The Fabulous Story Of Kuja
The waves rocked the small boat ever so slightly, and I couldn't remember just exactly how long we had been out on the sea. A few days? A week? It all blurred together into the same dreadful monotony.
“How long do you think we’ve been drifting?” I asked, gazing at the cloudless sky and attempting to shield my eyes from the sun.
“I lost count,” Zidane admitted, looking up from his work. He had been sharpening his daggers, for what had to be the fifth time since we left.
“I think your daggers are plenty sharp at this point, brother dear,” I said, the sound of metal on whetstone drowning out the lapping of the waves. “At this point you could cut the air itself.”
“I left the Ultimate Weapon on the airship, these are the only weapons I have,” Zidane replied, “Besides, we can't all be smart enough to use magic.”
I groaned, rolling my eyes at the repurposed insult. “It is a rather nice thing to never be without my weapon,” I said with a chuckle, conjuring a flame in my hand before quickly letting it die. “But there is a certain elegance to the clashing of blades. Your skills are yours, brother, and mine are mine.”
“Are you sure that's a good idea?” Zidane asked, looking at my hand. “You're barely able to stand and you're laying there casting spells.”
“It was just a simple flame,” I waved off, though I held back a tremble from the exertion. “Hardly a parlor trick.”
“I'll kick your ass if you make this rescue pointless,” Zidane pointed a dagger at me, “I could be in Alexandria right now.”
“I am fine,” I assured him. “Just concern yourself with getting us to land. I’ll be here, recovering.”
“Right.” Zidane busied himself with the sail, making sure it was getting as much wind as possible. I closed my eyes, trying to ignore the sounds of the ocean that I had grown so tired of.
Silence settled between us, disturbed only by the ocean. After a few moments, I voice a thought that's been weighing on my mind.“You never did answer my question.”
“Huh, what question is that?” Zidane asked, looking over his shoulder, the riggings still in his hands.
“You never did tell me why you came back for me.”
“I don’t really know myself,” Zidane admitted. “It just didn't sit right with me to let you die.”
“You really are an idiot,” I laugh, only to devolve into a coughing fit.
“Maybe you’re right,” he replied with a shrug. “It does seem pretty stupid to go out of my way for someone that tried to kill everything.”
“Yes, yes, keep throwing my failures in my face,” I grumble, brushing some hair out of my face.
“I don’t think I’m going to let that go anytime soon,” he said. “Not after you threw an Ultima spell at me.”
I sigh, shaking my head. I frown, feeling a... ripple in the world.
“Kuja!” a faint voice called out. My eyes opened and I whipped my head in an attempt to locate the source.
“Luna?!” I call out, sitting up. Zidane has vanished into thin air, and the boat has gone still. I turn around and see the familiar blue alicorn rise up from the still waters.
“You must wake up, Kuja,” Luna said.
“I've told you not to enter my dreams,” I growl, standing up. There were things I'd rather not let anyone else know.
“I had no other choice,” the mare said, doing her best to stay above water. “They have taken everypony else.”
“What are you talking about?” I asked, quirking an eyebrow and leaning over the edge of the boat to offer her a hand up. “Who’s they?”
“There is no time.” She began to sink, struggling to keep her head above water. “You must find Starlight Glimmer, she's... the only one who can help...” She sank back beneath the water, bubbles rising up from where she had been.
“Luna!” I cried, jumping into the foam after her, only to be thrust back into the world of the waking.
I blink several times, driving the sleep out of me. A faint hum of magic filled the air, the remnants of some spell. I'm certainly not in my room, the place is much too spartan. Gone are my elegant rugs, my hand stitched curtains, replaced by a cold stone floor. The only piece of furniture besides the bed is a mirror, standing off in the corner.
“Not even a window?” I mutter to myself, getting out of the uncomfortable bed. “This is most unworthy for someone of my station.” I flicked my hair behind my ear, heading over to the mirror. I frown, seeing my disheveled state. “Ugh, and there is nothing in this room to fix this… disgrace! A brush, a brush, my kingdom for a brush.” I do what I can with just my hands but this only serves to sour my mood further.
