of elevated state of ...hardness, then it should be taught with the mightiest weapon of all; which of course was the mind itself. And to that end, she could just use her magic as her weapon! No deadly projectiles or unnecessary risk-taking needed!

Twilight Sparkle made up her mind then and there. If a zombie ever came at her again and she couldn't simply run away, she would pick it right up and throw it over the horizon with her magic ...or maybe even teleport it up into space. That would both prove her point about not being a big softy, and also keep her from seeing the squishy and upsetting results of her actions. It wasn’t like an already deceased body could feel anything, so it wasn't immoral if she was only doing it to defend herself from dire harm. She wouldn't be a bad pony if she was just trying to not get hurt and possibly prove an important point to a dubious alien ally, right?

…Right?

A big part of her doubted it. In Equestria, almost anything that could move had the right to live, regardless of its nature. Even if that movement was due to a nervous system that had been taken over by a hard to believe virus-infested bacterial colony, it would still have the same right to exist as any other organism. That was the law, as it had been laid out for all of recorded equine history.

She didn't know when, but at some point Twilight had stopped pacing. The stuffed snake lay crumpled on the floor nearby, staring up at her with its big black glossy eyes. From this angle it actually looked ...a little bit sad. And the feeling was apparently contagious, as she let herself slump slowly down to the floor to rest her head on her hooves. She pouted at the fuzzy reptile for a while, and then gave it a hateful cheek-poofing scowl...

"Oh what are you so sad about," She asked the tube of lifeless fabric. "At least you're in your own world, with no worries or moral dilemmas or ...any problems of any kind! At all!"

She reached out with her magic, grabbing the stupid thing to send it slowly flying around the room above her head. She had to roll onto her back to keep an eye on it, lest she overdo things and knock one of the expensive looking bows off the wall.

Twilight spent a few minutes just like that, foaling around and making the long bodied stuffed animal chase its own tail within the cone of light from her horn. It made her feel better somehow …like she was still in control of her life.

It also made her think of Discord without arms or legs, and then she had to take a moment to wonder just where exactly that particular thought had come from...

The answer came to her without effort, and her cheeks puffed out even more before the air pressure overcame her lips in a loud bilabial fricative. "Ppppbt!" She was just feeling the effects of missing her home more than she ever had before, even the parts she didn't particularly enjoy. Not that she really minded helping the town balance its budget or orchestrating the occasional charity event; that was just a part of who she was as a Princess of Equestria. She just missed it …all of it.

Even Discord, and his oddly Chuck-like sense of humor.

Twilight was just starting to tie the giant snake into a loose knot when the door shot open with a loud bang. She had half a second to realize something had gone wrong above her head before the first puff of white cotton landed on her muzzle, slowly rolled off, and drifted to the floor. It was quickly followed by more, and then the rest of the stuffed snake thumped against the carpet when she released it from her grip with a sharp gasp...

"Oh my gosh! Chuck! I am so sorry! You ...you surprised me and my magic slipped and ...I can fix it! I promise I can!"

Chuck quickly rushed into the room, gathering the ruined stuffed animal up in his arms as he lifted his head up toward the ceiling. "NOOOOOOO!", he cried as he held out some cotton puffs toward her and said, "You killed Reggie!" He then slowly leveled a hateful glare full of bared teeth at her, causing Twilight to quickly rise to her hooves. She wasn't too sure about being in a room filled to the brim with Chuck's weapon of choice at the moment...

"How could you ...I only just named him!" Chuck growled. He then choked, snorted, and burst into laughter ...again.

Once the confusion wore off, Twilight’s reward human for his stupidity was half of a stuffed snake at around thirty miles per hour …right to the only place Twilight felt such a lightweight projectile could actually hurt.

While Chuck was busy trying to laugh and groan at the same time from his fetal position on the floor; Twilight was busy stuffing puffballs of stuffing into a dead stuffed snake ...who had apparently just been named Reggie for some Celestia-only-knows reason. She was also trying not to stuff a few of them into somepony else, if they didn't calm down and start making some proper sense in the next few moments...

"Really, Chuck," Twilight chastised as she stomped a hoof on the knappy carpet. "I don't understand you. One second you're locking doors and telling me to be quiet because we'll die horribly if I make noise, and the next you're sliding down the staircase like a foal on Hearth's Warming morning and slamming doors!” Another stomp brought her closer to the downed human, and she increased her volume to say, “Explanations ..now! Is the zombie gone? Are we safe?"

"Safe?" Chuck wheezed from the floor, still holding his crotch. He then splayed out on his back and said, "Well it depends on what you consider safe I suppose. I mean, I couldn't get a solid count from the deck, but I think there's somewhere around ...thirty or so zombies out there, now."

"What!" Twilight exclaimed. She then galloped out of the room, intent on destroying the staircase and putting up a few shields for good measure. She didn't make it past Chuck, who somehow managed to grab both her rear hooves and bring her crashing to the ground.

"Woah! Easy there, princess. Let me explain before you go do something stupid!" The man shouted. He then began to explain himself in a way she wouldn't have seen coming if it was half a hoof away and on fire at midnight...

"A dead man knocking at your door

Does little but send word to more

You can leave him to stew

Or play 'Miserlou’

And make sure that his friends come for more"

Chuck let her rear hooves go, and Twilight whirled around to get right in his face. "What the hay is that supposed to mean!" She growled as she straightened her legs to fully stand.

Chuck groaned as he rolled to his stomach, bracing himself up on his elbows to say, "It's a rhyme we tell kids to keep them quiet while dead-heads are around. You know, so they don’t call in more of them."

Twilight felt her eye twitch a little. She shuddered as her emotions fought to break free. It was all she could do to keep from yelling. "…That was a limerick you …bearded cave troll! Five lines in that pattern is always a limerick! ...And thirty!? How in the flaming hay are we going to get out of here with thirty of them out there waiting for us?!"

