I Have Vacation Days?! (Redux)

by The Shadow Brony

Rating: mature
Tags: Other, Original Character, Spike, Comedy, Horror, Profanity, Violence, Crossover, Sex, Human, Main 6, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Death, Alternate Universe
Length: 4387

A man at a convention buys a really nice prop gun for his Alucard costume and winds up in Equestria. Enjoy the Crimson Fucker, Equestria.

This is the story of a man who went to a convention cosplaying as Alucard of Hellsing fame. And after buying a really accurate prop of Alucard's Jackal, he found himself in Equestria, went on a rampage, and got turned to stone for 3000 years. Now he's back. But on a leash. A perfectly reliable, semi reliable, not so reliable leash.

"Alucard!"

"What?!"

"You've been eating Applejack's cattle again and she's bitching me out!"

((A reboot of the original, which can be viewed through the prequel link.))

Published 2020-12-13 11:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2020-12-13 11:10:01 UTC

Friendship is Magic Part 1

In ages long past, there was once a warrior who was renowned and feared beyond all measure. His name was whispered within the halls of Men for countless generations. It is said that destiny delights in the misfortunes of Men, and so it proved true for Robert Maness.

"What are ya buyin'?"

Robert grinned at hearing that killer impression. And turned his attention to the man selling merch. Not just the impression, but the costume was spot on too. A perfect Merchant cosplay. "What have you got?" Robert himself had chosen to cosplay as his favorite vampire: Hellsing's own Alucard. The costume itself was perfect, but lacking only the signature guns.

"Got some rare costume props, stranger," the Merchant replied, his arm panning over the table before him. A table covered in myriad props and costume pieces.

Robert's gaze however was drawn to a pair of pistols. Perfect replicas of Alucard's guns. "How much for the Casull and Jackal?"

"30 bucks," replied the Merchant.

With a grin, Robert got out his wallet and handed over the money, taking the props and feeling their weight in his hands.

"An awesome choice, stranger," the Merchant complimented. "Enjoy the trip."

Before Robert could even ask what he meant, he vanished. Into thin air. His disappearance not even noticed by anyone as the Merchant chuckled.

Robert found himself standing in a forest clearing under a full moon's light. The props in his hands now felt heavy. Felt real. More than that, he found his senses heightened to a level beyond what he had always known. The heightened sensory input disoriented him and he fell to his knees panting.

And then, he noticed it. A scent on the air. Metallic. Enticing. He knew it seemingly by instinct. Blood. And it called to him. Rational thought gave way to ravenous, bestial hunger as he followed the scent. So fast he was a blur, but he could see the path before him clear as day.

Leaping through the tree line and into open air, he saw before him a countryside village. Its people were gathered in the town square for some manner of festival. Landing, he put his guns away and went to the darkest part of the gathering, where he saw that some of these people had wings on their backs, and others had small horns growing from their foreheads along with having ears that tapered to points.

He licked his lips, mouth full of sharp fangs as he crept toward a pair of teenagers making out behind a building. And before he knew it, the night was rent with the screams of a nightmare.

A chance encounter sent Robert into a new world, bereft of his humanity. He was now a vampire like the one whose likeness he wore. What had once been Robert Maness was now subsumed into the predatory instincts and primal desires of Vlad Dracula Tepes. And so it was that Dracula ravaged the land for decades, growing stronger with each feeding. But there came a time when those with courage confronted him.

Pain. A deep pain that he'd never experienced. Dracula cried out as he fell back, his heart pierced by a silver stake. Blood leaked from his mouth as he looked up at the man standing over him. A man whose cloak and hat were accented with bells, a horn protruding from his forehead and his face concealed by a magnificent beard. Finally, he found enough strength to weakly speak. "Have I been bested... sir?"

"Yes. You are bested, Vampire King," the man spoke, joined by five others. An old woman who too bore a horn and pointed ears. Two of them had wings. One a well built man with a militaristic look about him, and the other a sleek woman with flowing hair and an attire suited for deserts. And the last two were a strong built man whose strength had equaled his own, and a woman wearing an odd mask over her face.

"Your castle is plundered, your dominion in ruins, your servants destroyed," said the bearded man. "You are judged, and found wanting, Vampire King. Your evil will never threaten the world again." He knelt down and raised his fist above his head.

"Who... are you?" Dracula asked as he awaited his fate.

"I am Starswirl. Starswirl the Bearded," he answered before his fist came down, driving the stake further into Dracula's heart. And then, there was darkness for the vampire.

