Twilight Zombie

A work of ...Fifteen pirate zombies on a dead man's chest, I guess. By a very Busyguy.

~Chapter Two - The Road~

Twilight trotted through the woods, a heavy and precious load slung across her back.

Thirty minutes for around four gallons. That’s what she guessed her condenser construct had produced in pure drinking water. It was an amazing yield for such a small condenser. Of course, it was also a lot of heavy water to be lugging around. In fact, the uncomfortable wooden cradle she’d formed out of living wood to carry the two jars was resting up over her wings. She’d have to set her water down to be able to fly, if she could even call it flying with the last three primaries on her right wing ripped out at the root.

But the dead-human smell was weaker than before, and she was once again on her hooves and moving forward. So things could definitely be worse…

~Three minutes later~

Oh, sweet Celestia! It was worse! Stars above, Twilight had never gone so far past normal hunger! And to add to the insult, it was lunch time. Or at least her grumbling stomach seemed to think it was.

More than a few interesting flowers had been sniffed at as they had gone by, but she hadn’t recognized a single one well enough to trust it. Mushrooms were also available in great abundance, though most were dried out and threatened to have the texture of the average unused kitchen sponge. but she knew far better than to even lick a leaf if she didn’t know the exact species.

At one point, Twilight had trotted past a small pond; but it was so overgrown with floating plants - and smelled so disgustingly awful - that she’d simply stuck out her tongue and pulled a face as she went by.

The water jugs were a bit heavy, but they were getting lighter as she went. Every hour or so, she’d stop to take a few deep pulls at each jug in turn. It was important to keep the jugs balanced, or her spine would be paying the price for ignoring the forces of physics. A quick check revealed that she’d consumed about a quarter of her water supply so far, which wasn’t too bad considering she’d gone almost a full day without a drop to drink. And the stupid heat wasn’t exactly helping things, either!

But the problems ...they just kept adding up. The latest and greatest of which was now her hooves. They were getting packed tight with loose rocks and stones every ten or twenty minutes. It was bad to the point where she worried her poor frogs were going to just give up and shrivel up into her hooves. She’d tried to keep the deeper grooves cleaned out as best she could, but the ground around here just seemed perfectly designed to stuff her poor hooves until they nearly burst!

Every ten minutes, she’d have stop, get out from under her water jugs, and pry as many of the stupid things out as she could with her ailing magic or a nearby stick. It also didn’t help that she wasn’t used to so much walking. The frogs of her hooves were as narrow and soft as a newborn foals, at least when compared to her friend Applejack’s. She could tell they would need a little healing, if she was going to keep up her current pace.

She went ahead and cast the standard healing spell on each hoof, one at a time. Each release of magic earned her a strange onrush of emotions and images, making her close her eyes and wince for each casting. She still had a strong desire to understand how a creature as complex as a human could even move around without its spark …but she pushed the desire away, opting for survival instead.

She never thought she would see the day! Twilight Sparkle: the leading edge of Equestrian magic research and development for five years straight …was willingly avoiding a mystery involving magic!

It was certainly surreal, but anypony currently waiting on her many pending or incomplete essays on magic and ancient Equestrian history would just have to be patient. Dead or stranded ponies did not make good scientists or historians, or at least she didn't know how they would be able to.

Or maybe she was wrong, and they actually could? She was a little unsure of what she believed possible anymore...

But that train of thought wasn't getting her any closer to getting home, and now she was free of the larger aches and pains in her hooves. Of course, that also meant she was free to clearly notice all the other small pebbles still lodged in them. But she couldn’t do much about it out here by herself. Without being able to actually see the things, she couldn’t simply grab them with magic. Or at least not without also grabbing everything else nearby, which would likely result in the saddest one-pony hoofshake ever. She would just have to wait, get home, and then pay a nice long visit to the Spa twins. That one twin named Lotus Blossom was a miracle worker when it came to hooves, and could extract the tiniest pebble from the deepest and most box-hoofed pony in all of Equus. Assuming they had a spare half hour and the mare’s going rate of fifteen bits to pay for her services, of course.

For now, it was one uncomfortable hoof in front of the other, until food and safety were secured. After that, she had a search for knowledge to conduct. Twilight had to know where she was in the Mirror World, if she was to find Canterlot High School. And if she wasn't in the Mirror World, then she would have to reverse the conditions that caused the shift in dimensions in the first place …something she didn't expect to be a simple process.

She could do it, of course. It would just be difficult. Given a full day's rest and a suitable layline in this world’s thaumogeographic layout, she could just cast the spell until she got lucky and found Equus. Do that, and she would be back home; assuming she didn't get torn apart by the thaumic instabilities of a second collapsing portal.

Hnng! It be really bad if this wasn’t the mirror world...

Twilight suddenly found herself on her face, her tail flung up well over her head. A second later, one of her water jugs thunked off of her forehead so hard that she could actually feel the lump starting to form.

“Okay ...that hurt,” Twilight muttered. “Note to self. Hiking requires proper attention to hoof placement. Also, it sucks and I BUCKING HATE IT!” She yelled her frustration out as loud as she could into the surrounding woods. And since she was an Alicorn, that was pretty loud. There was nopony around to hear her be a bit more vulgar then her normal self, and the growing lump on her head really did hurt!

She would just have to be forgiven for being a bit moody. But then, if she could yell at her leasure, then she could do other things, as well...

The heavy rock that had tripped her was found, viciously glared at, and then sent flying well out of sight over the trees. Twilight would be lying if she said she didn’t take pleasure in hearing a few trees off in the distance meet her former attacker at high velocity. But the sounds of destruction ended all too soon, and she was left to get her uncomfortably stuffed hooves moving again.

She was sure to put a bit more attention into where she was putting them, though.

The day wore on, and Twilight hadn't tripped even once more. She had walked into a few trees, but that was a statistically difficult thing to avoid since they were getting more and more common. She could no longer see very far ahead, and was started to feel rather heavy and tired. She still had plenty of water, as she’d needed less and less as her body’s reserves replenished; but she was still hungrier than she'd ever been in her life. Her muscles had even begun to ache and lock up, and her empty tummy didn't really feel all that settled, either.

She needed food, and she needed it now.

A quick look around revealed all the same plants, mushrooms, and shrubs as before. But there was a new addition to the plethora of potentially poisonous plants. A large number of round, green, and fruit-like objects were strewn about beneath a large grey-trunked tree just ahead.

They looked like little green apples, so Twilgiht quickly rushed over and picked one up. It smelled bitter when she gave it a sniff, and not like an apple at all …or even like food, really. She unhappily tossed the apple-that-wasn't-an-apple aside, and moved on. The next few minutes saw her sniffing randomly at any leaves that looked even remotely edible, and it wasn't long before she found something...

A small leafy plant with a few white flower stalks growing up from its center had found itself the center of her attention. It smelled more earthy and sweet than any she'd sniffed so far, so she gently tore off a small bit of leaf and chewed it. It was far from what she’d call good, but it was nowhere near the level of utter 'blech!' the grass had been. She took another small nip, trying the flower stalk this time …and then she just engulfed the whole thing. The rest of the plant quickly followed suite, and she was soon off to hunt down another.

Four minutes passed, and Twilight had only found three similar plants growing within the small area. It was likely that she'd burned more calories than she’d gained in the effort. She grumbled unhappily as she was forced to return to her hike with an empty stomach. But instead of just trotting along blindly, she now found herself eagerly scanning the ground for white flower stalks and low lying dark green leaves.

A half hour later, she decided she needed more than just one kind of plant to keep an eye out for, as she’d only found one sad little excuse for a plant that didn’t even produce half a mouthful. A thick patch of shady green caught her eye, and she trotted over to investigate...

She first nipped at the tip of a slender fern: "Pbbthaagh!" But it was incredibly bitter, and probably poisonous.

She then gently mouthed a deep-veined and sawtooth-edged leaf: "Num… PPBBT-blah! ...Ow! ah... Ah-choo!" Oh Celestia! That one was even worse! It felt like it had actually stung her lips and nose!

She quickly moved over to a new spot - trying to avoid the stinging plant that had made her sneeze - and hesitantly took a fleshy and plump looking small tear-shaped leaf into her mouth. She crushed it slowly, noting the thick and red-hued stems creeping along the ground as she did so. She could tell that the whole of the plant grew from one central point ...and then the taste hit her tongue: "Hmm... hmm? ...mmMMMM!" It was actually pretty good! Kind of like uncooked green beans, but with a bit of a lemon-esque bite to it that really woke up her taste buds!

Twilight quickly ate every bit of the delicious plant, hardly even slowing to chew. She felt a bit sad when her muzzle met dirt, not even a little stub left to be seen... But she had a second target to scan for now, and that was a lot better than just one. She wiped her muzzle off with her hoof, and moved on.

It took a good twenty minutes of careful observation, but she’d managed to snap up enough food to qualify as a light snack during then next few miles of walking. She was also feeling a fair deal better, and it was showing in her longer strides. In fact, she remembered seeing an oddly barren hilltop in the distance this morning, but thought she wouldn’t reach it before nightfall.

She was now on the top of that very hill, and feeling pretty darn pleased about it.

Half her water was gone, though. One of the two plants she’d been eating had made her unbearably thirsty, and she’d had to pee at least a dozen times in the past three hours. She was also sweating a lot more than normal, which wasn’t so pleasant a smell whenever she stopped and caught a whiff of herself. But there was something else she had noticed, as well: Her magic was feeling a bit stronger than normal, no doubt also due to eating unfamiliar wild foods.

She really wished she could record the effects and symptoms. She might be able to figure out which plant had been responsible for which effect, and even start a food or medical reference to work with while she was here. That would be a very beneficial thing to have, should she be stuck here for long enough to rely on eating wild plants. But she didn’t even have a feather to make a quill ...unless she decided to even out her missing three, of course. But no way was that going to happen! Pulling a healthy feather was like pulling a healthy tooth, it just wasn’t something that was done. And besides, it would really hurt! She also didn’t even have any scrolls, or even ink. So what would even be the point?

Plopping down for a moment, Twilight slid out from under her simple water jug cradle and lay down on a clean section of dirt to rest.

Heh, clean dirt… Rarity would never understand that as a concept. But then she would still probably be back in the open field and calling for help, too.

Twilight wouldn't have minded that, honestly. She would just be glad for the company. The only noise out here was coming from what sounded like a million different species of insect, or the wind moving the dried-out trees around. It was ...unsettling. This stupid place was eerie, even in the full light of its overbearingly hot sun.

As she rested, Twilight did her best to simply stop thinking, and relax. Her muscles were sore, her brain was feeling more than a little fried, and her hooves were flat out killing her even though she'd healed them not five hours ago. She let herself relax even deeper, laying her head on its side in the soft (and clean) dirt. But when her ear cupped the ground, she almost immediately picked up on the beginnings of a strange sound. A strange sound that was familiar, and yet oddly foreign as well. It rose in volume as she concentrated on it, and she realized that she’d actually heard something like it before! It was a …what did the mirror version of Flash Sentry call his? …A cart? …Carp? …Car? …A car! That was it! And where there were cars, there were humans! She'd finally found a road! Clean water! Real food! Maybe she could even gain some knowledge about the location of her exit from the Mirror World! The only trouble was there was more than one, if the sounds vibrating from the ground were accurate. She’d have to be very careful not to be spotted by any of the human drivers as she followed them toward civilization.

But ...cars! Roads! Oooooh, she was just so happy to have found a sign of intelligent life! All she had to do was follow them, and hide out somewhere near a source of human social activity. From there she could just listen in on conversations until Canterlot was mentioned! But wait …weren’t cars pretty fast?

Flashes had been fast. Much faster than an average pony could run, in fact. Well then she should probably be running, right?

In the back of her head, Twilight could swear she heard Applejack's big brother say a single drawled word…

And then she was up and moving. Her water jugs flew along behind her, the liquid they still contained sloshing noisily about. The many trees made it hard to tell exactly which direction the car sounds were coming from, but she found herself galloping forward regardless. The sounds got a bit easier to pick out with each meeting of hoof to earth, and she took advantage by adjusted her course to intercept them where she thought they would be when she closed the distance. She ran down a hill, plowed through a thick bush, leapt over a rusty wire fence, and there was a CLIFF!