"Okay, first off? …I ain’t no damned troll,” Chuck groused. “And we aren't going to be doing a damned thing. I am going to take care of it, while you sit up here and watch the staircase for anything that isn't me. And also if you wouldn't mind fixing Reggie while I take care of crowd control, that'd be great. He's pretty much the only thing I have to keep my scent locked in this little room …which is kind of important while you're waiting for zombies to lose interest in you. Oh, and as for why there are more now, it’s just like the limer-thingy said. That first walker heard and smelled us fighting earlier, and called the others in with all the sound it was making scratching and banging against the door. They attract each other with noise like that ...we think. It's actually a good thing if you look at it the right way. Every walker on the mountain is probably here right now, so once they're all dealt with it'll be much safer to move around outside for the next few days. We could even go out and find that one special tree with your new custom made bow hiding in it!"

Twilight felt her eye start twitching so badly that she had to sit down and put her hooves to her temples to keep her eyelid attached, desperately trying to rub away the migraine she currently felt coming on. And Chuck hadn't even answered all of her questions yet! "And why ...on Equus …and on Earth ...are you so happy about all of this?"

"Because!" Chuck chirped. "Thirty is my lucky number!" He then grabbed a handful of arrows from a nearby basket and left in the same manner as before, his flanks and free hand squealing as they slid down the banister and out of sight.

"..."

Twilight dropped to her stomach and simply let herself roll onto her side with a groan. Chuck was starting to remind her way too much of a certain pink-coated baker she happened to call a close friend. She couldn't seem to figure him out, and had the feeling that she didn't really want to. Chuck was happy when he should be scared, angry or sad when he should be happy …and almost terrifying to be around the rest of the time. Well, okay. She hadn't actually confirmed that middle part yet. But she wouldn't be surprised if it were true! He was crazy! He was insane!

"And Celestia help me ...he's all I have."

Twilight dragged herself slowly across the carpet until she could see the tattered and broken remains of Reggie the first, soon to hopefully become Reggie the second. Her headache was slowly abating now that Chuck had left - regardless of his potentially neck-breaking choice of traveling down staircases - and she had little doubt he would be back safe and sound. Anypony that crazy couldn't be hurt ...not ever. It was like ...well it was like Pinkie Pie. There was just some unwritten rule of the universe about crazy ponies not getting hurt, and apparently the rule wasn't just applicable to her own world. Pinkie Pie could walk through the most chaotic and catastrophic event in all of Equus and come out cheery and unscathed on the other side of things, and there was little doubt that Chuck would come back just in time to make her rip Reggie in half again.

...She would just have to make sure she finished fixing the snake well before that happened.

The door to the balcony was left open, and she could distantly hear Chuck out on the deck. He was calling taunts and slapping his hands together, and every once in a while she would hear the muffled 'thwack' of an arrow finding its mark. Twilight winced each and every time that particular sound reached her ears, but kept count of each occurrence in the back of her mind. She wanted to know when it was safe again, and she only had twenty eight more winces to endure after the first two reached her ears...

~Thwack~ …Three arrows fired so far, and she'd managed to get most of the stuffing back in Reggie’s disturbingly long body.

~Thwack~ …Six arrows, and she now had the first of three seams pulling themselves through the soft fabric. Only two more big seams to go...

~Thwack!~ …Thirteen, and she was mostly done. Now if only she could remember how Rarity said to hide a knot so it didn't show...

~Thwack~ …And done!

Rarity would probably tell her she'd used the wrong stitch, but Twilight had copied the way the rest of the stuffed animal was sewn and it looked more or less fine. The more important thing was that her headache was mostly gone. Her mind was likewise free of unwanted thoughts. And Reggie the snake even looked a bit less sad then he had before she got started. She'd taken that small liberty of her own accord of course, not that she actually liked the thing. She just didn't think a stuffed animal should look sad, and had taken the artistic liberty of correcting the original designer's error.

Time passed in silence, and no more shots from Chuck's bow were heard. Twilight stayed in place, patiently guarding the staircase from the doorway. She waited around ten minutes, before a small hint of worry began to settle in in the pit of her tummy.

Why was it so quiet? Chuck had said he would come back when he was done with …taking care of things. But she felt like he was late, and she'd only heard twenty or so arrows leave his bow.

He was probably just trying to make her worry, given his shifting personality and clear mental unsoundness.

A quick look behind her revealed the edges of each curtained window, and the light was starting to shine through into the room. It was hard to judge, but Twilight guessed the time at around seven thirty in the morning.

…Ugh. Why did she have to think about the passage of time?! Now she had to pee...

Fortunately, she knew right were the little filly's room was. A quick trot next door found her in a typical human-style bathroom and...

Well, she had problems.

Long story short, Twilight sat like Lyra Heartstrings did when the musical mare played her favorite instrument in the park ...or just felt like being her usual un-usual self. She also discovered that the water swirled the opposite direction here on Earth. But that wasn't the important part. What was important, was that she'd managed to keep her balance without falling off or spilling so much as one single drop.

Why this worthlessly miniscule and highly private detail was making her feel like she'd taken on the entire world and actually won, Twilight had no idea ...but it did.

As she trotted back out onto the indoor balcony of the partial third floor, Twilight realized that there were a lot of rooms she had yet to investigate in Chuck’s home. Her inner foal was feeling frisky at the moment for whatever reason, so she did a little turn on the balcony toward the room on the right. The door squeaked open in her magic, and she immediately felt her stomach grumble.