“Why did I even bother?” I sigh. I glance at the mirror one last time, moving towards the door. My looks will just have to suffer for the greater good. I give a heave, pushing the doors open. I step through, finding myself in... The throne room? “Who has a drab room exit out to the throne room?” I wonder aloud. “This is most unorthodox.” I glance around the room, taking in the dilapidated state of things. Light pours in from a large hole in the ceiling and dust and rubble are everywhere.
The hell happened to this place? The tapestries, the thrones, the marvelous architecture. All of it was gone, reduced to tatters and rubble. I strain my ears for any sounds, but nothing seems to be stirring. “What a horrible fate to befall such a fantastic castle,” I say with a sigh, making my way out of the castle. Of course, it never held a candle to my old palace. But then again, what could? “Whatever happened here, it was ages ago,” I add, seeing signs of vines overgrowing a few of the holes in the ceiling. “And no one saw fit to wake me up to inform me of such things. What a grave insult to a mage such as I.”
I make my way into the forest, finding myself once again missing my dear pet dragon. Walking is far beneath me. I hum a tune to myself as I walk through this awful forest. The forest’s music always reminded me of Evil Forest. Both are unpleasant, though I've never been able to determine which is worse. I never understood why those sisters chose this place to put their castle. They completely ignored my suggestion for a location by a beach. I think it was something about that crystal tree.
After reminding the local monsters why they should fear me, I enter into a rather nice looking village. I don't remember there being a village on the edge of the forest… Or a giant castle made out of crystal. Ugh, why can’t I ever get away from crystals? I’ve had more than my fill of crystals for a lifetime. Still, where there are castles there are ponies of some importance. Perhaps someone there can fill me in on everything I’ve missed?
I move past the unwashed masses, giving a loud knock at the door. It opens and I’m greeted to the sight of a young mare, early twenties at the oldest. Her purple mane is rather fashionably coiffed in a way that accentuates the blue streaks in it. Her clothing though is rather bland. A simple violet colored top and black pants that cling to her legs.
“Greetings, young maiden,” I greet, giving a slight bow, “I'm looking for the owner of this castle, are they in?” The mare looks me up and down, a surprised look on her face.
“I’m sorry but wha- I mean, who are you?” she asks.
I frown, insulted by her ignorance. “I am Prince Kuja Platinum, the Silver Mage.”
“Oh! I’ve heard stories about you!” she replies, her eyes widening. “What are you doing here? You’re over a thousand years old! I wasn’t expecting you to not be a pony. I mean, how are you still alive?!”
“A thousand years...?” I echo, staring at her. That couldn't be right. That... was impossible, I didn't even have a year left. I focus on the mare again, grabbing her by the shoulders. “What...what about Platinum?”
“If you’re talking about Princess Platinum… she’s dead,” she replies, a sympathetic look in her eyes. “She has been for a long time.” I tighten my grip on her shoulders, feeling hot tears slide down my face. Is this... Loss? What every one felt when I stole their loved ones away? “I’m so sorry I had to tell you this,” she says. “It must be a lot to take in.”
“Y-yes well...” I wipe at my eyes, doing my best to maintain my composure. “I need to see this princess immediately.”
The mare looks back into the castle and then leans in close. “I don’t think the princess is here at the moment,” she whispers.
“I have no time for games,” I growl, “You will take me to see her. Now.”
“I’m telling you I can’t,” she insists. “I don’t think the mare in here is really Twilight. I think she’s been replaced.”
“Replaced?” I frown at her. “What in the hell are you talking about?”
“As in, by changelings,” she whispers, indicating for me to keep my voice down. I just sigh, pushing past her. I ignore her protests, making my way deeper into the castle. After several minutes I manage to find my way into a meeting room of sorts. There are several chairs arranged in a circle, each one with a different mark on it.
