Das Vierte Reich

by Baldric Eberhardt

Rating: teen
Tags: Dark, Comedy
Length: 8381

If you came to hear a great story, I'm sorry to disappoint you. I left my homeland to start anew, in this mythical fairy-tale that is Equestria. Hopefully, I can make it out alive without having to kill anyone.

If you came to hear a great story, I'm sorry to disappoint you. I suspect that this will end up as some sort of large confession. I left my homeland to start anew, in this mythical fairy-tale that is Equestria, which has intrigued me since my… younger days. With enough cleverness, intelligence, some ingenuity and wit, along with a 'unique' sense of humour, I might just be able to make it out of all of this alive. If it's even possible.

I guess that's why there is a giant 'if' in the middle of my entire livelihood. Must have been due to the murders. I guess if it wasn't for the damned Prench…

I kinda always wished that I had friends.

=====

Editor/Proofreader: Destructor296

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-10-02 07:48:45 UTC

Das Neue Land

Many, many years ago, I had made a monumental mistake. Though I might be exaggerating a little, I had thought it was a good idea to get out of bed. I now wonder if I made the same mistake getting out of bed this morning. Well, 'crawling out of some deep foxhole that was dug by my own pride and hooves in the ground the night before' would be more accurate. Kind of. I can't recall the last time I actually saw a proper bed, let alone sleep in it. Must have been years ago. Has to have been. Well, anything representing a suitable bed to sleep in without something small crawling all over you is a 'proper bed'.

I hope this long journey wasn't for nothing.

Shaking my head, I tried to force the exhaustion-fuelled thoughts from my mind. They aren't important. Not now. Not anymore. I focused on the new problem at hoof, which is going to be harder than at fir thought. It's been that way ever since I reached this new continent, a little over a month ago, I believe. It might have been longer. I think that finding a new place to sleep in this 'mythical motherland' (as many dreamers back home would call it), this Equestria, a land full mostly of ponies of all three species (which is interesting), ruled by two Princesses in a diarchy, a thought impossible back in my homeland, or my own continent for that matter, would be a good start. They called the rulers, these... Princesses, Celestia and Luna Serena, 'fallen angels'. Because that somehow made sense to them. I guess it must be due to the fact that immortal mares reigning a fairy-tale kingdom on the other side of the world, with 'immortal' powers mind you, made any more sense than a plate of mashed potatoes attempting to eat a Erde's face off. Then again, I had actually observed that moment with my own eyes, so anything is believable at this point, especially at the more... 'interesting' parts that I had witnessed.

But nothing seems like a myth right now. The door to the right of me, with it's foggy light seeping from the building's windows like a pub in Manechester, looks as real as the muddy dirt beneath my lightly throbbing hooves. It's very real. Walking for hours on end does give you cramps, as I have learned the hard way. Various faint sounds of semi-drunken merriment from within drift through the wooden walls to my ears, a sound that was a little too similar to home. With the rain pelting my back like making money rain (I don't think a single pony would ever get that joke), or more like a jealous ex-marefriend pelting your face with mutilated parts of your now-dead dog, I'd rather be inside than out. But it may not be that simple. Maybe.

Above all other various reasons, plain and simple curiosity has dragged me halfway across the world to this forsaken land, a journey which took the better half of a decade. Though there was a bigger reason behind it all, one that I want to forget. Then again, even before the Third War broke out, I always wanted to live in a foreign land. Curiosity got the best of me, I guess. That lust to know had taken me so far into the east that I was now mostly (but not entirely by coincidence) in that mysterious part of the world that was traditionally thought of as being to the west of the Fatherland. Or as I like to call it, the Motherland. It doesn't really matter. Although to be fair, it might or might not have actually been because I had... have a psychotic hero complex that totally justified excessive violence towards bad ponies since, in all honestly, excessive violence was usually by far your best option when dealing with crazy, evil bastards that dared call themselves 'ponies'. Then again, most of them ran the damn country... I'm still stunned to this day that lead those xenophobic, power-hungry pricks rule a powerful empire. Actually, it has happened before with a couple of other nations.

Of course, saying that would make me sound crazy. Which was, if anyone (anypony rather) asks, why I was here to see the Equestrian fairyland full of 'Harmony' for myself; to see if those two 'immortal' Princesses exist, which I wouldn't be surprised if they do. If they truly were alicorns, a pony with both wings and a horn, then I'll go home a famous adventurer. None of that is expressly a lie per se, but it is more of the sort of thing I plan to do as I wander around aimlessly. But I would be lying if I told anyone that. That reasoning is all just bullshit. I'm never going back. At least, I hope they didn't send someone to bring me back, that will only cause more problems, and not just for me.

My life up until now was kind of fun at times, regretful at others. Actually, it was mostly regretful. I just hope the same doesn't happen here. I have come here to get away from conflict, not to start it all again. But with my luck, I know that someone is going to die, somehow in some way. It's all the matter of where and when, under what circumstances. I guess that's why they say 'Death is a funny game'. It might be a times, but killing another pony, or another being for that matter, is unforgivable in my opinion. But it doesn't necessarily mean you can't ever forgive the killer. Doesn't mean you should, because there isn't any satisfaction if you kill the killer that murdered a loved one. Wait, what am I saying? Of course that is satisfying, if the bastard deserves it. Though not all the time... Buck, that must have been years ago.