First it was bows lining the walls, and now it was cans. Cans stacked nearly right up to the ceiling. At any random flick of her eyes, Twilight found a multitudinous plethora of food-stuffs to eat with her eyes. Canned beans, canned corn, canned carrots, giant glass jars of pickled beets and pickled cucumbers... Everything a hungry pony willing to eat out of a metal can could ever wish for was present and accounted for.

She actually shook with the effort of closing that door without her still being inside the room, as it was just so tempting to start reading the labels on the cans to see what the nutritional information could tell her. Supper last night had stretched her stomach nearly to capacity, but she was coming off of a two day fast. She needed breakfast. And breakfast - it seemed - would be in a can. But Twilight knew far better than to just take what she wanted from somepony with anger issues. She had to find a certain bipedal can opener named Chuck, and ask for his permission before she partook of his great can'ed larder. It was only proper behavior for a guest, after all.

She just hoped he was being completely silent on purpose…

Maybe it was the thoughts of stuffing herself with food again. Or maybe it was concern over a potential friend being in trouble. …Or maybe she just wasn’t thinking at all anymore to keep from freaking out. But Twilight decided to lean over the railing and call out loudly into the silent house below…

"Hey Chuck? Are you done doing …that thing you were doing yet?"

Good grief, that came out sounding just silly! She never did put words together very well on an empty stomach, but that? Bad Twilight, using bad grammar like that was bad! She just hoped Chuck didn't come to see it as a defining trait of hers, as her lapses in mental ability seemed to be occurring an awful lot lately. Twilight would much rather he see her for the intellectual she was, not just a 'grumbly tummy' and a general lack of worth...

Not hearing a response to her call, Twilight sighed out a less than calming breath. It seemed a more direct approach was going to be necessary, no matter her desires to the contrary. She trotted over to where the balcony's railing gave way to the stairs leading almost straight down, and gave the first step a wary eye. It had been a real problem just getting up the stupidly designed thing, and she had little doubt going down would be just as awkward.

She briefly considered just jumping off the balcony and gliding down through the massive and open living area below, but her feathers were now in even worse condition than when she'd tried to fly after Chuck on her second day here on Earth. She’d not had a chance or any reason to preen in days, what with the crazy human always being nearby or her wing's condition stuck in the back of her mind. And her wings were now so badly maintained that she didn't want to put them anywhere her mouth. Combine that lack of proper wing maintenance with three large and missing outer primaries, and she was a living recipe for disaster if she dared leave the ground. Twilight could only guess at this point, but it was safe to assume she currently had the same glide ratio of the average brick. An image of her broken body on the floor below suddenly forced itself into her head, and she quickly abandoned any remaining ideas of jumping. It was the stairs, then. Stairs were good!

Good and slippery…

Twilight took way too long to get a hoof planted on the first step, and even longer to get the pattern down as she got started in her decent. It was left front hoof down, lean her neck on the banister for support, both rear hooves down a step one at a time, and then her right front hoof would start the pattern over for the next stair. It worked well enough, but now her right wing was causing her problems. The stupid thing was getting hung up between the rungs, and it caught her off guard almost every single time it happened. If she wasn’t so worried about what had happened to Chuck, she would probably be very glad he wasn’t here to see her having such a hard time with a simple stupid set of-HUP - "GAAAAAAAAAH!"

Twilight chattered down the steps at a frightening pace, her right side slung up against the banister by the centrifugal force of the spiraling wood. Her hooves smashed past stair after stair as if the wooden planks were made of smooth ice, rattling her shoulders and setting her cheeks - all four of them - to bouncing like she'd been tossed into a running rock tumbler. It felt like it would never end ...until of course it ended.

The last stair came and went, and Twilight found herself launched out across the main room at a terrifyingly desperate gallop. She stumbled a good distance before getting a lucky step under her body and spreading her hooves out to slide to a shuddering stop.

...And then she went right ahead and laid down on the floor, hanging onto the long-stranded carpet as if she was worried gravity was about to reverse itself and she'd float off the ground if she didn't hang on tightly enough.

It was a good long while before Twilight realized she had been holding the same breath for too long, and she forced herself to gasp in a fresh batch of air. She slowly calmed down enough to get her brain going again, and found she’d gone nearly halfway across the large main room. It was a miracle she hadn’t plowed through the sitting area and smashed into a couch or the table in front of the fireplace, which had been made of ...oversized deer antlers and a thick round section of perfectly clear glass, from what she could tell.

That would have been loud, and probably also a bit painful.

Twilight closed her eyes and took one more deep and calming breath. Her hooves were tingling badly, but she was otherwise okay. She hadn’t had a ride like that since her efforts to save the Crystal Empire from King Sombra …but then she also hadn’t come down here to lay on her belly and shake like a scared foal. She had an insane potential friend to check on! ...Or a potentially insane friend to check on.

It depended on Chuck's mood which order the descriptive adjectives went in, and on her mood too if she thought it over.

Twilight stood up on her tingling hooves and looked out through the massive windows, trying to see where Chuck currently was. And then she had to force herself to breath yet again. She couldn’t see the sun itself, but she could see the colors it was casting across the trees past the porch's railing. And the view was ...well it was breathtaking. She could only imagine what it would be like to grow up in a place like this. It would probably ruin the rest of the world for a young human.

…They would likely never find a more beautiful view in all their lives.

The mountain range in the distance lanced up into the sky, so high that she could picture Rainbow Dash herself having a hard time reaching it. And a mare like Rainbow could probably do well over a thousand tricks before having to even flap her wings at all, should she throw herself from the tallest peak and just start performing. The tallest summit was so ridiculously tall that the entire upper third was covered in snow, even though it was clearly summer and the temperatures outside were hot enough to make her sweat without so much as lifting a hoof...