“This world never gets less tacky,” I grumble, running my hand along the table. A door opens and a purple baby dragon enters the room. “Ah, hello there, I’m looking for the princess of this castle. Can you fetch her for me?” I watch him, waiting for his response. The dragon appears to be holding something back, almost as if he wants to vomit as he rushes out of the room. “What an odd little fellow,” I comment, leaning on the table. I wait a few minutes, tapping my fingers restlessly against the table. “Alright, this is just ridiculous. If I want something done right, I’ll do it myself.” I go through the door the dragon left through and resume my search.
I find myself getting more restless as I walk these halls. This castle is too much like Terra. A shiver travels up my spine, and I shake the thought out of my head. I slow down, hearing voices up ahead. “Now this is more like it,” I muse to myself. I follow the sounds of the voices and open the door they seem to be coming from. “I do not wish to repeat myself, the Princess, now.” All of the occupants turn to me and give me bug eyes. And no, that is not just a figure of speech.
“S-stay back!” One of the bug-ponies shouts, looking like they were trying not to gag.
“What in the name of Terra is going on here?” I ask, taking a step forward. “Who are you all?” I harden my gaze, looking between. “Are you all too stupid to follow a simple command?” The assembled bug-ponies collapse, devolving into fits of gagging and coughing. I stop, putting a finger to my lips. My mere presence is causing them illness. “Speak, now.”
“W-we can't,” one of them chokes out. “T-too much… negative emotion.” I raise my eyebrow, but retreat to the door. “We are changelings! We came upon the orders of our queen!” they blurt out, terrified of the prospect of me getting in the room again.
“And those orders were to replace the Princess?” I ask, crossing my arms. “I want to know everything you insects know.” They nod and divulge everything, even giving me the location of their leader. “I'm afraid you’ve lost your usefulness.” I give them a cold look, as I prepare to cast Flare. Just as I’m about use the spell, I catch the growing sound of hooves striking at the floor rapidly.
“Kuja!” the mare from the door earlier calls out as she she rushes down the hall. I turn to the door, frowning as she enters the room. She takes in the seen and her eyes widen. “What happened here? Why are all the changelings on the ground?”
“I was just about to dispose of them,” I reply, gesturing to my charging spell.
“What?!” she screeches. “You can’t kill them!”
“And why not? They dared to attack royalty, why should they not be punished?”
“But not with death! They’re intelligent beings, Kuja! You can’t just slaughter them!” she pleads, waving a hand towards the cowering bugs. I scoff, lowering my arm.
“Deal with them,” I order, turning on my heel and walking out of the room. I see a flash of magic in the corner of my eye and she jogs to catch up to me.
“I’ve encased them in crystal,” she informs, coming to my side. “The princesses can figure out what to do with them once we’ve settled this matter.”
“Of course,” I say, my tone biting.
“Do you know where to find everypony?” she asks, ignoring my tone.
“The Badlands,” I reply, brushing my hair behind my ear.
“Great!” She beams. “Do you think we should try to find anypony else that hasn’t been replaced before going?”
“I suppose.” I strut out of the castle, once again lamenting my pet's death.
“I think I might know somepony who hasn’t been replaced yet,” she chimes, indicating for me to follow her. I decide to let her take the lead, while I busy myself with coming up with transportation. She leads us to a small caravan parked on the outskirts of town. She knocks on the door. “Trixie, are you home?”
I roll my eyes, casting a Thunder spell on nearby tree. The door bursts open and a unicorn mare in a flamboyant hat and cape rushes out.
“What the buck was that?” she cries, looking at the destroyed tree with a panicked expression.
“A bolt of lightning,” I state matter-of-factly.
“And who the buck are you?!” she asks, trying to get her breathing under control.
“I am Prince Kuja Platinum, the Silver Mage.” This Trixie mare gives me an odd look, calming down a little.
“Aren’t you like… ancient?” she asks carefully. I glare at her, narrowing my eyes.
“I suggest you drop that chain of thought,” I say, tail swishing behind me.
