A young man dressed in a red jacket, which was zip fully open to reveal a plain white t-shirt underneath. For his legs he wore blue pants and black sneakers for his feet. He had thick red hair and was quite a bit overweight.
He looked like the kinda guy who never went to the gym and didn’t really work hard at his job.
In fact, he was so lazy that the man while in his workplace was fast asleep snoring loudly as he sat around a large, circular, green conference table.
However, his co-worker who was sat next to him seemed not in any way better. For he too was fast asleep snoring loudly. His co-worker also seemed to be some sort of living metal trash can like, humanoid shaped, mechanical being with an antenna atop his head.
On the opposite side of the table sat a young woman with a purple ponytail, who wore skin tight black pants, a white tank top, big black boots, along with a most advanced technological piece of machinery on her left wrist.
The woman herself was tall and strong with a rather busty chest, a well defined butt and a generally easy on the eyes looking body… If one did not count she was a cyclops with a freakishly large eye.
Said eye was focused upon her device, which she used to play some sort of crude, 2d, 8 bit graphics game. A game in which one played as a small, pink rocket like spaceship flying in space, that fired carrots at a huge red and black fiery demon horse, who threw bananas at the ship. Said ship had to move up and down the screen in order to avoid the bananas.
Just beyond the three there was a hangar, where a large green rocket like spaceship, which looked like some sort of Thunderbirds reject. At the far end of the ship's tail there was a circular logo, which said "Planet Express" above the beige outer circle, with a black rocket within the red inner circle.
Behind the ship’s engine there was a most mysterious man with a very neutral, uncaring, lazy look in his eyes. This man appeared to be in his late 40s, he had a large grey mustache that only added to the laziness, which seemed to radiate off him.
This shady man wore a open jacket and pants with a brown belt. His pants and jacket were of a dark yellowish-green color. He also wore a dull grey t-shirt along with a brown cap and brown leather shoes.
This mysterious fellow appeared to be cleaning the floor very slowly… very-very slowly… very slowly with an old fashioned, wooden brush.
All of a sudden back over at the conference table a metal door slid open from behind the sleeping red haired human and the machine being along with the cyclops playing a video game.
Startled, the cyclops woman with her eye widen in alarm had quickly shut down the game with the press of a button. Now with the game safely shut down she turned to look at who was coming through the door… However, it soon became apparent that nobody was coming through the door.
Until all of a sudden very slowly… very-very… very slowly an old, very old... very... very-very..... very-very…very… very... very very very… very very very…. very…. very old, wrinkly old, bald man, who wore a white lab coat, with a light green jumper underneath, light green pants, a pair of blue slippers and a pair of extremely thick glasses walked into the room.
"Good news, everyone!" he shouted with his hand raised high in the air as he slowly walked, very slowly…. very-very slowly walked over to the meeting table.
His sudden outburst of ‘good news everyone’ had caused the sleeping human and the machine being to jump in their seats as they awoke with a start.
Once the old man finally reached the table he had sat himself down upon an orange arm chair and… just sat there and said nothing with a blank look on his face.
The awkward silence continued until the cyclops lady spoke in a concerned tone. "Uh, Professor?"
"Eh wha?" he said as he looked around the room in confusion, before he suddenly realized why he was here.
"Oh right, the announcement, " he said as he pulled out a small black remote control from his lab coat.
He gave the remote a click, which caused a large, 3d holographic image of a watery, lush green planet to appear in the center of the table.
"This is planet Equis," came a soft, female angelical voice from the hologram.
"This is planet Equis," the Professor repeated.
"Um, we already k-- Ow!" the red haired human began before he was hit in the forehead from the remote thrown by the Professor.
"Shut up, Fry!" the old man shouted in anger as he waved his fist at him.
Fry rubbed his forehead and remained silent.
"Anywoo, this is planet Equis. A planet inhabited by friendly equine people that refer to themselves as ponies," he added.
"Oh let me guess, these ‘friendly equine people’ are also human eating monsters?" Fry asked with a raised eyebrow.
"No actually. They are one of the few aliens that have always been very friendly to us humans," he said before a nasty look formed on his face. "Very friendly, if you know what I mean?" he said as he winked his eyebrows sexfully at them.
"Ugh, they sound horrible!" bellowed the machine being as his antenna retracted down back into his head.
Sweat began to drip down Fry’s face as he spoke nervously. "Uh, this isn’t going to be like that time with the giant Amazonian women where I got--"
"No Fry, these ponies aren’t like that," the cyclops said sternly.