Twilight's hooves scrabbled to break her momentum, and she wobbled as one forehoof just barely popped over the edge of a fairly high and sheer drop. One of her forgotten water jugs thumped to a harsh stop against her rear legs, making her wobble even more precariously. The other missed, thankfully, and went rolling by on her left. And her addled self could only watch as it bounced down two hundred feet of rocky cliff to smash on the ...the biggest road she’d ever seen in her life.

It was impossibly massive... Six paint-marked lanes of smooth black road, gouged right through the hilly terrain. It honestly looked like some great beast had torn the earth to rubble, then stomped everything perfectly flat and coated it all in tar. The amount of sheer energy involved in moving so much rock and soil was mind boggling by itself, let alone the volume of concrete involved.

Twilight was so engrossed in the sight that she nearly missed a glint in the distance. But she was given a second chance in the form of a sudden spike in noise. Her head followed the swivel of her ears, and she smiled happily as the first car came lumbering into view from around the bend to her right. And then another came into view, too! And another! It was wonderful! A glance told her that they were nothing like the car Flash had owned, but they were definitely built in the same vein of purpose, and they were also very clearly moving as a group. She could only assume the humans were moving resources from one town to the next, given the size of the larger vehicles she could make out.

They would be good enough for her needs, no matter what city or town they were going to. And that was all that mattered.

Or actually, maybe not...

As the vehicles drew closer, Twilight began to notice the finer details. Rusted spikes and iron bars were a clear theme, with barbed fencing and thick metal plates stuck to every available surface …and they were making an awful lot of noise for how slow they were going. And as the cars got closer still, she noticed a few smaller vehicles staying near the sides of the giant ones that weren’t like Flash’s car either. Each small vehicle carried only one single human, and on only two narrow wheels. She watched closely, and decided the big four and six wheeled cars were actually nearly silent. Somehow, it was the smaller vehicles making the bulk of the noise.

It was certainly a sight for sore eyes, but there was something about the humans on the smaller vehicles that struck Twilight as off. Something about the way they moved on their vehicles made her press her tired form back into the grass and tuck herself up against the nearest shrub.

They all wore dark shiny clothing that had been studded with highly polished spikes of ...chromareium, if she had to guess the type of metal. Each one also had a strange object slung on their back, and she somehow knew them to be weapons just by looking at them. The blocky black shapes didn't look like they would be useful for anything, and the way the humans carried them just ...felt like they were being used as weapons. Twilight knew she might be wrong, but she also had no foalish intentions of assuming otherwise until she was proven as such.

So then... a group of armed and scary humans, wearing clothing that screamed 'We are a gang of tough guys'. If she followed this group, it would be done at one hay of a distance. They seemed dangerous even at a distance, and that feeling of wanting to hide only got stronger the closer they got to her spot up on the cliff. They were going fairly slow compared to what she had experienced from cars so far in her life, traveling at no more than a gentle gallop. But keeping that pace over even an hour in this heat wouldn’t be feasible unless she left her water supply behind, or flew after them. And both of those options were currently a bit of a problem.

Twilight bit her lip and tucked herself deeper into her hiding spot. She really should have thought this though better!

The vehicles grew louder and closer, and one of the small ones suddenly released a harsh burst of sound, rushing out ahead of the group. It made straight for where her poor water jug had smashed itself to bits, and stopped with a chirp of its rubber-covered wheels. The human rider looked at the broken jug and evaporating water for a moment …and then looked straight up the cliff!

Twilight froze, and held her breath; doing her best to keep perfectly still. She wasn’t very well hidden except for some tall grass and part of a leafy shrub, and her coat was lavender! There was almost no chance that she hadn’t already been seen! She could even see the scary looking human from where she was! And if she could see him, then he could ...oh no!

The man had grabbed the triangular part of the scary thing on his back, and swung it around so it was in front of him. He'd then hoisted the device up to his shoulder in a manner that pretty much confirmed its status as a weapon, and pointed it up the cliff in her direction.

As the man aimed around, she could feel a sort of …malice, was a good word for it. It was like a robber with a crossbow was trying to shoot her, but didn’t actually know where she was. It was probably a more accurate description than she really wanted to come up with; because the next thing she knew a sharp and incredibly loud sound battered her ears, and her last remaining water jug simply exploded in her face!

She jerked a bit, but otherwise managed to keep her frozen state steady. The man kept his weapon up as the other vehicles reached his position. This was followed by a few heated words with another human on a similar looking two-wheeler. The two bickered back and forth for a while, and then both rode off down the road …and that one human had never lowered his weapon once after raising it, not even as he drove off.

Once the car sounds grew quiet enough she could barely hear them, Twilight began breathing again. And by breathing, she meant trying to create a temporary vacuum in the atmosphere with each breath. The humans here were apparently well beyond hostile, and had weapons that could break a solid inch of tempered glass from a distance of some three hundred feet! She didn’t even want to think what would have happened, if he’d targeted her instead of her water jug. Although... something told her that the only reason she’d not been his target was the shiny glass jar catching the sun, while her shaded form had been directly next to the glare, and had thus gone unnoticed.

She looked at her ruined jug, and felt her slowly recovering heart rate climb right back up to dangerously fast speeds. The glass closest to the cliff had a small hole in it, but still stood upright. The other side had been blasted out into a million fractured pieces. Not a single drop of water was left.

All that work ...gone. Popped like a balloon, even though she’d made the glass an inch thick and strong enough to be dropped a decent distance!? But ...okay, no. Staying calm was important, right now. She was back to not having any water.

Right away, Twilight decided she would be avoiding any other humans for the time being, and also avoid traveling directly on the road. The humans below hadn’t exactly exuded a very peaceful aura, and she didn’t want to have a fight on her hooves …especially when they had the ability to hurt her from three hundred feet away.

And again, it really begged the obvious question: Was this actually the mirror world? Violence had been rare in the human town of Canterlot. Or at least it had been rare, according to its bipedal (yet still very pretty) version of Rarity. But those men on the small vehicles... They seemed hardened beyond anything she had seen before, as if they’d been living as soldiers in a force of royal guards assigned to a dangerous outpost for a very long time.

It was a lot to worry about, but before she worried about anything else, Twilight really felt like she needed to take a breather. Her heart was still pounding against her ribs pretty hard... And once she recovered enough, she still really wanted a closer look at that road.

It took a while, but her heart calmed, and her legs had stopped shaking. Twilight stood, spread her wings, and leapt out into the gap the road had made in its construction. Almost right away she started cursing her increasingly troublesome forgetfulness, as she began drifting off course and had to correct by pulling some left wing. Those three missing feathers on her right wing were going to be a real pain in the flank until they grew back, it seemed. She'd never actually lost a flight feather before - her wings being less than four years old - but Luna had said that it took at least a full week for hers to properly grow back when lost at the root, so it stood to reason that she was going to be a poor flyer for at least that long.

Twilight's thoughts were interrupted by the opposite cliff’s closing proximity, and Twilight discovered that - if gliding was hard with missing feathers - then actually performing a smooth turn was practically impossible. She came dangerously close to stalling when she banked left to avoid the cliff, and quickly decided to just go as straight as possible to avoid getting hurt and having to use yet more healing magic. The meager food she'd found wouldn't even support her own body, much less allow for messing around freely and wasting magic her body had to work hard to replace.

Her attempt at a flared landing went about as she'd expected it to, and Twilight touched down nearly sideways. Her left hooves instantly rolled out from under her, and she thumped hard onto her side. The road scraped her up a bit as she slid to a stop, but she was back on her hooves in a flash. A quick check, and she decided the shallow scrapes along her hip and shoulder weren’t worth burning her magic on …not when another caravan could come roaring toward her at any moment. The scrapes stung, but she’d need every bit of magic she had left to defend herself if she came under attack by multiple humans with ranged weapons.

…Flying away wasn't much of an option at the moment.

But in the span of that same moment, she was more or less safe. And she was also more or less where she had intended to be: the road. And the road …well, it was a road. A road just like any other road in the Mirror World. It was rougher, and a lot bigger; but still just an empty expanse of dusty and hoof-searingly hot concrete. In fact, why she’d felt it necessary to risk her own health coming down here was complete mystery. At least she'd had grass and shrubs to hide in up above...

“Well, shoot ...this wasn't the best decision, now was it...” Twilight chastised herself. She had to start being more careful about these things! Especially now that she knew this part of the world was so incredibly dangerous! It wouldn’t do to blindly attack her problems and trot around in the open anymore. She needed to be smart! Careful! …Sneaky.

Twilight hugged the side of the road-side cliff, trotting along quickly in the same direction the dangerous group of humans had gone. The deep cut through the rock that the road followed seemed to end about half a mile up ahead, so she could easily get off of the road without risking a flight again.

She was half way there, when she heard another car coming. And she would never admit it, but she very nearly soiled herself right then and there. Her heart leapt right back up to alarmingly high rates, and her mouth went as dry as the searing hot road under her hooves.

She turned slowly, expecting to see another big group of scary and weapon-wielding spike-covered humans bearing down on her…

Only to see a single human …riding toward her on a strange contraption that looked like it was a combination of two different vehicles. The man (or woman, she couldn’t tell yet) was sitting on one half of the machine, which looked very similar to the two wheeled mounts the man that destroyed her last jug had been riding. But the other half of this human's vehicle looked more like a tiny little airship, or maybe a small boat. A single wheel supported the small airship-looking half of the vehicle, and she could only assume it was meant for carrying supplies.

The human was still far off, but she could already tell they were dressed entirely differently from the earlier ones. With a squint, Twilight could tell they were actually wearing dull brown on the top half, and dark grey on the bottom, none of that shiny black stuff was present. There were also no spikes or heavy plates in sight, which at the moment was a plus in her book. Something was flapping in the wind around their neck, though she couldn't really tell what it was just yet and …and holy horse apples they were moving fast!

In the time she had been watching, the distance between them had easily been halved. She’d been seen already, of that there really wasn't even a doubt this time! They were looking right at her, even steering to avoid being in the lane she was occupying! Twilight's heart leapt up into her throat as the vehicle barked, and the pitch of its noisy power plant jumped upward aggressively. It slowed a bit, then barked again, slowing even more. Four times the pitch went up sharply, only to smoothly drop back down as the human brought the strange contraption to a steady and slow pace.

…And then they simply stared at her, as they drove past her and kept right on going.

“w-WAIT! COME BACK!” Twilight shouted. She then slapped a hoof over her mouth.

What was she doing!? She was supposed to be trying to go unobserved!

She heard squealing tires and quickly spun around, her heart still pounding as she gathered her magic into a directed force spell ...but the human and its strange vehicle were actually accelerating away from her.

They were ...running? But that was ...huh? Why were they running from her?

Hmm. Well, Twilight knew full-well that interacting with the local humans was a bad idea without being human herself, so she didn't really mind that this one had chosen to run. It saved her what would likely be a very awkward explanation, and maybe even saved her from getting into an unfortunate fight. And that was something she really wanted to avoid in this place, if she could at all help it.

But it still kind of hurt her feelings, to be honest. That kind of reaction wasn't really what a pony wanted to see at any point in their lives; and doubly so when their mere existence was the cause of being abruptly abandoned. Still though; Mirror Applejack had explained that only humans were able to speak in this world, so she really should have expected some fear or misunderstanding from them. But, just ...wow! She must really be horrifying to look at to these humans in her Alicorn form.

Twilight sat down with a thump, watching the terrified human as they leaned over their machine to wring out every drop of speed it had …running away from her like she was a horrifying monster... ... ...the road was burning her butt.

~POP!~

Suddenly, Twilight heard a very loud sound. It was like the weapon that broke her jar, but much deeper and not nearly as painful to her ears. She ducked her head and spun around, looking for the source of the threat; but another pop brought her attention back to the running human and their incredibly fast machine …except they were gone! All she could see was a thick cloud of blue smoke! There was another - quieter - series of pops, and the roar of the odd machine suddenly went silent. A moment later, both machine and its frantic rider reappeared from the cloud on the side of the road. The human was off their mount, and running alongside it. Trying to push it along with what appeared to be all of their strength.