“Trixie, something’s gone horr- hold on, I need you to tell me something that only the real Trixie would know,” the other mare says, narrowing her eyes at Trixie.
“If she was a changeling, she'd be on her knees, gagging,” I inform. “So,let us not waste time.”
“Alright, that actually makes spotting changelings a lot easier,” the mare says with a sigh of relief. “Trixie, something horrible has happened. Twilight, the girls, Spike, and who knows how many others have been replaced with changelings,” she explains. “But, we know where they’re being held and need all the help we can get to rescue them.”
“I'm sorry, but I don't think I've ever gotten your name.” I turn to the mare, shifting my weight onto my other foot.
“I’m Starlight Glimmer,” she introduces. “I’m Princess Twilight’s student.”
I nod. “Now, we need some form of transportation.”
“I think I know somepony who can help with that.” Starlight looks up to the sky. “Discord!”
“Discord?!” I stare at her, trying to process this. Before she can explain herself, there’s a flash of light and Discord is floating in the air above us.
“And why am I being called on?” Discord asks. “I was in the middle of a card game.” He pulls out a deck of cards from who knows where and sprays them all in Starlight’s face.
I raise my arm, charging up a Flare Star. “Would someone please explain to me why this... abomination is free?” Discord freezes at the sound of my voice, obviously remembering our last encounter.
“Kuja,” he begins with a nervous grin, the cards popping out of existence, “it’s great to see you again. Now, this might be hard to believe, but I’m reformed! No more wantonly spreading chaos for this draconequus.”
I stare at him, letting the spell dance on my fingertips. Part of wants to put him in his place but... if someone gave me another chance, I might as well do the same. “I would be a hypocrite if I did not at least give you a try.” I lower my arm, cancelling the spell.
“Well, I was not expecting to see Discord be afraid of something today,” Starlight comments, blinking owlishly.
“Ask him why he’s missing a tooth,” I suggest, smirking at his squirming.
“All I did was turn your hair green,” he mutters.
I open my mouth to speak, when a retching sound drifts over from the bushes.
“Wh-what is with all the negative emotions?” a timid male voice questions. A changeling steps out from the bushes, though, something about him is different. I can’t quite put my finger on it though.
“Ah that would be me,” I speak, taking a step back.
“Thorax, what are you doing here?” Starlight questions, stepping up to the changeling. “Shouldn’t you be in the Crystal Empire?”
“Sunburst sent me to get help,” Thorax explains, regaining his composure. “Prince Shining Armor and Princess Cadance have been replaced.”
“This has even reached the Crystal Empire?” Starlight gasps. “This is worse than I thought. We’ve got to do something about this quickly!”
“If Discord would be so kind as to take us there, I will see to resolving this crisis,” I inform, leaning on the caravan.
“I can do that,” Discord agrees. “I have to rescue Fluttershy!” He snaps his talons and we all disappear in a flash of light. I stumble a little, my support gone.
“It won't be that easy,” Thorax insisted, frowning at Discord.
“Oh please, you’ve got the two strongest magic users on the planet,” Discord waves off. “Why don’t you three sit back and let the big kids handle this?” He snaps his fingers, a flying pig appearing beneath him. “Tally ho!” He points a claw and starts riding towards the off putting castle in the distance. That is, until he moves off the overlook we’re standing on and his magic gives out. “Well, that’s rather curious,” Discord says, snapping his talons and sending another flying pig towards the castle.
“Great magic suppression.” I pinch my nose, sighing. I'm getting Olivert flashbacks.
“Perhaps it doesn’t work on your magic?” Discord suggests. “It is foreign to Equestria after all.”
“For their sake, I hope not.” I jump off the overlook, landing in a crouch.
“Hold on!” Thorax cries, flying after me. “You can’t go in there by yourself, you’ll get lost.”
“My good man, I plan on using a rather less sophisticated means of navigation,” I explain, looking back at him.
“And what means is that?” the changeling asks, keeping a safe distance from me.