I don't want to bet on the fact that somepony, or someone, is going to get killed if I go in that pub. With memories of my past experiences coming back into my mind, I don't think I'll have any luck in getting anywhere toward a suitable place to stay, or any place to stay. If not the suffering of someone in there. It just seems all too familiar to me. I don't want any part of it. It would be a waste of time. So there must be somewhere else to look, or to be at. A hole in the ground would only make things worse for me. I think I'm lightly shaking at the moment. This isn't good.

It would be better if it wasn't raining so much. Much better, even if I do love the sound of rain hitting the ground. I heard that the weather patterns around here are controlled by pegasi, making me wish he had some of our own. I know the reasons why we don't. Actually, I've heard that two more Princesses reside in these lands, but one now controls the legendary 'Crystal Kingdom' to the north. This has made me wonder over the past few days on who would win in a war, Equestria or the Motherland? Which one would give more of a damn about their pride? Which one would want more power than the other? It was hard to know just by giving it a second's worth of thought. But I guess I'll have all the time in the world once I find somewhere to stay...

Which is easier said than done.

But whatever, I'm here now, and there is no changing that. I slowly took a big breath. Damn, even the air tastes differently here, almost if it lacks the centuries of blood, sweat, and steel that had built the land whence I came. This is apparently the smell of Equestria, and I'll have to get used to it. Smells very odd. Comfortably odd.

The night had long since fallen by the time I'd scampered out of the woods and headlong into some spooky, dark town, which, thinking back on it, wasn't the wisest move that I could have made. But it was better than during the middle of the day, where everyone was out and about. Frankly, I guess it's a somewhat good thing that it is pouring down right now. I won't have to talk to anypony.

Presently, I'm sure how much of the liquid on my face is rain, or my own sweat. My muscles had already made a thousand promises of pain to come, and I hate them for it. It just reminds me of just how much I'd abused them just trying to survive getting through that hellish forest. Awfully dangerous, if you ask me. There were more mythical creatures in that forest then I'll probably ever know. Wolves made out of wood? Small chickens that can turn your body to stone? Sounds like a regular day in Northern Prance, if you ask me. And that is why I'm not in Northern Prance.

This 'Ponyville' seems like a small village to me if the almost medieval architecture of the buildings, the earthen streets and the thatched roofing were any clue. I was fairly sure that thatched roofing was illegal back home, something about it being unsafe, insecure versus the elements, and prone to insect infestations. And fire. Anyway, save for the tavern, the windows were all dark, which was why the inn had caught my eye. Well that, and the fact that it was the only building that appears ugly when giving it more than a fleeting glance. I wonder if this place knows the line "as pretty as a whorehouse". Truthfully, I couldn't recall actually taking much note of my surroundings when I first entered the town, buuuut it doesn't look like a war-torn city to me, though. It is smaller than a city, as well. Apparently, Equestria hasn't had a war in a millennium. These ponies should come and live in the Motherland for a few months, to get a taste of how I used to live. Used to.

I'm not exactly sure of what to think of the town. Everything seems... peaceful. Too peaceful. That inn back there was the only source of sound radiating from this village, just by the looks of it. With nothing else to think about, I let myself wonder about all the myths I heard about this nation. A myth which is that Equestrian mares here outnumbered the Stallions like 10 to 1 or something, and that everyone here is on the friendly side. Which leads me to wonder why the gender population ratio is so high. Princess Celestia certainly has eyes everywhere within her realm too, if she exists, that is. This place doesn't seem like a 'spy state' to me though, so it might be false. Might be. Some say that Equestrians are highly xenophobic, which makes sense, if the fact that there are barely any foreigners in this nation is true. I hope it's not. Oh, and here comes my favorite : Stallions in Equestria are treated like slaves by the dominant female population, are all castrated beyond a certain age, and are controlled on what to think and what to do. The last myth is going to be true, knowing my luck, and considering there already is a place I know of that has these rules enforces. Barely anyone lives there, and for the ones who do, for some insane reason or the other, are all mindless drones.

Go figure. I rather like my masculinity. I hope my situation doesn't resolve to violence. Like nearly every other time.

So from the direction that I've been constantly been traveling on, the east, I'm going strait towards the Equestrian capital, Canterlot. Sounds familiar to another name back in my home continent, don't exactly know where. Somewhere south would make sense, possibly east.

Somewhat satisfied, I looked around. More inferior infrastructure around me. Maybe there's another inn in the town? Wait, I don't have any local currency. Bits, I believe they're called. I'll find a job or something, somehow. Shrugging it off, I turned and ambled to the south, ignoring the sting in my limbs. Pain is meaningless at this point. I've slightly gotten used to it, nothing severe. Yet.

