We open up to a single person, his name is Vernon, he is about 20. He is currently living in a tiny apartment, the kind that are smaller than your room (I hope), he is currently in Dallas Texas. We go to his third story apartment on the bad side of town. The apartment was s**ty at best, the walls were white and it is now a slightly tan color and it is starting to peel, it had one room, the room was a small 14 foot by 11 foot living room that included a kitchen, a bed, a tiny bathroom, and a crap couch. Now he is looking out a window, the window was covered in smears and cracks.
He looked up at the closest star and said in a deep Texan voice, "why do people want to live. It is silly, we are born, live and die, in a few trillion years the universe will end destroying everything we or anything out there have achieved. So, my wish is to give me or at least show me why I shouldn't kill myself right here, right now. Please tell me." He waited for a minute, but he heard nothing, not even a breath. Vernon walked away from the window, entered the bathroom, and closed the door.
1 minute later:
In the empty living room some static electricity started to bolt from the floors to the walls and ceiling. In a flash that would blind any mortal man a portal in the color of white appeared. It was oval shaped and about 6 and a half feet tall, spanning about 3 feet, it was a big portal. Four beings walked out of the portal, they were ponies, you may know them as Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, Princess Cadence, and Shining Armor. Shining was wearing his traditional purple armor
(they really made him wear PURPLE armor and expected us not to make gay jokes about him, really?! And just as a fyi, what kind of name is Shining Armor anyway, just, just, just tell me if his parents were on something!)Celestia said, "wow, this place is a dump, why did we need to come here Luna?"
She replied, "well, I want to see what these beings have done since my time on the moon, and Shining armor and Cadence haven't seen anything the humans have done."
Celestia just shrugged and walked to the kitchen, Shining and Cadence was looking around the tiny apartment, "I have lived in some tight places, but nothing this, um, bad," said Shining Armor.
Cadence nodded, "why is this door closed?" Asked Luna,
Celestia replied, "well, I don't know." Shining Armor and Cadence walked over to see better, Luna used her magic and slowly opened the door, what she saw was very weird. There was human with it's head and arms in a filled bath tub with what they think is water. It was a very small bathroom, the shower was decently clean and so was the toilet, the walls however were crumbling. Luna quickly flew over to the drowning human, she originally thought it was dead until she saw some air bubbles, Luna's horn glowed and the human was pulled out. His face had two brown eyes, golden brown hair, a nose that was incredible, his mouth, and what she thought were tears.
He said, "take what ever you want, just let me kill myself, thank you." He dunked his head back in the water, Luna rolled her yes and used some more magic and pulled him out again. "Why?!" He asked.
Luna replied, "well, first off, why do want to die?" He human was still looking at the water,
"because I went from one of the smartest people in college with a good room and a good roommate, even a girlfriend who was so hot all you'd be able to say is DAMN GIRL! But fate is a bitch, turned out that my roommate needed to move into his parents house because he lost his job, with that I couldn't afford a place to live. With that I had to move here, my principle said that the two years of my teen life in college didn't count. This was supposed to be my last year of college, but I have to pay for another year and I can't afford that. Now if that wasn't bad enough my girlfriend saw my bank and dumped me for this rich guy, and it turns out I have cancer, it is treatable, but it costs about 400 thousand dollars, my annual salary is about 20 thousand dollars. So I die ether way, I said f**k it and now your seeing my 5th attempt at suicide, please let me die, my life is a bitch."
They were all looking at him and trying to parse through the info, he threw this head in the water, he never saw them. Celestia used her magic this time and pulled him out, "what the f**k just let me die." He took one look at them and stared in fear. He looked at his right and saw Luna, "AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH PLEASE DON'T HURT ME!! JUST DON'T PROBE MY A*S PLEASE!"
Luna couldn't help it, she started to snicker, "we aren't going to probe you, but I wanna know what is a probe?" Asked Celestia.
Vernon asked, "if you aren't going to probe me, then why are you here? And why won't you two let me die!?"
Cadence walked up and said, "well, Luna has been on our moon for the past thousand years and got curious to what humanity has done since then." Vernon stood up, he was about as tall as Celestia, if not more.
"Well, a lot more then I can explain, now can you please pass me the noose on the night stand please.
" Shining Armor replied, "no way."
Vernon just looked at them and asked, "so, since I will live until you all go away, what are your names?" Celestia replied, "my name is Princess Celestia, this is my sister Luna." She waved at him, "this is Shining Armor and Princess Mi Amore cadenza."
Cadence replied, "um, I prefer Cadence." Vernon nodded,
"what is your name human?" Asked Luna,
"Vernon, Vernon Leon." She smiled. Celestia used her magic to unplug the drain so that he can't drown himself, "now then, let me die!" He tried to dunk again, but with no water he hit the tub floor (ouch man). He screamed, "OW THAR F**KING HURT, F**k, F**K, I just wanna *******************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************!!!!" (this part has been bleeped out for your own sanity and health, your welcome) They just stared at the amount of soap that he would eat if his parents were here. "What? We humans cuss when we are hurt, it is actually proven that cussing when you get hurt cuts the pain down a little bit, that made it so I didn't scream." (that is actually true)
Luna asked in a confused voice, "um, okay, if that wasn't human screaming, then I don't want to know what it sounds like, but if the surgery will help, maybe we could help fund it?"
Vernon looked at her and replied, "wait, you would do that, for a random stranger who tried to kill himself and called you all horses when obviously you all are ponies, and you would pour four hundred THOUSAND dollars to help me?" Celestia nodded. "Hell ya, I mean, this would help so much, with that I might be able to get my two years back, t-t-thank you so much, now is this a loan or gift, ether way I can pay you back!"
Said Vernon, "it is a gift, we have more bits then we can use, please." Vernon passed out.
Two years and a lot of dates later:
Vernon was waiting in the same room Shining Armor and Cadence got married, (remember it or watch the season 2 ending episodes again) Vernon was standing next to the best man or stallion, Shining Armor. "I can't believe I am getting married!" Whispered Vernon.
"I didn't think you could ever get married," replied Shining Armor. The piano started to play and Vernon stood at attention, down the isle was Princess Luna AND Celestia, yes it was a triple marriage, turns out that they both liked Vernon, though they were going to fight about it, but decided to do what they did with their last coltfriend. Both of them dating him, Vernon didn't care, he got three ways. Anyway, once they got to the alter Twilight, who learned how to be a minister in just a few hours.
Said, "now that we are here, Vernon, I know you all want this to be decently fast, so, do you have any vows?"
Vernon replied, "why yes I do Twi." Twilight gave him a signal to proceed, "Celestia, Luna, when we first met you two was a sick, dying, and suicidal. But thanks to you two I don't have cancer anymore, I got my two years back, I made one of the best horror games out there. And I am getting to marry not one, but TWO alicorn princesses, I love you both more than the whole world and I regret trying to die so much. I would be the happiest person in the history of anything if you two would marry me. I do." Said Vernon.
"Celestia, Luna, do you two take this, uh, oh man to be your husband?" Asked Twilight.
They said in unison, "we do." Vernon almost squealed in excitement, "I pronounce you husband and, wife's!" Vernon kissed both of them, he thought. "Holy s**t, I actually got them, I am the best!"
Author's Note
This is a personal message to all of you, look for the good things, don't just give up, fight it, life is worth living. No matter the obstacle is, look around for the answer or if there is none, look for a new equation, find something else. Personal message from Element Reading
Fyi this exact thing will NOT happen, but something will.