Fry sighed in relief as he wiped the sweat off his forehead. "Phew, my pelvis is safe."
"Indeed Fry. These ponies won’t pound your flesh to jelly like those massive Amazonian women did. Anywoo, you will be delivering a chocolate cake baked by Nicolas Cage’s personal chef to Princess Celestia, ruler of planet Equis--
"Actually Princess Luna rules alongside--
"Shut up, Leela," he shouted before continuing. "Anywoo, Leela you are to make sure that these two idiots don’t eat the cake," he finished with an angry glare at Fry and the machine.
"Awww!" Fry and the machine said sadly at the same time.
"You can count on me," said Leela as she stood up to give a salute. "I will make sure Fry and Bender won’t eat the chocolate cake."
"You better, the last thing humanity needs is to upset an immortal, all powerful horse god that can move the stars themselves," he shouted as he gave her an angry glare.
In reaction to hearing this Fry gulped nervously, while Bender’s antenna darted out of his head to go far higher than normal. Leela on the other hand seemed to have no reaction whatsoever.
All of a sudden, the Professor growled as he bared his teeth, before shouting angrily as he pointed to the ship in the hanger. "The cake is already loaded into the Planet Express ship, so off with you already! I got things to do!"
Without a word the human, the one eyed lady and the robot walked away toward the Planet Express Ship. Once inside, the ship’s stairs retracted back inside into it. A moment later a huge piece of machinery lifted the ship to a 45-degree angle. Above it the hangar’s roof retracted open for the ship.
The ship’s engine roared to life, blasting out blue flame from behind before it flew off into the sky, quickly leaving behind an enormous city.
A city with towering skyscrapers, traffic jams of hover cars in the sky, along with humans, all manner of bizarre aliens and robots going about their business.
When they were gone the Professor sighed happily as he pulled out a bright pink book from his coat, entitled in the front with big black letters ‘Human With A Big Butty Pony Love’.
Out in space the Planet Express ship moved far faster than the speed of light, once it exited the solar system it quickly rose high above the Milky Way Galaxy itself, before moving at rapid speed toward the Horsehead Nebula.
As the ship flew toward the nebula Fry had his face pressed against the front window, with a look of utter amazement on his face.
"Fry, come on I’m trying to fly the ship here!" shouted Leela from behind him at the ship’s wheel.
Fry turned around to look at her with a most bewildered look on his face. "How can you not be in awe? We’re flying over the galaxy?!" he asked in a shock tone.
Leela sighed before she gave him a look of pity. "Look Fry, I know you’re from the stupid ages," her tone of voice suddenly became cross. "But you’ve done this a thousand times before!"
"But--" he began before she cut him off.
"Just sit down, shut up and let me drive!" she shouted as she glared at him with her eye narrowed angrily.
Fry sighed, before he slowly made his way back to his seat in the far left corner of the cockpit, passing by several computers and other machines as he walked.
Once he sat himself down his eye drifted over to Bender, who was gulping down a huge, brown glass bottle of hard liquor.
A look of hope came across his face as he spoke to Bender in an excited voice. "Hey Bender, do you wanna--
"Not now Fry, I’m busy!" he shouted angrily, before he returned to drink his liquor.
Fry sighed again, before he slumped down into his chair with a most bored look on his face.
What felt like hours for Fry was merely minutes as the Planet Express Ship closed in on the Horsehead Nebula.
"Hah, just look at how silly their ships look!" shouted Bender as he pointed out the window to a vast fleet of massive, pink horseshoe shaped spaceships in the distance.
"Bender, even the mighty Omicronians fear the ponies’ fleeth. I think we can count ourselves lucky these ponies are such peaceful beings," she said as she looked at him with a narrowed eye.
"Hahahaha! What are they going to do? Fire rainbows at us?!" he said in a mocking tone.
"Why yes, but these rainbows can destroy entire planets with a single shot," she said as a nasty grin formed on her face.
"Hmm, yeah. That sounds a little scary," his tone of voice suddenly became a deep evil voice, "Oh, I’m sure us robots will kick these stupid ponies butts regardless!"
"Mwahahaha!" he laughed maniacally as he tented his fingers together evilly.
"Unfortunately for you Bender, their immortal leader Princess Celestia can fire gamma rays from her eyes, move any planet or star in the whole universe to where she wants it to go, her body can withstand the heat and pressure of a hypergiant star's core without even a scratch, as well as create planets, stars or black holes anywhere in the entire universe at her will," she finished with a nonchalant wave of her hand.