"Right. I'm gonna go east. I'm gonna try to meet Celestia and maybe Luna, if they are there" I slowed to a stop, after a few paces of trying to avoid to step into any puddles. "I'm gonna die of exhaustion.", I realize. I have nowhere to stay. And no sticky, leaking holes anymore! Damn, that was a horrible experience. It was Prench horrible. If anypony gets that...

A weird thought crosses my mind. With both the darkness caused by the lack of any street lamps (so this place doesn't care for the night) and the rain pelting my back, both making my vision inky, I remember a scene from a musical play I saw years ago. It was an alright play, entertaining enough to at least leave me satisfied. Minus the near-freezing cold of what I presume is some sort of sickness that I must have caught, my surroundings were like a little stage-like weather biome where you would expect a stallion dancing down a slabbed street, with a fountain nearby, singing about how he was dancing (I think), or something about breaking up with a dame. It was a long time ago, I can't remember the exact details. I'm also shaking now. Shit.

Taking a long hard breath, I take a stab in the dark and head south-west-ish (because buck you! Why not?). I mumbled to myself over... something I remembered. Bastards... This street, or rather dirt path rather, led to some sort of farm or orchard... an apple orchard. Farm ponies. Well, this farm may not be like the others. I don't think it will get bombed anytime soon.

If this was a risk of some kind, I might as well take it. Better than sitting by myself. I could sleep under the trees that look big enough to be... for me to be alive in the morning. Hopefully. Maybe I should run into the orchard before the owners see me. Then again, they might try to kill me for trespassing. I shouldn't ask random strangers to sleep in their barn for a night... No one can be that nice to me.

In the distance, I could see a young stallion down the street, standing in front of a doorway of the large red barn. Whoever that is, or whoever he's talking to, doesn't notice me, as I quickly leap into the shadows, shivering. In my eternal puzzlement, I somehow manage to notice that he's a stallion with wings. A pegasus. Not the fact that he had wings is what surprises me (even if that is mildly interesting), it's that they can hold things with their wings. Magic works in strange ways, I guess. And... something else catches my attention. He didn't have a single scrap of clothing on him. He's... naked. *shudder* My hormones are starting to affect me now. No, don't bother me. Not r-right now!

"Thank you, Miss Applejack," He says to a yellow or gold mare who looks like she was about the same age. I didn't realize how close I got to the barn without being noticed. This orchard is quite a big place.

The mare in the doorway smiles bashfully, who was an Erde, wearing a brown hat upon her head, a... Stetson? "Well, it was nothin', really. Just helpin' a friend out. Ya let me know if there's anythin' else we can do for ya, alright?" A country accent. A very distinct voice. Hmm. Also... she is naked too. Don't stare.

"Well alright. See ya later!" The stallion... saluted? Well, he flew off into the night, which was a very dangerous thing, considering all the trees around. Maybe he's very experienced, or just awfully stupid.

A young mare, who looked the age of a foal, also an Erde (runs in the family), comes up behind the mare, with a larger red stallion behind her. He looks strong to me. I couldn't take him on by myself. Especially in my weakened, shivering state. "He gave ya the parcel Applejack, didn't he?" She sounded sweet and innocent, a voice that I've never head before. At least nothing similar. All the foals, or kids from the Motherland are pricks, no better than their guardians or their parents.

"Yeah, he did. Come on, the rain is gettin' heavier by the second". Maybe I should ask them for shelter now, while I have the chance... but that would be very rude of me. And they would probably kick me to the curb, my wonder plot harmed. Eh, there really isn't much point now. Better not take the chance anyways-

"Hey sister, who is that?" I immediately dart back behind the tree. How did the foal spot me? I thought I was hidden? Dammit! They better not come over here...  I shake uneasily, with my forehead beginning to feel like its burning. Yep, I've got a cold. Maybe even a severe one. Oh no...

"Who ya talking about?" I hope neither of them can see me. I've lined my body up perfectly in the opposite direction from where they are, pressed hard against the tree. That... kinda sounds wrong. Nevermind. It isn't important. What's important is that they don't see me here.

"There! There was this shadow, that ducked behind that ter' tree!" Oh buck. This is bad. 'Way to go, you can apparently make an enemy within the first few minuted of arriving in a town. That must be a new record. And your in no state to f-fight back, thanks to your damn cold. This coat isn't e-enough...' I think.

There's a pause. "It's only one shadow." I take a small sigh of relief, but still shiver. It's getting worse by the second. "But it doesn't seem like your lyin'..." N-no... pl-ple-lease no... "I'll go check it out." There's a few moments of silence which I expectedly use to panic. 'Shit, I might die here, if Equestrians are really xenophobic to outsiders'. I heard the farm door close, as hoof steps became closer and closer. Maybe I should admit what my intentions are, otherwise its going to end badly. Or, I'll tell her that I'm at the wrong place... and it will end badly. Or I could try and run for my life... but there isn't any way that it will end pretty for me. Damn... there isn't much choice...

"Is anypony there?" Her voice sounds a little stern, even if a little hesitant.