Twilight was still staring across the plains below when Chuck casually walked into view on the deck outside, wearing his brown jacket and carrying his preferred simply bow hooked over his shoulder. He had his quiver tied loosely to his belt, and there were only a few wooden shafts left sticking out of it. He stared at her through the glass for a moment, and then suddenly smirked in a very peculiar manner. He pointed toward the distant peaks, and then ...cupped his chest muscles in his hands while making a kissy face and ...wiggling his hips back and forth.

Twilight watched in rather horrified amazement, as a being fifteen years her senior made a complete foal of himself. His insane and highly uncharacteristic antics were so out of left field that she found herself simply standing there, unable to tear her eyes away from the mind-breaking spectacle. Chuck kept cupping his chest and pointing at the mountains for a while before he finally seemed to figure out that he wasn't going to get the reaction he wanted, and then simply shrugged before turning to lean on the deck's tall railing. It left Twilight's mind free to think again, but it still took a moment to get her hooves to actually move. She picked herself up, and made her way to the door that led to the deck.

She wanted to see what was going on, even if it meant having to brave the smell outside ...and a very mentally questionable and yet dangerously armed human.

The smell that hit her nose when Twilight opened that door was the worst yet by far, but she stubbornly moved forward across the wooden deck boards anyway. It wasn’t nearly as scary when she was well above the ground and under the protection of an insane bow-wielding killer human.

She did limit herself to breathing through her mouth, though. Especially as she was passing the clearly well-used grill sitting half way around the deck along the side of the house. Chuck came into view just as she passed the glass table and painted metal chairs. He was still leaning casually on the same spot of railing at the very front of the deck, staring blankly off into the distance at the amazing view.

Twilight opened her mouth, but of course Chuck had heard her loud hooves approaching and was talking before she could get a word in...

"You know what those mountains are called?" He asked, nodding at the distant peaks.

No, she didn't. And as pretty as they were, she didn't really care right now, either. Chuck was clearly alive and physically in one piece. His mind was much less intact, but she was not going to be hungry and out in the stinky air when she could be inside and filling her belly. "No, Chuck. I don't know anything other than what you’ve told me so far …but let's go back inside and have some breakfast first. You can tell me all about the mountains while we eat, okay? This smell is awful and the view was just as pretty from inside."

Chuck grumbled something about ruining the moment, but he fell silent when Twilight - very gently and with a normal and perfectly safe levitation field - lifted him in her magic. He was never more than a foot off the deck, but his tensed-up frame and nervous expression as she carried him along made it obvious that he still didn't trust her talent in spell-work one bit. She should probably come up with some sort of trust exercise or something to fix that... Maybe make a game of him shooting targets while she moved them around in her magic? Or would it be better to move him around while he tried to hit stationary targets? She could combine the two, but that much movement might make the big man sick and they were still even on making each other vomit. She really didn't want to upset the score on that end of things, if she could help it...

"Princess..." Chuck tried, his voice much higher than usual. She cut him off...

"Twilight Sparkle, Please." Twilight corrected as she maneuvered the man's stiff frame through the door. "Or just Twilight. Nopony really calls me by my title unless I'm performing my duties. And even then, I prefer just Twilight."

"Oh," Chuck said as his feet returned to the carpeted floor. He wobbled a bit as he regained his balance and said, "You know, I really hate it when you do that ...and you jumped the gun anyway. There's one more moving around down under the deck. I couldn’t get a shot and ran out of my good arrows trying to get lucky through the gaps in the decking. I just need to grab another handful of broadheads and take care of the last one. Cleanup has to happen after that, and then we can have some breakfast. I'd say about ...forty five minutes for cleanup, and another fifteen for cooking. That too long for you, Princess?"

"Where and what are broadheads? I can get them for you," Twilight quickly offered. She would deal with all the crazy new questions in her head later; right now it was time for food. She didn’t mind helping Chuck get things done, so long as it got a can of nice crunchy carrots on the table and didn't involve actively seeking out conflict …or have anything to do with dead things of any kind.

She was still a pony at heart, after all.

"I got it, so don't worry yourself ...Twilight Sparkle." Chuck grumbled as he went downstairs. He came back a moment later with his quiver stuffed full of arrow shafts, and went out on the deck again. The regal tone - and the hardly subtle waist-deep bow he'd given as he used her full name - was clearly an attempt to rile her. He’d all but kissed her hoof like an old-timey romantic, for Luna's sake! But she was just too hungry at the moment to do much about it.

Chuck walked out the second floor's side door and back into view out on the deck again, his bow loaded with an arrow and ready in his hands. He leaned out over the railing with his weapon, trying to get a shot at the enemy below. But he didn't fire for a few solid minutes, and was clearly getting frustrated. He seemed to get tired of waiting, and shot his arrow into a tree across the driveway; probably hoping to tempt the last zombie into investigating the sound. But another full minute passed without another arrow being fired, and Chuck went back to simply glaring down over the railing.

Twilight's stomach growled particularly loudly, and she considered other options. On one hoof, she could try to help Chuck in some manner, and hopefully make breakfast start sooner to aid her quickly degrading stomach. On the other hoof, she wanted absolutely nothing to do with anything her brain had just come up with.

…Then her stomach growled once more, and she realized she was thinking about both food and death at the same time.

...And she was doing so without noticing or getting sick about it.

What the hay was going on here? She should have lost her appetite the moment the smell of death hit her nose out there on the deck. But here she was: hungry enough to eat a whole watermelon by herself until her belly pudged out in an obtuse little sphere.

Dear Celestia... Was she getting accustomed to this place? Was it already changing her that much, that she wasn't sickened by the smell of death and decay?

Twilight really hoped not. Even if it would make things a little easier on her for the time being, she didn't want to get home to Equestria any different than she'd left. Especially if she came home being able to be eat while death was anywhere nearby. Nopony that could do something like that would be considered mentally stable. Not in Equestrian society.