"What?!" he jumped off his seat with his fists tightened. "That fucking sucks! Stupid overpowered horses!" he roared as he waved his arms wildly in the air.
"How are us robots supposed to take over the universe with annoying hippie horses like her in existence?! he roared in rage.
"Jeez, these ponies sound terrifying. I thought this wasn’t going to be a suicidally dangerous delivery?" Fry asked in a nervous tone.
"Don’t worry Fry, Celestia is nearly as old as the universe itself. Thus far she has only hurt those who would try harm her little ponies. Also she loves us humans," she said in a soft reassuring voice.
"Oh you’re god! No wonder there’s so much porno of humans and ponies going at it on the Internet!" shouted Bender in a shocked voice with his eyes closed.
"Bender… are you looking at--- " Fry began, before Bender cut him off.
"No!" he shouted as his eye-hatch darted open. "I was just reading about it…. on a forum…. I wasn’t looking at any porn of it I swear!"
"Rightttt," he said before turning to Leela. "Captain, are we almost there?"
"Yep," she said just as an Earth like planet came into view up ahead. "We’re here."
A moment later the ship began to descend into the planet’s atmosphere. It mere seconds a massive, medieval like city built at the side of the mountain came into view.
Most of the city seemed be made of white marble stone, there were traffic jams of wooden hover carts in the sky and there were dozens of rainbows in the sky. The streets were filled with pastel colored ponies, who had large forward facing eyes, some of them had horns on their head, some had feathery wings and some had neither.
Despite this being a planet of sapient horse people, there were humans, robots and other aliens that could be seen among the ponies. However, they were vastly outnumbered by the sea of ponies all around them.
Yet, the ponies seemed to act very friendly to these non ponies. There were many sights of ponies hugging humans, robots and all manner of aliens. Even the really ugly ones got hugged by ponies. And…. even sights of humans, robots and others aliens kissing ponies.
Bender shuddered in fear at the sight of all this horrible friendliness. "I’m staying in the ship! Fuck these hippie ponies!" said Bender as he stared out in horror with his eyes extended out.
"Those cute ponies will never brainwash me into a horsefucker!" he shouted as he continued to glare down at them angrily.
"Awww, looks like somebody likes big pony butts," said Leela in a mocking tone.
"Shut up!" Bender roared as he crossed his arms. "I don’t like pony asses!"
The Planet Express ship flew over a vast number of pink horseshoe shaped ships parked just outside a towering white castle.
"Hey big eye, you missed one!" said Bender in a nasty tone.
Leela fixed him with an angry glare, before she did a u-turn in mid air, followed by landing the ship in an empty space.
Leela then turned to Fry with a serious look in her eye. "Fry, get the cake and deliver it. We’ll wait here," she said as he stood to gave her a salute.
"And don’t eat it!" she shouted as she fixed him with a threatening glare. "Or your ass is going to get very acquainted with my boot."
"Yes Leela," he said in a low, sad voice.
"Don’t take too long Fry! I want to go home to bang a cheap 25 cent hooker to cure me of the gayness of this place!" Bender shouted angrily.
A loud beeping sound came from him. "Seriously, my gay-dar is going off the charts here!" he shouted as he banged his chest to shut it off.
"Don’t worry, I’ll be quick Bender," he said as he walked out the metal sliding door from behind them.
When Fry was gone Bender placed a Zuban cigar in his mouth, then opened his chest cabinet, before he took a small red lighter out. With a soft click he lit up his cigar, before he threw the lighter back inside his chest, followed by slamming it closed with a loud bang.
Leela glared at him angrily with her eye narrowed.
"What the hell are you looking at?!" he said angrily with narrowed eyes before he puffed his cigar to spew smoke into the room without care of her health.
Leela growled angrily, before she stood up and walked out of the cockpit in a huff.
Once she was gone Bender pulled out a light blue magazine of circuit diagrams from his chest.
"Oh baby, you look so hot!" he said sexfully with bedroom eyes as he stared at the graphes.
Fry as of right now was holding a large, white cardboard box in his hands as he walked down the ship’s steps. However, before he could even take two steps on the ground he suddenly found himself in a massive hall.
His eyes widen in shock when he realized the box was missing. However he soon sighed in relief when he saw the box next to a huge, towering alabaster pony, who was sat upon a throne right in front of him.