I take a weak, struggling breath. "U-um... y-ye-yeah." I stutter, slowly moving from behind the tree. I try to remain strong and stoic as I possibly could, but I felt like I was failing. She looks at me angrily at first... before changing to... something else. I'm starting to blur out... I'm too exhausted. "Gu-gut-guten ab-abend, F-Frau..."

"Sweet Celestia," I had never expected that I would die like this, in a foreign land. "Are you okay?" I guess it isn't the most dishonorable way to go out... Wait, what?

"N-ne-nein, I'm ju-jus-just a b-bit... cold is all." I'm going to black out... s-s-sh-shit... "I wa-was wo-won-wonderin' if y-you ha-had p-pl-place to st-stay..."

A pause. But I couldn't hear what she says after that. Before I know it, everything goes black, and I knew no more.

Naked

Eight Years Ago

CRACKKKkkkkk!

His adrenaline surged through the back of his head, seemingly slowing down time briefly. A soldier examining the wreckage of what used to be a sort of vehicle, a mechanical device used for transportation, dropped to the ground in slow motion, as a spray of red and white burst from his helmet. A fast-moving small yellow object that pierce through his former comrade's skull, while blood exploded in a manner that nearly made him throw up. He had to remain strong.

“Dammit, sniper!” His friend and comrade in war Gerd screamed. The two companies of Prussian troops, including his own division, scrambled to cover and took up defensive positions. It was obvious what the Prench was attempting to do, and it happened to so many unfortunate souls all across forest area, as it appeared his companies were suddenly ambushed out of nowhere, on their Blitzkrieg siege. This wasn't supposed to be the plan! He shouted to himself, covering behind a tree, reloading his gun that had previous run out of ammunition.

Another vehicle of some sort with a tripwire would be rigged where his own were steam-rolling through. It was supposed to be easier than this. War ain't easy. After it was triggered, all troops in the area would come running to investigate. Once all their victims had neatly assembled for them, Prench snipers would pick off as many Prussians as they could before they were sent to their deaths, an inevitable defeat meant to hold-off the oncoming armies that caught themselves off-guard. The original plan was to outflank the Prench from the Maginot Line wall they had built several years prior once more. Now, the tables were turned, if only for a short amount of time.

His troops were currently in cover in the forest, while more snipers took place inside the buildings across the local river. There were few losses at this point, but he knew more were to surely follow if he didn't do anything.

"Sniper!" Immanuel shouted near him, alerting everyone. "Southwest, third story window, to your left!" Another gunshot went off before he could get any sort of opportunity, this one from a different direction, burst across the river.

He could see the direction the bullet originated from. "Shit, there's another one! Second story spider hole, southeast!" Quickly peaking out from behind the tree with his rifle, he aimed his weapon southwest towards the second sniper. He only got off a few shots before the sniper retaliated, while he moved back into cover, his body standing fully and straight, which made him grunt a little from his spine extending.

"Okay Berger, blow his ass up!"  barked, while Berger nodded, undoing a fragmentation grenade from his tactical vest, removing the safety pin and squeezed the trigger.

"Now! Covering fire!" Gerd screeched, shooting off his weapon while Bravo Company rose from their cover and began firing upon the building on both floors. He did as well, though mainly watching in awe from the sight of destruction.

RA-TA-TA-TA-TA-TA-TA-TA-TA-TA-TA-TA-TA-TA

The deafening, automatic 5.56mm assault rifle fire rattled the small village that resided from beyond the large building, and it even rattled him.

The Prench snipers, surprised at the sudden troops that appeared out of nowhere, and the sudden burst of fire, missed their shots and ducked back into their cover, unable to do anything else.

"Fire in the hole!" Using the covering fire to his superb advantage, Berger loved the ball of green metal as hard as he possibly could, first in to the second story window, almost a block away. Less than a second after landing, it detonated, causing some of the second floor's stone material to crack. A second of pause before, everything went silent for a few moments, everyone freezing, expecting something to occur.

Nothing did.

"Damn," He looked towards Berger. "Nice throw."

“I honestly didn’t think it was going to make it, either,” Berger only replied with a shrugged, not caring in the slightest, while the sound of gunfire abruptly died down.

CRACK-PINGGGG!

Gerd's head jerked back and he collapsed to the dusty pavement.

"Shit, no!" Berger yelled as the three dashed over to his body as they pulled him to cover.

“Is he…?" He held his breath, hoping for the best.

Gerd's helmet was dented in just above his right eye. The metal had cut into his forehead, but it deflected the sniper’s bullet. The impact had smashed the lens of his goggles strapped to his helmet.

“Lucky son of a bitch,” He helped Gerd up, though shaken by the event as well.

“Snap out of it men, you’re good,” Berger patted both on the back, but they both were traumatized to different lengths, as Gerd ran his hoof over the dented part of his helmet.

CRACKKKKKK

“We’ve still gotta take care of that sooner or later,” Calus nudged him, as his only response was a breath and a nod.

Immanuel led Charlie Company, including him, from cover to cover, where they met with Bravo Company behind street corner a block from the sniper’s position. Gerd, badly shaken, had to be left with Bravo Company.