~rrrrr... ...gurgle~

Ugh, shoot... She would just have to visit a therapist or something when she got home. It was currently bite the bit and help the human, cheat and steal the human's cans, or be too hungry to get anything done today in the first place. She didn't have much choice, if she wanted to be worth half of a rusty horseshoe when she got working on the tasks she was hoping to get done today...

Twilight sighed, and forced herself to head back out on the deck. It was strange to actually want to feel fear, and not be able to. The lack of self-preservation or worry in her gut just seemed wrong. It put a lump in her throat, and drove her right back into worrying for her own mind's well being...

What was the root cause of her mental health taking a sudden dive like this? Was it Chuck's sudden and jarring change in behavior? Had she been so affected by his lack of fear that she no longer felt a need to feel it herself? Was she becoming hardened, just like Chuck had wanted? She didn't think there had been enough time for any of these things to affect her, so she chalked it all up to some kind of placebo effect her crazy morning had brought on. And any additional thoughts would have to wait, as Chuck had just noticed her coming...

"Hey Pri ...Twilight. Welcome back. You looking to stretch those little wings of yours? You know I haven't seen you use them since we met."

The smug grin on the human's face hit her in completely the wrong way, and Twilight felt the pieces of a puzzle she'd not even known she was working on start to move around in her head for where they might fit in with other pieces.

"I would like to take a morning flight," Twilight said, her brain chugging away like a reciprocating steam engine. "…But I haven’t had a chance to preen in a while and I’m missing a few primary feathers. It probably wouldn't be a very good idea to try flying with our ...visitor, being where he is at the moment."

"Pretty sure it's a blond chick growling at us down there …but yeah, I'd have to agree," Chuck said as he scratched his chin beneath his beard. "You'd be in trouble if you took a fall off the deck right …hang on a second. Can’t you just float me out there a bit so I have a shot?"

Twilight smiled, but Chuck was freaking out before she could even get him wrapped in her magic...

"Wait! I was just asking! Don't actually do it!"

Twilight would have chuckled, if she wasn't so much more interested in getting answers at the moment. More and more pieces were falling into place as she watched Chuck fidget under - or rather over - her gaze, and she dispersed her magic to say, "Sorry, Chuck. I was only trying to speed things up a bit earlier because I'm feeling hungry. But the answer to your question should be obvious... I’ve held you in my magic a few times now, and I’m sure you’ve noticed how steady I can be. I could definitely help you get a shot from past the deck railing. But if you're not comfortable with it yet, than I’d actually like to ask you something important. I’ve got this crazy idea stuck in my head, you see ...that you’re acting funny this morning because you’re..."

Chuck cut her off with an obviously fake yawn and said, "Yeah, whatever, Sparkle. Look, I'm tired of you picking me up without asking first, alright? So please don't. It still freaks me out that something your size can even get me off the ground. Doing it with nothing but some funky looking sparkly-smoke, though? You can count me right the hell out. That said, this is a good opportunity! You should grab that dead blonde under our feet and toss her out over the mountainside. Think of it as your first lesson in the art of the deadly projectile. ...Get it? Deadly projectile? Cause I'm going to train you to shoot at some point and ...oh, come on with the frowny face. You know that was funny..."

Twilight let her flanks sink to the deck as Chuck spoke, her face twisting into a deadpan glare. He was obviously trying to change the subject for some reason; and she felt a few more pieces of the puzzle fall into place even if she couldn't really define them clearly. She was starting to see things for what they were though, and a picture was coming together… "Chuck. I know you don't seem to like talking about yourself. But I need you to help me understand what’s going on with you this morning. I won't stop worrying about it until I at least understand it," She explained, her glare falling to a more concerned frown as Chuck seemed to wither under her gaze. "Please …can't you talk to me? At least tell me why you're acting so ...different. I don’t know who you are right now, and I think your hardened and soft speech is starting to affect me in a way I'm not okay with. I need to understand why it's happening, Chuck. …Please?”

Chuck pursed his lips and said, “We only just met me a couple of days ago. Two days of knowing someone is hardly enough time to claim that their putting on an act or changing who you are as a person. You’re just stressed out, and rightfully so. Now go back inside and relax while I…”

“NO!” Twilight shouted, another large piece having fallen into place. She'd also scared herself with the volume of her own voice, having intended to just speak loudly and not at all to shout. But since she'd started and it felt good to do... "I am NOT walking away from this, Chuck! I know I’m stressed, and you aren’t helping me by avoiding the issue! Now stop trying to change the subject and tell me why you’re acting so different from yesterday! Is it because you don't want me to leave at some point in the future? Are you trying to protect me? I know the thought is in your head, because there’s no way that 'thirty is my lucky number' is a real excuse for rushing off to do ...this! I'm sorry, but I need to understand! Please ...don't make me sit here all day and ask for answers when you have them ready to share."

Chuck's features had steadily dropped as she spoke, and he was looking far older and more tired by the time she'd finished her admittedly rather angry rant. He turned away from her and went back to watching the ground below as he said, "You know what, Twilight? I think you're a bit too perceptive for your own good. And it's bullshit, frankly. You're not even human, and I can't read you body language for shit."

Twilight's ears were locked forward, waiting for any little detail that could help her put the final few pieces of the puzzle together. But Chuck remained stoically silent long enough that she knew he needed another push before he would finally talk.

"I didn't exactly need to be very perceptive to tell you weren't yourself this morning, Chuck," Twilight said, trying to hide her slowly growing regret for starting this anger-filled conversation. "...And I'm not exactly a pony that's well known for reading other pony's emotions. If I can tell something is wrong, then it’s a safe bet that it's serious. Just tell me. Let me help you if I can. And then we can both move on like nothing ever even happened. You have my word as a Princess of Equestria; your secrets will be kept exactly as they are …yours. I won’t share a single word you say with another living soul."