Starswirl and his Pillars of Harmony defeated Dracula. And yet, Starswirl sensed that all was not as it should be. Dracula... would return.

1200 years later

Mayor Marianne was not having a good night. The town of Tradewell, despite its proximity to the capital of Avalon, had suffered a recent string of disappearances and grizzly murders that had everyone scared. When the local police had been unable to resolve things, she sent a letter to the high queen Celestia asking for help.

The requested help came in the form of two people. Both were elves. A man and a woman. The man stood to the side of the woman, a curved oriental looking blade sheathed in his left hand, and he wore a black pinstriped suit. His hair was black and slicked back, exposing his forehead and dark blue eyes.

The woman on the other hand favored a lavender dress suit that exposed some of the cleavage of her ample bust. Her hair was indigo with a pink stripe down it, flowing down her back to her waist, and her magenta eyes were gazing into Marianne's own as she finished speaking.

"Vampires?" Marianne asked. "The disappearances and murders... You're saying this was done by vampires?" She looked at the letter from the queen. "Lady Twilight Nebula Sparkle?" She looked at the man. "And Lord Facet Orichalcum Sparkle?"

"Knight and Dame of the Realm, yes," Twilight replied as a cigar appeared in her hand in a small flash of mana, followed by a gold plated zippo lighter as she put it between her teeth, the light gleaming off the gold band around her ring finger. Taking a moment to light her cigar, she took a puff as she flicked her lighter closed. Sending it back into the pocket dimension she'd pulled it from. "And yes. This is the work of vampires."

"How are you able to be so calm?" Marianne demanded as she shot to her feet. "Why aren't you finding them then?! Protecting my people?!"

Twilight simply exhaled some smoke. "Our finest anti vampire field operative is already on the hunt. This will be settled by dawn."

"What kind of agent can handle this?" Marianne asked, sweating in doubt.

"When dealing with monsters," Facet spoke for the first time, his voice a calm baritone filled with gravitas. "Vampires especially, there is no greater expert walking this earth."

Marianne sighed and sat back down, waving some of Twilight's smoke away. "So how bad is it exactly?"

"Based on the intel from what you reported, it's a small group of vampires following a stronger one, and supplemented by a small army of ghouls," Twilight explained. "Ghouls are akin to zombies in how they operate. Mindless foot soldiers that raise those they kill as more ghouls. The difference is that where zombies are the product of necromancy, ghouls come from deflowered people being fed on by a vampire."

"So won't there be clean up even after the vampires are killed?" Marianne asked, sweating more.

Twilight shook her head and took another puff. "No. Ghouls do not survive the destruction of their creators. So all we need do is cut the heads off the snakes."

Any further discussion was halted by a scream coming from outside. "That's our cue," Facet said, heading for the door.

Twilight looked at Marianne. "Stay here until dawn." She then followed her husband, raising her hand as rune circles formed in front of it. "Anti-Unlife Cocoon." A magical barrier formed around the building as she and Facet stepped outside, where they saw a human woman running from a group of shambling creatures with glowing eyes that looked a bit decomposed and covered in blood. And leading them was a grinning elf with glowing red eyes, mouth full of sharp fangs.

"There's no use running!" the elf taunted as he vanished and reappeared behind the woman, grabbing her and fondling her chest as she struggled. But before he could bite her, she vanished from his grip in a flash of mana. "What the hell?!" he exclaimed, angered and looking around before seeing the two hunters. "Did you do that?!" he demanded.

"Your rampage ends here," Facet said, his thumb flicking his nodachi slightly out of its sheath in preparation for a draw.

"Is that so?" the vampire asked. "You don't know what you're getting into." he laughed and snapped his fingers. "Kill them."

The ghouls surged forward with surprising speed, but then Facet vanished as he drew his sword, appearing behind the nearest ghouls, slowly sheathing his sword with an exhale. As the sword clicked into its sheath, the foremost ghoul fell dead and did not rise again. Quick as lightning, Facet drew again and started slicing through the ghouls as he advanced, each stroke felling a ghoul.

With a flick of his wrist, he sent his sheath flying and impaling several ghouls on its way, pinning one to a building. With another wrist flick, his sword went flying through the air, twirling by its hilt as it flew in a circle, decapitating ghouls as it went. Snatching it back out of the air as it returned to him, Facet sheathed it and reclaimed it from the impaled ghoul.

The vampire looked on in horror as his ghouls fell in droves and didn't rise. "How? How can he be killing them?! It's impossible!"

"Consecrated silver is incorporated into the end of my sheath and the cutting edge of my sword," Facet said as he looked at the vampire with his cold gaze. "Combine that with my mastery of Space Magic, and nothing I cut gets back up."