Twilight watched for a moment ...stood ...and then just started walking. She didn't even know why she'd stood, though. It may have been her hunger clouding her mind - or her earlier head trauma - but she had decided that it didn’t really matter if she interacted with just this one particular human. They had already seen her, and had just heard her speak. Their reaction made her feel like they wouldn't want to hurt her for no good reason, so she was going to see them up close. It was rather unfortunate that she'd made such a massive mistake as to let herself be seen so easily, but she would just keep things simple here.

She would ask for whatever help the human was willing to give, and then leave them in peace. They would both walk away better for the experience, even if it didn't go perfectly. And if she thought on her hooves, she might even be able to convince them to not tell any other humans she was in the area.

But then... Just like she wasn’t sure why she was so intent on talking with that scared human in the distance, she also wasn't exactly sure how to go about actually doing so, either. It clearly wasn't a good idea, given the genuinely fearful reaction she gotten for simply standing still and ...okay, she did shout at them pretty loud, but she didn't yell anything mean!

And yet they still ran.

Twilight sighed, and picked up her pace a bit. This was a bad idea, no matter how she tried to look at it.

Yet her hooves kept moving, and to be honest she felt an odd thrill in her heart at the thought of simply talking with another sentient being. She didn't understand why just yet, but there was no chance that she wasn't going to talk to this human. She would probably have to feel things out as the conversation unfolded, and be very careful with her words, sure. But that wasn't much of a problem. Humans were by no means unintelligent, and they even shared quite a few social traits with equines. Love and tolerance being - at least apparently - among the top of those positive traits. It was perfectly reasonable to hope that - if she was very gentle and offered to fix the broken machine with her magic - the human would choose to help her in return.

Or at the very least ...they wouldn't try to put any holes in her.

Twilight looked up the road. Her approach had been noticed, if the desperate pushing and the constant worried looks in her direction were any indication. She decided to speed things up, and broke into a fairly relaxed canter. She wouldn't catch up by just walking, unless the human wore themselves out, of course... And that would be bad manners on her part. She couldn't tire somepony to the point of collapse, and then turn around expecting smiles and helpful cooperation a second later. No, it was clearly much better to be quick about this, if only so they could both relax and talk without having to catch their breath first.

But humans were not road-only machines, and this one had no reason to give her what she wanted without putting up at least some sort of resistance. One look at just how fast she was gaining as she galloped along the road, and the human had stopped pushing the machine. But they hadn't just stopped and stood there, oh no.

They had grabbed what looked like a bow and some metal-tipped arrows, and scrabbled right up the diminishingly high cliff into the woods.

Well ...horseapples.

Not wanting to risk being shot with an arrow - but not ready to just walk away either after galloping so far - Twilight put up a minor shield around herself as she drew near the still-smoking machine. The cliff was more of a short and steep hill here, and the hand and foot tracks going up its craggy surface were easy to see …but there was no way Twilight was going to be tracking a human through a dense forest if they had a bow and arrows. That would be stupid, and would probably end in her getting an arrow in the flank for her trouble. Instead, she sat down facing the section of woods where the human had disappeared, and tried the nice approach…

“Hello?” She called into the forest. She immediately heard a slight rustle, and then an all-too-familiar sense of malice washed across her, making her feel incredibly exposed. She quickly added another layer to her shield, forming the thickest section right in front of herself.

“Please, I just want to talk. I don't mean any harm, I promise,” She called into the thick foliage above. She heard a nearly imperceptible creak, and the unmistakable sound of wood sliding over wood. Whoever they were, they’d just drawn their bow ...not good.

She lowered her volume a bit, smiled as warmly as she could manage, and continued... “My name is Twilight Sparkle. I know I might look a bit ...different, but I just want to offer a simple trade. After that I promise I'll be out of your mane forever." She listened for a moment, but only the steady drone of the insects reached her ears. She made sure her smile was still on, and said, "My offer is this: I can fix your …machine, and all I ask for in return are some directions to the town of Canterlot, and some basic knowledge of edible plants. Oh ...and if you could tell me what to avoid out here and give me some water, that'd be great. Does that sound like a fair trade?”

“G-Go away!” A voice yelled from a darkened section between two bushes up above her head. The voice sounded like an older male, likely middle aged. It was also very gruff ...and full of venom.

Too bad he had stuttered in fear as well as sound venomous, and that Twilight had been so well trained in the art of social coercion. She knew how to handle eight distinct types of foreign dignitary, and had been taught by the oldest master in all of Equus on the many and varied methods of getting one's desired outcome in an argument...

This argument wasn't up for debate, anymore. Because Twilight could smell the water on the machine, and she was already feeling thirsty again. ...Of course, she still didn't want to be mean about it. It was just that she really did need more water.

Twilight turned ever so slightly, relaxed into just the right stance, and put on her best smile as she said, “I’m lost, I'm afraid. Going away isn't really an option I have at my disposal at the moment." She cocked her head exactly twenty degrees to the right, just like she'd been taught... "I would gladly leave though, if you only just tell me how to get to Canterlot?”

It was a clever bind, yet another one of Princess Celestia's favorite tricks when dealing with foreign powers. Mastering a perfect curtsy was one thing, but this kind of binding technique was on a whole new level. It was chess, but in the real world! That's why she'd jumped at the chance to learn socio-political manipulation techniques from the master herself. Twilight knew that she currently held more assets with her magic, while they both wanted something. He wanted to be left alone, and she wanted directions and water. The difference between them was that all her current assets were a part of herself, while the human couldn't leave his machine behind! She now guarded the machine, thus binding the human into an easy agreement in her favor. All he had to do to get his way was give her exactly what she wanted. It was a flawless way to guarantee cooperation, without being overly forcefu...~THUNK~

Twilight's eyes flicked upward ...and took in the details of the arrow that had just hit her shield spell. And it was easy to do so without leaning back or squinting, because the arrow shaft was only lodged a few inches into her outer shield. It was nothing even close to having hit her. Except ... it had clearly been aimed directly at her head.

He'd... he'd actually tried to...

Twilight felt, well first off she wanted it known that she wasn't mad. And 'angry' didn't really do it justice, either. She was more just a little ...'livid', that was a better word for it. She was just a little bit livid.

All she'd wanted to do here, was talk! ...To use her big-pony words to help somepony else, and be helped in return! And he'd tried to ...to kill her?! It was just so ...ridiculous! The human hadn't looked too young to not know any better from what she'd seen of them so far, so that couldn't be the issue. He seemed more than old enough to know there were much better ways to deal with stressful situations then violence! ~THUNK~ "GAH! Would you please stop shooting those at me! I told you! I only want to..." ~THUNK~ Well, apparently she was wrong ...but by Celestia! He would learn his lesson about hurting others! Even if she had to teach him herself, he would learn! This misguided human was likely her best chance at finding Canterlot, after all! And given that he was all alone - and clearly had social issues - he likely had plenty of spare time to sit down and tell her every little thing she needed to know abou... ~THUNK~

"Oh that is it! Get out of there right now, mister!"

...

...

~THUNK~

Twilight reached out with her magic, rummaging around in the bushes for the stubborn human. She didn't find him, but her efforts hadn't gone unnoticed. The man popped out of the shrubs near where she'd been searching, looking for all the world like a frightened rabbit. He made for the woods, of course ...but she wasn't done with him! Not a chance! He was at least going to give her a proper apology for trying to hurt her like that!

Twilight flicked her magic in the human's last known direction of travel, then rapidly expanded the field until she felt it surround something that was neither dirt nor plant. A quick shift in her magic, and she had formed it into a large bubble shield. She shrank it to a more managable size, then carefully brought the whole mess out of the woods. A moment later, she was looking at a very confused human, along with a bit of shrub and a few extra hoof-fulls of dirt. She brought him down the small cliff, being sure to keep an eye on the wooden bow he had somehow managed to keep in his grasp. Once he was close enough to the ground that she felt it was safe, she turned him until he was facing her. There was a long moment where they stared at each other in silence. Then Twilight smiled and said, "So... can we start over and talk like adults, now?"

...And that's when the screaming started.

Twilight's eyes opened wide, and she shoved her hooves against her ears. The ear-rending screams from within her bubble shield hurt so bad that she lost concentration, and her magic collapsed.

While she tried to get her ears to stop ringing, the man was free to take cover behind his machine. He scrambled to get another arrow mounted to his bowstring, but the arrow kept refusing to meet the string in his rapidly shaking hands. It was a good thing too, because Twilight no longer had a shield up to protect herself.

Twilight stood up, leveling a glare at the man as she said, “Really? You try to kill me, and I spare you ...and now you’re just going to try again?” She narrowed her eyes. “…I don't think so.” She then grabbed the rest of the arrows from the quiver on the man’s side, and gave the arrow he'd only just secured to his bowstring a magical swat. The deadly projectile swung out from the bow to dangle, as the man stared at the other floating arrows in horror. He looked back at her, then at the floating projectiles once more...

“Mm …momomoma monSTER in the GET AwaYAAAAAAH!”

Twilight watched as the man turned and ran screaming down the road, the forest ten feet to his right apparently forgotten. She’d really hoped this would have gone a bit better, but it seemed Mirror Applejack had been right.

The humans here were apparently a bunch of scaredy-ponies when it came to anything that could think for itself, outside of their own kind. And it might not help her current image, but she was not about to chase the man down again. She carefully reached out, and nabbed one of the running man’s pant legs in a light grip. He very nearly fell, and the screaming got even louder.

She quickly let go to avoid hurting him, and opted for his strong looking belt instead, hoisting him easily into the air to hang by his waist.

He flailed and screamed, and screamed and flailed, and …HNG! Her poor ears! She had no idea how loud a human could actually be! She had to calm him down before he did permanent damage to both their hearing!

Twilight quickly brought the upset human flying back to her. She then looked him right in the eyes …and then promptly leapt back as he retched and unleashed a torrent of vomit.

She set him down gently, making sure he was well away from the ...mess. And then she just kind of ...stood there.

Was she really so terrifying as ...that? It seemed likely that the answer was yes, she very much was scary enough to barf at. But why? It almost didn't seem worth the suffering she was causing the man anymore, if all she wanted of him was simple information and water. She was torn on whether or not to simply leave the poor man alone. But ...she couldn't do that! He had just been sick! He would need some help and ...and now he was dragging himself across the ground because he couldn't even stand up! She couldn't leave him like this! Not with a broken machine and an upset stomach with no other humans around to help! She had to do something! At the very least, she had to make sure he would be okay on his own once she left.

Twilight stepped well clear of the man’s …lunch or possibly his breakfast, and followed him as he dragged himself away across the road. She sped up and placed herself in his path, saying, "I'm sorry! I only wanted to help and..." She drifted off as the man turned himself around and crawled in the other direction. She quickly matched his pace and said, "Please, just ...stop this. I'm not bad or evil or anything like that, I promise." He turned again, once more trying to get away. She didn’t know what to do! He was ignoring her words and changing direction every time she stood in his way! She got frustrated after the fifth time and wound up just kinda …doing whatever came to mind first.

Twilight stepped up onto the man’s back, collapsing him flat against the road. He let out a pained groan, and tried to roll over or grab at her. He struggled for a moment, before simply giving up and remaining still. Where the idea had come from to just walk up and stand on him, Twilight honestly had no idea. But it seemed as though it had worked. She decided to just blame the odd action on her lack of proper nutrition for two days straight, and moved on.

Twilight positioned her hooves a little higher up on the man's back to lean over and say, “ I'm sorry, but was all that really necessary? I was just looking for help, you know. There was no need for all of that yelling and...and all that really loud screaming.”

The man shifted under her, suddenly pulling a small knife from his waistline. Twilight lifted one of her hooves, ready to leap away, but the man didn’t seem to have the energy to lift his arm high enough to do her any harm. Twilight wound up watching in confusion as the blade swung uselessly about, barely even leaving the ground. She gave the act all of about three seconds, before carefully plucking the weapon from his hand and setting it down nearby on the road where he could see she hadn't just thrown it into the woods.

“You are the most stubborn stallion I’ve ever met,” She quietly admonished. “And here I thought I’d just ...trot on over here and ask a few questions, but noooo... I had to find the most violence-oriented human on the entire planet!" She sighed heavily. "...Serves me right for not thinking ahead, though.” She shifted on her hooves, feeling a few muscles pop around underneath her hooves. It was actually really disturbing, feeling them move around like that. She also worried that she'd just injured him, because he'd jerked and then either relaxed or passed out as a result of her weight popping his tissues around. She couldn't tell from her spot standing on his shoulders and lower back. She was betting on the latter though, all things considered. “Are ...are you okay?” Twilight asked, leaning forward to try to see the man's face. She really hoped she hadn't just hurt him, even if he didn't seem to share her ideals on the subject of hurting others.

