Diary of a Disgruntled Filly Named Twi'

by Mr Pancrake

Rating: everyone
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Random
Length: 1961

'As a baby, my personal suggestion is to resent everything everyone expects out of you.'

'I'm a simple filly with a family that gives no cares in how this world should be ran. I'll tell you how it should be ran. With a whip.'

Story will be getting a proper rewrite soon.

Published 2015-10-11 19:50:02 UTC
Last updated 2017-05-02 00:53:13 UTC

Entry_#I-III

Entry_#I-III

Entry_#I

“Mommy” and "daddy," as they keep referring to themselves in the third person in that stupid tone of voice; brought many instruments of death to make my prison in the house more secure. I sit in one right now as I write. They strapped a seatbelt around me and push me around by using the wheels attached underneath the device. It is decorated with colorful pink roses, which are supposedly there to keep me calm. Those wankers don’t know a thing about me, do they? I’m calm in any, and all situations. For example, my birth.

I remember my upcoming quite well. I was in that womb for eight months until I made my day view at the precise time of four hundred hours on a Monday morning during the spring season. The room smelled of birth and a scented fragrance of what I made out to be Daffodil Valley. The smell of it was so strong, my birth smelt better.

The doctor stood stiff as a sign and was as calm as a tamed carnival lion. He had little stubbles of a beard growing, and his mane was messy from being woken up by my mother’s screams of utter pain. I took pleasure in every moment of it. Every kick and every struggle was worth it to escape such an awful land of mischief governed by the rectum. I couldn't believe I actually thought about going through there.
My father was in the delivery room with her. He had the look of complete shock. I think I understood why….

Right now we near the park. It had a sickening green color that made me want to release a little bit of bile in my mouth, or I can barf it in mother’s face…. As much as that would be fun, I am much too tiresome to even think about doing it.

The hood that hung over my transportation was protecting me from the outside word, or it was protecting the outside world from me. Whoever designed this contraption is as intellect as I and would be a great challenge. I was amazed by it. It was so simple, but a genuine piece of modern diversity.

There was a little patch on the hood of the carriage that could let me see most anything through, but it was all a bit blurry. Outside, ponies were everywhere. Playing with their canine friends, chasing each other down so they can lightly hit them, doing… disgusting. I am done with this entry for right now. Daddy is ordering ice cream and mother is about to check up on me. I can't have her questioning where I got a book so soon. It would blow my cover.

Entry_#II

It’s the second day and I was introduced to the strange prison food they feed me. Prison food? That food is way better quality! What they feed me is vegetable manure! It was still better than the other stuff, though. At this point, I can't help but shiver at the sight of a glass of milk.

This morning was mashed peas and carrots. It taste of goat spit and brain juice, but according to mother, it was healthy. Healthy? I’ve eaten your leftovers for nine months. Don't you think I know the difference between healthy and factory made? Healthy would be normal food eaten by a normal pony, grown and raised with their own hooves in a garden with the richest of mulch!

I spit on your grave!

…No matter. In the upcoming days, I’ll rise from my chambers and attack the one who imprisoned me in the mare for nearly nine months. Princess Celestia.

Entry_#III

How does one simply sit on a foal? Mother hired a strange female unicorn with wings to watch over me in my slumber. She was pink with colorful highlights in her mane, and a bow wrapped around her tail and mane. Big brother seems to get nervous whenever she’s around. I’m betting as many bits as I can that he has a dying crush on her. That silly foal.

If there were one pony in this world that I loved, it would be him. Shining Armor. Big Shiny is the codename I gave him. A little pretentious, I know, but he seems to be the only one to understand my current situation with this stubborn of a life. When mother and father aren’t looking, he’d often steal sugary sweets for me. Sugary sweets such as taffy or chocolate. I’d chew them with absolute love and care. As if nothing else mattered.

Of course, the pink one usually barges in when I’m chewing and she suddenly gets suspicious on what I’m eating. What? Can't I enjoy a decent meal? What happened to free will? They’re trapping me in contraptions that they named… high chair, foal-carriage, bib, pacifier, diapers…. It’s all moronic if you ask me.

My time will eventually come when I figure a way out. But it’s only been three days. If I leave now, I’ll be leaving far too early and without a plan. An escape like this could take years probably. While I wait for my moment, why not describe my life? After all, when I take over, this'll be the great book of all. Enough of this nonsensical talk about escaping and how much I want to conquer all. I shall explain these events thoroughly, so ponies will know how my life was and why they deserve to be slaves.

Tis’ be the day that I make my happenings upon the wondrous land of Equestria, and striketh upon the bare flank of Celestia. I’ll crack out my whip, and spank the green out of all the grass and leaves. I find it a blessing that after months of torture, and hearing “ABC Jellybeans” for the ninth-hundredth time, I can finally breath.