In desperation, the vampire vanished and appeared behind Twilight, wrapping his arm around her neck. "Not another step or move! Or I kill her!" He gasped when Twilight chuckled, still calmly puffing her cigar. "What's so funny?! You're at my mercy and about to join my ghouls with your little boyfriend!"

"My husband knows I'm in no danger from a pathetic power mad neophyte like yourself," Twilight replied evenly. "That's what's funny." She raised her hand, a magic circle appearing over it. "Careful Magic, Brilliant Radiance!"

The next thing the vampire knew was agony as a beam of bright light shot down and engulfed him and Twilight. He screamed as the holy light tore at his undead body, completely ignoring its caster, who only hummed and smoked her cigar as he burned. Within seconds, he was reduced to ashes, his remaining ghouls dying as well with their creator.

Twilight sighed as she tapped ash from her cigar onto the ground. "Little idiot underestimated us. New vampires are always boring to kill. Oh dear Gods, he's rubbing off on me."

"Shall we go check on him since we're out here, my dear?" Facet asked.

"Might as well. There's still some work to do with the vampires after all."

Deeper in the woods, the couple located the one they sought. Dressed in his black suit and red coat, he was kneeling beside a young woman who had flowing light pink hair, aquamarine eyes, the largest bust that either Twilight or Facet had ever witnessed on an angel, and was for some reason missing her shirt fabric over her right breast, and more pressingly had a pair of punctures on her neck.

Twilight growled and stalked toward her servant. "Alucard. Explain yourself."

The woman looked scared, and hid behind Alucard as he stood and faced them. "Um... Who are they?"

"My boss and her husband," Alucard replied, grinning at the two elves.

"I explicitly forbade you from creating new vampires," Twilight said, her cigar straining between her fingers' tightening grip.

"I didn't disobey you," Alucard said. "It was the girl's decision. She chose the night."

Flashback

Alucard hummed to himself as he walked through the moonlit forest, glancing up at the full moon with a toothy grin. "Oh yeah. Perfect night for an enthusiastic walk." His rumination was broken by a scream of terror. The pitch said it was a woman. So he followed it. And when he came to a clearing, his eyes widened behind his orange tinted sunglasses. Held in the grasp of one of the two vampires and surrounded by ghouls was a angel who really lived up to the label. Cute face, flowing hair, massive tits. And the two appeared to be in the process of getting ready to rape her.

"Sup!" Alucard greeted cheerfully. And like that, all eyes were on him.

"Help me!" the angel begged, tears in her eyes. "Please help me!"

"Who the fuck are you?" the vampire holding her demanded.

"Just a guy on a walk," Alucard replied. "Also been ordered to kill you both."

"This guy for real?" asked the second vampire with a grin. He help up his hand. "Kill him!" he yelled before snapping his fingers.

Out of nowhere, the ghouls produced a massive number of firearms and opened fire. The angel watched in horror as her apparent savior was ripped apart by the bullet storm, not even trying to avoid getting shot. And after a full thirty seconds of sustained fire, he finally fell back, filled with more holes than Swiss cheese.

"Ordered to kill us and he went out like a bitch!" the second vampire cackled. Only to then stop when another laugh joined him. A laugh coming from the perforated Alucard. A deep darkness formed around Alucard's body and consumed it, the mass slowly forming back into a perfect and immaculate vampire king. Not even a shred of damage to his clothes.

"Nice try!" Alucard cheerfully said before whipping out his guns and killing each of the ghouls with a single headshot each. And then a shot from the Jackal took the second vamp's head, destroying him. As he turned the Casull on the lead one, the vampire adjusted his grip on the girl to use her as a shield and threatened her.

"Stop right there!" the vampire yelled, now scared out of his wits. "I'll kill her! I swear I'll fuckin' kill her! Now just look the other way and let me leave with my little toy here."

Alucard looked at the sobbing girl, pistol not moving at all. "Hey, little lady? Quick question. You a virgin?"

She blushed crimson, her entire face lighting up as the vampire's eyes widened. "What are you doing?!" he demanded.

"Answer quick," Alucard said. "You a virgin?"

"I-I-I," the girl stuttered as her captor's grip tightened.

"I'm waiting!" Alucard pressed, finger slipping toward the trigger.

"Yes!" the girl finally screamed. Then her entire world was pain as she felt something punch through her breast and out her back. She barely noticed as she was let go and fell to the ground, the red coated man suddenly in front of her captor and impaling him on his arm. Looking down, she saw her chest was covered in blood. And her right breast was... gone. Why was it gone? He must have shot her.