“I plan on blowing holes in the place.” I lift my arm, summoning forth my magic.
“That won’t work,” Thorax says. “The hive is constantly shifting and any holes you make will quickly close up.” I sigh, turning back to him.
“Then I suppose I must place myself under your guidance.”
“A-alright,” he says with a nervous gulp. “I’ll do my best. Just… stand a few feet away from me.”
“Of course.” I stand aside, gesturing for him to lead the way. He buzzes over to a wall, freezing and waiting for something. A hole suddenly opens up and he jumps through it. “Are the rest of you coming?” I call back to the others. They all nod and rush to catch up to Thorax and I. I then hop through the hole, holding it open in case it tries to close before the others arrive. “Took you all long enough.”
“We had to convince Trixie to come along,” Starlight explains, pointing at the trembling unicorn.
“I-I really don't think this is a good idea...” Trixie mutters, fixing her hat.
“Maybe, but it’s not like we have any better options,” Starlight says. “We have to rescue everypony.”
“You’ll be fine, I'm with you after all.” I motion for Thorax to move, following after him.
“Do you think we should have a phrase so we can tell if any of us have been replaced?” Starlight suggested. “I know Kuja doesn’t need it, but if we get separated this could help us out.”
“I want to be your canary,” I recite off the top of my head.
“That should be easy enough to remember,” Starlight says with a nod. “And it’s not something that could be easily guessed by an imposter.” The rest of the group falls into relative silence, while I listen to the castle’s music. It’s so odd, alien. Reminds me of the Lifa Tree. I continue to listen to the odd music as Thorax leads us through the shifting hive and helps us avoid being spotted.
“This place gives me the creeps,” Trixie whines, huddling behind Starlight.
“Yeah, it’s almost like this place is alive,” Starlight agrees, watching a hole in the wall open and close.
“It wouldn't surprise me,” I comment, following their gaze.
“Anything is possible.” Discord shrugs. “So, Thorax, how much farther until we reach the captured ponies?”
“It depends on how the hive shifts,” Thorax replies. “If we get lucky, we could have a direct route to them.”
“If only lady luck would smile on us,” I sigh. Another hole opens up and Thorax leads us through it. It leads into a long, narrow passageway. It was so narrow that we had to walk in single file. My hair so taking such a beating. I may have already resigned myself to a bad hair day, but this is just ludicrous. I really should’ve raided that crystal castle for supplies. “How much further must we go?”
“I think this passage could get us where we need,” Thorax offers, his wings buzzing on his back.
“Excellent.” Silence reigns again for a few more minutes before Thorax led us through another hole as it opens.
“This is getting tiresome.”
“I’m doing the best I can,” Thorax says, looking back at me with a frown.
“Just keep going,” I huff, grumbling. He pouts but nods and continues to lead us deeper into the hive. I briefly wonder if Thorax is going to betray us to the rest of his kind. It doesn't matter, I highly doubt any of them would last a minute against me. We continue to walk through the castle until we walk into an area that opens up, and a permanently open chamber can be seen in the distance.
“Help!” A female voice calls from the distance.
“Fluttershy?” Discord asks, pushing his way to the front of the group.
“If you fall for that Discord, you're stupider than I thought,” I comment, not even turning my head.
“You’re right,” Discord says, taking a deep breath. “I just let my emotions get the better of me for a moment there.”
“A common flaw,” I reply, ignoring the look Starlight gives me.
“Oh yes because you’ve never been emotionally attached to someone,” Starlight comments, creeping towards the chamber in the distance.
“I didn't experience fear until my twenty third year of life,” I retort, rather flippantly.
“How is that even possible?” Trixie asks, not sure who to stick close to.
“It doesn't matter.” I dismiss the conversation, pushing to the front. I stride into the chamber, finding what appears to be the throne room. Though the rather disconcerting thing is, it’s unoccupied. “And here I was hoping to request an audience with the marvelous changeling queen. Alas, it appears my trip was for naught.” I take in the room, spying strange pods hanging from the ceiling. I examine them closer and my eyes widen, there are ponies inside them!