Author's Note

New chapter every Saturday after the new episode.

Entry_#IV

Author's Note

I released this chapter early because, "why not?" Let me know if chapters should be longer.

Entry_#IV

Entry_#IV

Ms. Sitter wasn’t watching over me today. Instead, my captors brought me to a daycare center to be watched over while they worked. They were talking to each other and mentioned that this Cadence was feeling a little under the weather. They even addressed me in the third person again to communicate with me.

“You’re going to make a bunch of new friends, Twi’,” said mother, “be good and you might get a little treat.”

Great, now they’re hypnotizing me. Forcing me to do good by tricking me with little goodies. What I wouldn’t give for a decent souffle.

The daycare was exactly as I imagined it. Distressing. Instead of “friends” I made rivals. Besides me, there were three other ponies there. Starstudded, Trixie, and a Cheerilee. Out of all the ponies there, I preferred Cheerilee the most. She was much smarter and cried less. Everypony else, though, well… I’ll begin with Starstudded.

Starstudded is a very odd pony. During play time, I was busy stacking letter blocks together to leave my message when she came over and crawled right through the fortress that I built. The one that I built! She just knocked it over as if it weren’t even there. I was astonished by her bravery, but it was a bit dumbfounded for her to be running into it like that.

She didn’t even care! I got her attention by crawling over to her and speaking, but out came a bunch of gibberish. While I spoke, she had a stupefying grin and kept giggling. You dreadful filly. Though she was weird, I was amazed by her confidence. So I made her my ally. She’s not a friend, for I should not make any.

Together we toured the small pin we were caged in and took the toys from the other ponies. She stuck them in her mouth while I stole them. Not all were too keen about this.

Cheerilee, the one that I mentioned I actually liked, screamed when I took the Red Racer Wagon away from her. For nearly an hour, she cried in the hooves of our captor. Though she cried, she cried a lot less than the rest. She was more efficient and surprisingly smart. I was shocked when she managed to stack several blocks on top of each other and keep them aligned in a straight position. She even spelled a word of her own:

Bobbule

I don't know what this bobbule is, but it was an outstanding thing to read. I must find a use for it.

Trixie. The Great And Powerful Imbecile. Most of the time I was there, she would whine about everything. Try to feed her, she cried. Try to share with her, she cried. Try to change her... she cried. She was very self-confined. More of extremely self-motivated really. She was the one pony there I understood the least. The second was the caretaker.

Mrs. Blossom. Nurtured Blossom was her full name. Quite peculiar why she decided to work at a daycare. Her cutie mark was of a flower's nectar. In my personal opinion, she should've become a gardener. It made so much more since then where she was. Instead, she was here to hold me down.

A smart pony she is. She kept an eye all over the place to make sure we didn't get into any mischief. That didn't stop me from hiding a rattle in my diaper. Unfortunately, though she didn't notice me put it in, she did hear the rattling coming from it. If I could speak, I would've said something like, "I'm just shakin' it." Not something I would say by myself, but it is something I would say in a coverup.

During nap time, I couldn't get any beauty sleep at all. Trixie wouldn't stop waking up and crying, thus beginning a chain reaction and making the other ponies cry. I had no choice but to also cry in order to avoid confusion. All that screaming woke up the other ponies in the next room and they started crying. Soon the whole building turned into one big terrifying afternoon.

At lunch, Starstudded kept refusing to eat her food. The food here was way better than what they fed me at home. Today's special was applesauce. I graciously ate it. Trixie wouldn't stop flinging her food at Mrs. Blossom and giggling. I noticed she was getting annoyed by it, but she was doing what she could to keep herself from screaming at the infant and starting another chain reaction of tears. Cheerliee, like me, was being civil and eating the food the way she's supposed to.

After lunch, they put us down for another nap. This time, I got some actual sleep. When we awoke, we had another playtime. Things seemed to have gotten better after that. I gave Starstudded a good lecture about not knocking over towers unless orders are given by me.

Finally, mother came to pick me up. Oh, how I was stunned when I felt relieved to see her. She gave a broad smile at me, and I returned it with a horrible smell. What? I can still have my fun. It wiped the smile right off her face.

I've faced many horrible monstrosities in just little under a week. This is barely my fourth entry and I got to say, this place is already warming up to my expectations. I'm not saying that I like it exactly, but it's a lot better now than starting out.

Entry_#V

Entry_#V

How come aquamare can control whales? They're reptiles! Doesn't make any sense.

Author's Note

I'll be rewriting this story soon. Just felt like adding this chapter.