Kickass

by Dustchu

Rating: teen
Tags: Tragedy, Random, Alternate Universe, Comedy, Adventure
Length: 1676

Kickass Inc, a mercenary company in Penta, will be changed forever with the arrival of an old friend.

Blast Powder and Blast Fuse, sisters, founders and owners of Kickass Inc, will find themselves propelled into an entirely new life when an old friend of theirs comes back into their lives and changes everything about their life.

Slowly but surely, things will start changing. New friendships will be forged, jobs shall taken on, and evil will rise up. The group will encounter many oddities throughout their lives with the arrival of the sister's new friends, as old secrets will be uncovered, adventures to be had, and bitches to be smacked.

This is Kickass.

Warning, this story is going to be full of absolute shite, jokes, meta, and other strange things. You have been warned, turn back now.

Written by: Dustchu… obviously.
Hasbro and LF own MLPFIM
I only own my characters

[size=0.75em]Part of The Kickassverse[/size]

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-09-27 15:16:09 UTC

Kickass Incorporated - Meeting with a Stranger

"Fusey~" I heard BP call to me from beside me. "What are you doing?"

I groaned, rolling over to blink a yellow eye at her. "Trying to sleeeeeep..." I told her, shifting under my covers and pulling them up over my face. Why was she awake already?

"Fusey~"

I groaned again, louder this time. "Yeeeeeesssss?"

"... I'm hungry."

"Go bother Freeze about it then!"

"But you're better at making munchies~" BP whined, falling onto my bed and putting her muzzle uup against my face. I could feel her breath and smell it... it smelled like gunpowder...

Why?

I bumped her nose with my own, making her giggle and step back. Slowly I sat up, shaking my head and letting out a grunt as BP ripped my cover away, exposing me to the elements, IE the cold of my room. I sat back down, yanking my covers back and covering myself up as I glared at BP. "Why's it so damn cold?!" I asked her, normally the heater was on and filling up the hotel with nice arm air, but now there was nothing! Just freezing wind!

BP only smiled. "Freeze Frame is trying to fix the generator now, its busted up something baaaaad." She told me, gesturing to the window.

I frowned, hopping out of bed and going over to the window where I saw Freeze Frame out back with Filly C, and Prism. All three trying to fix the blasted thing, I sighed. If it was broken again, then that means I'm going to have to go into town to get a replacement part... joy, more bits wasted. Opening my window, a breeze of cold wind hit me like a train and I had to bite back a curse. "Freeze!" I yelled at him, still shivering, despite being a pegasus... the cold still sucked.

The aged stallion looked over at me, icy blue eyes caught sight of me and he smiled. "Well good morning Fuse!" He said, waving a hoof. Filly C and Prism smiled as they looked my way, waving as well. "Decided to wake up?"

I sighed. "No, I didn't want to wake up!" I yelled back, shaking my hoof. "I wanted to sleep, but that damn cold and BP woke me up! And that thing broke again?!" I asked. "Can't we just buy a new one!?"

Freeze scratched his head with a wrench, "We could, but Ironhoof don't got the right generator we need!" He told me, making me slump against the windowsill. "So we're gonna-"

"You mean I'm gonna have to go get a new part... ugh, what is it this time?" I asked him, blinking my tired eyes at him. "The connector?"

"Eenope," Filly C chimed in, her childish voice music to my ears. "It's the stupid power talisman." She cursed, banging the side of the contraption with her hoof, making several rusty pieces fall off and hit the snow. Freeze shot her a look, and she only shrugged. "What?"

I sighed again, "I'll go get the damn thing, just sit tight." I told them, closing my window and turning back to BP who was busying herself by looking through my closet. "What could you possibly be looking for in there?" I asked her, BP could be so random at times, this time was no exception.

BP popped up from inside my closet and looked my way, "I'm just looking!" She said around a mouthful of shotgun shells.

Another sigh. "Don't kill yourself, and I'll be back." I told her, shaking my head as I went over to my shelf and grabbed my saddlebags, tossing onto my back, I strapped them in place and walked back over to my bed and looked at my nightstand. It was a metal one, time, and certain groups have proven to me that a wooden one would just not do. I opened the nightstand drawer with a wing, and peering inside I saw a magizine, a book, hoof file, some chewing gum, and my pistol. I grabbed it and put it into my bag before closing it.

"Why're you taking your gun?" BP asked me, still shifting my things around.