Bravo Company sent waves of suppressing fire as him, Berger, Immanuel and Claus dashed through the street and stacked up against the door.

"It could be booby-trapped," Immanuwel warned.

Everyone was aware. But after this sniper had killed one of their own, and almost pegged Gerd to death, it got personal.

“Mate, you lead,” Berger decided, as his response was a quick nod. Patrick nodded.

He waited until the sniper tried to make another shot at US troops, and using the cover of the soviet sniper rifle’s characteristic discharge, he kicked in the door. It reduced the slab of wood to scrap and splinters.

It was dark inside the Prench's hidey-hole. Dusty beams of sunlight fluttered down from barred windows, almost resembling a prison. A worn-down prison, with nothing but the stone keeping it from falling.

As they climbed the stairs to the third story, hehad picked out a trip wire set up in the stairway, connected to the safety pin of a hand grenade. It only added to his anxiety, but they pressed on, stepping as quietly and carefully as they could. No point dwelling on it here. Had to get the job done.

Occasionally, shots still rang out from above and below. When they finally reached the third floor, he could smell something resembling gunpowder. The sniper was definitely around here somewhere. It's not like he was going to make it out alive.

Each gunshot appeared to be leaking out of a slightly ajar door. He stacked up against it, his comrades in arms doing the same.

“Breach!” Berger hollered, where kicked down the door. A very surprised sniper, sporting only a green cap, spun around from his perch against a window, swinging his rifle around towards him.

He placed his illuminated crosshair on the Prench sniper, and mercilessly opened fire, not giving a care in the world. Ear shattering blasts filled the small, contained space. There was no sympathy for someone who had just tried to kill his best friend. Even if he knew it would be unforgivable to few. He wasn't sure if he could deal with that.

The sniper dropped to the ground, miraculously still breathing, but disabled. His friends stood around the Prench sniper, who was trying to reach for his rifle, but lacked the strength to do so. He muttered something in his native language, before reciting something that resembled a dying prayer to him.

“Should we... ya know...?” Claus stuttered, as he unhooked a combat first-aid kit from his tactical vest.

Berger shook his head. Even though the wounded sniper only had a cap laying on his bloody head, Berger saw anger and murder in the Prench's eyes. "Do it."

"Do we have to?" He enquired, feeling sympathetic of the fallen soldier. "We can't keep him as a prisoner of war?"

"We can't! Not what after he did to our friend..." Berger rebutted, leaving him to stay silent. He would regret this, but he didn't have much of any choice.

Patrick withdrew his Beretta M9, and cocked it to fill the chamber. His fellow soldiers nodded, as he took a silent breath.

He stepped forward, the sniper’s eyes glowing with fear. His eyes telling the young soldier to not do it. The young soldier took no joy and what he was about to do. And maybe he never would.

He lowered the hammer, and took aim directly at the masked gunman’s forehead. He and the Prench insurgent locked eyes. As he looked into those fleshy orbs, a cloudy, unwelcoming feeling pooled into his mind. If he didn’t know better, he’d say demonic voices were whispering in his ears. Or maybe it was the Prench sniper's pleads of something resembling mercy.

Bravo Company, still securing the perimeter outside, heard the unmistakable sound of a 9mm execution. He couldn't be merciful. Not anymore. And maybe never again.

=====

I could feel several things from what I assumed was my exhaustion-induced slumber. The first was something warm. Something tolerably hot, that balanced out my body temperature from what was freezing cold. I hadn't opened my eyes to check, the reasoning due to the fact that I can barely feel my eyes. The second thing I could feel was pillows beneath the back of my head. Am I... sleeping in a bed? I must, but who's exactly. The memories of last night, I presume, still haven't came back to my mind. It's currently all a blur. Something about pelting water. A third thing that instantly came to mind is that... my clothes seemed... off to me. It's just an instinct.

I could smell something as well. Something... unique. Like it had just been baked out of a oven. The smell... of pie. Sniffing, it had the scent of red apple. There was only a few places where I had smelt something similar. Maybe even too similar. So I must be in some house, taken in from... actually some memories are coming back to me. That ugly foxhole, more like a hellhole. Walking through that ominous forest, in the rain and in the dark... the medieval buildings of a village engulfed in darkness. Getting weaker and more exhausted... a red barn in an apple orchard.

That mare took me in, instead of leaving me out on the street? That... is an incredibly dangerous thing to do of her. Yet I'm still thankful for it. I finally open my eyes, getting a look at the room I'm in. It looks... to be a Queen's size bed. Quite big for a bunch of farmers. Unless this is the adult's bedroom... why would they let me sleep here? They can't be that nice to foreigners... I guess that myth is proven to be busted. They will still ask questions about my language and my accent for sure, though. And I'm getting the sense that these ponies really love their apples. It seems that the bed covers have a few red apple symbols over them, woven together elegantly. There's a lamp to the left of me, as well as a window, with the sun only beginning to rise. As well as a... foal's toy chest. Right, so this is the foal's room. I guess that makes sense. A lot, in fact. Wouldn't want to be rude to house guests and give them the couch... I'm seen as a house guest? That's another surprise.