“Looks like we found our hostages.” I step forward, never taking my eyes off them.
“And what do we have here?” a distorted feminine voice asked. There is movement amongst the pods and the changeling queen reveals herself.
“Ah yes, there you are.” I come to a stop, locking eyes with her. “I am Prince Kuja Platinum of Equestria and I demand the release of those ponies.”
“I’m sorry, but you’re really in no position to be making demands,” she replies with a laugh. She slinks over to a pod that holds… Luna. “You are without magic, and at any point I could make the experience of those within the pods,” she lets a pregnant pause fill the air as she drags a hand along the pod, “unpleasant.”
“Listen, I need to have a very important discussion with Celestia and Luna.” I narrow my eyes, letting magic dance on my fingers. “You will release them.”
“Well, when you put it like that, no.” The queen’s horn lights up and Luna writhes in her pod.
“You will cease whatever foul act you are performing,” I growl up at her.
“And what will you do if I don’t?” she asks with a smirk, her horn continuing to glow and Luna continuing to squirm.
“Kill you,” I state matter-of-factly.
“That might be threatening if you had the means to do it,” the queen comments with a yawn. “But you have no magic and no weapons.”
“Unfortunately for you, that really isn't the case.” I bring a hand up, casting Bio on her. She goes stiff, the green energy washing over her and causing her grip on the ceiling to be released. I catch her mid fall, hitting her with Flare. She screams as the fire washes over her, her form disappearing in the flames. “How... anticlimactic.” I pout, putting my hands on my hips. A flash of light flickers from inside the flames and the queen reappears on her throne.
“That was rather unexpected,” she says, smoke rising off of her. “But it is not that simple to kill me.”
“Well then, it's a good thing I was born for murder, isn't it?” I quickly cast Haste, Protect and Shell on myself, bringing down a bolt of Thundaga on her head. A shimmering bubble of green appears around her, though it is easily broken and strikes her head. “You’ll quickly find my magic outclasses anything on this world.”
“You certainly put up a better fight than Celestia did in our last clash,” the queen says, wiping a trickle of blood from the corner of her mouth.
“You have no clue.” I flick my hand, casting Slow on her. Her eyes slowly widen, coming to a realization on the effect of the spell. Her horn flickers, most likely trying to undo the effects. “How is it my magicless brother posed more of a challenge than you?” She growls in slow motion, firing a bolt of magic at me. I let it hit me, making a show of how ineffective it was. “Getting scared yet?” She flinches, again, in slow motion and panic slowly creeps onto her face. “Now we're getting somewhere.” She closes her eyes and buzzes her wings. If I had to guess, it’s some kind of signal.
“You know, perhaps I'll just cast Death on you and be done with it.,” I walk closer, listening as my own music overpowers the castle’s. She lights her horn up, teleporting away from me in a flash. “Should have used Stop,” I grumble, searching for her. I scan the throne room, looking under every rock the bug could be hiding under.
I just shrug, turning my attention to the throne. I raise my arm, charging Flare Star. “Let’s see what happens when I break this.” I freeze, my spell sputtering out. Intense pain courses through my body, bringing me to my knees, and I cough up a few specks of blood. “Wh-why is this happening now?” I groan, clutching my sides. “Chaining those spells together should be nothing for me.”
“Not so high and mighty now, are you?” Chrysalis asks, her voice coming from behind me. I try to come up with a witty retort, but the pain robs me of my voice. The closest thing I manage is to hack up some more blood. “Cocoon him and the rest of those idiots.” I groan and try to summon my strength, magic sputtering at my fingertips. I feel myself being brought to my feet by changelings, but I ignore them. At least I know all the hate will ward them off. I grit my teeth and push through the pain, managing to sustain a spell on my hands. I throw a spell at the throne, my vision fading before I can see what happens.
I smirk as the ground shakes, thankful at least one thing went right. I then feel my consciousness fade, blackness creeping in.