But, of course, leaning made her hooves pop over yet more muscles, and she nearly lost her footing when the man once again jerked beneath her. As she recovered her balance, she heard a mumbled reply from under her captive's prone form, but couldn't hear the words clearly... “What was that? I couldn’t hear you," She pressed, thankful he was still moving...

“I said get off! I don’t talk to nodody don can’ fumbumbuba…” The man trailed off as his head sank to the road.

Well, it seemed like he was mostly just exhausted. She’d apparently worn him out past the point of his endurance. Or actually, he’d worn himself out. But one way or another, there was nothing she could do for him except keep an eye out while he recovered ...and she hoped he'd see reason once he did.

Grumbling almost as much as her temporary captive was groaning, Twilight lifted the heavy man in her magic and brought him back over to his machine. She gently propped him up against the one-wheeled side of it, making sure he wouldn't fall over when she let go. He was still awake, but she didn't trust him not to teeter over and hit his head. She would never understand the logic of having the most important part of an organism stuck way up at the top of an already tall body ...seemed like a good way to gaurantee head injuries during a fall.

Shaking her head, Twilight began carefully searching for anything useful on the foul smelling ...car that wasn't a car. She found a large plastic jug of water, some very basic medical supplies, a large metal box full of strange tools, and a small bag of what could only be the dried muscle tissues of some kind of mammal.

…ew.

She quickly put the disgusting baggy back, and traded it for the jug. She undid the cap, giving it a cautious sniff before sending it toward the man’s lightly worn and wind-burned face. He weakly tried to ward it off for a moment, but then wizened up and took it in his hands after her deadpan glare made him realize a drink was in his best interest, and that she was only trying to help ...or at least that's what she had been trying to get across with it.

Downing what seemed like half the container - all while never taking his eyes off of her - the human carefully set his jug down next to him and patted himself down. He didn’t seem to find what he was looking for, though he did let loose a short belch after a moment. His long arms then plopped limply back to the road. He was really quite the epitome of exhaustion, but Twilight had little doubt that he would still be running down the road, if he still had an ounce of energy left.

She held back a sigh. Replacing his lost fluids wasn't enough. She still had to make this right somehow, and she knew that an apology was as good a place to start as any ...even though he technically still owed her one in turn.

“I ...I'm sorry,” Twilight meekly offered. “Had I known my attempt to talk to you would cause all of this trouble. I would have just left you alone.” She hung her head. Every word was the truth. She felt just awful about how sick and tired the man looked. And yes, it was mostly his own fault for making assumptions about her; but he had just been minding his own business, and now he was barely able to even move.

All because she had been in a hurry to get home and solver her own problems.

The human’s head lolled over to face her, and she was surprised to see that both green and blue were present in his unusually small eyes. The two colors mixed together in bright and separate strands, unlike the eyes she was used to seeing back home. She could also see plenty of disbelief in his unusually colorful eyes, though the rest of his expression was well hidden behind the biggest and bushiest beard she’d ever seen in her life, pony or human. She had actually thought it was a scarf or something, it was so bushy and full.

Every beard she’d seen in her life combined, would not be a match for this human’s collection of facial hair...

Twilight suddenly found her gaze drawn downward, to the man’s shaking hand. He was slowly reaching out, her left forehoof being his obvious goal. She lifted the leg and set it down so it was within his reach, watching him lean away as she did so. His lean didn't go away, but his hand did restart its shaky attempt at making contact. It drew close, hesitated for a moment, then darted forward and poked her in the lower leg, right where the cannon bone ended and the hoof began. It was then withdrawn so fast that she hadn't seen much more than a brown blur with a bit of a pinkish hue at the end of it.

“Real…” The man whispered to himself, his arms clutched tightly to his chest. “It’s really …real.”

Twilight sighed. “Yes, I’m really ...er, real. I'm also lost, really really hungry, and …honestly feeling like this whole thing could have been avoided if I hadn’t tried to fly or use magic in the first place.” She plopped her rear down and blew her dirty mane out of her face before continuing, “So… I’m guessing my first introduction didn't quite sink in?" The man numbly shook his head, not even looking at her, and Twilight huffed. "I see. Well then let’s just ...start over, okay?" She put a hoof to her chest. "My name is Twilight Sparkle" The hoof pointed right at the human's chest. "…What’s yours?”

The man let out a weak laugh, and slid off his machine to land harshly on his side. He then rolled to his stomach and slowly gathered his limbs under himself. A raspy breath escaped his lungs as he began struggling to stand.

Twilight lit her horn and helped him up with as gentle a touch of magic as she could. She hoped the aid had gone unnoticed, but as the man leaned on his machine and gave her a sideways glance, she knew that her efforts had been felt ...felt, and not exactly appreciated.

“Name’s …Chuck,” The man said as he pushed off the machine and wobbled toward the forest. “Just …Chuck. And I ...need a minute.” He paused half way to the forest, and half-turned to say, “…Uh, don’t follow me. I'm not running off or nothing.”

Twilight giggled. “You can just say that you have to pee, you know. I’m a grown mare, not a foal.”

Chuck gave her a long look, as if he were making some very important life-changing decision. He then returned to his slow march to find a private spot ...to pee. It was all rather surreal, given everything that happened before that point. Twilight felt, well 'awkward' didn’t quite cover it, and 'bothered' covered it way too much. She felt ...like an alien pony watching a very drunken human trying to find a tree to pee on.

Maybe she should just not think about it. It was too strange a feeling to describe with any synonym she could think of, and she was a master at word play. It was weird, and that was enough. End of story!

She decided to busy herself with studying the human's broken machine, instead of just letting her mind wander around by itself. The silly collection of neurons was clearly in no condition for coming up with anything she would consider socially acceptable on its own.

Once she'd finished a quick visual inspection, Twilight switched - as most ponies would - to her nose. She could smell a lot of different things on the …thing. Things like oil, burned oil, ...really burned oil, and ...some strange and potent chemical that she couldn’t quite place, hot alumarium, [i[super hot iron or steel, some old grease, lots of old rubber, and lots of other little subtle things that danced in the olfactory background. Most of the smells she already knew from working in a lab so often. Others she knew from just her daily life, like some kind of soap that was near the handles that ...Chuck, had been holding onto. There were quite a few smells that she'd never encountered before, though.

As for how the machine moved, there was an obvious chain and sprocket assembly on the rear wheel, and a quick scanning spell revealed two horizontal pistons within two iron-sleeved alumarium cylinders under what she thought might be a tank to hold the foul smelling fuel. The rest of the machine was all a collection of levers, gears, splined shafts, and some weird contraption that moved the right-hand grip on the handlebars when she pressed her magic on the little round flap inside it. She guessed it controlled the flow of fuel and air to the two cylinders, which then burned the mixture to produce mechanical power.

A myriad of simple systems, combined into one single complex system. That was the easiest approach to fixing this crazy thing. All she had to do was find that one little part that didn’t match with the rest, or that interrupted the flow of power from the pistons to the rear wheel …and then somehow fix it.

“So…” Chuck’s nervous voice came from behind her. “You uh… you from around here? …Twilight, was it?”

“Twilight Sparkle,” Twilight corrected in a friendly manner, noting that the human - Chuck - was standing up above her on the cliff again. Likely still trying to stay out of her reach. “And no, I’m from somewhere …else.”

“Oh... well actually I kinda figured that much already. But if you just come out and say as much, then that's a different story,” Chuck offered with no small amount of awkwardness to his voice. She could hear him slide down the cliff and start walking around her, giving her a wide berth as he came into view on the other side of the broken machine.

“I haven’t found the problem yet,” Twilight offered in an attempt to get a decent conversation going, “…But I’ll find it momentarily. Would you like to start teaching me about the local plant life while you wait? That was going to be the agreement, I think.”

“I ...know what’s wrong with it, already,” Chuck stated cautiously. “It's just a blown head gasket." He then squared his form up, trying to look bigger. "...I’m a lot more curious about the purple talking mini-horse that can toss a two hundred pound guy around in the air like he doesn’t weigh more than a mosquito.”

Twilight winced. “I did say I was sorry about that, Mr. Chuck. I know I went too far trying to calm you down and …and okay, I’ll admit I got a little bit angry about the arrows. But right now I’m trying to make it up to you. So please, let's start over or ...at least try to move forward. Now could you come over here and help me find this …head gasket thing. I mean, I know what a head is, and I know what a gasket is …but head-gasket? That just sounds like a surgical procedure gone wrong or something.”

Chuck …chuckled a bit, though it was obviously forced. He also stayed firmly planted right where he was.

Twilight gave him a ‘come on already’ look, and she could see him honestly trying to get his legs moving. He didn’t even get started, though.

Twilight huffed. “Am I really that scary? I mean, I know I tossed you around a bit, and I’m very sorry about it …but I’m an Alicorn. We’re known for being one of the most powerful species to wield magic on all of Equus…” She noticed Chuck was glancing at the forest, clearly judging how hard it would be to escape again. Twilight shook her head and said, "Okay, that was a bad choice of words. Let me try that again, alright? Do you know what my title is back home?” Twilight asked.

Chuck shook his head. "Well, no. I don't suppose I do."

Twilight turned and gave a humble curtsy, saying, “Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Friendship and the wielder of the Element of Magic, at your service." She stood again, and went back to work as she continued to explain, "My friends and I have saved my world from disaster several times. We've unlocked ancient magic that had remained hidden for centuries..." She cocked her head. "…and I help count baby bunnies every year with one of my best friends, who’s name is Fluttershy. Now does that really sound like somepony you should be scared of?”

Chuck shook his head again, but still remained where he was.

Twilight sighed. She then gently wrapped Chuck in her magic, and brought him slowly floating over the machine. She set him back down right next to her, and gave him a moment to catch his balance before she let go. He was now shaking like a leaf, and leaning as far away from her as possible …Which was all he could do, since she had yet to withdraw her magic from the soles of his worn looking boots. Next, she turned to him, reared up, and wrapped her forelegs around his middle in as warm a hug as she could manage for something his shape and size. She had to turn her head a bit, as the big man was fairly thick, but she managed to get her hooves to touch each other on his back...

“Seriously, Chuck. I'm not a monster. I’m just a po... a person in need of a little help. Nothing more than that, and nothing less. I am not going to hurt you. And I’m not going to let you get hurt either.” She tightened her hug a bit. “And I’m also not going to let go until you relax and start talking to me like a normal human being is supposed to talk to other normal human beings. …Okay?”

She heard the big man wheeze out what might have been an attempt at answering, and looked up to find him stiff as a board; every free part of his body held as far away from her as possible.

Twilight’s hug loosened, and she heard Chuck suck in a huge breath. She looked him dead in the eye and said, “It’s a hug, Chuck. A sign of trust between individuals. I'm trusting you not to hurt me ...so are you going to hug back or not?”

Chuck stiffly lowered his right arm and …patted her head. A proper hug, it was not. But it was probably all she was going to get from the stubborn man right now. He was still tensed up like a spring. She dropped back to her hooves, and released his boots with a sigh...

“Goddesses... you are the most nervous guy I’ve ever met, and I know a pony that’s scared of her own shadow! Now where is this head gasket thingy you mentioned, and what is it actually made of?” Twilight asked.

Chuck took a moment to collect himself, and then swallowed loudly before he answered. “It’s, um… right between the head and the cylinder, right ...there.” He reached over the airship side of the machine and pointed at a position slightly above the pistons she’d seen with her earlier scan, then hastily withdrew his hand when she leapt up on the machine to try and find the problem.

Twilight couldn’t really get to the spot Chuck had pointed at for a closer scan, as it was down between the two main parts of the machine. She didn't want to get a hoof stuck down in any of the small spaces she was looking at. She chose to instead trot around to the other side to compare it and see if both sides where the same. She snorted when Chuck went clamoring over his metal mount to stay out of her way, and then again as he did the same when she reached the other side. She was sure to give his dangling legs a quick smack with her tail as she passed, of course. Not as a sexual advance though! ...because that would be socially unacceptable! She just happened to know a human wouldn’t take it the wrong way, as they didn’t even have tails. It simply wasn’t a part of their body language.

