Author's Note

I know the first chapter says it's the second one. I have an interesting idea for doing the first chapter, but it might be a while before it's ready. I'm leaving the numbers like this so it won't be a shock when I finally put the first chapter in its proper place.

2. Real life sucks

It had been a long shift. Again. I tried to not let it get to me. I knew when I joined the Air Force that things like this would happen. I expected it to suck when things got busy. I always thought it would be worth it, though. I wanted to protect my nation, my friends, and my family. I wanted to make a difference. So long hours were just going to have to be okay.

But this just felt excessive. Having exercise after exercise so that we would have enough practice for the "real" exercise to get good scores seemed assinine. I mean, I thought that the point of these military exercises was to find out if we could perform our war-time jobs properly. Not to get our commander a good report card.

I sighed quietly as I let myself into my dorm room. ‘At least they gave us Monday off,’ I thought to myself. Not that I thought it made up for the fact that we had just worked right through the weekend, making it seven days straight of 12-hour-plus shifts. But one day off was better than none, right?

I slumped into the recliner and stared blankly at the small entertainment center the Air Force provided. Some people thought it was odd that a staff sargeant (SSgt) would still be in the dorms, but I didn't need anything bigger. I either ate at the chow hall or went out for most of my meals, so the small kitchenette I shared with my suite-mate was enough. The rest of my money went toward my anime and video game collections. So really, I didn't need anything bigger.

I mean, it's not like I had to worry about being able to fit all my friends into it.

With that dark thought I glanced at my laptop, then at the clock set above it. What few friends I had were all online people I'd never actually met in person. And seeing how it was already after 8pm on a Sunday, most if not all of them would be getting ready for bed so they could go to work in the morning. Still, I decided to fire up my laptop and log in to my preferred chat program while I got changed into more comfortable clothes.

As it turned out, my prediction seemed to be spot on. Other than one guy who gave me a call out seeing me come on as he was logging off, none of my friends were active right now. Glancing outside at the snow still softly falling, I pondered what to do. Since my normal shift was Mids I would be expected to be back at work at 2350 tomorrow night... or 11:50pm for you non-military types. So I didn't want to just go to bed. I needed to stay up as late as I could stand, then sleep as much as possible to be ready for my next work-day.

I yawned while glancing at the clock, noticing that now it was almost 9 o'clock. On a normal day I would have only woken up one to three hours ago. With the peaceful yet depressing snowfall outside I figured now was a good time to indulge my guilty pleasure. Getting back in the recliner I fired up my PS3 and signed into Netflix, found the picture of colorful horses, and set myself up to watch the last few episodes from season 3 of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.

I blame my sister for getting me started on this, but I would have to say I'm officially a Brony at this point. I'm also certain that if my fellow aircraft maintainers found out I was a fan they would have plenty of unkind things to say to me about it... although, now that I think about it, there are those two new guys always talking about Pokemon and no one seems to be giving them too hard a time over it... and one of them is even a crew chief!

As an attempt to cheer myself up this plan ultimately failed, partly because I was so tired, but mostly because it reminded me of yet another way all these exercises bugged me. You see, season 4 had just premiered last week. My plan at the time was to re-watch season 3 before watching the new two-parter on YouTube, but with suddenly changing my sleep schedule and working so many hours through the week, it had taken me until tonight to finish watching last season... and now there was ANOTHER episode out.

Normally the idea of having 3 new episodes to watch would be exciting, but I knew I was too tired to properly appreciate them right now. As it was, I almost nodded off while watching the final episode of the last season, and I still needed to stay up as long as I could. A quick glance at my clock showed me that between my pony watching and slow pondering of depressing things I'd almost made it to midnight. "Great. Only 24 hours before I have to be at work again," I mumbled.

Pushing myself out of the comfortable chair, I stretched while looking around the room for something to do. Looking out the window I noticed that the snow had stopped and the moon was shining down over the white-covered landscape. It looked beautiful... but also empty. Still, I figured that fit with the way I was feeling, and maybe a walk outside would do me some good, so I started gathering up my cold weather gear.

As I grabbed my gloves off of the desk I accidentally knocked off a couple papers that had been sitting on the edge. Cursing softly I bent down to pick up my Separation Notice papers. It reminded me of yet another problem I had, because if I didn't make up my mind soon, the Air Force would decide I didn't want to stay and automatically list me as separating. A quick glace over the top page confirmed I only had until the end of the week to get this resolved. With a sigh I put the papers down and left the dorm.

Trudging through the fresh snow I quickly found myself headed in the direction of the main gate. I really didn't want to think about the military right then, so it made sense to walk to the town just outside the base, even if nothing would be open at the moment. Well, except for the 24hr McDonald's, but I wasn't hungry and can't stand their food anyways. I waved at the two gate guards as I walked by them and turned down the side of the highway that led to the town. My thoughts ended up back on my impending separation despite trying to avoid the topic. I really didn't know what to do. I felt tired of being in the military, but I didn't have anything else I wanted to do.

I trudged through the snow alongside the highway, barely noticing the cars and trucks hurtling past me. I felt like I needed a point to my life, but had none. I always thought that everyone had a reason they were alive, a purpose to their life, but I couldn't figure out what mine was. Then there was the matter of friends, or lack thereof. I’ve never been one to make friends easily, but even at my worst points going through school I’d always had at least one good friend. And if I was being totally honest, I still had 3 very good friends. The problem was that I now lived in an entirely different state than any of them, and I never got to see them anymore. Plus, they were moving on with their lives, so we didn’t even talk much on the phone or online anymore.

Honestly, I thought that if I just stopped answering my phone, or going online anymore, the only people who would be concerned enough to start looking for me would be my mom and sister. I figured that while my online friends might get a bit worried, eventually they'd just forget about me.

I thought that, if I died, only two people in the world would actually care at all.

……

I was blasted out of my dark musings by the blare of a truck horn. Turning to look behind me I saw the big rig skidding along the icy road, already sliding onto the shoulder.

The shoulder I was walking on.

I remember how my last thought as I stared into the headlights was about the irony of having considered, more than once, of doing something like this on purpose. That and, "Oh shit."

Then the world went white.