This pony had white fur, a long swan like neck, the face of an angel in equine form. Luscious lips and beautiful large magenta eyes. A long, white horn worthy of a greek hoplite warrior protruded out from her forehead. Her long, multi-coloured, ethereal mane and tail flowed in a non existent breeze.
The massive mare also had gorgeous large, feathery wings, and a spiraling sun for a cutie mark on each side of her massive, smooth bubble butt. A butt which legend has it is the finest butt in the universe… if not the multiverse.
"Hello there, my little human," she spoke in a breathy voice of an angel.
"Uhhhh, are you Princess Celestia?" he asked in a nervous voice as sweat poured down his forehead.
Celestia giggled softly with a hoof over her mouth. "Yes, I am Princess Celestia. What’s your name little human?"
"I’m Philip J. Fry, but everyone just calls me Fry," he said in a more confident tone.
"That’s a nice name," she said as her horn became surrounded in a golden aura, in order to magically open the box next to her throne. "Fry, would you like a slice of chocolate cake before you go?"
"Wh-what?" he said with eyes widen in shock.
"I said: Fry, would you like a slice of chocolate cake before you go?" she said as she levitated a slice of cake on a plate in front of him with a fine silver spoon.
"Uhhh," he said nervously as he scratched the back of his neck.
"Go on my little human, I know you want that cake," she said in a playful tone.
Fry reached his hand out for the cake, but she magically pulled it away.
"Hey?! I want that cake!" he shouted angrily as he narrowed his eyes.
"Oh, you can have this cake, if you eat it the way you like to eat cake," she said with a nasty grin.
"What do you mean?" he said with a bewildered tone.
"Eat this cake as if you're not standing before royalty," she said as a warm smile formed on her face.
With that Fry roughly grabbed the plate before he buried his face into the cake, slobbering chocolate all over himself as he tasted the delicious, sweet chocolatey goodness of the cake.
Celestia nervously bit her lower lip as she stared at the human devouring the cake in a sloppy manner, her wings twitching a little from the sight.
When Fry finally finished the cake, his face was covered in a thick layer of chocolate.
"Thanks for the cake, Princess Celestia," he said joyfully with a big smile on his face.
"Oh Fry, you can just call me Celestia," she said as she closely examined his body all over, all the while he remained completely oblivious.
"Well Celestia, I think I must be going," he said before turning around to walk away.
"Wait!" she shouted as her horn flashed. "Don’t go yet," she finished when she teleported before him in a blinding light, which caused him to flinch as he covered his eyes.
"Ah! Don’t blind me," he shouted.
"I’m sorry Fry. But I was wondering, would you like to stay a little longer to eat some more cake with me in the royal kitchen?" she said in a soft voice as she stared at him with pleading doggy eyes.
Fry rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Hmm," he said just before he shrugged his shoulders. "Yeah, I would like some more cake."
Celestia made a sound like a squeaking ball before she gently took hold of his right hand, followed by flashing her horn in order to teleport him and her.
When Fry opened his eyes he found himself sat on a fancy red arm chair before a large white marble table. On the table before him was a huge, most delicious chocolate cake on a plate.
On the opposite side of the table stood Celestia, who looked at him with a warm smile.
"Uh, that’s a big cake," he said in a low voice as he stared at the cake in awe.
"Go on, eat the cake," she said sensually as she looked at him with bedroom eyes.
With that Fry stood up onto the table, before he jumped head first into the cake, which caused huge chunks of cake to splattered everywhere. Like a pig he sloppily ate the cake without care, his clothes now badly stained in chocolate.
All the while Celestia stared at him with bedroom eyes. As she watched him eat the cake her marehood became wet at the sight of the human eating the cake.
"Oh Fry, you’re a real dirty boy! For too long I’ve been surrounded by neat freak nobles everyday, there's nothing kinkier to me than a filthy slob like you," she said sexfully as she looked at him with bedroom eyes.
Fry lifted his chocolate covered face to stare at her with wide eyes. "Uhhh look, you’re real pretty and all--
"You wouldn't turn me down just because I’m a pony, would you?" she asked him with a raised eyebrow.
"Uhh no, I’m not sure I would feel-- " with one quick motion Celestia, with a nasty grin on her face had quickly turned around, lifted her tail in order to show Fry her massive butt in all its beautiful glory. "Oh man, look at dat ass!" he said with wide eyes in awe.
"Mmm! Do you want to bang this pone, my little human?" she said lustfully as she stared back at him with bedroom eyes.
"Hell yeah! Come here, you sexy god pony!" he shouted excitedly.