She just really wanted to act a bit more friendly, and see if she couldn't let the big spooked human know that his fears were completely unfounded.

Actually, now she wished she hadn't done the tail thing. I could still be an awkward signal of some kind, if there were equines or bovines in this world. Ugh... she really hoped she could get a proper meal in her before she got any weirder. She wasn't used to going without food, and it was obviously messing with her head.

Anyway, the other side was much easier to reach, for both the left and right cylinders, so Twilight got in close and started scanning around again. This side of the machine was the same as the other, so she could get an easy look, and then be familiar with things before she tried to fix the harder to reach one by sticking her head through to open frame.

She saw… Two small valves, two long rods coming from somewhere deeper inside the metal casing, a couple of strong looking springs, and lots of little rubber gaskets. But which one was the head gasket?

“Okay, Chuck," Twilight began. "I see quite a few gaskets in the area you pointed to, but which one is the head gasket?”

Chuck stared at her for a moment too long, and Twilight tilted her head to simply ask, “What? ...What's wrong?”

Chuck averted his gaze. “I …all I wanted to do today was pick up a passenger and get back home. I'm kinda worried that I crashed a while back, and this is all some kind of death dream or something. But then ...this is way too weird not to be real, isn’t it? I mean, my dreams don’t usually involve talking purple …whatever you said you were.”

Twilight huffed. “A pony. An Alicorn pony, to be specific …and my coat is lavender, not purple.” She lifted her head up to glare at him. “And you’re not dreaming, so please snap out of your little personal dilemma over there and come help me, please. I can’t find the part you were talking about.”

A cleared throat, and a quiet, “…done lost my marbles” was the man’s response. He walked over much closer than he seemed comfortable with, and put a finger on a thin line in the metal she hadn’t even noticed. “...That’s the head gasket, squished in there," Chuck began. "It’s either this one, or the one in the same spot on the other side. They're made up of a few layers of …iron, I think. Could be steel or aluminum, though. Different manufacturers use their own methods and materials. It squishes when you tighten the head down to make a seal, so it needs to be replaced with a new one or it'll just leak even worse. I have a new one in the sidecar, just …gimme a second.” Chuck then leaned over into what was apparently called a sidecar, which made no sense as it only had one wheel and looked absolutely nothing like a car. He threw her plenty of distrustful glances as he searched, but eventually gave up on keeping an eye on her when he thumped an elbow against something that sounded painfully solid. After a few long moments, he finally pulled out a thin paper envelope and ripped it open to reveal ...a thin sheet of patterned metal. It was very anticlimactic, to say the least. Twilight had been expecting something much more complicated.

Anticlimactic gaskets aside, Twilight gently took hold of the new part and studied the different layers of …steel. It was definitely steel. And it was of the highest quality she’d ever seen! It was far too tiny to be of any other use if melted down, but a few pounds of metal this high in quality would make a spear or shield that would last for centuries or even millennia!

She tried to memorize the various components in the metal as best she could, and then got back to work. The little folds and patterns in the layers of the new part were also memorized, and then the part was hoofed back to Chuck; who looked confused…

“Uh… aren’t you gonna replace the part? You can’t fix the old one, you know. I told you, it won’t seal right unless you torque the head bolts in the right pattern to squish it right.” Chuck warned.

Twilight turned her attention to the old part, finding a rather obvious flaw in one little spot near one of the soot covered valves. “I found a crack! Oh, and I’m not replacing anything. Magic, remember? I can just fix the old part while it’s still in place. Working with metal isn't that complicated once you've read up on it, you just keep the heat and pressure between the parts equal, and use an air displacement field so nothing can oxidize as you bring the temperature up to the desired heat levels.”

Chuck's face shifted to an odd look, as if he was either surprised she knew how to work with metal, or had just decided that thinking was too much work at the moment. She decided to ignore him, and get to work on recreating the intricate folds of steel she'd just looked at a moment before. It would take a bit of time though, so she kept talking…

“So… Did you think of any plants I should avoid eating yet? Or how about just grabbing a few samples of the good ones for me to look over while you wait for me to finish?” She asked.

Chuck warily sat himself down on the other side of the machine, keeping an eye on her as she worked. “Well, there are a few general rules here in Wyoming…”

Twilight lifted her head to ask, “Why ….ohming? Is that where we are right now?”

“Yeah...” Chuck confirmed, looking around for ...something. “We're about twenty miles northeast of Jackson, and at least ten miles south of Moran.” He twisted around and pointed a finger at a couple mountain peaks in the distance. “That peak over there is Mount Liedy, and the one to the east of it is East Liedy.”

Twilight was having a hard time focusing on the head gasket with all this new information coming in, but she just had to know…

“That's good to know ...but is there a river around here, by any chance? I could really go for a bath,” She asked …Please say yes.

Chuck nodded, and Twilight instantly started to feel cleaner... "There’s Snake River way on out to the west, but it’s past the Antelope Flats. The whole place is a shooting gallery for anything that moves on more than two legs. You’d be better off heading southwest from here until you hit a little creek. That’ll be Horsetail Creek, and it has a few good spots for bathing before it empties out into Low Slide Lake. You can follow the creek all the way down, but don’t go in the lake,” He warned.

It begged the obvious question, “Why not?”

Chuck shrugged. “You'd be dead after a few seconds, course. Only dead men go swimming these days. Standing deep water tends to be full of ‘em.”

“Them?” Twilight pressed.

Chuck huffed, scratching at his beard. “You’re really ain't from around here, are you…”

Twilight frowned. Was he serious? She was from another world! Of course she wouldn't know everything right away! “...I would have thought that was pretty obvious by now, Chuck. I’ve actually only been in your world for a couple of days. I haven’t even had a proper meal in …well in two days.”

Chuck nodded thoughtfully and said, “So you really are some kinda alien, then?”

Twilight scoffed and said, “I suppose I am, if we’re being technical …but stop changing the subject! I asked what ‘they’ were.”

Chuck just shrugged, looking over his shoulder at the woods behind them. Twilight thought she'd hit a nerve or something, but then he simply said one little sentence ...and he said it so casually that she nearly missed it.

“Eh, you know ...the zombies.”

Twilight felt herself deadpan. “Zombies...”

Chuck nodded. “Yeah. You know... The undead, soon to be re-dead. They bite you and eat your brains like it's their momma's famous four bean and pasta salad?”

Twilight deadpanned harder. “There is no such thing as a zombie, Chuck.”

Chuck deadpanned back, somehow managing to one-up her own unimpressed expression. “Says the alien pony with two days experience …apparently. And yeah, I know they’re not actually zombies. That'd be a silly thing tah call'em!"

"Okay, so then ...what exactly are they?" Twilight pressed, her mild anger at being called an alien receding at the thought of gaining a better understanding of what she'd gone through yesterday. If Chuck knew what the man in the forest had gone through to leave him without a spark, she had to know.

Chuck sighed. And then he groaned out his answer in a way that made Twilight feel like he'd told the story a thousand times before...

"It’s some kind of virus. The news was calling it 'Mang Jieshu' long before the blackout. Apparently some ass hat in China was trying to come up with a new method to preserve meat or something. He wound up selling the finished product to some Russian prick, who sold it to some other group of pricks ...who weaponized it and released it in a crowded subway in London. Three years later everybody’s either dead, or trying to eat the ones that aren't. It’s like a shitty B-grade horror movie, but normal folks like myself have to actually live in it.”

Twilight thought this new information over, but Chuck had failed to provide a key piece of data. “Chuck? I'm sorry if this is a personal question but, do humans have souls?”

Chuck gave her a funny look. “Souls? Uh… No, I don’t think we do. There’s a lot of people that used to believe in stuff like that, though. The soul, the afterlife, god ...all that wholesome religious mumbo-jumbo was pretty big back in the day. It’s pretty rare to meet someone that still believes in that kind of stuff these days. Heck, it’s pretty rare to meet someone that doesn't want to eat you ...why you askin?”

Twilight felt a chill go down her spine as she recalled her encounter. “I …I met a man ...deep in the forest. He was hurt, so I tried to heal him. Part of the spell looks for a spark ...a soul. All living creatures have one ...except ...he didn't.”

Chuck looked off into the distance, seeming to already know what had happened; though he had no way of knowing what she'd gone through. “I take it things didn’t go too well…” He mumbled.

Twilight nodded sadly. “He absorbed the magic, but only the healing half of the magic actually worked. He was healed, but without the other part of the magic he …he sort of just …died.”

“Hmm, good,” Chuck said, a distant look on his face.

Twilight felt her jaw drop. She left her work and walked around look Chuck in the face. “Good? What do you mean, good! I killed him trying to heal him, Chuck! That is nothing even remotely close to what a normal pony calls 'good'!”

Chuck gave her a gentle smile, and said, “You ended a dead man's walk, Princess Sparkle. That's not a bad thing.” He then leaned back, getting more comfortable in his new spot in the sidecar that wasn’t a car.

“But ...I still killed him!” Twilight demanded. “He was moving when we met, and he was a pile of spreading ash when I left him ...alone ...in that horrible place.”

There was a long moment of silence where Chuck seemed to think, and then he softly began to speak…

“We've all killed someone," Chuck said. "But if you still feel bad about it, then there's a story I like to tell ...helps keep things in the right perspective. Wanna hear it?"

Twilight shook her head, but then stopped and asked, "How long is it?"

Chuck shrugged and said, "About five minutes ...six if you want details."

Twilight scrunched in thought for a moment, and said, "...Alright, and I'm also going to go ahead and say I want every detail you can think of." She would listen to Chuck's story as she worked, and she could always ask him to stop if she got too upset, or didn't agree with whatever message his story seemed to be providing.

She returned to her side of the machine, and went back to molding tiny little pieces of stress-fractured metal back together. She raised an eyebrow at Chuck, who was staring at her again. He cleared his throat, and began...

"Ehem, right... Well this story is about a well respected man by the name of John Winston. Now... John was a friend to everyone south of Moran, the very best sort of person you can find living out here. But then, John was also the first one to bring the disease to Jackson." Chuck seemed to sag in his seat, though it didn't look like it was for comfort. "...It happened while he was trying to help an injured guy escape an overturned truck. The driver bit him on the shoulder, went right through his leather jacket. He wasn't hurt too bad, so they patched him back up and sent him home ...but then he died a day later anyway."

Twilight winced at the look Chuck leveled at her, and he didn't look away as he continued... "John woke up, killed his own wife in her sleep, and then tried to kill his son. He bit the kid just like the trucker had, right on the shoulder. The kid got away, and made it all the way to Saint John's Hospital by himself. That kid was one tough little bastard, let me tell you. A real healthy boy. But of course, it didn't matter. The kid woke up in the hospital morgue, bit two nurses and killed another outright before someone trapped him in the basement. A local cop ...took care of him. And we all figured that was the end of it ...except one of the bitten nurses escaped quarantine and hid herself at home. She woke up, killed three other people in their homes on her street, and got hit by a car. Nobody noticed it because it happened while they were asleep, but that was the night it all went to hell."

Chuck released his glare, looking off into the distance... "A week ...that's all the time we lasted. One tiny little week of fighting, and there wasn't a soul left alive in Jackson or Moran. The whole damned state went right to hell less than a month later, all because John Winston had a heart made of gold.”

“Chuck…” Twilight began.

Chuck shot her a glare, keeping her from continuing. He shook his head and said, “The lesson is simple: Show no mercy for the dead. Times have changed ...though not for you, I suppose. You're not from around here. If anything, it seems like you're from somewhere pretty darn peaceful. But here? Here, we live by the rules of survival. And John Winston's story is the first lesson to learn in a long list of lessons." He leaned over and looked her dead in the eyes. "Rule number one... No. Mercy. The dead won’t thank you for sparing them, and they’ll just go on to kill someone else less able than yourself. Don’t think about it as killing a human either, because it ain't. They don't feel it, so Just get it over with quick, and move on. But remember," He put a finger to his temple. "...always aim for the head. Nothing else seems to finish them off quick enough.” Chuck then slowly extracted himself from the vehicle, wandering off toward the tree line.