"Sorry 'bout that," she heard him say as he knelt over her. "But I'm sure you can forgive me if you look deep in your heart." he then looked up and winced. "Nope. It's splattered all over that tree. But I can save ya." Save her? How? "Seeing as you're a virgin and I'm a vampire of the opposite sex, I can turn you. Sure you'll be dead either way, but as a vampire you get perks. So what'll it be? Death or night?"

She was scared. The idea of being a vampire scared her, but she was scared of dying even more. And she didn't want to leave her friends behind. Mustering her strength, she slowly lifted her hand, which he caught in his when it faltered. His fangs glinted in the moonlight as he leaned in toward her neck.

end flashback

"And that's how that went," Alucard finished as Twilight lit a new cigar.

Twilight silently puffed the cigar for a good thirty seconds before looking at the new fledgling. "You. Girl. What's your name?"

The busty angel meeped and hid behind Alucard further. "M-M-My name is..." she mumbled something.

"Didn't catch that," Twilight said.

"F-F... Fluttershy," she finally responded.

Twilight took another puff and sighed. Weaving some magic, she conjured a sealed letter as an owl flew down to her. "Owlowicous. Deliver this to the mayor and return home afterward." Her familiar hooted and took the letter in his talon before flying off into the night.

Once that was done, Twilight looked to her husband. "Take us to HQ."

He nodded and drew his sword, slicing through the air twice. Once vertically, and once horizontally. The slices left tears in the air itself, which opened into a portal. Sheathing his sword, he nodded. And once Alucard had ushered Fluttershy through the portal, he and Twilight followed them. The portal closing behind them.

Fluttershy was quite out of her element as they exited the portal into an office that could be mistaken for a library. The desk was fine mahogany, with a bird stand currently unoccupied, a well used ash tray, and a magic circle behind the desk carved into the floor and inlaid with silver and iron. Above them was a floating diorama of the cosmos, and beside the desk opposite the bird stand was a table with assorted coffee paraphernalia. She kept a hand over her exposed breast as her savior's superior went around the desk and sat down, the swordsman standing off to her side. "Um... Where are we? And why am I here?"

"This is our headquarters," Twilight replied. "We are called the Night Shift organization. Our mandate is to root out and destroy all threats foreign, domestic, and supernatural to Concordia and the Crown. A mission that we've been doing behind the scenes for centuries."

"B-But I... I've never even heard of it," Fluttershy quietly protested.

"That's because we don't exist," Twilight explained. "Not officially. Our existence is classified at the highest levels of top secret, with only a small number of people being privy to our existence. And anyone who finds out without permission is given amnestics." She paused to take a puff of her cigar and tap the ash into her ask tray. "As for why you're here. You'll be working for us now. Given your condition. We can't have a fledgling vampire running around unsupervised. Especially not one sired by Alucard."

"So I really am a vampire," Fluttershy said, a tone of sadness in her voice.

"Now if you'll excuse me, I need to make a call," Twilight said as she stood. "My husband Facet will see to your orientation. Follow him." She then glared at Alucard. "And you stay out of trouble.

"No promises," Alucard said before walking through one of the walls, much to Fluttershy's shock before she was led away by Facet, leaving Twilight alone.

She put out her cigar in the ash tray and rested her head in her hands, sighing at the turn of events. Rubbing her temples, she made herself a cup of coffee and then took the mug with her as she stepped into the magic circle. It lit up and her body was enveloped in a gentle glow of mana as her surroundings vanished. Replaced by an opulent bedchamber containing a queen sized four poster bed with silk drapes, a clear glass door leading out onto a balcony, a bird stand over a large ash tray where sat a red bird, and a fine rug in front of the hearth where burned a warm fire. Bookshelves on each wall. And seated at a small table with a pot of tea was her teacher and superior: Queen Celestia. "Your Majesty."

Celestia was a stunner of a woman. Standing seven feet and three inches tall, she cut a presence no matter the room, and the silk nightgown she was wearing accentuated her curves. Plush buttocks that made perfect seat cushions, equally well filled out thighs to go with her wide hips that Twilight didn't doubt had birthed many children over centuries, and topped off with a massive bustline. Far larger than any mortal woman could be expected to handle, but for a Goddess like Celestia, it was nothing at all. Her hair had the colors of an aurora and flowed like one, and her light purple eyes carried both the wisdom of ages and the eternal loving patience of a mother. She smiled with full lips. "Good evening, Twilight."

