The Case of the Missing Cake
I could tell the mare was nothing but trouble the moment I laid eyes on her. She has hair that wouldn’t quit, continually flowing like a fan was constantly following her around, and curves that would make a baseball pitcher shed a tear. By her demeanor I pegged her as a lady of no small amount of means. A dame like that doesn’t walk into a Private Eye’s office on a lark, at least not one that was located on the festering boil that is the cheap side of Canterlot’s Southern outskirts.
I tipped my investigating hat up at an angle preparing to speak, but she jumped in like a diver into a pool, interrupting me before I could get in one word.
“Oh Mr. Shadow Spade, I’m at the end of my rope! If you won’t help me, I just don’t know what I’ll do! You’re my only hope!”
Flattery and a bit fifty will get you a cup of coffee. It’s just my luck that I’m such a sucker for a mare is distress you could hand me to a foal for a treat. Before my brain could clothesline the words, they were spilling out of my mouth like a scared snitch.
“I’ll take the case, ma’am. How can Shadow Spade, Private Eye, be of assistance?”
I didn’t know it yet but I was in for the investigation of my life in… the Case of the Missing Cake.
Celestia still didn’t know what to make of the current state of Luna’s room. Her sister liked her room a bit dark, but she had never seen the windows boarded up like they were. And she definitely didn’t know where the desk and slowly oscillating ceiling fan came from. The oddest thing though was Luna’s outfit, a fedora and trench coat.
“Honestly Luna, I can order another cake. I was saving that last slice of chocolate cherry custard cake with buttercream frosting rosettes for my midnight snack. It’s just a little annoying, what with only one bakery in all of Canterlot who makes that kind of cake. I mean, I had a note on the plate and everything.”
Luna raised a hoof from her sitting position behind the desk, cutting off any further comment from Celestia, and spoke. “Never fear Miss, Shadow Spade, Private Eye, will locate you missing property and bring the perp to justice. I’ll see them locked away in a dungeon so deep, they’ll think they’ve gone as blind as justice.”
“You really needn’t bother and… wait, Shadow Spade?”
Before Celestia could puzzle out exactly what was going on, Luna had bounded from behind the desk and out the bedroom door.
With a long-suffering sigh, Celestia trotted after her sister.
“Today is going to be one of those days…”
The scene of the crime, aka the royal kitchen. The plate where the now missing cake slice has been lay on the table, the mare’s note cruelly crumbled and tossed aside like the hopes and dreams of so many Chicoltgo’s Ursa Minor fans each playoff season. The plate, resting on the kitchen island, was still chilled from its time in the freezer. The culprit had to still be close.
The only hint that the cake had ever existed were the crumbs and frosting that sprinkled and smeared the plate respectively. The frosting was pretty messy actually, looked like it would get all over you if you weren’t careful. There was no dirtied utensil, no trail of crumbs or frosting, nothing else for me to go on. Unless I got a break soon, this case would be deader than Jimmy Hoofa after a run-in with the Pony Mafia. I need… a witness!
As if on cue I saw the door across the room swing open and an earth pony guard enter the kitchen. He paid no attention at first to me and the dame, who had insisted on accompanying me during my investigation. After rummaging for a brief moment in the fridge, he pulled out a sandwitch and turned. It was only then he noticed us, letting out a yelp like a startled Diamond Dog getting jumped in the dark.
“Princess Luna, Princess Celestia!”
The guard snapped to attention and gave a smart salute. In his haste he neglected to put down the sandwitch he has just taken from the fridge, causing it to go sailing across the room. If it hadn’t been for Celestia grabbing it in her magic, the sandwich would have surely been lost.
Smiling sheepishly, the guard accepted the inadvertently projectile meal when she levitated it back to him after receiving a nod from his ruler.
Celestia spoke up first. “Sorry for startling you young stallion.”
The guard opened his mouth.
Luna interjected before he could say a single word. “You didn’t happen to see anyone else around? Someone, say, who isn’t normally here around this time?”