Twilight followed after him. “Chuck? Where are you going?”

Chuck didn’t turn around, but answered, “You wanted plants to eat, and I need a break from talking to an alien pony that can do magic ...my head smarts just thinking about it.”

Oh…

“Well, thank you.” Twilight stopped following. She watched as Chuck climbed the short cliff and vanished into the woods, then went back to the task at hoof. Molding the tiny folds of steel was oddly soothing, and she was just finishing up the last piece of cracked metal when Chuck suddenly came back, a handful of plants in his hand ...and a ghostly hue on what little face was exposed above his beard.

“Time to go, and I mean that as in right the hell now…” Chuck said in a loud whisper. There was little doubt about the cause of his anxiety, and so Twilight quickly got to her hooves, hovering nearby as Chuck swung his weathered looking bow over his shoulders.

“The repairs are done, I think. What's wrong? Is it one of …them? How close is it?” She asked as Chuck mounted the machine and flipped a switch near where his hands rested on the wide handlebars. He then reached down between the two parts of the vehicle and did something out of her sight. He rose up tall, and then brought his entire weight down on the machine, making it rock underneath him.

Twilight heard a few sharp coughs come from the exhaust pipes, but that was all that happened.

“...Come on now, baby,” Chuck said as he rose up and kicked the machine once again, only for it to sputter once and quickly fall silent. “Shit… Compression feels good, must’ve fouled a plug with all that oil being burned off.”

Twilight lifted a hoof and tapped Chuck’s knee, drawing his wide eyed gaze. Seeing the big human worried about anything other than herself was not leaving her with many good feelings...

“Point me in the right direction, and I’ll fix it,” Twilight offered, trying to sound as confident as she could.

And then the smell hit her... It was far stronger than she'd ever smelled before. So powerful that she felt her eyes start to tear up. “…Ogh! I can smell them! Hurry up and point to where it's broken!”

"Shhh... Keep quiet." Chuck growled as he leaned from his seat and shoved a finger in roughly the same spot she’d been working before, only a bit lower. “See the thick wire going to the white piece of porcelain? Underneath that is a little metal nub with a curl that bends over the top of it. It should have an air gap between the nub and the curl. No debris, no wetness, no nothin. Gotta be clean.”

Twilight quickly re-cast her scanning spell and dove back into the machine. She followed the porcelain down to …well that was easy.

The white porcelain didn’t go in far at all, and ended in exactly what Chuck had described. A threaded porcelain plug with a metal tip and a little bar bent up over it, forming what would normally be a gap. It was coated in fluffy black gunk though, to the point that there was no doubt it was the cause of the problem. She instantly cast a small force spell, blasting the gunk away …except it didn't work. The gunk was still there! She blasted it again, adding as much force as she could in such a tiny little space of air; but the gunk refused to let go!

“Chuck! What is this black fuzzy gunk on the gap thing made of!?” She nearly shouted. The sounds of a whole lot of branches breaking had begun to separate itself from the usual drone of the surroundings woodlands, and a steady moan soon joined in... She was starting to feel like there was a lot more than just one sparkless human out there! "What's going on!? What is that!?"

“Carbon and oil!” Chuck shouted back, not bothering to actually answer her question about the sounds in the woods. She already had another force spell ready though, so she blasted the gunk as hard as she dared, trying not to break it and... “Twilight! You got ten seconds before I'm getting off this thing and runnin!”

Wait ...ten seconds! As in TEN seconds?! A Decasecond! One ninth of a moment! ...Six hundred jiffies?

"Five seconds!"

...Unless you lived outside Equestria, in which case a jiffy had a slightly lower value and... wait FIVE SECONDS!?.

OH CELESTIA! Carbon and oil! Carbon and oil! Well carbon was just carbon! Oil was a complex group of hydrocarbons! The best way to react those components at the same time without damaging the surrounding metal was …a horseload of heat! Twilight switched to a compacted fire spell, sending a small but super-heated burst of flame into the small chamber under the fouled part. She had a bit of a shock when the whole vehicle jumped forward with a loud bang, and the next thing she knew she was being grabbed by the skin of her neck and roughly stuffed into the hole in the top of the sidecar.

“My knife!" Chuck roared over the machine. "...I forgot my damned knife!” Twilight knew roughly where everything had landed during their initial meeting, and she actually managed to snag all but two of the arrows as the vehicle violently lurched forward, and Chuck's small knife. She had the knife, and sixteen arrows all tucked safely into her little hollow seat area ...and then she had to cover her ears as the machine’s volume suddenly increased dramatically. There was a violent lurch, screeching rubber, and then even more noise as they quickly picked up speed. She turned in her seat to look back over her shoulder ...and she felt her hooves go cold.

A massive crowd of dirty looking humans literally poured down the cliff, sprawling carelessly across the unforgiving road. Another stream of them came shambling from the forest itself, just forward from where they had been stuck only a moment before. There had to be at least a hundred or more of them ...and each had those same empty eyes as the man in the forest. Even the raised arms and open mouths brought the horrible memory rushing back through her head.

She felt herself begin to shake at the thought of what would have happened. ...If her fire spell hadn’t worked. If she'd taken even a second longer to figure out how to fix the problem...

Twilight tore her eyes from the crowd of ...whatever they were, and tucked herself down further into the seat. She wanted to just curl up and pretend like this was all a bad dream, but she didn't get the chance.

“Whew! That was close!” Chuck shouted, his voice back to normal but without some of his Applejack-like accent. She could barely make the words out over the din of the machine, but she could see his lips move well enough to pick out any words she couldn’t actually hear. She didn't have a response though, and probably wouldn't have answered anyway...

She'd very nearly died in a very awful way, just now. She needed a moment ...or actually, more like ten moments and a jiffy.

There was another lurch, but she didn't feel the speed change this time, only the pitch and volume reaching her ears. The sound was now a gentle thrum she could feel in her flanks, and she was grateful that the odd vehicle had a volume output other than ‘headache-inducingly loud’. It made asking important questions possible, now that she'd had her ten moments to collect herself...

“So what exactly is this thing?” She shouted up at the smiling human ...what the hay was he so happy about, anyway?

The big human laughed and said, “Ha! Which part? The bike, or the sidecar?”

“Both!” Twilight pressed. She didn't really care much at the moment, but wanted nothing to do with what had just happened.

It was far too much for her to think about, so she wasn't going to let herself think about until she was good and ready to do so. Maybe in a few thousand years or so.

Chuck changed the pitch of the …bike, to an even lower throbbing pulse, and she could actually hear the individual strokes of the pistons firing next to her. It was quiet enough that Chuck didn’t even have to yell anymore, as he answered her with obvious pride in his voice…

“The bike is an old BMW R60 dash five. That comfy sidecar you’re enjoying is an even older Steib model three fifty that my father restored about twelve years ago. Not a lot of originals around to scavenge parts from, but the Germans made good motorcycles. She’ll last a good long time.”

Twilight had no idea what a be'm double-yew or a steib was, but managed to gather that the part Chuck was on was a called a 'bike' or 'motorcycle', and the part she was in was called a 'sidecar', which she already knew from before. But two different names for one vehicle? It could only mean that her sidecar was an optional accessory. It also jogged her memory of an important question she’d wanted to ask a while ago…

“Hey, Chuck? Didn’t you say you were going to pick somepony up today? I’m not going to get stuck again somewhere, am I?” It was a valid concern, as taking her with him hadn't been a part of their trade agreement. Chuck could uphold his part of the deal anytime he wanted to, assuming he hadn’t dropped the various leaves he’d gathered and pointed her in the right direction when they parted ways. He was technically free to leave her just about anywhere he wanted.

“Yeah…” Chuck confirmed. “I was hoping to pick up a passenger today, but my luck hasn’t been too great. I haven’t seen so much as a rabbit.”

“Wait ...a rabbit? Why would you have a rabbit as a passenger?” Twilight asked. It was just such an odd a thing to say…

Chuck paused, winced, and thought a moment before he finally said, “Uh, well ...it's slang for ...uh Alright, just ...look. Out here, picking up a passenger doesn't mean what you'd expect. I ...well I hunt for a living. Furs, cuts of meat, sinews for fiber and rope, you name it. The ‘passenger’ is usually a deer or a pronghorn, but pickings on big game has been kinda slim lately." He looked at her and said, "…Guessing that's not too comforting to hear, being a Alipony and all.”

Not really, no. Especially when it's pronounced so incorrectly...

“It's ...well it's not the worst thing I've ever had to deal with. I actually already knew humans were omnivores, so that's not much of an issue. Just don’t ask me to kill anything, and we should be fine.” Twilight requested. She liked Chuck well enough so far, but she was not going to be hunting for meat or carrying around any dead animals, not if she had any say in things ...which she very much did!

“Well, that might be a problem, because my stores are getting low. I really needed a kill today.” Chuck replied, looking slightly unhappy.

Twilight took a very deep, very calming breath. “Look, Chuck. Ponies don't kill. It's part of who and what we are. But I don't want to put pressure on your livelihood, either. I suppose - as long as I don't see anything and you don't make me help - you can do what you need to,” She offered, though it was mostly to be a good sport. She then lifted a hoof to point at Chuck’s face. “But I swear, if you prank me with any dead things, I will turn you into an orange ...or a bullfrog.”

Chuck flashed her a nervous smile, then suddenly made the bike roar twice in quick succession and turned off of the main road, taking a bouncy dirt path she hadn’t even noticed.

“W.w.w.w.wwhere are we going?” Twilight asked, suddenly feeling like she was going to bounce out of her seat.

“The Bar J likes to hang out at the junction ahead, so we’re going around them to the south.” Chuck answered, as if she had any clue what he was talking about. Chuck seemed to realize his mistake and added, “Sorry. The Bar J boys are a group of musicians turned soldiers. They’re loud, proud, fun and rowdy ...and would probably shoot you for food. We’re going to avoid them, and take the long way home.”

Twilight had a feeling she’d already met them… “Do they travel in a group, have three really big cars, and five small bikes kind of like yours but without the sidecar?”

Chuck gave her a look that said ‘seriously?’ and said, “Uh, yeah …surprised you’re still alive there, Sparkle.”

Twilight let her face pout a bit as she growled out a response, “…One of those ‘boys’ destroyed my last water jug with a powerful ranged weapon. I was trying to hide, and then it just exploded! It nearly scared me to death!”

“Really?” Chuck asked, sounding dubious. “I honestly get the feeling they didn’t actually see you, then. Those guys hardly ever pass up an opportunity to shoot anything that moves and isn’t a living human being. They’ve had a bit too much practice with those fancy military rifles of theirs to miss.”

Military rifles. So that's what they were …scary.

She felt Chuck continue to stare at her, and returned his gaze. “What?” She asked. “Do I have something on my face? Or do you have a question…” She lightly goaded. She wasn’t yet convinced that Chuck had her best interests at heart, since he hadn’t offered any actual information on where to find Canterlot, or even named any of the plants he’d picked. Of course, he hadn't really had much of a chance to do much other than ....pee and get chased by zombies, so far.

Chuck’s features shifted into suspicion. He slowed the bike slightly, directing it over several deep holes in the path. “…Still having a hard time believing you’re not in my head or something,” He admitted. “And I’m wondering how you seem to know so much about the human way of things, since you’re claiming to be some kind of alien from another planet.” His suspicious glare intensified. "And how the hell do you even speak English, anyway? I don't understand it, and I'm not trusting you until you explain yourself …in full."

Twilight was not expecting such an honestly well thought out concern from the man, and decided to just be honest, “I’m technically an alien, yes. But I’ve been to this world before on ...business. A priceless item was stolen by a misguided pony, and I had to come here to get it back from her. It has a power that is integral to my world's magic, and would have caused a lot of problems here in the human world.” She could see a million questions forming behind Chuck’s eyes, so she kept going, “As for language ...I'm not completely sure. I went through a magic mirror to get here last time, and it changed me into a human girl. I didn’t have too much trouble fitting in for the few days it lasted, so it stands to reason that the mirror also gave me the ability to speak your language …but this time was different. I didn’t go through the mirror, so I’m still a pony. As for how I can speak English? ...I honestly don't know.”