"I have a report about the incident in Tradewell," Twilight said. "We eliminated three vampires and their ghouls along with them." She sighed and took a light sip of her coffee.

"What is it?" Celestia gently asked. "Did something happen?"

"There was one complication, yes," Twilight admitted. "A local angel woman was being used as a hostage by two of the vampires, and was fatally wounded while they were being dealt with. Alucard turned her with her permission, and I've chosen to recruit her so that she may be supervised."

Celestia stiffened at this news. "Alucard sired a vampire? He's never done that before. Not in the years of his initial rampage. Not in the years he's been on your leash."

"I know," Twilight said, sipping her coffee. "And I find that very concerning. He's already unpredictable as is." She glanced out at the moon. "And that's on top of everything else that our intel is suggesting."

"You refer to her," Celestia said simply.

"Her cults have been more active lately," Twilight said. "And that increased activity coincides with the recent increase in vampire attacks. As though they're being churned off a factory line." She took a sip. "Someone is creating these vampires. And they're displaying remarkable skill."

"She'll return soon," Celestia said. "I sense in the Aether." She sighed. "Twilight. I hate to ask so much of you, but I'd like you to oversee the Summer Solstice Festival. It's being held in Tradewell this year."

"Your Majesty, please do not worry about me," Twilight answered. "Night Shift is your blade against all that threatens our country, and I will wield that blade against any foe. I know all of my predecessors preferred delegation, but I believe in leading from the front. I won't just oversee the festival. I'll go there myself, and Nightmare Moon will be dealt with."

Celestia nodded. "I'll send the list of locals responsible for preparations to you via Spike. We have little time to prepare. Be ready in case I fail to stop her myself."

Twilight bowed her head. "It will be done. Now I must be getting home. By your leave."

Celestia gave a smiling nod, and Twilight cut the spell, the sight of her office returning as she exited the circle. And found her husband and Fluttershy standing waiting, the latter clad in a brand new buttercup yellow evening dress that bore the very subtle magic of Night Shift identification magic that was only perceptible to those within the agency. They'd be a poor clandestine group if they had an identifiable uniform. They walked and lived among the people they protected, hiding in plain sight.

"The new dress suits you," Twilight said. "It will also protect you from the sun until you're powerful enough to be immune to sunlight."

Fluttershy nodded. "T-Thank you..." She was looking a bit queasy despite looking healthy overall. For an undead at least.

Twilight arched an eyebrow. "You made sure she was fed, right?"

"Obviously," Facet confirmed. "It's just that she was rather squeamish about drinking blood..."

flashback

Facet's eye twitched as he watched the display before him. In his prior experiences, fledgling vampires would pounce on any animal food source available if the thirst was overwhelming enough. But this...

"Chickens. Rabbits. Deer. Wolves. Bears. And you refuse to so much as scratch any of them," Facet said in disbelief as he stared at the sobbing Fluttershy, now in her fresh attire.

"I'm a vet!" Fluttershy protested. "I work with animals every single day! I can't hurt them for anything! Even hunger!"

Facet sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose as he signaled for the animals to be taken away. "Fine. Perhaps a willing donor from among our staff then?"

"Another person?!" she gasped in horror.

"I did specify that they are willing."

"But I'm not aggressive! I can't!"

"A death row inmate? We feed them to Alucard all the time."

"I couldn't!"

Facet's eye was twitching near violently at this point. Dear Celestia please grant me the patience. "Fine," he said aloud. "There is one last option available to us."

"What is it?" Fluttershy nervously asked, apparently sensing his annoyance. She meeped as she caught something he threw at her, discovering it to be a transfusion pack. "Uh... Um..."

"Sourced from a blood bank," Facet said, briefly wondering if they had the first vampire that refused to drink blood on their hands. Then sighed lightly when Fluttershy gently bit the pack open and drank its contents slowly. "Better?"

She slowly nodded even though she looked a tiny bit nauseous. "Better. I think I can handle these."

"Good," Facet said, relief tangible in his voice.

end flashback

"So we at least have that," Facet finished. "And all the other arrangements will be in place by tomorrow."

"Good," Twilight said, sighing as she stretched. "Now let's go home. We need to get some sleep for tomorrow."

Facet nodded and drew his sword, cutting open a portal that he and Twilight walked through, and closed before Fluttershy could follow.

"Uh..." Fluttershy muttered before Alucard came through the wall behind her silently, a huge grin on his face.

"Time for the real orientation, Flower Girl!"

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!" There was a thud following that scream.

"Flower Girl? Flower Girl? Oh crap I think I broke her."

Author's Note