Pulling a magnifying glass from seemingly nowhere, Luna pressed it right up against his face, causing the stallion to shrink back. Whatever composure he had regained was instantly lost, beads of sweat forming on his brow and he glanced back and forth. He ended up focusing on Celestia, giving a silent plea for help.
Celestia give a quick shrug. “She’s play-acting someone called ‘Shadow Spade’, whoever that is. She can sometimes really get into a role, I find it best to just roll with it.”
The guard finally found his voice enough to croak out “Shadow Spade? Like in those private eye detective novels?”
“Detective novels?”
It took a bit of squeezing, but after the guard realized that I was Shadow Spade he opened up like a can of pickled pears. He couldn’t spill his guts fast enough, although he didn’t have much to say. The guy was on break and was rounding the corner on the way to the kitchen when he ran smack dap into somepony like they were old high school chums. He didn’t get a good look at them, the corridor was dark, but he did see them duck into the eastern tower.
The eastern tower was our obvious next stop. There was no outside access on the tower itself, and the only windows large enough for a pony of any size to fit out of were in the guest bedrooms which remained locked up tighter that a stingy pony’s bit purse except when in use. Unless the culprit doubled back, which seemed unlikely as me and my tagger on would have run into this mysterious thief, it meant that the culprit must be one of the guests.
Maybe not so mysterious though. After checking the guest book and going through all the names of the current guest room occupants, I knew who the cake snatcher was.
Celestia hung back as Luna marched up to the door and knocked with gusto. Before long the door creaked open and Prince Blueblood stuck his face out.
“Auntie Luna? Antie Celestia? What do you want?” The comment started confused before slowly morphing into annoyance. “You do realize how late it is. You know perfection needs its beauty sleep.”
Squinting his eyes slightly, Blueblood inspected Luna’s new look.
“And what are you wearing?”
Luna wasted no time.
“You stole my client’s piece of cake, didn’t you? Like a common crook.”
Blueblood raised a single eyebrow before answering. “Okay, first, why would anyone even care? And second, why do you think I’d do anything like some… some commoner?”
Luna spoke. “The first clue was the fact there were no dirty utensils in the kitchen nor were there any hint of a chocolatey hoofprint near the crime scene. A cake with such messy frosting would cover the hoof if eaten by hand. So all the evidence pointed to a unicorn culprit utilizing magic.
Blueblood snorted in protest. “So? There are lots of unicorns in the castle.”
Slowly, Luna smiled before replying. “But how many unicorns are currently residing in the eastern tower? I’ll give you a hint, it’s a number between zero and two. So the only pony in the eastern tower who could have eaten that cake without a utensil and without leaving any sort of frosted hoofprint is… you Blueblood.”
Raising an accusatory hoof, Luna pointed
“Admit it, you stole the cake!”
Blueblood rolled his eyes. “Yes, I took the cake. Whooptido. It wasn’t even that good, I threw most of it away.”
Celestia felt a twinge of anger swell in her heart. The little princeling had not only taken her midnight snake cake, he has WASTED it? It took a few deep breaths, but she calmed down. Finally, Celestia stepped forward and spoke up. “That’s okay Blueblood. I hope you enjoyed it at least somewhat.”
She glanced as Blueblood’s prized collar and allowed herself a small smile as she saw what he had done to it.
“Also, you dropped a big dollop of frosting onto your silk collar. I hear those are a beast to clean, you know. Have to do it right away, otherwise it never comes out.”
Celestia smile grew bigger as she gave herself the satisfaction of a little bit of revenge.
“And I’ve just decided to give the laundry staff a paid day off tomorrow, so unless you want your collar to be ruined, I suggest you start washing.”
Blueblood’s eyes widened in terror and he ran back into his room. A few moments later a little cry of panic indicated that he had finally located a mirror and seen the offending frosting.
“Nooo, my favorite collar!”
Luna and Celestia turned and walked away, the background noise of Blueblood bumbling around trying his best (and most likely failing) to save his silk collar following them as they went down the hallway. When they had moved far enough away that the noise was no longer a distraction, Celestia turned to Luna with one final comment.
“Nice job detective. Cakey justice has been served.”
