What am I?

by OblivionProphet

Rating: teen
Tags: Dark, Alternate Universe, Sad, Other, Original Character, Tragedy, Princess Celestia, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 988

What am I? Am I... alive?

What is my meaning? My purpose? What is my existence? Do I even exist?

Published 2015-10-01 05:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-10-01 05:20:01 UTC

356

356

Slowly, I awoke. And I almost immediately regret that decision. My whole body flares up with pain and agony, filling any holes in my consciousness. If I have one that is. A thought worms its way into my head, one that actually dulls the pain a little bit. Do I have a consciousness?

Wait, what even is a consciousness? And how would I know if I have one, whatever it is? These questions are starting to worry me, even if they don’t make any sense. I mean, who am I? What am I? Where’s the light? What is light?

I’m starting to panic now, my mind starting to race. Do I exist? Where am I? What is my goal? My purpose? My destiny? I need answers and yet I don’t know what answers are. I’m afraid. I can’t feel anything, I don’t even know what feeling is! What is feeling? What is life? I don’t know anything, and I don’t know where, who, or even what I am!

I’m so afraid, I wish the pain was back. But, what is pain? How do I feel pain? I need to feel something, all I feel is empty, nothing. It’s so cold, it’s lonely. This is driving me crazy, there is no noise, no smell, no taste. I don’t know what to do. What can I do?

I then try to remember what happened when I woke up. That feeling of existing, how do I feel that again? Wasn’t that pain? Does feeling pain mean that I exist? How does one feel pain then? Maybe if I… Ow! That… hurt. I can feel pain though… Thank… God? Celestia? What is a god? And what is a celestia? Why do I know those words? What do I know? What made me? And why?

Did pain bring those words? If I felt pain again, could I know more? Maybe if I- “I’m so so sorry my little pony…” What? What was that? What’s a pony? Am… I a pony? What’s going on? “Just relax. You won’t have to suffer anymore…” But what does that- Ohhhh… What is this gold stuff? ...Is this light? It feels… warm. It feels… nice. I like this light stuff. It’s much better than pain. Yeah... I think I’ll… Ahhhh… I’ll just… let the gold... make me whole…

Celestia sighed as she calmly snapped the deformed pony’s neck, taking her only solace in ending its tortured life swiftly and painlessly. Experiment #356 was unsuccessful, just like the last 351, and had to be terminated. She turned around and trotted out of the room, calmly moving down the metal hallway and taking a right turn at the fourth door. She walked slowly up to the only creature in the room, a tall human in a white lab coat by the name of Dr. Xavier, or Dr. X for short, and saluted. “ Dr. X, Sir! I wish to give a report on Experiment #356.”

Dr. X sighed and shook his head, “No need, I was watching the security cam.” He sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. “I guess we’ll have to start all over, eh Experiment #1?” He said coily, looking down at the little white filly.

Celestia flinched a little bit at her birth name, her ears folding back against her head, and her bottom lip quivering slightly, “Please Dr. X… It’s Celestia now, remember?”

Dr. X huffed a bit and shook his head, “Let’s just get started on Experiment #357 alright Experiment #1?”

Celestia hung her head low and quietly nodded, mumbling sadly about her name. She knows better than to defy the human his research, he does have Experiment #i, and Experiment #0 on his team after all.

Dr. X nodded and pulled up a screen. “So I was thinking we’d try a unicorn again…”

May 13, 20XX

Dear Diary,

I’ve finally finished helping Dr. X with the creation of Experiment #357… 356 didn’t make it… just like all of the others. This one had grown without neither skin nor hair… it was in constant pain from even the faintest breeze, not that there actually was any. It’s breathing was erratic and it’s lips had fused together… I did the only thing I could. I spared it from a life of eternal torment… Just like with all the others… Dr. X says it will get better but… I still remember them… I still remember each and every one of them. 276 had self-combusted, bursting into flames and ran around his cell screaming like a madman. 34 had grown two extra sets of heads, each one laughing maniacally as it cried tears of blood. 177 was horrifying… It’s mouth was on it’s stomach, it’s face distributed randomly all over it’s body, and it’s tail had replaced the face. But it was number 7 that burned its way into my mind… He just sat there, almost perfect, but he was made without any eyeballs. He just sat there, gazing upwards, thinking, wondering… I will never forget his last words, the one thing he could say. ”I can see them… I can see… Equestria…”And then… Dr. X ordered me to terminate him. When I refused, he sent in Experiment #2… Or as she calls herself... Nightmare Moon. And she tore him to shreds, making sure that no piece of him was more than an inch cubed… Right in front of me… I froze up, time slowed to a speed that made molasses look fast. I just stood there… and watched… I could have stopped her… I could have done something… but I didn’t… And with every single failed experiment that I now have to terminate… those words echo through my head…

I’m so scared… What is Equestria? And why does it sound so familiar… And why… Why does it hurt every time I think about it…

With inextinguishable grief

Experiment #1 (Celestia)