Chuck snorted, his small nose flaring slightly. He let his large frame sag against the railing and said, "I just… I mean are we really doing this right now? It's not exactly the time for this emotional shit, is it?"

Twilight nodded and said, "I realize that it's not good timing. But I'm doing this right now because ...well to be honest it's mostly because I’m having some mental troubles of my own, and I think the way you started acting this morning made my problems get worse.” Chuck scoffed, but said nothing to contradict her. Twilight continued, “…But then I also feel like there wouldn't be a good time for talking this sort of thing out, ever. I learned a while ago that it’s best to take care of your problems early, before they have a chance to grow and become other pony's problems as well.”

Twilight stood up and slowly worked her way over to stand by Chuck’s side. She was pleasantly surprised when he didn't react beyond leaning away a bit. She even managed to gently pat his hip as she said, “I know you seem to think I’m too innocent to understand your problems, Chuck. But I honestly think you’d be surprised. When I became a Princess, I lost the luxury of trotting away from other pony’s problems. I've seen what happens to ponies that ignore the things that hurt them for too long." She sighed, resting her chin on the top of the railing. “There was a mare that hid herself away because she had a condition that made her heat flare up out of sync with the rest of the town. She had to be admitted after she showed up in the market one day and started shouting about …well I won’t go into specifics, but it got pretty scary and we had to force her to accept help. Anyway, it only happened because she refused to seek help for her problems in the first place.” Twilight looked up and locked eyes with Chuck. His eyes flicked down to match hers, but it felt like he was trying to set her mane on fire with them. Clearly he didn’t like her pushing this subject, and Twilight had to break her gaze away as she said, "Chuck, please. For both of our sakes. Just let me try to figure this out. It's what I'm supposed to do as a Princess ...okay?"

Chuck remained silent for a moment. She watched as he sighed a few times, but there wasn't much sound to go with the deep movements of his chest. Twilight noted that it was remarkably similar to the breathing exercises Cadence had taught her when she was young. He then turned his head slightly and narrowed his blue-green eyes, looking down at her as if she were a foal caught cheating on a final exam. He crossed his arms on the railing and gave the deck a light kick with his sturdy boots before his voice came forth in a reserved monotone…

"You don't know what you're getting into here, I can tell. But fine. You want to play at being a psychologist and get yourself all freaked out to the point you need one yourself, it’s not my problem to deal with. I’ll bear my soul, but only because I get the feeling you won’t drop this stupid concern of yours until I do..." He then leaned sideways on the railing, his face held firmly in a scowl. "I suppose I'll start with the obvious... It’s been over ten years since the outbreak, and I've killed so many of these damned dead people I could probably turn the entire mountain white with just their teeth and knee caps. So many faces shaped roughly the same shape as my own, and I killed them all without so much as a second thought."

Twilight took half a step back and let her body return to a natural position, letting Chuck continue uninterrupted...

"Or at least that’s how it started out, I guess. But then the only constant you can ever count on being true is ...things change,” Chuck's gaze left her in favor of the horizon, his voice low and even. “I started to remember them …see them alive and happy in my dreams. I started to miss easy shots and ...the shake came back to my hands. I tried to block the emotions out again, but that's just not how these kinds of things work. I had to stop for a while, rest my bow until the dreams stopped. And it all turned into this great big cycle of life and death. I would hunt them down without mercy until the dreams came and my hands shook, then hide myself away until I was well enough to start up wiping them out again. Each time I would come back with twice the hatred for the disease as before ...and often times the body count to match the hatred." He let out a little chuckle, breaking the trance Twilight hadn't notice herself slip into. "Except each time I went back out there, it got a little bit harder to get back home in one piece.” His eyes found her once more, and Twilight felt her heart lurch. The anger he’d had was no longer present, and he looked nearly ready to fall over as he continued. “I'm afraid I’m getting old before my time, Princess. And there's only one way that sort of story ends out here. I guess your nosy nature picked up on it, though I doubt you expected the answer to be as simple as old age and shaking hands."

Chuck turned back to the railing and sneered down at the ground below, still on the lookout for the last target. His sneer grew enough to show a few slightly yellowed teeth as he ran a hand over the railing and said, "...But It's not age itself that I’m really worried about. I know better than to think I'll make it that long. The real threat is getting tired and slow, or worse ...soft." He renewed his failing smirk. "The best survivors? Those rare people that figured out how to carve themselves a decent living out of this place? They never die to old age, and I'm no different. I even know exactly how it's going to happen, too. I'll start to hunt the dead again someday soon out of boredom or to save the living, but I’ll be too damned old to run from the next set of dreams anymore. I'll have no choice but to keep killing until ...well, until the end. I'll lose it ...get myself cornered ...take the wrong trail or take a risk in a town to save someone's kid. And then I’ll get chomped in the neck by the one I didn't see coming. It’s just like I told you last night; about fearing the unknown. Welcoming that fear into your life is one of the core rules for survival out here. If you get too senile or too crazy to heed the warnings of your own fear? You get weeded out right there on the spot. That's just the way nature here handles things, and keeps the balance..."

Twilight listened raptly; her attention not wavering for even a moment. She got a bit worried when Chuck turned around and slid his back down the railing to a proper seated position, but Chuck seemed happy to just rest and talk.

"...I've seen it happen a few times, you know? Hardened people losing it and turning into even bigger monsters than the dead? There was one just last year. A really bad bit of business. Some old guy vanished from his house near the airport for a whole month, not a word given as to where he was going or why. He shows up again butt naked and covered in scratches …nothing but a Remington seven millimeter magnum in his hands. He started shooting at anybody in range, and two of the Bar-J boys were hit before he ran out of ammo and used his last spare bullet to take the easy way out."