“...Alright,” Chuck began with a final glance at her. “That explains a few things, and also explains why you were willing to approach a guy like me in the first place. But what about all that other weird stuff, like stopping the arrow and fixing my bike just by staring at it?”

Twilight smiled, even as she wondered at him not asking what magic was the first time she'd used it on him. “That was my magic, actually. I’m an Alicorn. Both Alicorns and Unicorns have a lot of magical potential, so as long as we…” She felt the machine slow down, and Chuck allowed it to come to a shuddering stop on the narrow path. She looked up at him and asked, “Chuck? What’s wrong? Why did we stop?”

Chuck pursed his lips in thought before dismounting the bike and slowly coming around to her side. She watched him intently as he stood there for a moment, staring down at his boots. “I'd like my knife, please…” He said, simply.

Twilight felt her heart flutter a bit. “Knife? You ...want your knife back?”

Chuck simply nodded, not looking her in the eye. “Yeah, or one of the metal tipped arrows. I just …I gotta check something real quick.”

Twilight didn’t believe him for a second... “Um, I don’t think that's wise, Chuck. You’re acting strange, and I don’t trust you well enough yet to give you…” She let out a yelp as she was suddenly grabbed under her forelegs and lifted from the sidecar like a sack of sugar. She instantly lit her horn, but stopped the spell from discharging when she was deposited on the ground at Chuck’s side. He’d been gentle enough not to hurt her, but the speed he’d initially moved at had left her no time to react.

…He could have snapped her neck ...choked her …done anything he'd wanted to. But he’d not even looked at her the whole time he'd been holding her up.

It was the only reason she hadn’t just blasted him. In fact, he was still ignoring her, collecting his weapons from the floor of the sidecar like she wasn’t even there. He was impossible to get a good read on, this human. And she now trusted him even less than before...

Twilight backed away quietly, getting some distance between them. In addition, she finished charging a simple force spell, making it strong enough to knock the big man over, but hopefully not do any lasting damage. He’d already had a very intimate taste of what her magic could do, and she doubted more than a good jostle would be needed to scare him off, should he turn around and come charging.

She decided to hold him upside down in the air and spin him around until he finally remembered he still owed her an apology, if he was really that stupid.

A few adjustments and a lot of mumbling later, Chuck finally turned to face her. Twilight braced herself ...but he just casually leaned back against the machine with his small blade held in a relaxed grip. She watched as he eyed the tip for a moment, and then brought his other hand up…

“What are you…” Twilight began, but she hadn't finished before Chuck had all but impaled his own left hand with the knife. “Wah… Why did you do that!?” Twilight demanded, rushing over with her force spell forgotten.

Chuck finally lifted his gaze to match her own. He looked surprised and confused as he slowly sheathed his knife, held his bleeding hand, and simply said, “Ow…”

“Ow…” Twilight echoed, narrowing her eyes. “Ow?! Chuck… you are the most infuriatingly dense being I’ve ever met! You scared me enough to nearly blast you when you grabbed me like that, but this? I don’t even…” She lowered her voice, realizing she’d been shouting. When she’d calmed a bit, she continued, “I …I’m not sure I want to keep going with this, Chuck. You’re too unstable for me to trust you …especially armed. I think I should just go back to the main road and…”

Twilight didn’t even have time to raise a shield before Chuck had jerked his head, and nocked an arrow to his bow. She threw herself sideways as the bowstring sang and the arrow leapt into the air, sailing into the forest behind her. She quickly got her shield up and whirled around to run, but the sound of something big crashing through the woods toward her stopped her from taking another step.

A solid wall of brown shaggy fur burst from the foliage between the trees, and Twilight felt her mouth open in shock at the sheer size of the animal bearing down on her. There was no roaring or posturing like a bear normally would do in her own world. It just came silently, thick saliva flapping from its lacy black lips. And those solid black eyes, firmly locked on her neck instead of meeting her own...

Twilight did try to open her wings, but nothing much came of it. Her nerves screamed at her legs to move, but they responded by locking up under her, sending her falling stiff-legged to the ground as a pathetic little bleat left her throat. There was a soft thunk, and the massive animal dropped like a sack of rocks, sliding across the road to rest only a few yards from her muzzle.

The smell of death on the big predatory mammal was nauseating, and the arrows sticking out of its head and neck wasn’t helping her any. Twilight tried to get away from the stench and the sight, but her legs still refused to budge. To make matters worse, her abdominal muscles were locked up tighter than a drum. She felt herself shaking, and the smell finally caused her to retch. Unable to fight back, she wound up losing a lot of fluid, and whatever little nourishment she still had left.

A short moment later, something grabbed her by the nape of her neck, dragging her backward across the rocky path. She finally got her legs moving, and bucked wildly at the thing that was dragging her, causing it to grunt and let her go.

“Ow! Hey, stop with the kicking!” Chuck yelled, pulling up his pants to inspect his right leg. “…And for pete’s sake, calm down. Damn Grizzly’s dead.” He drew closer, trying to get behind her so she couldn’t kick at him. But Twilight had made up her mind.

She was done with this day.

She was done with the crazy self-destructive human.

And she was very, very done with this horrible and awful world.

“Stay away!” She shouted. “I’m not going to do this anymore! I’ll be fine all by myself!” She was still too anxious to get her magic working right, but she could still unleash blasts of raw energy if she wanted. It would probably be fatal at such close range, but that was a risk she was currently willing to take. He’d tried once to kill her, and had now taken yet another life ...right in front of her! He didn't even seem to be affected in any way by his actions! She was done trusting him, and it was now time to face the music and move on. She would try a long range teleport through the planet, going as far as she could. Either she found Canterlot, or she wound up in space and had to come back a ways. Both options were much better than staying here with ...him!

And as for him, Chuck had stopped moving toward her when he'd seen her horn’s angry glow. He took a few steps back and turned, standing with his side to her. A long moment passed, with the man simply standing there. He eventually started doing something with his knife, likely sharpening it if the sounds were any indication.

Twilight felt her stomach finally start to relax, and her legs began to follow her directions again. Her hooves tingled, numb from the large and sudden dose of adrenaline in her body. It took a lot more effort than she was happy with, but she managed to get her shaking hooves back underneath her and stand. She turned her back on the crazy human and his loud bike.

She said nothing as she slowly started walking back along the narrow path to …anywhere that was far enough to not destroy the insane human when she teleported. It was going to be a powerful spell to go that far, and she was a good enough pony to keep others out of harms way.

She heard the bike sputter to life, and a moment later Chuck was behind her, chugging along at a slow pace.

Why? He didn’t care about her, and she was sure she’d made it clear that she was leaving…

A wide spot in the path forced Twilight to stop, as it had given Chuck enough room to roll his bike past her and turn it to block the way. He shut the bike off, swinging his leg over the round part on top to sit on the saddle facing her. “Hey…” He said, looking genuinely curious. “…You really gonna head out there alone? …All by yourself? It’s a big place for a little girl, you know.”

Twilight faced the man down. “First? I am twenty seven years old and a pony, not a ‘little girl’! And second? ...Yes! I am so done with this place that I am literally going to teleport to the other side of it …just to get away from all this ridiculous craziness!” Twilight shot back. She didn’t really feel the need to explain herself any further, so she just walked around the back of the bike and sidecar. She increased her speed to a trot once she was back on the pathway, not looking back even once.

Chuck let her go, but called out as she left… “The other side of the world, huh? You can really do that? Teleport that far, I mean?"

Twilight stopped. This was the human's world... What if it was bigger and she appeared underground ...or worse, immersed in magma? She should at least know how far she had to go before trying it blindly. She half turned, and asked, "I ...don't know. How big is the human world, exactly?"

Chuck took a moment to think. He eventually nodded to himself and said, "I don't know the, uh …exact thickness number. But I'm pretty sure I can remember my science teacher saying the distance around the equator was ...twenty thousand, something miles?"

Twilight felt her already weak knees wobble a bit. "Twenty ...thousand?" She squeaked.

Chuck just nodded and continued on... "Yeah, something like that. I know the flight to Japan is just over five thousand miles. And Japan and San Francisco are both more or less in the middle of the northern hemisphere, so roughly half of that distance to travel and... Hang on, I just remembered! It's exactly twenty four thousand, nine hundred and one miles around the equator! HA! Bad memory my ass! Suck it Mrs. Freidly! I learned in spite of your shit teaching!"

Twilight watched as Chuck continued to pat himself on the back, not paying her much mind. As for herself ...nearly twenty five thousand miles. That was a radius of around three thousand nine hundred and eight human miles! Multiply by point three repeating for the Equestrian mile, and then double it for the actual distance she'd have to teleport ...and it was just an impossible thing to do. The longest jump she'd ever done was from Ponyville to Canterlot, and that wasn't even a tenth of the radius of this massive bucking planet!

She was stuck here! With him!

But wait. She wasn't really, was she? Why couldn't she just go back to hoofing it on her own? She'd managed to get the location of a nice creek for water and bathing out of Chuck, and knew there were at least some towns around. She could just take it easy until her feathers grew back, and then fly up to get a proper view of things! No crazy humans required!

Twilight promptly turned, and resumed her trot. She would cut through the woods after a bit to lose Chuck, should he follow. Any more bears would just leave her alone. The only reason she'd been attacked is because Chuck had wounded that bear in the first place, so she would be fine. She was on her tenth pace or so, when Chuck's voice called from behind her...

"Wow! You are a tough one! You know, the Grizzly population in Yellowstone was over five hundred ten years ago,” The crazy human stated in a flat tone. “...They've taken a liking to human meat now, so it was quite a few more than that, last we bothered to try to count them.”

Twilight kept her pace, and Chuck increased his volume as she got further away, “The Black Bear population tends to be about triple the Grizzly population, and we have three packs of wolves with over twenty members in the area. Two of which also have a taste for humans.” He called.

Twilight increased her pace, and Chuck had to really yell for her to hear him. “Suit yourself, little Sparkle! Good luck with all those rattlesnakes, twelve hundred pound moose, wild bison, bobcats, man eating pumas, and all those other humans who’ll probably mistake you for a food animal!”

Twilight paused in her trot, leaving two of her hooves hanging above the ground …what was that first one he had said? Rattle …snakes? It sounded like some creepy toy you would give to a foal to teeth on, but she had to be sure. She turned, making sure to keep her face neutral. “Rattle snakes?" She yelled across the good stretch of land she'd covered. "What the hay is a rattle snake?”

Chuck’s answer was not what she expected. He didn’t answer with words, instead pushing himself off the bike to land on his feet. He strolled casually over to a sun-baked rock, and kicked some sandy gravel underneath it. There was a barely audible hiss, and a silky smooth sound sprung to life beneath the rock. Even from this distance, Twilight could hear it clearly. It sounded almost like one of the rain maker things Vinyl Scratch had shown her. The ones that looked like a big long stick, but made a raining sound if you turned them over.

She was a thousand feet away, and still took a long step back. “W-What is that!?”

Chuck pulled one of his arrows from the quiver on his hip, and speared something on the ground with it. A moment later, he lifted a rather small snake into view. It had coiled around the arrow, and was trying to bite anything it could reach. She winced as she saw it’s fangs flash in the midday light, and an alarmingly large amount of yellow venom arched away from the reptile’s head.

Chuck withdrew another arrow, using it to corral the snake’s movements. She could hear him clearly, as her every sense was now at it's very sharpest edge...

“This little guy is a Prairie Rattlesnake. They used to be pretty rare out here, but now you can’t go ten feet without seeing one.” He had to sway back as the snake tried to bite him, fangs bared menacingly. To her horror, Twilight noticed that the arrows weren’t actually going through the venomous reptile, meaning it was actually unharmed.

“What are you doing! Get rid of that thing before it bites you!” Twilight cried.

Chuck frowned, and put the snake on the ground near the rock. It quickly slithered out of sight, though the strange rattling sound never faded.

Twilight suddenly got the feeling that something was touching her rear hooves, and she bolted forward with a squeak of surprise. She swore she heard a hiss, and leapt back toward the bike. There was twenty feet of trail left when she jumped, but she somehow flew the rest of the way, missing feathers be damned. Landing on the seat cushion, she stood up and looked back, seeing a light brown tail disappear into the grass where she had been standing only moments ago.