With a flap of her wings Celestia flew off into the air, before diving on top of him. Fry and the alicorn laughed happily as they rolled along the table whilst they covered themselves with chocolate cake. Fry grabbed thick chunks of cake with his hands to smear Celestia with cake all over her body, she in turn grabbed thick chunks of cake to smear his body and clothes in cake.
Celestia's horn flashed in blinding light, before literally droves of cakes began appearing above them, before they fell down upon them.
Cheesecakes, carrot cakes, ice cream cakes, christmas cakes, apple cakes, layer cakes, black forest cakes, molten chocolate cakes. All manner of cakes fell down upon them to make a terrible mess, smothering them in a reckless concoction of cakes.
Fry and Princess Celestia sat up on the table as they stared deeply into each other’s eyes, before slowly, very slowly they drew close.
Fry gently wrapped his arms around her long swan like neck, she in turn gently wrapped her hooves around his waist.
Before finally the two came together to kiss passionately. Fry tongue wrestled with Celestia longer and thicker tongue, swirling around her’s as both of them moaned in pure bliss, all the while the cakes continued to fall down on them.
A giggle escaped Celestia’s throat as she played with Fry’s sharp canines, loving the errotic feel as her tongue lightly brushed over them.
Eventually, the two slowly parted lips.
All of a sudden Fry sighed sadly.
"What’s wrong Fry?" she said in a soft voice as her huge eyes stared deeply into his own.
"It’s just that I won’t be able to pound your butt the way it deserves to be pounded with my small--
"Oh, don’t worry about that," she said sexfully as her horn glowed with blinding light.
Meanwhile back at the Planet Express ship’s cockpit Bender’s cigar had gotten very short, with little more than an inch left. The robot tapped his foot impatiently on the floor as he sat in his seat, whilst he looked at circuit diagrams in his magazine.
Seconds laters he heard the door slid open next to him. When he looked up he saw Leela now standing over him.
"Where the hell is Fry?" she shouted.
"Hey don’t yell at me! I sat here the whole time!" he shouted back as he narrowed his eyes.
Outside a certain draconequus flew over the Planet Express ship with an evil grin on his face, before he snapped his fingers.
With a flash of light Leela and Bender found themselves standing in a room at the front of a love heart shaped bed, a bed in which Fry lay on his back with Celestia on top of him. Both of their bodies now clean from cake.
Bender and Leela simply stared in utter shock at the sight of Fry tightly holding Celestia’s massive ass by her cutie marks, whilst she bounced up and down his massive magically enhanced cock into her butthole as he sang Walking On Sunshine to her. The applied pressured from Fry’s hands dug deep into the silky soft fat of Celestia’s butt.
"Oh Fry, that song you are singing to me is so romantic!" said Celestia softly as tears of joy fell down her cheeks.
"Get your hooves off my man!" screamed Leela as she jumped high into the air to perform a flying kick.
However, Celestia simply flashed her horn, thus in mid air Leela’s body became surrounded in a golden aura, before she gently levitated her back down onto the floor.
"How did you get in here?" Celestia asked while she glared back at Leela with narrowed angry eyes.
"Leela?! What are you doing here?!" Fry shouted in shock.
"You know this woman Fry?" she turned to look down at him with an angry glare.
"Yeah, we kinda never went out for the past fives years we've known each other," he said nervously with a bright blush on his face. "I love her, but she doesn’t love me."
"That’s not true Fry!" Leela screamed as tears began to form in her eye.
"Leela, I’ll be more than happy to share him with you," Celestia said in a soft voice.
"For my magical pony pussy tells me how much you love this human. I implore you, why not join human pussy and pony pussy together in love between our Fry," she looked at Leela with pleading doggy eyes.
"Share my Fry?! Never! How do you even--" Celestia sighed in annoyance as she lifted her tail in order to show Leela her massive butt in all its beautiful glory. "Damn, look at dat ass! Yeah, I think we could work this out."
Celestia smiled as she released Leela from her spell. Once free Leela jumped onto the bed to give Celestia’s huge rump a hug and bury her face into her right buttcheeks, the soft fat of her massive butt conceding back due to her head resting on it.
"Uh… can I join?" said Bender in a nervous tone.
All three fixed him with an angry glare as they shook their heads from side to side.
"Screw you guys!" he roared as he stormed out a wooden door next to him, slamming said door behind him.
And so Fry, Leela and Celestia got married. And Bender married some minty green misanthropic robot pony.
The End
Author's Note
An insane crack ship for you all.