I could see the apple orchard in the distance, and it is further away than I expected. I guess I'm on the second floor of this barn... turned into a house. Creativity of the southerners.

Wait, I remembered what the mare was speaking before. In a language they call... 'Equestrian'? I heard it is a form of the dialect that Griffins use. And their language differs from ours in numerous ways. I only know the basics. And suddenly another thought strikes my mind...

She was naked. I fought to shove the new facts into a puzzle that I was constructing in my head, sitting up from where I was lying down. This creepy realization of horror truly chipped through my mind. She was naked. Is being naked a common thing around here. Was every single one of these ponies, without exception, naked by cultural means? Maybe it wasn't the mistake of passing out in front of a stranger on their private property, which is trespassing, that was the main thing I had concern with. It was that everypony was naked. Shivers were sent down my spine. Including that mail stallion, who was a pegasus, was naked as the day he was born.

"In the name of all that is sacred..." I murmured to myself, trying to control my hastening heartbeat. This created even more problems for me. And that fact that I might stare... "Whatever you do, don't ever stare. They'd probably start suspecting you were a pervert of some kind, or at the very least not from this country. It doesn't matter that you've been on your own for however long now, that even..." I choked to myself. "...the colts are starting to look good. Remember... Do. Not. Stare." I don't have anything against homosexuality, but I don't swing that way. But considering the way that I was raised, makes it hard to shake of old traits. And this trait is one I despise.

Attempting to hold back another perfectly reasonable urge to freak out and maybe punch the wall, an uncomfortable thought crossed my mind. "Does that mean... the Princesses are naked to? All four of them? Oh Mother above, that's going to be excellent." I rubbed my face with my right hoof, that wasn't throbbing right now. I guess rest heals you over time, in the land of magic. How long was I out for? Must be only a couple of hours. I felt good during my blacked-out slumber, if I do say so myself. Then the Princesses came back into mind, and I felt like puking a little. But not without wit. "Why, hello there, so-called deities of sun and moon. No, I swear I wasn't leering creepily at your haunches." I paused for a second. "I can't even say I know what 'leering' means. Gazing while cringing, isn't it? Or is it a type of frog? I'm going to be leering at everypony..." "I wonder if Celestia even exists, and if Luna ever existed at all. Or were they just fairy-tales? No they must be real. Mustn't they?" My head is starting to hurt again. "Oh remember when your head was hurting again? That wasn't a pleasant time..."

You're doing that again. You're talking to yourself, once more. Why talk to yourself when you have me, the friendly voice in your head? You know, other than the fact that I'm not really a voice in your mind, just idle thoughts. And the fact that I insulted you the last time I was here.

"Yeah, you've got a good point. On the other hoof, monologuing aloud is quite grand, only at certain times. And as we all know, reality is flexible when something is aroused." I blinked. That sounded wrong. But whatever, its... cool. "Cool!" Why did you just spurt that out for the whole world to hear? "The Equestrian word is 'cool', ours if geil. Wait, that actually means aroused. Or was that geweckt? Do not get those two confused. Especially not when these Equestrians are all..." I cringed again. "...naked." I'm too polite for my own good. Some back home would have leapt at the chance of being around mares who were naked, and when it was the social norm. I'm too 'nice' to be perverted, I guess.

I sighed as I pulled the covers over my body, rubbing my face with my hooves in the process. Before I noticed something else... I'm completely naked. I stared at myself for a few good seconds, trying to process this information through my mind. Before shrieking like an idiot in shock, throwing the covers back over me. "Scheiße!" I'm naked! Did she see me naked? She must have! Maybe the other ponies did as well! That means... they also must have noticed my... oh that isn't good. Though maybe it isn't as bad as I'm making it out to be. But I'm panicking, alright! Stallion, you need to clam down. I will not calm down! I can't get used to this social acceptance! It's just too... foreign?

"You're speaking to yourself again." Okay, I took a few deep breaths before thinking again. Maybe it won't be as bad as I think it might be. Possibly. You'll just have to get used to it if you want to survive in a foreign land... adapt and survive. That doesn't sound as good as I want it too be, but it's a length that I have to take.

"I think this is productive, just you and I speaking in Equestrian. Though perhaps not much on the thinking side of social conformity..."

Oh, of course. Further proof that you have the only two things that you need to succeed in life: ignorance and confidence. And if anything about you is ignorant, it's speaking foreign languages. For example, country.

"Ayep, pardner. Ah dun been thinkin' a'this problem fer a mighty while, yeh partin' bucuker, wha' 'bout ya, don't cha know?"

Do you even know what half of those words meant?

"I'm so clever that I don't even know what I'm saying half the time," I replied, before bursting out snickers. I somehow manage to have fun in the possibly worst of situations, but I guess being that shocked wasn't the worst situation I've had on this continent. Not by a long shot.

"You seem a little lonely, stranger." I froze, that wasn't my own voice. No, it was too different. Too... feminine, for lack of a better word. I think my eyes might have widened in shock. Turning slowly towards the doorway. I could only stare at the smiling, blond mare with a... cutie mark... and a Stetson on her head. After staring blankly down at her hoof every so often, nothing continued to happen. Damn, I wished this was a dream. I stared at her, like an idiot actor waiting to be spoon-fed his lines. Do ya for? Oh Gott von oben, that’s an idiom, right?