Hnng… Urp... She felt sick…

Chuck didn’t laugh at her, or even poke fun at her with a witty joke. He just put his arrows back in the quiver and leaned against the sidecar with his legs to say, “Yep, they're just about everywhere these days. Easy to avoid though, if you just know where they live. They don’t want anything to do with an animal bigger than themselves, so just don’t go digging around under stuff like an idiot and you’ll be fine.”

Twilight balked. “Those are …everywhere?”

Chuck shook his head. “Not everywhere. They like to hang out under rocks and fallen trees during the day, and they only really move around at night. Just pay attention to were you stick your hands ...or hooves, and you’ll be fine.”

Twilight didn’t quite believe him. “But you found that one in seconds! How is that possible if they’re not everywhere?!”

Chuck shrugged. “I saw it hide as we went by …didn’t see the Grizzly, though ...or the harmless little rat snake that just gave your hooves a cute little sniff.”

Twilight felt her heart start to slow, even as her left eye started up with a nasty twitch. She was going to need therapy, if this kept up. “And why - exactly - did you shoot at that bear, anyway?”

Chuck looked over at the dead bear, which Twilight noticed suddenly looked a lot smaller than she remembered it being. He sighed as he stood up and started over toward it. “Game is scarce, like I said. This one wasn’t attacking us, I don't think. More than likely it was only after you.”

Twilight didn’t understand. “What do you mean, it was after me? Shouldn’t it have gone after you? You’re the one that shot it with an arrow!”

Chuck gave her a look and said, “You don't get it, Twilight. This bear was hungry.” He gave the animal a gentle nudge with his boot. “…Look at this damned thing. I can’t even tell the sex because it’s all just skin and bones.”

Twilight looked at the bear again, noticing the slight outlines of its ribs, and a few bumps that could only be shoulder blades and hip bones. So it was trying to …eat her? Oh… no… nononono …Just ...NO!

She leapt from the seat and started over toward Chuck. She was not going to be alone out here. Not ever again. Scary and crazy humans be damned, she needed a second set of eyes in this crazy place. She felt an overwhelming urge to secure somepony's allegiance, and there was only one viable option at the moment. She knew only one way to do it in a hurry though, so she was preparing a healing spell even as she drew near the human's side. As soon as she was close enough to cast, she opened her mouth and said, “Let me see your hand.”

Chuck jumped, but didn’t yell. He turned with a glare and said, “Gosh darn it! Don’t you sneak up on folks like that!” He then put the non-bloodied hand to his chest. “Damn near gave me a heart attack…”

Twilight tilted her head and smiled hopefully... “Hand?”

Chuck held his hands together, keeping his wound out of sight. “What... you gonna use your freaky magic on it, or something? The same way you turned a zombie into a ashes?”

Twilight nodded, then quickly shook her head. “That only happened because he didn't have a spark! It won't happen to you, because you're still alive! I just thought that, you know …since we'll likely be traveling together for a little while longer and all; I’d make sure that my traveling companion wasn't bleeding out or risking an infection.”

Chuck narrowed his eyes, and shifted away a bit. “No thanks, I'm good. I have my own magic back home. It's called alcohol ...alcohol and a sewing kit.”

“Wha?! But …alcohol burns! And I can heal it in seconds!” Twilight beseached. “You can't suture you own hand, there's no way you could do it with just one hand free ...or at least it would be difficult ...and painful! Magic is better! There’s no side effects or scars or ...anything! Please, just let me heal you so we can get out of this place!”

Chuck looked over his shoulder. He singled out a small twig from a nearby bush, breaking it off in his hand. He then snapped it again, holding the ruined twig out to her. “Heal this twig here, and I'll let you heal my hand.” He demanded.

“But plants…” Twilight began, but realized that she could just as easily fix a broken twig. If she hit that little chunk of living wood with an actual healing spell, it would probably turn into some giant wooden monstrosity. That would look bad when she needed to convince someone that barely believed in magic in the first place to except her help. But if she just used a simple binding spell, coupled with a very minor time spell she could reclaim as she left…

Twilight lit her horn, aligning the two halves of the twig together and quickly binding them in place. Next, she dug deep and cast a very small time matrix over the whole thing, taking it back about two minutes. The wood fibers quickly wove themselves together as Chuck watched in amazement, and he dropped the twig to the ground as he witnessed it appear to heal itself in his hands.

"There..." Twilight sighed, reabsorbing as much of her magic as she could and stomping on the forgotten twig to cover up her slight-of-hoof. She was surprised she hadn't fizzled and suffered a burnout on that spell. Her horn was even a bit sore. In hindsight, she could have done two things at once, and healed her scratched-up side ...shoot! But it was too late, and Chuck was staring at her. "...So ...Chuck ...do you ...believe me ...now?" she weezed, trying to catch her breath.

Chuck slowly nodded and said, “Ye …yeah. I think I can believe you now.” He then trudged over and sat himself down next to his bike, looking nearly as tired as she was feeling... “Just …is it gonna hurt or anything?” Chuck asked, watching her approach nervously.

“Hurt…” Twilight deadpanned, slowing regaining her wind. Goddesses, this human was so full of irony! But she had to play nice. Bears and snakes everywhere, and all that. “...No. It won’t hurt. Not nearly as much as it should, anyway. In fact, the most you’ll feel is a slight tingling …a lot less pain than when you willingly stabbed yourself!”

Chuck looked away, though he didn't seem particularly embarrassed. “I just didn’t believe my eyes …or any of my other senses, for that matter. I mean… a talking purple pony? And an alien talking pony, at that. That was just a bit too much for me to except.“ He grabbed his beard with his good hand, and laid the wounded one open on his knee when she sat down in front of him... “In fact, it’s still too much. I mean, I want to help you, I really do. You seem like a nice gal. But I just don’t know the hell how I’m gonna do it.”

Twilight touched her horn to Chuck’s wounded hand, and slowly slipped the much easier magic into him. She maintained contact for a moment, just to make absolutely sure that the tiny amount of magic was going to act as it should ...and sighed in relief as she felt the the skin against her horn first rise and then immediately fall in temperature. She cast the spells properly to heal the wound, and then backed up a bit... “I told you back on the road,” She began, rocking back on her haunches to rest her aching hooves. “I need directions to Canterlot City, and a basic knowledge of edible plants so I can feed myself on the way there. That’s all there is to it.”

Chuck lifted his hand, watching as the small but bloody puncture wound closed before his eyes. He shivered and said, “Man… Good golly Miss Molly …That is the weirdest feeling thing I ever did feel.” He continued to silently watch as the small scar faded from view. He then rubbed the dried blood off and rested his chin in his freshly healed hands, directing his gaze back to Twilight... “Well now, seems I owe you one, Princess. I can definitely teach you what’s safe for humans to eat, and what plants are dangerous ...but my sister was the one in our family that was big on horses. She told me when we were younger that a horse can’t eat all the same stuff a humans can, so it’d really be better to find a proper book in town. There’s a few plants I know horses can eat just fine that humans can’t though, so we’ll start with those.” He slowly stood and began to pace. “As for finding this Canterlot place you're looking for, I can’t say I’ve heard of it. It might just be a small town in some other part of the country, or it might be in some other country entirely. I’m also worried there might be more than one place with the name, and boy would that ever be a waste of time. Traveling isn't easy these days, you know.”

Twilight got the unspoken message when Chuck gave his back a pop-filled stretch and swung his leg over the saddle of the bike. She hopped up into the sidecar and got cozy, resting her back down into the soft fabric of the seat.

“Um... You actually might want stand up for the next few miles,” Chuck advised as he kicked the bike to life. “It’s a bit bumpy, and your legs will take the hits a lot better than your ...keister.”

Twilight answered by pulling herself up to a standing position, her front hooves resting on the edge of the hole she was in, while her rear hooves took up positions on the seat cushion below. It was actually kind of fun once they got going, as she was moving forward without flying or even moving her legs. She was just getting into it when the first real bump hit the sidecar, and she nearly fell out.

“Careful now!” Chuck called. “You don't want to go rolling down the mountain and get lost again. There’s only a couple hours of good daylight left to find your way back out.”

Twilight put her rear hooves on the floor of the sidecar. It wasn’t as fun, but her legs were in a good position to keep her from falling out now. She wondered what Chuck meant by rolling ...until she looked past the shrubs on her right.

The treetops were actually below them.

“Where are we?” Twilight called over the bike, which was being rather loud at the moment.

Chuck looked toward a distant mountain, gave a thoughtful frown, and shouted back, “About half a mile east of Lower Slide Lake. The road we're on is an old forest road, number three oh four hundred, if memory serves. It’ll take us past the old resort to a small town called Kelly.”

“A town?” Twilight asked. “But I can’t go through any towns! I'm trying not to be seen!”

She thought Chuck had ignored her, or was busy figuring out how to make fun of her for already being 'seen', by him, but on closer inspection he was just focused on keeping the bike on the road over a particularly bad spot. When the road leveled out a bit, he forwent any jokes and simply answered her question... “Kelly’s dead. There’s nothing left of the place but empty homes and overgrown streets ...and those that weren't lucky enough to make it out, of course.”

“Oh...” Twilight said. “So then what comes after we go through Kelly?”

“Not sure,” Chuck admitted. “The only way home is to cross six miles of flatland to the north, and then take a tunnel under the super highway.” He eyed her for a second, and then eyed the space she was standing in. “…Think you can fit in there well enough to hide?”

Twilight looked the small space over. “I …no. It’s way too small.” And it was. She was four feet long and just as tall, not including her horn. Fitting into a tiny space meant only for two human legs just wasn’t an option for a fully grown mare, much less a slightly larger Alicorn.

Chuck slowed to a stop, but left the noisy bike running. Twilight followed his gaze down the road to a …an actually fairly decent size town.

“Welp, there’s Kelly.” Chuck said. “…And it looks busy tonight.”

Twilight didn’t have to ask what the man meant by ‘busy’. The shuffling forms in the streets were obviously not healthy humans. She turned back to Chuck and asked, “How are we going to get past all those …things?”

“Very carefully…” Chuck answered as they smoothly began to accelerate down the narrow path. Twilight charged her horn with a basic force spell, about twice what she'd nearly used on Chuck when he'd had his hand stabbing episode. It would be more than enough to knock anything a human’s size out of their way, should such a thing be needed.

But Chuck was a good driver, and he seemed to know the town fairly well. As soon as they entered, the sickly looking humans were after them. But their noisy ride was too nimble and quick to catch. As they maneuvered through the rundown homes and cracked streets, Twilight noticed that a fair number of the humans here were missing their feet, lower legs, and even both legs all the way up to the hip in some cases.

“Hey Chuck? Why are so many of them missing their feet?”

Chuck smiled in his uniquely beardy manner, and said, “You remember how I didn’t kill that Rattlesnake? Well there’s a good reason for it.”

Twilight got it right away, but Chuck continued to talk as he guided them through the slow crowd of moaning zombies.

“Yup, the dead have a habit of not paying much attention to where they step. It sucks for them, but it suits the rest of us just fine!” He then laughed, ducking under a low tree branch that Twilight didn’t even have to make an effort to avoid. The bike shook as they went off road for a moment, but seconds later the ride smoothed over. They were now rolling along on a road that led out of Kelly's dangerous streets, heading out across the biggest open field Twilight had ever seen in her life...

“What is this place? Some kind of plain?” Twilight asked.

Chuck nodded. “Welcome to Antelope Flats, Princess Sparkle. Sage and Thistle as far as you care to look, and even more where you aren't looking. This damned place has taken more tires and chains off my bike than anywhere else in the whole of Wyoming. There's always someone out here hunting too, even at night sometimes. I never did get the stupid name they gave it, though. They’re Pronghorn dammit, not Antelope! Stupid spud-sucking idiots wouldn't know the difference if it came up and bit'em right in the ...OH! I just got a great idea! I know you don't fit in there completely, but I don't think you have to! Hang on!” He slowed the bike to a stop, and shut it off.

Twilight had jumped a bit when Chuck suddenly stood on his footpegs and shouted in excitement, but asked, “Really? You have an idea of how I can hide better?”

Chuck nodded enthusiastically, grinning ear to ear by human standards.

Twilight did not like the look of that bearded smile...

Author's Note

Second round of grammar updates complete. A few minor alterations to Twilight's mannerisms and dialog as well. Just to make her a little softer and more like herself.