Okay, Twilight was starting to feel a bit more uncomfortable with Chuck's story. She didn't really understand every term he had used so far, but she could certainly follow along with the context of the words she did understand. She had seen her own share of action and risk, but Chuck had seen something more alike to ...well pain, more than anything else. He seemed to have been through so much of it! More than she thought anypony in all of Equestria had been through. Maybe even all the pain in Equestrian history put together! She didn't get a chance to going through the actual numbers before Chuck kept going though, which was probably a good thing...

"I could easily become something like that instead of just dying, Twilight. A monster without morals, no purpose left in life but taking the lives of others for some backwards reason like sparing them all the crap I've seen and been through? I can feel those kinds of thoughts in the back of my head sometimes, like there’s another me back there just waiting for me to finally snap so it can take over. It makes me think about human nature, and if we don't all just have a dark side waiting in us; like some kind of mental trap laid out for the people we care about and love. ...Anyway, I guess that's just about all of it ...Hope you're happy you got me talking about nothing for a bit."

Twilight bit her lip in thought. She had definitely gotten what she’d wanted, though Chuck’s problems were much worse than she’d been expecting and she wasn't sure she could help him enough to garner a working friendship between them. It was like he’d been forced to put on an act for ten whole years, with nopony around to even act as an audience. He'd been stuck on an emotional ride so harsh that it had left him fearful of his very own nature. It was a genuinely horrible thing to think about, but it also gave her a lot of insight into his seemingly random attitude towards her presence in his home and in his life. He had initially taken her unique form and magic with nothing more than an understandable amount of fear, and she now felt his quick acceptance was due to simply having much bigger problems already present in his head to deal with. She was fairly sure she’d gotten all the pieces of the puzzle now, as well. A mostly complete but piecemeal image of the human named Chuck. All that was left was to stick the bigger chunks together to fit her own little patchwork puzzle with her own wavering image. And she wanted nothing less than to use the only glue she felt had a chance of sticking, and hope he was open to it.

...She was talking about friendship, of course. And no, she didn't know why she was comparing friendship to glue. Or actually she did understand it, but only in hindsight.

Goddesses, Twilight was hungry...

"Chuck? Look at me, please..." The man didn't turn his sprawled form, but his head and eyes lifted just enough to find her face. Twilight cleared her throat and spoke slowly, trying to pick her words as carefully as possible... "I know that you’re scared about what will happen if you don’t block out the painful things in your life." She raise a hoof when he frowned. "And yes, I do realize that life here is a bit …well actually, it's a lot worse than what anypony back in Equestria would consider normal. But I know for a fact that you can overcome it …rise above your perceived shortcomings and see them for what they really are.”

“And what might that be?” Chuck asked with a sullen grunt. “...And don’t say that they're nothing, because I’ll toss you right off this deck.”

And just like that, the last piece of a very gluey and messed up puzzle landed square in Twilight's hooves.

Twilight rose, undeterred by the empty threat of violence. She trotted right up to the big human’s side and laid a comforting hoof over his shoulder. He gave a surprised grunt and jerked back, but she held on and made sure to look him right in the eyes as she said, “I know they aren't nothing, Chuck. Our problems exist because we exist. They can never be 'nothing', no matter how much we might want them to be. But I think I know what your problem is now, and it's a lot simpler than suppressed emotions or fears about an unknown future.” Chuck tried to look away, and Twilight surprised herself when she reached across his chest to grab his chin and make him look back at her. It was a much bolder move than she expected of herself, but she wanted to see his face when she said these next words. They wouldn't hold anywhere near the same weight without eye contact… “You see, Chuck. Your problem isn't external. It isn't something the world has done to you or an inherent flaw in human nature. It’s something you did to yourself a long time ago …a mental wound you took on when you made the decision to stop making friends.”

Chuck's face didn't change as he pushed her hoof away, causing her to fall back to her hooves. He rose to his feet and began aggressively pacing the deck, his hands clenched tightly at his sides. Twilight followed every angry step with her eyes, softly continuing to deliver another dose of her clearly unwanted logic...

“Chuck... You can get angry if you want to. You can posture and threaten and run for as long as you like. But the pain you're in isn’t going to go away until you stop and face it. You need to have a friend, and …I’ll admit the thought is a daunting one with the ...quality of the people I've met here so far. But I’m convinced you can do it! You've obviously done it before, so you can do it again!" She put a hoof to her chest. "And you have me! I'm your friend! That has to at least give you some confidence in yourself …doesn't it?”

Chuck stopped, his hands clenched even more tightly than before. He slightly turned his head and said, “We are not ...friends.” He then wheeled around and stomped toward her, and Twilight had to fight an alarmingly powerful urge to take a step back as he closed the distance. He leaned over her, practically growling out his next words, “…And you want to know how I know it?” Twilight opened her mouth to answer, but Chuck beat her to it, “It's because of you, Princess Sparkle! The fact that you’re still alive is proof enough! Friends die! And that’s all they fucking do! Every single one, right down to my last desire to make any more of them! They stab you in the back ...get torn to shreds by a pack of wolves or get too sick to walk and then some ass-hat leaves them all alone to starve in a fucking mineshaft! ...Or hell! Sometimes they just don't listen to sense and wind up cornering themselves and get torn to pieces in a fucking city trying to find some STUPID FUCKING RADIO TRANSMITTER!"

Twilight stood in stunned silence, not even wiping the speck of Human spittle she had felt land on her face. Chuck huffed and puffed above her, his rage slowly fading away to an indifferent and tired look. His bunched shoulders slowly returned to normal as he straightened the rest of his posture and said, "I’m sorry Princess, but that’s what friends are good for ...dying in a bloody mess and taking a little bit of your hope with them each and every time they do. I don’t have much hope left to spare, so you’ll just have to settle for us being …acquaintances, I guess.”