"I dunno, why not?"

"... touche."

A chuckle and I made my way out of the room, opening the door and walking out into the hall. "Be back soon BP."

"Bye!"

I closed the door, turning around and walking down the hall. As I walked I passed by a few other rooms within the building, most if not all belong to other members of Kickass Inc. We were all mercenaries, and what good mercenary doesn't have a sweet base? Well... we didn't exactly have a base, we all lived within a few buildings which comprised of a bar, a small store, and a two story motel. It wasn't much, but it helped with business, what little of it we got out here.

After a bit, I ended up passing by Bobbi's room, another one of Kickass' members. I could tell she hadn't been out of her room yet, the small sliver of tape I placed on the door's frame. A little trick I learned to see if anyone broke into my stuff, of course, sometimes they see it and just replace it afterwards. Passing by the room, I kept walking down the hall, taking a left and moving into the lobby where I saw Heartlock leaning back in her chair, legs propped up on the counter as she looked through a magazine. A closer look showed it was of the Wonderbolts, Colt swimsuit edition.

"Headin' out?" Heartlock asked me, magenta eyes gleaming from behind her magazine.

I nodded my head, stepping over the drunken form of a pony. "Yep, generator broke again so I have to go get a new power talisman." I sighed, trotting over to the door.

"Good on you then." She said, going back to her magazine. "Don't get killed."

"I won't... maybe." I replied, heading out of the motel and out into the snow. A breeze of fresh cold air from the north hit me head on, and I had to resist running back inside. While I would much rather be under the cover, toasting myself to a great degree, I had to go get that damned Talisman. I groaned, shaking my head and flaring out my wings, I flapped them once before kicking off and taking flight. Immediately I felt the cold washing over my body, but I slowly got used to it as I flew through the air towards Ironhoof, a small town on the outskirts of Trotland.

Ironhoof was a small town, known for having a damn good bar and being a somewhat good place to hang out. It was where we got most if not all of our jobs. BP, Prism, Filly C and I would always go there when we needed a job. Just sit inside the bar with our gear on and look the part, and if we're lucky we'd get somepony to hire us. Course, nopony ever hires us for our combat experience, half the time its to deliver a letter or a package to some place in Equestria, or hunt somepony down and bring them back.

Don't misunderstand me, I like a nice calm job every now and then, but sometimes a mare needs to get some action, ya know? And not the sexy kind of action, I'm talking about blowing shit up! This month, and the month before have been pretty lax.

Where is all the action anyway? I wondered, spotting Ironhoof no too far away. With a mental shrug I flew towards the ground and landed, walking the rest of the way into town. The snowfall had been rather rough these past few weeks, and the town was absolutely covered in it. Fillies and colts ran around in the snow, their cries of joy echoing into the air as their parents watched on from nearby. Nopony bothered to look at me as I walked into town, I wasn't well known, heck, Kickass wasn't well known. While we did a few jobs here and there, our notoriety wasn't very high.

At best, Kickass was just a failing group, with a shit home and little money.

Its about to be even less money. I sighed, looking towards the shop which held specially made talismans. As I trotted over to the door, I made note of the shop's newest addition which was a dog, a fluffy one to! When I walked inside, the dog, which was a Husky made its way over to me. "Well hello there little fella!" I greeted as I made to pet him on the head, only to get jaws snapped at me. "Yipe!"

"Hehehehe, seems Dingo don't like you Fuse." A older voice laughed from behind the counter.

That was the store's owner, an older unicorn stallion named Lazlow, no clue why he goes by it though. "Why the heck do you have a mean dog in here?" I asked, puffing out my cheeks.

He only laughed again. "He's my guard dog, Fuse," He told me as the dog came over and sat behind the counter. "Protects my shit when I'm not looking." He chuckled, making me frown. He gave me a knowing look as he got up out of his chair and started rooting around. "Talisman broke again?"

I sighed, somehow he knew every time. Well, only time I ever come in here is when I need to get a new one. "Damn thing broke this morning I think, we're trying to fix it now." I told him, looking outside at the snow fall. "Anypony interesting come into town?"

"Mmnope." The stallion answered, "Same old same old, if you're lookin' for work you should try getting into the mining business." He told me.

I shivered, shaking my head violently. "I ain't going anywhere near a mine, thank you, not unless I'm getting paid up front." I told him, scowling at the very thought of entering such a damnable place.