She frowned. Odd expression to make, if I was you. “Are you alright, sugarcube? Your cheeks just went all red-like.”

Finally, I managed to squeeze out something... “Huh-bu-wha’?” I stammered.

Bravo. A brilliant performance. What a brilliant introduction to the first pony you meet in Equestria. Granted, it is better than those other times, but it was still embarrassing. Damn, you are lonely.

The mare cocked a brow, before looking away for the slightest of moments. She didn't say anything else, and remained silent. Like she was expecting me to say something.

I faked coughed a few times, attempting to find something. "Pardon me?" Well, its better than bar none.

“I said, you seem a bit lonely here.”

"Yes..." What's your point, Erde? Of all the possible ponies that had to take me in, why in Gottes Namen did Gott Allmächtiger in fact send one pony that looked highly attractive, a mare... and naked... He's trying to test my cool, isn't he? Oh, am I staring at her? I must have been. I turn away from her gaze, still trying to act calm. Now what do I say? Spark up some conversation. "I assume you would like to know a... anzahl of things about me?" I enquired, just getting this over with. I think that might be one of the reasons, among many, of why I don't have friends. I was never really as social as the others. Then again, most of them were bat-shit crazy anyways.

"Yes, I do." That is a very distinct voice, you have there Erde. And I'm going to assume that you don't know what that word means. "I must ask, why were ya all alone under mah tree last night, shivering in the rain?"

Mental cogs still slogging through the muck of confusion. My eyes shuffled to her entire body, her muscular, normal-sized body... peering at it, as if expecting it to suddenly slug me upside the jaw. Just don’t ogle her naked body. Just don’t ogle her naked body. Pretend she’s wearing something. Anything! I don’t care. Just don’t stare! I ambled in my mind for a moment. “I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I lack a satisfactory answer. But were I to make one up, I would say, ‘sitting’.”

“I could see that,” she didn't seem amused. “But why were you sitting out in the rain?”

“I had nowhere to spend the night. I had wanted to get a rest tonight, to leave tomorrow morning, but there were... complications.”

The mare flashed me a look, one that seems like intrigue to me. Though I could be wrong, considering I don't know what foreigner's facial expression really mean. “What do you mean?”

“I had no Equestrian money, plenty of money from pretty much everywhere else. What was I to do?”

She paused, angling her head up to me. “What does that mean?”

Inclining my head, I replied, “When the total amount of time you’ve spent in Equestria is less than two hours," Or in this village rather. "You don’t find much in the way of... Bits.” An odd and possibly stupid name for a type of currency. Then again, some of the others back on my own continent isn't that much better.

Now it was her turn to stare like an idiot. Blinking as well. Huh. “What?”

Maybe this mare has memories issues. Aw shit, that's only gonna make things worse. “I said—”

“No, no, no. I know what you said. The other thing. What do you mean?”

I let the question hang in the air for a moment. She can't tell I'm foreign? Maybe I should just let it drop. But not being honest might be a bad thing... “I’m not... exactly from around here.” What's with the hesitation? I mean sure, you haven't seen any ponies in this nation yet, and more like any pony for months, but you didn't lose your social skills, or lack thereof, didn't you? Maybe it's because she's a mare, and you're incompetent when it comes to mares. It might be due to that. I hate talking to myself. Shut up! Let me try and handle this as best as I can.

Her mouth creaked open, then shut again. I must of done something “But, but, but... no way.” She approached me closer. I realized something else that will be brought up. Where is my coat?

“Have I done... something wrong?”

“There’s no way you’re not from Equestria. You’re even speaking Equestrian!” So what? Maybe Equestrians are xenophobic to foreigners. Or can't understand the concept of foreigners moving to Equestria. Either one is true.

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. “I learned how.” And forgot after not bothering to speak it in a country that kinda outlaws speaking that kind of language. Also, I didn't care.

“How?” she demanded. Why are you so serious all of a sudden? I'm leaning towards xenophobic.

“Studying hard.” In various ways.

“But you don’t even have a foreign accent at all!” she countered, shaking her head. Again, so what?

“Neither do you,” I said, with my tone flat. That might be a slight lie, but southern are from around here, I believe. Somewhere... east, oddly. South-east?

The Erde rubbed the bridge of her noses. “Look, I know ponies from up north with brogues that are almost unintelligible." How did you manage to speak that word with that accent? "I mean, you sound like you’re from Equestria. Maybe even somewhere in the North.”

“I had a good teacher.”

She put a hoof to her chin. “Well, well, if you’re not from Equestria, obviously. Then... then you must know another language, right?”

I nodded, then cleared my throat. Need to look presentable as always when you attempt to come off as elegant. “Ich würde dir doch niemals belügen. Ich werde immer ehrlich sein. Ich würde dich doch nie etwas sagen, was nicht der Wahrheit entspricht.” I lifted my hoof and pounded it once over my breast. “Hand aufs Herz. Ich gebe dir mein Ehrenwort.”