Chuck’s hands swung limply at his sides, and his entire form sagged in on itself as he leaned on the railing to continue with, “I know you think you can help me out in some way ...and believe me, you're a much better person than most for even making the effort. But I'm done with letting other people get close. I'm not interested, so long as this Mang Jeishu bullshit keeps going. And let's face it. That might as well mean forever to a man my age.”

Twilight carefully and slowly sat herself down again, watching Chuck’s half-hidden features carefully as she said, “I understand why you might feel that way, Chuck. Or at least, I think I do. But you don’t seem to understand what I meant...” She could see Chuck start to grimace, as if he already knew what she was going to say. She swallowed the growing lump in her throat and pressed onward, believing in her logic and the puzzle she'd put together in her head. “I’ve been your friend ever since last night, when you forgave me after I angered you during dinner. I decided then and there to be the best possible friend I could be for you. And you’re a great friend, Chuck. You are! I would be glad to take you back to Equestria with me, assuming I figure out how to leave the virus here first ...and you were willing.” She paused. This next moment would make or break her standing with her human companion. Either he would accept her offer and start to heal ...or he might actually kick her over the railing in a fit of rage. "...And I’ve also made a bit of a decision, or actually ...a rather big one. I've decided that I'm not leaving this planet. Not until I’m a hundred percent sure that you’re going to be okay without me. And that’s a promise I won't be backing down from, no matter what.”

A long moment of silence washed across the deck, interrupted only by the occasional muffled moan or shuffle from below. Twilight could do nothing but wait for Chuck to decide his (and her own) fate.

“You’re a fool,” Chuck finally whispered, his face unreadable. “…A wonderfully adorable, innocent little fool.” He then seemed to age a hundred years right before her eyes as he slowly lifted his head to the sky and said, “You’re going to die here …you know that’s the only possible end if you stay any longer than you have to. You’re just not built for a place like this. No one is.”

"I know," Twilight whispered back. "...But I can try to look out for the both of us if I have to. Aand until you let yourself change so you can have help that isn't me, that's just what I'll do.”

Chuck's expression shifted into a hateful scowl. He turned it directly on her and said, "If you're that strong that you can look out for both of us, then you can fend for just yourself even better without me around! I'm not about to risk you dying after I get stupid and start to like you, so I guess I’d better just save myself the trouble and kick you out before that happens ...that sound about right?"

Twilight tensed. He was bluffing, right? He had to be! She'd figured out his problem! He was supposed to accept her friendship and then start to get better now! What the hay had gone wrong that he wanted her to leave!?

And worse ...this was the end of her ideas. It didn't match up to the puzzle she'd formulated. She couldn't think of anything else to do! No golden words she could say to make somepony like Chuck reconsider his stance on friendship came to mind, and no action that could save her from the clutches of this place once she was on her own again were apparent. She was trapped in the deep end of a mental cesspool!

Twilight looked deep into Chuck's glaring eyes and felt ...something strange, deep inside of herself. A massive wall of emotions and thoughts that confounded and yet soothed her breaking spirit better than any medicine ever could.

And she found herself smiling, then laughing at the very thought of heading back into the barren woods by herself. She wouldn't let Chuck do it to her. Not now, and not ever.

And so Twilight acted on the very first idea that popped into her head, even though she hadn't planned it out past the first step. She was dimly aware that she was laughing like a madpony as she got to her hooves, bolted toward the railing...

And leapt over it.

Chuck had been busy staring at her in horror for some reason, and had barely gotten out a single syllable before she was over the railing and on a very unstable glide to the ground below. And the use of the term ‘glide’ was more or less due to the fact that she didn’t simply fall from the sky. There was a bit of forward momentum that she’d started with though, and she managed to keep most of it until she crumpled into the loose gravel driveway laid out under the deck above. She wound up far to the right of where she'd intended, but it didn't matter. She was right were she needed to be ...up Screwball Creek and straight on into the wide and deep oceans of insanity, just like good old Chuck.

And why was she there? ...Because when somepony denies you victory through a default, the only option left is obvious! You join them and then work the problem from within! Chuck was clearly crazy, so she'd turned the battle into one based on his craziness! It was pure genius! All she had to do was play a few mind games, and then make him worry himself nearly to death! Then she could swoop in and save the day! Boom! Instant friendship through mutual insanity! And even better, mind games were fun! Her teacher had taught her every little trick in the book when it came to playing them!

He had no chance! No chance at all! Heheh!

The plan got strained a bit - however - when Twilight found herself laying right next to the lifeless form of a man in a muddy pair of overalls. The smell was instantly bad enough to turn her cheery grin into a grimace, but the arrow shaft sticking out the back of his head was even worse.

It made her stop what she was doing and actually think about what she doing...

She didn’t have time to think for long though, as the sounds of Chuck shouting at her from above brought her attention back to the task at hoof …which she'd actually somehow forgotten for some reason.

“What the hell was that!” Chuck yelled as he swept the current arrow from his bow and pulled a much more wicked looking one from his quiver. “Seriously! What the HELL are you thinking!?” He then leaned out over the railing, his bow drawn back all the way to his ear with one of his legs shoved through a gap in the rail to lock him in place. Twilight's eyes flicked across the gravel to where he was aiming, and she immediately took a step back.

One, Chuck had said. Just one dead human to deal with, and then some kind of cleanup, and breakfast.

But there was far more than just one single lumbering form in the darkness beneath the deck, and they were all currently looking directly at her.

And oddly enough, Twilight had never felt sanity take hold of her so quickly and firmly as it did in that one short moment. The moment wherein she realized that she'd lost her mind for sure...

~Chapter Five - The Nose~

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.