Author's Note
Well here it is. My actual first story. This was made in an little over an hour around midnight so please let me know if there are some mistakes. I was planning something else but I got held up, so I went with something else that I quickly put together.
Please note that some of the events that are in this story... Are true.
The Only Chapter
... Was it worth it?
Was it worth... Living again?
I killed myself before... In my world. I was a human who was, how you would say, "a few screws loose than normal." I knew that, but how I reacted... That's a different story.
I had multiple personality disorder... Sorta... And I tended to be homicidal, suicidal, aggressive, stuck up, selfish... and so on.
Over time then, I couldn't tell who the real me was. And as years passed when I saw the truth of the world... I focused more on hating humankind than trying to save them from themselves.
I really tried... But everything I saw... just pissed me off. I actually killed a few people. But was it really worth it? I wanted to kill every last human... so the world wouldn't suffer anymore... But I failed.
I failed when I noticed myself. What was I doing in my life?
I was one who thought reality was a joke and that fantasy was life. Boy was I wrong when reality came up and bitch slapped me hard... Hard enough to see the sad, depressed person I was.
I hid my depression easily from others... But it never stopped eating away at me.
Eventually, I gave in.
I grabbed my favorite cider brand, mixed drugs in it, grabbed some rope, downed the poison... and hung myself.
I thought it would all be over, but no. My eyes opened to a new light. I somehow was sent to Equestria... My one dream come true.
But... there was one thing.
I was cursed. Cursed to have my human form. Sure I had wings, a horn, a tail, a medium length mane, and hooves instead of feet... but being like this...
...Was my punishment.
____
I was in my house in Ponyville. I looked over everything in the opened space around the front door. I looked at all the picture frames I had hanging on the walls and, soon, I was staring at the floor.
When I was found by Applejack and Fluttershy several years ago, I was hostile at first since I had no memory of anything except my name and how to fight. When they brought me to Ponyville and after a little fight between me and their friends, I grew close to them all. Sure it was weird because of my cursed form, but we didn't realize it at the time.
I have so many memories of all of them. Twilight... Rainbow Dash... Pinkie Pie... Rarity... Spike... Applejack... Fluttershy... All of them who helped me at some point of my life in Equestria.
But now... I wished it never happened.
Sure I've had so many adventures here in Equestria, but after defeating Tirek, the nightmare version of myself, and my friends fighting me after I went out of control... Things started to feel... off.
A few months before Twilight's coronation as the Princess of Friendship, an energy current went crazy and afflicted me. I was warped into the human counterpart of Equestria without my memories again. I was found by Sunset Shimmer and clung to her like she was my sister.
That was temporary though, as after Twilight came to the same world I was in to get back the Element of Magic, she found me with Sunset and jogged my memory back. I was never mad at Sunset at any point, though, for doing those awful things to my friend. Just confused.
After returning to Equestria that day of the Fall Formal... I began to think. What was different between me and those humans?
Over the years I've been piecing together my memories. But I also began drifting away from my friends... No. My family.
When I finally figured out who I was and why I was here due to one of my memories opening up in a vision that all my friends saw... It finally hit me again.
I'm... nothing...
I was just living a lie again. Like I always had been. In my world I escaped from reality to my figment of fantasy and imagination... Now that I'm living it... I've completely seen what a pathetic person I am.
Sighing to myself, I forced my hooves to walk to the door and locked it. My friends were aware of what I know, but they hadn't seen completely through my mask... Or at least I hope not.
I'm nothing but another burden to them...
I left the front door, entered my room, walked towards the cabinet, and opened it to grab a bottle with an X labeled on the side. If I were able to cry, I would have, but I had trained myself not to cry until the final moment.
Turning around towards my nightstand and using my magic, I opened the bottom drawer and levitated a box out from inside. Closing the drawer, I placed the box on my bed and lifted the lid to reveal a knife and a small bottle.
Sighing to myself, "I... Just wished... It never would've come to this..." I opened both the liquor and the small bottle. Inside the bottle was finely crushed powder. After figuring out who I was two years ago, my doubts made me buy the drug. And as time went by, I crushed the pills as I remembered it would be easier to down it all with the drink.
Sitting down on my bed, I took a sip from the liquor and then poured the powder in the liquor bottle. Placing the cap back on long enough to swirl the contents inside to dissolve the powder, I removed the cap and began to drink the contents. It wasn't a large bottle, but just enough to kill me.
After downing half of the poisonous liquor, I placed the bottle on the floor and took the knife in my hand. Dragging the blade across my thumb, I cut through the skin and blood rushed out. I knew it would get the job done so I can finish this. Placing the metal against my left arm made me shudder, but I wasn't going to turn back. Pressing hard against my flesh, I dragged the blade across and drew blood from the wound I had created.
Taking the knife again, I positioned it on my forehead under my horn. This time my tears began to flow from my eyes as I cut my flesh again. Blood flowed from the new wound and dripped over my eyes. The stinging from my left arm didn't stop me from hurting myself. Taking the knife shakily in both hand, I stabbed myself in my side, emitting a yelp as it penetrated my body. Withdrawing the knife, I wiped the blood away from my left eye to look at the blade. It was covered in my blood and dripping slowly off the tip.
Crying still, I took the knife and jammed it into my right leg. I screamed at this point and collapsed on my bed. Blinded by my tears and blood, I reached for the bottle. After picking it up, I forced myself to sit up enough to finish it. As I did this, a loud knock came from the front door.
"Sheridan!? Are you in there?" asked a concerned voice.
I didn't answer. All I did was finish the bottle off and drop it on the bed. I lied down on my bed and let the blood flow out of my wounds.
Another voice called out from the door, "Sheridan, open up! We just wanna talk to ya."
I still didn't answer. I could feel the drug taking effect, along with the loss of blood, making me feel faint.
An irritated voice called from outside, "Dammit, Sheridan! If you don't open this door, Applejack and I will smash it open!"
Another voice from outside called out, "Please, Sheridan, we haven't seen you in a while and we're really worried about you."
I still gave no answer. Even if I wanted to... I couldn't now. I feel faint... My eyes are growing heavy... I'm dying again...
Hopefully this time... I die permanently. Not just to be brought into another world to relive this sad, pathetic life.
After my refusal to answer for the third time, the irritated voice yelled, "Ok, that's it. One. Two. Three!"
I heard wood shatter as they charged my door down. The sound of galloping filled the air of my house but they soon stopped when they reached my room. Several gasps and cries were heard as they witnessed what I had done to myself. I then felt something press against my chest and felt the stinging of another's tears on my side. I looked down to see a purplish figure lying on me.
"Sheridan!? Sheridan!!! Please, no... don't do this," cried the hazily purple figure.
"Twilight, we need to get him to the hospital now!" exclaimed a pink blur in the doorway.
From what I could make out, Twilight stood there for a few seconds before shaking her head. After that... I finally closed my eyes.
I'm sorry you had to see... the real me.