The sun that shined its light applauded me, and a singing cricket shot me a decent review, along with the trees in the orchard possibly giving me a few nods as well. But even so, the mare before me held her tongue.

“My apologies; should I just leave now?” I asked.

Nothing. Well done, you've somehow broken her. I see why you don't have friends, they break too easily. Must be a weakness thing.

“Miss?”

“Oh, mah,” she almost crooned, her eyes sparkling. Then she suddenly coughed and looked away. Blushed, perhaps. I didn't know that speaking my native language triggers them in... a certain way. I'll keep that in mind the next time I meet a foreigner. Actually, I might just use that against her in the future, potential blackmail. Nothing can go wrong with a little bit of blackmail. "Ah'm sorry, what did ya say?"

A weight rose from my breast. “All in all, what I said was: I would never lie to you. I will always be honest. I would never tell you something that was not true. Cross my heart. I give you my honour-word.”

She ran a hoof through her blond mane, even touching the Stetson that laid upon her head. “I, I just... wow. I’ve never met somepony from outside Equestria before. I mean, wow!”

“Is it really that big of a deal?”

“Um, it kinda is!” She leaned towards me. “Where ya from?”

A certain place, I wanted to say. But I should be truthful, somewhat. “Teutschland,” I offered with some degree of hesitance. The name isn't entirely true, really the nation's name has changed several times over the years. I just prefer it to call country as such. “And therefore am I ein Teutscher.”

“Toych-lahnt,” she slowly repeated. “Toych-uh.” This is going to be a long day, isn't it? She coughed again, shaking her head. "Well, anyways, how ya feelin' after last night? I hope ya sleep was mighty warm."

"Um..." I hesitated. "Yes it was fine. Er, thank you for such... hospitality." Never thought I'd say that. "But I must ask, why would you take a complete stranger with a coat into your homestead?" Because that sends off alarm bells in my mind.

She even paused for the slightest of seconds, before returning a warm smile. Remember, don't stare! "Well I couldn't just leave ya out there in the rain." I assume that southerners are really nice ponies. That might be a downside in the future... "Which leads me to ask, what are ya doing here? Why did ya leave your country?"

"Various reasons, among others." I instantly answered. "Let's just say, I wasn't really welcomed there after I... did something." I looked away with shame on my face. But the mask hid it well. "I must thank you for letting me stay in such a fancy... barn, and not letting me die of exhaustion." She gave me some sort of look. I didn't get to see it. "I... believe that I have to give back something in return..." Which is the only way to really get on her good side, along with the rest of the family, I guess. "Which reminds me, where did you leave my coat?"

"Now, now, ya don't have to give something back." She smiled at me... I feel like something bad is going to occur, if I don't die all of a sudden due to mysterious reasons. And being too nice makes me suspicious. "I think ya need to take it easy as well. You don't need to give anythin' back."

"But I must." Musn't I? "You saved my life, or at the very least, gave me somewhere to stay for just a night." In a foal's room. Still better than outside, I won't complain. "Also, where did you place my coat?"

"Ya don't need to. A thank you and a smile is fine." For you, and that isn't good enough. Not for me. I really want to get on her good side, for many reasons. As long as I'm not seen as any threat in this village, or in this nation rather, everything should go according to plan. Though her being stubborn about not accepting anything from be is a slight setback. Maybe she needs help on the farm?

"What about... I need a place to work and stay. Are you accepting any job offers at the possible moment?" Take it. I really do need it. I'm sure the work can't be that hard. Can it? I mean, it's only apple trees.

"Hmm... well I do need somepony to help with carry the loads of buckets." Buckets of apples? That shouldn't be too hard. No, don't make assumptions. Remember the last time I did that? Yeah, that wasn't the best of times in my life. Fuck the Prench.

"So it is settled then, dear." I proclaimed, about to jump out from under the covers, before remembering that I am still naked. I'll have to get used to this. Eventually. But for now, paranoia it is. "Um... would you be willing to fish out my coat, from wherever it currently lays?"

"Why? Are ya scared of sometin'?"

"Um..." I paused. "Not necessarily. I'd just... rather be seen with my coat on than being completely naked, mind you."

"Naked?" She raised an eyebrow. "What's wrong with wearin' no clothes?"

"It's a social anxiety of mine. Or, at least back in my homeland. Being naked is outlawed. We all had to wear clothed. Also, for more personal reasons."

She seemed to want to ask another few questions, now that I'd doubt she wouldn't want to ask after hearing something about the Motherland, but she gave a shrug in response. "Well alright. I'll fetch if for ya. Stay comfy under those blankets then!" Oh you're toying with me now, but I'll have you under my grasp. Just you wait. There won't be anymore joking! Just you wait!

"Man, you really are lonely."

Shut up. Things can't get worse from here. At least no one has tried to kill me yet.

"Don't get you're hopes up. Remember that time involving a bucket, a cat, a table, forks, and a bottle of wine?"

Shut up. I'll end you.